#when i was on antidepressants before they only put me on zoloft and it didn't work and they kept just increasing it i

[grimandghoulish]

.

[abstractedthinking]

Sleepless

Meet my sides What my sides look like Ficlets: First day Tw: negative self talk(?) very brief encouragement of suicide/ suicidal ideation, swearing, a bit of coughing up blood, showing of old scars. Let me know if I need to tag anything else! This one is partially based off of the misinterpretation i heard in 'Fitting In' where I thought Virgil said he is a 'warrior'. This also got way more personal than I intended for it too.

DM me if you want to be put on the tag list! Four of Parker's five sides bicker loudly in the commons of the Mindscape. The host had not been able to sleep well for what felt like years. Between her early morning job and her late night classes, the effects of little sleep were obvious as you looked at the sides. Peyton's emotions were all over the place, and in addition was the fact that Parker hasn't been able to renew her Zoloft prescription, and she was experiencing intense mood swings that both the ginger side and the host were greatly affected by. Eleanor, despite working tirelessly, could not give Parker the creative outlet she needed to overcome her sadness. The Creative side's bright colors started to dim and dull as she started to wonder what was the point of her existence if she couldn't fulfill her main duty. Athena was trying to find ways to help her fellow sides, and therefore her host, get rest whenever they all could. She started off with trying to get naps in at work during break times, but when Parker started to fall asleep not only in the break room, but also in the bathroom and on the sales floor when she sat down, Athena quickly realized that wouldn't work. She moved to having the sides sleep one at a time when possible, but realized that that could only work between herself, Peyton, and Eleanor due to the fact that the anxious side has horrible insomnia. Katya took it harder than the others. She was even more on edge than she normally was, it didn't matter the amount of concealer or color correcting cream she applied under her eyes, the dark circles showed through even darker than the previously were. She was always jumpy and extremely hyperactive, sending the host into spirals. Currently, Athena struggles to see her research in the dimming, flickering light of the commons. "Athena?" comes a rough, slightly quavering voice from the darker trait, "Please hurry... it's getting harder to hold her back..." "I'm working. There might be a way to increase the productivity of sleep by playing delta wave mus-" she's cut off by dull dark gray mist swirling around in the commons, whispering softly to each individual side. Peyton's voice goes high and soft, "No-... stay away-" but her protest goes unanswered as a six foot creature begins to manifest before them. First it's the eyes. Where they should be white they're black and soulless, where Parker's green irises would be, a deep glowing red colors them instead. The rest of her face slowly starts to come into shape, sharp angles, her skin an off color due to the purplish green undertone, her teeth resemble those of a scaled down sharks, then her body starts to materialize, her arms crossed, black painted fingernails long and sharp, like claws. Clothed in a wispy black dress that ripples around her, blown by the same nonexistent wind that makes her thick black hair whip around her facelike tentacles of a monster.

The previously medicinally suppressed side stretches, her joints popping with a sickening sound. The antidepressant has really worn off completely. And the avatar of Depression stands before the sides. Salem has returned, self destruction herself. "Hello everyone.... missed me..?" Her voice is a hiss, it's quiet, but deafening at the same time. She smirks as she looks at all the stunned sides. "S-Salem-.." Peyton manages to speak, her voice quavering, "you d-don't have to do this-.. y-you don't have to h-hurt her-.. we-" Salem shoots her a core splitting glare and the Empathetic side is silenced, choking on the words she tries to get out. "Let's see... I have been so overdue to visit our lovely host... but I can't have you getting in the way of my fun... trying to bring her back with reason... so I'm going to shut you down Athena." With a wave of her gray boney hand the logical side crumples. "See you when you wake up.... or.. maybe not since soon we'll all be sleeping... forever."

With that she sinks out of the Mindscape and immediately appears on top of the host in bed, straddling her and wrapping her claw like fingers around her neck. Parker doesn't even put up a fight as her air supply starts to fade. "Worthless. Worthless is what you are. Look at how you try. But no matter how much you try it'll never be enough," water starts to collect in the host's eyes. "You work a low paying job to help put you through an education that might never pay off for the career you want. Music? Really? You're not good enough to be a singer. Nobody would listen to the words you wrote. Worthless. Worthless is what you are. A burden to your friends and family, the world would be better off without you. Just end it." Parker's sobs increase and she nods, "I- I don't- I don't w-want to do this anymore-" she reaches for her nightstand in hopes to find a bottle of medication. Her fingers close upon it when a thunderous, "No." echoes throughout her messy cluttered bedroom, both the side and the host look over at the source of the outburst only to see the slouching, pale, jacket clad Anxious side. Glaring at the Depressive side with nothing but pure hatred. "Get. Up." She commands the Destructive side, "Now." Salem smirks and releases her hold on the host's throat and gracefully stands, facing the youngest side, "Oh boy... I do love a challenge." "This stops now. Her life is only beginning." "Everything she knows is coming to an end." "We've reached the end of a chapter, the main characters are still here." "The vast majority have left." "What about her mom? She wouldn't know what to do. She'd never forgive herself." Salem snorts, "Her mom only cares when it's convenient for her." The stares of the two opposing sides get more intense and Katya stumbles slightly, but manages to position herself between her host and the other in a protective stance, "What about Ellie, hm? What is her cat gonna do without her. Ellie doesn't like anyone else in the house." "Psh, she's just a cat," but Salem stumbles slightly, losing a foothold. "She's more than a cat. She's always been there for all of us. She's the only one who never leaves. We can't leave her now." Katya can feel Parker's heartbeat as her own, slamming against her rib cage as her words hit the host. "Oh-" comes a choked response from Parker, covering her mouth, "no I- I can't leave her- I c-can't- I can't L-leave mom- I can't-" Katya staggers slightly as a cutting glare meets her. "Fine." States the destructive one, sinking out within a cloud of dark gray smoke. As soon as she leaves, Katya manages a weak smile and collapses to her knees on the cluttered floor. "Katya?!" Parker exclaims, crawling from her bed to kneel by the exhausted side, "are you alright?!" "Fine-" she tries to get out but coughs wrack her body as she tries to suppress them in her sleeve. When she finally pulls away, Parker can see the elbow is darker than before and moist, her normally pale lips are also tinged with a slight speckling of red. "No- no you're not-" the host wraps her arms around the other's shoulders, "we're going," and they both sink into the Mindscape. ~ Athena is struggling to push herself to her knees and Payton is drinking in great gasps of air while Eleanor lies crippled on the floor. "I don't know what to do-" the host gasps out when both of their knees hit the ground. The three sides turn to look at the two, one of who's fragile body is surging forward with a fresh coughing fit. "What happened?" Athena asks, summoning every ounce of strength she possesses to rise to her feet. "I don't know- she- she-" "Stop-" croaks the youngest,"breath in-" the host obeys and Katya breaks into another coughing fit as the but holds up a single slender finger, more fingers joining until she is making the ASL sign for the number eight.

"Hold-" she once again counts, this time to nine with her fingers. "Out-" this time she surges forward with another viscous attack and isn't able to count for the other for a few seconds. Finally picking it up at six and counting her to eight again. Parker feels her nerves ease slightly and can find her words easier, "She attacked Salem, m-made her stop. A w-weird stare off happened and when Salem left she dropped-..."

Athena nods, "Peyton. Go to my study, wall length cabinet, second shelf, third from the left, there's a glass bottle full of a light blue liquid. Bring it." Peyton has yet to take her eyes off of the two on the ground and her feet feel as if they're cemented into the ground, "Peyton, now!" The Intellectual side demands, and the Empathetic side manages to make herself move as she runs down a hallway.

"Eleanor- ELEANOR!" The Creative side stirs slightly, blinking rapidly and fights to sit up, "Couch. Elongated now." Eleanor pushes herself up further and with a flourish of her hand transforms the couch into something resembling a cot. "Good, Parker, help me help Anxiety to the cot." "But you're hurt-" "I'm well enough for this, it was just a minor um... knockout." "I'm not an invalid. I still have control over my limbs," Katya growls out, struggling to her feet and somehow making it to the cot before collapsing into it.

Peyton runs back through the hall, clutching the glass bottle to her chest, "Found it!" She thrusts it into Athena's hands who immediately turns to the injured side, kneels down, places a strong hand behind her shoulders and helps her sit up, gently telling her to drink. Reluctantly she does, her face screwing up in distaste but at the words from Athena, telling her it'll stop the bleeding, she manages to drink the whole thing. "That stuff is vile. Where'd you get it?" "I developed it back when you first manifested, when you and Salem were more... volatile. It's a quick healing agent based on the process of cauterization and-" "Nope- just stop." ".... Very well." "Um... hate to butt in here..." Parker voices hesitantly, "but uh... what happened..?"

"Well it-" Katya's eyes wander over to where Peyton is clutching her sweater with white knuckles. Katya opens her arms and they're immediately filled by the worried emotional side, petting her bushy black hair and pressing gentle kisses to her cold clammy temple, whispering softly to her. "I'm fine, Peyton. I've had it worse," Peyton chokes out a whimper, "anyway... Parker, it.... it's hard to explain what happened.... but-" "Try." "I'm getting to that," she sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, "look. Salem and I are... two sides of the same coin. She's your self-destruction, I'm your self-preservation. I have to... keep her in line. When something like what just happened, uh.. happens, I gotta kick in as much as possible, and find some sort of foothold to win control."

"But she hurt you?" "I'm getting there if you'd stop interrupting me," the side huffs, "She's... corrupted. She has way too much power over all of us. She can mute Peyton, cause Athena to faint, and well... Eleanor's just a useless lump of space at that point-" "Excuse you! I happen to be immobilized!" "Just shut up, princess pout. Anyway. With me she... I don't know... we actually fight with each other... mentally I guess.. she always gets me, the bitch. But I can't stop fighting her. Ever. The times she wins...well," Katya pushes up her sleeve and reveals the thin white lines that have faded from their hosts' skin,"we all know what happens when I lose," she sighs heavily, "so I do my best to never fucking lose. And if protecting you gives me a few more scars... then so be it. I hold all of them anyway." Parker just stares at the other for a few moments, realizing all the times she used to curse this side's existence and belittle her. But she never, ever, stopped trying to protect the host. Parker couldn't hold it in anymore, she flings her arms around the side and sobs, 'thank you's' into her hair. @parkersanders @emo-space-trash @sunshinelollip0ps @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @ssides s @ashrain5 @sketchymel @theoneandonlyfangirlofpower