#when your bf starts spouting actual bs

[shmekk]

yapper bf vs irritable bf FIGHT!!!

[lukecmurray]

2016 Review

Last year I spent several days (and well over a dozen hours) reviewing 2015. This is a drastic improvement from 2006, when I spent several months reviewing the previous year. But still, the process could be improved. So, I spent about a half-dozen hours going over my process (see my previous post for lessons learned from that) and am going to hopefully finish reviewing 2016 in just a couple of hours. This will be a beast of a post, but should only be a single post. Here’s the structure I’ll use.

Why am I doing this?

Already did this last  year, will just revisit and revise it for this year.

What did i do?

The highlights of what happened in each month, plus how many total checkins I had that month and lessons learned.

Best and worst things that happened.

Will likely be pulled from the above list.

Habits analysis

How much progress did I make with each habit?

Is it still a good habit? (keep/toss/change?)

What are the biggest barriers to crushing it and ideas to overcome those barriers?

Themes analysis

Love

Unplug

Core values

How well did I live them?

Expected vs. Actual

What things did I want to get done, vs. what did I actually get done?

WHY AM I DOING THIS

Last year, I clarified the reasons I spend several hours (and even days) at the beginning of each year going over the previous year in nauseating detail:

Make new/different mistakes

Get more accurate w/goals vs. reality. Get my expectations closer to reality, without lowering my standards or ambitions.

Increase my ability to accomplish goals

To record things, so that I have a sense of having lived, of having “done things”, of having moved forward in my life.

I would still consider these to be accurate, but I would summarize the first three by saying this:

"I do these yearly reviews to tighten my 'wisdom feedback loop'."

I wrote about what the 'unlived life within us' means to me: Decreased clutter and increased clarity. This, I think, is the essence of what wisdom in action looks like. So if I'm a) always making new and mistakes instead of old ones b) shrinking the gap between my expectations/plans and my reality, while c) increasing the difficulty of tasks to which I aspire, then I'm increasing my velocity towards becoming my definition of 'wisdom in action'. Or, tightening the wisdom feedback loop.

I also want to add another reason for doing this: To help others accomplish the same things.

I don't mean that they will have the same goals, but if they have the same reasons, I can help them. I've done this process in increasingly less wrong ways every year since I was 18.  And each 'less wrong' process makes me that much more valuable to people that are trying to do the same.  

Also, I mean this in both a virtual and physical capacity. Nobody reads this blog, so I don't expect that I'll be able to help lots of folks virtually in January 2017, but perhaps months or years from now people may discover it and use it to improve their own process for self improvement.  I'm sitting next to my good friend Mike (pictured above) and he interrupts me every few minutes to ask about how I do x, y, or z and my advice to him is always based in personal experience...based on a lot of wrong ways that I've done these reviews over the years.  Hopefully I can help facilitate more of these in-person sessions and be valuable because of the work I've put in for the past 15 years.

WHAT DID I DO IN 2016?

tried to get into car flipping

got ATLS certified

almost got a job in Owenton ER

broke up a fight in the middle of the street

BL summit

failed to get an in-person personal assistant onboarded

lived in Vegas: iora, boosted board adventures, time w/cousin’s fam

INSIGHTS - this was one of my best months ever and i didn’t bring my cell phone to vegas at all and I stopped at 7pm sharp every day.

clinic, then chief on service

INSIGHTS 

I wrote about being worried to hit a burnout wall after my great January month, and this is what I wrote in the second week of feb "I did hit that wall (screwed around for 2 hrs on thursday PM)...but then recovered and have done okay since, and in the grand scheme of things, that's AMAZING for me (only screwing around for 2 hrs)."  That's how in the zone I was - I complained about 2 hrs.

i turned down a lot of things to stay in the zone - ski weekends, a wedding in Oregon

After one of my best weeks ever in the history of recording checkins: "Why?It wasn't trying harder. It was saying no, keeping my head clear, and getting up really early to knock out all the stuff that I'd usually put off until the end of the day. It feels like a miracle, like I'm a new person. It gives me an insane amount of confidence...So remarkable that the true answer to how to make such dramatic change is basically: do less, say no, cut out the BS...if you do that, all you should be left with is your own voice, and it's plenty wise enough."

chief on service, then clinic

called friends in the evening for awhile

Michelle got sick

Annabelle was born

AMSA speech: Med Students & Adversity

Fancy Nick engagement party #1

INSIGHTS - was getting up at 5am in feb, this got thrown off by a couple days worth of surprises and never recovered. 

Derm rotation, became great friends with Dr. Tobin

last night with Nick as roomate

Nick bachelor party

Nick getting married

took FM boards

delivered baby

South Africa...which included

time in the hospital

going to mosque, buying Quran, time with Uncle

cape point sunset

getting lost on table mountain

run through newlands forrest

robben island/nelson mandela jail cell

rondebosch garden

hiked lionshead

bungee jumped world’s highest

ostrich farm

snowboarded (indoors)

met some cool girls & camped at storms river

INSIGHTS

last year i spent a month abroad and totally fell off the wagon...did incredible by comparison this time. learned from last time.

recording what i did each day really added significantly to the richness of that experience it, because i get to re-experience those memories

Geriatrics, then clinic

Meacham

double date with Dr. Tobin

passed boards

did graduation roast speech, and tried to get drunk

started working out consistently b/c elevated BF % s/p Africa

got UK job

Florida trip to negotiate with landlord

Dale Hollow houseboat trip with Amy’s family

moved into RV, LOTS of time working on it & hosting friends in it

Samuel helped work on the RV, became my friend

family trip down in GA

marriages: Emily Wehrley. Stu Brenner.

INSIGHTS

friends went on a surfing trip to charleston and i turned it down, hard to do, glad i did

“#1 HAVING A MORNING ROUTINE THAT KNOCKS OUT A BIG CHUNK OF THESE <habits> GUARANTEED....I'M JUST TOO ANXIOUS TO INVEST THIS TIME IN THE AM...BUT THAT'S WHAT I SAID IN MEDICAL SCHOOL THAT KEPT ME OUT OF THE GYM FOR YEARS. Wow, i really need to work on controlling anxiety/pressure in the moment.”

went low carb

worked on RV, RV expo

trip to Charleston b/c friend got sick, surfed

started my autobiography

scanned all family photo albums

visited all my old friends

GA visit b/c Melissa back from deployment

Pa visit x 1 wk

INSIGHTS

While in Charleston “it's REALLY hard to steer when you feel pulled all over the place by circumstances. but the consequences of ignoring those circumstances and plowing through are mostly illusory...i could only stop by <the hospital> for one hour 3 times per day and that would be PLENTY of visiting time. i could then spend the rest of the day working by myself”

While scanning photos “why do i feel behind? b/c I am compared to the schedule i made for myself at the beginning of the year. pretty silly to be operating off of a plan you made 6 months ago.”

time with family/grandparents in OR + coast...SUPER quality time

surfing in OR

writing autobio

Spout Springs visit

credentialing for job

pendelton roundup, deck with dad, Bethany visit

garrett NYC proposal trip + Adeel + Chris Salotta visit

INSIGHT

time with gparents was some of the best & most important things I did all year

best month of checkins in ever (4 yrs!!)...not sure why

freaked out about every friend i have getting married/engaged. changed my priority to emotionally fulfilling hangouts instead of caring about ‘romantic relationships’

installed solar panels

autoB progress

started talking/helping Aalap with SignalHealth - DC conference

Such family camping trip

started Curt book

first shift at UK as employee

surf trip to SC with Raney’s

job apps

moved into jenna’s

comedy club with dr tobin

long weekend with DP & friends

ehof - board meeting, event

accomplished my NY resolution!

G life transition meetings

job apps

started Murray Medical, LLC

hurt myself w/flag football

confirmed BIAB project/EHOF book

global entrep week

alejandra x 1 wk, visited everywhere + beaufort

such appreciation dinner

started work at KDMC

INSIGHT

after an 80 checkin week “best week i've ever had in my life. a LOT of it was about saying no to the camping trip this weekend. that was hard, but i'm proud of myself for doing it. also got to practice not feeling sorry for myself by wishing i was somewhere else.”

worked every day at KDMC

Freeda adventures/challenges

brought back 2 people from codes

ski trip with friends at PNS

INSIGHT

Working 34 days in a row was awesome because it created a routine that allowed me to consistently do lots of things (besides work) and improve at a much faster pace in my medical skills & knowledge.

BEST AND WORST OF 2016

BEST

finishing residency & passing boards

not getting a job - was scary, but this provided me the freedom to do lots of other 'life list' important things

having one metric that mattered and tracking that only - doubled down on using coach.me and accomplished my NY resolution for the first time in my life

also...

gave med student adversity speech

Annabelle was born

nick marriage/end of a great roomate run

south africa month

RV - doing what i said

quality time - vegas, grandparents, parents, friends, surfing

WORST

I didn't grow in my romantic relationships as much as i did in 2015 - In 2015 i grew a lot by having the goal to be "terrifyingly honest" in relationships. I didn't push myself to that standard this year and stagnated as a result.

also...

things took longer than I thought - but that was good lesson to learn because it forced me to accept and live by realistic timelines, and because i didn't have a job I could follow all the way through on my plans

RV was more work than expected (example of above) - i first was glad that i spent time getting to know the RV and how to fix things, but i got to the point where i don't care to 'learn' more, i'd rather spend that time being a doctor and use the money made to pay a professional.

i got broke - i coasted on credit cards in the interim between residency and starting a job and got pretty close to 100% broke - but this was also a lesson that was important. things cost more money than you expect and if they are really priorities, then you've got to pay the price, in both time and money.

HABITS ANALYSIS

In my recent post “My Goals for 2017″ I said:

“Last year my goal was to check in to more daily habits on coach.me. And I crushed it. And it had the ripple effect of me crushing a bunch of other areas of my life...when using the 'total number of checkins metric’ I improved 107% since last year and 60% over my best year ever (2013).”

This was the only metric that I tracked week over week. And because of that, for the first time ever, I consistently did week reviews where I knew how far ahead or behind I was from my overall goal (eg on July 1, I should have 1,000 checkins for the year, if I had 1,100 at that point, I would note that I was 10% ahead of schedule). Making this the only metric that I tracked had a positive affect on lots of the parts of my life - most obviously, on each of the areas the specific habit addressed.

So, now I’m going to take each goal and ask:

How much progress did I make?

Is it still a good habit? (keep/toss/change?)

What are the biggest barriers to crushing it and ideas to overcome those barriers?

progress vs 2015: 272 checkins vs 117 checkins. 132% improvement.

I didn't feel like i was growing in this in 2015. I was doing it but didn't feel more calm/mindful throughout the day, which is the whole point. Late this year I downloaded several meditation apps and HeadSpace stood out as far and away the best one.  I've spent at least $100 total at this point and I really am growing in this super important area.  I catch myself (the most important part) getting anxious, frustrated, distracted, etc. and then use the techniques I've learned from this app to get back to calm. Probably the best money I spent all year in terms of its return on my health.

keep/toss/change: definitely keep, continue progress with headspace app

barriers: just making the time, but i'm at a point where i like this enough that it doesn't take discipline. sometimes i do it when i'm tired and don't get much out of it. On those days I should consider doing it twice - the second time when I'm not exhausted.

progress vs 2015: 233 checkins vs 111 checkins. 110% improvement

In 2015 wrote about wanting to feel clear-headed after walking away from a session of reviewing goals & 'visioncasting' and i didn't have a good process for it at the time. Surprising to see that this was still an issue as of the end of 2016. i came up with a system just a couple days ago that will hopefully help with this and i think the reason this will work is because of my improved mental condition/focusing of the mind that came from meditating. Glad to see how long this problem has existed. Should motivate me to solve it this year.

keep/toss/change: keep it as a goal, but changed it as noted above to have some structure

barriers: lack of clarity - which I have now

progress vs 2015: 138 checkins vs 77 checkins. 78% improvement

Posted 60+ things this year, (< 30 last year), did much better, big realization is that this was streaky. Another great example of being able to keep consistent tabs on something because you kept all your data collection in one place (I kept track of all my writing progress on coach.me, including using the notes section to keep track of  when I posted stuff). 

keep/toss/change: I would like to actually start sharing my content somehow. This probably means fiddling with marketing, setting some goals about viewership, but I feel like this might do two negative things: 1. scare me off from writing and 2. change what/how I write.  So will probably at least track viewership or something. 

barriers: none for posting on this blog. Barriers to working on larger projects (book, etc.) are the same that used to (and sometimes still do) keep me from publishing on this blog. Namely: fear. I think the answer for that is writing with friends. Going to try to schedule writing hangouts, even if only brief ones. 

progress vs 2015: 210 checkins vs 80 checkins. 163 % improvement

Goal last year was 200, actual was 80. this year i didn't have a goal but hit 210. Hell. Yes!  Big realization here was starting with one small thing at a time. I went on a streak from august where I added one new thing to my physical health regimen each month, and kept it going consistently until late november, when I got injured playing football, then had a friend visit from out of town for a week, then went on a 34-day straight work assignment away from home. I took January off (though I still had 4 checkins that month + 8 days of skiing, vs my monthly average of 6.7 in 2015) and have been on track 100% thus far this month.

keep/toss/change: change to one small thing I'm doing that month to improve my health. Keep track of it in the notes of exercise. 

barriers: injury (don't play football!).  Simplicity/low bar - adding one small thing per month put me on course to have the best 4 months of physical health progress in years...maybe ever.

progress vs 2015: 153 checkins vs 56 checkins. 173% improvement.

This is a keystone habit. If I do this then everything else goes better. I realized this last year and wrote about how important it was. This year I had the second highest amount of improvement of all my habits (except for eat the frog, which was 193% improvement). I’m super proud of myself for making such amazing progress on this...but it still is the 9th most checked into habit out of 12. As one of the most important habits it should be one of the most checked into. 

keep/toss/change: keep - and double down on it! again!

barriers:  Make sure to identify it when planning the day and checking it off when you do it, even if it’s not a specific action (e.g. if you stayed calm all day).

progress vs 2015: 51 checkins vs 82 checkins. -38 % decrease

I don't have this anymore....but the bigger lesson here is 'what's the thing that causes the background static/stress in your life and what's your process for getting rid of it or ignoring it?'

keep/toss/change: already tossed it, but getting out of my email inbox is my #1 goal for Q1 of 2017 and I'm well on my way. Also, to get rid of the static - my visioncasting format really is helpful in clearing my head to do this.

barriers: I'm addicted to my email inbox. Need to CREATE barriers (and an alternative outlet) to keep me out of it.

progress vs 2015:  113 checkins vs 83 checkins. 36% improvement

i crushed the boards, studying 37 days before taking it (about 83 times the year before total). Totally didn’t deserve that. So no clue what happened there. Then i got a bit lost on what 'studying' made sense. i started with reading a book summary every day, which felt like i was accomplishing something, but none of the content really stuck, even when i reviewed my highlights on the weekends. then changed to tax books, which was awesome bc i wanted to learn that stuff. i still need to nail down what this means and then pick a bite-sized way to chip at it.  I also expect this to change often. I kept track of actual studying vs expected for awhile, which was motivational, as was just hearing that another resident friend of mine was working her ass off. Just hearing her say that she studied 2 hrs per day in addition to her residency duties lit a fire under me.

keep/toss/change: change continually, should be part of planning my day

barriers: lack of clarity on what this means, get rid of it by deciding what it means when i plan my day

progress vs 2015: 348 checkins vs 183 checkins. 90% improvement

Went OFF on this. not sure why other than that it's something you can get away with skipping a day here and there and still check in later. also stopped rating the days - not sure why i did this, other than i couldn't put a number when i tried to think of it. hopefully this is a reflection of an improved attitude and a better acceptance of my life, along with less judgement, which I wrote about on my birthday. 

keep/toss/change: keep, might revitalize the 'today' project, because when I read through my summaries of each day they spark certain memories...but a photo does that so much better.

barriers: none...but might be if I start expecting myself to take a picture.

progress vs 2015: 252 checkins vs 145 checkins. 74% improvement

i've ended up doing this during my 'think about goals' time, which is not when it's supposed to happen. but everything i wrote about this goal last year, applies to this year 

“I’m afraid to do this sometimes, especially if i’m not in bed on time & am tired….because i have to come to terms with all the things i will not get to do tomorrow. But then i end up just feeling sad and like “damn, tomorrow’s going to really suck because i won’t be able to get everything done that i want, and i’m bummed that i didn’t get what i wanted to get done today, too.” Wow, writing that. What a crummy/unintelligent strategy for ending your day.  I HAVE to stop with energy/motivation in the tank so I’ll have the willpower left to accept what has happened that day & decide what i’m going to do the next day…because when I do do this, it really does feel mentally freeing & motivating for getting up in the morning…i literally don’t want to wake up in the morning when I haven’t done this because I just have this ball of vague stress to great me that I feel: “Well, not sure what all this stuff is that i need to do but i know that i’m not going to be able to get as much of it done as i want to and even what i decide to work on i probably won’t get finished which is going to give me a feeling of being even more 'behind’…so yeah - not pumped about this day”. What a terrible cycle of not-awesome!  Glad I articulated the concept of paying the opportunity cost of planning up front.”

 This even happened during my 6 months off, or on days i was truly supposed to be 'on vacation'. the idea of 'i don't want to wake up tomorrow'.  That was a big surprise because i thought it was because of my job. It turns out it was totally because of my attitude - which was affected by my expectations (pay opportunity cost up front) and my energy. I need to manage both of those.

keep/toss/change: keep, but try not to do it until AFTER you've meditated and taken a high level view of your life (visioncasting/reviewing goals) so that you have the right mindset when planning the day.

barriers: my attitude at the end of the day. not wanting to wake up, addressed above.

progress vs 2015: 126 checkins vs 43 checkins. 193% improvement

This was one of the top two most important things on my list to improve from last year...and I did it! This was the most improvement of any of my goals. However, I still have lots of room to get better at this, as it was only the 9th most checked into goal I had. 

keep/toss/change:  keep. duh.

barriers: just having the courage to identify it when planning the day, and then checking it off at the end of the day.

progress vs 2015: 45 checkins vs 18 checkins. 150% improvement 

These were too long and I didn’t have a central place to put them. I changed it and put EVERYTHING in my notes instead of on a spreadsheet or somewhere else and that 100% solved the problem. It kept me keeping track of my progress throughout the year. This little checkin session helped recalibrate me and actually fed my feedback loop. 

keep/toss/change: change to track my 4 goals for the year.

barriers: none. just keep the time expectation down at 10min.

progress vs 2015: 130 checkins vs 68 checkins. 91% improvement

This is a goal that sneaks up on you because the problem is pretty much never solved (my back hurts every day and every night). In retrospect I had an amazing year with it. I was able to sleep on my back for a couple nights in South Africa, was able to stand for significant amounts of time without significant pain, and even let myself be active (i.e. sprinting) to push the boundaries of what’s possible for my back.

keep/toss/change: change by continuing to try new methods and seeing what works

barriers: this is all about minimal time commitment (5-10 min) and building from there, because some of the stretches feel SO GOOD that once I do a few of them I get more into it.

THEMES ANALYSIS

Love

I didn't set the standard of being “terrifyingling honest” so I didn’t get out of (or into situations) fast enough, or at all. 

I also had a breakdown when a bunch of friends got married on the same weekend (felt like I was ‘alone’ or doing something wrong) & redefined what this meant. Ultimately, I’m not worried or ‘empty’ because I’m missing out on physical intimacy, what I’m missing is emotional connection, or interactions that fill my emotional tank. So now that’s what I’m doing - focusing on those kinds of interactions, and turning down ones that are anything less than 8/10 in this respect.

Also, part of this is giving/being selfless and it motivated my goal for this year.

Unplug

I spent time at the cabin and other time just alone, and it was good. Read Deep Work twice. Probably could have said 'no' a little bit more often, especially near the end of the year. Am realizing more and more that this is the ‘answer’ in so many ways. 

CORE VALUES

This is the third year I’ve tried to systematically focus on one core value per week. I didn't do this consistently. I want to give up on it...but so did Ben Franklin. I now have it in my daily visioncasting so I think I'm okay with that. 

EXPECTED VS ACTUAL

At the beginning of the year I listed out what I wanted to happen week to week all year long. It stressed me out once I fell behind this, and I wanted to somehow keep an updated sense of how many iterations happened and what changes were made. I quickly found that keeping track of the iterations was a huge hassle. So this year I’m just trying to book out my calendar really far in advance and chunk it at a high level (i.e. this week I had off and just blocked off “finances/admin” for the week). 

I’ll publish my ‘takeaways’ from this review, as well as things to do differently in 2017 in a later post. 

First Draft: 1/21/17

Published: 3/21/17

Time: 20+ hrs

Image Credit: me, and my buddy Mike Leek