#where Mihawk dragged Usopp kicking and screaming to an island in the middle of nowhere because Usopp is funny

[ask-the-shichibukai]

OPLA AU: do you remember that masterpiece of live action history we saw in ep 5 when Captain Usopp entertained Mihawk with his tales for Oda knows how long in the Baratie? That's my totally-ignoring-the-timeline take on that.

Karaibari island (Crossguild HQ), 5 a.m, Crocodile's office:

Mihawk (carrying Usopp tied from head to toe on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes): Crocodile, I request you to enlist this young man in our ranks as the main source of my the crew's entertainment. Unlike the clown, he's actually funny.

Crocodile: Oh, really? So it's true what they say about you going around adopting idiots like a duck-mom. That brat you brought here even looks and sounds like a drunk moron, so why should I oblige your request?

Mihawk: Because if you don't I'll find another way to relieve my boredom that is not your precious organization. And then, just out of spite, I'll go free Doflamingo from Impel Dawn and send him your way.

Crocodile (still severely sleep deprived): You can't keep on using this threat to get me to agree to your whims forever, you bastard! (a glare contest and awkward silence later) Okay strawhat's brat, you can start tomorrow! But forget about any form of payment until you'll have thoroughly proven to me that you are not a fraud!

Usopp (still drunk): Ehh where am I? Why am I tied? Who are you guys?? Heeeeelp!!!