#when i started using my cane in year 11 most people had matured enough to not be awful but i still got a lot of like

[autistickaitovocaloid]

Okay whatever fucked up if true Arthur school stories time:

My first proper day there (not counting orientation or the times in primary school made me take lessons there. The latter is a story for another time) an ibis got into the girls' toilets.

The classroom that was used for my homeroom in year 8 Very Obviously had something die in the roof above it and it fucking stank for the rest of the year.

There was this one guy in 90% of my classes who picked fights with teachers constantly and also fucking loved bullying me. One time in Design & Tech he fucking. Held up one of the lego robots we were working with right up to my face while it made a really high pitched beeping sound. If you thought he got better the answers no he was one of the many people who was not normal about my cane.

I've already mentioned it before but the vice principle yelling at my whole year because like 7 kids pissed her off. Something about my specific year pissed her off because like. Multiple times from years 8 to 10 she would make us all go into one place to like. Tell us collectively off at best and scream at us at worst.

Like the ibis one this is more funny fucked up and less actual fucked up but after 2 weeks of holidays me and my friends in year 9 found a dead magpie floating in a pool of water covered in maggots. And then one of my friends blasted it with a hose.

There were multiple times throughout my mandatory HPE classes where I nearly passed out because, y'know. Shout out to the teacher I had for year 9 though I think he's the only HPE teacher I've had in high school who was like. A decent fucking human being.

One year 10 art class I had to take my laptop with me whenever I got up because this guy in my project group kept trying to look up actual fucking hentai on my computer.

In year 11 biology we got to dissect owl pellets which was fun however for some fuck off reason the teacher didn't give us gloves. I was the only one in my group who did any actual dissecting because the girls in my group thought it was gross, which is 100% fair but it did suck because our group was lagging behind. I think I still have the mouse bones I found somewhere.

In my earlier years the IT desk was infamous for taking like a million years to help people with their issues so a popular way of wagging (skipping class) was to go with your friend to the IT desk and just (most of the time) end up spending the whole lesson there.

We had a career expo excursion in year 10 at a big showground in the city. I pretty much did an overstimulation any% speedrun and just shut down within minutes of going inside. The teachers there then dealt with this by leaving in one of the """"quieter"""" rooms of the hall that was brightly lit and had no chairs anywhere. For 2 hours. By myself.

Closing this off with a good story one time for like. Harmony day I think the teachers put out chalk for people to write/draw related things with. Within 2 days the campus was covered in amonguses and iirc some stayed until the end of the year.

[grumpyalpacaman]

Nexus Notes - Chapter Two

In a small, barely furnished room with just a twin bed in the corner and a small pile of unpacked boxes in the centre of the floor, Parker stood over a shelf, meticulously arranging a series of small toy figures. They were all cartoon animal creatures of a sort that he had carefully placed.

“There we go,” he said in a voice brimming with satisfaction. He pulled one last toy from the box at his feet and spent several minutes deliberating on its exact position. “Glad to see you’re all fine after the crazy lady kicked you over.” Amid his musings, he finally situated the purple, squirrel-like thing in his hand, placing it between a big red rock creature and an icy skeleton

“Parker,” called an all too serious and impatient voice from another room.

It was Maximilian, his best friend, roommate and as of today, business partner. Recognizing the tone in his friend’s voice, Parker left the bedroom and stepped into what had become a highly professional looking office-space since last night. Already, Max sat behind his desk, tapping away at his computer. His dark, chin-length hair was neatly tucked behind his ears and his attire was as clean-cut and straightforward as always.

“Are you quite finished playing with your toys in there?” Max's eyes never left the screen when he spoke. His dedication to multitasking was both inspiring and infuriating to Parker.

“Ah, so I see you decided to go through with that surgical funectomy you mentioned. Not the choice I would’ve made, but I respect your decision.”

“How very mature, brother. You are aware that this is our job now and we have to take it seriously? At least a little bit?”

The bigger man groaned, leaned back against the wall and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I know, I know. But it’s just so borrrring! I’m bored Max, I need constant stimulation. You knew this when your mom took me in, there’s no going back now.”

“You were 11, Parker. Believe it or not, I presumed you would grow out of it in the proceeding eight years,” said Max in a dry voice.

“And that was your first mistake.”

“No, my first mistake was sharing my toys with you in 1st grade. You broke one of them, you monster.” Even when joking with his best friend, Max remained defiantly deadpan.

“So, did you need me for something?” Parker asked with a raised brow.

“Just wanted you to look over the contact list I put together. We need to start getting the word out there and take on a few jobs before the end of the month. The rent on this place is dirt-cheap but smiles and kind words won’t be enough.”

Just as Max was turning the screen toward Parker, there was a sudden, dying hum as all lights in the room went out and the computer flashed brightly and powered off. Max stared curiously before sighing and leaning back in his chair. “Hmm... It appears that fate is as adverse to you working as you are.”

“Bundle that with these cheekbones and I am truly blessed." He flashed a cheap grin and stroked a thumb across his cheek.

Max steepled his fingers and lifted his gaze to the ceiling. “Must’ve been a surge. I wonder if it’s just us, or the whole building.”

“What about the backup generators?”

“In a dump like this? I don’t think so.”

“I’ll go and have a look. See who I need to talk to about this.”

When Parker stepped into the hall, he found he wasn’t alone and noticed that the lights in the corridors had gone out too. It seemed odd to him, that all his neighbours were heading straight for the apartment directly across from his. By the time he’d stepped into the hall, there were a dozen grumpy looking individuals pounding on the door.

Not knowing what else to do, Parker to up a stance near the rear of the group, which was growing increasingly louder as they received no response.

When the door came open at last, Parker’s look of curiosity shifted to one of concern. The woman he saw now looked markedly different from the one he’d bickered with just last night. Black bags had appeared under her eyes and her complexion was drained of colour. She leaned against the threshold of her apartment for support and looked upon the crowd with groggy, weak eyes.

She couldn’t get a word in before the entire crowd erupted with angry cries. A multitude of declarations ranging from, “This again?” to “You’ll be tossed out on the street, this time,” and an array of expletives and insults hurled her way.

Nexus grit her teeth and made a motion to shoo them away. “Go to Hell! I’m doing important work here and I don’t have time for this.”

Of course, her response only incensed the crowd further. She didn’t appear to be in any mood to deal with the uproar and stormed back into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

The crowd only got louder, thumping on the door and cursing angrily. It was then that Parker stepped in. He waded into the mob, hands raised as he pushed his way past them. “Alright people, calm down. What makes you think any of this was her fault?”

A lanky middle-aged man scoffed. “You’re new here, aren’t you? She’s been knocking out our power every couple weeks for the last two years.”

“Well alright, so it is her fault,” Parker replied, still trying to calm the situation. “Fair enough, but really what are you going to do here? Kick down the door and burn her at the stake?”

The crowd’s grumbles quieted a small amount as they exchanged angry glances with one another and then refocused them on Parker.

"Everyone just take a look and calm down." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small leather wallet. Flipping it open, he revealed a silver emblem. It was an oval-shaped, UEF badge with the words, ‘Collector Agent,’ and a downward-facing sword imprinted on the surface. “I’m a licensed collector, alright? I’ll go in and have a chat with her. Go back to your homes and wait for the power to come back on, okay?”

The crowd dispersed gradually and grumpily. It wasn’t long before Parker was alone in the hallway again and proceeded to knock on the door. “They’re gone."

He heard some shuffling and movement inside of the apartment, followed by a grumble as the door came open.

“So what, did you expect me to thank you?” she asked, leaning on her cane.

“Call me an optimist." He shrugged and did his best to turn on the charm. Then, he suddenly felt a strange, sour odour hit his nose. Coughing at the surprise assault upon his senses, he swiftly covered his face. “Ugh! What is that?”

“Vomit," she said, averting her eyes.

“... Are you alright? You don’t look alright.”

“Do you want something?"

Parker found himself considering it for a long moment, drumming his fingers against the threshold of the door. “I want to know what you’re doing in here?" He leaned over, trying to peer past her to the numerous technological oddities that filled her apartment.

“Living,” she said, putting herself into Parker’s line of sight and obstructing his view. “This is my apartment, I live here and nothing else.”

“What are you, some kind of mad scientist?”

“What are you, some kind of glorified bloodhound for the government?”

“Ouch." He recoiled as if stung. “I’m a collector, that makes me a free agent. We just do a lot of contracts with the UEF.”

“Still too close with the powers that be for my comfort.”

“Wow, you really don’t like the Federation, huh?”

“Should I?”

Parker wasn’t sure how to respond to that and so he merely stuffed his hands into his pockets and remained quiet.

“I’m not big on military dictatorships. Historically, they don’t work out too well.”

“Oh good, crazy conspiracy talk. It is not a dictatorship.”

“Oh?" Nexus leaned in close and stared into Parker's eyes. "Do you remember voting for Marshall Yao? I know I didn’t."

 “No, but it doesn’t work like that. I was born on Earth, I know what the situation is. The sovereign nations of the planet still have their leaders, who are voted in democratically and extend their resources and administration the UEF. It’s a joint, conglomeration of Earth’s elected officials.”

Nexus laughed aloud and mocked wiping away a tear. “You’re from the military academy, aren’t you?”

Parker retreated a step. “Y-yeah... How’d you figure that out?”

“You recited that like the most stiff-backed military boy I’ve ever met.” Nexus crossed her arms and smiled, the first time Parker had ever seen it. “How much influence do Earth’s elected officials have out here? In the colonies? You know, where over 90% of the human population lives? The UEF is run by soldiers with limitless power and resources. To answer your question, yeah, I really don’t like the Federation. You and I are, we’re not going to be friends. So go home.”

“If we’re being fair, you’re only half right. I’m an ex-cadet. My friend and I dropped out last month.”

“What are you still doing here?”

“You have a funny way of showing gratitude. You looked like you needed my help, so I thought I’d do you a favour.”

Nexus rolled her eyes. “Well, I didn’t need your help. Never have, never will. Now shoo." She waved him off and turned to head back into her apartment.

“Stop doing that with your eyes. It’s like it’s your favourite facial expression.”

“Yes, actually. Nothing else summarizes my disdain and exasperation with the rest of sentient life quite so effectively and succinctly as a swift roll of the old eyeballs.”

“Look, I just want to see what shorted out the power. My partner told me to figure out what happened, so that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“Oh, a likely excuse.”

“Excuse for what? Seeing your filthy apartment? Yeah, I’m just dying to get a chance at that.”

“Hey!” She whirled on him and jabbed his broad chest with her finger. “My lab is great. You wish you could see my lab.”

“So you are a scientist then?”

Nexus sighed and shook her head.

Just then, there came a loud whir and the lights in the hallway came flickering back on. Nexus of course said a silent prayer of thanks to Joey the maintenance guy. 

“Fine,” she said with a sigh. “But only so you can validate my genius.”

Gesturing for Parker to follow, Nexus slipped her hands into the pockets of her lab coat and lead the way into her apartment.

Immediately he found himself staring at the huge, ring-shaped gate, with the previously detected puddle of vomit pooled on the platform. He took a moment to briefly investigate the numerous clusters of mechanical gadgets all around the room and stuffed into numerous crates, but inevitably his attention returned to the central machine.

“Pretty impressive, right?” said Nexus, smirking with pride.

“Amazing. It’s definitely a big metal ring that you puked on for some reason,” Parker concluded.

“No, jackass, it’s a sub-space portal generator.”

“That you puked on. And did not clean up. Gross”

“This was a waste of time. Get out.”

“Alright, alright, alright, hold on. Maybe if you turned it on, I’d be a little more impressed. Go on, start it up, I swear I will marvel at your brilliance.”

“Just sit tight, you sub-human moron.” She grabbed hold of the control panel and tapped in the start-up sequence. The machine gave a loud warble and then went silent. Nothing happened. “Wh-what?” she stammered. She hammered the sequence in once more and again, nothing happened. She growled and punched the terminal with her tiny fist, accomplishing nothing save for hurting her knuckles.

With a groan, Nexus dropped backward into her chair and buried her face in her hands. “Urrrgh... It’s broken.”

“Oh, wow. This must be embarrassing.”

“Shut up!"

“Don’t worry, I shall comfort you.”

Her eye twitched ever so slightly in frustration. “Just minutes ago, it was a technical marvel. A masterpiece of engineering and a breakthrough in sub-space physics." Her voice rose to a whine and she kicked her feet at the ground.

“But then it shorted out the local power grid and fried itself. Right?”

“Yes, exactly." Nexus threw her hands up and leaning backed, her chair wheeling away several feet.

“I believe you.”

“You do?” Nexus asked, crossing her legs and giving him a sideways glance.

“Yes. Perhaps we can discuss your research over dinner and drinks.”

“Oh please no, not this again.”

“Again with that,” Parker replied, taken aback. “Are you broken, lady? Have you seen me?” Parker lifted his shirt up over his face to reveal sculpted abdominal muscles and rock-solid pectorals. “Are you looking? I can’t tell if you’re looking.”

“Astounding."

“Right?” 

“I have mastered time-travel.”

“Wait, what?” he said, peeking over his shirt.

“I have transported an ancient neanderthal into my lab. Now if only I could repeat the process, I’ll be the greatest scientist to have ever lived.” Her tone had gradually drifted into biting and sarcastic. “Now put your shirt down, idiot.”

“No, I think I’ll just keep it up here until you appreciate my hard work. Do you know how many sit-ups I had to do to get these?”

Nexus, without saying a word, wheeled her chair over to her desk and grabbed a big, hand-held device which, to Parker, looked an awful lot like a misshapen handgun. With a cold glare, she pointed it straight at his chest and wrapped her finger around the trigger.

“That wouldn’t happen to be an ion pistol, would it?”

“I dunno. Do I seem like the type to build a death-ray and keep it just lying on my desk?”

Parker responded by calmly lowering his shirt and tucking it in. “So... Are you a student here? From one of the science academies?” 

“Nope,” she said curtly as she pushed herself out of her chair and slotted a pod into her espresso machine. “Left that intellectual black-hole years ago.”

“Oh good. Please explain why the most respected scientific institutions in the galaxy are beneath you.”

“Gladly." Nexus retrieved a steaming mug from the machine and took a long drink from it before continuing. “The academies are owned by the Federation. Guess what use the Federation sees for science?”

Parker shrugged again. He found he was doing that a great deal lately.

“Weapons. Of the mass destruction variety. And I have too much respect for science to see it used to kill people.”

“They’re not that bad. The UEF has done a lot to establish humanity in the wider galaxy, in a very short amount of time. We went from one planet to over thirty colonies in just fifty years after its formation. Hey, do you mind if I get a cup of that?” Parker asked, pointing toward her coffee machine.

“Yes,” she shot back. “I’ll never say they aren’t ambitious. But they’re also a bunch of pussies.”

“Uhm, excuse me?”

“You heard me. As soon as humanity found itself in a bigger universe, surrounded by bigger aliens, capable of vast psionic feats or with technologically superior hardware, we got scared, like the whimpering bitches we are. Now the UEF spends all its resources and time overcompensating and pretty soon it’s going to lead to trouble.”

“You’ve really thought your insane conspiracy theories out, haven’t you?”

“Remind me again, why I let a stupid prick like you into my apartment?” she asked, casually sipping her espresso.

“Your verbal abuse is starting to sting just a bit,” Parker replied, holding his fingertips a scant centimetre apart.

Nex returned her attention to her work. She kneeled down beside her sub-space gate and opened a panel on the side of the base. “It’s almost as if I didn’t want you here or something.”

“I’m just curious about all this science stuff you’re doing in here. It’s kind of... cool.”

“Oh yeah, I’m absolutely convinced that’s the only reason you’re here. All the passes you made at me were born of scientific curiosity.”

“Well I didn’t say it was the only reason,” he added just loud enough for Nexus to hear. “So what are you gonna do about this mess?”

“Not much I can do,” Nex said as she pulled some fried electrical components out of the machine. “I have the spare parts around here to repair what was damaged, but if I don’t get my hands on an industrial strength, energy core regulator, it’ll just happen again.”

Parker stepped up behind her, looking over her shoulder at her work. “Alright, well you just happen to live in Pantainos City, the centre of science and education in Federation space. You can’t find one of those?”

She tossed a handful of frayed, blackened wires into a nearby bin before peering back at the persistent intruder. “Oh no, I know exactly where to find one. Problem is, the merchant with his hands on it is a taurus.”

Parker nodded, immediately understanding. “Not the easiest to do business with. And where might I find this taurus merchant?”

“Excuse me?” Nexus asked with a raised brow.

“Just tell me where to find the part you need and I’ll go pick it up for you. Provided you cover the cost when I get back.”

Nexus rose to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re serious?”

Parker replied with naught but a smirk.

“Alright then. If you think your dumb-ass can get a hold of it when I couldn’t, you’re on. You bring me a Model-E05 energy core regulator by the end of the day and I’ll consider letting you hang around. But if you can’t, you never bother me again. Deal?”

“Shake on it?” Parker extended his hand.

“I believe we already discussed my policy on touching?”

“Right, no touching. Got it,” he said as he swiftly retracted his hand and stuck it in his pocket.

“It’s a stall in the East Market, run by a taurus named Zakka. Not hard to find, he’s one of the only non-human merchants in the area.”

“Give me two hours.”

She scoffed at the thought, but Parker left with a confident smile.

Finally alone to her own devices, Nexus set about cleaning up the mess that had been made of her machine. She spent close to an hour rewiring and repairing her gate (along with mopping up some vomit) before passing out in her chair again. She wasn’t sure how long she was asleep for but judging by the fact that she was still exhausted by the time she awoke, she guessed it wasn’t long.

She was startled awake, bolting upright with wide eyes and fumbling hands as the door swung open and slammed against the wall. She just narrowly avoided falling out of her chair.

Parker stormed into the room with his prize held high above his head, the very device that Nexus had been pursuing.“Behold! A Model E-whatever, energy something-somethinger!”

“Wha-whuh-whuh!?” she mumbled, still waking up as her heart rate returned to a controllable pace. “How did you-? Why did you-? What the hell are you doing, barging into my apartment!”

“Don’t want people barging in, you should’ve locked the door.”

“That is not how it works! Now hand that over,” she said, reaching greedily for the regulator in Parker’s hands.

“Awww, you’re adorable when you beg. Alright cutie, here’s your trinket.”

“Shut your stupid whore-mouth!” She yanked it from his hands and examined it. It only took a cursory glance for her to recognize the model. It was the exact one. “Good,” she thought, as she had been fairly sure that even if Parker had been able to acquire the device, he’d have screwed it up and gotten the wrong one. “How?” She looked to him with a curiosity and a tone that almost edged upon gratitude.

“I stole it,” he replied bluntly.

“You did what!? Oh... Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no! We’re going to have a huge angry taurus beating down my door any minute now.” She then started to ramble incoherently and protectively hugged her new toy.

“Kidding,” he blurted out, hands thrown up defensively. “I was kidding.”

A huge wave of relief washed over Nexus and she let out a long, happy sigh.

“All I really did was act like I didn’t want it.”

“It was not that easy.”

“Yeah, it was. Taurus are like children, not fond of sharing their toys and sometimes, they want something just because they know you want it. To them, that makes it more valuable. So I acted like I wanted something else, some old ship engines. I mentioned a passing interest in the regulator and he offered to toss it in for a fair deal. At the last minute, it turned out I was short on credits, I put together a lie about bank fees and late payments for my work. All I could afford was the regulator. Zakka was either going to sell it to me, in hopes that I come back for the bigger, pricier parts later, or I’d leave and probably head to another shop next time. Unfortunately for Zakka, I won’t be coming back.”

“Wow. That’s actually kind of smart,” said Nexus. “How’d you manage that without a brain?”

“Hilarious. I told you, I’m not totally useless. Now for my reward, I’ll accept payment in the form of dinner dates. Nothing fancy, I’m not high maintenance.”

Nexus groaned and pressed her palm to her forehead. “I immediately regret this decision.”

[junker-town]

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, Texas is just hopping mad

Texas leads a wide-ranging tour of the angry college football internet after Week 9.

Welcome back to THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE, your weekly rocket ship ride through the most infuriated regions of the college football galaxy. Last week, this page focused exclusively on Ohio State, because that was the only logical choice. This week, we’re taking a journey around a small handful of furious fanbases on the internet.

Texas lost to Oklahoma State, knocking the Longhorns out of the top 10.

Though they remain in the thick of a chaotic Big 12 race, it’s a disappointing moment for Tom Herman’s bunch. Said one Longhorn fan afterward:

I don’t want to watch football anymore

That was the title of a message board thread. This was the profound body:

.

And there you have it.

A former Texas linebacker got into a fast-escalating online beef with a current Texas cornerback, who’d been suspended for the first quarter.

Ex-Horn Emmanuel Acho initially defended the suspended Kris Boyd, because Texas sitting down a starting cornerback had the side effect of helping OSU get lots of yards:

I understand all the, “teach your players a lesson” tweets, but YALL understand, if Saban benched players everytime they violated team or American laws, Bama might not have a single national title.

— Emmanuel Acho (@thEMANacho) October 28, 2018

But then Acho — who’s now an ESPN analyst — got rougher.

Bruh, you can’t be late to meetings THEN come out here and get mossed. Your team needs you. #Texas #OkState

— Emmanuel Acho (@thEMANacho) October 28, 2018

And then he used the “trash” word ...

I can’t watch this dude play defense anymore. It’s actually trash. If you know. You know. #Texas

— Emmanuel Acho (@thEMANacho) October 28, 2018

... and said he wasn’t talking specifically about Boyd, but, uh:

Naw I feel u, and I didn’t say I was talking about Kris, I would never put nobody on front street like that... but anybody who feels that tweet applies to them should probably step up. I played hella trash games in my day lol. U grow and move on u feel me

— Emmanuel Acho (@thEMANacho) October 28, 2018

How’d Boyd respond? Aggressively.

Boyd going straight after Acho on Instagram. Smart. pic.twitter.com/0LuqqMGzl4

— Burnt Orange Nation (@BON_SBNation) October 28, 2018

Fortunately for Boyd, INSTAGRAM ASSAULT is not a violation of team rules.

One fan had a spicy take about what should be done to the game’s officiating crew: They should all be handed over to the mob.

Refs are screwing us again

The offsides on that 4th down was f%<*¥ing criminal. Somebody send the mafia to threaten the refs to pay these dickheads back for 2015.

Texas fans were livid at the officiating in 2015’s OSU-UT game, when a few apparent officiating errors went against the Horns. Every other Big 12 fan in the universe thought it was deeply ironic to see Texas fans upset about refs.

(Texas actually had a legit beef about that offside call, yeah. Oklahoma State sent a bunch of guys in a “motion” that looked a lot like emulating live play, and refs didn’t call a false start, but instead penalized the Horns for jumping off. The Horns also probably got away with a penalty in their end zone later in the game. Either way, Sicilian crime families must get involved.)

This Horns fan was MAD and only got MADDER when nobody wanted to join in being EXTREMELY MAD.

User TexasHorn started this thread on the team’s 247Sports message board before Texas’ body was even cold, while it was still the second half:

A COMPLETE JOKE

Dan Neil, we have our answer, NO, Texas is not mature enough to handle success

Being destroyed on national television - not sure if the Horns can recover before next week because wvu has a better team than osu

Nobody responded, so they added:

Sorry for being honest - where am I wrong guys, seriously?

Any one thrilled with this performance?

Still, nobody responded, so they added again:

Explain the off sides guys - want to argue the complete joke comment?

So tired or posting without any response - gutless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, someone replied:

We’re playing scared like a bunch of pussies. Coaches and players.

Persistence always pays off.

THIS WEEK IN SCHADENFREUDE is usually about fans, but Tom Herman is now the second head coach to make an appearance, thanks to the end of the game.

This is the sort of sprinting velocity that can only be generated by pure anger.

Recap of Tom Herman & Mike Gundy in the late scrap, their postgame handshake and Gundy's interview explanation pic.twitter.com/CMzJpKwzpw

— CJ Fogler (@cjzer0) October 28, 2018

(Herman and Mike Gundy are fine.)

Herman joins Jeremy Pruitt, who kicked a whiteboard and was thus included by rule:

Hey Knoxville... how's it going? #UFvsUT pic.twitter.com/HxplOn0uRQ

— Mike Gillespie (@MikeABCColumbia) September 23, 2018

Washington lost to Cal as a disappointing season became a total failure.

The Huskies are not even making a New Year’s Six bowl in Jake Browning’s senior year, two years after getting to the Playoff with him as a sophomore.

In some corners of the web, faith’s running short in Chris Petersen.

At HardcoreHusky.com, someone started a thread: People you have more faith in than CP, reflecting the fanbase’s growing impatience with Petersen, whose job titles are head coach, Guy Who Won a Million Games at Boise State, and Guy Who Got Washington to the College Football Playoff.

This was the only thing there:

Photo by Stephen Chernin/Getty Images

This was another fan’s measured response:

FUCK THSI PROGRUM IM FUCKING OUT

WE SUCK SND SHOULDNT LOSE TO CAL. WE ARE A LOSER PROGRUM. UPPER CAMPUS DGAF ABOUT WINNING. FIRE PEENERMAN. END TNIS FUCKING TEAM.I WANT DONG JAMES BACK. I WANT TO FUCKING WIN. NO JUAN IN THIS FANBASE HAS DTANDARS EXCEPT FOR THOS SITE. YOU GUYS GET ITZ PETERMAM DOES NOT. FUCK EVERYTHING.

Someone urged this poster to say calm:

Stay positive! Fuck Petersen!

But this blunt response to the loss pretty much summed it up:

We lost to cal

Lol I’m done. Fuck Husky football. Fuck Petersen. Fuck Browning. Fuck Haener. Fuck everything. Roll tide.

Maybe that sounds harsh, but UW fans have wanted Bama since early in 2016:

Settle down, Washington pic.twitter.com/4lnFCfcJ4i

— College Football by SB Nation (@SBNationCFB) September 3, 2016

Miami lost to Boston College, which means it’s time to look at how Hurricanes fans responded to the team’s official Twitter account in real time.

When Miami loses, checking Twitter’s important, because Canes fans are always the most direct in college football. The classic of this genre:

I’m gonna jump off a building

— Heat 3x (@Jbazo5D) September 3, 2018

As Boston College put a thumping on the Canes, fans responded well. Just follow along with various score updates and quarter breaks.

1. After the first Boston College score:

Already with the bs

— Howard Webster (@TbearCane17) October 26, 2018

2. After, um, a Miami score:

Right...embarrassing.

— Carlos Marante (@ItsACanesThing5) October 27, 2018

3. After another BC score:

Is this a retweet?

— Tucker McFall (@RealTuckMcFall) October 26, 2018

4. End of the first quarter!

pic.twitter.com/UqrP2scamn

— Brandon English (@BEnglish007) October 26, 2018

5. After some ostensibly good news?

Way to look at the bright side.

— Brandon English (@BEnglish007) October 27, 2018

6. After an actual good play:

Throw the ball in front of the receiver and it could've been 6

— Christopher Gray (@Barclayallday26) October 27, 2018

7. After a touchdown by Miami:

How on Gods green earth do you have a -5 yard punt return, inside the 10-yard line, with not one but TWO blocks in the back on the return? That's piss poor

— Tucker McFall (@RealTuckMcFall) October 27, 2018

8. After a defensive stop by Miami:

We must be trying to run the clock out....ridiculous

— umcane (@umcane26) October 27, 2018

9. Halftime!

Yes a dogfight with BC! Proud day for the Canes.

— Bryant Jensen (@Bjensen630) October 27, 2018

10. After another good play by Miami’s defense:

BC knows our QB can’t hit the side of a barn further than ten yards so they playing up on the line

— solidlifefitness (@solidlifefitnes) October 27, 2018

11. A little later:

This guy is worse than Jacory Harris

— The Bad Hombre (@jbjammin34) October 27, 2018

12. Things getting desperate:

Get Jimmy Johnson out of retirement

— John Bennett (@DirtyBirdz19) October 27, 2018

13. The Turnover Chain is out! This is good for Miami!

This is the most remedial offense I've ever seen

— The Bad Hombre (@jbjammin34) October 27, 2018

14. End of the third quarter!

Social Media dude.. let Coach know Malik ain't it. Thanks boss.

— Joey Inza (@JoeyInza) October 27, 2018

15. Game over.

Joke.

— Nick Alvarez (@NicksTake22) October 27, 2018

I’ve said it before, but Miami fans are the overprotective relative who will roast you all day but threaten to burn down the house of anyone else who criticizes you.

I respect and fear them in equal measure.

Ultimately, it was best to just step away.

recap, 3 stars, good, bad, and ugly up on https://t.co/W9gmsOyW7d i have nothing else to say. i'm going to play #RDR2 bye.

— StateOfTheU.com (@TheStateOfTheU) October 27, 2018

Florida lost to Georgia, ending the Gators’ dreams of winning the SEC East.

Gators fans were actually pretty reasonable about it. I don’t have jokes. I’m just making the note here so that you know I was as disappointed to learn this as you were. I checked.

In all kinds of weather, y'all, and go Gators pic.twitter.com/jTaaNcXnvS

— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) October 27, 2018

And TCU lost to Kansas, thus earning automatic inclusion as the last team on this list.

Things are dark in Fort Worth.

Is this how Baylor Feels?

For the first time I am embarrassed to wear my TCU gear in public.

The last spot in this list is now just tradition, devoted to any team that might lose to Kansas in a given week.

In Week 3, a Rutgers fan asked after losing to KU: “What stage of grief are you in?”

They have grinded me down into not caring about college football at all just like the Knicks and the Mets have done in basketball and baseball respectively. In a way it’s good. I can enjoy my kids without having to give a hoot about the scores on Saturdays.

Before that, in Week 2, a fan of the MAC’s Central Michigan wrote this:

Fire Bonamego

I know I’ll hear a lot of the usual “it’s too soon in the season” and “MAC play hasn’t even started”, but I’ve been a die-hard supporter of the football program and I EXPECT us to compete against the power teams every year. There’s no reason that we can’t be like Boise State or better. We need to strive to be better and we shouldn’t settle for mediocracy.

Again, that was a MAC fan distraught about losing to a Big 12 team.

Congrats to the Horned Frogs and their fans on joining this prestigious club.

[plms-hockey]

Leafs @ Canes - Game 24 - Nov.24.17

KEY NARRATIVES

Toronto Maple Leafs (14-8-1) vs. Carolina Hurricanes (9-7-0)

This morning Dylan Fremlin wrote this extremely important piece of analytical sports journalism at TheLeafsNation.com about why you should love the Carolina Hurricanes. He covered reasons 1-5, and now I'll be taking up the mantle to cover 6-10.

10. They have to play in the horrible hellscape that is the Metropolitan Division

I'll say it before and I'll say it again. The metro sucks, and every day I'm grateful that the Leafs only have to play those teams three times a year instead of four. I'll take our single-headed Demogorgon in the form Tampa Bay thank you. Carolina, on the other hand, has to play Pittsburgh, Washington, and Columbus four times a year. It's like watching a beautiful young buckling, filled with hope and potential, dumped into a forest filled with direwolves.

Someone, please protect Carolina.

9. JvR + TvR, Brother Battle

I touched on this when the Leafs played Carolina back in October, but, boy, am I a sucker for a family/friends/juniors-buddies narrative. James van Riemsdyk's younger brother Trevor plays for the Canes now, and we should have a better matchup this time considering JvR was injured/recovering from injury last time they played.

An added element of fun in this matchup is that one brother is a forward and the other's a defenseman, which means there's lots of potential for them to actually compete head to head. And while I don't think this will make the brother showdown of the week after Jordie and Jamie Benn got physical last Tuesday, it is a chance for JvR to even up his record against his brother, which currently sits at 1-2 in TvR's favor.

8. Carolina's Home for Blackhawks Cap Casualties

Now if you're like me or almost any other upstanding human being and hate the Chicago Blackhawks, this is another reason to love Carolina. The gross mistreatment and abandonment of puppies — I mean promising young players, due to cap mismanagement is just another way to find Chicago infuriating. Luckily, a number of these abandoned players have found loving homes together in Carolina.

Dylan mentioned one in the shape of one of my favorite goaltenders, Scott Darling, who was signed over the summer into his first NHL starter role. While he has had a bit of a rough start, I hope with my whole heart gets that he gets steadier feet under him as the season goes on. He deserves it, ok?

They also have Teuvo Teravainen, who was dealt to Carolina in June of 2016 to entice the Hurricanes to take on  Bryan Bickell's cap hit. Then this last summer, Marcus Kruger and Trevor van Riemsdyk were offloaded through Vegas.

Anyway, they're all together and happy now with a superior team in red. #AdoptDontShop

7. They are Actually Good-Fun

As mentioned, they're doing very well in possession metrics, and are currently first overall in  CF% league-wide at 5v5. They're giving up the fifth-fewest shot attempts which is great but, even better, they're top of the league in Corsi For per 60 — by a significant number, too. They're currently averaging 66.47 CF/60 which is over 3 more shot attempts per 60 at 5v5 than the second place team (EDM with 63.44 CF/60).

6. If you liked the 2016-17 Leafs, you should like the 2017-18 Hurricanes

They play a similar style but trade star power for a more even balance of talent between the front and back end. Though, the most reminiscent component is their Pace. Pace is a metric that can be calculated by simply adding Corsi For and Corsi Against together. This tells you how many shot attempts you're going to see between both teams on an average night.

The Leafs were first in the league last year with a delightful season average pace of 118.13 per 60. They've now responsibly moved closer to the middle of the pack which makes sense considering they're maturing as a team (though their CF and CA has dropped a bit recently, in part due to the more conservative style they played while Matthews was out. I'd expect them to at least be in the top third of the league in Pace for better or worse by the end of the season). Anyway, freewheeling, high shooting, high goal total games were one of the most enjoyable things about last year's Leafs' team, even when they weren't winning a lot towards the beginning of the season.

If you miss that vibe, you can find it nightly in Carolina. They're currently sitting at a beautiful and terrifying pace of 120.45 per 60 at 5v5. They're second in the league, right after the Blackhawks (?? I don't know what's going on there). But unlike the Blackhawks (or last year's Leafs) who have a fairly even CF% percentage, a huge portion of those shots are coming from Carolina, which should start creating a lot of extra goals for Carolina if they can bump up their 7.43 shooting percentage just a bit.

At the risk of getting burned at the stake as a Leafs blog: the 2017-18 Carolina Hurricanes are like the 2016-17 Leafs... but better at hockey.

Don’t kill me.

5.5 Jeff Skinner Again

Squeezing this in here but my top spot also has to go to Jeff Skinner, who has the gentle demeanor of benevolent Woodland Elf King, smiles with the warmth of a thousand suns, and skates with the grace of a Swan Prince.

Gif Source

In other news, the Leafs will also be present.

In all seriousness, there's an amazing development down south. It's been confirmed that, for his first time as a Leaf, Matt Martin will be a healthy scratch. We've been begging for this, as Matt Martin's presence is really the only thing that regularly stops the Leafs from doing away with any semblance of a traditional fourth line.  Tonight they will roll four scoring lines in the following form:

Hyman - Matthews - Marner Soshnikov - Kadri - Komarov JvR - Bozak - Nylander Leivo - Marleau - Brown

If there's any game that would convince Babcock to try to bench Martin, it makes sense that it would be this one. With the high octane offense and talented but not exactly heavy-weight defense that Carolina is icing, they’ll both need extra scoring andthere probably won't be a lot of "flies to keep off" as Babcock’s fond of saying. Basically, most people on the Canes roster aren't going to try and crush Mitch Marner (at least they better not. Please, my favorites, play nice).

And while I'd obviously like the Hurricanes to start winning more games in general... I would love it if they could just... not do it tonight, considering in many ways this game is a battle for Toronto's soul. While logically we all know you can't decide whether or not something "works" in a single game, if the Leafs have a terrible showing tonight it wouldn't shock me to see Babcock use it as a justification to shove Martin right back into the lineup. Yet, if they can go out and tear it up, we may earn ourselves more of this configuration, perhaps even with Kapanen subbed for Soshnikov (I know, I know, now I need to tag this article as NSFW because those lines would be too filthy).

Anyway, this game isn't stressful and I'm not emotionally compromised at all. It's all fine.

Some Key Numbers

53 - Jeff Skinner - Left Wing 20 - Sebastian Aho - Left Wing 57 - Trevor van Riemsdyk - Defenseman 86 - Teuvo Teravainen - Right Wing 5 - Noah Hanifin - Defenseman 27 - Justin Faulk - Defenseman - Captain 11 - Jordan Staal - Center - Captain

THE HIGHLIGHTS

THE POST GAME

Score: W 5-4

I'm going to keep this one short because somehow my team won and yet I am still mad and that’s not a state of mind one should write from. I'm happy for Frederik Andersen who is currently the MVP of this team and the only reason they won this game. But I'm mad at everyone else.

To be frank, Carolina was completely robbed by Freddie, and I thought to myself, "Oh gosh, we're part of the problem. We're fortunate enough to take advantage of Carolina's utterly crap luck and we don't deserve these points."

Ok, dramatics over. What happened?

The Leafs got run the hell over the entire game. In all situations, they had a CF% of 30. Yes. Thirty. They were somehow even worse in the expected goal front with 27.52%. Basically, Carolina shot more and they shot better.

The reason Carolina lost was simple: Cam Ward.

They started their backup goalie who posted an absolutely abysmal .750 sv%. Darling came in for the third period and honestly didn't do fantastically, as much as it pains me to say, only posting an .889 himself.

Silver linings from this game (barring the two points the Leafs took home) included Josh Leivo scoring a goal which is always nice as well as a trigger for a cascade #Frievo tweets. Seriously, though, they should probably put him in the lineup a little more.

Kadri also got an assist which brings him to a career high nine-game point streak.

Once again the Hyman-Matthews-Marner line looked great, with Marner having the best possession showing on the team. He was 7.1% better than Matthews who sat in second place. Unfortunately, he was still only at a CF% 48.28.

What a mess of a game.

Anyway, I can only hope that the final remaining game between Toronto and my Carolina crush is a more even matchup.

Statistics courtesy of Corsica.Hockey.com and Hockey-reference.com.