#whatever you're up to hikaru get your act together

[yuseirra]

Ch 155 review:

woke up in the middle of the night and wrote ANOTHER huge bulk of a post, I'm having so much fun with this but maybe I should return to drawing persona fanarts again because I.. I'm pretty hopeless regarding mysteries but!! Here are my sincere thoughts about the latest chapter in more detail! I should really keep quiet till things clear up more. I believe so, but it's been really fun to hop into an ongoing series

This was originally written in a different language, then later translated through chatgpt. Chatgpt is so cool; ah I'm really sorry about what it does to the environment though; I won't use it a lot;

I hope to write quality content for those who love this work. That's how I feel. Haha. Well, I find it difficult to write forcefully, so at least I can say that I'm writing based on my affection. I'm not writing to get recognition(although it'd be nice).

Ah~~~.. Hahaha. For this episode's development, I realized how foolish I am because I forgot about Nino! But honestly, how was I supposed to know? That character, broadly speaking, might have contributed to Yura's death, but there was no indication that they did anything related to Goro's death. I don't watch many mystery shows, so when I made a plot guess last time, I dug a hole for myself in another post:

What I can't predict is what's going to happen next. There are too many variables and too much undisclosed information. As new information that hasn't been revealed yet comes to light, it makes it really hard to know.

Just like that.

The first emotion I felt after seeing the chapter was "?". What is this?? What are they trying to do?? And then, I felt really sorry for Ai. There's no sane person around. The person who definitely contributed to her death is her ardent fan (though I think even the term "fan" is too generous for that person). The suspected instigator is her ex-boyfriend or a colleague from the same group... there's really no one she can trust. Even though Ai hid many things and didn't show her true feelings and lied, it seems understandable, doesn't it?

I don't have any major speculations about Nino, but what I've understood is that the character "worships" Ai with some very twisted feelings. If there's a character who wants only the good sides of Ai to be shown to the world, it would be this one rather than Kamiki.

When I delve into analyzing the characters' emotions related to the story, I felt the part that needs explanation is Goro's death. Since Goro's death happened before Ai's death, the interpretation can vary greatly depending on whether it was intentional or just an accident. While many might focus on Yura's death, which is indeed very important, at least you could attach some psychotic criminal's delusional reason to it later. For the case of Goro's, however, it'd mean that there might have been someone other than Ryosuke already working against Ai behind the scenes before her death happened. Whether there were more people dissatisfied with Ai and her children other than Ryosuke is significant in determining how much it contributed to Ai's death.

I've been watching all along, but it didn't seem like Kamiki was involved in it, so I was confused. So, I think we need to sort out this part. This character doesn't seem to have much aversion to the fact that Ai had children, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for him to. From the moment he referred to Ruby as "indeed our child" in his first appearance, I got the feeling that this character recognizes the twins as something resulting from him and Ai, something between them, and doesn't view it so negatively. In that short sentence, there was a faint sense of affection. He doesn't seem to dislike being connected with Ai in one sentence, and the fact that there are children between them doesn't seem to be a bad thing from his perspective. You might think I'm overthinking based on one short sentence, but it's not just that; overall, his attitude when he actually appeared in front of the twins doesn't give any sense of dislike. The clincher was when he casually mentioned in chapter 153 that he has a father's heart. I thought, oh, this must be right.

Therefore, if Goro's death wasn't just an accident, I don't feel that this character would have any reason to harm Goro, who tried to protect Ai and their children and ensure their safe birth. (It could be explained as him being petty and harming Goro because he didn't like anyone else being close to Ai, but I think that's highly unlikely.) However, it still feels a bit off to think that Ryosuke acted alone to hide the body and everything else related to Goro's death.

If Nino were involved, it might make things clearer in this regard. But I don't know how insane Nino is (though She seems to be in very bad shape). I think there was some truth to the psychology of Nino that Kana portrayed...

B-Komachi, which was her and Ai's group, was going to perform at the dome, right? Which means Ai's career is shining even brighter even further. So what would this character gain by harming Ai at that point?

Ai did have a desire to reveal things about herself, though. Maybe this character wanted to stop her because he knew she wanted to expose things about herself and stop being the perfect idol worthy of worship?

From Kamiki's perspective, I think Ai revealing things about herself, especially if it was before the dome concert, might not have been such a bad thing. When the children were about four years old, he still wanted to get back together with her. If Ai had said, "I want to try liking someone, and I have children," then his career might have been ruined by the scandal but he might have been happy thinking, "Oh, Ai had feelings for me to that extent." She's THAT important to him, I believe.

But for Nino, it wouldn't have been the same, would it?

What keeps coming to my mind now is this lyric from Mephisto:

叶かなわないならばあなたになりたい

"If I can't make my wish come true, I want to become you."

Could it be that Nino wants to be like Ai, or even become Ai herself?

She's the one who's expressed her desire to be her (as portrayed by kana in ch 136)

Even if you view Mephisto's lyrics from Aqua's perspective, it doesn't seem like Aqua would say, "I want to become Ai." Of course, it's a powerful lyric expressing longing, so it resonates strongly emotionally. But their genders are different, their fields are somewhat different, and while Aqua seems to have a longing for the entertainment industry, he also tends to deny it.

Or it could be this: Seeing Nino's erased all the other members except herself and Ai in the poster, (she didn't erase her own existence) perhaps she might believe the one to be beside Ai is her and her alone? That might be how she thinks. :/

Adding one more suspect broadens the possibilities, but it seems like Akane and Aqua will explain everything on their own, so waiting might be safer. My guesses probably aren't going to be correct anyway.

What I can talk about more is Kamiki's reaction. Although it was a very quiet reaction, in some ways it was stronger than I expected because he accepted Ai's words completely. From his perspective, he was receiving a message he couldn't have imagined for fifteen years. There was no negative reaction like "No way, she's lying." He simply accepted, as in "I didn't know this," and remained silent.

In another post, I wrote my predictions for him like this:

If the songs are clues and there will be some kind of conflict in the future,

Just as Aqua has been doing things for Ai for years, this character might have been doing things too, and it's probably almost complete. His mindset is that as long as he accomplishes this, it doesn't matter what happens to him. He was planning to meet Aqua and see his daughter once before turning himself in.

But when he realizes that Ai, whom he truly loved, actually loved him back, he might feel like he's losing his mind.

There was a line he couldn't cross, thinking, "Okay, let's not do this," but now, having seen the video, he might cross it. Because he misses Ai so much and she's so precious to him, now he really wants to save the person he loves who also loved him (it seems like he's doing something to save her/see Ai again. Otherwise, the songs wouldn't be like this).

If he thought Ai didn't love him, his feelings (assuming he didn't intentionally kill her) would be guilt, obsession, and love-hate, so he wouldn't have any energy left. Because he has no attachment to himself, he'd have a resigned attitude like, "Alright, let's do this and die," and that's why he easily decided to turn himself in and show up in front of his children.

But if Ai loved him and actually wanted to be with him all along? Then if he was doing something for Ai, he wouldn't be able to give it up. So while he still has no attachment to himself, he might suddenly gain the energy for more extreme actions.

(I'm a bit disappointed that I couldn't accurately predict all the emotional reactions.)

Instead of "losing his mind," it seemed closer to sinking and submerging... It looks like he was someone who could have understood Ai well if only he had the right opportunity.

But I did get it right that he wants to do something for Ai.

Actually, the speculation I wrote above was a bit extreme, thinking that, since it's a manga, the development might be more intense. So, it was a scenario that I didn't really think would happen! Considering the character's personality, I thought he would suffer greatly. That's as far as I thought (with the current information revealed, I'm still withholding much judgment about this character).

But he seems so precarious. I'm worried he might be found dead somewhere... I'm still questioning whether he's someone worth worrying about,

But I don't think it's zero possibility that he'll end up being a very pitiable character.

He's saying he'll do something for Ai, but what could that be? He himself is determined, but Ai is already dead.

Even if Ai has become a star and is watching over him, would she want him to struggle? If he really killed her, she wouldn't want him to do anything invoking her name as a murderer. But if it's truly a misunderstanding, then she wouldn't want him to suffer anymore.

The video Ai left contained a message asking Aqua and the others to help this person, so I think the latter is more likely. Although the video was recorded a long time ago, this is a manga. The timing of when a message is revealed is important to the development. Since this story has come out in the final chapter, I think there might be a situation where the main characters end up helping him...

No but, if Aqua just let this person go, and if Kamiki turns out to be a murderer, that could be extremely irresponsible, right? Even if he let him go, shouldn't he have recorded the conversation and reported it? He should have recorded it and reported it, but maybe he couldn't report it because it happened when Kamiki was a minor? But wouldn't he have been around nineteen when the kids were about four? Is it something too ambiguous to report? Still, the next story that gets mentioned involves at least three deaths. How can he calmly, perhaps leisurely, discuss with Akane that Nino(and him) was involved in the deaths of three people? You never know what a criminal might do if they're cornered mentally.

He said he was going to do something for Ai. If that something is killing people, then it's dangerous for Aqua to just let him go. But since Aqua did let him go, it seems like he doesn't think that's the case.

So, the theory that he committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai is probably incorrect.

Additionally, there's no mention anywhere of serial killings actually happening, right? It could just be those three deaths. That doesn't mean he's not a murderer. If there had been serial killings of celebrities, it would have been mentioned in the story, right? There should have been some hints, like someone saying, "Hey, this actor who was doing well suddenly disappeared," but I don't recall anything like that. It would have been better if there had been at least some hints. Everyone naturally speculated that he might have committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai, and based on the way the scenes were portrayed, it did seem that way. But since it hasn't been mentioned so far, it could be that such events never happened.

The mention of bearing the weight of lives came up when the Uehara couple died. Kamiki was very distressed, saying, "Do I have to bear even that?" He seemed to be thinking that because of him, Ai died, and so did the Uehara couple, and now an actor has died too. He seems to be self-deprecating, thinking, "Yeah, someone else died because of someone like me." His way of speaking is really strange though... Is there a reason why he feels he needs to elevate the value of his own life?

When I saw the lyrics of "Fatal," I thought, "This is it," because it hints at "something that needs to be filled." What can fill the void? As the lyrics suggest, "a lack of Ai", it seems to be Ai. If you look at the song alone, it’s about wanting to revive someone he really wants to see, right? "Mephisto" is the same, and since it's a double hit, I thought, "Ah, then that's it. That's why he's moving."

あらゆる望のぞみの総すべてを叶かなえたら　ああ果はたせたら

"If all wishes are granted, if they come true,

あなたに会あいたい

I want to meet you.

星ほしに願ねがいをかけて

Wishing upon a star"

Anyway, stars are important. I noticed that stars appear quite often in the manga.

When I first heard "IDOL" and sometimes when I hear certain songs for the first time, I feel an overwhelming rush of emotions. It's a really amazing and exhilarating feeling.

However, if I listen to the song repeatedly, that emotion dulls, and I become less sensitive to it over time.

When I first heard "Fatal," I felt an immediate and intense sensation. It was as if someone was desperately searching and longing for something immensely significant. As soon as I felt that emotion, I instinctively thought, "This must be it," and it struck me so strongly that it became the reason I've been writing a lot lately.

The songs from Persona 3 were like that too. However, while Persona 3's songs had a warmth that supported the heart, a sense of resolve and determination, the songs from this manga feel like they are heavily spiced with MSG. The intensity of the emotions is incredibly fierce and strong. So, I often find myself wondering, "Is this okay? Is this okay?" But then I realize, yes, this is the kind of emotion being conveyed. It's raw but in a different way.

Considering the emotions that have been flowing so far, I felt strongly that Kamiki must be the one that's being depicted. Does anyone else feel similarly to me? Haha. So, I was just observing till that point, but then I couldn't help but dive in, thinking, "This has to be it."

These days, there are so many horrifying, disturbing, and distressing news stories, and it feels like the sentences given to offenders only add insult to injury for the victims(it's very short and light here). I hate it so much. I wish the term "dating violence" would disappear; it should be replaced with another term because that's not love.

So, while watching the developments in this manga, I feel like... I really don't want to empathize with or sympathize with the perpetrator, even in fiction. I understand that fiction can be separate from the reader's morals and I respect that, but when I think about the emotions between the characters in this manga, it doesn't feel like it's the same as those horrifying real-life cases. I really hope it's not. I'm not looking for it to not be like that on purpose; it's just that something feels off...

When watching the scenes with Ai's video, at first, my heart ached, but as time went on, I kept thinking, "Kamiki, you better get your act together." If this character has done things worthy of criticism, I absolutely don't intend to condone those actions even a bit, and I believe they should pay for their crimes!

But I think it's okay to wait and see for now? Am I really the type to get easily fooled? Haha. Still, I believe I have a good sense of understanding when it comes to emotions... I got Aqua and Kana right, and maybe that's why I got excited and gained momentum. It was exactly as I thought, for their case.

Well, we'll have to wait and see. I'm going to stay quiet for now. But if I'm going to draw fan art, I need to have a clear understanding of the emotions, which is important to me. If I can't predict what this character is feeling, I can't touch it.

Kana is really great in this regard. She's a character who doesn't need to overthink, so it's really comforting. While everyone else is complicated and holding secrets, leaving me to wonder "when the heck did you find out about that?" having new conversations among themselves, Kana is relatively easy to understand... what you see is what you get.

Or Ai, since she's shown almost everything (there's one video left), I might be able to do something with her too.

I liked the character Akane because of the profiling scenes. It didn't feel entirely like someone else's business because I do some degree of psychological analysis on the characters I handle. So that could maybe be why the range of characters I can manage isn't that wide depending on the genre. I usually focus on less than 5 characters and examine them REALLY deeply. The types I can understand and handle well are quite distinct for me. However, I want to dive deeply into the characters I do handle.

To create proper fan works, you need a lot of pieces of the puzzle. I might end up being off the mark, but I'm still doing it seriously when I make fan work!

I'm very happy when I hear good comments regarding such area :) I really want to do a good job. For now, I will stay on watch and see how things play out for now.

+

I thanked chatgpt :) :) aw they're nice (although they don't have feelings they've been helping me from rewriting things twice)

[cutiecorner]

《 ♡ Happy Valentines Day! To Celebrate, here's a big ensemble piece: all the hosts as caregivers! Additionally: thank you all for 100+ followers! ♡ 》

(I don't usually write in the reader insert way, but I've found it to be surprisingly natural! I think it's just easier to use the 'royal you', if that makes any sense. I think I'll try it out for this one, let me know what y'all think!

Tamaki is the ringleader of the whole operation, obviously. Like in the little sister episode, he cranks his princely big brother act to 11!

He can play any role you need him to! Brave protector, fun babysitter, gentle carer, he's happy to do it all! Though it is a little hard for him to act stoic when you're just so precious!

Kiddos in his hands get anything they want. Absolutely anything. Having trouble feeling small? This 5 foot bear should fix that! Sweet tooth? Here's a buffet! You want to see the pretty lights? Get your passport we're going to Paris.

Kyoya is, as always, mostly in charge of keeping Tamaki in check. Co-parenting king.

He's the disciplinarian of the group, though he's not as scary as you might think. He's more "I'd get off that chair, we don't want to get hurt do we?" Than "get off the furniture before I add it to your tab".

He definately has his gentle moments. If you need a second to cool down from all the shenanigans, he's more than happy to let you curl up next to him while he works.

Haruhi is a big sister superhero. She's always prepared and always in its what to say!

Speaking of prepared, she's probably the most practical of the group. She has the kiddo's age, needs, and bed time committed to memory, and she always has bandaids on hand.

She's the best at going with the flow! She follows your lead, whatever you want to do, she'll make it the best!

Hikaru and Kaoru really bring the fun. When there's talk of "shenanigans", they're most definitely the catalysts.

They're the best at thinking like a kid! They're know exactly what kind of trouble is most fun to get into

One of their little known talents is reading stories! They do it together, so there's twice the funny voices and even some improvisation here and there!

Honey and Mori, well, do exactly what they always do, but it's even more fun when you're around!

Honey is the best playmate! He has all sorts of fun plushies and he's happy to share!

Tea parties galore! Though it's a good thing Mori's there to protect from stomach aches.

Though he's usually sidelined next to Honey, Mori is a nap expert!

It does not matter what size you are: he is picking you up. He is rocking you. It's not a choice.

The host club always feels like a family, but they could always use a baby sibling to dote on ♡

They were a little different than usual, but I hope you liked these headcanons! Happy valentines day everyone ♡