#what with me being a lazy brat who can't be bothered to get a job

[basingstokemercury]

who am i fairfaxing kidding

"i'm just like adam" "i'm just like julian"

adam would take one look at my 'work ethic' (it doesn't exist) and contemn me, julian would be raging about my moral hypocrisy, every character i admire who's actually a good person wouldn't tolerate two seconds on any important task with me

that scene in the pilot where adam lays into joe for playing around instead of doing his part? yeah that'd be me getting yelled at except it would probably pan out far worse because i would actually have been sitting there playing while the cattle wander off and get lost miles away

[chao-writes-stuff]

DELTARUNE SPOILERS

Heyyy! I wrote a thing involving Jevil and the Chapter 2 Superboss! I'm going to put it under the cut, but at the end, there will also be an Ao3 link if you wanna support me there!

Thank you! Remember to Reblog if you wanna

The Lightner Trio walked down the stairs in the Queen's massive manor, their hurried footsteps echoing like a rough pitter-patter in the technological nightmare. The massive lair confused and bamboozled them, but they definitely wanted to figure out the mystery behind what the Fountains were about, what Queen's true intentions were… and what was in the basement?

"Uhh… Kris?" Ralsei asked, his soft voice echoing out. "Why are we even here? Aren't Queen, Noelle, and Berdly upstairs? And not here…?"

Susie quickly interrupted him, punching his arm lightly to get his attention. "Of COURSE they aren't here. But whatever is here is probably important. Right, Kris?"

"I guess!" The currently blue human replied. "I've been asked by some… guy, about doing these weird favors for him. He really wants me to be alone."

"We sure he ain't a p-" Before Susie could finish her thought, Ralsei muffled her mouth with his scarf. "Who is he? And why does he want you to be alone?"

"His name is Spamton, I think. I don't know much about him, but he gave me this Loaded Disk earlier, and--"

Suddenly, a strange, chaotic voice rang out. Everyone recognized it. The tail attached to Ralsei's cloak popped off, diamonds and hearts flying out with it. The tail spun and took form, and the chaotic Jester they quite literally put to rest yesterday was reawakened.

"Spamton? SPAMTON? The same Spamton who wished for me to go, to go, and be free, free?" Jevil laughed chaotically, with Ralsei caught quite off guard. "You know him?"

"That dorito chip was part of the reason why I was set free, he was! He used to rule this world, before the Queen I've been hearing oh so much about took over. Oh, I MUST know more of how you met that ridiculous lunatic! And that's coming from ME, ME! Spamton, oh Spamton, I'd like to have a word with him~!" Jevil looked quite pissed off, his normally jovial expression looking slightly stern.

"I didn't wanna go down there anyway. Just come back, okay? You're kind of carrying us with your defense boost." Kris, with a neutral expression, gave the clown the disk they were gifted by the malignant salesman, and watched as Jevil immediately sprinted off into the basement. They could hear an echoed "Buh bye~! I'll be back in a few hundred words!" As the jester descended into the decrepit basement below...

Jevil entered the musty, rotting cellar. Despite him rarely stepping on the ground, each step he did take left a haunting impact on his feet. It was silent, save for the occasional rustling of his clothes. He didn't have long to do this. His physical form only had a few hours to be out and about before he solidified, just like the young boy and the puzzle freak. Thankfully, that's all he needed. He was getting excited, almost giddy, to interact once more with his old acquaintance. Oh, what a wonderful conversation they'd have!

He didn't walk for too much longer before he found the train station that was buried deep below. Or was it a roller coaster? Whoever had this built clearly had some elaborate roundabout in mind… too bad they were still imprisoned, haha! Jevil walked and floated across the tracks, reaching a room with a decaying robot inside.

He knew this was a bad idea. But when did he ever have good ideas?

Without hesitating, the joker put the disk into the robot. At first, nothing happened, and he was getting impatient VERY quick. He gave the robot a swift kick in the lower area, before stepping back out of the room.

Step…

Step…

SLAM! The clown was admittedly caught off guard with how fast the silhouette from above came and pushed him onto his knees. With a small gasp for air, Jevil looked up slowly at the encroaching menace. The jagged movements, the glitchy, unsolidified form… this was him alright.

"KRIS… MY LOYAL [Sponge!] THANK… YOU. THE [Clown Around Town!] I REMEMBER YOUR [Disgusting] FACE. EVERYONE WAS SO [Thrilled] TO SEE YOUR [Calcified] FACE." The massive robotic behemoth loomed over Jevil, rage in his glasses. Spamton NEO.

The clown got up, a smug, shitfaced expression on his mug. He knew damn well that the dorito in front of him was pissed off, so he leaned back in the air to retort. "At least I drink plenty of milk, uee hee hee! As for you, you haven't changed one bit since we last spoke~! Or would it be a byte, a byte? Regardless, I do hope you've given up on the illusion of freedom, freedom~! The only one who can be free is MEEE!"

The robotic menace swung around to the other side of Jevil, making it very clear who was in charge of the conversation. A small concentrated blast of Pipis was fired at the jester, pushing him back with a surprising amount of force. "YOU ACT SMUG, BUT YOU [Crashed our stocks!] AND THEN YOU [Spoiled relations with our Esteemed Partners!] I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU… GOT IN HERE, YOU… [Tuna Fish,] BUT I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR [Roundabout!] AGAIN!"

Jevil laughed maniacally at this thought. This guy was mad! Over something that happened how long ago? Why even bother holding a grudge still? Petty, petty! He knew why, and it's why he came back too. "You influenced him. That pretty little kitty. You gave him enough funds to release me into that carousel of bliss and innocence! But I wasn't done, not one bit! And all those years, spent being free… they made me realize something, my dearest Spamton."

The oddly calm tone coming from the jester put Spamton NEO at an incredible amount of unease. "WHAT? WHAT COULD YOUR [Calcified Lump] THINK OF THAT WOULD MEAN ANY GODDAMN THING TO ME?"

"I CAN DO ANYTHING!"

The joker used his latent power to pelt the giant mecha with small white hearts. Spamton was caught off-guard, stumbling back a fair amount. Of course, you have to fight fire with fire, so the robot used his abilities to send out a Big Shot of blue Spamton Head Pipis.

"YOU [Saturated Marketshare!] YOU CAN'T SIMPLY ATTACK ME AND EXPECT IT TO WORK [As seen on TV!] I'M A [BIG SHOT!] [BIG SHOT!!!]"

Jevil hopped up onto the ceiling, clearing the first few Pipis on the lower row heading his way. Unfortunately, the higher row caught him clean in the face as he bounced between the two, making a small Jack-in-the-box melody as he pinged around.

"SPAMTON, MY BELOATHED! I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, UNDERSTAND, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A CAGE WITH A SHARK, A SHARK! YOU GET BITTEN AND CHEWED UP!"

The fool retaliated by running circles around Spamton, turning into a carousel of horse bullets! The robot, in a surprising feat of puppeteering, dodged the attack almost perfectly… until a stray horsie cut a string, sending the mech's right arm into the horse race. One thing about arms with cannons on them? They fire.

As soon as it happened, Jevil was face to face with a swarm of Pipis all around him. He was stuck. All of them exploded brilliantly, sending the clown flying clean across the rotting tracks and into the wall. Tauntingly, mockingly even, Spamton NEO retorted.

"I'M THE SHARK NOW, JEVIL! I'VE CHEWED UP SO MANY [Failed Buisness Partners] THAT I COULD MAKE A WHOLE [Presentation] OUT OF THEM! STAY OUT OF MY GODDAMN WAY, OR [Sparkle like new!] YOU BRAT."

The buisnessman charged at Jevil, his hands becoming phones. "IT'S FOR YOU." Suddenly, before either of them could react, loud blasts of garbage noise manifest expelled from the phones, attacking the court jester with white blasts of energy. There was nothing he could do to stop this robot's onslaught, it looked like.

"OH SPAMTON, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? THAT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S SO POWERFUL RIGHT NOW, NOW? I'D SUGGEST YOU LOOK UP, UP! YOU'RE NOTHING WITHOUT THOSE STRINGS IMPRISONING YOU, UEE HEE HEE! YOU'RE NOT A BIG SHOT, YOU'RE JUST A LAZY FRAUD WHO CAN'T STOP HANGING ON TO HIM! I GUESS SLEEPING FOR 100 YEARS DOESN'T MAKE LITTLE OLD ME MISS MUCH, RIGHT?"

Without warning, Jevil was myseriously gone from his corner. The spamware looked frantically for his target, before being struck in the arm, the leg, and the chest by scythes. Devilsknives. The last knive cut a few strings clean off the puppet, who briefly hit the ground before rising back up.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! [Hyperlink Blocked.] I'M STILL HIS LOYAL ASSOCIATE! HE MAY NOT HAVE TALKED TO ME IN [Employee of The Month for 144 months!] BUT HE'S STILL THERE…"

Jevil interrupted him cleanly and concisely. "FACE IT. YOU'RE NO BIG SHOT ANYMORE, SPAMTON G. SPAMTON. ALL YOU ARE IS A FAILED INVESTMENT, UEE HEE HEE!"

With those words, a purple blast came from behind the clown, striking the robot right in the noggin. He flew back a bit, giving the joker enough time to turn around to meet his esteemed guests.

"Ah, my imprisoners~! Didn't you guys have a Queen to rock-em sock-em?"

Susie immediately cut him off, as she punched him in the arm (causing his head to spring up, naturally.) "Well, Kris over here couldn't shake the feeling things were off. So they forced us down here, and now they're right. Somehow?"

"I know I'm right.. Jevil, who the hell is Spamton?" Kris replied, their worry about the situation starting to rise.

"It's of no concern to you~! His screws were almost as loose as mine, and I don't think it's my job to tighten them~! Uee hee hee! Thank you for the help, but I can do anything~! Even tell you guys that 3 coasters are about to come down and force you guys along for the ride~!"

Ralsei immediately stuttered something out. "Three… what?"

And just like that, with a loud rumbling, the heroes were swept up into 3 old, rusty carts, barrelling down the track. Jevil laughed to himself, proud of what he got to do. "Ah well, it's a shame I can't finish him personally…"

"But oh well! Are you proud, proud? They took care of him…"

"Doctor."

Ao3 Link!

[sadmachokehours]

3-29-18

For once I'm not being immature in an argument but yet at the end of it I'll ALWAYS be called a fucking brat and for what? Yeah I was a brat as a kid because I was a fucking kid, I didn't know better. I didn't surround myself with people who I can possibly learn from since I wasn't allowed to have friends or go out. I lack social skills for fucks sake.

What makes me such a brat now? Just because I choose to do things my way? I want to become independent somehow and that involves wanting to try things out the way I want. I'm always taking considerations from you or my parents or anyone around me because if I want to try something, I'll be called stupid and a fucking idiot for wanting to try it out. I'm always afraid of getting put down because I will constantly think about it for hours, days, and weeks. I will choose something that will make me unhappy just so I don't get fucking yelled at or be put down for. So I can please YOU and my parents. But what should I know? I'm just a dumb stupid fucking brat that wants whatever she wants right?

I don't insult you during a fucking argument because I know it will make shit worse and/or it's just pointless and childish. Yet you will say shit like "pls read English...stupid!!!" Asking if I understand. How about you just stop fucking putting me down for once in your fucking life. I always think I'm too stupid and never good enough for anything and anyone. Every single fucking day I hesitate to want to do anything or think I don't have the ability to do it because I'm always getting put down.

You just think of me as sensitive and yeah I'm fucking sensitive. Is that so fucking wrong? I'm a fucking person. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is like you and shit. But you wouldn't even accept that I'm fucking sensitive yet it's ok for you to say

"I was probably saying what I read and that's normal because IM HUMAN"

I can probably say the same thing too yet get bombarded by "facts" about how I'm wrong and how shit my parents are and what bad luck I have with fucking phones and technology. Yeah my parents are shit so fucking what? At least I didn't give my mom a fucking heart attack, multiple times. Yeah my phones were fucking shit, so what? I TRIED to take care of them, TRIED. It's not my fault fucking technology would wear out and be bad. Who would've known!!!!! The Nokia worked and I was given the Motorola, which STILL works! The myTouch was slow and shitty, so what? It still worked and did it's job as a phone. The Nokia was already a shit phone because I had thought it was the newer one at the time. I thought it was the 1020 or whatever, not the 521 but I still kept it and used it even though it was shit. Then I got the Samsung s6. Yeah it shat out on me after 2 years of using it but SO WHAT. It's not like I DON'T give a shit about my phone. That's money right there and something that I use as a daily drive. Your phones didn't have any problems? GOOD. FOR. YOU. You had the Nokia, the Cingular or whatever that one is, a pink sliding phone, took the sidekick my dad wanted to give to ME but it got stolen instead, the HTC, your note 3, your s7. I don't remember but they eventually broke. The only one that really broke was the s6 and the Nokia 521.

How about my laptops? The first was a Toshiba that eventually slowed down because that's what TECHNOLOGY WOULD DO. Not because I didn't take care of it, but shit happens. Then I got a NOTEBOOK laptop that was cheap as fuck. The battery shat out on it and refused to work unless it was plugged in. Now I have my current laptop and it still works. Where's your iPod? iPad? Laptops? I actually try to take care of my shit so why do you bother to take the time to tell EVERYBODY how AWFUL I am at taking care of my items when all I do is TRY to salvage it and MAKE it work somehow.

I was a fucking brat as a kid. A fucking child. And since I've grown the fuck up, I've been trying to be thankful and grateful for what I have. I don't want my parents to be buying me shit so I use my OWN money to get what I want. Is that being a brat? You refuse to eat vegetables, call me stupid and put me down in conversations, be EXTREMELY passive aggressive when you're mad, and just be an all around bully. So what the fuck is so childish and bratty about me?

All I wanted was somewhat of a resolution without being name called yet you mocked me. I fucking bawled my eyes out in frustration because that's all I'll ever get from you and everyone else.

I can tell you to stop doing something, you'll keep doing it, and when I yell you'd say "stop acting fucking mental like your mom. All you had to do was ask. Fucking bitch." I DID FUCKING ASK. You just REFUSE to listen! I'm fucking fed up with this shit! And I'm pretty sure since I won't stop being so upset and mad for a while, over how you CONSTANTLY keep belittling me no matter WHAT, I will just be called a stupid fucking brat in the end.

I remember telling you how happy/shocked I was when a teacher or professor or anyone would comment on how they liked my writing but you'd IMMEDIATELY say "your writing is fucking ugly. It's the worst fucking writing I've seen next to Aaron's or Daniel's. Your writing isn't nice at all. Only sometimes." That shit puts me down. And yet I still wonder why I STILL have self-esteem issues. You're not better than my mom making fun of you since you'd still put me down.

I'm not done being mad like you? Well shit, I'm only human right? I'm not the same as you. So if I don't talk to you, it's because I'm going to cry out of anger, frustration, and try to not scratch myself just to get rid of the fucking thoughts about how worthless, ugly, and pathetic I am. All I am is just a stupid fucking brat that's lazy and not doing shit. You know I can't do certain things because of my PARENTS. You, out of all the people, should understand that. You KNOW I can't do certain things because of them yet you still shit on me. I just love how understanding and caring you are!