#whatimthinkingrightnow

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

How do you keep yourself from hating someone? I've never liked the word hate because its so evil and strong and once you say it about a person, you can't take it back. But loathing?? Oh yea. All the time. There is this one person though in my life that I loathe with every fiber in my being...and there is part of me that wants to hate. So I'm fighting it. I'm talking to karma and begging her to do her job and let this person feel how I feel, right now, someday. But how do I not fall into a hole of hate? That's my current conumdrum.

[hotjmess]

What i'm thinking right now

Why is it that whenever i sit down to eat my lunch i have to go pee? Come on body just let me enjoy my meal!!!!

[hotjmess]

What i'm thinking right now

I fucking hate folding fitted sheets. That is all.

[hotjmess]

What im thinking right now

Sometimes just getting your pills in the pill case is an accomplishment. Like i feel really good right now.

[hotjmess]

What I'm Thinking Right Now

Thank you Narcos for teaching me more Spanish and the many variations of "puta".

[hotjmess]

What I'm Thinking Right Now

Okay so I finished all 3 seasons of NARCOS and NARCOS MEXICO. what have I learned? If you are creative enough you hide anywhere in your house. Smuggling tons of coke into the US is apparently easy peasy. If you pay off everyone and their mother you can live pretty comfortable and without worry. The CIA is always into dirty shit. Lastly you will likely die.

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

"How I'm gonna keep myself away how I'm keep myself away from me?" Perfect Blue Buildings, Counting Crows.

You know it's funny how songs are different depending on what stage of life you are in. That song when I was 19 or 20 in 1993 was an escape. It was me looking for myself and trying to be comfy in my skin. Finding a corner at the party with liquid courage and an experience to savor. Now it's 2019 and I'm 45. It feels so much more and the song speaks to me anew. Yea how am i going to keep me from fucking me up? How do i figure this shit out if i haven't yet? I know who I am, but just knowing that is sometimes not enough. It's so much more than it ever was. Music no matter what genre gives my soul the ability to keep moving forward even on those super grey days. Thank God for artists.

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

My brain decided now is a good time to debate if I'm a good or bad person? Iike am i an asshole who doesnt know it? Or am I a decent human just trying to fucking survive and not BE an asshole....but am i anyway despite my efforts to be good? I guess I'm both depending on the day, the week, the person and the situation. Overall though...I think i'm alright. At least I'm going to keep working on myself. There is always room for improvement. Sigh.

[hotjmess]

What I'm Thinking Right Now

Like I say every year- FUCK RESOLUTIONS.

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

Watermelon does not suck. I'm currently shoving cubes of it in my face like it's my job.

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

To men in particular but could apply to any partner really - should you see your partner furiously cleaning and listening to hard rock, metal music, be advised she's fucking angry. My humble suggestion is to not talk to her till there is complete silence. Meanwhile contemplate how badly you pissed her off and maybe consider apologizing when its quiet. Write that down.

[hotjmess]

What I'm Thinking Right Now

If you make potato soup correctly, it is the most comforting thing ever. Thank you crockpot.

[hotjmess]

What i'm thinking right now

So i think many people are unaware what vintage is. If you used some sandpaper and white wash on a end table...thats not vintage. You are just great with sandpaper and creating the shabby chic aesthetic. Vintage means its really fucking old. Like, "yes i'd love to try that vintage red wine worth $800." Learn the difference people.

[hotjmess]

What i'm thinking right now

Why is it that the idea of heating up leftovers for dinner seems like to much work? What is my deal?

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

Two things- I ate to much cheese today but no regrets.

R.kelly is a scumbag of the highest degree. Yes I finished watching "surviving r.kelly" and I feel so disgusted and I'm now full of thoughts related to torture. Like cant we stone him in the town square? Only a suggestion..... unless its possible.

[hotjmess]

What I'm thinking right now

I had fries for lunch. They were perfect. If only everything gave me the same joy as potato.