#when am i gonna learn i got nothin worth sayin?

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

terminal bitch doesn't know when to shut the fuck up syndrome

[areus-in-a-little-cave]

"Hey, Nate, how's life?" I don’t know, it's alright I've been dealin’ with some things like every human being And really didn't sleep much last night (Last night) "I'm sorry," that's fine I just think I need a little me time I just think I need a little free time Little break from the shows and the bus rides, yeah (Bus rides) Last year I had a breakdown Thoughts tellin' me I'm lost gettin' too loud Had to see a therapist, then I found out Somethin' funny’s goin’ on up in my house Yeah, I started thinkin' maybe I should move out You know, pack my cart, take a new route Clean up my yard, get the noose out Hang up my heart, let it air out (Air out) I’ve been searchin' "What does that mean, Nate?" I've been learning Grabbin' my keepsakes, leavin’ my burdens Well, I brought a few with me, I'm not perfect Lookin' at the view, like this concerns me Pickin' up the cues, right? I'm quite nervous Hate it when I lose sight, life gets blurry And things might hurt me It's prolly gonna be a long journey, but hey (But hey) It's worth it, though Cold world out there, kids, grab your coats it's been a minute, I know, now I'm back to roam lookin' for the antidote to crack the code pretty vivid; I admit it, I'm in classic mode don't need pity given to me, but I can't condone Talkin' down to me, I'ma have to crack your nose for crackin' jokes I'm lookin' for the map to hope, you seen it? (You seen it?) Been makin' a whole lot of changes Wrote a song about that, you should play it I get scared when I walk on these stages I look at the crowd and see so many faces, yeah That's when I start to get anxious That's when my thoughts can be dangerous That's when I put on my makeup and drown in self-hatred Forget what I'm sayin', and— Where'd the beat go? Oh, ain't that somethin'? Drums came in, you ain't see that comin' Hands on my head, can't tell me nothin' Got a taste of the fame, had to pump my stomach Throw it back up like I don't want it Wipe my face, clean off my vomit OCD, tryna push my buttons I said don't touch it, now y'all done it I can be critical, never typical Intricate with every syllable, I'm a criminal Intimate, but never political, pretty visual Even if you hate it, I'll make it feel like you're in it, though You call me what you wanna, but never call me forgettable Leave you deep in thought, I could never swim in the kiddie pool Way that I been thinkin' is cinematic, it's beautiful Man, I don't know if I'm makin' movies or music videos (Videos, videos, videos) Yeah, the sales can rise Doesn't mean much though when your health declines See, we've all got somethin' that we trapped inside That we try to suffocate, you know, hopin' it dies Try to hold it underwater but it always survives then it comes up outta nowhere like an evil surprise Then it hovers over you to tell you millions of lies You don't relate to that? Must not be as crazy as I am The point I'm makin' is the mind is a powerful place And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way It's pretty cool, right? Yeah, but it's not always safe Just hang with me, this'll only take a moment, okay? Just think about it for a second, if you look at your faceEvery day when you get up and think you'll never be great You'll never be great—not because you're not, but the hate will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith, woo I've been developin', take a look at the benefits Nothin' to meddle with, I can never be delicate Am I even relevant? That depends how you measure it Take a measurement, then bag it up and give me the evidence Pretty evident; dependable can never be tentative I'm a gentleman, depending on if I think you're genuine Pretty elegant, but not afraid to tell you to get a grip Proper etiquette, I keep it to myself when I celebrate, ah (Ah) It's that time again Better grab your balloons and invite your friends Seatbelts back on, yeah, strap 'em in Look at me, everybody, I'm smilin' big On a road right now that I can't predict Tell me "Tone that down," but I can't resist Y'all know that sound, better raise your fist The search begins, I'm back, so enjoy the trip, huh <- wwtltysts!tubbo

[neganisking]

The satellite outpost.

Been away for a while but I thought I'd drop a new chapter. Its a two parter and a continuation from my fic 'They found her in the woods ' with a slight change in timeline.

Negan x daughter with a season 7 plotline. Canon typical violence etc etc. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

--------------------

“Alright boys, last game then I’m calling it a fucking night. Y’all are makin’ me feel bad for takin’ your shit.”

Grace leaned back in her chair, stretching her arms above her head. An easy grin stretching across her features in the dimly lit game room.

With a snort Travis shook his head. “That’s cause you don’t want for nothin’ girl.”

He was right, she knew it, everyone knew it. Being Negan’s daughter had plenty of perks, not that she liked to take advantage of most of them. But if they weren't prepared to lose to her then they should have never taught her how to play poker in the first place.

“Way I see it, it’s your own fault for losing.”

“Yeah yeah. Just deal the fucking cards Wade.”

The men around her laughed as the older man obliged his request and started passing out the cards. Grace took another mouthful of her beer and glanced again out towards the hallway.

“Hilltop come back yet?”

Wade glanced up to her as he finished shuffling the deck. “Nah. They will though”

Nodding, she picks at the old sticker on the bottle, tipping her head away from Tony as he blows another stream of smoke into the room. “Still think it was a fucking stupid idea to make ‘em kill Gregory.”

It still felt strange to talk like that, the assertive brash language still seemed alien to her but she was learning to trust her gut to make decisions and lead on them. This was why she was living out at the satellite outpost, so she could learn. Thankfully Wade was a good sport and Hilltop was an easy provider. Sometimes things felt almost normal.

“Don’t worry your ass. I know what I’m doing.” While the atmosphere shifts a little, the smile on his face tells her he isn't the least bit bothered about her putting her nose in. It's one of the reasons why she liked being there so much, less pressure, less consequence. Hell, he even encouraged her to challenge him sometimes. She couldn't talk to ‘Negan’ like that. Not in front of the others at least.

“Yeah whatever. I just don’t see the point in killin’ a pushover like that.”

She knew that sometimes people just had to die. She wasn't a stranger to it on either side, that was the way the world worked now, but sometimes she couldn't help but think it was wasteful. There were only so many people left in the world and while a hell of a lot of them seemed to be in this corner of the world, it didn't make sense to just kill people willy nilly like that.

Chewing on a mouthful of pretzels, Wade shrugs like it was a simple decision. “He was short on his delivery. Not for the first time either, seems to me that he’s forgotten who we are.”

“True. And I’m not sayin’ they shouldn’t pay. Better ways to resolve it than killin’ three people though. Plus that great big pussy would roll over the second you showed up.”

Their card game had slowed to a stop now, the other saviours watching the back and forth between them both. She didn't mind. Being an open book was something her dad had said was important. Besides, there was something about her that the other saviours found ‘likeable’, so she figured she was doing something right at least.

“I know that. But he knew our agreement. Can’t let them think they can just pull shit like that whenever they feel like it then say sorry and it's suddenly okay again. Besides, I’ve got all you sorry shits to provide for and I can’t do that when they ain’t giving us what we’re owed.”

Checking her cards, she shrugged her shoulders with a non committal grunt. She wasn’t convinced but time would tell.

“You watch. Next delivery will be worth it.”

Huffing lightly Grace glanced at be older man. “Uh huh.”

The card game ended in a collection of groans. Grace laughed quietly, helping herself to more pretzels. To her right, Alderman aggressively threw his cards into the pile. “I'm out. This game ain't any fun.”

Travis shoved him playfully on the shoulder. “Don't be such a sore fucking loser.”

Getting to his feet, Tony stretched his arms up high, grunting. “Callin’ it a night. We gotta go back to Hilltop in the morning if they don't deliver anyway.”

Between them all, they packed away the cards and cleared the empty bottles to be taken back to the sanctuary later. Grace hung back to get the last of the empty bottles, not above doing her fair share.

“Get your ass to bed kid.”

Turning around she spotted Wade leaning against the doorframe. Rolling her eyes she turned back, grabbing her jacket from the chair. “Fuck you Wade.”

“You wish Sweetheart.” He replied easily, the running joke making them both chuckle. While her dad was getting laid almost every hour on the hour from a multitude of different people, everyone was too afraid of Negan to go anywhere near his daughter. She was more than happy going without sex but that didn’t mean she didn’t find the irony hilarious.

“Uh huh. That reminds me - did he ever tell you when he was coming?"

“Couple of days. There’s a new group that need breaking in so he’s gathering info and shit."

Grace nodded. She had expected her dad to arrive sooner than later. The radio silence between them had gone on longer than she had thought it would. If she was being honest she missed him, even if she could only handle small does of his showman exterior. At least she knew it was nothing personal if there was another group to see to. Shit happens.

"That’s fair I guess. Gives us time to deal with hilltop."

Wade nods, walking along with her through the metal corridors towards her room. "Exactly. I want this shit show over with before he gets here. Which reminds me. Are you goin’ back with your dad or are you gonna stick it out here. The whole time agreement bullshit is up."

Negan hadn't been happy when she initially approached the idea of her leaving the sanctuary. Not one bit. It took her months of persevering to get him to even consider it. She finally got him to agree to a limited trial run, on his terms of course.

In a way she understood. He had finally got her back after years of thinking she was dead, and in the sanctuary he knew where she was and that she was safe at all times. But she had felt so claustrophobic in there after traveling outside for years. Day to day living wasn't much fun either. She had felt so afraid of opening her mouth or doing the wrong thing to threaten the image and persona that was Negan himself. She didn't know how he'd managed to keep up the pretence for so long. It was exhausting. He told her it was necessary, that it kept him and now her safe too, but she wasn't so sure.

"Yeah I’ll stay out here for a bit longer if he’ll let me. It ain’t so bad. Plus I don’t need to deal with his ‘wives’ out here."

Wade barked a laugh, tipping his head back. "I’ll tell him you said that."

"Go right a-fucking-head. He knows how I feel about it."

She was glad that her dad hadn't tried suggesting that those women were her step mothers, especially seeing as Amber was only a couple of years older than she was. The way she saw it was that it was just sex. They were getting a better life - something like that - and he was getting laid. Another status kinda bullshit thing. Some of them she didn’t mind, like Frankie, but she found it hard to be nice to them all like he had wanted.

"You’re one lucky bitch y'know that?"

She knew. How could she not know? She might not always be in his good graces, but Grace never had to worry about her life being on the line when it came to her father’s mood swings. She didn’t agree with it but a selfish part of her was glad she didn’t have to be scared for her life anymore. She had had enough of that to last her the next three lifetimes. True to his word her father kept her safe, and she wasn’t about to take that for granted.

Stopping outside the door to her bedroom, Grace sighed. “So everyone keeps telling me. Goodnight Wade."

"Night kid."

It had felt like her head had only just hit the pillow when the unmistakeable sound of gunfire jolted her awake. As she hastily pulled on her boots, Grace hoped that it was just another nightmare. Feeling sick to her stomach she grabbed her gun and unlocked her door.

Peering into the hall, Grace could tell that the sounds were coming from the corridor below. Moving quickly she made her way towards the stairwell, all too aware of the lack of saviours in the corridor with her. She decided that she must have slept through the initial fight somehow and they were down there already. She had to help them.

“Grace!”

Jumping from the sudden shock with adrenaline building up inside her, Grace span around to find Wade looking worse for wear. With blood sprayed across his previously clean shirt and across the left side of his face she could only hope that it wasn’t from someone she knew – though from the noises below she knew it was unlikely.

“The fuck is going on!?” She couldn’t keep the uncertainty and fear from her voice despite how angry and determined she felt.

Gripping her by the crook of her arm, Wade began to draw her back away from the stairwell. “Thank god you had the sense to lock your door. We’re being attacked kid, get your ass back in your room!”

Yanking her arm away from him Grace scowled, channelling as much of her father’s persona as she could muster. She needed answers and she needed a plan. “The hell I am. Where is everyone?”

Wade blinked at her, drawing himself up with a sigh before shoving hard at the door beside him. “Bastards have been killin’ us in our sleep.”

Eyes widening, Grace peered into the room as the door swung open. Alderman and Travis were still in their bunks, they would both look fast asleep if it weren’t for the crimson flowing from their ears. They were dead.

Grace’s heart sank. “What the fuck?”

“Get back in your fucking room Grace. Now.”

Dismissing his withering words Grace tried her best to work out a plan. They needed more fire power. The armoury needed protecting if it hadn’t already been taken, not to mention the medical supplies. Was this hilltop? Maybe they underestimated them after all. “No. No I need to help. You’re hurt.” She added, noticing how he had one hand clamped down on a blood soaked patch of fabric at his side.

Wade shook his head as they both flinch from what sounds like an explosion below. “None of our lives will be worth shit if you get hurt kid and you know that. You need to stay safe.”

He meant from Negan of course, and maybe he had a point, but she wasn’t about to sit this one out. Her people needed her. Wasn’t that the whole point of learning the ropes? “But -”

Cutting her off as the sound of the fighting starts to become louder, Wade grabbed her wrist and hauled her back towards her room. “-No fucking time. Move!”

Before they had chance to reach her room the shouting finally made it’s way up the stairs to their corridor, filling the air with panic and anger. Grace found herself being shoved into the next available room falling to the floor from the force of it. Springing to her feet Grace turned to protest, too late to stop the door slam shut leaving her alone in the darkened space. Standing on the tips of her toes to look out the small wired glass window, Grace snarled, yanking on the door against his grip. “Wade!”

The distinct sound of the lock was made out above the noise filling Grace with panic. “No - No no no - don’t lock it!”

She could just see enough through the window to watch the man slip the key into his shirt pocket before drawing his gun level and firing a couple of rounds to some unknown entity at the other end of the hall. “I’ll come back. I promise. Just get down and stay fucking quiet!”

Watching helplessly as he slips down towards the stairwell and out of sight Grace slams her fist against the door. “Don’t you lock me in Wade you fucking – shit!”

Coming down from the small window Grace turned to face the room. Maybe she could find something in here to get the door open or to defend herself a bit better than just a pistol and a knife if they were to get in. Whoever they were.

Her heart sank as she realised he had put her in a linen closet, full of nothing but racks of bedding and blankets. Useless.

Sliding down the door to sit against the cold floor, the echoing gunfire made her skull throb. Keeping a tight grip on her gun, Grace listened out for anything that could tell her what was going on on the other side of the door.

All she could do was wait.

[yutikyis]

Honest Q&A: Round 5! Table

Glad to see you all here. Let’s jump right in then. It’s been a while and our reader’s will surely be itching to learn more about Eorzea’s adventurous types.

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?

Yuti: O-oh. Um. T-that’s a difficult q-question. I s-suppose I’d um... I m-mean a-are we talking a-about anything here? B-because I w-would r-rather like to f-fully fund a state-respected h-healing guild t-to allow equal access to treatment f-for all people. T-that’s something a l-law can do, right?

Reri: Bloody Hells, Snowflake, ya get unlimited power an’ THAT’S what you pick? I’d make duels to th’ death legal an’ mandatory for solvin’ problems. Shite’d be a lot more interestin’ if you had to put yer gil where yer mouth is when ya get uppity, eh?

Rahya: ... Um. I ain’t bein’ too sure about that. I ain’t really wantin’ a country, truth be told. Seems like a lotta work. So I guess I’d make the law that everyone should be real nice an’ work together? An’ then I’d retire cuz I ain’t gonna be a good leader none. Sayo: I would have to consider the existing laws of the country and figure out where the flaws and faults lie. Simply picking a ‘law’ without considering the consequences and context is foolish.

Eyn: ... Abolish slavery.

Meichi’a: Obviously once you become the ruler you have to show it. So I would order new coins to be printed with my glorious face on the coin. ... aaah, I had you there, didn’t I? I mean I would do that but it wouldn’t be my first act. Really I wouldn’t be part of any nation that would have me as a ruler. I may be devilishly attractive but a leader I am not. Though I suppose I could be talked into being a figurehead for some buxom and charm- .

Maeve: Mister Rouw, I do believe that you are going too far! It would do better to be polite and demure! I would never rule a country of course but I would gladly advise my Master or Mistress on how best to institute their ideas! 

Ganzorig: ... Execution of criminals. Yes? Logical? Are you expecting something more?

What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep (and why)?

Yuti: Ah... s-several days. It was a-after I was p-poisoned. T-the nightmares were... w-well... I c-couldn’t b-bring myself to s-sleep for more than a few moments.

Reri: I shoulda figured it was somethin’ like that. Me? Three days, when I was huntin’ a particularly squirrely beast in the mountains. Damn thing seemed like it was never gonna go down. Worth every minute though. Best damn sleep of my life.

Rahya: Um, I been tryin’ ta sleep a good night every night. I ain’t like stayin’ up because it makes ya feel all oogy an’ woogy an’ ya don’t feel good. Ya’ll oughta sleep well.  Sayo: I agree with Miss Rahya. A proper night’s sleep is a requirement. One may have to skip it in an emergency but never for more than a few hours. A proper flower must attempt at least eight hours a night in most situations in order to maintain her poise, beauty and grace.

Eyn:  Four days.

Meichi’a: Well, I’ve had many a sleepless night, especially with charming company. Never more than a night though. (And, between you and me, my goodly sir, I usually cat-nap during the day afterwards!) 

Maeve: I have gone exactly one day, twenty one hours, and thirty nine minutes without sleep!

Ganzorig: Two days. Often. Time wasted sleeping can not be regained. 

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?

Yuti: A b-book to read f-for certain. T-there’s nothing like a good book.

Reri: Who here is shocked? C’mon, show of hands. Anyone? Anyone? No? Didn’t think.. put yer damn hand down, One-Eye, or I’ll put it down for ya. As for me? A good drink. Makes life worth livin’ on the days ya ain’t gettin’ something better.

Rahya: I ain’t sure why ya told me ta put up my hand an’ then yelled at me but a’ight... um... I ain’t sure there’s nothin’ I couldn’t do without. I got stuffs I like real muchly like Grape an’ my cards, but I ain’t always had ‘em and I can survive right good without ‘em. Sayo: Many ask questions they do not wish to know the answer to, Miss Rahya. As for myself, I would say a day without a quiet moment to myself is a day I would regret. Everyone needs a time of peace to center themselves and find their inner goal.

Eyn: A fight. 

Meichi’a: Aaah, but there are so many things that my day is poorer without. Good company, good food, good wine... but I would say most of all good music. One can survive a lonely day, a hungry day, and a sober day. Yet to live without a song? That is a day not worth living. 

Maeve: A good meal of course! A proper breakfast is the start to a proper day! It is why I make it my top priority to cook a good meal every morning I can!

Ganzorig: I go every day without the thing I need most. 

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

Yuti: T-that’s a difficult one. I d-don’t think a-any of my s-senses are p-particularly more a-adept than others... I s-suppose I’d s-say hearing though. I h-have a h-habit of p-picking up t-tiny details sometimes.

Reri: Haw! I bet you do, Snowflake. I remember you beggin’ me an’ Natu to- .. what, what? Fine. Smell for me. Ya need a good sense of smell. S’the sense least likely ta betray ya. 

Rahya: ... N-none’a my sense are all that hot but if’n I gotta pick one I’mma gonna say taste. I can taste stuff real good!  Sayo: ... Touch. I am rather sensitive to most things. I can actually feel minute differences in texture. It’s a trait I am rather proud of. Sire says it is the mark of a graceful woman. .

Eyn: Sight.

Meichi’a: Why... hearing, of course. I can hear the smallest differences in pitch and tone... or in a charming lady’s voice. That oh-so-luscious timbre that signals the difference between love and lust, for example an-

Maeve: Mister Rouw, I fear you’re doing it again sir! That will be very embarrassing if you keep it up! My strongest sense is my sight, of course! You need good eyesight to catch the tiniest flaws, you do! 

Ganzorig: Sight. I can see many things from a great distance. 

Which of the five senses would you give up if you had to lose one?

Yuti: O-oh. Um. T-that’s a t-tough one... P-probably smell? I w-wouldn’t like not being able to s-smell b-but my other senses a-are m-more important to me. I’d h-hate to not be able to r-read or taste Lloire’s c-cooking o-or anything like that...

Reri: And that is why you’ll never be a good hunter, Snowflake. I’d give up sight myself. Yeah, I know what yer thinkin’, that’s crazy talk. But think about it. Way too easy ta be blinded. Ya can’t see in the dark anyway, not even if yer a Miqo’te.  But ya can always hear, always smell, always feel. And as for taste? Damned if I’m gonna give up booze. 

Rahya: N-not sight! Absolutely for sure all the way not sight! O-or feelin’ either. Or tastin’... I’m guessin’ I’m sayin’ smell too. I ain’t not likin’ the idea of not smellin’ but it also means I ain’t gonna smell nasty stuff either so that’s kinda a good thin’, right? Means I could go an’ hug a smelly chocobird an’ not even realize it was smelly! Sayo: .Ah... hearing, I would say. I have a elder relative who has lost their hearing and they say that it has changed the way they view the world. I would loathe to give up sunsets or the taste of tea however. Is that selfish perhaps? 

Eyn: Touch.

Meichi’a: ALL of my senses are near and dear to me! Why, how can one appreciate the beauty of the world without taking in all its colors? Though I suppose if I had to choose..smell as well. To lose the scent of roses and perfume is a tragedy... but to lose the beauty of music, or the silken caress of skin? Nay, my good sir, nay. 

Maeve: Oh fiddles and sticks! I really don’t know! They’re all so important! Do I really have to pick? Touch, I suppose. I could learn to go without it! Not without the rest!

Ganzorig: Touch. To not feel pain would make me stronger.  

How would your friends describe you?

Yuti: Ah... t-that’s... w-well. I-it depends on the friend I s-suppose. I’ve b-been called everything from s-stubborn to d-dependable t-to an idiot t-to... w-well, worse things. T-though most seems to c-call me kind. S-so maybe that?

Reri: *snort* Sexy, dangerous, clever, the best damn thing on two legs, that sorta thing. 

Rahya: .Um. I ain’t got many friends but mosta them keep callin’ me funny and sweet so I’mma guessin’ that’s what ya mean? I like bein’ funny though. S’nice ta see Aki smilin’ for reals. Sayo: Proper. At least I do hope so. I work very hard to uphold my proper traditions after all.

Eyn: Quiet.

Meichi’a: Quiet. Yes, I do think that is the most accurate answer you’ve given to date, my good woman! Myself? I suppose, if I must be truthful, they’d call me a rogue. Not one of those fellows with daggers but rather a devilish sort. Though I rather prefer being known as a raconteur myself.. or at least as charming and witty.

Maeve: I am told I am very reliable!

Ganzorig: Angry. They describe me as angry. They are right.

What did you want to be when you were small?

Yuti: W-well, I d-don’t really know. I w-wanted to b-be a healer may-

Reri: Okay, we’re cuttin’ off this lie right here. She wanted ta be a princess. With a big ol’ gown and sittin’ in a tower until a prince decides ta screw her and the whole lot. Used ta fantasize about it.

Yuti: M-mother!

Reri: Yer fault for lyin’, Snowflake. Me? What I am now. Hunter. It’s all I’ve wanted ta be.

Rahya: I ain’t really rememberin’ when I was small but I kinda rememberin’ wantin’ ta be a chocobird maybe? Or maybe a onna them dragons! Or somethin’... I ain’t so sure... 

Sayo: ..It is rather embarrassing but I dreamed of being a singer. One of the types who performs on stages. Sire was always rather annoyed by this and was quick to disabuse me of the notion it would be an appropriate role for a second-daughter. 

Eyn: Nothing.

Meichi’a: Ah... to be honest I dreamed of being a dragoon. Look, at the time they were very fashionable. Half the maidens in the land dreamed of getting their hands on the Azure Dragoon’s spear after all, and one must admit that they are dashing fellows once you get past all the points. Sadly I’ve not the lineage for it.  

Maeve: Why, what I am today! My family and their family and their family’s family has always been a factotum!

Ganzorig: A fighter. What else is there for a Dotharl? 

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

Yuti: D-do I have to answer? F-fine. I c-confessed to a m-man who was married to o-one woman and e-engaged to another. T-that is the craziest t-thing I’ve ever done in the name of love a-and it was one of the biggest disasters of m-my life.  

Reri: ... Bloody Hells, Snowflake. I’d almost be prouda ya if not for that last part. Too bad ya didn’t have what it took to follow through. Me? I ain’t ever been in ~love~ that way, but I’d say stayin’ put on that island for half my damn life is about the closest thing. 

Rahya: Um. I ain’t sure what ya mean by crazy. Almost everythin’ with loves seems crazy ta me but that’s kinda what makes it fun, yeah? Ya do all kinda weird stuff an’ sometimes ya see mogglemen or chocobirds or all kinda other stuff an’ ya have a good time with it! 

Sayo: I.... I have never done anything improper in the name of love. I fear I’ve never had the chance.

Eyn: I have never been in love.

Meichi’a: ... ah. You’re expecting some sort of playful answer from me? I’m afraid no such thing. The craziest thing I ever did in the name of love was to leave my love behind. 

Maeve: I once spent an entire week practicing a dance routine to attract the attention of a man! It didn’t work out but the dance was extremely fun! 

Ganzorig: Left my tribe. Came to this land.  

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

Yuti: I c-coll... y-yes, Mother, w-would you like to say something?  

Reri: Books. She collects books. Boooooks. Frankly, ya could just replace all her answers with the word ‘books’ an’ not much would change. As for me? Trophies. 

Rahya: Oh! Oh! Imma collectin’ my cards an’ those are the most important thing I bein’ collectin’ ta be honest. Though I sometimes like ta pick up little things here an’ there... s’kinda fun to collect pretty rocks n’ stuff. 

Sayo: I also favor collecting stones and gems. They can be rather beautiful when set in a collection. 

Eyn: Blades. 

Meichi’a: Songs, mostly. 

Maeve: Coins! I have a large collection of coins! You might think gil is the only type but you’d be wrong! There are ancient coins and coins from foreign lands and commemorative coins and... well, there’s a lot!

Ganzorig: It is a waste of time to collect meaningless objects. 

Who was your first crush?

Yuti: I’m n-not sure really. I h-had a crush on a f-few b-back home... a-and one of my h-healing instructors but h-he was m-more of an idle fancy... I s-suppose my f-first serious crush would be C’lest t-though...

Reri: If ya mean the first guy I wanted ta screw, it was this nice-arsed Hyur in my first mercenary band. Shame the fella wasn’t into ladies but I gave it my best shot. His loss if he’d rather- what the Hells ya mean if I go further yer gonna edit it out? 

Rahya: W-why ar all ya folks crushin’ people? I thought Miss Yuti was nice but she been crushin’ folk left n’ right?!  

Sayo: Miss Rahya, a crush is a romantic fancy for an individual. They did not mean it literally.

Rahya: Oh. Um. Ooooh. I ain’t sure why yer callin’ it crushin’. That makes it sound awful unpleasant. Like yer bein’ squished and squashed an’ not like a slime. Oh. Right. Answerin’. Um... Aasifa, I’m figurin’? I had folks with crushes onna me but I ain’t really sure I felt it back none before Aasifa. 

Sayo: I... ah... i-it is not proper for a flower to get crushes. So... i did not! Really. Perhaps I’ve had some passing fondness for a few people but never a crush. 

Eyn: Nobody.

Meichi’a: My dear Sophia, of course. Who else but her?

Maeve: M’nave Tia! He had the cutest ear wiggles he did! 

Ganzorig: I have had only one love. The only thing I crush is enemies.   

Do you or your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

Yuti: Oh by the Twelve did you have to ask this question?

Reri: Damn right we do. Well, I do at least, seeing that Snowflake barely wants to admit we’re related mosta the time. That is “Don’t be a Twelvesdamned baby.” That or the four Fs but that’s more my persona motto. 

Rahya: Ffff? I ain’t sure what that means but it ain’t make a lot of sense ta me. I ain’t got no family so I ain’t got no mot toe though. What’s a mot toe anyway? It sounds kinda gross, like some kinda sickness.”

Sayo: “Family Always.” It is a very important saying to our clan.

Eyn: No.

Meichi’a: No particularly that I recall. My family wasn’t much for mottos really.

Maeve: "To serve is to thrive!” It’s the motto of my entire line!

Ganzorig: ... I am Dotharl. You know our ways. 

What do you do to keep fit?

Yuti: W-well, I d-do a lot of r-running around. T-though I also g-get up in the morning and d-do the sword exercises that D-Durga showed me. I-it’s a good way to wake up.

Reri: Get up in the morning, go for a jog, do some stretches, crunches, pushups... what, ya thought I got this fantastic body by sittin’ around? Hells no. I take my workout seriously. I intend ta be drop dead sexy when I’m eighty.

Rahya: I ain’t really doin’ any special exercises or nothin’. I like walkin’ and climbin’ though!

Sayo: My family practices a form.of meditative martial arts. Every morning I awaken and perform my katas in order to properly start the day. I also enjoy swimming. 

Eyn: I fight.

Meichi’a: I am blessed to have the metabolism and body to need relatively little work to maintain it. Though I do favor a good hike or other, more vigorous types of exercise. Yes? You know what I m.. oh, only the mother does? Well, I feel rather ashamed right now. Please stop winking at me ma’am. 

Maeve: I wake up and set to a good cleaning! Cleaning keeps your body fit and your house well maintained! 

Ganzorig: Martial practice keeps me fit. It is all I need.

 If you could live somewhere else from where you live now, where would it be?

Yuti: T-the Far East for certain. S-somewhere like Yanxia o-or Kugane. T-they’re beautiful places. T-though I’m quite happy here in Eorzea.

Reri:  I’d like ta live in Thavnair. Seems like a Hells of a place. Good huntin’, good explorin’, and some o’ the hottest men and women in the world. . 

Rahya: I’m real happy where I live right now ta be honest. I ain’t sure. I wanna go ta the Far East with Aasifa someday so maybe that counts? 

Sayo: I...have not considered it. I suppose Eorzea is a beautiful land... but I shouldn’t be saying that as if I was prepared to stay. It’s improper.  .

Eyn: The New World.

Meichi’a: Ah! To live somewhere else... I fear I wouldn’t be happy with that. I prefer to stay on the move. To visit, certainly, but to live? No thank you. Not unless perhaps I found a particularly charming delight. 

Maeve: I would love to live in the Far East! I’ve been to Kugane before and it’s beautiful. So clean and refined and dignified!

Ganzorig: I would live in the Steppes again if I could. . 

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Yuti: Um. Um.  “Contents Under Pressure” maybe? 

Reri: "Danger.” It’s all you need yeah? What, ya want me to say “Slippery When Wet?” Ya wish!

Rahya: Um. I ain’t.... I mean... “Don’t Poke” maybe? Bein’ like... I ain’t likin’ bein’ poked? ... I ain’t really scary ‘enough ta get a warnin’ label.

Sayo: W-what sort of question...? Ah... “Do not touch” I suppose. .

Eyn:  I will kill you.

Meichi’a: ... I-is that a warning label or a threat?. Well. Um. Yes. Mine would say “May Cause Dizziness” because... well! *motions to self, smiles brightly.* 

Maeve: ... Ignoring that! Mine would say “Caution!” That’s a good safe one, right? And all-purpose too! 

Ganzorig: Why would a warning need a label? Once you are given a warning you should not forget. 

How do you sleep? With clothes, fitfully or peacefully, lots of pillows?

Yuti: W-well... I l-like my pajamas... I-used to have a g-gown but I k-kind of shifted away from that and I like h-having a l-lot of pillows o-or.. um.. s-something soft to hold. I’m a b-bit of a fitful sleeper though.

Reri:  Somethin’ soft, eh’? Me? Clothes get in the way. I sleep just fine tho’. Pillows ain’t important. Either I’m sleepin’ or I’m screwin’ and pillows don’t add too much to either. 

Rahya: Um.. I kinda been sleepin’ in whatever I’m wearin’ usually. I gotta nightgown but I kinda get too tired ta put it on. I like a buncha pillows though! Bunches an’ bunches, like Aasifa’s got.

Sayo: W-with clothes, of course! A nightgown. What if someone wandered in in the middle of the night? I do not enjoy overindulging in pillows. It feels... needless. 

Eyn:  Pajamas. 

Meichi’a:  YOU wear pajamas? By the Weaver’s threads I must see tha- ... that is enough with the glaring, madam! Myself? I favor boxers and company. Simple enough, yes? 

Maeve: A warm fluffy gown and lots of pillows!

Ganzorig: I sleep where I sleep. 

Real quick, before you all leave. It was recently Valentione’s Day here is Eorzea. How did you feel about that holiday?

Yuti: ... I f-felt rather happy about it, t-truth be told. It was the first Valentoine’s Day I a-actually had w-where I could p-properly celebrate.

Reri: Was a needless pink wasta time. I didn’t bother. Who wastes their time with that trash? Oh right, you do, Snowflake. Did you n’ Tyr waste yer time chasin’ moogles? Hah!

Rahya: It was the BES’ time ever! We saw mogglemen an’ we ran around a maze an’ we got chairs but the chairs were all broken so we kinda had ta sit together ta make ‘em work but I didn’t mind that much ‘tall. I ain’t wantin’ ta threaten no poms though... seemed awful mean.

Sayo: It... looked certainly very beautiful and the couples seemed very happy. 

Eyn: I did not participate.

Meichi’a: Ah... it is a wonderful time of year. So many lasses whose hearts are aflutter. I encountered this simply charming raven-haired lass who asked me to go through the maze with her. Why, those moogles even said we were destined lovers! ... and then we tried the fortune telling. Would you believe it said there was no chance? And my darling A’vira, she took it to heart and went off with some Elezen fellow!. At least the bars offered cheap drink that day..

Maeve: I was working but it looked like a lot of fun!

Ganzorig: ... It was very pink. .

As always, thank you all for answering our readers’ questions. I think next round we’ll have another theme. Until then!

[twotoned2marta22-blog]

ONE (1) WHOLE EMPATHY ==>

[[ logs with @carnivalsorphans​, trolling npcs Aradia and Feferi. Aradia is not the troll getting or giving one (1) whole empathy. ]]

-- cataclysmicSwing [CS] began trolling carnivalsOrphans [CO] --

cataclysmicSwing he d0esnt kn0w fire dancing at all, d0es he all ive seen is menti0ns 0f aerial silks

carnivalsOrphans no, he don't. he don't go hunting, neither, he just waits for others to get too close. you're a fuckin moron and you deserved ta get caught.

cataclysmicSwing yeah, uh huh, g0t that last time just wanted t0 c0nfirm, seeing as y0ure apparently his ment0r

carnivalsOrphans i teach him silks and in exchange he gives me horns and bones.

cataclysmicSwing awes0me anyway, c0ngratulati0ns y0ur student w0nt be missing practice, y0ure welc0me, g00d night

-- cataclysmicSwing [CS] ceased trolling carnivalsOrphans [CO] --

carnivalsOrphans > That was probably a threat. Stupid fuckin coward can't even stick around long enough to have it make sense.

cataclysmicSwing > She’s equipping the Captor’s block with aerial silks. Ominous.

carnivalsOrphans > Well, time to troll someone else.

-- carnivalsOrphans [CO] began trolling crownCuller [CC] --

carnivalsOrphans heard ya might be busy and ya might wanna stop bein busy for a few minutes

crownCuller > Feferi has finished her sixth business meeting of the night, hasn’t slept more than ten minutes at a time in over a week, had coffee spilled on her very heat-sensitive hands, and an unfamiliar account is messaging her personal, private handle. > She rubs her face, takes a breath, and tells herself to think sweet thoughts.

38? S)(ello, w)(o is t)(is? Very busy IND--E--ED boat alwaves )(ave t)(e time to kelp!

carnivalsOrphans i ain't completely decided yet. either an enemy, or someone who'll leave ya the fuck alone that all depends on what ya tell me glad you is so eager to help

crownCuller )(m. You )(ave a finteresting wave of intunaducing yours)(elf!

carnivalsOrphans > Goddamnit, this ain't the time to be charmed by fish puns.

yeah, i like to think so

crownCuller W)(ale, let's sea w)(at we can do )(ere, s)(ell we? W)(at seams to be t)(e probubblem?

carnivalsOrphans you got sollux captor you intend ta use him to further your cause

crownCuller O)(... You must be t)(at clown Aradia was telling me aboat. Ringleader, fis)(n't it?

carnivalsOrphans ;o)

crownCuller I'd rat)(er avoid issues if posseabubble. Too muc)( fig)(ting foar bad reasfins, don't you sink?

carnivalsOrphans depends on ya reasons, honestly so what are they

crownCuller Sollux Captor is a crus)(oal part of our plan to OV--ERTHROW AND R--EHAUL TH--E --ENTIR--E --EMPIR--E.

carnivalsOrphans well no shit

crownCuller Fin fact, we acs)(oally can't do it wit)(out )(im. W)(ic)( is )(onestly terreefble.

carnivalsOrphans i got mixed feelings on rebellion. your job, this exact second, is convince me the overhaul is gonna be somethin worth fightin for.

crownCuller W)(ale... If seaccussfully ac)(ieved, t)(e over)(aul would lead to t)(e abeelishment of t)(e caste difis)(ion structure. Jobs, poseations, AMBOC--EANS TH--EMS)(--ELV--ES, will naut be controlled by a troll's color. T)(e constant fig)(ting wit)(fin and wit)(out our seaciety will also be put to a )(ALT. Troops pulled out of conflict wit)( other species, eelstablis)(ing peace treaties, acs)(oally utilizing our resources to repair our own struggling economy, end slavery, bring war criminals to account and ideelly atone foar t)(eir crimes wit)(out addoceanal suffering...

carnivalsOrphans that's a lotta ideals and just what are you willing ta do, to make this all come about?

crownCuller W)(ale, yes. And I've been planning on )(ow to make t)(em )(appen foar quite some time. W)(at I going to do is take )(--ER out mys)(elf, wit)(out risking ot)(er potentieel casualties. But t)(ere is no seanario w)(ere I can win, and no seanario that an army will either.

carnivalsOrphans so you're willing ta put someone who didn't ask for this shit on the front line

crownCuller T)(is is w)(ere t)(e discovery of lime psi came in, aboat... o)( s)(ell, seamw)(ere over t)(irty sweeps back? Sollux is unfortunately t)(e only one we've gotten wit)( t)(e correct type. )(e was meant to be finformed of t)(is a long time ago, boat w)(en )(e came to me, t)(e Sufferists )(iding in my )(ive scared him off befoar we could meet. T)(--EN of course )(e )(as been understandably paranoid, and kills any w)(o try to find )(im. I )(ad )(oped )(e would calm in time, but it's too close by now.

carnivalsOrphans so has he ever agreed?

crownCuller 38/ I just said )(e )(asn't been finformed.

carnivalsOrphans and so the best way ta inform him was to put out a hit on him, fail to kidnap him, and then succeed to kidnap him, injurin him in the process? what happens if he don't agree?

crownCuller T)(en again, )(e may )(ave known somefin befoar! I w)(ale admit I was not fin charge of monitoring. T)(ere are a lot of fins going on at once )(ere. If )(e says no?

carnivalsOrphans ta bein part of this

crownCuller W)(ale, we'll find out, won't we. I've been told )(e woke up a little w)(ale ago acs)(oally, would you like me to pass on any message from you?

carnivalsOrphans no, tell me. what are you gonna do if he says no

crownCuller Sea w)(at it is )(e isn't understanding, of course!

carnivalsOrphans and what if he still don't wanna?

crownCuller Sollux is a troll w)(o agrees wit)( w)(at makes sense to )(im. T)(is plan will, )(e's )(alf of t)(e trolls we tailored our plan to.

carnivalsOrphans and what if he says 'fuck you, i don't wanna do this because you kidnapped me and hurt me' what if he just wants ta be left alone? what if he ain't reasonable?

crownCuller )(e's V--ERY W--ELCOM--E to take t)(at up wit)( Aradia.

carnivalsOrphans i'm not talkin about aradia. i'm talkin about you

crownCuller S)(e is an aggressive troll, and )(e's learned to be, so it's more t)(an a bit diseastrous! 38(

carnivalsOrphans oh no oh no, people don't like bein kidnapped they get aggressive if they are taken forcibly from their hive :o(

crownCuller )(e wasn't S--EAPPOS--ED to be kidnapped, good gracious.

carnivalsOrphans well, then what do you know about the teal? you are the LEADER, you ain't supposed ta just go 'oh yeah, my rail did it, i didn't mean it that weren't me'. she did it for you, you gotta take responsibility he's got every fuckin RIGHT ta take anythin up with you

crownCuller W)(ale of course )(e does.

carnivalsOrphans 'he's very welcome to take that up with aradia' ain't that what i just read with my own two ganderorbs?

crownCuller I didn't reelize every word I say )(as to )(ave footnotes foar all t)(e extra comments. 38/

carnivalsOrphans you're a LEADER YOU'RE GONNA BE A QUEEN GET FUCKIN USED TO IT.

crownCuller > “Holy nook-fucking pitch goddesses, does he really think I’m as diligent with disclaimers in private as I am in public. Dumbass.” > The troll bringing her an iced tea looks startled. Feferi gushes apologies and charm. Now, for the dumbass.

T)(at is already w)(at I do on t)(e nig)(tly baseas, and I've been told it's annoyfin to add paragraphs of detailed explanocean to every comment in private conc)(versation! T)(is is a private conc)(versation fis)(n't it? 38( If you wanted an offis)(oal talk you s)(oald )(ave gone foar my business )(andle.

carnivalsOrphans whoops didn't care enough. what happens to sollux if he don't want to help you. ignore the reasons why, just assume full stop he don't wanna help and it ain't gonna change least not without the kinda persuasion that comes from somethin other than words

crownCuller You are talking aboat a 1% posseability )(ere.

carnivalsOrphans this ain't about him. this is about you, and what you're willin to do to achieve your goals

crownCuller We aren't going to TORTUR--E )(IM W--E DON'T DO THAT H--ER--E.

carnivalsOrphans then what will you do?

crownCuller Talk!

carnivalsOrphans and if that don't work? if all he wants to do is be let go?

crownCuller T)(en )(e can go after.

carnivalsOrphans if he don't WANT TO HELP if he wants to be let go right then

crownCuller I cannaut t)(row away t)(e lives of TRILLIONS, foar one troll t)(at says no. I cannaut allow one s)(ellfis)( decision spell out t)(e end foar everyone else. If t)(ere was ANY ot)(er way foar me to take, I would. But t)(ere isn't, and )(e will know t)(at.

carnivalsOrphans so despite the fact you're sayin you ain't gonna force him ta do nothin, you are willing you gonna be willing after you win?

crownCuller W)(at?

carnivalsOrphans you gonna be willing ta do that sorta shit 'for the greater good'? forcin people to do what they don't want to do?

crownCuller If t)(at is w)(at it takes to stop trolls foam destroying worlds? Destroying our own? Yes. T)(at is w)(at leaders )(ave to carry.

carnivalsOrphans what about after that, what about after you gain peace?

crownCuller If Sollux isn't t)(ere, I will die, every troll under my protection will die, and t)(e slaug)(ter across t)(e galaxies will continue as Alternia falls apart.

carnivalsOrphans when do you stop bein willing?

crownCuller You don't G--ET to stop.

carnivalsOrphans > Gods, he is being reminded far too much of his pitchmate for comfort.

do your troops know you're willing ta do this?

crownCuller I'm naut the ideelist you keep accusing me of being. I've watc)(ed t)(e suffering drag out for longer than most land-dwelling trolls get to live. I know I don't get to put t)(is burden down once I've picked it up.

carnivalsOrphans i ain't ACCUSIN YOU of shit i'm askin you

crownCuller But Sollux? )(is part ends w)(en I step into t)(e audience )(all, and I will never ask )(im of anyt)(ing again. Even if I still fail wit)( )(is )(elp, I've made certain t)(at )(e will get out un)(armed. My troops know, yes. T)(ey've been tasked wit)( evacuating t)(e rest of my trolls in t)(e event t)(at I fail. And I can only )(ope t)(ey'll be able to run fast enough.

carnivalsOrphans no, i'm talkin willin to force someone to do shit for you

crownCuller As often as I am faced wit)( t)(at decision and as often as t)(ere is no way around it, I will take t)(at decision.

carnivalsOrphans ya know this is basically pale rape, right? what you're makin him do?

crownCuller Yes. And I will naut try to fool )(im into sinking ot)(erwise.

carnivalsOrphans you tried tellin your moirail that?

crownCuller S)(e's gotten... desperate. And I do naut condone what s)(e's done out of that desperation. W)(en a fig)(t )(as taken up your entire life, I can eelmagine it's )(ard to keep your pan sorted.

carnivalsOrphans > He thinks of his church. Of how much stronger they are together, how they keep each other strong with that support.

crownCuller Foar now though, Sollux is )(ere, and w)(ale )(urt from an explosion II cannaut let )(im go wandering off. Again, do you want me to tell )(im anyfin foar you? I am naut going to be seaing )(im foar a couple moar nig)(ts boat I w)(ale try to pass it on. And as my fis)(ter mig)(t say, tell Aradia to "c)(ill t)(e s)(ell out."

> Long silence. Feferi downs her iced tea.

38? S)(ello? Ringleader?

carnivalsOrphans yeah, i'm around the fact that she's so desperate is somethin you should be helpin with, as her rail. and as her leader.

crownCuller > Annnnnd there goes the glass. 

Buoy... getting finto someone s)(ellse's private life is a lot moar t)(an w)(at c)(ecking in on yoar friend requires. I've been open in ot)(er ways, please leave t)(e one private t)(ing I )(ave alone. (W)(ic)( does also mean to stop reading our logs. I'm assumfin t)(at's )(ow you got my finformation.)

carnivalsOrphans sis, that's advice, from someone about a thousand times older than you. if she's desperate, you're failing her, and you need ta help. that's about the only good thing you're gettin from me, so you better take it. or not, i don't really care, it ain't my fuckin life.

crownCuller Was t)(ere or was t)(ere naut anyfin you wanted me to tell Sollux?

carnivalsOrphans i'd rather be able ta actually talk to him ya know. myself.

crownCuller W)(at am I seapposed to say, "Yoar mentor Ringleader )(as been messaging us but doesn't want to tell you anyfin." Yikes, orcay. I need to SL--E--EP befoar I get crankier.

carnivalsOrphans that shouldn't be a hard request. just tell your rail ta give his palmhusk back, considerin she stole it and talked ta me on it which is a bit above and beyond kidnappin, if ya ask me

crownCuller T)(e palm)(usk isn't working, s)(e said. Largely broken, s)(e's trying to transfer it to a moar seacure device.

carnivalsOrphans uhuh. then ya know. she should get right on that. breakin other people's shit is rude.

crownCuller )(e's t)(e one w)(o decided to blow up t)(e cliff! All )(is fins would )(ave been brought )(ere fintact ot)(erwaves. Fin any case. I )(ave moar meetings to get to, and work on top of that. If you have moar questfins talk to Aradia. Good lig)(t.

carnivalsOrphans good light

-- crownCuller [CC] has ceased trolling carnivalsOrphans [CO] --

[readbookywooks]

Thomas could see the muscles in Newt’s arms flexing, veins popping out as he pulled at Alby’s hands, until finally, inch by inch, he was able to pry them away. He pushed them tightly against the struggling boy’s chest. Alby’s whole body jerked a couple of times, his midsection thrusting up and away from the bed. Then, slowly, he calmed, and a few seconds later he lay still, his breath evening; his eyes glazed over.

Thomas held firm to Alby’s legs, afraid to move and set the boy off again. Newt waited a full minute before he slowly let go of Alby’s hands. Then another minute before he pulled his knee back and stood up. Thomas took that as his cue to do the same, hoping the ordeal had truly ended.

Alby looked up, eyes droopy, as if he was on the edge of slipping into a deep sleep. “I’m sorry, Newt,” he whispered. “Don’t know what happened. It was like … something was controlling my body. I’m sorry….”

Thomas took a deep breath, sure he’d never experience something so disturbing and uncomfortable again. He hoped.

“Sorries, nothin’,” Newt replied. “You were trying to bloody kill yourself.”

“Wasn’t me, I swear,” Alby murmured.

Newt threw his hands up. “What do you mean it wasn’t you?” he asked.

“I don’t know…. It … it wasn’t me.” Alby looked just as confused as Thomas felt.

But Newt seemed to think it wasn’t worth trying to figure out. At least at the moment. He grabbed the blankets that had fallen off the bed in Alby’s struggle and pulled them atop the sick boy. “Get your butt to sleep and we’ll talk about it later.” He patted him on the head, then added, “You’re messed up, shank.”

But Alby was already drifting off, nodding slightly as his eyes closed.

Newt caught Thomas’s gaze and gestured for the door. Thomas had no problem leaving that crazy house—he followed Newt out and into the hall. Then, just as they stepped through the doorway, Alby mumbled something from his bed.

Both boys stopped in their tracks. “What?” Newt asked.

Alby opened his eyes for a brief moment, then repeated what he’d said, a little more loudly. “Be careful with the girl.” Then his eyes slid shut.

There it was again—the girl. Somehow things always led back to the girl. Newt gave Thomas a questioning look, but Thomas could only return it with a shrug. He had no idea what was going on.

“Let’s go,” Newt whispered.

“And Newt?” Alby called again from the bed, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Protect the Maps.” Alby rolled over, his back telling them he’d finally finished speaking.

Thomas didn’t think that sounded very good. Not good at all. He and Newt left the room and softly closed the door.

CHAPTER 28

Thomas followed Newt as he hurried down the stairs and out of the Homestead into the bright light of midafternoon. Neither boy said a word for a while. For Thomas, things just seemed to be getting worse and worse.

“Hungry, Tommy?” Newt asked when they were outside.

Thomas couldn’t believe the question. “Hungry? I feel like puking after what I just saw—no, I’m not hungry.”

Newt only grinned. “Well, I am, ya shank. Let’s go look for some leftovers from lunch. We need to talk.”

“Somehow I knew you were going to say something like that.” No matter what he did, he was becoming more and more entwined in the dealings of the Glade. And he was growing to expect it.

They made their way directly to the kitchen, where, despite Frypan’s grumbling, they were able to get cheese sandwiches and raw vegetables. Thomas couldn’t ignore the way the Keeper of the cooks kept giving him a weird look, eyes darting away whenever Thomas returned the stare.

Something told him this sort of treatment would now be the norm. For some reason, he was different from everyone else in the Glade. He felt like he’d lived an entire lifetime since awakening from his memory wipe, but he’d only been there a week.

The boys decided to take their lunches to eat outside, and a few minutes later they found themselves at the west wall, looking out at the many work activities going on throughout the Glade, their backs up against a spot of thick ivy. Thomas forced himself to eat; the way things were going, he needed to make sure he’d have strength to deal with whatever insane thing came his way next.

“Ever seen that happen before?” Thomas asked after a minute or so.

Newt looked at him, his face suddenly somber. “What Alby just did? No. Never. But then again, no one’s ever tried to tell us what they remembered during the Changing. They always refuse. Alby tried to—must be why he went nuts for a while.”

Thomas paused in the middle of chewing. Could the people behind the Maze control them somehow? It was a terrifying thought.

“We have to find Gally,” Newt said through a bite of carrot, changing the subject. “Bugger’s gone off and hid somewhere. Soon as we’re done eating, I need to find him and throw his butt in jail.”

“Serious?” Thomas couldn’t help feeling a shot of pure elation at the thought. He’d be happy to slam the door closed and throw away the key himself.

“That shank threatened to kill you and we have to make bloody sure it never happens again. That shuck-face is gonna pay a heavy price for acting like that—he’s lucky we don’t Banish him. Remember what I told you about order.”

“Yeah.” Thomas’s only concern was that Gally would just hate him all the more for being thrown in jail. I don’t care, he thought. I’m not scared of that guy anymore.

“Here’s how it’ll play out, Tommy,” Newt said. “You’re with me the rest of today—we need to figure things. Tomorrow, the Slammer. Then you’re Minho’s, and I want you to stay away from the other shanks for a while. Got it?”

Thomas was more than happy to oblige. Being mostly alone sounded like a great idea. “Sounds beautiful. So Minho’s going to train me?”

“That’s right—you’re a Runner now. Minho’ll teach ya. The Maze, the Maps, everything. Lots to learn. I expect you to work your butt off.”

Thomas was shocked that the idea of entering the Maze again didn’t frighten him all that much. He resolved to do just as Newt said, hoping it would keep his mind off things. Deeper down, he hoped to get out of the Glade as much as possible. Avoiding other people was his new goal in life.

The boys sat in silence, finishing their lunches, until Newt finally got to what he really wanted to talk about. Crumpling his trash into a ball, he turned and looked straight at Thomas.

“Thomas,” he began, “I need you to accept something. We’ve heard it too many times now to deny it, and it’s time to discuss it.”

Thomas knew what was coming, but was startled. He dreaded the words.

“Gally said it. Alby said it. Ben said it,” Newt continued, “the girl, after we took her out of the Box—she said it.”

He paused, perhaps expecting Thomas to ask what he meant. But Thomas already knew. “They all said things were going to change.”

Newt looked away for a moment, then turned back. “That’s right. And Gally, Alby and Ben claim they saw you in their memories after the Changing—and from what I gather, you weren’t plantin’ flowers and helpin’ old ladies cross the street. According to Gally, there’s somethin’ rotten enough about ya that he wants to kill ya.”

“Newt, I don’t know—” Thomas started, but Newt didn’t let him finish.

“I know you don’t remember anything, Thomas! Quit sayin’ that—don’t ever say it again. None of us remember anything, and we’re bloody sick of you reminding us. The point is there’s something different about you, and it’s time we figured it out.”

Thomas was overwhelmed by a surge of anger. “Fine, so how do we do it? I want to know who I am just as much as anyone else. Obviously.”

“I need you to open your mind. Be honest if anything—anything at all—seems familiar.”

“Nothing—” Thomas started, but stopped. So much had happened since arriving, he’d almost forgotten how familiar the Glade had felt to him that first night, sleeping next to Chuck. How comfortable and at home he’d felt. A far cry from the terror he should’ve experienced.

“I can see your wheels spinnin’,” Newt said, quietly. “Talk.”

Thomas hesitated, scared of the consequences of what he was about to say. But he was tired of keeping secrets. “Well … I can’t put my finger on anything specific.” He spoke slowly, carefully. “But I did feel like I’d been here before when I first got here.” He looked at Newt, hoping to see some sort of recognition in his eyes. “Anyone else go through that?”

But Newt’s face was blank. He simply rolled his eyes. “Uh, no, Tommy. Most of us spent a week klunkin’ our pants and bawlin’ our eyes out.”

“Yeah, well.” Thomas paused, upset and suddenly embarrassed. What did it all mean? Was he different from everyone else somehow? Was something wrong with him? “It all seemed familiar to me, and I knew I wanted to be a Runner.”

“That’s bloody interesting.” Newt examined him for a second, not hiding his obvious suspicion. “Well, keep lookin’ for it. Strain your mind, spend your free time wanderin’ your thoughts, and think about this place. Delve inside that brain of yours, and seek it out. Try, for all our sakes.”

“I will.” Thomas closed his eyes, started searching the darkness of his mind.

“Not now, you dumb shuck.” Newt laughed. “I just meant do it from now on. Free time, meals, goin’ to sleep at night, as you walk around, train, work. Tell me anything that seems even remotely familiar. Got it?”

“Yeah, got it.” Thomas couldn’t help worrying that he’d thrown up some red flags for Newt, and that the older boy was just hiding his concern.

“Good that,” Newt said, looking almost too agreeable. “To begin, we better go see someone.”

“Who?” Thomas asked, but knew the answer as soon as he spoke. Dread filled him again.

“The girl. I want you to look at her till your eyes bleed, see if somethin’ gets triggered in that shuck brain of yours.” Newt gathered his lunch trash and stood up. “Then I want you to tell me every single word Alby said to you.”

Thomas sighed, then got to his feet. “Okay.” He didn’t know if he could bring himself to tell the complete truth about Alby’s accusations, not to mention how he felt about the girl. It looked like he wasn’t done keeping secrets after all.

The boys walked back toward the Homestead, where the girl still lay in a coma. Thomas couldn’t stifle his worry about what Newt was thinking. He’d opened himself up, and he really liked Newt. If Newt turned on him now, Thomas didn’t know if he could handle it.

“If all else fails,” Newt said, interrupting Thomas’s thoughts, “we’ll send ya to the Grievers—get ya stung so you can go through the Changing. We need your memories.”

Thomas barked a sarcastic laugh at the idea, but Newt wasn’t smiling.

The girl seemed to be sleeping peacefully, like she’d wake up at any minute. Thomas had almost expected the skeletal remnant of a person—someone on the verge of death. But her chest rose and fell with even breaths; her skin was full of color.

One of the Med-jacks was there, the shorter one—Thomas couldn’t remember his name—dropping water into the comatose girl’s mouth a few drips at a time. A plate and bowl on the bedside table had the remains of her lunch—mashed potatoes and soup. They were doing everything possible to keep her alive and healthy.

“Hey, Clint,” Newt said, sounding comfortable, like he’d stopped by to visit many times before. “She surviving?”

“Yeah,” Clint answered. “She’s doing fine, though she talks in her sleep all the time. We think she’ll come out of it soon.”

Thomas felt his hackles rise. For some reason, he’d never really considered the possibility that the girl might wake up and be okay. That she might talk to people. He had no idea why that suddenly made him so nervous.

“Have you been writin’ down every word she says?” Newt asked.

Clint nodded. “Most of it’s impossible to understand. But yeah, when we can.”

Newt pointed at a notepad on the nightstand. “Give me an example.”

“Well, the same thing she said when we pulled her out of the Box, about things changing. Other stuff about the Creators and how ‘it all has to end.’ And, uh …” Clint looked at Thomas as if he didn’t want to continue in his company.

“It’s okay—he can hear whatever I hear,” Newt assured him.

“Well … I can’t make it all out, but …” Clint looked at Thomas again. “She keeps saying his name over and over.”

Thomas almost fell down at this. Would the references to him never end? How did he know this girl? It was like a maddening itch inside his skull that wouldn’t go away.

“Thanks, Clint,” Newt said in what sounded to Thomas like an obvious dismissal. “Get us a report of all that, okay?”

“Will do.” The Med-jack nodded at both of them and left the room.

“Pull up a chair,” Newt said as he sat on the edge of the bed. Thomas, relieved that Newt still hadn’t erupted into accusations, grabbed the one from the desk and placed it right next to where the girl’s head lay; he sat down, leaning forward to look at her face.