#when I’m finally financially independent and I don’t come visit for the holidays and he wonders why…welp. this is why. fucking dickhead

[letsbreadthisgit]

I ask my dad to please not leave the container of oreos in the pantry with only one left in it and just finish it and throw it away, then he goes on a giant rant about how he should be able to do what he wants with the cookies because he paid for them and how dare I tell him what to do with his property like??? dude. I’m just asking you to take 2 seconds to throw away your trash jesus fucking christ

[thosequeenboys]

For the sake of autonomy (John Deacon x Family)

Summary/Author’s Note: This is a family drama and coming-of-age story, focusing on the familiar scenario of students returning home during holiday break and family relationships readjusting.  The father is modeled after John Deacon, Queen’s bass player.  The depiction of John’s family members is purely fictional. Any likeness or perceived likeness to his family – or their family dynamics - is unintentional and coincidental.  Wishing everyone gentle and joyful holiday reunions! This is chapter 1!  The title and topic were inspired in part by this article: Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D,. A Detachment Theory of Parenting Adolescents.Psychology Today, December 9, 2013.

Warnings:  Depictions and emotions related to a difficult first semester away at college/uni, sibling rivalry, separation, parent-child relationships, cursing

Chapter 1

John ambled up the steps for the third time that day.  This time there was nothing to carry upstairs, nor chores to be done.  No need to make the trip, really.  Everything was ready.  With his wife Claudia and their middle son Mark at the market picking up some last-minute staples, he wanted just a few moments in that space. The room’s occupant, his youngest son Dan, was returning home soon having completed his first semester in college. As John ducked into Dan’s room, the mid-afternoon sun lit the wood floor to a golden hue, giving the room a warm glow.  He smoothed the bed, recalling how the day before he had unfurled the striped blue sheets, warm from the dryer, tucking and smoothing them to remove all the creases.  He had slid the crisp blue pillowcase over the pillow and plumped it.    

Now, he sat down on the bed gingerly, eyeing the remnants of a childhood and adolescence:  photos of friends and celebrities plastered the walls, some faded with age and light; souvenirs from family and class trips held their place in between favorite books in the bookcase.  Old school notebooks, folders and other flotsam and jetsam of past academic and youthful endeavors lay scattered in piles on the dresser and desk surfaces.  John took a deep breath, and a smile glossed over him as he warmly anticipated the room cluttered with new trappings of a college life.  He wondered what that life encompassed and how his son was changing.

The front door opened below and he heard Claudia and Mark head into the kitchen.  He took a deep breath, stood and smoothed the bed. He stopped into the bathroom and dug into a drawer on the vanity, retrieving and plugging in the nightlight.  It couldn’t hurt, he figured, just in case Dan needed to get his bearings on this first trip back home, the symbolism not lost on him. 

Then John proceeded downstairs to help with unpacking.   His middle son Mark was in his senior year in college and had been home a few days, his exams having ended earlier than Dan’s as a first year.  

His oldest son Chris was expected for dinner that evening to help ready the home for Christmas.  Chris graduated a few years ago and was working as an analyst for a financial firm.  It was a good job, and after learning the corporate ropes, he was now up for a promotion.  

This was the happiest time for John. With the arrival of the holidays, his closest loved ones surrounded him and the house took on a refreshed and festive air.  In a few days,  the extended family would gather for Christmas.  Past memories would be remembered and new ones created.

‘Well, we are set!’ Claudia said. “I’ll start lunch.”

John joined Claudia at the island counter and started to peel and chop the vegetables Claudia had placed next to him.  They worked in tandem to prepare the meal, as Mark sat at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.  

John checked his watch anxiously.  Ten minutes to two.  Any minute now. Mark eyed a crime story in which someone was robbed on the street and no one responded to the screams. He spoke about the Bystander Effect.  John half listened; under different circumstances he would be fully engaged, but his eyes kept darting toward the window in anticipation. Suddenly, a vehicle pulled into the driveway.  Immediately, John put down his knife and left the kitchen without a word, headed to the foyer and opened the front door.  

“Well, good I got in a few days with Dad before the star of the show arrived,” Mark said bitterly.

“Oh, Mark, try to understand.  Dan hasn’t been home in months.  It’s his first semester away.  Dad doesn’t mean to dismiss you.”

Mark resumed reading the newspaper, clearly annoyed.

The car came to a halt. Standing between the heavy wood door and the clear storm door, John watched the two occupants conversing in the front seat.

“Have a good break. Things will be better next semester. It gets easier,” Lily said soothingly from the driver’s seat.   Dan and Lily had been friends in high school and now attended the same college. Lily was a year older.

Dan felt a rush of anxiety course through him at the mention of next semester, though he appreciated his older friend’s support.  “Thanks, hope you have a good break too.  I’ll see you in a month. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” she said. They hugged as Dan thanked her for the ride and got out of the car.  Dan hoisted the suitcase and duffle bag out of the trunk as the door rose slowly and then slammed it shut.

The house door opened and John emerged.  “Hi, Love, let me get that for you,” he said quickening his pace.  

No, I got it.”  Dan said.  The car pulled away and he and his dad waved to Lily.

“Ah, laundry,” John said, eyeing he duffle bag, “I’ll take it.  I know you didn’t have time to do it with your exams.”  John moved toward Dan and tried to ease the duffle bag strap off of Dan’s arm, reaching out with his other arm to bring Dan in for a hug. “Don’t touch me.  Please.” Dan said as he stepped back.  

John hid his confusion and disappointment.  He always shared an abundance of affection with his sons.

They walked side by side, “How was the trip?”  John asked.

“Good.”

“ Lily? Nice she was there to show you the ropes a bit, yeah?”

“She’s good.”

John sensed tension between them and distance emanating from Dan.  He tried to keep it light.  He felt like he was dancing on the tip of a needle and not maintaining his balance very well. John held the door for Dan, and upon entering the house, Dan stopped and took in the home, enveloped and calmed by the familiarity.  The living room was to the left and kitchen and dining room, to the right.   Even if his eyes were closed, he could envision every item in each room: the carved wood birds on a side table, his mom’s hand-thrown pottery displayed on the mantle among graduation and family photos and his dad’s Gold Record plaques hanging above the fireplace. The walls of home were lined with framed prints from museum collections they had visited during their travels and some smaller original paintings and collages from local artists. Many lamps dotted the rooms, emitting warm and soothing light.  Lamps with bronze and ceramic bases resided on tables.  Others stood elegantly on the gleaming wood floors, their arms stretched over comfortable couches, easy chairs and the game table.

“Danny!” his mom joined him in the foyer, breaking his gaze. “Hi, Mom.” They hugged.  “Come, have lunch,” she said as John headed into the kitchen. We made your favorites-chicken salad with dried cranberries, potato salad, fresh bread and brownies from…”  

“Thanks, Mom,” Dan cut her off. “But I’m not hungry.  I just want to be horizontal. I’m tired.”  Dan said, as he peered into the kitchen where his brother Mark was gazing at the newspaper on the table, holding a sandwich on thick slices of bread.

Mark looked up. “Hey,” he said, trying not to be pissy in the first five minutes of his younger brother’s arrival.

“Hey, Mark. I’m going to lie down-see you later.”  Dan called out, before he headed to the back of the foyer up the staircase clutching his suitcase and duffle bag.  

John peeked out from the kitchen and looked at the figure climbing the steps, wanting to help him with the luggage, wanting even more to accompany him up the steps, tuck him gently into the carefully made bed and ruffle his hair.  Instead, his eyes brimmed with tears and he willed his longing to subside.  

Claudia must have read his mind. “Let him go, John,” she said softly. “He needs to rest. Give him time-and space.  You remember what we have to do during this time.”

John nodded, Claudia’s words led him to remember the experiences of his two oldest sons.  It was a transition marked by a parent’s excitement to see a child’s growth and newfound independence -- and the inevitable separation that comes from the child making his way in the world.  The child’s reliance on his parents starts to slip away as autonomy emerges. The relationship noticeably shifts.  

Dan entered his room, which had been cleaned and organized since he exited four months ago, leaving behind abandoned clothes and other things that didn’t make the cut for college in a whirlwind.  He dropped his luggage and collapsed onto the bed, yanking down the neatly tucked covers. He tore off his sneakers, eased out of his jeans and flannel shirt and scooted under the blankets.  As he stretched out under the soft sheets warming the cold spots, he watched the shadow of the bare winter trees dance against the wall, the low winter sun leaving orange-yellow squares on the wall, its finale before setting. He closed his eyes, and before he could form a thought or feel an emotion, he was asleep.  

When Dan woke, the sun was long gone.  The room was black, save for a sliver of hallway light shining through the door set ajar. He stretched, not ready to wake up, feeling disoriented.  He heard footsteps on the stairs and suddenly the door opened, letting in bright light.  He cringed and flipped toward the wall.“What time is it?”  

“6:00,“ came the reply. “Did you have a good nap?  Do you feel better?”

“Groggy…”

“How about some dinner? Steve’s here. He’s staying over to help get the house ready.“

“Ok, give me a minute.”

“Sure, Love,” came John’s response, as walked out and shut the door, trying to give Dan space, remembering what Claudia had said.

Dan flipped on his bedside light, threw off the covers and dressed slowly.  He looked around the room, conflicted by wanting to be there and thinking he should want to be back at school in his dorm.  He grabbed his toiletry kit from his suitcase, went to the bathroom, and threw cold water on his face as a first step to waking up.

He went down the steps, where the family was seated at the large kitchen table. His wise and sensitive oldest brother Steve rose to greet him.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, smiling, as Dan leaned in to hug him.  Steve had been his rock during the last few months.  The recipient of many late-night phone calls, Steve talked him through panic attacks about schoolwork, helped him to organize his study schedule, guided him through the intricacies of making new friends, shored him up as his confidence dipped and eased his frustration about how FUCKING HARD everything was in these ‘best years of his life.’  He wouldn’t have made it through the semester without Steve.  

The two of them hugged tightly, and once again Dan let Steve take his weight and with it, all the emotions that hovered at the surface.  

And an emotional grab bag it was:  There was his desire to distance himself from the painful remnants of the semester, but a motivation to embrace his identity and life as a college student, however fraught it was.   And he felt a tug to distance himself from his family, but also a pull to slip back in the comfort and caretaking he knew and was lucky to receive at home.

Steve and Dan broke apart and Dan looked away, concerned that his emotions might show.  He felt his father’s eyes on him.  

“Let’s eat!” John called, breaking his gaze from his sons, as he moved serving bowls and platters to the table and the three boys sat at the table, Mark entering from the hallway.

“How was your semester, Mark?”  Steve asked, grabbing a platter of roast chicken, taking some and passing it to Dan.

“Great,’ Mark responded. “Made the Dean’s list again. Can’t believe it’s my last year. My frat brothers and I - we have a great time in the house.  I’m starting an internship next semester at an engineering firm-really excited about that. And, Shawna and I are still dating.  I’m taking her away after the holidays for a weekend.  Yeah, overall, it’s great. I’m really gonna miss college though.”

Dan took some chicken and placed the platter on the table while trying hard not to roll his eyes.  Everything came so easy to Mark:  school, friends, girls. Dan looked down, focusing on his food, well, focusing on pushing it around.  He prayed the discussion would not come around to him.  Steve, of course, had his back, knowing what had transpired his first semester.  And he felt he had pushed his dad away enough to create a barrier to discussion. Perhaps Mark had his back too, because he turned the conversation to global warming-not a cheery topic by far, but certainly a good distraction.

When Claudia added to the conversation, John looked at Dan seated next to him and quietly said, ‘Are you feeling ok? Can you eat a little, Love?”  Dan raised his head and glared at his father.  “Stop FUCKING calling me that!” he yelled. “And, you don’t need to watch me eat.  I’ve been eating for four months without you.”  He dramatically pushed his chair out and stood with his arms braced on the table and stormed off to the family room.  “Danny, don’t use that language with your father.” his mother called after him, clearly upset.  

Dan’s emotions created an explosion in that moment:  Anger, sadness, anxiety, jealousy, for starters.  He collapsed into a chair and clicked on the TV, turning up the volume, watching mindlessly, as his heart pounded.

Meanwhile John sat stunned at the table. “I don’t know what’s with him,” Claudia said.  “I’ll speak with him.”

“Let me go, Mom,” Steve said, standing up and proceeding toward the blaring TV. He entered the room, shut the French doors gently and turned down the volume slightly wanting some background noise.  He sat down in the chair next to Dan and leaned toward him.

Steve took a deep breath. “You know…you don’t have to be a complete asshole to him.  He basically has a part-time job of loving you.”

“I didn’t ask him to take on that job.   He’s always in my business, treating me like a child.  Wanting me to…need him.  Calling me that name he gave me when I was a baby.”

Steve swallowed, thinking about his response.  “Well, Your birth changed him-brought him back. To us.”  Steve said softly.  “Look, he cares-he always has. He senses you’ve had a tough time.”  

“Did you, did you tell him anything?” Dan asked nervously.

“No, of course not, but he knows you.  And, sometimes it’s what you don’t say that says it all.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad to tell him what your semester was like. You’ll probably feel relieved, and he’ll be supportive.” Steve urged gently.

“Yeah right.” Dan huffed. “Like Mr. Perfect would understand. Mr. O levels and A levels and honors degree.  Mr. Electronics Guru and World-famous musician and songwriter.  Mr. Finance Expert and… UGH, Mr. Fucking Perfect.  In Everything. I see where Mark gets his perfection.  And you too, while we’re at it.”

Steve chuckled.  “No one is perfect, and everyone-including me, Mark and Dad have had our challenges. Guess you don’t remember Mark’s first semester, when he was tasting freedom for the first time and partying too much? Almost flunked out.  And, dad…well you don’t remember a lot of it, but he’s had some challenges emotionally….”

Steve switched the topic. “Give Dad a chance.  It doesn’t have to be as a father.  More as a coach, a friend, even.  My relationship with him shifted when I went off to school.  You know, it’s ok to need sometimes.   We all go through the autonomy-dependency thing.  It’s a process. These are tough years. No one goes through this period unscathed.”

Dan raised his eyes and glared at this oldest brother.   “No.” he said stubbornly, turning his focus to the TV.

Ever-patient Steve was at this wit’s end.  “Ok, now you do sound like a child.  I want you to think about what I’m saying.  At the very least, we all want to have a nice holiday.  Please curb your anger, and stop being a dick to dad.”   Steve rose and walked out, closing the doors roughly behind him, fighting to hide his own anger and frustration at his youngest brother as he walked back to the kitchen.

Dan listened to the doors rattling from the abrupt closing and the droning TV. He stewed in his potpourri of emotions. Eventually, he let his thoughts disperse. He realized that he had a choice.  And, the issue wasn’t his dad, really.  It was him. He knew Steve was right-his dad meant well and would be helpful and supportive.  He had to move beyond feeling like a failure from this first semester. For now, he envisioned different scenarios to rejoin the family.  He knew that he deep down, he wanted – and needed - to feel the connections - and to let himself be loved. 

Tagging:  @warriorteam1924 @deakysgurl @im-an-adult-ish

[elopez7228]

Scenic Route 32/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774 

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

***

Leia was slow to respond to the incoming phone call. She had spent many restless nights as the day of the hearing drew closer, and tonight had been no exception. She had only recently been able to slip into a dark and troubled sleep.

She knew she had to be strong for her people, keep her head held high. She had no right to back out now. It was her job to keep morale high and to assure the others that it would all work out—though that also meant that the number of people she could confide in had dwindled. She had spent many nights consumed by her own thoughts and fears.

Her phone rang five times before going silent.

This was her personal device, no one—well, practically no one—had access to that number. It happened infrequently enough that it was enough to rouse her despite her tiredness.

The clock on the screen read 5 AM. She had barely managed two hours of sleep. But the fact that someone had called her at such an ungodly hour using this number meant that it was important. She took a moment to collect herself and rub the sleep out of her eyes before calling back.

“Skywalker.”

“Leia, it’s Kaydel, I’m sorry for calling you so early but there was an email sent to the organization’s public address and I think you really need to see it, now.”

“An email?” Leia repeated somewhat incredulously.

“Yes, I’ll stay on the line while you read it. I’m ready for any follow-up orders.” Kaydel responded shakily.

Leia frowned. If there was something wrong with the trial documents, they knew to call Amilyn and the legal team. If something had happened to Luke, he had this number himself. What the hell was it about an email of all things that had the girl scared to death?

Putting Kaydel on speaker phone, she opened up her inbox and scrolled through the most recent messages. The public account usually only received spam and donation-related emails. What on earth was going on?

from : ReyJakku@gmail.com

         To : info@earth-soldiers.org

         07/08/2018 : 4:46 AM

         Subject : BB8

         Hi Leia,

         Looks like you left me a wrong number, I’m sure it was an accident! I didn’t know how else to reach you so I hope you see this...

         It’s going well so far, Wyoming is magnificent.

         I ran into your son Ben, he was performing at a local concert. What a small world! He offered to take BB8 to his uncle by himself.

         I’m thinking it would be a great idea for BB8 to stay in the family. Would you have a problem with that? Let me know,

         Cheers!

         Rey

         0044 (0) 7881 235 562

Leia’s gasp turned into a coughing fit so violent that she had to put the phone down. Leaning over her nightstand, she groped for the water bottle that she kept there.

“Leia? Are you okay?” Though muffled, Kaydel’s voice sounded worried.

Leia took a long sip of water, trying to calm her breathing as she wiped away a few tears that had been brought on by her sudden reaction. The phone was back  in hand immediately.

“Thank you for the warning, Kay. No new orders. I’m going to handle this one myself. I’ve deleted the message, and not a word to anyone about this for now, am I clear?”

“Crystal.”

Once the conversation was over, Leia allowed her legs to give in. She slumped onto the bed, hands trembling.

She hadn’t seen it coming.

Posing as her son Ben Solo to get Rey to hand over the dog? It was, ironically, a perfect ruse.

The boy never ceased to amaze her. She underestimated him at every turn. Every time she took him for a fumbling idiot, he thoroughly managed to turn the tables on her. Well, he was her son after all. She supposed she should be proud.

Time was running out. She had to reach Rey before it was too late.

But there was no room for error here, the stakes were too high. She could ruin it all with the wrong words, with the wrong reaction.

Leia jotted down Rey’s number before deleting the email. She also made sure to delete it from her “trash” folder. Next, she went to the bathroom, taking longer than usual to braid and pin her long  grey hair. It gave her time to collect her thoughts again. She took the time to dress carefully, make herself a cup of coffee, and sit down at the kitchen table in front of the telephone.

Rey couldn’t sleep after the events of that morning. She decided instead to get dressed for the day and busy herself with taking down the tent and gathering the rest of her scattered possessions. She felt a pang of longing mixed with desire as she picked up the clothes that had been strewn on the ground. She couldn’t help but remember the way that Ben had made love to her, right on top of the Falcon. It wasn’t that long ago but it felt like a world away.

She replayed the scene of his betrayal over and over in her head as she folded her clothes and packed up the car. She fumed at the thought that he had still sought to manipulate her.

Rey wondered what to do next. Go sightseeing again? Somehow she didn’t feel up to it anymore. Drive straight to California? That would mean saying goodbye to her itinerary.

Curse Leia Skywalker for dragging her into a conflict that was none of her business...Now she had come within an inch of her life multiple times—she would absolutely love to nominate Syed Ren for a Nobel Peace Prize—and now her holiday plans were ruined.

Turning on her phone for the first time since last night (battery conservation 101), she saw the voicemail icon flashing with a new message notification.

Her heart constricted in her chest because she knew exactly who it would be. Her thumb slid over the icon to open the application anyway. Ben Solo. Should she erase it? Should she bother to listen to it at all, did he even deserve that?

The temptation to hit “delete” was undeniable, but her curiosity won out. Her heart hammered as she pressed “play”.

She could feel her features crumbling as she listened to his words. It took her a second to process the new information.

His attempt at an apology was dramatic self-flagellation as usual. Blah-blah-nail-me-to-a-cross-my-love and all that. She really didn’t have time for this nonsense, he shouldn’t be the one whining here.

But the part about running to the police because “two killers were on her trail” was enough to justify not deleting the message.

Ben fucking Solo had some explaining to do, considering that literally all of his Saturday night bar mates were some kind of new wave punk assassins.

She was in the middle of feeding BB8 when an epiphany occurred. Scrambling for her phone, she typed out a very important email. By the time she hit “send” it was 6 AM (or 5 AM in California, she supposed).

She was hardly surprised when she received a response within fifteen minutes. When her phone buzzed the caller ID was unknown, but she knew it was Leia Skywalker. Rey took a deep breath. She knew that by sending that email she had turned the tables on them. Now, it was her turn.

“Yes, hello?”

“Hello, Rey? It’s Leia Skywalker. I’m sorry for calling you so early in the day but I figured since you emailed me you must be awake.”

Rey feigned surprise.

“Oh, hello Leia! I didn’t even recognize your number...lovely weather in Denver I hope?”

“In Den—oh yes, the weather here is fine,” Leia responded, seemingly shaken by the unexpected question. “Rey, how is BB8 doing, is she okay?”

“BB8? Of course! She’s been such a great road trip companion, she’s so cute and we’ve gotten so used to each other.”

“Is she...with you?”

Rey blinked. When was Leia going to stop pretending?

“Yeah, for now. I’m dropping her off with Ben this afternoon, actually. He said he was going to San Francisco to visit his uncle anyway and I guess I couldn’t possibly refuse him,” she replied as innocently as she could.

On the other side, Leia sounded like she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Rey, no, I think this isn’t a good idea...I would rather have her stay with you.”

“Why.”

It came out harsher than anticipated. Rey found herself unable to smile any longer.

Leia was silent for a moment, sensing the change of tone. She must have known she was missing something because she sighed ruefully.

“Rey, tell me the truth, where is BB8?”

“No Leia, you’re the one who has to tell me the truth. Why did you suddenly change your number?”

Straight to the point. Leia hesitated.

“To protect you.”

“Protect me from what, your own deceptions?”

“It’s a long story, Rey. But you have to keep BB8 with you, every step of the way. Don’t let Ben near her.”

“Oh believe me, Madam Skywalker, I have all the time in the world. In fact, I think I could really use a long story, given that my normal life has been upended by the godforsaken, murderous “Knights of Ren”. Thank you for that, by the way. This is not how I wanted to spend my time, so I really think you owe me an explanation.”

The older woman sighed again. Rey was right. In her blind panic to strike FORCE as quickly as possible, she had forgotten the human factors involved. She had put this innocent girl in danger.

She was clearly resourceful and capable, but she was innocent all the same. She deserved the truth.

Ever so carefully, Leia began her story. Starting with her parents’ company, the betrayal of her mother by her father, his fall from corporate grace, and then the massive culture shift under Snoke’s leadership. As the new director, Snoke had sold shares of the family business to their competitors through fraudulent financial schemes, gaining enough political influence to become the president of the board. Then he came for Luke and Leia, who had been attempting to independently audit his financial gains.

Finally, he was able to turn Leia’s own son, Ben, against her. He offered him everything she never could: money, power, and a prestigious title.

Rey paid close attention. The backstory gave her a lot of context for what she had already known from her web searches. But it still didn’t answer her biggest question.

“Leia, where do I fit into all of this?”

Rey, Leia admitted, was a Golden Opportunity (trademark pending)...truly one in a million, too good to pass up, really. In the Leia’s line of work, one had to make decisions rapidly—often in high-stakes strategic situations with difficult choices and volatile conditions. The situation could devolve at any given moment.

How could Earth Soldiers get the micro-SD, that contained all of the evidence of FORCE’s illegal insider trading under Snoke and Hux, to San Francisco without triggering a defensive strike? Leia’s solution was to use a clean hand. Who better than someone who was going on a haphazard road trip across the country with no agenda and no political motives or alliances whatsoever? Rey was the perfect messenger.

What Leia hadn’t counted on was Ben’s intervention. He crashed through the plan like a bull in a china shop. Brash, but incredibly effective. Underestimating her son always had proven to be her fatal flaw.

Rey took the time to absorb it all. On it’s face, Leia’s strategy was questionable, but not impossible.

“You should have told me all this at the very beginning.”

“If I had, would you have taken the job?”

“Probably not. But that’s not the point! You had no right to put my life in danger over a personal conflict. Especially without my knowledge. What am I to you? Just collateral damage?”

On the other side, Leia’s shoulders slumped. She couldn’t respond. She had made some questionable decisions in her lifelong conflict against FORCE, and it wore her down on some days. Sometimes she was too quick, too rash for her own good. She thought back to her days in the army, how she had always been surrounded by comrades-in-arms who strived for the same mission. But real life wasn’t like that.

Rey didn’t need to hear that, probably didn’t want to hear it either.

“You’re my only hope,” Leia said simply. “And if the Knights of Ren are after you I can send someone to escort you.”

This would alert all of FORCE’s allies, they would all target the Millenium Falcon at once. But Rey didn’t deserve to be sacrificed for a cause that wasn’t her own.

“Luckily, I’m not done here. I think I still have a card to play. Can I call you at this number—or are you going to disappear again?”

“You can keep it, as long as you memorize it. Please, I don’t want to be traced.”

“Understood. You’ll hear from me soon.”

Rey hung up. The very next person she called was Ben Solo.

[andrewdburton]

My travel and speaking schedule for 2020

It's that time of year! I've been sorting through speaking invitations and comparing event schedules to my personal plans. I now have a rough idea of where I'll be in 2020 — and when. (As I finalize details, I'll update this post to reflect any changes.)

This year, I'll be traveling much less than last.

In 2019, I was away from home something like 3-1/2 months out of twelve. That was too much. In 2020, I'm deliberately saying “no” to opportunities. Still, I enjoy meeting and connecting with other folks who want to improve their lives — and the lives of others. So, I've agreed to a handful of engagements.

Here are the highlights from my “money event” calendar for the next few months.

“Intro to FIRE” Project (March 31st)

Before I do any travel, I have to do some work.

At the moment, most of my energy and attention is devoted to a five-hour audio-only project that I'm writing for Audible and The Great Courses. They've recruited me to create an introduction to financial independence and early retirement. It'll contain ten half-hour lessons on topics ranging from purpose to profit.

My first deadline for this project was January 31st. I turned in half of the course (which totaled about 20,000 words) and am awaiting feedback. The final five lectures are due by March 31st. My aim is to finish these by March 25th, my birthday. (I'd love to have more review time for editing and other improvements.)

In early May, after a speaking gig in St. Louis, I'll fly to Virginia to record the course. I'm not sure when it'll be released, but I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Plutus Voices: Portland (April 16th)

Get Rich Slowly turns fourteen on April 15th. To celebrate, I'll be hosting a Plutus Voices event here in portland.

The Plutus Foundation is a financial-literacy non-profit for which I am a board member. Plutus Voices is “a series of learning and networking events for the financial media bringing attention to important topics”. The Phoenix event, for instance, discussed meeting the financial needs of underserved communities. In Denver, we discussed financial independence and women.

On April 16th (or perhaps the 15th), Luna Jaffe and I will co-host a Portland event during which we'll explore our changing relationships with money. We may or may not be joined by our pal, Dougls Tsoi.

We're in the initial planning stages for Plutus Voices: Portland. I'll post more info (such as time and location) when I have it.

Financial Freedom Summit: St. Louis (May 1st to 3rd)

In early May, I'll fly to St. Louis for the first-ever Financial Freedom Summit. This event is “for anyone interested in pursuing financial freedom”, whether you're just starting you're journey toward F.I. or you've already reached early retirement.

Because this is the first FFS, I can't comment on what it'll be like. I have no idea. But it's being organized by some smart folks, so I'm hopeful that it will grow into an annual mecca for money nerds. I've agreed to speak in some limited capacity — possibly an on-stage Q&A about life after early retirement — but mostly I'm looking forward to hang out with readers and colleagues.

Camp Mustache: Seattle (May 22nd to 25th)

Several years ago, a group of Mr. Money Mustache readers got together at a retreat center outside Seattle over the long Memorial Day weekend. They've repeated this gathering every year since. This year, Camp Mustache tickets sold out in twenty seconds.

Camp Mustache is fun for a variety of reasons. It's low-key. It's egalitarian (meaning there are no “speakers” per se; anyone can present). And it's a place for like-minded folks to share their stories of extreme frugality and travel hacking. For me, it's an opportunity to spend time with people that I don't get to see as often as I'd like.

Chautauqua: Ecuador (August 29th to September 5th)

My big event for the year will be yet another money chautauqua.

In 2013, J.L. Collins from The Simple Path to Wealth partnered with Cheryl Reed to host the first-ever F.I. chautauqua, a week-long retreat for like-minded folks to discuss the path to financial freedom — and what comes after.

That year, I spoke for the first time about about the connection between money and meaning. Since then, I've returned to give the same presentation in 2014, 2016, and 2019. I'll do it again in 2020.

Out of all the money events I'm a part of, the chautauquas (chautauquae?) are my favorite. They're intense. For an entire week, a group of twenty or thirty people spend nearly every waking moment together to talk about money. Each speaker gives a two- or three-hour presentation. Plus, we have hour-long meetings with interested attendees.

Today, there are two different chautauqua events.

The official J.L. Collins chautauqua hops around Europe. In 2018, it was held in Greece. Last year, we met in Portugal. This year, folks will fly to Croatia. From my experience, this event is targeted at folks who are “fatFIRE”, those who tend to have higher net worths and higher spending. It's deliberately designed as a “premium event”. Dates and speakers for this year's European F.I. chautauqua aren't out yet, but should be announced soon.

The Ecuador chautauqua tends to have a different focus. It's more geared toward the “leanFIRE” crowd. Presentations are often about the Big Picture rather than simply about wealth-building. And some years are barely about money at all. (In 2016, I hosted a week with Leo from Zen Habits and David from Raptitude. Not really a money event!)

For this year's Ecuador chautauqua, I'll once again be speaking about money and meaning. (This is my life mission, after all!) Right now, it looks like I may also cover the nuts and bolts of FIRE — the basics — but that's not certain yet. And, as always, Cheryl will present on happiness and well-being.

I'm excited to be joined by some of my favorite colleagues:

Piggy and Kitty from Bitches Get Riches, which is one of my favorite money blogs. (I love it so much that I send them money every month via Patreon.) The Bitches think they'll be speaking about “how to lift as you climb”. What should you do with your financial independence? Share the wealth, contribute to the success of others, and use your newfound power and autonomy to help others achieve the same.

Tanja Hester from Our Next Life. I just had dinner with Tanja and Mark last Saturday. She told me that she hopes to talk about using money for good, toward purposeful ends. But she'll probably cover more about life after FI rather than the journey itself.

Want to join us? You should book a spot for the Ecuador chautauqua today!

Note that Tanja will host another week in Ecuador. That event — from August 22nd to August 29th — is only for women.

Fincon: Los Angeles (September 30th to October 3rd)

No surprise that I'll be at this year's Fincon Expo, the annual convention for money media — not just bloggers, but newspaper columnists, television journalists, and more. This year, to celebrate its tenth year, Fincon will be held in Los Angeles. (Long Beach, to be precise.)

At this point, I have no plans to speak at Fincon, but that will probably change. I'm sure I'll end up on a panel, or moderating a panel, or participating in some other way. The Fincon folks have become my family. I love them. (And, in fact, I'm writing this while on a week-long ski trip with 25 other Finconners!)

Other Possibilities

It's possible that I'll add other travel and/or speaking to my year, but it's unlikely. If I do anything else, it'll probably be to fly to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin to help remodel the caboose commune.

A few folks in the FI blogging crowd have begun to buy adjacent units from an old caboose hotel. The group currently owns three cabeese, and may soon add a fourth. Two of the cabeese need hard-core renovations, so we're hoping to get together for a work party. But whether I can join the fun is currently up in the air.

I may also be able to make it to one of the Camp FI retreats held across the U.S. I love these gatherings, but it's getting more and more difficult to justify the expense of traveling to them. If I can make it fit with other travel, I'm glad to go. (Camp FI is an outgrowth of Camp Mustache. It's generally held on holiday weekends at retreat centers around the U.S.)

Lastly, there's a small chance that I'll return to Europe this winter to re-visit the Christmas markets. My cousin Duane continues to defy the odds and beat his throat cancer (yay!). He's hinted that he'd like to repeat our trip from December 2018. I would too, and maybe Kim could join us this time. We'll see. I'm guessing that we'll start serious planning for this in October if it still seems appealing.

As always, I'm happy to meet with GRS readers when they find themselves in Portland — especially if they're able to come my direction. Now that I have office space in Lake Oswego, that makes a perfect meeting space. Let me know if you come to town! We can meet up for beer or coffee — or a dog walk.

The post My travel and speaking schedule for 2020 appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/my-travel-and-speaking-schedule/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 16: Pay it forward

On Christmas, SB Nation’s RedZone diarist looks back on a season of football and parenting

Christmas is difficult, even if you like it. As the days grow shorter, the responsibilities mount. You need to buy more gifts than is financially responsible. Buy and decorate a tree. Purchase and send Christmas cards. Arrange travel during the most difficult season to travel. And if you’re a parent, there’s a whole other slew of things to be bought and baked and dropped off at school.

Perhaps you are the kind of person who buys gifts throughout the year, then labels and stores them in a logical place. Maybe you can come home after a long day of work and crank out 30 Christmas cards while listening to Bing Crosby. I am not that person. I abuse my Amazon Prime membership to get gifts delivered in time, and I still end up shopping on Christmas Eve, which is also when I wrap gifts. The holiday cards we send — kids smiling, bullet points about the family — inevitably get mailed in the days after Christmas. (They say “Happy New Year” for a reason.)

On Friday, my grandmother had a massive aneurysm near her heart. She survived surgery but lost a kidney; the doctors said that similar conditions are fatal 90% of the time, and of the 10% who survive, 90% never leave the hospital again.

And of course I hadn’t sent her card yet. I dashed off an attempt to be positive, commending her toughness through the ordeal, which wasn’t over. I dropped it in the mail, and she died 12 hours later.

She never met my kids, but that didn’t stop her from lavishing them with gifts on their birthdays and Christmas. I called infrequently and visited less. And because of who I am, a bullshit deadline artist who can’t work ahead of schedule, a nice old lady didn’t get to see a couple more pictures of her great-grandchildren before she died.

I woke up to the news on Christmas Eve morning. My wife asked if I needed a few minutes. “I think so?” I said, and she went to get the kids up. But they were attuned to my absence. My son caught a glimpse of me in the doorway, and he ran to me yelling, “DADDY! DADDY!” with my daughter in hot pursuit. I gathered them in my arms and told them that I loved them, and if they didn’t see my tears, it’s only because they don’t yet understand that I’m fallible, flawed.

I wept because I can never repay the love I’ve gotten. I wept because I can only pay it forward.

In lieu of play-by-play of Week 16 RedZone action, this week’s NFL Dad is a retrospective on the season so far.

Week 1: Tony Romo’s announcing debut

Football: Tony Romo in the announcing booth is “like breathing pure oxygen after YEARS of Phil Simms leaking carbon monoxide into my home.” Elsewhere, Tom Savage gets mauled by the Jags for six sacks in the first half, and Bill O’Brien accidentally discovers that Deshaun Watson is his franchise quarterback.

Parenting:

Quick story from the kids’ birthday party. One of the dads there had a thick orange cast on his hand. He was a bookish guy: slim, glasses, graying hair and gray beard neatly trimmed — a Brooklyn Dad like many other Brooklyn Dads. One of the other dads gestured to his cast and said, “What happened?”

He sighed. “I smashed it pretty bad at Burning Man.” A long pause, and none of us interrupted it. He added: “... as one does.”

Week 2: Sick kids and dog vomit

Football:

In Pittsburgh, Sam Bradford is a late scratch due to his knee rejecting last week’s touchdown implant. Case Keenum will start, and if I had a bookie I would put my salary on the Steelers today.

Parenting:

My daughter broke her clavicle last week. It’s a common injury for young children, not just Tony Romo. She fell out of a chair a few minutes before we had to leave for her second day of preschool, and I didn’t think it was a serious injury at the time. “We have to go! Can’t miss the second day of school!” was my thinking. I should be an NFL team doctor.

So she’s in a sling for Week 2 of the NFL season (and for the next four weeks) while my son happily toddles around the house. Just kidding! My son is battling a 102-degree fever and an ear infection. Ha HA! Let’s watch some football!

Week 3: Protests, Naps, and Guacamole

Football: The 0-2 Saints start doing wild stuff like playing defense in their win over the Panthers; the insane ending to first half of Steelers-Bears deserves revisiting; Deshaun Watson’s brilliance isn’t enough to overcome the Pats in New England; the Eagles need a 61-yard field goal at the end of the game to beat the Giants.

Parenting:

My son’s other obsession tonight — besides smashing his face into the couch — is the hokey-pokey. He’s no good at putting his hand in and shaking it all about, but he DOMINATES at turning around. He spins around in circles until he careens left and crashes into the credenza. He thinks it’s hilarious. He is correct.

Week 4: Disney Princesses are a scourge

Football: Antonio Brown gets angry and flips a Gatorade cooler; the Dolphins get shut out in London while Jay Cutler’s no-effort Wildcat play goes viral; Dalvin Cook’s season ends with an ACL tear; the Jets beat the Jaguars in overtime; the Bucs defense is so bad that Eli Manning scores on a 14-yard scramble.

Parenting:

With the exception of Moana and maybe Frozen, the rest of the Disney princesses are a scourge on parenthood. The Disney Princess Industrial Complex essentially operates like the anti-vaccine movement. No matter how many parents want to raise their daughters to be action-oriented, independent problem solvers, there’s always a nanny or a grandmother who’s pushing Sleeping Beauty or Snow White (which are the SAME DAMN STORY), and that shit spreads like the plague.

And regardless of your feelings on feminism, the message isn’t a great one to send your kids. “Got a problem? Just go to sleep and someone will take care of it.” That only works if your dad owns an NFL team.

Week 5: Apple picking season

Football: Myles Garrett gets a sack on his first NFL snap; the Browns finally get their first lead of the season (it doesn’t last); Ben Roethlisberger throws five INTs, including consecutive pick-sixes, in a blowout to the visiting Jags; Odell Beckham suffers a season-ending injury; HOOOOO-WEEEEE look at this Cassel-Cutler shootout at the half.

Matt Ufford

Parenting:

My son is up from his nap. He sleepily staggers over and throws his arms around me in a big hug. I know that doesn’t really pop off the screen as anything special, but trust me when I say my brain is FLOODED with dopamine from his carefree smile and chubby arms.

This is the bone that human biology throws to parents. “Oh, is every day with a young child the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced? FINE, bathe in the warmth of infinite love.” And all of us stupid parents are like, “Oh, yeah, that’s good. This is worth surrendering my house to childproofing measures and chiming plastic bullshit.”

Week 6: Daughter’s birthday party; Aaron Rodgers injured

Football:

The Falcons were 11.5-point favorites at home, and they lost to Jay Cutler. Gonna have to fumigate the whole stadium after that one.

Parenting:

My daughter runs into the room wearing a pink cape. She eats a tortilla chip that my son discarded on the couch. “I’m a superhero!” she says.

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask.

“HMMMMM.” She has obviously not done the groundwork on her origin story.

“Are you the Pink Crusader?”

“Yeah!” She runs out of the room, then runs back in. “I’m a superhero!”

“What’s your superhero name?” I ask again.

She yells, “The Pink Crusader!” Again, she runs out of the room.

She runs back in and stops in front of me. She casually leans an arm on the couch and says, “I’m the Pink Crusader.”

Week 7: Pumpkin flavored everything

Football:

The Bears earned zero first downs in the second half and became the first NFL team to win with fewer than five completed passes since ... the last time John Fox coached in the NFL. I’d rather have a block of cement coach my team.

Also, Joe Thomas tears his triceps :(

Parenting:

My sister had kids years before I did, and I was the typical ignorant drunk uncle when it came to her devotion to the kids’ naps and schedule. “What’s with the schedule? Why can’t the kids just power through this one time?” Because the schedule is GOD, man! The schedule is all powerful. It is the weather; it is the earth beneath your feet. Reject it and your life will be untethered from reality, a nonstop maelstrom of tears and tantrums.

Week 8: Halloween is my daughter’s Super Bowl

Football:

The Texans-Seahawks barnburner owns the late afternoon games. And while Deshaun Watson and Russell Wilson will rightly be remembered as the stars of the game, I’d like to point out that at one point Pete Carroll challenged a Wilson incomplete pass, claiming it was a fumble. The challenge was successful, and the fumble forward was good for a first down. That game was WILD.

Parenting:

MIRACLE: Both of my kids are eating their dinner without complaint or hesitation. They ignore the TV to pay attention to the Halloween book my wife is reading. Years from now, when their grade school teacher praises their attention spans, I’m gonna get up in the middle of the parent-teacher conference and do Mick Jagger’s rooster strut.

Week 9: Daylight Savings and Football Fights

Football: Julio Jones drops a wide-open touchdown in the end zone on 4th down; Tyreke Hill scores on an end-of-half Hail Mary that was 40-plus yards short of the end zone (the Alex Smith special); A.J. Green and Jaelen Ramsey are both ejected after Ramsey provokes the normally calm Green into an MMA takedown.

Parenting:

I want to make it clear that when your 18-month-old child usually naps for 2-3 hours in the afternoon, then circumvents that with a 25-minute doze before noon, you don’t just have an awake kid instead of a sleeping kid. You have a walking tire fire instead of two hours of silence. I will run for office and/or lead a revolution to eliminate seasonal clock changes.

Also, this memory would be lost forever if not for this dumb column:

[My daughter] brings over a small bowl of cashews, climbs onto the couch, and sits next to me. I say, “Oh, you brought me cashews!” as I take one, because Stock Dad is the role I was born to play. But then she feeds me a cashew, so I feed her one. And we go on that way until the bowl is empty. There’s football on TV, I guess.

Week 10: Poop. Poop everywhere.

Football: In the fantasy crime of the year, the Saints score six touchdowns on the ground while Drew Brees throws for none; rampant stupidity at the end of Chargers-Jaguars leads to overtime; John Fox challenges his team having 1st and goal at the 2, resulting in a Bears turnover. Coaching Move of the Year.

Parenting:

It’s weird the different stages kids can be at despite being similar sizes. My daughter, at age 3, is capable of having a conversation and expressing her feelings with words. My son, 18 months, understands everything we say, but is less a human than an organic chaos engine. The kid does forward-facing trust falls off stairs.

Week 11: National Interception Day

Football: Jay Cutler throws three interceptions in the first half, Alex Smith throws two against the Giants (including one on a shovel pass), Shane Vereen and Travis Kelce both throw picks on trick plays, and Nathan Peterman tosses FIVE on 14 passing attempts in a single half against the Chargers. Also, this Brock Osweiler interception is my favorite play of the year:

PICK-6-OHHH NO! Dre Kirkpatrick nearly has a 101-yard PICK-6... But fumbles inside the 5. Wow. #CINvsDEN http://pic.twitter.com/zUyPI5Q0xZ

— NFL (@NFL) November 19, 2017

Parenting:

My daughter is 3 years old and has still never seen Moana (or any movie), but frequent exposure to the soundtrack and a couple of plot points — “Moana has to save her people” — gives my daughter enough information to guide her body language, and we can see it in the way she play-acts.

When she’s Cinderella, I have to pretend to put a gown on her, and we dance together at the ball. When she’s Rapunzel, she flips her hair around; Ariel, and she holds up a scarf as a bikini. But when she’s Moana, she throws her shoulders back, struts with purpose, and thrusts her fist into the air — something she’d only previously done when saying, “I’m Batman!”

Week 12: Things fall apart

Football: Alex Smith implodes (again); Julio Jones destroys the Bucs; Broncos-Raiders is barely underway before the main event, Crabtree-Talib II: The Re-Snatchening.

Parenting:

I’m familiar with the schools of thought that say you shouldn’t incentivize potty training, and that’s how we started off, too. Then my daughter started holding in poops for several days before struggling to crank out the hardened rock in her butt, and we implemented a multi-tiered system of bribes that would put FIFA to shame.

Week 13: Christmas season!

Football: Tom Brady yells at Josh McDaniels; Eli Manning’s ironman streak is snapped by McAdoo-induced self-benching; the Jets-Chiefs shootout ends in Marcus Peters throwing a referee’s flag into the stands.

Parenting:

The kids play Ring Around the Rosie, and at the end of the song, only my daughter falls down. She looks at me from her back. “I just scored a touchdown.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask.

“I’m the Seahawks!”

My wife cuts in. “If you were the Seahawks, you wouldn’t get in the end zone so easily.” HARSH, WOMAN.

Week 14: SNOWBALL!

Football: LeSean McCoy carries the Bills to an overtime win over the Colts in a blizzard; Cam Newton single-handedly defeats the Vikings; the Browns choke away a two-touchdown lead against Brett Hundley’s Packers to keep their winless record intact; the Eagles-Rams heavyweight bout lives up to its billing, but Carson Wentz is lost to a torn ACL.

Parenting:

Before I had kids, diapers were the thing I feared most about parenthood. Which is stupid, because the thing you end up fearing most in the entire world is your own mortality. Diapers are fine.

That said, I just changed a diaper filled with the scent of death and campaign promises.

Week 15: Get used to disappointment

Football: Aaron Rodgers returns to save the Packers’ season, but the Panthers win to kill their dreams; Nick Foles coolly throws four touchdowns in his first start in relief of Wentz; catch rule shenanigans continue, with the ending of Patriots-Steelers the most pear-shaped; Teddy Bridgewater retakes the field to throw an interception.

Parenting:

Two- and 3-year-old kids have moods like the weather: Sometimes a thunderstorm hits, and there’s not much you can do but hole up and wait for it to pass. Eventually, the sun breaks through like nothing happened. As a parent, you feel your child owes you an explanation or apology for the 30 minutes you just lost, but you’ll get none. The weather has changed. You may as well shout at the sky, demand an explanation from the passing clouds.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for dealing with me and my kids this season. NFL Dad will be back with an especially loaded Week 17 edition next week.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 83, December 2017

On Monday morning, Mum and I did the annual tradition of visiting the Myer Melbourne Christmas Windows and the Myer Christmas Giftorium in the city. Firstly, we went to have lunch at the 1932 Cafe & Restaurant on Collins Street. The cafe is located inside the Manchester Unity Building which is a throwback to the 1930’s Art Deco architectural style. The service and food at the cafe were both excellent. Mum and I ordered the Golden Gaytime Hotcakes with a serving of rockmelon, strawberries and blueberries. So good! http://manchesterunitybuilding.com.au/...

Next we walked over to the Melbourne Town Hall and saw the incredible (and edible) display that was the Gingerbread Village by Epicure. All of Melbourne’s iconic locations including the Melbourne Zoo, MCG, Luna Park, Albert Park lake, Flinders Street station and Federation Square had been made out of gingerbread in miniature model form. It was very detailed with lots of LED lights and people placed into each location. https://whatson.melbourne.vic.gov.au/...

After this, we ventured onto Bourke Street to check out the Myer Christmas Windows. This year’s theme centered around Elf who is trying to fit in and have the “perfect Christmas” but sadly always seems to be out of place in the world. The story is about being able to embrace and be okay with your individuality and imperfections when it comes to celebrating Christmas. Being a Monday, the queue for the windows was pretty tolerable and we had plenty of time to enjoy looking into each of the windows. https://whatson.melbourne.vic.gov.au/...

Heading up to Level 6, Mum and I had a browse through all the Christmas decorations, ornaments, cards, wrapping and stockings inside the Giftorium. Despite having a 40% off sale, most of the items were very overpriced but being Myer, I was far from surprised. Hence why this is a once-a-year trip because it’s generally out of my price range. However, I did pick up the latest Spirit of Christmas CD featuring all Australian artists including Guy Sebastian, Paul Kelly, Anthony Callea and The Wiggles.  https://www.myer.com.au/c/promotion...

On Tuesday morning, I had to say my final goodbyes to my 1998 Hyundai Excel Glx as I got the car towed away by Metro Car Removals in Dandenong. The worker seemed really disgruntled and annoyed especially when he discovered that my car won’t start at all. To say that I was feeling intensely uncomfortable would be an understatement. He opened up the bonnet to check the oil cap and radiator, shaking his head and giving off negative body language. Part of me thought the worst...that he wouldn’t even bother taking the car away.

He said he could only offer me 50 bucks. I took the offer because I just wanted to get it over with and didn’t have the energy to argue with him. I actually felt a little heartbroken watching my old car being pulled onto the tow truck. I got myself emotionally attached to it because it was part of my life for 6 years. It was just a massive relief that he actually took the car. I didn’t really care about the money so much.

On Tuesday afternoon, Mum and I went down to the Springvale Botanical Cemetery to visit her parents and my grandparents. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 15 years since my Granddad passed away and almost 4 since my Grandma passed away. It really helps to put things into perspective and appreciate how valuable your life is. Mum played a couple of Christmas songs from her phone and we placed two bunches of Dahlias into the plastic floral vases on the marble headstone.

On Thursday morning, I had some last minute errands and shopping to do at Cranbourne Park Shopping Centre and Casey Central Shopping Centre. I swear you really have to be careful driving on the roads at this time of the year especially. Drivers can just be so rude, impatient and careless. And don’t even get me started on shopping centre car parks. People reverse without looking, cut you off, don’t stop or tail gate you. Hence why I purposefully drive cautiously and get my errands and shopping done as quickly as possible.

On Thursday afternoon, I had my last appointment with my counsellor Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. Today’s session was about reflection and acceptance. The past month has been chaotic to say the least and I’ve had to be okay with many things including writing my car off, dealing with financial issues, opening my first VCAT case, the stress and pressure of retail during the Christmas period and not being able to fit in as many fitness classes as I’d like this week. I think I’m learning to cut myself some slack and realise that I’m doing well when it comes to coping with the above.

Ruth also asked me about my goals for 2018. Honestly, I wasn’t feeling very mindful or focused about it but I do have a few important ones in mind. Travelling is a big one for me, to get out of my comfort zone, gain more independence and confidence, experience the world outside of where I live. In terms of my fitness goals, I’m still uncertain at this point but I do need to find a better sense of balance and figure out which trainer and gym will be a good fit for me. I also really need to buy myself a new car early in the new year.

There’s also the prospect of volunteering at an animal shelter of some kind, looking after domestic pets and getting some hands-on experience. Essentially trying to find what I have a real passion for. My blog writing and reviews could also be explored further next year and hopefully open up bigger opportunities. This year’s been one of experimentation and whilst I’ve made mistakes, I don’t regret any of it because it’s made me stronger, wiser and better.

On Friday morning, Mum and I both had haircut appointments with Katrina at Creative Hair Design in Narre Warren South. We spent about 1.5 hours catching up on the past month leading up to Christmas. Katrina’s dog Austin was boisterous and overly excited as usual but he did like a good pat whilst Tess was content just lying down in the corner near the front door.

Next I had my last appointment for the year with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. Today we discussed options for the Autism Spectrum Disorder services that I could possibly look into for next year. This included several support group with Aspergers Victoria (For Young Adults) in Blackburn who hold meetings every month at a community centre. Yasmin informed me that they also organise social activities such as indoor rock climbing which could help me in the area of social development and self confidence. http://www.aspergersvic.org.au/our-...

We also talked about the NDIS (National Disability Scheme) which provides support and funding to those who are formally diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. Yasmin provided me with some information about planning my pathway, goal setting and getting my application ready for next year. The Casey-Cardinia area will be able to access the services by the start of September, 2018. It was all very overwhelming but also very helpful advice as it could help me gain more skills and independence for my future. https://www.ndis.gov.au/about-us/ou...

In the afternoon, I dropped into work for the Team Christmas Lunch. I ended up getting a large bag of Cadbury selected chocolates from our Kris Kringle which I was really pleased about. I also caught up with a few workmates in the tearoom and down in the cafe before heading off to Eden Rise. Sadly, it was far too busy to get a massage done today at Best Body Massage but by this point, I was well and truly exhausted. I could feel that I was burning the candle at both ends and needed to just go home and rest.

On Friday night, I went to the Full Moon Meditation held at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. If ever there was a time I needed to meditate, tonight was it. The moment my head hit the pillow, I was ready to doze off. Just felt so good being still and doing absolutely nothing for 45 minutes. The music was a mixture of beautiful Zen vibrations and birds chirping which was calming to listen to. Instructor Michelle guided us through the usual deep breathing, deep muscle relaxation and guided imagery of the Japanese garden and temple. https://www.trybooking.com/book/eve...

I hope that everyone has a wonderful time with family and friends on Christmas Day!

“It's the most wonderful time of the year. With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer. It's the most wonderful time of the year. It's the hap-happiest season of all. With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call. It's the hap-happiest season of all. There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and caroling out in the snow. There'll be scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of the Christmases long, long ago.” Andy Williams - It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year (1963)

“And all of this happens because the world is waiting. Waiting for one child. Black, white, yellow, no-one knows. But a child that will grow up and turn tears to laughter. Hate to love, war to peace and everyone to everyone's neighbour. And misery and suffering will be words to be forgotten, forever.” Johnny Mathis - When A Child Is Born (1976)

“Joy to the world. The Lord is come. Let earth receive her King. Let every heart prepare Him room. And heaven and nature sing. And heaven and nature sing. And heaven and heaven and nature sing.” Mariah Carey - Joy To The World (1994)

[beautifullybroken37]

Emotional Exhaustion

SO.. I’m not hearing anything from God. So I haven’t taken any actions or steps.. I’m not sure that I am in His will right now. This is so exhausting. When did life start to become so wearisome? I’m SO tired. I’ve overcome a lot of my demons fm my past... like just watching Intervention on tv brings tears to my eyes on certain ones because I so get it. I get what it feels like to be abandoned by your entire family. To feel that pain as a young woman. To struggle to let others too close to you now. To hate yourself.. everything about yourself, and you don’t even know why. Other people might compliment me sometimes or tell me nice things, but I dunno if I’ll ever be able to feel that way about myself.. I know what it is to feel like you’re never going to be good enough. To feel like you’ve messed up too much in life and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never get ahead, you’ll never be independent of your family again, & you’ll always just be a loser. Look how hard your parents worked so you could be successful & now look at you. A wasted investment. The girl that had so much promise but now everybody just looks at with pity. Some people will just never understand. People who haven’t been children of a broken home... I’m sorry, but you’ll never get it. People who haven’t felt the pain of abandonment...you’ll never get it. Hypothetically.. people who haven’t used prescription/drugs to get through certain times in their lives.. you’ll never understand the struggle. If you’ve never experienced real depression, don’t expect to even remotely understand. People who haven’t been drugged & raped by random guys or their friends’ scummy dirtbag nasty ass boyfriends.. it goes on and on, if you grew up in a normal family got married and have been a house wife/supporter most of your life & now you have an almost picture-perfect family and everything worked out for you, you will never have the hustle, fitness, wisdom, wealth, or success of a woman who grew up on the streets.. bc you just don’t have it in you.. you can try, but you can never do it like she can.. but you get the point.

Even if I’m nothing more than a total failure right now in the sense of my expectations for myself vs. where I’m at right now in life, I think all these things have made me a stronger person. Do I know my worth isn’t defined by my job, success/failures, or anything else? Absolutely. I learned that the really hard way... that was the worst ride of my life yet. What goes up, must come down. And coming down was fast and furious and hurt like a bitch. That job was my passion.. I loved the industry, the people, the company.. I just got lost. I let a breakup devastate me & leaned on prescription pills to help me throw myself into my work. I wanted to do everything there. I had so much go-go, so much passion, so much will to take that dept. and make it better in any way I could. There were so many things I never got to do or finish. I had a lot of plans for ways to make it be better.. my work was all I felt I had left until I healed fm that relationship, and I hated myself. A new guy came into my dept. shortly before our breakup & I didn’t realize it at the time but I was feeling alone & with him, the beverages, the fun, the food, it all flowed freely. It didn’t matter what I was, if I acted like I was 5 or was somehow annoying or whatever my ex didn’t like about who I was or what I wore or looked like or if I had a clump in my mascara or a tooth that wasn’t the same shade of white as the others or a little butt or a big butt.. I felt like he liked me no matter what. And at that time in my life, that really meant a lot. I have never been an alcoholic myself, but I had no business being in bars with a married co-worker. That wasn’t right & I wish I had known better at the time. Most of the time we were in a group but still.. I just saw him as my best friend. I didn’t know any different.. I was in my 20′s and super stupid. I went from being the most timely person in college to the worst when I worked with him.. had I not been taking an rx for add I would have been such a better employee there. It really does matter who you hang with. Another lesson I learned, the hard way. And that enabling people, doesn’t serve them well in the long run, either. That work/life balance matters. But anyways, that drug was the tool I used to hammer my life & my bank account straight into the ground. I lost everything and I truly believe it’s because I was a lost soul who felt so worthless, but also bc it changed who I was. It’s my fault for taking it. I wish I never had. People don’t realize it but these things mess w/your body too... you may not feel it at the time bc it numbs you, but give yourself a couple years and you’ll realize things are not right. And it’s all your fault. Your fault for being a total dumb ass.

Ok so whoops.. kinda went off track there. Thank you mother PMS b/c feelings - tonight. Holy cow. Ah the monthly joys, lol. Back to what I was saying though.. my mistakes, my failures, even though I’m still not back on my feet.. I’m a fighter. These heartaches make you more resilient. God pulls us through things. Being stressed out every day, will have to help me one day. Or kill me. One or the other lol. Maybe it makes you stronger for later down the road. B/c it keeps me close to Jesus in a way that is entirely uncomfortable. I long for the day when I can be comfortable in life and have a relationship with Him in a much different way. I don’t know what that is, but I’m looking forward to that day. I picture myself finally feeling like I can breathe, surrounded by clear blue skies with the perfect white fluffy clouds and surrounded by beautiful water.. and just taking that time to be with Him in a new & different way. I am grateful today, yes. But the kind of grateful you feel when God works miracles. When God answers prayers in ways we can never understand or comprehend. I know I’m romanticizing this and that's bad too but a girl’s gotta keep the hope somehow. Lol. Ask and ye shall receive. Knock and I will answer. Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.

I know I should just shut up and be grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, clean water to drink, hot water in my shower, parents that are alive and healthy, for friendships, for a job (even if it is emotionally draining and makes me so tired I literally don’t do anything much outside of it), I get all that.. sometimes the fact that I know that makes it even worse. Like I fight myself because I have feelings that aren’t what they’re supposed to be. They’re not pretty. Like so many people are just so much better than me because they’re all like oh be grateful, isn’t this great in your life and this great in your life or say things in a way that is clearly meant to make a point to me-- like I get it. Ok I’m not stupid. In fact a lot of people underestimate me bc of the situation that I’m in and that’s entirely frustrating too. Just bc you got married early in life and had kids and yadda yadda and you think you understand me b/c you went through something similar? I’m sorry but that’s not possible b/c you were married and I’m not & never have been. Or you didn’t bust your balls through college. Whatever it is. So that makes the situation entirely different, doesn’t it? I don’t want to feel this way, but I just have days where it’s really hard to be grateful and not want more for myself, ok? To deny this would make me a complete fraud. Does that make me a bad person? To want more for myself? To want to be able to have my own family, to choose who I will have Thanksgiving & holidays with, instead of still even at the age of 31 doing what mom dad and step parents put together for me? To want to have my own family where all my parents can come visit me for a change? Where I can serve them. Does that make me a horrid person? To have that want makes me feel like I am, terrible. To want to be able to have my own life? To want to get out of this town and this job.. to be financially independent again, if I’m not married or actually with someone... how selfish of me. To think that I could have that is probably just stupid. I was stupid in my 20′s and the 30′s really aren’t looking much better... lol. This is just how it is today. Not every day. Some days are easier than others & when I pms it’s just like all my insecurities come at me full force. I’m over it. Guys this is something you’ll never understand. Because estrogen. Lol.

People don’t become resilient because everything has always worked out for their lives. It just doesn’t work like that & I get it. Wisdom isn’t handed over.. you have to go through some serious shit to obtain that. You have to make some terrible mistakes. You have to get your heart broken time and time again. And then? Again and again and again. Your life has to fall apart completely when you least expect it. And it’s so not easy. Everything comes with problems. Everything does. And the grass is never greener on the other side.  

Now that I’m saved, I have dealt w/the guilt & shame of my past with the help of The Lord. He has given me the gift of eternal life. The greatest gift of all, to know that someday I will be in heaven with my Maker, where there will be no pain and no sorrow and where no one could ever love me more. Someday I will finally get to feel like I am at home. I’m blessed because I have the grace and mercy of my God, I have a forever Father, Friend, Love, Provider, Protector, everything I have ever needed and more --I now have In Him. And that gives me peace. In moments like these, it feels so good to know that. I’m an overcomer and I will keep fighting until it’s my time & He calls me home.

Now that I am older & can reflect back on things f/m my past, I can try to make better decisions in life. Now I can choose my own family for my future, people who choose me too. Outside of my parents and brother, I mean. People who have never left me. Everyone else I consider family or will come to, will be of my own free will and theirs too. Only that and nothing else. No more fake friends, no more fake family. Only real from here on out or nothing. I’m too old for anything else and I have no energy anymore.. so yeah, that’s that. Jesus take the wheel is my life anthem. Seriously. B/c I suck at life. Lol. So since I’m not getting anything from Him right now I’m just going to do what I can, whatever that is b/c there’s nothing bigger than Him and there’s no mountain He can’t move.. I just have to resist the devil and his lies, keep close to God, and keep my faith. Ya’ll it’s not as easy as it sounds but I am really trying. Even if I only post on here on my harder days.. at least I don’t affect anyone else this way & I get it out and get to move on. Tomorrow is another day.

[pegasus-ghost]

Blood is thicker than water.

A lonely drive today made me reflect on the views against myself and my brothers after what happened during those festive season. The religious celebration required us to clean up after grandma's house and also serve dozens of guests that comes to visit. I always, always dread that fucking day, because we have to do tons of house chores and entertain guests and relatives we don't know nor give two shits about. However for the past few days, I realized that I didn't even help my mom or family much at all in doing house chores. Heck, nobody complained about me not helping, like those previous years. Liam and Adam was the one who did most of the work apart from our mom. That got me thinking on flaws and benefits that came from each one of us to the family. I don't know whether I've told you guys yet, but I'm the only child in the family that is working full time apart from my dad. I am the only one that contributes financially to the household aside from dad. Liam is still jobless and being his depressed self, being a slob at home while Adam, has started to take on Liam's footsteps. He got lazy at one point and stopped coming to his clothing boutique for a month. He just laid in bed all day long at home with Liam, being a slob with him. I was the only one who continues to work and support myself independently. I am also the only child in the family who gives money to my parents every month. By parents I meant my mom. So I reflect on this while driving earlier today. Zachary. The eldest child. Doesn't help much in doing house chores at all, and becomes a lazy bastard everytime he returns to his parents home during the weekend. The only child in the family that is known to be unreliable when it comes to house chores, that nobody even bothers asking him to help out anymore. Despite being unreliable in chores, he is the only child to be financially independent and stable. Has his own place, completely furnished. Owns a car he pays himself every month. Doesn't ask his parents for money nor rely on them for financial aid (except when his mom generously used dad's credit card to fill in his car gas whenever she used his car). Excellent in managing his finance (except when it comes to good food), whose bank account balance reached 5 figures for his savings. He is also the only son mom knows she can rely on when she is short on money. He never asks for the money back whenever his mom asked for some, because despite being tight in budget, he believes it's wrong to ask the money back from his own mother who had spent thousands of her own money on him to raise him. He doesn't see his mom asking for money from him as 'borrowing', but more to 'paying back her deeds raising him as a good son'. He also doesn't really mind much on asking back for his money whenever his siblings ask his help to pay for some things (like treating them for expensive dinner, movies, etc) because he doesn't calculate how much money it costs when ensuring his family is having a good quality family time with him. Liam. Second eldest in the family. Currently a depressed slob who is unemployed. In Japan, people like him is called 'Neet'. All he does ever since he was laid off last year, was literally eat, sleep and watch anime all day long. He doesn't even bother in actively finding a job and relies solely on his savings to pay for his car, which is running out. It's his 7th unemployed month and his savings has literally run out. He is now relying solely on our parents to help pay for his car and also his food. A 25 year old grown man who is jobless and still Lives with our parents. Despite being a freeloader, Liam is also the only child in the family that is full of love for his family and never complains when he has to be the only one mom calls to help with house chores. He is very hard working (at home with the chores) and smart academically. The smart child with potential bright future in the family, with the best looks comparing to the rest of his siblings. He is very considerate too. Liam will always ensure he doesn't make difficult of one's life financially. He is the only sibling who pays anyone back whenever he borrows money from his family and always pays back the accurate amount without being prompted. He is he golden child in the family, the one our parents love most (due to his smart brain). He has love for animals and takes full care of the cats, the poops, the house chores, and the dirty works around the house and never complains. Liam is more than ready to be a good husband or start a family due to his good family oriented nature. The only son in the family known to be the most reliable in terms of helping out our parents with chores or household related activities. Also the only son who talks, socializes and shows he cares for any family members (especially mom), is not afraid to show his love or hug and cry for someone if he has to. The most lovable sibling and my best friend. Adam. Leech. That's one word to describe him. He leeches off anyone, especially our parents, for money shamelessly. The only child in the family who has no shame in asking parents for money and use our moms love for him to pay him for shit he wants. Because of his inconsiderate, shameless act, he managed to leech off our dad to pay for his college fees 100% without any education loan registered like the rest of the siblings (especially Zachary, who has over 30k loan on his head because he don't wanna trouble his parents for his education fees). He feels obliged as a son to request anything from parents as he said 'that's what parents are for, as in parents are responsible to care for their child'. He is also extremely stingy and doesn't spend a single cent on himself nor his family despite having his own boutique business. He never gives a cent to our parents because he said 'he can't afford to at this time and that the parents should understand his financial situation'. His current phone is borrowed from mom (free phone), his current car is borrowed from dad (free car), his current furnitures in his room and house is sponsored by mom, and he will ask mom to fill in his gas for the car everytime he returns to our parents home. Fucking shameless inconsiderate asshole. Leeches off everyone when he can, no shame at all, and doesn't feel guilty at all because he feels it's his 'so called right' and that he is obliged to be treated that way. Despite his fucking asshole inconsiderate self, he is the only child in the family who is very good in cooking and doesn't mind cooking for the family whenever he has to. Doesn't mind sharing food with anyone. He is also extremely resourceful when it comes to the need to find the best price or cheapest deal for almost anything. He is the only son who is willing to go through all the trouble and hardship in researching, negotiating and finding the best deal possible for an item or service for himself or his family members. He is extremely good in business and negotiation of price. He will not back down until he manages to achieve the price he wants. Because of his reliability in research, he is the only son in the family who is trustworthy enough in making plans for holidays for the family as he is willing to research the best area to stay with the cheapest deal and one with the best possible facilities. I manage to get my own place today, which is an awesome location, thanks to Adam's great research in helping me find the best place to rent a whole place at the most cheapest price. Last but not least, our final sibling. Our baby sister. Still studying. Very reserved. Doesn't share shit about her personal life and stuff with any of the family members. Sometimes lazy af and never helps out with house chores as well as she is also known to be very unreliable in house chores. Only knows games and YouTube all day long. And she is very much loved by dad as the only daughter in the family. Dad was even willing to pay for her own motorcycle which she gets for free, when me and Liam has to rely on ourselves to get our own vehicles. Also loved dearly by mom for being the only daughter and mom absolutely spoils her whenever she can. Despite being spoiled as the youngest child and only daughter, she is also like me and Liam, she doesn't really ask our parents for money or demanded things from our parents. She learns not to trouble our parents and will always save up her own money whenever she wants to buy anything. Although mom would still help her out and chip in some money to help her get the stuff she wants, she doesn't really demand like how Adam did, but asked nicely if she could, in the sense of asking permission. She is also reliable in helping her brothers on favors such as helping to buy McDonalds, get the remote, fetch this and that, etc. she doesn't complain about stuff too much and is always neutral in everything. She tries to bond with her brothers once in a while and enjoys spending time with her brothers as often as she could. So there you go. All four siblings with pros and cons for each. No matter how much shit or how much we hate our family, in the end, blood is thicker than water.

[andrewdburton]

“Playing with FIRE”, the documentary about financial independence and early retirement

In early October 2016, I flew to New York City to attend Ramit Sethi’s Forefront event, a weekend conference about entrepreneurship and excellence. As I always do when travling, I agreed to meet with a few readers and colleagues while I was in town.

One sunny morning in Madison Square Park, for instance, I sat on a bench and chatted with Travis Shakespeare. “I'm a film and television producer,” Travis told me. “But I'm also into the FIRE movement. I just got back from the chautauqua in Ecuador.”

The FIRE movement, of course, is all about financial independence and early retirement. And the chautauquas are annual gatherings for FIRE folks who want to dive deep into the subject. (I've now attended four of these myself.)

“I'm toying with the idea of creating a film about FIRE,” Travis said. We spent an hour or so talking about his vision and plans. When we parted, I never expected that we'd see each other again. I was wrong.

During the past three years, I've connected with Travis several times. (I've come to really respect and admire the man. He's a Good Guy.) And that idea he was toying with? The film about FIRE? Well, that project has come to fruition.

“Playing with FIRE” finished production earlier this year. Since June, it's been screened in theaters around the country — and the world. Today, at long last, “Playing with FIRE” is available for purchase (and rental) on various digital platforms.

iTunes ($9.99 to buy, $4.99 to rent), where the Rotten Tomatoes score is linked to the wrong film

Amazon ($9.99 to buy, $4.99 to rent)

Google ($8.99 to buy, $3.99 to rent)

Vimeo ($9.99 to buy)

To mark this occasion, I wanted to share some background on the film from my perspective. Here are a few of my thoughts on “Playing with FIRE”.

Behind the Scenes

Soon after I met Travis, he found Scott Rieckens, a San Diego film-maker with a similar idea. Scott too wanted to make a film about FIRE. They decided to collaborate. By October 2017, a year after our conversation in Madison Square Park, Travis and Scott had begun production on their project.

My first exposure to “Playing with FIRE” came in late October 2017. I was in Dallas for Fincon, the annual conference for financial media. “We're going to film a roundtable conversation about financial independence,” Scott told me by email. “I hope you can join us.”

Truthfully, I almost didn't attend the roundtable interview. Fincon is pure chaos for me, and this just seemed like more chaos. In the end, I decided to participate. I'm glad I did. I joined friends like Carl (from 1500 Days), Tanja (from Our Next Life), and Brandon (from Mad Fientist) for a couple of hours of talk about money.

True story: Despite all of the time and energy devoted to this roundtable, only a minute or so of footage from the night made it into the final film. That's too bad. It was a great discussion. I was particularly impressed with Liz from Frugalwoods, whose contributions were deep and insightful. As ambivalent as I am about her book, I am not ambivalent about Liz as a person. She's awesome.

My next exposure to “Playing with FIRE” came in February 2018. On a cold, rainy Sunday morning, the film crew visited our home here in Portland. We spent a couple of hours recording in our living room and in my writing studio, where the conversation centered on money and meaning. (Trivia: In the final version of the movie, every scene in which I appear was filmed in my writing shed.)

Over the past eighteen months, “Playing with FIRE” has been a constant part of the background of my life. I exchange email with Travis and Scott. (Kim is a fan of “Life Below Zero”, the Alaska-based reality show for which Travis is best known.) I've read the book. I've attended screenings. And last year at Get Rich Slowly, Scott shared his own experiences with making the film.

Playing with FIRE

Here's how Scott described the impetus for this project on Reddit last week:

I was a content creator for marketing/advertising firms for nearly a decade, so making content that focused on FIRE was natural for me. I was scratching an itch with this project.

I was so inspired by the folks that had shared their wealth of knowledge on finance and investing. And I remember seeing the Minimalism documentary and thinking…if the minimalism movement has a documentary, then surely FIRE would too. But to my dismay, I was mistaken. So, after some serious deliberation and reaching out to a few mentors and even a few FIRE writers and podcast hosts, I decided to dedicate myself to the idea.

Then, after an appearance on the ChooseFI podcast, my world exploded and I was able to raise money, connected with a fellow FIRE fan and director from the BBC (Travis Shakespeare), ended up with a book deal and shit got super real, really quickly.

[…]

I decided that leaning into this momentum made sense. Because the framework of FI, while painfully simple, has not been introduced to the masses and is far too important not to share.

Naturally, Reddit doesn't like the film. Or, more precisely, /r/financialindependence doesn't like the idea of the film. Those who have seen it do like it. Most redditors have not seen it…yet are happy to pass judgment anyhow.

This is Reddit in a nutshell: A bunch of people who are quick to have opinions and make judgments without having all of the information — or any of the information, actually. It's not just the FIRE forum. It's the whole site. Users are quick to assume the motives of others.

When I talk to people who have seen “Playing with FIRE”, their reaction is generally positive. It's not a film targeted at folks who are deep in the FIRE movement, folks who talk daily about saving rates and the four-percent rule. This film is targeted at people who are FI-curious, people who know that what they're doing doesn't work, but who haven't yet been exposed to the ideas of the financial independence community.

This movie is meant to introduce people to the world of FIRE. It wasn't made for the people who are already in that world.

Money and Happiness

I've seen the film four times already this year, and I'll watch it again later today. I may force my family to watch it during the holidays. While I don't think “Playing with FIRE” is perfect, there are many things I like about the film.

I like, for instance, that it ultimately isn't about Scott's journey of discovery; instead, the story is about his wife's journey of discovery. It's about Taylor wrestling with these ideas and how they apply to her life.

And I like that, really, the film isn't about money. Scott and Taylor don't embrace this movement to become millionaires. They don't “play with FIRE” in order to become rich. They explore this lifestyle in an attempt to increase their happiness, to create more meaningful lives.

There's a scene early in the film in which Scott and Taylor, who are trying to decide what to do with their future, sit down in a San Diego park to talk about what's important to them. Taylor shares the top ten things that make her happy on a weekly basis. These are things like wine, chocolate, exercise, and (especially) spending time with family.

“Any surprises?” Taylor asks Scott.

“Well, first off,” he says, “I didn't hear the beach. The beach isn't on the list? When was the last time you were on the beach?”

“Everything on that list is stuff we can do pretty much anywhere,” Scott says. He's implying that there's no reason they should be paying to live in such an expensive city when they're not deriving value from that city.

“What's going to make us happy?” Scott asks. “Because we can't lose if we keep happiness in the forefront. I really think we should [change our lives]. I think it's going to be the best thing for us…moving forward into the future.”

This is, of course, the stuff I preach day-in and day-out. This is why people ask me to fly to Portugal to speak, why they ask me to be on their podcasts, why they ask me to write for them, why they meet me for lunch. They want to me to talk about the relationship between money and purpose.

Playing with Fire tackles this subject head-on and in a real, honest way. The film isn't sensational. It isn't fake. It's simple, authentic, and open-ended. It doesn't offer pat answers. While this is in some ways unsatisfying (we want projects like this to provide answers, not create questions), it's also genuine. I like that.

Final Thoughts

Projects like “Playing with FIRE” are important. As Scott said in an email yesterday: “Each copy rented or sold is a vote for improving financial literacy and eliminating conspicuous consumption.” It's a good thing to increase awareness about smart money habits.

That's why I've embarked on a similar project of my own. I don't want to make a movie (ha!), but I am creating a ten-part, five-hour audio course to introduce people to the world of FIRE. In fact, that's where much of my time and attention will be devoted this autumn and winter. It's an exciting assignment, one that I hope will reach a lot of new people.

For now, though, “Playing with FIRE” is really the only thing of its kind, the only mainstream introduction to the ideas of financial independence and early retirement that's targeted toward a general audience (as opposed to targeted toward money nerds).

As I mentioned earlier, you can buy or rent the film from the following sources:

iTunes ($9.99 to buy, $4.99 to rent), where the Rotten Tomatoes score is linked to the wrong film

Amazon ($9.99 to buy, $4.99 to rent)

Google ($8.99 to buy, $3.99 to rent)

Vimeo ($9.99 to buy)

If you have family and friends who might be receptive to the message of this movie, you might consider sharing it with them. I intend to!

The post “Playing with FIRE”, the documentary about financial independence and early retirement appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

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