#whatever it's 1am and i was just writing so i'm in the Zone

[roguelibrarian]

Fanfiction Ask Game

I was tagged by @silentsaebyeok

1. At what age did you start writing fanfiction?

Around 7 or 8, though I didn’t know that fanfiction was a thing back then and I was just making up stories in the same world as a book series my sister and I used to read when we were kids.

2. What fanfics and fanfic authors have inspired you?

Children of the Force definitely deserves a mention because reading it kind of gave me more confidence to write longer fics.  I don’t really know why, but it did.

As for authors, @altschmerzes of course.  Also @lessattitudemorealtitude and @museumlad (who writes literally the best Leverage fic I have ever read, I’m not even kidding).

3. Favorite type of scene to write?

Oh, there are so many, but if I have to pick one it’d probably be post-whump hugs and comfort, especially if the whump has gone on for a really long time, because then the comfort is really cathartic and just feels like a giant sigh of relief.

4. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, what kind?

Not usually while I’m actually writing because it can distract me pretty easily, especially when I’m in a “skip every song in my library” mood and get too distracted trying to find something I actually want to listen to.

But when I’m just trying to get myself in the mood for a particular story or I’m doing kind of a “warm up” before I actually write, I’ll listen to music that feels like the story (the Abused Kid Feelings playlist gets listened to a lot for this reason).

5. What tags do you avoid like the plague?

Most ship tags, tbh.  There are a couple of ships that if a fic is tagged with it, I can just kind of deal with it as long as the ship isn’t the focus of the fic, but....for the most part I have to stay in the platonic ampersand tags.

6. What AU do you wish to write but feel like you won’t manage?

A long while back I had a lot of ideas for an AU where Ahsoka finds Ezra about a year after his parents are arrested and ends up teaching him, but it’s kind of been drowned out by other AUs I’m working on.

7. Do you outline, or write as you go?

It depends on the fic.  Some I have very detailed chapter by chapter outlines, some I have rough outlines that just go through the plot without dividing it up, and occasionally I just don’t outline at all.

8. What has been your favorite story to write so far? Why?

It’s probably Taking Shelter.  The “why” is really hard to pin down but I guess it’s mostly that by the time I started writing it, I actually had my confidence in my writing back.  Also, the slow burn found family stuff was so painful to write, but in the best possible way.

9. Do you prefer to write one-shots or multi-chapters? Why?

I don’t really have a preference in general, though lately I’ve been more into writing multi-chapters because a) I can really dig into things and spend a lot of time exploring everyone’s feelings, and b) there isn’t enough multi-chapter genfic in the world.

10. What is your favorite kind of comment?

Serious answer: I really love those comments where people go in-depth about what the characters are thinking and feeling because a lot of the time I worry that I’m not getting things across right and these comments are proof that I actually am getting things across.

Less serious answer: I love comments where people are like “wow, you write abuse really well” or “you really understand how abuse affects a person” because I’m just like “yep, there’s a reason for that” and tbh this is probably way funnier to me than it is to anyone else.

11. Why did you start writing fanfiction? Why are you still writing?

I started because I was very little and I loved stories and I loved writing and also there isn’t much else to do when you have no friends and your parents keep you locked up in a room when you’re not at school.  (also there’s a whole Thing about how my writing original fiction when I was little got me into a lot of trouble and hoo boy it sure is a Story but if I talk about it I’ll probably do that in another post)

I started writing fanfiction again when I was in college because after I almost died twice the year I was 15, I kind of lost my ability to write.  I still wrote, or tried to, but it all felt very lifeless and flat and bad (though rereading some things I wrote back then, some of it was really good, it just felt bad at the time).  Then I started watching Rebels, started writing Rebels fic, and I got my drive to write back.

I’m still writing because honestly, if I don’t write, I feel terrible.  If I don’t write something, I’m miserable.  Writing has always been a core part of me, even during the years I didn’t feel like I could do it, so.....I need to.

I’m going to tag @altschmerzes, @museumlad, and...idk which of my writer peeps hasn’t been tagged already, but if you want to answer these, then consider yourself tagged

(also apparently we’re supposed to come up with our own questions for the people we tag to answer, but I’ve been dealing with a sick baby for 2 days and I’m very tired, so I’m stealing @silentsaebyeok‘s questions)

[sungbeam]

YOU?? SHOULD NOT BE AWAKE?? it’s like midnight or past midnight 😟 go to bed soon pls. but yes i am SO into riptide and i am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. ur doing so well good job make sure not to feel pressured or anything, take ur time! dw too much abt it, i’m sure it’s good if ur writing it ;D

i can understand, i don’t have a good attention span either. any time i tried writing a series, i’d give up in the middle bc it was too exhausting to try and make every chapter as long as the previous one, or i just lost interest and got burnt out. it’s very common tbh, i don’t like it </3

sexy blog havers!! the blog is made and ready but i’m currently working on finishing up this one short series i had an in my head, like my debut or whatever lol. i only need to write one more until i start posting. i’ll let u know when it’s up! we can be bffs. my friends are telling me the blog looks so intimidating, it’s so funny — v.

U SHOULD NOT BE TALKING IM SORRY WHAT WAS THAT "it's almost 1am over here time zones r crazy lol" OR SMTH LIKE THAT??!!

anyways 😮‍💨🤥

I'll prob *unexpectedly* drop the riptide chapter an hour earlier than I have it scheduled in my queue tomorrow/today (in thirty min) as per usual bc I'm impatient like that

Lol I have commitment issues w fics and I'm TRYING SO HARD to break the habit 😭😭 istg I'm gonna finish riptide, if I don't, pls knock some sense into me :D

BUT PLS HMU W THAT SEXY BLOG V 😫😫

[spenciebabie]

Your blog is really inspiring me to start writing again, but I'm not sure how to get started. Do you have any tips for sharing my work or becoming more successful in general?

i answered something like this a while ago on my main so ill pop that advice here too 🥰:

honestly it takes a bit of time, not that im even there! some of the things that ive found helpful are:

- tags: lots of them, i try not to mislead i.e. not tagging any other characters from cm in a solely spencer fic, or not tagging smut where there is none etc. (take a look at the tags I use on my one-shots over on my main for an idea, or just copy a bunch of em)

- time of day: im in the GMT time zone so things i post quite late at night in the 1am-4am bracket to hit the majority american people on here in the evening

- consistency: this is a bit rich coming from me who uploads when i wanna, but posting regularly really helps, if people see your stuff often they’re more likely to read it, or at least i would be

- formatting: i know i always prefer to read things that are well formatted, i.e. proper title, summary, warnings, etc. along with a ‘read more’ break. if you don’t have one and it’s longer than even a few hundred words, no one will want to reblog that, even if they like it, they won’t want to put it on everyone’s dashboards if it’s a mile long!

- links: having a decent navigation system on your blog and on each fic post (especially if it’s a series) makes it so much easier for someone to find more of your work if they stumble across something of yours that they like!

i can’t think of much else right now, but i hope this helped, this fandom always needs new and exciting writers and there’ll never be a shortage of people to read your work, especially if you’re excited about it!

and i didn’t mention it before but obviously good writing helps, like proper grammar and punctuation. as well as splitting it up into paragraphs! (i’ve stopped reading things because they were just one big wall of text, it becomes so difficult to read so quickly).

and if english isn’t your native language, or you’re not confident in your spelling/grammar abilities then you can always reach out to another reader or writer for help and get it beta’d.  

i hope this helped, i’m so glad you’re excited to write again! that’s amazing, i can’t wait to read whatever you come up with ❤️

[justanotherfanfic]

Love on Me

summary: reader had an incident at steve’s birthday party and it takes an emotional toll on her for the night and the next day. the team notices and warns your dad. tony needs to do whatever it takes to make his daughter feel beautiful in her own body...

warnings: body shaming, anxiety, depression, slight eating problem

pairing: tony stark x plus size!teen!daughter!reader

word count: 3.8k+

a/n: this was requested! it’s currently 1am and i finally finished it! i’m so sorry i took so long, i just wanted to be sure that it would come out perfect! i was so excited to write this so i’m sorry if this is too long! as a 19-year-old plus size girl, i found this to be really personal. i have grown up with insecurities and self-doubt. this is a mini-lesson in itself that you need to love yourself. yes, you will have days where you hate your body and yourself, but if you truly think about it... everyone has different shapes and sizes, that’s what makes us all different and beautiful! please only positive words and feedback. i hope this is what you were hoping for!

requested by: @lilacprincessofrecovery - hi, i was wondering if you could make a dad!tony x teen chubby!daughter reader. ihavent seen anything like it and I would love to see how he would be able to help her like herself more

GROWING UP AS a Stark has its ups and downs. Not only are you one of the richest figures, but you are constantly surrounded by the pressure of the media. You were not like the other girls, the ones who can pass as supermodels. Your body was different than most girls and it caused the attention of the public. Magazine covers are always on the lookout for you and your body figure. Every little outfit was met with nasty remarks. Appearances were always met with backlash. No matter how hard you tried, the media always had something negative to say about you and your weight. It has taken an emotional toll on you the way you look at yourself.

You were always told by your father how ridiculous the media was. He would always explain their technique of mentally breaking top tier celebrities. He would tell you stories about how badly he was viewed by the public because of how the media portrayed him to be. Tony was either a playboy, dead man, idiot, criminal, or a reckless hero. It was always hard for you, you were the type who wanted to please everyone. It wasn't your fault that your body was different, you just had to deal with the overwhelming negativity from the public. Because of this, your dad and the team would constantly try to distract you from it.

You were currently flipping through the Chemistry textbook Peter let you borrow to work on the extra credit assignment given the day before. You sighed as you stared at all the formulas and equations that covered the pages. You munched on a few strawberries as your eyes wandered around the book while you took notes. You had FRIDAY play some music to help you concentrate on your study session. You hummed to the music when your dad came into the room with droopy eyes.

"Hey sweetcheeks," Your dad greeted in attempt to hide his tiredness.

"What time?" You responded as you copied an equation onto your notes. You knew by the way his eyes looked and how slow his movements were that he probably didn't sleep, and if he did, it was probably really late.

Tony sighed, "5am."

You looked up at him and gave him a look, "That's the third time this week, dad."

He shrugged, "It's growing on me."

"Daaaddddd...." You dragged on.

He chuckled as he walked up to you. He kissed your forehead before going to make some coffee, "For you, I'll go to sleep at 4am."

"8pm..." You countered as you took a bite of another strawberry.

"2am." He called back as he pressed a few buttons on the coffee machine.

You scoffed, "11pm!"

"12am."

"Deal!" You laughed as you rolled your eyes playfully.

"It's not my fault Banner discovered a new element!" Tony defended.

You groaned, "Great! Another element to study for this assignment."

Your dad laughed to himself as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard. He swiftly moved around the kitchen as he started to heat up some leftovers from the night before - Clint's famous spaghetti. It was silent for a moment, the only thing being heard was the music playing from FRIDAY's system. "We're having a party for Rogers tomorrow," Your dad spoke as he poured the hot liquid into his mug that plastered Best Iron Dad.

You nodded as you focused on your assignment. You were highlighting a few definitions before the book was closed shut by your dad. You looked up with an annoyed expression.

"That means you need to wear a nice dress... not some jeans and a nice shirt." He raised his eyebrow referring to how you often dress casually. "Do you want me to get Romanoff or Maximoff to take you shopping?"

You shook your head, "I'm sure I have something in my room already."

He simply nodded before walking off with his coffee on one hand and the spaghetti on the other.

"A dress!" He called again before completely disappearing from the room.

You sighed as you opened your textbook to continue with your assignment. Unfortunately, you couldn't concentrate. Your mind began rambling about Steve's party tomorrow. You groaned and slammed your textbook shut. You were never fond of wearing dresses, it was pretty much out of your comfort zone. You decided to cut your study session short and went to your room to find something to wear tomorrow night.

It was now Saturday night. You were on your residential floor getting ready as you felt the tower vibrating from the booming music only a few floors down. You found a beautiful burgundy dress that fit perfectly to your upper body and breasts. Spaghetti straps hugged your shoulders and exposed back, enough to leave it fitted comfortably. The dress loosely flowed down your legs where high slits were on each side of your legs that allowed your dress to flow beautifully around you. You danced along to the music in your room as you finished getting ready. You laughed to yourself knowing Tony would make fun on how ridiculous your dancing skills were.

"Miss Stark, your father is notifying you that the party has begun," FRIDAY's voice rings in the room. You smiled at her voice as you adjusted your dress. "Would you like me to notify him of an estimated time of arrival?"

"Yes," You confirmed. "I'll be down in about five minutes."

"Got it," FRIDAY responded as you cleaned the mess you made while getting ready.

Before you left your room you decided to take a look at yourself. You walked over to the body mirror that was hung on the door of your bedroom. You stopped what you were doing and stared in amazement. You felt your heart racing as you stared at the figure in front of you. Your face brightened, you felt beautiful. The dress complemented your body well and you felt your mood brighten up. You sprayed yourself with one of your fancier perfumes before you headed out your room and into the elevator.

Once the elevator brought you to the floor of the party, you felt the energy of many high-class guests. You thought that the party would have been more casual, but your dad insisted on giving Steve a formal party. You began walking deeper into the crowd of strangers, hoping to find an Avenger. After a while, you finally found your dad.

"You look gorgeous sweetheart," Your dad smiled before pulling you into a hug. You gave a small smile as you took in the smell of his more expensive colognes. He pulled away and took another look at you. "This is the exact reason why you need to be wearing dresses more often. You look beautiful."

You smiled and rubbed your arm, "I'm going to go get some lemonade. Want anything?"

Tony shook his head and gestured to the alcoholic beverage in his hand. You smiled at him before making your way to the bar. You sighed as you noticed everyone staring at you. You couldn't tell if it was judgmental or not. You finally made it to the bar and took a seat on the stool. Your eyes wandered around the list of beverages that were offered.

"Who let [Y/N] Stark come looking like a mess?" A voice whispered behind you. You felt your heart sting at the remark but decided to ignore it.

You smiled at the bartender, "Lemonade, please."

"Shocker," Another voice spoke behind you. "Try some water, it might help with your weight."

You didn't turn around. You knew if you did you would breakdown. Instead, your head fell down as you fidgeted with your fingers. You knew you should've never gone out of your comfort zone. You felt tears pooling around your eyes as your mind rambled on different ways to leave the party without anyone noticing. The bartender slid the glass over to you as you smiled weakly at them.

A hand was suddenly on your shoulder. You flinched before looking up at a smiling Peter Parker. His smile fell seeing your puffy, red eyes. "[Y/N] are you okay?" Peter questioned in concern.

You sniffed and quickly wiped your tears before putting a smile on your face, "As perfect as I can ever be. What's up, Parker?"

Peter observed you for a moment but decided not to comment. He plastered a smile on his face and took a sip from his cup. The music vibrated around the two of you as he explained his new invention for the suit and how excited he was to talk to your dad about it. You laughed while taking sips of your lemonade. You almost forgot about the remarks until you were shoved by someone behind you. You stumbled a bit before you regained your balance with the help of Peter. You looked behind you to see a slim, fit girl glaring at you, "Watch where you're standing fatass!"

You were taken back by the remark as you felt your smile drop. She scoffed before walking away to her group of friends. You felt Peter tense up and begin taking steps over to the group of friends before you stopped him.

You shook your head, "It's not worth it Pete."

He felt hurt at your words, "They can't be speaking to you that way. It's not right!"

You gave a humorless laugh, "Peter I've been called worse."

Peter frowned at you. You sighed and looked at the time on your phone, the bright light reflecting off of your facial features, "I- I'm going to head out. I don't feel so great." You lied; Peter knew this and it made him more upset than before. "I think it was the lemonade."

"[Y/N] please..." Peter pleaded as he held onto your hand. "C'mon, I think Thor is on his third magic alcohol now. Maybe we can get him to lend us his hammer for the night." Peter tried to change the topic in hopes to make you feel better.

You slowly pulled your hand away as you began walking away, "If my dad asks, tell him I felt sick."

You turned around and started walking out of the party as many people were staring at you with a judgmental look. You felt your breath shake with every step you took. You walked into the elevator and watch it close as Peter was looking at you from afar. You felt a tear fall down as you pressed the button that would take you to your residential floor.

Once you made it to your floor, you went straight to your room and threw yourself onto your bed and let all your bottled up emotions out. You felt like you were crying in your bed for hours. You were tired of all the backlash you were receiving. No matter how hard you tried, you were never going to win. You genuinely thought you looked beautiful, but apparently, you weren't. You continued crying until you drifted off to sleep.

It was the next day, you woke up and felt exhausted. You almost forgot about the night before until you felt yourself still in the dress from last night. You huffed and got undressed and washed your face. You got dressed in work out clothes and decided that today would be the day you changed your habits and lifestyle. You took a deep breath before heading down to the kitchen.

The team was all at the common room laughing up a storm as Wanda and Vision were finishing cooking the breakfast. You avoided everyone and silently went to the fridge and examined what there was. Wanda noticed your presence and smiled up at you, "Good morning [Y/N], will you be joining us for breakfast?"

You closed the fridge and looked at them, "I don't think so."

Vision looked up from the stove, "Are you sure? There's going to be pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast. It's your favorite."

You felt your stomach growl. Vision and Wanda smirking at you. You blushed but shook your head, "No I'm fine." You walked over to the fruit basket and grabbed a banana and a water bottle from the side. You gestured to the banana and walked out of the kitchen. Vision and Wanda gave each other a look before finishing the food.

When you walked out of the kitchen you noticed Peter was laughing with Bucky about a story he was recalling from the 40s. You both made eye contact for a second before you quickly tried to leave the room. You noticed he was getting off of the couch and tried making his way to you. You walked faster towards the elevator and hit the button that leads to the training level. You sighed to yourself and relaxed once the elevator doors closed.

You were finally brought to the training room. You walked over to the treadmill and felt intimidated. You hated running with a passion, so instead, you walked over to the punching bags and decided to take baby steps on your new workout routine. You put on the gloves that were next to the station. You put the banana and water bottle to the side and adjusted yourself before you started your workout.

Your first punch felt great. A sudden rush of adrenaline kicked inside of you. You continued punching rapidly, all your anger and anxiety releasing from you. You felt your body beginning to feel the amount of movement you were making. Sweat was beading around your body and face as your face was getting flushed. It was a little over an hour before footsteps were heard.

"What did the punching bag do to you?" A voice called out.

You jumped in surprise and noticed it was Steve. You didn't respond and continued to punch. Steve laughed to himself before walking over to the punching bag. He used both of his arms to hold it steady and help your training get better. You felt your body flushing from the lack of food and water but ignored it. You wanted to let all the energy you had to help you sweat as much as you could. You continued punching as Steve now noticed the look on your face, you looked angry and upset. You felt your body getting weaker but you didn't want to give into the weakness. As you were about to take another punch, your legs gave out. You felt yourself starting to fall but you were too weak to catch yourself.

"Woah!" Steve gasped and caught you before you could fall. "[Y/N] are you okay?!"

You felt your face brighten up in embarrassment. You shook your head in an attempt to gain consciousness, "I'm fine." You began getting up as Steve helped you up and observed you.

"You're not fine," He responded. "Have you eaten?"

You looked over at the unopened banana and water bottle. Steve looked over as well and shook his head in disapproval, "You need to eat. You're harming yourself."

"I said I was fine," You glared and grabbed your things and tried walking away.

Before you could take another step, Steve grabbed your arm. "[Y/N] what's wrong?"

"Nothing!" You shouted in anger as you pulled your arm away. "What, I can't work out? Never seen [Y/N] Stark work out? Is that what it is?!"

Steve was taken back by your outburst. You huffed and immediately left the room before you said something you'd regret. You felt your hands shaking from anger as a tear slipped down your cheek. Steve saw you wipe it before you completely left the training room.

It was later on during the day, you were now avoiding Peter and Steve. You decided that you would have to resort to the facts and experiments to help you fix your body. The best place to gain this information is from the lab. You had cleaned yourself up already and ended up eating the banana in your room while you cried. You walked into the lab to see Bruce working on writing all the information he could gather on the element he discovered a couple of days ago.

"Hey [Y/N]," Bruce greeted as you smiled and went to the back of the room. He noticed you went straight for the files which grew his curiosity. "What are you looking for?"

"Something for my extra credit assignment," You lied.

Bruce didn't question further as he continued on his work.

You decided that you wanted to study the human body and why each person's body is different. You were flickering through different files from Bruce's cabinets. You sighed in relief when you found the file on Dieting and Human Emotions.

"Well," Bruce called.  "I'll be upstairs with the team if you need me."

You didn't respond, too focused on the file in front of you. Bruce quirked his eyebrow but didn't comment on it. He then walked out of the lab, leaving you alone. You were reading each report, article, and experiments done for that file. You were frustrated that you could not find the answers you needed. You stared at the picture of a young girl who had the perfect body shape. You would never be as beautiful as all the other teens. Tears pooled around your eyes, tears beginning to fall on the image in your hand. You cried as you ripped the paper of the girl. The dream body you wanted.

"I am reading your heart rate spiking up," FRIDAYs voice echoing in the room. "Shall I call Mr. Stark?"

"No!" You called out in fear. "Don't call dad!"

You set the file down on the table next to you as you quickly started grabbing the bits of paper that were scattered on the floor. FRIDAY ignored your requests and immediately called your dad down. FRIDAY's voice boomed in his room making Tony jump in surprise. He then felt terrified thinking something wrong was happening to you so he ran towards the lab. Once he made it inside, he saw you crying on the floor picking up pieces of ripped paper off of the ground. He slowly walked over to you and saw a file on the table with articles, sticky notes, and pictures poking out from it.

Tony grabbed the file and read the title - Dieting and Human Emotion. Tony sighed as he felt his heart ache for his daughter. He now realized why Peter said you were crying last night, why Vision and Wanda said you were avoiding breakfast, why Steve questioned why you had an outburst in the training room, and why Bruce mentioned you were in the lab. He was looking for you throughout the day to talk to you but he had no luck. He was grateful for FRIDAY alerting where you were. You looked up after hearing Tony sigh. You felt vulnerable after being caught looking through Bruce's files and feeling insecure about it all.

"[Y/N]?" Your dad questioned and finally felt his overprotective father instincts kick in. "Is this what Peter was trying to tell me last night? Did someone say something to you? Is that why you skipped breakfast? Is this why you yelled at Steve? Who the hell is hurting you-"

"There's something wrong with me!" You finally cried out and interrupted your dad. Your dad was taken aback by your statement. Did you really hate your body and yourself? He couldn't believe it. His own daughter hated herself.

"Sweetheart there is nothing wrong with you!" Tony brought himself to the floor pulled you into his chest.

You cried into his chest as you shook your head, "Then why does everyone always have something to say about me and my body?"

Tony knew this was something out of his knowledge. Typically a mother should be the one to assure his teenage daughter about the beauty of womanhood, but Tony had no idea about it. Being a single father was always different for Tony, there were always new things to learn and overcome with his daughter. Today was just another part of it - helping his daughter love herself, just as he loved her.

Tony looked down at you. "Real beauty isn't about symmetry or weight or makeup; it's about looking life right in the face and seeing all its magnificence reflected in your own," Tony whispered as he used his thumb to wipe off your tears from your cheek.

You felt yourself smile before looking down to yourself. You examined yourself for the hundredth time that day. Your dad shook his head before slightly moving your head to look into his eyes.

"[Y/N]," Tony sighed. "You are whole already, perfect the way you are. Your whole being is so much more complex, so much more fragile, so much more subtle and intelligent than a few days of dieting or a page of notes can portray. Reducing your self-worth to your weight is ridiculous and lethal."

You felt your tears welling up, you started to get overwhelmed by your strong emotions of yourself and how unhappy you were with how you looked.

Tony grabbed your face with both of his hands. You leaned yourself into his touch, you felt your nerves going down a little. Tony continued, "I'm not trying to sound harsh, I'm trying to show you that you can love yourself without worrying about everything you eat. You are worth more than your weight. You have a heart, mind, and soul that can change the world. You are a Stark, nothing will ever change that. I love you 3000." He then leaned in and kissed your forehead, your left cheek, and right cheek.

You leaned into the touch, "Not 4000?"

"I was thinking 5000 but that might be a stretch."

You laughed and playfully hit his chest. Tony laughed with you then looked down at you. You smiled as Tony ran his fingers through your hair to help you relax and enjoy the moment.

"Now, let's go upstairs and join the team for some lunch?" You dad offered. You breathed out and nodded. "Great! It's my turn to cook and I could use the help."

You groaned, "Child labor!"

Tony shook his head as you both began walking towards the common room, "I'm not going to let my daughter be a freeloader. Gotta earn it!"

You laughed, "But you love me, 3000!"

"Yeah you're right," He responded and kissed your hair as you both went into the kitchen to start cooking.

Tony knew that he had to do whatever he needs to do in order to make his daughter feel loved. He knew this may be difficult but he will always be there to help you see how truly beautiful you were in his eyes and everyone else's. He smiled when he saw you laughing at a joke Natasha said at the table. Tony was ecstatic seeing your smile and never wants it to go away. He loved you more than anyone could ever comprehend.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I'm an ENFP who relates well to basically everything you post about yourself. I'm also fairly certain I'm an 6. I realized that lately I've been struggling a lot with anxiety (getting help, don't worry), but was wondering how that could affect Ne. I've always been the kind of person who seeks change to be better, but now my anxiety makes me feel like I'm in my Si - trapped in how things were in the past. I can't seem to get out of it. It feels like my dom and inf functions switched.

Hey, ENFP 6! I am really sorry you can relate to me, since that’s really no fun for you. It’s not easy being one, is it? But this is the lot life stuck us with, so we’d better learn how to make the most of it, right?

I can’t really tell you how it is for all Ne-dom 6′s (especially with different lower fixes), I can only give you my own experience – and that is that for me it causes conflict between the natural optimism and desire to believe the best in others of Ne-dom and the pessimistic, suspicious nature of being a 6. I approach things with a half-and-half mindset, which is often the opposite of whatever I am hearing from other people, due to Ne and 6 both being contrarian.

In other words, if someone is too excited, I will be the voice of reason. If they are miserable and depressed and expecting the worst, I will be the optimistic and cheerful one irritated by their perpetual fog. I expect good things from people but am also suspicious of their motives. This puts a bit of a damper on dating, since you want to trust your date to be a good person and also not take any chances that he’s not. Some probably super nice guys got frustrated with my non-committal answers to hanging out at their place and watching awesome movies on their giant screen. I’m sorry. Maybe I could have trusted you, and maybe I couldn’t. Better safe than dead.

But you probably already know that, since you live it. Your specific question is how do you get your Ne to work properly and how do you overcome your fear and just… go do things?

Well, the answer to that is simple and hard. Simple because it’s obvious, and hard because it’s hard for a 6 to overcome their anxieties and just do it. The simple answer is – you start recognizing and correcting yourself. Learning to laugh and say, “Oh, I am just being a 6 right now and probably over-thinking.” And choosing to open yourself up to the possibilities and think positively about them rather than freaking out. (I have personal experience with that at the moment, since my boss wants me to step outside my comfort zone. My first reaction was massive angst. My second reaction was anger, because I do not want to do this. The reaction I am having now is trying to use my Ne to think up all the good ways that this could really bolster my confidence and experience and make Good Things Happen in my life. So that’s what you have to do – stick with your feelings and thoughts about something long enough to have the ability to make a decision to approach it with optimism and positivity. Fear and excitement create largely the same reaction in the body; it’s our mind that decides what to call it. So start re-naming and controlling it. Make it excitement and not fear. See if that helps.)

6 loves to hide behind the mantra of “just being rational.” Rational, you may be, but overreacting or paranoid when there’s no need, you also may be. Not every new situation or relationship or change is an actual threat to your security. Ne-doms are supposed to be optimistic and excited about the future. 6ish Ne-doms seem to be excellent problem-solvers and linear thinkers, able to foresee bad things and keep them from happening due to intuition + logic, but they need to learn to integrate into 9 and chill so their Ne can breathe and do what it’s supposed to do – which is to look for new possibilities and opportunities with enthusiasm, and not have to analyze the hell out of everything before they commit to it (and poll 15 of their closest friends ;).

Jordan Peterson in his book talks about a woman he knew, who became housebound. It did not start out that way. At first, she was just anxious about driving to the mall, because she was afraid she might not find a parking space. So that fear started her keeping away from the mall. It became a “place I do not drive to.” Pretty soon, her anxiety grew a little bit. There were other places she did not drive it. Places she did not feel safe. So she stopped going to them. And little by little, her world shrank. Until she did not feel safe outside her front door. I pitied her when I read that, and decided it would never be me. I force myself to do things, within reason, that I am scared of, so I can prove to myself that I did it. But… I do not do this nearly as often as I should, to truly improve. And for better or worse, life has not forced me out of my comfort zone much, which means I have to do it myself.

You need to learn to balance what is actually logical, and what is just fearful. Good logic rides on the balance of probability. It factors in the odds of what you’re afraid of actually happening. Irrational fears are fixating on things that are not possible, rational caution is focusing on what could happen, and what has a high chance of happening. That is where true wisdom comes in – better to be cautious than regret it, but not so cautious that you miss out on all the good things life has to offer because you never left your house. Abducted by aliens – irrational fear. Walking down a secluded street alone at 1am – a good chance of being predator bait.

When I’m stuck somewhere in the middle, I find it helpful to do what Doctor Phil suggests – get out a notebook, and ask yourself one question after another, so you’re writing out a logical train of thought. (”What is the real reason you do not want to do X?” “Well, Y will happen.” “And what will happen if Y does happen?” “Well…”) Keep going until you have literally discussed it all; you will either wind up seeing that your fears are irrational or with contingency plans. (”If I get lost in the Miami airport, I will do Z.”) Either way, you will be thinking clearly and not with a mind infused with anxiety.

Now, as for being stuck in your lower function. High Ne’s generally fixate on Si impressions like, “It was better in the past,” or “I am never going to move forward but be stuck here forever,” when they are not actively moving forward. This will create a deep sense of dissatisfaction that you will try and fill in other ways, but they will not work, because the root cause of the problem is that fear is holding you back. So, start moving forward. Even just a little. What is it that you want to do? What is the first step? How big of a step can you take? Focus on one thing at a time. You can do it. Who do you want to be? Where do you want to be? WHAT do you want to be?

I admire brave people who do not seem afraid of life. I look at them with longing. But in reality, no one is keeping me a prison to my anxiety except me. I am choosing, by not doing, to feed the monster and to shrink my world. And the only person who as the key to my prison cell is also me. The choice as to whether or not to let myself out… is mine. And it’s the same for you.

So, make your Ne happy. Stop thinking. Start doing… with a plan. Sometimes all it takes is saying yes when fear tells you to say no. Then showing up. Often, as a 6, I have learned that my anxiety about something was unfounded and that when I am in the middle of doing it, I am strangely calm and “okay.” Odds are, you will be too.

I hope that helped. I wish I had some grand, inspiring story of how one day I woke up and was confident about everything – but that would be a lie. That is not the path I have to hoe. Other people have other struggles, this is mine.

- ENFP Mod