#where i don't feel fragile where my muscles are no longer constantly sore and my joints don't hate me

[nerice]

romanticizing the fuck out of recovery right now...... every day is a new day every day is a day where hopefully i am in less pain as long as i continue to put the work in. it will take months, maybe even years i know that. ive been thru close to two years of extreme (di)stress, a gaming sponsored rsi (wrists), medically induced heart problems that persist in small scary ways, an acquired anxiety disorder, covid, a work sponsored rsi (wrists and ankles) & all of that after years of extremely sedentary lifestyle and disordered eating. my body is fucked. my health is bad. tomorrow i'll be one week out of my workplace, one day tentatively out of pain medication which i needed to be able to move and use my hands at all. i am so fortunate that my partner can cover our expenses while i focus on recovery but god if i haven't cried today multiple times because i am already in significantly less pain than on my last work day which was horrific. i don't know if full recovery is possible i don't know if my joints are fucked beyond repair in some ways but i HAVE TO BELIEVE. that day by day and week by week (gentle yoga or tai chi/qi gong multiple times a day bc its all i can manage, lots of rest, ice packs galore, eat enough, BY GOD i need to count calories to make sure im eating enough) maybe hopefully possibly i can have a semblance of my old life back by 2024 ;...........;