#when i first joined cs she had been my dreamie for Years

[quirkle2]

my fav pets from cs :) [please zoom in . pl ease]

[designs belong to chickensmoothie]

[lifeinahole27]

CS ff: “Tidings of Something” (au)

Summary: When Emma gets injured during a routine bail bonds job, it may be the Christmas miracle she never knew she needed, if only because it finally gets her to open her eyes about the man that helps her through everything. Killian would’ve preferred the Christmas without picking Emma up from a hospital, but doesn’t much mind the way it all turns out.

Rating: Barely even T, I think.

A/N: So maybe it would’ve given me away had I said “Hi @captainmorningstar! I’m your secret santa and I’m never on time!” and she would’ve been like “Oh! My santa is lifeinahole because she never posts anything when she’s supposed to!” and then at least it would’ve been anticlimactic when I forgot to hit anon. Despite all that, I had a blast gathering the info for this and writing it. Thanks to @cssecretsanta2k19 for putting this together - for putting us together. I had such a fun time getting to know my darling giftee and writing this tailored gift for her. I hope you enjoy it, my dear!

-x-

It’s the second week of December, and already Emma has heard the song playing over the speakers at least twenty times. It doesn’t help that there are only thirteen Christmas songs total and the radio stations just cycle through each iteration on an endless loop. Despite all of this, though, Emma is humming along to the soft strains of an instrumental “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” as the pain meds finally start to do their job.

“Swan?”

The sound of his voice is sweeter than any song ever could be, and with a struggle, Emma opens her eyes to the bright fluorescents overhead, blinking until Killian’s face comes into focus above her.

“Hi there,” he says when he can see she’s tuned in.

“Hi,” she responds, her voice dreamy and her smile as big and as dopey as she imagines it is. She’s caught up in the blue of his eyes, the perfect lines of his face, the worry lines crinkling his forehead as he visually checks her over.

She’s fine, of course. Not the first time she sprained her wrist, but the rib subluxation is something she could’ve lived without.

The stress on Killian’s face fades slightly as he looks at her, relief taking its place.

“You had me worried, love.”

“Nothing to worry about,” she wheezes out as she struggles to sit up. “I’m fine.” A deep inhale of breath says otherwise as her left side reminds her of that whole rib thing and she winces, doing her best to keep her breathing even so she doesn’t hurt herself again.

He hums his response, settling onto the bed next to her as he asks her to explain what happened. It’s a brief story, thankfully: bail runner caught on, shoved her as hard as he could, and took off. It wasn’t until she’d slapped the cuffs onto him that she realized she was in pain, once the adrenaline started to wear off. Somehow, she made it to the hospital on her own and it wasn’t until they said she wouldn’t be able to drive home that she realized she was going to need help. Enter Killian: faithful friend, dockworker with an understanding boss, love of her life that she’s never told.

He smells like salt today, and there’s a hint of fish from working so close to the cannery, but she doesn’t mind, not when she carefully rests her head on his shoulder and melts into his embrace grabbing onto his prosthetic hand in a gesture of comfort. She’s not sure how much longer she can stay awake, so she’s thankful when the doctor finally comes in with her final advice for recovery.

Emma’s going to be off work for a while, which is going to suck. She’s set for now, but a month is a long time to go without a paycheck. The only bright side is that she works her ass off all year so she can take it easy around Christmas, so she was looking to spend less time chasing after people anyway. 

She’s been here for a couple days staking out this particular mark, so they have to get her packed and checked out of her hotel. They make arrangements with said hotel to leave her car there until Killian and David can come down to get it, and then Killian is bundling her into the passenger side of his vehicle, easing them onto the highway and turning down the volume when Emma inevitably caves and falls asleep after the first five miles.

She doesn’t wake again until they’re pulling up in front of her apartment building. Then it’s a delicate operation getting her out of the truck and into her apartment. The sprain in her wrist isn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Maybe a little more pressure from the fall and she’d be dealing with a fracture instead, but it certainly doesn’t tickle right now. It’s still easy enough to get changed on her own and settled into the bed, accepting the glass of water that Killian hands her after he knocks to make sure she’s decent.

“Try to rest. I’m going to grab us some dinner and come back in a bit, okay?”

Emma’s too tired to even speak, so she nods, nesting down into her bed and letting her body finally rest.

-x-

It’s only after he knows she’s fast asleep that Killian leaves, carefully locking the apartment door behind him when he goes. He heads to the sheriff’s station first, as he knows David needs to hear in person that his adopted “little” sister got the shite kicked out of her at work today.

Getting the call from Emma was terrifying; he probably would’ve panicked if he’d gotten the call about anyone, but with Emma it’s… different. He’s been in love with her for so long now that he can’t even recall when or how it happened. But he’s the person she calls when she’s in trouble, and a devoted best friend. He can’t mess any of that up with feelings that she doesn’t reciprocate.

“Killian? What are you doing out of work so early? I thought you guys were shutting down the spare docks for the season.”

“We were. But I got called away on an emergency so I left this morning before lunch.

“What kind of emergency?” David asks, his voice and face going deadly serious. There are only so many people in this town Killian knows, and David knows which one he would drop everything for without hesitation.

“Don’t worry, it’s all okay,” Killian says first. “Emma called from Portland because she took a bit of a spill. Nothing is broken, but she’s a little bruised.”

Immediately, Killian can see David popping into “overprotective brother” mode and understands that this is exactly why Killian was called to tend to Emma instead of him.

“How bruised?”

“It’s just a sprained wrist and she almost dislocated a rib. Nothing but some standard pain killers involved. She’s already back home and resting. You and I will have to drive down to Portland this weekend and retrieve her vehicle.”

The other man relaxes, even if just slightly, at hearing that nothing is broken and that she’s already home. Killian’s been around long enough that he knows exactly how this all goes.

“I was hoping, however, to enlist your lovely wife to help keep an eye on her. She’s going to have to refrain from work for a little bit but we both know Emma loves to push herself even when she should be resting.”

“Of course. She’s going to do what she wants, in the end, but maybe we can at least keep her entertained enough that she won’t feel the need to go out looking for trouble.”

He’s always thankful for David. Not only is he a friend to Killian, but he’s on similar wavelengths when it comes to how Emma works. They know she’s a woman of her own mind, and that she is not to be directed, so they work to find healthy alternatives.

For all the years that Emma has been in his life, she’s been chasing bail skips. He’s seen it hurt her but he’s also seen how much of a thrill she gets from a victory. It probably feels like vengeance against Neal every time she catches a scumbag that should be in jail, and so he’s happy to support her ventures. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare the daylights out of him when she gets injured, though.

One thing is for sure, he will always stand by her decisions, will stand beside her in every way he can, but he’s still allowed to wish she’d take the position David offered her as a deputy for their sleepy little town. He understands why she can’t, but it doesn’t stop him from hoping sometimes.

-x-

When Emma wakes up, it’s to a much darker apartment, but she can smell food. That’s what draws her slowly from her bedroom, taking her time and being extremely cautious with her left side.

She loves her job. She wishes it wouldn’t lead to moments like this, but this is the exception and definitely not the rule. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t think about joining the simple life sometimes.

A while ago, David offered her a position at the station as a deputy. She said “no” without even really thinking about it, but over the last couple months she’s been thinking more and more about what it would mean to take it.

She wouldn’t likely get beaten up anymore, that’s for sure. Storybrooke is more about minor traffic violations, and a yearly dispute, usually between two of the miners that happen to be brothers, and only after they’ve been drinking after work. They deal with petty squabbles and neighborly disagreements, but they’re so simple and easy to solve, and at the end of the day, everyone still loves each other in this town.

Having a job at the station would mean seeing her brother more often, and staying in town. It would mean a dedicated health care plan and like, a 401k. It would pay the bills a little more predictably than her current adventures. And while that’s all really boring stuff at this point, it would feel good not to worry about those things as much as she does right now.

And so she considers telling Killian she’s been thinking about it again. Been thinking about a lot of things, really, but she can’t tell him – not when he looks so devastatingly handsome standing in her kitchen plating up whatever’s been heating in her oven while she’s been sleeping. Because there’s always the chance he doesn’t feel the same way, and taking a job at the station means she can’t just leave if it all goes to shit.

“You’re awake!”

Her attention is brought back to the man in her apartment and Emma shakes off the rest of her thoughts. This right here, having time with her friend, is what matters more than anything.

They settle in and eat dinner, watching a movie when they’re done and everything has been cleaned up (by Killian, of course, because he wouldn’t let her lift a finger). She falls asleep on his shoulder less than halfway through, succumbing to the chaos of the day earlier than she meant to.

When she wakes again, it’s morning, and she’s in her bed.

There’s a note on the fridge telling her to take it easy, and she scoffs at it as she goes to brew coffee. It’s not like she had anything planned for the day, work or otherwise.

She’s not sure if he made the plans for her or if Elsa decided on her own, but it’s just after noon when there’s a knock on her door and the blonde is standing there with a deck of cards and a tray of to-go hot chocolates.

“Did he put you up to this?”

“Nope. Told me what happened but I decided to do this all on my own. Besides, you probably didn’t have plans today anyway.”

Her words are an echo of her previous thoughts, so she shrugs a little and opens the door wide to let Elsa in.

“I was surprised you didn’t call David,” Elsa says after they’re settled in around her coffee table, lounging on cushions and blankets, looking like they’ve nested for the remainder of the winter.

“He would’ve flipped out. And Snow would’ve mothered me to death. Killian panicked, but he at least takes care of me the way I need him to.” She’s staring at the cards in her hand, trying to decide if it’s worth it to keep looking for an ace or to start discarding them from her hand.

Elsa hums at that, and Emma gives her a look. “What’s that noise for?”

“Oh, you know.”

When her friend doesn’t continue, Emma stares harder.

“Oh, come on, Emma. What was it you said to me once about knowing me before you knew me?”

Emma takes her time responding, shuffling her cards and finally discarding the five of diamonds instead of the ace. “I said I knew you because I knew myself. We were both loners, looking out for ourselves, and trying not to hurt anyone else along the way.”

“Exactly. That’s the kind of bond we had when we were still a pinch hostile towards each other when I moved here, and now we’re friends. So imagine how much more I know about you now, and how much you’re avoiding the elephant in the room.”

She stares at Elsa, trying to gauge exactly what she’s talking about. She knows it’s in reference to Killian, but Emma works so hard to keep that secret buried deep. There’s no way Elsa could know how she feels, is there?

“When are you going to tell him how you feel?” Elsa asks, eliminating all questions about what thinly veiled conversation they’re having.

“Never.”

“Emma.”

“He can’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Because he doesn’t need this baggage hanging around him when I could run at any moment.” She blurts it out, surprising even herself with the intensity of the words.

Elsa puts her cards down, completely abandoning the game at hand and reaches over for Emma.

“Has it ever occurred to you that if you ran, he would follow you?”

“I’m not sure he would, actually.”

“That man would follow you to the ends of the earth, or time, if he had to. But if you need proof, please look at the guy that left work in the middle of the day to drive to Portland to pick you up and take care of you because he knows the right way to take care of you. Your words.”

Her little speech is topped off with a raise of one of her perfect eyebrows.

“I’m not saying you need to confess your feelings right now,” she adds, grabbing the cards from Emma’s hand and gathering them all to re-deal. “But think about it. Also you should’ve discarded the ace. I’m doing you a favor.”

Emma shakes her head as she motions for Elsa to continue, taking a moment to sip from her hot chocolate and consider her options. She sets herself a deadline of January 1. Maybe by then she can make up her mind what to do or not do.

-x-

On Saturday, early in the morning, Killian pulls up outside of Emma’s apartment. David is dropping off Snow to spend time with her while they go down to Portland to get Emma’s Bug. 

But before they can get to that part of the plan, they have to make it there first.

Killian and David actually have a fantastic relationship. They bonded over having pains in the ass for brothers, and their friendship with Emma (even if David’s goes a little deeper than his own – being siblings by legal decree does mean a little more than “best friend” after all). But currently, you’d think they were strangers with the way the silence sits heavy between them in David’s SUV.

He tries to think of things to talk about, but nothing comes to mind but how to tell his very good friend that he’s in love with Emma. That’s not a conversation for a car trip where he literally cannot escape if the other man tries to aim his side of the vehicle at a tree.

Finally, he settles on something more mundane, asking what David got Snow for Christmas, and if he had any good ideas for what to get Emma this year.

That, of course, derails the conversation pretty quickly.

“You could get her your honesty about how you feel about her,” David suggests, still driving in the same calm and collected manner he has been the whole time.

“Pardon?’

“You heard me. I think she’s the only person in Storybrooke that doesn’t know how you feel.”

“Aye, well, all the more reason to not tell her. I don’t need to scare her off.”

“Why would that scare her off?” David asks, glancing over at Killian to see the tired look on his face.

“I know Emma. I know how she thinks. And she’s sworn off love for so long that I feel if I admitted my attractions that she would split as soon as she could,” he says in response.

“You never know until you try,” comes the answer to his statement, but Killian isn’t convinced.

“Does she need a new blanket for the living room, do you think?”

“You two are more alike than you think,” is David’s final comment before letting Killian successfully change the subject without returning to it again.

When they get to Portland, Killian stops in at the front desk to let him know he’s back to gather Emma’s car, making sure everything is still squared away with that before he goes out and gives David a thumbs up. The other man still waits until he sees that the Bug is successfully running, and then they both head back on the road to get home.

Killian has to pull into a gas station not long after they start driving, though, after a glance at the gauges tells him that Emma never bothered to fill up after she got here. He checks over the contents of the car quickly, making sure nothing was disturbed as he finds that the passenger door was also unlocked this whole time.

One item in particular draws him up short, however, when he reads the heading and discovers it to be an apartment application for a building not far from the hotel he just left.

When was she planning on telling anyone she was interested in moving down here? By the looks of it, she got two-thirds through the application before it was left on her passenger seat.

His heart sinks looking it over, where she’s even filled out potential move-in dates for right after the holidays are over. He can’t imagine Emma living outside of Storybrooke. She was there when he moved to the US and she’s been there for him ever since, and he never imagined she would leave. Apparently, though, she had other plans that she wasn’t sharing.

Maybe he should invest in some packing materials for Christmas in order to help her, if that’s what she wishes to do.

With every mile he drives closer to home, the more his heart aches. Should he tell her he found the application? Should he try to convince her to stay? No – he’s always claimed he would support her in anything and everything she ever did, and this change in location will be no different.

Instead, what Killian decides to do by the time he gets back, is bury the knowledge of what he’s found. If Emma wants to move, she will tell him - tell all of them - in her own time. 

By the time he makes it back to Storybrooke, he’s worked his own mind into a frenzy. All he wants to do is drop off the keys and get back home. But when he gets to Emma’s door, he can smell the food first, and hear the laughter of their friends beyond the wood. Emma must sense his arrival because she whips open the door right as he’s about to knock.

“We thought you got lost!” she says, smiling wide and yanking on his sleeve to pull him inside. “We made dinner. Come join us.”

Despite his internal turmoil, Killian obliges, kicking off his shoes by the door and hanging his coat where it always hangs. He heads to the kitchen table when he’s settled, doing his best to put on a happy mask and enjoy the time with his loved ones. 

He sets himself into the easy rhythm of traditions, passing the food in the order they always choose, and stacking the plates in a particular way when everyone is done. 

As a group, they initiate cleanup. Emma and Killian fall to their respective roles of washing and drying the plates, while David packs up the food and stores the leftovers away. He and Snow leave shortly after with their own container of food, leaving Emma and Killian by themselves as they finish the dishes. 

A million times, he tells himself to stay quiet, but that doesn’t stop him from blurting it out after five minutes. “So, the Portland Arms is a nice building.”

“It… you saw the application.”

“It was on the seat of your vehicle, so yes, I saw the application,” he says with much more attitude than he meant to. 

“It’s just…”

“Just what, love? Just a couple hours away? Just a change of scenery and nothing else will change?”

“I was going to say ‘just an application’ but you’re right with both of those, too.”

Killian sighs, deflating a bit as he places the last dry dinner plate on the stack. “I’m sorry, Swan, it’s just the thought of you leaving is a lot to take in. But if it’s truly what you want, then just let me know what you need me to do and I’ll be happy to help.”

“Hold your horses,” she tells him, patting him on the arm when her hands are dry. “I’m not going anywhere yet. Like I said, it’s just an application. I don’t know if I want to move in the middle of winter so it may be a while.”

That her obstacle is the middle of winter rather than anything else tells him a lot about her feelings on the matter, so he lets it drop. 

-x-

It feels like there’s something brewing that Emma can’t control. She’s not sure what exactly, but ever since they went down to get her car and Killian found that stupid application that she left on her seat, there’s been some underlying tension that they can’t seem to shake. He’s been moody, but also pretending he isn’t. She’s not sure why she didn’t tell him the truth, but it’s her own damn business, anyway! 

On Christmas Eve, he comes over as he always does in order to decorate her tree. Normally, Emma is fully immersed in the process of picking out, cutting down, and hauling in of her tree. This year, she had to skip the second and third parts of that, only having a hand in picking out the one she wanted while David and Killian were the ones to bring it in. It’s been in the stand for a couple days now just waiting for the trimming part, but they always wait until the day before to do that together. 

While David and Snow are busy decorating theirs and getting their little family home ready for the holiday, Killian comes to her apartment. He doesn’t put up a tree of his own because he spends so much of his time at Emma’s place. 

He doesn’t do a lot of holiday decorating for that same reason, and Emma gets why he might be upset with the idea of her moving to Portland because all of his traditions that have been formed over the years will be moving with her. 

Clearly, she didn’t consider how hard he might take it if she actually moved away. 

But as she carefully sits there unwrapping and adding ornaments to the tree, she can’t imagine doing this without him. They have assigned parts in this play: they pick the tree together, and Killian puts on the lights while she fetches the skirt and the ornaments, then he’s in charge of the garland and Emma tops the whole thing with the star. 

This year they had to make some concessions to make sure Emma doesn’t hurt herself, but she’s still taking care of the ornaments while Killian struggles to get the beaded garland untangled. He’s muttering to himself, saying how he meant to wrap them around something last year when they packed it all up, but it’s all a diatribe to himself and she just listens and tries her best not to laugh. 

He’s helpless. Adorable and helpless. And she doesn’t really realize what she’s doing until she’s already moving towards him - the small swan ornament she’d been holding is abandoned back in the box and she’s grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him towards her.

There’s a look of shock on his face as she tugs him down, and then she’s not thinking about how there was no warning leading up to this but how right it feels to be kissing him. Killian’s surprise wears off quickly and then he’s kissing her back, wrapping his arms around her waist. She can feel the beads of the garland digging into her side where he clearly didn’t drop the strand but she doesn’t care, especially when her hand buries into his hair and she’s not sure she ever wants to surface from this again. 

He sighs out her name as they break apart at one point, and that’s when reality comes crashing down on her. What is she doing? And what is he doing kissing her back like that?

“I’m - I’m sorry. I’ll be right back,” Emma stutters out, making a dash for the bathroom. She takes her time, pressing a cool washcloth to her face and running the faucet for far too long before she exits again. 

When she comes back, the living room is empty. The garland is neatly strung around the tree, but the coat rack reveals no extras and it’s clear that he’s made a swift exit while she tried to collect herself. 

There’s a note by the tree, hastily scrawled but still more beautiful than most handwriting she’s ever seen. In it, Killian explains that he’s had a rather long day and he’s headed home to get some sleep, but that he’ll see her in the morning when they all exchange gifts. With a sigh, she turns back to her ornaments, adding the last few she had left before.

It takes her that long to realize that Killian has already added the star to the top of the tree, probably foreseeing that she can’t stretch like that on her own right now. She doesn’t even plug it in to see it all completed, instead flipping off the rest of the lights and making sure the door is locked before going to bed.

She knows why she kissed Killian - she wanted to. She wanted… wants him. She just doesn’t know why he kissed her back like a man on a mission and then bolted while she tried to make heads and tails of the situation. 

Her dreams are fraught with weird scenarios, one of which has her tangled in strands of lights and garland, trapped in a Christmas prison. She calls out for help repeatedly, but never gets an answer. Then she calls out Killian’s name and she can immediately hear a response for her to hold on, that he’s on his way.

In the morning, she wakes with that dream fresh in her mind and her heart still aches a little at the message. In all situations, great and small, she knows without a doubt that Killian will be there to help her. So what’s holding her back from telling him how she feels? 

The whole day feels different. Killian is usually the first one at her door in the morning but he’s not there when David and Snow show up. They’re the ones helping Emma put together brunch, just waiting for the oven timer to ding when Killian finally walks through the door looking like he slept about as roughly as Emma did. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he tells her as she helps him out of his coat. “Had to take care of some things at home.”

It’s a lie. She’s not sure she’s ever heard him lie to her this blatantly before. He’s lied to her about small things before, but this is the first time she’s heard him outright lie this bad since they drove down to Boston one summer and he claimed he wasn’t lost. When they ended up in New Hampshire, he finally admitted his wrongdoing. 

But when she looks a little harder at him, he averts his eyes, moving instead to remove his boots and wander over to where Snow and David have already made themselves comfortable in the living room. 

That’s the way it is all through brunch and the cleanup from their meal, and even most of the way through presents. He only really looks at her again when he thanks her for his gift. His eyes say volumes about how he’s feeling, so while the words were quiet, he’s practically screaming his gratitude in looks alone. 

When she opens the gift from him, her heart almost stops. Nestled in the small box is a swan pendant, vastly different than the last one she owned when she was younger, and already holding a lot more meaning than the little keychain some asshole once lifted from a gas station for her. She kept the old pendant for the longest time as a reminder not to trust anyone. It was Killian that helped her finally get rid of that necklace, patiently sitting with her as she took her time, made peace with all the bad memories, and then chucked it into the ocean from the boat he’d taken her out on that day.

“I hoped it would have slightly better memories than the last one,” Killian says, and she didn’t even notice him move closer until she realizes how near his voice is. “May I?”

She nods, watching in silence as he lifts the necklace from the box, taking his time to grasp the clasp between his fingers and pinching it open while holding the other side with his prosthetic. She holds her hair up and out of the way as he latches the necklace behind her, his fingers lingering just a bit before he abruptly stands. 

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ve some work to attend to,” he says, looking regretfully at Emma before he heads for the door. He makes sure to gather his gifts, thanking David and Snow before slipping from the apartment as quickly as he showed up. 

It takes some acting, but she plays off his departure as nothing major. It’s clear he’s never mentioned the apartment application to David and Snow or else one of them would’ve blurted out an objection already. So she plays along and smiles through the rest of their time together. 

Just after they eat dinner, Snow excuses herself. “I’m going home for a moment, and I’ll be back with more cookies,” she tells them. 

Another lie, Emma can tell, but she lets her friend go, realizing pretty quickly this is a case of Divide and Conquer between the married couple. 

“I’m going to make you more hot chocolate. And when it’s done, we’re going to have a talk,” David says when the door has shut behind his wife, confirming her suspicions. 

Emma bites back the smile the best she can and follows him into the kitchen.

-x-

It’s snowing and cold but Killian doesn’t really notice any of it. His hand is shoved into his pocket and his prosthetic is resting on the wooden railing overlooking the docks. 

“I would be lost without you,” he repeats to himself. It’s the inscription she put on the inside of the compass, a beautiful rosewood piece that he would normally be so excited to display in his home until it was time to bring his own boat out of winter storage. 

Now, after everything that’s happened the last couple weeks, he can’t tell its intended meaning. She’s talking about moving, and then she kisses him, and then runs away, and then gives him this particular gift with this particular message? 

He watches his breath fog out in front of him, noticing that even that looks sad and aggravated.

“Thought I might find you out here,” comes a voice from behind him.  He turns to find Snow standing there, bundled against the cold and holding a hot mug that she hands to him.

The tea is one of his favorites, and he sighs in the comfort of the gesture.

“You two have been keeping secrets from us,” Snow says. “You don’t need to tell me everything, since I’m sure it means more to you and Emma than it does to me or David. There’s some things that I do know. It’s that you don’t get a happy ending without working for it, and that everyone deserves love. I can tell you have feelings for Emma that go beyond best friends. And though she’d never admit it, I’m pretty sure Emma feels the same way.”

“You’d get along with my brother,” Killian says, managing a smile. It doesn’t last, though. “And I don’t know if she truly does.”

“You won’t know until you talk to her.” Snow reaches out and clasps his arm. “Look, Emma has waited a long time for someone to come into her life that she trusts enough to give her heart to. And I think she so badly wants it to be you, but she’s too scared to make a move without knowing for sure how you feel.”

It’s sound advice, to maybe even make things a little more obvious to her. Handing her a necklace doesn’t explain his reasoning behind it - that he not only bought it because he thought of the way she’d smile when she saw it, but also because she deserves to replace every last memory from the last man she trusted that broke her heart. 

Snow shivers, bringing him back to the present and he’s finally aware of the snow falling heavier now than it was before. “It’s cold out here. Go home,” she tells him. “And Merry Christmas!” With a quick peck on his cheek, Snow turns and walks up the path back towards where she can see David waiting in his truck to pick her up. 

He turns back towards the water, staring out at the darkness beyond his vision. 

His friend is right. He needs to tell Emma how he feels, and he needs to do it before it’s too late. Liam always tells him that a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. With one more look out to the water, he turns to head back to Emma’s apartment, but she’s already there.

She’s a couple meters away, shivering slightly despite her warm weather gear, and it’s only once Killian turns that she seems to come back to herself. 

“What are you doing out here, love? It’s freezing.”

“Says the man out here without a scarf or a glove or a hat?”

“I wasn’t really planning on staying out long. It just sort of… happened.” 

“Killian.”

“No wait, there’s something I need to say before we go any further.” He braces himself quickly, moving towards her slowly as he starts to speak. “When I met you, I was a broken man. I'd lost what I thought was the love of my life. After that first Christmas I spent with you, I felt like maybe my heart could move on one day. You invited me to join your family and your traditions, and for the first time in a long time I felt that hope that I'd find love again. And by the next Christmas, I wanted to find that love with you.”

He stops when he’s close enough to see the way the snowflakes catch on her eyelashes, and the way she keeps brushing them out of her hair. 

“I was always afraid to say anything for fear that you’d go running from me, since I’d heard all the stories you’d told me about the men you’d been with. I figured if you kept repeating ‘I’m never dating again’ enough in my presence that I should probably heed that warning.”

Emma chuckles under her breath at that, inching her way closer to him as he does the same to her. 

“Snow told me you’ve waited a long time to find a man to give your heart to. I’m truly hoping if you’d be lost without me that it means I may be the one you’re ready to try again with?”

“I know the engraving was cheesy but it fits too well, and it’s absolutely true. I would be lost without you.” The words come out quietly, and his breath catches in his throat as her fingers find the pirate’s luck necklace she bought him a few years ago. “I know I didn’t make it easy for you to tell me the truth, but I want you to know I feel the same way. What do you say, should we make this official? Kiss again and not have either of us go running for the hills afterward?” She means for it to lighten the mood, but he can’t help but be perfectly honest with his next words. 

“Your heart’s desire, Swan. That’s all I want.”

Her responding smile is bright and she leans forward just as he does. For a moment, all they do is touch their foreheads together, savoring this moment and breathing the other in - this closeness feels different than all the other times in their shared lives. When her fingers link with his, that’s when Killian moves again, angling his head and pressing his lips to hers. 

This time is sweeter, with much more meaning behind it.

“Does this mean you aren’t moving to Portland?”

“Killian. I was never moving to Portland. My skip worked in the housing office at that building and I needed the application as a cover to get to him.”

“And you couldn’t have just told me that when I brought it up?”

“I got defensive! It’s a knee-jerk reaction.”

“You got the ‘jerk’ part right, at least.”

She points a finger at him, a wordless warning that he’s been on the receiving end of multiple times. 

“Let’s go home,” she tells him, smiling as he lifts one of her gloved hands to press his lips against it. 

It’s later when she kisses him goodnight when she tells him she took the job at the station, and he feels like this may be the best Christmas he’s ever had. 

-x-

The next Christmas, the box she unwraps is engraved, and the contents inside of it make her tear up. 

“Where you lead,” he whispers, “will you let me be by your side?”

Her response of ‘yes’ is quickly lost in the way that they kiss, and they inform David and Snow to make it Christmas dinner instead of brunch, just so they have time to get their celebrating out of the way before they tell everyone else.

The End!

[onceuponaprincessworld]

CaptainSwan One-Shots Recs p.11

Hello there! This is a new list of some astounding new and old One shots. There are all worth a read and a re-read. Hope you enjoy! 

If you are intrested you can find my other lists here.

No More Running, @ilovemesomekillianjones

What happens when Emma doesn't seize her opportunity to tell Killian exactly how she feels about him? Based on the prompt, “you’re in the hospital for the holidays so i came in while you were sleeping to decorate your room i love you merry christmas” - from this post: http://nadiahilker.tumblr.com/post/133627477715/im-always-a-slut-for-a-christmas-au-i-know-we 

anonymous swan, @swanandapirate

A Google Docs AU where Emma and Killian both get asked to beta-read something of David’s and start anonymously bickering about every conceivable grammatical and lexical and any other feature of the English language in the Google Docs Comment section but what happens after David decides to intervene? 

Love Is A Ghost You Can't Control, @xemmaloveskillianx

We slept together once and I ran because I was scared you didn’t feel the same way I did. Now I’m the Maid of Honor at my brother’s wedding and you’re the Best Man and I can’t stop thinking about what happened between us.

The One With the Blackout, @imhookedonaswan

What can happen when two strangers are stuck in an ATM vestibule together during a black out?

For Practical Purposes Only, @tnlph

Emma convinces (it didn't take much) Killian to marry her so that she can adopt Henry. This is a fuller version of a short one shot that is probably buried somewhere in the "TNLPH Drabbles" story. People asked for a longer version. So... a year later... hope you enjoy reading a little more of the story.

Shelter from the Storm, @initiala

“Emma.” Mary Margaret’s got her ‘teacher voice’ on, which is really intimidating to the ten-year old living in Emma’s brain most days. “When did we forget to pay the gas bill?”

Luckily, while Mary Margaret goes to stay with David, Killian is more than happy to offer Emma shelter three days before Christmas.

Keep On Fallin', @resident-of-storybrooke

Emma Swan may be a successful bail bondsperson, but when it comes to her love life not so much. After several failed blind dates Emma is ready to give up, but Mary Margaret convinces her to give it one more shot. Is Mr. One Shot going to be the one? Or is she willing to risk taking a chance with her blue eyed gorgeous neighbor?

The Bookshop Around the Corner, @polarbearmorgan

For the past five months, Emma Swan has been talking to RollyJoger online, little does she know, he's actually the man that just might run her small bookshop out of business.

Prompt, @nowforruin

My favorite trope! ‘Enemies’ who secretly love each other forced to come to terms with their feelings. Smooching fluff ensues. Bonus if their friends had a bet on when they’d finally get together.

Scar of the Heart, @curiousthingdarkness

Emma Swan hunts alone. Except on nights when Killian Jones, fellow demon hunter and pain in her ass, insists on joining her. When dealing with a particularly troublesome beast, they discover that perhaps there is more to each other than meets the eye. Captain Swan soulmate/demon hunter AU, one shot.

A Cat By Any Other Name, @msgenevieve447

It's midnight on her first night in her new place and there's a cat in her kitchen. Which would be fine, but she doesn't actually own a cat, especially one that looks like it's planning the best way to get rid of her body without getting caught. (warning - there are shameless allusions to a certain sci-fi show in this fic)

fish out of water, @captainswanouat

Killian Jones truly just wanted to live a normal life. Go to class, come home, finish his education, and hide the fact that he is, in fact, a merman. He was into his final year of school and so far, nobody had caught on to his charade; but all good things must come to an end sometime and truly, it was his own fault it happened.

Based on the prompt: “I know it's late and I don't know you but I hear you can talk to fish and I'm worried my goldfish is depressed”

Half the world away, @ladyciaramiggles

Emma and Killian's friendship has grown from work colleagues to best friends and as Christmas approaches they intend to keep each other company, there's just a small matter of an ocean between them.

The Holiday Season(s), @once-uponacaptain

Emma Swan is not fond of holidays. But maybe a routine encounter with a local bartender could change that.

Untitled,@emmasinthebooknow

Captain Swan modern celebrity!AU: Emma is a famous actress, Killian is the (not famous) guy she just started dating. Because of Emma’s fame, the press is making things difficult, but Killian finds an unexpected way of reassuring Emma that he isn’t going anywhere.

Prompt,  @awkwardnessandbaseball

Secret prince/princess.

Another Cliched Mountain Lodge Romance Novel, @spartanguard

Emma Swan, avid reader of romance novels, appreciates them for their vapid characters and incredibly unrealistic settings. She never imagined that she'd ever stumble into one—or that the man she'd find living alone in a mountain lodge would be the male lead in her own story. (Or how quickly it would escalate—and how okay with that she was.)

What a Year (for a New Year), @high-seas-swan

Killian Jones, Boston Bruins right winger, needs a break from the questions and concerns over his career-threatening injury. He thought Storybrooke would be the perfect place to escape to. What he didn't expect was Emma Swan, her kid and a holiday season he never knew he needed.

And I Don't Want To Go Home Right Now, @hollyethecurious

CS Hiatus Challenge Prompt - 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls: Modern AU; Killian Jones had not left his apartment in two years, four months, and thirteen days. Not since he'd finally decided to shut himself away from the whole blasted world after a freak accident had left him without his hand, and for all practical purposes, his heart.

The Bench, @startswithhope

So, I’ve never attempted an AU before, so be gentle. I wanted to write a NYE fic and this is where my muse led me.

Prompt, @captainswanatk

city man/woman returns home to small town after being away. 

Plan B, @lassluna

It’s New Years Eve and Emma has plans. It’s a good plan, she’s going to bring her boyfriend to a New Years Eve party where her brother won’t be able to kill him.

Except now Emma is inconveniently boyfriend-less, and all her friends are expecting him.

Emma Swan needs a new plan.

kiss me (on this cold december night), @jennifer-morrison​

Maybe asking your best friend to pretend to be your boyfriend as you make a trip back home isn’t the smartest idea Emma’s had in a while. then again, how smart is Killian for actually saying yes?

The Unofficially Official Most Handsome Man in Storybrooke, @blowmiakisscolin

So, the prompt for this fic came about during a conversation with my dear friend Kristin last night. We were talking football, specifically about how the commentators of the 49ers-Texans game were very openly swooning over the hotness of our new quarterback for the 49ers (former NE Patriot Jimmy Garoppolo). They repeatedly brought it up throughout the game, even going so far as to do a “Handsome-Off” between him and Tom Brady. E-Network-style comparison clips of them running out of their respective tunnels and dreamy-soft-lit-close-ups of their faces included. It was borderline ridiculous and I loved it. K and I were highly amused by the swooning NFL commentators verbally drooling over Jimmy G. And then she had to go and plant the seed of:

“Yo, why did I just picture Leroy and the dwarves staging a Handsome-Off for David and Killian?”

Amas Veritas,  emmaofmisthaven

“What’s your price?”

He opens his mouth, but no word come so he closes it. He tries a second time, “I don’t know. Isn’t the first born a thing or…?”

Emma makes a face. “No, gross. Something else.” She pouts, then she adds. “How about your happiest day? Does it seem like a fair trade to you?”

[zel-cs]

@k-9-dog-cs made an ask list so here we gooooo 1.) How did you find ChickenSmoothie? A moderator on the German version of Howrse had a little green caterpillar pet on their profile page. I thought it looked cute and went to the website to find out what it would look like grown up. 2.) What was your first pet you’ve adopted? Since it was the butterfly wolves that brought me there, my first pet was also a bwolf. Here she is! 3.) What was your first pound catch? A queen of hearts card dog. I no longer own it, but it randomly ended up on a friend’s account so that’s cute, too. 4.) What is your current best pound catch? I grabbed a Spotted Tribal this year! 5.) What’s your favorite species? Chickens! The hens with the fluffy tail are the best. 6.) What’s your current favorite pet you own? This deer is my favourite pet on the site. 7.) If you could get a new animal species to adopt on ChickenSmoothie, what would it be? Consider: Tortoises 8.) What is your current dreamie(s)? Maybe a Dark Pink Shima bwolf? I also want to try getting a Cinnabun at some point, but I’ve been too lazy so far. 9.) Do you have any achieved dreamies? If so, which one? My dreamies were the black UR Cat, Noncoon, and GWJ. I own all of them~ 10.) What was your first list pet? I joined before the List even existed, but the second pet I ever adopted was a Nonballoon, so I guess that counts. 11.) What was your first UR? Oh man I can’t remember for sure if I got the UR Bwolf or the UR Cat first. I think it was the bwolf, because I remember trading the Moonswirl I got from the 2009 re-release for it. 12.) What was your first store pet? I think the red and yellow Androids. Not sure about it, though. 13.) Out of all the seasonal events, which one is your current favorite and look forward to every year? Advent Calendar! My birthday is in December, I always get excited to see what we get on that day. Or about picking up a new gift every day in general. 14.) Which past summer event is your favorite? The 2013 Slumber Party. I adored the story and the aesthetics. The whole Dreams vs. Nightmares thing was very cool. I also have fond memories of the discussion on the forums. We had a lot of fun with our speculations and stories. 15.) What is your favorite item(s)? Either the Oarfish from the Lost City event, or the yellow Plasma Scythe from the store, probably. 16.) What’s your current favorite dress-up? Hm. I’m not very invested in dressing up my pets for the most part, so I don’t have many. Maybe this one? It’s just a pet dressed as one of my OCs. 17.) What’s the most funniest dress-up you’ve done? I’m such a boring person, I can’t even remember ever attempting to make a funny dress-up. 18.) What’s your best memory of ChickenSmoothie so far? This one is always difficult for me to answer. There’s a lot of moments to choose from! I already used the 2013 summer event as my answer for the summer event question, so here’s two others: I remember that back in 2010-12 I was very invested in my hoards, often spending all day trying to get more pets. It was a lot of fun to compete for the (then more active) hoard records thread, especially! I met a lot of really cool people among other hoarders; it was perhaps the most social I’ve ever been on CS and it felt great to make friends. Becoming a GH in 2015 was awesome, too. Doubly so because I applied together with my friend Irisidium/aaron, and we both got picked. I think my heart stopped for a moment when I saw the message from Tess, ahah. 19.) What’s your most funniest ChickenSmoothie memory so far? April Fool’s is a blast every year, but the first ‘event’ for it in 2010 was beautiful. Nick pretended to have taken over the site; it looked like our adopts were Nick pets only, and some people got legitimately worried that Tess wouldn’t be coming back. “ Hi there everybody!!! It's Nick here I have so many fans in the "I <3 Nick" club that I decided that I don't need Tess any more. I can just draw all of the art myself! I hope you like April's pets!!” 20.) What’s one positive thing  ChickenSmoothie taught you? It’s going to be a testament to how bad I was at this IRL, but I’m pretty sure CS improved my social skills. I feel like the site encouraged me to be more outgoing, generous and considerate. I was a rather abrasive and blunt person as a teenager. Not saying CS did the job alone, but it definitely contributed. 21.) If you could be a mod, which job would you want? (General helpers, admin assistants, etc.) I was made a General Helper in 2015, and since then haven’t felt like I’d want any other position. I think it’s the best match for me! If I had to choose something else, I guess I’d like it as an Archivist. But Solloby does a fine job at that, no need for a replacement :D 22.) If you could add a whole new feature or even improve a feature on ChickenSmoothie, what would it be? I wish we had a spoiler function on the forums, mainly to make image-heavy threads easier to browse. It would be lovely if all those lists of pet images could be hidden until opened. I can see how it would tempt people to post more rule-breaking content, though... 23.) What is your favorite 2nd Gen pairing? These two were a match made in heaven. 24.) What 2nd gen pairings would you like to see in the future? This dog and either this or this one. Cyborgs, please. 25.) If you could make any new UR, what would it be? I remember talking to friends about this a while ago, and coming to the conclusion that we need more foods like the cinnabun. Coffee, maybe. I’ll take one UR coffee, please. 26.) Who are your friends and buddies on CS? I would have to name so many people, because there’s just so many lovely users I’ve met over the years. Based on which ones I talk to the most, it’d be Thalassic, Raire, aaron and torpor, as well as the GH team (including former GHs like Swiftalu, Aquila, Nadine, Simon and Seasonal). I’m active on a CS discord chat, too, so I talk a lot to the regulars there. There are more people who I consider friends, but trying to make a full list would make me scared to leave someone out :( 27.) If you roleplay, what’s your favorite roleplay you’re currently in on CS? 28.) If you roleplay, who’s your roleplay buddies? 29.) How many forum posts have you made so far? 23,568 30.) Which forum section on CS you like/lurk the most? CS Discussion, by far! I also like reading the introductions board. 31.) If you draw, what’s your favorite Oekaki board(s) you post your art on? 32.) If you draw, have you ever gotten featured? If yes, what got featured? If not, what one would you prefer to get featured? 33.) If you could add a new tool/feature or improve a feature/tool in Chicken paint, what would it be? 34.) If you draw, do you use a tablet or mouse or both? 35.) If applicable, what’s your favorite usermade adaptables? 36.) What usermade adaptables you own/made/mod/an artist of? If none, which one would you like to be an artist/mod of? 37.) What forums do you run/mod? Unsure if that means boards or threads; I’d assume threads? I technically ‘own’ the religion thread on the 18+ board, but I wasn’t the one to create the original, and there’s nothing for me to ‘mod’ because generally, if something happens on there, the actual mods need to get involved. I used to briefly be a mod for Adopt a Newbie some years ago, but school got in the way as I was about to graduate. As a GH, I don’t mod anything, but we are expected to keep an eye on the Help and Intro boards. 38.) What’s your favorite stamps? I’m happy that we have the pronoun stamps! Other than that, I like the bird lover stamp :) 39.) What’s your CS username? ZΕL I used to go by Amazilion before that. To this day I sometimes come across people who didn’t realize that’s me and thought I left the site, whoops. 40.) If applicable, what’s your favorite gift you’ve given/received? I have a friend who currently has the username lkjhgfdsamnbvcxz, but used to be known as Discord for the longest time. They haven’t been active for years, and last contacted me in 2014, but when they were still active they loved to help me with my hoards. Once they entered an art contest and won a Vixen Advent for me. Another time they became the first person to hit the limit on buying a token pet (that wasn’t meant to be hit) because they got me so many vixen bunnies. I am forever thankful to them for how much effort they put into getting me gifts. They’re an absolute angel who I didn’t deserve. 41.) If applicable, what’s your favorite hoard you’ve completed? This one of the entire March 2015 moth bwolf litter. 42.) If applicable, what’s your current on going hoards? I have 16 incomplete and 11 endless hoards at the moment. That’s too many, so let’s stick to the endless ones. Lightning/Arrow owls, Blue Nebula dogs, Microbiology dogs, SoulWings Sundogs, Gummy ponies, Ozone deer, Hummingbird bwolves, Vixen Advents, Vixen bunnies, Vixen rats, and a Bakery themed hoard. Phew! Out of the still incomplete hoards, though, I am particularly proud of the Sushi PPS cats and Conure owls. 43.) What’s the most interesting pet ID you have? I own pets with my birthday and my boyfriend’s birthday as an ID, but I’m not going to point those out. I also have a dog with the ID 6666666. 44.) What’s your favorite April fool’s prank chicken smoothie did so far? Tied between the chicken uprising and Totoro’s takeover. Because birds. It was a lot of fun to bicker with Kyar on the ‘17 April Fool’s thread. He’s a traitor. 45.) Who would win: Avian or Totoro? I think Totoro answered that for us this year :’) Bird all the way! 46.) If you were able to get a custom pet, which oc of yours would it be based off of? If you don’t have an oc, what pet lines would you use? Hm, I don’t think I’d want to use one of my OCs. But I’d probably go for a black/gray/yellow colour scheme. Matches both my favourite character, and that fursona I had when I was a teen. And it’d have to be a chicken! 47.) What’s your oddest CS habit? No idea. I can’t think of anything particularly odd. Some people I talk to find it amusing that I will spend ages in the Pound waiting for a pet with a specific name to show up, though. The longest I’ve had to wait was an hour and a half, I think? 48.) What’s the oddest Ad that popped up on the site? I don’t pay attention to them tbh. They’re usually just for other pet sites or pet care products, anyway. 49.) What’s your ChickenSmoothie username? Last time I looked it was still ZΕL :P 50.) What species (that ChickenSmoothie has available) would you want to see more? It can even be PPS/EPPS lines too! I believe we all need more chickens in our lives. And those sheep bunnies, especially PPS ones.