#whereas in concert he was already sort of established with fear and deceit

[selenelavellan]

A keeps getting B's mail, for Dirthalene and/or the Fear/Deceit/Dirthamen/Selene/Des poly ship plz and thank you :D

Two-for-one!

Mail AU

Fear, Deceit, and Dirthamen are @feynites

Once upon a time, Selenes apartmentbuilding had a competent mail person. Back in the glory days, whenthe only items filling her mail box had either her or her roommatesnames on them. Back when it was only bills and coupons andadvertisements, and she never had to worry about being attacked bythe affluence of letters sitting inside the locked box.

She misses those days, she thinksbitterly as a small pile of magazines for camping supplies, fashion,and yet another brown envelope with official letterhead and All CapsHandwriting (who does that, really) fall onto the smallcommunal table in front of her.

Still, she scoops them up and waits forthe elevator to take her up to her apartment, not even a little bitsurprised when her roommate immediately takes the magazines andhappily flops onto their couch to skim through their latestaccidental haul as she walks in the door.

“It’s illegal to go through someoneelse’s mail you know,” Selene says for the umpteenth time.

“Magazines don’t count; they’reunsealed and fair game babe,” Des retorts as he casually flips apage.

Selene lets out a puff of frustratedair and unceremoniously drops the rest of the mail onto the kitchencounter. Carefully, she pulls a glass out of a cabinet and fills itwith iced tea from their fridge before her attention returns to the pile.

“Apparently someone needs to calltheir mother,” she hums, spreading the items out. “Hopeeveryone’s ok.”

“What happened to not opening upother peoples mail?” Des teases.

“It’s written on the outside of theenvelope, there’s no breach on my end.”

“Oooh, look at you, rebelliousthrough technicalities. Have we finally cracked through that rigidmoral shield of yours?”

“It certainly took you long enough,”She shrugs, taking a sip of her drink.

Curiously, she flips the brown envelopeover, checking for any other information she might be able to get offof it.

She lets out a loud snort as shefinally reads the name on the front of it.

“We’re getting mail for a god,” Sheinforms Des.

It grabs his interest enough that hefinally looks up at her from the fashion magazine. “Sorry?”

She holds up the letter, elbow proppedon the counter. “It’s addressed to Dirthamen,”she informs him as she glances over the names of the otherrecipients. “And these are to Fearand Deceit. D'youthink maybe we’re just being pranked?”

Desfinally sits up in rapt attention, magazine tossed onto their coffeetable as he tilts his head slightly. “Or it’s destiny.”

Selenelevels him an unimpressed look.

“No,no, stay with me here,” Des explains. “We’re getting mailaddressed to the god of secrets.That’s a sign. I don’t even believe in the gods, and Iknow that’s a sign. You get a literal letter from a god, you shouldlisten to it.”

“Sure, Des.And who’s going to tell him neither of us is capable of calling ourmothers, what with that whole mortality issue?”

“Wellobviously that bit’s not meant to be taken literally!But Fear and Deceit for instance? They’re supposed to be constantlysearching for him or something, right? Maybe since we’ve got thingsfor all three, we’resupposed to go looking for him. Or them.”

“Ormaybe we’re being pranked, because someone in the building heard weused to be dalish and thought it’d be funny.”

“Seleeeeeeene~…”

Shefrowns at her roommate, who responds by jutting out his bottom lipand tilting his head up just enough that his long dark hair creates acurtain around golden, currently puppy-dog reminiscent, eyes.

Herresolve wavering, Selene takes another glance at the pile of mail onthe counter.

“Howwould we even go about something like that? I’m not knocking on everydoor in the building asking for Dirthamen.We’d be laughed out of the complex.”

“You’rethe smart one, I’m sure you can figure it out,” Des grins, finallycrossing their living room to settle behind her. His arms wrap aroundher waist, neck stretched to let his head rest on her shoulder, andshe lets out a long sigh as she looks at the address in an attempt tonarrow their search.

It’stheir address on theenvelope.

They’vebeen living here long enough it’s not just a previous tenant, so whatelse…

Flippingover the camping magazine, Selene grins as she finds her answer.

“They’rethree floors up.”

“Oooh,penthouse. Richdestiny, I approve,” Des croons, squeezing Selene just a littletighter before releasing her. “I’d better go get on something moreappealing before we go. You probably should too, you smell like oldbooks.”

“Somepeople like that smellyou know.”

“Yes,well, some people don’t know good taste when it’s sleeping rightbeside them,” he winks.

Selenejust shakes her head, gathering the last few weeks of accidental mailthey’ve accumulated and wrapping them up with a rubber band.

Destiny…

What asilly concept.

Still,it wouldn’t hurt to change into something more comfortable. Shechanges out of her work blouse and skirt, slipping instead into acomfortable worn pair of jeans, and a large grey sweater with herfavorite depressed donkey on the front.

“Yourtop has a tail,” Des says disgustingly as she steps back out of herroom. His own shirt has a neckline that vanishes right into the beltof his own jeans, and only barely qualifies as a shirt rather than avest.

“It’sauthentic,” Selene points out, spinning so the back of her sweateris facing Des. She gets no small amount of satisfaction from thedisapproval on his face as he pulls at the aforementioned tail andhears the velcro meant to keep it on.

“Atleast it’s authentic in that it also comes off,” he gripes, tossingit onto the counter. “I can’t believe we’re about to meet a god andyou’re wearing a cartoon sweater…”

“It’scomfortable.”

“Godsdon’t care about comfort,” he sighs as she picks up her keys andthe mail bundle. “They want sacrifice, babe. That’s what fashion isall about.”

–

Theelevator ride is short, and Selenes stomach barely stays still forthe bulk of it.

Notthat she’s putting any stock in destiny,but first impressions have never been her strong suit. They mightstill think she’s been stealing their mail, and technically they havesince Des has made a small collection of their magazines.

Assumingthese people actually exist, anyways.

Desknocks on the door to (hopefully) the correct apartment. 9E, at the end ofthe hall, three floors directly up from their own.

Thedoor swings open and a small elf with a sharp nose and an oversizedhoodie looks at them distrustingly.

“What?”they ask.

“Hellothere,” Des greets, all smiles and warmth as he leans forwards, armpropped up in the door frame and completely in his element. “We’relooking for our destiny.”

Theelves eyes narrow, clearly unimpressed and confused as they repeat“What?”

“Sorry,sorry,” Selene chimes in before they can slam the door closed andget Des’s fingers in the crossfire and holding up the bundle in herhand. “I think we might’ve gotten your mail? Uh, we’re lookingfor…Dirthamen, I think?”

Theelves lip twitches slightly. “He’s not home.”

“Oh,that’s alright,” Selene says as she holds out the bundle for themto take. “If he lives here, that’s enough for me to at least leaveit here, right? There’s also some mail for, erm…a Deceit, and aFear?”

Theireyes dart down to the bundle, not even close to reaching for it asthey assess the brown, scrawled on envelope sitting on top. “Keep it. Wedon’t need it, we pay our bills online anyways.”

Thedoor slams closed and Des leaps back in surprise.

Selenestares for a moment at the wooden door, glancing between it and thestack of mail still in her hand.

Who…

Who do they think they are?!

She bangs loudly onthe door, infuriated at their refusal to take something that istheirs!

Finally, the doorswings open again and she all but shoves the pack of letters into thechest of the person behind it.

“Do you have anyidea how rude that is?! This is your mail, it’s your burden todispose of it, I’m not your, your….”She blinks, looking at theelf in front of her.

The elf that isdefinitely not the same elf that was there a moment ago.

“…oh.”she trails off.

Thiself, only an inch or two shorter than her and with shoulder lengthhair, takes the bundle from her into the apartment without complaint.

“Ok,”They say with a slow nod “D'you want to come inside?”

“Yes,we do,” Des grins, stepping in and past them and dragging Selenewith him by the wrist. He lets out a low whistle as he looks aroundthe apartment. “This is way bigger than the units on our floor.Very snazzy.”

Selenenods in silent agreement, uncomfortable in an unfamiliar apartment. She noticesthe smaller elf grumbling from a recliner in the living room,practically staring a hole into her and Des.

Well,at least she’s not the only one upset about the sudden visit, thoughwhat she’s done to offend them so terribly, she isn’t sure.

“Soyou’re looking for Dirthamen?” The more polite elf asks as theyclose the door. “Any particular reason?”

“Hisname was on the top piece of mail,” Selene shrugs. “I wasn’t surewhat to do with it all, and Des said we should drop it off inperson.”

Thetwo elves exchange a look, before the polite one asks them “Hisfamily didn’t send you?”

“Destinysent us,” Des nods solemnly.

“Noone sent us,” Selene assures them. “Ignore my roommate he’sjust…” She makes a vague gesture in the air. “He just watchestoo much tv.”

“Saysthe girl in the cartoon sweater,” He retorts.

“Ithink it is a very nice sweater,” Comes a new voice, as a third elfpeeks through the hallway. He shifts awkwardly in a pair of pajamapants decorated with a yellow bear in a red shirt from the same show.“It suits you.”

Seleneswallows, ignoring the sudden rush of heat from the compliment.“Thank you. I like your pants.”

“You seem to be missing the tail, but thank you.”

“Yeah,well,” Selene jokes “My roommate’s got it nailed to our door.”

Thenew elf offers a small, warm smile in response to the reference, andthe other two nearly lose their eyebrows to their hairlines inseeming surprise.

“Ican’t believe that awful sweater is how you flirt with a god,” Desgroans “Fate is cruel.”

“It’snot flirting, and he’s not a god.It’s just a joke,” Selene mutters, gently elbowing him inembarrassment. “We dropped off the mail, we should probably goanyways.”

“What?Nooo, we just found this huge penthouse full of beautiful elves andyou expect me to leave?”Des says, louder than he really needed to.

Selenecloses her eyes and begins to count, but the elf who let them inspeaks up. “You can stay if you’d like,” They invite. “We werejust debating watching a movie, you’re welcome to join us.”

“Theyare?” Asks the one in the chair.

“Yes,”reiterates the polite one “Because they got Dirthamen to smile forthe first time in a week. I don’t think they mean any harm.”

Selenelooks at who she assumes must be Dirthamen, who swallows and gives asmall nod “I would enjoy it if you stayed. Unless you need to besomewhere else, of course.”

“Nope!”Des answers for her, plopping down in the center of their largecouch. “This absolutely where we’re supposed to be.”

Thereisn’t much of an argument Selene can manage after that, as the othersall begin to fill in the available remaining space, and she ends uppressed between Dirthamen and the arm of the couch while the othersargue over what movie to watch as though they were all old friendsalready. And while she doesn’t put much stock in things like destiny,she has to admit; it does feel like a home, when Dirthamen is snoringsoftly away on her shoulder.