#when a bunch of other people in the facility

[moluvies]

touch starved ꔛ hange zoe x reader (pt 2)

a/n: part two to yearning !

words: 5.8k

cw: fwb kinda, kinda jealous! hange, they/them pronouns for hange, hange has fem anatomy, she/her pronouns and fem anatomy for reader, fingering, cunnilingus, MDNI !!

ꔛ

Your heart raced as you made your way to Commander Erwin's office, the clicking of your boots on the hardwood floor and your heart pounding in your chest deafening as you made the short journey there. After returning from the scouting expedition, things got busy. The thing with Hange was... complicated. Not really, though, if you thought about it more thoroughly. Everyone was busy, everyone was drained, and everyone was going through the motions until the next expedition.

Hange and you rarely saw each other, mostly because they were still recovering from the injury on their leg and spent most of the days in their office working or in the tiny research facility—both places not being areas you frequented. Especially when you were temporarily assigned to a totally different post now that you'd gotten back.

It had been a week, but the encounter you and Hange shared never stopped running through your mind once.

That's when one of your fellow scouts came and told you Commander Erwin wanted to see you in his office, and you almost passed out from anxiety. A bunch of unwarranted and unrealistic scenarios presented themselves in your brain, like what if the Commander could read minds? Did he see you were distracted?

You wanted to throw up when you knocked on the door, and shook when his distinct voice told you to come in.

You pushed open the heavy wooden door, your palm damp with sweat against the handle. Commander Erwin sat at his desk, posture impeccable, his attention focused on a report. Without looking up, he gestured toward the chair across from him.

"Take a seat."

You complied, back straight and hands folded in your lap, trying to maintain composure despite your racing pulse. The Commander finished reading whatever document had captured his attention, signed the bottom with a practiced flourish, and finally lifted his gaze to meet yours.

"I appreciate your promptness," he said, his voice measured and even. His expression revealed nothing—the same calm, calculating look he wore during strategy meetings.

"Sir," you responded with a crisp nod, not trusting yourself to say more.

Commander Erwin folded his fingers and regarded you steadily. "I've received some concerns about efficiency within our ranks since returning from the expedition."

Your mouth went dry. This was it.

"Section Commander Hange's productivity has been compromised as of late," he continued, his tone factual rather than accusatory. "Captain Levi has brought this to my attention multiple times in the past week."

You remained silent, unsure if you were expected to respond. Despite that, a million thoughts ran in your head. Hange was distracted and it was because of you? And Captain Levi of all people was the the one to complain?

"I don't usually involve myself in matters outside direct military operations," Erwin said, "but when the functionality of our command structure is affected, it becomes my concern."

"I understand, Commander," you managed to say, your voice steadier than you expected.

Erwin's piercing blue eyes studied you carefully. "The Survey Corps operates under unique circumstances. Every soldier must prioritize the mission above all else, without exception."

You nodded stiffly, bracing for the reprimand.

"That said," he continued, "I've always maintained that a soldier's personal conduct is their own affair, provided it doesn't interfere with their duties or the chain of command."

A slight frown crossed his features—not of disapproval, but of consideration. "I trust my officers to exercise sound judgment in all matters. Section Commander Hange is a valuable asset to humanity's cause. As are you, in your position."

His emphasis on rank wasn't lost on you. A subtle reminder of the hierarchy that existed between you and Hange.

"Yes, sir," you replied.

Erwin reached into a drawer and extracted a stack of papers bound with twine. "These are the topographical surveys from our last expedition. Section Commander Hange has requested them three times today."

He placed the papers on the desk between you. "They're currently in the research facility, likely disrupting everyone else's work schedule with their impatience."

Was that the faintest hint of knowing in his voice? You couldn't be sure. His expression remained professionally neutral.

"I'd like you to deliver these immediately," he said, pushing the papers toward you. "And remind Section Commander Hange that their analysis report is due on my desk by tomorrow evening."

You stood, taking the papers with a salute. "Yes, Commander."

As you turned to leave, Erwin spoke again, his tone unchanged. "One moment."

You paused, facing him once more.

"The Survey Corps functions best when every member operates at optimal capacity," he said. "Whatever arrangements ensure that outcome are acceptable, provided they do not compromise our organizational structure or mission objectives."

His words were clinical, detached, yet you sensed the meaning behind them. This was Erwin's way—speaking in strategic terms while conveying something more.

"Understood, sir."

"Good," he said with a curt nod. "That will be all."

You saluted again and exited his office, the door clicking shut behind you. In the empty hallway, you exhaled slowly, clutching the papers to your chest.

Had the commander just given his tacit approval? Or merely established boundaries? With Erwin Smith, it was often difficult to tell. His words could be interpreted multiple ways—perhaps intentionally so. It was up to the Commander to be able to deny involvement if needed. And honestly, sometimes you felt too dumb to speak with him because of his big words and serious way of speaking.

What was clear, however, was that you hadn't been reassigned or separated from Hange's command. And now you had a legitimate reason to seek them out after a week apart.

The research facility wasn't far from headquarters—a converted storehouse with reinforced walls where Hange conducted their more questionable experiments. As you approached, the familiar sound of their enthusiastic voice carried through the air, punctuated by what sounded like something heavy being dragged across the floor.

You took a deep breath, straightened your uniform jacket, and knocked on the door, the stack of papers clutched tightly in your hands.

"Come in!" Hange's voice called out, bright and energetic.

You pushed open the door to find the research facility in its usual state of organized chaos. Books and papers were scattered across multiple tables, specimen jars lined the shelves, and various contraptions that you couldn't begin to identify occupied every available surface. The familiar scent of chemicals and parchment filled your nostrils.

"Ah, finally!" Hange exclaimed, looking up from where they were hunched over a microscope. Their hair was more disheveled than usual, falling loose from their ponytail, and their glasses sat slightly askew on their nose. But what caught your attention immediately was how they moved—no longer favoring their injured leg as heavily as they had been.

Moblit stood nearby, arms crossed and looking exasperated. "Section Commander, you've been asking about those surveys every hour. Perhaps if you'd waited patiently—"

"Patience is for people who aren't on the verge of a breakthrough!" Hange interrupted, practically bouncing on their feet as they spotted the papers in your hands. The sight made your heart skip—they seemed so much more like their usual animated self.

"The topographical surveys," you said, extending the bound papers toward them.

Hange's eyes lit up as they reached for the papers, their fingers briefly brushing against yours in the exchange. The contact was fleeting, but it sent a familiar warmth up your arm that you tried to suppress under Moblit's watchful gaze.

"Perfect timing!" Hange said, immediately untying the twine and spreading the papers across the nearest cleared surface. "Moblit, look at this—if we cross-reference these elevation markers with the titan movement patterns we documented..."

You found yourself watching them work, noting how their leg seemed to support their weight without the visible discomfort from the previous week. The way they moved with renewed energy, the familiar gesture of pushing their glasses up their nose when concentrating, the animated way they gestured while explaining their theories to Moblit—it all stirred something deep in your chest.

The memory of that night in the tent seemed to hang in the air between you, unspoken but present. Was Hange thinking about it, too? The way you touched each other, the way you spoke like it was the beginning of something new... were they as affected as you?

"This could change everything about how we approach formation strategies," Hange continued, tracing routes on the survey maps with their finger. "If titans are actually avoiding certain geological features..."

Moblit sighed, shooting you a look that seemed to say 'here we go again.' "Section Commander, you've been working for seven hours straight. Perhaps you should take a break?"

"Break?" Hange looked up, blinking owlishly. "But we're so close to—" Their gaze met yours across the table, and for a moment, the excited chatter died in their throat. Something shifted in their expression, becoming softer, more aware.

The silence stretched for a beat too long, and you became acutely conscious of Moblit's presence, of the way he was looking between you and Hange with growing suspicion.

"I should go," you said quickly, taking a step toward the door. "Let you get back to your work."

"Wait," Hange said, straightening up. They glanced at Moblit, then back at you. "Actually, Moblit, didn't you mention needing to check on the supply requisitions?"

Moblit's brow furrowed. "I can do that later, Section Commander. You shouldn't be alone when you're working with these chemical compounds—"

"I'll be fine," Hange insisted, waving a hand dismissively. "Besides, I might need someone to help me carry these reference books back to my office later." They gestured vaguely toward you, the request casual but loaded with implication.

You felt your pulse quicken. After a week of careful avoidance, of stolen glances across the mess hall and brief, professional exchanges in passing, the prospect of being alone with Hange again made your mouth go dry.

Moblit looked between you both again, his expression unreadable. Finally, he sighed and removed his apron. "Very well. But please don't stay too late, Section Commander. And don't attempt to move any heavy equipment while I'm gone."

"Of course not," Hange said, though their tone suggested they were barely listening.

You turned your head to watch Moblit as he left, opening the door and shutting it behind him.

That was all it took before Hange was on you.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Hange breathed, their voice rough with need as they crowded into your space, their hands immediately finding your waist, tugging you hard against them. Their body was warm, solid—so much more alive than you remembered, their heartbeat thundering against your chest as they pressed flush against you.

You gasped, startled by the suddenness of it, your hands instinctively flying up to brace against their shoulders. “Hange—wait, what if Moblit comes back? Or—or someone else—?”

Hange didn’t let you finish. Their mouth crashed into yours, hot and insistent, swallowing your protests with a desperate, messy kiss that left your head spinning. Their lips were soft but demanding, their tongue sliding against yours with a possessive urgency that made your knees tremble. You could feel how much they’d missed you—how starved they were for this—and it sent a sharp, dizzying thrill straight to your core.

“Moblit won’t be back for at least twenty minutes,” Hange murmured between feverish kisses, their fingers tightening possessively on your hips. “And I need you. Fuck, I’ve been thinking about you—about how you tasted, how you sounded when I had you—”

A whimper tore from your throat at their words, your face burning as your body reacted instantly, heat pooling low in your stomach. You wanted this—God, you’d been aching for it all week—but the fear of getting caught, of someone walking in and seeing you like this, made your pulse spike with nervous excitement.

Hange didn’t seem to care. They were already dragging you backward, their lips never leaving yours, until your back hit the nearest wall with a quiet thud. The impact knocked the breath from your lungs, but Hange didn’t give you time to recover—their hands sliding underneath your shirt to paw at your breasts.

“Hange—!” you gasped, your voice trembling as their palms skimmed over your skin, their touch searing.

“Shhh, I’ve got you,” they murmured, their voice low and honey-sweet despite the rough way they were handling you.

Then you heard the unmistakeable sound you were so nervous you'd hear.

Footsteps. Outside the door.

You froze, panic flooding your veins.

“Hange—someone’s coming—”

Hange groaned in frustration, their grip on you tightening for a second before they reluctantly pulled away. Their lips were kiss-swollen, their hair even messier than before, their glasses slightly askew. They looked ravished.

The door swung open without warning, the hinges creaking in the sudden silence.

"Four-eyes, Moblit says you've been—" Captain Levi stopped mid-sentence, his steel-gray eyes taking in the scene with the sharp assessment of someone who'd seen too much to be surprised by anything.

"Captain Levi!" Hange's voice pitched slightly higher than usual. "What brings you to—"

"You," Levi's gaze shifted to you, flat and unimpressed, "are supposed to be on perimeter duty. Third shift reported you missing twenty minutes ago."

Your stomach dropped. "Sir, I was delivering—"

"The surveys. I know." His attention moved back to Hange, who was now frantically shuffling papers on the table as if that would somehow restore order to the chaos. "And you've apparently been working for eight hours straight without food or water. Again."

Hange waved dismissively. "I'm fine, Levi. Just had a breakthrough with the formation data and—"

"You look like shit." Levi's voice was deadpan. He stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him with deliberate slowness. "When's the last time you bathed? Or slept in an actual bed instead of face-down on your research notes?"

"I slept... yesterday. Or was it the day before?" Hange's hand went to their hair self-consciously.

Levi's expression remained unchanged, but something in his posture suggested he was fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. His gaze flicked between you both once more, lingering on your still-flushed face and Hange's wrinkled shirt.

"Right." He crossed his arms. "You're going to eat something that isn't stale bread and whatever expired shit you keep in here. And you're going to sleep. Tonight. In your actual quarters."

"But the analysis report—"

"Will be shit if you write it while half-dead from exhaustion." Levi's tone brooked no argument. He looked at you again. "And you're going to report to your assigned post. Now."

"Yes, sir," you managed, your voice barely above a whisper.

Your heart raced as you hurried past him, catching Hange's usual expression in your peripheral vision. Behind you, you could already hear Levi beginning his lecture about proper nutrition and hygiene habits, his voice carrying its usual note of long-suffering irritation.

The hallway felt impossibly long as you made your way back to your duties, your heart still hammering against your ribs.

ꔛ

After the tense encounter with Captain Levi in the research facility, you had spent the rest of the evening on edge, your stomach twisting with a mix of embarrassment and lingering arousal. The memory of Hange’s hands on you, the way their lips had claimed yours with such desperate hunger—it had left you restless, unable to focus on anything else. The fear of being caught had only amplified the thrill of it, and now, hours later, you still felt the ghost of their touch on your skin.

You had retreated to your quarters as soon as your shift ended, desperate for the comfort of solitude. The warm water of the shower had done little to ease the tension coiled in your muscles, but it had at least washed away the day’s exhaustion, leaving your skin flushed and tingling. Now, dressed in soft cotton pajamas—a loose shirt and shorts that barely brushed your thighs—you sat on the edge of your bed, running a towel through your damp hair.

The barracks were quiet at this hour, most of the scouts already asleep or lost in their own private routines. The flickering candle on your nightstand cast long shadows across the room, the only sound the occasional creak of the old wooden building settling into the night.

And then—knock knock knock.

A rapid, almost giddy series of taps against your door.

You froze, the towel still tangled in your fingers.

Then it came again—knock knock knock—more insistent this time, accompanied by an impatient little shuffle of feet outside.

Hange Zoe.

Their face was pressed way too close to the door, their single visible eye magnified comically through the tiny lens, their grin wide enough that you could see the flash of their teeth even in the dim hallway torchlight. Their hair was even messier than usual, strands sticking out at odd angles like they’d been running their hands through it repeatedly. Their glasses were slightly askew, and—were they blushing?

Hange practically vibrated on the spot, their hands fidgeting at their sides, their weight shifting from foot to foot like they were barely containing their energy. They were still in their uniform, though their jacket was half-unbuttoned, the cuffs rolled up haphazardly, and their boots untied?

“Hi,” they breathed, their voice a little too loud for the quiet of the hallway, their grin widening impossibly further.

You bit your lip, glancing up and down the corridor to make sure no one else was around before stepping back to let them in. “Hange, what are you—?”

They didn’t let you finish.

The moment you shut the door behind them, Hange practically lunged at you, their hands immediately finding your waist as they backed you up against the wall with a soft thud. Their lips crashed into yours, messy and desperate, their breath hot against your skin as they kissed you like they’d been starving for it.

“Missed you—fuck—missed you so much,” Hange gasped between feverish kisses, their fingers digging into your hips like they were afraid you’d disappear. Their glasses bumped awkwardly against your nose, but they didn’t care, their mouth moving against yours with an almost frantic urgency.

You whimpered, your hands flying up to tangle in their wild brown hair, tugging slightly just to hear the way they groaned into your mouth. Their tongue swiped against your bottom lip, demanding entry, and you let them in with a shudder, melting against them as they deepened the kiss, their hands roaming over your body like they were trying to memorize every curve.

“You taste so good,” Hange mumbled against your lips, their voice rough with want. “Been thinking about this all damn week—about how you sound when you come, how your body shakes—”

A whimper tore from your throat, your face burning at their words, but Hange just grinned, nipping at your lower lip before diving back in, their kisses growing sloppier, hungrier. Their hands slipped under your shirt, warm palms skimming up your sides, thumbs brushing over the sensitive skin just beneath your breasts.

“Hange—” you gasped, arching into their touch, your heart hammering so hard you were sure they could feel it.

“Mmm, say it again,” they murmured, their lips trailing down to your jaw, then your neck, teeth scraping lightly over your pulse point. “Love the way you say my name—like I’m all you think about.”

You did think about them. All the time. And the way they were touching you now, kissing you like they couldn’t get enough, only made it worse—your head spun, your body aching with need.

Hange pulled back just enough to look at you, their eyes dark behind their glasses, their lips kiss-swollen and glistening. They were grinning, that same wild, excited grin they got when they were on the verge of a scientific breakthrough—except now, you were the discovery they couldn’t get enough of.

“You’re adorable when you’re all shy,” they teased, their thumb brushing over your bottom lip. “Bet you’d be even cuter if I—”

You didn’t let them finish. You yanked them back into another kiss, your fingers tightening in their hair, and Hange laughed against your mouth, delighted, before surrendering completely, their body pressing yours harder into the wall as their hands roamed lower, hungrier.

And you? You were theirs. Completely.

The frantic energy between you shifted as Hange backed you toward the bed, their hands never leaving your body. When your knees hit the edge, you tumbled backward with a soft gasp, and Hange followed eagerly, crawling over you with that same wild grin on their face.

"Your hair's all damp," they murmured, fingers threading through the still-wet strands. Their weight settled half on top of you, one leg slotted between yours, their glasses sliding down their nose as they gazed down at you with hungry eyes. "Were you in the shower thinking about me?"

You turned away, unable to deny it, which only made Hange's grin widen, a look of pure delight crossing their features. Before you could stammer out a response, their mouth was on yours again, softer this time but no less demanding. Their tongue traced the seam of your lips before slipping inside, exploring your mouth with enthusiastic curiosity.

Their hand wandered beneath your loose sleep shirt, fingers tracing patterns on your bare skin that made you shiver. You sighed into their mouth, one hand coming up to tangle in their wild hair while the other gripped their shoulder, anchoring yourself against the wave of sensation.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you—" you started, then whimpered when Hange's thumb brushed the underside of your breast, "Commander Erwin said—said your report is due tomorrow evening."

Hange froze for a heartbeat, pulling back just enough to look at you with narrowed eyes. "You're thinking about Erwin right now? While I'm touching you?" Their voice held a playful edge, but something possessive flashed in their gaze.

"No! I just remembered—"

"Hmm," they hummed skeptically, a teasing smile tugging at their lips. They dipped down to kiss you again, more deliberately this time, their tongue sliding against yours in a way that made your toes curl. When they pulled back, you were panting. "Should I be worried about you and our handsome commander?"

You rolled your eyes, trying to maintain some semblance of composure despite your racing heart. "Don't be ridiculous—"

Hange cut you off with another kiss, deeper this time, their hand sliding up to fully cup your breast through your shirt. You arched into their touch with a gasp, coherent thought rapidly deserting you.

"Because if Erwin thinks he can steal my favorite research assistant," they continued, voice dropping to a husky murmur as they pinched your nipple lightly, making you squirm beneath them, "I'll have to remind him that I have exclusive access to this particular specimen."

Their hands were everywhere at once—sliding under your sleep shirt, tugging at the waistband of your shorts, tangling in your damp hair. You arched into their touch, desperate for more, whimpering when they suddenly pulled back.

"Take these off," Hange commanded, tugging at your clothes with impatient hands. "I want to see all of you."

You complied eagerly, lifting your hips so they could slide your shorts down your legs, then raising your arms as they pulled your shirt over your head. The cool air of the room made your nipples harden, and Hange's eyes darkened behind their glasses as they took in the sight of you, completely bare beneath them.

"Beautiful," they murmured, their gaze roaming hungrily over your exposed body.

Their fingers trailed up your inner thigh, so close to where you needed them but not quite there. You squirmed, trying to guide their hand where you wanted it, but Hange just chuckled, clearly enjoying your desperation.

"Patience," they teased, their thumb brushing tantalizingly close to your center. "I'm conducting very important research here."

"Hange, please—" you gasped, your hips lifting involuntarily.

"Please what?" Their eyes glinted mischievously. "Tell me what you want. Be specific—you know how I love detailed observations."

Your face burned with embarrassment, but the ache between your legs overrode your shyness. "Touch me," you whispered. "Inside me."

Hange's grin widened, triumphant. "Good girl," they praised, the words sending a fresh wave of heat through you. "Now turn over for me. On your stomach."

You hesitated for just a moment before rolling onto your front, face half-buried in the pillow. Hange's hands immediately went to your hips, lifting them slightly.

"Arch your back," they instructed, their voice husky with desire. "Yes, just like that. Perfect."

You felt terribly exposed in this position, your ass raised, face down in the bedding, but the way Hange's breath hitched told you they were enjoying the view immensely. Their hands caressed the curve of your ass reverently, squeezing the soft flesh with appreciative murmurs.

"I've been thinking about this all week," they confessed, their voice rough with need. "About having you just like this—spread open for me, so I can see every perfect inch of you."

Their fingers trailed your ass, dipping lower to slide through your already-slick folds. You gasped at the contact, burying your face deeper into the pillow to muffle the sound.

"Oh," Hange breathed, sounding delighted. "You're so wet already. Is that all for me?"

You nodded frantically into the pillow, unable to form words as their fingers explored your sensitive flesh, gathering your arousal and spreading it with teasing strokes.

"I can't hear you," Hange said, their tone light but demanding. "Tell me who makes you this wet."

"You," you managed, voice muffled by the pillow. "Only you, Hange."

"That's right," they hummed, satisfied. "Not Erwin, not anyone else. Just me."

Without warning, they slipped a finger inside you, making you cry out at the sudden intrusion. Your walls clenched around them, hungry for more, and Hange groaned behind you.

"Fuck, you feel incredible," they breathed, slowly working their finger in and out of you. "So tight, so eager for me."

They added a second finger, stretching you deliciously, their other hand stroking soothingly down your spine as they began to establish a rhythm. The angle was different like this—deeper, more intense—and you couldn't help the broken moans that escaped you with each thrust of their fingers.

"I need to see better," Hange murmured, more to themselves than to you. You felt the bed shift as they repositioned, kneeling between your spread legs to get a closer view. "God, look at the way you take my fingers—the way your pretty little cunt just swallows them up."

Their clinical observation, delivered in that passionate, wonder-filled tone they usually reserved for titan research, should have embarrassed you. Instead, it sent a fresh flood of arousal coating their fingers, your body responding to being the focus of their fascination.

Hange grinned, curling their fingers to stroke that spot inside you that made your vision blur. "So responsive to stimuli. Let me try something..."

They withdrew their fingers slightly, only to add a third, the stretch making you gasp and clutch at the sheets. Hange paused, letting you adjust, their free hand rubbing soothing circles on your lower back.

"Too much?" they asked, a rare note of concern breaking through their scientific enthusiasm.

"No," you panted, pushing back against their hand. "More, please—"

Hange chuckled, the sound warm and pleased. "Greedy little thing, aren't you?" They resumed their movements, fucking you steadily with three fingers now, the obscene wet sounds filling the quiet room. "I love how desperate you get for me. How your body just opens up, like it was made to take me inside."

Your thighs began to quiver with the effort of maintaining your position, pleasure building relentlessly as Hange worked their fingers in and out of you. They seemed entranced by the sight, occasionally murmuring praise or filthy observations that made your face burn and your pussy clench around them.

"Look how wet you're getting," they marveled, their free hand sliding up to grasp your hip, holding you steady as their pace increased. "Dripping down your thighs—fuck, that's hot."

The combination of their words and the rhythmic pressure of their fingers against that perfect spot inside you had you racing toward the edge. Your back arched deeper, pressing your chest into the mattress as you rocked back against their hand, desperate for more.

"Hange," you whimpered, the familiar tension coiling tighter in your belly. "I'm close."

"I know," they said, voice tight with their own arousal. "I can feel it—the way you're squeezing my fingers, getting even wetter. Are you going to come for me? Let me see it happen, let me feel you fall apart."

You came with a strangled cry, your inner walls pulsing around their fingers, your whole body shaking as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over you. Hange worked you through it, murmuring praise and encouragement as you rode out your orgasm on their hand.

"Beautiful," they breathed as your tremors subsided, slowly withdrawing their fingers. "Absolutely fucking beautiful."

You collapsed onto the bed, boneless and panting, only to feel Hange's weight shift behind you. You turned your head just in time to see them bring their glistening fingers to their mouth, sucking them clean with a groan of pure pleasure.

"Delicious," they declared, eyes locking with yours as their tongue swirled around their fingers. "Better than any experiment."

Despite your exhaustion, you felt a fresh pulse of desire at the sight. Hange noticed, their lips curving into a knowing smile as they released their fingers with an obscene pop.

"Don't think we're done yet," they warned, eyes gleaming. "I still need my turn, and you look like you've got plenty more to give me."

They flopped onto their back beside you, still fully clothed, though their shirt was rumpled and half-unbuttoned. They beckoned you with a crook of their finger, that familiar manic grin spreading across their face.

"Come here," they said, patting their thighs. "I want that pretty mouth of yours."

You pushed yourself up on shaky arms, crawling over to them with renewed purpose. Your fingers worked at the buttons of their shirt, revealing more of their lean, scarred torso with each one that came undone. Hange watched you with hooded eyes, their breath quickening as you pushed the fabric aside to expose their chest.

"These too," you murmured, tugging at their pants. Hange lifted their hips, allowing you to pull the garment down their legs, leaving them in just their underwear.

You traced the outline of their arousal through the thin fabric, delighting in their sharp intake of breath. "Can I?" you asked, fingers hooking under the waistband.

"Yes," Hange hissed, lifting their hips again. "God, yes."

You pulled the underwear down slowly, teasingly, until Hange was completely bare before you. Your mouth watered at the sight of them, slick and swollen with need.

"You're so wet," you whispered, echoing their earlier words as you settled between their spread legs.

"Your fault," they groaned, propping themselves up on their elbows to watch you. "Been thinking about your mouth on me all week—dreaming about it, practically."

You didn't make them wait any longer. Lowering your head, you dragged your tongue through their folds in one long, slow lick, moaning at the taste that flooded your mouth. Hange's head fell back with a strangled curse, their hips jerking up against your face.

"Fuck—yes—just like that," they gasped, one hand coming down to tangle in your still-damp hair.

You settled into a rhythm, alternating between broad strokes of your tongue and focused attention on the bundle of nerves that made Hange's thighs shake on either side of your head. Their fingers tightened in your hair, not quite painful but definitely controlling, guiding you where they needed you most.

"Right there," they directed, voice strained. "Harder—fuck—"

You obeyed eagerly, increasing the pressure of your tongue as you slid two fingers inside them, curling upward to stroke against their inner walls. Hange let out a broken moan, their grip on your hair tightening as their hips rocked against your face.

"Such a good girl," they praised breathlessly, the words sending a thrill through you. "So perfect."

Their praise spurred you on, making you redouble your efforts. You worked your fingers inside them, matching the rhythm of your tongue, determined to make them feel as good as they'd made you feel.

Hange's other hand joined the first in your hair, both now guiding your movements more forcefully, tugging you exactly where they wanted you. The slight sting of your scalp only heightened your arousal, making you press your thighs together as you pleasured them.

"Look at me," Hange commanded, voice rough. "Want to see your eyes while you fuck me with that pretty mouth."

You glanced up, meeting their intense gaze over the plane of their stomach. The sight of them—flushed and disheveled, glasses askew, watching you with such raw hunger—nearly undid you. You moaned against them, the vibration making their hips buck harder against your face.

"God, the way you look right now," they groaned, one hand loosening its grip to stroke your cheek almost tenderly. "My beautiful, filthy girl, face all wet with me—"

Their words dissolved into incoherent sounds as you sucked harder on their clit, curling your fingers more firmly inside them. You could feel them getting close—the way their inner walls clenched around your fingers, the increasing desperation in their movements.

"Don't stop," they gasped, fingers tightening painfully in your hair now, holding you firmly in place. "Fuck—I'm so close—don't you dare fucking stop—"

You had no intention of stopping. You worked your tongue over them relentlessly, your fingers fucking into them harder, faster, chasing their pleasure with single-minded determination. Hange's body went taut, their thighs clamping around your head, their back arching off the bed as they came with a hoarse cry of your name.

You gentled your movements but didn't stop, working them through the aftershocks, only pulling away when they tugged weakly at your hair in silent signal that it was too much.

"Holy shit," Hange breathed, collapsing back onto the bed, their chest heaving. "That was—fuck—get up here."

You crawled up their body, settling against their side. Hange immediately pulled you into a messy kiss, groaning at the taste of themselves on your lips and tongue. When they finally broke away, they were grinning again, that wild, excited expression that never failed to make your heart skip.

"You know," they mused, fingers tracing idle patterns on your bare hip, "I think I'm going to need more of these private research sessions. For science, of course."

You laughed, burying your face against their neck. "Of course. For science."

Hange's arms tightened around you, their voice dropping to something softer, more serious. "And just so we're clear—about Erwin, about anyone—you're mine. My assistant, my research partner, my—" They paused, seemingly searching for the right word.

"Yours," you supplied simply, pressing a kiss to their collarbone. "Just yours."

The tension you hadn't even realized was in their body melted away at your words. Their fingers threaded through your hair, gentler now, as they pulled you in for another kiss.

"Good," they murmured against your lips. "Because I'm not very good at sharing my favorite discoveries."

[batcavescolony]

ship of theseus but for comics, if you replace 90% of a character can it still be called that character? Or if you have a team and adapt that team but remove or change 90% of said team can it be an adaptation?

[lizardlicks]

I love working in medicine. I especially love working in medicine as a queer person because I get to see the entire breadth of our community. It's not what you think it is.

Do you know how many older gay and trans people I meet on a daily basis? It's not all young, thin teens with dyed hair.

There's this one gay couple, in their 60s, always get their lab work done together, always leaning into each other and laughing about some private joke of the week. They lost a bunch of their friends in the 80s, and they always remark about how good our facility is to them. They smile when they talk to me like yeah, we made it, we're still kicking and screaming, and by god that's how we'll go out.

This butch lady with pure silver that works at a mechinc's shop down the street and always calls me sugar when I see her. Checked in a person the other day who looked like the blanded most non-descript typical middle age cis dude, but went by a femme name and had x/nonbinary gender tag and they/them pronuns.

Then there's the young trans kids that are tto scared to dress the way they want most of the time, still uncertain about using their name and pronouns in a medical setting until we do it for them withiout them asking, treat them as the gender they prefer, and you just can see the weight fall off them as their care giver team treats them as human and with such care and love. They're always smiling by the end even if they had to do something frightening and painful.

The 20 and 30 somethings that I see going out of their way to interact with me because I'm proudly, visibly queer at work, most especially for them because we all need to know that there is someone looking out for us when we're vulnerable. We exist as this vibrant, complex tapestry, so far outside of the way we get stereotyped and talked about online and in the media. My god we are everywhere, experiencing life in ways you will never know about. You are not alone. You were never alone.

[alexiabae]

SHIVER | jana fernàndez x fem!reader

Summary: in which you hear first before you see her.

Warnings: shy!reader (like always), very awkward, fluff, different pov, slow burn, very long, mistakes.

Note: good luck.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE.

Your eyes shine admiring the building in front of you.

The blue sky is greeting the sun slowly, making their appearance to greet this part of the city. It seems too that it wanted you to welcome your first day to the facility to take your first training session.

Taking a breath, your order to your mind to move your feet, holding very tight the strap of your gym bag. When you enter there, you try to remind the indications the staff team gives when they show you the training facilities. Greeting the people working there, you turn a few corners to direct yourself towards the changing room, where some noise was heard with every step you approach the closed door.

Closing your eyes momentarily, you knocked on the door a few times, holding now with both hands the strap. You heard some noise and someone yelled a word that you didn't understand, so after a few seconds the red door opened, a tall blonde showed in your vision, her serious expression turning into a soft smile, making you feel a little calmer with that gesture.

"You are the new! Welcome to the jungle!" She said, shortening the small distance between you two and giving you a warm hug, hearing how she leaves a small laugh. "Sorry, I guess I get used to greeting like that. I'm Frido." She said after separating from the hug, still smiling.

You whisper your name, repeating it a little louder when you realise that she probably didn't listen to you the first time. Frido squeezes your side and guides you inside, a small group of people are gathered in a corner while they are speaking between them, shutting up when they notice you and all their eyes are you.

You feel like you are going to pass out for the attention.

"Girls, our new acquisition." Frido says, standing next to you.

After a few seconds of silence, they start to greet you with smiles on their faces, shocking you a little when they all hug you, asking in broken Spanish accent how are you.

"Where are you from?" Aitana asks you, eyebrows knitted in curiosity while her eyes scan your face.

You cleared your throat, loosening the grip on your strap. "I'm from Greece." You answer shortly, but with a sheepish smile directed towards the brunette.

You see how she opened her eyes, like some of them. It seems that they never have a Greek teammate until now.

"Really? That's cool." Salma, the same stature as Frido, says.

Before they could keep talking, Marta interrupted them and told them to ask you later, then she proceeded to show your assigned seat there, telling you if you have some doubts, all you need is to ask.

You thanked her, pulling off your gym bag to the floor and sitting down, you try to not freak to be surrounded by a bunch of talented players while you change your shoes. However you fear the moment the whole team would be gathered together, making this dream more real.

A loud laugh was interrupted in the changing room, making you look up while you tied your laces. Two people entered there, the shortest one is looking at the taller one, beaming at something that only they knew. One of whom was there before, called the attention of the shortest one, her attention now on a different person. You come back to tie your laces, taking a mental note to learn the new language.

A shadow passes in front of you, again raising your head up and catching just in time how the cheerful girl looks at you curiously, but keeping her way to her assigned spot. You don't keep looking at her because you feel another presence on your left side, the other person who comes with her is standing next to you, sitting on the free spot and smiling at you when she notices your eyes on her.

"I'm Ingrid." She says softly, almost in a quiet tone. She greets you differently, stretching a hand out to you.

Blushing, you accept her hand and shake it for a few seconds, giving your name once again. Before some of you could speak again, you feel movement to your right side, the girl that came with Ingrid is sitting next to you.

With curious eyes, she says something but you can't answer back because you didn't understand her.

"She said that she thought you could come tomorrow, not today." Ingrid translated gently, opening her gym bag and grabbing a pair shoes.

Taking you for surprise, the tattoo girl wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a smile. "At the end of the season, that shyness wouldn't exist anymore. Also, I'm Mapi." She didn't remove her arm, only stretch her free hand towards you.

You shake it, not knowing what to say after introducing yourself. It seems that she didn't care because only chuckled at herself by your reaction, ruffling your hair and not caring to mess up your tied ponytail. A soft warning of her name by your left, made Mapi gives you an apology that she doesn't seem to feel sorry about her action.

Someone ran inside of the changing room, slamming the door open while she yelled something that you couldn't catch for your lack of Spanish. Your breath catches on your throat when you notice who she is, eyes opening without believing that this is happening. It seems that today you couldn't stop blushing and the training even started, her hazel eyes landed on you.

You look away, shyly. Hearing a soft laugh by your side, your blush deepened, not daring to look at Mapi.

"You are like her." Mapi says in a smug way, lowering her voice. Still with her arm around you, she yells the name of the person who entered. "¿Viniendo tarde en el día que nuestro fichaje empieza? Que vergüenza." You didn't understand, but you can feel the playful and mischievous tone of her voice.

Laughing filled the room, a plus to the beforehand when some of them start to whistle at the one who arrived.

"Cállate." The new voice says, embarrassment filling her voice. You dared to look at her way and you see how she starts to walk towards your way. Your eyes meet again and her features change, giving you a sheepish smile. "Sorry... There is traffic to come here, weird because it rarely happens but today happened." She explains quickly, her smile is erased soon, holding the strap of her gym bag tightly. "I can give you a quick explanation now and when the training is over give you more details." She said in a rushed tone, her cheeks turning red, matching yours.

Marta yells something from the other side of the changing room before you could give an answer. Whatever she said makes the blonde relax her posture, looking back at you with a more relaxed gesture.

She extends a hand, just like Ingrid, and introduces herself like if you didn't know who she is, external to the repercussions she is making in this sport.

Shyly, you shake her hand while you stand up, muttering your name. You wanted to say out loud how you admire her, but it seems that you are doing both of your favours if you remain quiet.

Alexia nods imperceptibly, letting your hand go. Another comment from behind you makes the blonde narrow her eyes, muttering something directed to her way.

Awkwardly, you sit down again and rummage through your gym bag, letting the two banter without you being in the middle. You try not to look too much at Alexia, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. Your attention is removed from the pair of friends when big loud noises are heard outside, Alexia turns on her heels after she hears it and with fast steps she goes outside. There are a few voices together, giving some incoherent words or at least it's how it sounded to you. But it calls your attention a raspy one, you don't know the meaning of her words but you swore you can stay listening to them at any moment. Your trance is interrupted by the laugh from the group outside, some of them calling Alexia's name when she enters back, cheeks very red and throwing her gym back to the floor with force.

Your curiosity won this time and your eyes remain on the door, wanting to see and guess the owner of that raspy voice.

One by one start to go inside, greeting them cheerfully and sorting people through their place, you lie to yourself if you don't scream internally when you recognise them, mainly when Patri Guijarro walks in and walks towards the blonde who is wearing —now— a scowl on her face while she changes if shoes. You feel special admiration for that player.

Two of them walked side by side, wearing wide smiles on. You don't know why but you blush when your eyes landed on the short brunette, laughing at something that you didn't know because your attention is fully on her, her smile illuminated her face and you hear her voice, blushing deeply and making yourself remove your gaze from her.

"¡Una cara nueva!"

This comment sounds just in front of you, making you swallow your new thoughts and shyness and look up. Her blue eyes shine with mischief, but a warm smile approaches her round face, not letting your time to stand up and greet properly she leans on and gives you a brief hug, introducing herself in English with a very Spanish accent, something you notice with the Spaniards before her who introduced to you.

Claudia nods excitedly with her head when you introduce yourself, sitting in front of you, not minding your shyness.

The next one is Cata, giving an affectionate -but hard- pat on your shoulder after giving another hug like the others. She is very loud, it is the first thing you notice about her, however her amicable words make you feel warm.

Mapi says something that made the changing room laugh, a playful smile playing on her lips when you look at her confused, but guessing when once again the brunette next to you reprimands her.

"She is the most annoying of us." It was the first thing that Patri told you, opening her arms and wrapping you in a warm hug. This time you are standing up, previously when you introduce yourself to Cata, you wish to be sitting because you are so shocked by this. "I do not bite." Patri tells you, separating herself from the hug but remaining both hands about your shoulders, the smile as Mapi showing on. She rubbed your shoulders gently, winking at you once you recovered a little and muttered your name and gave you a last side hug, sitting next to Claudia.

You forget momentarily that there are a few of them that still haven't met, a different accent wakes you up when she approached you.

Kika Nazareth's smile seems like it is her second nature, easy, light and gentle to unknowns and a fresh air to the ones who know her, or that is your guess. You like to guess people's behaviours. She offered to ask her anything, she came here last season and knew how to be new in a new place. Nodding, you murmur that you will count on that.

And then it is the shortest of all of them, a smile that for you, wins Kika's by far. Her ponytail is tidy, like yours before Mapi decided the contrary, the warmth of her brown eyes looking at you with every step towards you makes you feel shaking with anticipation, hopefully you are doing it internally and not showing it, because you would look very pathetic. Most, you mean.

She introduced herself, the raspy of her voice a little more pronounced in the change of the language. And just like Patri, she envelopes both arms around your body, briefly but enough for you to be wrapped around her citric perfume, and the smell of coconut of her hair embracing your nostrils. You hug her awkwardly, she is still wearing her gym bag with herself and didn't know how to put your arms properly.

It is a brief introduction, but the only one who you chose.

Jana.

You ask yourself how someone could smile with her eyes when you come back to sit down, grabbing your cleats on your hand.

A pat on your thigh warned you to look up.

"Let's go to training, kid." Mapi instructed, standing up and making you frown.

"I'm 24." You said.

Mapi looks at you raising an eyebrow, fixing her bun blindly while tilting her head. "And? You are still a kid."

Ingrid catches your eye when you look around confused, making her chuckle a little by your reaction. "You will get used to it." She said, standing up and offering you a hand.

You can't wait.

•••

You are marvelled by everything, it's true that it's your first training that requires a lot of you and you notice it at the first moment. An hour later there is a brief interruption, a teammate came late because she had a problem with her car.

She introduced herself to you when she spotted you when Mapi —who still didn't leave your side— called her. With a nod to your way, Ona jogged quickly to join immediately to the squad.

Some of the staff team tends you a pulsometer, you grab it and inspect carefully, it's the first time you would wear it. Unfortunately, your last team couldn't handle these types of things, but I least you learn other things in exchange.

"Need help?" Alexia approaches you, signalling with her finger the pulsometer.

You nod slowly, blushing a little. "It's the first time I'm going to wear one of these..." You admitted, watching with curiosity how the captain helps you.

Far away from judging you, Alexia gives you a tiny smile. "It's not been too much since we started to wear it too." She confesses in a quiet voice, remaining by your side with both hands on her hips, waiting for the coach to instruct you what to do.

Your breath gets more heavy with every exercise, reminding you that it's what you want when momentarily tell yourself that you can't anymore.

You came at the end of the summer, being the only signing that Barcelona made. You know they can't afford too much right now, you don't blame them for being a “cheap” signing, but they saw something in you to be here, and that's enough for you to force yourself to learn, control your breath and become someone thanks to them.

Your chest is burning the moment the coach ends the last training of the morning, thanking Aitana when she tends you Gatorade, you take a long sip.

Thinking about what you made in the exercises, you are pleasantly surprised to keep going with all of them, sure you commit some mistakes at the start but fix them correctly the second time. Sometimes you receive some comments from the coach, gently not hard and maybe it helps you.

The coach decided to do a game, the only purpose is to have some fun.

You walk slowly to the group, stepping between Caro and Esmee, this one gives you a small smile when she sees you.

"¿Por qué las personas tímidas siempre acabáis juntas?" Mapi shows herself in front of you three, eyebrows knitted while she keeps looking at you.

You heard how the blonde next to you leaves out a soft groan. "She said that why shy people always stand together." Caro explains to you when you turn to look at her.

Mapi gives you a smug look, turning her back at you three crossing her arms on her chest. You don't mind that type of comment, you know she didn't say it to annoy you, only to have fun.

The game consistency is one try to hide the ball and the other defend to the other and don't let them score. Simple and to have some laughs mainly. You have five minutes, to don't make the game longer.

You hold the Gatorade between your hands, your breathing coming normal again. You heard some banter, loudly exclaiming in happy tones.

However Mapi turns to you three again, her eyes fixed on you. "Want to play with me?" Her tone of voice is lowered, but she sounded like a kid and some way makes you laugh quietly for her behaviour when she asks you.

You nod, making Mapi squeals happily while raising a hand up for you to palm her. You do that, her child behaviour showing one more time and coming back to look at the front when the first ones would play the first round.

Kika and Irene.

Everyone cheered, some cheering Kika. You know why, you remember that she suffered a long injury missing the whole season and the Euro tournament, she started training with the squad last month and since it's a chill game, Kika could play it.

You clapped, putting the Gatorade under your arm. Somehow through the game your eyes advertised to the cheering group, your chest tightened one more time that day when you see how Jana is one of the loudest, alongside Cata and Salma. Her ponytail is a little untidy, face a little flushed by the effort from before, the same smile she wore the whole morning opening more, sometimes she clapped.

It's when the whole squad screams that you broke the visual with the brunette and notice that Kika scored, winning the first round.

The moment approaching your turn makes you a little nervous, making you think that they would see how you play, or at least show your style. You are a midfielder, a pure one someone told you when you trained one time at summer in an academy in London. Still, you are surrounded by literally two winners of the Ballon D'Or, twice. It would be very difficult to shine among them.

You heard your name when Mapi exclaimed that it is your turn. Seeing the one who played to the right side and the ones who still didn't remain on the left, you notice that Jana still didn't play and mentally cheered, you want to see her play.

Surrounded by some cheers, some of them cheer your name, Mapi playfully lands an arm around your shoulders, muttering that she is going to win this round, letting you go to put on her position.

You put in front of her, breath shaking a little while you try to deaf your pulse on your ears. Putting both hands on your knees, Pere whistle and throwing the ball to the middle, Mapi winning the first touch and keeping the ball between her feet, her body shielding you from the ball.

Trying to steal it from her feet, Mapi shows you why she is a defender. You push her a little to destabilise her, but it was in vain, the brunette remains on the spot without moving an inch. She started to tease you a little, even showing a side grin to your way to keep you at bay.

You concentrate on yourself, remembering what the coach teaches at the kids at the start when they need to defend. If they are hard, you are double hard, unstoppable. Controlling your breath, in your third try to sneak your foot between her legs you manage to push it a little away from her, making Mapi move quickly to hide again from you. But you push your body with force, this time you move her a few centimetres, enough for you to kick the ball away from her and sprint, making it difficult to reach the ball because the defender shoves her body towards you, her hand on your arm to keep you controlled. Both of your feet collided with the other, pushing more the ball.

Mapi is pressing very hard on you, making it difficult for you to reach the ball. You both are near the right line, her hand is in your kit holding in place. You don't know how, but you pull with all your force away from her and sprint to the ball and go a little away with it between your feet, checking through your shoulder to see that Mapi run to her position again, this time to defend you.

You are out of breath, panting. Sweat rolling for your forehead, running through your cheeks. You stop with the ball under your foot, once again trying to compose yourself and decide what to do but not letting the opportunity to attack you because you are doubting. Advancing a few steps with the ball in your right foot, your eyes fixed on Mapi's body, who are ready to approach you at any moment.

It's your turn to show your back at her, hiding the ball from her when she tries to steal it from you. You can hear her breath in your ear, body press towards you while she keeps pushing. You don't know how she keeps speaking, you wanted to answer her but can't, you still didn't learn how to do that. In a moment Mapi reached to touch the ball, moving it a few centimetres away from you, but you reacted quickly and made a roulette to put the ball away from her, running a few centimetres towards her goal but she stops you at time, pushing your body but not enough to destabilise to control the ball.

She manages to put herself in front of you, attacking with her feet to steal the ball, but you hide it, giving a few steps back with the ball under your foot. She attacks a few times and you the same, until she decides to attack you twice and you manage to risk yourself and pass the ball to your other foot and give you an auto pass, making another roulette when you reach the ball again, knowing she is behind you. Still, Mapi holds your kit again and stops you a little, at this moment both of you have less force to show. Her body comes back pressing against you, not wasting any opportunities to take the ball away from you.

Abruptly you stop, ball under your right foot. Mapi steps a few centimetres ahead of you, making you turn back and make her think that you choose the other way. You heard how she leaves a groan, reacting in time to chase you again but then, you keep the same way as before and you manage to kick the ball to the goal, it's not the best you kick, but you can't afford to do it properly.

Mapi runs chasing the ball, throwing herself to stop it but fortunately for you, the ball only grazes the tip of her boot and goes in because she can't impact with enough force you pull it in another direction.

Smiling tiredly, you see how Mapi remains on the turf, arms sprawled while supporting her knees up, chest going up and down, just like you.

There is a loud cheer when you come back to reality, out of breath you see how all of them are clapping, some of them chanting your name.

"Never again." You feel Mapi next to you again, not like before, but remaining at the same pace as you. Her voice is shaky, a murmur, eyes fixed on the front. You can appreciate the veins on her forehead showing.

You fear how you would look right now. You lowered your body to reach the Gatorade you put there before and gave a big gulp, offering the bottle to Mapi when you finished.

Ingrid is the first to approach you when you both reach the group, commenting how nice it was to witness that duel. The brunette pat your shoulder in an affectionate way before she remains by Mapi's side. There are a few of them who commented how impressive there was, Alexia gives you a nod of her head with a smile that says something but you don't understand. You nod back, hopefully giving a smile and no other thing.

You sit down on the ground, next to Patri who called you to put yourself next to her and Claudia. The last one gives a banana, you thanked her and took a bite, the flavour giving you a different taste.

If you were calm, you probably would pass out to sit down next to Patri.

The next ones are the last two remaining, Jana and Caro. You carefully watch the duel, somehow marvelled by the forward showing her skills and impressed how Jana keeps with a composure and not backed down by the person in front of her.

While you all keep watching, Mapi lays her back on Patri's legs, gaining a reproach by her but remaining in the same posture. Claudia starts to comment with Vicky, the young player who winked at you when you approached before and high five with her.

"You are coming with us." This comment makes you blink, your eyes going away from the two players keeping the ball and looking at the defender to your left, her focus entirely in front.

"If that's okay with you." Ingrid add on when she sees your face, her voice is gentle.

You nod slowly, assuming they are referring to having lunch with them and they wanted you there.

Mapi shows you a teasing grin, like a mischievous kid who made something they don't supposedly do.

Caro won the duel.

The brunette lowered both hands to her knees, recuperating from what happened. Caro pat Jana's back softly, a sheepish smile on her flushed face.

You watch closely the interaction with the rest of their teammates when they approach, all of you coming back to the changing rooms.

•••

"How are your legs going?"

Mapi asks you, leaning on the kitchen island while pinching with her fork on her salad.

You swallow, taking a small sorb from your cup before you decide to answer. "I don't feel them." You muttered the truth, hearing how the pair shared a knowing laugh.

"It's normal at the start... It would be better if you started in the preseason, it could be hard now... But you can handle this, I'm sure." Mapi says, throwing a piece of bread into her mouth and looking at you.

You shrugged, feeling a little unsure.

Her hand landed on your shoulder, squeezing it. "I don't know how you are feeling right now, but somehow everyone felt it at some point. We know where you came from, we don't judge of course, and we know too that it can be difficult for you since... You came from a small league and there are less professional teams, and maybe you are going to take some time to fit into the squad," she paused, thinking her next words. Ingrid looks at her with expectant eyes, fork hanging near the plate. "There are mistakes that you commit, which you fix pretty fast in my opinion. That's good, you are a good learner... But I see your face through the training and... You look amazed by everything they sent us, even the boring ones that we pray to not do more than necessary, you make them eager to learn." It's weird to hear Mapi speaking in a serious tone, gentleness pooling on her gaze while their eyes remain on you. "You can with this, chica."

Maybe it's too soon for the defender to say much more and choose to say what you need to hear. Maybe Mapi is more observed than you think and she reassured you what you fear to show them.

You nod, feeling the soft squeeze on your shoulder before the defender comes back to finish her plate, her childish behaviour coming back while she starts to tease Ingrid for something that you don't understand, but the brunette face showed her annoyance, making you paint a real tired and relaxed smile.

Today there is double training, and since you stayed at Mapi's and Ingrid's place, they take you there with them. Meanwhile the training arrived, you played some card games while they asked you to meet you a little, Ingrid sometimes stopped Mapi when she thought Mapi asked too many questions and personal ones.

"I need to ask her because I need to protect her from people, even if she is already with someone!"

You laugh a little by her dramatic answer when Ingrid pinches her leg in warning, her green eyes showing you an apology.

Once there again, trailing behind the couple, you see how Patri, Claudia and Cata join you, the Balear midfielder throwing an arm around your shoulders while with a smug smile say something to Mapi.

Thankfully they all missed your red face, or for now they chose to not say anything, but the little you know, there would be some of them who could tease you no matter how long they know you.

When you sit down to change shoes again, you feel how your feet feel sore with some movements you made to taste. You know it's normal, hopefully you wish they get used to it soon. Your legs felt heavier than before, but you can support it, you did before. Again, it's normal.

"¡Aitana y Y/N, juntas!" You heard how the coach started to put them into pairs, thankfully even if you don't understand what he said, you know what he means.

The brunette approaches you first, smiling and greeting you again, intertwining her arm with yours. You find comfort soon on her, it seems that she didn't mind being the only one talking and leaving you to talk when you want. Aitana is explaining some things to you, her voice getting loud when the chat around you becomes louder. She helps you with the drill, even teaching you some techniques to do it fastly. Her voice is gentle, not demanding or irritated, —something you fear could happen— is instructive and cheerful, like really enjoying telling you everything.

"You hide the ball really well." Aitana surprised you when she passed the ball to you again. She said so casually that you miss touching the ball on the first touch and apologizing, going for it again. The brunette let out a soft giggle. "Not bad." She teases you a little, but a smile remains on her lips watching you.

"You do it better than me." You dare to say, giving the ball at her again. You can feel how your cheek could explode at any moment, you can blame it for the heat of that afternoon though.

Aitana only nods her head and keeps smiling, maybe sensing your shyness getting on you right now. The rest of the drill with her was perfect, almost finishing it you opened a little more to her, telling her some things about where you came.

When it was over, the coach instructed another different exercise. And then, the last one is a match. You get with Aitana, —who high five at you— Salma, Ingrid, Ellie, Sydney and Vicky.

In the opposite team were Patri, Mapi, —who made a grimace looking at you, making some laughs— Alexia, Cata, Frido, Claudia and Irene. The rest would be sub for some of you through the game.

You grab the training pinny that someone from the staff team tends you, putting it on. Your team starts first, Salma giving the first touch to start the game.

It's here when you notice how far away you are from them. When they push you to steal the ball, it was inevitable to not move you a few centimetres, still you manage to keep the ball. You have a hard time with Patri, that apparently is marking you. When you give your back at her, somehow her elbow collides hard on your lower back, making you hiss a little but didn't give up and give a pass to Ingrid. Then, when the other team has the ball you struggle to go and steal the ball from some of them. They move it quickly, the connection between Claudia and Alexia palpable. They advance first to your goal, Alexia making a run with Aitana chasing her without success to steal the ball. And surprisingly it's you who avoided the ball entering the goal when Alexia kicked it and you threw yourself on the turf, the ball going to the other side of the pitch going outside.

Ingrid helps you to stand up, commenting to keep like that. Ellie pats your shoulder, grabbing the ball and kicking it to have a counter back. You go up, seeing how Salma controls the ball and failing the dribble against Irene.

They scored first, Claudia gave a beautiful shot at the right corner of the goal, a ball unstoppable. Panting, you returned to your position wiping the sweat from your forehead with the palm of your hand. This time Salma passed you the ball, Patri and Alexia going towards you running fastly, letting you only seconds to think and choose. The smart thing to do is pass the ball to another teammate, but you always like the risk. So seeing they are coming through your sides, you have a small space in the middle and when they are close to you, raising the ball between their legs when they extend them, you run with the ball through them and make a run, seeing how Vicky finds a breach and passes the ball to her. Sadly, the ball hit the crossbar.

You see how Mapi screams at her team while she points at you, a gesture serious on her face. Vicky gives you a thumbs up, apologizing too for failing. It encourages you how your teammates in this game give you good comments. But you can't anymore after awhile, you are out of breath, receiving kicks to your ankles didn't help either.

So when your team scored thanks to Aitana, fortunately the coach made some changes. He changes you for Dragoni, he congratulates you giving a palm to your shoulder gently.

"Take."

You turn your head to the voice, seeing how Jana is approaching you with a Gatorade in hand. Thanking her, you remain next to her holding the bottle with both hands while you put pressure on it, the cold liquid hitting your mouth and relieving you.

You try to ignore that you are next to her, your breathing becoming normal while your eyes are on the pitch, Caro going in for Salma. Your teammate decided to put herself next to you grabbing a Gatorade, commenting on the play you made before with enthusiasm.

"You should see their faces." Jana commented, chuckling a little pointing with her head the midfielders. "They didn't see it coming." Her brown eyes look at you, warm and welcoming. Her posture is lightly inclined to you both.

"I'm scared now." You muttered, half closing your eyes when you returned to look back at the pitch to Alexia and Patri, concentrated.

They both leave out soft laughs, Salma leaning on you to comment that they are not that scary, but then she retreats herself and advises you to not make Alexia angry.

Ona and the three midfielders are changed, Jana joining the team to finally play. Patri elbow you with a grin, commenting on the play and complimenting you.

You don't know why but you don't find it that impressive, still you politely didn't say anything and thank their comment.

When the training is over, you all are walking back. What you didn't know was how you managed to focus your attention in Jana while she is speaking with Ona about something you don't know, but really seems happy about the topic. The problem came when you trip with the bag's ball that you offered to take to its place, your knees hit hard the pavement and you slipped out a small hurt sound.

The first face that you see is Alexia, hearing from a short distance someone screams “My child!”. The blonde immediately asks you if you are okay, worry not only filling her eyes, her all face too.

"I'm awkward." You whisper after communicating that you are fine, accepting the hand she offers you to help you stand up.

Alexia points out that your knees are bleeding, offering to go with you to the medical office team. Mapi soon is by your side, taking your face between her hands and asking in a messy English tone if you are okay.

You don't realise that they all are looking at you until you look straight, their stares make you blush a lot. You try to avoid those eyes at all costs, not daring to see her reaction to your stupid fall.

The two by your sides offered to go with you to take care of your knees, Alexia instructing someone else to take care of the bag in your hands.

"How is your first day?" Alexia asks you once finished to patch your knees, accompanying you to the changing room.

"Pretty good. Nervous, but exciting." You say honestly after thinking how you are feeling through this day.

Alexia nods, giving you a soft squeeze on your elbow.

You three enter there, half of the team out of the place. Mapi waits patiently next to your place like she told you when Alexia sent her here.

"I'll take you to your place."

Then, Mapi and Ingrid waited patiently for you to put in your other shoes, the defender dismissing when you say your car would stay here.

•••

You stirred, letting out a sigh and turning to your other side. Then, an incessant noise wakes you up and blindly searches for the device, muttering sleepily to another person in the other line.

"¿Qué? No importa, open the door kid. We are here."

You frown lightly, removing the phone from your ear and with an eye closed you see that you don't have saved the number, but the voice sounds to you a lot. It's when you see the hour that you cursed and stand up, going to open the door.

Ona, Ingrid and Mapi are there.

"Sorry, I didn't hear the alarms." You said, opening the door for them still with your phone in hand.

"We figure out that you wouldn't do it in time, so we came to save you." Mapi sang, going first to your apartment.

"That looks painful." Ona tells you once she greets you, eyes fixed on your exposed knees, where the wound is showing.

You shrugged, feeling heaviness on all your body. Ingrid tells you that you still have time to go to training, saying that you don't need to rush.

Once with the kit on, tidy ponytail, you come back to the living room, commenting if they want something in your way towards the kitchen.

"Don't worry, we already have breakfast." Ona says, leaning on the frame when she steps with Mapi in the kitchen, Ingrid stays on the couch.

You nod, grabbing some oranges and squeezing them in an orange squeezer. You obligate yourself to eat something, usually you aren't the type to wake up and eat immediately, you need time apart to do that.

Mapi steals some cookies, giving you an innocent smile when you look at her.

"How do you know that I leave myself asleep?" You ask her in a small tone, still the tiredness shows on.

"We were there before." She says, shrugging.

After you finish, brush your teeth and the four of you go inside of Mapi's car. Apparently Ona's car is in a garage for a few days and she needs a ride to the training grounds these days.

"Let me help you with that." Ingrid says to you when you enter the changing room, some of them are already there. "Take, it helps." She gives you two white bandages, enough to cover your wounds.

Sitting, you put one in your right knee, flinching a little when it brushes your wound. When you are putting the second in your left, someone comes and asks you for them.

"Hurt that much?" You look up immediately, seeing Jana standing in front of you looking at how you are finished to put on the bandage.

"Not too much." You murmur, swallowing.

Jana nods, gifting you a smile and going out of the changing room.

You don't have time to process her presence in your space when Alexia comes to ask you how you are, muttering that you need to be more careful knowing now that you are a little clumsy.

That morning training feels like it never goes to end. Maybe it's the heaviness you feel, that it seems that every touch, movement and precision were slower and you don't like it. You missed a few easy marks, cursing yourself in a whisper in your language in the second missed touch. You don't want to look at them on their faces, feeling embarrassed and the truth is that you could handle their gazes, because you know it speaks louder than any comment they would tell you.

"We are going to have lunch, let's go." Mapi informs you when she enters a few minutes after you, turning around to pick up her things and missing your surprised expression.

"We thought that you would like this bar, they have really good tapas." Ona seems to catch your face, walking with her gym bag towards you three are. You assume that she will be stuck with the couple today because she didn't have a car and they offered.

You muttered a soft okay, giving a light shrug while put on your gym bag through your body. You are refreshed once you come back to the changing room, immediately changing your sweated kit and burying yourself under the water, taking a quick shower. So fortunately you don't need to worry about your smell bothering them.

Ona starts a conversation with Alexia, who it seems that she would go too. You freeze a little when Jana approaches the door knocking on it, an impatient face looking at them while saying something that you don't understand. You stand awkwardly next to Ingrid, finding comfort in the brunette who welcomes you the day before and some way take care of you, like the defender who is screaming something while she grabs another kit that she is wearing and going to the shower area.

You see how Ingrid sits down with a knowing look, telling you the same and commenting that it would take Mapi fifteen minutes at least. Jana clicked with her tongue, letting out a sigh and muttering something at them, you only caught Kika's name and then disappeared from there.

You assume that they would go too, making you feel a little nervous. Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear Mapi shout the lyrics from the song she put on, you try to hold a smile but fail with every miss note she makes. Alexia shares a smile with you when she sees you, muttering to you that she recommended the defender to be a singer instead, this time a soft laugh escaped from your mouth.

After a few failed warnings from Alexia, Mapi came out with a clean kit and wet hair, cheerfully grabbing her things and going to the door, throwing the car's keys to Ingrid. Some screams are exchanged between the defender and the girls inside a car, the vehicle disappears after they all are in Mapi's car, the pilot this time being the Norwegian midfielder while you are in the middle between Alexia and Ona.

You feel relieved the moment your back hits the soft material, content while you hear some Spanish song sounding in a low volume while they sometimes talk, less Alexia who seems interested looking at the window. You are glad to not be the only one remaining quiet, even if you have the barrier of the language as an excuse.

When the car is parked, you need to walk to the place they said. You look at the streets and the inevitable familiarity of them reminds you of your hometown, even the language has some familiarity with yours. You follow the group, look at everything and take some notes to visit some places that take your interest.

They enter the bar in a corner, the cold breeze hits you immediately and you feel grateful for it, something definitely it shares with your city is the heat in this time of the year. You spotted a table where some of your teammates are there sitting, calling your names.

However you wait for them to take a seat, Jana sees you standing and offers you the seat next to her, hand removing the chair behind with a kind smile. You meet her peach scent the moment you take the seat, biting your lower lip while the loud chatter floats around you.

"Do you have Instagram?" Mapi asks you from the other place of the table, grabbing her phone while looking at you.

You knitted your eyebrows, nodding with your head. She asks you the name, letting out an exclamation when you told your name, gaining some laughs from your teammates.

"How do I type that? I don't know how to pronounce it either." The defender says, a little astonished.

"She is Greek, dumb." Salma informs her, winking at your way.

You feel how Jana is looking at you, so you don't look at her way and instead grab Mapi's phone when she extends her arm to you and mutters to type your surname.

"Y/N Oiko- Oikomu.- ¡Mierda! I don't know." Mapi tries to read, failing in every intention to read properly. However you feel how your phone vibrates while Mapi huff, shushing Claudia next to her who is laughing.

"Oikonomou." Ingrid read out loud from Mapi's phone, making the defender roll her eyes while ignoring the smirk on her girlfriend's face.

You see how Mapi is failing how to pronounce your surname, getting entertained by it with every try until you see a phone in front of you, Alexia is giving you a shy smile with the Instagram app open. You typed your surname and gave it back to her, feeling how your phone vibrates again.

"¡Griega! Pégate towards them!" Mapi shouts at you with the phone pointing to the group to your right side.

You lean it with a lipped smile, probably looking horrible because it's how you feel. If you are tense you are more the moment you feel Jana's hand on your back, a gesture to indicate silently to be close to her for the picture.

You hold your breath until Mapi is finished to take pictures, but soon she points the phone to your face, not giving you the opportunity to recover for the warm touch of the hand soaking through the fabric of your kit.

This time, Jana changes her hand to put an arm around your shoulder and lean her head to yours, hearing how she calls for Alexia next to you to join in the picture.

You can't believe what's happening right now, but you would go through this memory later that night in an attempt to comprehend your emotions.

Assimilating that friendly gesture, you see how Alexia tends a menu in front of you, asking what you like. You said that you like everything, not minding to try new things.

"Then, leave me to order for you. You won't regret it." She says, you accept her proposal.

Meanwhile, Vicky asks you things about where you are, saying out loud what everyone thinks but still didn't say out. You don't mind, after all there aren't too many Greeks on this side of the sport to be known. You start to tell your background a little, how you always remind yourself with a ball between your feet and playing on the street with the big kids, intensifying your interest when you live two years in London for your mother's job and don't renounce it when you come back to Athens.

"You are the first Greek I met." Mapi comments, narrowing her eyes when Claudia comments back that probably would be the last time too, laughing filling the table. The defender complains to Ingrid a few minutes later when they keep teasing her, you watch the interaction with fun.

Kika starts to keep a conversation with you about the vacation places, agreeing with you on some topics like in yours, in her country they have the same problem, just like Spain. People go to the beaches when they can offer more than that, and sometimes people who live there get annoyed by it.

"I'm starving." Ona muttered a few rows away from you, after thanking the waitress. Her face paints a small pleasure expression when saw the plate, starting to devour the content in the plate she is sharing with some of them.

The smell makes your stomach notice, making some noise that you —hopefully— nobody hears.

"Take, this is called chocos fritos." Alexia says while giving you a napkin enrolled with a fork and knife inside.

You taste it when you take the fork to your mouth, tasting the salty and the flavour of meeting your senses for the first time, you nod with your head when you feel Alexia's eyes on you, after chewing and communicating that it's really nice. You taste it too when Alexia puts some lemon on it after asking you, and you approve immediately at the addition.

Then, something called Gazpacho is placed in front of you, they told you it is traditional from the south of Spain and very popular for the whole country. It's like a cold soup that you love the moment you taste it, wanting more the moment you finish but remains quiet and wait for the last one, because there would be a dessert and they seem really excited for you to try.

You feel something dry on the corner of your lip, realising that Jana is cleaning that place with a napkin, whispering to you that you have gazpacho there. She didn't warned you to do it yourself, she just tells you while she does it.

Jana is not putting resistance on the weird thing that you are starting to feel whenever she is around you. And less with gestures like that.

After the last tapa, the dessert came quickly. It's called crema catalana, a traditional Catalan dessert that actually is really good. They call it only crema, explaining to you that there they call like that while in the rest of the country they call crema catalana.

Your verdict makes Alexia don't agree with you, telling you that your first election should be la crema catalana and not gazpacho. You give her a shy smile, shrugging while you all get out of there to go to the meeting to start to study your first rival in the league.

"At least today there aren't double sessions." Ona comments, patting your shoulder when she puts on her seatbelt.

You feel some relief knowing that, forgetting about that. However, the next day would be double sessions but at least you would be more rest.

•••

Pain, it's the only thing you can feel right now.

You leave a small hurt sound, taking a hand to your right side, your eyebrow. You notice a liquid and a lot of pain, taking a look at your fingers and seeing a red liquid there.

Why are you so clumsy?

You left a groan out, praying that no one heard or saw you. Crouching next to your car, you search for the keys quickly with your clean hand. Blushing just thinking how you made yourself that.

Once inside, you put your gym bag behind, taking a look to yourself in the rearview mirror and grimacing by the open cut in your eyebrow, blood falling through your cheek and nose, feeling the sensation of the smash with every second. It's like it's biting that place, inflammation starting to show.

You decided to go to the hospital because you feared that you probably needed stitches. So after cleaning your face, it still keeps bleeding. Putting the route to the hospital in your GPS, you start to drive carefully and avoid where some of your teammates are going out of the building.

Small drops of blood fell to your kit you realised when you took at last look to yourself in the mirror. Grabbing a new paper, you go out of the car and walk to the receptionist, who sends you to Urgències to attend you for your little accident.

You explain carefully what happened to you to the woman, who gladly helped you with a sad smile when she saw your state. After she gives you back your European sanitary card, the woman indicated to you to wait in the chairs to the right wing, warning you that it would probably take some hours there because there are people with injuries worse than yours, so you nod understandably and thanked her.

You are hungry, and you only have three hours free before you need to come back, still you know that you couldn't make it in time. Your head starts to hurt and you feel your eyebrow more heavy, your right eye half closed. Checking the time, you think if you should warn someone of the team with the hour approaching.

However you decide to leave the device because the brightness of the screen starts to bother you, deciding to go there once you finish.

Four hours later, you are out of there. The doctor who attended you said that you made the right decision to go there, the kind man makes you relax by giving you conversation, like giving him an excuse to practice his English to cheer for your team if he didn't like the sport, and obviously he told you to not train today for precaution when you explained how you made that wound.

You revise your phone once you parked the car there, your stomach roaring but got quiet when you see the missed calls from Alexia, Mapi and Ingrid. There are some text by Mapi.

Taking a breath, you walk slowly inside of the building with the paper the doctor gives you when you ask for him he could write it. Your hair is down, the ponytail was creating you a horrible headache.

You feel their eyes the moment they see you walk to the ground training, but you avoid their gazes and focus on the coach, who screams at them to keep with the drill while he approaches you with a worry expression.

"You alright?" He asks you, seeing the bandage on your eyebrow. You start to explain to him what happened, avoiding the reason behind it and then, you give the paper at him, commenting about your situation. "Okay, yeah. If you need something, please tell us. Some of them are worried about you." He said, saying goodbye and having some rest for the day.

You try to hide your face from them, walking away from there and thinking that you are going to miss the first match of the season, you wouldn't even be a sub.

Begrudgingly, you drive to your place and have a call with your mother, informing her about your state. She worried at first but calmed down once you told her that you were fine, just with a little headache, lying in little.

You feel like you will pass out at any moment when the call ends, remembering that you still didn't eat anything. You hear your phone vibrate, Alexia's name on the screen makes you doubt to answer the call.

"Hi." You greet her in a small voice, sitting on the couch again.

"What happened? Are you feeling bad?" Alexia voices feel anxious, very worried.

You feel bad to hear like that.

"I'm fine, nothing too serious. Just me being me." You leave out a small chuckle. "Do you remember the part when I told you I'm clumsy?" You hear her hummed. "Well, that happened. I got distracted and I buried part of my face in a post that I don't see and I cut my eyebrow. I don't train today because the doctor recommended not doing that." You explain, playing with the laces of your barça training shorts.

Alexia leaves out a heavy sigh, a few seconds later asking you if you need anything.

Before you could say something, there are a few knocks on your door at the same time the doorbell sounds.

"I think I'm fine. Mapi and Ingrid are here." You tell Alexia when you open the door with your heart accelerating because you got scared.

The Catalan before the call ends reminds you gently to call her if something happens, wishing you a quick recovery.

"What happened to your face?" Mapi is the first to speak, eyebrows knitted while she leaves her keys on the table, stepping towards you to check your covered area.

You blush, removing your gaze from the defender and clear your throat. "Smash into a post." You muttered, walking towards the kitchen after you leave your phone on the table.

"How?" Mapi trailed behind you, her gaze fixed on you.

"I wasn't just not looking and... It happened." You say, rummaging through your fridge thinking what to make yourself for dinner. "Do you stay for dinner?"

"Si." The defender answered quickly. "Where did you make it?" She asks, a hint of suspicion on her voice.

You turn to look at her and see her with her arms crossed, Ingrid leaning both hands on the marble table.

"After training, in the parking lot." You admitted, after debating whether to say it or not.

"And why didn't you go to the medical office? They would take care of you instead of you spending all those hours in the hospital." You flinch when you hear Ingrid's voice. It's not angry either reprimand, but is a chill with a hint of something you don't quite point out but make you feel like a child.

You just shrug, closing the door and leaning your back there, starting to play with your fingers.

"Wait, you said you made it in the parking lot. What got you so distracted to hit your face and need stitches?" Mapi inquires a few seconds later.

You blush, clearing your throat. You can't say it, because you don't even know what happens to you every time she is around.

"That bad?" Ingrid asks in a soft tone, sensing the heat raising to your cheeks.

You shake your head. "Just embarrassing." You murmured. Your eyes drifted to the bag paper on your table, inside are the medications the doctor says you need to take.

"Who's involved?" Mapi question straight, putting by your side with an inquisitive gaze.

Shit.

You swallow, muttering that you are hungry and ask what they want for dinner.

"Para." Mapi grabs your shoulders, stopping you. "Who?" Her tone is more serious, almost getting irritated with the fact that there is someone to blame.

"No one! I just noticed someone and... smashed my face." You say quickly, trying to reassure them there is not one to blame and it's only your fault.

The couple look at each other, speaking only with their eyes. You look at them a little terrify by their reaction. However you leave out a relief sigh when Mapi looks you back with a sly grin, her behaviour coming normal.

"¿Te gusta alguien? Who?" You only understand the second question, asking with your eyes she repeats again and it makes you blush more.

"I don't like anyone." You say, starting to clean up some tomatoes.

Ingrid sent you off and took charge of the dinner, seeing your state. Mapi follows you into the living room, sitting next to you while she can't stop smiling like a child.

"It's someone from the team?" She tries to guess, choosing the easy option and you curse her for it.

You remain quiet, but the laugh she leaves tells you that she knows she guesses correctly.

"Firstly, you have a taste." She wiggles her eyebrows, leaning her head briefly to your way while holding your left leg on her lap, she puts your leg there to inspect the wound on your knee. "And secondly... Who is she? ¿Es Ale? Sorry but she is taken!"

You shake your head, still keeping quiet.

"Patri?" She tried again, remembering your state of shock two days ago.

You shake your head again.

Mapi made a thinking face, muttering under her breath that there is a lot and begging for you to give her a clue.

"I don't like anyone." You say again, making Mapi roll her eyes.

Then, you see her think hard. So you remove your leg from her lap and tell her you are going to take a shower, maybe she went to rant off to Ingrid and stop thinking about the details.

Usually you feel better after a shower, but not this time. You just want to eat something, take the pills and go to bed to sleep and wake up without that horrible headache. You walk outside again on your pajamas, eyes half closed, the right one is looking almost closed.

"You look bad." Mapi points out, table ready for you three to eat dinner. "Eat and go to bed." She commanded softly.

•••

You watched the first match on the stands, just like you guessed. You remain two days out because they wanted you to take some precautions since you hit your head. You were next to Kika the whole time and saw how your team won the first three points.

To celebrate, they make a reservation in a restaurant to have dinner. It's going to be your first bond time out of the training grounds with them, you missed the first one for your minor injury.

What you don't wait for when you open the door is to see someone else in Mapi's backseat. You stay a few seconds watching until the driver loudly calls for you to go in.

"I joined them." Jana tells you when you got up, putting your seatbelt and leaving the brunette in the middle, to her left was Frido.

You give them a small smile in the form of a greeting. You try hard to not look too much at Jana while she speaks with them, noticing that you are seeing her for the first time with her hair down and thinking that she looks really pretty.

You come back to your dreamy state when Jana gently brushes her hand on your arm. "Frido asked you." She tells you, her smile widening.

Blinking, you hear Frido repeat the question. "I'm fine. Kika is a good company." You answer when she asks about how you are.

Mapi interjects that she is a better company, only for you to mutter that maybe Kika is better to tease her a little, the Aragonese leaves out a gasp offended and tells you to retreat.

"She is the dramatic of the team, like you can verify." The Swedish comments at you.

The rest of the way to the restaurant is filled with teasing Mapi and you appreciating Jana's presence next to you, almost not believing that she is there. Her voice is sounding more rasp for raising her voice during the match, like some of your teammates, but you find it very attractive towards Jana's mostly.

Once there, you have a break from the brunette and sit down between Alexia —who grab your wrist gently when you walk past her and ask you to sit down next to her— and Ona, who your bond on her is growing these days like the couple. You leave her your car when she commented that hers needed to be more time in the garage, so you offer yours and she agrees once she is reassured that it is okay with you, after asking tenth times. Also you figure out that Mapi would take you to the ground facilities the moment you hit your head and see your state later that day.

Ona is helping you to accommodate yourself into the city, walking to you to some places you comment at her when she approached your apartment last afternoon and asked you what you wanted to do. Also she heard Mapi tease you the next day of your incident when they came for you and with a tease smirk told Mapi to give you a break.

"Your right eye looks better." Alexia comments, checking your right side carefully.

"Yeah, it barely hurts anymore." You communicate, sipping from the coca cola zero cup you asked.

"You did yourself a damage there." She tells you, coming to your mind the first time she saw your stitches in your eyebrow and your right eye. Her face contorted and scolded you, then when Alexia finished immediately apologised and for the first time gave you a hug.

"Promise to be more careful." You repeat what you told her to reassure her, not scared when she scolded you because you saw the worry on her face.

"Más te vale." The blonde says smiling, an arm flying to your shoulder and bringing towards her gently.

You share the same smile, not believing that you have Alexia Putellas next to you, side hugging you, smiling and worrying at you.

Ona sees you two and raises her phone to your faces, saying a word that you don't understand and comprehending later when Alexia says the word what it means. You two share a laugh when Ona tries to spell your surname while she typed your name to tag you, giving you a small stern look she leaves her phone after she finishes, shoving your arm softly when you say it.

With the hours passing, you realised that you have a good time, seeing that they are like in training, what they showed. Some of them ask you to give your opinion on some topics they were discussing, or just telling you cultural things and wanting you to play some games with them on bond nights. If you need to say that someone scares you, that is Irene. The veteran defender has a strong aura, behaviours that if she thinks aren't right, she would tell you and cut you in an instant. However, you can see that she cares about them, the small smiles with the jokes that the young players made at her, scolding Claudia for throwing a piece of bread to Aitana to annoy her or when she asked you how you were feeling. Details that she looks the opposite of what she is, and she plays with that advantage sometimes.

Through dinner, your eyes search for someone. You see her between Ingrid and Frido, the conversations between them look smoother, sometimes their laugh mixes with the others and her eyes are fixed on you when some of them ask you something, there is genuine interest in them but it seems that you only notice Jana's.

"Let's go to a club!" Vicky exclaimed after they all paid.

There is a chorus between yes and no, it amused you how the young player received sceptical looks from the older, while the young ones beamed for her idea. You remain quiet, hands on the pocket of your denim jacket standing next to Ona because Alexia walks towards Vicky and starts to trick her, failing.

"Irene." Alexia called her, almost in a beg while raising her gaze to the defender.

Irene just shrugged, arms crossed on her chest with a calm face. "She is old enough to party, Ale." She said.

Alexia leaves out a small groan, hearing how Vicky squeals happily and jumps into Patri's arms. The blonde makes Patri promise her that she would take care of Vicky, looking through Ona when she points at her and you. Apparently you are going too, the hazel eyes of the captain look at you unsure but didn't say anything.

Mapi stormed out after having a dramatic conversation with her friend, she called your name and translated in Spanglish that she is who needed to keep an eye on Vicky, not Patri. Walking side by side, Ingrid flies behind you both and Ona shouts at you to be lucky where you can hear her smirk.

This time it is Claudia and Salma who accompanied you in the car to the club, the music already settled in the car. There looks like an improvised karaoke, the leader is Mapi with a tired Ingrid next to her, begging her girlfriend to shut up.

"She started to sing." You whisper Ona the moment her group approached you, the freckled girl smirked at you knowingly.

Before she could answer you, the sound of a car approaching at high speed like escaping from a persecution was heard, you got scared because the white car almost hit you if Ona and Ingrid pushed to their side.

"Cata, you need to be more careful! Why are you driving like that in a parking lot?" Ingrid scolds the goalkeeper the moment she puts a foot out.

The mentioned apologise with you, muttering something at Ingrid about rápida y furiosa. The brunette rolled her eyes, while this time it was Mapi who punched Cata's arm in warning.

The defender holds your hand and walks with you inside, asking you what you like to drink, you just said that you don't care, but maybe something not too hard.

Two hours later, you are leaning on the bar with Ona and Ingrid, you are feeling a little tired and have not joined the cheerful group dancing on the dance floor, ironically they don't look tired at all. You learn something new with the pair, having some laughs when Mapi failed miserably in a battle dance with Patri. You sneak some glances of where Jana is, a small smile approaching every time you see her laughing with some of them and erasing it when you notice.

Mapi comes staggering a little with her cup empty, hitting it on the bar and shouting to the waitress to have another. She didn't mind putting herself between Ingrid and Ona, interrupting their conversation.

"You look smiley tonight..." Mapi tells you when she positioned herself next to you, giving a sip to her new drink.

You raised an eyebrow, but remained quiet.

"I'm not that drunk." She sang lowly in your ear, the laugh slipping from her mouth tells another thing just like the slurred words.

Your breath faltered for a moment, but you just take a sip from your second ron con coca cola. Mapi intertwined her arm with yours, whispering that she knew who you like.

"I don't like anyone. Anyway, it is impossible. I've known you all for six days." You say, giving logical reasoning.

Mapi snorted. "It doesn't look that impossible to me. I watched it before, believe me." She slurred out, whispering in your ear that Jana is single and then gave you a thumbs up before she kissed Ingrid's cheek and came back to the dance floor, leaving you blushing profusely.

"What did she say to you?" Ona questioned when she sees your face.

"I barely understood her." You say, not telling the truth but either saying a lie.

They look at you suspicious, but didn't say anything. Then, Kika shows herself and after she obtains a new drink, —after taking a big gulp from yours— and grabbing your hand, taking you to the dance floor.

You thought that you can't blush anymore, but you can. You feel how your cheeks felt warm and was because Kika started dancing in front of you, holding your hand while dancing for you. You see her smug smirk, still she shouts in your ear to relax and join her. It worsens when Patri comes and starts to chant your name, arm landing on your shoulder while she joins Kika and dances. Soon, the rest is around you three, chanting your name and you only want to disappear but instead give in and start to dance, hearing them cheer. Somehow you loosen, feeling the music and probably it's for the alcohol in your system. Kika didn't let go of your hand, but she is having her attention on Claudia and Salma, making a bet about something you don't understand. Patri pulls off her arm but keeps on your side, her eyes are roaming a woman to her right, meanwhile the rest are scattered everywhere. You spotted that Jana takes Patri's job and remains by Vicky's side, seeing how she trailed behind every time the young player walks from one side to another.

And then it is Mapi, who points to Kika and mouths what you think is a jealous word. Her movements at this point are erratic, but it didn't stop her from dancing, she joined you and then separated and danced a few meters away, then came back. She keeps talking to everyone, somehow she is not too drunk to forget about her new discovery.

There is a moment that the Portuguese lean her body on yours, head leaning on your shoulder but keep dancing in slow movement. You can tell that she is tired, still it makes you a little nervous about how close she is. Vicky then approaches the little group where you are, —you stop dancing the moment Kika leans on you— the little girl shouts in Patri's ear to try to speak with that woman, only to be shoved aside by the Balear who starts to blush. Claudia pulls off her phone from her pocket, taking a small video of her friend who pushes away the phone by muttering something with slurred words. Then, the Catalan shouts to you and Kika to smile while putting the phone in your direction, the flash almost blind you there.

"Janaaaa!" You heard Kika say, changing your body for hers the moment the brunette approaches you both.

The defender received her with open arms, chuckling while Kika hides her head on her friend's neck. Jana locked eyes with you, smile softening while hugging back at her friend.

"She likes to cuddle when she is drunk and tired." She comments at you, who witnessed how her friend cuddled you.

"I noticed..." You comment back, holding the empty glass in your hand. Hearing how Patri is taking some breathing exercise next to you. "Is she alright?" You ask loudly, turning to look at her.

"She is taking some courage to speak to that woman." Jana explains, like she is used to this at this point.

You look at said woman, very beautiful if you said the truth. But there is something off on her, somehow sensing that probably she would give a rejection to your teammate. The eyes of the woman lock on you for a moment, you advertise your from her and make the feint to drink, but you remember it is empty when you don't feel the liquid and feel embarrassed. You hear how Jana leaves out a giggle by your side, then she puts her glass in front of you.

"You need it." Was the only thing she says when you raise your eyes to her. Jana is giving you an amused expression.

You drink and put a face when you taste the new flavour, you don't like it. You give it back to her while coughing a little, Patri pat on your back when she hears you.

"Alright?" She slurred out, her English at this point is in very short words to make herself understand what she wants to say.

You nod, seeing how Mapi approaches from nowhere. With a hand on your back, she shouts something at Patri and after she shakes her head with a trembling face, Mapi tells that the night is over.

Vicky wasn't very happy about it.

•••

20 minutes.

That was what you played in the second match of the league.

You don't mind, the contrary you thought would play less than 20 minutes. You came on for Alexia, who patted your shoulder and wished you good luck. There are enough advantages to let Alexia rest, so the coach can test some players.

You were very nervous, but you took it gladly because it makes you determined. You have some mistakes but nothing serious, the only problem is the many kicks to your ankles or the pull of your kit to stop you from hiding the ball from them. You noticed it at the first moment, the high level your team is while the opposite struggles. You never experienced being in the high level part, and it showed in that match.

The breath thing is starting to be controlled, but you need more training to understand some passes your teammates made between them. They didn't do it with you, still. However they told you how well you played, but you don't believe them. You know how you play and you can do it better.

October comes and you play much better in the third match, it was an away game and the new kit brightened under the sun.

You have velocity, so this time the coach put you on the left wing until he changed Aitana and put you in her position. You almost stopped a goal from a counterattack in a corner where Cata was in the middle and while she came back, the rival player saw the opportunity, so you sprint and run directly towards the goal, the moment the rival kicked the ball, you were shouting to Cata to move because she couldn't make it. You kick the ball out near the line, out of breath you move your hand to the referee to indicate it wasn't a goal. Cata was furious for it when the referee indicated that the ball touched the line and say its goal, there were no var and the only to believe were you and Cata, the last one gained a yellow card.

Then, it came the moment where you give an assist to Vicky in a play that no one waited to be. You never give a ball lost, and it is not going to happen now. It started when Irene saw Claudia to free herself from her mark but Irene kicked the ball very strongly and Claudia couldn't reach it so she let it go out. But you saw how the ball is getting slower and doesn't go out so you sprinted, taking the mistake the defender made and ran past her, only chasing you when they noticed. You give an auto pass to yourself and immediately center the ball into the box, the young player hitting the ball with her head and scoring.

You smiled.

"Ready for the Champions League match?" Mapi asks you a week before it happens, sitting herself next to you on the couch, interrupting your thoughts.

Today is bonding time, taking place in Patri's apartment.

You squint your eyes, voicing out your confusion.

"Just think that in a week, we will be playing against Juventus." Mapi says, giving you an innocent cheeky smile.

"You will play, I'm probably watching from the bench." You comment, without any remorse in your tone. You just know right now what you are in the team.

She pat your shoulder, leaving her hand there. "Well, keep playing like that and you soon will be a starter." Mapi leaves out a laugh when Kika sits on your lap, a habit she is developing. "You comfy?" Just like Mapi's suggestive tone when Kika does something relatively close to you.

"Very much, obrigado." Kika answers, leaning her head on your shoulder and giving a wide smile to the defender, leaning part of her leg on Mapi's lap.

You are starting to get used to this type of gesture by the Portuguese. She is like that with everyone, specially Jana, Ellie and Claudia, now you too. Your bond with her grows in the past month after the first party with half of the team in that club, Kika felt comfortable around you to start to tell you things about herself and rant whatever passes on her mind.

With Patri and Claudia there is a bond too, the pair of friends take care of you after training and wander around the city, you never laugh so much more than that afternoon. It surprised you one day when Patri and you were ranting about a match you were watching together in Mapi's place and the conversation took a turn and then she gave you advice. Since then, you listen to the small advice she gives you to be better. Patri didn't seem herself giving them, she told you, but she gives you when you ask shyly.

If the team didn't know who your favourite player was, they know it now.

With Alexia is who you bond in silence, since both of you shared some characteristics. She leaves you by yourself, without necessities of using words. She takes a look at you and knows, sometimes she pats your back gently and muttered how well you did that training and sometimes she tells you where you missed, her voice always firm and gentle. Then, the blonde asks you how are you, that question never missed in your day with her.

If the captain is silent, Aitana is the opposite. The brunette loves explaining everything, her voice getting excited every time you ask her how to do whatever they send you on your way if you don't understand. She is too who offered to help you with the languages, short classes in the gym session where Aitana teaches you and with a cheeky smile correct you or cheer because you learn it correctly. However she asks you how to say small things in Greek, surprisingly her accent sounds better with that language.

You take a liking towards Esmee, Ewa and Caro, sometimes when the rest is getting loud, you step towards them and quietly watch your teammates, sometimes commenting on something that only you four would laugh.

And then is Jana.

With her you feel the same. Nervous, like if you don't know how to speak in front of her and admiring from a distance. She is mostly the one who approached you, commenting on something in a play or just random things in bond nights, you almost collapsed one time when you got paired with her to play a board game. But she is kind and friendly, taking your nervousness like shyness around her. Jana always offers you a Gatorade when the training is stopped and steps towards the coach to give instructions, Mapi winks at your direction when your eyes landed on her.

Jana enters the living room and sees you and the forward, letting out a soft chuckle while teasingly pat Kika's thigh. The Portuguese reclaimed that there is no space for her to sit and that you are comfy, grabbing your arm and wrapping it around her middle section, playing with the only ring you wear. Claudia came and threw herself on you two, putting to your other side bothering Mapi now and leaning her head on your other shoulder, half of her body on the defender and on you.

Patri takes a picture of you, laughing hard by your red face. Still, —not counting Ingrid— they can't pronounce your surname and you find some comfort for when they tease you.

•••

You hate yourself so much.

You can feel the tears in your eyes, holding them while in a failed attempt you try to listen to the coach, but you can't.

It's January, a week after New Year.

Last day was match day and you played the full second half, for a part you felt glad the coach is taking more of your presence in the squad and at the same time is a nightmare for you when it is over.

You analyse every detail in your head, punishing you in your mistakes and barely paying attention to the good ones, if there were some. You don't know at what moment you started to feel like this, but you are repeating to yourself that you can't.

It's a series of things, pretending for your teammates is not easy, but it's a natural thing you know how to do. When they ask you in a casual way how are you; you are fine while giving them the most convincing smile you learned to give. Though you need to be careful with Mapi and Alexia, knowing very well that if the Aragonese see a glimpse of how you are feeling she asks you in the first second, and you don't want to worry them because they have their own problems.

You blinked when you saw how your teammates started to go to the gym area, today is a recovery session. You opted to go to the toilets first, with silent steps you went out and disappeared into the empty toilet, tears slipping from your eyes.

No matter how many times you wipe them with the palm of your hand, they can't stop approaching more. You spend a good amount of time there, biting your lower lip and trying to calm yourself, repeating that this is not the moment.

You throw water to your face before you go out, the tears stop minutes ago and after calming your breathing, your steps take you to the gym. Their gazes are on you the moment you start to walk towards the circle group, you know your eyes are red and puffy, but you don't have enough force to cover at least what you can.

The group is dissolved quickly and allowed to use the machines, you step into the treadmill. You have not raised your head up at any moment, embarrassed of who they would look at you. However you can hear, you heard how Alexia sharply called Mapi's name and shut her up when the defender was to say something.

You are grateful for both of them, they wanted to take care of you in their manners. But you appreciate mostly Alexia's gesture right now.

Your mind is going wild, the last match replaying in your mind like a joke. Maybe Barcelona is too much for someone like you, brightly and sharply at the same time. This team requires professionals, people who can handle and know what they know what is doing. You feel lost most of the time. They deserve someone who fits into the squad and no one who needs to take them by their hands.

Your lungs burn, but you don't stop to run.

However, someone else did.

You saw a hand pressing the buttons knowingly, making you look up for the first time and see the last person you would imagine.

"I think it is enough." Jana says in a kind tone, but firm to let you know that you are over with the treadmill.

You stopped there, taking your kit towards your face and wiping the sweat. You are like that for a few minutes, the emotion is coming back and you keep repeating to hold it, at least until you reach your car.

When you put your kit down, you see how Jana is leaning her head on her arms and looking at you, waiting. Her gaze is warm, kindness floating on her brown orbs.

"Come with me?" She murmurs, extending her right hand towards you. Her smile matches her gaze, a welcome invitation that takes you by surprise.

You don't say anything, you shyly put your hand on hers, going down the treadmill and letting her take you whatever she wants. You notice that there are only a few of them there, you find the rest in the changing room.

"Stay here." Jana says after making you sit in her place. You missed the warmth of her hand, or her presence next to you. If you need to describe her, it would be warm, she reminds you of the sun hitting your skin in Spring, a hot chocolate to warm you from the cold.

You see her talk with Mapi and Ingrid, Alexia next to them remaining quiet. The couple sneak some glances towards you, mainly Mapi who are reluctant to come towards you at any moment.

Ona raised a thumbs up to your way, asking with only a gesture of her head. You nod once, enough for her to gift you a small nod too with a tiny lipped smile before she resumed what she is doing.

Kika approaches you and kisses the side of your head accompanied by a soft squeeze on your shoulder, then she goes away from there.

The young Catalan came back with your things in hand, a soft smile on her face telling you to give her a moment to collect her things. You feel how a pair of arms involved you, whispering the same thing she said the first day, the defender kissed your head and went away. Ingrid copied Mapi in a silent manner and Alexia just rubbed your hair, pinching softly your cheek.

You follow Jana through the halls, hands on your barça jacket's pocket and hiding your chin, it's a cold day. She takes you towards her car, once you are inside she comments to have a warm drink in a cafeteria she likes.

Jana ordered for you, having a small conversation with the woman behind the bar. You listen to her dazed, noticing how her knee is brushing your under the table. Then, she stopped talking and took a look through the local, eyes landing on you while her finger tapped the table mindlessly.

"Better?" She leans on, now supporting her chin with a hand. Her face is lightly inclined towards you, eyes scanning your face slowly.

You shrugged, feeling a little tired. "Better than before." You said in a husky voice, hands still inside of your jacket.

The woman came back, putting two hot cups of cacao on the table with two plates, tostadas con jamón y aceite. It was you always asked since you started living here, Ona took you some day to have breakfast and since then it's what you take.

"Everyone likes jamón." Jana answered when you ask how she knew, shrugging while giving a sip to her cup hiding a smile.

You feel better with every sip you take from your cup, the hot drink helping your mood. You two eat in silence, the only noise is from the people around you. Your eyes are looking around curiously, small groups of people in their lives that right now are sharing a moment. Low music from a radio station enveloping the place, kids being loud, laughs filling the adults table and the cash register sounding constantly, for the owner's luck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispers once you finish eating. Both arms lean on the table while slightly she leans, the end of her hair brushing their palms.

You swallow, she is direct.

Do you?

Deep down you knew that you needed to tell someone. But is Jana the right person? You are afraid she will judge you, even if you know that she —actually— isn't going to do that.

"It's from yesterday... It's silly." You said in a quiet voice, hands under the table playing with a napkin.

"Everyone has a bad day." She says after a few minutes of silence, sad eyes telling you the poor performance you played yesterday.

"I played like a toddler... Shit, worse." You muttered, knitting your eyebrows.

You soften your expression when you see Jana's confused one. "Toddler? You have a few mistakes, but you do not played badly." She points out, like really confused. "Do you think you played bad?"

Silence, that's your answer to her question. The brunette relaxed her eyebrows, taking your silence like an affirmative. It's when you feel your eyes watering again, feeling a little exposed. You hear the sound of a chair being dragged when you look down, her right knee is touching yours, one of her hands grab yours gently and pull up to the table, her thumb rubbing a small pattern in your palm.

"I don't think that you played bad." She confesses in a low voice. You raise your gaze slowly and you find peace, an invitation to say more if you want. She doesn't need to ask out loud what she is doing with her eyes, the defender waited patiently holding your hand.

"I can't anymore." You whisper, scared. It's the first time you say it, that words falling from your mouth and not from your mind where it fell to a mountain where the same words stack.

You see for a second her surprise swim in her eyes, though she covered it quickly and remained quiet, the only gesture she makes is squeeze the hand holding.

"I think I don't fit into the team..." You continued after a few minutes. "The high level you all are, it's impossible for me to be there some day. The only new ones I learned are my scars in my ankles, it's like there's a huge fountain with water but I can't find where to drink." You rant, tears streaming on your cheeks. Your voice is getting shaky, chest going up and down with every word you unlock. "I don't deserve to be here, you all don't deserve to pull from me." You finish to say, voice dying slowly. You two know that there are more, but you can't continue because you are tired, and sobbing.

Jana leaves your hand to wrap your body in a hug, bringing you towards her while her hand starts to rub your back. She doesn't care if you wet her hoodie or her hair, Jana just holds you in a tight and warm embrace letting your tears find their place on her shoreline.

"Can I say something?" She whispers in your ear after a while, when you calm down a little. You nod, not daring to articulate a word. "I can't imagine what you are feeling right now, but believe me when I tell you this. We don't see you like you don't deserve to be here. Actually, we are impressed by you." She admitted, taking a pause. "Yeah, the first training you looked a little lost but even you did it well. Do you remember the little game that you played against Mapi? You made her sweat, it was exciting to see that duel and you fought against one of the best defenders and won. And I remember in your second match how you saved a ball that the referee said it's goal but it's not, and how you give an assist. I see Alexia and Aitana fear for the position on the team for you, because with every training and every match, you are getting better." Jana separated a little from the hug and grabbed your chin, making you look at her. "Please, don't give up because your demons are winning here." She gently taps your head, wiping later some dry tears from your cheek.

You bite your lip, whispering a thanks to her and come back to hide on her neck.

Jana kissed the side of your head, telling you that she would make you change your negative opinions and doubts of you leaving the team.

•••

Something between you two changed that evening.

Your friendship finally blossomed.

Maybe it is the secret you shared with her, where there were a few more told. Jana listened to your insecurities and held your hand, kissing your invisible wounds on your cheeks while whispering to your demons that they aren't going to win.

She had your back the moment you told Mapi, Ingrid and Alexia what happened.

For the first time you saw Mapi snap at Alexia when this one tried to stop her from asking you. The defender screamed on her face what you said, blaming her for not noticing this.

Awkwardly you stopped the confrontation where Alexia was pallid and mute, while Mapi had her face red for the anger. You told them it's not their fault, it's only yours, promising them that you took remedy and started to see the psychologist team.

You don't want to scream at your entire team what happened to you, so you just spoke with a few and this one shared quietly what it was.

Patri and Claudia were telling you not subtle that you played amazing or had a good training. You gave them an appreciated smile, chuckling at the end for their expressions.

Ona got more affectionately, showing to your apartment like it was hers and sometimes staying there, she even introduced you to Lucy for Facetime, teasing you a lot for your quietness after hanging up. You feel her gaze softer from the day she found out, making everyone shut up on bonding nights to let you choose or just accompany you in your silence.

Kika is a mix of Ona and Mapi, she has perceived you like a friend for a long time, so she isn't afraid to shut you up if she needs to tell you something, always with good manners. Then, she showed you affection.

The couple basically adopted you, if it's not Mapi checking on you it's Ingrid or both of them at the same time, but they promised you what happened, never happened again.

Alexia is who you need to reassure her more, her words with you are careful out of the training grounds. You feel her eyes on you the entire time, keeping her closeness at bay but reassuring you that you belong there.

The rest of the team helps in their manner too, like Aitana when she took you to a campsite a whole free weekend on the national window and where she had a small injury and couldn't make it (Mapi trailing behind, of course).

They are making you see, and you are grateful for that.

•••

Something you learn to be their teammate is how affectionate the majority of them are.

You always have someone side hugging you when the training session is over, the cuddles on bond nights or how they shared the personal space with you.

However, you become a mess when Jana starts to be affectionate with you. At first there was an arm around your shoulders, sometimes accompanied by a kiss on the cheek, but later started the hugs from behind that only was for a few seconds but enough for you to trip with your own feet, her pinky finger intertwining with yours on walks towards the gym or changing room, or during bonding nights joined Kika and think that you are a comfortable pillow to lean on.

"When is the wedding?" Claudia asks when she spotted Jana's hand intertwining with yours laying down on top of a table.

You blush, thinking to pull off your hand.

But Jana just chuckled, her attention was on Salma because they were talking, her head turned to look at Claudia. "Soon." She said smirking, a tease tone following Claudia's intentions. Jana turns to look at you, pushing your shoulder with hers in a friendly way while sharing the complicity with you.

"I hold your hand too." You spoke out, clearing your throat. "Why is the wedding with her and not with you?"

Small laughter is heard, the girls scattered around the turf mock Claudia. The midfielder rolled her eyes, a small red shadow on her cheeks, she played it off and left a sigh, grabbing a near chair and sitting in front of you, showing her middle finger in your direction.

You give her a grin.

***

"You need to be careful!" Alexia says still holding your arm in her hand. "Try not to trip, please."

You give her a lipped smile, apologising later.

"It's not her fault, Ale. It's her." Mapi says behind you two, bottle in hand giving a long sip.

Alexia frowns confused while you curse Mapi and calm your nerves.

"Who? Who do I need to blame for making her trip four times this morning?" The blonde asks at her incredulous, frowning because she can't point out who Mapi is referring to.

The defender starts to smirk, looking at you briefly before she points with her head the place. You elbow her, muttering that is a lie.

"Don't blame her, today la cabrona is glowing." Mapi commented, letting a small chuckle by Alexia's reaction. "My child here has a huge crush on our Jana." She said patting your shoulder, making a fake pout when you push her hand away.

Alexia looks at you, eyebrows raised. "¿En serio?" It's all she says. You avoided her gaze, embarrassed and quietly, not wanting to confirm anything and less in front of Mapi, who you still don't do it. You hear how she takes a breath, taking your arm on her hand and leading the way to the changing room. "Please, just be careful today. Tomorrow probably could be our last Champions League match and I need you there, without any injury. You hear me?"

You nod slowly, trying not to make a face when you hear Mapi's giggling behind you, muttering to have luck with that at the captain's way.

***

When Alexia said it could be our last match of the Champions League this season, she wasn't kidding.

The first match played in Munich finished in a tie, 2-2 and left the decision to be resolved in Barcelona.

You enter into the second half, in the 67th minute. Caro was suffering what looked like a new injury and you subbed on her, you covered the left wing leaving Salma to the right one. Your team was losing by a goal, Georgia Stanway scored in five minutes of starting the match.

2-3.

It's not a first appearance for you to be in a Champions League match anymore. You push like your team, even if you are not not comfortable playing that position, you fight every ball.

But it seems that your team has bad luck today.

Cata Coll received a red card and there is not more change to do.

You see how Alexia pushes the team out of the referee and stays herself to speak, you look to the minute, still there are eighteenth minutes to do something. Something impossible right now, with one less and someone like a goalkeeper when they aren't.

You join the group when Alexia shakes her head, you all saw it and knew that it was a red card. Now you all need to choose who would be the goalkeeper and try to stop the penalty.

"I'll do it." You say before someone else offers, they look at you. You can perceive their uncertainty, Jana looks at you with surprised eyes as Mapi. "We need you all there, I'm the most irrelevant on the pitch right now with one less. I'll do it." You explain briefly, not waiting for them to reply and step towards the sideline, receiving the goalkeeper's kit with Cata's gloves, this one held your head between her hands and gave encouraged words, telling you that if you did before, you can do it again.

Everyone patted your back to your way to the goal, Mapi helps you to put on the gloves. You shared a look that says everything and after giving you a short hug, she puts herself out of the box.

You approached the referee, in front of Pernille Harder who has the ball between her hands. In another moment you could collapse having your idol in front of you, but you need to focus. Nodding with the explanation, you pull on the sleeves and extend your arms a few times to stretch.

The noise felt silent, your focus entirely on the player looking at the ball. You only need a small crack to read what she is going to do, you say it on your mind, scanning Pernille's face to resolve her intentions. Then, you see it. The moment Pernille takes a few steps back, she looks at you for a brief second and you know what she is going to do.

You don't blame her, it's something that you would do too if the goalkeeper you are shooting is not a natural goalkeeper.

You take a small breath, changing your expression a little to let her know that you felt a little insecure, praying to the ball's god for Pernille to believe you and not change her mind.

Everything there is in slow motion, the run Pernille makes until she shoots.

You remained on the spot, the ball hit hard your hands sending it up, catching it later between your hands while you feel the sensation run on them. You throw yourself to the pitch, not believing that you guessed Pernille's choice, even if the ball was sent to your way hard, you stopped because you stayed in the middle.

You feel your teammates launching you, screaming happily and congratulating you. Mapi helps you to stand up, kissing your forehead before she runs to her position. You catch Jana's eyes briefly, she winked at you and waited for you to put the ball up.

Shaking, you send the ball for the forwards. You can feel a new sensation that maybe, your team could at least score and extend to extra time.

The minutes pass and the rival players are more in your area, your teammates protecting the box so they don't let them go through. There are a few shots to your goal, but they go away or are stopped by the defence line. Alexia shouts at you to play in a short ball, to try to create a play and maybe score. There are five minutes to left plus the extra minutes the referee would put.

You pass the ball to Mapi, Lea Schüller giving her everything and sprinting towards her for Mapi to pass to Ona. The rivals are making your team rush the ball and a mistake, they would take it from them. Patri shot from out of the box, hitting the goal hard and the ball going out. Your breath is stuck on your chest for a moment, clapping like the fans to cheer up.

The second time your team steals the ball from Zadrazil's feet, Aitana passes the ball immediately to Alexia, who runs smoothly to the box but she sees how the ball couldn't pass through the defence line and gives a pass to Claudia to the right side, the Catalan kick the ball at the first touch and with precision, put the ball inside of the net, making the whole stadium vibrate.

You jump, throw your arms up and meet Mapi who decides to celebrate with you instead of going with the rest, Irene joins you two.

The head coach screamed at you all to keep calm the last three minutes, probably going to extra time if the result stays like that.

You control your emotions on the last play, there is a corner for the Barbarian team. You push the player who puts you in front of you, Patri comes and flanks her, not letting her have many options with the ball.

The ball is sent to the other side of the pitch by Alexia, finishing the match indicating there is extra time.

You jogger to the sidelines, towel around your shoulders while you tell the staff team when they ask that you still feel the sensation on your hands from the penalty. Cata goes towards you, hugging with force and screaming how proud of you she is, remaining by your side in the circle forming around the coach, everyone drinking or eating a banana. Listening carefully, you try not to think too much about what you are doing or what you would do through the extra time. Alexia goes towards the referee when the break is over, deciding which side you all would start.

The first half is hard for you all, the Bayern's girls closed your all in your sides. You don't know how you stopped some balls, but you did. Other times were thanks to the defensive line, sending the ball out or to the other side of the pitch.

You all are suffering.

The second half you almost provoked a heart attack to everyone there. It's in a counterattack for them, the rival team are more tired this part and not pressuring like the first half, so your team breathes a little. You were close to the middle, watching carefully the play where Mapi would center the ball and with luck someone pushed it through the net, but not. Giulia Gwinn pushes the ball out of the box, Klara Bühl catching the ball and running towards your goal. You ran behind with your eyes fixed on the player, some of her teammates following her.

It's you and her.

You notice that she doubted for a second, enough for you to fight the ball. The moment she doubts you go towards her and throw yourself down at the same time she was gonna kick the ball, impacting your feet on the ball and sending the ball near the corner. You stand up and run for it, hearing the shouting of your teammates. You feel how she pushed you, but you don't move a centimeter and immediately run with the ball towards your goal, stopping on your tracks and passing the ball through the rival's legs, kicking the ball hard away from you.

Irene shouts at you to not do it again, you just nod, but you would do it if you feel you can.

Alexia sent you a look, a warning and scared one.

But Patri came and slammed her body into yours, screaming a loud ¡Vamos!

The second half is over and it means penalties.

Your legs feel like you would fall at any moment. The goalkeeper coach like the goalkeepers takes you a little apart, studying in the short moment you have the rival's players. You nod your head, remaining quiet.

Cata gives you a hard hug, Ellie and Gemma encouraging words.

You approached the group, Jana walked to your side and held your hand. The touch makes you feel how irritated your skin becomes for the impact of the balls, but you don't mind, you squeezed her hand gently.

Alexia leaned her forehead on yours and muttered that you can with the last push. However what happens tonight, she is proud of you. It makes you blink a few times because those words have some effect on you.

They all tell you some words, always accompanied by a hug. The last one is Jana, which helps you to put the gloves back. She didn't say anything, just gave the longest hug that no one of them gave you.

You walked towards the referee, alongside the rival's goalkeeper how pat your back friendly, you did the same.

Nodding, you see how Pernille is going to start. However, you know that this time, she is scoring. The blonde is going to fix the mistake she made herself before.

You look briefly to where your teammates are in line, they are hugging each other while watching you, some of them nod their head towards you. The roar of the public is loud behind you, the barça fans making noise and having your back.

The referee whistle and Pernille takes a run, sending the ball to the right corner where you only could brush a finger.

At least you tried. But still you punch the grass a little annoyed. You walk out, seeing how the rival's goalkeeper put herself where you were before.

Alexia is taking the first penalty in your team, to your mind came that day you stayed behind with her and practiced with them, you know the captain was getting herself hard on that department with some of the failed penalties she made in the past.

However, she scored hard to the left corner, jogging towards you and whispering that you can, giving you a short hug.

The second penalty you focus your attention on her face, trying to decipher her choice. Klara Bühl takes a run the moment the referee whistles and you throw yourself where Pernille threw before the ball, ball hitting your hands hardly.

You scream, letting out some emotion. The public roared with you, accompanied yourself next to the goal to leave your teammate to do her job.

Mapi is the second, not surprising you at all since the Aragone have un guante en el pie, like Spanish said. She kicks it like Alexia, but to the right side, cheating the goalkeeper shamelessly. She jogged towards you, raising you in her arms briefly while congratulating you and whispering to keep like that.

Georgia Stanway sent the ball very strong to the right side, hitting the net with a hard sound.

Tie.

Taking a small breath, you keep away from that moment. Aitana walks to the box, putting the ball whatever she wants. You see how the goalkeeper guessed the side and stopped it, sending the ball up and outside for the force.

Aitana walked towards you with teary eyes, whispering apology words to you when she hugs you.

"We are a team, Aiti. We won, we failed. All together, remember?" You said firm, both hands on her shoulders. She nods slowly, coming back with the rest who give her reassurance.

Giulia Gwinn almost scored, but you stop the ball with your foot.

You point the bench with your glove hand, Cata jumping on the spot screaming wildly.

Patri is the next, you know she is going to score. She has this aura, the elegance and the shame to do whatever she wants. She surprised you when she chose the middle, fainting the goalkeeper first. The Balear jumps on you, kissing your head while chanting with the public.

Your eyes are glued to Lena Oberdof, seeing how she puts the ball in the middle. The sound of the whistle made her give some steps back, kicking the ball in a strong shoot that graze the goal and missed to go inside.

You closed your eyes, this it is. If your teammate scores, your team will pass to the semi final. You leave a sigh out, walking to the side. Your eyes focus on your teammates, seeing how Claudia is walking towards the box. She crossed her gaze with you, winking in your direction she put the ball.

Claudia sent the ball to the right side, once again cheating the goalkeeper. She runs towards you, throwing herself to your arms while you hold her. Soon your teammates surround you two, you feel hands on your head and happy screams.

You don't know how it happened but they throw you through the air, chanting your name. Mapi and Ingrid hold your hand the entire time, only letting you go when they said you need to do an interview, to your surprise.

You don't feel your hands, your teary eyes and the adrenaline spreading through your body transport you to your low moments and you tell yourself that you would do all over again to live this moment.

•••

"How do you feel about being the MVP?" Jana lowly said, eyes scanning the trophy on the table.

You two are on the balcony, the night enveloping this moment. The emotion you two feel is too much to go to the bed and try to sleep.

You raised a leg up on the chair, leaning your chin tiredly. "Weird." You say, looking at it like if the trophy has the answer. "It's the first time I've won one." You confess, shrugging.

The dim light of the balcony reflected the small place, Jana's plants surrounding you two, flowers blossoming thanks to the Spring, making it look somewhat romantic and welcoming.

Jana blinks tiredly, brushing the metal under her fingerprint. Her hair is a little humid, falling in small waves at the ends. There is a soft spring breeze, the cold far away from these days in Barcelona.

"The first of many more." She states in a low voice, the corner of her lips turning up. Her eyes find you, her finger left the trophy to pinch your cheek gently, giving a rasp small quiet laugh when you made a face.

Then, the silence followed.

You close your eyes, enjoying the peace around you, the emotions from the match vanishing and the tiredness making its appearance. The smell of the roses and claveles —like she told you—, white carnations being the most prominent. Then, you feel a soft sensation in your hand and without opening your eyes, you know what it is. It's Jana's hand, her fingers tracing the red spots created during the match.

"They are better..." She whispered, who insisted on putting on some cream to calm them. "And soft." Jana finished, keeping tracing your other hand.

You feel her warm travels for your hand, until she intertwines her hand on yours and leaves them on her lap. It's why you opened your eyes, brown eyes on you already. The moment you have your eyes closed, the brunette gets closer towards you, her body leaning up a little on the table, her face gets closer and it is inevitable for you to not drop your eyes to her parted lips.

The corner of her lips turns up again when you raise your gaze, indicating that she notices what you did and the blush of your face getting fresh. Her free hand removed some strand of hair out of your face, tucking them behind your ear in a soft gesture.

"Come here..." She pulls from your holding hand towards herself gently, doing it again when you remain still in your chair. Jana makes you sit on her lap, her hands going to your neck and unexpectedly she kisses you.

There is no rush, it's a soft and gentle pressure against your lips. Your surprise takes the best of you, coming to the reality when her thumbs started to brush your cheeks in a slow motion. You two separate, her hands still on your cheeks and now her nose brushing yours, eyes looking at you patiently and warm, they always are warm.

"I missed your gaze on me." She whispers in your mouth, pecking your nose to start to spread kisses through your cheek.

You don't understand what she means, but your heart is jumping on her ribcage with every kiss Jana is showing on your skin. You look at her dazzled, your hands going up slowly to her face and without thinking too much, lean down to capture her lips on yours.

•••

You enter the changing room with your phone in hand, knitted eyebrows for the call you just received minutes ago. Your feet take you to your spot, sitting on the tiny bench looking through the wall trying to decipher if the call was a joke.

A tap on your shoulder makes you blink, Aitana looks at you unsure.

"You okay?" She asks carefully, standing next to you.

You tilt your head, nodding slowly. "I think so."

Then, your eyes fly to the changing room and notice that everyone is looking at you. You frown, not knowing why they are looking at you. Jana soon is stepping towards you, stopping next to Aitana but she bent down, grabbing your free hand between her hands.

"You sure? You don't look like you are." The brunette state, low voice only for you to hear or Aitana who is standing next to you two.

You take a breath, and nod. "I just received a call..." You said, trailing off while your eyes focus distractedly behind Jana's back.

The team looks at themselves unsure, you don't look that good to them. Alexia steps towards Jana and Aitana, stopping behind the defender.

"What's it good?" Alexia pressed a little, worry spreading on her features.

You look at her, relaxing your face when you take notice of her worry. You cleared your throat, nodding once again. "Sarina Wiegman called me." You confess.

The squeeze on your hand makes you look at Jana, who looks at you surprised. Her eyes are open lightly, lips parted and keep staring at you.

Around you, your teammates started to murmur, clearly surprised as like you.

"But you are Greek." Mapi says out loud what everyone is asking.

"But I lived two years in England and I have the nationality because we thought to stay there longer." You explain, remembering a few of them when you told it to them.

"That's good... Right?" Alexia says, unsure at the end. You start to paint a smile, something about you dreamed but give up a long time ago, it's happening.

"Right." You say, giggling happily.

They don't have time to say congratulating words because Jana throws to your body and forgets about them, grab your face and smash her lips on you.

It's you now who looks surprised, showing it when Jana parted away a few centimetres and realised what she did. Mapi leaves out a dramatic line, throwing threat words towards the brunette while Ingrid holds her arm, the Norwegian spread a grin the moment your eyes meet, relieving you a little for her reaction.

"Another couple..." You heard Alexia leave out in a low voice, making you share a look with your —now exposed— girlfriend and both of you smile.

Bonus

Stirring up, you open your eyes.

Jana's face is centimetres of yours, sleeping peacefully. Her hair is everywhere, mouth half opened and arms wrapped securely around your body.

You smiled sleepily, your heart starting to beat a little faster.

Blindly, you search for your phone and watch the hour, opening your eyes. You leave it under the pillow and come back to watch your girlfriend, raising a finger to her cheek and tracing it, making her stir up a little a few seconds later.

"Awaken already? Come back to sleep." She greets you, voice husky. In your opinion, is your favourite voice. She closed the distance and hid her head on your neck, nose brushing your skin and making you squirm when she leaves a small kiss there.

"I need to go..." You said, a hand going to her hair and start massaging her scalp, a content sigh fell from her lips.

"No. You are staying here with me." Jana whispers, sounding like a stubborn child. Her hands sneak under the old shirt you are wearing, the brunette gives it to you the first night you stay in her apartment.

You roll your eyes painting a smile, her fingers tracing your skin. "I have training and you have a recovery session." You remind, hearing how she left a soft groan.

Jana raised her head from her hiding spot, sleepy eyes looking at you. She leans and presses a kiss to your lips, putting the sheet out of your body and putting herself on top of you between kisses. Your hands fall to her naked shoulders, opening your legs for her to place there.

"I want you for me... We don't have time together since the season is over." She said after she kissed you, frowning.

You give her a knowing look, a teasing smirk creeping on your face. "I'm sorry we are playing in a World Cup, αγάπη..." You said, removing a strand of hair from her face watching how she rolls her eyes.

"I forgive you because you call me amor." Jana smirks when you leave out a sigh for her answer.

Then, she leans to capture your lips again, tongue brushing your lower lip to allow her permission. It's been a long time since you two give up on morning breath. Too distracted to pay attention to another thing, you two missed when someone else opened the bedroom door and only realised it when two different screams were heard.

"Stop perverting my teammate!" Lucy's thick accent showed up, hand on her eyes and leaning to the bathroom's door.

Ona shouts to Jana to put on some clothes when the brunette keeps on top of you not caring that the two see her completely naked.

Jana leaves out a sigh while picking up the t-shirt on the floor, muttering that they saw her like that before and don't understand the problem. However, her arm wraps around your shoulders and brings you towards herself, intertwining her leg with you and covering them with the sheet.

Lucy gives her a look, sitting on the other bed belonging to Ona. Her smirk spread out when notice the daring look on Jana's face.

"I need to take her with me." Lucy speaks up, understanding what her ex-teammate is doing.

Jana brings you closer, muttering at her that it's not happening. Ona rolls her eyes, witnessing the scene for the second time that week. She fears that it wouldn't be the last. The freckled girl steps towards her own bed, sitting next to the British.

"Stop pouting and take a shower, we need to go to recovery." Ona instructed, taking a quick look at her phone to see the hour.

Jana looks at you, a sad look on her brown eyes. You don't like to see that, you know that after she needs to travel to another city where her next match would be. You take a hand to her cheek and murmur that only would be five days.

"It's too much." She whispers only for you to hear, her other arm going to wrap to your waist the moment she leans on your chest, your heartbeat calming her.

You see how Lucy and Ona look at you two incredulous, not understanding the drama. Maybe they pass that phase.

"I'll be yours when it's over. And you would stuck with me the whole season again." You promised, feeling how your phone is vibrating under the pillow.

Jana raised her head, leaning part of her side on your chest. "I would love that." She says, closing the distance and kissing you slowly, once again ignoring your friends.

"Enough! We need to go now." Lucy breaks the moment, standing up and walking to the chair where your national clothes are. She throws it to the bed, hitting you two on your faces. "I'm old for this..." She muttered to herself, walking out of the bedroom.

You give Jana a smile, pecking her lips one last time and picking up your clothes, going to the bathroom with Jana's whining with every step.

Once you are fully wearing your clothes, you come out and Jana still is on her bed, a hand on her eyes spreading out dramatically. Ona begs you with her eyes to help her to make Jana move.

You throw yourself on top of Jana, her arms and legs immediately wrapped around your body and you take this opportunity to take her to the bathroom. "I will miss you too, silly." You say on her lips, happily letting Jana hold the sides of your face to bring you closer.

"σε αγαπώ." She muttered, making you fall in love with her every time she said them.

"T'estimo." You repeat the same words but in her language.

Ona makes a grimace, typing on the group chat that she never is going to be roommates with Jana again.

[hello-eden]

Dcxdp idea #2

 so I have an idea. Danny ends up in some sort of cloning body in Cadmus. but instead of you know being Amazed by the bunch of Heroes and aliens and such he is terrified. not because they're Heroes and such but because his powers are locked up and they're scrutinizing him.

He is confused and disoriented and he is not explained what the Justice League is because to everyone else it is common knowledge and they forget to explain it. So from Danny's point of view he is just being moved to a different facility.

Danny does not realize he is in a different body for a hot minute because he was disoriented. I imagine Danny going along with whatever people are telling him because his experience with everything isn't exactly good.

Everyone would be so used to everyone automatically going into heroism that  Danny wouldn't really get a choice in it. Everyone would be trying to help Danny But they're not helping with the right things.

Danny would be seen as a natural at heroism and make it seem like it was something he wanted to do.  Danny wouldn't try and show off a bunch of his powers because he is trying to have a few tricks up this sleeve.

his natural response to being quippy when in danger or scared would be seen as his normal personality and because no one knows him they wouldn't see anything wrong with  how he is doing.

 I imagine there would be a lot of angst when they realize that Danny doesn't know he can say no. He would get really injured and maybe try and hide it or he would literally get up off of a medical bed or ask about other missions and that is when other people start to realize something is up.

if their telling him to rest then him being like I haven't needed rest before and that's when they realize Danny wasn't not injured , he just didn't think he was allowed to be. 

it would cause angst for the heroes because they then realize Danny did not know he was safe and the friendliest they thought he was exuding was really him just trying to be on his captors good side. especially if they don't know Danny was Danny outside of the  clone body.

[gffa]

I was initially set to go, "Wait, that's it? That's what Torbin was so torn up about that he retreated from the galaxy and felt so guilty that he killed himself for Mae?" but the more I thought about it, the more I found it to work. Torbin's guilt isn't about that he did something evil, it's that he did something reckless, for a selfish reason, and that he was warned about it ahead of time. Torbin's guilt was about allowing Aniseya into his mind (blaming himself instead of blaming the person who actively invaded his very mind), it was about wanting so badly to go back to Coruscant that he rushed into a situation that Indara warned him to be careful about, it's about how many people died not at his hand, but as what he sees as a domino effect of his actions. He got what he wanted, they were going back to Coruscant, but that little girl went through hell for them to get it, another little girl died (so he thought), a bunch of people died in that mining facility. It doesn't matter that they chose to do so by invading Kelnacca's mind and their own actions got them killed. It doesn't matter that it was an accident that Mae started the fire. It doesn't matter that Torbin fortified his mind so that Aniseya couldn't get in again or that he didn't kill any of the witches himself. Because he's a Jedi who cares deeply about other people, because it happened to someone so young and innocent, because other people's lives MATTERED to him, Torbin couldn't live with the guilt. His only crime was being reckless, but Jedi are aware of the powerful abilities they have and the responsibilities they have and how selfishness is a path to the dark side (that's just Lucas' worldbuilding, that's literally how the Force works) and that is why he was willing to give his life up for Mae's wish. Because Torbin felt responsible for his reckless actions that had unforseen consequences despite Indara's warnings and because he cared deeply about what happened to other people. The Council probably would have given them all library duty and had them relearn themselves, like that's literally what they did with Elzar Mann when he killed Chancey Yarrow because he mistook her for a Nihil who was trying to destroy the station, they saw that he regretted his actions and had worked hard on self-reflection and said they still wanted him to be a Council member. That is what the Jedi Council would have done for Torbin and Sol as well--but they couldn't do it because it would have crushed Osha's dream, so they sacrificed their own desires for her sake. They couldn't talk about it and it haunted them every day afterwards. Because they cared about other people.

[badninken]

Scary Warlord of the Sea - Trafalgar Law

I want to talk about Law's introduction on Punk Hazard, and the fight that follows. Starting with this moment:

It's been an eternity since Law's last appearance in the story when this takes place, and it's the first time he shows up after the time skip. Last time he was seen he was a sleepy-faced dude with a polar bear friend who saved Luffy's life. A bit weird but not very intimidating. This Law though, is first seen skulking in the shadows, offering to help the local villain take care of a notoriously "insane, cruel, and merciless" bunch of marines that's come knocking.

Is Trafalgar Law a villain now? Is he in charge of this very evil-seeming science facility??

Well, he sure looks shady enough to be a villain, and the notoriously merciless marines seem scared out of their fucking minds to see him.

This scene is shorter in the manga but I love the way the anime drags it out by having Tashigi name-drop other Warlords to put his new title and status into perspective. The marines are literally screaming, crying, throwing up over how scary he is, retelling the story of his 100 hearts delivery, all while Law just stands there, smiling.

And that's the thing I wanna talk about. The standing and smiling and how he acts throughout this whole encounter. The way he's leaning against that wall just like he's leaning on his own reputation to do all the work for him. His job in this situation is to scare these people away without letting them know what's going on behind those doors.

If it weren't for Smoker standing his ground, the marines might have simply turned to flee at the sight of him, without Law even having to lift a finger to encourage them. Smoker seems to be having a hard time getting around Law's arguments too. They're both working under the government here and Law doesn't offer any outright hostility or threat for him to act on. Because Law is smart.

Law is handling this navy problem non-violently with minimal effort and it seems to be going according to plan.

But then the Straw hats happen!

And also giant abducted children used for science experiments he had no knowledge of what so ever because he's been minding his own fucking business.

And now he has to deal with taking the blame for horrifying child abuse AND looking like he blatantly lied about the Straw hats and also looking like he's incompetent enough to let all those dirty secrets pop out right behind him in a rain of fucking confetti at the worst possible moment.

(does not deny this)

He looks like he just aged ten years out of pure 'what the actual fuck'-stress. Like, where does he even begin with this situation? He's not responsible for any of that shit. He's just there to destroy some other evils, as discreetly as possible, but now he has to silence an entire unit of marines, just so the mess other people made won't ruin his own plans. Plans that's he's worked on for 13 years. Sounds like a typical Trafalgar Law day.

So he apologizes for saying something that wasn't true and then he handles the problem by causing massive property damage.

While not causing any lasting harm or even pain on a single one of his opponents.

The thing I think is so interesting with looking at Law's behavior in these interactions, is how he plays a role the entire time. He is not a villain, but he deliberately lets people believe that he is capable of great evil and cruel acts for his own gain, because that's his defense. It's a deterrent and a warning. His yellow black patterned coat fits that strategy perfectly, like the message of a wasp or poison dart frog. I can kill you, stay clear.

He keeps the cold, creepy act up the entire battle and makes it known that he could kill everyone there. Easily. He's never even close to trying though, and when he takes Smoker's heart he keeps it safe.

Law has no problem letting people believe horrible things about him if it can get him where he needs to go, but he's famously got a bunch of problems with people thinking he's a good person. I think that plays heavily into why he falls to being Doflamingo-cruel verbally to Tashigi when she goads him to kill her, but there are too many layers and things to say about that particular exchange so I'll save it for another time.

At the end of the day, it's all about this I think:

Law hearing people call him a creepy freak madman vs hearing Luffy say he's lucky to have met him.

[windyremedy]

000 — falling for you, literally | on the run 📖💥

°❀ 𓏲 pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader | genre: soulmate au

.ೃ࿔* synopsis: soulmates have been around as long as quirks have even existed, there were many kinds of ways a person could find their other half too! be it through similar tattoos or first words. but you didn’t have either of that— no, you had a book. where whenever someone would describe your soulmate it would appear on the pages. however after learning what their like you start to hope you’d never meet them. but of course nothing ever goes your way.

᠃ ⚘. notes: swearing, fluff, rich reader, I like to think I’m funny, mentions of being surprised adopted, etc

𑁍ࠬܓ status: ongoing | length: 651 words | taglist: open

FFYL MASTERLIST

Growing up you'd always been excited to find out who your soulmate was.

No matter who you were there was someone out there destined for you. Platonic or not, it was a special relationship that connected people together, whatever circumstances it may be. It gave you a lot of comfort to know that at least someone would end up caring for you on that high of a degree. At least that's what you initially hoped.

At around six years old you could faintly remember the sentences but you were confident that ‘Brat’ was brought up many times. Words like disrespectful, arrogant, too self centered and a bunch of other synonyms for cocky was amidst. Though it shifted to some other words eventually, often you'd see during your time in middle school that he was very strong, determined and particularly a sentence that stuck out to you.

'It can't be helped, his pride is most important. I need to be strong like him.’

It seems like this person has a sense of understanding of this soulmate of yours. From the dots you connected he looks to be very goal oriented to the point of not caring if he's brash or not. But honestly that didn't matter to you because his temper and 'meanness' was prevalent above else and you don't think you have the balls because first of all you don't have balls yourself, second of all the expression no balls stay true to your character.

As the youngest daughter of a trillion dollar company you'd think there would be nothing to be scared of. However after being kidnapped for ransom more times than you'd prefer and treated as lesser than your siblings. It's not weird that you became not so confident and fearful unlike your so-called other half who seems to be the opposite.

That's why you were actually sent to a school which required top facilities with heroes and heroes in training to ensure a safer environment for your education. What better place than U.A itself? It was a good balance of peace, by not being kidnapped, and still seeing the outside world, by not being locked to an area with higher security than the world leader itself. All was good, you were gonna coast through school in business class with your small friend group.

Not looking to expand since all your other classmates cared more about your status and what a relationship with you can bring. It was going extremely well…. until it wasn't.

Rewinding about five minutes ago, after class the teacher informed the students that they could decide who to do the project with on 'expenditures. Slowly everyone turned to you some subtle others not so much and yeah that's how you ended up in your current predicament. Being the first to pack your bags and exit like you were the flash to hurrying down the stairs you swiftly turned around the next set of steps to avoid the crowd following you to team up.

It was embarrassing enough to be falling in the first place, it was even more so when there were two other students walking up on the other side. Staring at you as you fell, it was like everything was moving in slow motion. Their look of confusion to surprised looks as you hit the ground.

BAM!

"Ow." you voiced in major pain.

"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU OKAY??" the red head would scream veering in your direction until.

"FUCK!!!"

The blonde yelled out as he fell on the stairs itself, holding onto the exact place where you were hurt the most.

"Bakugou! What happened man— wait."

Turning to look at you then to his friend he seemed to be in thought. The ruby eyed one on the other hand looked like he wanted to kill you. Like it was your fault that…..that…oh.

As he eloquently said so himself,

fuck.

©windyremedy

[triptuckers]

you're not alone - bob reynolds

Request: nope Pairing: bob reynolds x reader Summary: when you wake up early, you find out you're not the only one who's awake Warnings: THUNDERBOLTS SPOILERS !! bit of angst (happy ending I promise), mentions of nightmares, mentions of past trauma, loss of loved ones, bob being a lil sad :( Word count: 2.5K A/N: listen it's very simple. I saw thunderbolts. I saw lewis pullman. that's it. enjoy!

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

your eyes snap open as you blindly reach for the knife you keep under your pillow. but instead of an intruder, your blade meets empty space.

the only sound in your dimly lit room is your heavy breathing. damn these stupid nightmares. you were close to asking yelena if she could just knock you out so you could get some sleep.

you return the knife and lay back down.

but now that you're awake, and adrenaline is coursing through your body, it's hard to go back to sleep again. you haven't really spoken about it to anyone, but you know you're not the only one who has nightmares.

yours got worse after a mission was intense or had nearly gone wrong. you'd been doing the odd job here and there for valentina when she'd send you to go after someone who was going to rob one of her facilities.

but when you finally made it to the vault, you weren't met with just any robber. instead, you were met with a bunch people who seemed to have gotten the exact same assignment as you.

you were all there to kill each other. messy ends tying up themselves. after all, doing the dirty work was what you were good at. it's what you were trained for. follow orders, go in and out quickly, get the job done.

but instead of fighting these people, you worked together once you figured out valentina's real plan.

the next couple of days were a whirlwind of adrenaline, fighting, a lot of confusion and very little sleep.

you'd been trying to catch up on rest now that you've got a room in the former avengers tower, but after reliving your worst memories, the nightmares came back stronger and more intense than ever. all the details were there now, and you couldn't forget them.

you finally had a place where you could safely rest, and yet you didn't get more than two hours of sleep a night - if you were lucky.

you're looking around the room now. devoid of personality. you didn't have many personal belongings to take with you. mostly the weapons you carried and the clothes on your back.

taking yelena's advice, you'd gotten dark curtains to keep out the light. she said it helped her fall asleep. it didn't really help you much, but you were grateful for her advice nonetheless.

there's a dim glow coming from a gap in the curtains. you push the sheets off of you and walk over to the window.

way down below, new york was slowly waking up. people on their way to their work, or out on an early morning run. you glance over your shoulder at the alarm clock. almost 5 am. not too bad. it's more morning than night, and you decide that's acceptable for today.

you pull on a pair of socks and blindly grab a sweater. maybe you could use the extra time you got now by planning in an extra training session. it always helped clear your mind after a short night filled with bad dreams.

the hallway is dark when you exit your room. as you make your way to the kitchen, you wonder what else you could do today. there weren't any missions for you planned.

bucky was off on an assignment with sam, and alexei hadn't been home for a little over a week. maybe you could ask yelena or ava if they were up for a sparring session.

you enter the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the big light as you open the fridge.

the light seeps out and illuminates a figure standing on the other end of the kitchen island.

you reach for the nearest kitchen knife as bob turns on the light.

'jesus.' you breathe. 'bob. you scared me.'

'sorry!' says bob, visibly upset that he startled you. 'I'm sorry! I thought you saw me.'

'you're good, don't worry about it.' you say, returning the kitchen knife. 'I'm just a little jumpy, that's all.'

'I was about to make breakfast, do you want some as well?' asks bob.

'yeah sure, that sounds nice.' you say. 'thanks.'

bob walks over to you and smiles. somehow you didn't understand how someone like bob could also be the void. the two seemed so different from each other.

you make coffee as bob gets started on breakfast for the two of you. you pour a cup for bob and slide it over to him. then you take your own cup and move to sit at the kitchen island.

'what were you doing up this early?' he asks.

'couldn't sleep.' you say.

'nightmares?'

'yes.'

there's no point in lying. everyone here has nightmares. you'd be terrified of one of your new roommates if they didn't. you didn't live a life like the one you did and be able to sleep at night.

'want to talk about it?' says bob.

you really appreciate bob. he's always helping you, telling you he'll listen to you. always the first to welcome you back when you return to the tower after a mission. and right now, he's making you breakfast.

but as much as you appreciate him, reliving your worst trauma's because of the void was something that felt too personal to share. especially since bob doesn't remember anything.

you'd told him about the day the void had half of new york trapped in their most traumatic moments. you figured he deserved to know. you also knew he felt terrible about it, and you didn't want to remind him of it.

'no, it's fine.' you say.

bob nods as he turns around and sets a plate with eggs in front of you, as well as some toast.

'thanks.' you say as bob sits down next to you with his own plate. you notice he's careful not to touch you. he doesn't really talk about what happened, but you know it's hard for him. you just don't want to push him. he'll talk to you when he's ready. but you're desperate for him to know it's okay to talk to you, should he choose to do so.

you study his face as he eats his breakfast. you know he's tired too. he was awake when you went to bed last night, and he was up before you as well. the dark circles under his eyes seem to be permanent.

'bob?' you say.

he turns to look at you.

'why were you awake?'

'I was up all night reading a book yelena got me. it was so interesting I couldn't put it away.'

'bob. you told me that last week.'

'I did?'

'yes. when I asked you why you were still awake when I got back from a meeting at 3 am.'

'oh.'

you turn your chair to fully face him. bob leans back, so you're not accidentally touching him.

'what is going on, bob? I know we're all tired. but at least I get a handful of hours of sleep at night. do you sleep at all?' you say.

bob looks everywhere but your eyes.

'what are your nightmares about?' he asks you, catching you off guard.

'uh, well. bad stuff.' you say.

'will you tell me about it?'

'I'd rather not.'

'then I won't tell you why I don't sleep.'

bob grabs his plate gets up and instinctively, you reach out to grab his sleeve and pull him back.

he inhales sharply and recoils from your touch. the plate falls from his hands and clatters back down on the counter.

'sorry!' you say.

you see bob close his eyes and clench his jaw. you had made a mistake.

'I'm sorry.' you say again. 'I just... don't really talk about what happens in my nightmares. what I have to relive at night.'

your last sentence catches his attention.

'relive?' he says.

'fuck, did I say relive?' you say. 'I meant-'

'did I make it worse?' says bob.

'I didn't mean-' you start.

'don't do that!' bob cuts you off.

you raise your hands as a gesture of surrender.

this time, bob is the one to apologise. 'sorry. it's just that everyone always says this team is built on trust and yet no one seems to trust me. I'm not a child, you don't need to act all careful around me. you don't have to hide the bad stuff from me just because I can't remember what I, what the void, does.'

you're silent as you watch him fidget with the empty coffee cup in his hands. and you realise he's right. you can't tiptoe around him all the time. it's not fair.

'okay.' you say.

'okay?' questions bob, looking at you.

'okay, I'll tell you what my nightmares are about. but then you tell me why you don't sleep, deal?' you say.

'deal.' says bob.

'let's go to your armchair though, I don't want john accidentally walking in on me spilling my secrets.' you say, trying to lighten the mood.

bob is silent as he follows you. he sits down in his chair and you sit down on the couch next to him.

you take a deep breath as bob looks at you.

'as you know, I had a training that was similar to yelena's. I was young, and was trained to be a mindless soldier, assassin, whatever they called it at the time.' you say.

you look out over the skyline of new york, choosing to focus on bob's presence next to you, in case the memories start to drown you.

'I was training night and day. with other kids, then with older trainers, and then with holograms. to test every single probability, variable, whatever. then came the final round of training. holograms designed to look like the people I loved the most. friends I had when I was younger, my family. in a simulation, I was to kill them over and over again. I wore this specifically designed suit so everything felt real.' you say.

you look at the rising sun in the distance, aware of the way bob's eyes are fixed on you.

you take a deep breath. 'the final test, it was not a simulation. there was no holographic target. except I wasn't told that. I put on the suit, the glasses, everything that went with it. and then I killed everyone I'd ever loved. when I got the clear to take off the suit, the room was stained red. I was looking at the bodies of my friends, my family. that was the day I succeeded the program. I had nothing anyone could use against me. no one who would remember me.'

you quickly wipe away a stray tear that had fallen down your cheek. 'I relive that memory every night. except when the void got to me, it felt like it did that day. it felt real.'

bob is silent as you take a few deep breaths, trying to steady yourself.

'that's why I don't sleep.' he says in a soft voice.

you turn to look at him.

'what do you mean?' you say.

'what you described, your worst memory. to have to relive it in such a real way. I did that.' he says. 'I do that to people.'

'no.' you say, moving closer to him. 'no, bob, the void does that to people. not you. you hear me?'

'still though, he's a part of me.' says bob, who hasn't moved away from you this time. your knees almost touch.

'I don't sleep because I'm afraid if I wake up, days will have passed. and I won't have any memory of any harm I've done to people.' bob confesses in a soft voice.

'oh, bob.' you say. you wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull him in for a hug, but you know you can't.

'I'm terrified of hurting you guys again. I don't know how to stop him if it would happen again.' says bob. 'I don't want to go to sleep alone. what if I wake up somewhere else?'

'well..' you say. 'that's easily solvable.'

'how?' says bob.

you shrug. 'we share a room. or I can sit next to you when you go to sleep in your own room. or if you take a nap in your chair, here. anywhere, really.'

'and then what? what if the- what if he takes over? what if-'

'then I'll try my best to wake you. I'll go through all of those rooms to find you.'

'you just told me what you had to relive. I wouldn't want you to go through that again. not for my sake, anyway.'

'bob. how many times do I have to tell you for you to finally understand it? you are not alone anymore. we've got you. I've got you.'

bob looks at you with an odd look in his eyes.

'I really wish I could hug you.' he says.

you smile. 'you can.'

'but-'

'stand up.'

he gives you a confusing look but does as you ask. you stand up as well, then gesture at him.

'you're taller than I am. so long as your hands don't touch any of my skin, we should be good.' you explain.

'I don't want to accidentally send you back.' mumbles bob.

'you won't. I trust you.' you say.

you step closer to him and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest. you feel his muscles strain as he tenses at your touch. then you slowly feel his hands carefully rest on your back.

you wonder when the last time was anyone hugged him. you long to be closer to him, to press your face in his neck, but you stand still.

'thank you.' says bob softly when you finally pull away. you smile up at him.

'see? told you it would be okay. now, do you want to go and take a nap? we can still get up in time for everyone else to wake up, if you want to.' you say.

'that sounds nice.' admits bob.

you look at him and a part of you swears he looks happier than before. or at least lighter. maybe he just needed to get this fear off of his chest. maybe you needed someone to listen to you as well.

something in you shifts as you follow bob to his room so he could take a nap.

'can't remember the last time I voluntarily went to sleep.' says bob as he enters his room. 'you'll be here?'

'I'll be here.' you confirm. 'and I'll get you out if the void takes over.'

'you promise?' says bob, as he lays down and pulls the covers over his body.

'I promise.' you say as you listen to his breathing become heavier until he falls asleep and soft snores fill the room. you'd stay next to him for as long as he needed you to.

A/N: thanks for reading! everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. please do not copy, translate, plagiarise or repost my work! some of these are requested by other people and I spend a lot of time and effort on my works <3 much love, marit

[wtfaniii]

Little Cheater

Summary: You are twelve years old and you accompany your father to work, there was no one who could take care of you so he had no other option, there you meet a new friend.

Warning: Nothing, just something outside the series to focus on this wonderful man with purple hair, also, there will be some non-canon things.

Based on this request!

Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x little friend

Your eyes continued to watch with curiosity and interest the huge screen in front of you that showed a bunch of people dressed in the same uniform playing "green light, red light."

—¿Why can't I play with them? —You asked, pointing at the screen while your father put on a black hood and the mask with the square figure depicted in the center.

—They are not children's games —He responded without much encouragement while putting his gun in his pants pockets.

—That's just what it is ¡You see! —You said with irony, getting up from the bed you were sitting on —¿Can I go play?

Your father snorted under the mask, seeing you with the arms crossed. ¿Why did he bring you here to begin with? Your mother was probably hooking up with some other idiot and he hadn't been able to get a babysitter in a matter of hours, you shouldn't be here and yet you were standing in front of him demanding that he let you into those games.

—No, Stay here, I'll be back in a couple of hours.

It was him last thing he said before leaving the room but you were disobedient, you were definitely not going to stay there watching adults having fun playing while you were sitting on that bed.

So you sneaked out of the room and walked without stopping until you managed to find a door guarded by two pink guards with the triangle symbol emblazoned on their respective masks.

—¿Can I come in and play? —You asked with a wide smile showing your white teeth.

That gesture always worked to get the adults to do what you wanted but these guards remained silent without moving an inch.

You sighed and took a wad of bills from your dress pocket, money you had secretly taken from your father's wallet.

—¿Can I come in?

Once again the guards remained silent for a few seconds until one of them took the money and opened the door for you. "Walk until you reach a blue metal door, ask the guard to let you in" He told you seriously. You nodded and walked even further into the facilities until you reached said door where they finally allowed you to enter.

Inside there were many beds and the players were scattered talking or simply sitting without much encouragement, you didn't understand why but you didn't care and you walked among them, you walked until one of them caught your attention a guy with purple hair who seemed to be rapping sitting on a ladder with another player next to him.

You walked towards him and put on your best smile.

—Hi... —You greeted quietly but keeping your smile, you were curious and quite intelligent but when it came to socializing with others you were very shy and that was because your schoolmates picked on you.

—Hey... —Thanos looked up at you with a curious look —¿What are you doing here? ¿Did they bring you here too? ¿What kind of debts could a girl your age have?

—I have no debts —You said walking towards him softly while you also looked at him with curiosity —¡I like your hair!

Thanos nodded and continued making movements with his hands while he continued rapping under your attentive gaze. He believed that you would leave if he didn't pay attention to you, but when he saw you fascinated with his verses, he had greater motivation, considering you his small audience.

You laughed with some rhymes until another black-haired player with the number 124 approached you.

—¿What are you doing here girl? —He crouched down to be at your eye level with a mocking smile —¿Aren't you afraid of being here?

You stepped back, seeing him judging.

—¿How old are you? ¿eight? —Again he mocked, taking a step forward to intimidate you.

—¡I have twelve!

He laughed at your response and was going to make another mocking comment but before he could do so, Thanos snapped his fingers, drawing both of attention.

—It's not cool at all to bully a twelve year old girl —He said, motioning for you to sit next to him, to which you quickly went with him —Señorita, don't let this moron scare you, he's just as nervous as everyone here, ¿Right Nam Su?

—It's Nam Gyu —He corrected him making a nervous movement with his hands.

—It's the same —Thanos continued playing with his verses while you listened to him.

You also tried to rhyme a few times but when you couldn't, he laughed at your failed attempts.

—¿How do you do it? ¿Will you teach me? —You asked frustrated after several failed attempts.

—This is an art, little lady, and don't learn it, are born with it —He says, puffing out his chest with pride and moving his hands in front of your face in an exaggerated way, making you laugh again

—¡You're funny!

He smiled at you genuinely, everyone say that all children tell the truth and if you managed to empathize with him in just one hour that means that he is a great man and that fueled his pride.

—¿Do you want to play with me? —You asked with a shy smile as you played with the fingers of your hands.

—¿Play? —He asked curiously, the drugs had diminished considerably from his system so he was already calmer sitting next to you

—¡Yeah! My dad gave me this so I don't get bored, I play solitary but now you can play with me —You said excitedly, taking out a game of cards from the pocket of your dress.

Thanos nodded and settled in his place to be in front of you, his mind still did not fully understand how a girl your age was here, you were not wearing a uniform and you looked so calm that he doubted that you really knew what was happened in this place.

Still he kept his mouth shut and started playing with you after dealt the cards, you was adorable and very friendly, in a way you reminded him of himself as a child.

As time went by you were winning in each round, he was surprised.

—¿How do you know how to play this so well? You're barely twelve —He asked with a frown while scratching his head in frustration for not having won a single round.

—Dad taught me once —You were intelligent and you memorized things quickly, that's why you also knew many things about this place even if your innocence proved otherwise.

He continued playing against you, he was not going to give up until he won a game and that led him to complain and accuse you of being a cheater after each round lost due to a large difference in points, causing you to only laugh.

Lunch time was announced and Thanos went to pick up his food along with his team, leaving you on the stairs while you put away your cards with the intention of continuing to play later, however a guard approached you.

—Your father wants you to leave immediately and return to the room —Said the stranger sternly.

—But I don't want to go yet.

—I don't think you have a choice.

You pouted and looked towards Thanos and the guard randomly forming a plan in your little head.

After a couple of seconds you smiled innocently and ran to where your purple-haired friend was, you knew there would be consequences when you returned to your father but for now you wanted to continue in this place, it was the first time you made a friend and you didn't were ready to leave him so soon.

The guard was going to follow you, he had clear instructions and if he let you go the punishment would probably be for him but as soon as he took a few steps the boss's voice sounded in his earpiece.

"Leave her" Your father said in an authoritative voice and giving the order to the guard to leave, he was not happy to leave you there and even less so with that specific player but he did not want to make you unhappy either, he saw you laughing and talking to someone unknown, someone other than him and your mother and that was somehow encouraging, if player 230 could help you socialize more maybe he could overlook this lack.

Although he himself would also put his authority at risk with the frontman

—Hey, ¿What happens? —Thanos asked when you suddenly arrived and hugged him around the waist while pressing your right cheek to his stomach.

—Nothing, I just like you —You said with a triumphant smile as you watched the guard leave.

He brushed it off and kept you by his side during the line despite Nam Gyu's protests, Se mi and Min Su also liked you but you were more attached to Thanos.

As night fell... He was barely settling into his respective bed when he saw you sitting on the side and leaning against the wall.

—¿Aren't you going to sleep?

—I'm afraid to sleep up there alone —You admitted looking towards the bunk beds where there was an empty bed on top that had been left for you.

He wasn't going to allow you to spend the night on the floor, you weren't going to sleep well and seeing you nod off from exhaustion he deduced that you were also more asleep than awake.

He got out of bed and went to you to carefully pick you up and place you in him bed where you quickly fell asleep, Thanos covered you with the blanket and placed the pillow under your head.

A small laugh caught him attention and he looked up to find Se mi with a hand on his mouth to muffle his laughter, watching him with a tender look.

—Looks like you made a friend —She said smiling, caressing your hair.

He smiled softly, she was right, you were his friend but he wasn't going to say it out loud so he answered the following.

—She is the leader of my fan's club, I have to be good to her —He made sure you were comfortable and sat on the floor next to you, it would be a long night for him without a bed but he put your comfort first.

Anyway... you would tell him what the next games were going to be at dawn, you were going to cheat but it was inevitable, you grew fond of that fun guy.

And without realizing it, that affection he got from you could be a possibility to get out of that place alive.

[adachimoe]

Persona 4 - Inaba World Building

Happy New Years!

This is all written up from the lore/setting/etc books that Atlus released for fans, Persona Club P4 and the Golden Premium Fan/Fun Book. I didn't wanna do a 1:1 translation because this is multiple full text pages from two books so this is more like a summary or tl;dr of what's in the books.

I put this under a read more because it's a looot of text. I will probably inevitably edit something later when I realize I made a dumb typo.

General / Meta stuff not in the book that I feel the need to note first

Is Inaba a "town" or a "city"? Inaba is Inaba city (市). The qualifications to become a city are having ~50k residents and 60%+ of the central area being homes. Per the Premium book, Inaba does indeed have 50k citizens. The characters in-game also call it a town/neighborhood/area (町). (Think how in English, we have sayings like "back in town" even when we're not talking about towns?)

Inaba is not a real city, but Atlus lists multiple inspirations for it: Fuefuki, which they drove to randomly and spoke to people; the legend of the Hare of Inaba which is associated with the Tottori area of Japan (east Tottori used to be called Inaba in the past) and is where names like "Yasogami" come from; and "an unnamed developer's hometown" which was used as a reference for the central shopping district and the area around the Dojima house.

A briefer on the Hare of Inaba: A hare tricks a bunch of sharks (wanizame or same) into lining up so it can cross their backs to get to the mainland. The hare is an idiot so it proclaims that it deceived the sharks, and the last shark takes a chunk out of it. Meanwhile, Okuninushi and his brethren (collectively known as the Yasogami) come across the hare on their way to woo a princess. The Yasogami troll the shit out of the hare and makes its back worse, but Okuninushi actually helps the hare by telling it to roll in cattail, and this cures the hare. The hare then reveals it is actually a god, and Okuninushi is given the princess's hand in marriage.

From here on, anything from me that I felt like I needed to note or give my Unwanted Opinion on is wrapped in ( )s.

History

Sengoku period: A feudal lord built a castle on Mt. Yasogami, the highest mountain in the area, and a castle town formed at the base of the mountain. The area was never caught up in any of the major wars or battles of the Sengoku period.

Edo period: After the warring period ended, people began traveling to Inaba because of the hot springs. One winter, someone living in the castle started a fire, it went out of control, and the castle burnt down. The feudal lord's family returned to their old territory and left Inaba.

Meiji period: After the black ships, Japan's opening, Perry, etc, coal was in high demand. Coal was discovered in Mt. Yasogami, people began to move there to work in the coal mines, and this was when Inaba became Inaba City. Presently, many of the people living in Inaba are 2nd and 3rd generation descendants of these coal miner families.

Showa period: During the later end of the Showa era, the world swapped from using coal to using oil. The coal refineries began closing, and by the 1980s, the coal mine also closed, people began to move away, thus leading to the current state of Inaba during the time of P4.

Modern Day

Inaba has around 50k citizens

The city center is a flat area surrounded by mountains called Yasoinaba (so Yasoinaba is a region/district within Inaba, not the other way around)

The local plant is cattail (see the bit about the Hare of Inaba) and there is a lot of cattail that grows downstream on the Samegawa

The local animal is the rabbit and many facilities have rabbit decorations (Namatame's family's delivery service also uses a rabbit with a mail bag)

There has been a recent push to make Inaba Beefsteak a thing as part of the revitalization of Inaba efforts, but... since they have no local cows or beef farms, people don't know where the meat comes from, causing there to be rumors about the meat in town... Atlus notes that it really is beef, but it is unknown where it comes from...

Transport in Inaba

Inaba is sandwiched between other larger urban places (think a metropolis like Tokyo), but the closest one is 3 hours away even by train so Inaba isn't really a place you live in while commuting during the day for work to a bigger city

The only train station in the south part of the city is Yasoinaba Station which is the central/headquarters-like station for the local train line, the Inaba Line

Yasoinaba Station is last stop on the Inaba Line, and the stop before it is called East Inaba. Okina is also somewhere on the Inaba line. (In the opening movie for P4 and in Junpei's story mode in Arena, you can see the *station* sign that says "Next Station: Higashiinaba". However, in the ending of P4, the protagonist boards a *train* that says Next Stop: Hibari. Basically, Higashiinaba is the station after Yasoinaba, but the train presumably skips that stop and goes to Hibari instead. Like an express or a rapid train.)

The Inaba Line doesn't take you to straight to one of the highly populated urban areas. You also have to transfer to another train at the Yasogami Hills train terminal (the protag does this in the opening anime movie)

There are only a few bus routes: Less used ones that go north/south and connects the city area with Mt. Yasogami, and others go east/west and connect Inaba with other cities. (Shu's house, the hospital, the Amagi Inn, and the outdoor daycare are all known bus stops. In Arena, Nanako also takes the bus to the train station.)

Even though most people get around by car, the national highway - access to the outside world - only runs for 300m at the southern edge of the city, and there's no regular expressways to quickly take you to other nearby cities

Overall, people tend to live their lives within the confines of the city

Yasogami Hills and Mt. Yasogami

The mountains in Inaba, with the tallest being Mt. Yasogami, are collectively known as the Yasogami Hills

Somewhere in the Yasogami Hills is a hot spring resort district and this is where the Amagi Inn plus other hot springs are located

The Amagi Inn has 30 rooms, half of which are located in a building detached from the main building so that guests can enjoy the mountains

The ski resort visited in Golden is located somewhere on Mt. Yasogami

The Samegawa

Named after the Hare of Inaba tale and how the hare tricked the "wanizame" or "same"; name meaning "shark river"

The Samegawa runs north and south through Inaba

Downstream to go fishing, upstream takes you to the source of the river on Mt Yasogami

Halfway up the mountain, near the headwaters, is a campsite which is frequented by fishers and outdoors lovers

Upstream, you can drink from the water at the source, but it's too cold to go swimming in even in summer (recall the June camping trip)

It is very specifically a "Class B river system"

Yasogami High School

Name comes from Okuninushi's bros in the Hare of Inaba tale, the Yasogami (Yasogami means "eighty gods" but that was figurative language where 80 means "a bunch", so the meaning is more like "many gods highschool")

Built in 1944 as Yasogami Military School. It was built on Mt. Yasogami where the castle used to stand to deter the allied forces from fire bombing Mt. Yasogami, thus using the school / students as a shield for the coal mine. After the war, it became a normal school, though there is still a plane on campus as a memento of when it was a military facility.

The JP name is 八十神高等学校. The school's nickname is 八高, derived from 2 characters in the full name. This is pronounced "Hachiko". (I think this was removed from the English version entirely, but if you ever play in Japanese audio and wonder why students say "Hachiko" sometimes...)

During the coal mining period, there were lots of students and the two buildings (what we know as the classroom bldg and the practice bldg in-game) were both classroom buildings. After the mines closed -> less people -> less births, they renovated the unused classrooms into vocational / practice rooms. This is how Yasogami High ended up with so many different things in the practice building lol.

There is a small baseball field in addition to the other outdoor facilities. (I don't think we see this in-game)

The book notes that there is not actual rule explicitly stating that girls can't wear a boys uniform (...Naoto is using Air Bud rules...? lol)

You aren't allowed to ride a scooter to school, but according to Daisuke in one of the Strength hangouts (or so says the book; I don't think I've seen this hangout), people do so secretly.

Students have to get permission from school to get a part-time job. They're allowed as long as it doesn't interfere w/studies and the job is age appropriate.

The cultural festival is open to people outside of school, thus it is treated like an event similar to the shrine festival. Businesses from around Inaba also set up stalls at the festival and get into friendly competition with one another.

Many students who graduate from the school tend to stay in Inaba and get jobs there. Attending Yasogami High gives you an advantage / favoritism over students from private schools when job hunting.

Dojima Residence

A house that was built anywhere from a few years to decades ago

It's located in west Inaba

It's not a family home, Dojima bought it

The house has 3-4 bedrooms, exact number not given

The garden outside was started by Chisato, but of course it's been left alone since she passed

If the protagonist eats Nanako's pudding, she will just assume she ate it and forgot about it............................................... (I don't think Adachi would even do this shit.................................)

Junes

The store opened within the previous year

The manager is Yosuke's dad, Yoichi Hanamura

Many students and housewives work there part-time

Students make 690 yen per hr, adults make 900 yen per hr, but Yosuke is worked like a dog for 400 yen per hr (690 yen/hr ended up being the min wage in Yamanashi in 2011)

1F has the grocery department and a line of small specialty shops

2F has the clothing department and home appliances department

The part in July where you find Teddie on a massage chair is part of a special event space where they demo new products. Oh, and the Death SLink, Hisano, wins one of those massage chairs after submitting poetry for Junes' anniversary

The roof has the food court, children's land, and an event stage

1F with the grocery department is open 24/7 and they put out prepared foods every day at 4pm / 7pm / 10pm

The food court has a special called the Ultra Young Set (JP name from the JP slogan) or the Meat Lovers Combo (Eng) that has salisbury / hamburg steak, beefsteak, menchi katsu, and fried chicken; people besides Chie who eat this will be blessed with heartburn. In a dungeon chat, Yosuke wonders if it's made using fox meat since it's so cheap, but it's actually from cows and chickens at farms that Junes has partnered with.

Junes is located in the south area of Inaba and is accessible for people passing through on the national highway, bringing them customers who are passing by, Inaba locals, and even people from Okina

Junes doesn't sell Teddie's favorite snack, Homerun Bars (a real ice cream product, localized as Topsicles in English), so he spends his Junes paychecks buying them at Shiroku

Central Shopping District - South Map

Yomenaido Bookstore: The owner's family name is Yomenai, meaning "can't read". They didn't realize how much of a mismatch their name was for a bookstore until after they opened. At first they were concerned about their business, but have begun stocking books for their own tastes and hobbies, drawing other enthusiasts of certain hobbies to their store. Thus, the majority of books in the store are ones that the average person "can't read". ba-dum-tsh

Daidara Metalworks: JP name is "Metalworks Daidarabocchi", with the bocchi written as a dot (e.g. "Daidara。") Daidara makes pieces of art.

Shiroku Store: Shi and roku mean 4 and 6, and the name comes from an old story about there being a toad with 4 front legs and 6 back legs called the Shiroku Toad. It was originally a pharmacy and medicine seller (the shiroku toad was said to have medicinal purposes), but now the store sells a bunch of whatever. The capsule machine outside was handmade by Shiroku's deceased husband.

Marukyu Tofu: A tofu store that sticks to old-fashioned simple tofu recipes (my opinion here, but I believe this is why it's still around after Junes opened). Run by Rise's grandmother. The people in Inaba call her grandmother "Marukyu" as a nickname (in-game dialogue, the nickname is written differently than the sign on the store). Due to her old age, she has been open less hours and making less product. But once Rise comes back to town, she helps out at the store, and her grandma is back to making more tofu and staying open longer. Rise is in charge of (uhh insert word used in fishmongering that seems to express Rise is in charge of selling?) the first batch of tofu in the morning before school, leading to male customers lining up early.

Central Shopping District - North Map

Souzai Daigaku: The name means Side Dish University. It used to be a lingerie store until the new owners took over. They made it a butcher, then converted it into a store that sells prepared foods that are "a taste of mom's home cooking". But in a small place like Inaba, people aren't exactly nostalgic for that, compared to the big city. The owner later added beefsteak skewers to the menu, claiming they're 80% beef, 20% something else, thus fueling the "what is the meat in Inaba?!" conspiracies. Due to its cheap prices, it's popular with students.

Marutake: A small hobby shop where the protagonist receives Gundam / Avatar Turner reference plastic models to build. The owner works on farmland during the day and his daughter attends Yasogami High.

Aiya: It used to be an oil store, but now it's a Chinese restaurant claiming to be authentic Shanghai style food. However, the owner is a Mr. Nakamura (hence why Aika in P4 anime's last name is Nakamura) who was born and raised in Inaba. On rainy days, Nakamura serves the Special Meat Bowl which has 3kg "meat" and 3kg rice. The meat is pork (the dish isn't called the Mega Beef Bowl in JP), but when asked what it is, Nakamura replies that it's "authentic Chinese cuisine: sheep head and dog meat" which is referring to the expression "selling dog meat under a sheep head", a saying about selling misleading products. (Btw, the owner speaks in Kyowago, saying Aiyaaaa and ending his sentences in "aru". But during say, Kanji's Social Link, he drops the act. So yes, he is LARPing as a Chinese guy.)

Tatsuhime Shrine: The deity enshrined is Toyotamahime, who's true form is similar to a wanizame (refer back to the hare of inaba story), and story is similar to that of Izanagi and Izanami. She protects against water-related disasters (she comes from an undersea palace) and offers safe childbirths (her story involves her giving birth to Hoori's child). The fox that lives on the shrine grounds heals with Inaba's local plant, cattail.

(If you are wondering about the fox in general, the fox statues at the smaller sub-shrine suggest it is dedicated to Inari Okami, so the fox IMO is a messenger of Inari - not literally, but hey. The red apron/bib it wears is based on the red votive bibs that you find on statues at shrines to ward off evil spirits.)

Tatsumi Textiles: An older store from the Meiji era, from when people used to dye fabrics in the clean streams of the Samegawa. The previous owner, Kanji's father, was a famous dyer. (I believe this is why the store is doing well for itself despite the Junes invasion.)

Konishi Liquors: Saki and Naoki's family's store. Saki was working at Junes as she thought the experience would one day help when she takes over the liquor store. They had been doing poorly lately, but a lot of people began visiting out of sympathy after Saki's death. The store is named after former battle planner and now composer Toshiki Konishi whose family owns a liquor store called Konishi Liquor. The name was used as a placeholder during development and it ended up sticking. (Thus, the YouTube comments on Konishi's remix of Fog talking about "remixing a song that your killer dances to" are kind of on-point...)

And now for the non-Inaba locations visited during Persona 4, because those were included in the Town Guide too lol

Tatsumi Port Island

Kashiwagi books the class to stay at Hotel Hamaguri, the renamed version of the love hotel from Persona 3. Instead of a love hotel, it's now a regular hotel. (The decor, however...) Teddie appears on the building opposite the group and impersonates Takaya with two cats as his Jin and Chidori (Teddie even gets a weapon called the Strega Claw lol)

Two years ago before Rise made it big as an idol, she had an invite-only / secret live at Club Escapade. Due to a power outage, they had to cancel the show. This was caused by a mechanical failure and was not the night when SEES fought the Hermit Shadow. (IIRC, Shinji mentions the club had issues with the power -- due to the Hermit Shadow -- leading up to full moon mission, so it might be that?)

Club Escapade quit serving alcohol last year to protest drunk driving

Akinari's book, the Pink Alligator, was published after Mitsuru found it among a certain person's things. True to the story itself, people like it, but no one knows who the real author is...

One of the Kirijo Group's companies is Kirijo Telecom. Dojima's cell phone service is through this company. When he calls Nanako on November 5th, he gets an automated message about her phone not being unavailable from "KJ Telecom", with KJ standing for Kirijo.

When Naoto takes everyone to the hospital in October, she mentions she has read documents about Personas and Shadows. These are thought to have been leaked from a Kirijo Group research lab.

Okina City

Okina is to the north of Inaba, separated from it by Mt. Yasogami

It has 250k people

Okina was originally a city built around a large shrine

Known for having good water

Used to have a papermaking industry

Recently it became very industrial due to companies making factories there, then the workers and their families moved in, so the shopping mall around Okina Station was built with new retail stores, etc etc

(The station at Okina has a sign for the "Inaba Line", indicating that the local train line goes south from Inaba, to East Inaba, then ???, and then north to stop at Okina I guess?)

Shichiri Beach

Not much to note here except that it is a beach within a distance that high schoolers could realistically access via scooter lol

[larkandkatydid]

There are many ways to be a big weirdo and I think that some are more conducive than others to a happy life and/or to a life where your weirdness can have a positive effect on the world.

So, for example, let's say one is naturally introverted and also naturally imaginative, bright, prone to coming up with ideas about how we could just fix everything if only we tried this one thing. This is describing many tumblrinas and many Aquariuses. And if one spends too much time alone, pondering great, world-changing ideas, then that weirdness starts to fester into something unhelpful. One becomes something between the Unabomer and a person with annoying bad ideas.

A commune, like a college dorm or a nursing home can be so helpful for the introverted because it takes no extra work at all to find people to socialize with. These days, I have to challenge myself to get up, leave the house and go to the volunteer session or protest or concernt or group activity that I know is good for me. It was way easier when all those things were happening in my kitchen.

And most improtantly, I think a person with a lot of utopian ideas for how the world could work benefits from a chance to try those ideas out! And especially benefits from having a social circle that is pre-selected to be into trying out your utopian plan. Should we replace the toilet with a bucket of sawdust and the shower with a grey-water system leading a duck pond? YES! Should we move to having only 1 cup and 1 plate per person in order to master our dishes problem? YES! Should we raise tilapia in the bathtub and quail in the backyard YES and YES!

And one learns from failure that maybe these ideas were actually pretty bad or, most importantly, one learns and gets better at the skills required to make those ideas work. I know several people whose passion for greywater systems first dramatically fucked up their plumbing but who then, after asking for help and even taking a bunch of community college classes on plumbing, became incredibly skilled plumbers capable of creating working grey water systems and also capable of fixing their neighbor's fucked up shower drain. I personally have found that my commune-acquired ability to milk a cow has often helped me build relationships with people who figured that if I know my way around a cow, I can't possible be that much of a big city weirdo. There's an old member of the Black Panthers who has made it his life's mission to spread bathtub tilapia as a small agricultural practice. I know a dude who convinced his local city council to fund a giant mushroom farm on the city compost facility.

This is just a complicated version of touch grass, but I believe in my heart that being weird alone in your own head makes you Jack Torrance and being weird with others makes you the world's own Manic Pixie Dream Girl...and that that one is better.

[wearebarca]

12. Captured // Alexia Putellas x Original character pt. 12

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8* - Part 9* - Part 10 - Part 11

synopsis: Rosalie has never stayed somewhere too long. When the opportunity of a lifetime presents itself at critical moment in her life, the photographer decides to once again leave behind what she knows and joins the staff of Europe's best football team.

Word count: 3,6k

Warnings: 18+

A/N: Bonjour lovelies, this is the last chapter. Their will be an epilogue following this, it is almost done writing.

Waking up in Alexia’s apartment for the second time in a row felt bittersweet. They had agreed that since the front of Alexia’s building still had a bunch of people waiting to catch a glimpse of them, it would be safer for her to just stay over. Alexia had repeated endlessly how it was no problem and that she was going to ask her to stay despite the situation, but Rosalie could not get past the feeling that she was intruding in her space. 

Sleep had not come easy for her either, making the consequence of a marathon and lack of proper recuperation catastrophic for her body and mood. They were up at dawn, and ready by seven. Alexia had told Rosalie to raid her closet for an outfit and had gone down to make breakfast. She settled on a pair of dress pants that looked oversized on the smaller woman, and a white, fitted t-shirt. She sleeked her hair back in a bun that looked a lot like Mapi’s game day hair and made her way down the stairs. 

Alexia had been an angel with the photographer. Nothing about her behavior even resembled the way she was the first time and that knowledge eased her mind a little , but did not quiet it fully. The footballer had a fierce look in her eyes, one which switched to worry and something softer once they landed on the brunette. She looked small standing in the middle of her living room, looking confused as if she did not know if she should step closer to the blonde or stay away. Alexia met her half way and caressed her cheek before bending down for a soft kiss on her lips. “ Something is missing”

She ran back upstairs and came back down with her vintage leather jacket. She knew how much the photographer loved that jacket and smiled at the surprised look on the photographer’s face. “ perfect.”

This managed to put a small smile on the brunette's face, one which only faded once they pulled up in front of the training facility. Evading the people outside Alexia’s place had been relatively simple thanks to the underground garage and Alexia’s tinted windows, but the ones outside the training grounds were a whole other story. They recognized Alexia’s Cupra instantly and swarmed around the car as soon as it came to a stop before the gates. A few flashes pulled the photographer’s attention but she quickly averted her gaze. 

It was such a déjà-vu for the photographer. Standing in front of the conference room door, the same poignant feeling in her chest. But this time, Alexia was by her side and ready to face this with her instead of alone. 

The same people were gathered around the table. The same grey haired man from before was at the head of the table but at his left, was another older man. Rosalie recognized them as the club managers and owners. Martina was standing in a corner of the room, leaning on the wall and sporting a look that made the photographer uneasy. Alexia’s hand sat at the bottom of her back and guided her towards the two seats available, between Marcello and Jonatan.  

The atmosphere was a lot more tense than the previous meeting. This time, English was not the first language in use, which meant that the photographer was more or less following the rapid exchanges between the group. Her only indicator was how the blonde’s jaw would tense and relax with each exchange. Jona leaned towards the brunette when he realized she looked completely overwhelmed. 

“They are Saying that this is not a matter of the club this time.” He said while keeping an ear for the conversation. “It is a privacy breach that threatens the security of a player and staff member since Alexia’s address is now public.”

Rosalie shrunk a little in her seat. This time there was nothing the management could do, no one to blame for this… yet. Jonatan turned towards the table once again before speaking. “Speaking of security, what could we do to insure Alexia feels safe going home.”

Getting the hint to try and switch to English, the club owner answered. “ Like we said, besides having someone pick up Miss Putellas, there is nothing else we can do.” 

“Do we know more about the source of these pictures?” Alexia said. 

Until now, Marcello had been typing relentlessly at his keyboard and only stopped after Alexia’s question. “Sí, the pictures were sent to a local online tabloid.” He said, looking back at his screen. 

“Why does it matter? You were caught in public. That’s the end of it.” Martina declared from her spot against the wall. Everyone turned their gaze towards her. Alexia was about to reply, but Marcello was faster. 

“Because,” He turned his screen towards the woman. “This picture was taken from inside the facility. The vantage point was higher than the last row of the stands and you can see the reflection of the windows in the corner.” He said bringing his computer back towards him. “So it could only be taken from the corridors overlooking the pitch. This means it was someone from the staff or from the team.” 

Silence fell in the room at the revelation. Alexia’s eyes surveyed  every face in the room. Everyone’s face ranged from surprise to anger. She turned in her chair to look at the former head of social media. She had had her doubts. Afterall, she had messed with their privacy once and had reaped the consequences, which would give her a motive. One of revenge. But surely she would not be this dense and perpetrate the same idiocy twice. But then why else would the woman have such a contempt look in her eyes. Anger was simmering deep inside her and it was getting harder and harder not to just accuse Martina and lash out at her. Alexia had nothing but suspicions for the woman but clearly, her feelings were shared by at least two other people. 

Marcello’s gaze, along with Rosalie’s, were also fixed on the former head of socials. A loud ping was heard in the room, which pulled Marcello’s attention back to his screen. “ I have a contact over there who’s willing to look into this mysterious source. We should get an answer soon enough.” 

As soon as the words were spoken, Alexia saw the change in the woman’s demeanor. She readjusted her position on the wall and her gaze lowered to the ground. Instead of the proud and arrogant front she had put up from the start of the meeting, she now looked like a prey in a room full of her predators, someone who wanted to make herself small, unnoticed. For Alexia, this was all the proof she needed, but the logical thing to do would be to wait for the confirmation of Marcello’s contact. 

The first words Rosalie uttered in this meeting were not the ones of the scared and fragile woman she had been for the last day. They belonged to a woman who was tired of the bullshit, tired of people allowing themselves the right to cross forbidden lines, tired of feeling like the perfect victim. 

“Once we confirm Martina’s involvement in this situation, which actions will be taken in her regard.” she spoke with an unusual calmness. Her voice was frigid and void of any hesitation or emotions. She was simply stating what she truly believed were facts. 

“These are serious accusations, Senora Montmorency.” Her last name was completely butchered by the man’s strong accent which gave Rosalie a little comedic relief in this tense situation, but she did not let it show as she adjusted her posture before speaking.  

“I am simply saying that Martina is the only one in this organisation with motive and she has made it very clear in the past that privacy was not one of her concerns. She also had access to the building therefore could have been able to take that particular picture from the inside. She also has knowledge of the tabloids and where to send these pictures for a good price.” she said matter of factly. “It would be rather silly to overlook the abundance of facts pilling against her.”

Alexia was shocked. She had not yet seen Rosalie in such light before and she was far from displeased with this display of confidence.  Martina, on the other hand, was fuming. Her cheeks were red and her breathing was quick and trembling. “Just look at them! They are not even denying it! Rosalie is literally wearing Alexia’s jacket! It was just a matter of time before others saw what was going on between those two! I just jump on the train and it serves the club in the end.” 

There it was, the confession. Alexia turned fully towards the woman. “ When or if I declare my relationships is not your decision to make!” Alexia roared. “ These are our lives you sold to the world, not a publicity stunt! You gave the world my address! Allowed thousands of fans the right to criticise and attack Rosalie and put her in a situation she has never signed up for. You don’t realize the damage and hurt your actions cause.” 

Martina ignored the blonde and turned towards the owner and managers of the club. The two older men looked like marble statues, their expressions cold and hard. “deberías agradecerme! They are all the football world is talking about! Barça’s hit couple! We’ve hardly ever had this much media attention! The photos are trending everywhere and we are having a surge in followers since yesterday.”

“What does it have to do with football Martina!? It’s their lives and it is not yours to sell to the media.” Jonatan almost yelled. They could all see that whatever they might say, it could never reach the former head of social media. In her head, she was right, and nothing could prove her wrong. 

“ Anyway, I can see that my services are not appreciated here.” She said with disgust as she surveyed the table. 

“No, your services are no longer needed at this club Martina.” Marcello said as he closed his laptop. 

“No puedes hacer eso.”

“Sí puedo. Soy tu jefe.” Martina glanced at the two older men, but none made a move to invalidate what Marcello had just said. 

“I expect your office to be empty by the end of the day.”His statement was followed by several insults and the loud band of the door being slammed shut.

The other man sighed then added. “ There is the matter of staff and player relationships we have to discuss.”

The statement hit Rosalie full force. She had not thought about the administrative side of this mess, but before she or Alexia could say anything, Jonatan stepped in. “ Since Rosalie is not part of the coaching staff, I see no real conflict of authority nor power. We are aware of the relationship between the two but I don’t see the necessity of filling forms and contracts.” 

“If that is what you think, then we trust you Jona.” The older one of the two declared while gathering his things and standing up. Everyone followed and exited the room, ready to properly start this day now that the pressing matters had been taken care of. 

Jonatan pulled Alexia aside for a second to make sure that his player was doing ok after such a meeting while Rosalie walked with Marcello towards their offices. “ Did your contact get back to you yet?” She was curious to know what kind of deal the woman had struck with the media outlet.

“I never had a contact.” He said with a mischievous smile. “ I only said that to rattle her.” At this moment, Rosalie could have kissed the guy. They shared a laugh as Marcello followed the brunette in her office. “Look, we will make a post today about your marathon and display a few pictures taken by the team. There’s some with Lucy, Keira, Ingrid, Mapi, Irene and Panos, but also some with Alexia. I want to know if you would prefer not showing the ones with her. We can try to kill the story by not showing any of your interactions, it’s your choice and I want you to approve the publication before we post it.” 

“Let me talk to her before.”

“Of course, just try to let me know before lunch please, we need to respond quickly ok?.” He said before giving a small hug to the photographer and leaving her alone with her thoughts. Her worry filled thoughts did not plague her mind for long. A few minutes later, the blonde captain was standing in her doorway.  Rosalie motinned to her to come in and close the door before meeting her half way. Alexia’s arms opened wide and Rosalie let herself get engulfed in the familiarity of her embrace. 

“Marcello told me his options before I came here.” Alexia said, not letting go of the photographer. Rosalie lifted her head from the crook of the taller woman’s neck. 

“What do you think?” Such a small question, but so heavy still. Silence filled the room as Rosalie waited. In her mind, she knew what she wanted. She had lived through the secrecy of dating a public figure. Although she knew Alexia was wildly different from her exe, the fear remained. This particular feeling was in conflict with an understanding for the Catalonian  woman’s fear of the media. She had recently seen what it was like to be scrutinized by the public eye and knew too well how hard the choice would be. That is, if they decided to go forward with this relationship. 

Alexia’s hand rested gently on the brunette’s cheek. It was as if she could read the struggle in the photographer's mind. What she was about to say was scary, paralyzing even, but the fear of losing everything was strong and it is what willed the blonde to utter those simple words. 

“ I think,..” She took a deep breath and willed her voice to stop shaking. She wanted this to be said with confidence, no trace of hesitation lingering. “I’d like to be with you. I am yours Rosalia, and I have been for a while now. I am happy with you, and I am proud of being with you.” She said, expression unwavering and eyes filled with warmth. 

Rosalie’s were slowly filling with tears at the declaration. “ I am yours too Alexia.” The sound of her name rolling off of the French-Canadian’s tongue with so much reverence sent shivers down the captain’s spine as she pulled the smaller woman in. Their lips met halfway in a kiss filled with all the unspoken feelings. It was filled with something deeper, like something that slowly enveloped their heart in a warm embrace and chased out all of their hardships. This was more than a kiss, this was reassurance in its purest form, it was the healing they both craved, like it had the power to mold them back together, mending every piece of them together. 

They stayed like this, pressed close in the middle of her office, like the world around had disappeared and only them remained. Alexia held her like she was something precious, with so much tenderness that it made Rosalie’s heart ache in the most delicious way. But as their lips continued their dance, something more ravenous was growing within the brunette. With every brush of their lips, every shaky exhale between kisses, every swipe of Alexia’s tongue on her lips, Rosalie craved more. She dragged her hands up the footballer’s back and tangled her fingers in her hair, pulling her in and deepening the kiss. 

The blonde groaned at the not so gentle tug. She pressed her body closer, not wanting an inch of her not touching the other woman. Her hands slid down and gripped her hips possessively.  she understood Rosalie’s quiet demand and slipped her tongue in the brunette’s waiting mouth. She took a step forward, making the brunette back away until the back of her legs touched her desk. The contact startled the brunette who’s hands left the blonde’s hair to stabilize herself. 

Only when Alexia grabbed the back of her thighs and roughly sat the photographer on her desk did their lips finally separated. Alexia’s pupils were blown, something wild and burning bright in them. A look which Rosalie was sure was mirrored in her own green ones. “ alexia someone could…”

Her sentence was cut short by a gasp that tore itself from her lips at the context of the blonde’s lips on her throat. “ No me importa.” The words were final, spoken with conviction which erased any doubt from the smaller woman’s mind. 

The rest of her day felt like a blur. With everything that had happened in the past few days, editing and project coordination had been put on the back burner and now the weight of all this work was threatening to crush the photographer’s desk. But still, it seemed impossible to subdue the giddy smile and light blush that lingered on the woman’s face. Most of her coworkers brushed it off as relief that this whole story was finally put to the grave, but only Alexia knew exactly what brightened the French-Canadian’s day. 

The pictures Marcello had selected for the instagram post were probably some of Rosalie’s favourites. She normally hated being at the forefront of the camera, but these were different. The first one had captured Mapi running beside her, holding her sign and smiling while Rosalie’s head was thrown back in a fit of laughter. The second one showed Pina and Patri’s group cheering with their signs. The next showed the team huddled at the gate all trying to hug the photographer who had just crossed the finish line.

The last two were the ones that truly touched the brunette. You could see Alexia, her smile so wide and genuine, her eyes bright and infinitely proud, holding Rosalie’s face while she was looking up with stars in her own green eyes. It seemed like they had both forgotten about the chaos all around them and the most important was the person in front of them.  It was truly a beautiful picture and it spoke volumes on the depth of their feelings. 

The last one had been taken from behind the photographer. It was when Lucy had finally let her down in front of the giant board with the race times. You could see that the brunette’s head was angled up to read the scores and her arms were limb by her side. She was very clearly dumbfounded and Lucy was turned towards her with a hand on her shoulder, like a proud sister. Rosalie knew that this picture would certainly end up in her wall, along with the one with Alexia. 

There was apprehension lingering in her mind. After all, this was the first time she would be this exposed in her team's socials. But somehow, it didn’t bother her as much as she thought. Maybe it was because here, she felt like she was ready to build her life. She had found a place where she felt safe, with warm and caring people who felt like family. 

And then there was a certain blonde captain. A woman who helped her believe in herself and her worth. A woman who made her feel like love was not about sacrificing every part of yourself, but about sharing happiness and hardships together. 

At four the pictures were posted, and the impact was immediate. Rosalie’s phone was blowing up once again, but she paid it no mind. The bustling coming from her living room did a marvellous job at hiding the constant vibrations. Ingrid was sitting on her sofa, with Mapi sitting on the floor between her legs, stuffing her face with popcorn. Cata was in the same position, sitting in front of Paños who was chatting with Alexia, who had made herself comfortable on the far end of the couch. Lucy and Keira had brought chairs from the dining table and were watching the tv. Patri and Pina had yet to arrive, both of them having a reputation for arriving late. 

The match from this weekend was playing on the tv and Rosalie was in the kitchen, along with Irene, finishing up the multitude of appetizers the team had brought. No one had revealed whose idea it was to all show up at the photographer’s place, each with a different dish in hand but the brunette had a good idea of who the culprit was. The apologetic yet knowing look the the catalonian captain kept sending her way spoke volumes. 

Rosalie being alone in her apartment tonight was simply unfathomable for Alexia. She knew that the whirlwind of this team was what they both needed , and by the smile and laughter she could hear coming from the kitchen, she knew she had made the right call. 

A loud cheering tore the blonde’s gaze from the photographer and turned towards the tv where she Could see Mapi getting tripped by one of the other players. 

Seeing her so free and comfortable with her people filled Alexia with a warm feeling, one she was sure she could very much get used to. 

[mainstreamangel]

LACY

C. Clark x Fem!Reader

Summary: You were so incredibly jealous of Caitlin Clark. She was perfect, she was good at everything, she was attractive. She got it all. So why do you feel an interfering emotion that you suspect isn't jealousy?

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Warning(s): lowk very mild toxic!reader if you squint. (only bc make her share her special moment w u :) )

WC: 2.1k

Lacy, oh, Lacy, skin like puff pastry.

She was so perfect. Everyone knew her, everyone loved her.

Did you hear Caitlin Clark...

I love Caitlin she's so pretty!!

Clark is so charming and her teammate? She's so not. I can't even remember her name.

You weren't sure why people painted you out to be the antagonist. All you ever were was her teammate. You two had talked a bunch during practices and stuff but you weren't friends. On the court you didn't really talk though. You fought, argued even.

"That was such a shit pass Clark."

"You'd never be as good as me." She'd say.

You were both on the same team but it seemed like a rivalry stirred beneath the surface.

Good work Clark, keep it up.

You need to be a bit faster [last name]

You would scowl every time your coach praised her for small things while she criticised you for basically everything.

You hated her. She hated you. On campus you'd pass people talking about the game that previous night, all the praise to Caitlin pouring religiously out of their lips.

Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

They wouldn't mention you but sometimes when they did, it was just criticism.

Did you see that shot she took? There's no way she thought that was a good idea. Why didn't she just pass it to Caitlin? Caitlin always makes her baskets.

You'd look at them and give them a dirty look, and in return they'd continue to gossip.

You eventually reach the training facility and walk onto the court. You didn't bring much with you, keys, ID, and your phone plus some headphones.

You put them in and started messing around with the ball. You weren't expecting anyone to come in. But yet, halfway through your little solo practice, a certain 6'0 dark haired figure walked in.

Her hair pulled back, and determination planted on her face.

"What're you doing here?" She asked.

You hadn't heard her. You continued to throw the ball into the net countless of times. Making in most of the time, some bounced from sloppy form or bad aim.

"Hello??" She asked, louder.

Still nothing. Not sure why she did this, but she picked up one of the basketballs on the rack and threw it at your back.

"Hey!" You whipped around and caught her eye.

You took out your headphones and gave her a questioning look.

"What was that for?" You snapped.

"You can't fucking hear shit, dude. I asked why you were here."

"Practicing duh."

"Can I join?" She asked.

You rolled your eyes and stepped aside for her to have the net. You took the other side of the court, the opposing net that she could've had but she wanted yours.

You practiced a bit more, still not hearing anything but your music so you minimised the opportunity for conversation.

You didn't realised how far you were backing up until you bumped into Caitlin and fell to the floor. The ball skidded away and you held your ankle.

Groaning in pain, you peaked an eye open and saw Caitlin crouched to your level, she showed a quick look of concern before it was sealed up again.

"Are you alright?" She asked, coldly.

You looked into her eyes, thinking about how pretty they were up close.

Dear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies.

"Fine."

She offered you a hand and you brushed it off, getting up on your own and grabbing your things. You don't say anything to her, walking out of the facility and back to your place. Your heart was racing. Both from the gym and from how close she was. How agonisingly beautiful she was under finer detail.

You could feel your pulse in your throat. The thumping of your emotions, rattling to come up on the surface. To force you to accept your underlying feelings of both jealousy of her perfection and jealousy that she isn't yours.

You knew she didn't swing that way. She had dated a few guys here and there, none of them really sticking but you've never seen her with a woman before.

Did I ever tell you that I'm not doing well?

The next game you attend, you're starting. As Iowa's shooting guard, you pride of yourself of making the majority of your shots. Following Caitlin's lead as Iowa's point guard.

It was a tough game, your opponents putting up a good fight. It was almost time for halftime and you were breathing kind of heavy.

"Your skills fucking suck. You're so bad."

One of the girls on the other team says.

You whip around and look at her.

"The fuck did you just say?"

"I said, you don't deserve to play. You're just dragging your team down. No wonder Caitlin has to carry your sorry ass of a player every game."

Before you can say anything someone towers over the girl with a killer look.

"Say another fucking word about her. I dare you."

"Chill Clark, I'm only speaking the truth."

"Go back to your team, you're done here."

The girl rolls her eyes but obliges, walking back to her team and to the tunnel.

"You alright?" She asked, turning to you.

"I had it, Caitlin. Plus it doesn't bother me. Used to it by now." You look down, frustrated.

Ooh, I care, I care, I care.

You sat on the side, watching your team play. Iowa was in the lead. Cheers were heard from the crowd and from your teammates. You cheered too, your voice pushing to be better.

Sometimes your eyes would linger on Caitlin's form longer than intended but you forced yourself to remember your relationship with the girl.

Like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time. Watchin', hidden in plain sight.

By the final buzzer, Iowa had won. You shot up and started running to the court. You weren't sure who you were going to go to first but Caitlin had reached you and she had the biggest smile on her face. She tackled you into a hug, yelling over the crowd.

"WE DID IT!!" She screamed.

You were shocked. You froze for moment before laughing. You hugged her back and put one of the hats on her head.

She did the same with you and you looked up at her with soft eyes. You two hated each other, but maybe for a moment you could put it to rest.

Senior night had arrived and Caitlin had stood in the middle of the court, watching her jersey number get retired. She had a beaming smile, everything she had worked for had gone her way. She got everything, no matter what it was, she was so perfect the only karma she ever got in life was good karma.

From the side you had a sour face. You felt jealousy bubble up in your veins. Your jersey number wasn't getting retired. It wasn't you who was standing on the court, about to give a speech about your time at Iowa and all the things you've accomplished.

You tried to push aside your feelings when she hugged you. It would only complicate things and it wouldn't even work out, you were about to get drafted to different teams and would have to play against each other, only confirming a stirring rivalry.

Ooh, I try, I try, I try. But it takes over my life.

"...I wanna thank all the fans for supporting my games and I want to thank my teammate, and my friend, [Name]. She has pushed me to be the best player of my potential and I wouldn't be here without her support." She looks at you in the crowd.

Your face is shocked. You didn't expect her to give you a special piece of her speech. You thought she'd just boast about herself but she thanked you. What did you ever do? You caused her problems, you fought with her, argued with her, you hated the girl. She hated you. Did she?

Cheers were heard and you stood up. You wanted to force your body to sit down, let Caitlin have her moment. But you walk down to the court and stand infront of her. She's a bit taller than you, only a couple inches.

But you grab her face and plant your lips firmly on hers. Out of hatred of course. 'She's so perfect, she gets it all' kind of hatred. The kind of hate you feel when she gives you that sweet million dollar smile.

I see you everywhere. The sweetest torture one could bear.

You release yourself from her and she looks at you with a goofy grin.

"Proud of you." you mumble, pushing your ego aside.

"Your validation is all I've ever wanted to hear." She kisses your head.

Draft night had arrived and you were both sitting at your respective tables. You hadn't spoken about that night that you kissed infront of countless of people.

Clips of the kiss blew up, rumours stirred and theories were strung.

"You look hot." She mouthed when she caught your eye.

You smirked and gave her a hand heart.

Voices quieted down when the announcer came up to the podium.

Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately. I feel your compliments like bullets on skin.

She gave her annual speech and finally the picks were to be announced.

"With the first pick of the 2024 WNBA draft, the Indiana Fever select..."

You held your breath. You knew you weren't first pick. But Caitlin was. You wanted her to go to a good team, one that would fit her needs. One where her new friends wouldn't treat her as bad as you did.

"Caitlin Clark, University of Iowa."

Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate. Well, aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

You clapped, but your lips stood in a thin line as Caitlin stood up to give hugs to everyone at her table.

You watched as she gave the last person a hug before coming up to your table and holding her arms out at your sitting figure. You stood up and gave her a tight hug.

"Proud of you Clark, can't wait to see what you accomplish during your time with the Fever." You mumble into her shoulder.

She rocks you two back and forth for a second, then kissing your head and walking up to the stage, taking pictures with her draftee jersey. It was a bittersweet moment for Caitlin, but more of a bitter moment for you than sweet. You knew you worked hard but it hurt not to be the first pick.

Ooh, I care, I care, I care, like ribbons in your hair, my stomach's all in knot. You got the one thing that I want.

"And with the third pick in the 2024 WNBA draft, the Indiana Fever select, [Name], University of Iowa." You stand up as a only a few people clapped for you.

You wanted to disappear. Just because you were always seen as just short of Caitlin Clark, you were painted out as the villain. You felt tears well up in your eyes as you hugged the few people at your table and walked up to the front for quick pictures with your draftee jersey. But as you were smiling for pictures you heard an obnoxious voice that you were slowly growing to love.

Caitlin had stood up and started clapping and cheering for you.

"That's my girl!" She beamed.

Your heart melted and you smiled back at her.

Ooh, I try, I try, I try. Try to rationalize, people are people. But it's like you're made of angel dust.

From Caitlin's cheering it inspired people little by little till the whole room was properly clapping for you. You smiled and gave her a thankful look.

She blew you a kiss and you blew one back before heading down and running to her arms.

"Thank you, thank you really." You sniffled.

"I'll always be here to cheer you on."

As you two grew on the Fever team, your bond had been built stronger too. Your new friends created an environment where you didn't have to feel like you were living in Caitlin's shadow, you could be your own player and you were equally just as good as her.

You learned that you two had similar skills but you also had skills that made your positions perfectly tailored to your playstyles. That's what made you such a strong duo.

After your first professional game, Caitlin pulled you aside and asked you to be her girlfriend. You smiled and nodded.

Leaning up to give her a soft kiss in secluded halls, it was a perfect ending beginning to your story.

Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me. You poison every little thing that I do.

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately, and I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you.

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you.

[couch-potato28]

Imagine being a Blue Lock manager! ⚽️

VERSION XI.

(a/n: cause of disappearance: my bad habit of mass version production but I’m currently in spring break and want to finish this series so apologies guys 🙏 forgive, forget, enjoy this ep! ty for ur support ❤️)

Warning-none

wc: 0.9k

also: @ttheggrimrreaper @irethepotato @ohagiyo 🫶

——————

FROM THE PROLOGUE:

"Congratulations L/N Y/N! Based on your results, you've earned your place in Blue Lock as the manager of player number...

...4, Chigiri Hyoma.”

“Damn, she got the princess!”

“Who?” you raised a brow at the nickname, glancing at your friend for an explanation. She only shrugged, admitting she had no idea who the boy was. Letting out a quiet sigh, you took a moment to memorize his information before heading off to grab your things from Anri.

As she passed you his profile, the photo of the boy instantly caught your attention—his vibrant pink hair and delicate features made him one of the most beautiful people you’d ever seen. Curious, you flipped through each page of the folder, carefully reading his data as you found your way to him.

Imagine being Chigiri Hyoma’s manager.

——————

Chigiri Hyoma who you can barely catch a glimpse of as he’s sprinting on the field, instead opting to scream his name to get the boy’s attention. You call him to the benches, slightly embarrassed by the amount of eyes on you. A bit sweaty, and out of breath from your poor attempt at running after him, you extend your hand for an introduction. He lazily accepts it, a small chuckle leaving his lips at your state.

“Almost caught me, didn’t you?”

Rolling your eyes at his sarcasm, you thought back to the morning workouts you’d endured for months, realizing this meeting only confirmed that he was indeed one of the fastest players out there.

“Yeah, was right behind you.”

——————

•Chigiri who’s actually quite easy to get along with, perhaps the advantage of having a sister finally coming in handy as he starts to tease you on a daily basis.

•Makes you do all the talking while he silently nods in agreement. Enjoys the drama involving other players, but if anyone even tries to offend you—which only he’s allowed to do by the way—they will receive the side eye of the century as he sassily walks away, dragging you along.

•Can’t make him shorten his shower time, otherwise he’ll throw a fit. Has the longest hair care routine known to mankind, and uses a bunch of products, emptying out the stock of the facility.

•Lets you touch his hair on rare occasions, and if he’s really exhausted, you get to dry it—what an honor.

•Chigiri whose blanket needs to be pulled off first thing after the alarm rings otherwise both of you will arrive late to practice.

•Drills with him are tiring, he’s too fast and always complains, forcing you to use a megaphone, or a whistle whenever you want to suggest something, or simply tell him to shut up and get to work.

•Training usually consists of timing his run or betting on how many rounds he can finish in a minute. He always wins, but hey—at least he’s doing great.

•Always keeps an extra hair tie on his wrist in case you need it. Has a gallery of goofy pictures he took of you, and when he feels sappy, he scrolls through them for comfort. Also, Chigiri is just so easy to fluster, one compliment completely freezes him.

•It’s basically pre-match ritual how you always tie his shoelaces while he’s sipping on water—that you brought him—making you look like Prince Charming who’s currently helping her Princess before the big battle.

•Listens to your advice and actually does all of it, trusting you to somehow make him improve despite his injured leg. Helping him with stretches at the end of the day means listening to him ramble about the new tactics they learned that day.

•Queen of gossip and side eyes—the problem is that he eats at a snail’s pace. Yaps A LOT during meal time as he whispers some things about the other boys like it’s top secret information.

•Arguments with Chigiri happen like every five minutes. You would consider yourself to be a fairly patient, understanding, and calm person but with him?

•5 minutes is enough to make you tear out your hair ‘cause he’s just so self-centered and arrogant at times, it drives you crazy. After that he refuses to talk to you for the whole day, and turns away when you try to say something.

——————

AFTER THE U20 MATCH…

•He’s waaay more active than before and actually enjoys playing soccer now—his fire is back. Practices and recovery routines go smoothly, and his career is off to a great start.

•It’s given that Chigiri is handsome and pretty but when he’s doing an interview, and the camera zooms in on his face? Lethal face card. Answers questions pretty easily, but sometimes he’ll accidentally let his intrusive thoughts take over.

•His favorite way to relax after matches is sitting on the floor, reading a book while you braid his hair in the meantime. Grants you the privilege to call him princess after pestering him for months.

•On moodier days when both of you are just so easily irritated even by the tiniest inconveniences, everyone makes sure avoid you like the plague.

•They observe from afar how Chigiri just complains about everything as you look him dead in the eye with no intention of answering and move on.

•Tutoring is another interesting part of your job. He sure pays attention unlike you who’s extremely distracted by the sheer amount of highlighters he uses, and the way his handwriting is both readable and not at the same time.

•Chigiri’s injury had always been a sensitive topic, but after everything you two had been through together, one night he finally opens up, sharing the full story of his injury, and thoughts that he’s never told anyone before. It’s a vulnerable moment that deepens the relationship you share with him.

[ameliedoree]

i took a bunch of estrogen in brazil for a year, here's some hrt thoughts

TL;DR I started taking sublingual Natifa 6mg (estradiol hemihydrate) and oral espironolactona 100mg (spiro) when I moved here because it mimicked my regime in the US. This was healthy, but I recently switched to injectable entantato de estradiol (EEn) through Certain Means which has been way better for me. If I had to start again, I'd probably just take Perlutan (EEn + DHPA) until pure EEn through Certain Means arrived in the mail. That was about R$600 for a 1.5 year supply, so about R$33 a month. This is safe, healthy, reliable, and affordable if you can stomach paying the sum all at once. Also I'm not a doctor, please read the Transfemscience Wiki for info about all this.

It's been almost exactly one year since I moved out of the bad ol' US of A to the way cooler part of the American continent: South America. Specifically, as a lot of people who watch my videos or just see me reblog in Portuguese know, I live in Brazil, and it's taken about a year for me to really 'adjust' to live here as it were. My Portuguese is at a point I can handle light conversation and daily tasks + some, I almost have a full suite of doctors, I figured out how taxes work, I have a bank account, and so on.

An adjustment I had to make that was both pretty huge and pretty small at the same time was with regards to my HRT. Living in Brazil is the first time I've been without a doctor for feminizing hormone therapy, though definitely not the first time I've had to more or less go without doctor advice. My docs in the US were often awful, prescribing bad dosages with bad regimes to the point I experienced light re-masculinization when I attempted to switch to injections. I don't necessarily blame them, because doctors in that country are grossly overworked and medical facilities apparently suck ass to work at for the most part... but I am still mad at them for the borderline dangerous maltreatment of my health.

Anyways, because of my lacking Portuguese skills and general fear of endos left over from the US, I went about a year without any sort of medical advice at all. I had to read up as much as I could alongside my husband on what was available and how to get a functioning regime -- and when I wanted to switch to injections earlier this year, I had to go down a whole rabbit hole. Here's a bunch of thoughts on what's available that may hopefully help other trans Brazilians or English-speaking immigrants that have moved here.

For general reference, when I talk about 'healthy dosages,' I'm speaking about anything that achieves greater than 150pgml/550pmol estradiol right before the next dosage. When I talk about monotherapy, I'm speaking of something which achieves between 200pgml~400pgml/734pmol~1468pmol before next dosage, as these are the healthy levels needed for feminization without taking T blockers. You can read about it here.

WHERE I STARTED: Before I even moved here, my husband and I figured out that the name brand medication Natifa is literally just Estradiol Hemihydrate. If you don't know, that is the same type of estradiol as in the famous blue/teal/green pills typically given to transfems in the US - it is more or less just pure Estradiol-b17, and like the famous titty skittles, you can take it sublingually (under the tongue). This allows for healthy estradiol levels, compared to oral which has really bad bioavailability and thus can put a damper on transition. Unfortunately, it's not generic, so I was paying about R$400 a month for a reasonable dosage (2mg, 3 times per day). Even as someone earning in USD this is a massive sum to be paying out, and since the SUS doesn't seem to subsidize it, I can't imagine it being viable for almost anyone long-term. And, because sublingual estradiol is generally Not Good at suppressing testosterone by itself, I also took espironolactona (spiro) alongside it, just as I had done before. That, thankfully, is generic and cheap, but it still caused me fatigue and sleepiness like it always has. It is famously Pretty Mid and makes you piss a ton (in a lame way). Nevertheless without having the time or energy to investigate many other options, I kept on with this for about 11 months until I decided I should probably do something different.

WHAT I CONSIDERED: Digging around with my now way better Portuguese skills, and talking with trans Brazilians, I got told about a couple common regimes. The first is just to take ~4mg oral valerato de estradiol (EV) daily alongside a blocker, which is... I guess functional for some, but oral EV is both weaker than almost any other administration method resulting in low levels, and the monthly costs can still add up (almost R$200 per month!). There is a combined EV + progestin as well, but again, oral EV isn't great, and synthetic progestogens carry health risks. I wanted something more stable that wouldn't necessitate taking 8mg a day.

The second regime was to take injections of Perlutal. Perlutal is enantato de estradiol (EEn) + algestone acetophenide (DHPA), which on paper is pretty solid. You can get it at about R$15 for 2 weeks worth (5mg/week), and EEn is a really stable form of estrogen for injections. Like, arguably the best besides the relatively understudied undecyclate, as seen in the Ester monotherapies comparsion on Estrannise. The problem is DHPA; a synthetic progestin that may cause prolactinomas. I read a study on this a while back but unfortunately I can't seem to track it down, but people refer to the incidence regularly. While lactation is fun and all and I partake in it myself with domperidone, you REALLY don't want to induce it by a benign brain tumor. A crazy spike in prolactin might also be bad for your mental health.

Finally, the last is to do patches. I do not know nearly enough about this to say, but the cost of this also seems way too high if not subsidized, since getting healthy levels with blockers seems to require 200mcg per week. That's still nearly R$200 a month at the lowest far as I can tell.

WHAT I DO NOW: Given the lack of readily available pure estradiol ester injections here (valerate, cypionate, enantate, etc), I did what a lot of trans women do now and got it from Certain Sources. I paid by Bitcoin using Paybis (which supports PIX!!!!!!), tossed the seller my CPF to write on the package so Correios wouldn't upend my soul and steal my girl juices, and got sweet sweet clean EEn 3 weeks later. I won't say from where, but any place that sells discreetly packaged estradiol should be fine, which is most of them these days. The general going rate is about R$600 after all fees, which is about as pricey as the monthly cost of Perlutal in a single sum.

And that's it. I just take 5mg of EEn every week by subcutaneous injection, and have been feeling fantastic. BD and Sol-Care make good supplies for needles and such, personally I use the 27g from BD for injecting and 25g + syringe from Sol-Care for drawing my EEn. I also found an endo who is pretty knowledgable and supportive, which is a godsend since I just need someone who can monitor my levels.

OVERALL: I can say I'm pretty happy with where my transition is going at this point, and how things have been here in Brazil. Estradiol being over the counter was amazing for getting me through a rough period of not being able to see a doctor, and the trans community in my local area has been wonderful to talk to. Even as things are greatly imperfect here with trans people (especially as the CFM is trying to make life more miserable for trans youths), I have still found it far, FAR easier to live than in the best of times when I was in the US.

Vai Brasil!!!