#what's being shown for the audience's benefit and what the audience is almost being budged out of

[lisbonsteresa]

i just think it's neat

[crossbows-and-moonshine]

Such a Softer Sin (Chapter ninteen)

(Chapter one)     (Chapter two)     (Chapter three)     (Chapter four)

(Chapter five)     (Chapter six)     (Chapter seven)     (Chapter eight)

(Chapter nine)     (Chapter ten)     (Chapter eleven)     (Chapter twelve)

(Chapter thirteen)     (Chapter fourteen)     (Chapter fifteen)

(Chapter sixteen)     (Chapter seventeen)     (Chapter eighteen)

Two chapters again.

Intense feels, sadness and feelings revealed.

-----------------------

It was noon the next day before Lila returned to the loft. The boys were sat at the table in just their jeans, they had not slept well knowing Lila wasn't there and she was mad at them. The silence in the loft was also like an awful taste of what it would be like if she was gone and it only made them feel worse. They were sure the poor girl was running out of chances she was willing to give them and they didn't have a fucking clue on how to fix it this time. The mistakes of the night before didn't have any deep meaning behind it. They were piss drunk, in need of a good fuck and the girls had presented themselves to them more than willing. But they knew they should have thought about Lila, it was hypocritical on their parts and they knew she fucking cared about them because she had told them, she had shown them with the gifts she had gotten them. She had done nothing but try to give them the best birthday ever and they had thrown it back in her face. They were supposed to be building up their trust again, not pulling this shit. They knew damn well if it had been the other way around, and they saw Lila on some fuckers lap making out with him, well, said fucker would be dead in seconds. They couldn't imagine how she was feeling. And then there was the issue of the bullshit they had said to the girls, that the lass had heard. Of course they didn't mean it, their dicks were doing the thinking for them and they said it just to keep the girls interested and wanting. But they shouldn't have said it at all, because it wasn't true in the slightest. She had given them the best gifts they had ever received, she had forgiven them both for misgivings too big to forgive, she looked after them more than a friend should and she cared about them. And for them to say she was no one, for her to fucking hear that, they could only imagine how much it hurt her. Murphy remembered how he felt when she told him she wasn't his girl. That had been enough to make him feel like he was dying, and this was fucking worse.

She walked in, still in the same outfit as the night before and it looked like she hadn't even slept since her hair and makeup hadn't budged an inch. The twins stared at her warily but she didn't look to them once as she pulled her jacket off, throwing it over the couch. She walked over to the sink and poured herself a glass of water, chugging it.

“Lila love, can we talk about it?” Murphy asked hesitantly, feeling overwhelmingly anxious by the fact she hadn't spoken or looked at them yet. He was met with a stony silence as she kicked off her high heels.

“Lass, please talk te us.” Connor pleaded desperately. They were finally met by her blue eyes and there was so much hurt there it was setting them ablaze.

“I’m sorry? Are you talking to me? You know, since I’m no one and all.” She sneered, attitude dripping off every word like venom as she grabbed her jeans and a black t-shirt to change into. She started walking to the screen so she could change but Murphy had gotten up and was following her.

She turned around before the screen and looked at him looking bored, clothes in her hand as she waited for him to take the hint and go the fuck away so she could do so without an audience.

“Don’t be like that Lila, we��re sorry. We were drunk and stupid, I know its no excuse but we’re sorry.” Murphy begged, clearly not taking the hint. She glanced at her clothes and back to him pointedly to make it obvious but he didn't budge. Fine, alright then, if he wanted to play that game.

“You're right, it is no excuse.” She started as she undid her jeans and pulled them off. The boys watched her carefully, aware they should look away but they didn't.

“I was prepared to give you guys the benefit of the doubt, we are just friends, after all, I'd even arranged to sleep on Rocco's couch so you could bring those bitches back here without me being in the way.” She continued, unclipping her bralette and tossing it to the floor. She had no bra underneath but her hair was long enough to cover her nipples. The twins could see the swell of her breasts either side though and they both shifted in unison, feeling their bodies reacting. It was just awkward since they were currently having a fight.

“But then…” She laughed incredulously. “Then you pull that shit, ‘she’s no one you need to worry about.’ ‘she's no one.’ like wow really? You sure like no one to cook and clean for you, to make you fucking lunches for work.” She laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

Murphy knew he shouldn't, god knows he knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't control himself, even with her words or the venom in her voice. He was never one for self-control or to show any restraint and before Lila fucking knew what hit her, the darker haired twin had closed the gap between them, his lips on hers as his hands greedily grabbed her hips. There was no sweetness in his kiss, it was all tongues and teeth as all of his desperation and pent up feelings came out. Like seeing her in only her panties had been the straw to break the camel's back and he couldn't help himself. Lila kissed him back at first, too shocked for her brain to work and her hands rested on his chest as he backed her up to the wall and he moaned into the kiss. His body was pressed flush against hers in the best way as his mouth claimed hers almost violently. But then the words from the night before pinged around her brain like a ping pong ball and in an instant, she had pushed him away, and there was a resounding thwack that echoed in the loft as she smacked him hard across the face.

Murphy held his face with a wince and wide eyes, he knew he deserved it. She was already upset at him and he fucking attacked her with his lips like that when she was already vulnerable, practically naked and mad. Connor stood from his place where he had been sat, watching the whole thing part interested, part mortified, and he walked over warily. It was confusing, he was quite turned on by watching Lila kiss his brother like that, to see how she gave into him so easily, making it clear she wanted him, but at the same time he fucking knew this wasn't the time or place for that, not with everything that was going on. And the slap across Murphys face just proved that point.

“How fucking dare you!” She hissed at Murphy, seething with such rage. Murphy had the decency to look abashed by his lack of control, but if he was completely honest he didn't fucking regret the kiss because now he had actually kissed her.

“I’m done with your fucking mind games, the both of you are fucking ridiculous. You say you care but actions speak louder than words, and right now it's quite clear you don't give a fuck about me. I’m just some fucking plaything to you both.” She spat angrily as she shoved her shirt over her head.

“No lass, yer not, please, last night was a mistake and Murphy's just a fuckin’ idiot.” Connor pleaded, shooting Murphy a dark look for being such a dick. Murphy wiped his hand over his face, finally meeting her eyes. He was unsettled to find that instead of the rage that was just there a second ago, now she just looked cold.

“I’m going to view apartments today. I’ll be out of your hair soon enough and you can go do whatever the fuck you want without me around.” She said harshly, tugging on her normal jeans and shoving past them.

It felt like their hearts had stilled completely as they whipped around to look at her as she grabbed her Doc Martens, sitting on the chair to put them on.

“No! Ye cannae leave Lila, fuckin’ please!” Murphy cried, his eyes filling with tears as fear rushed through him. It was a harsh reminder from that fateful night he had hurt her but this time he didn't feel anger at her leaving, he just felt blind pain. Lila couldn't look at him, it would be hard to stay mad if she did. When Murphy was upset he always looked so young and vulnerable and she needed to see this through. She couldn't keep going through this with them.

“Lass please don't leave.” Connors low voice shocked her so much her hands stilled. He sounded so broken, upset, a voice she wasn't used to hearing from the harder hearted twin. She swallowed thickly, stupidly braving a glance at the pair. Murphy wiped his eyes, his chest heaving as he looked at her pleadingly, and Connor looked at her defeated, his eyes shining with unshed tears. They knew they’d fucked up again, and they weren’t sure why it kept happening. They'd become used to having the girl in their lives and they weren't ready to let her go, they couldn't just willingly let her leave because they both knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that without her, their lives would become very fucking empty.

Lila felt the coldness she had surrounded herself with to protect herself crack, her own tears falling down her cheeks as she clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. She needed to stay strong. Her jaw ached with how hard she was clenching it as she looked back down and continued putting her boots on. Connor shook his head as he lowered it, feeling like his heart was on fire and consuming him whole. Murphy choked out a sob as he rushed at her, falling to his knees in front of her and taking her face in his hands. He was crying freely now, always the twin who didn't care about showing his emotions, he couldn't hide them anyway. Lila's bottom lip trembled and she closed her eyes so she didn't have to look at his heartbroken blue eyes.

“Delila please, dinnae leave us, we need ye. Fuckin’ please, I cannae live wit’out ye. “ He begged through his sobs, so fucking desperate and hurting so bad. Her chest was heaving as she tried to stop herself from sobbing and breaking down completely. Hearing Murphy so upset only hurt Connor more, it felt like someone was stabbing him in the heart over and over.

“I can’t...I can't keep doing this with you. It hurts too much.” Lila sobbed, the dam breaking as her heart shattered inside of her. Murphy shook his head pleadingly, pulling her head down to rest her forehead on his.

“Please. Please, Lila dinnae go. We love ye, we’re so fuckin’ in love with ye and we need ye.” Murphy admitted through his harsh sobs. Connor leant against the back of the couch, feeling like his heart would give out at any moment. The pain was unbearable.

“No you don’t, if you did you wouldn't keep hurting me.” She whispered brokenly through her tears. Murphy's words had felt like a punch to the gut, how could she believe them? Connor shook his head as a choked sob escaped him. He knew this was it. She was right, actions spoke louder than words. They could tell her they loved her until they were blue in the face but it didn't mean a thing unless they acted that way to back it up. And all they had done so far was hurt her, now they were going to lose her forever.

Murphy's hands fell from her face as he wrapped his arms around her middle like a desperate child, laying his face in her lap as his body shook with violent sobs. He couldn't lose her, he felt like he would literally die if he did.

“One more chance lass, please. I know it's askin’ a lot o’ ye, but please. Just one more so we can prove te ye we love ye.” Connor pleaded weakly as he wiped his eyes. Lila lowered her head as she cried. This whole thing was hurting her more than she had thought it would and the boys' pain only made it worse, because she fucking loved them with every fiber of her being and seeing them like this was killing her. Murphy's strangled sobs echoed in the tiny loft and each one was like a stab to her heart. Her hands found his hair as she ran her fingers through it, wanting to take even a fraction of his pain away.

“One more chance, this is it. Any more fuck ups and we’re done.” She sighed feeling worn down and defeated. As much as she knew she should go, after everything and all the drama, they had her heart and leaving would hurt her just as much as it would hurt them.

Murphy's grip on her tightened as he cried tears of relief now, he wouldn't fuck up again, they both wouldn't. Too much was at stake and this whole thing had woken them the fuck up. Connor walked over, sniffling as he wiped his tears away. He crouched next to them, his hand weaving into Lilas long hair and his other rubbing Murphy's neck soothingly. The three of them were physically linked for the moment, staying silent as they all tried to calm themselves and take comfort from one another. Connor composed himself first, being the calmer of them all in general. He kissed the side of Murphy's head before leaning up and kissing Lilas cheek. He stood and went into the kitchen to make them all some tea. He felt exhausted after all that, it had taken it out of him. Lilas' hands were stroking through Murphy's hair softly and he looked up at her, wiping his eyes as he tried to calm his breathing. They just locked eyes for a moment, they all knew this was a  turning point for them. They couldn't go back to being just friends, it was causing too much hurt for them all. It was finally time they just bit the bullet and dealt with whatever it was they were feeling. Lila leant forward, pressing a kiss to Murphy's forehead softly, her lips lingering there as he stroked her hips. When she moved away he gave her a weak smile which she returned.

It was moments like this where she was sure Connor was the oldest and Murphy was definitely the youngest. She thought back to what Murphy had told her about Connor the day before. ‘He acts like feelin’s just get in the way or somethin’ if it's anyone but me.’ She had never seen it so clear, but now, she could. The twins came first to each other, that much was obvious, but it was as if Connor was forced to stuff his feelings down, not wanting to deal with them, in order for him to be there for Murphy and help him through. Murphy was over-emotional to the point sometimes he was a mess, and with their twin telepathy, she knew Connor must be feeling it too. She couldn't imagine what that was like, to have feelings that weren’t your own. It was like Connor had trained himself to put his feelings in a box so he could deal with Murphy and get him through it, because he was worried. Hell, Murphy worried her sometimes with his behaviour. It wasn't just his anger, he got upset so easy and it was never just a little bit. Everything with Murphy was intense. Hard and fast. And she wondered to herself what would happen if Murphy didn't have Connor to continuously pick him up and carry him on his shoulders, and it made her heart clench. The whole thing was unhealthy. Connor didn't deal with his feelings which left him almost clueless to dealing with them, and occasionally they erupted like a volcano spilling over like the morning before it seemed. And then there was Murphy who did deal with his feelings, just not always in the best way. It was almost as if Murphy used his heart and not his head, with his twin being the opposite, thinking instead of feeling.

The three of them were exhausted now from everything, they were emotionally spent. Lila stroked Murphy's cheeks before she moved to get up, making him shift out of her way so she could stand. She wiped her eyes again, she was pretty sure she had no tears left now but that was a good thing. She hoped to God that giving the boys this last chance wasn't a mistake, but she knew she couldn't live without them now she knew what life was like with them in it. She slid off her jeans but kept her t-shirt on. Connor glanced over his shoulder at her as Murphy looked at her, watching her with interest as she climbed into Connors bed. She lay down on her side under the covers with a sigh. The twins looked to one another, once again not needing words. They were unsure if she had meant to get in the bed they had been sharing or if she was just that tired she needed to lay in the bed closest to her. They weren't really sure what the next move was. Since she had gotten into bed, Connor abandoned the cups of tea and walked over to Murphy as he stood up. Connor scratched the stubble on his chin and Murphy rubbed his lower lip with his thumb as they both looked at her. She was silent but they didn't think she was asleep yet, just fucking exhausted. They glanced to each other one more time and Murphy shrugged. He decided to throw caution to the wind and say a big ‘fuck it’, since everything would be different from now on anyway. There was no more pretending they didn't feel things for one another, no more dancing around the elephant in the room. This moment on was the changing point for the three of them and the only way it would work is if they just went with what felt right to them.

So Murphy shucked off his jeans, walking over to the bed and laying on Lilas right side, Connor following suit and laying behind her. Connors arms wrapped around her middle, his hand splayed on her stomach as he spooned her. She opened her eyes and Murphy was lay in front of her, his eyes were still red but he had stopped crying. She lay her hand over Connors on her belly like she had done to his twin the day before, and her other hand came up to Murphy's cheek, stroking it affectionately as she gave him a sleepy smile. She felt Connor tighten his arm in response, nuzzling the back of her neck, and Murphy gave her such a wonderful smile, leaning into her touch. Murphy scooted closer, feeling needy and still practically desperate after her almost leaving them. He was pressed against her as he tucked his head in the curve of her neck, his arm wrapping around her middle under Connors. She smiled to herself feeling content, like there was nowhere else she would rather be in the world than being sandwiched between these two, no matter how exhausting they could be at times. Her hand came to Murphy's hair and she buried her fingers in it, her soft fingertips massaging his scalp.

She heard him hum softly, almost purring at her affection as he nuzzled her neck, like he couldn't get close enough. Part of him wanted to climb inside of her shirt just so he could be even closer and feel her skin. Connor rumbled a quiet laugh behind her at Murphy's thought, his thumb stroking her stomach over her t-shirt. None of them spoke, they didn't need words. Enough had already been said and now they were happy to just be with each other and feel each other out, take comfort from each other. The three of them were once more linked as the boys' arms were touching, and the connection that the boys had noticed they had with the girl, felt stronger. Still not as strong as their own but they could somehow feel her, her energy, just like they could with each other. Lilas breathing hitched a little, telling the brothers that she too was feeling the intensity of their connection, and neither of them wanted to move, lest they disturb it. She had never felt anything like it before, but it was calming to her. It wasn't how she imagined it was for the brothers, she didn’t know what they were thinking or anything, but it was like she could just feel them. She made a mental note to ask Murphy about it all, wanting to know more about how their connection worked and knowing Connor wouldn't answer her as honestly, being the more guarded twin.

“He’ll tell ye about ye later after ye wake sweetheart.” Connor murmured into her hair. Lila tensed a little, eyes fluttering open as her hand stilled in Murphy's hair. She hadn't fucking said that out loud and it was slightly unsettling that he had known what she was thinking. She heard and felt Murphy snort against the skin on her neck, his hand tightening around her a little.

“Get outta her ‘ead brother, don’ think she’s ready for tha’ jus’ yet.” Murphy laughed lightly against her skin, sounding amused and sleepy all rolled into one, making his accent stronger. Connor made a noise of dissent in the back of his throat and placed a kiss to her shoulder, almost like an apology and Lila was still wondering how the fuck he had managed to read her damn mind. They weren't triplets. She could feel the boys, but she didn't know what was going on inside their heads, yet the boys seemed to have found a way to climb right into hers. She wondered if they needed a talk about boundaries. It was only early afternoon but they would all agree, they had deserved a fucking good nap, and that's exactly what they planned on doing.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28

[somanypetals]

#idk it's not a thing unique to this show but also i really like how this show uses perspective/distance#what's being shown for the audience's benefit and what the audience is almost being budged out of#being in on the secret vs barely getting a peek#it's neat!

i just think it's neat