#when her and Jyscal are the very reasons why Seymour turned out the way he did

[starvingtongue]

I truly believe that Anima was stuck between a rock and a hard place when she made the decision to take Seymour on his pilgrimage. The disease she had was slowly killing her, she had limited access to the medicine that was keeping her alive, and she had no idea when their exile would be lifted. It could've been the next week, the next month, two years from now, she had no way of knowing and Jyscal gave no indication of how long it would last either. He might've said something along the lines of 'until the civil unrest dies down', but who knows when that might've happened. I can't imagine it would've died down as soon as Anima and Seymour left.

And so, she was left with the choice of having Seymour watch her slowly die and have to eventually deal with her body (which would've been traumatising) or go on a pilgrimage, become Seymour's final aeon, and stay with him that way in a hopes that he uses her to defeat Sin and becomes a martyr (also very traumatising). Both of which would've left Seymour alone, but the latter would at least mean Seymour would finally, hopefully, be accepted by the people of Spira.

By the time she'd made the decision to go on the pilgrimage, I like to think she'd have sent word to Jyscal that she was going to die. She would've basically pleaded with him again to lift Seymour's exile and take him back because of her own mortality, and never got a response. I can't imagine she reached the point where she knew she wouldn't make it much longer and her first and only decision was to go on a pilgrimage in an attempt to keep herself 'alive'. I think she reached the pilgrimage option when she realised that was the only semi-meaningful option left.

It was obviously the wrong decision and it ended up doing more harm than good. She blames herself a lot for this decision, the regret and guilt chewing at her constantly, and she thinks about how it impacted Seymour in the long run. She inadvertantly taught him that pain and suffering could be used for strength and forced him further into loneliness and isolation.

We're also retconning the idea that she fully blames Seymour for what he became. She 95% blames herself and Jyscal (the other 5% of her blames the Guado and the humans that didn't accept him either, their attitudes towards her and Seymour are just as bad and I won't hear otherwise) for how he turned out. She deluded herself into thinking that it was his fault at first, when she realised how twisted his outlook had become, maybe the guilt gnawed at her that much that it warped her perception of reality to the point where she twisted her own actions into not being that bad.

But I think eventually she had to face reality that it was because of her & Jyscal's actions that caused him to become like this. I think if she were alive, like properly alive and not Fayth alive, she probably would've had a bit of a mental health breakdown at the realisation. She might've had a mini one while she was a fayth and went right back up delusion alley, but for the most part, I think she blames herself and Jyscal more than she blames Seymour

[cygnahime]

FFX Relivebloggening, Part ???

I started this post at least a week ago, probably two. Such is the power of new obsessions.

I haven't posted in a while because a) no one was responding anyway and more importantly b) my friends got me into FFXIV and I've been playing that intensely. Not that I've gotten very far in the plot, but there's so much Stuff one can do. Also it's nice to be run through dungeons by people who have verbally agreed to put up with me not knowing what to do. But it's down for maintenance tonight, and I'm unwillingly awake, so back to the Thunder Plains it is! I'm underleveled, or less overleveled than I'm used to, this time. Yuna doesn't even have Cura yet, and Auron's not dealing the damage I'm used to expecting. I love Maechen's discourse on Bilghen, particularly that, as an Al Bhed, he isn't mentioned in Yevon-sanctioned history - something that is not without relevance to our modern world. Tidus tells Shelinda there won't be a wedding, because he really wants Yuna to turn Seymour down, even though what she's said definitely suggests that she won't. "I must do what everyone wants, not just what I want." Auron's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "I wonder if you remember me." I guess Rin's Calm Lands Travel Agency was there even back then. (They're in the Jecht spheres, so I guess they were.) And Auron doesn't want Rin saying things that might lead people to realize he did in fact die that night. Tidus is downright terrible at eavesdropping - but then, Yuna is equally terrible at not being eavesdropped on. It takes her a full five seconds to realize she should turn off the sphere. "I know one way to take care of him." Unbeknownst to Tidus, that's exactly what Jyscal meant, and Yuna's stressing over it. It's not a slightly mean joke to her. Wakka may be oblivious to Rikku's race, but he knows Yuna well enough to know when there's something on her mind. He's just kind of given up on getting it out of her - she's not a good liar, but she's stubborn, and Wakka's sure not the kind to subtly worm info out of a person. Poor Rikku. She's doing better with being surrounded by her phobia than most adults I know, and she's only 15. None of Yuna's nearest and dearest want her to marry Seymour. Even Wakka, who you'd think would be all for a maester, is like, "Do you have to marry him?" Tip: if all your friends hate your fiancé, DUMP HIM. (Of course, Yuna knows he's no good, so that tip won't help.) And because a summoner can do whatever she wants, all she has to do is say it's a personal matter, and everyone has to...not be okay with it, any more than they're okay with her being a summoner in the first place, but not try to stop her. Tidus is the only one who doesn't know why everyone is concerned about Yuna's decision-making process, which is ironic given that he's the reason. Lulu says it, if you get her convo in Guadosalam: she would want Yuna to marry for love, even though she'd have to object to her marrying "the one she loves". (Which I've always interpreted as, she shouldn't marry someone who doesn't know she's going to die. It's really not fair to Tidus.) I seriously need to grind some more levels. I am just not getting the damage output I need. "She's naive, serious to a fault, and doesn't ask for help." Much like someone Auron remembers being. He's not thinking of Braska; Braska wasn't any of those things, at least not by the time Auron knew him. But from what we see, Auron was. No wonder he finds her so easy to read. [Some grinding time later] Dona's made good time, at least up until she got caught. And Barthello doesn't know the Al Bhed grabbed her, so they must have really "gotten separated" at some point. Did they have a fight? Or just need a little privacy for one thing or another? You don't want to always live in someone's pocket, no matter how much you love them. At least I wouldn't. And Rikku, of course, is not thinking "good luck", she's thinking "sorry". It's to protect Dona, she can be sure Dona's fine, but Barthello doesn't know that. I wonder how Jecht's sphere got left behind here. Really, I wonder how all of them except Braska's got where they are. (Braska's I assume Auron dropped while crawling down the mountain.) Auron was expecting to find this one here; he says Jecht left it here. I wonder why. I guess by then Jecht had accepted that the only way Tidus was ever seeing him again was in Spira. Auron at the beginning of the journey wants to hurry through it - I think what he says to Jecht offscreen is telling him about all the people Sin is killing while they dilly-dally. Not that he wants Braska to die sooner, but he is on board with the noble sacrifice. But then, by the time they get to Zanarkand...Well, we'll see. And Jecht is the reverse. At first, as Auron says, he's planning to go home, thinking of Spira as an adventure that doesn't really matter overall. But then by Zanarkand he too is very different. Auron has to be the one to tell Tidus that Jecht loved him. And Tidus does want to hear that, but he wanted to hear it from his father, when he needed it, not from someone who came to hear more about Jecht's emotions than his son ever did. Now, this being the HD/International version, I need to go back and get those spheres now, because once I fight Seymour, some of them will be locked behind Dark Aeons, and we don't want that. So, it's the Grand Mini Reunion Tour! (We're gonna stop for the moonlilies.) Thunder Plains: Jecht. Jecht no. This is just kind of a quiet moment, but Jecht made Braska laugh, which is always good. Wait, shit, there's another one in Macalania, isn't there? I'll get it on my way back. Moonflow: This one is from their first time through the Moonflow, the drunken shoopuf attack Auron described for us earlier. Jecht's introduction to Consequences! Not just Auron lecturing him, but Auron making it clear that a mere apology won't cut it if he doesn't change his behavior. Mushroom Rock: Insight into Auron's and Kinoc's relationship. It definitely sounds like Auron refused to do something shady (maybe that marriage, to a woman who didn't want him/he didn't want) that led to him not getting the promotion, and Kinoc did whatever it is, so he gets to advance through the ranks. ...It's really queer, just, the tension between honesty/being out and suffering the consequences vs going along/staying in the closet and getting the benefits of assumed straightness. At least that's what I think. Maybe it's because of the marriage element. Marry the high priest's daughter, advance in your career...or be true to yourself and be cast out. Mi'ihen: Apparently the Chocobo Eater is a chronic or at least recurring problem. I wonder if Team Braska got knocked off the cliff. The sphere is down on the Oldroad, after all. Luca: Sometimes you are suddenly attacked by missing people out of nowhere. I think this is more likely to be on the way back than the way down, but we're getting pretty close either way. Winno: This is clearly on the way to Besaid, because Jecht asks about where they're going after that. Still, Auron and Jecht have warmed up to each other a lot already. And I think by now Jecht definitely knows that Braska's going to die. Besaid: I suspect one of Besaid's good points, to Braska's mind, is that it is literally as far from Bevelle as it is possible to be. It's not like it's far from the "conflict" with Sin; I suspect it's a more political conflict he means. I'm really sad about the cat and dog in Luca waiting by the stairs for their person, a Crusader who's probably never coming home. Babies... Macalania: The very first of the spheres, and I'm kind of curious how any of them got ahold of the security footage from the Bevelle jail. I'd think it was their memories naturally crystallized, but it's shot from over their shoulders. Jecht is an easy sell, especially when he's in the drunk tank and probably also about to be arrested for blasphemy. Meanwhile, Braska loves his irony, and also the rag-tag bunch of misfits trope. And now that I'm back at the end of Macalania Woods, I'm going to end this post finally, after several weeks. If you want to see more in a more timely manner, comment and chat with me? I want! To talk! About video games!

[baajisms]

Name: Anna Nickname: Ani Age: 51 Gender: Female Sexuality: Heterosexual | Heteroromantic Relationship Status: Widowed Relatives: Jyscal (Deceased) | Seymour (she hasn’t seen him since he was 10) Home: The Okinawa Islands, Japan Current Home: Naha, Okinawa, Japan. Occupation: Manager of her own Florists.

Type of Witch: Floral. Her mother came from a long line of Floral witches, so when she couldn’t do much, Anna’s mother was desperate that her first child had better magical prowess than she did. Anna’s mother turned her attention to Hearth witchcraft, if an attempt to make her home feel as comfortable as possible. It was her mother’s way of trying to make up for the fact that her skills clearly didn’t like in Floral Magic. However, what little floral magic she did have, it was put to use on a small herb garden. When Anna was born and showed signs that she was well gifted with Floral witchcraft, her mother wept with happiness. 

Over time, it was clear that Anna’s focus did lie in floral magic and witchcraft, particularly on the healing side of things. That was not to say she believed that flora could cure all things, but it helped. Medicine would always be the right way to go when it came to sickness, but the flowers that Anna produced had a certain quality about them that made people feel better.

So when Anna eventually opened up her flower shop, not only did it attract attention because of how gorgeous her flowers looked, but because of their apparent healing abilities. Combined with the Hearth skills she learnt from her mother over the years, her shop had a very homely feel to it. But that could’ve been down to Anna’s ability to make anyone feel welcome.

History: Daughter of a modest family on a small island in Okinawa, Anna, often called Ani, grew up comfortably, not wanting for very much.  Her mother was from a long line of Floral witches, however, Anna’s mother wasn’t a particularly gifted one, which brought a great bit of shame upon her mother. She was given the chance to not tarnish the family name, but only if their son or daughter was a strong magic user. Anna’s family knew that it could skip a generation and granted that chance to her parents. So, when Anna was born, the whole family held their breaths. When Anna showed signs of becoming a good Floral witch, her mother was let off the hook. Her mother chose to teach Anna what she knew, but ultimately, started throwing herself in Hearth magics in an attempt to make up for the power she didn’t have. This rubbed off on Anna a little bit too, who eventually was able to make nearly any place feel like a home.

Anna grew up in a very traditionally orientated family, where the parents decide next to everything that their children did. What they wore, where they worked, who they married. For Ani, it felt normal, she knew nothing else and while there were times when she felt very restricted, she never questioned it. She helped out with the temple as a Miko that her parents helped run and enjoyed the gardening aspect of it.

That changed when a man from overseas came to visit. He was an earth witch, someone who specialized in nature and came from a very secular coven of witches. By the age Anna was at, her parents were already deciding who was going to get her hand in marriage. They had planned for her to marry the son from a coven of witches that was close to their own. The foreigner captured her heart and after a few months of dating (long distance mostly), he asked for Ani’s hand in marriage. Her parents declined. He pressed further, asking them what they wanted in return for her hand. They declined again, saying nothing would be good enough for their daughter’s hand since she was already planned to that of another coven. Taking this chance to defy her parents and stand up for herself, Anna put her foot down and said that they were going to marry, whether or not her parents agreed. She got her wish, but was disowned from her family. Anna left the island and moved in with her fiancee.

Jyscal was a pleasant man, but thoroughly dedicated to his job. She got pregnant a few years after, she gave birth to a baby boy and she could feel her heart blossom full of love for the life they had created. The house they lived in was always tidy and colourful, with flowers blooming inside and out, partly due to their combined magics and the tricks that Anna learned from her mother. They lived in harmony. The people around treated her kindly enough, though the stares, whispers and rumours at and about her and her son were common. Both seemed very out of place in the community, mostly because the group of witches that Jyscal came from distrusted outsides or those that weren’t from the ‘approved’ covens they were used to. But that reached a point where Anna very rarely left the house anymore and her son started growing distrustful of the people that made his mother that way.

Things took a turn for the worst with Jyscal’s declining health and hers beginning to take a turn for the worse. Combined with the mistrust over the heritage that her son encompassed, Jyscal and Anima thought it for the best that their son be away from seeing his father slowly die and being slowly outcast from the community they lived in. Anna took him away, ensuring that they were both comfortable in their new home. But soon enough, her health was declining too much for her to care for him. She put him up for adoption, knowing that she couldn’t take care of him without jeopardising her own health in the process. Her illness was being treated, but not at the rate fast enough to keep up with a young son to take care of. It tore her heart to shreds and filled what was left of it with shame, but she knew it had to be done. She stayed away from the orphanage that she’d given her son too, only sparsely visiting her dying husband until the day he died. Whether or not her son went back to the village after he turned 18, she doesn’t know. She wants to find out, but having to explain to her son why she left him in an orphanage would reopen all the cracks that she had somewhat closed.

After her husband’s death, she turned and fled back to the Okinawa region. However, this time she settled in Nara rather than the small island town that she had grown up in. After a few years of mourning and grief and working a few odd jobs, she decided to open up her own florist. Giving everything she had towards it, knowing that if it failed, she’d be broke, Anna ensured that it flourished and thrived. Her shop soon became well known across the Okinawa Prefecture. She got commissioned for weddings, birthdays, parties, funerals and so much more. She had finally found her reason for living again, though has not been in contact with her family since being disowned. It is something she deeply regrets but knows turning up unannounced would not go down well. She tried contacting them once, just to leave her details with them but heard nothing back.

[baajisms]

Name: Anna Nickname: Ani Age: 51 Gender: Female Sexuality: Heterosexual | Heteroromantic Relationship Status: Widowed Relatives: Jyscal (Deceased) | Seymour (MIA, she hasn’t seen him in 2 years) Home: The Okinawa Islands, Japan Current Home: Naha, Okinawa, Japan. Occupation: Manager of her own Florists.

History: This is very much subject to change depending on threads that occur or new ideas that develop as time goes on. If anything major changes, I’ll make a PSA/headcanon about it.

Daughter of a modest family on a small island in Okinawa, Ani grew up comfortably, not wanting for very much. She grew up in a very traditionally orientated family, where the parents decide next to everything that their children did. What they wore, where they worked, who they married. For Ani, it felt normal, she knew nothing else and while there were times when she felt very restricted, she never questioned it. She helped out with the temple as a Miko that her parents helped ran and enjoyed the gardening aspect of it when she wasn’t busy with her education and was even next in line to help carry on with the work when her family passed. 

That changed when a man from overseas came to visit. By her age, her parents were already deciding who was going to get her hand in marriage, planning of marrying her to a son in the village. The foreigner captured her heart and after a few months of dating (long distance mostly), he asked for Ani’s hand in marriage. Her parents declined. He pressed further, asking them what they wanted in return for her hand. They declined again. Taking this chance to defy her parents and stand up for herself, Anima put her foot down and said that they were going to marry, whether or not her parents agreed. She got her wish, but was disowned from her family. Anima left the island and moved in with her fiancee.

Jyscal was a pleasant man, but thoroughly dedicated to his job. She got pregnant a few years after, she gave birth to a baby boy and she could feel her heart blossom full of love for the life they had created. The house they lived in was always tidy and colourful, with flowers blooming inside and out. They lived in harmony. The people around treated her kindly enough, though the stares, whispers and rumours at and about her and her son were common. Both seemed very out of place in the community, partly because of Anima’s background and traditional family values. But that reached a point where Anima very rarely left the house anymore and her son started growing distrustful of the people that made his mother that way.

Things took a turn for the worst with Jyscal’s declining health and hers beginning to take a turn for the worse. Combined with the mistrust over the dual heritage that her son encompassed, Jyscal and Anima thought it for the best that their son be away from seeing his father slowly die and being slowly outcast from the community they lived in. Anima took him away, ensuring that they were both comfortable in their new home. But soon enough, her health was declining too much for her to care for him. She put him up for adoption, knowing that she couldn’t take care of him without jeopardising her own health in the process. Her illness was being treated, but not at the rate fast enough to keep up with a young son to take care of. It tore her heart to shreds and filled what was left of it with shame, but she knew it had to be done. She stayed away from the orphanage that she’d given her son too, only sparsely visiting her dying husband until the day he died. Whether or not her son went back to the village after he turned 18, she doesn’t know. She wants to find out, but having to explain to her son why she left him in an orphanage would reopen all the cracks that she had somewhat closed.

After her husband’s death, she turned and fled back to the Okinawa region. However, this time she settled in Nara rather than the small island town that she had grown up in. After a few years of mourning and grief and working a few odd jobs, she decided to open up her own florist. Giving everything she had towards it, knowing that if it failed, she’d be broke, Anima ensured that it flourished and thrived. Her shop soon became well known across the Okinawa Prefecture. She got commissioned for weddings, birthdays, parties, funerals and so much more. She had finally found her reason for living again, though has not been in contact with her family since being disowned. It is something she deeply regrets but knows turning up unannounced would not go down well. She tried contacting them once, just to leave her details with them but heard nothing back.