#when ur dumb brother has a bad habit of almost dying every season

[lloydskywalkers]

aftermaths

I am emotions! About that finale, I’m just. A lot of feelings! It’s really late and I don’t entirely have the words right now but here is...something. Me crying over christmas colored ninjas once again, I guess.

(I really hope I’m not gonna regret posting this at 2am hnsldgkdjfg).

Spoilers for episode 98!

“Okay. Does this look right?”

“It had a, um, I think it had another notch there.”

Kai hmphs, turning the blade over in his hand. He squints at the glinting metal, then shrugs, lowering it back to the anvil.

“You sure you don’t want a dragon or something on the side?”

Lloyd smiles slightly. “Nah, the script’s fine,” he says, shifting where he’s perched on the old wooden table, watching as Kai works.

Kai eyes him, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead with his elbow. “I know you want a dragon on it.”

Lloyd flushes. “But you’re — you’re already rebuilding me an entire sword, Kai, I don’t wanna make it even more complicated.”

“Ha,” Kai snorts. “Lloyd, I just rebuilt the Golden Weapons. One tiny dragon is a party trick.”

Lloyd rolls his eyes, but his smile is a bit brighter. “Whatever you say.”

Kai flashes him a cocky grin, then returns to hammering the metal, re-shaping the blade. They’re silent for a moment, the only sound the repetitive strike of Kai’s hammer.

“…could you have it breathing fire, maybe?”

Kai shakes his head, grinning. “What kind of dragon would it be if it wasn’t?” He pauses, glancing at Lloyd before continuing. “I can have it biting off an Oni’s head too, if you want. Or your dad’s, either one works.”

Lloyd gives a surprised, bright laugh, eyes flashing with the fire from the forge as he does. Kai watches him, the way he kicks his legs out and swings them. His eyes trace the bandages plastered over nearly every inch of skin, the same darkening bruises Kai knows he himself is sporting. Watches his brother, warm and animated and living.

-his brother, cold and still and lifeless, blood trickling from his brow-

Kai’s hands still over the weapon, tightening around the hammer until his knuckles turn white. He sucks in a breath, exhaling on a shudder.

It’s over. It’s done with, and they all made it out alright. Just like they always do. Lloyd is in front of him and laughing, just as he can hear Cole talking animatedly with Zane outside, and when he closes his eyes again he won’t see-

-Cole, the frightened look on his face as he’s falling-

-the despair in Sensei Wu’s expression, as he tells them there’s nothing to be done-

Kai gives a desperate, wheezing breath, eyes squeezing shut as he tries to swallow back the tide of emotions.

“Kai?”

The laughter is an echo now. Lloyd’s voice is quiet, concerned. Kai doesn’t reply, furiously biting his lip as he squeezes his eyes tighter. There’s a feather-light touch on his arm, Lloyd’s hand warm as he squeezes gently.

“Kai, are you okay?”

He shakes his head, but he doesn’t shake Lloyd off. He takes another breath, sliding a glove off so he can run his hand over Lloyd’s wrist, his index finger finding the steady pulse. Lloyd lets him, adjusting his hand so Kai can feel the strong presence of life better, the two of them simply standing there, not talking, not moving, just breathing, and reminding themselves.

“You were dead.”

Lloyd gives a hissing intake of breath, and Kai feels him stiffen through his hold on his wrist.

“I’m sorry.”

“You were cold.”

Lloyd finally moves, sliding from the table so he can place a hand on Kai’s shoulder, his grip steady and comforting. “But I’m not,” he says, earnestly. “I’m not anymore. I’m here, Kai, and I’m fine.”

Kai looks away briefly, his throat working as he swallows down an endless depth of loss felt twice in one day, only to dispel that very same one.

“You just - you can’t do that to me,” Kai manages, breathing raggedly. Lloyd is quiet for a moment, and Kai can feel the weight of his gaze on him.

“I saw my grandfather.”

Kai brings his head up slowly, blinking back the mist from his eyes as he looks at his brother. Lloyd suddenly looks younger, less sure of himself, almost nervous as he chews at his lip.

Kai turns his words over in his head, then feels a sudden cold swoop in his stomach. “Your grandfa- you mean-“ he swallows tightly. “So you went to. You were…”

Lloyd shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he says. “I think…I think he just wanted to talk to me.”

“Oh,” Kai says, the tight knot in his chest easing a bit. Lloyd remains quiet for a beat, looking as if he’s debating something.

“He offered to take me with him.”

It takes Kai a minute to make sense of Lloyd’s words, quiet as they are. When he does, though-

Kai’s stomach wrenches, bottoming out as a cold wave of nausea replaces it. His breathing stutters, his mouth going bone-dry. He wanted Lloyd to-

“I said no,” Lloyd says. “Um. Obviously.”

“He had no right,” Kai wheezes out, trying to fight back the rush of panic. After everything, everything Lloyd’s gone through for his family — every terrible thing that’s happened to him because of his family’s legacy — his grandfather’s idea of a reward is death?

“It doesn’t really matter,” Lloyd says, quickly. “It’s whatever now, I guess. I can barely remember it anyways.”

“Lloyd, you-“ Kai cuts off, passing a hand over his eyes. The heat of the forge sizzles below him, but all he can feel is that icy cold grip of fear. First Spinjitzu Master or not, Kai can’t — he offered to take his brother away. He would have stolen him from them all, struck Kai down with that horrible loss, if Lloyd hadn’t-

Kai stops, and his eyes raise back to Lloyd. The fear doesn’t ebb, still twisting into tight knots in stomach.

“Did you…” Kai swallows, forcing back the impulse to be sick. He doesn’t know if he wants the answer to this, but he feels like he owes it to Lloyd — to himself — to ask. “Did you want to?”

Lloyd goes still. “Of course not,” he says.

Kai looks down, watching the way Lloyd’s fingers trace nervous circles into the patterning of the table. “…did you consider it?”

Lloyd takes a breath, then exhales, looking up at the ceiling. His jaw clenches and unclenches, and the little circles he’s tracing grow more frantic.

“I didn’t - you weren’t-“ His throat bobs. “You weren’t there,” he says, almost as if begging Kai to understand. “It was different there, it was confusing, it was…”

Lloyd’s voice trails off, thickening into silence. Kai looks down, watching the red glow from the forge, trying to fight back the blurring of his vision.

“Do you really think I’d leave you?” Lloyd finally says quietly, an edge in his voice. Kai shakes his head.

“No, not like that. I just — what if you’d be happier there?"

“What, and miss all this?” Lloyd gives an almost-strained laugh, gesturing to the sword slowly melting on the anvil, left unattended. “Please, like I’d ever be happy knowing what I’d left behind.”

Kai just looks at him, his gaze pained. Something toughens in Lloyd’s expression, his jaw setting stubbornly.

“I wouldn’t leave you,” he says, his voice quiet as steel. “I don’t abandon my family, Kai. I’m not like-“

Lloyd cuts off, inhaling sharply, but Kai can finish the sentence for him.

I’m not like my father. I’m not like my mother.

“I’m not like them,” Lloyd whispers. “I’m not.”

Kai takes a steadying breath, and the cold feels a little further away. He sets a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder, shaking him a bit. “Nah, you’re one of us,” he says. “Just a normal, lame ninja.”

“You guys aren’t lame,” Lloyd says, but there’s an edge of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, well.” Kai’s hand tightens on his shoulder, and the image of Lloyd’s motionless body flashes before his eyes again. “I’m gonna hug you now. Like, real gross sappy hug you.”

“Oka- oof.”

It takes him a second, but Lloyd finally relaxes, his hands gripping the back of Kai’s shirt tightly as he hugs him back. There’s an unsteady hitch in his breathing, a catch in his throat, and Kai feels him press his face tightly against his shoulder.

Kai finally speaks up, his voice thick. “This was the worst day ever.”

“Speak for yourself,” Lloyd snorts wetly, voice muffled. “I’ve still got that one back with the Sons of Garmadon to compete with.”

“Huh. Yeah, that was rough too, I guess.”

It’s silent for a minute, the only sounds the quiet hissing of the flames from behind them.

“…thanks for not dying on us.”

Lloyd gives a laugh that could be a muffled sob, and clutches Kai tighter. “N-no problem.”

They stay like that, braced by the forge, until the cold in Kai’s chest has thawed away, and Lloyd isn’t shaking quite as badly.

Someone laughs from outside, Jay’s voice mingling with Nya’s.

“…you gotta let go of me eventually.”

“What, so you can go get yourself almost killed again? I think not.”

Lloyd sighs. “I’m not the only one who almost died, Kai,” he says. Kai huffs, but he pulls away, wiping at his sore eyes and fiddling with the edge of the anvil. He’s never put the team through anything like this.

That he can...immediately remember, at the time being. 

“I-“ Lloyd looks down, grabbing his arm so his fingers fist in the green fabric. “I really am sorry. For - for putting you guys through that. That’s…that’s the last thing I wanted, I swear, I just-“

“Nah, I kinda get it,” Kai says, exhaling. “If my long-deceased god of a grandfather showed up and asked me to take a trip to paradise or whatever with him, I’d probably need a minute or two to think about it too.”

Lloyd gives a quiet huff of laughter. “He’s not even that cool anyways,” he says. “In..all honesty.”

“Well, yeah, I mean, he is kinda a jerk,” Kai says, before quickly praying he isn’t stricken dead on the spot for that. He’s Lloyd’s adoptive brother, maybe that’ll…earn him points, or something. “Saddling you with all, um…”

“My family?” Lloyd says, wryly.

“Uh, yeah,” Kai winces. He straightens, aiming for a lighter tone. “Besides, he’s never even like, remembered your birthday or anything. What kind of grandpa does that?”

“He’s definitely never blown my birthday cake up in my face, so yeah, he’s pretty lame for a family member,” Lloyd grins.

Kai flushes. “That was one time, and you know it was Jay’s fault with the candles-“

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Lloyd leans back against the table, glancing down at the anvil. “Ah, you don’t have to finish that now, if you want.”

Kai follows his gaze, then cringes, yanking the sword up. “Y-eah, um…nah, I can finish it now, just gonna have to re-heat it.” He sighs, flicking imaginary dirt from the slightly mangled metal as he turns for the flames. “It might take me a while though, so if you wanna-“

“Here.”

Kai looks up, and raises an eyebrow. Lloyd has pulled one of the shop aprons on, and is just tying the ends of his hair back. He shrugs a little awkwardly, hands upturned. “I can help, if you…teach me?”

It’s a hesitant question, almost timid, but Kai is almost surprised to find it genuine.

“You wanna learn this?” He blinks, gesturing to the forge.

Lloyd tugs anxiously at the edge of the apron. “Yeah,” he says. “It’s, um, it’s cool.”

Kai stares at him, then back to the sword in his hands. Cool. He’s never really thought about it like that. Blacksmithing is just something Kai was sort of good at, barely even brought up after he became a ninja. He certainly never expected to have the fate of Ninjago resting on it. But it’s…it’s something almost mindless, something constructive, and maybe…maybe they both need something like that.

“Well, blacksmithing is a family secret, you know,” Kai muses.

“Oh,” Lloyd says, expression quickly shutting down, taking a half a step back.

“Lloyd.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re part of the family, dummy.”

“Oh.” Lloyd blinks rapidly, a small smile growing at the edges of his mouth. Kai rolls his eyes.

“Come on,” he says. “I’ll show you how to make a dragon.”