#whatever i dont have anything for like two hours afterwards so maybe ill watch an ep or two while i eat lunch

[xxplastic-cubexx]

subtitles are so important cause how else am i meant to watch xmen during class what the fuck

[hamdontlook]

No thoughts head empty

Pepe:

- he doesn't like being alone and that's part of why he shares the house with Bob and they are always together (they are best friends but like.. Pepe doesn't have much "me" time because if he spends days without being with someone it affects his mind a Lot. He needs to learn to be alone basically- but that doesn't mean he needs to remove that part of him. Jefa is super good for him because they are kinda free spirited and kinda just appears when they feel like it but since they enjoy being with Pepe it happens a Lot). At first Jefa thought he was just clingy but slowly they realize what's up- tho they found cute at the begging that part of him, being so social.

- after some time he stops smoking so much in front of them so they don't catch second hand smoking even though Jefa tells him it's okay, they don't mind but still he worries about their health (i mean this is just being a nice person towards other human being but being so insistent about not damaging the other person just because you choose to smoke and stuff that's cool)

- he asks Bob (he's a photographer and I haven't shown this part of him yet AJDJKDD someday when I'm not so focused on these two), well, he asks him to take a sneaky pic of him and Jefa someday because he would like to have A Nice Pic Of Them For No Reason™

- when they are relaxing and napping (Jefa Big time Napper) Pepe can't rly fall asleep so he starts realizing the freckles they have and start counting them or even paint on them. This ends up in the situation that Pepe just happens to stare at Jefa while they sleep

- he starts feeling insecure because he doesn't get the reason why Jefa keeps appearing and hanging out with him besides smooching (like after Let's Call It Adult Smooching ™) and he doesn't think he's that great and doesn't realize Jefa actually cares about him. This ends up making the situation of him being more cold towards them because he's a poopy head who doesn't TALK or COMMUNICATE i stg

- after sorting out that whole thing up there, Pepe confronts Feelings™ slowly and when hes upset he does this thing where he just hugs them from behind and puts his face on the shoulder trying to cry (this sounds dramatic af but it's not that deep lmao sometimes you just need to Try To Cry because ur heart is constipated). When this happens it's not that often so it always catches Jefa off guard and they are like "hhhhh hug💜" (ay dios ay dios mIo)

Jefa

- when people ask Pepe if he's not cold Jefa is like "he's from the north of course he's not cold lmao" but they will always carry a jacket or scarf or gloves for him (LOVE LANGUAGE YALL)

- they make these sculptures and stuff for Pepe (there was a whole comic going on explaining this) and when they see something cool that Pepe might like, they take a photo and have like an "inspo" folder to try to make it later for Pepe

- they want to brush Pepe's hair and touch his head but doesn't know how to tell him without making it weird so they end up doing like a joke or something to end up having their hands on his head sjsj

- they are EMBARRASSED about the fact that they like Pepe (when they FINALLY realize because this takes a Long While™ way longer than Pepe). This is actually shitty from them because they happen to not have taken him seriously after a while of slowly knowing him but it's always been like "pfft this is just some stupid dude nothing to worry about" and well He's this whole person with lots of undiscovered strengths who happens to have a different way of thinking and stuff (besides him Actually being a dummy let's face it) but like yonoe. Afterwards Jefa is embarrassed to have thought so poorly of him like he doesn't deserve that either

- Jefa has a huge breakdown one day and Pepe is like dw ill take you somewhere and they take the bus in a 1 hour trip and end up in a ?? Field?? Idk the word rn and I'm not switching apps to check it out but basically a place full of trash and he's like "ok, break stuff" and they are like "do you break stuff when you are sad or something?" And he's like "what?? No. I take some cool stuff from here for my house but you look like you would want to beat the shit out of something". So this is probably not a Good coping mechanism but idk I think it's interesting for them to have this convo and Pepe thinks of what could be good for Jefa in a situation of anger or sadness, not something he would do because they are so different. So yeah Jefa starts breaking stuff and Pepe is just like ":)" in the background searching for a new table akdbakdjd

- Jefa is so fucking annoying with series and tv shows to watch and they don't shut up about it and at first Pepe was "forced" to watch a few but later he starts watching any new thing Jefa gets into so they have something to talk about and because he's enjoys talking with them about these silly things (LOVE. LanguaGE.)

Both

- After a while, they get used to always sleeping and cuddling together so when they are sleeping alone they don't feel as comfy as they used to (not like it's not comfy but. Now hits different)

- sometimes when they are each of them on their own they happen to randomly think about the other person and wonder what they are up to or what are they doing right now

- both of them in the begging had crushes on different people (even if it's a Strong one or a silly one) and then they listened to songs about love and stuff they would think about their old crush. Welp now they find themselves thinking about each other and they don't know what to do with that sjbfkfnd (still they haven't noticed they have a thing for the other)

- when they Realize™ (each of them in a different rythm) they are SO scared of messing up their actual relationship or the development of those feelings because they dont want to fuck up what they have right now and want to play it safe. Also they would be so embarrassed about the others reaction

- Pepe teaches Jefa to accept their failures and failed projects because Jefa is obsessed with always being right or be Good at whatever they do because of fear of failure and insecurities and hipocresy and etc. Meanwhile, Jefa teaches Pepe that his emotions and feelings are important and bottling up is not a Good Thing. They also insist on Pepe to fight for his dreams and objectives (the pilot thing for example- maybe he doesn't end up being a pilot but he discovers he's good and likes to be in charge of the towers in the airport that gives directions to the planes or something, or even the dude with the lights)

- they start having inside jokes between them and showing themselves laugh more between each other and Bob and Rodney even notice and Rodney in specific since Jefa has been hiding from him all this is like "..wait hold on wait a damn second-"

- they start telling anecdotes and stories to Rodney and Bob (Rodney - Jefa ; Bob - Pepe) of each other. Bob just thinks they are partners (which they aren't yet) without saying a word which leads to misunderstandings and Rodney is like " dude. Ur crushing" and Jefa is like NO!!!! WHAT THE FUCK NO??!!

- one day they just start making out but it's all romantic and stuff and they don't know what to do with this because it's like a Different Setting- i feel like a teen writing all this stuff dbslsnfl my past 15 old self is like YeaaA finally I'm making some juicy oc shipping for myself. Anyways they end up cuddling and it's soft. And now I might be just sad about past relationships lmao let's move on

- when ordering food Pepe is So Fucking Slow because he reads EVERYTHING in the menu and I can't stress this enough EVERYTHING and Jefa being just A Nervous Being decides what to eat under a minute because if they don't they die. So this one day they are giving shit to Pepe saying JUST MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY and when the waiter comes they tell Jefa the thing they want to order isn't available rn so Jefa just enters a panic state and orders anything random at the spot. The food arrives and Jefa's thing is Not Good and they ask Pepe if he can give them some of his food and he's like yea can u give me some of yours and idk this is just wholesome funni stuff I wanted to make a comic for but I guess I forgot and now I'm just translating this lmao

- they spend one night in jail I don't know how they just do maybe it's because of disturbance in public late at night we will never know. Anyways they make a scene in jail

-" IS it okay if I cuddle with u"... (They do) (one of them sneezes into the others back and fills their t shirt with the sneeze and the other is like EW WHAT THE FUCK)

- Jefa finds notes and books of pilot school stuff and asks Pepe about it. At first he wants to hide it but Jefa is High-key Annoying and he ends up telling them. They proceed to have an intense conversation. They joke about how Pepe doesn't qualify for the thing but he has extended knowledge about how planes work and what's needed (he did bad in the exams because of his insecurities getting in the way but he would have done great if he had faith in himself) and they later joke about how Jefa is just the opposite, people put too much pressure in them being good and stuff so they just said fuck it and only does stuff in their specific way alone or does nothing.

- they are hanging out really late at night inside the house and see that it starts snowing so they go out to play in the snow in their pajamas. Robin starts screaming that whoever is out there doing that much noise, to stop. They proceed to hide laughing about that whole thing a lot (tender moment. Tender). The next morning there's a bunch of snowman next to pepe's house and it's. Super cute aight..

- one day Rodney goes to Jefa's place and he opens their wardrobe because he's just like That™ trying to find something he gave to Jefa a while ago but ends up finding pepe's clothes which he recognizes (like a sweater or a t shirt) and when he asks them about it they are a super shitty liar not knowing what explanation to do and ends up saying "haha it's just a prank I hate him so I'm pranking him". And rodney, who is , not a dumbass is like "...ah..okay..."

[huphilpuffs]

flares

chapter: 25/? summary: Dan’s body has been broken for as long as he can remember, and he’s long since learned to deal with it. Sort of. But when his symptoms force him to leave uni and move into a new flat with a stranger named Phil, he finds that ignoring the pain isn’t the way to make himself happy. word count: 3065 rating: mature warnings: chronic illness, chronic pain, medicine a/n: a huge thanks goes to @obsessivelymoody for beta reading this for me!

Ao3 link || read from beginning

Dan wakes up on Thursday to a heaviness in his chest.

He groans before he even opens his eyes. His face is squished against a pillow, his ribs pressed too harshly against the mattress. Stabs of pain burst between them, make his muscles spasm and send his breath escaping in a stutter. He has to count, one, two, three, four to keep it from happening a second time.

It eases some when he rolls onto his back.

And he tries to comfort himself further by counting out how long it’s been since he’s been able to sleep on his stomach. Too long, probably.

He’s been getting better, though. Even staring at the bedroom ceiling through his tears, Dan knows that. Knows the he’s helped Phil with dinner the last few nights, and managed to handle the curtains being open for a few hours yesterday.

His hand smoothes across his sternum, and he pokes at the painful spots in his sides until the sharpness dulls.

It’s enough to let Dan sit up, then stand on shaky knees. He tosses Phil’s pillow back to where it belongs and tucks the duvet into place to prove the voice in his head, wondering why he’s suddenly worse again, that he’s fine.

And to ignore the second voice, telling him it’s anxiety that causes your pain, over and over again.

His appointment is in a day.

Dan’s hardly slept for three.

He tries to swallow back a sigh. Whatever rush of adrenaline had dragged him out of bed has faded, left fatigue settling heavy in his bones again. He could drag himself to the lounge, curl up in his blankets and continue his new daily routine of watching people on YouTube for hours.

But his body aches and his eyes burn, and he crawls back into bed instead.

The voice in his head grows louder.

Dan grabs Phil’s pillow, clutches it ot his chest and presses his face against the fabric, breathing deeply.

It smells like Phil.

He holds it until he falls back asleep.

---

The afternoon drags.

It’s past two when Dan wakes up again. The flat is still empty, the bed unmade again. He crawls out without bothering to fix it, makes himself a sandwich, and settles back on the sofa, where he can rest his head against the cushions and ignore the tightness around his heart.

Every time he turns on his phone, it’s too a notification reminding him he has an appointment tomorrow that has his muscles seizing, making it ache to breathe.

And to a reminder he half regrets setting, since he’s ignored it for days.

Call mum.

There’s only a few hours to follow through with it now.

He glances back at the clock that tells him it’s just ticking past three. Twenty-five hours left, says the voice in his head. It sounds like the last GP he saw, who looked him in the eyes and told him to try acting like he had more energy, who told him it would help.

You should try it, his mum had said afterwards. You never know unless you do.

Dan’s thumb swipes across the screen. He finds her contact, sucks in a breath, and hits the call button.

He doesn’t breathe again until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hi, Dan,” she says.

He hasn’t heard her voice since he decided to stay here. It feels like a lifetime ago, suddenly.

“Hi, mum.”

There’s silence for a long moment. He can hear her breathing over the line, low and steady, and wonders if she can hear the shakiness in his.

“How are you?” she asks

“I’m okay,” he says. “I, uh, have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

He swallows, nodding even though she can’t see him. “Just with my new GP, but I’m hoping he might be able to help me,” he says. “With, well, you know.”

“I hope he can.”

She sounds sad. It’s been a long time since Dan’s heard that.

“Me too,” he says. And then, because he can’t handle the silence: “But, uh, I was hoping you could maybe help me figure out my medical history, to prepare? I don’t remember all of it from when I first got sick.”

Back when she was responsible for it, he doesn’t say. Back when anyone could keep track of all of it.

“I’ll text it to you, okay?” she says. “I know your memory isn’t always the best, and your wrists tend to ache from writing.”

“Really?” He slams his mouth shut, the click of his teeth probably audible over the phone. “I mean, thanks.”

She chuckles, quiet, distant, like he can hear the miles between them. “I’m not always heartless, you know,” she says.

Dan’s breath comes out in a rush. Guilt bursts in its place, painful, bringing tears to his eyes. And he wants to tell her he never thought she was, but he can’t. She knows he can’t. He doesn’t even know what he thinks about her now, crying, hands shaking as he clutches his phone too tightly.

“Can I ask you something?” she says. “Without you getting mad?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you doing?” she says. “I know you don’t think your problems are with your mental health, and I’m not implying they are–” the not this time goes unspoken “–but I know you’ve had bad experiences with doctors and you’re my son.”

His breath catches. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he wipes it away with his hand.

This is his first appointment without her, he realizes. The first one in six years that she’s not driving him to, waiting outside or sitting next to him for the length of it. The first time she won’t smooth his hand over his knee in the waiting room, telling him it’ll be okay, that doctors can be trusted, even though they’d been proving otherwise for so long.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Phil’s coming with me.”

“That’s good,” she says, like she means it. “I am glad you have him, you know.”

He almost reminds her what she thought of him living with Phil last time they spoke, but his heart aches and his eyes are stinging and he doesn’t want to fight, not this time.

“Me too,” he says. “He’s the best, mum.”

She sounds like she’s smiling when she says: “I’d love to meet him, one day.”

Dan swallows. He can hardly picture it, bringing Phil back to a house filled with terrible memories and people he still doesn’t trust entirely. And yet there’s a tug in his chest, a bittersweet image forming in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t say anything.

Neither does she, for a while.

“I should get going,” is what she ends up saying. “As long as you’re okay? I’ll text you your medical information in a little bit.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

She hums. “And Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You should call your grandma. She misses her sofa buddy.”

He chuckles. It aches. Suddenly, he’s exhausted again. “Okay. I will,” he promises. “And mum?”

“Yeah?”

“No news is good news, okay? If I don’t call you after the appointment, I mean.”

“Okay,” she says. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead.

His head falls back against the cushion and his phone drops onto the sofa. Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he’s not entirely sure he knows why.

Or maybe he just can’t untangle all the many, many reasons.

---

Phil’s quiet when he gets home.

He takes the smoothie Dan didn’t touch and sets it on the coffee table before dropping onto the empty cushion. His arm is draped across the back of the cushion, his hip just inches from Dan’s, as he turns his gaze to the open laptop, lit up with another Smosh video.

Dan’s been watching them mindlessly since his tears dried on his cheeks.

“This is a good one,” says Phil.

It’s an older one, the production value a little cheaper and humour a tad outdated. Probably more similar to what Phil had watched back at uni, Dan thinks. He tries to imagine it, a younger version of Phil, one with longer hair and a slightly narrower frame, sitting in a uni room like the one Dan moved out of before coming here.

He hardly can. Maybe because his mind is still muddled, hanging onto words he said during the phone call, onto all the things he should have said but didn’t.

“It is,” he says, just as the video ends.

He doesn’t start a new one.

Phil’s fingers sweep across his shoulder. In Dan’s peripheral, he can see Phil turn to look at him, but he doesn’t look back.

“Are you okay?” asks Phil.

Dan swallows. There’s a lump in his throat, a pressure behind his eyes so harsh it aches.

“Didn’t sleep very well,” he says.

Phil squeezes his shoulder. “I know.”

That makes the corner of his mouth quirk up. Of course Phil knows. He was there, arms wrapped around Dan as he fidgeted, tossed, and turned. His hands had combed through Dan’s hair, and his quiet questions about if Dan was okay were mumbled against his shoulder, his reassurance felt in his touch.

Phil usually falls asleep pretty quickly, Dan’s learned. Last night, he didn’t.

The hand at his shoulder tightens. Dan finally turns to face Phil.

“Is that all that’s bothering you?”

His eyes are soft, almost sad, as his hand rubs gentle circles against Dan’s skin. He knows. He must know something’s up. Dan has to remind himself that Phil’s seen him after countless sleepless nights, curled up in soft blankets on the sofa and dozing when his mind gets too tired to keep racing.

Today isn’t like that.

Dan reaches out to rest a hand on Phil’s knee, needing to feel grounded, as the first tear rolls down his cheek. Phil draws him closer, so Dan’s head is by his shoulder, his tears dripping down onto the fabric of Phil’s shirt.

There’s no pressure, none but the weight of Phil’s hand on his shoulder, when Dan says:

“I called my mum.”

Phil goes tense. “Oh,” he say. “How did that go?”

Dan swallows. “I don’t know.”

He really doesn’t. His chest feels too full with contradictions, the weight of past accusations crashing up against her understanding tone and he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He’s never been sure how to exist around her, not since pain first settled in his bones and she told him it was growing pains, it would pass, it would get better.

And it never did.

“I haven’t talked to her since I told her I was staying in Manchester,” he says, maybe as an afterthought, maybe because it’s felt heavy on his shoulders since he answered the phone.

“Was she nicer this time?”

He nods. Another tear falls. “She’s texting me my medical history,” says Dan. “She offered, because she– she knew I had trouble writing and remembering.”

Phil hums. His breath has gone even again. His mouth is close to the top of Dan’s head. He sounds hesitant when he speaks. “It sounds like she cares.”

Dan feels that, sharp and painful in his gut. Another tear rolls down his cheek, and his breath catches, and Phil holds him tighter like he’s scared Dan will fall apart.

Maybe he will.

It’s been so long,

He’s been so that sure she doesn’t actually care.

Now, he doesn’t know what to think.

---

His mum texts him.

Dan almost cries. His teeth dig into his lip and his ribs ache and he stares, wide-eyed, at the list of diagnoses and unexplained symptoms he’s had over the years. There’s the migraines they never treated at the beginning, the lightheadedness it took them four years to explain, the instructions to do more exercise that dot the whole six years that he’s been ill.

The first time he went to therapy, and the antidepressants they put him on, and the second time he went to therapy.

And every time he told his doctor he was still sick after that.

Phil’s hand lands on his wrist, gently pushing the phone from Dan’s line of sight. His voice is barely a whisper when he says: “Are you okay?”

Dan swallows. His throat aches.

Laid out like this, it doesn’t look that bad, a distant voice in his head that’s haunted him for too long tries to remind him that maybe he’s just making it all up. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. But Dan can remember the A&E doctor who turned him away because it was growing pains. Can remember the so many times his blood pressure was low before anyone bothered to point it out.

The time his doctor looked at him and said–

“Can we do something?” says Dan. “I want to– I need a distraction.”

Phil nods. In Dan’s peripheral, his phone screen goes black. The knot in his chest loosens, just a bit.

“Wanna play video games?” says Phil.

He shakes his head. “Wanna go out. It’s been too long.”

Phil’s brows furrow, like he’s about to point out that there’s a reason it’s been so long, about to warn Dan that he doesn’t want to make himself sick before such an important day.

Except part of Dan does. He’s done it before, forced himself to be in pain because maybe that way the doctors would actually see that he wasn’t lying. Not that it’s ever worked.

“Please?” he says.

Phil squeezes his wrist. “Okay.” His thumb drifts across Dan’s, careful and comforting. “Where do you want to go?”

---

Dan squeezes into his skinny jeans, even though the fabric burns his legs. He pulls a shirt over his head for what feels like the first time in forever. Though his knees are shaky, he bends down to tie his own laces, as Phil watches from where he’s leaning against the door.

“Are you sure about this?”

He reaches out, without a word, to help Dan stand again.

“I’m sure,” says Dan. “And don’t worry, you won’t need to take me to A&E this time.”

The corner of Phil’s mouth quirks up, and Dan knows he’s forcing it. He can feel his worry in the too-tight clench of Phil’s hand around his, the way his gaze trips over Dan legs when he wobbles as he stands.

He squeezes Phil’s fingers, forcing a smile of his own, as he opens the door.

It’s warm outside. The sky’s going purple as the sun sinks below the city. Dan realizes, staring up at it, that he hasn’t left the flat since he trip to A&E, hasn’t enjoyed being outside in far too long.

If his joints would let him, he’d suggest they walk around a bit. Instead, he stares up at the clouds and reminds himself to spend more evenings, when the sun won’t burn his eyes, on their little balcony, just to feel the wind against his cheeks again.

Phil tugs on his hand when the cab pulls up in front of them. They pile in, side by side in the back seat. Dan doesn’t put on his seatbelt. He can’t be bothered to deal with the harsh rub of fabric against his ribs.

His chest is still tight, the quiet buzz of anxiety at the back of his mind growing louder. He can still feel his phone, heavy in his pocket, can still imagine the text he hasn’t yet responded to. He can remember their last movie night, laughing and gasping and falling asleep with Phil’s hands trying to massage the pain away.

They hadn’t even gone out last time.

Dan stares out the window and hopes he can keep his promise that it’ll be okay this time.

They slip out of the car at the cinema. Phil pays the driver. Dan leans against the wall as he waits, wondering if the lines inside are long. It’s been so long since he’s been to the cinema, he can hardly imagine it anymore. The screens usually hurt his eyes and the audio gives him a headache and he doesn’t care today.

“You okay?”

Phil’s smiling at him, standing by the door. He holds it open for Dan, and buys their tickets for a random comedy neither of them particularly wanted to see. He lets Dan go find a seat as he buys them popcorn, soda, and a chocolate bar to share. He hands it over, in the darkness of the theatre, with a smile.

Between them, their knees bump together as the film starts.

---

They’re holding hands when it ends.

Dan’s eyes are starting to burn and his chest aches from laughing, but the voices in his head have dulled just enough that he can breathe a little easier. He doesn’t think about the appointment he needs to show up to tomorrow, or the doctor he hasn’t met yet who might dash his hopes all over again.

He stares at their joined hands as the cinema empties, smiling.

“You ready to go home?” says Phil.

Dan shrugs. He probably should give his spine a break by sinking into the sofa again, close his eyes against the bright lights of the city before a headache wells in his temples. But he doesn’t want to sit in the dark and wait until tomorrow, letting his fears return.

“Can we get pizza?”

“You up to walk?”

He nods. Phil helps him to his feet and leads him out of the cinema. He knows Manchester better than Dan does, and tells a story about coming to watch movies with Ian when he was younger as they find the nearest pizza place. Dan listens, maybe more attentively than he needs to, to keep his mind from going hazy as the city moves around him.

There’s still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Dan wonders if him of a few years ago would have believed that he’d end up here.

The restaurant they end up in is small and quiet, and they slide into a booth in the corner of the room. Dan sinks back against the cushion, realizing that Phil’s smiling, too.

His chest feels warm. His fingers twist in the tablecloth, because part of him misses holding Phil’s hand.

“Thanks for tonight,” says Dan. “I had fun.”

Under the table, Phil knocks their feet together.

“I did too,” he says.

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Yaaay!! Thank you Soraya's inbox, sorry i blamed you on eating the last ask😂😘. You did great. Nono, he wasnt a torero, he looked like a prince. (Which is not better bcs i dont like any of those  figures but... whatever). Ooh, talking about suits, did you see the ranking hsfashionarchive did of the suits he wore this tour? Bcn was winning, pink suit was second and Mdd was third!! (1)

[I hope this works 😜🙏🏻, bc this was TOO long, jajajaa.]

Ohhh. Your mom is the best. So supportive! Petition to give her that award. She is clearly the winner. (1D clinex? capitalism in its pure state 😂. Did they really made those? Glad i didnt find it on time bcs i would have definitely brought them as a joke to my sister or something). You are already playing Niall’s songs to her? Did she like them? Does she have anything similar to “pikachu get away” she had for SOTT?. (2)

JAJAJAJJA. Netflix always does that to me too. Dont know why. I started watching Black mirror backwards bcs of that. Did you understand anything of chapter 7 os ST? (Did you finish the show??). Yep. The 8th season is the last one, and i dont know hoe to feel about it. Dissapointed by the shows? As in with the ending?? Or how? (3)

You sound like a devoted cat lady, yes. Ooow, i have little cousins too, though they are reaching the age of “too cool to be seen with you, old girl” Of course they make me laugh. Honey is a menace and i appreciate it. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. He ate the chorizo?? Honeeey!! 😂😂😂 that made me laugh at loud int the train and now my neighbour is looking at me weirdly. I see, you’ll never get bored with him. (4)

When i was younger and + close minded, i didnt like tattos. Considere also that the ones I had saw in real life were the tribal ones, so there’s tgat. But then i grew up and started liking them (you can partially blame larry for that). Nobody in my family (cousins and so) has one, and thats kind of a encouragement, I’d love to piss them, but my dad has threaten me to disinherit me (we dont heven have that, lol) and i dont have any tatto on mind, so i wont do it… maybe in the future, yes. (5)

I MISS LOUIS TOO! I hope he is fine. Resting and so. Im sure that creating the album that will destroy us all takes a lot of effort. (Seriously, where is heeeee?). Heeey!! I wont get bored. Or mad! I have such a great time talking to you. If i dont talk more its bcs of the character limit and bcs im always worried about pressuring or imposing. Dont be dumb. If i dont answer its bcs im busy with finals and so. Nothing more. Promise. (6)

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. i know i know. It makes sense and its a smart move, but… i cant stand raeggeton/latino, its not for me. Sad. I havent lost hope though. Maybe ill change my mind later Yeah, i have the same problem with my friends, they only listen to trap and raeggeton and i die everytime. We mostly agree to put something neutral like pop or the radio. (Disney songs never get old😂). (7)

Ay. I just saw that i wrote “heven” instead of “even” and now i want to delete myself. I was walking while writing the asks and i didnt proofread it. I feel so dumb. Anyway, sorry for sending so many asks (today i made a record xd) and, as always, good night!!————————————————————————-Hi!!!! Yes! I saw the ranking. But it isn’t exactly a ranking. It’s more to like chose wants your favorite suit. I did it and guess what? My first choice in the Madrid one, jajajaa. Second the kilt. And third the jumpsuit. Very accurate.

Oh, you’re telling me! My family bought me a bunch of 1D merch (unofficial all): the clinex, a hair brush, a bracelet, 2 books!, one perfume (this I love it, it smells so good), a make up box… I can’t even remember everything. Ah! A birthday card too!! Where they talk when you open it. I always use to wish happy birthday to people (the audio) 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I had to tell them to please stop wasting money on those things. I don’t even know where I have it. And if a can ask, I’d rather they give me the money so I can go to their concerts,jajajaja.EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot the poster!! I have it beside my head right now,jajaja, and I only realized it was there when I looked at the boys to ask for inspiration,😅😅)

Oh, my mom loves Niall’s album too. But I don’t think she “knows” any of the lyrics,jajaja. Though, she knows the hmmmm in This Town. But that’s all. She and my sister, both separately were like: “oh! who’s him??” When they heard Fire Away. And I was like: “ehhhhh, it’s Niall’s album, so guess who’s it?? What, you like it? See, Harry’s not the only one who can sing…” jajajajja. It’s because of comments like this, that they think I don’t like Harry. And I get so offended when they hint at it! Like, of course I like Harry. But I like all of them too!! God!! I love Niall’s album so much (I’m hearing it right now, bc I couldn’t remember what song was the one they liked it so much, and now I can’t stop 😅). Harry’s and Niall’s albums have been lining in my car since they were released. I had Harry’s playing in a loop till I got Niall’s one and I interchanged them. Then Harry’s came back a month or so before his concert. And now it’s time for Niall’s again. (You can’t imagine how hard it’s being writing this with honey laying on my arm!! Jajaja, I can’t barely move my fingers😅).

AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU WERE WATCHING BLACK MIRROS BACKWARDS??? I’ve watched canter 1 and 2 of ST afterwards, but I hadn’t gotten to watch the whole thing yet. I can’t stand to be looking at a screen for 50minutes without doing anything. And don’t get me wrong, lol, I can be on tumblr for hours, jajaja, but a have to move my hand, and I can go from a blog to another… y'know, jajajajaja. And when I watched chapter 7 of ST i was like, okay… now they have to investigate what happened… or a guessed they would be doing flashbacks… jajajajajaja. Then I realized my mistake and thought I was stupid, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣“I see you from a different point of view🎶🎶” ( sorry, that’s me singing,jajajaja, Seeing Blind. I LOVE that song)And shows have disappointed me in the sense that they turn out to have an awful ending (seriously, I know you do it for the audience, but end a show how it deserves it, don’t turn it into shit just for a handful of money); or bc they just end it bc they don’t have enough audience. It’s always a matter of audience,jajaja.if they have a lot, they want to explode it. And if they don’t have enough they finish it ASAP. 😒

Honey is a menace, yeh, I couldn’t love him more,jajajaja. He can’t see me petting Liam, he gets jealous and comes to me and headbutt my hand so I pet him too. And Liam is so patient with him. They’re totally like liam and Louis, jajja. Hey! did I tell you the story about when I got Liam? no!! Well, someone gave my dad 4 kitties (they were sooooo small). So, guess their names (it was post March 25, 2015…) yes!! They were named (by me) Louis, Niall, Harry and Liam, jajajajajja. But Harry died a couple of days later, because he was really really young. He couldn’t survive without his mom ☹️. And the other three, my dad took them to a place we have were he has a little garden (?) with vegetables and chickens and proper farm-y, jejeje. I wasn’t too (any) into cats back then, so… Then he brought home one of them, to have our home free of mice. AND IT WAS LIAM!! And I adopted him. I took care of him. We started loving each other. And he became useless with mice, jajaja. He’s totally domesticated now 😝. And that’s his story. The rest? Louis became a big alpha male at their new home. But s car ran him over last summer, and he died 😔. And Niall is a female, jajajajaa. And I hate her. Because she hasn’t been able to keep her kitties alive once!! (She’s pregame again, and we’re praying this time she knows who to be a mom🙏🏻) Ah!! And Honey had siblings the other day!! The guy who gave it to my dad is my brother’s friend and he show him a pic. There are two white cats!! I WANT THEM!!! But they don’t let me have anymore cats! Jajajajaja.

Hey, we might have in common the reason why we started liking tats, jajajjajaa. And, well, to piss off the family is as good a reason as any other,jajajaja. And why are dads like that?? When my sister and I got our lips pierced he went to pick up at the train station and as soon as he saw us he turned around and walked to the car without saying a word,jajajajja. I HAD TOLMY PARENTS WE WOULD BE DOING IT!! I asked my mom:hey mom, if a get a 10 in maths, can I get a piercing?? And she say okay. So I got a 10 (I might cheated or not on this, bc I already knew I had a 10, but wel…), and I got a piercing.my sister only got it, bc I was 16, she had to go with me as an adult, and giving she was already there, she got one too,jajajaja. (My granny almost kill us 😅)

Oh, louis has a BIG responsibility on his hands. He will be killing a lot of people when he puts out his album. He has to chose the proper songs to do it. It will be considered a massive destruction weapon, so he better be careful. But god, for real, when will Louis and Liam release their albums. At this pace, Harry and Niall will be releasing their second one before LiLo has finished their respective tours. And when they finish, Narry will have release their second one, and will be promoting them. So Lilo will start working in their seconds one. And… and… AND ONE DIRECTION WON’T COME BACK EVER BECAUSE THEY CAN FIX A DATE WHERE ALL OF THE BOYS HAVE NOTHING TO DO, AND WHAT WILL I DO??? 😭😭😭😭😭 (sorry, I panicked a bit there,oops).

Uggggg, I can’t stand raeggeton either. I can’t stand the music, argggg. Or the culture of it (the how it treats women, and glorifies sex). I can’t I can’t.and you can’t go out without hearing it. My friends and I went on road trip once. And it was my friend’s car. And she only listens to raeggeton. And after 10, 15, 40? minutes I had to ask her “will this song ever end???” And she told me it was already a different one. And I swear I almost jump out of the car,jajajajaja. We were crossing a bridge, and I wanted to jump out of the car!!!!! I couldn’t listen to that any more!!!!!  Ejkbvwirbfeuirnfrvoieefvnv The she caved and we switched to movie’s soundtracks,jajajaja.

Ha! Don’t worry about sending a lot of ask, I learn something, you’ll see,jajajajaa.Also, I forgot to ask early. Is your sister a 1d fan too, then? She goes to concerts and knows the song… how lucky! you have someone to talk about all the gossip!! (And they know what you’re talking about…) or is she a “casual” fan, and doesn’t get into fandom drama? She just likes the music and doesn’t care about their lives?are you both into drama?? God, I don’t discuss drama very much online, but if had someone face to face to talk about it… I would be the happiest person in the world,jajajajaa (what an exaggeration 🙊).

I think this is all. I LOVE ORPUR CONVERSATIONS!! Jajajaja( I hope I did it correctly and all this is under read more, jajaja)Byeeeeee!!!! 😚😚😚😚

[deadmantalking117]

ONE OF "THOSE" PEOPLE

I'm on Social Security Disability. S.S.I. Medicare. Have been a long time. I'm putting that right out front because what I've learned in the past 35 years is this... Most of Americans haven't got the first clue what that means or what's involved. The staggering amount of misinformation going around out there is truly impressive. So today my diseased maniacs we're going to cover some of that misinformation. Maybe clear up a couple things. This is going to a longer one. Everyone stay frosty! PEOPLE ON DISABILITY ARE SCAMMERS WHO ONLY WANT A FREE RIDE FROM US REAL TAXPAYERS! I've refered to the disability system as ThunderDome. There is nothing easy about it. It's an ordeal like no other. No job I've ever heard of can match the unbridled carnage of working through the disability system! To begin with... you don't just decide.. "I don't feel like working anymore!" Only a doctor can decide that.. several of them actually. Plus a bunch of government types. People hear about disability scammers and think that some lazy dude is sitting around.. drinking beer.. collecting his checks. The real scammers are anything but lazy.. they are usually doctors actually.. and they work their asses off! The people they use are usually ignorant dupes. Getting on disability is so daunting it discourages lazy people from getting it. Even when they really need it. I've known several people who were genuinely sick or injured. But they just gave up because it was too overwhelming. There was a really popular article going around facebook about these people who got disability so they could get free money from some other agency which got them more money from this place..which got them even more money from that place. It was like 10 different money grabs and they were living in a mansion raking in over a quarter million a year. Plus food stamps. These things dont exsist. While some of the programs might exsist. Having one cancels the possibility of getting some others.. there are different agencies that have their own programs.. but unless they were using multiple IDs.. I highly doubt it. And after i show you next, the ordeal to just get started.. you should doubt it too. But if they were able to pull this off.. they worked their butts off for it! I'm not saying it right.. but it's impressive. Years ago I worked for an electronics store. We had VCRs hooked together to copy tapes. A guy came in a couple times to make a copy of surveillance tapes he'd made. He was an investigator for the government.. he followed people who'd been "injured" and tape them. I personally watched 12 different cases of fraud. My favorite was the really hot girl he videoed hobbling out of the court house on crutches. With a neck brace. Cut to the very next day.. in a bikini.. doing actual cartwheels on the beach. He had a dozen more. My point is. Of course there are always going to be lazy people who want to take advantage. But its really not that simple. And not as many people get away with it as you might think. YOU'RE THINKING.. HEY, DISABILITY STILL SOUNDS LIKE THE BEST DEAL EVER! WHERE DO I SIGN UP? You get sick or injured You have to be permanently sick or injured.. Meaning you're never going to get better. If there's any chance you'll get better.. You're out Next you're doctor has to decide that you're not ever going to recover..that usually takes a few years.. hundreds of tests.. thousands of dollars. If he doesn't think you're disabled.. You're out Now the fun part. You apply for disability . Send off for your forms and applications. With your doctor's blessing you gather up all your medical records from all of your doctors. And oh yeah.. if you only need 1 or 2 doctors.. You're probably out. When I started applying.. I had 3 file boxes with records.. just the past 2 or 3 years. I imagine that's a bit different today.. computer records weren't around then. But if you do apply.. You'll still need lots of your medical information at your fingertips. You get your first official government envelopes. Actually big stuffed things with information pamphlets and more forms than you've ever seen. Massive amounts of new information that you have to learn. More about forms later... Be sure to read and fill out EVERY line.. every space. Write neatly. Spell check. If theres any confusion on any questions... Or any missing info. They can't read or understand what you're writting..You're out. Start over again. Somehow you've done it.. all your forms are filled out neatly and correctly.. you've provided tons of proof about your illness.. you've provided them with every single scrap of financial information about you since you were born. You have your doctors blessing.. all 3 of them in fact! They now know everything there is to know about you.. seriously.. EVERYTHING . Those forms are extremely comprehensive. No one disputes your claim.. everyone agrees.. you are disabled. You get your reply after maybe 90 days DISABILITY DECLINED Because of course! Everyone gets turned down the first time.. or two. It's kinda built into the system.. by turning down everyone at first.. it weeds out the scammers! Remember that lazy beer drinking scammer.. he's done with this shit. He just spent the past couple months working his butt off for NOTHING! But not you.. You're not faking it.. you are seriously sick. You can barely get out of bed some days. And you have a family to take care of. So.. You file an appeal.. and you have 90 days to start that.. so get to it! You send in your appeal application and sometime in the next 90 days or so. More giant envelopes arrive with more forms. And more information to absorb. But whats funny? A lot of these forms have the exact same information as the forms you've already filled out! They already have all this information.. remember that after the first round.. they know everything there is to know about you.. but ok fine.. we'll tell the tale again. And you submit your appeal.. this time it's a bit easier.. but still time consuming.. and don't forget how sick you still are. This is it! You get your official government envelope. APPEAL DENIED You look at your 3 boxes of files. Your two file folders for your copies of the applications and the appeal.. plus the separate file for all your current financial info. All your financial info has to be current. Every utility bill.. bank statements.. credit cards.. receipts.. you have to prove where every dime goes and it must be up to the minute. You just wanna go have a beer with lazy scammer guy now. But cant do that! You got a family to take care of.. and you've barely been able to work at all the past couple years. Besides.. now you're kinda pissed. No one disputes that you should be on disability.. except apparently uncle Sam. Time to get a T.V. lawyer! Disability lawyers serve a useful function to the system. Their job is to review all of your information and get it up to government specs. When you hire a disability lawyer they don't charge you to take your case. They'll only take you if they're sure you're actually disabled. That's because they only get paid if you win your new appeal. The good part about applying for disability is that everything starts from the date of your first application. Meaning, once you do get approved.. you usually have a couple years of back pay coming. The lawyers get a quarter or third of that first check. You get say ten thousand dollars.. they get three of that. It's actually a good deal for both of you. The lawyer doesn't have to do much. You've already done every bit of the work for them. They review it all. Make sure you dotted your T's and crossed your I's. Then pretty it up and file for round 3. It's a good deal for you.. because if a lawyer does take your case on contingency.. You're probably going to get approved (eventually) The hearing before a disability judge. You meet your lawyer again at whatever government building your hearing is being held in. And she leads you into a conference room. You chat for about a half hour or so before the hearing starts so she can review your testimony. You're going to have to to convince a judge that you're sick.. not just with your boxes of files.. show him what that means for you. My lawyer told me.. if you feel like you have to have a bowel movement. Or you get nauseous during the hearing.. be sure to ask the judge for a break. These hearings are stressful on people. Especially people with Crohns. So dont hesitate to ask for a break. ( ok.. I thought.. thats aweful considerate.. but I'm fine right now) The she took my hand and looked me in the eyes. Speaking very slowly and deliberately she says again...You need to be sure to ask for a break if you feel any need to go to the bathroom at all. Understand? ( aaahhh.. ok got it ! Wink,wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!) The hearing last less than an hour or so. The lawyer and the judge review some legalese. Most of what they're talking about is gibberish to me. After a half hour.. I asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. I actually did have pee a little. But afterwards while we're walking out she smiles at me and says.. that went well. Finally after almost 2 years I got approved! But thats only the start of the real work. Now I'm officially one of "those" people. A drain on society.. a sponge.. a parasite. At least now I can be sure that I have a few hundred bucks coming in each month. I still work part time.. You're allowed to make less than a thousand dollars per month in income when you go on disability.. so the very most I can bring in between my S.S.I. and whatever I can still earn is maybe 20,000 dollars per year. This is what they mean by living in a fixed income. We're livin large now baby! But the more important issue is.. I have some kind of insurance finally! But theres so much more in store for you. YOU'VE DONE IT.. YOU'RE ON DISABILITY. THE CASH IS ROLLING IN AND THE DOCTORS ARE GETTING PAID. IT'S MILLER TIME! RIGHT? Not quite. Over and over you'll get envelopes from good ole Baltimore Maryland. Home of the social security administration. They need this.. or they don't have their copy of that. Random letters with some new form. The thing about government forms is.. their meaning isnt always clear. They seem a little convoluted sometimes. "Add the total of lines 17b to lines 17c and 17h. But only if it is in direct opposition to the tertiary algorithm from form 3768-d. You may need to reference your proprietary issuance schedule to access the proper formula to make this claim. (U.S. Government Form 6009)." I don't know how they could make that any clearer.. I'm just saying.. I'm not really that smart. Which one was line 17b again? Regular updates on your income from the local offices. Gotta bring copies of all your newest bills.. and oh yeah.. that 3000 in stocks you saved from your last job? That's gotta go!. You can generate income from stock ownership.. You're not allowed too much income remember? And we need to double check every bank accout you have.. verify that you dont have a dime. The guy who checks under your mattresses will be out sometime on Tuesday. Then of course the reviews. Occasionally they'll want to have you checked out by their people to make sure you didn't accidentally get better. Now, because my disease has been well documented for 35 years and it's incurable. I've only had 2 reviews. The first one after a couple years. He just reviewed my charts. And signed off. No exam .. no tests. Barely said a word. My last one was about 3 years ago. He was awesome. We went into his office and just made fun of the system. He couldn't believe I was there. He gets paid by the government to check the patients the computer sends to him. He said.. "I get a few people in per week that have incurable diseases.. what do they think is going to happen? I'm going to say wow! His intestines grew back.. he's all better now!" He said he did get some questionable patients. They get completely retested for whatever they supposedly had. But the vast majority were legit. We had to spend a half hour together for the interview and records review.. we talked about movies for 25 of those minutes. One more thing. Never change your job. It confuses everything. "You mean.. You're working less hours at a more convenient job. And you still aren't making over $1000 .. right? We'll need to see all your financial info since 1954. " But I wasnt even born til 59! "Oh.. in that case.. we'll need your 6472-g25 Waiver issuance request. For amortization of residual issuances notwithstanding any prior findings of such issuances. (U.S. Government form 77684)" OOPS ! I DID IT AGAIN - I THINK I MIGHT HAVE SCREWED SOMETHING UP. usually with all the forms flying back and forth. The government is actually quite reasonable about you handing in your homework. On most forms and information requests. You get like 30 days for this or 90 days to reply to that. But always more than enough time. If you do screw up something, you get a warning shot.. but honestly I wouldn't push it.. Keep up with your paperwork.. be timely. Once there's a problem. It takes time to iron it out. You may not be getting paid while you do. Years ago.. we had moved to a new place in the same town. My checks have always been direct deposit. So I never thought to file with social security.. stuff got forwarded automatically anyway. But one month. My account is empty. And I call to ask why. They've temporarily suspended my check until they could investigate potential fraud. Right after we moved. The very next month actually. The street we used to live on got it's name changed! We had lived at 133 main st.. but now there was no such place. I could prove that I was in fact living now at 768 elm st. But the previous 5 years? How could you have been living at 133 main when there's no such place? So I had to go down to the local office and explain that 133 main st. Is still there... it's just called 133 terrace ave now. I offered to drive the guy over and show him the house. But he was familiar with the situation already and was actually able to get into the system and fix it. Next month I got 2 checks. A DEAD MAN'S REVIEW OF THE SYSTEM The Social Security system is actually as far as I've seen and in my vast experience . Not all that bad. It's kind of an unwieldy beast. And I'm sure there are many areas that could be improved upon.. but there's a lot to say good about it. After a couple years of grinding persistence. I got in. No one ever for a second denied that I was disabled.. like I said. It's just how it works. Once you're in.. there's still work to be done.. lots of it. But you can deal with that. For doing your homework on time. You get a check on the third of every month. Without fail. I have direct deposit. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Your check goes in promptly on the 3rd. And in months where the 3rd is a weekend or holiday, you get it earlier. In the bank. No waiting for the mailman. Medicare takes care of your doctors. So you don't have to stress over all that. They keep all your records. I just go to my appointments. Or the ER. Or hospital. The doctors know what Medicare covers. Medicare takes care of the bills. Better than any insurance.. I don't have to stay in network. No pre approvals. No deductibles. Usually no copays. Insurance companies are a horror to deal with. And they can say no anytime they want.. it's their job to deny coverage. I've never been denied treatment, ever. When I had heart issues out of the blue last year. I got wheeled through a battery of tests. Never saw a bill. I get statements from Baltimore that say on the envelopes NOT A BILL. I'm sure there are many things that require some discussion. But all the regular stuff is covered. Prescriptions are usually a dollar or two. Government employees.. contrary to popular belief.. are usually efficient and helpful. The vast majority of people that work for the administration are quite good at their jobs. There are people who suck at their jobs.. in every job. Even doctors! ( Dr Pencil Mustache) but the main issue with employees at social security offices is. There are so many claimants and so many rules.. and so much paperwork. Bring a book! Usually they're quick getting you in and out. Say.. better than the DMV. Not as quick as the post office. But then the post office doesnt have to deal with "form HG563-d/5 special dispensation for administrative assessment facilitates as they pertain to cost distribution for the amortizing schedules for the year 2018. (Reorder form 7887)" so they got it pretty easy over there. Being one of "THOSE" people used to bother me a lot. Being a welfare parasite, feeding off the teats of good hardworking folks... It's embarrassing for people to know. And the reaction from some people is scary. Most people understand that - I didn't do anything wrong. They're glad we live in a country where we try to look out for each other. And everyone agrees that things could certainly be improved upon. But some people are cruel. It would be better if I just threw myself onto a funeral pyre and saved the taxpayers some money. But the thing is.. I'm a taxpayer too.. for over 40 years.. and I really enjoy irritating assholes. So.... Dead Man Talking!

[thedanceofblades-blog]

you had to walk into mine

// Closed and already completed with @swordwithoutsheath; just transferring it over from Google Docs in honor of Sunday. Here there be smut. And Mario Kart.

Katarina is a creature of habit. She shows up at the same coffee shop at the same time every two days, and she gets the same thing from the same barista. If the same barista’s flutist brother is there, she sticks around for a few minutes to listen, but that's the only real variable.

Today, she arrives early. She gets the same thing from the same barista, yes, but she actually sits down afterwards.

Yone gives her a suspicious look from behind the counter, but says nothing. She grins at him as though he had.

Honestly, she doesn't know if Yasuo is even going to be playing today. He did have a late night, after all—

(that moment of recognition, the pause after:

“This isn't… weird, is it?”

A sharp-edged smile, a dry voice just loud enough to hear over the music. “Do you want it to be?”)

—and no one would really blame him for wanting to sleep it off. But she hopes he'll show up, because he was flustered and cute and she has nothing better to do.

There's a nagging little voice that sounds an awful lot like Riven saying she probably shouldn't be trying to meet anyone outside of work that she met inside of it, but she technically knew him before (sort of, by name and Yone’s talk about him only), and also fuck it.

Mostly the second thing. Riv worries too damn much.

Yasuo is—well, to his credit, he's not so hungover that he can't drive, which means he's not so hungover he can't play. (Yone had left water and painkillers at his bedside, as if he knew exactly what his little brother had been up to the night before. Yasuo tries not to feel a prickle of shame at the thought.) So here he is, a flute case in one hand and a frankly massive water bottle in the other, wanting nothing more than to crawl back home and into bed and forget last night had even happened.

No such luck.

Right when he walks in, right at the two-person table near the door, ten feet from the stool where he plays, there she is. Oh, god. Yasuo isn’t sure if it’s the leftover regret of breaking his streak or the sheer discomfort that comes with the knowledge that the girl looking up at him over the lip of her coffee cup was giving him a lapdance not eight hours ago, but his stomach clenches and turns a little.

And here he thought that being hungover would be his biggest problem while playing.

To his credit, Yasuo is as polite as ever as he takes his place, nodding and bowing and smiling to everyone—including her—before he gets started.

The lights in the Bunny aren't exactly the best in the world, so she didn't get to see him blush last night. It's cute. He looks a little bit ill, but he's still cute.

Kat kicks her legs up underneath the table, resting her feet on the opposite chair to observe. Yasuo keeps his eyes either closed or away from her, which is a little disappointing, but she guesses she can understand. Some people give a shit about their dignity, or whatever it is that gets violated upon realizing that you know your stripper's real name.

(Not that it's that different from her stage name, but still.)

She watches his fingers. Damn, she thinks—and then realizes how long it must have been since she last got laid if she's getting fixated on them that easily. But it has been a while, and Riven can't give her too many disapproving looks because she knew him from before, okay?

Katarina stays until he takes a break. Her coffee's been gone for a solid five minutes, but she doesn't care so much about having an excuse to be there anyway, so it doesn't matter.

"Figure I might as well come watch you at your work," she says cheerfully as he goes for his water. "Return the favor."

Yasuo doesn't think he's blushed quite so hard since...

Well, since last night, honestly. He nearly spits out his water, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as if that will cover up the near-miss spray he almost hit her with, coughing around the throatful of water that just tried to jump into his lungs.

He wonders, with some horror, if she's literally trying to kill him.

"I, uh—fuck—" Yasuo interrupts himself with another cough, holding up a hand until the fit subsides. "I hope you liked it," he says, feeling more sheepish than he has any right to.

Beat.

"Uh. In--not in the same way that—goddammit." Well, this is definitely not the most successful conversation he's ever had.

It's been a long, long time since she got someone to do that. Maybe never, since the kinds of people who showed up at her workplace were usually a little more unflappable than this.

Of course, this wasn't exactly the Bunny now, and their conversational turn was a little different when she wasn't carefully three-quarters of the way naked on his lap. But whatever.

"Who's to say I didn't like it in the same way?" Katarina asks, all sly triumph, fingers fluttering on the side of her empty cup.

Yasuo can't really envision a universe in which someone would pop a boner listening to him play the flute of all things, but—well. Weirder things have happened in his life. He feels himself blushing a little harder regardless.

"I mean, I guess it's—it's possible, but—did you?"

That was definitely not the question he wanted to ask, and he certainly didn't want to say it in such an almost squeaky tone. Fuck his entire life.

Oh god. Oh god. That's adorable. That's the kind of adorable that makes her want to get out of her chair and squish him.

Katarina tilts her head, leaning her cheek on her hand, mischief glinting in her eye. "Maybe," she drawls. "If I said yes, would you check and make sure?"

Okay, the answer is no, because she's nowhere near frustrated enough to consider a musician doing musician things to be on the same level as porn. But this is more fun.

Yasuo's brain just sort of... flatlines for a solid three or four seconds. His jaw falls open and stubbornly stays that way for the duration, making him look like a blushing moron in front of this dangerously attractive woman staring him down.

Fuck.

"'m technically on the clock," he finally manages to stammer out. Good save, Yasuo. Good fucking save. Now she probably thinks you're an idiot. "Maybe later."

...He's not sure if that's any better.

Yeah. Yeah, she does think he's an idiot. But in a good way.

"Yeah?" Kat says, pointlessly hiding a laugh in the rim of her empty cup. "I'd tell you to buy me a drink first, but I guess you already did."

She at least has the decency to not say that part too loudly when the poor guy's brother is right there and knows what she does. Yone doesn't mind taking other people's bra money, but it would probably feel a little more awkward if he knew that some of it was his sibling's.

"I'm Kat, by the way," she continues. "Since we haven't been properly introduced yet."

Yasuo's mouth stays very, very dry no matter how much water he tries to drink, so he just... he just gives up on that. It's probably a side effect of the hot redhead coming onto him in a coffee shop of all places.

God, his life is weird.

He caps his water bottle, since it won't do him any good anyway, and clears his throat until he's confident he can actually talk again.

"Yasuo," he manages, and his voice doesn't crack or falter or even squeak a bit. "Nice to, uh... meet you."

Katarina almost considers going for a sarcastic handshake, but she's fairly certain that Yasuo could short-circuit at any moment. (She's not even doing anything to him right now. This isn't that weird, is it?)

She gives him a smile, a little nod of acknowledgement. "You too," she says with restrained mirth.

Katarina usually leaves receipts to languish in her pocket until the laundry melds the paper with the fabric, but she reaches into her pocket to pull out the one from the previous hour, stealing an abandoned pen from the next table to scribble her phone number on it. Because her life has reached that kind of point, she guesses. Life is short and he's hot.

Or something like that.

She folds the receipt into an actual, monetary tip, because she hates the people who consider flirting to be tipping just as much as the next person and she can only assume that a musician with no official etiquette has it worse than her, and she flicks it across the table in the general direction of Yasuo's chest. She misses, but the paper bounces off of his shoe, so that's close enough.

Kat gets up out of her chair, collecting her cup. "Now we're even," she says, and she turns to leave.

~*

4:27 PM hey

4:27 PM this is yasuo

4:27 PM flute guy

4:28 PM uh. fuck. is this even the right number?

1631 hope it is

1631 depends on if you wanted to talk to me or not

4:32 PM ...

4:32 PM you could start by telling me if i'm right or not

1632 depends who youre trying to talk to

1632 :)

1633 this is kat. lol.

4:33 PM ちくしょう

4:34 PM you nearly gave me a heart attack

1635 want me to make it up to ypu

1635 and what does that say

4:35 PM 'goddammit'

4:35 PM ......dare i ask what you mean tho

1636 ill have to remember that one wont i

1636 feel like ill be seeing it again

1637 what do you think it means?

4:36 PM lmao, probably

4:36 PM well

4:36 PM considering how you were talking at the shop

4:37 PM something you'd put in overtime for

4:38 PM .....that wasn't a dick thing to say was it

1639 lol

1639 almost smooth. you dont talk to many strippers do you

1639 anyway i fuck for free. anything else is illegal

4:39 PM i try

4:39 PM sometimes i succed

4:40 PM *succeed, even. fuck

4:40 PM good to know i guess :p

1640 you suck sometimes? glad i ran into you

4:43 PM ......

4:43 PM not sure how to respond ot that

4:44 PM give me a minute to think up a decent comeback

1646 two minutes

1646 got anything?

4:47 PM ......nope

4:47 PM kat 1, yasuo 0

1647 damn right

1647 what do i win

4:47 PM ...

4:48 PM ; )

1648 ...go on...

1649 really dont leave me hanging here yas

1649 i have plenty of ideas if youre out

4:49 PM your ideas are probably better than mine anyway

4:50 PM shoot :p

1650 i wouldnt be so sure

1651 wouldnt say no to some role reversal of the other day

1651 but if you cant dance im sure we can come up with something

1651 strip mario kart?

4:51 PM you really don't want to see me dance, lol

4:52 PM .....explain the rules first, then we'll talk

1653 like strip poker but less boring

1653 whichever one comes behind takes something off

1653 ...lol

4:53 PM at the end of every lap or every course?

4:53 PM wanna be sure i understand the rules 100% before i commit

1654 depends how many tracks were playing

1654 amd how many layers you have on

1654 im not picky about how fast you lose to me

1655 and if you run out of clothes too fast we can always bet other things

1655 im also flexible on what those things are

1656 ... ;)

4:55 PM you know what they say about assumptions, kat

4:55 PM i am pretty damn good at mario kart

4:56 PM though i don't mind a bit of high-stakes gambling now and then :p

1656 is that a challenge, fluteboy?

1656 i like your ass anyway

1656 something tells me the feeling is mutual

4:57 PM ......you havent even seen it

4:57 PM (...yet)

4:57 PM and since its hot out, maybe by the course is better

4:58 PM that way it isn't over too soon :p

1658 dont worry yas i wont judge you for that

1658 we all get too excited sometimes

4:59 PM lmao

4:59 PM if you can manage to get me THAT excited over mario kart, i'll give you a dollar

5:00 PM .......or is that illegal

1700 think it's just betting at that point

1700 maybe give me a candy bar or something instead just in case

1701 when are we doing this?

5:01 PM good call

5:04 PM i'm free most evenings, so

5:05 PM you tell me

1705 well

1706 im free now and yesterday

1706 and the same next week

1706 mostly work evenings obv

5:06 PM you make a compelling argument

5:07 PM where do you live

5:07 PM and shoud i bring snacks/?

1708 edgeview, building closer to the school, 405

1708 and i wont sayno

1708 ...depending

1708 but ill try anything at least once

~*

Katarina throws on a shirt and comfortable pants after tossing her phone to the side, just in case Yasuo was living next door the whole time and can show up in thirty seconds. After a moment's reflection—she's sure she can beat him, because she's sure she can beat most people, but it might be close enough for her to want more than the minimum number of layers for decency--she hikes her shirt up and puts a bra on underneath it.

No socks, though. She doesn't want to look too prepared.

Yasuo doesn't really bother with anything fancy—after all, the whole plan is to just tear it all off one way or another anyway and god he can hear Yone silently berating him even as he climbs into his car—; just a clean pair of jeans, boxers, sandals, and the nearest clean T-shirt he can grab on his way out the door.

And a baseball cap, but that's more because it's sunny out than any sort of precaution. He's confident in his Mario Kart skills.

Finding the place is easy enough, thank heaven, as is bringing up the bag of miscellaneous snack food he picked up on the way.

Knocking... that's the hard part. This is a bad, bad idea. If he were thinking, he'd just drop the bag by the door and go back home, and then he wouldn't have to disappoint his brother when he walked back in their door.

...

He knocks.

Okay. Too long for him to live downstairs, but he's close. She'd assume the dorms if not for Yone... hmm.

Not that it really matters too much. Kat pushes herself off the couch, swinging the door open and grinning up at him. (God, he's taller than she thought. She hadn't really looked when he wasn't sitting down.)

"Hey," she says, stepping back to sit on the arm of the couch. "I hope you're ready to embarrass yourself."

God, she's short. He'd noticed that, somewhere in the back of his mind, in the coffeeshop, but... God, she's short.

Yasuo hoists the bag of miscellaneous junk food into the air, flashing a lopsided grin that shows much, much more confidence than he's actually feeling about this whole endeavor. He follows her inside, yanking the door closed with his ankle and dropping the bag on the couch cushions before following shortly after. "Please," he says. "Even if I don't kick your ass—which I will—I've got nothing to hide."

...That came out simultaneously better and worse than he had hoped.

Kat swivels on the couch arm, fingers quick to tug the plastic open to examine its contents.

Its contents are very colorful. They are also all labeled in Japanese. Unhelpful.

"Red one's mine," she says, nodding at the little basket of controllers as she grabs for the remote. The television flares into life with a fuzzy click. "I don't care about the other ones."

Yasuo helpfully empties the bag, picking out his favorites and laying them out in a row. The others he'd just sort of assumed she'd like, since he had no idea if an American stripper would be particularly fond of うまい棒. (He loves the stuff, so the bag is almost a third full of it.)

"I can tell you what everything is—if you want," he adds. Kat doesn't seem to be the sort to shy away from unfamiliar experiences.

The only other choice of controller seems to be black or blue. He takes the latter. "Ready to get your ass wrecked?"

...That was also the best and worst thing for him to say. He's on some sort of roll here.

Katarina picks up one of the packages he'd arranged. The picture denotes something round and pleasant-looking, maybe with powdered sugar involved; it's hard to tell.

Katarina raises an eyebrow at him. "On the first date, Yas?"

Yasuo raises an eyebrow right back. "We're playing strip Mario Kart," he points out dryly. "Not exactly a traditional first date by... anybody's standards, 's far as I know." Although who knows; Kat might just be weird.

He picks up his silently claimed controller and one of the うまいぼ, putting the latter between his thighs to unwrap it. "My brother is friends with the guy who owns the Asian market," he adds by way of explanation for all the Japanese food he's brought. "We get honorary employee discounts."

Kat nods approvingly. "Smart," she says, as if employee discounts are the only reason anyone would befriend a grocer.

She runs a cursory eye over Yasuo's attire. He took his shoes off already for some reason, leaving him about as clothed as she is. Worst-case scenario, the main part of the game would only take about seven courses (six, if he went commando).

...She set it to go through all of them anyway.

"Not traditional," she allows, "but I don't have to trust you to play strip anything with you." Kat pulls her hair out of her face and starts flicking through the characters.

Yasuo isn't sure if he's meant to laugh at that last remark. He does anyway, because it's kind of funny either way. God, where is his life going if he's started laughing at stripper humor?

He's just... not going to think about that, because otherwise he can hear Yone's berating voice in his head and that's the exact opposite of sexy.

Once he chases his brother out of his brain, Yauso quickly flicks to Luigi, because anyone who doesn't love Luigi is wrong.

"So," he says, taking a bite from his うまいぼ while he cycles through the vehicles, "aside from this—" he nods towards the screen—"what do you do with your downtime?"

This is the weirdest place to have a normal conversation. Not that that's going to stop him.

She almost, almost picks Toad just for the psychological warfare, but it isn't worth the speed hit. Daisy instead, then, just for the sheer hell of it.

"Besides this and bothering musicians?" she corrects him, lounging back on the couch as the first course loads. "A little of everything, I guess. You?"

Katarina nearly runs him off the road through sheer determination on the first curve. It sets both of them behind, but it's worth it.

"Used to do a little of everything," Yasuo says, biting off a chunk of うまい棒 before the course loads all the way in. Around the mouthful, he continues: "These days I'm stuck at college, honestly. 's amazing how much of a timesink that shit can be."

And that's about as much as he can say about himself without making himself balk. God, no wonder he hasn't had a date since he came to this country.

Katarina's lips pull into a secret smile. "I studied astrophysics and aeronautical engineering," she says, just to be a dick. "I know what you mean."

Not that she finished. But she doesn't have to tell him that.

He pulls ahead of her before a lightning strike hits. She pulls a face; might be a little more evenly matched than normal.

But that just makes it a challenge.

—holy shit. All right then. It occurs to Yasuo that he's even more out of his depth than he'd originally thought.

"God, now I feel boring," he says with a self-deprecating laugh. "I'm just studying music."

One of the 'bots sets off a squid, and Yasuo makes a strangled noise of annoyance. Not that winning or losing, in this instance, is a bad thing in either direction, but god, he's too competitive for this shit.

"You're cute," Katarina says. "You don't have to be interesting." (She grins afterwards, just to make sure he knows she's teasing.)

Yasuo is just a little too good for her to feel safe just chattering away, so she focuses on the game for a little while. On the third lap, as soon as she hits the longest straightaway, she—very quickly—leans over, kissing him in the hopes that maybe it'll make him wipe out somewhere.

Yasuo snorts. "Oh, believe me, I don't think I'm boring," he says. "Just my major. You have to be at least a level fifteen friend and pick all the right conversation options before you unlock my tragic backstory, sorry."

When she falls silent, he does too, eyes and focus narrowing until his mind is solely on the game. So much so that, when he feels her lips against his cheek, he honest-to-God doesn't notice for a second. When he does, he starts, glancing over at her in confusion—

—and falls straight into the drink. Fucking Lakitu bullshit motherfucking—

He watches her kart rush past the line and peels out of his shirt in a huff.

Katarina takes several seconds to examine the results of her ill-won victory, a smile spreading over her face.  (Turns out fluteboy doesn't look bad half-naked. Who knew?)

"I don't know how that's going to work, Yas," she says. "I'm used to being the mysterious one with the sob story. I've even got the scars for it."

...Huh. Come to think of it, she wonders if he'd even managed to see them all—the lights in the Bunny aren't exactly conducive to noticing details, and Yasuo wasn't exactly looking too observant at the time. Oh well.

She turns sideways on the couch, draping her legs over his lap as she starts the next round.

Yasuo stretches a little for her, trying not to look too smug. There's something very flattering about being ogled by a woman who's paid to look good.

"Who says we can't both be?" he counters. "Not every scar's physical, you know."

That unexpected bout of deepness out of the way, Yasuo turns his focus back to the screen—or tries to, because suddenly her legs are stretched across his thighs and no. If she thinks she can use her feminine wiles to make him suck at Mario Kart twice, she's got another thing coming.

"Nice try," he adds, glancing at her sidelong.

Very nice. He should put that on a shirt.

"I don't know what you mean," Kat replies as innocently as she can. "If I were trying, you'd know." But since he can apparently be distracted—or at least startled or confused—by a kiss on the cheek, she doesn't think she'll have to really try all that hard.

The starting horn sounds. As soon as they pull far enough ahead of the bots for her to feel safe splitting her attention, she speaks again. "So what, we take turns brooding and being mysterious?"

Yasuo snickers. "Seems fair to me."

...god, he's starting to feel a bit nippy already. A part of him (the part that's thankfully getting a bit louder now than his own brother's concerned voice in his head) hopes that they start doing something a little more heat-generating soon.

(Fuck, this was a mistake.)

"Gotta say," he says, trying to ignore the goosebumps her air conditioning is causing, "I'm honestly impressed that that's what you studied. 's the sort of shit that always went right over my head."

Katarina nearly overcorrects her turn in protest. "Yasuo," she says, mock-stern. "Just because my father is MIA doesn't mean I need you to make dad jokes for him." Honestly now.

She sneaks glances at him every time there's an opportunity to do so without crashing. Sure, she'll probably be able to actually look at a lot more of him than just his chest if this goes well, but... still. It's the principle of the thing.

...Yasuo is just going to pretend that he meant that to be the most brilliant joke he's made in months, rather than just a happy accident in his second goddamn language. He grins broadly, giving a theatrical shrug.

This, unfortunately, coincides with a lightning strike followed by a red shell from one of the 'bots.

And a fuckton of a lot of swearing. He falls behind horribly, and all the determination and gritted teeth in the world do little to save him.

It's an awful way to lose, but all Yasuo gets is a sympathetic wince. Partly because he jerks to his feet and starts peeling his trousers off before she could even think of any other reaction, and that's just a little bit distracting.

Yasuo, Katarina is quickly realizing, looks very nice. "Wouldn't have pegged you for a flutist," she says, half to herself and without really realizing she's talking.

She doesn't know what her mental image of a flute player looked like, but it didn't coincide with the mental image of someone who knows what the inside of a gym looks like, somehow. (Although it's not like violins and strippers mesh in her mind, either, so she should really have known better.)

Yasuo gives her an absolutely baffled look for that comment. "What's a flutist supposed to look like?" he asks, all cool gone in face of total confusion.

Maybe he's just good-looking enough to have startled the sense out of her somehow. Not that that's likely, given her profession and how many men (and women, probably) she sees on a nightly basis, but... hey. A guy can dream.

"You're gonna lose one of these times," he mutters, shifting in hopes of keeping back the chill.

She folds her legs back over him as soon as he settles in. "I don't know," Kat says. "Scrawny, maybe." Honestly, she has no idea.

It's been a while.

She starts the next round, partly as a challenge to his last statement and partly to redirect the conversation away from how her brain has stepped away from the controls in celebration of the (presumptive) end to her dry spell.

He wins. She's not even entirely sure how he wins; nothing particularly catastrophic happened to her. He just ends up in front of her and nothing she does stops it.

"Hm," Katarina says thoughtfully, and pulls her shirt off without ceremony.

Yasuo snorts and rolls his eyes. "Flutists go to the gym too," he says. "Y'know. When we have the time." Between the café and classes, he doesn't usually. But he tries, dammit.

All thoughts of arguments briefly vanish in the face of Kat in actually decent light, all pale skin and pronounced curves and goddamn Yone is going to be so—

No. He's not going to think about his brother right now. Cross that bridge later. The current bridge is the slight arc of Kat's spine, causing her ribs to leave slight shadows in the cold light of the television. Yasuo forces himself to stop staring, though not before the sheer volume of scars across her sides hits brain and he starts to wonder, despite himself.

"So," he says, partly to distract himself and partly to distract her so he can win more than just one race by the end of the day, "do you do strip Mario with all the boys, or am I special?"

"I could teach you how to dance," Kat says. "It doesn't take long once you get used to it." She's selfless, really.

She bites the inside of her cheek as she considers her reply, grunting her displeasure as she swerves away from a star-powered Wario straight into a green shell. "No one's seen me naked outside of work in a couple of years," she answers. "But don't worry. I'm not so desperate I lost my sense of taste."

He's relentless, sticking close to her, targeting her as specifically as he can with everything he can get ahold of the second she starts to catch up again... which never takes long, because they left the bots far behind midway through the first lap.

No one should be turned on by someone else's Mario Kart skills, and yet here she is. Katarina almost doesn't care when he zooms over the finish line first. Almost.

She leaves her pants untouched, reaching up to unclasp her bra and flick it at him in the hopes that maybe breasts will be more distracting than legs.

...It's colder in here than she thought it was. And Yasuo's eyes keep flicking between her and the screen and if she's feeling chilly than he must be feeling worse, right? There's no harm in continuing this later. It’s the selfless thing to do.

She breathes, biting down on her bottom lip before putting her controller on the back of the couch and sitting up. Yasuo jerks a little as she moves to straddle him, but it doesn't seem to be in protest.

"Call it an intermission," Katarina says, angling her hips and pushing down, her hands on his shoulders. She smiles into something that's almost a kiss. "Show me what you wanted to do to me yesterday."

—well then.

Yasuo has already gone this far. There's no reason to beat around the bush anymore, right? (Unless she's into that.) He puts his controller down on the arm of the couch, hands immediately moving to her hips, trying not to squirm under her at the sudden pressure. Shit, it's been too long.

"Wouldn't have thought I'd ever see the day," he says, kissing a line down the side of her neck, "that someone would get hot and bothered playing Mario Kart." First time for everything, he supposes.

He stops at her shoulder, frowning at the friction every time one of them shifts. There's still way too much fabric in this equation.

"You really want to see?" Yasuo asks, fingertips slipping (barely) beneath the waistband of her panties.

His mouth is soft and his stubble is scratchy and they both leave tingles in their wake. Kat's eyes are lidded, a lazy smile on her face, a shiver jolting down her skin as his fingers tuck themselves underneath her remaining clothes.

She very much likes what his voice does when it's quiet and challenging, she decides. (And she doesn't, as a rule, turn down challenges.)

"Mmhm," she answers. She laughs, arching her back to press closer to him. Her breasts graze his skin, just barely. "I'll try almost anything once. And you don't look nearly crazy enough to want the things I won't say yes to."

Really, though, the guy should work on his phrasing. If she didn't already feel like she had a good read on him, she would have worried he was using this as a lead-up to ask to shit on her or something.

Yasuo bites down on his lower lip, a lopsided smile crinkling his eyes. "I wouldn't worry about that," he tells her. "I have a rule—don't do the weird stuff until the second time." (Frankly, the question was less one to ascertain how kinky she is and more one to ensure she actually wants this. But hey, good to know.) "Makes it easier to get a feel for the other person, you know?"

He turns her, pushing her down onto her back on the couch. Her pants are quickly removed, and he starts to kiss a line down her body.

For a split second, Yasuo considers getting up and muting the television just so the end-of-race music will stop, because it may be the least sexy tune ever. But there's a gorgeous redhead under him, and he's gotten this far... He can deal with some cheesy music for a while.

Kat snickers again, wriggling against the cushions to try and get comfortable.

She wants to make a clever reference in return (because honestly, that was not among the fandoms she'd've assumed they shared), but what actually comes out of her mouth is: "I wouldn't mind getting a feel for you."

Which is possibly the corniest thing she's said in her life, and she will not apologize for it.

She exhales, watching him as she reaches down to pull the tie from his hair and brush her fingers through it. As he keeps trailing kisses down to her stomach, she internally laments her choice of underwear—not because Batman is ever a bad choice, but because it's very thick and comfortable cotton and she won't be able to feel as much until he takes them off.

Which will hopefully be soon. Kat squirms a little, her knees falling a little farther apart. (So he has more room on the couch between them, of course. She's just being considerate.)

Her controller slips off of the arm of the couch and drops onto her shoulder. She bats it away.

Yasuo has to draw back for a second, just to give her a Look for that line. "Now I'm not so sure about this," he says dryly, but he's quick to contradict himself by bending down again and kissing her pulse. His hands start to trace the lines of her body, enjoying the smooth warmth of her skin.

The controller clatters to the floor, which startles Yasuo a little, but he recovers quickly enough. And hey, he's already mostly tuning out that end screen music. Progress.

"What do you like?" he murmurs.

Her eyes are closed, her body slack against the couch excepting the tension under his hands as she moves into his touch. Katarina strongly suspects that part of her might be melting at the question.

Fucking charmer. She's keeping this one.

"Uhhm," she says. He's still wearing his hat. She takes it off because it's just unnecessary and she can't do much about his underwear from here. "Just--keep touching me." Katarina reaches for him, her fingers tracing muscle and tendon and bone, exploring him in turn. She can reach the waistband of his boxers, she finds, but not nearly as far in as she'd really like to.

"I take the lead enough at work," she says suddenly. "I like having it taken back."

Within reason, but she's not interested in the intricacies of language just at the moment. She cranes her neck and manages to get at the space between his shoulder and his pulse, kissing it, biting a small mark where it's easy to hide.

Oh, he can work with that. Yasuo turns his head slightly, giving her better access to his throat. A quiet sigh passes his lips—contentment and relief after so long in an empty bed. (Or couch, as the case may be.)

He kisses a line down from the hollow of her throat to her navel, glancing up and flashing a wicked grin. His fingers trail down her ribs to her hips, until his hand is braced comfortably on her thigh.

Is he waiting for encouragement to continue? Is he teasing? Is he just being a little shit? The answer is yes.

Katarina happily takes advantage, exploring his neck with her lips and tongue until he moves too far down to continue.

Not that the loss hits her too hard given where he ends up. She looks down at him—flash of heat at his smirk, the hollow feeling between her legs deepening—and she waits for just a second to see if he's going to do anything else.

He doesn't. A muscle in her thigh twitches under his palm.

"What," she asks (and no matter how hard she tries to make her voice sound irritable it refuses to do it), "are you waiting for an invitation or do you need me to explain where everything is?"

"Oh, I've been around enough to know where everything is, don't worry," Yasuo tells her with a snicker. He kisses below her navel, shutting his eyes as he inhales the scent of her. (There's nothing all that poetic about it; nice soap and the general smell of her apartment linger on her skin, with an undercurrent of something he can't quite put words to. It's something he won't admit he missed about... this.)

It takes a hell of a lot of scrunching, but Yasuo manages to position himself (mostly) comfortably between her thighs. With a sultry look that he hopes doesn't betray what he's about to do, he purrs "いただきます" and promptly gets to work before she can react.

She's heard that before. She's heard that before, but her underwear is finally off (okay, dangling from one ankle, but that's close enough for her right now) and maybe flutists are a repository of innuendo for more than just fellatio or maybe she's just incredibly wound up but the instant he ducks down she stops being able to think for a few seconds.

"Oh," she gasps. And then, when she figures out where she knows that phrase: "oh god you didn't just," and then a breathless and hitching laugh.

Terrible joke or no, Kat shudders, trying to grind up against his tongue. A low sound rises to her throat and she bites her lip on it, returning one of her hands to his hair and experimentally giving it a gentle tug.

Yasuo chuckles, though he doesn't move back at all, keeping his focus (mostly) on Kat and her pleasure. It's been a while since he's done this, and he's out of practice, but he still remembers a few tricks.

One hand reaches up, massaging her breast while the other keeps hold on one of her thighs, and he groans quietly, letting the sound rumble against her skin.

She wants to say something. She wants to say something clever and sexy and encouraging, something that could adequately convey how incredibly fucking glad she is that he showed up in the Bunny and was cute and wasn't weird about anything, and that he proceeded to take everything else completely in stride.

None of her cooperates. Her eyes slide shut, her spine arching awkwardly as she tries to move closer to his mouth and his hand at the same time. Kat does manage to wrestle her throat into submission, but only gets a hitching whine out before it closes.

Her leg slips sideways in her bid to splay out for him as much as she can, her heel thunking off of the couch entirely.

And onto her controller, where it had managed to skitter away out of reach.

The endgame music cheerfully replaces itself with the fanfare announcing a new round and Katarina curses, trying to sit up before realizing how very much she can't.

...oh, fuck. Yasuo jumps up, letting go of her and scrambling as fast as he can to grab his own controller. "Next time we do this—" this extremely specific thing that he never anticipated doing, let alone enjoying this much—"I may have to tie you up before we actually start anything. I don't want to lose on Rainbow Road because I'm too busy eating you out," he says dryly.

Though that would make for an interesting game for them to play. One of them plays bots while the other... distracts them. He might just have to suggest that after they're done with this race.

She misses the initial speed boost by grabbing the controller too late, but so does Yasuo, so at least there's that.

Katarina's laugh is raspy and uneven as they round the first corner. "Most people wouldn't consider that losing, Yas," she says. "But if you really want to tie me up, I won't stop you."

Internally, she revels a little (a very little) at next time.

Neither one of them is playing as well as they ought to—Wario actually ends up in first place for a few seconds, much to her consternation—but it's still frighteningly close. She wins, sort of, but she really only pays enough attention to that to realize that it gives her some kind of permission to take the rest of his clothes off.

But she pauses the game first this time, and she puts the controller on top of the television where it can't throw itself underfoot, and then she goes to crouch onto the floor in front of the couch and help him out of his underwear.

Even his dick is pretty, Kat thinks almost angrily. Or maybe she just thinks it is because she desperately wants it right now.

Settling down onto her knees, her hands resting on his hips, Katarina leans forward—fair's fair, even if she doesn't have anything (arguably) clever to say beforehand—and gives his cock a preliminary lick. Just a little, just with the tip of her tongue, to see how he feels about it.

Yasuo considers, briefly, shooting back with something clever, but he's far too focused on both the game in front of them and the one they've made for themselves to actually say anything aloud. And then her nimble fingers are pulling down his briefs and fuck it's such a relief to have his hard-on not constricted by the cotton that he unconsciously lets out a breathy sigh before she even touches him.

And then.

This is the sort of thing he would have had dreams about as a teen, Yasuo thinks distantly. A bright-eyed redhead kneeling between his thighs, pupils blown and face flush, the bright red of her lips and tongue and oh fuck.

Yasuo grips the couch cushions, his head falling back as he groans. It's been way, way too damn long.

Katarina grins, not that Yasuo can see it at the moment, deciding that that's enough encouragement for now. She moves her left hand from his thigh to loosely wrap it around his cock, circling it with her tongue before sucking the head into her mouth.

She watches him through hooded eyes, stroking him slowly, scratching the curve of his hip gently with her fingernails. Turnabout, she reasons, and moans deliberately around his cock so he can feel it.

Fuck. She doesn't have the patience for this. Kat pulls off of him, pushing her hair out of her face.

"I have a bed if you're interested," she says.

Yasuo gives a full-body shiver, eyes refusing to stay open no matter how badly he wants to watch her. Fuck. Forget his teen self, his present self is going to be having dreams about this for months.

He almost complains when she pulls away, but she makes her offer before he gets the chance. All his previous doubts fade away, as does all his self-control. "Please," he says. (As does his dignity too, apparently.) "Any longer on this couch and I think my spine might snap," he adds, to recover from the vague embarrassment of devolving to begging so quickly.

~*

It occurs to him, when he wakes up blearily under a pile of frankly unreasonably soft blankets (under the watchful eyes of at least ten different plastic Stargate characters, judging him from her bookshelf), that he hadn't bothered to actually kiss Kat on the mouth before he started kissing her in other places. That... has to be some sort of record. He's not sure if he should be proud or embarrassed.

The first thing Katarina is aware of upon waking up is someone else's limbs wrapped completely around her body. It's actually really, really impressive.

And very warm. And there is no way to get out of the cage of arms and the leg hooked over her thighs without waking up the owner of said arms and leg. Which she doesn't think he deserves, really. If he were bad in bed, she would absolutely wake him up, but... well, but he wasn't. So she's stuck.

At least she can reach her phone, barely. So there's something.

It takes twenty minutes, but Yasuo finally stirs, his arms tightening experimentally before he seems to figure out what she is and what she's doing there. She turns her head, but can't quite do it enough to look at him.

"Morning," she says. "If you let me up I can make you a coffee or something." Because as much as she likes it when Yone breaks through his customer service face to give her a look of concern or disappointment or growing dread, even she thinks that waltzing into the café with his bleary-eyed, sex-and-then-shower-and-then-sex-in-the-shower-itself-and-then-sleeping-in-a-stranger's-bed-rumpled brother in tow would be a bit much.

"Morning," Yasuo mumbles, his voice scratchy from sleep. Lazily, he cranes his neck down to kiss the crown of her head. (If her mouth weren't still too far away, he'd go ahead and fix the little problem that now won't stop nagging at the back of his mind. Damn it.)

It takes a few seconds for her offer to crawl through his ears and into his sleep-addled brain. When it does, he disentangles himself—with some considerable effort—and flops onto his stomach, face buried in a pillow.

"Coffee's'nice," he murmurs. Warm mattresses are even nicer.

Katarina snickers to herself, stretching the kinks out of her spine now that the human octopus has finally freed her.

He could have worse nighttime habits, though. At least this isn't inconvenient enough not to be a little bit cute. It's not really a point against him.

She doesn't bother putting her clothes on when she leaves the bedroom; her blinds are down if not closed, and there's no way anyone could see much from the street with the floor she's on. (And even if they could, she might consider the morning light slanting through the slats to be worth it.) She's between trips to the grocery store, so it's not like she'll burn her tits on wayward bacon grease or anything.

Kat's coffee maker hasn't seen as much use since she discovered the cafe, but it gurgles into life with only minimal grumbling and produces its mostly adequate product in short order.

And then she realizes she has no idea how he likes his coffee, so she just puts the pot on a pizza pan with some milk and a bowl of sugar and an extra mug and wanders back into her room.

She carefully places the sheet next to his shoulder. "Coffee," she says by way of conversation, and starts attacking her own cup.

Yasuo rolls over like a log on a slope, and makes a noise similar to one too. With a grunt, he pushes himself up until he's sitting propped against the wall, taking the cup in one hand and the pot in the other. "Thanks," he mumbles, still half-asleep despite his best efforts. He pours in an almost—almost—embarrassing amount of milk with a paradoxically small spoonful of sugar, stirs it, and fairly chugs the whole damn thing, scalded tongues be damned.

He's been a university student for long enough now that this is just his routine at this point. ...Minus the naked redhead, though that is a nice bonus.

"Sleep well?"

Katarina reaches up to pull her tangled hair away from her shoulders, smiling at the ravenous way he downs the coffee.

"No other way I could sleep after that," she says—testing the waters, mostly, seeing how comfortable he is with what they did after the initial lust has faded.

She scoots to sit next to him, their shoulders touching as she sips her coffee. "You?"

Yasuo glances at the carafe, idly wondering if there's enough left for him to have another cup, or if that would be rude. After a second's deliberation, he decides that fuck it, might as well.

"Can't argue with that," he says with a lopsided grin. "Probably the best night's sleep I've had since..." He wrinkles his nose. "Since before I started school. Damn."

Another drink of coffee, this one much less ravenous. Yasuo glances at her sidelong. "Guess I should be thanking you," he adds.

Kat grins into her mug, more pleased than she feels like admitting. Smug? Smug works.

"I can think of a few ways you could thank me, if you're taking suggestions," she offers, taking a moment to drag her eyes down his body like she hadn't spent a good chunk of the previous evening examining it in detail anyway. "If you wanted to make this a regular thing, just to blow off steam..."

Yasuo lies back a little, casually sipping his coffee. He's pretty sure she's seen enough of him up close that she doesn't need to scan it quite like that, but who is he to deny the pretty redhead who practically gave him breakfast in bed—and after a night like that? He's pretty sure there's some phrase about horses that applies here.

"All right, Commander Shepard," he says, cracking another grin. "Seems fair to me."

Her heart honest-to-God skips a beat. He didn't, she thinks. He doesn't. He can't. Is the Japanese translation that weirdly true to form or was the first thing he did upon coming to America to just play fucking Mass Effect?

Either way, he deserves so much better than her. Damn.

Kat laughs—a surprisingly natural sound, startled and delighted. "Is this your favorite spot on the Citadel, Vakarian?"

Yasuo grins, laughter easily bubbling up in his throat. "Starting to look that way, Commander," he says, leaning over to bump his forehead against hers before finally—fucking finally—kissing her on the lips.

(This is fast becoming the weirdest, most specific roleplay he's ever done. And honestly, at this point, he can't bring himself to mind.)

Katarina kisses him back cheerfully, reaching with the hand not occupied with her cup to find the tangle of his surprisingly soft hair. His mouth tastes more of coffee than of morning breath, which she appreciates, and--wait.

"We didn't do that yet, did we?"

[calvinlepesh]

yes here you go

  Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for  a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it.  ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL  Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or  at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing.  Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.