#when i’m embarrassed abt not being emotionally constipated | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rxxshintaro · 8 years ago

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enlightenment ch11

chapter 1 // ao3 link

a/n: [looks off to the side] let’s just... not talk abt that hiatus ok. EITHER way tho hey hey hey im back! and super excited to write the next chapter tbh so sit back, relax, get some expired milk, and enjoy another mediocre chapter in the lives of two emotionally constipated living fuckups who happen to be gay for each other. (fr tho the support from you all is truly incredible. thank you. i really hope you all like this chapter, and i promise to try not to let you down with future installments. thank you from the bottom of my heart. you’re all amazing.)

The sunlight filtered through the curtains of the bedroom gently, settling on top of Shintaro’s eyelids and causing him to blink awake, but only after briefly fighting the urge to flop his forearm over his face and block out the light.

The first thing that he noticed, after his senses slowly reacquainted themselves with his body, was how warm it was.

Shintaro had to blink several times to understand why, his cheeks flushing as the cogs of recognition began to turn inside his still sleep-muddled mind.

His face was still pressed against the front of Kano’s shirt, the boy apparently still asleep and unaware of Shintaro’s presence. His arms were wrapped lightly around Shintaro’s torso- nothing that he couldn’t break free from if he truly wanted to, but truth be told, after what had happened the night previous, Shintaro wasn’t too keen on the idea of immediately separating. It was the least he could do for the other, after all.

Besides. It was cold, and Kano was warm. It just made more sense to stick around for a bit. And maybe it was a little creepy, but the steady rise and fall of Kano’s chest heaving against his cheek was oddly soothing, and Shintaro wasn’t quite awake enough to care about how dangerous it was to be snuggling up to Kano like this. If he wasn’t careful, he might actually start to enjoy it, and it went without saying how well that would go over.

Still, Shintaro moved to prop his head up on the pillow next to Kano’s sleeping face.

The moment should have felt more victorious, seeing as he had tried to even the playing field several weeks ago by trying to catch a glimpse of Kano asleep, but more than anything, Shintaro just felt like he was invading the other’s privacy. It took all of his willpower to push that feeling down into his gut, before gently reaching up to move his thumb over the other’s cheek.

His soulmate, from what Shintaro could tell, wasn’t sleeping very deeply, based on the subtle twitches of his eyelids when the light hit them. Speaking of eyes, geez, did Kano always have such long eyelashes? Why hadn’t he ever noticed before? It went without saying that Kano’s eyes were gorgeous, but for the same beauty to be extended to his eyelashes was seriously unfair. There was no reason for Kano to be this attractive. It served no practical purpose, aside from making Shintaro very aware of his bisexuality at times, followed by an awkward period where he had to remind himself that not only did he not have any feelings for Kano at all, but even if he did, Kano was going to die anyway, so there would be no point in acting on them.

Reminding himself of that fact felt sort of shitty, actually. Unconsciously, Shintaro felt his hand move over to Kano’s hair, tentatively running his fingers through his wispy locks. His hair was just as soft as ever, but that was no surprise. The last time that he had gotten a chance to do this, Kano was asleep as well, but there was something a bit different in the air this time. Something heavier that he couldn’t quite place.

Maybe it was the realization that he’d actually have to deal with whatever aftermath his behaviour last night would bring? Especially after slashing Kano like that, too.

Slashing.

It sounded even worse the more that he repeated it in his mind.

Shintaro’s face twisted in disgust as he ran his fingers through Kano’s hair mindlessly. If anything else, the softness of it took the edge of the endless barrage of self-deprecating thoughts flitting around his mind. Kano’s hand was probably going to be somewhat out of commission for a while, which would really be inconvenient, despite the fact that it wasn’t even his dominant hand. It still sucked to have that sort of lack of mobility.

Kano made a small noise, shifting in his sleep, which only caused Shintaro to yank his hand away from the other, startled, before slowly lowering it back down and brushing several stray strands out of Kano’s face. (Really, Shintaro? That’s so weird, he internally chastised himself. Despite this, it wasn’t like he felt any overwhelming urge to stop playing with his soulmate’s hair, especially when Kano wasn’t even awake to see it, so it was probably fine, right…?)

Kano’s breath felt hot against his skin.

What was he even planning on doing when Kano woke up, anyway? Was he supposed to just play off the previous night’s episode as a weird mood swing and hope that Kano didn’t ask too many questions? The morning after the night of breaking down in front of someone was always so uncomfortable for everyone involved. Not that Shintaro had ever really experienced it to this extent, but it happened often enough in the group chat that he could only imagine the awkward “It’s Okay, I Don’t Think Any Less of You” talk would probably occur in real life as well. But worse.

As it was currently, though, Kano still wasn’t awake, so that meant that it was probably okay to drink in the sight of his soulmate sleeping for just a bit longer.

Shintaro brushed several pieces of hair behind the other’s ear in what he hoped was a gentle enough motion to not disturb him. Hair had no business being that soft. It was almost irritating how nice it was.

This went on for several more minutes- the gentle stroking of Kano’s hair as Shintaro tried to regulate his breathing so as to not jostle the other too much- before his soulmate shifted once more, their legs sliding against each other. He tried not to think too much of it, but just as Shintaro was about to run his fingers through Kano’s hair once more, he was cut off by his soulmate’s sleep addled voice.

“Hey…” Kano murmured quietly, his eyes still closed. Shintaro’s hand stilled. Shit. He had been caught. Abort mission. “Is there something wrong with my hair?”

“Uh,” Shintaro began eloquently. “Yeah… Yeah, it’s messy.”

Nice.

“That’s just bedhead, genius,” Kano responded with less irritation than Shintaro would have expected. His eyes blinked open, and dammit, they were practically glowing with warmth in the morning light. Shintaro almost lost his breath for a moment, there, but not really, because that’d be corny and stupid. “But please, feel free to keep petting me.”

If he didn’t know any better, Shintaro would say that there were the beginnings of a blush forming on Kano’s cheeks.

“Hey… Are you blushing?” He stupidly blurted out before he could stop himself, immediately regretting it.

Kano sputtered for a moment, seeming genuinely taken aback, which was a privilege in and of itself, but quickly composed himself and narrowed his eyes, grinning.

“Oh, well, of course I am. Anyone would be embarrassed with having a soulmate like you, after all! I mean, you drool in your sleep. And snore, too. It’s really gross, actually,” Kano said, waving him off. “You should be grateful that I didn’t kick you out of the bed last night. I definitely had every right to.”

Shintaro balked. “I don’t drool!”

“You do snore, though,” Kano grinned triumphantly. “And besides, maybe you just don’t know that you drool? After all, I had to keep getting up last night to empty the drool bucket-“

“The drool bucket?”

“-Yes, the drool bucket- to make sure that it wouldn’t overflow.”

Rolling his eyes, Shintaro began to slowly remove his hand from the mess of blond of hair on his soulmate’s head, to which Kano had no visible reaction. It was equal parts relieving and disappointing.

“That’s so gross, Kano.”

“I know, that’s why you should be thanking me.”

“I’m not going to bother commenting on that, actually. I can’t believe you have the energy to mess with me this early in the morning,” Shintaro said dully, fighting back a yawn. “Did you get any sleep last night…?”

Kano shrugged, shifting in the sheets, though he couldn’t tell if the boy had moved closer or further away.

“I slept okay. Thanks for asking.”

Nodding silently, their eyes met each other’s for only a brief moment before the uncomfortable, heavy feeling was back in the pit of Shintaro’s stomach again and he was forced to look away. The bed moved underneath him, and then Kano was sitting up, stretching and cracking his neck. Shintaro’s eyes lingered on how the light silhouetted him for no more than a second, or maybe a few, before moving down to the shoddily wrapped bandages on Kano’s hand.

“Hey…” Shintaro cleared his throat, sitting up and reaching out towards the bandaged hand. “I’m sorry…”

Kano turned, raising an eyebrow. “For what?”

“Last night. I’m sorry,” There was a pause before he clumsily gestured towards Kano’s injured hand, which seemed a bit more real than he would have liked when it was actually there in front of him. Shintaro didn’t mean for his voice to sound so shaky, but at the very least, Kano didn’t seem to notice. “And for your hand, especially.”

“Right, that…” Turning back around, Kano shrugged, continuing his stretches, before eventually standing up. “Well! It’s not my dominant hand, so I can still work. And besides, it isn’t good to bottle all of your emotions inside you. I’d rather you talk to me than just. I don’t know. Explode.”

Shintaro narrowed his eyes. Really, just how little did Kano care about himself? He had just dodged the question last night, but truthfully, it seemed really unhealthy to be so apathetic towards your own wellbeing that you just… didn’t care that your hand was slashed open with scissors.

“Besides,” Kano spoke up, obviously uncomfortable with the silent non-response that Shintaro was serving up. “You didn’t exactly cut me. The scissors just slipped from both of our grips. It’s as much my fault as it is yours. I’m sort of glad that it happened, anyway. At least it seemed to get you to tell me what was on your mind.” He threw out a bit of a lopsided grin, which was a… new expression for him.

Truthfully, Kano had no business telling Shintaro to open up and to be more comfortable talking about his feelings, the hypocrite. Briefly, he considered voicing this, but his protests died on the tip of his tongue when his gaze flitted over the bandages on his soulmate’s hand once more.

He really had no right to say anything to Kano after what he did to him.

“Well, still. Thank you. I mean it,” Shintaro said quietly, reaching out to tuck a stray piece of the bandage into its other wrappings, while Kano patiently watched, albeit his hands shook slightly. “I’ll treat you to breakfast, if you want. In thanks.”

“You do kind of owe me, don’t you…?” Kano snickered, but there was no malice behind it. The sound was warm and comforting, for some odd reason that Shintaro couldn’t quite place. “If that’s what you want! I also wouldn’t say no to an all-expense paid cruise…”

“… So anyway, do you want to get ready first, or should I?”

Kano rubbed his chin in thought, humming deeply, before tugging on a jacket and heading over to the bedroom door. “I’m feeling generous. Go ahead. Just don’t make a mess with the toothpaste this time, okay?”

Grumbling, Shintaro waved him out of the room. The mess wasn’t even that bad, please. Kano simply wasn’t giving him enough credit. (He had cleaned it up pretty well, too. The stains were barely noticeable now.)

The door closed gently, and as soon as it did, Shintaro flopped onto his back, his head lolling to the side, face pressed flush against the side of Kano’s pillow. The familiarly warm scent flooded through his body in a way that made him only want to curl closer and breathe it in deeply, despite every cell in his brain telling- no, screaming at him not to. It took another minute or two of fierce internal debate before Shintaro’s body went lax, his eyelids fluttering shut.

Just this once, he told himself. Just this once.

Technically, he and Kano were soulmates, right? Wasn’t there some sort of biological reaction that soulmates were supposed to have with each other? Something about the brain being flooded with endorphins when someone picked up their soulmate’s scent?

That’s all it was. Wanting to surround himself in Kano’s scent was normal.

… Or, maybe not normal, but at the very least, it made sense on a biological level.

Rolling over, Shintaro tentatively wrapped his arms around the pillow, pressing his face against the fabric.

It would be useless to fend off biology, but at the very least, he could try to fight off how familiar and comforting it felt, flooding his veins with honey and warm syrup. (Contain yourself, idiot. Endorphins were no reason to get all worked up over a smell.)

After a moment of self-deprecation and deep breathing, Shintaro threw his legs off of the side of the bed, hitting his heels against the side of the wooden frame. Still holding the pillow, he fluffed it up quickly before setting it down next to his own.

The peachy streaks of makeup left behind on Kano’s pillow case did not go unnoticed, and did not leave his mind for even a single second whilst getting ready.

“It’s just a few things. C’mon. You owe me,” Kano grinned, holding up his left hand, which had slowly been healing over the past few days. The cut had already scabbed over, which Kano would frequently use as a bargaining tool by waving it around in Shintaro’s face in what he could only assume was in an attempt to gross him out. It only sort of worked. Sometimes. “And the house is only like a half mile away from here. We could just walk there and then take a taxi home.”

Shintaro huffed, readjusting the grocery bags to hoist them over his shoulder. With Kano’s left hand still healing, it would have probably been a better idea to not buy as much at the store, but there were some pretty good sales going on. That didn’t mean that the stuff wasn’t getting annoying to carry, though.

“I don’t want to, though. My legs hurt.”

Kano rolled his eyes, walking firmly in the direction of his childhood home. At this point, it appeared there was really no stopping him, after all, and it was better company to be with him than to just leave and go home, so it wasn’t like Shintaro had much of a choice but to follow. That wouldn’t stop him from grumbling about it, though.

“You whine a lot, you know that? It’s really annoying,” Kano hummed, taking long strides that Shintaro had to fight to keep up with. “I just need a few of my old sweaters and stuff. I didn’t think it would get this cold.”

“What, did you not think that winter would come…?” Shintaro asked, very nearly tripping over a large chunk of ice that didn’t seem to want to melt any time soon, which only caused Kano to snicker a bit, that jerk. “You probably should have planned ahead better.”

“To be honest, I didn’t think that we’d end up living together for that long, so…” Kano admitted in a tone that seemed like he was trying a bit too hard to be casual about it, despite his best efforts. “But hey, things change. What’s important now is that I get a few more sweaters. Wearing the same ones over and over gets pretty boring.”

There was something upsetting about how easily Kano admitted that he was expecting them to fail as soulmates, but Shintaro managed to swallow the feelings down somehow, nodding in understanding.

“Not just that… It’s annoying to have to do the laundry so often, too. Really,” Shintaro huffed. His breath came out in a visible white puff. “Maybe getting you new shirts will keep our water bill down for a change.”

“Maybe if you stopped playing hentai games our electricity bill would be down for a change.”

Around that point, Shintaro decided that it was probably best to hold off on conversation until they reached Kano’s family’s home.

Despite the heat radiating off of his cheeks, the rest of the walk very nearly gave him frostbite, and when they finally found themselves stumbling up the driveway of the brick house, Shintaro was about ready to start tearing off extraneous limbs to conserve body heat. (Not that Kano would let him do anything like that.) The warmth of the house enveloped them both as soon as they set foot within the door- Kano hadn’t bothered to knock; it was still his house, after all- and with a quick glance over at the other, it seemed that Kano was just as relieved to be inside as Shintaro was, though for the same reasons, he wasn’t sure.

Taking off his shoes, Shintaro let out long breath, shaking the stray flurries of snow out of his hair. “At least it’s warm in here.”

Kano kicked off his boots in what seemed to be agreement, tossing him a lopsided smile.

“It’s probably Kousuke’s doing. He likes to keep the house abnormally warm. Just wait a few minutes; it’ll start to get sweaty soon,” He said, preemptively shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up on a nearby hanger. “Speaking of which, I think I heard his hefty lumberjack footsteps approaching.”

Not even a moment later, an apron-clad Seto appeared around the corner, holding a large tray of cookies with two oven mitts, his hair clipped back in a similar fashion to how it had been at the Christmas party.

“I thought I heard someone! Good thing it’s only you two and not a burglar, otherwise offering a few cookies would be pretty awkward, huh…?” Seto grinned, nudging the tray in their general direction. Kano faltered for a moment, strangely, before snickering and picking a cookie off of the tray.

“You didn’t bake these, did you?” Kano asked somewhat warily, eyeing the cookie before ultimately taking a small bite. He didn’t immediately throw up, which Shintaro considered to be a good sign, seeing how apprehensive he was about even handling the confectionary. Was Seto not a good chef, or something…? The idea seemed blasphemous, considering how well he worked the apron.

Sheepishly, Seto set the tray down, reaching around his back to untie the apron, which seemed to have a small lace trim at the very bottom.

“How’d you know? Tsubomi did all of the work. She just had to meet up with Momo and get some things settled, so I took them out of the oven for her,” He said, pausing for a moment to fold up the apron and set it next to the cookies. “Are you just here to visit?”

Shintaro shook his head, kicking his feet around in the foyer.

“Kano’s here to get a few more of his clothes. I was just forced along.” He explained, savoring the slightly annoyed expression his soulmate gave him in exchange.

“Acting like you don’t enjoy my company is really unbecoming of you, soulmate dearest,” Kano scoffed, causing Shintaro to choke on his own saliva as he grabbed another cookie before heading off in the direction of the stairwell. “I’ll be down in a few minutes, though, so if you guys could just wait for me, we can talk more then.”

Seto chuckled slightly, waving him off, and with that, Kano was bounding up the stairs, out of sight within a matter of seconds, leaving Shintaro and Seto alone. His footsteps echoed only briefly, before the silence became all too apparent. He coughed in an attempt to ease some of the tension, but it still felt like Seto’s gaze was boring into him, though he wasn’t even sure if Seto was looking at him in the first place.

The awkward atmosphere didn’t disappear when their eyes met, but Seto smiled patiently and stood, sauntering over to the bottom of the steps and taking a seat on the lowest step.

“Is it anxiety?” Seto asked after another long pause. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but you remind me a lot of how I used to be.”

Shintaro stopped twiddling his thumbs momentarily to look up at the other, only to be met with that same warm smile, a perfect mirror of his older sister’s.

“Sorry. It’s not you, it’s just…” He explained grimly, gesturing to the air vaguely before letting his hand limply flop down to his side. “You know how anxiety is. It doesn’t really care who you are. It’s just interested in making things harder for you.”

Seto laughed once, folding his legs casually. “I get it. I was just about the biggest ball of anxiety when I was a kid, right before meeting Shuuya and Tsubomi. I cried over everything, seriously! It didn’t really start to get better until we were adopted over here and I was able to talk to people about it.”

There was just something about “talking” about anxiety that didn’t particularly strike Shintaro as anxiety-reducing, but maybe it’d be worth a shot. Someday. The idea didn’t seem particularly appealing at the moment. Shintaro twiddled his thumbs, nodding as his shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Momo decided to set up regular visits to this local therapist when her music career started to take off,” Shintaro explained, noting how Seto’s hand fluttered to their linked timers at the mention of her name. “Just to deal with the pressures of fame. Things like that. I guess it’s helping, or she would have stopped going by now.”

The other hummed in response, leaning back into the steps.

“I’m pretty lucky to be timed with Momo. She’s an inspiration to a lot of people,” Seto said, which only made Shintaro narrow his eyes. (Seto wasn’t wrong, but it was a little bit difficult to think of his younger sister as an inspiration when virtually all she did outside of being an idol was lay around eating gross snacks and watching gaming commentary online.) “It really is something else that two of my soulmates are also soulmates with each other, though! Talk about a coincidence.”

Shintaro could only shrug. Timers did have a tendency to pull people together in mysterious ways, but there was something a little… too convenient about Seto’s timers consisting only of his adoptive sibling, said adoptive sibling’s future wife, and some person that he’d probably meet in the local woods in less than a week’s time. With over nine billion people in the world, the odds of that happening completely at random were next to nothing.

Then again, someone with only one timer really had no right to question anyone else’s. It didn’t matter, he supposed, provided that they were all happy.

“She’s a good person,” Shintaro eventually settled on. “Her and Kido get along really well, too. They make a good pair.”

“They do, don’t they?” Seto said, laughing lightly. “Just like you and Shuuya.”

Shintaro could only stare, waiting for the other to take back the comment or at the very least change the subject. (No such luck- In fact, Seto almost seemed to be staring him down, watching him intently and waiting for a proper response, which, if he was being completely honest, was sort of completely terrifying.)

“What?” He squeaked out after the initial wave of his internal meltdown had passed.

“You and Shuuya make a good pair,” Seto repeated firmly. “You two are really so, so similar… That’s not to mention how you both behaved at the Christmas get-together, either!”

“What? How did we,” Shintaro raised two fingers on each hands, making air quotes. “Behave?”

It was almost funny, how genuinely confused the other looked for a moment, his brows furrowing in confusion, before beginning to laugh lightly, the palm of his hand pressing against his forehead.

“You seriously don’t know?”

Shintaro grumbled in response, which only made Seto laugh more, much to his dismay. Silently, he fumbled around with the end of his scarf, clearing his throat slightly. Eventually, the laughter did die down, but it seemed to take a spectacular amount of effort and a few repressed giggles, which really wasn’t helping the other’s case, Shintaro mused.

“After dinner, we were washing dishes together, and he wouldn’t stop talking about you. I don’t think he realised it, either,” Seto grinned. “And besides… Didn’t you two end up under the mistletoe at the end of the night, anyway?”

Immediately, Shintaro’s stomach dropped, going pale for a moment before feeling the heat on his cheeks began to creep up. “What- No, no, what makes you say that?”

“I saw you two. Sorry about that,” Seto began, looking not very apologetic at all. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. But either way, I’m really happy for both you and Shuuya.”

Shintaro blinked.

That was funny.

It almost sounded like Seto said that not only did he see him and Kano under the mistletoe, but he also thought that they were now a couple.

Wait.

“Wait- wait, what? That’s… Hey, no, ah-” Shintaro began quietly, only for Seto to continue speaking over his trembling voice.

“You two work really well together!” Seto grinned. “And you seem really comfortable around him, too. It’s no wonder that you’re soulmates. As much resentment as Shuuya holds for timers, they allowed him to meet you, so I tend to think that they’re worth the hassle, personally.”

Shintaro could only stare with wide eyes as Seto spoke, too shocked to say much more than make a few silent interjections here and there, to which the other didn’t seem to notice in the slightest. Quietly, Shintaro decided that it was probably best to never be left alone with Seto ever again, lest he wanted to feel like hiding his face in his scarf. Uneven, Shintaro’s voice cracked when he managed to raise it enough for Seto to hear.

“Kano and I aren’t dating, actually…” He explained hastily, the blush on his cheeks radiating heat off of his face and making the entire room seem much, much too hot for his heavy winter clothes. “We’re, uh, friends. Nothing happened under the mistletoe. So…”

Seto seemed confused, and narrowed his eyes slightly, standing up and seemingly looking Shintaro over before letting out a short laugh.

“Sorry about that, then! I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions,” He said, looking genuinely apologetic for a moment, before waving it off. “I could have sworn I saw you kiss him on the head. Maybe my eyes were just playing tricks on me.”

Shintaro nodded hastily.

“Y-Yeah! That’s probably it. You probably just had too much, uh,” Pause. “Eggnog? I’ve heard that eggnog can make you hallucinate.”

“Eggnog making people hallucinate…? I’ve never heard that before.”

“It’s true. I read about it in… the… uh, newest edition of Time magazine.”

Seto eyed him suspiciously, but ultimately shrugged it off. Unconsciously, Shintaro let out a long sigh of relief.

“That’s fascinating! I’ll have to read that issue, then,” He smiled. “You must really keep up with current events.”

Beginning to feel his neck ache from nodding near constantly since arriving, Shintaro nodded once more, and with that small gesture, the silence returned again. Seto put up with the awkwardness for a moment, before politely excusing himself to go check on the other batch of cookies that Kido had apparently left for him to take care of. With the other gone, Shintaro’s eyes began to drift around the room, over the partly torn-down Christmas decorations that were somehow still up, despite it being almost halfway through January. They suited the homely atmosphere of the room, somewhat.

Mindlessly, he glanced at the side table several feet to his left, which was overly cluttered with unopened letters of junk mail and subscriptions to several nature and animal centered magazines. Amongst the mess, a single photo of four smiling children sat, framed with sloppily painted wood and the word “heroes” scrawled in children’s penmanship along the bottom of the frame.

He couldn’t help but smile softly, temporarily forgetting his embarrassment.

“Are you looking at our family photo?” A voice from the top of the stairs called out, which made Shintaro jump slightly, turning to look up. Kano stood at the top step, a grey duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “We were cute, weren’t we? Our family has always been pretty close…”

The small Ayano in the photo was grinning widely, her red scarf lovingly draped over the three slightly smaller children. Seto’s eyes were slightly puffy, probably having just finished crying, if what he said earlier held any weight. Kido was remarkably un-stoic for once, wearing a big toothy grin with a wide gap in the middle and several bandages on her cheeks.

The child on the far right, with his bright eyes and his fluffy yet choppy hair, was just about the cutest thing he had ever seen.

It could only be Kano.

“This is you, right?” Shintaro pointed to the right side of the photo. “The kid over on the right?”

Adult-sized Kano headed down the stairs, walking over and glancing at the frame from over Shintaro’s shoulder. With a bit of nervous laughter, Kano rubbed at the back of his head.

“I mean, who else would it be?”

“Good point, I guess.”

Kano’s smile in the photo was near blinding, despite the way that the scarf was partially obstructing the view of his left eye. Shintaro looked at it for another moment before gently setting it down again, being careful not to drop it in the process. When he turned back around, Kano was already slipping on his shoes, the duffel bag seated neatly next to him.

“You know, you were a pretty cute kid,” Shintaro mused, moving over to pull on his shoes as well, though truthfully, the offer of cookies from earlier was starting to sound appealing. “What happened?”

The other snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Wow, that’s even less funny than usual! Great work, Shintaro!”

“Thanks. I try.”

“You try not to be funny? That explains a lot!” Kano responded, but even so, Shintaro could hear the beginnings of laughter in his voice. “Anyway. Where did my brother go?”

Before Shintaro could respond, Seto emerged from around the corner, right on cue. It was almost impressive how well timed it was until it became apparent that he was likely just standing there waiting for a good opportunity to jump into the conversation rather than intrude.

“Are you already leaving?” Seto asked, frowning slightly. “I was going to make dinner in a few minutes, so if you wanted to, you could head home after that.”

Shintaro glanced out the window panes of the front door. It was already getting sort of dark out, and they hadn’t really bought anything frozen at the store, so it’d probably be fine to stay a bit longer. It wasn’t like they had anything pressing to do at home, after all. Tono would probably be fine, seeing as he had left more than enough food to last her until late into the evening. Kano seemed to be considering the offer as well, humming in contemplation before finally standing up.

“Are you actually making the dinner? Or are you just heating it up?”

Laughing, Seto waved him off and began to turn into the next room, glancing over his shoulder at the pair. “Don’t worry! I’m just going to heat up some leftover soup from the other day. There’s more than enough for the both of you, though, so feel free to eat your fill.”

With a sideways glance at each other, Shintaro and Kano kicked off their shoes wordlessly, heading into the kitchen. No further discussion was needed.

Dinner wasn’t anything too special. The soup wasn’t the normally fancy fare that Kido liked to cook up, but it was warm and had plenty of vegetables. Apparently, she had made a large batch of it the several days previous and had frozen portions of it in hopes that Seto would just eat that instead of eating raw vegetables all night. (“What do you eat when Kido isn’t here, then?” “I usually just go into the garden and have a few carrots. They’re full of vitamin C!”)

After leaving, both he and Kano clambered into a taxi, hunger satiated, and limbs heavy with exhaustion. It took almost all of Shintaro’s efforts to not fall asleep in the car, and by the looks of it, Kano wasn’t faring much better- his eyes drooped slightly as they were carted back to their home. Upon stopping, the other yawned, stepping out of the cab and stretching, looking just the slightest bit more awake.

Their front door swung open viciously, thudding against the wall in the process. Kano clicked his tongue as he stepped inside, Shintaro following shortly behind with not only the groceries from earlier, but also Kano’s duffel bag, which he had somehow been roped into carrying along the way.

“I, ah, thought the door was heavier than that,” Kano admitted underneath his breath, before turning and snatching the duffel bag from Shintaro’s hands. “I’ll be taking that.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome,” He huffed, watching the other’s departing figure as he began to unzip the bag, pulling out sweaters and hoodies of different colours and fabrics by the handful. And by different colours, he mostly meant various shades of grey. Kano didn’t appear to have any interest in wearing anything but neutral shades. It wasn’t like Shintaro was any better, but at the very least, he had a few red jackets and the like. “Your clothing choices are very… monochromatic.”

“It’s more comfortable to wear things that won’t draw people’s eyes to me,” Kano explained bluntly, and his tone left no room for any further questions. “More importantly, doesn’t it feel sort of cold in here? I thought we left the heater on when we left.”

Furrowing his brows, Shintaro nodded, only to realise that Kano couldn’t see his small motion.

“We definitely did. I put it up pretty high, too… For Tono,” He called back, tugging off his jacket and approaching their small space heater. Though still plugged in and still switched into the “ON” position, the metal was as cold as ice. Furrowing his brows, Shintaro kneeled down, turning the device over and switching it off, waiting for a moment before switching it on again. The heater, being fairly old, usually made a sound similar to a small animal screeching when it was first turned on, but this time, it was suspiciously silent. “Hold on.”

Shuffling over on his knees, Shintaro reached for the cord and unplugged it. Plugged it in again. Shockingly, this yielded no different result from turning it off and on again. With a heavy sigh, he set down the cord, flopping onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“It’s broken.”

Kano’s head poked around the doorway of the bedroom.

“What?”

“Broken.”

“It’s broken…?” The other’s eyes narrowed slightly, before tossing the duffel bag into the corner of the bedroom and meandering over to the space heater. Shintaro shifted over a bit to allow Kano better access to the piece of trash, moving obediently out of the way when he reached for the heater. Kano took it in both hands, staring at it blankly for a moment, before giving it a hard shake. When nothing happened, he furrowed his brows, before setting it down harshly and shrugging. “Do you know how to fix it, Shintaro? Because I don’t.”

Briefly, Shintaro spared a glance at the small scar on his hand from when he had tried to “repair” the toaster oven by relentlessly jamming a screwdriver into its vents at the age of 8. The incident ended up having a rather shocking conclusion.

“I think we should just get another one, honestly. This one makes the apartment smell like burning trash.”

Kano made a noise that sounded almost like a laugh, causing Shintaro to fill up with an odd sense of pride. It wasn’t like his soulmate didn’t have a sense of humor- far from it, actually. Most of the things he that said on a day to day basis weren’t exactly intended to be taken at face value. However, it wasn’t often that Kano genuinely laughed. He chuckled, snickered, grinned, and smirked almost constantly, but he rarely smiled or laughed. Now that he was thinking about it, Kano didn’t do much of anything genuinely.

From time to time, though, if he was lucky, Shintaro could catch a glimpse of his smile, or hear his voice occasionally trail off into breathy laughter.

It was… pleasant, he supposed.

“I guess. The stores are pretty much all closed right now, though,” Kano said, hoisting himself up, only to make it about a yard over to the couch before sinking back down again. “Except for the 24-hour ones, but the closest one of those is still around a half an hour away, right? Maybe we should just wait until the morning.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re the one who gets the bed tonight,” Shintaro frowned, rolling onto his side to face the other. “I’m probably going to die of hypothermia on this ugly couch.”

“You’re such a drama queen, Shintaro. You won’t get hypothermia,” Kano said decisively. That seemed to be the end of the sentence, until a small smirk gradually began to grow on his face. “Just frostbite. So if I were you, I’d say goodbye to my favourite fingers and toes now. Who knows if they’ll be there in the morning?”

Shintaro found himself chuckling before he realised it, eliciting a satisfied hum from his soulmate, who was apparently tired of lazing around the couch. Standing, Kano stretched fluidly, his body moving like water as he reached above his head and back down. Strangely enough, for someone as nimble as Kano, he didn’t really do much exercise, nor did he even eat healthily for the most part. Did he have a toned stomach, too? Probably not. That’d be a little bit of a stretch. Not that it mattered.

Unconsciously, his gaze drifted to Kano’s waistline, observing- not staring- the trim of the sweater briefly rise above the line of his hips, just barely exposing a partition of smooth, milky white skin-

Marred with a large oblong scar.

Shintaro blinked, and by the time the image had registered in his mind, Kano’s sweater was back in place, and he was speaking to him like nothing had ever happened. He probably wasn’t even aware of his mistake, appearing almost remarkably calm and laid back, despite Shintaro’s unintentional invasion of his privacy. Swallowing dryly, he could only listen, his eyes drifting away from the other’s slim form.

“Y’know what? I’m actually starting feeling sort of uneasy at the thought of you sleeping out here in the cold. Lucky you!” Kano piped up, placing his hands on his hips. “I guess we can share the bed tonight. Having someone like you around with no working limbs would be pretty troublesome.”

Still mulling over the idea of Kano possibly having even more scars than he had seen previously, the offer took a second to work its way into Shintaro’s mind, and by the time the idea of “sleeping with Kano” actually formed a solid image in his brain, Kano was looking away, messing with the sleeve of his sweater and just barely biting his lower lip.

“Ah… Although, if you don’t want to, then-“

“No! I want to!” Shintaro blurted out, managing to somewhat shake himself out of his stupor to sit up, resting his entire body weight on the heels of his hands. He hadn’t realised how forcefully this action came across until Kano’s expression shifted into something between surprise and embarrassment, not even bothering to finish his sentence in lieu of fiddling around with the loose strands of thread on the throw pillows.

Shintaro’s cheeks began to feel warm, and quickly, he attempted (keyword: attempted) to regain control of the situation as best he could. “Sorry, uh, it’s just… I was just thinking about something, so it took me a second to… process it? I didn’t want to- I mean, I didn’t want you to think that I was saying no, so… Any… Anyway!” He cleared his throat, fighting the urge to run off and just share the cage with Tono for the night. Making a mental note to put the scar situation on the back burner for now, Shintaro took a deep breath, rearranging his thoughts until the earlier sight was neatly tucked away, waiting to be revisited later. “Yeah. Thanks. It’s too cold for the couch.”

Kano looked up at him, examining Shintaro for a moment that felt like a century, only to finally rolling his eyes in an exaggerated manner and groan loudly, before settling into an amused grin. His cheeks were still slightly red, a detail which was rather hard for Shintaro to ignore when Kano was smiling like that.

“How is it even possible for you to be this awkward? I’m serious. Have you ever interacted with a human before?” He asked, looking genuinely curious. “Wait, do you even know what humans are? You poor soul. All of your alien dating sims have distanced you from reality.”

“Jerk,” Shintaro huffed, standing up to begin grabbing up the empty dishes leftover from breakfast that morning. They hadn’t bothered to put them away earlier, more focused on getting out of the house to fill their fridge. “I’m going to kick you out of the bed tonight.”

The other merely snickered, a very much welcome sound. This was the Kano that he was used to, after all. Snarky, sarcastic, always looking for a way to throw in a timely joke. Though, it wasn’t as if the quiet, somewhat easily embarrassed tendencies that he’d exhibit from time to time didn’t suit him either. On the contrary, in fact.

It was just that, well, seeing Kano’s cheeks flush and his nervous laughter sort of did weird things to Shintaro’s stomach that he was becoming more and more interested in ignoring.

“I’m gonna head into bed. If you load the dishwasher tonight, I’ll unload it tomorrow?” Kano called out as he headed for the bedroom, dragging his feet as he walked. “See you in a few minutes, I guess.”

Shintaro dunked the chipped coffee mug in the hot water, turning off the faucet before answering. “Sure. See you in there.”

Murmuring something that seemed to be a response, Kano left the room, the door shutting quietly behind him as he entered the bedroom.

For someone who clearly valued his personal space bubble above all else, Kano hardly seemed to think twice about offering up a space in the bed. True, they had shared a bed once before, but that was mostly out of circumstance rather than a conscious choice to fall asleep next to each other. Now that he was actually thinking about it, the entire situation seemed completely out of character for him. Shintaro gripped fistfuls of his hair with both hands, groaning. This was just too much.

He was probably overthinking it, Shintaro thought, wandering about the kitchen as he aimlessly polished an already clean pot. There was no reason to be so nervous. It was just a friendly gesture, from one friend to another. If anything, he should be appreciative of the offer.

Inhaling deeply, Shintaro set down the now pristine pot, releasing it as its metal touched the countertop.

This wasn’t a big deal. He and Kano were around each other practically all the time; what difference would sleeping next to each other make? And besides, it was only for one night! If things turned out strangely, they could just revert to their usual bed-couch swapping ways. There was no reason for his nerves to be acting up like this. Everything would be fine, and normal, and they’d just sleep. Like usual.

Right?

Wrong.

Shintaro had crawled into the bed around twenty minutes ago, and though he normally fell asleep within the first few minutes of his head hitting the pillow, the normal, expected drowsiness that he typically felt simply never came. Instead, it was replaced by a knot in the pit of his stomach that was taking hold of him and refusing to let go, clenching tighter and tighter with the slowly dawning realization that holy shit, they were sharing the same bed, weren’t they?

To make matters worse, Kano was definitely not asleep yet. His breathing was too shallow, and despite what seemed to be feeble attempts to relax his body, it was far too obvious that both of them were just lying there together, completely awake.

Kano shifted harshly, tugging a decent sized portion of the comforter over to his side, leaving Shintaro’s left leg uncomfortably cold.

Jerk.

Grunting, he grabbed the blanket with both hands, yanking the stolen fabric over to his side. Kano made an irritated noise in protest, before apparently remembering that he was supposed to be “asleep”, and abruptly went limp, but not before pulling the comforter back over to his side.

Shintaro furrowed his brows, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Kano’s form, now bundled up with the majority of the blankets, looking much like a caterpillar in cocoon. As annoying as this was, he might have been able to put up with it for the night, provided that he didn’t move a single centimeter from where he was currently laying, but only a moment later, Kano tugged at the blanket again, stealing whatever scraps of fabric remained from Shintaro. That was the last straw.

“What the hell, Kano?” Shintaro groaned, sitting up. “Stop that!”

There was an incredibly self-satisfied humming noise from the blanket cocoon, followed by an obviously fake yawn.

“Oh?” Kano gasped in a manner that would make the acting in a middle school play look good. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes in an exaggerated motion, before plopping back down onto his side. “I’m sorry, Shintaro! I didn’t hear what you said. I was asleep.”

“Liar.” Shintaro grunted, beginning to pull some of the comforter back over to his side. This time, Kano didn’t put up any resistance, letting most of the blanket go easily.

“Yeah, well…” Kano chuckled wryly, shifting away from the topic slowly before ultimately clearing his throat. “I’m actually glad you’re awake. I had some things to ask you.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shintaro settled into the sheets and adjusted the blanket back around himself. The comforter, while still rather large, wasn’t quite big enough to allow for the amount of space that he’d prefer to have between them, so as a result, he was forced to inch closer, their backs mere centimeters apart. Kano’s radiating warmth could just barely be felt against the fabric of his shirt.

“You could have just said that from the beginning, you know…” Shintaro yawned, though he still didn’t feel tired in the slightest.

“Don’t you think that’s a little embarrassing?” Kano asked, his voice uncharacteristically shy. “Saying, ‘Hey, I’ve got a few things to ask you about!’ or something like that?”

“Uh… No?”

“Oh,” The other fell silent for a moment before shaking off the odd mood and continuing. “Are you feeling any better since the other day…?”

The question seemed strangely familiar. Hadn’t he just asked that the other day? It wasn’t like Kano to be so… redundant. Frowning, Shintaro attempted to collect his thoughts before answering. “You already asked me that.”

“I’m just making sure that you’re still okay, so can you answer me already?” Kano said flatly.

To be honest, Shintaro hadn’t really had the time to think about himself much after they had bandaged Kano’s hand for the second time. The thought of being concerned own well-being was almost blasphemous after peeling the stiff, blood soaked wrappings from Kano’s pale, slightly wrinkled skin.

If he had to answer, though, it wasn’t as if he was any worse off than normal. Finally, Shintaro nodded, though he knew very well that the other couldn’t see it.

“I’m okay. I’m not dead, at least.”

There was a brief pause before his soulmate spoke again.

“... Sure.” Kano responded simply, his voice slightly clipped. Shintaro didn’t exactly know what to make of this tone, pressing his lips together as he waited for Kano to continue. “I already knew that. But what’s more important is if you’re planning on doing that again.”

“Again?” Shintaro couldn’t help but peer over his shoulder to glance at Kano, who still wasn’t looking at him. “It’s not exactly a plan right now, but… I can’t say it won’t happen…”

That probably wasn’t a very reassuring answer. For reasons that he couldn’t quite comprehend, Kano was beginning to make it very clear that he was concerned for his wellbeing, and while Shintaro’s answer was completely honest, it may have been better to just stretch the truth a little to prevent him from worrying.

Too little, too late, though to his surprise, Kano only chuckled, releasing a long breath.

“Your honesty really is something else, you know that?”

“I was just answering the question.”

There was a huff.

“Obviously. But just so you know?” Kano turned a bit, a glimpse of his eyes appearing from over his shoulder. “If you need to… get anything off of your chest, I don’t mind if you come to me, or something.”

Most of his face was obscured, Shintaro only just being able to make out bits and pieces of his expression, but even so, Kano’s normally bright eyes were narrowed and serious. The look didn’t suit Kano, but maybe it suited Shuuya. Shifting from the lack of response, Kano’s eyes darted around nervously before continuing.

“… This may come as a surprise, but I have a little bit of experience with knowing how that sort of thing feels…!” Kano laughed in a forced manner, fully turning his body back around and curling up. “So… I won’t make fun of you. I have plenty of real, actual things to make fun of you for.”

As nice as the sentiment was, and as hard as his soulmate tried to fake his smiles and his laughs, it hadn’t take very long for Shintaro to begin to understand how Kano viewed the world and himself. Maybe it was just the sense of connection that those who felt dead inside had with others who felt the same, or maybe it was the way that Kano would look off some days and completely shut down, staring into nothing and forcing his smiles just enough for Shintaro to notice. (Or worse- he wouldn’t bother forcing anything at all. Those days were always the worst, the heavy atmosphere settling like a fog that Shintaro just couldn’t quite cut through.)

There was also the little issue of how he never seemed to have any concern for his wellbeing whatsoever, allowing himself to freely get hurt and brush it off like nothing ever happened. The occurrence with the scissors wasn’t an isolated incident, but just a small piece of an entire, awful mess of things that the other apparently thought Shintaro wouldn’t be able to notice. From Kano randomly forgetting to eat and laughing it off, to taking solitary walks in the middle of winter when it was already far past dusk, nothing regarding his wellbeing was worth “worrying” about to him.

Shintaro had to wonder, did Kano feel the same way when he received those scars?

(Particularly the larger one on his stomach. It looked like the sort of scar someone would get from a quack surgery, or maybe even a stabbing-)

“You…” Shintaro began to respond, trailing off for a moment before recentering his thoughts. Kano waited patiently, unmoving aside from his rhythmic breaths. “As much as I hate to admit this, you know me pretty well.”

There was a short, amused exhale of air from the other.

“That’s the problem, though,” He continued. “I don’t think you should understand it. It’d be better for you if you just couldn’t comprehend how I could think like this, or if you said things like, ‘Cheer up! It’s all in your head!’. It’d be awful for me, but I’d take that over you feeling like this.”

As Shintaro finished speaking, Kano held his breath, maybe making sure that he was finished speaking before replying.

“Aw, are you concerned about me?” Unlike his usual remarks of this nature, this statement was delivered flatly, almost under his breath. Kano shook his head, and the motion shifted the sheets. “You don’t want anyone to feel the way you do, yet you also want to be completely understood, right…? Neither can exist without the other.”

Inching his back closer to the other, Shintaro took a moment before nodding.

“Maybe. You’re already here, though. You already know how bad it can get. I wish you didn’t, but at the same time, it’s almost relieving to see that you aren’t just some random, snarky kid who gets enjoyment from teasing people,” He murmured, turning over fully to watch the other’s form. “Even if it’s disgusting to think that way.”

Kano didn’t seem to notice the subtle movements, now laying stiffly on his side and facing the wall. The moonlight glowed around the edges of his silhouette.

“Everything you say is full of contradictions. You remind me of myself.”

With nothing to say in response, Shintaro shut his mouth, waiting for the conversation to continue in any sense of the word, for a snarky comment, for further elaboration, or just anything, really, but nothing came. The sound of Kano’s steady, still very much awake breathing was not entirely the only sound to be heard in the room, but it was the only one Shintaro could very well pay attention to. Kano’s last statement echoed in his mind, bouncing around restlessly.

Was being told that Kano saw similarities between the two of them even a compliment, considering how the other clearly wasn’t fond of himself?

Shintaro wasn’t entirely sure. It was too late to think about those sort of heavy-handed things anyway, he thought, turning back over to face towards the wall and away from the boy that fate had decided would be his soulmate. This seemed to work for a moment, and just as he felt himself drifting off, Kano muttered something under his breath.

“If you moved a little closer, we both could have enough of the blanket to stay warm.”

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Shintaro turned to give him an incredulous look, only to see that the boy had practically none of the blanket on his side. Layers and all, winter nights were absolutely brutal. It very nearly sent shivers down his spine at the mere sight of the other’s uncovered body.

“Oh, uh…” Shintaro fumbled around intelligently with the blankets, tossing it over Kano’s form and walking over on his knees to move in closer.

“Oh, uh…” Kano repeated with a snort, curling into the blankets. It took more than a second for Shintaro to realise that he was being teased, and suddenly, the air wasn’t quite so heavy anymore.

The pillows were all messed up now, an observation which made Shintaro grumble and sit up again, fluffing them up and setting them back down in a meticulous manner. Feeling only somewhat satisfied, he laid back down, shifting closer to Kano’s smaller frame. (To get more of the blanket, of course.) Kano didn’t give any verbal indication that he didn’t mind, but moved closer in turn, so it was probably fine.

Shintaro considered saying good night, opening his mouth to do so, before pressing his lips together and squeezing his eyes shut tightly instead. It would just be weird if they said good night, wouldn’t it? That was something that couples did- gently biding each other bedtime farewells. It was simply far too intimate, and besides, the mood wasn’t right for it.

Kano murmured something, the sounds slightly muffled from underneath the bedspread. “Night, Shintaro.”

… Or not, apparently.

“Yeah, sleep tight…” Shintaro muttered, his voice just barely above a whisper.

The other merely shifted against the pillows, and that was that. It didn’t even take very long for Kano to fall asleep after that, either- Shintaro counted less than a hundred sheep before Kano’s breathing was evening out into a steady rhythm, deep intakes of breath followed by gentle releases that were almost soothing to listen to, in a way. He was sort of like a metronome. A very warm metronome.

Once he was sure that his soulmate was asleep, Shintaro rolled up his left sleeve, holding his marked wrist up in the light.

Less than a month left.

With a frustrated sigh, he let his arm fall back down to the mattress with a thump. Kano stirred slightly at the motion, but ultimately didn’t wake up. Thank god. Still, the small movement was enough to make Shintaro move with slightly more caution, slowly pushing down his sleeve and sparing another sideways glance at his partner.

It really was hard to imagine what life was going to be like after the subtimer ran out. Shintaro had already resolved himself to not think about it any more than necessary, but the thoughts often creeped into his mind despite his best efforts. Typically, during the late nights when he was having trouble falling asleep. Those were always fun. There was nothing quite like laying around in a panicked cold sweat to get the blood flowing!

Furrowing his brows, Shintaro turned back around and began to gradually shift towards the other, moving all the way until his back was pressed flush against Kano’s, letting out a shaky breath when they touched. Through the other’s thin shirt, he could just barely feel the thrum of his steadily beating heart.

Just the idea of that heart stopping twisted his stomach into a knot the size of a fist.

At least, with their backs pressed together, Shintaro would be able to tell throughout the night if Kano were to stop breathing, or something like that. It was just a precaution, and despite what his wrist said, what if Kano died before the subtimer ran out? There was no way that he was going to risk that, or even entertain the possibility, for that matter.

… That’s what he told himself anyway, as Kano’s warmth gradually began to spread through him once again, heating Shintaro from the small of his back and all the way out to the very tips of his fingers, leaving him with a pleasant sleepiness that he very rarely felt nowadays.

With their backs pressed safely up against each other, Shintaro tugged at the blankets and closed his eyes, opting to count each and every breath Kano took in lieu of counting sheep. It took less than twenty of the other’s gentle inhales and exhales before sleep overcame him.

The night progressed nicely, up until a certain point in which Shintaro was awoken by the feeling of the mattress decompressing by his side. His back was cold.

… Something wasn’t right.

Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, Shintaro sat up slowly, catching a sideways glance at the clock- Around four in the morning. Far too early to be getting up, even by Kano’s standards. The beginnings of panic registered in his sleep-addled brain, but were promptly squashed as he noticed the light creeping out from underneath the crack of the bathroom door.

That should have been the end of the mystery. Case closed; Kano was just using the bathroom. Whatever. It certainly wasn’t worth waking up for. It wouldn’t hurt to roll over and fall back asleep, probably. Kano was old enough to use the bathroom by himself.

And really, Shintaro was planning on doing just that, at least until he heard the water running and the loud huffing from beyond the door. The sound of something splashing, the pitter patter of pacing feet around the small room.

Not the normal sounds that someone would hear coming out of a bathroom, Shintaro noted, finding himself still staring at the door. Silently, he laid down against the sheets, struggling to fight off sleep as he watched the painted wood. Maybe if he stared hard enough, it would just magically open.

It didn’t.

The water was on again- a steadily running sound, momentarily interrupted by quick blips of silence, as if something was interrupting the stream. It didn’t sound like Kano was cupping the water in the palms of his hands. That would have produced a longer pause for the moment that the water was passed through.

It was possible that he was using it to brush his teeth, though that seemed rather unlikely, all things considering. Particularly due to the fact that it was the middle of the night, and they had already brushed their teeth earlier.

Maybe he was… splashing water on his face? Shintaro’s brows furrowed in thought, before ultimately dismissing the entire case. For god’s sake, it was four in the morning. Not everything Kano did had to be a goddamn mystery all the time. (Although, that did raise the question as to why Kano felt the need to pace around and splash water on his face in the first place, but- No, Shintaro thought, none of that right now.)

The door suddenly opened, and immediately, Shintaro’s eyes snapped shut. There was a bit of movement, and curiosity brought him to slowly open his eyes once more, attempting to appear as still as possible.

Kano’s face was dripping wet- if there were any doubts in Shintaro’s mind that he was splashing water on his face in there, they were certainly gone now. Seemingly unaware of Shintaro’s very much awake state, Kano leaned against the side of the sink, letting his head drop down, small droplets of water dripping off of his nose. There was an irritated sigh, followed by Kano abruptly and roughly pushing his bangs back up and out of his face with both hands. The action made his shirt ride up for the second time this night, and somehow, the moonlight gave a luminescent glow to Kano’s pale skin, accentuating the scar to the point where it almost made Shintaro feel sick.

Clicking his tongue, his soulmate’s expression swelled with irritation before ultimately deflating and dropping entirely. His eyes fluttered shut gently, and Shintaro watched from afar as Kano took in a long, deep breath- enough to fill up his lungs entirely- and held it for several moments before releasing it in a rush. His fingers were shaking, or maybe his entire body was. Shintaro wasn’t entirely sure, his brain soaking up the scene before it as fast as it could, leaving the processing of what the hell was actually going on for later.

It was only when Kano eventually returned to bed, curling up on the far side of the mattress, and not even bothering to really cover himself with the comforter, did the pieces suddenly click together in Shintaro’s mind.

He’d have to find a way to bring it up later, Shintaro thought vaguely. With no lights on or running water or soulmate pacing around, the sleepiness from earlier was back with a vengeance. The last thing that Shintaro could remember doing before falling back asleep was rolling closer to Kano and draping the blanket over his- trembling? - body.

“You fell asleep pretty quickly last night,” Shintaro mused over his glass of orange juice the next morning. Kano looked up wordlessly from his phone, raising an eyebrow. His hair was sticking up in every direction, having seemingly been too tired to brush it properly that morning. “Were you more tired than usual?”

Kano shrugged half-heartedly. He was stirring his instant oatmeal with a weird sort of determination, maybe to get each oat off of the sides of the bowl before declaring it fit for consumption. The sound of the metal spoon scraping against the porcelain dish wasn’t exactly what Shintaro would describe as pleasant.

He had thought that waking up next to Kano earlier would have been weird, with how the other always set that stupid alarm of his for seven in the morning, and especially with how he was somewhat paranoid that Kano had somehow just known that he was being watched when he woke up at four, but strangely enough, there was no real awkwardness about it. They woke up, Shintaro tried to pretend that he didn’t notice Kano’s slightly smudged makeup, and took turns washing up in the bathroom. Whilst washing his face, Shintaro tried to pretend like he didn’t notice water splashed all over the counter, like someone had been trying to use the faucet late into the night, and when he got dressed, he tried to pretend that Kano wearing only long sleeved shirts and pants was a completely normal thing.

There was something so off about how consuming this entire soulmate business was. A huge chunk of Shintaro’s days and mornings consisted of Kano, whether it be talking with him, being irritated with him, or apparently, being disgustingly concerned about his wellbeing on every level.

“Maybe you were just so boring that I couldn’t help but fall asleep?” Kano tried after a while, though the words didn’t carry the same sort of enthusiasm that they normally had when he was delivering a well-placed jab. He didn’t exactly have a chance to respond to the blond’s half-hearted quip before Kano changed the subject. “Actually, I’m not hungry. You can eat this! You’re welcome.”

He pushed the bowl towards Shintaro with one hand, sticking the spoon into the center of the slop. It wouldn’t have looked appetizing under any other circumstance either, but really, there were other things that Shintaro was concerned with. He nudged the bowl to the side, noting the utter lack of change in Kano’s expression when he leaned back in his chair, narrowing his eyes.

“You should really eat breakfast,” Shintaro chastised him, his eyes narrowing. “But you can eat it later, I guess.”

“Sure, yeah,” Kano stood up, placing his remaining dishes in the sink. It was clear that he had no intention of eating any breakfast, either now or later, as evidenced by his dismissive tone. “I might try to take a nap later, though. I’m still pretty tired.”

“Tired,” Shintaro repeated. “And why’s that?”

“Probably because you kept talking in your sleep,” The other responded easily, and the remark makes Shintaro’s eyes go wide before realising that Kano was just trying to mess with him. Nothing new there, though a lie was still a lie in the end. “It was pretty annoying. I don’t think I’m going to want to sleep with you again anytime soon!”

The statement was said in jest, though it still stung to hear it said aloud, and with such a bright tone, as well. It was probably better to just ignore it. Shintaro huffed nonetheless, and stood up, leaning against the fridge to block the way out of the kitchen.

“Are you sure it wasn’t because of the nightmares?”

It was a shot in the dark, really. Just a hunch. And actually, in some other universe, Shintaro was sure that it didn’t go over well, with Kano probably staring him down and rolling his eyes at how confident he sounded for such an incorrect assumption. He kind of pitied that alternate Shintaro, wherever he was.

However, in this universe, Kano’s instantaneous reaction was more than enough to confirm his suspicions.

“Nightmares-“ Kano stiffened, his eyes widening. It was as if someone had squeezed the end pieces of a spring together- His entire body coiled up with tension as he took a tentative step backwards, the small of his back hitting the edge of the countertop. “Oh? Nightmares? Did you have some nightmares last night, Shintaro? I wasn’t having trouble sleeping because of your nightmares, I promise, I can’t read minds!”

His smile looked even more sloppily plastered on than usual.

There was nothing satisfying about catching Kano in a lie anymore. Back when they had first met, it was almost something of a game to him; listening carefully for any possible contradictions in his statements or jokes, and throwing them right back at him. It would always take Kano off guard for just a glorious half of a second, before he’d jump right back in with a new cover up and a freshly polished grin. That was all that it boiled down to. Simple amusement to simple reactions. It all seemed so utterly pointless, looking back on it.

The thought trailed off into nothing in Shintaro’s mind.

“You woke up pretty early, didn’t you…? I heard you walking around,” He asserted, taking tiny steps forwards with raised palms. Careful. This had the potential to go very badly. Kano’s smile faltered for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching down and back up again. “And you were doing some deep breaths… splashing water on your face…”

As gentle and non-accusatory as he tried to keep his tone, Kano was now pressed fully against the back of the counter, hands bracing against the granite. His tone wavered when he spoke, a small laugh bubbling out of his throat when their gazes met.

“Maybe I just needed to try and get myself to feel drowsy again, okay? You know that I’m not a good sleeper, so it’s only natural that I wake up sometimes and have to lull myself back to sleep,” Kano hastily explained, now pushing himself up and attempting to create a pathway around Shintaro, presumably so that he could run off for a while, as usual.

“But why would you splash water on your face if you were going back to sleep? That’s what people do if they want to wake up. Or calm down,” Shintaro took another step forward, tentatively pressing the pads of his feet against the tile. Much to his utter horror, his voice was unsteady as he spoke. “It’s… uh, y’know… It’s not that big of a deal. Having nightmares.”

“I’m not sure why you’re pushing this whole-“ Kano made air quotes with his fingers. “nightmare narrative, but really, I was just getting up to relax myself so that I could return to my perfectly pleasant dreams. No big deal! Really! Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Kano made a rather bold attempt to side step Shintaro and book his way out of the kitchen, barely making any sort of eye contact as he brushed past him and started to head over to the foyer, probably to throw on some shoes and just leave, when Shintaro, without thinking, reached out and grabbed Kano’s non injured hand.

“Can you please just wait a second before you start running off?” Shintaro asked, voice rough with frustration.

It took a moment before he was able to fully register what he had just done, because oh good god, they were holding hands now, but more importantly, Kano seemed to be in the same state of shock, staring down at the physical contact between them with an unreadable expression. However, he hadn’t immediately knocked Shintaro’s hand away, so maybe that was a good sign?

“You don’t have to tell me about them if you don’t want to,” Shintaro said, entangling their fingers together in a sudden display of confidence. They slotted together perfectly. “I’m not trying to make fun of you or anything like that. I just… sort of wanted to offer some support, or something.”

The self-assured tone in his voice was nearly gone by the time he finished his sentence, though this didn’t seem to bother Kano, who had apparently decided that, out of all of this, the most pressing issue was how their fingers were intertwined. Confusion was practically painted onto his face, not leaving when he eventually looked up and met Shintaro’s gaze with just the slightest bit of uncertainty.

With no verbal response from Kano, Shintaro coughed once, his cheeks heating slightly as he made a feeble attempt to keep the conversation going.

“Weren’t you the one telling me last night that it was okay if I relied on you when I needed to get things off of my chest or something…?” He swallowed hard. “The same goes for you, too. I already said that I’m not leaving you. And I’m not going to not listen to your problems, I mean, we’re soulmates. So…”

Shintaro let the sentence trail off, the rest of the words hanging in the air. A small noise came from Kano’s throat, barely there, before his body went slack and leaned up against the fridge.

“You don’t have to worry about me, really. It’s stupid,” Kano said softly. His gaze was drifted slowly back to their hands, neither pulling back his own, nor squeezing tighter. Just watching, as if he was expecting Shintaro to pull away at any moment. He looked as if he was about to say something more, but apparently thought better of it, pressing his lips together tightly.

“It’s not stupid,” Shintaro protested, moving closer. “And I’m always worried about you, so get over it. That’s not going to change any time soon.”

The sentence came out a bit… heavier than he intended, but it still got the message across, though that doesn’t stop Shintaro from feeling the immediate embarrassment following his bold statement. Blood rushed to his face, and he just about died when Kano looked back up at him, the other’s cheeks mirroring that of his own.

“You’re always worried about me? Even when I’m in the shower? Or watching TV?” He asked lightly, looking off to the side with a breathy chuckle.

“If you have the time to tease me, then you have the time to tell me what’s wrong,” Shintaro grumbled, though the irritation in his voice simply wasn’t there. “If you want to.”

There was a gentle squeeze from Kano, his thumb rubbing inadvertently against Shintaro’s own as he went silent again. The small motion dragged his attention back down to their hands, which were still most definitely locked together, with neither of them apparently feeling much of a need to pull away. (Which wasn’t a bad thing, because Kano actually had really soft hands, but that wasn’t the point-)

“I’m not really in the headspace to discuss my dreams with you right now,” Kano eventually said, voice soft and barely there. “But if you want to help, you could just make me a cup of tea or something. I’ve had a migraine since I woke up.”

Probably from sleep deprivation, Shintaro thought, but that seemed rather irrelevant to bring up. Instead, he merely nodded, almost reluctantly pulling his grip away from Kano to begin filling up the kettle with water.

“I’ll bring it over once it’s done. Just sit on the couch.”

Humming in thanks, Kano seemed to stumble over to the ugly piece of furniture, letting himself flop down with neither grace nor dignity. His hands patted around for a moment before he found the remote, flicking on a cooking program: Kano’s ultimate go-to for when neither of them really wanted to watch anything plot heavy. By the time that the tea was ready, the woman on screen was pulling some sort of tart out of an oven.

“Drink. I put honey in it,” Shintaro pushed the cup into Kano’s hands. “You like sweet things, right?”

Kano gave an affirmative nod, blowing softly at the steaming beverage.

“I’m flattered that you remembered, Shintaro.”

“It’s really… sort of hard to forget. We have so much goddamn ice cream in our freezer; there’s no more room for food,” Shintaro responded, entirely truthful. Just one of these days, he’d like to open the door to the freezer without a pint of cookies and cream falling onto his foot. “Is the tea good? Do you think it’ll help?”

“Yeah,” Kano took a small sip, bringing his knees up to his chest as he settled back onto the couch. “Thanks for the honey, honey.”

It was just a joke, but it still made Shintaro’s heart skip a beat nonetheless.

“You’re welcome,” He muttered in response, his own voice sounding slightly strangled.

Kano spared a glance over at him and his blushing face, which there was really no denying at this point, and gradually began to turn red himself, slapping a palm over his eyes as he turned away.

“Please don’t look so embarrassed. You’re going to make me embarrassed, too. Seriously.” He pleaded, though it was painfully obvious to Shintaro that it was already too late for that. Kano was fairly easy to read on that level, at least.

The rest of the morning managed to pass by without any other incidents occurring. Kano finished up his tea, attempted to get up to put the dishes in the sink, only to be stopped by Shintaro, who brought the dishes in for him. They left the TV on, only partially watching it, as they sat side by side.

Shintaro was just beginning to zone out when he felt Kano’s hair brush against the side of his neck.

It didn’t fully surprise him to see that Kano had apparently fallen asleep sometime between the appetizer and entrée round of the show, though it did shake Shintaro up to some degree that he was apparently going to be used as a pillow for his napping soulmate.

Not that he was necessarily opposed to it.

Letting his shoulder relax a bit, Shintaro stretched, his arm curling around Kano’s softly snoring form. It just felt better in that position. Easier on the shoulders. Holding his soulmate protectively was just easier on the shoulders, he told himself, stealing another peek at Kano’s sleeping face.

Even when he was asleep, he still looked good, Shintaro mused, fingers carding through the other’s short blond locks. His fingertips rested quietly on Kano’s temple before feeling suddenly creepy and pulling them away. Through the thin fabric of Shintaro’s shirt, he could just faintly see the outline of numbers. Counting down.

The reminder of the subtimer always seemed to hit him at the worst possible moments.

How many days did they have left together? How much time? It wasn’t fair, that they were finally starting to understand each other, and fate was ready to snatch Kano up, just like that. It wasn’t fair.

Shintaro swallowed hard, his eyes glancing down to his left wrist.

And since it was so unfair, it only made sense to try and defy it, right?

Maybe it would work.

Maybe he could stop it.

As faint as the hope was, the idea of possibly getting around the inevitability of the timer sent shivers down Shintaro’s spine. It was probably just a pipe dream, but there was no reason to not try and prevent it from reaching zero.

There had to be a way to stop the timer, he thought, glaring intensely at his left arm.

If it was an accident, all he had to do was prevent it. If it was an illness, all he had to do was make sure that Kano received treatment. If it was something else, then he just had to talk Kano down from doing anything drastic. They already had an advantage in knowing exactly when he was apparently supposed to die. So long as he had that knowledge, Shintaro thought with ever-growing determination, the possibility of saving him wasn’t entirely out of the question.

No, actually, there was definitely a way to save him. Shintaro was sure of it.

Kano’s head dropped down to rest against the crook of his neck, and if there were any doubts in his mind before, they all but evaporated as Kano unknowingly leaned into Shintaro’s embrace. He was so warm, he thought. It was something that came with being alive.

“Kano,” Shintaro whispered. “Are you awake?”

There was no answer. Feeling more powerful than he had in a long while, Shintaro closed his eyes.

The universe had dictated them to be soulmates from day one. Through biological bonds, some sort of higher power, something else, whatever. They were linked. And apparently, everything in their individual lives was merely filler, leading them to the point where they would finally meet each other, and blah, blah, blah.

Maybe it was a mistake that he and Kano had been linked together. Just a flaw in an otherwise perfect system, yet, Shintaro had long gotten over his initial reservations about such things. He had an actual life now. An apartment with food, a loving pet, internet, enough money to buy things without too much worry, and a job that he actually didn’t mind doing. All of that, and Kano-someone who was just as sarcastic and irritating as he was self-deprecating, who truly cared about the people around him and made everything interesting, breathing life into what would be an otherwise monochromatic existence.

That was Shintaro’s life now. Kano was a part of it. If something as abstract as the universe really wanted to take that away, then it’d have to go through him first, and there was no goddamn way that he’d let it rob him of it without a fight.

“I’ve made up my mind,” He said softly, arms curling around Kano’s torso, hands hovering just above the scarred patch of skin. “I’m going to stop this timer. I’m not letting you die.”

#kanoshin #shinkano #kano shuuya #shintaro kisaragi #kagepro #enlightenment

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