#when Rex first came home he had a habit of attacking my hands/feet

[yukipri]

Sleeping with his Fishes

Cats tag: #YukiPriASLKIttens

[danger-xylophones]

In the Quiet Part 2 (Fives x reader)

{masterlist}

Warnings: Angst (because it’s Fives so of course), anxiety, my take on Post-War Fives, my methods for calming down from a panic attack, makeup, family talk, nudity (for like half a second), swearing

Notes: You don’t have to read part 1 to get this but I would appreciate it.

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“Do we have to go?” It’s the fourth time he’s asked that damn question today. With an explosive sigh, you lower the eyeliner stylus you had raised to your eyelid till your hand taps against the counter. Sending a disgruntled grimace at your reflection, you answer the antsy man waiting impatiently outside the refresher. 

“Yes, Fives, we do.” You answer in a measured tone, you don’t mean to be snippy but the former ARC trooper has been testing your patience all day by seeking out ways to avoid attending the late night talk show appearance you’d scheduled months ago. In all fairness, he didn’t have to go - you’d been the one to promise an appearance still believing Fives to have passed on. It was something your lawyer, attorney, and pr manager had suggested you do in order to further normalize the integration of clones into society as citizens and decorated war vets. Who better to have do that than the lover of ARC Trooper Fives - the doctor that (with help) exposed the sinister plot unwittingly programmed into the clones in the wake of her lover’s presumed death? To be honest, you felt dirty doing this. It felt like you were treating the avoidance of a tragedy as a publicity stunt - and you weren’t the only one to think this if the raging articles and forums dedicated to slowing your progress down were any indication. Still, if this was the best way to showcase how human the men of the Grand Army of the Republic are then you would do what you had to. Besides, Chancellor Amidala couldn’t do it all by herself despite the backing of the Jedi and a handful of beloved senators. She needed the public on her side too. “I know you don’t like it but it’s the best thing we can do for you and your brothers right now.” 

The integration of the clones was slow going - an uphill struggle from the very start. But, around a year after Fives’s supposed demise on a day you thought would haunt you forever, Captain Rex strolled in with the one thing in the whole galaxy you’d ever longed for: Fives. Alive and looking relatively like himself again and standing in the entryway of your shared home with Kix and a medical droid from Kamino named AZ3. He’d faked his death, as he explained to you later that night, in order to ensure Palpatine lost suspicion of you and Rex, giving you and the captain enough time to discover the truth about the inhibitor chips for yourself. To hide he’d had to keep his hair short and a modified patch meant to mimic skin had been placed over his iconic ‘5′ tattoo to keep his identity obscured. But the worst thing of all (in your opinion) - he had to shave his goatee. From there, with the help of Kix, he’d been reintegrated into the GAR in the 104th as a shiny named Hydan. For months, he hid among the ranks of the 104th the only person aware of who he was being Kix until the day came where Sidious was discovered, the chips were deactivated, and Chancellor Amidala had been instated by a nearly unanimous vote. Only when it was deemed safe enough, did Kix contact Rex and explain what happened who then reunited you and Fives. 

Now, you were an hour and a half away from making your first public appearance as a couple. Fives’s hair wasn’t quite to the length you were familiar with nor was his goatee (it was about as faint as it was the first time you met him after the first battle for Kamino) but now his retouched tattoo shown proudly on the side of his head and the name Hydan had been cast aside. 

“I get that,” Fives huffed as he rounded the doorway and met your gaze in the mirror - a grumpy frown furrowing his brow and pulling his face down, “but I don’t understand why we have to go. I thought Rex did fine in his interview.” He huffed again and leaned heavily against the doorframe with crossed arms. Despite how annoying he was trying to be you couldn’t help but grin at him and rake your eyes over his reflection. Fives was dressed in a pristine, pressed white dress uniform with medals affixed to his breast that glinted in the bright light of the ‘fresher. The insignia for the 501st was pressed into the corner of his high collar on one side, on the other the sign for an ARC trooper. Decorating the shoulders of his uniform were golden pads meant to mimic the pauldrons worn by most ARC troopers. Finally, two golden stripes on either wrist to symbolically pay homage to every fallen soldier.

You snorted his statement, returning your attention to the mirror to finish up your neglected eye. “Babe, he was as stiff as a board and simultaneously more fidgety than a newly deployed shiny.” 

“He still got his point across didn’t he? All this,” he caught your attention by loosely gesturing to the uniform, “is pointless. I mean - don’t get me wrong, doll, you look beautiful but I’d prefer to have you all dressed up for a date not some dumb talk show in front of the whole galaxy.” You didn’t immediately acknowledge the compliment he tossed at you - your focus was too drawn to the sentiment he had just expressed. 

“Fives,” you sighed and turned away from the mirror to face the man, “what’s this really about?” Fives shifted on his feet suddenly uncomfortable under your concerned but scrutinizing gaze. There was a long pause where neither of you said anything and Fives couldn’t even meet your eyes. You were the first to make a move, stepping forward carefully till the man was witihin arms reach. “Fives,” you said again, reaching a hand out to rest on his forearm, “baby,” you ducked your head to meet his gaze, “talk to me.” 

He could never resist when you called him ‘baby’. It was one weakness Fives wasn’t even aware he had, the slightest chink in his armor that you always managed to find. And he knew that you knew what it did to him. With a nearly frustrated sigh both at the situation and at his inability to control what he was feeling, he tried to let you see what was going on in his head. “It’s just...” he began before trailing off. Why couldn’t he let you in? You were trying to be there for him and he was just...clamming up. Why? You were always so open with him. You didn’t shut him out - you never had. You’d always bared your soul to him whenever he asked, you’d always trusted him with the most fragile aspects of who you were. So, why couldn’t he tell you? What was wrong with him? It wasn’t even a big deal, he knew that, he knew he was just being stubborn and annoying and you were probably fed up with his attitude - gods, what if you were fed up with him too? What if you were just asking him what he was feeling out of habit? What if you didn’t lo-? 

“Fives!” You called out in alarm. “Fives, baby, take a deep breath.” You quickly lowered your voice after snapping him out of his downward spiral. The former ARC trooper looked up at you, soft chestnut brown eyes blown wide in panic. His breathing had picked up speed, resembling shallow pants instead. Your heart broke. But you had to focus to be able to help him. Carefully, you took a deep, slightly exaggerated breath and released it while gesturing for him to copy you. He did though his breathing was still shallow and shaky. “Good, Fives. One more time.” You took another breath, a little deeper than the last one and Fives tried to mimic you. 

“Shit-Shit- I-I’m sorry, cyare!” He suddenly broke, tears starting to form at the bottom of his eyes. “I-I should have it together, I-I sh-shouldn’t be acting like this!” 

“Fives, baby, it’s okay...” you were floundering, you could feel it. “Can...can I touch you?” 

Fives looked at you like a startled loth-cat kitten but opened his arms all the same. “Please...” he breathed out and that was all it took for you to step forward and wrap your arms around him. His arms locked around you like a vice and you could now feel the violent tremors that ran through him. 

“Baby, what you are feeling is scary and overwhelming...” you began quietly, “but I need you to know that it is okay to feel like this. There is nothing wrong with you,” you let one hand smooth up and down his back, “I still love you, and if you need to let it all out, I am here to help.” His grip tightened around you, so tight that it almost hurt, but you made no complaint and instead lifted yourself up enough to press a kiss to his neck. “What do you need right now, cyare?” 

“I-I-I don’t know...” 

“It’s okay to not know.” You whispered back. A silence fell between you, only broken by the occasional hiccupping breath that would slip from your boyfriend. With each one, you’d just continue to rub his back and calmly press feather-light pecks to wherever you could. You were vaguely aware of time passing, the approach of the catalyst for this latest attack ever-present and looming above you like the shadow of some great monolith, but you paid it no mind. Fives was more important. When a substantial amount of time had passed between hiccups, you gently pulled back just enough to grasp Fives’s forearms but to also rest your forehead against his chest, knowing that he didn’t like to be looked at while he was crying. “Fives...” you whispered to him and waited for an acknowledging hum. “Do you want to try your breathing exercise again?” The tightening of his grip and the feeling of his head dropping onto yours was your only answer. “Okay. In five, hold five, out five. Ready?” You gave him a few seconds before starting to count, slow and steady. You kept a sharp ear out for his breathing, monitoring it for signs of improvement or decline as he breathed in, held his breath, and then released it. You quietly joined him on the third cycle, relying on your internal metronome to keep the relaxed pace. 

The two of you stayed like that for another five or six cycles before Fives finally lifted his head, his breathing practically back to normal. “’m sorry, cyare.” He muttered under his breath with a poorly concealed sniffle. 

“Hush, none of that now, Fives.” You shushed him with a soft smile, reaching up to cup his cheek. He immediately leaned into the touch. “It happens, sweetheart, there’s no need to feel ashamed.” You continued to sooth as your thumb gently ran across his cheekbone. 

Fives’s eyes softened at you as the residual panic began to fade. “It’s just,...” he started again but took a deep breath this time before pushing on, “when I came back, I-I wanted it to be the end of all this; of the war and the chips and the GAR. I just want to settle down with you, move somewhere people can’t find and just not have to worry about anything...” Fives’s gaze fell to the floor as his hand carefully glided up the arm that was holding his face till he could gently pull it away to weave his fingers through yours, “maybe even start a family...” Your mouth fell open slightly at that - the two of you had discussed what you wanted your lives to look like after the war, it was how you ended up calling him your fiance prior to his ‘death’ but most talk halted at marriage. Fives’s eyes flicked up to your face again to dart over your features, taking in the shocked expression now residing there. But he seemed to misinterpret it. “I-I know it’s stupid...”

“No, it’s not. Nothing you just said was stupid.” You reassured immediately. “I want that, Fives. I want that life with you.” A soft, fluttery feeling seemed to engulf your chest, growing and dimming like a soft mood light with every breath. It was nice and warm and lovely and you prayed that Fives felt it too. Going by the shy grin stretching over his lips - he most certainly did. 

The fragile moment was shattered by a loud chirp emanating from the ‘fresher as your alarm started to go off. You had one hour before you had to leave. With an overdramatic eye roll that pulled a quiet chuckle from the still fragile man you separated from him and walked into the refresher to turn off the alarm. Just as you were turning on your heel to face Fives again you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror - full face of makeup minus one incomplete eye, hair still half-heartedly shoved away from your face, and you still in your lounge wear. It was enough to make you laugh. “I’m a bit of a mess, aren’t I?” You hummed. 

“Yeah,” Fives hummed back as he appeared in the mirror behind you. You didn’t have time to be offended though as Fives was already draping an arm around your shoulders. “But you’re a beautiful one.” 

With a scoff, you slapped his chest with the back of your hand while Fives tittered at your reaction. A moment later he pressed an affectionate kiss to your temple. You smiled to yourself as you finally got to finish your makeup. “Could you go get my dress? It’s still in the bag in the closet.” You sent Fives a look in the mirror as your reached for all the products you’d need to style your hair. He made a hum-like sound in the back of his throat and glided out of the refresher, significantly lighter on his feet compared to how he’d been all day. But there was still a heaviness in him, an invisible weight on his shoulders as he slipped from view. You frowned. Maybe he should stay here in the apartment - out of sight. Where he felt safe.

“Cyare?” He quietly called and your shook your head before meeting his concerned gaze in the mirror. Fives was leaning around the doorway with a garment bag slung over his shoulder. One eyebrow was raised at you. “You alright?”

“I’m fine, Fives, just...thinking.” He tilted his head at you but you waved him off in favor of gently taking the garment bag from him and moving to put the dress on. Fives let out a low whistle after you pulled your top off and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him though the smile never left your face as you moved to the sweats you’d had on. “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me get that thing on?” You asked, gesturing to the dress with your head as you kicked off the lounge wear and moved for the hoop. Fives muttered something you didn’t catch before helping you into the blue and white, sweetheart neckline mermaid dress. 

He pulled back and held you by the shoulders to look over your entire image. “Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.” He smiled at you, wide enough for those crinkles you loved to appear at the corners of his eyes. “Think I better go so nobody tries anything.” 

Your face fell so suddenly it startled you. “Fives, I take it back. If you don’t want to go, you do not have to.” Your hands came up to smooth over his chest as your gaze fell to the floor. “I realize it’s a lot and not everyone is for us so if you’re more comfortable staying-” 

He said your name causing your attention to snap to him immediately. His eyes were soft as he focused on you, lips drawn into a thin line, while his hands squeezed your shoulders. “Cyare...no. I want to do this. For my brothers, for you. And if sitting on an obnoxiously long couch in an uncomfortable outfit talking to some wackjob who won’t shut up for two seconds or stop prying is the way to go, then it’s the way to go.” Despite the situation a little giggle slipped from you at Fives’s still evident disdain for talkshow hosts shown through. He smiled at you again before pulling you into a warm embrace with a long sigh. “I’m sorry for all this.” 

“Fives-” You began in a warning tone.

“No, let me finish.” He squeezed you closer. “I’m sorry for all of this - for tricking you, for lying, for forcing you into the limelight, and for being so damn stubborn. You deserve better.” He sighed again and pulled back just enough to press his forehead to yours, keeping his eyes closed as he did so. “I want to be better. I know I’ve been a pain in the ass since I came back and you’re a saint for dealing with me and all this shit I dragged you into and made you deal with. It should’ve been my shit to deal with and...I bolted - faked my death and made you ‘n Rex deal with everything that came after.” He opened his eyes and finally met your gaze, and in the golden depths were smoldering embers of a lifetime of pain - injuries yet to heal. “I’m so sorry, ner kar’ta.” He whispered. 

“Fives,” you began by sliding one of your hands along his arm till you could grasp at his wrist and pull his hand off of your waist to intertwine your fingers with his, “you didn’t drag me into anything. I knew that I was signing up to face the unknown the first time I kissed you.” Carefully you brought your intertwined hands to your face to kiss along his knuckles. “Secondly, think about what would have happened if you hadn’t disappeared. Fives,” You met his eyes, your own burning with severity, “I would have lost you for real.” His grip tightened on your hand but he kept quiet. Not wanting to dwell, you moved right along. “Thirdly, you gave Rex and I a chance to stop Sidious, to stop the massacre of thousands of Jedi. We were able to stop a tyrant because of you. Your sacrifice saved the galaxy, Fives. That isn’t ‘shit’. You’re a hero, cyare. Finally,” your free hand snaked its way up to cup his cheek, “I could never ask you to be better because you’re already so damn good to me. You’re incredible, Fives.” Your thumb stroked his cheek as you took a moment to just appreciate the man in front of you. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.” And with that, you pushed yourself up to seal your lips against his. Fives melted against you, hand releasing yours in favor of wrapping his arm around your waist again while his other cupped the back of your neck to keep you in place. The hand you had against his cheek moved back to tug at his hair. The other that was once held by Fives crept around his shoulders so you could use it to pull him closer. You stayed locked together for a moment more, barely separating to catch your breaths before you were pressing soft, whispering kisses to each others lips. Each one, though light in nature, felt heavy in meaning which made your heart speed and head feel airy. 

You only separated for real when your alarm went off next to you - thirty minutes before you had to be at the studio. Without slipping from Fives’s arms, you reached over to turn the alarm off. The air was charged now, buzzing with a foreign energy you weren’t used to. “C’mon,” Fives eventually whispered, “let’s go greet the galaxy.”

Taglist: 

@apocalypticwafflekitten / @pinkiemme / @cherryxcyarika / @justalittlecloud / @and-claudia