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sexuallyabused666 · 7 years ago

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God? Judgement...?

Possible Trigger Warning! Any and All Religious and Non-Religious Views are welcome

A few months ago, I saw this movie with my parents.... I can’t remember what it was, but once I find out, or I remember, I’ll edit it in....My parents were actually about 15-20 minutes to the end of the movie, where I came home and saw them watching it. It peaked my interest because the guy who plays the main character in Avatar (Blue people), was the dad... so I watched the ending. Then it killed me, because my mom was crying and I really wanted to know why she was so emotional... Then I looked at my dad and he looked like he was going to cry. Alright, so I asked them about it, and my mom said something like “I’m willing to watch it again, if you are,” looking at my dad. Then he started it over without a second to spare.... But man, did I know how important this movie would be for me in my life........ In the Movie, there was a little girl who was kidnapped, right behind her dad’s back, when her older siblings were in deep trouble on the lake they were at for a camping trip.... later on in the movie, they find the little girls clothes in a cabin... The investigators assume she was raped and killed...... “The first 24 hours are the most important” I’ve heard investigators say on TV.... I don’t remember how much time goes by, but then the dad gets a letter in the mail that is horrible... He eventually steals the neighbors truck and goes to the cabin... where he finds “God”.....

Now “God” may or may not be a touchy subject....I’m in this group on Facebook that supports women with PTSD, and they’re all SO very supportive... We all know separate triggers, and with religion being a trigger to some who have come across the page, any talk, mention, or anything similar to Religion is not welcome. I can understand that... But know that your own religious views are welcome here. If you do not have any, then I welcome you too. :) I was also in AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for a period of time in my life, and I’ve grown to use “Your Higher Power” instead of “God” for a term, because some people do not believe in “God”... So when I have Quotation Marks around God, please know, I mean it in any way that you wish to see it, whoever Your Higher Power is, whether it is God, or whether it is someone or something else, please know I am writing this specifically for those who wish to see it differently or even the same way as the words come... This movie is very emotional..... While the dad is on this little “adventure” if you may, “God” presents themselves as how they are needed to be seen as... At first, they show themselves to the Dad as a Mother figure..... He has a hard past, regarding his parents, and his mother wasn’t able to really be there for him...So “God” gave him what he needed..... Later in the movie, he is put up to a challenging hike, where he must go alone... At the end of this hike, he goes into a cave... Where he is face-to-face with Judgement. Not for him, exactly.... I can’t remember how this scene goes, but here’s the basics of it.

“God” loves each and every one of his/her children the same as the other. Same for the ones who have chosen to kill, and abandon his/her other children who chose to love, and cherish others......He/She is “Especially Fond” of each and every one of them, and it is extremely hard to judge them on “Judgement Day.” He is told to “Play God” and Judge. Judge the man who raped and murdered his own child, and of course he said to damn him to “Hell”... Then he was told to Judge his own 2 other children. One must go to “Hell”, because they stole, or the other must go for something else they did.... The Father said “Take me, and let them both go to ‘Heaven’”........But he could not go, for his children, for he had his own fate..

The main reason for this visit in the cave was to show him that he is not “God” and cannot Judge those who have hurt others..... The next challenge, “God” showed up as a Father Figure... The one he NEEDED, not looking like his own father that helped birth him.... But looking like a different kind of Father Figure....

The Next challenge..... Breaks my heart.... I want to judge those who have hurt me... I want to judge them and put them in “Hell” so badly.... It’s hard for me to even type this challenge he was to overcome, because it’s so hard for even me to do..... He was to Forgive the man who raped and killed his baby girl......Say “I Forgive You” while completing the hike, with (if I remember correctly) with his daughters body in his arms..... Not say that it was okay that the bad things happened, because it was not okay, under any circumstances... But to forgive him, for he made a mistake. (A Tragic mistake...)....”I forgive you........I forgive you.....I forgive you...” he said, as he carried his daughter through the forest, up the mountain....

The reason this comes to mind is... While I was on Facebook, I saw this video that showed a Father of one of the many, many women who were taken advantage of by this so called “Doctor” Nassar or something.... He was in the trial for Nassar, and he asked the judge to have 5 minutes alone with “...That demon” and when he was denied the time, he then asked for “1 minute”..... When he was denied that 2nd time, he lunged himself through the court room at Nassar, not even being able to even grab his clothing before the father was brought down by police...

But my point is.. I see all this Judgement on not only Facebook, but in real life; someone’s eyebrows are filled in “weird” or “Not enough” or “too much”.... Someone said something someone didn’t like, whether it was bashing the Military (which on a regular day, I would have at it on my poor keyboard, getting more enraged with every letter I bash), or even simply saying “Pineapple DOESN’T go on Pizza!”...And we waste so much energy on all of this negativity... these are Opinions, people are turning them into words of Fact, when they’re simply opinions... I like pineapple on my pizza. You know what that gets me? Either a whole or half pizza with pineapple on it! WOO!!! Happy me!! Some beautiful lady posts a picture on Social Media, her eyebrows seem a little off because other Social Media has put into our brains that they’re supposed to look a specific way, I can ask if they want advice as per other Social Media, (since I can clearly see their natural eyebrow filled in more than the drawn on part) or I can leave it, since they seem so proud. Well, I’m just happy that they are happy. I’m not too fond of judgement, these days... Whether it be because of someones opinions, or between life and death...

...I don’t want to play “God”... Whoever that might be.... I don’t even know who that is to me.... but then again, I don’t even really know who I am, half the time... I just want to be a little human girl, living her life at the fullest. I may be short, I may have scars I cannot hide, I may have some other parts of my body I do not like too much, but I have come to realize.... There are things I cannot control in this world. I cannot make everyone love, I cannot make everyone hate... There are some people who won’t like me, and there are some people who won’t like me... Since I already know people who cannot stand the thought of me, but there are so many more who love me, and that’s all that matters....

Happiness is my goal... I know there are and will be difficulties that will make me sad, lonely, and angry.... But I do not wish to dwell on them.. I do not wish to Judge those who have done me wrong. I do not wish to Judge at all.... I wish to love those who love me, and care for those who care for me.... I do not wish to love those who despise me... I will not worship those who only wish me harm.. But I don’t always mean, to care for those who care for me; if I do something looking for something in return, I do not believe I will be happy... Though a “Thank you” is nice. ;)

Anyways... for those who read.. Thank you for reading my thoughts. :) I appreciate your time.

<3 You’re never alone in this diverse world.

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