#when my white-bread australian ass

[sweetness-doesnt-touch-my-face]

Entitled Australian post.

[officialgritty]

How I Would Humble NHL Players

An essay written by bigboigritty. 

I would humble hockey players the only way I know how to, by sending them to Australia. Let’s suppose that they have decided to hold the All Star game over here (forget about it’s usual date) (forget that some players I have listed below might not be invited) (and while you're at it, please forget that Australia’s rinks are Not Good).

I think that they would suffer but in an entertaining way so it’s fine. 

First of all, their biggest concern is getting sunburnt. It would effect all of their dumb asses but I’m particularly worried about Pierre-Luc Dubois and Mitch Marner. Boys are practically translucent. Vince Dunn would be fine, he’d probably wear a shirt most of the time which is a very smart decision. 

You may wonder why I didn’t mention Nolan Patrick because I am a certified slut for him, well I don't think he would have a problem. He would spend most of the time inside and when he joins the others, I think his Virgo ass would reapply sunscreen. Maybe he would burn slightly but I don't think it'd be enough to make him uncomfortable. 

Another thing that I think they will gain from this experience is a higher pain tolerance. Now you’re probably thinking, “Zoe they are NHL players so they can handle pain.” Wrong.

Real pain is running barefoot on cement at theme parks while you race to get to the next ride. Also getting into the car and having to avoid touching every piece of metal to not get branded like a cow. Or better yet, when the heat gets so bad that there’s a black out because everyone has their air conditioning turned on.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that other countries have scary animals but I would pay to see them panic over ours. Crocodiles here can grow up to 5.2 metres / 17 feet. We have a box jellyfish season where it’s advised to avoid swimming or wear wetsuits for coverage. Funnel web spiders can survive underwater for hours by trapping air bubbles around their skin. We have several of the worlds deadliest snakes present across the country. 

Listen, I don't want anyone to get injured but the constant fear that they would have when doing anything would be enough to make me happy.

My biggest question is who would survive in the shady areas, who would survive the eshays?

Under no circumstances can you look them in the eyes or cross their path. They are not to be feared individually but in groups caution is advised. I think the players would attempt to assert dominance and that is simply not an option. You are better off to ignore the eshay.

Nolan would have no issues here if im being honest. He is big and I don't think they’d find it worth it to fuck with him. But you know who they would target? Matthew Tkachuk. “Where are you going pretty boy?” “Oi braa did we hurt your feelings ya pussy cunt?” They would make fun of his hair in particular. 

Travis Konecny would be an eshay. I don't think I need to make further comment. (So would Louis Tomlinson but I am not a 1D account and I will continue to repeat that until it’s true.)

I would also give them a few iconic tasks to get the true Australian experience. Activities for the ‘vacation’ include triathlon events, beach flags, bush walking and climbing the harbour bridge. They could attend a cricket match but they tend to like golf so unfortunately they would probably enjoy this :(

AFL is an extremely popular sport here and I think they would loose their shit when they learn the rules of this game. No protective equipment is used other than mouthguards, that's it. That’s all you get. And jumping onto other players for leverage is encouraged. I would thoroughly enjoy the fights that would break out because of this.

Another task would be to use a map to make their way to a servo for a slurpee. The catch is that they will be required to pass through multiple alleyways. Also, the season is Spring, it’s swooping season mother fuckers. Let’s see how brave you are when birds chase you down the block. Personally I don’t think any of them would pass this test, maybe McDavid because the birds may not be able to detect a heartbeat.

Australian food would disgust them, I just know it. Things that they would need to try are a Bunnings sausage sanga, fairy bread, lamingtons, baked beans on toast, Milo and Vegemite. Because I’m me I would give them no butter with their Vegemite. 

An after thought I had was money so I’m editing this to include it. Everything here is EXPENSIVE so they would need to learn how to budget. Upon doing research, Canadians would be fine but the Americans will be mad.

1000 CAD = 1019 AUD

1000 USD = 1297 AUD

Another after thought was the fact that they won’t be able to drive (or at least drive well) here. We drive on the left and not the right, same goes for walking paths too. I can sense a lot of them bumping into people.

Where I think players would live based on vibes alone:

Carter Hart and Vince Dunn: North Shore Beaches, NSW. Daddy’s money. Carter probably did Nippers whereas Vince was a skater boy. 

Travis Konecny: Darwin, NT. Would 100% live there and enjoy it. He would try to conduct crocodile tours but gets assigned to feeding the baby crocs and doing shows for little kids. 

Tyson Barrie: Perisher, NSW. One of the only ski resorts we have to offer, major friendly mountain man energy.

Nolan Patrick: Byron Bay, NSW. @antoineroussel enlightened me, steering away from my original thought of Katoomba, NSW. Byron Bay is a magnet for hippies and links rainforest to the ocean. Chris Hemsworth and his family also live there.

William Nylander: Perth, WA. I don’t know much about Perth other than they wouldn’t shut up about partying while the other states had to quarantine. For some reason, I also associate Perth with Tik Tok. 

Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid: Melbourne CBD, VIC. These two would live in the same apartment building in the city, Connor one level above Sidney. It’s the most boring looking block of them all and Crosby would send in complaints to the landlord about McDavid pacing during the night.

Tyler Seguin: Surfers Paradise, QLD. Party central, not many people are actually from this area and he would be sure to tell absolutely everyone that he was. I also think he would get a Meter Maid tattoo, specifically on his leg. Has definitely slept on the beach before because he couldn’t find his way home.

Jamie Benn: Hobart, TAS. Tasmania is usually forgotten about. Another one with mountain man energy except he is more creepy than friendly.

Mitch Marner: Fitzroy, VIC. @antoineroussel is responsible for this one too. Hipster central, makes you question how the hell someone so young can have so much money. Would chug $45 wine and not blink an eye.

(honourable mentions include = Sammy Blais: Hobart, Tas. Once again no comment on Tasmania. TJ Oshie: Cairns, QLD. Would do reef tours. Haydn Fleury: Western Sydney, NSW. Haydn would 100% own a ute or a white holden commodore and you can’t tell me otherwise. Roman Josi: Adelaide, SA. Small town history teacher vibes.)

I have attached a handy map for those who may need it.

In conclusion, the NHL should send their players over here to teach them some manners and while they’re at it, management should bring themselves too. Nolan Patrick could pass as an Australian if he built up a tan. (So does Nylander in this picture but we won’t talk about that.) Come over anytime baby, I’m free. 

Glossary

Servo - A service station, also known as a petrol or gas station. Example: 7/11

Theme park - An amusement park. Can be said in reference to both normal parks and water parks and usually means those in QLD. Example: Six Flags

Swooping season - August to October in Australia. When birds attack and chase humans and / or pets for getting close to their babies. Magpies are notoriously bad for this. 

Bunnings sausage sanga - A cheap feed / meal found at the front of a hardware and gardening store called Bunnings. Made up of white bread, sausage, onion and your choice of sauce.

Fairy bread - White bread with margarine and topped with 100s and 1000s / sprinkles. 

Meter Maids - Women who work along the beach dressed in gold bikinis. They top up parking meters to save tourists from getting fined and will often stop for photos. 

Nippers - Surf lifesaving programs carried out for children between 5 and 14. 

Ute - A pick up truck.

Eshay - A person who partakes in drug use, graffiti, listens to EDM and targets victims in groups. Below is the typical style of an eshay. 

Tagging a few friends so this doesn’t completely flop but feel free to ignore if it isn't your thing. I won’t be offended lmao

@scheifefe @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @d00dlebob @bowenbyram @kempe @prettyboyroope @quintonsbyfield @travisgermy @pitoftrash @kspitehockey @ballsakic @canadianheaters @bricksatlandyswindow @powerblais @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @jamiedrysdales

[thatcrackheadnextdoor]

Been collecting quotes for a while and I was reading them and I thought tumbler would like them wp here's a Unedited list of shit I hear in everyday life with no context

You not liking candy corn is the most homophopic thing I've heard you say -catiy

You mother fucker I stepped in your piss-random guy in hall way

All jim no slim - Ronan

TWINE!-  kaz

Anybody can peg- catiy

You can't steal boobs ! -joe .p

A big smack from McDonald's- Evi

How about them cow boys mr Dunlea- kid in Supreme jacket /jack

Make like a banana and bread - char chars brother

He zoomin like a caddilac - random hallway guy

Penis reavel-bleacher man

I'll grab your penis- bleacher man

When half the drama harmonizes with the school bell

Yes this is Naruto with guns-  conner

Im not retiring stop asking me- Alexis the high schooler

Never ever underestimate the power of a man- mimi my grandmother post stroke

I could eat manynoise with a spoon.-jordan

Most white people-jordan in response to the question to who likes manynoise

It's pH not f - random hallway guy

You need to stop twat waffle - ryan

I got pinkeye when I was five from eating ass -hallway girl

I'm gonna marry your grandma - catiy

You fuck dolls??- Josh

YOU OVER ESTAMAITE THE FRAGILITY OF SAND DOLLARS- me

Your damp- catiy

Don't be a adult it's a scam- Kai

Don't poop in my cheerios - kid in advisory

We're gonna have to offer your pig baby up for sacrifice- Saint Raymond

I need a pacifier for my yarn ball-Lilith

Stop trying to touch pistachio- Lilith

I just yelled at your tit -lillith

I castrated my corn dog-Marvin

Don't kidnap people- chambers

I'm having a extatainal crisis because of cement-me

I am your French girl paint me - Johnn said monotone

Fuck their too whimsical man- noah

My ass is so big-Ronan

Are men really people-caity 

Don't have the sexy- caity

Paybacks a bitch and so am I- penny mom

Is it a sin to jack off -marvn

Rember God is always watching-Jeffrey

You Are the perry the platypus to my doffimsters-kaz

My step dad got a new girlfriend and she won't stop eating my fruit snacks-Josh

My legs are not being legs and I don't know what to do-Josh

I figured i would share that drowning is bad - brizz

Checkmate God-jordan

Oh the drama of the kings Hawaiian-

chris

We're not playing pass the jizz this my jizz all for me -kaz

You have a sexy ass liver bitch- Eleanor

Don't cut your face off -Kai

There's so much boob in this deck -Micheal

There's the bone marrow -random hallway girl

My eye brows are sculpted by a God -caity

I flabbergasted your mom last night -random cafeteria person

Dude weres your other arm

-Josh

I'm not a maid I'm a gentleman- Jeffrey

I can't give you pesticide but I can give you pasta sauce-caity

Don't juice on me -Josh

I put the body....-unfinished by unknown

Don't die for dick-caity

I've read too much mermaid porn-me

It would only work on insects - Jeffrey

The only thing that can fix adhd is hard drugs -ella Townsend

I don't think God would appreciate hostages-Jeffrey

Where's the hot gos button - chambers

The Bible is a good book -Jeffrey

You deserve love but are you sure -caity packer

My balls won't load- me

That sounds like a bad porno intro- me

I could take her (whispered)eggs!-marvin

If I sell my children do I lose my hats?- Marvin

A dildo made of teeth -me

Whats a dildo- Jeffrey

Nothing like the tooth dildo for the tooth fairy- marvin

Your saying of I loose a tooth I get a dildo Jeffrey Rip my tooth out - Josh

I wanna fuck the tooth fairy - marvin

Shut up your litterley ginger - ella

I have headphones but their Australian for some reason? - Josh

Screw you dessproien -Josh

[archetypal-archivist]

My Beloved, Penis

Fuck it. I was infected by Penis SMP by @demonboyhalo reblogging a bunch of it and the lack of consistent lore bugged me, so I somehow banged out 2000+ words of fanfic about the Penis SMP and how it got started. Lots of internet humor and classic MInecraft shenanigans in this one folks. *slaps roof* This baby can fit so much crack treated seriously, lol. This is also up on my AO3, Zazibine, if you would prefer to read it there.

_-_-_-_

It was never supposed to get so big. It was just an SMP with a couple friends of his he had met from the Hypixel discord server, where he had logged on simply to trash talk the absolute asshole who had dared to kill him last minute in bedwars, only to stumble upon said asshole- going under the name shittyfartbaby69 of all things- complaining to his girlfriend(?) Milfboss in the voice chat. Thirty minutes later of awkward hellos and the manliest of bitching at each other (with Milf chiming in every once in a while to roast them both), and PenisUnavailable had perhaps his first Minecraft friend in, like, forever.

Then Admiral_Anus had entered chat, bitching about his competitor in ABBA Mining and his bullshit bad luck and the whole process repeated. By the end of the day, Penis had three new friends, a private discord server for the four of them, and a promise to meet up with them in Hypixel next Sunday for the ultimate round of bedwars.

The game went spectacularly. Somehow, Admiral had some of the best bridging skills any of them had ever seen, and between Milfboss' terrifying Scottish screaming and pvp and Shitty with his clutch TNT skills, the three of them almost made up for Penis' awful depth perception. They still lost around forty percent of their games, but that was certainly better than Penis' own abysmal record, not helped with his habit of walking off the edge at inconvenient times.

And it was... fun. Usually bedwars was just him playing in his bedroom alone for an hour before he rage-quit and went back to survival for a bit before he died to fall damage and rage quit that too. But shittyfartbaby69 would crack dirty jokes that he'd never even heard of before, and Milfboss would roast him for looking it up on reddit and Shitty would cuss her out as he tried to prove that no, he was being original- all while Admiral would comment of them as if they were a sideshow display. Then Admiral_Anus would turn around and knock an enemy player off their island with some clever pvp and they would all hoot and holler and swear for a while before going back to their conversation, joking about forgetting the topic and starting up a running gag about something new.

And their accents, mmm. PenisUnavailable would never say it, but he really was as American as white Wonder bread and Milfboss' Scottish brogue, Admiral's smooth British snark, and Shitty's shrieking in Australian, well. Ear candy, you know? Even if he teased them mercilessly for pronouncing shit wrong, like "buhguhr". Ppffttt, it still cracked him up how Milfboss had threatened to murder him after the dictionary app on his phone had proved him right that it was actually "Bur-gur", even if Admiral kept insisting it was pronounced "bruh-girl".

Four hours and twenty-eight wins later, they had agreed to meet up the next day to play again, preferably at an hour that wasn't two am for Shitty again. (It was two am for Shitty again, although that was because they played for six that time.) Eventually, it just became a regular thing, them playing bedwars and competing at ABBA Caving- the one game Penis was unnaturally good at, much to Admiral's annoyance- to the point where they ran out of funny jokes about their competitors and the game itself and started talking personal anecdotes.

Milfboss owned a motorcycle. Admiral, entirely independently, also owned a motorcycle, as that was the only vehicle of reasonable speed and style that could actually handle the London traffic. Shitty couldn't drive at all, something about never passing his driving test. Admiral ate cheese at breakfast. Shitty liked to burn his garbage in a metal oil drum in his backyard. Milfboss posted herself singing covers of shit over on Youtube. And it wasn't just real life stuff either- their minecraft skills were also on the table for them all to collectively roast.

Admiral had never seen a single Minecraft Championship. Milfboss thought a flat cobblestone roof was entirely acceptable. Shitty's favorite block was the flint and steel. (That's not a block, sixty-niner. Shut up, is too. OoOh, real clever, 'shut up'! Uh, how about no? How about I fuckin' make you, ever think 'a that? No nono nonono, I'm on two hearts! I'm on two hearts, stop!) It made him curious, honestly. He wanted to see Milf's builds for himself, get revenge on Shitty, see if Admiral really could beat the Ender Dragon with a knockback stick like he said he could.

So he made a minecraft server. And they all joined it. (And stuck PenisUnavailable with the bill, suckaaahhh~!)

Predictably, it all went to Hell in a hand basket pretty quick.

See, it's one thing to play with nutters like his friends in a structured set up like Hypixel games, it's quite another to try and keep a semblance of order in an open world survival server like the Penis SMP. The first five minutes had been him trying to explain the rules and teleporting everyone back to spawn over and over as they tried to "escape the cops," ie, him. The next five minutes was Shitty scream-laughing "scatter!" and other John Mulany references down the mic as everyone ran off to start their houses. Penis, as he was still "god" at that moment, used admin commands to find the closest flower field biome to settle into, hoping for some- ha- peace and quiet.

Shitty, inevitably, ended up trying to settle in the fucking Nether. Like a mad lad, you know, as you do when you are apparently obsessed with all things lava. Milfboss ended up making an oak plank box of a "tree house" in a dark oak forest, while Admiral_Anus picked a nearby swamp for his starter base. Outside of that, they just kinda vibed in discord as they tried to fend off the mobs and get enough resources to try and build up houses that were a bit more than cobblestone towers and wood boxes- er, mostly. Milf kinda just fucked off to go mining, found a skeleton spawner by chance, and made a set of iron gear to stand in the dungeon room with to just chill and kill mobs for a while. She ended up with something like 45 levels and burned her only diamond on an enchanting table so she could buff the Hell out of her iron weapons and armor.

Penis, rather typically, he though to himself, put together a basic sheep farm and started work on a cute little cobblestone cave base. He managed to get a whole twenty by twenty block room done and fully furnished before he noticed the chat full of Shitty's death messages and went to go investigate. After nearly dying in lava twice, he managed to find Shitty's pile of items floating on a basalt pillar about a hundred blocks out from his... base?

It was a soccer ball. Shitty's base was a perfect fucking spherical soccer ball made up of quartz blocks and basalt. Just. What. The Fuck??? Then out popped shittyfartbaby69 and it was PenisUnavailable's turn to misjudge a jump and plummet right into lava. Fifteen minutes and much shrieking later about losing his diamond pick, and it turns out that Shitty didn't really care about his lost items, as he really only had four gold picks, a stack of dark oak, two furnaces, a bucket, and thirteen cooked mutton to his name. Not even a bed, the fucker. He just ran back to his portal from spawn every time he just burned to death, taking the chance to gather resources on the way back each time.

And no, he wasn't following a tutorial for his "football" base. Jerk. (Although Penis did have to admire his determination...)

The day ended on Milfboss, Shitty, and Penis reconvening back at spawn to try and hunt down Admiral_Anus, who they found later having built a thirty block tall castle of all things. Out of cobble stone and the windows weren't quite even, but still, it was pretty impressive. And of course, when presented with a castle, what can what do but siege it? So they lay siege to the castle and Milfboss curb-stomped Admiral in pvp and laid claim to the throne, crowning herself queen before summarily throwing the rest of them out. It was a good day.

And the day after was a good day. They played dodge ball crossed with hide and seek in forest around Penis' house with arrows supplied by Milfboss. And the day after that, too, where they had a building competition using nothing but cobble stone, specifically to spite Milfboss, who had kicked all of their asses the day before. In fact, three wonderful weeks passed of doing normal Minecraft shit and being friends passed by, and every bit of it was great fun.

And then came the fucking role play.

PenisUnavailable would have liked to preface that with he only participated under duress, but really, Milfboss had been queen for too long and nobody wanted to risk TNT cannoning any of Shitty's nice builds, so. Well, the castle was better than his drafty cave, alright? It was cold and wet and didn't have a proper door because aesthetic (and because it usually took him several tries to work an iron pressure plate door), so there were far too many mobs wandering in at night and spawn camping him. He and Shitty had almost the same number of deaths and Shitty lived in the fucking Nether.

So yeah. Castle time, baby! Daddy needs a new home! And Admiral obviously wasn't happy living out of Milf's awful tree house hot box where they all did drugs together on day fifteen and it still smelled of burnt wheat seeds, aka "weed." It was only obvious that they teamed up to try and take back the castle.

The battle itself didn't exactly go great, but it wasn't exactly horrible either. A lot of shouting shit at each other for fifteen minutes, the majority of which he wouldn't remember until it was too late- something about server unity?- only to find out that it wasn't two on one girl boss, it was two on a girl boss and her "baked out of his mind" henchman, also known as Shitty in a squirrel furry skin.

The ears man. Those stupid (cute) ears.

And then they were running for their lives because Milf had somehow gotten her hands on a flame bow with infinity enchants.

It all culminated in a dramatic stand-off in front of Shitty's Nether Soccer ball, Milf on one side, diamond axe in hand, not a bit of armor on because of an unfortunate run in with lava, Penis and Admiral on the other, picks in hand, threatening to tear down shittyfartbaby69's base. Shitty wasn't online just then to comment, but they could all hear him click-clacking away on his keyboard so he obviously hadn't gone to sleep just yet like he said he had. At an impasse, and unable to justify letting her teammate's home be used as collateral, Milfboss stood down and gave up her "crown," an enchanted golden Prot IV helmet she had gotten off a skeleton from her spawner.

Then the great betrayal, the beginning of the end. Shitty came back online. 96-Cam joined the game, not that they noticed in the chaos. Admiral-Anus cackled wildly and PMed Milfboss the message that Shitty had sent him, giving Team Gay Sex permission to tear down his base in the name of winning the war if it came down to it- making Milf's sacrifice worthless in the end. Penis gave another dramatic speech, circling around Shitty, who was acting weirdly apologetic to Milf about betraying her and still wearing that fucking squirrel furry skin.

"You see Milf, there's one thing more powerful than a girl boss, and when it comes down to wars between kingdoms, there's something you need to remember!" Penis got out his golden ax, helpfully labeled 'Piss Off'.  "And that's a dilf with something to lose!" An enderpearl in his off hand and he teleported behind Milf, catching on fire from the lava but still landing the last hit needed to finish her off. She puffed into a cloud of EXP, swearing up a storm, and then Admiral and Penis turned their gaze to the cheering Shitty.

"AAAAAYYY, LET'S GO DADDY!" the squirrel man screeched, wild laughter shorting out the discord voice chat, making him go quiet in patches when the volume overloaded the client. Behind him, Admiral quietly started building a chair out of birch fence posts and slabs.

"Not so fast, shit-ty-fart-baaaaa-byyyyy~, this isn't quite over yet!" Penis fucking chirped, barely holding back his laughter. "You're still a fucking traitor and we can't have you backstabbing us too. Get in the chair for Daddy, okay baby?"

Admiral finished the chair just in time for Shitty to turn around and see the completed monstrosity, shrieking dying off immediately. "Oh screw you, that's just mean. The Hell man? That's not a chair, that's illegal. If you want an electric chair or some shit, just ask. That's just sad." Mentally shrugging, Admiral lit up his work with a flint and steel while Penis pillared up above where Shitty was building an electric chair out of iron bars and trap doors. Admiral nudged Shitty into the chair, Penis dumped a bucket of lava over the edge of the pillar so it flowed over him, and Shitty started giving a soliloquy about how betrayal and how his love for his "Daddy" still "burned strong".

Like his dick. Apparently.

By the time the lava finally hit the floor and burned Shitty to death, Penis was crying with laughter, shrieking down the mike and banging on the desk hard enough to make him forget that his was still on the mouse, making him mine the block under him with the bucket and sending him hurtling to his fiery death too.

It was a good day... almost.

Because, as it turned out, shittyfartbaby69 was actually a tiktokker of some renown and his cam account had record everything. And he had uploaded the bit to tiktok, as you do, where it went viral, where it wasn't supposed to. And Milfboss, who had recently been uploading covers of herself singing old classic Minecraft songs, had attracted the Minecraft fandom kids to her twitter, where she had gone to post her rage about the events of her dethroning and Shitty's execution.

Penis SMP had gotten on. Fucking. Trending. And now everyone was demanding the full clip, their names, their Twitch streamer handles, their characters' backstories.

The masses wanted lore.

Penis watched in disbelief, head in his hands and mouth agape as sugar crash played over a clip of him killing Milf on loop.

They were making memes.

...Oh god. They were screwed.

[gunsatthaphan]

50 questions tag!

I got tagged by @soiledtaste​ thank you!!!! 🥰💫

Literally no one cares about this nor will read all of it lmaoo but I’m bored so here we go!! 💕

what color is your hairbrush?: green & orange (i have 2 lol)

name a food you never eat: blue cheese ew

are you typically too warm or too cold?: I’m literally always hot and I hate it.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago?: watching a yt documentary 

what’s your favorite candy bar?: Snickers! 

have you ever been to a professional sports game?: yes, I’ve been to a basketball game and to a few soccer games.

what’s the last thing you said out loud?: ??? I think I said “okay” to my mom lol

what’s your favorite ice cream?: melon & banana 💫 

what was the last thing you had to drink?: fanta

do you like your wallet?: Yes I love it, I’ve had it forever though and I’m about to buy a new one (concludes the fact that no one cares about skjdh)

what’s the last thing you ate?: a slice of bread

did you buy any new clothes last weekend?: yes, a new jacket

what’s the last sporting event you watched?: probably the soccer world cup 2 years ago lmao

what is you favorite flavor of popcorn?: sweet

who’s the last person you sent a text to?: my classmate from Chinese class bc of homework lol

ever go camping?: yes, I used to go camping every year with my family when I was younger 💓 

do you take vitamins?: I used to but currently no.

do you go to church every sunday?: no, I’m not religious. 

do you have a tan?: I WISH but I’m the whitest white bread ever lol 

do you prefer chinese or pizza?: wow...... why would you make me choose. Love both can’t decide... 

do you drink soda through a straw?: nope

what color socks do you usually wear?: black, blue or white

do you ever drive above the speed limit?: more than I care to admit...

what terrifies you?: deep waters

look to your left, what do you see?: a stack of papers and my airpods.

what chore do you hate the most?: doing the dishes.

what do you think of when you hear an australian accent?: troye sivan

what’s your favorite soda?: coke ;) 

do you go in fast food places or just hit the drive thru?: I rarely go to fast food places but if I do I always use the drive thru.

what’s your favorite number?: 7 I think? idk why

who’s the last person you talked to?: my mom

favorite cut of beef?: oof i have no idea. I’ll eat anything as long as it’s tender I guess.

last song you listened to?: Speechless - Rachel Platten

last book you read?: Ari & Dante 

can you say the alphabet backwards?: nah

favorite day of the week?: Friday

how do you like your coffee?: black with a few shots of milk 

favorite pair of shoes?: my old ass sneakers I’ve had for 432 years lol

time you normally get up?: Around 7am when I have to work, around 11am when I’m free. 

sunrise or sunsets?: sunsets

how many blankets on your bed?: one

describe your kitchen plates?: white lol.

describe your kitchen at the moment?: not the biggest and a bit cluttered but usually very clean. 

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?: i only drink red wine, every other type of alcohol makes me sick lol. 

do you play cards?: i used to when I was younger but not anymore.

what color is your car?: pastel-purple-y (not to flex but my car is the prettiest lol)

can you change a tire?: I WISH

your favorite state/province/county/etc.?: in my own country: anything in the north really, in another country: San Diego County, CA & Bretagne, France 

favorite job you’ve had?: working as an editor at a movie production company. It was just an internship for university but it’s been my favorite job so far. 

how did you get your biggest scar?: had a bike accident when I was 9 and got a scar on my knee

this was fun, thanks for tagging me!!!! 💫

I’m tagging: @emisfritish @sashitaka @lostinbl @sarawatism @gulfkanawut @tharntypesupportclub @nakyngs @maddiesup @earthpodd @thehuns-bubble-tea @nieves-de-sugui @dollopheadsandclotpoles @sunmorkcafe @bl-crossingtheline @zeejade88 and everyone else who wants to do it! 

(I’m aware this is super long so pls feel free to ignore it haha)

xxx 💓

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary - Chapter 40

WARNINGS: Profanity

Tagging: @alievans007​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @thorsbathroomchicken​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @valkyrie-of-the-light​

Billy Flynn is all smiles when she enters the pub's back room; a broad, pleased grin that stretches from ear to ear and shows off his dazzling white teeth.  In normal circumstances...and in the old days...she would have found him attractive and irresistible; on the shorter end of the scale, but stocky and powerful. Broad shoulders and thick neck, an elaborate tattoo travelling from the left side of his collarbone and reaching his wrist. Auburn hair and sensational green eyes. Had she run into him ten years ago, she would probably would have taken the chance; allowing things to cross that dangerously thin line, even if just for one night.  He's dressed casually, yet still well put together. A pair of well fitting jeans and a white t-shirt that seems to be stretching its limits as it struggles to cover his chest, the fabric tight around his biceps. He'd dressed with purpose; not wanting to look too eager to impress, but certain that he'd still be pleasing to the eye. And he moves to greet her, intending to place a hand on her hip and a kiss to her cheek, but then stopping in his tracks when he realizes they're not alone.  And that confident, pleased grin immediately turns into a scowl.

“I'd think twice about that, mate,” Tyler warns, when he sees the hand that's reaching for his wife.

“Who's this?” Billy address Esme, attempting to laugh off the awkwardness of the situation. “Body guard? Big bastard, ain't he?”

“Actually,” she says. “He's my husband.”

His frown deepens, as does the disappointment and the hostility in his eyes. “Thought you said you were separated.”

“I'm not who you think I am.  My name isn't Meghan Young. And I'm not a reporter from Chicago.  I'm actually from Colorado. And my real name is Esme. Esme Rake. And this is my husband. Tyler.”

That frown turns into a knowing smirk. He recognizes the name. “You're the Australian.”

“Yeah,” Tyler says.  “I guess I am.”

“You're the one that's here to help Michael McMann. You have a hell of a lot of balls showing up here.”

“Balls of steel,” Tyler confirms, flashing a smirk of his own.

“You're a gutsy, fucker. I'll give you that. Thought maybe you'd get the message by now.”

“What message is that?”

“We don't appreciate the likes of you coming here and sniffing around. Trying to cause problems. We have nothing to do with McMann's wife and kids. Guy is just trying to stir up shit and he's using you to do it.  Word travels fast in certain circles. I heard the Buckmans sent some folks to fuck you up,” he gestures towards the various injuries; the black eye and the visible stitches at the top of Tyler's brow.  “What does the other guy look like?”

“The same as the other three. Dead.”

“You realize that fucker's been playing you right? I thought the likes of you would be smarter than that. I've heard the stories, Australian. I've heard all about the damage you can cause. Impressive. A guy like you would actually come in handy around these parts. There's lot of people our organization would like to fuck up. And if you're as good as the stories say you are, you'd fit in nicely around here. And we can pay. A lot more than whoever you're working for now is paying you.”

“Not interested. I'm not a terrorist.”

“Bet you all the hundreds upon hundred of blokes you've fucked up over the years would say differently. I bet they were plenty terrorized by you.  You could have a good life here. The pay would be excellent. Your wife and your kids would have a great life. We'd make sure of it.”

“Like I said,” Tyler remains steadfast.  “I'm not interested. And I'm not here to stick my nose in your business. I'm here because I have something you want. And I'm willing to give it to you. For a price.”

“We don't do that kind of business with your type. You walked into the wrong bar, Australian. You best be walking out of it unless you want me to have some of the boys show you out.”

“I'd like to see your boys try, mate. I've dealt with bigger and better than the likes of you. I don't intimate. I don't get scared. I get even. And if you knew what was good for you, you'd shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to offer.”

“I highly doubt you have anything I'd be interested in. Unless you're offering up your pretty little wife here. I'd be more than willing to take her off your hands. For free.”

A brief smirk causes the corner of Tyler's mouth to twitch,  and he takes a step towards the younger, smaller man.  

“We're not here to cause problems,” Esme attempts to diffuse the situation, physically placing herself between the two men. “We're here to talk.”

“Ditch the husband and we can talk all you want, love. I was expecting you show up alone.”

“That was never going to happen,” Tyler says. “You got played, mate. She walked in here and talked her game and sucked you right in. I bet you didn't see that coming, did you. I bet you looked at her and thought she was just some tiny, weak, vulnerable thing you could take advantage of. She fucked you. And not the good, fun type of fucked either. She was never going to walk in here alone. Over my dead body.”

“That could be arranged,” Billy retorts. “There's a lot of people who wouldn't mind taking their shot. I bet it would pay damn good money to kill the likes of you.  The man. The myth. The legend.”

Tyler gives a derisive snort, then takes another step, once more prompting Esme to take action, planting herself between them once more.

“Okay, both of you need to calm the hell down,” she says. “Check the fucking egos, boys. Now is not the time. We just want to talk, Billy. That's it.”

“About what?”

“We have something....or someone... that you want,”  Tyler informs him.

“We can get you Michael McMann,” Esme says. “But there's some things we want in exchange.”

“What kind of things? We're not in the business of working with outsiders, or granting favours to them.”

“Maybe we could sit down and discuss this,” she suggests. “Because I don't know about the two of you, but there's just a little too much tension in this room and I think everyone needs to take a seat and chill the fuck out.  We need to shit can the hostility and be rational, reasonable adults. Being like this...” she gestures between the two men.  “...is not going to solve anything. Billy, this is not a fight you want to get into. Because if you throw that first punch, you won't get another one in. He will end you. No questions asked. And there won't be a goddamn thing you or your boys can do about it.”

“Is this really the hill you want to die on?”  Tyler asks. “Because if it is, you just say the word, mate,  and I'll make it happen.”

The other man finally relents; nodding slowly as he considers the full impact of the consequences he'd face if he did lash out. And he clears his throat noisily and turns away from them, gesturing towards the table that's already been set for dinner, dishes of cold foots and several different choices of beverages on display.  “Can't let this all go to waste now, can we? Some good food and drink always starts a conversation off on the right foot. Join me. Let's talk. Tell me what it is you have and what you think I want.”

****

No one speaks for several minutes; Billy digging eagerly into the food as his guests sit back, watching and waiting.  The tension still hangs in the air, but not with near the same amount of heaviness and discomfort. Esme has spent the majority of her time using a fork to push food around on her plate; an elaborate salad consisting of various types of lettuce, root vegetables, cranberries and almonds a sweet vinaigrette. She'd felt hungry; needing to get something into her nervous and relatively empty belly. But the second it was on her plate and the sight and the smell hit, any and all appetite and desire went straight out the window. And when Tyler feels her leg begin to shake nervously against his,  he presses a tender, soothing kiss to her temple, then briefly lays a comforting hand on her thigh before getting up to pour her a glass of ice water from the pitcher in the middle of table.

“Are you sure you don't want anything?” Billy address him.  “There's lot to go around. Saoirse is a fantastic cook. One of the best in Belfast. If not the entire country.”

“I'm fine,” Tyler says.

“Something to drink? I've got it all. Anything you could possibly want. You want beer, I got beer. I've got best single malt scotch in all of Ireland. And some pretty good rye and rum.  Pick your poison.”

“I'm fine,” Tyler insists. “I'm not here to break bread with you, mate. This isn't a social visit. So how about we cut the shit and get down to business? I don't want you wasting my time. And I'm sure you don't want me wasting yours.”

“You've been wasting it since you walked in here,” Billy says. “You have a hell of nerve, Australian. Thinking you can just walk in here and make demands. Threaten people.”

“I haven't even gotten started. You want demands? I've got demands. You want threats? Well I have loads of those too. Only difference between you and me is that I follow through on my threats. And call me Australian one more time, and I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat, someone is going to have to go up your ass to remove them.”

Esme noisily clears her throat; sipping at her water as she shifts nervously beside him.

“Strictly business,” Billy smirks. “I've heard that about you. That you don't fuck around. That you like to get in, get your hands dirty, and get the hell out.  And you've fucked a lot of shit up...a lot of people up, if the stories are to be believed. I've heard you have quite the temper. That you're pretty damn savage. Brutal. Merciless.”

“Only if I have to be. And if you keep fucking me around like this, you're going to see just how bad it can get. So about we just get right down to it. No more games. Because I'm not in the mood to be fucked around with.”

“Fair enough,” Billy says. “I like that about you. You don't take anyone's shit.  You call people out on their crap.  I respect that. Like I've already said, you'd be a good addition to the family. We need someone like you to go in and fuck shit up. Someone that can intimidate but won't be intimidated. You sure you're not ready to move on to bigger and better things? Because we'd make it worth your while.”

“I already said I'm not interested. I don't care how good you make things sound or how much you can offer me. You people are the last ones I'd ever get mixed up with. Now do you want McMann or not?”

“We'd already have him if we wanted him.”

“Bullshit. He's gone deep underground, mate.  He knows how to hide. And he knows how to stay hidden. The IRA taught him that. He's out there. And he's got all the IRA's secrets. All the skeletons in the closet. He's just biding his time. He's going to sit back and wait and then when you least expect it, he's going to blow shit up.  You don't have him because you can't find him.  No matter how hard you poke around.”

“And you think you can? Find him?”

“I don't need to find him. I already know where he is. All I have to do is call him and arrange to meet with him. That'll get him out of hiding right quick.”

“You think he'll come running just because you say so?”  Billy smirks. “What makes you think you're so goddamn special?”

“I don't think he'll come running. I know he will.  I just killed four of his men. I just uncovered all his dirty little secrets I know him and his wife are the ones that planned all of this; staging her abduction, taking the kids, trying to pin it all on you and get me here to cause all kinds of shit.  He knows I know all of it. He knows I can blow the whole fucking thing wide open and make things a hell of a lot worse for him.”

“So why don't you?” the other man inquires. “Why don't you make things a hell of a lot worse for him?”

“I'm already in the process of doing that, mate. You're not the only one I'm working with.”

“Let's get this straight...Australian..Rake...we are not working together. We...the IRA...we don't work with outsiders.”

“But you'll want to this time,” Esme speaks up. “You'd be stupid not to.”

Billy smirks. “Love, your really nice to look at, but this is a man's conversation so...”

“Don't fucking talk to her like that,” Tyler's voice is low but menacing. Eyes dark.  Jaw tight.  “Don't ever talk to my wife like that. You don't disrespect her. You don't talk down to her. You don't order her around. Because you try it again, and I will hand you your ass, understand me?”

The other man blinks at the vehemence in his voice, then nods.

“McMann wants me dead,” Tyler says.  “And not just 'cause I figured out his dirty secret and  I fucked up four of his guys.  That just made it worse. He's wanted me dead for a while now.  Someone hired him. To come after me. He was supposed to get the job done in Guatemala three weeks ago but one of my guys found out what he was up to and put a stop to it.”

“Who'd you piss off?” Billy inquires. “Who hired him?”

“Five years ago,  I killed someone that was going to hurt my wife.  This guy's brother found out about and figured he needed payback.”

“You did the right thing though. You were protecting your girl.  Any man would do that. Any real man, anyway.”

“Well the brother doesn't think so. He managed to land a job with the people I work for and dig up all kinds of shit on me. Personal stuff. My wife's name, where we live, my kids' names and where they go to school.”

Billy scowls. “That's one fucking line that should never be crossed. Bringing a woman and kids into things. I've got a kid of my own. A boy.  I'd kill any bastard that so as much looks at him the wrong way. How many do you have? Kids?”

“Four.,” Tyler says. “A little girl, twin boys, and a tenth month old boy. And there's one on the way.  So you can understand even more why I need to protect my family. Why I need to protect my wife.”

“I do.  And congratulations. A baby's always good news that deserves to be celebrated.  So he's after your family? Your kids. McMann?”

“He's concentrating on killing me, but he's sent people after my kids. He sent the Buckmans. Or people associated with them. They've been sending pictures to the house; of my kids, my wife. Letting me know that they'd been watching them and they know where to find them. And they showed up. At my house. So needless to say, I'm a little fucking pissed.”

“Rightfully so,” Billy says. “I'd be ready to kill the bastard too. But the Buckmans? How...?”

“They're working together,” Esme speaks up. “They've been working together from the very beginning. McMann made it seem like the Buckmans were solely responsible. To throw everyone off his scent. But they're both in on it. And they've been using those kids. In the worst possible way. And for that alone they need to be punished. Can you imagine a parent being that sick and twisted? Could you imagine someone doing that to your boy?”

“I'd kill him,” Billy declares. “With no hesitation.  So this was all some big game?” he asks Tyler. “Just to get to you?”

“When he couldn't kill me in Guatemala, he came to Colorado. And he brought this big bullshit story about needing me to find his wife and his kids.  And he's good. Really good. Because I fell for it. He sucked me right in and now look where I am. Stuck in this fucking mess. He thought he'd get me here and I'd cause all kinds of shit with you people and it would be the IRA that would end up killing me and...”

“We thought about,” Billy admits.  “When we found out you were here working with that prick. Then when we heard what you did to his boys the other day, we called it off. Made us think maybe you weren't on his side after all. Now I now you're not. If everything you're telling me is true.”

“I wouldn't bullshit about this, mate. Not when my wife and my kids are involved.  If he'd just come after me, that would have been one thing. But he's sent people to my house. He knows that's what makes me vulnerable; my family. And he knew I'd come here to save a couple kids. That I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't find them and get them the hell out of there. He knows my one, true weakness and he's exploiting the shit out of it.”

“And you'd be willing to just cough him up? Let us have him?”

“It depends.”

“On what?”

“What you'd be willing to offer me in exchange. I'll give him to you, but I've got some demands. Some things that I want. And I won't hand him over unless you agree to them.”

Billy leans back in his chair, hands clasped behind his neck.  “Well let's hear them, Rake. Let's see if it's worth my time getting involved.”

“I will give you McMann and the Buckmans if you send people to watch over my kids. If you can get a couple or a few guys to keep an eye on things. They're in Nebraska. Safe. With someone I trust. But we both know that's not going to stop these people.  That they're going to track them down and find them, no matter how well they hide. I know how badly the Buckmans have pissed off the IRA.  I know you guys want them just as much as you want McMann. So kill two birds with one stone; protect my kids, and hit the Buckmans where it hurts.”

“And you can get him? McMann? You're sure?”

“No doubt in my mind. He wants me dead. He's tried twice now. Fucked it up both times. What's the saying? Third time's the charm? If I call him and say we need to meet to discuss things, if I tell him I'm about to blow shit up and cause him a world of hurt, he'll show up.”

“And if he brings people with him? You know he won't show up alone. He doesn't have the balls to go toe to toe with you. He knows he'd lose. So he brings a bunch of guys with him and then what? You have to fight your way out of that? You're good, but you're not that good.”

“I wouldn't be going into this alone. I have people that will watch my back and get involved if they need to. But if I can get him there alone, I can handle him myself. I won't kill him. Even though I want to. I'll let you guys do that.”

“And all you want is for us to keep an eye on your kids?”

Tyler nods. “That's all I want. That's all that matters. You keep an eye on my kids while I go and find McMann's.”

Billy sighs, then leans forward to pick up his stein; taking a long sip of his lager.  “You realize I can't make this decision on my own, right? I can't just tell you here and now that we're in on this. There's people above me.  With more power. They're the ones that have to make the decision on whether we want to be part of this or not.”

“I understand that, mate. But you can be the person that goes to them and convinces them that this needs to be done.  Because I know you want to do it. You're a father, just like me. And I know you'd do anything in your power to protect your boy.”

“That I would,” he agrees.

“I've got to get those kids. McMann and his wife are letting this happen. They're behind it. What's going on with those kids is very real and it's fucking twisted and sick and I need to get them the fuck out of there before it gets even worse.  But I can't do that if I need to go home and protect my own.”

“If it was up to me, if I had the final say, I would do it,” Billy admits. “In a heartbeat.  But I'm just one guy. And you need more than just one guy.  I'm going to need some time.  A couple days. Four at the most. To get everyone together that I need to get. Are you kids safe? For the time being?”

“There with someone I trust,” Tyler says.  “And I don't trust many people.”

“I'll contact who I need to contact. But if anything gets worse...if even more shit goes down...and your kids suddenly aren't safe any more, you get a hold of me right away and I'll round up a couple buddies and we'll go there ourselves.  Deal?”

“Deal,” he agrees.

“In the meantime, you keep yourself alive. Maybe even have a little fun at our friend McMann's expense.”

Tyler grins. “I plan to.”

*****

“It wasn't a stereotype,” Esme comments, her voice sleepy. “It really does rain here a lot.”

It's shortly before midnight as they lay in a mess of tangled sheets and sweaty, naked limbs.  The windows open; a stiff breeze fluttered the curtains, the rain strong and steady as it beats against both the cement and the metal of the balcony.  Both are sated and spent; three rounds of intense love making and many orgasms (on her part), his back covered in deep, near bloody fingernail gouges, bite marks on his shoulders and collarbone.  All the frustration and aggression and eventual relief being released in the way they know best.

“Makes my fucking head hurt,” Tyler mumbles as he lays on his left side; his face in her hair, a leg draped over hers, and a hand resting just below her breasts. “All the rain.”

“Well look on the bright side. Pain means something still exists up there between your ears.”

He chuckles, then nips at the nape of her neck.  “Fuck you, Esme.”

“You just did. Three times. What more do you want?”

“I dunno. What's our record? For one night?”

“Five. Five and a half actually. I'd say six but you came before I did the last time and we both know that only counts as half.”

He frowns. “That's some bullshit.”

“I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. It is what it is, Tyler. It does not count as a full number if you get to come first.”

“It counts if I go back and get you off. That makes up for the half point. You can't tell me it doesn't. Why wouldn't it count? It counts.”

“No. It doesn't.  Once you lose that half point, you can't get it back. It doesn't matter how hard you try or if you're successful at it.  It doesn't count. You won't convince me otherwise. So don't argue about this. This is a war you will not win.”

“Who makes these rules? I want to see the instructions for this game. Because we're not playing it the same.”

“Everyone knows that's the rule. Everyone. Just because you're asleep at the wheel...”

“It makes no fucking sense that it doesn't count if I go back and finish things off. Explain to me how it doesn't count. Because it counts.”

“There's a time frame you have to finish things in.”

“Says who?”

“The people who make the rules. For fuck sakes Tyler, get your shit together.”

“But who makes the rules? Who are these people?”

“Women whose husbands have the goddamn bloody nerve to come first, that's who.”

He groans in exasperation. “That's only happened twice in five and a half years and you know it.”

“It doesn't matter. It still happened so you still have to follow the rules.”

“Listen, I went back and got the job done. So it fucking counts and that's the end of it. That makes it six.”

“Ughhh...” she moans dramatically. “...you aren't playing by the rules, Tyler James.”

“Fuck your rules,” he chuckles, and she likes the way the noise rumbles deep within his chest, reverberating against her back. “I don't want to play this game anymore.”

“Well I'm sorry if it upsets your delicate sensibilities but that is the rules. It does not count as a full point unless you go back and finish things off in a certain time frame.”

“What's the time frame?””

“Forty five seconds to a minute. You took one minute and ten seconds. So sorry. It does not count.”

“Now you're just changing the rules to suit what you want. You're not playing fair. At all.”

“Do you want to phone a friend? Like on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Because your friends are going to say the same thing because they also have to play by the rules.”

“I'll take 'who is being an unreasonable bitch for two hundred, Alex'.”

“That's Jeopardy. Oh my God. How did I ever marry you? Like what was I thinking? You can't follow the rules, you can't keep your pop culture references correct and in order, you leave dirty socks and underwear in front of the hamper instead of putting them in it, you leave the toilet seat up in the middle of the night...”

“You married me for other reasons.”

“Yeah? Like what? Give me three.”

“I'm tall and I can reach the stuff on the high shelves and you don't need to get a step stool.”

“Okay, I'll agree to that one.”

“I don't mind killing the spiders and all the bugs you say are gross.”

“Hmmm...yeah...you can have that.”

“I have a big dick and I know how to use it.”

She sighs dreamily. “Yes. Yes you do. On both counts.  Fine. You win. I'll give you that extra half point. It's six now.”

He grins and presses a kiss to her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Don't ever say I never do anything nice for you. Because if it gets out that I gave you that half point, I will lose my bitchy wife card and I don't want to give it up.”

“You get to keep your bitchy wife card,” he assures her. “I'll keep my annoying, pain the ass husband card.”

“You may be an annoying pain in the ass, but you're my annoying pain in the ass,” she declares, and looks over her shoulder at him, smiling as he pecks her lips.  “No one elses annoying, pain in the ass. Mine.”

“I'm all yours, babe. All yours.”

“Good,” she says with a content sigh, and then places her hand over his, entwining their fingers together.  And she feels the soft tickle of his lashes against the back of her neck as he closes his eyes. “Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“Please tell me that you're not going alone to meet McMann tomorrow.”

“I already told you, Mark and his guys will be there.”

“Like there, there as in right there, or...”

“Less than a hundred yards away. I'll be wearing a wire; they'll be able to hear everything that's going on. One of them will be acting as a sniper, just in case.”

“I'd feel better if I went with you.”

“What are you going to do that they can't do? They aren't rookies. They know what they're doing. And I'd feel better if you weren't with me.”

“Well that's...rude.”

“I don't mean it like that. If something happens, I don't want you being there. I don't want anything happening to you. Or little bean...” he moves their joined hands down to her stomach. “...I don't want to lose either of you.”

“And I don't want to lose you.  We just found out about the baby. I kind of want him or her to actually meet you.”

“Her,” he says. “It's a her.”

“Yeah? How do you know that?”

“I had a dream the other night. That we had another baby. That it was a girl.”

“Are you just saying that because you know I'm sick of all the testosterone in the house, or...”

“Nope. It's true.  I had a dream that we were in Australia. And we took the kids to the ocean for the first time. And there was another baby. A girl.”

“What did she look like?”

“You. She had your hair and your eyes. And she was tiny. Way smaller than all the rest have been.”

“Hmm...” she runs her thumb along the top of his hand.  “...how did that make you feel?”

“How did what make me feel?”

“Having a girl. Having another daughter.”

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “I was fine with it. Why wouldn't I be? It's a baby. That we made together. I don't care if it's a boy or girl.”

“After Millie, you wanted a son,” she points out.

“Well...yeah....every guy wants a son. At least one.  I ended up with three. So I'm fine with a girl. You know it doesn't matter to me. As long and you and the baby are okay, that's all I care about. And that  is exactly why I don't want you coming with me tomorrow. Just in case things do go to shit.  That way neither of you can get hurt.”

“I don't exactly want you getting hurt either.”

“Baby...” he lifts his head from his pillow, then presses his lips against her temple before resting his cheek against hers. “..I'm going to be fine.”

“I thought you were going to be fine three days ago, but...”

“That's different. We didn't know what McMann was up to yet. Now we know and now I have people watching my back. Nothing bad is going to happen to me. I promise.”

“You know how many times in the past five and a half years you've told me nothing bad is going to happen to you and something bad has happened to you?” she challenges.

“So maybe I should use reverse psychologically from now on? Say that something bad is going to happen and then the opposite happens?”

“That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. But look at you go! Using big words like reverse psychology.”

“You know what, you can be a real bitch sometimes,” he teases, and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“But you love me.”

“Yes,” he says. “Yes I do.”

She smiles and turns towards him, his hand settling on the small of her back, lips against her forehead.  “I love you, Tyler. So much it hurt sometimes.”

“I don't want it to hurt.”

“It's a good hurt, though. It's not the kind of hurt that comes with a broken heart or anything like that. It's a hurt that reminds me that I'm still alive. That you're still alive.  That we've been through so much together.  Yet we're still here. Still working on things. Every day. We don't give up on it. Or each other.”

“I already told you. I'm in this for the long haul. You can't get rid of me that easy.”

“I don't want to get rid of you,” she says. “Ever.”

“Good,” he grins, and drops a kiss on her head before pulling her even tighter against her. “'Cause I think I'll keep you around.”

“Are you still planning on trading me in for two thirty olds when you turn sixty?”

“No. I've changed it to three twenty year olds,” he teases. “Hey, if you can have your rules, I can have mine.”

“I don't like your rules. Fuck you and your rules.”

“Fuck me, huh? Is that an offer?”

“I don't know. How lucky are you feeling?”

He grins. “I'm feeling like I could beat the number six.”

[melllpomene]

I was tagged by @fooflghter​ to answer 50 questions I’ve never been asked before. Thank you so much!! <3

50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked Before.

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? pink!

2. A food you never eat? I hate any meat that isn’t chicken.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold all the time lmao I love my jumpers

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? I was procrastinating doing my essay!

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? It would have to be twix or crunchie bars!

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? No.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? All of that body I need ass and titties (dojacat stans lmk)

8. What’s your favorite ice cream? vienneta

9. What is the last thing you had to drink? tap water

10. Do you like your wallet? It´s super cute and bright red and I love it

11. What was the last thing you ate? bread

12. Did you buy any clothes last weekend? Do accessories count?

13. The last sporting event you watched? I think it was one of the Paul brothers and KSI for the meme

14. What is your favorite of popcorn? Salty.

15. The last person you sent a text message to? My boyfriend

16. Ever go camping? no

17. Do you take vitamins? No

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No because I am Muslim lol

19. Do you have a tan? I am the pastiest type of white there is

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Pizza

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Yes

22. What color socks do you usually wear? Black or white trainer socks

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Sometimes.

24. What terrifies you? Spiders! EW

25. Look to your left what do you see? A pile of books that I don’t need anymore

26. What chore do you hate? VACUUMING

27. What do you think when you hear an Australian accent? The second inbetweeners movie

28. What’s your favorite soda? Fanta or 7upFree

29. Do you go in fast food places or just hit the drive thru? I go all in

30. Favorite cut of beef? I don’t eat meat

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? My best friend

32. What’s the last song you listened to? Dick - Mae Muller

33. The last book you read? The Yellow Wallpaper

34. Favorite day of the week? Thursday

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can if I set my mind do it

36. How do you like your coffee? iced caramel mocha

37. Favorite pair of shoes? AIR MAX

38. At what time do you normally go to bed? around two since corona

39. At what time do you normally get up? 8

40. What do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? Sunset

41. How many blankets are on your bed? 2

42. Describe your kitchen plates? blue

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? Peach malibu

44. Do you play cards? Barely

45. What color is your car? I want a red golf

46. Can you change a tire? No

47. What is your favorite state/ providence? I hate America

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? Working at a record store

49. How did you get your biggest scar? I fell on the staircase :(

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? Made a funny tiktok

I´m tagging @lakewife @whatevenarealevels @literature-n-coffee @tamunonimi @muorpheous <3

[codetrainwreck]

Lelouch of the Re;surrection Summary

This summary is extremely outdated/wrong and only here still for historical purposes. alchimique doesn’t speak Japanese at all so it was bound to be wrong in places.

I made a new, accurate summary after actually seeing the movie myself in Japan which you can view here.

This summary compilation post was sourced from:

My friend alchimique who went to Japan and saw the movie (check out the merchandise and cafe pics on her Twitter!)

An anon from /m/ who also saw the movie and posted the movie pamphlet pictures

Japanese Twitter

touchreceptor’s summary, she also saw the movie!

Australians who saw the movie at the Madman anime festival

Screenshots used are from the existing trailers, review screenshots, KMF lineart, the movie pamphlet, and also the week 6 Japanese theater film strip bonus item. Major spoilers, obviously.

I have 3 disclaimers:

This summary is not perfect

No, I haven’t seen it yet either

I am, and always have been, a Schneizel fangirl only. I don’t ship Lelouch with anyone and I don’t have an agenda here. I have to say this at the start because depending on who/what you ship, this summary is going to make you question reality.

There are more pictures of Eyebrows-kun than other characters because he’s pretty and I’m the person compiling this so enjoy like, all of his appearances lmao.

Onwards!

(If you need a primer to Zilkhstan characters/stuff/lore, check out this post)

Opening scene is the first 5mins from the BD/DVD fan disk that was released before: Tamaki makes a 2nd cafe. Ohgi and Villetta are there with their son, Naoto, named after Kallen’s brother / Ohgi’s friend. We get narration that world is at peace. Nunnally is helping with refugees in the desert area near Zilkhstan. They get ambushed. Shalio is able to “predict” (we’ll get to that later) all of Suzaku’s movements thanks to his sister’s Shamna’s prophecies. There’s a trap set in the desert where Suzaku’s KMF lands. Suzaku and Nunnally get captured.

After Suzaku’s captured, it cuts to a portable TV in back of a truck showing cartoons of a cat and dog on a trampoline and a kid is pointing and giggling at them. The cartoons get interrupted by news about Nunnally and Zero going missing. CC lowers the volume and talks to Jeremiah. It pans to right to reveal a person wearing a tan cloak/poncho and white shirt and pants. And a familiar hat. Hat flutters away. It’s Lelouch. But his eyes are glassy and he’s like an empty husk. (The familiar clothes/hat is the cart driver outfit from the end of the R2 TV anime. However, the cart driver scene doesn’t exist in the recap movie and Re;surrection timeline. Additionally, it’s clear from Lelouch’s mental state that he couldn’t do something like drive a cart w/o CC’s help.)

(If you’d like to know more about how they got Lelouch’s body, check this separate post with an explanation from the movie pamphlet)

Cue “Kono sekai de”.

CC is seen traveling with Lelouch. She’s walking with a giant pack on her back while he walks slowly in front of her wearing a bandana on his head and a white shirt. Then he’s in the back of a truck (no bandana) just sitting around until turbulence causes him to fall over.

CC is seen driving the truck but then it breaks down. She tries to pay a mechanic to fix it but he refuses. They then take a train. Lelouch is seen ambling down the narrow hallway while CC struggles with the pack and she ends up falling and getting stuck while Lelouch doesn’t notice. There’s a nighttime scene at a open air structure and Lelouch is seen sitting on a stone wall in the dark. A spotlight passes over him and CC drags him down out of sight.

Lelouch is seen lagging behind so she nudges him along. Eventually they tag along with other refugees on a truck along a train track. He’s wearing a poncho and is squatting down as she’s making arrangements. He gets up when she puts her pack back on and then follows her quietly.

Then they’re seen going into town and they’re in their hotel. Both are dressed in local clothing. Lelouch is laying on the carpet watching Milly interview Shestal on the news with big blank eyes. CC realizes this while she’s cooking local cuisine (meat buns, naan-like bread, etc) and then switches the program to the same cartoons on the portable TV as before.

On the TV, Milly was talking about “The Puzzlement in Hashvess”. Milly is still a reporter and Rivalz is now her errand boy. There was news about Nunnally and Zero being MIA.

CC puts the food on a middle eastern dining style mat. We see that Lelouch has a Code on his throat. It looks like a shadow there. Lelouch picks up a bun and squeezes it. It starts oozing meat juices (clear at first, then turns red) and THIS FREAKS HIM OUT. He screams a lot and accidentally punches CC in the nose and makes her bleed. She calms him down as he tries to run away.

He’s still glassy-eyed half-dead doll person at this point. CC looks outside and sees a suspicious truck. She hides sleeping Lelouch in his bed behind a curtain and gets READY TO FIGHT. Turns out it’s Kallen. CC asks why she’s there, and Kallen says they (her/Sayoko/Lloyd) were sent to save Nunnally.

But it turns out that The Bad Guys (a squad of assassins led by Kujapat, all from the Geass Cult) followed them. Kujapat shoots CC because if she was a tourist, she wouldn’t be in this particular location. After, Kujapat Geasses Kallen, making him her ally and her real allies her enemies, so Kallen ends up fighting Sayoko and Lloyd cause she sees them both as Kujapat. Sayoko subdues Kallen. CC tries to shoot Kujapat as he escapes but she misses. After, Kallen is released from Kujapat’s Geass and he tries to Geass CC instead, but of course it doesn’t work and him and the bad guys scram.

CC remembers Lelouch is still there. He’s quietly freaking out behind the curtain in a ball. Kallen notices him and goes “O_O” and everyone else is like “Oh. Is that LELOUCH?” The sight of other people makes Zombie Lelouch freak the fuck out. CC explains that this isn’t the same Lelouch they knew before.

Cut to EVIL SCIENCE DEPARTMENT. Suzaku is tied up in his dungeon thing. Shalio wheels up and is like “Sup, Suzaku.” Gets mad at him and whips him a bit. Shalio has a camera that displays different parts of Suzaku’s body zoomed in / CSI enhanced as well. Shalio is then called to do something and leaves Suzaku all alone. Also, Suzaku’s spinkick is such a meme even in-universe that they identified Suzaku was the new Zero because of it.

Cut back to CC and the gang. They’re in Sayoko’s truck now. Lelouch is looking through a kaleidoscope and drinking something at the same time. Liquid dribbles down his chin and someone (CC?) wipes it away. Kallen asks what the hell is going on with Lelouch. CC explains that she revived him in body only, but now she needs to get back into Cs’ World to grab his soul, and an entrance to Cs’ World is under the Great Prison of Sorrow in the Gimsurat Flats. Kallen starts crying and thinks this is all terrible.

They take their truck and drive it to the prison (that one in the rocky place with the bridge) and Sayoko disguises herself as a man while the others disguise selves as prisoners (the white suits). Lloyd stays in the truck. Sayoko leads them in and then she and Kallen kick the shit out of everyone. CC gives the prison key card to one of the prisoners and the prisoners let themselves out and arm themselves.

Lelouch is confused. CC leads them all to the Gate of Alam - this chamber with a door with the Geass signal on it (it’s got softer curves). Kallen tries to Lelouch it’s okay, but she gets upset when Lelouch just stares blankly at her. She starts crying, and Lelouch tries to comfort her and pet her hair (reacting to her sorrow) and she ends up bawling into his shoulder/chest. She doesn’t like it when he looks at her with his zombie vegetable stare. The Gate of Alam is covered by water. CC activates the flood gates, revealing the door and a V-shaped path with a stepping stone in the middle.

CC activates the door and transports herself and Lelouch to Cs world. Sayoko and Kallen (skin under eyes puffy) chat a bit. Meanwhile Lloyd is doing some hacking into the facilities and creeps on Suzaku who is still alone in the dungeon and is like “oh this won’t do~~”. As it conveniently turns out, the door they need is also right under the prison Suzaku is in.

Scenes with most of the new Zilkhstan characters. At the temple in the capital city, Kujapat tells Shamna about CC and teases Shestal. (Supposedly, he teases him for being a pretty face on TV. Poor Shestal. Not his fault he was born super pretty. orz)

Back to Cs’ World, we see beams of light representing Lelouch and CC and they land in a rocky place with that purple orb from the trailer. They approach. Lelouch is still confused as fuck. CC then sees Marianne and Charles inside the orb with a look of disdain. CC remarks that she can’t believe Charles still hasn’t let go of Lelouch after all of this time. They don’t speak but just appear and then disappear. As she touches it, it turns into orange and black ash.

C.C’s shaken by it but tries touching the orb anyways. I think there’s a particle effect that happens (the chaotic stuff we see in the trailer) and Lelouch FREAKS OUT and screams as he stumbles backwards and disappears. (You see the common theme here so far...)

Cut back to Kallen and Sayoko. As it turns out, the “prisoners” that CC freed to use as a distraction are not actually prisoners. They’re hired hands working for Zilkhstan to bamboozle CC and the gang in exchange for KMFs. Sayoko is subdued by a bald skinny dude with a killer beyblade and sticky gunk. Kallen is subdued by Bitool. The ass from the trailer is hers.

Cut back to Cs’ World. CC reaches for him but misses. CC is seen flying/floating about trying to find him. Various silhouettes appear here (such as Euphy). The last silhouette is Charles. The silhouettes all reach out then fall. Then you see a hand reaching for a bright light. Finally, CC wakes up in front of the door. The prisoners are there and have Lloyd/Sayoko/Kallen in burrito things. Then they shoot CC a bunch.

(For the longer explanation from the pamphlet about this particular scene in Cs’ World, please see this post)

So she’s just bleeding on the ground and then we see another figure standing in front of the door on this little stone step (there’s a channel of water running to the door; stone steps). And it’s..... LELOUCH.

Lelouch is back. And his mark is RED (sometimes it’s red, sometimes it’s like a scar). He tells all of the fake prisoners to kill themselves, and they do. Lloyd and Sayoko (she wasn’t Geassed in the recap movies) cover their eyes. Lelouch pulls CC out of the water and tells her that he’s back, and that they’ll have something to talk about later. He has both Code and Geass and there’s a new animation effect when he uses his Geass. But when other characters use Geass, the animation effects are the same as during R2.

Cut back to Suzaku. Suzaku is bandaged (very much like in episode 2) and it’s night time. He stirs to see Lelouch sitting on the ledge of a large window. Lelouch has Geassed a guard and a doctor (to patch up Suzaku). Moonlit. Lelouch is chilling and looking at a portable computer from Lloyd, casually talking to Suzaku. Suzaku gets up and staggers towards him and asks, “Is it really you?”

And then Suzaku ever so gently touches Lelouch’s face with his index finger to make sure Lelouch is real. The touch had higher budget than CC flying through Cs’ World. It’s close up of Lelouch’s lips and cheek and you can see how soft his skin is and that he isn’t a ghost.

CC and Kallen chat. CC mentions to Kallen that Lelouch intended to die and what she was doing here is out of her own selfishness.

Suzaku’s very emotional about Lelouch’s return, but Lelouch is just like “cool”. Suzaku asks him how he’s alive, what he’s been doing, etc. Lelouch tells him he’ll accept any punishment, so Suzaku punches him and starts screaming. Part of this scene is semi-graphic. The other part is abstract silhouettes (for some reason it goes white and the figures are blue/white/purple colors). CC has to pull Suzaku back before he beats Lelouch back to death. It’s the part from the trailer where he goes, “CC...” then collapses.

Suzaku takes a fucking chill pill and is now wearing a prisoner outfit too. Then they meet with Lloyd, who’s driving a KMF. It turns out that Bitool is still alive as he wasn’t with the other fake prisoners when Lelouch told them to die. Lelouch and CC are in a control room. Lelouch has that portable computer thing again. CC is there. Kallen runs in and hugs Lelouch. Suzaku comes in in his prisoner outfit and hops into one of the KMFs.

Outside of the prison, Shestal and a group of soldiers have traveled through the desert (following the earlier scene w/the Zilkhstan characters) and surrounded the compound. Lelouch is seen Geassing prisoners as “Lelouch vi Britannia”, reaches out via sound-only to taunt Shestal by insulting his family and calling him a dumbass, then issues commands to Sayoko, “K1″ (Suzaku), and the Geassed prisoners.

A fight breaks out. Because Shestal is in fact a complete dumbass (and also Sunrise hates me), he gets pissed and goes down below to where Suzaku’s room was at and breaks open the window with his KMF, the Jarja Bakah. (They don’t even say the name of his KMF in the movie, so I don’t think we’re ever getting an official romanization for this LOL.)

This is the part from the trailer where he says he’s here to get Zero. Except Lelouch and the gang are long gone and have left a Sakuradite bomb trap behind for Shestal which takes out him + the other floors in the prison. (Given the fate of his Akito character who also died after 5mins, I guess Legendary FGO Space Whale Nobunaga Shimazaki is destined to never live long in Geass stuff. Maybe there’s an eyebrow threading salon in the afterlife. Dude is so pretty but then those eyebrows haunt my dreams.)

Sometime after Shestal dies, Volvona asks for permission to go kick Zero’s ass to avenge his son. Shamna, however, tells him not to do this because of her “prophecy”. (We’ll come back to what actually happened here later.) Nunnally is seen in a tank on Shamna’s ceiling.

Meanwhile, at UFN HQ, Schneizel, Kannon and Rakshata are discussing their options for getting Nunnally and Zero back. Schneizel’s Geass isn’t always on. He only gets red rings in his eyes when he’s talking about Zero. Also there are the Indian teenager engineers working under Rakshata. Schneizel refers to them all as geniuses.

There’s a map during this scene that puts Zilkhstan around current day Pakistan and India.

(Also Schneizel is wearing glasses when he’s at his desk here and he looks really fucking handsome. His wardrobe has changed to be more form fitting and modern and he just looks like he’s everyone’s dad[dy] now. Holy fuck. I’ve spent 13 years drooling over this guy after seeing him flick his bangs around in the opening of the very first episode of the first season and this is just WL;K4L234KFJLK234019284IFSJKKLASFJ14L243JKL23K4324JK43KKLWKLDAKJLDAJKSDKJLAKSLD!!1111 I’M NOT A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING ANYMORE.)

Lelouch suits up into his Zero outfit. This time he’ll taking up the Zero mantle as “Lelouch Lamperouge” rather than “Lelouch vi Britannia”. Suzaku looks on with a frowny face. CC, who has apparently had enough of this fucking movie already, is drinking a martini by the window.

Meanwhile, Shirley is shopping. She tries to call CC on her phone, but she doesn’t answer. After, she meets up with Milly and Rivalz. Milly just got back from Zilkhstan.

Lelouch and the gang meet up with Cornelia and many other returning characters such as Guilford (not blind), Tamaki (wearing a white bancho jacket with a heart on the back w/Zero’s name written on it; JP twitter seemed to really like this lol), and Ohgi. Cornelia has a new outfit and a gun-sword.

Because Cornelia is like the only smart person there at the time, she’s the only person who is remotely hesitant about Lelouch’s return and such. Lelouch takes off his helmet and reveals himself to her. Everyone else chimes in and gets her to help. Tamaki also leans on her gun-sword. She’s upset that Lelouch is alive while Euphy remains dead, but she agrees to help them rescue Nunnally.

Some more people show up, including Jeremiah, Anya, Cecile and Nina. They chill at a local town and Cecile makes a gross drink for Lloyd that almost kills him. Outdoors, Tamaki and Ohgi are being dumb. Ohgi tries to kill himself after thanking Lelouch for Japan, but Lelouch-Jesus stops him from doing it and also forgives him.

Suzaku is talking to Cornelia in the town (she brought him a hot drink) when he notices Lelouch do the collar up signal from their youth for “let’s talk on the roof”. (Reportedly, this gesture is out of focus and only noticeable if you’re a fujoshi.) Up on top of a tower, Lelouch is on his tablet thing again, looking over a memory card full of info from Kaguya.

Lelouch encourages Suzaku to say whatever he needs to say cause Lelouch himself doesn’t understand his resurrection or if it was actually successful or if he’ll roll over and die tomorrow. Suzaku says there’s two things that he wants to say to Lelouch. The first is that he believes Lelouch should become Zero again. He starts to say the second thing, but he stops when he notices that Lelouch is watching Ohgi and Villetta’s wedding video which Kaguya included on the memory card.

The wedding was super duper extra and you also see other characters, like Minami from the Black Knights cutting the cake. Schneizel and Kannon got retconned into being wedding guests. Suzaku tells Lelouch that everyone’s been doing well since he died. Then the wedding video focuses on Nunnally who is happy and having fun. One of them mentions Suzaku’s unspoken line. Suzaku finishes it by saying that he’s happy Lelouch is back and how lonely the world is without him.

Suzaku asks Lelouch what he’ll do after everything is resolved It pans down to Kallen and CC on the lower level, who are having a similar conversation. CC looks kind of sad.

(To give you an idea of the pacing, we have now reached roughly the 1/2 way through the film point.)

We are back with Shamna hanging out on her royal couch with her 6 booby guards. Shamna has Nunnally in a sensory deprivation chamber on her ceiling. Shamna is trying to use the Gate of Alam in her temple to enter Cs’ World to do Evil Villain Things. Shamna uses Nunnally to enter Cs’ World and reaches for an orb, but she fails and is teleported back out.

Seemingly, Nunnally’s connection to both Charles and Lelouch makes her connection to Cs’ World strong.

Lelouch is disguised and goes to an outdoor train platform in desert and Geasses two of the workers and also all of the passengers on the train. By middle of night / early morning, all of the returning cast have new mechs and gear. Lelouch tells Suzaku and Kallen to fight in the desert while everyone else goes to the urban area to rescue Nunnally. They sneak their KMFs onto the trains then jump out of them.

CC gets a new outfit that doesn’t have pants. She gets into 2 seater KMF with Lelouch called the Gekkoi. (If you’ve seen Gundam, it’s reportedly similar to a Zeong.)

Communications are jammed for Lelouch and the gang. Lelouch and CC are isolated. Lelouch starts freaking out. CC asks him if he’s given up. Lelouch has no idea how to win against this enemy. That’s when CC calms him by taking a gun out and putting it against his forehead (but this scene is difficult to take seriously because of her pilot outfit and the way the scene is framed). CC asks him, “Does it feel like despair? Cause that’s been my whole existence.” Lelouch chills after CC outdoes his edginess. He starts writing down theories about what’s going on as he’s talking to CC, who has sensed Shamna’s power. It’s written in English and list is seriously like: “They seem to KNOW EVERYTHING!!1111”

Eventually, Lelouch and CC land in Shamna’s room and shoot the guards all to death while Shamna’s laying in her own Avatar pod chamber thing. Shama’s chamber opens up. Lelouch shoots Shamna with the gun on the KMF. But this is a trap - it triggers her Geass. Her eyes glow and the sigil is yellow.

As it turns out, Shamna’s Geass rewinds time 6 hours back whenever she dies. She doesn’t actually see “prophecies”, she just knows what happens then she shoots herself to force the time rewind and looks like a fucking prophet. In the earlier scene after Shestal dies, she has seemingly allowed Volvona to go after Zero, it doesn’t end very well, then she goes back in time to stop him. (Why doesn’t she just go back in time and prevent Shestal from dying in the fucking first place? Holy shit. Sunrise fucking hates me.)

So, this turns into the Edge of Tomorrow / All You Need is Kill. Shamna retains her memories when time rewinds. Her power hasn’t always been like this, but this change occurred after Lelouch made a request to [God / Cs’ World / the Collective Unconscious / Jupiter] to let time keep ticking.

After going back, she’s now in a large bathing area naked with Shalio. She has her hands on his shoulders behind him and tells him he can leave things to her. The camera pans slowly and reveals she has a Code on her lower belly. Like Lelouch, she has both a Code + Geass.

Reset 1: Lelouch is stopped from reaching Shamna because she’s ready this time around. Shamna tries to get into Cs’ World again, but fails. Schneizel arrives in Zilkhstan with Kannon on a helicopter. Volvona comes to speak with Shamna and says that the Britannians want to talk. Shamna shoots herself in front of Volvona and her guards.

Reset 2: Gino, Tohdoh, Chiba and Hong Gu are attempting [democracy]. (The blonde lady next to Tohdoh is a character from the ending stills of the Miraculous Birthday.) Jeremiah and Anya are in the urban area in Zilkhstan. Jeremiah destroys a power plant with a KMF that shoots orange juice laser beams. With the power out, Shamna has to wait for it come back up. Except Shamna does not have time for this shit, so she shoots herself again.

Reset 3: Lelouch and CC try again. This time around, Shamna sees Jupiter but wakes up in her chamber again and sees her guards on the ground, and assumes they’ve died again. But 2 of them are still alive, and they get up and restrain Lelouch. Buuut, it turns out that Lelouch Geassed the other guards, so the 4 of them them get up and surround Shamna. She asks Lelouch if he’s going to tell her to kill herself, but instead he orders her to sleep so she can’t rewind time again. He then sets a bomb to explode her temple after 10 hours.

In the desert above the city, Kallen has been fighting Bitool and Suzaku has been fighting Shalio.

Kallen kills Bitool. Bitool was piloting a Guard Scorpion mech called the Batalaran Do that can resist the Radiation Wave due to its strong armor. In order to beat him, Kallen has to ditch the new armor on the Guren. Her new Guren armor blows up after she launches out of an energy bubble she was trapped in, and she apologizes to Shanti, one of the Indian teenagers working under Rakshata who made the new gear for the Guren and Lancelot.

Shalio beats Lancelot sIN into the ground (its wings are smoking), causing Suzaku’s live Geass to trigger. Shalio is both stupid strong and screaming about his sister. Like Kallen, Suzaku relies on the old Lancelot gear in order to defeat Shalio - after his new wings are busted, Suzaku uses the old energy wings.

Suzaku lands a critical hit and blows up Shalio. He’s yelling about Shamna cause he can’t feel her presence anymore, and thus can’t get “prophecies” from her anymore. Every loop, Shamna has been getting updates on the battle so she’s been telling Shalio and the others how to adjust plans. There’s a scene full of red and black scribble lines where Shamna screams and dies w/o resetting time. Her Geass can’t save her because No One Fucking Knows Why.

Cornelia and Volvona fight each other (apparently a rematch battle of sorts; they’ve clashed before). Cornelia corners him and thinks he should pursue a peaceful option. However, Volvona orders his troops to fire at both of them so he can sacrifice himself to take out Cornelia. But since the army has quit receiving “prophecies” from Shamna, Volvona is the highest ranking person left and now kinda in charge of the country so the army doesn’t actually want to sacrifice him.

Nina turned into MacGuyver so she kills Kujapat and the other assassins by dropping a wire from a KMF into water and electrocuting them to death. Cecile gets shot but no one covered her wound and people are worried she isn’t gonna make it. It’s clear that Lloyd is more connected to people now. After Cecile gets shot, he’s holding her. (Presumably, he feels bad about not protecting her - him and Nina have Cool Glasses that project Blaze Luminous shields.) Sayoko, Ohgi and Tamaki are in the urban area but it’s revealed after 12-13 years that Ohgi is about as good at running as Lelouch is.

Lelouch and CC go to get Nunnally out of the tank, but she’s in Cs’ World. They use Shamna as a route into Cs’ World. Lelouch finds Nunnally there through the fog laying on the ground. She wakes up and sees him and is shocked. They’re swallowed by black particles in Cs’ World. Lelouch holds her to his chest with the black and white filtering effect. Lelouch starts to Geass the approaching black mass, but then changes his mind, saying that Geass is his sin.

Following, a giant pair of rainbow hands emerges from the darkness, lifting the two up and the scenery turns colorful again with literal rainbows, and they’re safely teleported out of Cs’ World. Lelouch recognizes these hands as the people who helped him earlier when Cs’ World tried to consume him. In the real world, Shamna’s Temple explodes. The towns people of Gralbahd notice it.

While Lelouch is getting Nunnally, CC talks with Shamna as a distraction. It turns out that Lelouch’s Code is from Charles (hence the location of it on his body), but his Code and Shamna’s are both “incomplete” or “corrupted” (these words are the descriptions used by Japanese Twitter, I do not know what an “incomplete Code” is supposed to be). It’s explained here that Shamna’s goal was to use Cs’ World to make the world more fair for Zilkhstan. As a mercenary country, their economy was screwed pretty hard by Zero Requiem. However, she doesn’t want to return to being a mercenary culture, she wants them to be able to have peace too. (So... why not join the UFN?)

The movie pamphlet doesn’t mention fixing Zilkhstan at all, but rather that she’s doing this for Shalio’s sake since he’s disabled, similar to Lelouch’s goal in the anime. These can certainly be the same goal, but the pamphlet explains it differently.

Lelouch wakes up. Nunnally, Suzaku and Kallen are all there. They look outside and see shooting stars. The Ashford gang sees it too. Lelouch fulfilled his promise to see the fireworks with everyone. Lelouch talks with Nunnally. She begs him to be with her now, but she’s grown up now and doesn’t “need” him anymore. She’s sad, but she still smiles as Suzaku looks on. Kallen and Suzaku part ways; Suzaku now in a blue hoodie with the Zero suit in his arms.

The movie pamphlet contains pictures and a piece of the script where everyone parts ways.

CC is packed up already and is about to join a refugee caravan. Kallen comes and gives her the imitation Cheese plush. CC intends to depart. Then we see that Lelouch has run to catch up to her and is out of breath (lol). He says he wants to go with her, she tells him to stay with Nunnally or hit up Shirley, but he says that Nunnally doesn’t need him anymore and it’s too late for him to contact Shirley. CC tries to brush him off by saying she doesn’t even have a name. Lelouch replies that she can call him LL (pronounced L2), for Lelouch Lamperouge. CC starts crying and the 2 hold hands while walking through the refugee caravan together. “Revive” plays here.

During the credits, we see a bunch of pictures:

Cecile recovers while Milly jabs Lloyd. Cecile looks annoyed about it.

Nunnally holding a puppy while hanging out with Kaguya + the Chinese Empress + the assumed EU girl (from the Miraculous Birthday ending stills) and they’ve all got matching outfits

Zerozaku visits the candle place from R2

Arthur is chilling w/another cat (btw, according to a staff member, Arthur is a girl cat)

Kallen with the new Indian engineers who hang out w/Rakshata (see: the Guren manga), Kallen is apologizing to Shanti for blowing up the Guren armor

Jeremiah and Anya are back on the orange farm with Sayoko hidden in a bush

Volvona and Cornelia sign a treaty with odd metallic heart in background while Gino, Kaguya, and the blonde girl’s secretary look on

Shirley gets a phone call

Villetta and Chiba are making food in the kitchen while Tohdoh has a child in a harness (unknown if it’s Villetta and Ohgi’s son or if Tohdoh and Chiba had a kid)

Ohgi reading a doujinshi about Tamaki’s love for Zero

In the post-credits scene, we see Lelouch and CC in front of a pile of bodies. They’re wearing complimentary black outfits that super extra fabulous and blingy. Lelouch has a rose choker. CC has a black transparent veil. Lelouch and CC have gone off to find other Geass users, take the power from those who can’t control it, and find those with the power to control it. The camera is facing Lelouch’s back. We hear him give the speech about how “The power of the King may isolate you”. He turns around to face who he’s talking to - you, the audience.

[dacres-koala]

“…but I’ll punish you anyway.”

A/N: This for my heartbroken babe @50-shades-of-boredom​ who deserves the world and nothing less. Hope you’re feeling better my little buttercup ❤️ Thank you for blessing me with all these gifs and posts about Dacre ❤️ 👙💦This is not a good imagine. I was eating banana bread and I got carried away. P.S: @hargroveshurricane I love ya too❤️ Pairing: Jealous!Dacre x Reader Warnings: Smut, swearing, spanking, poorly written  Word count: 2,300+ words

He was mad. His knuckles were holding on the wheel so tight they were turning white, he was also slightly shaking and driving with a hand near his mouth, looking everywhere but you.  You sighed and leaned on the seat, hugging yourself, bothered. It annoyed you that Dacre was like this. It was still early, but the party for both of you dropped when he grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the bar. You knew the party was over. “You’re not gonna say anything?” You asked, playing with the hem of your shirt looking down. He shook his head, huffing and puffing his chest out. You groaned, annoyed. “Dacre Kayd.”  You were coming back from Joe’s birthday party, and you were having the time of your life up there. Natalia was there along with Charlie, and you were really enjoying your chat. Dacre was playing pool with his friends and everything seemed perfect. “Oh no, guys…” you said, making the couple stop and look at you. “I’m gonna grab another beer. You need anything?” “I’ll have another, thanks girl.” Charlie said. Natalia lifted her beer, motioning she was good. You walked over to the bar and handed the empty beer bottles to the barman. “I’ll be right back. This fridge broke down, I need to grab them from the one in the back.” He said and disappeared.  Suddenly, a tall buff man walked next to you sitting on the stall. He started talking to you, trying to grab a conversation. You weren’t the kind of girl that flipped guys off like flies, so you kindly declined any invitations. Your beers were ready, you waved the man goodbye and walked away. As simple as that was, Dacre had seen it all, and a few minutes later you were out the door, making a scene.  And that send us back to the car. Dacre had been driving in a perfect straight line for the past few minutes, as you looked out the foggy window. Irritated, you groaned and sighed, turning to face him and crossing your arms. “You’re overreacting, Dacre. I already told you what happened, I can’t do more.” He played his tongue inside his mouth and shook his head. “Maybe fucking stop talking to every random man that talked to you.” You scoffed. “What were you thinking, (Y/N)? Jesus.” “I already I did nothing wrong. Maybe if you stopped being such an insecure little fuck you’ll just trust me for a change.” You blurted out and looked out the window. “If you stopped being such a flirty tart, I would trust you for a change” He said right back, out of blind rage and hurt. The mere thought of you leaving him was driving him insane since he saw you talking at the bar with another man.  You looked at him and started kicking his seat, making him frown and battle with the car. “You stupid insensitive fuck! How could you?!” You said, hurt that he assumed you would do something like that. “I did nothing wrong, you fucker! How could you think so low of me?!” You screamed again, slapping his chest, frustrated. “(Y/N)!” He screamed, not being able to be in full control of the car when you kicked and slapped him. “Stop, woman, you’re gonna get us killed.” You kept yelling, throwing kicks and punches at him. A dark part of the road and Dacre decided to stop the car  suddenly and abruptly. You were shocked and almost fell off your seat. You were both breathing heavily when you stared at each other. You went at him, slapping him across his chest and trying to reach for his face. Dacre avoided you, the car being filled with grunts and slaps, the Australian god grabbed your hands and held them still. “(Y/N)…stop it.” He grunted. You were both turned on out of rage.  You stared at him and couldn’t help yourself. You leaned closer, climbing over the gearshifts  and wrapping your arms around,his neck as his strong hands set you down on his lap, the recliners doing their work. Dacre grabbed your ass cheeks giving them long and hard squeezes when your mouth explored his as if you hadn’t been together for 3 years already. You could feel him get hard under you and that turned you on even more; You broke away the kiss, running your hands through his soft dirty blond hair. You pulled yourself up and let yourself down roughly, making Dacre moan and squeeze your ass again. “You’re a jealous little fuck, aren’t you?” You asked, voice full with lust. He nodded, closing his eyes. “You’re a paranoid bastard, aren’t you?” you were grinding on him now, biting your lip and licking over the bite. Dacre moaned out on the low, nodding, pleasing you. “You’re sorry, huh?” You asked again, paying special attention to his cock on your clothes covered ass, grinding against the bump. He hissed, biting his lip. “You know I only want your cock now, don’t you, sir?” You asked as he moaned out in pleasure, hearing the chorus of angels. “Yes. I’m so so sorry, babygirl…but I’ll punish you anyway.”  He said, lifting your shirt and feeling you up from under your clothes. You moaned out and quickly removed your blouse, throwing it at the back seat, leaving you in your black lacy bra. Dacre slide his hands up your sides and onto your breasts, finding it pleasing how the filled their hands just perfect, not too small, not pouring out, perfect. He played with your nipples a little bit and you were still grinding on him, pushing your ass and wiggling on to his painful erection. “Let’s drive home now…I can’t wait to punish you. I’m looking forward to see you cry, honey. ” he hissed and positioned you back in your seat.   Dacre gets rid of his black leather jacket you loved so much, and takes a seat on the edge of the bed. You’re standing in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do exactly. The atmosphere has changed, in the blink of an eye. Dacre is all disappointed and displeased, his facial expression is stern, expectant and severe. You step in front of him, arms crossed behind your back, your gaze on your feet. “Yeah?” Dacre asks, and you see his finger pointing on the floor. You get the hint, sinking on your knees, feeling the arousal growing with every second. Your pussy tingles in anticipation, your inner muscles clenching like they would expect a cock in a few seconds. “I tried to be a good girl,” you whisper, “but I failed. I made you jealous and I talked back to you despite the fact that you’ve told me so many times not to.” “And?” He lifts his eyebrow, watching you kind of bored, which makes you feel insecure and unsatisfactory. "I’ve earned punishment and I beg you to discipline me, in a way that’s appropriate for my misdoing. I need to be taught a lesson. Please, Dacre, discipline me.” “Uh, I like that,” Dacre smiles, “You’re a truly natural.” Then the harsh, severe tone is back: “Get up, take your clothes off.” After you’re naked you’re told to face the wall, which you do. Dacre’s hands caressing your body, slipping between your legs. "So wet already,” he whispers, “begging for being disciplined makes my little one all hot and bothered, right?” “Yes,” you sigh, trying to lean into his touch. "I wanna see tears, little, wanna hear you sob and pleading for forgiveness. "You nod and take a deep breath as the first slap from his hand hits your skin. He’s spreading slight pain and warmth all over your bottom. Your pussy is tizzy, nearly dripping of horniness. “Now we start,” he announces and the first slap with from hand burns on your skin. It’s not too bad, you can manage this. After the tenth stroke you change your mind – he stopped being more or less gently and now you have to work to … cope with the pain. Loud moans escape your throat and you body trembles, trying to avoid the crop. But you can, you can. After the 15th stroke you start sobbing feeling tears in your eyes. It’s too painful, too humiliating. At 20 you start crying and he gives you a short break, feeling with his fingers at your pussy, flicking over you clit. “Even wetter than before. You’re dripping, greedy slut. Can’t wait to fuck you in a few minutes, watching your luminous, hot, red ass.” You’re pure, in a way. Small, submissive and all his. Nothing but him is important anymore. It’s just him left. After the last stroke he leads you to the bed and pulls you in his arms, giving you the perfect to relax a bit. “You did so well, you are so perfect.” He whispers gently, caressing your back and your hair. “I’m here. I’ve got you, baby. My good, brave girl, such a natural. Seeing you processing the pain was the fucking most beautiful thing I’ve ever watched. Good girl. Such a good girl. But I’m not done with you yet.” He held you tight in his arms and kissed your shoulder. “God, I want you so much.” Dacre whispered in your ear, turning you around and attacking your lips, his rough hands intertwined in your hair, biting your lips. “God…” You whispered, finding yourself being thrown at the bed, your old man already on top of you. “What am I going to do with you?” Dacre was not a bad lover, not a chance. But most of the times he was sweet and slow and tonight you felt the most delicious pain in between your thighs. Dacre laughed a little, spreading your legs and arching his back, staring into your eyes.  “Look at you..” he said, lustfully. “You’re so wet…so, so wet.” He pointed caressing the low of your stomach and going under, his thumb attacking your clit and rubbing painfully slow circles on it. You arched your back, caressing your own breasts and smiling up at the feeling. Dacre dropped down his boxers and kicked them away. “Stand up, baby, would you?” he asked, in a husky low voice. You nodded and kneeled on the bed, in front of him, wrapping your arms around him and kissing him fiercely, your hand reaching in between both of you, pumping his cock up and down, loving how hard it was, making you proud. He groaned, and pushed you on the bed, making you gasp as he turned you around, making you lay on your stomach. You smirked, biting your lip, loving the dominance. He grabbed a piece of your ass, massaging it and grabbing it hard, making you whimper and wiggle under his touch. He slapped your ass hard, refreshing the red prints on you, as you arched your back, he grabbed your hips and pulling your hair, lifted you up, your back against his chest. “It’s simple.” He said. “Don’t hold back on me, (Y/N).” He whispered, pumping himself. You nodded, out of yourself, feeling pure energy in your pussy, aching as you needed him now. “Please, Dacre.” you moaned. “Beg.” He demanded pumping himself faster, breathing heavy. “Beg for it, you little slut.” “Please, sir.” You begged, leaning yourself against his hard shaft, desperate for some action, for his touch. You knew he was already leaking, you could feel it. “Please…” You bit your lip, crying out on pleasure as he pinned you on the bed, in all fours and he got closer to you. “Please what?” he asked, pulling your hair harder, snapping your head back, earning your moan. “Please fuck me hard.” You said in a low moan. “Please fuck me, baby, I’m begging you. I want it.” He teased your entrance, biting his own lip. “Please Dacre, please fuck me.” You wiggled your ass against his leaking cock, desperate for some release, some friction; Anything.  You felt him enter you from behind and a whole new wave of emotion washed over your whole body. “Fuck!” You groaned feeling so full and complete, as he grabbed your hips hard, making sure he left even more prints from his rings tomorrow morning. The bed started rocking, his hips knocking on you, skin slapping sound filling the room. Your moans poured out of your mouth as he groaned. "God, baby, you’re so fucking tight.” He thrusted harder, and harder, making you grab the bed sheets and bite your lip, almost dragging blood. Your eyes went to the back of your head as Dacre hit your G spot with every hip thrust he gave.  You could feel yourself so close already. “Dacre, fuck!” you yelled, hurting your throat, making him go faster out of excitement. “Dacre…” you whispered, out of breath. He wrapped one hand around your collarbones, bringing you closer to him, still taking you from behind. “Baby, I-I’m…” “Let go…” he whispered in your ear, biting your neck as you came all over him, making both of you moan out loud. Blushed, you let your head hang low, the Australian boy still going at it. “God, baby, yes.” “Fuck, fuck babygirl. Y-Yeah…” You bit your own lip and rolled your eyes out of pleasure. “(Y/N), baby, you feel so fucking good around my cock.” “Dacre…” You breathed out and started pushing yourself back, meeting his trusts. “I’m fucking yours, Dacre, come for me, baby, please…” That was it for him, after two more erratic hip knocks, he came inside of you, a mix of your juices running down your leg.  Trying to catch his breath he got out of you slowly, making sure he didn’t hurt you. You both stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before you got up. “Where you going?” He asked, lifting himself on his elbows. “I was gonna find a shirt and some shorts.” You explained. He shook his head. “Still not done with you..” 

[artificialqueens]

A Study in Pink; trixya (ch.2) -erin

a/n; hi everyone!! I hope people enjoyed chapter one, and if not, oh well. again, please feel free to submit your thoughts, critiques, or questions to the aq ask!! thank you for reading, also let me know if I should include my twitter handle in the next chapter?? love y'all <3

Trixie could barely sleep. Tomorrow was the meeting for Delta Gamma. She had thought Alaska, Willam, and Courtney were nice, but what if it was just a scheme to get the ugly girl there? They just want to make fun of me. Trixie tossed and turned in her pink blanket, looking over at the alarm clock next to her bed. 3:09 a.m. Five hours til her first class. She had gone to turn around when she heard a voice from the bed next to her. “Can’t sleep either?” Adore asked, scaring Trixie shitless. “Yeah, but now my heart is beating three time as much as it was before.” Trixie said, making Adore laugh. “Sorry, I guess I have that effect on people.” Trixie caught up with her breathing and talked to Adore. “Not to be weird, but how are you so confident?” Trixie finally asked, genuinely wondering. From the moment she had met Adore, she was intrigued by her charismatic, loud personality. She would dance in front of a gym full of people (which she did yesterday) and not give a single fuck. “Well, to start, thanks. But I don’t see myself as confident. Sure, I love myself more than before, but it’s not about being confident. It’s about showing people you are, even if it’s pretending. Eventually, you’ll believe it, along with everyone else.” Adore let out. “Plus, life is too short not to streak on campus or eat that sixth slice of pizza.” They both laughed, enjoying each other’s company. Life is too short. “Good night, Adore. I hope you get some sleep.” Trixie said, turning over to face the wall again. “Good night, Barbie.”

           Trixie’s first official day of classes were today and she had never been so nervous. She threw up her breakfast, slightly smudging her makeup. She had decided to wear a pink flowy, lacey dress with white Keds. Normally she always wore her heels, but wanted to seem a little more casual for people’s first impression. She put on a swipe of pink lipstick and she was out the door. Renaissance History, 8:15 a.m., Lincoln Building, Room 290 Trixie’s schedule read. Pearl only had one class with her and it was only once a week. This class was twice a week since Trixie wanted to get it done to move onto another class. Great.

Of course, Trixie was the first one in the class. She sat a little off to the side, not wanting to attract attention. She took out all of her utensils and supplies and ordered them perfectly in front of her. She had been doodling in her notebook when another student walked in. Trixie’s heart skipped a beat. She wore a red long-sleeved body suit with a black lacy skirt. Her tightly curled blonde hair cascaded over her tiny chest. She had white acrylic nails and a bright red lipstick on. Her eyes sparkled, looking like waves in the ocean when they crash over each other. She had a skinny, ballerina build but looked like she could kick anyone’s ass if need be. Trixie had never seen a more beautiful girl. They made eye contact once she walked in. “Hi!” the blonde said to Trixie, showing off her pearly teeth. Trixie smiled, hoping she wasn’t blushing. “Hey” she responded, trying to keep her cool. “Any seat? Full house tonight, I guess.” the girl said, motioning to all the empty chairs in the lecture hall. Trixie laughed. “Guess so” Trixie responded, trying to sound chill. The girl smiled, and picked a seat that was diagonally in front of her. The other girl took out her supplies, Trixie noticing every little detail and quirk. All of her notebooks were either black or white, she had plain wooden pencils, all black pens, and a planner that looked like she had doodled all over it. Trixie looked at her matching stationary and sparkly mechanical pencils and suddenly felt embarrassed. I’m so extra. The class was filling up when a girl showed up right in front of Trixie. “This seat taken?” she asked. Trixie looked at the girl’s darker complexion, her makeup done beautifully to compliment her skin. “Nope, all yours.” Trixie said, smiling at the girl. The other girl thanked her and took her seat. Trixie looked over at the girl’s stuff to find her name. Barbara. The other girl caught her looking and Trixie immediately figured she was either about to be yelled at or punched in the face. But the other girl smiled. “Don’t listen to that name, it’s Bob. How about you?” Bob said with a friendly, welcoming tone to her voice. “Beatrice. But don’t listen to that name, it’s Trixie.” she said, smiling at Bob. Trixie quickly glanced at the beautiful blonde from earlier and saw her looking at Trixie. She quickly turned away and Trixie could feel the heat going to her cheeks. She knew she was going to like this class.

~

           Trixie sat in her dorm, having just finished her homework, and touching up her makeup. She looked down at her Delta Gamma pamphlet. September 3rd, 6-10 meeting and social party! Be there or be square! Pictures of pretty, skinny, tall girls smiling in their skimpy outfits covered the first page. Trixie desperately looked for a girl that looked anything like her, but there were none. This is stupid. There was a knock at her door. “Come in” Trixie said, going back to her makeup. It was Pearl. “I wanna come to this little gathering. What is it, Delta Ganger??” she asked, completely oblivious to the actual name. “Delta Gamma. And I thought you were too cool for sororities.” Trixie said, mocking Pearl. “Ha ha ha, very funny. Yeah, they’re a little overrated but I can settle since this cute, brunette vixen is gonna be there tonight.” Pearl said, putting her tongue between her pointer and middle finger. Trixie rolled her eyes and laughed again. “Oh okay, you try that.” Trixie said. She never thought of it, but the possibility of the beautiful girl from her Renaissance class being there tonight was big. This was the most popular sorority on campus! But at the same time, Trixie figured the girl was too cool for it. “Wake up, bitch! Stuck in la la land.” Pearl said, snapping at Trixie, who was caught up in her own thoughts again. “Sorry, I do that a lot.”

           They had walked over to the mansion the sorority stayed in and it was covered in pink streamers, balloons, confetti, everything from a party decoration section. Trixie could see Willam from here. “Hey bitch!! Glad you could make it, we’re just starting, take a seat in the living room.” Willam said, practically pushing Trixie and Pearl into the mansion. Trixie couldn’t believe her eyes. It looked like a mini castle, with sparkly white walls, marble floors, shimmering chandeliers, and a grand golden staircase that led to the rooms. They walked into the living room only to be stared at by 40 other girls wanting to be in this house as much as Trixie did. They stood in the back since all of the couches and the chairs had been taken up. Trixie scanned the room for the girl from her Renaissance class, but there were too many blondes to even tell. “Hi everyone! Please settle down, we have LOADS to discuss.” Courtney said, trying to get everyone’s attention despite her tiny build. Everyone quieted down and focused on Courtney, Willam, and Alaska. “Hello everyone, I’m Courtney, and welcome to the first meeting of Delta Gamma!! We have roughly 45 girls here and we only take about 20, so we take the best of the best! We do not haze, but we do review the questionnaire forms you will receive later very vigorously. Once you pass the questionnaire, you will be asked to have an interview with myself, the head of the sorority, and my two co-leaders, Willam and Alaska.” Courtney explained. Trixie looked around the room, seeing all of these prettier, skinnier, hotter girls. Why would you get accepted here when they could have Pearl? Trixie asked herself. She found herself stuck in her thoughts until she noticed everyone else around her stand up. “Wait, what’s going on?” Trixie asked Pearl. “Miss Bitch Pants finished her monologue so now we’re going into the function room for mixing and mingling!” Pearl said, mocking Courtney’s Australian accent. They walked into the next room and it seemed like it was as big as the gym on campus. There were tables set up with cute little centerpieces and tables full of food and drinks and candies. Trixie made sure to watch what she ate that night since she wanted to look her best for this sorority. “Wanna eat?” Pearl asked, motioning to the food. Trixie nodded and they walked over. Pearl was a vegetarian, so all she ate was one of the many salads they had to offer and some bread and butter. Trixie basically did the same, adding some pasta with hers. Trixie had went to turn to get a drink when her and another girl collided, their dinners on the floor and themselves. Everyone stopped to look at them. Trixie could feel their eyes burning through her dress. Her cheeks went bright red and she ducked down to the floor to pick up her mess. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I should’ve been watching where I was going.” Trixie rambled on, too scared to look up at the other girl. “It’s fine, really, I shouldn’t have been rushing to the ravioli that quick.” the other girl said, laughing it off. They both laughed and Trixie looked up at her. It was her. It was the girl from the Renaissance class. “Oh, hey! I know you, you’re in my Renaissance class, aren’t you?? Beat me to class today, bitch!” the girl said, joking around. Trixie blushed, not able to believe she remembered her. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, I’ll walk a little slower next time.” Trixie said, trying to joke back. They both stood up. “Wanna clean up with me? I bet they have Tide pens in the bathrooms here.” the other girl said, motioning her head out of the function room. Trixie nodded, and followed her out the room.

           The girls made their way to the bathroom after five minutes of getting lost in possibly the most complex hallway Trixie had ever seen. Trixie hadn’t been able to get her eyes off of the other girl. She had changed her outfit so now she was wearing tight, black leather pants, a white lacey blouse, and boots that went just under her knee. Her curly blonde hair was pinned back in the front, showing off her beautiful, precise cheekbones. Trixie thought she looked like an ancient sculpture, everything made to perfection. “Well, they don’t have Tide pens, but we can work with soap and warm water.” the girl said, grabbing paper towels and wetting it with lukewarm water. She pumped some of the foamy vanilla soap on the towel and mixed it in. “Here, dab don’t rub.” she said, instructing Trixie how to get a stain out. Trixie bit her lip trying to conceal her dorky smile. The girl got a paper towel of her own and they worked at getting the pasta sauce and Italian dressing out of their tops. “So where are you from?” the girl asked, looking at Trixie through the bathroom mirror. “Milwaukee. And you?” Trixie asked, desperate to learn more about her. “Well, Russia for the first eleven years of my life. Moved to Boston, and now I’m here.” she explained. Russia? Why is she so cool? “What’s your major?” Trixie asked, hoping she wasn’t overstepping her boundaries. “Undecided. You?” “Music.” Trixie responded. The girl nodded. “Figured maybe cosmetology, since your makeup and hair are so beautiful.” she said, making Trixie’s heart skip a beat. She tried concealing the red in her cheeks, but she couldn’t. “Thank you, but you’re even more stunning.” Trixie responded. The other girl smiled. She looked at the stain. “Good enough. How are you doing over there?” she asked, looking at Trixie. Trixie had been too caught up in talking to her she was barely getting the stain out. “Uhh, not too good. Probably never going to come out at this rate.” Trixie said, feeling a little pathetic. The girl smiled sweetly at her and walked closer to Trixie. “Let me help, dollface.” the girl said, only inches away from Trixie’s face, dabbing at the spots above her tits. Trixie got a warm, tingly feeling all throughout her body. What I’d do to kiss this girl right now. The girl had licked her thumb and tried that. “Hope you don’t mind.” the girl said, basically palming Trixie’s breast. Trixie gulped. “Not at all.” Did she know damn well what she was doing?? Or was she that naïve? “Alright, that’ll do for now, but put it in the wash when you get home, okay?” she instructed, not moving away from Trixie. Their lips were about six inches apart. Trixie could only nod. The girl looked at Trixie’s lips. “I like that lipstick. Suits them well.” the girl said, smirking devilishly. Trixie faked a smile, trying to contain herself. The other girl locked eyes with Trixie. “So what’s your name, pretty girl?” she asked. Trixie knew very well that this girl heard Trixie say her name earlier and just wanted to flirt. “Trixie. Trixie Mattel. How about you?” Trixie managed to let out, trying to keep her cool. “Long version? Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. Short version? Katya.” she said, with a sexy tone to her voice. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Life is too short. Trixie thought about kissing Katya, thinking about her soft, red lips mixing with Trixie’s plump, pink lips. But she contained herself. “I hope we meet again, Katya, my knight in shining leather pants.” Trixie said, looking down at her stain. Katya laughed, showing off her gorgeous smile, once again. “The feeling’s mutual, Trixie. I hope I won’t have to kick you out to make it in the sorority..” Katya said, teasing Trixie as she opened the door. Trixie smiled. “OKAY, bitch” Trixie said, giggling with Katya. “Go ahead, I have to make a call.” Trixie said, lying. She didn’t want to walk back with Katya. She had to make sure she didn’t try anything stupid like pinning Katya to a wall and making out with her. “See ya, doll.” Katya said, with a wink, leaving the bathroom. Holy shit, Trixie thought. I’m falling for a Russian whore.

[badreturns-m]

American VS Australian Names for Things

lol that title could of been better. basically aussies call things different thinsg to american things and things. things. the list will be as follows: 

what an australian calls the thing vs what american call the thing. 

hope that makes sense. hopefully i get it right cos americans like yelling at me when i get things wrong. some most of these i also found online cos i dont know everything anything. so lets not shoot the messenger aka ME.

bonnet ... hood boot ... trunk bumper bar ... bumper mud guard ... fender windscreen ... windshield indicators ... indicators, blinkers, turn signal petrol ... gas bitumen ... asphalt sealed road ... paved road gravel ... road metal ute, utility ... pickup truck 3 or 5 door ... hatch back give a lift ... give a ride lorry ... big rig car park ... parking lot bowser ... gas pump gallon ... gallon (is nearly 20% smaller, 3.8 litres instead of 4.5) overtake ... pass pass ... pass each other driving in opposite directions

A4 ... lettersize (lettersize is shorter and wider than A4) foolscap ... legal size rubber ... eraser blackboard ... blackboard, chalkboard blackboard duster ... blackboard eraser sticky tape ... scotch tape  elastic band, lacky band ... rubber band biro ... pen post a letter ... mail a letter display on notice board ... post a notice postman ... mailman drawing pins ... thumbtacks paper knife ... letter opener golfballs (selectric typewriter) ... elements ground floor ... first floor (Oz floors are US floors less 1) lift (building) ... elevator notice board ... bulletin board lavatory, toilet ... washroom, restroom

biscuit ... cookie, cracker scone ... biscuit (nearest equivalent, made with yeast instead of self-raising) lolly ... candy, treat icey pole ... popsicle, ice pop plain flour ... all purpose flour whole meal (bread) ... whole wheat castor sugar ... confectionary sugar rockmelon ... cantaloupe paw paw ... papaya shallots, spring onions ... green onions, scallions capsicum ... bell pepper silver beet ... Swiss chard punnet of strawberries ... pint, small basket of strawberries sultanas ... yellow raisins jam ... jam, jelly jelly ... jello chips ... French fries potato chips ... potato chips fairy floss ... cotton candy ginger ale ... root beer lemonade ... 7-up (not the same but similar) lemon juice ... lemonade tomato sauce ... catsup, ketchup polyunsaturated margarine ... low cholesterol margarine entree ... appetizer main course ... entree tea (tea in this context, meaning the main evening meal, may be short for high tea, although no one ever says that in Australia) ... dinner tea time, morning tea, afternoon tea ... coffee break half milk, half cream ... half and half black or white coffee or tea ... coffee or tea with or without cream, coffee light serviette ... napkin scroggin ... gorp, trail mix tucker ... grub meat and salad roll ... hero, dagwood, submarine, hoagie sandwich ... blt (bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich) make a sandwich ... make or fix a sandwich packed lunch ... sack lunch or box lunch hundred and thousands ... sprinkles (nearest equivalent) custard sauce ... --- jug of beer ... pitcher of beer schooner, midi, pot ... small, large beer restaurant bill ... restaurant check, restaurant bill shout a round ... buy everyone drinks tin ... can mince steak ... mincemeat chicken, chook ... chicken meat pie ... --- pastie ... --- pavlova ... --- sausage roll ... --- lamington ... --- pudding ... --- stew ... --- cooked in a pan, a bit like a pieklet ... drop scone a rich confectionary cut into bars ... fudge like a rich chocolate cake ... brownie clam soup, the most common New England clam chowder is creamy, but there is also a less common red tomato based version ... clam chowder --- ... clam juice to bake under an open grill, i.e., bake and grill food simultaneously ... broil

bring a plate (Oz) =pot luck (US) adj In Oz, one might say "All invited. Bring a plate." In the US, it's a "pot luck dinner". In either case, all guests bring a plate or dish of food which can be shared. In Britain it is apparently called "Dutch treat". crumpet (Oz) n 1. vaguely like an English muffin, only much better. Commonly eaten in place of toast during winter. 2. woman considered as a sexual object (seldom used now). vegemite (Oz) n Wholesome and sharp tasting black spread for toast and crackers. The definitive Australian icon, and there is definitely no US equivalent. University

year 7, year 8 year etc ... freshman, sophomore, junior, senior university, uni ... school, campus at university ... in college masters, PhD student ... graduate student thesis ... dissertation supervisor ... adviser term ... quarter autumn ... fall sit in on course ... audit course primary school ... elementary school maths ... math stats ... stat sinh, cosh, pronounced "shine", "cosh" ... "sine h", "cos h", hyperbolic sine and cos beta, pronounced "beeta" ... beta, pronounced "bayta"

flat ... apartment kitchen tidy ... trash can rubbish bin ... garbage can bucket ... pail tap ... faucet, spigot letter box ... mail box verandah ... porch, deck footpath ... sidewalk lounge ... sofa lounge room, sitting room ... living room wardrobe ... cupboard dresser, dressing table ... sideboard cutlery ... flatware knives ... cutlery freezer ... freezer, icebox kitchen bench ... kitchen counter door frame ... door jam

verge (the grassed area between the footpath in front on your house and the road which you look after as part of your own front yard but which actually belongs to the city council) "You can park on the verge." ... easement (usually used only in legal language), swale (on a property that doesn't have a sidewalk/footpath or a cement curb, the grassy area closest to the road)

laundry trough ... laundry tub clothes hoist ... clothes line clothes pegs ... clothes pins billy (usually a blackened tin pot used on a bushwalk) ... pot billy tea (tea made in a billy on a bushwalk) ... ... escrow (the period between offer and settlment when buying a house) "How's the house buying going? We're in escrow." estate agent ... realtor block of land ... lot of land cubby house ... tree house, play house (baby's) dummy ... pacifier lane ... alley tomahawk ... hatchet cotton wool ... absorbent cotton rates ... local taxes tidy up room, house ... pickup room, house heating outlet ... register

bedsit (Oz) = studio apartment (US) n An apartment with kitchen/living room and bathroom, but no separate bedroom. The US version can be very comfortable (I had one in Goleta, California), while British-style bedsits are often very cramped. A British style bedsit would probably attract the description "toy studio" if found in the US. I noticed the term "studio apartment" in use in Australia (Brisbane) for the first time in 1992, in a real estate advertisement. Obviously it sounded more impressive than "bedsit". In any case, this type of apartment is relatively uncommon in Australia. continental quilt (Oz) n See doona. doona (Oz) = comforter (US) n Quilted eiderdown with a down or synthetic filling. "Doona" is an Tradename. "Doona" is apparently used in Australia only, and is unknown in New Zealand and Britain, let alone the US.

dill ... fool wowser ... teetotaler, non-gambler etc

jumper, pullover ... sweater polo neck (jumper) ... turtle neck (sweater) ... jumper (in the US jumper means a loose fitting sleaveless dress worn over a blouse. This is an older British usage - it's in the OED of 1933 - but is not in current Australian usage.) singlet ... tank top, athletic shirt nappy ... diaper sanitary towels ... sanitary napkins hair pins ... bobby pins press studs ... snaps track suit ... sweat suit, sweats clothes horse ... clothes rack (?) person who buys lots of clothes ... clothes horse reel of cotton ... spool of thread

spanner ... wrench torch ... flashlight oxie welder ... torch

spellings:

ardour, behaviour, colour, honour, glamour, flavour, labour, neighbour, odour, valour, vapour ... no "u" arse ... ass analogue, catalogue ... analog, catalog analyse ... analyze centre, litre, theatre... center, liter, theater cheque ... check computer disc ... computer disk enquire ... inquire enrolment ... enrollment grey ... gray instal ... install, instal -ise, -ize (most words which are spelt with the -ize suffix in the US, can be spelt with either -ise or -ize in Australian English, although the -ise is more common) ... ize modeller, modelling ... modeler, modeling programme (music etc) ... program sulphur ... sulfur

Pronunciations

beta: "beeta" ... "bayta" quay: "key" ... "kway" sinh, cosh, tanh: "shine", "cosh", "thahn" ... "sine ach", "cos ach", "tan ach" z: "zed" ... "zee"

Measures

Celsius ... Fahrenheit (temperature measure are converted by F = 9/5*C + 32) stone ... 14 lb gallon (= 4.5 litres) ... gallon (= 3.8 liters) metres ... yards kilometres ... miles fortnight ... two weeks Saturday week etc ... a week from Saturday Saturday last, Saturday next ... last Saturday, next Saturday 1 cent, 2 cent etc ... penny, nickel, dime, quarter dollar note ... dollar bill thousand million ... billion

Country:

bushwalk ... hike station ... ranch droving ... muster, roundup cocky (not derogatory) ... red neck (derogatory) swagman, swaggie (not derogatory) ... bum, pan handler (derogatory) mate (not derogatory) ... sidekick (slightly derogatory) jackaroo ... cowboy jilleroo ... cowgirl woop woop ... boondocks, boonies behind the black stump, back of Bourke ... podunk bush bashing ... brush busting outback ... --- walkabout ... --- creek ... creek (used in the East by not in California in my experience), stream creek ... brook

Music

semi-quaver (Oz) = sixteenth note (US) quaver (Oz) = eighth note (US) crotchet (Oz) = quarter note (US) mimim (Oz) = half note (US) semi breve (Oz) = whole note (US) breve (Oz) = double note (US) Note that the American terms "quarter notes" etc are also in use in Australia, but the decriptive words are far more common. Other

barrack for team ... root for team sport ... sports stocks (ski) ... poles football ... Australian rules gridiron, American football ... football hockey ... field hockey ice hockey ... hockey noughts and crosses ... tic tac toe newspaper cuttings ... newspaper clippings queue ... line quay ... wharf busker ... street artist unreliable ... flaky, flake out home and hosed ... home free homely ... homey plain ... homely glandular fever ... mono (nuclesis) rsi (repetition strain injury) ... repetitive stress syndrome (less serious), carpal tunnel syndrome (more serious, may even require surgery) doggo ... play dead galah ... wise guy drongo ... bore cinch ... sure thing Father Christmas ... Santa Claus g'day ... hi, howdy ta-ta, seeya ... take care, take it easy tar, thanks ... thanks good on you ... good for you blacklist ... --- (now understood) poker machine ... slot machine shaggy dog story ... --- (now understood) lawyer ... lawyer, attorney (lawyer in generic casual use, attorney in professional contexts) aluminium ... aluminum chemist's ... drug store caretaker ... janitor warder ... prison guard engine ... locomotive shareholder ... stockholder plane ticket ("airticket" now used by travel agents in Oz also) ... plane ticket (colloquial), airticket (formal, in travel agency) disembark (from plane) ... deplane trendoid ... yuppie trendy suburb ... gentrified suburb sus (that's a bit sus) ... suspect sus out (we'll have to sus it out) ... check out only (he's only covered completely in mud) ... bloody (general emphasis, not polite but not real bad either) ... damned tick off (items in a form) ... check off tick off (the teacher caught the boy and ticked him off) ... scold, dress down piss off ... go away, get lost, shove off irritate ... tick off "his bogoted attitude really ticks me off!", miff "That screaming child really has me miffed.", piss off (very common but also vulgar, borderline profane) "That rude sales clerk pissed me off."

dole (Oz) n Unemployment benefits. Father Christmas (Oz) = Santa Claus (US) n Although never used when I was a child, "Santa Claus" is now, in 1997, in common use in Australian department stores. funky adj 1. Oz and US: eccentric, stylish, pleasant, as in good jazz or folk music. 2. US only: dirty or smelly, as in "the bicycle chain is funky". innings (Oz) = inning (US) n Turn to bat, as in cricket or baseball. gaol (Oz) = jail (US) n, v Same pronunciation. often times (US) adv The emphatic form "often times" in place of simply "often" is virtually never used in Australia, but it's quite common in the US (usually pronounced "offen-times"). The Oxford concise lists it as an older usage in British english. paye-as-you-earn (PAYE) (Oz) v Pay income tax automatically at source. Employer deducts a standard amount from each salary or wage payment, and forwards to the tax office. rafferty's rules (Oz) n no rules at all, as of a chaotic contest or organization. reckon (Oz) v In Oz,  "I reckon" translates simply to "I think", but there is no real US equivalent for this very common Australian construction. (September 1999: Kent Parks of Raleigh, NC, writes that "reckon" is also used in the same sense in the Southern US.)

[loonies2000]

Will Solace Australian AU

-He doesn't love the heat. He's just use to hotter climates than what the camp gets to "it's not that bad?? I remember one time my friend cooked an egg on the road it was so hot??? This is nothing"

-Will loves the beaches from home and goes to the beach at camp when ever he can because it reminds him of home and of simpler times.

-"yeah nah" "nah yeah"

-He doesn't really say 'mate' unless he's mad and yelling at someone but he does occasionally use it to describe friends as well.

-He deliberately says stereotypically Australian words to confuse people and or to make fun of stereotypes "nah yeah just give us a second to throw me tracks dacks and thongs on before we head to maccas will yah" "yeah I'm a bit peckish, I'll probably just grab a sanga before I head off"

-1300655506 ffs (why is this a thing for gods sake. I've been brainwashed to remember this I swear)

-Will always making himself fairy bread on his birthday because that's what his mum use to do back when they didn't have too much money, making and eating it always brings him good childhood memories.

-Will sitting with Nico on the beach leaning in to kiss Nico before whispering " "kiss me ketut" and making himself double over in laughter at Nico's very confused expression.

- Having to try not to finish his sentences in "aye".

-Will always saying "fizzy" or "soft drink" rather than pop or soda

-Will never being scared of bugs and spiders in camp because the cheeky shits are bigger and scarier in Australia (also because his mum was a complete wimp and made Will get rid of bugs for her), the Athena cabin normally make him get rid of and spiders or bugs in their cabin but he doesn't really mind.

-He would most defiantly have said this at one point in his life "I bring a whole new meaning to golden gay time" *flips hair*

-Will makes jokes about why he moved to America but never really answers "The bastards didn't ship my merch to Australia, obviously that was not acceptable" "my pet kangaroo Joey took me on an adventure to America, I never left"

-In reality Wills mum and him moved for two reasons: to further her music career and because his step dad died. Their family home had too many memories for Naomi to bare so she packed them both up and moved to the only other place they had family.

-They both move to a tiny house in the country so it would feel a little more like home rather than in a big city

-He has regular disagreements with Athena kids who get annoyed at him for spelling things like "colour" and "mum" differently.

-Will always gets super excited about Christmas in America because in Australia it would always be so hot and humid, white Christmases were always beautiful to him.

-Let's be real Will totally ignores Americas drinking age law all together "do I look like I give any shits? I'm 18, a legal adult in my home country. I know the affects of alcohol and what amount I should drink. I've put up with a lot of crap over these past 18 years. If I want to have a beer I'll bloody well have a damn beer"

-thongs... I'm sure he made a lot of people either blush or laugh by calling his "flip flops" the Australian term "thongs".

-Will tries his hardest to be nice but sometimes he slips up and forgets that people think he's being rude when he says Australian terms of endearment. "Oh yeah, Greg is a right old dick head" "well I mean, I thought he was pretty cool actually..." "No no i mean-"

-"oh please that mintour is nothing compared to the spiders back home. Have you seen those things? They could eat a horse if they tried hard enough"

-Will always being asked weird questions about Australia "no I don't own a boomerang...why would I own a bloody boomerang? Wtf?" "No? I mean I've seen a few kangaroos and maybe like one koala? It's not like they run around our streets??"

-Will defending vegemite to the death because it tastes good "no no! They hate it cause they're eating it wrong! Put it on toast omfg stop, guys stop its great if you eat it right!"

-Will sometimes just randomly humming theme songs from back when he was little like 'Blinky Bill' and 'Around the twist'. Most of the time he does it while he's organising things in the clinic storeroom

-Will telling Nico all about Australia and them both sharing stories about their old homes, Nico shares what he can remember about his home and Will shares all the good times from his childhood.

I just really like the idea of Will genuinely loving America and all of the people but always missing the small differences of home. I want a Will Solace that remembers late nights camping on empty beaches, and bright sunny days with surfing and cpr lessons. A Will that loves the smell of salt water on sunny afternoons and eucalyptus oil wiped over clean benches, a young Will that would look up at the sun on ridiculously hot days and silently beg his dad to make it hot enough for the teachers to send him and all the other students home from school early because of the heat. I want a Will who grew up with so many cultures and so many different types of people good and bad with a wide knowledge of people and situations. I want a Will who makes jokes about himself and his home country never being afraid to joke around with people and a Will who misses his old friends and the old traditions that are not at all like what people do in America. I just really want a smart ass Australian Will Solace who is proud of his roots and who always wants to have a laugh with people no matter who they are or where they are from. I just really like Australian Will.

[manateeinaustralia-blog]

I didn’t die in the Outback!

Lots of surviving to get to the thriving 

Hello! So the day before I left for this trip I had my third field trip and we went to the wildlife sanctuary to do our ropes course. It was really cool because we learned to clip ourselves into each part of the course so we were free to go on without guides and then we were up in the trees doing ziplines and rickety ass swing steps and stuff. The coolest part was a long zipline over the kangaroos and crocodiles in the park. 

Okay so Kelsey and I honestly had no idea what the itinerary for the Outback trip was because #fuckStudentFlights but we had the general info we needed. So Friday morning we were up at 3 am to go to the airport and take a 6 AM flight to Sydney then flew to Ayer’s Rock airport. We got off the plane in Ayer’s Rock and it was Africa hot. We found our tour group and got on the bus and everyone looked like death and I was like okay great start! (Found out later they had been driving for hours and were up at 4:30). We got to the Cultural Center and started to realize they aren’t kidding when they say the outback is the land of 10 billion flies. Back on the bus and we get to know our tour guide, Tahnee. She’s maybe 24 years old and Australian. She is so cool and fun and has been a tour guide for this company for a year and a half but wants to do something new so is just picking up and moving to Cambodia to tour guide. But we were her last tour and so she said “Guys I’m gonna change up the itinerary a little bit to make it as awesome as possible for you and me. Just trust me.” So I’m like okay Tahnee let’s go girl. We had 23 people in our bus and everyone was awesome. Two from Australia (including Tahnee’s best friend Mel who came for her last tour), some Swiss, Italian, German, Danish, British, Chinese, and Kelsey and me from the US. 

So our first hike on Friday was in the middle of the day and it was HOT. Also Kelsey and I had been up for a long time so it was rough. We hiked at Uluru, which is a sacred spot for the Aboriginal people. However, tourists always choose to climb it despite all the signs asking them not to. It is offensive to the Aboriginal people, destroys the rock, and ruins the surrounding ecosystem. It’s very steep and people were dying falling off so part of it has a chain people can hang onto even though they don’t want people climbing. But in an effort to get people to stop, the nearest help that will come get you is several hours away. But good news!! I just found out today that climbing will officially be banned at Uluru in two years! So then on our hike we saw the men’s and women’s caves and heard Aboriginal legends. Then Kelsey and I survived a sandstorm no biggie then this girl Julia just faints. And we were like ah shit here we go dehydration why you do this. She was okay but like honestly I was close to faking fainting so this hike would stop. Thanks for taking one for the team Julia! 

Then we drove to watch the sun set on Uluru from another spot and our tour group had bought booze before they picked us up from the airport so Tati and Flo (the most wonderful German couple ever) gave me some white wine. But since we hadn’t eaten in 7 hours and I was dehydrated I was like woah am I drunk? I kinda was.  

Sunset at Uluru

Then we went to our campsite and everyone ate chicken stirfry like animals cause we were ravenous then we set up our swags. So turns out a swag is not what I posted earlier. It’s basically a boxy sleeping bag with a little pad mattress inside and a sleeping bag goes into it and you zip yourself into it. Your head is exposed and Kelsey and I were like so if something comes out of the grass right there and kills us, we’re already zipped into our body bags so it will be convenient to get us out of here! Also the campsite over was having a rager and as I was trying to fall asleep on the ground, under the beautiful Milky Way galaxy, in the outback, preparing to get eaten by dingos, listening to Nelly’s ‘Hot in Herre’, I was just like “What is my life right now?” 

The next morning we were up at 3:45 AM for the sunrise but it was okay because Tahnee had her speaker on to wake us up and I woke up under the stars to ‘Here comes the sun’. Much better than my iphone alarm. We went to a spot where you can see Uluru and Kata Tjata (pronounced Kat-ah Jar-a) and I got some beautiful photos

Then we went to our hike at Kata Tjata and it was a lot better because we did it in the morning despite it being harder terrain. You had to really watch your footing and at one part it was basically an 80 degree incline wall you had to just run up and we all did it then turned around and saw a 70ish year old women take it like a champ and I was like oh cool same. But again the gain was worth the pain. 

After our hike, we lowkey were stranded on the road for like two hours cause we were waiting on someone to meet up with us and give us more fuel. We got some oranges and I was like SWEET MANNA FROM HEAVEN. 

Then we stopped at a pool and swam and ate lunch then were back on the road to go to our campsite cause it was about a 5 hour drive. On the way, Tahnee pulled over once for us to look at a salt lake: 

And another time to collect firewood. So she pulls over and again we are in bumfuck middle of the desert and she goes “Okay so we’re gonna grab some firewood. Here’s what you do if you see a snake and it looks like it’s gonna attack. (tells us). Okay let’s go.”

Kelsey and I looked at each other and just burst out laughing like okay what. But yeah we did it anyways cause ya know we needed firewood but this was my reaction to the snake warning 

That night we learned to make damper, which is Australian bread with no set recipe, learned a fun Australian song and dance, and then Tahnee told us about the next day’s hike. So she says it’s at King’s Canyon and we’re gonna get to the top of it for sunrise so we’re getting up at 3AM again and I’m like yeah old news. Then she said she can’t let us go if we don’t have at least 3 liters of water because people straight up die of dehydration and she can lose her job if a ranger sees we aren’t drinking enough. It’s about a 3.5 hour hike and the second half has no shade. Then she says we have to stay at least 2 meters from the edge of the canyon at all times because the rock is really weak and people die all the time because they fall into the canyon and help can’t come for like 12 hours. Finally, she says to get to the top of King’s canyon, we have to climb Heart Attack hill...there’s a defibrillator at the top. Wow thanks Tahnee!! So excited for tomorrow!!! But she really has to tell everyone those things because it can be really dangerous and she would feel awful if anything happened to us. That night I fell asleep under the most beautiful sky again, saw 2 shooting stars, and listened to her friend play acoustic guitar. 

The next morning, we climbed Heart Attack hill. In the dark. The rest of the hike seemed like a breeze even though it was rough terrain. But of course Tahnee was right, the view of sunrise at the top of King’s canyon was worth it. 

Gotta risk it to get the biscuit!

Inside the Garden of Eden (bottom of the Canyon)

When we were finished, it was only 8:30 AM and after some more driving, we arrived at our lunch spot where we saw more warning signs about snakes. Everywhere we went were warning signs about dehydration, dingos, snakes, bees coming out of faucets?, and other scary shit. Along the drive I saw some wild horses and then we went to a camel farm!! So the government pays people to kill camels but this guy brings them to his farm and they give people a one minute ride maybe once a week so they’re in a much better space. He also rehabilitates wild kangaroos that have been hit by cars then releases them back into the wild. Weirdly, this place sells camel burgers and I was like ummmmmm...guess I’ll just ignore that?

Camels are really tall!

With hiking and driving, we covered about 932 miles this weekend. That night we went to our hostels in Alice Springs. The tour was technically over, but Tahnee invited us out to dinner to say goodbye. I really liked everyone in my tour group and we all added each other on Facebook so I’m like haha let me stay at your houses when I visit please! Overall, the outback definitely kicked our asses but everything was so worth it. 10/10 would recommend. 

Signing off xoxo