#wherein i unmask myself as someone who thinks camteen is a dumb pairing

[all-pacas]

in a universe where chase and thirteen have reached prodigal siblings status and cameron is still around in some capacity for whatever reason, how do she and thirteen feel about each other?

Hard to say! Cameron and Thirteen really don't interact much in canon: I can only think of two ocassions, and funnily enough, they were pretty similar interactions: the first in The Itch where Cameron is trying to give Thirteen advice on Dealing With House… and the second in Unfaithful, where Cameron is, once again, trying to give Thirteen advice on Dealing With House.

You know I adore Cameron, and I'm not trying to read too deeply into this, but it does kind of make me wonder how they would get along. Cameron's … a bit possessive in some ways, you know? She needs to be needed, she needs to be that expert figure, to be a moral authority, to be That Person. She inserts herself into Diagnostics over and over in S4 and S5, she tells patients what's right and in some of her worst moments decides for them (Maternity), she picks at people and studies them like bugs and needs to understand them. She's a bit controlling, in a fairly benign way mind you, but time and time again Cameron approaches situations with this is the objective (my) reality, and it should conform to my expectations. Often from a place of great empathy and idealism, mind you. But she's very quick to get frustrated and petty when these expectations are stymied.

And the thing about Thirteen is… she is absolutely fucking allergic to this shit. Her secrecy is a meme. She likes Diagnostics and House and her buddies there, and she cuts her phone lines and vanishes for a year. House spends months trying to study her and pick at her secrets and she never becomes comfortable opening up, never gives an inch. Look at the episode where she gets out of prison. She's out of prison and spends days refusing to talk to House about it, barely humoring his guesses. He figures it out and she lashes out — despite this being the most obvious outcome — he literally could have googled it if he wanted — and storms off in tears. Thirteen hates opening up, being exposed, being forced to open up. Yes, her name being Thirteen is a meme, but it's also like. It's a mask. It's yet another layer of privacy and hiding herself away. She tolerates House poking at her because he's not actually very good at it (when it comes to her), and because they're genuinely close, they connect on some visceral level. And even with House, Thirteen barely can tolerate emotional openness.

I really think Cameron and Thirteen would be like oil and water. Cameron would take her secrecy personally — why isn't she opening up? Doesn't she know Cameron is nice? — and Thirteen would hate the prying and lapses into smug I know what's best Cameron tends towards. (I'm agnostic towards most House ships, but tbh, this one has always confused me. Pretty Girls Kissing, I get it, but for real.) Thirteen in turn can be mean, she knows how to poke at someone where it hurts and be dismissive and callous; she's not at all passive or easy-going. Cameron can't help but pry to understand; Thirteen can't help but reject it. Again, we see this in microcosm in The Itch: Cameron confidently tells Thirteen how to best handle House, only to be pulled into a long digression about her and Chase's relationship, to which Thirteen rather sarcastically responds oh, yeah, much faster your way.

That all said! I don't think they'd be antagonistic. Thirteen is quite good at a polite superficial friendliness, and Cameron is of course very good at being friendly and kind. In this wonderful AU where the Prodigal Siblings are hanging out and Cameron isn't off the show, I think they'd get along okay, but mostly for Chase's sake (and Chase, to triangulate all this, is notably different from Thirteen in one aspect: he is openly needy. He is nearly as private and allergic to opening up as she is, but he also very much wears his heart on his sleeve. Thirteen would sooner die than rely on anyone; Chase is constantly looking for validation despite his better efforts). I don't think Cameron would be jealous of Chase having an extremely good looking female best friend or anything, but I can see her feeling a bit left out if Thirteen and Chase start trauma bonding over their murders or fucked up families, for example. But I don't think Thirteen would antagonize Cameron or anything. They just wouldn't be best friends.