#where only Moms for Liberty get to have First Amendment rights not the rest of California's citizens

[imagine-lcorp]

To Be a Hero (Part III)

A/N: Well, helloooooo you guys, here I come with the next part of this thrilling saga. Now i thought it would be just a three part fic but it turned out to be four instead, so next time I update this one, it will be the last. Hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think!!! Love y’all!!!

Lena Luthor & Metahuman Daugther R//Word Count: 1,739

- Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV

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To be dead is a strange state of being. Especially if you are still sensing the world around you.

You couldn't find a way to accurately describe what it was, but you somehow felt all over the place. Like dust filling the air, being there but not really there as something tangible. There was light and darkness surrounding you, a constant mix of noise and calm, of warm and cold. It felt like living inside a little galaxy, a little world of your own.

Unfortunately, you weren't alive, not anymore, and if this was the afterlife it had a weird place to land after... what? You couldn't remember how you had ended up like this. Your cause of death was a mystery and you felt a bit foolish. It was like forgetting something from the shopping list and having to go back for it. Like that time you forgot to grab the cereal and you and your mom where already in the middle of the check out line.

(Y/N).

A familiar voice called.

"What exactly did you find?"

You were sure the answer to that question wasn't cereal but it sparked something inside.

You don't know how much it actually took you to locate the memory, from a shopping trip to a dark room, but once you cleared your thoughts the more you remembered little pieces and scratches of your former life. You felt less lost.

"I found the bomb."

You had responded to the question back then with your own voice and the right memory came rushing back to you.

"Where are you?" Lena, your mom, had asked again.

"Near the my aunt's monument." You almost didn't answer. In front of you was a giant bomb ready to blow out the city.

It was huge, and it looked strangely like an octopus, a ball made of metal placed in the middle of the room with thick cables connected to other machines around. You weren't sure they had prepared you for a something like this at the DEO.

"(Y/N), do you copy?" Alex voice came now.

"Yes! Sorry. I'm, uh, near the Supergirl Monument. Two blocks east, one floor underneath the building."You tried looking around instead of looking at the bomb."I don't think this was here before."

"Alright, we got your location. We're sending the team over there to-"

"What the hell are you doing here?" You heard behind you.

You moved without thinking, vanishing and appearing around the room as quickly as you could. Two Sons of Liberty were pointing all their guns at you, not knowing exactly where to shot and afraid one stray bullet would detonate the bomb before time.

One of them pulled out some kind of charger and pressed a button on it before throwing it on the room. You saw the thing bounce on the floor from different angles, still glitching from one place to another, until a beep and a blinding flash of light came out of it. The light hit your eyes making you stop right away with a scream.

"(Y/N)?" Your mom called. "What's happening? Are you alright?"

"I-I can't see!" You responded frantically, pulling your hands out and trying to hold onto something other than the floor.

That was the moment when your life should have ended for good had it not been for the quick response of Supergirl. You could only heard the gunshots and the screams that followed as Kara entered the room and disarmed those two.

"(Y/N)!" She came to your aid after a few seconds and you struggled at first with her, thinking she was one of the Sons of Liberty. "It's okay, it's okay. It's me, Supergirl."

"Oh, god." She held you as you tried to get up, blinking many times so your eyes could recover. "I think, I'm blind now."

"(Y/N)? Supergirl? Are you alright?"Alex's voice came over the comms.

"We are okay but (Y/N) is having some trouble. They hit her with a flash."

"If by some trouble you mean I'm blind now, yeah, I have some." You said irritated after the whole incident.

"Darling, you're gonna be okay, just keep calm." Your mom assured you. "It may take a couple of minutes."

"Uh, you better recover quickly (Y/N)." You held your aunt by the arm as she walked around the room and stopped a few steps ahead. "We may not have much time."

You rubbed your eyes and let them adjust once again to the light in the room. When finally opened them you were able to see a bit of a blurred image in front of you. It was a timer set down to twenty minutes.

"We gotta work fast, (Y/N), we don't have much time. Winn? Lena? We got-" Kara instructed and just before you could make a move you had to jump at the sound of metal gates closing around the room.

"What's happening?" You asked as the last gates went down.

"None of you will leave now." You both turned to see one of the Sons of Liberty on the other side of those doors, holding a control on his hand.

Kara rushed towards the gates trying to crash into them and break them but the metal didn't even bend an inch. Kara's super strength was doing nothing to it.

"I guess you aliens are good for something." They guy said. "This is Nth metal. Unbreakable."

"Your partner is still here with us." Kara tried to reason with him. "You wouldn't let him die."

"He would be honored to die for the cause. Anything to get rid of you alien scum. Now enjoy your last minutes on Earth." He said pressing another button on his control and left. A fast beeping followed his footsteps, and you turned at the sound horrified to see the timer go down faster.

"Holy sh-"

"(Y/N)? Sweetheart, are you alright?"Your mom called from your comms.

"We are trapped." You answered frantically.

"(Y/N), try to keep calm. We're gonna get out."Kara came to you and started to examine the room."Lena, they put us on a cage of Nth steel, we can't get out and the timer of the bomb is going down faster now. They are not wasting time anymore."

Kara explained what had just happened and tried to describe the bomb as accurately as it was possible, and everything after that seemed to pass even faster. Your mom had been left speechless for a moment as she processed the situation. You and Kara were trapped with a bomb you didn't even know how it worked and with less time than you had expected. But your mom, along with Winn, got down to business just as quickly.

They tried to evaluate the situation and the possible solutions to it. Unfortunately, it seemed the type of situation that was ruled by Murphy's Law. You couldn't call the rest of your friend for help as they were busy fighting a group of Sons of Liberty that had managed to get themselves powerful alien weapons and were using them to cause more chaos around the city. You couldn't escape the bomb room and when Kara used her powers to open the device, every single cable and component looked the same to you that you feared it would be impossible to stop the tragedy. You were running out of options and time.

"Maybe I could move the bomb?" You suggested.

"Not that I don't trust you, kiddo, but that's the least we want you to do." Winn explained. "We don't know the mechanism of that device. Those cables connected out of it could be anything and if you tried to disconnect them it could cause the final detonation."

"I guess there's only one option." Kara sighed.

"Yes, only one, so listen to me." Your mom called you once more. "You will have to dismantle the bomb yourselves. Winn and I will be guiding you but you have to tell us exactly what you see, understood?"

You could heard the beating of your heart and breath, and even your Kara's, as you tried to follow your mom's instructions to the letter. It was a complex mechanism it seemed. Every time your aunt moved a cable from inside the metal ball something from the machines connected to the ends of its thick cables was activated too. You had to teleport from machine to machine making sure to deactivate what was probably a backup fuse to make it explode no matter what and as you did you kept looking at the timer from time to time, making sure you were still alive.

Your aunt called over the comms for final instructions after Winn assured you taking one last cable would deactivate the bomb. Or at least, that's what they had thought. Kara pulled the cable and the timer stopped for a brief moment before it resumed the countdown once more and the other machines were activated simultaneously. You had what seemed like five minutes, which were in reality just three. Then your mom spoke again.

She was sure there was one last cable to pull off but it was not on the center piece of the bomb. You had to find it and pull it to finally stop it. Kara and you used your powers to try to find it but none of you were able to. After all, the bomb had been designed to not fail.

For a moment, you thought about your family, the heroes they were and their lives, and then you thought about your own. Your powers and what it meant to have them. Being a hero had never been more difficult. But still, you did the only thing you thought could save them all.

"I found it." You said this time as sure and confident as it was possible, muting your ear piece. You would have to make amends to you mom some other life.

"(Y/N)? Are you ready?" Your Aunt Kara called as the timer reached down to twenty seconds.

"Yeah..." You swallowed hard. "Just, uh, I need you to do one more thing."

"What is it?"

"Tell my mom I love her."

Everything after that was a series of flashing images. The bomb, the water, the salt of the ocean, the force of the explosion, the muted sound of it below the waves. The unbearable heat. The shock consuming your body.

It all started to take you back and you knew it was time to make amends.

[scrawnydutchman]

“There’s Always More Show”; A Bojack Horseman Essay

It’s about time I talked about one of the finest ongoing shows in animation right now. I. LOVE. Bojack Horseman. I must have binged the whole series 5 times at this point, and it’s rare for even my absolute favorite shows to get me to do that. The dialogue is so poignant I have entire exchanges between characters burned into my memory. The jokes and societal commentary are so on point that many lines have gotten me to burst out laughing among company.The characters themselves are so complex, so filled with depth, that they are all well deserving of their own analysis. The writing is SO tight and the storytelling so consistently engaging that I hang onto every little detail. I swear they foreshadow events from as late as season 4 and 5 as early as season 1. Even it’s animation, while admittedly pretty primitive character rigging with a handful of noticeable errors, takes some amazing creative liberty at times, particularly with subjectivity in the drug trips. While the art design has taken a few people off guard for it’s blinding colors and it’s premise has discouraged a less open minded audience with it’s animal-human hybrids living among people, those who stick with the show will get a sophisticated while simultaneously wacky romp that is both the silliest and most real show you can watch right now. So with a show this dense that has characters this deep, there are many themes it tackles such as the perpetual meaninglessness of existence or the pursuit to being a good person, but there’s a more central theme Bojack keeps bringing up which I’d like to talk about.

Oh and, uh, Spoilers incoming for Bojack Horseman . .  . obviously. Get Netflix and watch all of this show right now before reading. seriously. But for those reading who don’t care about spoilers but are interested in what makes Bojack so great and may like to watch it themselves, here’s a brief summary:

Bojack Horseman (played by Will Arnett) Is a horse-man hybrid living out the so called “glamorous” life style in Hollywood, Los Angeles (later called “Hollywoo” in the series for reasons I won’t spoil here). Out of work, out of shape and out of touch, Bojack wastes away his days in sorrow as a past-his-prime actor who goes day to day being disrespected. Back in the 90s he was the star of a very famous “full house”-esque sitcom called “Horsin’ Around” and he longs for the days where he was in the prime of his life, but nowadays he mostly just sits around the house watching old reruns of his show. He constantly struggles with depression, dependancy on narcotics . . . and the ongoing guilt he feels for every shitty thing he’s done in life . . . and as viewers will no doubt find out . . . Bojack has a LOT of baggage. He finds new friends in life like his responsible ghost writer of his memoir Diane Nguyen (played by Alison Brie), his easygoing  freeloader and best friend Todd Chavez (played by Aaron Paul), his happy go lucky Labrador rival Mr. Peanutbutter (played by Paul F. Tompkins) and his workaholic pink cat agent Princess Carolyn (played by Amy Seradis). The show centres around his ongoing relationships with these people as well as their own journeys of self discovery . . . and the occasional wacky schemes. Through his surrounding positive influences can Bojack learn to grow past his personal demons? Or will his shitty tendencies and depressing outlook permanently spoil the lives of the people closest to him like he so often fears?

Spoilers begin NOW

In what is perhaps my favorite episode of the show, episode 6 of Season 5 titled “Free Churro”, Bojack gives an improvised eulogy for his recently deceased mother . . . and that’s it. The episode is just a full 20 minutes of Bojack talking about his dead mom . . . and struggling to find anything positive to say about her. His mom was nothing but cold, hard and abusive to Bojack his entire life and Bojack laments about how he never received a single loving gesture from his mother for as long as he’s known her . . and now that she’s dead that chance is permanently gone. In his ramblings, he mentions an episode of Horsin’ Around in which the writers juice the idea of main cast character Olivia leaving the show for good, only for her to be written back into the status quo, because as Bojack puts it 

“Of course that’s what happened, because what are you gonna do? Just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms -- not really -- because if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else the show has to keep going. There’s always more show. (And) You can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, because there’s always more show.”

That right there sums up the entire ongoing struggle of every character in this show. In many ways, Bojack Horseman the Netflix series is like a typical sitcom turned upside down. You have an ongoing setup of colourful, over the top characters doing outrageous things for our amusement, and in a lot of ways they’re actually terrible people but they’re just SO endearing that we have to keep tuning into their antics. Much like how an average Friends episode is about every titular friend trying haphazardly to cover up a lie for 20 minutes when their problems would so easily be over if they just had the maturity to be honest about how they’re feeling, characters like Bojack, Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter are always up to something silly whether it’s poorly covering up a lie or coming up with elaborate sabotages for selfish ends. But there’s one core difference. In Friends, everybody forgives each other in the end. In the gritty and merciless world of Bojack Horseman . . . every wrongdoing has long term consequences, some of which can never be forgiven. 

Bojack’s antics especially cause permanent stains on his relationships. When he sabotaged Todd’s rock opera by getting him readdicted to a video game so he wouldn’t leave, he permanently makes a wound in his and Todd’s relationship. He only makes it worse when he has sex with Emily, Todd’s best friend and kinda-sorta girlfriend. Todd had faith in Bojack early on in the show, but he makes it apparent later on that the less he has to do with Bojack the better off he is. Todd’s an easygoing friend that can forgive easily, but Bojack really tests his patience. As he said once he found out Bojack had sex with Emily

“You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. You need to be better.”

In the luxurious  yet phony and superficial world of Hollywoo, everyone has an outlook on life as if it’s a sitcom. The center of mass produced film and television has everyone believing in achieving against the odds, amending their wrongs in the end and getting satisfying conclusions as if the credits of their very own movie will roll any second. But real life keeps on hitting these characters like a truck, as if to say “there is no happy ending , you aren’t the main character and the harm you’ve caused is permanent. Get used to it.” Bojack gets his hard hitting reality more prominently than anyone. He keeps looking for backdoor solutions to his pain like getting back with Charlotte, starting a new Horsin’ Around spinoff, finding meaning far away from L.A. or straight up finding solace in drugs, but every solution to his search for meaning ends in him hurting somebody else even more. He has to separate the idea from his head that shitty things like nearly sleeping with your old friends daughter is just a wacky sitcom hijinks situation, and that the guilt he feels is just an ongoing conflict he feels every day. He even tries at one point to get forgiveness from his old show writer Herb Kezzaz after betraying him, only to be greeted with Herb saying 

“No. I’m not going to give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing that you did for the rest of your life.”

Sometimes Bojack will go to more silly extents for his so desired “happy ending”, like humming his own credits as he embraces Sarah Lynn when she comes out of rehab.

But as screwed up as Bojack is, he’s not the only one who’s mind is warped by the empty promise of a “happy ending”. Diane Nguyen, for as much as she comes off as the moral compass of the show who isn’t afraid to call anyone out for their bullshit, is what I like to call “Bojack lite”. While she’d be grossly offended by the accusation that she’s anything like Bojack, she shares a lot of his toxic traits. Sure, she’s not actively life ruining for anyone, but she has a tendency to harshly criticize people as a means to deflect any criticism towards herself and she often manages to find the negative connotation to even the best of situations. Also, she struggles with getting drunk a lot too, which is often enabled by Bojack. Diane makes a lot of rash decisions in her life hoping she’ll find some sort of “happy ending”. She married Mr. Peanutbutter longing for a simpler, more laid back life for she just settles down with her loving husband. However, unwilling to keep up with Mr. Peanutbutters love for spontaneity and grand gestures, she ends up divorcing him, deciding instead to try and find solace in being her own woman who doesn’t need a mans affection to be happy . .  .but that leaves her empty too. Every time she gets what she asked for, she ends up having to fight all the challenges that go with it, and those challenges end up obscuring her vision of that made her want that thing in the first place. She thinks it’s something wrong with her, like she just can’t ever be satisfied.

“Why can’t I be happy? Am I busted?!”

If we’re comparing each Bojack Horseman character to standard sitcom fare, Mr. Peanutbutter likely comes the closest to fitting the mold of what we expect from a likable television comedy protagonist. Everyone loves him. He’s endearing, he’s funny, he’s sweet. He makes silly mistakes but has a good heart, and even if he does touch some raw nerves along the way he can usually win his audience back with some sort of grand gesture. If Diane is Bojack Lite, then Mr. Peanutbutter is the yin to Bojack’s yang. They live virtually the same lives to a point where Mr. Peanutbutter even got famous off of what is blatantly a knock off of Horsin’ Around, The key difference though is that while Bojack is incurably pessimistic, Mr. Peanutbutter is obnoxiously optimistic, and why wouldn’t he be? He sees the good in everything and everyone and manages to get his way shearly through people loving him. He never has to learn anything because nobody ever challenges him. But that precisely is the rub. Mr. Peanutbutter is a cautionary tale about what would happen if you DID get that life full of happy endings and comfortable conclusions. Much like how many a sitcom protagonist never learns to tell the truth or to take responsibility for their own health, Mr. Peanutbutter never grows past his mistakes. It’s why he always does grand gestures for Diane despite her repeating several times that she doesn’t like them. It’s why he keeps dating women much younger than himself. It’s why he keeps getting divorced. He never takes any kind of long term lesson from what happens to him and never evolves as a person. Nowhere is this more prominent than in Season 5. Whenever Mr. Peanut butter does something wrong, he’s usually blind to the responsibility he must take to it. He either dismisses it as somebody else being mean or unreasonable or he makes an empty promise to not do it again. But for the first time ever, he partakes in betraying somebody he cares about. After divorcing Diane and getting with Pickles the Pug waitress . . . he has sex with Diane again behind Pickles’ back. This time there’s nobody to blame but himself . . and he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that he did an unforgivably shitty thing. In fact, he’s the least equipped character to do so in the whole show. He even pleads for Diane to break the news to Pickles and tries to force a silver lining by getting back with Diane as a result of it. In the season finale, when Mr. Peanutbutter has to tell the awful truth and knowingly hurt somebody close to him . . .much like a sitcom character, he instead pulls a happy ending out of his ass and decides to propose to Pickles instead. He actively decides not to do the tough, but right decision, and thus does not evolve. This is especially interesting in the finale because, for the first time ever, Bojack is a step ahead of Mr. Peanutbutter when it comes to committing to making things right. After Bojack nearly strangles Gina to death on his drug high, he turns himself into rehab with the help of Diane and starts taking real steps to self improvement. In contrast, Mr. Peanut butter . . . is just up to his same old tricks. 

You wanna talk about reaching that sitcom happy ending? It’s all this workaholic cat ever thinks about. Princess Carolyn leads life with the philosophy that with enough grit and go-getter attitude you can make anything happen for yourself . . . and to an extent that actually serves her pretty well. She gets out of her hick town to pursue her dreams as an agent and whenever the other characters are knee deep in their own mess she’s always the one with the solution to get them out. She compulsively helps people while refusing to take help for herself because . . well, she wants a happy ending . . .but she wants to be the one responsible for it. She had an opportunity as a kid to have everything in her life decided for her but once she had her miscarriage and that dream fell apart, she instead decided to pursue a career in the big city. She made tons of sacrifices to get where she is including leaving her own mother, and she’s also afraid of falling into the same trap of dependency she almost fell into as a kid again. That’s why she rejects Ralph Stilton’s offer to help her with her adopted baby, even though he’s irrefutably the best boyfriend she ever had. Time and time again Princess Carolyn will willingly be pushed right up to the edge before she accepts any kind of help, because she thinks doing so is a sign of weakness. She keeps herself motivated with fantasies about that wonderful happy ending, whether that means living in a cottage in a beautiful painting or succeeding enough that some future ancestor can give her class a family heritage report all about what a great ass kickin’ gal she is. While Princess Carolyn is definitely the most well adjusted and most durable to the constant hustle and beating down of reality, she’s got her own toxic tendencies as a result of thinking she’s a main character. She thinks she’s got to do everything on her own . . . . and if she doesn’t get past that insecurity soon, it may swallow her whole.

At long last we come to mr. Todd Chavez, the endearing little brother of Bojack Horseman’s family of main characters. Upon first glance, Todd seems the least prepared for life’s harsh reality out of all our leads. He’s a 20-something year old with no real job, no real responsibilities and no real goals in life. He’s very upfront and honest about how he spends his time, be it spending all day watching Youtube videos . . . or building a knockoff Disneyland. And yet, when we analyze him with the thesis that these “sitcom characters” are all trying to get by in a cruel and merciless world, we suddenly realize that ironically . . . Todd grows the most naturally out of everyone. Bojack lets Todd down time and time again and rather than accepting status quo as God like many a sitcom character might do, he takes it upon himself to distance his relationship with Bojack. He initially has faith in Bojack to be better, but doesn’t beat around the bush when he’s lost his faith in him. When he realizes that he was nothing in common with Yolanda aside from being asexual, he breaks up with her before prolonging the painful inevitable. The cast of Bojack Horseman go through their share of changes in what they want and who they want to be, but Todd is always the one who knows what he needs and makes an honest effort to be better. He’s surprisingly wise for an adult manchild flunky. But he gets up to wacky sitcomish schemes too, about as much as Mr. Peanutbutter (who is often his partner in crime with these things) . . . yet even then through his ernestness and cuttthroat honesty he manages to overcome better than the other characters.

Conclusion:

*decided to include this gif because i love the animation in it*

Hollywoo is a world of sitcom characters pulled out of the TV and trying to get by in everyday life under the harsh, uncompromising grip of reality. In a culture so entrenched in it’s ideals of maintaining superficial likability and celebrating yourself no matter what you do or who you hurt, each character’s mind is warped into buying the illusion that for how screwed up they are there’s a happy ending waiting at the end of the horizon for them. They all deal with it with different levels of success. Some take change in life with stride like Todd. Some think they found their happy ending but only remain empty like Diane. Some get everything they ask for and thus never evolve and never better themselves like Mr. PeanutButter. Some cling on for deal life as they get everything thrown at them, believing that they’ll be rewarded in the end, like Princess Carolyn. And then . . . some are a depressing cocktail of all of those things. They have opportunity land at their feet and think they’ve finally done the thing that will preserve them, only to find themselves empty. They work through the pain in their life hoping that at any point they’ll get some grand gesture or reward that makes everything they endured worth it, only for that chance to become officially non existent. But occasionally . . . very occasionally . . . they do something wonderful and heartfelt and sincere that maintains a glimmer of hope for their capacity to be better. That is Bojack Horseman. Bojack hurts the people closest to him much like his parents did. He remains bitter and sad and petty and self important . . . but he IS better than his folks. He’s like his late mom . . . only for him the grand gesture really does come.

But as Bojack says

“The grand gesture isn’t enough. You have to be consistent. You have to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out on the ocean to save your best friend or solve a mystery and fly to Cansas. You need to do it everyday, which is so . . . hard.”

The truth is, all of these characters, even Bojack, have the potential to be better as long as they deconstruct their worldview shaped by watching television. They have to rid themselves of the illusion. The illusion that there’s some great happy ending that’s going to make all the pain worth it. The only ending in life . . . is death. Until then, there’s always more show. Time’s arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it always marches forward. There will be days these characters make mistakes and days they do great things . . how much they do of either is up to them. Sometimes they’ll do things that they will never get closure for . . things that can’t be forgiven  . . . but that doesn’t ruin their capacity to do right the next day.  Bojack’s right . . .it IS hard to do better every single day. But as the jogger near Bojack’s house says “It gets easier”.

And my essay concludes . . . .riiiiiiight after this anecdote.

I think what makes Bojack Horseman so special is that it holds up a mirror to how a screen infested world has permanently warped our sense of self worth and our understanding of how life really works. In a way, we’re all “sitcom characters” roaming around real life. We think of ourselves as the main characters of our stories, that there’s some sort of satisfying conclusion waiting for us. That we can win whoever we want back with a grand gesture and that we never have to evolve, we just have to be “good enough” . . .and that’s all . . SO wrong. That mentality makes us toxic. It makes us self important and hypocritical and petty, while also leaving us empty. It makes us incomplete. We all have to learn that there’s no ending until we die, that we have to do good every day . . . and that we aren’t the main character.  Everyone is important. Maybe we’ve been watching too many sitcoms and have had these fallacies drilled into our heads . . . and maybe Bojack Horseman is like a rehab for those bad tendencies. As Princess Carolyn points out in the finale of Season 4

“I got into this business because I love stories. They comfort us. They inspire us. They create a context for how we view the world. But also you have to be careful because if you spend a lot of time with stories you start to believe that life is just . . . stories. And it’s not. Life is life . . . and . . .that’s so sad, because . . .there’s so little time and . . . what are we doing with it?”

[andromesia]

NOW

I have cried every day for the past seven days.

THEN

I am a sixteen-year-old girl. I have sat quietly and watched as almost every week there’s more news of another mass shooting. I have sat quietly and watched girls get detention for wearing spaghetti straps, while a boy in my class doesn’t get detention for wearing a shirt with a picture of an AR-15 on the back two days after it kills 17 people in Florida. I have sat quietly and watched as my mother cries at night worried about whether it is safe to drop me off at school the next day. I have sat quietly and watched when at lunch, my friend wonders out loud at the safety of our cafeteria during a school shooting.

I have sat quietly and watched I have sat quietly and watched I have sat quietly and watched

(I wonder if I have been silent so long I have swallowed my tongue thinking it was sustenance.)

The day of the Parkland High School Shooting, it was Valentine’s. I did not know much about what happened, so I did not cry then. I cried, that Saturday, three days too late, when I watched videos of students in the aftermath, recounting what they witnessed

turn left down the hall pass two dead bodies, you’ve seen them in the hallway before they’re lying face down you run to stay alive but oh god oh god do you want to collapse yet and cradle them to your chest and sob drag them out the door too or are you running off adrenaline still text your parents you love them tell them you love tell them you love them tell them i love them i love you please don’t go

you hold a textbook up so it shields your face it’s small but it still does the trick you think after but your best friend she sits behind you in history she didn’t make it how do you not break down crying in front of the news reporters yet not everyone could fit behind the flipped tables not everyone they were unlucky i guess oh my god he shot through the window you’re so afraid

someone’s crying for their mother they’re on the floor bleeding don’t meet his eyes lie down stay down the bullets smell like bombs you want your mother where’s your mom you wish she was here but also not you want to tell them you love them the feel of the smooth cool linoleum on your face and your rabid rabbit-like heart there is nothing to hold on to but air you wish there was anything other than

Peter Wang was a fifteen-year-old boy. He was also a junior ROTC officer. He held open a door for other students to run to safety into a classroom and was shot to death by the 19-year-old who was also wearing a former ROTC shirt. The 19-year-old had been the best shot in his ROTC class.

Two boys, four years apart in age, both junior ROTC cadets, both in uniform, stood across from each other in a hallway. One was holding a door, the other was holding a gun. Students ran by, but those two were suspended for a second amidst the chaos. One raises his gun–

Between the ROTC boy who may not have held a gun in his life but held open the door in his last moments before the sweet embrace (oh cradle him, god please, let him be with the angels) of death and the ROTC boy who cruelly took the lives of 17 people with an assault rifle in that same day?

The true hero, the true ROTC officer, was the one who did something so selflessly brave and kind for his classmates.

So Peter Wang, you deserve every single medal of honor. To me, you are already a graduate of West Point Academy. You are already a soldier who served our nation. You are only one year older than my little sister, and I fear the same embrace of death will happen to her one day, too soon, as it did for you. I am so afraid. But thank you, Peter, for reminding me – that even in the darkest moments, the darkest of times, there is always kindness and hope and light. Thank you. I hope you are happy in heaven.

I am sorry, Peter, I am sorry. I am crying and sobbing and red-faced as I write this. I am sorry this nation has failed you. If you could see what they’re doing to you and sixteen others on the news, on Youtube comments, and in Tweets, in the White House and in Florida State Capitols and NRA board meetings – it’s senseless. It’s heartless. I watch some of their faces, Peter, and I see nothing. I see none of the emotion. There’s nothing there. I used to be afraid of guns, but I think now I’m afraid of that void. That emptiness in their eyes. How can they not curl up and cry? How can you look at a father whose daughter has died at 14 and not choke right there on stage? To not have the heart to repent? How can you have the gall to stare back stone-faced? How can you save face in a situation like this? They say they don’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through, but they’re not even trying. Their eyes are cold, every word fails to satisfy.

So swallow your tongue, they told us. As we grew up, we were conditioned into remaining silent. Watching. Swallow your tongue. Keep your mouth shut. You’re just kids. Who will listen?

(“We’re just trying to just not let seventeen of us get shot in the fucking face again.”)

But Peter, I’ve realized something. They were wrong. Maybe they underestimated our voices before our hums became a chorus. Maybe they knew how powerful we would be all along and tried to stop it. Either way, a song is rising above the rest of that spiteful cacophony and the empty well in their eyes. Something has come back stronger from the terror and the despair. And it’s the things you embodied when you held open the door for dozens of students that day. Bravery. Selflessness. Kindness.

It’s going to be hard, I know. But your death will not be in vain, Peter. None of the seventeen lives lost that day will be in vain. Because where there is hate and fear and despair, there is hope and courage and light.

(For the Constitution may have the Second Amendment, but the Declaration of Independence states this: “all men… are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights… Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.”)

I am spitting out my swallowed tongue. I will swallow it no longer. I refuse to sit quietly anymore.

(For the Constitution may have the Second Amendment, but before that, there was the First. The right to freedom of assembly, press, religion, and speech.)

NOW

I have cried every day for the past seven days. On the eighth, I pick up a pen and begin writing.

[inawickedlittletown]

Walking The Wire (107/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Six

It wasn’t until it was almost summer that Tony actually had to speak out in Barnes’ defense. Pepper was the one to make the call on the timing and Tony agreed that it was the right time. It was mostly to do with how the public viewed Barnes and Ross. Since clearing the air in Wakanda, Tony had started to take more interest in the man that was Steve’s best friend. He’d gone as far as to offer Barnes a new arm even if the process would entail Tony returning to Wakanda to make it happen. Barnes hadn’t seemed too interested and Tony realized fairly quickly that it was because for the time being he preferred not having the arm and either way Shuri assured him she had something in the works for him.

Speaking to Barnes had made things a little easier for Tony. He didn’t blame the man anymore and he didn’t dream about him or Siberia all the time not that it stopped Tony from having nightmares all together about his mom dying but they weren’t about Barnes. Not really. Some things were never going to stop and for Tony there would always be nightmares.

In the end, Tony’s statements about how much he didn’t blame Barnes and how he didn’t personally hold Barnes accountable for the deaths of his parents had the effect of making people aware of how much Hydra had had to do with everything The Winter Soldier had done. But it wasn’t just Tony’s word but all the proof they had to show what Hydra had been up to.

It didn’t stop Ross from continuing to try to get his way and make it near impossible for Barnes to ever get out of hiding without being arrested if he did. But the arrest would only lead to a trial and Tony was confident that it was a trial that Barnes would win. Ross seemed to have figured that out too, because he wasn’t as pushy with the stuff about Barnes which just made Tony worry and he’d have something else up his sleeve. Either way, with Barnes not planning on leaving Wakanda any time soon the whole matter was put the rest and Tony had his lawyers ready for when anything changed. He was hopeful that his name would be cleared when the time came.

Tony had a million other things going on too like the planning of a wedding. The thing of it was that flashy wasn’t what they wanted or needed. In all actuality, the whole marriage thing was a bit unnecessary in and of itself. Still, they wanted to have it happen and make it official.

It was Peter that seemed to want to make a big deal out of it which Tony thought was him trying to really make it clear how okay he was with him getting married which was sweet. Ever since they’d had that discussion over apple crostini, Tony had realized that he really needed to make sure Peter never felt left out of any of it. It helped that Steve adored Peter and loved his input and probably welcomed Peter in more than even Tony did.. If it was up to Steve, he probably would just let Peter have his way with all of it.

“But you have to have a big wedding,” Peter said one morning. “Just think about all the good it will do to all the gay teens out there who look up to you. You’re Iron Man and Captain America. You’re both public figures.”

Rhodey thought the whole thing was hilarious, but somehow Peter got him on his side. Mostly, Tony suspected that Rhodey just wanted to watch him suffer.

“No one even knows we’re together, Pete,” Tony had tried to argue one afternoon while Peter did some maintenance on K-9.

“But they should. I don’t really get why you’re keeping it a secret in the first place. You’re not going to hide it forever. It’s like -- I know I have a secret identity, but one day everyone’s going to know who I am. And they’re also going to know that I’m your son. I’m not ashamed of being Spider-Man or the son of Tony Stark even if it’s easier to keep that quiet at the moment. ”

It took a few weeks of convincing and since Peter was eventually out of school for the summer he had plenty of time to harp on the subject which was a bit amusing mostly because he even had Karen and Friday piping in on how much they needed to make a big deal about the wedding. In the end, Tony figured that Peter was right. Secrets weren’t a good thing and as horrible as the media coverage could get, Peter was right in saying that they might help young LGBTQ kids and teens and adults too probably by being open about it. That was what finally truly convinced Tony -- but also, it was sort of nice to share with the world that he and and Steve were going to be husbands.

But then, another reason reared its head when Tony got a call from Ross. The calls had stopped a while back, but Friday still put Ross on hold for a while before Tony picked up.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize there was a call,” Tony said. “What can I do for you?”

“Stark, you’ve done an amazing job at stonewalling me time and time again.”

“Getting the right information to the people is stonewalling you? Getting our heroes back and under house arrest as punishment for their actions? General, I have followed every letter of the law and every clause within the amended Sokovia Accords. So unless you want something, I don’t understand the nature of this phone call. I’m a very busy man.”

Which was when Ross said the last thing that Tony expected him to say: “I know you have a son. Swings around New York City as Spider-Man, right? I bet the people would love to know about him -- after all, everyone seems to be wondering who he is.”

Tony went cold. It didn’t seem like Ross actually knew who was under the Spider-Man suit, but he knew that it was Tony’s son. He knew that Tony had a son at all.

“Ah, I see I found something to keep you quiet,” Ross chuckled.

The question was how did he know?

“Did you know that The Accords and who signed them are public. Even if they weren’t I would have been able to take a look and Spider-Man is a minor who needed a mentor of sorts to take responsibility for him. And you did that for him which was enough to make me interested.”

It still begged the question how he had figured it out and how he wasn’t mentioning Peter which worried him. Did he know it was Peter or not? Peter had signed as Spider-Man not as Peter Parker so maybe--

“Everyone’s been speculating,” Ross said, “I may as well give them some sort of answer. Tony Stark allowing a teenager to run around as a hero -- that would make the front pages.”

But not if Tony had a bigger story to sell.

---

The pictures were taken in the tower because of the house arrest and they were absolutely ridiculous. Steve didn’t know how Tony had managed to convince him to pose that way. They were both on chairs and Tony’s was balancing on two legs. Steve’s leg was resting on Tony’s shoulder and Tony was actually holding on to it. Steve actually couldn’t believe that they hadn’t fallen while taking the picture. There had been a bunch of other ridiculous poses made that day and it was lucky that not all of the pictures were used in the article. Only a few of them were of a serious nature. The one where Tony had just kissed his cheek, or the one where they had gotten a bit caught up in staring at each other and the photographer had just taken a few shots of them. There were also individual ones. Vanity Fair was running a whole issue mostly devoted to them, it was kind of insane.

The interview had been almost nice though, mostly because he’d gotten to talk about Tony a bit and because it was the first time that Steve was getting to really be public about The Accords and the house arrest. He’d even gotten to mention Bucky for a bit of it.

The one area where Steve had been surprised was when Tony decided to disclose that he had a son. Peter wasn’t mentioned by name, but he casually mentioned that his son and Steve got along really well. Steve had been sitting next to him when the topic came up and he had frozen in place out of surprise until Tony reached for his hand and griped it before he said:

“I know it’s a bit of a surprise to everyone to learn that I have a son, but since we’re announcing this other important life event I figured everyone should know that I am a very proud father to a teenager. He hasn’t always been in my life, but he’s made a difference in it in the time he has been. I am unwilling to talk about who he is for privacy concerns, but I guess it was time to be a little more open with the world.”

When the final version of the whole article and pictures arrived for their approval, Steve was a little floored by how good they both looked. How happy, too. The main picture was the chair one but it was followed by a picture of Tony fixing a strand of Steve’s hair and Steve looking down at him. Steve wanted that picture framed. Vanity Fair didn’t go out of their way to highlight the mention of Tony having a son, but everyone knew that the media was going to pick up on it and run with it.

Steve skimmed the article and it really was perfect. The writer captured them and really weaved in the narrative of their story from how they labeled their sexualities to how their relationship had come about to why they had decided to come forward with the truth. It was actually kind of nice and Steve didn’t regret doing it.

--

“Tony Stark is dating Captain America?”

“Wait — they’re engaged.”

“Did you hear?”

“I didn’t know that HE was Gay? Did you?”

“This is nuts.”

“Wait, and is it true that Tony Stark has a son?”

“Do you think they’ve been together this entire time?”

“But didn’t Stark date his assistant for forever? I thought they were still together.”

“They’re getting married, though.”

“I wonder how long they’ve been together…”

The questions and comments were endless and Peter was sort of amused every time he heard something. He tried to stay away from actually discussing anything with anyone unlike Ned who was absolutely keen on getting his two cents in, but then Peter had expected that from Ned. Ned was also trying to get Peter to talk to him about how he felt about Tony mentioning that he had a son. Peter didn’t want to discuss it.

The timing of the article was perfect, though, because it came out just a day before the last day of school and Peter knew he wouldn’t get a chance to actually get tired of hearing about the article. It wasn’t just that everyone was talking about it, either, but that some of them just went up to Peter to ask him about it since he had the Stark Internship and everyone wanted to know if he’d known beforehand and if he’d met Steve. In one case someone asked if Peter had met Tony’s son. Peter tended to just give those people a shrug and a, “I’m just an intern.”

Ned’s reaction had still been the best after he’d had a chance to process the whole thing. “This -- this means that freaking Captain America is going to be your step-father.”

“Yup, Ned. That’s how that works,” Peter said.

Ned had laughed nervously for a while. “How are you not freaking out?”

“Because I’ve had plenty of time to get used to it.”

The media coverage was kind of insane after the article was released, though. Mostly it was a rehashing of what the article said but there were segments on the news, talk shows, and those celebrity news shows. A lot of them highlighted the mention of Tony having a son and everyone seemed to be questioning who it might be. Only one article mentioned the possibility of Tony’s son being Spider-Man and it was almost said in jest which was funny because everyone seemed opposed to the idea because of how secretive Tony had been about having a son in the first place.

Since the publishing of the article, Friday had also started to deal with a high volume of calls for interviews that were all declined. Peter hadn’t expected it to be so crazy, but his dad and Steve were handling it.

“But we’re talking about Iron Man and Captain America getting married. Two Avengers marrying each other. It’s crazy.”

Peter sighed. “I’m aware. They’re also normal people. You’ve met them.”

“It’s still crazy, though.”

Michelle’s response had been to shrug. “It’s nice that they’re making a difference by making their romance public. Doesn’t really concern me though.” He really should have expected nothing less from her except that then she had turned and stared right at him and said, “Peter Stark.” And promptly walked away.

---

“I’m kind of glad I’m on house arrest now,” Steve said. He was playing with K-9 and Dum-E with a ball and Tony was in the middle of not watching some snapshots of the media coverage of their engagement. It had been created by Friday for them just so that they were on top of everything being said about them, but Tony had it on while he worked on something or other.

“Hmm, yes, they would be following you everywhere,” Tony said.

Tony for his part hadn’t really left the tower. They’d announced their engagement over Twitter the morning the article came out and it had been kind of funny how many people thought that Tony was joking. They thought so even when Steve tweeted about it. There had even been some that were convinced it was a misdirect from Tony and Pepper getting engaged or even full on married. Then, everyone got wind of the article and the messages changed to surprise. A lot were pleased and congratulatory but then there were the homophobes who were obviously completely offended by it but Tony didn’t care about engaging with people like that. There were fewer at first that mentioned Tony’s announcement of also being a father.

“Why, um, you haven’t explained why you mentioned having a son.”

He hadn’t mentioned the call from Ross. At first because he had so much to set up to screw up Ross’ plans, but also because he knew that Steve would feel guilty about it somehow.

“Ross knows my son is Spider-Man. I’m not -- I don’t know if he knows it’s Peter but he knows something so it made sense to announce it myself in a way.”

“Which is why everything was rushed,” Steve said.

The funny part was that after the article had come out and other coverage of it by the media got all of the information right there were still a bunch of rumors and stories to deal with. It was just so much information and no one really knew what to focus on. It was sort of brilliant to mix in Tony having a son in the middle of all of it.  

“Are they really saying that you made this a condition to have me back in the states?” Steve asked with a grin, looking at the screen.

“Apparently so. You know how they are — they want to paint me as the bad guy and in a lot of those people’s eyes I’m not good enough for you.”

“Those people have no idea how amazing you are,” Steve said

K-9 barked to get attention. The dog really was a great addition to the tower. Peter loved him of course, but so did Steve who was the first to just drop to the ground and roll around with the dog when he had time.  

“Get rid of all that, Fri, it’s useless.” The screen went dark. “Is there anything else that needs my attention? Otherwise I’ll get back to figuring out the housing unit for the nanotech.”

Friday seemed to take a moment to search and then, “I have surveillance footage of Thor and Loki in the city. There are also Instragram pictures of Thor.”

Steve dropped the ball at his feet and he straightened up, joining Tony to look at what Friday had been able to pull up. The video wasn’t all that grainy but it didn’t show much since it was them facing some sort of demolition. The video wasn’t even centered on them but they stood there for a while and it was definitely Thor and Loki even if they were both in regular human clothing and not their usual Asgardian gettup. It was also not enough to hide them from people on the street who seemed to stare at them from afar.

“What got demolished there?” Steve asked.

“Shady Acres Care Home,” Friday said.

“The real questions is why they are there and why Thor hasn’t thought to contact us if he’s back on Earth,” Tony said and it was worrisome because it meant that Thor wasn’t just back for leisure but that he was after something. That Loki was with him -- that might mean more problems for everyone.

They watched as Thor was approached by a bunch of girls -- which explained the origin of the pictures on Instagram and Twitter. And then just moments later Loki disappeared. Probably one of his tricks. Even Thor seemed surprised that his brother was gone -- and wasn’t it just even more worrisome to have Loki disappear like that? They watched as Thor picked something up off the ground and then he walked off.

“He’s here for a reason,” Tony said. “Have there been any more sightings?” Tony asked.

“I’m afraid not,” Friday said.

“So what do we do? There’s still no way to contact him so…”

“We wait,” Tony said. “And we can only hope that Loki isn’t up to something. Friday be on alert for any sighting of either.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Tony just hoped that nothing would come of Thor’s return to Earth.

Tony looked back at the unit for the nanotech. He hadn’t told anyone yet that it was probably going to mean that he was putting something back in his chest -- that this housing unit would have to be on him somehow and it’d be better for it to be in him. Thor showing up made him even more positive that he needed to do it.

“I’m sure it’s nothing bad,” Steve said. “He would have come to us if it was.”

Tony sighed. Loki had been with him and after the last time they had encountered the God of Mischief, Tony wouldn’t discount that he wasn’t up to anything. Although, it was a bit of a surprise to see him when Thor had been adamant that Loki was dead the last time they spoke about him. It made Tony wonder about what might have happened for Loki to be alive and for Loki and Thor to be together and not showing signs of not being on the same side. Tony understood that they were family, but he also knew that there was a lot of contention there. He just hoped that none of that would affect the people of Earth.

Chapter One Hundred Seven