#what we’re not gonna do today: validate whatever the hell is goin on in that screenrant piece

[dadvans]

Save me November 7th 8x06 bucktommy moving in together story, November 7th 8x06 bucktommy moving in together story save me

[hyenahunt]

Secret Service: EPILOGUE - 3

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Ibara, Hiyori, Jun, Madara, Kohaku

Proofreading: Remy (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: haranami & hyenahunt

Hiyori: Let's hear some applause, now! One of ES's Big Three has deigned to answer your call for help and assist you in your time of need — and that would be us, the one and only Eden!

Ibara: Greetings, gentlemen of Double Face! We’re terribly sorry to keep you waiting! Salute~!

Hiyori: Let's hear some applause, now! One of ES's Big Three has deigned to answer your call for help and assist you in your time of need — and that would be us, the one and only Eden!

Jun: It was pretty sudden, so pardon us for not saying a proper hello! We're gonna go all out today — lookin' forward to working with you!

Madara: ……

…The hell?

Hiyori: That's how you intend to greet us? Don't you know who we are?

There's no way you can be an idol at ES and not know that! Say, are you really an idol? Not just a fraud taking on that label?

Madara: You don’t need any qualifications to be an idol, yanno? All you need to do is call yourself one.

Hiyori: So true! Now if only you'd been satisfied with simply doing that, hmm?

Instead, you wanted to both prove to yourself that you truly are an idol and have others validate your wearing of that title, but you certainly went at it in a roundabout way!

Madara: You sure don’t mince words, but you’re not wrong… Say, why’d you really come here, Eden? I don’t recall ever having asked you to lend us a hand.

Kohaku: Same here. Oho… Is that what this is about?

Eden. Y’all came here for the same reason I did, ain’t that right?

Madara: For the same reason you did?

Kohaku: Yep. I reckon they’ve got a bone t’pick with ya, Madara-han, after ya toyed around with ‘em. They must’ve been too ticked off t’let things end this way…

So they probably came here t’give ya one last, good sucker punch to the face.

Madara: Hey, now! You’re idols — are you reaaally gonna be violent? On stage?

Don’t you remember the man who was called the disgrace of the idol industry? Do you plan on making the same mistakes he did?

Hiyori: Really now, you two are hardly in any position to be lecturing us about that.

I've heard the gist of things from Ibara. So you hire yourselves out doing whatever dirty work is necessary to eradicate evil, hmm...?

This world exists for my sake, and you mean to tell me that something so repulsive lurks within it? Pardon my language, but it could make one positively hurl.

Kohaku: Hah! That’s right, you’ve lived your whole life in the brightest, most sparkly parts of the world. Poor lil’ rich boy… It must’ve been oh so hard for ya t’look at people like us.

Is that what this is about? Ya saw some filthy, disgustin’ insects buzzin’ around, so ya decided t’come all the way here so ya could crush ‘em yourself.

Madara: They’re trying to pick a fight with me, but for some reason, you’re the one getting all riled up, Kohaku-san… I guess this stuff is a sore spot for you?

Kohaku: Sure is. When it comes down to it, I’m the same as you — everythin’ I do is for me, myself, and I.

Don’t get the wrong idea, alright? This ain’t for your sake. I’m not doin’ all this ‘cause I wanna save ya or anythin’.

Madara: I know. In fact, I think that’s for the better. We just happened to run into each other in a back alley, and then we formed a temporary alliance to take down our common enemies.

That’s what our relationship has been like from the very start.

Kohaku: …I figured we at least forged a bond of some sort after goin’ through battles like that over and over again.

But whatever. You’re a damn idiot who clearly doesn’t understand a thing, so lemme boil it down for ya. This is the perfect chance t’knock ya down, Madara-han.

Ya cosied on up to the management, so you’re pretty much guaranteed t’win the SS preliminaries.

Ya must’ve had a bunch of fun, happy days, smooth sailing all ‘round.

It was a big change, wasn’t it? You’ve lived your life in the shadows; this was probably your first real taste of success.

You’re at the height of happiness right now, and that’s why they wanna kick ya down. They hate your guts, so they’re gonna enact their revenge right now.

Madara: ……

Kohaku: I came here on the off chance that I’d have to do the same, actually.

It sure wasn’t easy, though. And it must’ve been hard for Eden, too — they had t’act like you asked them to help out.

Do ya know why I did all this? It was t’confront you. I needed to see with my own two eyes whether you were rotten beyond salvation or not. And if you were…

I’d use every trick up my sleeve t’eliminate ya.

I’d personally make sure that you’d never walk under the sun again.

Madara: This isn’t the first time I’ve thought this, but you sure say scary things for someone with such a cute face.

Kohaku: I hear that discrepancy is one of my selling points. I don’t give a hoot, though.

Anyways, after I eliminated you, I planned on stealin’ away everythin’ you’ve worked for.

I’m part of Double Face, so no one would’ve batted an eyelash if I inherited the “Late Mikejima Madara’s” legacy.

Madara: That’s some teeerrifying bloodlust you’ve got there. I don’t think I’ve done anything that’d warrant you hating me this much, though?

Kohaku: If that’s really how ya feel, I’m seriously gonna kill ya.

You’re no more than a coward who can only protect himself with his giant body and violent behavior — stop tryin’ t’act like some kinda lone ranger!

If you’ve got too much on your plate, just say so. If you’ve got too many burdens to bear, just share ‘em with me. If there are things ya can’t accomplish on your own, let me join ya.

You can go ahead and pretend that ya can’t see everybody else, but at the very least, I won’t let ya ignore me.

Madara: ……

Kohaku: …Well, lookin’ back on the conversation we just had, it seems like ya haven’t rotted to the core just yet.

If anythin’, ya feel more like a newly-born babe, still in the midst of a struggle.

I’ll have mercy on ya this time. If I raised a hand against a baby, I’d end up bein’ the unpardonable one.

Ibara: Fufufu, he’s quite the large baby! You must have a lot on your plate, Oukawa-shi, having to accomplish your idol work with such a huge child in your arms!

Would you like me to remove the two-meter thorn in your side?

Kohaku: ……

✦✦✦✦✦

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[thelastspeecher]

Hello! If you are still accepting Halloween prompts, what about 2. Apple Orchard for the Reverse Portal Stanley AU? (I'm picturing what starts out as a cute bonding opportunity with Stan and his kids but turns into a fight against a shriveled apple monster XD Or just whatever your muse inspires you to write~) Or, possibly, 9. Hiking in the woods with the Pheonix Stan AU? Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing with us!

Day 01   Day 02   Day 03   Day 04   Day 05   Day 06   Day 07   Day 08Day 09   Day 10   Day 11   Day 12   Day 13   Day 14   Day 15   Day 16Day 17   Day 18   Day 19   Day 20   Day 21   Day 22   Day 23   Day 24Day 25   Day 26   Day 27   Day 28   Day 29   Day 30

8. Hiking in the woods

Here you go!  As you requested, some Phoenix Stan AU (different from the Phoenix Enchantment AU, bc in this case, only Stan gets turned phoenix, and it’s temporary), walking in the woods.  While trying to decide what to write for this, I stumbled across an ask I got, asking about if Ford would ever get turned into a phoenix.  And right then and there, I knew what this ficlet had to be about.  Enjoy.

Word count: 1353

Send me a number for a fall-themed prompt!

              “Are yousure we’re going the right way?” Ford asked. Stan rolled his eyes and shoved aside a tree branch.

              “No.  I’m not. I’m just tryin’ to look for somethin’ I recognize.”  They were wandering through the woods, tryingto find the magical object that had turned Stan into a phoenix a few monthsago.  Today was Stan’s last day inGravity Falls, before he went back to Gumption to take up his farmhand jobagain.

              “You ledme to believe that you knew where the magical item was.  But we’ve been searching for hours, and youcan’t even remember what the magical item looked like!” Ford said.  Stan coughed. A few red feathers flew out of his mouth and landed on his shirt.

              “Thesefuckin’ feathers,” Stan muttered.  “Whenis that gonna stop?”

              “If I couldexamine the magical object that transformed you, I might have an idea of that,”Ford said.

              “I know.  That’s why I agreed to try to find it again,even though I’m pretty sure you’ll just end up whammied too.  And I told you back at yer house.  I can’t remember much of what happened when Igot transformed.  My guess about wherethings are is only slightly better than yours.” Stan brushed the feathers off his shirt. He stopped walking and put his hands on his hips, surveying hissurroundings.  A chickadee landed on his shoulder.  “Aw, shit, get off!” Stan shouted.  The chickadee flew away, twitteringangrily.  “Damn birds.  I’m sick of bein’ Snow Fucking White.”

              “Again, Imight be able to predict when that side effect will wear off if-”

              “-you canexamine the magic thing, I know,” Stan replied. His eyes widened.  “Wait.  I recognize that!”  He charged into the undergrowth, crashingthrough bushes and trees.

              “Stan!”Ford called, following his twin.  For awhile, Ford couldn’t see Stan; he could only tell where Stan was by the soundof branches breaking.  Finally, hestumbled into a clearing.  Stan wasalready standing in the middle, staring at an old stump.  “Stan, did you-”

              “I foundit.”  Stan pointed at the stump.  Resting on top was a glimmering red gem.  “I’m startin’ to remember now.  I saw it, thought it looked worth a decentchunk of cash, and decided to pocket it. Big mistake.”  Ford walked overcautiously.

              “Remarkable,”Ford breathed.  Stan shifted uneasily.

              “This wasa bad idea.  I shouldn’t have showed yathis,” Stan mumbled.  He rubbed the backof his neck.  “Let’s- let’s just forgetthis happened, okay?  We should leave thestone alone.  It- it shouldn’t bedisturbed.”

              “Stanley,I think I can handle it,” Ford said with a scoff.  “I’ve been dealing with magical paraphernaliaever since I arrived in Gravity Falls.  Iknow how to be careful.”

              “That’sBS,” Stan said under his breath.  Fordscowled.  “…Whatever.”  Stan shoved his hands in his pockets.  “I’m gonna head back to your house and finishpacking.  I wanna get outta thisweird-ass town.”

              “If that’swhat you want to do, I won’t stop you,” Ford said.  He adjusted his glasses and peered closely atthe gem perched on the tree stump.  “Fascinating.  Truly, fascinating.”

—–

              A weeklater, Ford was in the clearing again with Fiddleford, scrawling down pageafter page of information on the magical stone.

              “I’m notsure what else we can uncover about this gem,” Ford said.  Fiddleford sighed.

              “Iknow.  But we can’t risk upsettin’it.  If it goes off on us like it wentoff on Stan, well…”  Ford reached slowlyfor the gem.  “Ford.”

              “I wonderif it can sense intent.  Stan wanted toremove the stone to steal and pawn it.  Imerely want to study it, learn its secrets.”

              “I don’tthink a magic rock is goin’ to distinguish between why people are tryin’ toremove it.  I think it’ll just realize it’sbein’ moved and try to defend itself.”

              “Goodpoint,” Ford muttered.  He shrugged.  “Only one way to find out!”

              “Stanford,no!”  Ford’s hand closed around the gem.  There was a flash of light.

—–

              Somethingwet landed on Ford’s head, startling him awake. He looked up.  Through a thickcanopy, he could make out cloudy sky.  Anotherraindrop landed on him, this one directly in his face.  He shook his head.

              What happened?  Why am I in a tree in a rainstorm?  He looked around.  I seemto still be in the Gravity Falls woods. Not anywhere near the clearing with the mysterious gem, unfortunately.  There was a loud crash from somewhere to hisleft.  Voices began to carry to Ford’sperch in the tree.

              “He’sover here, Fidds!”

              Stan!

              “How canya tell?”

              Fiddleford!

              “If Iknew, I’d tell ya,” Stan grunted.  Hefinally fell out of the undergrowth, landing directly at the base of Ford’stree.  He looked up.  A grin spread across his face.  “Told ya!”

              “I didn’tdoubt ya knew where he was,” Fiddleford grumbled, emerging from the bushes and joiningStan.  “I just questioned how ya knew it.”  He squinted up at the tree.  “Yer right, though.  That’s him.”

              “Stanford,come down here!” Stan called.  Fordruffled his feathers, unsure of how to get down.  He froze.

              Wait. Feathers?  Dread mounting,Ford looked down at himself.  He let outa squawk of shock and tumbled off his branch.

              “Gotcha!”  Stan grabbed Ford right before he could hitthe ground.  He set Ford downcarefully.  Ford inspected himself.  “Yep. Told ya you’d get whammied.  Butyou didn’t believe me.  Now look whathappened.  You got turned into a phoenix.  Just like I did.”

              “But I was so careful,” Ford saidwoefully.

              “Notaccording to Fiddleford,” Stan said. Fiddleford looked at Stan.

              “Notaccording to Fiddleford what?”

              “Huh?”

              “Whatwere ya respondin’ to?”

              “Fordsaid that he was bein’ careful with the gem.” Stan frowned at Fiddleford.  “Iheard him loud and clear.  Did you notunderstand?”

              “No, Ididn’t.  Just sounded like a bunch of chirps‘n squawks.”

              “Huh.  Guess bein’ turned into bird for three monthshas its upsides.”  Stan grinned crookedlyat Ford.  “Looks like you’ve got atranslator, Sixer.”

              “That’s good.  It seems like I’ll need one for theforeseeable future.”

              “Nah, youwon’t need me around that long.  Fidds isalready partway done with the cure you guys whipped up to de-phoenix me.  I mean, you were gone for a week and a half.”

              “…I was?” Ford chirped.  Stan nodded. “I- I don’t remember any ofthat.  The last thing I remember is touchingthe magical gemstone.”

              “What’she sayin’?” Fiddleford asked.

              “He sayshe doesn’t remember the last week and a half. His last memory is touching the gem.”

              “Oh.”  Fiddleford pursed his lips.  “Maybe you were in a fugue state this wholetime.”

              “Why would I suddenly come back to myself?”Ford asked.  Stan translated forFiddleford.

              “Don’task me,” Fiddleford said.  “Yer the one whatdeals in magic.  I just build robots.”

              “Maybe ithas somethin’ to do with me?” Stan said slowly. Fiddleford and Ford looked at him. “I mean, I could sense where Ford was, I can understand him.  Maybe us being twins and both of us beingaffected by the gem influenced the enchantment? Or somethin’ like that.  I dunno.”

              “No, that seems like a valid hypothesis,”Ford said.  “Don’t doubt your instincts.” Stan grinned.

              “I guesswe could try to look into the research a bit more,” Fiddleford mumbled.  “I did just fin’ly get my hands on that book ‘boutavian enchantments.  Maybe there’s somethin’in there.”

              “Oh, yes!” Ford enthused, bobbing hishead up and down excitedly.  Stanchuckled.

              “You lookgoofy as hell, Ford.  Can’t believe Ilooked like that fer as long as I did.” Stan tapped his shoulder.  “Hop onup.  We’ll head back to your place.”  Ford did as he was told, taking flight andmanaging to land on Stan’s shoulder without scratching him too badly.

              “Luckily,we still have all the stuff from when Stan was a phoenix,” Fiddleford said.  “Includin’ the food.”  Ford grimaced.

              “Oh, no. Does that mean-”

              “Youguessed it, Sixer,” Stan said cheerfully. “Bugs for dinner!”