#where is my green dress Alicent can I borrow yours please

[ladywolfknight]

dude watched a show where the entire conflict could be solved if two women had ran away together or were allowed to marry each other... ...and somehow says this.

this is why people shouldn't huff gasoline!

[knjnvrland]

Prank Wars - ch. 2

> pairing | jungkook x reader

> word count | 2.5k

> genre | college!au, fluff, smut

> warnings | swearing, alcohol consumption

> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?

> fic masterlist

> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any! 

CHAPTER 2 - Dying it Red

Getting past the embarrassment of your first day of classes, when everyone would stare at your stained clothes, the next couple of the weeks flew by fairly smooth. You made a few acquaintances in classes, which was enough for group projects and study dates, and found your way around campus with the help of your brothers and your brother’s friends. Your friends now, too. You had lunch with at least one of them every day and stopped by Jin’s cafe almost every morning for a free snack that your brother basically forced into you, using you as a guinea pig for the recipes he was trying. It was alarmingly easy to get into the new routine. 

“Then you press this button and wait for the light to turn green.” Alice was helping you out with your laundry, teaching you how to work the machines at the basement of the student's dorms. “Just be careful to be here when the timer is done, otherwise someone might take your clothes out and who would want another person’s hands in their underwear?” She played around when the harsh sound of the washing machine began, letting you know it was doing it’s job.

“Babe?” A male voice called, descending the last steps of the stairs, and you both turned around to face Yoongi with another boy trailing behind.

“Hey Yoongs, we were just finishing here.” Alice smiled warmly at her boyfriend. “Long time no see, Jungkook.” She then turned to the messy haired boy all dressed in black, walking to him and wrapping her hands around his waist. She probably couldn’t reach all the way around his neck, as her hugs usually went, because of how tall the boy was. “This is y/n, the Kim’s baby sister.” She stepped away and signaled to you, and that’s when you realized that this handsome guy in front of you was also the asshole that ruined your otherwise perfect first day.

“We actually met before.” You smiled with your lips tight together, trying to hide your annoyance. “He bumped into me on my first day here.” At that Alice let her mouth hung open, joining the dots in her head but not adding to the conversation.

“Really? I don’t remember you.” The boy looked confused, clearly being genuine on his lack of memory of the accident. Well, how could he remember you when he didn’t even had the decency to turn around and apologize that day. “Nice to meet you, anyway.” He smiled at you but you turned around, pretending to be entertained by the rotation of the washing machine.

Yoongi, sensing the tense atmosphere, wrapped his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. “If we don’t leave now we might miss the beginning of the film.”

“Are you coming y/n?” Alice asked.

“Nah, I have to wait for this to be finished and then I might drop by Joonie’s place, but thanks anyway.” Jungkook was already at the stairs again when you finished answering, not bothering to say goodbye at all. Alice noticed it and gave you a sympathetic smile, leaving with Yoongi behind the youngest boy.

“What an idiot.” You let out a sigh and pulled out your phone to text your sibling’s group chat about meeting up later, you might as well enjoy your Friday night with them somehow.

“That's cheating!” Taehyung yelled. “You can’t all team up against me!”

“Sorry Tae, y/n never played before, we’re just helping her out.” Namjoon explained, just as Jin killed Taehyung for the third time in a row.

Jin picked you up and you ended up at the boys' place. Jimin had a date and Hoseok was practicing late, so you and your brothers had the apartment all to yourselves. You ordered pizza and revived the old playstation 2 that was the center of so many fights between the three boys growing up. You were never a tomboy, in a house with so much testosterone, your mother made sure to keep you by her side, dressing you up in girly dresses and gifting you all the dolls you would ask. Don’t get it wrong, you could still beat Taehyung in a play fight any day, and had your fair share of scraped knees and quick trips to the hospital because you were playing a little bit too harsh trying to keep up with your older siblings, but videogames were never really your thing.

“She's fine! You don’t need to help her every time we play something new.” He whined, letting go of the controller to grab another slice of greasy muzzarela pizza. It was true, you were a fast learner and definitely didn’t need your brothers teaming up to help you out.

“But it’s funnier this way.” You stated, taking advantage and killing Taehyung once again when his guard was down because he was shoving the entire pizza into his mouth.

“Hey!” He complained with his mouth full. “That's it, I give up, you guys suck.”

“Don't be such a baby.” Jin shoved Taehyung’s shoulder with his own. “We'll play nice next round.”

“I’m not asking you to play nice, I’m asking you to play fair.” he pouted.

Namjoon patted Tae in the head. “It’s alright, we won’t count this one on the final score.”

“But I still won.” you gloated, finishing off Jin’s character on the game when they were all distracted and standing up to grab another soda from the kitchen.

“I trusted you!” The eldest shouted dramatically and you laughed to yourself, proud of your definitely-not-fair victory.

You brought back drinks for everyone as a way to say sorry, and you all settled, trying to choose another game to play next. Namjoon was distracted by his phone, texting someone non stop. Jin snatched the phone out of the other boy’s hand to read without permission, and both of them started wrestling on the ground for the device.

“Give it back!” Namjoon was on his side with his legs wrapped around Jin’s waist while Jin was laying on the ground, chest down with one of his arms pushing Namjoon’s face away and the other trying to keep the phone as far away as possible. You already knew what would happen next before Taehyung even made the first move to stand up, so you were prepared when the phone flew to your hands, being snatched by Tae from the pile of limbs tangled on the floor and thrown at you before he was pulled into the mess.

You scrolled through the texts in the open conversation and handed the phone back to Namjoon, who had given up and was on the floor, red faced and short of breath. 

“It's just a party.” You informed the other two.

“Who’s? Where? When?” Taehyung eagerly wanted to know.

“Some guy named Jackson? I don’t know, it sounds like it’s at a fraternity.” You answered, not really interested and just wanting to go back to the game.

“It’s at Delta Sigma.” Namjoon clarified. “It’s next weekend and it sounds like it’s going to be big, it’s their beginning of the school year party and they’re introducing their new boys to the world, I guess?”

“Oh, we’re definitely going.” Jin stated. “I went to a lot of their parties when Mark was still living there and it’s always legendary. Also, they have the best booze."

Namjoon went through the details while Jin sent a text to the group chat with the rest of your friend group to let them know and soon after everyone -even Yoongi- was in. You chose the next game and the four of you went back to playing and bickering as if you were still teenagers in your home’s living room.

“Can I borrow this earring?” Alice asked you, popping her head into the bathroom where you were doing your make up. You nodded and she disappeared again.

The party began an hour ago, but Yoongi was finishing his shift at the radio and he was your lift there, so the two of you could take your sweet time getting ready to go. The week went by fast and, apart from having to see Jungkook more now that he was settled into his new apartment and finally began hanging out with the rest of the group, you couldn’t complain. He still had no idea why you were always so cold with him, but made no effort to find out either, assuming you were just a little bit closed off. He was also driving there with you, taking advantage of Yoongi’s promise of sobriety and the fact that they lived in the same building, and you had made up your mind that, by the end of the night, you would make him apologize to you for ruining your favorite shirt and the perfect planned first impressions you intended on making on your classmates.

Just as you were finishing applying your lipstick, Alice’s phone rang and she letted you know that Yoongi was waiting downstairs, so you grabbed your phone, handed your keys to your roomate, letting her responsible for it, and walked out the door.

The ride there was quiet, Jungkook ended up going earlier with the rest of the boys and only needed Yoongi as a ride back home later, so you didn’t have to sit through the uncomfortable silence that would've settled if he was on the back sit with you. When you got there you could tell people were already wasted. You spotted Hobi right away, he was chugging down god knows how much beer at once and being cheered on by a group of people around him. Yoongi left to find Namjoon and tell him about some new project and Alice made her way to where the alcohol was with you trailing behind her. 

Jimin was there with a group of people, mostly girls and, of course, Jungkook. Alice said hi to them and you waved, not really wanting to introduce yourself to the strangers in the group and specially not very keen on getting another step closer to the boy who spilled his coffee on you and never apologized. Did I mention he never apologized? Because he never did. What an asshole. Jimin handed you a shot and you poured it down your throat without even asking what it was. You were not really a big party person, and the only way to get through it was getting shit faced drunk, and that’s what you were planning on doing.

You spent most of your time dancing with Jimin and Alice, or by the kitchen filling your cup. You bumped into your brothers but honestly, you were not really into the idea of seeing them make out with random people or embarrass you with their drunk dancing, so you kept your distance. You would bump into Jungkook every now and then as well, and Alice had to keep you from going up to him and making a scene. You just wanted him to apologize, really, but you were not sure you could let him know that without calling him a few names you thought suited him much better then ‘Jungkook’ before.

It was just a second that Alice turned around to look for her boyfriend and you were already gone from her sigh. You were a little bit tipsy, sure, but you could get a drink by yourself without your friend constantly by your side. On the way to the kitchen you even had a small conversation with a handsome stranger with light eyes and dreamy lips that you were sure would not have happened if you had Alice with you. You were looking for another beer, just to drown your nerves a little bit and go find that godlike creature again, when you spotted Jungkook. There was a girl standing by your side with a tall red cup filled with god knows what and you didn’t think twice before gabbing it and throwing it. Your aim must have been a little off though, because instead of hitting your target, the splash of alcohol landed on the person beside him, who just happened to be your brother.

“Y/n what the fuck?!” Taehyung turned around to find you frozen in place looking as guilty as ever. The group of people around them took a step back from the mess and Jungkook started laughing hysterically.

“Sorry Tae that wasn’t for you.” The words barely audible over the loud noise of people talking around you. You had no idea what had gotten into you and could feel your face getting warm. “I was aiming at Jungkook.” 

At that the other boy stopped his laughter and looked offended at you. “What? Why?”

“Because you should learn some manners, asshole!” You couldn’t hold back you annoyance even though you knew you were overreacting, but the alcohol in your blood took control of your ability to filter your words and you would rather have people think you were red because of anger then because of shame. Taehyung started to laugh then, not really understanding what was happening, but amused seeing you argue with someone that wasn’t him for once.

“What have I ever done to you?” Jungkook was just as confused as your brother.

Before you could answer and give him a little bit of your mind, Alice and Namjoon walked in and found the absolute mess you had made. See, the drink you threw was a dark shade of red, and the kitchen had white tiles and white cabinets all around that were now all tainted a lovely shade of pink, as was your brother’s bleached hair and light clothes.

“Dude what happened?” Namjoon was the first to speak, but Tae just waved him off, finding the situation more funny then anything else. He could get back at you later anyway, and growing up with you gave him the ability to read you better then anyone else, so the act you were putting to sound tough didn’t mean a thing to him and he was enjoying seeing how far you would go to hide you embarrassment.

“Maybe I should take y/n home.” Alice stated, grabbing the empty cup from your hand and leaving it on the counter, as if disarming you of a powerful weapon. She then passed her arm through your waist and led you to the door. You could only follow along, unable to react when you fully realized what just happened.

Finding Yoongi was easy, he was on his way to the kitchen and met you halfway, not needing any explanation before following the both of you to his car. The drive home was silent, apart from some underground rap song playing from Yoongi’s sound system and Alice calling a friend of hers who was at the party to see if they could give Jungkook a ride home later. You laughed to yourself, remembering the boy's face when he realized the target was him, and that alone made it worth it. The fact that you stole his ride back was just a plus to the situation. He was a handsome boy, you couldn’t deny it, so wiping that bunny smile from his face gave you more pleasure than you were able to put into words. You would have stopped there, honestly, but deep down you knew that what took place at the party was just the beginning.

> A/N | It /really/ starts here, I guess. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)

TAGLIST IS OPEN

[sprnklersplashes]

The One Where Robin Gets Bronchitis

Sometimes, true love isn’t always epic kisses, breaking curses, fairytale weddings and romantic dances.

Sometimes it’s pushing your girlfriend away from you because you have viral bronchitis but she has no sense of self-preservation and keeps trying to kiss you.

(fluff, pure fluff friends)

Robin buries her face in her pillow as she hears the door close, Gideon leaving for work. On her bedside sit roughly five different kinds of medicine (she’s far too tired to give a real count) and a litre bottle of water, as well as a basin beside her bed despite knowing she won’t throw up. That’s what happens when her best friend-slash-roommate is an overprotective hypochondriac whose Mum Friend instincts kick into overdrive when someone is sick (especially when that someone is Robin, the girl he’s been looking out for since they were toddling around Storybrooke’s playpark together).

She lets out another cough, pressing her tissue to her mouth.

“You look like St Therese,” Hope says, casually as they can with five hairpins between their teeth. Since it’s entirely their fault Robin is in her tired, fevered, miserable state, Robin Facetimed them once she woke up to make them feel as guilty as possible. Now she’s curled up on one side, away from the harsh light of her window, her phone propped up by a stack of books and wearing the cat onesie she bought herself as an early Christmas present, all while huddled underneath her comforter.

“Who?” she asks.

“St Therese. You know, the French saint who died of coughing blood. Her last words in her diary were something like ‘wow there’s a lot of bubbly stuff on my mouth right now’. Or something.”

“Or something,” Robin agrees. “Anyway, I’m not coughing blood. I’m coughing mucus which is arguably worse.”

“What colour?”

“Hope!”

“What?” they sigh. “My dad said that you can tell a lot by the colour of your mucus.”

“Your dad grew up in the 1800s and wouldn’t know what antibiotics were if you threw them at his face. He probably threw little lavender bags at you when you got sick.”

“You know, technically you’re shit talking your future father-in-law there,” they remind her. Robin pulls a face at the camera as Hope slides another hairpin into their black locks before pulling them apart. “And for your information, it was rosemary.” They look down for a second, biting their lips like a nervous child, which in a lot of ways, Hope still is. Or at least in Robin’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Rob.”

“Don’t worry about it, H,” she replies before letting out another cough, making Hope flinch. “Just hope your date with Melody was worth it.”

“It was,” she replies, a pink blush on their pale cheeks. Robin giggles and looks beyond the phone screen to her bedroom door, where the scarf she lent Hope for her date is hanging on a hook. Hope swore up and down last Friday their bout of bronchitis was over and begged and pleaded (and admittedly, screamed a little) for their parents to let them go out with Melody that night for their two month anniversary. They had agreed, on one condition, Hope wrap up a warm as humanly possible. And since their scarf was lost in her Bermuda triangle of a bedroom, Robin had agreed to let Hope borrow one of hers, only after making Hope look her in the eye and swear they were better now. And they did.

And now she’s here.

“Was there a goodnight smooch?” she pries, giggling again. She’s pretty sure the fever is causing her to regress to a schoolgirl.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” they say coyly, only to have realisation slowly dawn on them. “Um… I’m just going to check up on her. See if she’s… you know…”

“Caught your disease?”

“It’s not my disease!” they squeak indignantly, standing up and putting their bag on their shoulder. “Anyways I have to go. Mom will arrest me if I’m late for class again.”

“Can she do that? Is that in her jurisdiction?”

“No idea and I don’t want to find out,” they answer. “How do I look?” They gesture to their outfit; black and pink hair tucked into a deliberately messy braid, graphic t-shirt and paint-splattered denim dungarees with a plaid shirt over it. Complete with winged eyeliner and dark lipstick.

“Gorgeous,” she tells them. “Gorgeous and gay.”

“That’s the look I was going for. Anyway, chug orange juice and go to sleep. Because you look like shit and I don’t want you to look like that. I’ll see you later, Rob.”

“See you, Hopey.” Hope clicks off the call and the screen goes black. Robin puts her phone to the side, groaning as another coughing fit makes her bed shake and brings up more mucus. Green again. Lovely. She pulls the blankets tighter around herself, pressing her face into her pillow and begging Zeus (who she knows is real, god damn it) to just either fix her messed up body or let her go the hell to sleep.

She hates being sick. She always hated it. When she was younger her mum had to wrestle her from the front door, Robin all dressed in her school uniform and insisting she was going despite her chicken pox/vomiting/fever/whatever was wrong with her this time. She can think up a million and one deep explanations for it or she can be blunt and honest; it’s boring. Storybrooke even on a good day, as much as she loves it, is boring with its small town and days planned out to the second, two restaurants, one bar and one nightclub that barely qualifies as a club. But when she’s sick and confined to her bed, she finds herself desperate for anything to set her free, even just to stand in the woods and shoot arrows at a tree for half an hour.

When it’s clear sleep isn’t coming, she pushes herself out of the bed, her comforter still wrapped around her shoulders like her brother with his cape in the Enchanted Forest. She stuffs as many of the pills and medicine in the pocket of her onsie as she can before grabbing her water and making her way to the living room. She had planned to get a glass of juice from the fridge as well, but all she can do is collapse onto the couch and pant, the short walk from her bedroom to the living room having used up what little energy she had.

She grabs the remote and whacks on Netflix while chugging her water. Hopefully, a season or three of Brooklyn Nine Nine can distract her from herself.

It’s three hours later when Alice comes in and by then she’s feeling at least fifty percent worse. Her chest is aching, her throat is raw from coughing and despite the fact that she’s only gotten up once to get the carton of orange juice from the fridge (the glasses are up too high and getting one would involve breaking her blanket cocoon) and refill her water, she’s spent the last half an hour trying to catch her breath. In short, she’s miserable, and not even the human ball of sunshine she calls a girlfriend can make her feel better.

“Good afternoon, the beautiful light of my life, how are we feeling today?”

“I want to die.”

“No you don’t.” She plops down the plastic bag on the sofa and takes out her so-called remedies. “I brought you chocolate… I brought you headache pills… oh, and Hope told me to get you this.” She chucks a bottle of something blue, wincing a little when it hits her face. “Sorry, my love.”

“It’s fine,” she says. “My reflexes aren’t great right now.” She takes a look at the bottle, grateful when she sees Hope told Alice to buy her a smoothie and not some Enchanted Forest cure-all made from tree bark and frogs or something. “Thanks, Al.” Alice settles herself on the couch beside her, kicking off her boots and tucking her legs up underneath her. “How goes the dog shelter?”

After the whole curse business was over with, it wasn’t long before Alice realised she needed a new job. For one thing, real estate in Seattle is a bitch even when it’s a cursed neighbourhood and your landlord is Michael Banks, but there was more. Alice wasn’t a fan of having nothing to do, and she wasn’t used to it either. Her dad had kept her days in the tower choc-a-bloc full of activities (if her old diary is anything to go by, she barely had time to breathe). And despite how good she was at the beignet truck; that was only part time and it wasn’t capturing her imagination like Sheriffing did for Emma or teaching did for Snow. So when she saw an advert for a vacancy at a dog shelter, who was she to say no?

“Oh, it’s fun,” Alice says. “Lots of little puppers. We think Matilda’s nearly ready to give birth.”

“No way,” she says, taking a drink of the smoothie. Nectar of the gods, she thinks. “I remember when she first got pregnant. And you still don’t know who the father is?”

“Nope. She’s a frisky girl is our Matilda.” Robin chuckles and plays with her comforter. Alice turns to her, giving her the big, sad eyes she thinks only Alice is capable of, somehow wise beyond her years and innocently childlike at the same time. “How have you been, love?”

“Fine,” she sighs fondly, taking her girlfriend’s outstretched hand. “I sent some e-mails, I watched TV, I’ve been staying hydrated, I scolded Hope for making me sick-”

“Oh it’s not her fault,” she tells her. “Not really.”

“Uh, she lied and said she was better and then put my scarf around her bacteria ridden neck,” she points out. “I think that makes it her fault. Speaking of, have you heard from Melody at all today?”

“Melody as in Hope’s girlfriend, Melody?” Robin nods. “Can’t say that I have, why?”

“Because if our little Hopey planted one on her then the little mermaid probably has what I have.” She lets out another cough as if to prove her point. Thanks, universe, she thinks.

“You should really stop meddling in her love life,” Alice points out, opening the chocolate she’s pretty sure was meant for Robin and breaking a square off for herself. She then sheepishly hands her the bar and Robin takes it, unsure if she should be eating chocolate in her condition but hey, can’t hurt more than the bronchitis already does.

“I don’t meddle,” she says through two squares. “I’m just… you know… giving guidance.”

“Of course you are, my darling,” she says. “Now why don’t I make you some tea?”

“Ugh, please,” she sighs, not realising how much she wanted a cup until Alice had mentioned it. “Honey in it?”

“Anything for my honey.”

Not five minutes later they’re on the couch together, Alice pressed into Robin’s side. She feels kind of bad for not putting her arm around her, but again, that would involve breaking her blanket cocoon and she’s just not up for that. She can’t even hold her hand since both of hers are stuck inside the blanket and wrapped around her mug of tea.

If there’s an award for worst girlfriend ever, she wouldn’t win it per say, but she’d be a contender for sure.

Alice doesn’t seem to mind though. Not when she’s pressing kisses along her blanket-covered arms and shoulder and runs her fingers through her hair. Combined with Robin’s own illness-induced exhaustion, it’s almost enough to send her to sleep right on that sofa. Alice must have picked up on that, because she feels her lips, gentle and delicate, against her cheekbone and for a moment it’s nice.

And then it’s not.

“Woah, woah, wait,” she says, half wriggling away from her. Alice draws away quickly, her blue eyes wide, and if Robin wasn’t confined within a blanket, she’d kick herself. Their joint curse may be broken, but that doesn’t mean that the after-effects of what Gothel did to her father’s heart doesn’t hang around Alice and bleed into every other relationship she has. Robin wastes no time in pulling her hand out of the blanket and grasping Alice’s softly and gently squeezing it. “Hey, hey it’s okay. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m sorry,” she replies, a telltale flame of anxiety in her eyes. Robin’s thumb moves in soothing circles on the back of her hand, something that tends to bring Alice back to her. “I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Alice,” Robin interrupts, caressing her cheek. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. It’s just… this is crazy contagious, babe. I don’t want you to catch it.” Alice’s bad mood breaks immediately, her normal, crazy, wonderful smile gracing her face and Robin can breathe.

“Well you know, my love,” she begins, walking her fingers up her arm. “All that time in the tower gave me a wonderful immune system.”

“Did it?” she asks. “I’m not sure that’s how it works…”

“It is,” she says, resting her chin on Robin’s shoulder and looking up at her, all big sparkling eyes that scream “butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth”. Robin wonders how many times Rogers had to deal with those eyes.

“Maybe. But I don’t want to risk you getting sick. Okay babe?” And that’s what makes Alice nod and settle for resting her cheek on Robin’s shoulder, playing with her fingers gently, linking and unlinking them. Robin can’t stop a small noise of contentment in the back of her throat as she leans against the sofa, maybe, hopefully, finally getting that sleep she’s been craving all day.

Until Alice kisses her cheek again. Exhausted as she is, she thinks (hopes) that it’s a hallucination brought on my her drugged up, over-tired mind, until that stupid girl she’s in love with kisses her again, higher up this time, landing on her cheekbone.

“Alice!” she groans, opening one eye. Alice smiles bright as the sun and innocent as a rose. It’s adorable and it makes her briefly forget what she was going to say. Briefly. “Stop.” Her girlfriend pouts as Robin presses a finger to her cheek and pushes her back. “I’m contagious.”

“I’m sure you’re not, Nobin,” she says, rubbing her arm. “And maybe I won’t mind…” Her fingers crawl up Robin’s arm like a spider and before her muddled brain can register what’s happened, Alice kisses both her cheeks and manages to sneak a peck on her lips before Robin slaps her face away.

“No,” she orders sternly, poking Alice in the chest. “Or you’ll get sick too and I am not dealing with you being sick.”

“What’s wrong with me being sick?” she asks indignantly.

“Nothing,” she replies, taking a sip of her smoothie and neglecting to mention the time Alice got the flu and begged Robin to call the hospital, convinced she was dying. It was only her own lack of strength that stopped her from walking there herself. She turns on her side and looks up at her girlfriend, in all her unruly hair, wide eyed goofy grinned glory. Everything she loves. “Al… please. I just don’t want you to catch this. It’s not fun. Believe me.” She strokes a stray lock of hair away from her face and pokes at the dimple in her cheek. “As much as it is taking care of you, I don’t like seeing you in pain.” Her face softens and she leans into Robin’s touch. “Okay, babe?”

“Okay, my love,” she responds, tickling the inside of Robin’s hand with kisses. “Now come her, let me cuddle the nasty bronchitis.” Robin nestles her head into her favourite pillow (Alice’s lap) and sighs as Alice begins gentle running her fingers through her hair. She feels herself slipping further and further away, the sleep she’s been desperately craving finally coming as the sound from the TV fades to white noise. She makes a mental note to thank Alice for coming over to see her.

If she’s not sick by next week.

Robin winces as Alice lets out another hacking cough, followed by a long, pained groan. She sounds vaguely like a wounded animal. A wounded bunny. Robin came over the minute Alice called to cancel their date tonight, letting her dad go off to his shift at the station. She tied Alice’s hair back and even came prepared, giving her the hoodie she just loves stealing before making tea and switching on the TV for her.

She’s going to be such a great wife, she thinks proudly.

“So you’ll never guess who has bronchitis,” she says into the phone teasingly, sitting on the edge of the couch, her phone wedged between her shoulder.

“Okay let me guess,” Hope says on the other end. Of course she called Hope the second she found out what Alice had. “Could it be your girlfriend who, despite repeated warnings that you were a contagious little bitch, smooched your face like there was no tomorrow?”

“I do not have bronchitis!” Alice snaps weakly, burying herself under the blanket. “It’s just a little cold-”

Robin turns her phone on speaker just in time for Alice’s bi-hourly coughing fit, complete with green mucus staining the tissues.

“Yeah that sounds like bronchitis, babe,” Hope says on the other end of the phone. “I would know. I started this whole debacle.”

“Oh speaking of, how’s Melody?” Alice asks, half sarcastic. Robin clamps her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter. “Papa said he saw your Ariel at the pharmacy yesterday.”

“Melody’s awesome,” Hope says flatly. “Melody’s doing great. Don’t worry about Melody. Anywho I have to go. Lacrosse practice.”

“Knock them dead!” Alice tells them between coughs.

“Do not knock anybody dead,” Robin says sternly. “See you later.”

“Bye. Tell your girlfriend she’s a dumb lesbian.” Robin laughs as the dial tone rings in her ear.

“Hope says you’re a dumb lesbian,” she says as she sits down beside Alice. Alice curls up tighter under her blanket, her face barely peeking out.

“Hope’s the dumbest lesbain,” she says, about as mean-spirited as a kitten eating a lollipop. She groans again, so high and so long that it borders on wining, and Robin tries and fails not to find it adorable. Even if the saddened look on her face does tear at her heart.

“Okay, come here. Come to Robin.” Alice shifts and shimmies in her blanket burrito until she’s semi-upright, enough at least for Robin to cuddle her and kiss the fabric of her hood (not her face, as she knows). Her bony shoulders poke against Robin’s chest as she tries to get comfortable and her hand pokes out of the sleeve to take hers.

“You were right,” Alice admits, playing with Robin’s fingers. “I should have left you alone.”

“Well… not leave me alone, per say,” she replies, nuzzling into her head, feeling the wild mane beneath her hoodie. “Having you around sure helped me get better. And who else was going to make me tea and bring me chocolate?” She feels Alice’s smile, despite her burrowing so far into her jumper that only her eyes are visible.

“Nevertheless,” she begins, her voice scratchy and teetering on sleep. “I promise I’ll listen to you from now on.”

“No you won’t,” Robin says fondly, kissing the tip of her finger and tapping it on Alice’s nose. Her face scrunches up and her eyes flutter shut. Her shoulders drop and Robin knows she’s fast asleep by now, but that doesn’t stop her talking. “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

[aidanchaser]

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone: Everyone Lives AU

Table of Contents

Chapter Three The Letter from Hogwarts

Harry spent nearly every day of July at the window, anxiously awaiting the owl that would bring his letter. His birthday wasn’t until the end of July, and his acceptance letter would come a week before his birthday, but Harry didn’t care. He wanted his letter now. Surely wanting it this badly would make it come faster.

"Will it come today, Mum?"

"I don't tell the owls when to deliver letters."

"But you could tell them, couldn't you?"

"And how would I do that?"

"You and Dad write to Dumbledore all the time. Just write him a letter and tell him to send my Hogwarts letter back right now."

"Dumbledore won't be writing the letter. It'll be the Deputy Headmistress."

"Then write to her and tell her to send me my letter."

"Be patient."

On Tuesday, Harry came down the stairs rather morose. He picked at his eggs and nibbled on his toast and turned down porridge.

"What's the matter?" James asked.

"I'm not going to Hogwarts."

"What? When did you decide this?"

"My letter hasn't come. I don't think I'll be going."

"You're not eleven yet. It'll come soon."

And with the grave sagacity only a nearly-eleven-year-old-boy could muster he said, "No. I've already come to terms with my fate. I'll not be a real wizard after all."

James wanted to laugh. He tried very hard not to laugh. With a twitching mouth he patted his son's arm, choked out in as sympathetic a tone he could manage, "I'm sure it will come soon," then nearly ran to Lily in the next room to tell her what had just happened.

James and Lily spent the day talking him out of his strange low. And by the end of the day Harry was back to waiting at the window, watching for the owl.

"They won’t send it after dark." James tried to call him to dinner, but he didn't budge, and fell asleep in the window sill without eating at all.

The next morning, Harry was woken at sunrise by something tapping at the window. Harry had hardly looked at the owl before he was scrambling to pull the glass open. The owl fluttered in and dropped a thick parchment envelope into his lap. It was addressed:

Mr. H. Potter Styncon Garden Stinchcombe, Gloucestershire

"Mum! Dad!" he shouted.

The owl screeched as Harry bolted to his feet and sent the bird tumbling onto the floor.

"Mum! Dad!" It was louder than Harry had been on any Christmas morning as he bounced into their bedroom. James groaned at the weight and Lily rolled over with a sigh.

"It came, did it?" James mumbled and fumbled for his glasses on the dressing table. He didn't find them, but his hand tightened around his wand. "Accio glasses," he mumbled. His glasses came to him, but so did Harry's. "Merlin's beard," he muttered as he sat up and gave Harry back his glasses.

"Spells before seven, James, we've talked about this," Lily said groggily as she too sat up.

"Right, right." He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. "Well, congrats, Harry. Did you open it?"

Harry proceeded to rip open the parchment, "Carefully, or you'll tear it," Lily warned, and Harry drew his letter out, written on standard wizarding parchment, as thick as the envelope it had been sent in.

"HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY," Harry read aloud. "Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore (Order of Merlin, First Class— Mum, Dad, you have that, don't you?"

Lily and James only gave him gentle smiles for an answer, and Harry read on, "Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards) — He sounds important! Dear Mr Potter, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress."

Harry quickly picked up the list of supplies he would need for school. "Does this mean we'll be going to Diagon Alley?" he asked excitedly.

Lily took the list from him and looked it over. "No where else to get a standard cauldron." She wrinkled her nose. "They still require you to wear hats? Ugh. I've really been wishing they'd change that."

"Maybe it's only for special feasts or things like that." James shrugged.

"It says for day wear."

"No fashionable wizards wear hats anymore. That's ridiculous."

"The Malfoys wear hats," Lily said with a smile.

"My point exactly." James shook his head. "I'll be quill-ing a strongly worded letter to Dumbledore. Hats. Really."

Harry didn't care much about whether he needed to wear a hat or not. He just wanted to go to Hogwarts. He'd show up in bright red shoes with purple hair if they asked him to. "Can we go to Diagon Alley today?"

"No, no," Lily shook her head. "We've got a lot to do to get ready for your birthday next week. We'll go to Diagon Alley afterwards."

The next week was a flurry of excitement. Cleaning the house from top to bottom, pruning the garden in the back. Lily said the wild look gave it character; James said he was worried it looked alive and could eat the guests. Harry said that it might be more exciting if the plants did eat the guests. He'd become rather dismal about the party ever since he found out he had to wear dress robes for it.

On the day of the party, a large cake was set in the garden under a small tent. Sirius and Uncle Remus arrived early and helped James set up the tent and a few minor enchantments to keep the summer heat from beating down on the guests. And there were a lot of guests.

Augusta Longbottom was the first to arrive. Her son Frank, his wife Alice, and their son Neville were close behind. Dumbledore arrived early, but didn't stay long. He said his hellos to everyone present, told Harry to have a wonderful birthday — "Eleven is an important year for a young man," took a slice of cake, charmed it from chocolate to lemon, then said his goodbyes.

Minerva McGonagall, the Weasley family, the Bones family, and the Prewett brothers all arrived.

The children naturally grouped together — Susan, Harry, Ron, and Neville — since they were all ten years old, and all would be going to Hogwarts in autumn. All of them had already had their eleventh birthday parties, and Harry had suffered it with them. Ron’s, at least, hadn’t required dress robes.

Ginny tagged along next to Ron, swinging her short legs in the chair and picking at her chocolate cake. The twins Fred and George were nowhere to be seen, and Percy was busy showing his prefect badge off to any adult who would pat his shoulder and tell him how excited they were for him.

"I want to go with all of you," Ginny pouted.

"You’ll come next year," Susan said with a smile.

"I don't want to go at all," Neville moaned, and worked his way through his second piece of cake with the steady pace of a marathon runner.

"It'll be exciting," Harry said. "We'll all be in Gryffindor, of course."

"I'll be in Hufflepuff," Neville said assuredly.

Ron looked green at the thought. "I'll probably end up in Hufflepuff, too. I'll never live it down."

"It doesn't matter where we end up," Susan scolded them. "Nymphadora was in Hufflepuff, you know."

The five children turned their heads to look at the young woman chatting with Sirius and Remus. Her hair was a vibrant pink, and while she spoke, she was tapping her fingernails against the table. Her fingers would roll once, perfectly normal, but then they'd grow long like dragon claws or tiny and sharp like cat claws every few clicks.

"Fred and George said I'll be in Hufflepuff for sure," Ron said gloomily.

"Course you will, mate," one of the twins popped out from under the table. The other one followed close behind, and Neville fell backwards from his chair in shock.

"You'll never make it past the sorting into Gryffindor," the other said.

"How do you get sorted? Is it a test?" Ginny asked.

"Oh yes," they said in unison.

"There's a long written essay," one said, "and then there's the practical, of course," the other chimed in.

"What's the practical?" Ron asked nervously.

"Facing a dragon of course."

Harry and Susan burst into laughter. Neville and Ron looked ill.

Before anyone could assure Neville and Ron that the twins were joking, the Macmillans arrived.

Ernie Macmillan, loud as usual, made formal greetings to Mr. and Mrs. Potter, then practically bounced his way over to where the other children his age were.

"Happy Birthday, Harry," he said loudly.

"Thanks. There's cake —"

"Don't mind if I do. Thank you so much."

Ginny giggled and Susan rolled her eyes. Ernie was always like this — eleven years old, and pretending he was thirty-five in a different era. They were all rather used to it, and it was a blessing they only had to see him at family parties.

"Are you all ready for Hogwarts? I'm ready, myself. Got my books and everything. Mum let me try a few charms out, for practice. I expect I'll be well ahead of the class when we begin. It's a shame we can't bring a broom. I'd've loved to play a bit of Quidditch, for fun, of course."

"We can't bring a broom?" Harry nearly choked on his cake. He hadn't seen that in his letter. Suddenly Hogwarts did not sound nearly as exciting.

"We'll let you borrow ours," the twins grinned. "Little Ronnie does sometimes, that is, when he can get it off the ground."

"I can too fly," he snapped.

"Yeah, but Ginny always outstrips you by a mile."

"So what?" he mumbled. "I can fly a broom."

Ginny looked to Harry, to see what he thought of her flying faster than Ron, but he wasn't listening. Harry was busy wondering if he could convince his father to let him smuggle in a broom. It would have to be behind his mother's back. She would never approve of it. But he knew his father had played Quidditch at Hogwarts. Surely he would understand.

As the sun set and the evening settled in, people began to say their goodbyes. The Longbottoms first, the Prewetts, the Tonks — Nymphadora lingered a while longer, until nearly everyone else had gone, before finally excusing herself — the Macmillans, the Weasleys, and Minerva. The last guests were Susan Bones, her aunt, her parents, and of course Sirius and Remus were still there.

Susan and Harry had moved inside, and were playing wizard chess. They were on their third game, and clearly quite tired of each other. Their eyes kept drifting outside to the adults conversation, which was no longer in separate parties. Amelia Bones was speaking and the children were trying very hard to listen, but she was too quiet for them to hear anything other than murmurs.

"He has a right to know," Sirius's voice said, much louder than anyone else. Someone tried to quiet him, but he wasn't listening. "I mean it. If I was him, I'd expect to be told. I wouldn't take no for answer."

"You've never taken no for an answer," Lily said. "And you have to understand — how do you tell an eleven-year-old child —" and her voice dropped.

Harry and Susan glanced at each other, and in silent agreement, abandoned the game and crept to the back door so they could hear clearly.

"Lily's right," Uncle Remus said. "We can't tell him that."

Sirius made a disgruntled noise, but had nothing further to protest.

"Are you sure you don't want us here?" Susan's father said quietly. Harry and Susan had to press their ears right up against the door to hear. "Susan was young during the war, but she's someone Harry can connect with, perhaps —"

"Thank you," James interrupted, "Honestly, thank you. But I think... I think it should be a family conversation. And we do have someone coming to help. Perhaps afterwards…. I'll be sure Harry knows he can talk to Susan if he needs someone his own age."

The sound of chairs moving and the rustling of grass sent Harry and Susan darting back to their chess game, looking as innocent as they could. Harry chewed on his lower lip, hoping that he looked more like he was concentrating on the game and less like he was worrying over what his parents had said.

When the adults came into the room, Harry and Susan got to their feet.

"Time to go, Susan," her mother said sweetly. "Do you need to help clean up?" But Harry had already packed the chessboard away, and the pieces were climbing obediently back into the box.

Susan and Harry said awkward goodbyes, with furtive glances to each of their parents, and then James and Lily walked Amelia and Mr. and Mrs. Bones out.

Sirius sank into a rather plush armchair, and Remus took a seat on the edge of the sofa. Harry sat on the armrest of Sirius's chair.

"Did you have a good birthday, Harry?" Remus asked with a smile.

"Yes, I did. Only —" He stopped, unsure how to ask after their secret conversation.

"Only what?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"What were you all talking about? Are you going to tell me?"

"At least wait for your mum and dad," Sirius half-laughed. If either Sirius or Remus were disappointed in him for eavesdropping, they didn't show it.

Lily and James came back into the room.

"Should I put on some tea?" Lily asked, hands fidgeting with the hem of her sleeves.

"Please," Sirius said.

"If you have coffee," Remus cleared his throat.

"Of course."

"Rough weekend?" James asked as he sat down next to Remus.

"Not as bad as it could have been."

James nodded understandingly. "If there were any damages —"

"Thank you, James. You've always been too generous."

It was a compliment which James only shrugged at. "Can't be generous if I've got too much of it," and Sirius snorted.

Harry moved from Sirius's arm rest to the seat beside his dad. "Dad, what are you going to tell me?"

James's face lost a shade of colour. "Just be patient. Give your Mum and I a minute. And we're waiting on —"

There was a thunderous knock at the door, and a weary smile slipped over James's face.

"Waiting on Hagrid."

[towine]

hello there! if you're still taking prompts, could I request some soumegu? ^^ I still love that first soulmate fic you did! as for the request, i'd love to see pretty much anything in your lovely style, but maybe I could request some megu obliviousness while souma is obviously interested in her? it'd be an interesting reversal of what usually happens in fics. anyways, I hope you have a wonderful day! c:

hello! oh my goodness, you are so sweet, thank you so much ;v; what impeccable timing you have, yesterday i was just thinking about how i wanted to write soumegu again. i hope this is at least vaguely close to what you were looking for! it’s set late in their second year and disregards the current canon in terms of elite ten and stuff, though i don’t think it’s super relevant in this fic. i hope you enjoy it!

-

-

In her mind, Megumi refers to it as simply the dress.

A gift from a recent shopping trip with Erina, the ever present Hisako, and Alice in an upscale shopping district that Megumi has never set foot in before in her life. According to Alice the situation was “dire” and required immediate action, as the Annual Tootsuki Spring Gala was quickly approaching and the current Elite Ten were required to attend—and Megumi had nothing to wear.

She’s grateful, truly, to her friends for buying her such an extravagant gift. She was content with the simpler dresses available, though the price tags still nearly gave her a heart attack. She would never be able to afford clothes like these on her own, and it was only through so much insistence on their part that she chose this one.

Wearing it now, Megumi is glad she listened to their advice. She would have been terribly underdressed if she went with any of the other dresses hanging in her closet. Her pale blue, borderline seafoam green tulle skirt swishes in a manner reminiscent of the dresses she dreamed of wearing as a child, flipping through stories of love and princesses. The bodice is ornately decorated with beads and lace into intricate flower patterns that curl over her chest and shoulders, while the back plunges well below her shoulder blades. Megumi did more than a few twirls in the mirror after putting it on. She couldn’t help it.

“Megumi-san,” Hisako says, looking over her with emotion welling in her eyes. “Looking at you, for some reason I feel like a parent giving away the bride at a wedding.”

“Please, Hisako-san,” Megumi giggles, blushing. “You look beautiful yourself, you know.”

“But Megumi-chan, you are truly the star of tonight.” Alice’s own golden dress shimmers beneath the chandelier lights as she speaks, a mischievous hand over her mouth. “And in such a scandalous dress, too, oh my.”

“S-Scandalous? Is it because of the back?” It’s hardly the most revealing dress Megumi has seen tonight, though it is definitely something new for her. She’s not used to her back and neck feeling so open, especially since she’s pinned her hair up.

“Stop making her nervous,” Erina says. “Alice is exaggerating, of course.”

“She means it’s different,” Hisako clarifies with a smile. “You should be confident, Megumi-san.”

Alice nods. “You’ll definitely be catching a lot of eyes tonight.”

“Oh, I’m sure that isn’t true.” Standing next to these three, certainly Megumi pales in comparison.

Besides, the last thing she wants is to draw a lot of attention to herself. Fancy gatherings like this always make her nervous about accidentally committing some kind of social faux pas, or tripping over her feet. All she wants is to get through tonight in one piece.

Though it is kind of nice dressing up. Erina even let her borrow some of her jewelry, pearls glittering at Megumi’s ears and neck. This must be what it feels like to be a princess.

“Tadokoro?” a voice behind her says.

She blinks, turning around.

A smile blooms across her face when she realizes who it is. “Souma-kun, you’re here!”

“You’ve finally made your appearance.” Erina raises an eyebrow.

Souma admits sheepishly, “Ah, I had something before this that dragged on a little long.”

He wears a fitted, burgundy tuxedo and a cream-colored dress shirt, a black bow tie at his neck. Megumi’s never seen him in such formal clothing before, and she can tell by the way he shuffles his feet and tugs at his collar that he must be as unused to this as she is.

He keeps glancing at her as he makes small talk with the others. Megumi tilts her head in confusion. Did she spill something on herself? Surely one of the other girls would have told her if she did, and a quick look at her front shows her that no, there isn’t anything there.

Alice seems to notice something in the crowd, and she says loudly, “Oh, I think I spot my parents. Come say hello, Erina.” She tugs at Erina’s arm, then Hisako’s. “You too, Hishoko.”

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Hisako protests. “And I don’t think my presence is required—”

Alice is already tugging them along, and for a brief second Megumi thinks she sees a scheming glint in her eye. When it comes to Alice, it’s usually better not to ask.

Now it’s just her and Souma.

She turns to him with a smile. “Do you want to get some air?” she asks, gesturing towards the balcony. “I think I could use some.”

Smiling back, Souma says, “Sure.”

Standing out on the balcony like this takes her back to their conversation from long ago, back at Polar Star. It feels like a lifetime ago, and it awes her to think of how different their circumstances are now. This balcony is considerably larger and more ornate than the one in their dorm, with a handful of other gala guests mingling around as Megumi and Souma lean against the marble balustrade.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to these things,” she says, resting her cheek against her hand. “I never really anticipated these types of responsibilities as an Elite Ten.”

“Me neither.” Souma laughs. “I kind of feel like a kid playing dress up.”

“But you wear it really well!”

“Aw, no way—”

“It’s true! I like the color. Much more interesting than the usual black and white.”

“You think so?” Souma tugs the edge of the jacket to smooth it out.

Megumi nods firmly. “You made a good choice.”

He grins. “Thanks. You look really nice, too, Tadokoro.”

She can’t help the blush that rushes up her face. “Really?” Looking down at herself, she watches the way the fabric of her dress sways a little with the evening breeze. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to wear something like this. It’s kind of nice.” She does a little spin, giggling at the way the skirt twirls, beads sparkling.

When she looks at Souma, his eyes are a little wide, staring at her. She feels concern when she sees the sudden flush on his cheeks. “Souma-kun? You okay?”

“Uh, yes,” he stammers, coughing into his hand. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” She steps closer, tilting her head as she examines his face. He seems to be turning redder, which can’t be a good sign.

“I’m just a little tired from a long day.”

“Maybe you should head home early, then.” It’s a habit of his to overwork himself without realizing it. It really makes her worry, sometimes. “Rest is important, Souma-kun. You’re allowed to skip events if you’re not feeling well.

“I promise I’m fine,” Souma reassures her. “And anyway, if I skipped out on this, I would have missed seeing you all dressed up.”

Megumi really blushes then, waving her hands in front of her. “O-Oh no, there’s far better dressed people here tonight than m-me—”

“But I mean it.”

Souma catches his eye on something and reaches a hand out. Megumi’s breath stalls in her chest. She watches as he touches the silk ribbon dangling from her hair, letting it slide through his fingers.

He says, “You really do look beautiful.”

Her heart thumps, loud enough that surely Souma can hear it. Staring up at him, she can’t find the words to say, and he is still looking at her with the faintest blush on his cheeks.

“Yukihira-san?”

Their gaze breaks. A staff member stands at the entrance of the balcony.

“One of the alumni requests to speak with you,” he says. “Something about an exhibition next month.”

“Ah, that’s kind of important,” Souma says regretfully. He turns to Megumi. “I’ll be back, okay? But feel free to walk around, I’ll find you.”

“O-Okay,” she says, still a little dizzy from what just happened.

Once Souma leaves, the strength suddenly disappears from her legs, and she holds onto the balustrade as she tries to will her heartbeat back to a normal rate. What on earth was that about? Maybe Souma really has overworked himself, and it has him acting strangely.

Yes, that’s probably it. Megumi gazes out into the night sky and absently touches the ribbon again, her fingers tracing over where Souma’s just did.

-

Peeking through the heavy curtains that cover the windows looking into the balcony, Alice and Erina watch the events transpire with rapturous interest, Erina flushed and wide-eyed like she gets when reading shoujo manga, while Alice all but squeals with each infatuated look on Souma’s face. When he walks away, they audibly voice their disappointment.

Beside them, Hisako only sighs.

[crossingworldssandorfanfiction]

A New Daughter

Chapter Five of “Crossing Worlds”. Aurora gets help from an unexpected source. 

Warnings for this chapter: Some humor and a couple swears I think.

By some miracle, Aurora had fallen asleep. She was awoken by the sound of the cell door opening. She shot upright and curled into a ball. “It is alright. I will not harm you,” a voice said. Aurora looked up and say the kind face of Ned Stark looking back at her. “The king has decided that you are not a danger to him. You do not seem to be here to harm anyone so he has bid me to take responsibility over you while you are here.” Aurora nodded.

               "I’m sorry,“ she whispered and Ned smile kindly at her. "There is no need for that. Come. I will take you to meet my daughters.” He offered a hand out for her to take. She slowly stood and stretched out her aching muscles before following Ned from the cell. “Are you alright?” he asked her and she shrugged. “I’m okay as I can be, I guess. I mean, this wasn’t exactly what I envisioned when I left my dorm this morning, but I suppose it could be worse.” The man looked completely confused at her words, but didn’t ask.

               The two hadn’t been out of the cell long before they heard a small voice called out, “Father! Is this her? The mad woman?” Aurora suppressed a sigh, but rolled her eyes all the same. Ned looked over his shoulder with a stern gaze. “Arya…” Aurora smiled at him gratefully as she turned to face the owner of the voice. The little girl had the same shade of hair as her father and she was dressed as a boy. “This is my youngest daughter, Arya.”

               Aurora stooped to eye-level with the little girl and introduced herself. Ned Stark could have died of embarrassment at his daughter’s next question. “Are you truly mad? Really?” she asked, looking between the woman and her father. “Arya!” Ned scolded. “It’s okay. No, I’m not mad. At least, I’m pretty sure I’m not. I wish I was though.” The little girl cocked her head to the side in confusion, making Aurora smile. “All the best people are,” Aurora replied with a wink, causing Arya to giggle. “I like her, Father.”

               Aurora sighed in relief. At least there was someone on her side. “Where are your sister and Septa Mordane?” Arya shrugged a little and came to walk next to Aurora. “Why is everyone saying that you’re mad?” The kid just wouldn’t drop the subject, but luckily Ned told his daughter that he’d heard enough. Just as Arya was about to argue, two figures rounded the corner. Ned bowed slightly and Arya glared.

               "Prince Joffrey,“ the girl muttered to Aurora who turned her green eyes on the young boy from the throne room. He still wore a grimace as if everything disgusted him. Trailing behind him was the man with the scarred face. "The Hound,” Arya whispered in answer to Aurora’s unasked question. Normally, Aurora was against staring, but she just couldn’t tear her eyes off the giant of a man. “I see someone let the mad girl out of her cage. Mother says she should rot in there with other mad people,” the prince’s voice drew Aurora’s gaze from the one Arya called the Hound.

               Without thinking, Aurora said the very next thing that came to her mind, “You’re an ass.” Arya’s face lit up in delight while Ned ’s face looked shocked, but Aurora could see the amusement in his eyes as well as the Hound’s. The young prince crossed his arms over his chest and pouted like a child. Aurora held her ground as he glared at her, but inside she was cringing. Starting something with a teenage prince was probably not the brightest of moves.

               Joffrey stormed off with the Hound following close behind. “I’m not making a very good first impression, am I?” As soon as Joffrey was out of sight, Ned let out a laugh. “Perhaps not, but I suppose someone should put Joffrey in his place once in a while. Come. I need to find Sansa.” Aurora  followed Ned through the corridors of the Red Keep, answering Arya’s never ending barrage of questions.

               "There you are, Father!“ another voice called out when Ned entered the room with Arya and Aurora. "Sansa, just in time for supper,” Ned said. The girl peered around her father to look at Aurora, her bright blue eyes wide. “Who is she?” Before Aurora could speak, Arya answered for her. “This Aurora! They say she’s mad.” Aurora took a deep breath and repeated in her mind, “She’s just a child. Just a child.”

               "Oh, don’t be rude, Arya!“ Sansa chided her sister, earning a glare from the younger sister. Aurora had to stifle a giggle. They reminded her of when she and Cassandra were younger. "It’s alright. I have to get used to it. It’s not every day a woman appears out of nowhere, is it?” Sansa looked wary, but she gave Aurora a small smile anyway. “No, I suppose not.” Arya was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, looking like she was going to start bouncing off the walls any minute.

               "Arya? Maybe you could show me around and tell me about everyone here? I might as well learn my way around.“ Arya nodded happily. "Sansa and Septa Mordane shall accompany you,” Ned told them, turning to look at Aurora. “Please do not go anywhere alone, Aurora. It is dangerous.” His voice was low and full of warning. Aurora nodded and followed after Arya. Ned watched them all go, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He did not know what was to come, but he knew he was going to have to protect his daughters, including his newest one.

(a/n: If you haven’t guessed yet, this story is a slow burn, but there will be some Sandor x Aurora interactions starting soon. And yes, I did borrow the madness quote from “Alice in Wonderland”)

[bugheadotp]

Betty’s a serpent (part 3)

(part 1) (part 2)

Every single one of you reading this is awesome. Thank you all for the love and support and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Don’t get your hopes up

Also shout out to @betsforsythetrash for all the help!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PREVIOUSLY

“wait” Veronica turned back to them “what about the wedding?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Betty stood up and walked backwards slightly so she was now standing in front of him, his arms draped over her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her head.

“Well? Did you get married without us?” Kevin asked.

“About that” Betty looked up smirking at a Jughead who continued “our wedding may or may not have been last Saturday.”

“May or may not? Do you not remember?” Veronica asked slightly insulted that he didn’t remember.

“What Juggie meant was, it was a midnight wedding.”

~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~

It was the week after the engagement and so far only the two families and the serpents knew.  “So” Jughead asked sitting on the opposite side of the bar to Viper who was wiping down the bar “is this the part of the sitcom where I tell you my troubles, you do the whole sliding me a glass of something, give me profound advice and my life becomes easy?”

Viper chuckled pouring the boy a dram of whisky and slid it across the bar which he caught with ease and he sipped it “Jackie and I have always had a rule with whoever we look after, if you wanna drink or smoke we’d rather it be where we can see you and not off somewhere unknown. Plus this’ll be yours and Betty’s place soon. Just don’t do what your dad did, please Jughead” he pleaded “don’t think you can carry the world on your shoulders.”

The younger boy nodded and sipped his drink again. “So, dad said he can get a day release for the wedding?” 

Viper nodded “full 24 hours with guard protection. Did he tell you anything about our plans?”

Jughead shook his head “no. What should we expect?”

The older man chuckled “just you wait.”

~

It was the evening of the weekly Cooper-Jones and ”any serpent that had been in an argument with their partner who needed food and a place to crash dinner at the trailer” dinner. Betty had cooked a massive roast dinner, something with Jackie had helped with as her parents were from Yorkshire in England. It took most of the afternoon but they had roasted a whole chicken, made fresh batter for yorkshire puddings, steamed five different vegetables, roasted potatoes, made mashed potatoes and made gravy. It was something Betty had hoped to impress the rest of the serpents with as soon Jackie and Viper would be passing the flame onto the two teens so it was never too early to start learning. 

The whole Cooper family were coming, JB and Gladys had driven down from Toledo, Viper & Jughead were at Scorpion doing the books and some of the other serpents had invited themselves once they heard about what was for dinner. Not that Betty minded she’d actually grown quite fond of the gang and their partners, Stingray’s wife was seven months pregnant and due around the same time as Polly.  Betty accompanied her to birthing classes when Stingray couldn’t and had even help build and set up the nursery. 

Dinner started off without a hitch, everyone that was attending had dressed up and all getting along with each other, even Hal had made a friend in Viper, learning stories about his wife’s youth when a knock on the door stopped everyone. 

The knock came again and Jughead got up to answer his door “dad?” he asked, not believing that his father was standing in front of him.

“Hey Jug. What no hug for your old man?” he asked smiling and his son pulled him in for a hug. Betty had joined him at the door also greeting the man with a hug. He nodded behind and asked “you ready?”

“Always” Alice replied “Betty, Polly, JB with me” she ushered the girls to the room Betty shares with Jughead.

“Jughead, FP with me” Viper ordered.

“Also my escort for the evening Miss Ashley Weatherly, prison guard extraordinaire” FP introduced as if the person was a member of the royal family.

“Just go get ready Forsythe” the younger guard ordered.

“Feisty as always Weathers” FP mumbled walking to his room.

“What’s going on dad?”

“Welcome to your wedding son” FP grinned “I hope you’re ready to become a married man.”

Jughead smiled widely “more than ready.”

~

“I can’t believe you all planned this” Betty said sitting down as her mom was curling her hair.

“But you are ready right? Ready to get married?” Alice asked.

“Of course mom. I can’t wait till we’re officially married”

“You don’t feel like your friends are missing?”

“I’d love to have them here but they wouldn’t approve of me and Juggie. It wouldn’t feel right if they didn’t understand.”

“I understand Bets” Alice finished the last curl “I can’t believe my baby girl’s getting married. I have something for you” she went to her bag and retrieved a couple of items. “You’ll need something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue” Holding up a pair of diamond earrings “your something old. FP bought these for me for my sixteenth birthday from the first paycheck he earned” she handed them to her daughter “he wanted you to have them.”

Betty looked up at her mom and hugged her trying not to cry “thank you.”

“Come on honey, let’s not keep your groom waiting any longer.”

“What about the something new, borrowed and blue?”

“Just wait.”

Betty wore a white bohemian style dress with her curly blonde hair flowing. Walking out, she was greeted by Hal, FP (and Ashley) and Viper. Alice, JB & Polly had also changed into light blue dresses. Jughead was already at the arbor.

FP noticed her earrings and smiled with a nod at Alice. “Your something borrowed will be me from jail” he joked Viper gave him a look “Sorry not funny. Your somethings new and blue are not really for the wedding itself, more afterwards when you’re living together” he handed her a set of keys and a blue collar. “We’ve all pitched in and got you your own trailer in the park. It’s at the west entrance away from all the noise and the collar, well Jug’s always wanted a dog and we thought why not now.”

“Jackie & I will help when you’re at school and stuff but other than that he’s yours” Viper said. Betty looked like she was going to cry so her mom put an arm around her. “Your something blue is the theme color. If we had longer than a day for the wedding, we’d have put more thought into it but..”

“It’s perfect” Betty interrupted “all of it. Thank you so much” she was grateful for everyone’s role in making the day (well night) happen. She noticed the clock on the wall “It’s almost eleven thirty” she pointed out.

Everyone looked at either a watch or phone for the time “We better get going.” 

~

Walking down the steps of the trailer, Betty followed her family through to the vacant green near the back of the park. The motorbikes belonging to the gang all had their lights turned on to highlight the area. All of the serpents and their families (except for the younger kids) were that were sat down and Jughead was standing at the end of the make-shift aisle with Razor (who seemed more nervous than the groom.)

FP, who walked down the aisle first was greeted with cheers from the other serpents, joined Jughead at the front to be his best man (he had asked his dad when they were getting ready.)

All the congregation stood. First JB & Polly walked down first, arm in arm, followed by Alice & Viper. Hal took his daughter’s arm and gave it an encouraging squeeze before following the other down. 

Jughead was speechless looking at Betty. His father whispered “you picked a good one son” who turned round and nodded at his dad.

Betty arrived at the arbor and kissed her father who then shook his almost son-in-law’s had. Razor began the ceremony by saying “We are gathered here today to celebrate the wedding of Elizabeth Marie Cooper and Forsythe Pendleton Jones the third” which as always earned a few giggles “as many of you are aware, this isn’t any ordinary wedding. This is the marriage of two legacies and if you’ve seen them together you'd know just how adorable these two are” he gushed. 

He now directed his talking to the couple “normally, we celebrate a wedding over three or four days but as our boy FP here only has 24 hours. We’re making this count” Betty & Jughead looked at each other confused but Razor continued on with the ceremony.

The words ‘you may now kiss the bride’ almost seem surreal. They had done it. They were now married and the two couldn’t stop smiling. Jughead grabbed her face and brought her in for a deep kiss which was eventually broken by the cheers of the people around them.

Before anyone moved Razor took out an air horn and blew it three times which which was some sort of signal for everyone to get up towards their vehicles and they all took off leaving Betty, Jughead, FP (and Ashley), Hal, Alice, Gladys, Polly & JB. The now married couple looked towards their families in hope of an explanation.

“Don’t worry about them, they’ve just gone early for the food” The two shared a look of confusion then looked back towards Alice “What? You think you’re getting a wedding without a reception? Think again. We should really head to Scorpion.”

They all walked to the entrance to see Alice’s car as well as Gladys’ people carrier and FP’s truck. The latter tossed his keys to Jughead “I’ll let the newlyweds go solo. Gladys, can I get a ride?” His wife nodded and they all got into their respective vehicles.

During their journey Betty asked “do you think our friends are gonna be pissed they weren’t there?”

Jughead reached over to take his wife’s hand “probably but it’s our day not theirs” Betty nodded “plus who’d have thought the Southside Serpents are a bunch of romantics?”

“I know right” she turned to face him “my mom was telling me that weddings are a big deal. They love celebrating the people that accept them hence why the celebration normally lasts for days. She said the weddings happen at midnight then they go to Scorpion and drink though it’s different for us because we’re underage. We can have a couple for the celebration but that’s it.”

“Fair enough” he replied making a left hand turn into the road they were heading too. “I don’t blame her although a drunk Alice Cooper would be a great sight.”

“Can you imagine?” Betty asked laughing “I bet my dad would love us.” She saw Jughead smile “what?”

“Us. We’re an us. Officially the Cooper-Jones family” he looked into her eyes “I love you”

“I love you too” she replied and leaned in for a kiss.

Walking into the bar, they were surprised by the amount of people there but one person shouted “It’s the bride and groom” which earned the two a massive cheer and applause and the crowd parted so they could walk to the front of the bar where there were two makeshift thrones. 

Jughead bowed his head and stretched out his hand saying “m’lady” which she took the the pair made their way to the thrones. 

Viper and Jackie were the first to hug them when they reached the front and the elder man cleared his throat to talk to everyone “As you can tell, Jackie & I aren’t getting any younger” he started

“speak for yourself” his wife mumbled which earned a few laughs

“anyway” he gave her a pointed look “we won’t be around forever. Our new Cooper-Jones couple however are a hell of a lot younger than us therefore when they turn 18” he took Jackie’s hand in his “they will become the new leaders of the southside serpents.”

Betty looked at her husband with wide eyes.

“We know it’s a shock to you both but Alice & FP have agreed to help you both out when you need it. Hal also offered to help behind the bar” Jackie said. Pointing at the thrones “now please take your seats”

The couple did and they saw his dad and her mom making their way to them holding something behind their backs. Once they had reached them, FP and Alice produced a two silver crowns both with the serpent ‘s’ on the front. FP placed his on his now daughter-in-law as Alice did the same with Jughead. 

Viper raised his glass and toasted “The King and Queen” which everyone copied. 

Once the couple signed the registry, they had their first dance to Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits. They even had wedding presents from people though their favorite by far was their ‘Something Borrowed’ present from Stingray and his wife which was a cabin up in Wisconsin during their next break. 

Everyone stayed out till 8am before people started to leave, Jughead & Betty escaping whilst everyone was distracted with how many slices of lemon Dodger could fit in his mouth (he got to 8 before throwing up.)

They spent their first night, well day as a married couple in their new trailer.

~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~

The three looked stunned. Their best friends were now officially heirs to the Serpent throne. 

“We’re still us guys” Betty encouraged sensing that they were uncomfortable “still Betty & Jughead. It’s just we’re now married and have effectively 30 kids to look after” she said referring to the gang downstairs.

“Kids?” Veronica asked breaking the tension “are they that bad?”

“You should see them when one of them’s had a fight with their wife or husband. Then it gets messy” she joked back to her best friend. “So are we all okay?”

Kevin nodded whilst Archie said “Yeah, I think we are”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts?

[marcusssanderson]

Funny Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Life, Love, & Struggles

Looking for funny inspirational quotes and sayings for when you just need a laugh?

We all need to laugh more.

As they say, “laughter is the best form of medicine”.

While the doctor might not prescribe it, the ability to find humor in our situation is key for maintaining of sanity, patience, and peace of mind.

Believing in our future doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be painful.

You are allowed to have fun along the way!

Don’t hesitate to take it easy at times.

Smile at strangers, laugh at yourself, and know that you’re free to start over.

I received a request to post some funny inspirational quotes, so I went for it.

These funny inspirational quotes are pretty tame (around 5 – 10 schools have made me aware that they use my blog as a quote resource), but they will surely make you smile!

On our journey towards personal greatness, it’s important that we laugh at our setbacks, slip-ups, and blunders.

Why? That’s because plenty more are on the way.

To help you stay focused and stay loose, below is our collection of funny inspirational quotes, collected from a variety of sources over the years.

Have fun reading!

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

1.) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

2.) “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

3.) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

4.) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

5.) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra 

6.) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7.) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

8.) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

9.) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

10.) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

11.) “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

12.) “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

13.) “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

14.) “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

15.) “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

16.) “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

17.) “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

18.) “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

19.) “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

20.) “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

21.) “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

22.) “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

23.) “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

24.) “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

25.) “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

26.) “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”  – Oscar Wilde

27.) “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

28.) “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”  – Dave Barry

29.) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

30.) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

Funny Inspirational quotes for life

31.) “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

32.) “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

33.) “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

34.) “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

35.) “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown

36.) “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

37.) “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

38.) “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

39.) “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

40.) “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Short funny quotes and sayings about work

41.) “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

42.) “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

43.) “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

44.) “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

45.) “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

46.) “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” –  Woody Allen

47.) “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”

48.) “Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge.”

49.) “Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places.”

50.) “It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike.”

More funny inspirational quotes and sayings

51.) “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.”

52.) “In m defense, I was left unsupervised.”

53.) “Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.”

54.) I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my show, my sock is sliding off.”

55.) “It’s called Karma, and it’s pronounced, ‘Haha, f*** you ‘.”

56.) “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

57.) “I think my guardian angel drinks.”

58.) “So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff.”

59.) “I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday.”

60.) “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping!”

Funny inspirational quotes to motivate you

61.) Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Eddison

62.) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli

63.) If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

64.) My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

65.) “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

66.) “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

67.) Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain

68.) “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

69.) “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

70.) I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. – Karan Patel

Funny inspirational quotes for everyone

71.) “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

72.) “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

73.) “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

74.) “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

75.) “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

[marcusssanderson]

Funny inspirational quotes about life, love, and struggles

Looking for funny inspirational quotes and sayings when you just need a laugh?

We all need to laugh more.

As they say, “laughter is the best form of medicine”.

While the doctor might not prescribe it, the ability to find humor in our situation is key for maintaining of sanity, patience, and peace of mind.

Believing in our future doesn’t have to be scary, and change doesn’t have to be painful.

You are allowed to have fun along the way!

Don’t hesitate to take it easy at times.

Smile at strangers, laugh at yourself, and know that you’re free to start over.

I received a request to post some funny inspirational quotes, so I went for it.

These funny inspirational quotes are pretty tame (around 5 – 10 schools have made me aware that they use my blog as a quote resource), but they will surely make you smile!

On our journey towards personal greatness, it’s important that we laugh at our setbacks, slip-ups, and blunders.

Why? That’s because plenty more are on the way.

Hopefully, these funny inspirational quotes help us stay focused and stay loose.

Keep them close to help make your journey through life more pleasurable.

Have fun reading!

Funny inspirational quotes for work and life

1.) “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

2.) “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright

3.) “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

4.) “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain

5.) “If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra 

6.) “There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

7.) “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” – Robert Benchley

8.) “Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent.” – Langston Coleman

9.) “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler

10.) “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles Schulz

Funny inspirational quotes about life that will motivate you

11.) “I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

12.) “Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire

13.) “When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris

14.) “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” – Joe Girard

15.) “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

16.) “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw

17.) “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

18.) “Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.” – Billie Burke

19.) “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” – Maureen Dowd

20.) “It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Funny inspirational quotes about life and career

21.) “The key to success is not through achievement but through enthusiasm.” – Malcolm Forbes

22.) “I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” – Louis Agassiz

23.) “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch

24.) “If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese

25.) “The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein

26.) “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”  – Oscar Wilde

27.) “When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration.” – Robert Bresson

28.) “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”  – Dave Barry

29.) “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A.A. Milne

30.) “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.” – Eugene Ionesco Decouvertes

Funny Inspirational quotes for life

31.) “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West

32.) “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

33.) “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” – Jack London

34.) “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

35.) “A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” – Unknown

36.) “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

37.) “Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer

38.) “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” – Isaac Asimov

39.) “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” – Truman Capote

40.) “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing; that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Short funny quotes and sayings about work

41.) “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” – Marie Osmond

42.) “I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

43.) “Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

44.) “You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” – Sam Levenson

45.) “Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

46.) “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” –  Woody Allen

47.) “The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.”

48.) “Dear life, when I said: ‘Can my day get any worse?’ It was rhetorical, not a challenge.”

49.) “Cleaning up is just putting stuff in less obvious places.”

50.) “It amazes me how much exercise and extra fires sound alike.”

More funny inspirational quotes and sayings

51.) “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.”

52.) “In m defense, I was left unsupervised.”

53.) “Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.”

54.) I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my show, my sock is sliding off.”

55.) “It’s called Karma, and it’s pronounced, ‘Haha, f*** you ‘.”

56.) “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”

57.) “I think my guardian angel drinks.”

58.) “So it turns out that being an adult is really just Googling how to do stuff.”

59.) “I don’t think there will be enough coffee or middle fingers for this Monday.”

60.) “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping!”

Funny inspirational quotes to motivate you

61.) Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Eddison

62.) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carli

63.) If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

64.) My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

65.) “You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.” — Sam Levenson

66.) “It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

67.) Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. – Mark Twain

68.) “I have to be successful because I like expensive things.” — Lisa Lieberman-Wang

69.) “Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

70.) I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. – Karan Patel

Funny inspirational quotes for everyone

71.) “Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ – Robert Downey Jr.

72.) “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.” – Terry Pratchett

73.) “The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” – George Carlin

74.) “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein

75.) “I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.” – John Green

76.) “To succeed in life,