#when my mom got cancer the first time i stayed extremely positive and didnt acknowledge the lowkey depression i felt
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#this is very personal so feel free not to read but ive gotta get it out of my system and im on mobile so#when my mom got cancer the first time i stayed extremely positive and didnt acknowledge the lowkey depression i felt#when they said she didnt have cancer anymore i got happy and expected things to get back to normal#they didnt and she got cancer again and somehow i lost the ability to stay positive#she cant walk a whole lot or do as much as she used to and my dad is estranged and dead so i cant get help from another parent#my family is a piece of shit so they dont know and if they did know about her cancer they wouldnt help out anyway#what im getting to is it all rests on me but when i was younger and the cancer was stage 3 i could remain positive no matter if something#made me anxious because i couldnt afford to lose that positivity#i have much less support now than i did back then and i lose it when something goes terribly wrong#the hospital sent my mom to collections over a bill they never sent her#the pipes might be messed up and my fiance's family is helping me with the faucets but the pipes are so old they make break#and i literally cant afford a plumber or whoever fixes pipes#literally just yelled at his mom and my mom after my fiance and his dad left for supplies because i cant afford it and no one else seems to#be as freaked as me not even my mom#everything is going to shit and im the only one who can get things fixed but i cant afford anything#im already stressed about fighting collections and the hospital now i have to worry about pipes??#i dont get paid enough for this ive been trying for a full time job where i work but nothing comes of it#i really want to **** myself rn so i dont have to worry about anything anymore goddamn#and its so stupid bc a few years ago i could have handled this better than screaming at people in a panic#and im on xanax!!! im this anxious and im on xanax!!!!! wtf#god i legit cant handle anything anymore
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