#what was most annoying is she never like actually understood my side and perspective | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

soramei · 3 years ago

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From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.

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silkgonerough · 4 years ago

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Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

#natal aspects #natal astrology #astro chart #astro rant #astro culture #astro observations #astrology #natal

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE SCARS VS FALSE MASKS

I'm actually surprised I have a new Korean drama to fall for before the end of the year. After testing out what's available, True Beauty feels like the one for me. I was going to watch it regardless of if it made me analyse because it's directed by Extraordinary You PD. I love how he shows the plot of his shows, his romances are always soft yet angsty, and they make you feel so many emotions whilst laughing and smiling and perhaps swooning over certain second leads and protagonists. After Start-Up I swore of love triangles, and yet True Beauty comes with just that, yet I'm having so much fun watching this show for the past 3 weeks, and it's been a ride. It's precisely what the title says it's focused on True Beauty. The actual meaning of beauty and perspectives on what is truly beautiful and what's not, the psychological trauma of being someone perceived as not socially pleasing to the world, and being forced to hide to survive the harsh environment. It's an emotional look into another teenage drama, full of angst, romance, self-love, and self-acceptance. I'm enjoying it a lot, and my heart has been tugged at each episode, so I'm not saying True Beauty is my full focus, but I have spoken about it here, and from episode 5 and 6, I somehow have a lot to say. So let's get into it

True Scars vs False Masks

True Beauty episode 5 and 6 focus on the effect of PTSD and trauma symptoms which each of our main characters have to go through. Apart from Seojun, who has his own frustrations and pains connected to the overarching plot, but not as pronounced as these three.

Kyung, Suho and Soojin are triggered by certain parts of their memories, making them afraid, broken down, and self-hating. The first thing to mention when focusing on Kyung's ideology of true beauty. Kyung may think that being seen as beautiful is the only way to make her self survive her own past traumas, but the two perceived beautiful people who are praised and known for having everything by their peers, are just as scared, suffering and hurt by the world as she is. All by the cruelty and insensitiveness of different people in their lives.

Ju Kyung: The mask of Beauty

Kyung is forced to relieve yet again her trauma as a bully victim when she bumps into the girl. The very bully that caused her to finally break down and wear her mask for protection. One thing to notice in episode 5/6 as she takes care of Seojuns sister; she realised that wearing a mask isn't the right way to live comfortably and she questions why she can't have the same confidence and inspiration in her self to be brave. Which is what people would quickly want to say about her situation, just love your self, only trust your self, just be your self. Still, as we've seen from the past episodes, the reason is that when her mask is uncovered, and she's her true self, her past comes to find her and the people who cruelly lowered her down to nothing before their eyes, who proceeded to hurt and abuse her because of how she looks. The girl who likes to emotionally have control over Kyung's self-esteem like a leash she can't escape from, people like her that can't stand to see Kyung be happy with her skin, is why it's even more painful when Suho tells her that he's doing all he does for her as pity it's heart-breaking. It makes her feel even more inferior because she's being a burden to the guy, she's come to have feelings for, and it's still because of her looks in a way. Because he's the first person who knows her real face under her mask of makeup.

It’s not just the bullies that do this to her, that make her feel so ashamed and guilty for wanting to just be her self. People who she’s close to, her ex best friend betrayed her because of this issue, (to avoid being bullied) and her mother is harsh and cruel beyond words, always breaking her self esteem, ignoring her child’s plight when she could actually be of help to her, and mocking her every time just cause she isn’t smart. Her mother proceeds to not understand the real trauma in her daughter’s life, not even knowing or taking it seriously that there was a time where Kyung almost gave up everything and took her life, just because of how exhausted she was by what society was making her think about her true self.

When Suho said that I was so agitated and disappointed. When cruel and forced to wear his own mask of coldness, Suho can be harsh and ruthless. However, it still felt problematic to me because he knows how sensitive Kyung is about her looks, how much she suffered because of it, he's the one who saw her almost choose to take her own life because of it and he's also seen her try desperate attempts to avoid it. To cruelly say it's because of pity that he's been doing all he did by her side and she's being a bother; it's upsetting and just annoying. I'm annoyed that he still refuses to communicate with her properly about it, tell her it's not because of pity and she's not a problem.

To come to her house/ accept her mother's invitation and act like he's not told her she's a burden is just upsetting and it's exhausting because she doesn't want to keep on feeling like she owes him because he's hiding her secret about her looks. It's also sad because you realise that it must have broken her heart more because when she felt she had someone on her team who saw her without her mask and chose to be there for her, help her and understand her, this same person threw her away saying she was a weight to him. When she finally felt she was able to be herself and like her self without her mask, she deserved to be free without making up, especially his last words to her before he switched himself off, was that she was beautiful without makeup. That one quote, that one stance, and one act of support for her meant everything. Yet her one source of defence and her foundation to bounce back from her worries and fears rejected her and told her she wasn't important; her presence was upsetting him.

Again Kyung is forced to think that what she needs to do to survive is to be beautiful to wear her mask; it's the only way she will be accepted. That's what Suho harsh words did to her, and despite that, she still ran to him to be his defence and protection. They both do the same thing for each other; if you notice Suho protects her always when she's at her worst broken down and without her mask of beauty. Suho is protected by her finding him and literally shielding him with her warmth and comfort letting him know he's not alone and he's understood.

Suho: The mask of Coldness

Before I focus on their dynamic though back to masks and scars. The reason why Kyung runs to Suho is where the plot for his PTSD symptoms comes in. Suho without the act is also broken, guilty and tired of people refusing to listen to him. His issue is that whilst people see his richness and privileges as a positive for him, they're his source of guilt and pain. His mask is to push people off and not expect or trust things with people, because of this he's seen as the guy who's unreachable in a good way, attractive and has it all and everyone wants his attention and needs to beg for it. His mask works for him, so he doesn't seem vulnerable, and he doesn't let people easily break him.

But we know he's exceptionally vulnerable because of the guilt of Seyeon having symptoms of PTSD, panic attacks, broken and self-hating. The cruelness of the world isn't attacking him like Kyung, but it's using him as a tool to hurt others well that's what he believes anyway. His dad is powerful and intense and leads to people feeling broken as Seyeon, and they take drastic measures to end it. The school praises him and lets him get away with stuff if he gets in a scuffle but they hurt others more harshly just by looking at their background and status, they did this to Seojun when they got in a fight in episode 4.

No matter what happened, Suho has never been able to get away from the price that came with his reputation and status. It cost him so much at the end it made him lose his closest friend, and it made him lose himself to the guilt of not being able to be the person everyone wanted him to be for not being able to reach that 'divine'' Suho reputation people give him.

For him, being with him hurts people, and so he pushes Kyung away harshly and wears a mask of coldness and harshness to prevent people wanting or expecting things from him and to make sure he wallows in his guilt alone. Without his mask, Suho is just a boy lost, frightened and traumatised. He's broken by what's happened, and with Kyung not only does she help him, but she also does when they first meet.

She unintentionally provides him with a way to speak out his feelings and save her the way he couldn't do to his friend, but also she's there for him even during times she shouldn't be; she runs and finds him, she lets him cry and breakdown, and she understands him with a few words. She knows what it's like to be afraid and broken, and she knows why it's like to feel like no one understands your pain.

Both she and Suho understand each other because they've been hurt and exhausted each time something from the past comes to remind them of the guilt of being who they are and wallowing in self-hate and disgust. It's so heartbreaking, but they both run to each other time and time again at their most needed moment.

Soo Jin: The mask of Strength

Someone else with the same issues that also proves to Kyung that the beauty she craves/ the reputation to be seen as having it all isn't great; is Soo Jin. Whilst on the surface she’s incredible, she’s powerful, fights for everyone, protects Kyung like a knight in shining armour, is protective of all her friends, uses her strengths to help others, and ensure people aren’t looked down on, or broken down.

Soo-Jin is also put into the same situation as Kyung and Suho, she's also broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. She's had her self esteem be destroyed repeatedly; for never getting to the top except she is always on top. She's the girl who has everything, like Suho her mask is the girl who has everything sorted, she's kind but harsh to the right people, she's protective because she doesn't like bullies and cruelty. She's intelligent and also beautiful naturally as Kyung puts it.

Still, her mask of strength is unveiled when you realise she's forced to put up with a bigger bully her own father, he's cruel, abusive and degrades her by physical violence. It's heart-breaking. To have the control, she repeatedly tries to wash her hands clean to the point they're raw and dry when she stressed and terrified. When she's broken and scared, she tries to restart again, washes her hands clean and starts again making her self anew, making her mind anew, and becoming stronger.

Her washing her hands mindlessly is the only time we see her without her mask, and no one can see her scars on the apparent parts they're hidden on her hands dry and cracked and easily misunderstood as dryness or mistake. Easily the part of the body that's not noticed at first.

Cruelty, Scars and Trauma

That's the thing with scars in this show and PTSD. Kyung's mask covers up the acne scars that people have hurt her because of. Yet now those scars are actively hidden under her makeup and guise of beauty, she has those external scars but also mental scars about how she looks she's been forced to a mindset where seeing her self in the mirror automatically gives her shivers, makes her terrified and go into self-hating phase. She's been forced to hide who she truly is because that was taken away from her by bullies because of her looks.' it just sucks and hurts.

Suho's mask covers his internal scars and burdens placed on him, you won't think he's broken or hurting from his past because his mask of coldness which makes everyone think he uses the status and reputation for his strength instead of loathing it. Suho's internal scars have made him become someone who's closed off, distrustful and harsh sometimes and no one understands it, they take it the wrong way, staying away from him. For example Seojun it's Suho's mask that made him think Suho was despicable and felt guiltless when in reality every single word SeoJun said to Suho about wanting him to never be happy until after he dies, about making sure he never has a good time because of Seoyeon just drives deeper with that self-hate. Disgust, Suho has for himself; it's like Seojun keeps repeatedly stabbing his wounds all over again. When he appears the issues increase even more if you've noticed, Suho's symptoms of PTSD increased because Seojun had started to actively make him go back to feeling guilty and remind him of the choice he made to push people away. Seojun playing a role in this is so upsetting, and it's made it hard for me to like his character as much as I did before.

The masks may cover up their scars in their minds and to others, but it won't make them free the way they want to be. These characters break my heart and have been through so much.

I'm loving this show. I think it gets better and more painful each episode, but it has the light moments, it touches your heart, and it makes you smile and cry so much. The romance between Suho and Kyung is also precious despite certain pauses in their growth because of their masks and miscommunications. However, the fact that they're each other's refuge to be free without their masks, to breath and to see each other the way others can't it's beautiful. Seojun's feelings for Kyung are also growing. I'm torn because I like his moments so much but thinking about emotional torment and pain he causes Suho, especially in these episodes isn't my cup of tea. Kyung sees him as a sibling right now, and I wonder if that's all she's ever goanna accept him as I actually want him and Soojin to be together at the end and Soojin is slowly getting into her role of second lead for Suho. I hope they don't use her hurt as a way to make her a villain. That's be sick if she breaks down because Suho likes Kyung not her like no let's avoid this storyline.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #kdrama #cha eunwoo #moon ga young #lee suho #im jukyung #cwg #december #han seojun

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originaldanganronpascenarios · 3 years ago

Note

Could you write yandere!Kokichi x Himiko? I like the idea that he would tease/bully her because he's a little shit or that he yandere loves her (and just hide his feelings. Maybe)

Oh you're not really aware of how I write Yanderes... But welp that is my first Yandere request I suppose.

DISCLAIMER: None of the content here is gloryfing or supporting of this kind of toxic relationships! This is just me writing dark-fiction.

Yandere Kokichi x Himiko

At first his relationship with her was innocent enough, he just teased her and always made sure she's focused on him.

But as he saw her adorable reactions whenever he called her ugly, or when he made fun of her she'd get so mad she'd try to get back at him only to accidentally compliment him. She gave him all the kinds of attention he wanted.

And don't even get him started on how she made herself flustered. All those little details started it all.

His obsession was well hidden. After all even though Himiko might not notice it someone else might.

He wouldn't leave such obstacles to just run freely now would he? They also prevent him from getting closer to her in general... Hmm perhaps he should kill two birds with one stone?

It could give him an opportunity to comfort her and it was rather tempting, but he had another plan ready.

Tenko was his first obstacle, but she only annoys his dear Himiko, right? She never respected her boundaries and made those creepy comments, right? She only treats Himiko like she's some cute little pet, right?

He kept trying to convince her to think that way. Luck was on his side and it just so happens that they had an argument. So he threw in some extra lies to further change Himiko's perspective until she finally cuts Tenko out of her life.

Next was Angie... A bit tougher oponent. They truly do share some sort of a bond. It would be a shame if all she did it for is some blood ritual.

After all she only listens to her God and Gods tend to love bloody sacrifices. Asking Angie about it is pointless since if she actually was going for it she'd obviously lie to Himiko.

This put tension and distrust and with time, Himiko stopped talking to Angie as a whole.

Although she still had some friends left he started to gaslight her into cutting off each and every one of them. He knows her the best so obviously he also knows what's best for her the most.

It was until she was alone and only person in her life was him. Now there was no turning back for her.

He confessed his feelings, saying that she was right all along and he teased her only because he loved her. Him being so honest and straightforward all of the sudden made her flustered but she admitted her own feelings.

Once she started looking lonely he did something he wanted to wait for, but he can't let his lover be so sad. He asked her to join his organization.

Her role wouldn't be going on any of the secret missions, she'd just be there to amuse members with her magic. She isn't close to being a proper trickster so she'd only be a deadweight on a mission.

But belonging to the group certainly made her happier. Everyone liked her company but they made sure to not let Kokichi feel jealous.

Who knew what he'd do under a jealousy attack? It's for the best if nobody talks to Himiko alone for too long.

Especially since his eyes and ears are everywhere and he knows what she's doing at all times.

She felt like she was being watched so she talked to him about it. To her surprise he admitted to being the source of that feeling.

It was scary but she grew to trust Kokichi after he helped her realize that everyone was against her... Well, everyone but him. So surely it was to protect her. After all if it was for a bad reason he would be more hesitant to admit it.

After a reaction like this he was so sure of his absolute victory. He could allow himself to do anything and she'd still trust him.

She's his little treasure now and he has her all for himself. It'd be great if everyone finally understood it. Especially after all of his efforts.

~Mod Angie

#kokichi oma #kokichi x himiko #drv3 kokichi #kokichi ouma #danganronpa kokichi #himiko x kokichi #drv3 himiko #danganronpa himiko #himiko yumeno #Oumeno

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hihellogoodbyebruh · 4 years ago

Text

Stingy

Pairing: Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes x Black!OC

Summary: EZ has a problem sharing and his girl, Monique is quite over it.

Warning(s): Some angst with a fluff ending

Word count: 2,552

AN: Ahhhh my first EZ fic. Based on a request I received from the lovely @ly--canthrope with an assist coming from Ginuwine’s Stingy. Thank YOU so much for your patience and encouraging words. I hope you enjoy this xo

You can say I'm tripping but I'm stingy And I can't hide it Wanna keep you all to me I'm selfish, why try to fight it?

An abandoned episode of Girlfriends played on the tv in the background as a woman sat straddling EZ’s lap as the two made out. His hands were rubbing up and down her sides under her shirt and her hands were gripping his face. One of her favorite things to do was kiss her boyfriend. She loved that they could just get lost in each other and it was the perfect opener for the mindblowing sex that was coming.

The familiar ringtone and buzz from her phone’s vibration echoed against the coffee table as she received a text message. She pulled away from the kiss and turned her head, trying to see if she could read the message from her position. She felt EZ stiffen, his hands moving down her hips to grip her thigh.

“I swear to God, Monique.” EZ began, feeling himself become annoyed. He can’t even enjoy her company at home without being interrupted. He’s tried so hard to be understanding, but that selfish part of him was fed up. The opening of Galindo’s company really put into perspective how often he misses time with her.

As Miguel’s assistant she had a very big hand in putting the opening celebration together. She’d been Miguel’s assistant for a couple years now. Her mother was a close confidante to Dita before she passed away. Dita wanted to keep an eye on her so she asked Miguel to give her a job. She was fantastic at keeping things organized and she already knew about the other side of business.

Working for Miguel was great because though some would hate being an assistant, he actually gave her a lot of responsibility. She was often put in charge of events while making sure everything in his life runs smoothly, at least on the legal side of things.She was so proud of her work tonight but she hardly had time to celebrate until she saw her man walking through the door.

She’d been with EZ, Ezekiel as she liked to call him because she loved his full name, for a little over a year. It was the best relationship she’d ever been in. He was kind, honest, caring, and oh so very fine.

She ended her current conversation before strutting over to Ezekiel, her arms immediately going around his neck. “Hi baby. I’m so happy you’re here.” She kissed his lips.

EZ loved seeing his girl in her element. She was very much out of his league in his mind and he felt lucky every day he woke up to her. “Hey beautiful.” He greeted her, hands resting on her lower back and pulling her close to him. “I see all your hard work has paid off.”

“It really has. Things couldn’t be going better. Especially now that you’re here.” She grinned at him.

“Oh yeah? You’re happy to see me?” He teased, smiling back so she kissed him again.

The two of them engaged in some conversation and heavy flirting before they were interrupted by her boss.

“Monique, I need you for a second…” Miguel announced, no time for pleasantries. He was always about his business. She could respect it but it was also annoying because he could have greeted Ezekiel

“Oh hi Miguel. We weren’t having a conversation or anything.” She sarcastically replied, giving her boss a look.

“Reyes..” Miguel acknowledged her boyfriend with a barely noticeable head nod before bringing his attention back to her. “You’ve put in the most face time with the Castillos and the lovely matriarch has requested your presence. We don’t want to keep them waiting, verdant?”

EZ rolled his eyes at Miguel but didn’t say anything. He was used to Miguel’s shit and honestly he didn’t like him either so the less they communicated the better.

The Castillos were a very important family that have entered into an arrangement with Galindo enterprises both on the legitimate and illegitimate side of business. It was already fragile so she wanted to keep everything on the up and up.

She retreated from EZ’s arms without a second thought. “Is everything alright? When we went over the final documents she didn’t bring anything up.” She began walking alongside Miguel but stopped in her tracks.

“I’ll be right back.” She walked back over to EZ and planted a distracted kiss on his cheek.

He mustered up a slight smile and then she was gone.

She didn’t come back until the end of the night.

She sighed, pushing her way out of his lap and snatching up her phone once she stood up. “He’s my boss, Ezekiel. You have got to let this thing with Miguel go. Enough is enough.”

“He just does this to piss me off.” And it worked. He wanted to have her all to himself, but he couldn’t do that with Galindo constantly texting her and having her work long hours. At this point it felt she was the one singlehandedly keeping his businesses afloat.

“So stop letting it piss you off.” She replied, like it was the easiest thing and to her it was.

He shot up from his seat and exasperatedly asked, “Why do you always defend him?”

“Because you’re being ridiculous. You knew who I worked for when we started dating.” She was annoyed they were even having this argument. Her attention was focused on her phone as she replied to Miguel with the information he needed.

EZ grew even more irritated that even in an argument he couldn’t have her whole attention. “What could he possibly need from you at 2 in the morning? Hm?” He snatched the phone from her hand.

“Are you out of your mind? Give me my phone back!” She gasped, shocked at his audacity. She and Ezekiel had been together for awhile now and he’s never acted this way. He’s never lost his temper with her. “Things happen. Emergencies. I never say anything when you have an emergency with the MC.”

“Bishop doesn’t text all hours of the night. Bishop doesn’t hate you and try to disrespect our relationship at every turn. And quite frankly, Bishop isn’t a woman so it’s not the same at all.” Ez snapped, his voice getting louder.

“And just what the fuck are you implying, EZ?” There was a clear warning in her tone of voice as she matched his volume. Now they both were yelling at each other. She never called him EZ either. Always preferring to call him Ezekiel.

He knew he should have backed down and cooled off but he was beyond tired of this shit. The angry words slipped outta his mouth before he could stop them. “I’m just wondering what all the late nights are really about. If I’m dating Miguel’s side piece just tell me!”

That was a mistake. Yelling was a mistake. Saying those words was a mistake. He knew it the moment he saw tears form in her eyes.

“Excuse me?” She whispered, voice slightly cracking. How dare he call her a cheater! He officially has lost his mind.

Ezekiel felt his heart drop into his stomach when he heard the hurt in her voice. It went too far. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, mariposa.” He started to walk closer to her, but she stepped back from him.

“This has nothing to do with me. Or us. This is you and Miguel continuing to have a dick measuring contest. Th-this all goes back to Emily.” The name rolled off her tongue with mild resentment. The two never had a bad run in with each other, but all the stories about Emily and EZ’s past relationship and how she was the love of his life always made Monique get defensive.

“That’s not true.” EZ refuted, but she interrupted him before he could further explain.

“Yes it is! And if somehow it’s not then we got some serious problems baby.” She just shook her head at him before demanding, “Get out.”

You're the only one, you're the only love That's strong enough to claim me So please forgive me I'm just stingy But how can you blame me?

It’s been two weeks since the fight with Ezekiel and Monique was really missing him. She was mad that he would be such a dumbass, but she still just wanted to be laying back on the couch with him watching tv.

Miguel watched as she pushed her salad around her plate, clearly not hungry. “Todo bien hermanita?” He asked, watching as she finally brought her eyes up to meet his. This was the quietest lunch the two ever had. Usually she was talking a mile a minute.

She smiled a little at the nickname. He only called her that when he was concerned or when he really wanted something. Truth is, the two had a sibling kind of relationship. She just wished EZ had seen and understood it. “I’m fine. Not really hungry.”

“Hmm.” He hummed, taking a sip of his drink. “Nestor and I had a meeting with the Mayans yesterday. Saw your novio and he looked like shit.” Miguel casually mentions and she tries to act nonchalant even as her heart races at the mention of a certain biker. “Imagine my surprise when he asked to pull me aside for a chat.”

“What!” She gasped loudly, jaw dropping.

“I’m sure you could guess what we spoke about.”

“Miguel…” She was ready to apologize to him for whatever accusations were thrown his way.

“I know I’m very demanding. It’s part of who I am. I demand a lot from myself and from those around me, especially those closest to me. That includes you, hermanita. But I don’t want to be the reason for your unhappiness. Even if it is with Reyes..” There was only mild disgust in his tone and she took that as an improvement.

“It’s not your fault he doesn’t trust me, hermano.” She sighed.

“He is crazy about you, you know that right?”

Monique went to answer, but Miguel stood up from his seat. He grabbed his suit jacket from the back of the chair and walked over to her, pushing down gently on her shoulders to keep her from getting up. He leans down and whispers “If in the end, you don’t want him and he won’t take the hint you let me know. He can visit my pew.”

She jerked her head back to give him a stern look, hating when he brought up that damn pew. He just kissed her head and walked away. She sat there dumbfounded for a second. “Wait, what-” She turned her head to call out to Miguel but her voice caught in her throat as she spotted Ezekiel right behind her. He walked over and took the seat Miguel was just in.

It was silent before she decided to break it. “You and Miguel working together? Hell must have frozen over.”

He cracks a grin at that. “Ha. Guess you could say we’ve called a truce. At least when it comes to a certain beautiful woman.”

“Calling a truce with my ‘side piece’? I’m sure Emily appreciates it.” She sarcastically replied, making him sigh in reply.

“I never should have said that. I was pissed off and being a sarcastic asshole. This never had anything to do with Emily. Yes we have history, but I don’t think about that anymore. I haven’t for a long time.” Monique looked down, wanting to believe him but having a hard time doing it. “I think about you. I think about you when we’re apart, I think about when I’ll see you again, I think about our future when you’re in my arms. You’re never not on my mind.”

His words make her want to smile, but she wasn’t done. “Then what’s been going on with us lately? Anytime I answer a call or text from Miguel you’re huffing and puffing. You sit there literally pouting like a 3 year old every time I have to do something for work. What’s the problem?”

“First, I don’t pout.” She started to disagree but he loudly continued, earning a playful glare from her. “SECONDLY, I know you’re an independent woman out here making it on your own and shit. I know it’s just been you and your job for a long time. But now you got me, mariposa. I’m here by your side and I like spending time with you. I like the quiet moments at home and our nights out. I want more of them. You work so much and you forget about everything else. Me included.”

“What do you mean I forget you? I don’t forget you.”

“Galindo Enterprises.”

“What are...Oh-” Her face completely dropped as she remembered the night. She got pulled away by Miguel and never went back to Ezekiel. She didn’t mean to, but she ended up checking on other things with the party and even though it hurts to admit she did forget about him. “Oh baby…” She held one of his hands that was on the table between both of hers.

“I’ve never been the one to cling and I don’t like to be needy but you’ve changed me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I love being in your presence. Maybe I am kind of a baby, but I think wanting your attention is a good sign for a relationship. I’m not asking you to quit your job, but some boundaries would be nice. ”

She felt so bad. He was absolutely right. She had been alone for a long time. She wasn’t used to sharing her life with someone else. An adjustment was obviously needed. “I never meant to make you feel like I wanted anyone or anything more than you. Or that I cared about those things more. I promise that I will work on communicating more with you and not just doing what I want with no consideration for you.”

He nodded his head, but she had to add one more thing. “You do need to know that sometimes just like you can’t help getting called away the same goes for me. But I’ll talk with Miguel and we’ll work out something that works for us all. I can’t believe I didn’t realize. I’m so-”

Ezekiel cut her off before she could begin criticizing herself. “So amazing, captivating, elevating,” after every word, EZ placed a kiss on the palm of her hand. “Anyway you put it I’m happy to be your man.”

“I’m still salty at you insinuating I was sleeping with Miguel.” She declared, causing him to nod with a sad look on his face.

“How can I make it up to you, mariposa?”

“Hmm…” She pretended to think when she already knew what she wanted. She leaned forward and beckoned him closer with a wiggle of her finger. She whispered in his ear, “I wanna ride you with only your kutte on until you lose your mind.” She lightly bit his ear lobe.

She busted out laughing at how fast he scrambled out of his seat and took her hand, pulling her behind him as he hustled out of the restaurant.

#ez reyes #black!reader #black!oc #ezekiel reyes #hhgbyebruh fics #ez reyes x black!reader #stingy

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fa-headhoncho · 4 years ago

Text

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 5

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt: i stuck at prompts so uh hoskins is the best and walker is kind of the worst and the beginning then the worst at the end :)

Word Count: 1865

Reader: Female

Warning: uhhh

Author's Note: lmk for taglist, also sorry for not updating, I've had major writer's block. also struggling with tying things together in the plot. i'd rather not post anything than regret posting something lol. PLEASE GIVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, I KNOW THERE IS STUFF WRONG, JUST TELL ME

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

=====

Waiting.

All you have left to do is wait. After letting the Flag Smashers get away, flying to Germany to infiltrate their base, and Zemo “mysteriously” breaking out of prison; you have to sit here at a random cafe and wait. Wait for a sighting or wait for the two idiots to respond to your messages.

The whole situation frustrated you. No evidence pointed to Sam and Bucky breaking Zemo out but that was enough proof for you and Walker to agree that it was them. Hoskins, on the other hand, was skeptical.

“Why would two Avengers break a criminal out of prison?” Said soldier questions from beside you. The three of you were sat outside, away from prying eyes and ears while you had a quiet meal together. It was nice to have some calm but it made you itch.

You shrug and look down at your cup of coffee, “Steve got me out of prison and I have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.”

“Yea, but that was to save the world.” Lemar points out, giving you an exhausted look. An uncomfortable pit in your stomach forms at the mention of the first battle, the one that blipped half the world gone.

Silence falls amongst the three of you again as you all are consumed by your thoughts. A small frown appears on your face as you think back to those years ago. Natasha Romanoff, a woman you will never see again, walked into your cell with a kind smile on her face. She explained to you the circumstances and how they needed everyone they could find to defeat a titan wanting world domination.

The look on Bucky’s face seeing you in Wakanda with the blonde was nerve-wracking. He looked like he saw a ghost. It brought back memories that you knew he didn’t want to think of and you felt guilty. It was not the first time the past has blended into his present and it wasn’t going to be the last, but it was worth it.

After his initial shocked expression, he greeted you with a surprised smile. One you never saw on him during your time at Hydra with his former self. He greeted you with your alias and his smile only got larger when you corrected him with your real name.

It was a sign of a fresh start between the two of you. He stuck beside you during the whole battle, protecting you from the aliens since it was obvious you were a bit rusty. It was nice… until you lost him again.

“They were desperate.” Walker’s voice rings out from across from you, a tone of realization.

“Who?”

“The Avengers.” He clarifies making you scoff and lean back in the patio chair. “They were up against an army that they thought they defeated years ago, an alien titan threatening to take over a world they’ve been trying to protect for years. The team was split into two and they didn’t know when the other half would show up.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms in annoyance at his backhanded analysis. You were out of practice, yea, but you were useful. They couldn’t have been that desperate to recruit you. “How does that relate to now?”

Now it’s Walker’s turn to roll his eyes. “So,” He drags out then lets out a scoff, “we have no leads. We’re at a dead end and we have the government behind us. They are as desperate as we are but the only difference is that they’re freelance heroes.” He carefully explains causing you to let out a sigh. You understood what he was getting at and it made you annoyed that he was right.

“So they can blur the lines we can’t.” You reluctantly conclude, he nods and relaxes in his seat. You had to hand it to him, he was smart. His training and years of experience did him well but that didn’t relax your nerves.

Bucky was still in recovery and you didn’t know how he would react to being in Zemo’s presence let alone working with him. He’s been doing better and this plus him not going to therapy is an uncertain combo.

Walker seemed to notice you dazing off again, subtly asking Lemar to go refill their coffees. You don’t notice when the man gets up and walks off until the blonde says your name.

“Hmm?” You hum, moving to grab your cup which was no longer there. A small blush appears on your face as you realize your distraction was gone. Now you have to look at him.

“You know, my wife doesn’t like me working with you that much.” He leans back in his seat and rolls his shoulders back, looking off in the distance. “With, you know, the countless charges of treason and espionage against you.”

You let out a snort, there was a lot more than that. “Where are you going with this, Walker?”

“You said you have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.” He simply states, eyes finally landing on you. There’s a moment of silence between you two as you try to define his words. Why was he bringing up his wife? Why did it matter that she was eerie of you?

“Yet, she knows I’ll be safe and level-headed because Hoskins is here.” He continues, “Sam is with Bucky, he’s in safe hands. If Zemo were to try anything he has Sam there to help him.”

You roll your head back and run your hands through your hair. There he goes again, thinking he knows everything and understands the situation. He continues to drone on but you stopped listening. You were proud of yourself that you kept your temper down this long, honestly, especially with your emotions right now.

You wait till he’s finished before looking back at him. He had a solemn look on his face, trying to show some sympathy and kindness but it only pissed you off further. “John, he turned him into the Winter Soldier.” Your voice was struggling to keep at an appropriate volume. “He said the words and he was gone. He still had nightmares about it to this day.

“Sam doesn’t know how to deal with the Winter Soldier. I barely do and I spent most of my life working with him. If he--”

“He’s not going to, (Y/N).” He snaps and you immediately shut up. You didn’t even realize the tears that started to pool in your eyes until you felt the wet drop roll down your cheek. He allows you to compose yourself before talking again, “My wife worries about me every day, you don’t think she’s not blowing up my phone every time she sees a newscast?

“I love her, would do anything for her. But she knows that when I see a fight, a chance to do something good or change the world for the better, that she can’t hold me back.” He passionately states as he fails from hiding his own emotions. “She still would worry even if I had...” His hands started to shake and his voice started to quiver.

It startled you, truthfully. He was allowing you to see a different side of him, the real man behind the shield. It was an odd time to get a new perspective on him but it was eye-opening nonetheless. He was opening his heart up to you as much as he probably didn’t want to, showing the same vulnerability you were.

“She supports me. She supports this crazy dream I’m living out right now and she’s there for me. You need to do the same for Bucky.” He culminates his speech just as Hoskins exits the doors of the cafe, juggling three cups and a pastry in his hands.

Walker immediately tries to relax his shoulders while you advert your eyes to the group of tourists across the street. There was a tense air between the two of you that if Hoskins noticed, he didn’t mention.

He sets the pastry down in front of you and you send him a grateful smile, a small warmth in your chest at the gesture to make you feel better. It works slightly until Walker’s words echo through your head.

=====

You let out a groan when you feel something soft wack against your face. Opening your eyes, you see black and don’t fully process what’s actually going on until the object is pulled away and replaced by a phone hovering above you.

“They’re in Latvia.” Walker’s voice rings out from beside you. Your brain finally catches up with being woken up so abruptly as you reach out and grab the phone from his hands.

Avengers Abroad. The article title readout causes you to furrow your eyebrows. Walker starts collecting your things while Hoskins stands at the doorway with two bags in his hands.

You quickly skim through the piece as the blonde aggressively throws your clothes into your duffle, “Why are they in Latvia?” You question, looking up from the phone to Walker who just ignores you. It would’ve made you laugh, seeing him pack up like a child whose mother just picked him up in the middle of a sleepover but the expression on his face was not one to mess with.

“We don’t know.” Hoskin’s soothing voice answers for him. “We need to head out immediately in case they spotted Karli, though. The most we can do right now is meet up with them and help.”

“And arrest Zemo,” Walker adds, walking out of the bathroom.

You raise your hands in exasperation, a questioning look on your face. “Weren’t you the one who was just convincing me that it was a good thing that they had Zemo with them?”

“Never said it was a good thing, just a desperate thing.” He corrects, “Now we have enough information to arrest them both for harboring a fugitive, we can take whatever information they--”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You throw your covers off and get up from the bed. You were furious that he would even utter those words, he knew they were with him and now he was just trying to corner them to make it seem like he was doing civil justice. “You just want to turn the tables to make it seem like you did all the work, you want the starlight more than you want to take down Karli.”

There’s a tense moment of silence where you and Walker just stare at each other. You could tell you struck a nerve by the way his shoulder’s squared up. It happened every time you insulted him and it was his tell to show he was trying to hold back his emotions.

“Just grab the rest of your shit and meet us in the lobby.” He demands, giving your bag a heave and throwing it at you. Luckily, your reflexes work faster than your brain does and you catch it. There’s a bit of guilt that bites at the back of your head for the low blow, especially since he gave you some good advice this morning, but you had more important matters to attend to.

_____

taglist: @crowleysqueenofhell @mischiefmanaged71 @thewinterrbucky @lizajane3 @ahahafudge @spookycereal-s @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kittengirl998 @ sebby-staan @felicityofbakerstreet @sltwins @tanyaherondale @mads-weasley @healy-facedown @bbl32 @sebby-staan

#bucky barnes x reader #tfatws #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #james barnes #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x female reader #mcu

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wielderofmysteries · 4 years ago

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Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience

(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.

There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.

Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.

In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.

"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."

"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."

"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."

[...]

Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.

"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."

In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.

"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."

He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.

Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.

"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."

Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.

"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.

"What?"

"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."

In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.

Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.

They stood as one.

Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"

Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.

He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"

Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.

[...]

Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.

But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.

Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?

What would Gideon say?

Jace smiled. Of course.

"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.

None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.

"For Zendikar!"

Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.

I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.

Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.

It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.

"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.

Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.

Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.

This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.

[...]

"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.

It came off as condescending.

The man was annoyed.

"I can do it myself."

The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."

"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.

"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."

The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.

The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.

Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"

Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."

"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.

Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.

Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.

It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.

Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.

As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.

Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.

There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.

TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.

There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!

#mtg #jace beleren #magic story #analysis #long post

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impala666 · 4 years ago

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The One Where Underdog Get’s Away Part Four: Yes The Cartoon!

Finally you guys! I know I got a little uninspired by this series for a little while, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick it up since I had kind of lost my writing touch. But I looked at it the other day and I never realized how much people actually like it, plus 2020 has made me want to escape the world and go into my Friends rewrite world. So here we are, the last part of the first Thanksgiving episode!!!!

Friends Rewrite (masterlist) Previous Part (Part Three)

It was officially the day all of you had been looking forward to, well at least most of you. It was finally Thanksgiving day and Monica was working on mostly everything in the kitchen except for Phoebe who was helping with the pies, Ross who was supposed to be helping with something instead he just sat there moping, you helped with the dishes, Joey was just going through Monica’s fridge which was nothing new, and last but not least Chandler was standing close to the door while he silently mocked all of you participating in this holiday. He mostly couldn’t understand why you were celebrating Thanksgiving, you were there when your parents delivered the news that they were getting divorced. Chandler never understood your fascination with holiday’s, but you did always seem to be in a bit of a better mood when they came around. “Mmm, looking good,” Monica announced her progres to all of us. “Cider’s mulling, turkey’s turking, yams are yamming. What?” She finally asked in annoyance at her brother after she finally turned around and saw his very long face.

“I don’t know. It’s just not the same without mom in the kitchen.” Ross complained. But it seemed like Monica had had enough of Ross being a Negative Nelly.

“Alright, that’s it, get out of my way and stop annoying me.” She yelled at him.

“Oh, that’s closer,” Ross smiled and pointed at Monica as her actions were starting to remind him of one Mrs. Geller.

“I got the tickets!” Rachel yelled as she ran into the apartment. After you set the sink to drain after the last dish, you turned around and smiled at her excitement. “Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.” Rachels did her annoying imitation of skiing.

“Oh you must stop shooping.” Chandler begged as he smiled at her.

“I’m gonna go get my stuff.” She announced to all of you as she made her way to her room.

“Chandler, will you just come in already?” You asked your big brother as you made your way to the center of the kitchen to wrap an arm around Joey’s waist.

“Oh, no thank you. I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.” You couldn’t help but hate when Chandler got this way, even though you couldn’t completely judge him, you were the exact same way last year when you had to spend Thanksgiving all along. But this year the both of you actually had people that cared about you to celebrate with , how could he not feel it? But instead of saying anything mature you just dropped your voice to a deep whisper and mocked everything that he just said.

“Look out! Incoming pumpkin pie!” Phoebe announced before she made a fake plane sound as she brought the pie in for a landing, clearly trying to defuse some of the tension that you and Chandler were letting leak into the room and in front of your friends who were just trying to enjoy their holiday.

“Okay, we all laughed when you did with the stuffing, but that’s not funny anymore.” Chandler told her while bringing the mood down again before he finally took the door handle and closed it behind him as he walked out into the hall to go to his own apartment.

“Monica, I got a question, I don’t see any tater tots.” Joey mentioned after he rubbed your back to make sure you were okay before turning around to your chef friend. Monica and you shared a smile before she turned and gave Joey a knowing look.

“That’s not a question,” she told him before looking back down at what she was stirring.

“My mom always makes them.” Joey started whining from the thanksgiving food that he wouldn’t get to have this year. “It’s a tradition. You get a little turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot!” Joey exclaimed. Of course you couldn’t help but feel bad that your boyfriend couldn’t go to his family’s for thanksgiving because of the AD that they saw their son in, but you also knew that Joey was being a little unfair to Monica. “I mean, it’s bad enough that I can’t be with my family because of my disease.” Joey slumped down into a chair at the table with his chin in his hand trying to win her over. While you loved him there was a part of you that couldn’t help but roll your eyes a little.

“Alright, tonights potatoes will come in the form of lumps and in the form of tots.” Monica smiled when she heard the boys stop complaining and put smiles on their faces instead.

“Yes,” the boys cheered silently.

“You know Mon, you really don’t have to make the tots. You’re already doing so much already,” but before you could finish your sentence you felt a hand come up from behind you and put it over your mouth before you could finish speaking.

“No, no, she’s wrong. We gotta have the tots.” Joey managed to say for you.

“It’s fine, Y/N, I just want everyone to be happy.” Monica brushed you off while you softly pinched Joey on the shoulder for what he had done.

“Alright, I’m off to talk to my unborn child.” Ross announced as he rose from his chair as he took his coat with him. Before he stepped away though he tried to take a bit of the stuffing that Monica was mixing in a bowl, but it seemed he had been caught when she yelled at him and batted his hand away. “Okay, mom never hit.” He pointed out before strutting to the door and shutting it behind him as he left.

“Okay, all done,” Phoebe cheered as she removed the mixers from the potatoes. You couldn’t help but cringe at the mistake she made before Monica could notice it as you took the chair at the table next to Joey.

“Phoebe, did you whip the pot,” Monica’s face went to disappointment when she saw the beaters. “Ross needs lumps!” She cried as she took the pot of potatoes from Phoeber.

“Well, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.” Phoebe said while she not so subtly asked for another way to make the potatoes in a way that was meaningful to her.

“Why would we do that?” Monica asked her.

“ ‘Cause then they’d be the way my mom used to make it, you know, before she died.” She told her while giving Monica the puppy dog look.

“Okay,” Monica huffed as she moved Phoebe out of her way. “Three kinds of potatoes coming up.”

“But Monica,” you started but were immediately being cut off by her yelling at you not to say anything which made you shut up right away. You and Joey couldn’t help but looked at each other with bashful faces from what you had done.

“Okay, goodbye, you guys,” Rachel beamed as she walked out of her room with her luggage and her skis in her hands. “Thanks for everything.” Her smile fell when one of her bags accidentally knocked something on the table next to the couch, and when she turned around to look and see what it was she forgot that she was holding her skis and turned to quickly, without realizing that she hit Joey in the head before it was too late.

“Are you okay?” You immediately asked him as Rachel started profusely apologizing to him as Joey made sure to let both of you know that he was fine and that it was no big deal.

“The most unbelievable thing just happened!” Chandler cheered as he bared his way into Monica and Rachel’s scaring you all just a little bit. “Underdog has gotten away.”

“The balloon?” Joey wondered.

“No, the actual cartoon character.” Chandler sarcastically answered.

“Chandler,” you just stared at him unamused. “Come on.”

“Of course the balloon. It’s all over the news. Right before he reaches Macy’s, he broke free and was spotted over Washington Square Park. I’m going to the roof, who’s with me.” Chandler declared so that he could try and get a glimpse of this giant balloon. Of course you were gonna go but you could feel yourself being taken by your hand and almost dragged behind Joey toward the door.

“I can’t, I gotta go!” Rachel warned everyone even though all of you knew that she would want to see the balloon too.

“Come on, and 80 foot inflatable dog loose over the city?” Chandler tried to get her to see it from his perspective.

“How often does that happen?” You wandered along with him.

“Almost never,” Phoebe answered for you as she softly nudged you on your back for you to go through the door so all of you could run up the stairs. But what no one heard, was Monica asking Rachel if she had the keys before Monica promptly slammed the door shut.

*********

“That was awesome!” You exclaimed as you lead everyone’s way down the stairs.

“I know! I loved the giant dog shadow over the park.” Rachel agreed with you at how weird the situation was that all of you just saw unfold.

“Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? That was just mean.” You couldn’t help but smile at the little sentence that came out of Phoebe’s mouth made her sound so innocent, it even made a little giggle come out of you as you waited for Rachel to open the door.

“Okay, the turkey should be crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside.” Monica smiled at the thought of the delicious sounding turkey that was sitting all for you on the other side of that door. “Why are we standing here?” She asked when nothing happened and no one was moving anywhere, all of us were just standing in the hallway looking at each other.

“We’re waiting for you to open the door, you’ve got the keys.” Rachel said to her.

“No, I don’t.” Monica stared at her roommate.

“Yes you do. When we left you said, “got the keys.” Rachel said, explaining her side of things. While you, Joey, and Chandler stood by your apartment door watching all of this unfold.

“No, I asked, “Got the ke’eys?” Monica changed her pitch to let Rachel know that at the time she was actually asking a question.

“No, no, no you said, “got the keys.” Rachel was sticking to what she thought she heard, but all you could tell was that were getting a slight headache from this argument that just seemed to go around in circles, so to hide from the confrontation you just decided to lean against Joey’s chest as he kissed the top of your head while you waited for the girls to figure out what they were doing.

“Either of you have the keys?” Chandler asked the both of them as he leaned on Joey as well, and was of course mocking Rachel and Monica as he asked them. Which made Monica freak out and try the door knob.

“The oven is on!” She yelled worried about the turkey and of course the apartment.

“I’ve gotta get my ticket.” Rachel also added when she remembered the flight that she was supposed to get on for the family trip you all pitched in for.

“Oh wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.” Joey just now realized.

“Well get it, get it!” Monica begged the three of you.

“That tone won’t make me go any faster,” Joey warned as he tried to get her to calm down.

“Joey!” You yelled trying to get him to realize that you all were kind of crunched for time as you pointed your finger at him.

“That one will,” Joey’s face turned to a scared one when he saw the serious look on your face before turning around and running into the apartment to get the drawer with all of the keys that he and Chandler had collected over the years.

********

All of you were waiting for Joey to find the right key to the door, which apparently took about a thousand keys and he still hadn’t found the right one. “Can you go any faster with that?” Monica asked Joey as she walked up to him.

“I got one key hole and a zillion keys. You do the math.” Joey told her as he turned around to try another key that turned out to be yet another failure.

“Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?” Rachel added in on the yelling as she stepped down from the one she was standing on.

“For an emergency just like this.” Chandler smirked.

“All right, listen smirky.” Rachel growled as she grabbed Chandler by his shirt collar. “If it wasn’t for you and your stupid balloon I would be on a plane watching a woman do this right now, but I’m not.” Rachel added as she did the thing that flight attendants for when they signal the exits on an airplane.

“I swear you said you had the keys.” Monica continued. Oh, my god not again, you rolled your eyes and leaned your head against the wall.

“No I didn’t. I wouldn’t say that unless I had the keys, and I obviously did not have the keys!” This fight was just getting more and more childish when Rachel started jumping up and down and stomping her feet on the floor. You were honestly about to snap at them yourself, but it seemed that Phoebe had had enough as well.

“Alright! That’s enough about the keys, no one say keys.” She yelled at them as the both of you walked over to the roommates to try and calm them down. Finally there was a brief silence that you couldn’t help but let out a content sigh.

“Oh thank god,” you said under your breath. “That was just ridiculous.”

“Why would I have the keys!?” But it seemed neither you or Phoebe were heard, or Monica was just too stubborn to let it go and prove to Rachel that she was right.

“It’s like it never ends.” You and Phoebe just to decided to give up and let them get this over with.

“Aside from your saying you had them?” Rachel fought back at Monica.

“But I didn’t.” Monica answered with again.

“Well you should have.” Rachel rebutted. This was followed with a series of why’s and because’s when neither of them felt like they were at fault her. Phoebe and you shared a looked and just shrugged your shoulders while your brother and Joey did the same thing.

“Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn’t it enough that I’m making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone?” Monica started directing her yelling at all of your from how stressed and angry she was getting. “Everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I’m making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? No! No! No!” You couldn’t help but feel like you were being yelled at by your mother, yet you were also very impressed that she was actually standing up for herself. “Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions and Mario gets his tots. And it’s my first Thanksgiving and it’s all burnt and..” the more and more she kept talking the more freaked out that her food was all ruined and the higher her voice got.

“Okay, Monica, only dogs can hear you now.” Chandler said right when Joey finally found the right key to the door.

“Hey,” you pointed out to her. “The door’s open.”

“Oh God,” she exclaimed as we all ran into the apartment to find that there was smoke everywhere in the kitchen. “Well, turkey’s burnt.” She slammed the bird on the stove top. “Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are ruined. Potatoes are ruined.” Just then, of course, Ross walked into the room singing and seeming to be in a great mood. That was until he smelled and saw the smoke.

“This doesn’t smell like mom.” Ross complained.

“No, it doesn’t, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross?” Monica turned around and pulled out that spoon that was now stuck in the solid, burnt, black potatoes. “Well, here you go buddy, you got one!”

“Oh God, this is great! The planes gone, so I guess I’m stuck here with you guys.” Rachel complained about her misfortune as she set the phone down.

“Hey, we all had better plans, okay. This was nobody’s first choice.” You couldn’t really believe what had come out of Joey’s mouth, and you couldn’t help but look at him with furrowed eyebrows and an astonished look on your face. It may not have gone the way anybody planned, but it was the best Thanksgiving you had had in a long, long time. You crossed your arms and sadly turned around when you heard that it was Monica’s turn.

“Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?” Monica yelled louder as she pointed to the burnt food behind her. Just then everyone started fighting and while you tried to calm everybody down, everyone was just too heated to listen or hear you. But that was it you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Alright, stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” You yelled at the top of your lungs as you jumped and stomped just trying to get everyone’s attention.

“Now this feels like Thanksgiving.” Chandler smiled at the fighting that was going on, but you weren’t going to have that. You were going to make this Thanksgiving spectacular whether he liked it or not.

********

All seven of you were all sitting in your own spots in the room, no one was talking to each other and no one even dared to look at each other. Monica sitting in the arm chair staring at the wall, Ross and Rachel on the couch, you at the table with your head resting on your arms across from Joey and next to Chandler, and Phoebe who was sitting in a chair and staring out of the window and to the neighbors that lived across the street. “Ew!” Phoebe’s exclamation made all of you escape your own thoughts.

“What” Rachel asked her.

“Ugly Naked Guy just took his turkey out of the oven.” Sure it sounded too intriguing, it was just none of you wanted to get up. “Oh, my God. He’s not alone. Ugly Naked Guy is having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.” Once Phoebe announced it, it was like none of you could control it anymore. All of you jumped out of your seats and ran to the window just to see what was going on.

“All right, Ugly Naked Guy!” Joey yelled his support right next to you.

“Awe, ugly naked dancing.” It was really cute how two people that were so odd and so comfortable with being naked would make such a cute couple.

“It’s nice that he has someone.” Phoebe, always the one to say what all of you were thinking did it again. And when you looked side to side, from Ross and to Joey to wrapped his arm around your shoulder, you leaned your head on his shoulder as you realized that it was really nice not to be alone for once on a holiday, or ever really. You had six incredible people that cared for you and you cared for them, what else could you ask for. You felt Ross softly pat you on the shoulder before he patted Joey before he finally turned and walked away from the window. Using this opportunity to reach up and peck Joey on the lips before you yourself walked away.

********

“Shall I carve?” Chandler asked to your right from the head of the table while he held knives in both hands.

“By all means.” Rachel smiled at him from your left when you both shared a satisfied smile.

“All right,” Chandler agreed as he finally sunk his knives into the many, many stacked grilled cheeses. “Okay, who wants dark cheese and who wants light cheese?” You brother asked as he offered the plate, which you gratefully took from him.

“I don’t even wanna know about the dark cheese.” Ross added to what Chandler made into a joke.

“Does anybody want to split this with me?” Monica asked as she lifted up and sandwich.

“I will,” Joey raised his hand.

“Make a wish.” Phoebe told them so that it could be like your very own wishbone, but it seemed Monica and Joey didn’t understand when they just stared at her.

“You know, Thanksgiving.” You mimicked doing the movements of the wishbone which they got. So then the sandwich was lifted, Monica’s hand on one half, and Joey’s on the other half. Once they pulled apart Phoebe cheered.

“Woohoo, you got the bigger half, what’d you wish for?” She asked him.

“The bigger half,” he gave his honest answer with a straight face. You couldn’t help but rest your chin on your hand and just share a sweet smile with him.

“Alright, I’d like to propose a toast. Little toast here.” Chandler clinked his knife to his wine glass to get everyone’s attention. I know this isn’t exactly the Thanksgiving all of you planned. But for me, this has been really great. You know?” Chandler asked, even though looking down at you, he knew that you knew. “I think because it didn’t involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, if you had gone to Vail, or if you had gone to Joey’s parents, or if you guys had been with your family, or if you didn’t have syphilis and stuff. We wouldn’t be all together, you know?” Chandler continued with his speech until he was behind Ross and Joey while all of you had your wine glasses raised. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, uh, I’m very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.” With that we all thanked him as we all reached toward the center of the table and clinked our glasses together before each taking a sip.

“And hey,” Ross got everyone’s attention again. “Here’s to a lousy Christmas.”

“And a crappy New Year.” Rachel had to add before everyone clinked their glasses together again. You couldn’t help but think to yourself that, yep you were definitely going to be okay.

#friends #friends rewrite #Joey Tribbiani #joey tribbiani x reader #sister!bing #bing!reader #chandler bing #ross geller #rachel green #phoebe buffay #monica geller

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riversofmars · 4 years ago

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Can’t believe this is actually happening! Part one of the grand (I hope lol) finale. I really hope you’ll be happy with how I’m wrapping it up... here we goooo!

Chapter 16: The Parting of Ways Part I

Clara gasped as she hit the floor with a thud. She was completely disoriented. A moment ago, she had been prepared to die, she had seen the Emperor’s knife heading towards her and accepted her fate. The teleport left her stunned. Who was responsible for saving her? And how did they do it? She scrambled to her feet, she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“River…“ She mumbled to herself. The person who’d betrayed her and therefore the only one who could have predicted the situation … it wasn’t gratitude she felt towards her, she had brought her into that position after all, but she clearly hadn’t been oblivious or ambivalent towards the consequences of her actions. It seemed as though she was keen to keep balance and playing all sides. She couldn’t help but admire her a little.

Clara looked around to find out where she had been teleported to. A tent city of sorts, in the shadow of the Citadel. It was the dead of night and only some dying campfires gave any light at all.

“Clara?“

Clara whipped around at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Of course you’re here…“ She sighed as she recognised the Monk walking towards her, he looked at her bewildered, as she was so completely out of place.

“What are you doing down here?“ He asked slowly, trying to figure out if she had been sent by the Emperor but the expression on her face and the defensive body posture told a different story.

“I was just leaving.“ Clara replied looking around for a way out. There were several people approaching now from all sides. Her arrival had not gone as unnoticed as she had initially assumed.

“Get Missy and the Doctor.“ The Monk said to a man to his left.

“You’ll be looking for a long time.“ Clara retorted, when she realised this had to be where the Doctor had gone to hide.

“What do you mean?“ The Monk frowned, confused.

“Oh, didn’t you know? Your fearless leaders are back at the palace, staring down the Emperor herself. Can’t imagine it’ll end very well, she’s not in a good mood.“ Clara answered flippantly. “To think I was so close… they only had to play along.“

“What happened?“ The Monk carried on, stepping closer.

“Oh you know, I was plotting to kill the Emperor with the help of the Doctor and her wife but they seemed to have other plans.“ Clara gave a little dismissive wave. “I should get going…“ She didn’t want to stay in this place any longer. It wasn’t exactly like they would be sympathetic towards her.

“You’re not going anywhere.“ Another man intervened that Clara vaguely recalled being called Manton. She had seen his file. “You haven’t got the Shade anymore.“

“Very observant.“ Clara replied curtly, trying her best to hide her anxiety buttoning up her shirt higher. She was helpless and they had just realised that.

“They have cast you out, haven’t they.“ The Monk realised.

“They were going to kill me so yeah, you could say that.“ Clara couldn’t resist the sarcastic reply.

“But why are you here?“ He asked, struggling to make sense of it.

“This is where River - the Doctor’s wife that is - sent me, when the Emperor was going to execute me.“ There was no point in lying. She was in an impossible situation. She had no friends to turn to on either side and the power of the Quantum Shade was gone, so she might as well be honest now and accept judgement whichever shape it should come in. She had already lived longer than she had expected.

“In that case, you will help us get our friends back. Word of your treason won’t have carried far yet, I can’t imagine the Emperor would want that rumour to spread.“ Manton said firmly. They could use her to get around the palace.

“Why would I help you?“ Clara asked, utterly bewildered.

“It’s the least you can do for her saving you. It won’t make up for what you’ve done, you will answer for your crimes too, but you owe us this much.“ The Monk retorted.

“There is absolutely no point, you can’t outsmart her. Missy and the Doctor are most likely already dead.“ Clara shook her head, they clearly didn’t grasp the magnitude of the situation.

“No. That’s the bells ringing in the end of this reign of terror.“ Manton gestured towards the Citadel, the Cloister Bells ringing steadily. “We have to free them, we can’t sit around any longer.“

“Then you will get yourself killed too. Don’t you see there is just no wait to overpower her? I thought I’d figured it out and then… no matter what the Doctor and her wife are planning, it won’t be enough. Missy should know that by now, she should never have clung to that false hope, the Emperor will have her head this time, you mark my words.“ Clara shook her head, her voice bitter. “She should have just given up, why didn’t she just stop?“ It made no sense to her. “Four and a half billion years, she kept going and for what?“ It was a question she had been asking herself for such a long time. She had been responsible for trapping Missy in the confessionary dial, she had spent an eternity in repetitive agony because of her, and yet she had kept going. The question as to why still eluded her.

“To do the right thing.“ The Monk answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“The right thing?“ Clara huffed. “That’s all a matter of perspective…“

“No, it’s not. There is right and wrong, good and bad. There are lines not to be crossed.“ Manton shot back and this time, Clara remained silent. What was she to say to that? She knew she had crossed too many of those lines herself to ever redeem herself. The twinge of guilt she felt was oddly welcome, as she thought of Missy and what was likely happening at the palace.

——

“Keep walking.“ Yaz gave River a shove for good measure as she lead her and Missy down to the holding cells.

“You really don’t have to be so pushy, you know.“ River sighed slowing down a little on purpose, solely to annoy their captors more.

“And you don’t have to be so confrontational.“ Missy hissed to her, worried she would make the situation worse for them. She couldn’t deny, she was a little confused. The Doctor had given her fair warning. When they had spoken of River, she had told her that she could be trouble, but she could hardly tell the difference to the River she knew. They were both overly confident, confrontational and inconsiderate, she just didn’t know when to shut up.

“So when she said arena, am I to think gladiator games?“ River looked to Missy curious for some answers, she knew she wasn’t going to get much out of Yaz.

“Something like that, yeah…“ Missy huffed, dreading to think about it. She hoped the Doctor had a plan… at least she was safe for the time being.

“How exciting.“ River grinned, which worried Missy even more.

“No, it’s not exciting, it’s a public, and very certain, death sentence!“ She hissed in annoyance.

“I’m starting to think your evil version is more fun.“ River sighed. “We broke out of prison together once, fun times, I’m getting an awful sense of deja vu.“ She observed when they reached the holding cells. Dungeon had been a suitable description, they were far underground by the looks of it, there was little light and the cells were set into heavy stone.

“There is no escape.“ Yaz informed them as she opened the cell door and gestured for them to stepped inside.

“Don’t worry, we will be awaiting our execution with baited breath.“ River smirked and walked past Yaz quite happily while Missy followed more reluctantly.

“I’m glad you’re still enjoying yourself, let’s see what you’re like when you’re in the arena and you realise she’s not coming back for you.“ Yaz couldn't resist, she wanted to make sure they understood they were defeated. There was no way the Doctor, wherever she was, would be able to save them now. “If she’s clever, she’ll take the opportunity and run and never look back.“ She locked the cell door.

“And yet, the bells are still ringing.“ River smirked stepping right back up to the bars to where Yaz was standing. “Get some rest, Captain, you look rather worn out.“ She gave her a quick once over. Her misadventure in the Cloisters had left her in worse shape than she cared to admit. Without comment, Yaz turned and walked away. “Judgement is coming for you all.“ River called after her in amusement, sensing she was getting under her skin. None of them would rest easily till morning, not with the Doctor at large.

“Was that really necessary?“ Missy scolded when they were alone at last.

“What’s to be gained by being placid?“ River asked looking around the cell. There was nothing but a metal bench.

“What’s to be gained by being confrontational?“ Missy retorted in annoyance.

“Everybody deals with stress in their own way.“ River shrugged and went to sit on the bench.

“Do you… where did she go?“ Missy asked after a moment of silence. She didn’t sit down, she hovered by the bars looking down the corridor. She didn’t want to doubt that the Doctor was fine and would be back, so she didn’t pose the question, trying to plan ahead instead. If there was such a thing as a plan to all this.

“Earth… some time in the past, I’m not entirely sure, I knocked the time coordinates at the end there, just in case, if they tried to get the information out of me.“ River revealed watching Missy curiously. She marvelled at the genuine worry painted all over her face. She hardly even looked like the Missy she knew.

“They may yet try to…“ She mumbled, there was no way of knowing which lengths the Emperor would go to.

“I think she knows I would sooner die than give up the Doctor.“ River smiled. The Emperor and her wife shared the same unbreakable bond, they would know that it would be a waste of time to question her at this point.

“Did you two plan this? Is there a plan?“ Missy had to ask. The two had barely seen each other, let alone have a chance to hatch a plan, and yet they seemed to be working hand in hand.

“I would like to pretend that there was a plan… but this is what it’s usually like. You just work with what you find and hope it somehow all works out in the end.“ River chuckled.

“And does it?“ Slowly Missy made her way over to her, beginning to feel more comfortable. Without an audience, River immediately appeared more approachable and her words were open and honest.

“Always has so far.“ River smiled as she watched her sit down.

“And what makes you think this isn’t the one time where the odds are just overwhelming.“ Missy couldn’t ignore her doubts altogether. As much as she believed in the Doctor, the odds seemed as insurmountable as ever.

“When you’re with the Doctor, you don’t give up. Ever.“ River shrugged, it was obvious to her but Missy hadn’t know her long enough yet to understand that, so she decide to explain: “We all just do what we can and keep going, keep trying, looking for something we can do, something we can use… The vortex manipulator seemed like a good bet. I knew River would have one cause I always had one. The Doctor is the only one who could dream up a way of stopping them so giving it to her, rather than using is myself, was the logical thing to do.“

“She did say she had some sort of a plan…“ Missy mused. River was making a whole lot of sense. If anyone could come up with a way of bringing down this reign of terror, it was the Doctor. And with time travel at her disposal, she had a real shot. She just had to figure out how to make it count.

“Then I hope I have done my bit to enable it.“ River smiled.

“She did say you wouldn’t need looking after.“ Missy mirrored her smile. She could see what the Doctor had meant when she said River wouldn’t really need their help.

“I am quite capable.“ River winked. “I like to have an ace or two up my sleeve, you never know.“

“Like with Clara?“ Like everyone else, Missy had been caught completely off guard by the disappearing act. She had fully expected her to get killed until River’s last minute miracle.

“Ah, see, that’s another good example of making the most of what we find.“ River chuckled, she had anticipated the question. “I’ll be honest, that was a fortunate coincidence in the end. I had expected her to die. When I made the gamble to betray her to the other River, I accepted that that would probably get her killed. I’m a pragmatist. I knew my best chance at finding a way out of here and a way to aid the Doctor would be to distract River and go through their resources. Clara made a good distraction.“

“You didn’t know you’d be able to save her?“ Missy frowned, unsettled by her apparent lack of remorse. She could tell she was being honest.

“From what I’ve learned about this universe, about these people, about her… she probably would have deserved it. That made the choice slightly easier.“ River shrugged. “And even when I was going through stuff and found the emergency teleport mechanism… I hadn’t intended on using it on her until she really was about to get killed… It was intended as a way out for me, should I need one.“ She revealed.

“What?“ Missy’s eyes widened in shock. River had decided to save Clara instead of herself, when it came to it.

“Don’t misunderstand, Master. I didn’t give my way out up for Clara’s benefit. It wasn’t because I thought she deserved saving.“ River smiled apologetically, she could tell Missy was thoroughly confused. “With the Doctor gone, I didn’t want to leave you behind as well, having to deal with them on your own, and I didn’t want the teleport to go to waste, so Clara was the unwitting benefactor.“

“I uh…“ Missy didn’t know what to say and River didn’t need her to say anything, she just reached for her hand.

“Have a little faith, we’re alive, we’re fine, the Doctor is doing her thing. Now, we just hang on for the time being.“

“Thank you.“ Missy gave her hand a squeeze. “Not, necessarily, for sticking around with me when you had a way out. That was probably stupid. Particularly if we end up getting killed in the arena… but you and the Doctor wanting to help… when you could just be on your way… between the two of you, you’d have found a way back to your reality in no time if you’d wanted to.“

“Ah well, the Doctor has never been able to walk away from toppling a tyrant.“ River winked. “Besides… I’m sure finding a version of the Master she can actually trust… that probably means a great deal to her.“

“Well, having met her means a great deal to me, too.“ Missy smiled weakly, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. “I’d pretty much given up hope… I mean, we’re at the end of all things, trapped in the Emperor’s perfect little Empire… nothing to do, nowhere to go… She…“ Suddenly, Missy stopped speaking mid-sentence, she blinked, confused, having lost her train of thought.

“What is it?“ River asked, immediately concerned.

“It’s… I don’t know like… are these new memories forming? But how…“ She looked to River. “It’s the Doctor… I’ve… met her before.“

——

The Doctor knocked for a third time and looked around to make sure she wasn’t being followed. Earth was a battlefield, the Emperor - or Doctor, still at this time - had really gone to town. She had never seen the devastation of these events first hand, the Master had kept her in a cage when he had carried out these deeds in her universe. She could only presume things had been similar at the time. She averted her eyes and focused on the door in front of her. One battle at a time. She looked at the vortex manipulator on her wrist. Time is what it would take. A lot of it. So much to do… She could only hope she hadn’t miscalculated. She was drawn from her thoughts when finally, the door in front of her was being opened.

“Harold Saxon? Mind if I come in?“ The Doctor smiled at the Master who looked back at her in confusion. She looked up and down the road again to make sure she hadn’t been followed.

“I uh… I think you’ve come to the wrong place…“ He started saying but she interrupted him, she didn’t have time for this, so much to do still.

“No, I think I’m in exactly the right place, now if you don’t mind…“ She pushed past him.

“Who… what… you shouldn’t be here…“ Quickly the Master closed the door, worried someone would see and recognise him. He had been travelling around the globe, trying to help people, but he couldn’t stay anywhere for too long.

“Don’t worry, not going to tell on you, I know you’re busy and everything, preventing the end of the human race. I think this one actually works out alright for you too. Sort of a stale mate, hard to tell, this universe is really confusing. Now, do you have access to your TARDIS?“ The Doctor stopped in her tracks and turned back around to face him. He nearly bumped into her.

“What?“ The Master looked at her dumbfounded. That was an awful lot of information to take in.

“Okay, I feel like I need to rewind a bit…“ The Doctor smiled apologetically, she had gone too fast again. “Hello, Master, I’m the Doctor.“

“You… can’t be.“ The Master took a step back, stunned and confused.

“I am but not the one you’re thinking of. I’m from a distant point in your future and also from a parallel universe. I know it’s a bit much right now but I have a lot of time to get through… and vortex manipulator travel really takes it out of you. So if we could skip ahead to the part where you believe me so we can carry on, that would be great.“ The Doctor explained.

“I think I need to sit down.“ The Master felt a little dizzy with the flood of information but the craziest thing about it wasn’t the information itself, it was the fact that when he looked at her, searched her eyes, he knew she was speaking the truth. He dropped onto a chair by a well worn dining table.

“Good, so do I.“ The Doctor sighed and sat down across from him. She had been at this a while now and rest wasn’t really an option.

“Do you just… expect me to believe all this?“ He asked, after a moment’s consideration.

“Unfortunately, yes. The fate of the entire universe depends on it.“ She replied with a little shrug. “I need your help, I need you and your TARDIS.“ She carried on as he was seemingly getting over the initial shock.

“I’m sure you can understand why I’m a bit sceptical… the Doctor is out there, enslaving all of humanity and I’m one man in a shack…“ The Master said slowly, wondering what other terrible things were happening elsewhere in the universe right now.

“I know you are and you’re doing great, really. But this is not the big fight, Master. It’s one of many. But there is one you can’t afford to lose.“ The Doctor reached out for his hand.

——

“Ahh clever girl.“ River grinned as she waited for Missy to recover. “Anything in particular spring to mind?“

“She’s got a plan…“ Missy realised and looked up to River with a sense of relief and excitement. The Doctor was fine. She was out there, travelling through time, leaving her mark and sharing her plan with her past selves. It was the strangest feeling but it was as if Missy had always known about it. “I don’t understand it, there’s pieces missing still but it must be a clever one.“

“Of course it is.“ River smirked, knowing her wife well enough by now.

“There’s more… so many times, so many versions of me…“ Missy’s head was spinning, she bent over, cradling her head with the strain of it.

“Here, hang on…“ River got up and made Missy lie down. They couldn’t be sure what exactly the Doctor was doing, interfering with Missy’s timeline but it wasn’t exactly easy on her mind by the looks of it. “You should get some rest. Remember, we got a big day ahead of us, fighting for our lives in the morning.“ She joked and Missy actually laughed a little.

“Can’t say I’m looking forward to it.“ She sighed, as she closed her eyes, feeling dizzy.

“Well, it’s not exactly my first time as a gladiator.“ River shrugged as she sat back down at the end of the bench, next to Missy’s head.

“Oh?“ Missy chuckled, she should have expected as much. “When was that then?“

River laughed lightly and brushed back a rough strand of hair from Missy’s face as she leaned back, relaxing herself.

“Well, there was this one time when the Doctor and I…“

——

“Where have you been all this time?“ The Emperor snapped when Amy and Rory showed up in the royal quarters the next morning.

“Getting a good night’s sleep.“ Amy replied a little defensively and confused. “What about breakfast then?“

“Are you serious? Have you not been hearing the bells?“ River exclaimed exasperated. She sat at the dining table piled high with food that neither her nor her wife had touched. The Emperor was pacing, unable to sit still. Neither of them had been able to sleep after the events of the night.

“Oh, that’s what that is?“ Rory strolled over to the table and picked up some grapes from a fruit platter.

“What happened, you look concerned…“ Amy frowned, studying her daughter expression as she came to join her husband.

“Well, while you’ve been getting your beauty sleep, we’ve discovered and stopped a coup.“ The Emperor snapped.

“That’s good, isn’t it.“ Amy asked, confused as to why she was so irritable.

“We also lost the Doctor.“ River revealed with a sigh.

“Less good… what happened?“ Amy looked in between the two women. The Emperor was quick to answer:

“While your dear daughter here has been busy uncovering Clara’s treason and overpowered her, she took the improvident risk of leaving her doppelgänger in our quarters.“ The Emperor still couldn’t believe she had allowed herself to be played like that.

“I could hardly have anticipated her going through our things!“ River retorted defensively.

“What did you expect her to do, wait around for you to get back?“ The Emperor shot back, a clear sign of her stress levels rising, she never usually talked to her like that.

“She had just betrayed Clara to us, she appeared to have sided with us.“ River snapped, the stress getting to her as well.

“You can’t trust anyone, anyone outside of this room. Clara is proof of that.“ The Emperor groaned exasperated. “How has no-one found her yet?“

“Wherever she was transported to, it has to be on Gallifrey, there is nothing beyond it. We will find her.“ River gave a wave of her hand. She wasn’t exactly concerned with Clara. She was no threat to them now. Idly she ran her fingers along the tattoo lines stretching up her neck.

“Clara is on the run?“ Rory asked, trying to get to grips with what was happening.

“Yes but she is harmless now.“ River reassured them.

“And what about the Doctor?“ The Emperor snapped in annoyance.

“The generals are watching the time streams, she will slip up eventually and we will find her. Plus, it’s only a matter of time until she will be back.“ River retorted.

“What makes you say that?“ Amy asked.

“Because her wife and best friend will be publicly executed in less than two hours. I should think she’ll want to be here for that.“ River smirked excitedly, at least something to look forward to.

“That’s alright then.“ Amy shrugged and reached for a plate. “Breakfast?“

——

Neither Missy nor River slept much for the remainder of the night. Instead they shared stories of their lives, learning about each other and even though the Doctor wasn’t with them, her presence was felt in every line, every story.

When footsteps echoed down the corridor, they both looked up. Ryan and Graham stepped into view. The Emperor clearly only trusted her most loyal companions by this point.

“Oh is it that time already? I was hoping for breakfast in bed.“ River sighed theatrically when Ryan unlocked the bars.

“Get moving.“ He ordered.

“Lead the way.“ River stepped out of the cell and Missy followed, trying her best to hide her anxiety.

“I really hope she knows what she’s doing…“ Missy mumbled to River as they walked along the corridor. Although the memories had settled down in Missy’s mind, she was none the wiser as to what the Doctor was really planning. The more she tried to think about what happened next to her past selves after meeting the Doctor, the more blurry the memories got. Perhaps because it hadn’t happened yet?

“If there is one thing I believe in, it’s the Doctor.“ River gave her a reassuring smile.

——

“Lovely day for it.“ River stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the arena. With a weather as sunny and stable as the seasons on Gallifrey, it was always lovely weather for it. The binary suns where blazing down on the sand, the had really captured the ancient Rome aesthetic the Emperor enjoyed so much. The stands were full, the guards had seen to it.

“Is everywhere secure? Are the troops on hand?“ The Emperor asked of Yaz who had joined them in the royal box.

“Every inch of the arena is being monitored.“ The captain of the guard confirmed.

“Any word from the generals?“ The Emperor continued her questioning and the answer was a prompt one:

“Nothing.“

“Let’s get this show on the road.“ The Emperor knew this was their best chance at luring the Doctor back here to be captured. She stepped up to the balustrade of the balcony where her wife was waiting for her. Despite the stands being crowded, silence fell swiftly as she held up her hands.

River shielded her eyes against the suns when her and Missy where being shoved into the arena. It took a moment to get used to the blazing heat and blinding light as they looked around. No wild beasts or gladiators charging at them just yet. There were, however, confused murmurs amongst the crowd upon recognising River.

“Oh I love the ancient Rome aesthetic they’ve got going.“ River stated as she looked around.

“You know this means we’re either going to be torn limb from limb by wild animals or will have to fight people who are actually trained to fight.“ Missy said sounding worried as they made their way further onto the floor of the arena.

“I’m trained to fight.“ River shrugged, unfazed.

“Speak for yourself.“ Missy huffed and River grinned:

“This just seems like a fun weekend activity if you ask me.“

“How can you be so relaxed about this?“ Missy couldn’t believe her attitude.

“Because I have faith.“ River replied.

“She really must be something, your Doctor.“ Missy did admire the trust River placed in her. She had not hesitated to give the vortex manipulator to her.

“You know she is.“ River retorted looking up to the royal box where she spotted her wife’s doppelgänger glaring down at them.

“You told me the Doctor always wins… well, so does the Emperor… So, who is going to win this? If they’re both undefeated, who will walk away from this?“ Missy asked but River didn’t get the opportunity to respond as the Emperor’s voice echoed through the arena, amplified for everyone to hear and cower.

“People of Gallifrey, welcome to the annual celebration of the forming of our empire.“ There was reluctant cheering that grew when the Emperor frowned in annoyance. Once satisfied with the volume of cheers, she carried on: “You have all heard the Cloister Bells tolling through the night. I will not keep from you that our Empire has been under attack. Despite our best efforts to eliminate all threats to us, we couldn’t account for insidious forces from another, parallel universe to our own. I’m pleased to say we have succeeded in subduing these threats.“ There were few cheers this time, just concerned and confused murmurs. The Emperor gestured for silence and the crowd complied waiting with baited breath. “So here we are, as a reminder of what happens to traitors and dissidents.“ She grinned, regarding Missy and River with wicked delight: “You’re sentences to death, both of you, for attempting to incite a coup.“

“And who, pray tell, is brave enough to carry out that sentence? I’m in the mood for a good fight.“ River called, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“River, don’t antagonise her…“ Missy hissed as she surveyed the arena for a way out.

“Why not?“ River shrugged and yelled up to the balcony again: “I don’t imagine you are brave enough to come down here yourself, so who’s it going to be?“

“Let me do the honours, Emperor.“ Yaz was quick to volunteer.

“I’m not risking anyone of the few people I trust still.“ The Emperor huffed, visibly displeased at her open challenge, but she couldn’t back down, they were in front of people.

“Do you not think I could take her?“ Yaz asked, obviously disappointed. Since the Doctor had tricked her in the Cloisters, she was eager to get her revenge and killing the Doctor’s wife seemed like a satisfying way of doing that.

“I know my wife.“ The Emperor growled, she knew she couldn’t underestimate this River.

“Then let me, I have some scores to settle. We’re evenly matched.“ The Emperor’s wife suggested but she would hear of it either:

“I am not risking you getting hurt.“ The Emperor snapped.

“What’s taking so long, are you picking straws? You wouldn’t want to appear weak and indecisive in front of your people would you?“ River called up from the arena floor again sounding incredibly smug.

“River, what are you doing?“ Missy hissed.

“What I always do when my wife is late to an appointment.“ River answered with a wink: “Play for time.“

“Get me a firing squad.“ The Emperor looked to Yaz who nodded and barked instructions into a comms device.

“Ah, see now, that’s unfortunate…“ River huffed when ten guards, armed with rifles, walked out from the stands and onto the arena floor. “Guess that’s the difference between a fair fight and an execution…“ She mumbled. “Any moment now, Sweetie, would be great…“ She looked around for a sign of her wife but nothing so far. Meanwhile the guards lined up.

“You don’t have to do this.“ Missy burst out, holding her hands out to them. “Please, you know what all this, all of it, it’s wrong! If everyone just stopped listening to her, she would lose her power, don’t you see, if you just…“

“Enough of that.“ The Emperor interrupted her. “Take aim.“ She barked at the guards who drew their guns, some of them obviously reluctantly. They were Gallifreyans, all of them. Missy recognised some of them for having fought alongside them in the Time War. “On my command…“ The Emperor grinned, regarding both Missy and River one last time, steadfast in her decision. She had allowed Missy to carry on for too long, whatever sentimental attachment she still felt towards her, she had betrayed her one time too many. And River… even though she loved the face she wore, she couldn’t be allowed to live, either. In fact, she looked forward to seeing the Doctor’s reaction to finding out she had been killed. If the Doctor ever chose to return at all.

“Not so fast!“ A voice sounded at the far end of the royal box and they all whipped around to see the Monk.

“How did you get in here?“ The Emperor snarled and realised immediately that he was’t alone. Manton held a gun to Clara’s head, she had been their bargaining chip for getting into the royal box. They were accompanied by a large group of men and women, armed and ready to fight for their freedom.

“Isn't this quaint. A little rebellion.“ River growled and the Emperor fixed her eyes on Clara.

“Just when I thought I couldn't be more disappointed in you.“ She hissed. “But at least I’ll get the chance to kill you properly now.“

“Wasn’t exactly my idea, was it.“ Clara protested but she fell silent as she looked down into the arena to see Missy facing down a firing squad. Maybe they had come at just the right time…

“It’s no matter. This was incredibly stupid of all of you.“ The Emperor looked around as Amy pulled out a gun, Rory his broadsword, Yaz, Ryan and Graham readied their weapons and the recently acquired tattoos on River’s chest started dissolving threateningly.

Chaos ensued as Amy took the first shot. Manton shoved Clara aside and went for Rory, barely evading the Raven that struck down two men behind him. There was blaster fire. Clara ducked for cover as the Monk attacked Amy. The Emperor looked on with unadulterated joy. As annoying as this whole misadventure was, she loved the chaos, the blood spill, and these foolish people didn’t stand a chance against them. The Emperor turned back to the arena, remembering what they were actually doing.

“Fire!“ She shouted above the noise of the fighting and the guards did. Everyone stopped moving for a moment, looking to the arena floor waiting for the dust to clear. “How…“ The Emperor stared in disbelief, when she found Missy and River standing unharmed, they both looked confused themselves as they looked around. Every single shot had missed.

Suddenly, with a crackle of energy, the Doctor appeared behind the Emperor.

“Hello again.“ The Doctor grinned and threw herself at the Emperor, knocking into her and pulling her over the balustrade of the balcony with her.

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k-writer1998 · 4 years ago

Text

Unexpected Answers

Prompt fic: lighthouse keeper! changbin x marine biologist! reader

angsty fluff

w.c: 2.4k

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"You can't convince me that the ocean isn't haunted."

“Y/n you literally study the ocean for a living what do you mean?”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m saying this from a scientific perspective.”

“Scientific my ass.”

“Don’t you have a lighthouse to run? Felix has got to stop forgetting his access card,” I roll my eyes. “He’s just lucky he’s the best marine vet around or he would be in big trouble by now.”

“Don’t act like you don’t like having me come visit,” he teased.

“You’re right. The marine life like your face, it’s easier for me to check on them with you around.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you need me.”

“Wipe that stupid grin off your face. The fish may like it but I’m not a fan.”

I don’t know what it is about Seo Changbin but our personalities just don’t match, especially when he purposely annoys me like this. I’ve told him after meeting him almost a year ago that I don’t do well with flirty lines. At first it was funny, almost cute even, but it was relentless and the only way I knew to react was to give him flat responses. After all this time this is what has become of us. As per usual, he followed me around as I went to check on my animals and when I said they like Changbin… they literally flock to him. It usually takes a bit of coaxing to get them to come but with Changbin it's like they see one of their own. By the time I was on my lunch we ended up in Felix’s office so Changbin could return his access card.

“Ah, there it is. I had to get a temp from Nayeon-noona… she’s annoyed with me,” Felix laughs.

“Don’t worry Lix I always got you.”

“Yes worry, remember so Changbin doesn’t have to keep coming around.”

“Don’t be like that, I’m a fun friend to have around and you know it.”

“I wouldn’t say “friend” but we aren’t strangers I guess,” I say as I take a bite of my sandwich.

“Wow after all this time you can’t even call me a friend? You wound me y/n.”

“We barely know anything about each other, can we really call that friendship?”

I noticed Felix watching our bickering with careful eyes and decided to mind my business when he suddenly blurted to Changbin that they needed to talk in private before Changbin was practically dragged out of the room. I shook my head, this was literally Felix’s office. I could’ve just left. I continued to eat in this new found silence as I thought back to Felix’s odd behavior. I mean yeah him and Changbin have always been a bit odd but at least most of the time it was subtle or they covered it well but what’s this “news” that has Felix acting weirder than the normal amount he exudes? By the time the boys came back I had several possible reasons in mind but with all this secrecy I can’t ask up front. Changbin spent the rest of the day with me in my office as I inputted the data for the day where he asked countless questions. He really meant it when he wanted to learn more about me in order to be friends. After my fifth typo, because my fingers were typing the words coming out of my mouth, I glared at the boy.

“Changbin what’s with the questions? If you want to hang out can I at least finish my report so we won’t be here all night?”

“Well you said I don’t really know you so I’m trying to get to know you better…”

Unlike his usual loud cheerful, or sometimes flirty, tone he spoke in a small voice as he looked down at his hands like a child being scolded. He’s always so open to bothering me, to suddenly see him in this state… Was I too harsh earlier? I soften as my eyes analyze him.

“Does it really bother you that I said I didn’t consider us friends?”

“We spend a lot of time together, isn’t that already being friends?” He mumbles, a pout forming.

If I didn’t already have my preconceived notions- actually even if I do, that pout and this new side of Changbin were both endearing. Did something happen when Felix talked to him?

"Well spending time with someone doesn't mean you know them but I was a bit harsh earlier. We are friends, just maybe not the closest," I smile.

"Do you mean it or are you just saying that so I stop bothering you?"

"If I didn't mean it I wouldn't let you follow me around against regulations all the time."

This brought a smile to his face but there was still a distant look in his eyes. Okay whatever was said in that private conversation really got to him. The scientist in me was curious and although I’m never one to be nosy, this one eighty flip in his mood can be the exception.

“Changbin are you okay? You seem upset after talking to Felix.”

“Yeah… there’s just more on my mind now cause he reminded me of a promise I have to keep.”

“What kind of promise?”

“I can’t really say, but it’s a promise I have to keep even if I don’t want to.”

He gave a sad smile as his eyes searched my concerned expression. Even though I wanted to, I couldn’t ask further when it’s obvious that he wants to keep it a secret. After finally finishing my report, Changbin walked me to my car. Before I got in Changbin stopped me.

“You said we can hang out right? You’re off tomorrow so come with me somewhere.”

“How do you- actually nevermind, yeah sure. Where are we going?” I gave a confused laugh.

“It’s a surprise. I’ll pick you up at noon… be sure to wear a bathing suit.”

With a mysterious smile he was off before I could ask any more questions. The next day after a quick lunch somehow we found ourselves at a cave Changbin found that only appears during low tide. Staring down at the contents of his backpack, I understood the secrecy.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.This is payback for yesterday isn’t it?”

“Oh come on, I’m not that petty. This is completely safe, promise, I won’t let anything happen. At least I’m not taking you diving or maybe a ghost might get you,” he teased.

“Shut up, snorkeling is still… I don’t know.”

“I can’t have you being the only marine biologist to be scared of the ocean. Just trust me.”

“I trust you but I’m pretty sure you don’t have control over the ocean.”

“You never know, maybe I do,” he laughs before the look in his eyes soften, “It’ll just be for a bit okay? If you don’t like it after we can stop.”

I eyed him skeptically for a few moments before reluctantly agreeing. He beamed and handed me the snorkeling gear before we discarded our outer clothes. Let me clarify. I do not hate the water, I love swimming, but the ocean is vast and there’s still a lot we don’t know so it scares me a bit. Yet after getting used to using the gear, I let Changbin lead me under the water by my hand cause I was scared to go under. He led me to the cave’s outer edge to see a small reef hidden in the rocks. The coral and the sight of the little fish around us was breathtaking. With all the excitement my fears slowly ebbed away as I eagerly pointed things out to Changbin. After a while Changbin gingerly pulled my arm and we swam back, both of us beaming.

“Still think the ocean is haunted?”

“I’ll correct my statement, the deep sea is haunted,” I stuck out my tongue at him.

“Well glad you’re warming up to the ocean, but we need to get out of here before the tide rises.”

With that we dried off and headed back to the beach just walking and talking about everything. It was like the air around us changed for the better and maybe he wasn’t annoying after all. By the time he dropped me off at my house, the sun had started to set. At my front door, we were saying goodbye when Changbin started to lean in. My hand flew to stop him subconsciously as I tried to process this moment.

“What? I thought the date went well,” he blinked at me as his eyes scanned my face.

“Date? This was a date?”

“Wasn’t it? I thought you’ve realized it by now…”

The pain etched onto his features broke a part of me I didn’t even know existed. My brain whirred to process all this but before my voice could come out he quickly spurted out a dismissal and apology before running off, leaving me flabbergasted at the door. A whole storm of emotions swirled inside me since that day, one of the big ones being guilt. He hasn’t been to the institute or the lighthouse… it’s almost like he disappeared. A few days turned into a few weeks and still nothing. My only link to him, Felix, was no help cause he always danced around the questions or was too vague to get any real answers. All I know is that Changbin went home, he can’t use his phone, and he possibly won’t come back. Well… the last one is a deduction made literally because Felix can never give me a straight answer whenever I ask, the responses are just various forms of “it’s complicated”.

After yet another failed conversation with Felix today, I decided to get off early. Checking the time, I had ample time to go to the cave before the tide rose. I’ve been there a few times after that day because I miss him but I didn’t have the courage to go into the water since, but today was the day. After mentally preparing myself, I pulled on my newly bought snorkeling gear and swam down to the reef again but it didn’t feel as vibrant as that time with Changbin. It was dull, so after a while I swam back to the cave in defeat. Little did I know, the tide had risen and it wasn’t until I saw my bag floating past my face that it finally clicked. This is why you should focus on things at hand rather than about useless things like a guy who tried to kiss me then left town! In my panic to get back to the opening, I nicked my shin on a jagged rock and the burning sensation from salt on my would caused me to scream and lose what little oxygen I had left. I was close to the opening when shadows encroached my vision and to make it worse I started hallucinating Changbin swimming to me… but it couldn’t be, no matter how realistic it felt to feel his arms around my waist. My eyes fluttered closed and I was about to black out when suddenly I wasn’t in the water anymore. Instead I was sprawled on the sand, coughing up a lung to get the excess water out, when I finally took in the boy beside me and snapped.

“What the hell?! Where have you been Changbin?! I was scared you wouldn’t come back…”

“That’s what you’re screaming at me for? Not the glaring silver tail in place of my legs?”

“I mean yes there are a LOT of questions about that but I prefer to move in chronological order.”

He looked gobsmacked at my nonchalant response but I mean yeah I have questions about the fact he’s basically a merman but seeming as though he saved my life, I’m safe. I looked at him, waiting for an answer, and he took a moment to shake the surprise before he did.

“I wasn’t supposed to come back… I made a deal with my parents that I had one year to fulfill my desire on the surface world or I had to go back and assume my role as… uhm prince…”

“Prin- Wait, what was the deal and how would they know your desire was fulfilled?”

He held out his palm and showed me a pearl that was slightly pink. Naturally this darker shade of the color shouldn’t be a possibility but I mean a merman is literally sitting in front of me.

“This pearl was white, the closer I get to my goal the more pink it turns.”

“Well what’s your desire? It’s not completely white so you kind of did it.”

“Do you remember how we first met?”

“Yeah cause Felix forgot his access card and you brought it over, how is that relevant?”

“It’s relevant because that wasn’t the first time we met. We met on the beach one morning when we were sixteen and we both happen to “run away” from home… You were my desire y/n.”

Now it was my turn to gape at the boy in front of me. I remember that time, it was early and I couldn’t remember the guy’s face… His final statement repeated in my mind as the two lines of thought crossed. I could feel his eyes intently on me but I had to check something first.

“When was the first day you came to the surface world?”

“The day we met again.”

“Then why did you leave like that when there was still time?��

“I thought you hated me after how you reacted so I decided to take the L early.”

“Well if you stayed you could’ve figured out it wasn’t actually an L…”

“What?!”

“After that day we went snorkeling I realized why I was always mean when you said flirty dumb things. It wasn’t because I found them annoying, but coming from you they made me flustered. So while not knowing my own feelings, when you leaned in I panicked because-”

I was cut off by his lips crashing onto mine and after the events of the day, I just enjoyed the moment. Once he pulled away he had a boyish grin on his face. Not being able to take the full charm of the smile, I looked away and noticed the now bright pink pearl in his hand.

“So you like me too right?”

“See the pearl for yourself. Just a few days shy of our 1 year friendaversary too. You get to stay now right?”

“Yup. It’s all on my sister now,” he laughs.

“So now onto this,” I gestured to his tail sitting in the baby waves, “does Felix know or-”

“He’s a merman too. Before you ask, yes we understand what marine life says.”

“It makes sense why he always knew what was wrong! He could just understand the animals!”

#stray kids #skz #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #skz scenarios #skz imagines #seo changbin #changbin scenarios #changbin imagines #stray kids oneshots #changbin oneshots #my writing #skz gc prompts

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filmmakerdreamst · 5 years ago

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‘Boy Meets World’ Re-watch (as an Adult)

‘Girl Meets World’ doesn’t count as a sequel. Not because of the writing/tonal choices but because in the original show - despite continuity issues - the characters felt like real people e.g. the way they spoke/acted/dressed was the way people behaved in the 90s where as in the spin off, they were Disney characters e.g. hyper versions of themselves especially Cory and Eric. And the transition between both shows didn’t come naturally. It’s not an objectivity badly written show but it was pretty much a re-do of the old show with the same storylines/tropes without continuing the story. (I say the same thing about ‘The Incredibles’. vs ‘Incredibles 2’.) Also there were too many cooks in the kitchen pushing one way or another. You could see Micheal Jacobs style, all the aspects were there, but he was also creating a ‘DISNEY’ show at the same time. I don’t know about you but the one message I took from the original show was ‘finding out that life cannot be packenged into a lovely little present ’ which kind of contradicts everything that the new show is. If anything GMW is an AU universe (and it really felt like that, rewatching it right after BMW e.g. it felt flipped) almost like Disney’s version of ‘what happened next?’ The primal difference between both shows is BMW is portraying what is real and GMW is based on what is real.

Going off my point, I will however be always thankful that it exists because I probably wouldn’t of found out about ‘Boy Meets World’ otherwise. Although saying that, I never thought that the original show needed a continuation of any kind (a lot of things make sense about the spin off if you acknowledge that Disney requested it - I think it would of been much better off on its original platform) ‘Boy Meets World’ was very much a product of its time i.e. when tv shows were still relevetivley new and had no rules - like there is stuff in there that not even adult shows today have. Plus there was something about it that felt very personal (such as the characters and setting) as if the creator based it on his own childhood growing up and I think that was part of its charm and why it had such a big effect on pop culture - I’m not so sure you can repeat that.

BMW is big on meta I’ll tell you that. I love how it’s so aware of itself. The amount of depth that it has never ceases to amaze me. It’s whole universe is so dense and huge. Every quote/storyline is so unique it sticks in your brain forever. (I swear the humour got more and more deranged every season). The show was also incredibly queer and progressive. It didn’t give a crap about sexuality. Much more than I remember. Proof to never use ‘but it was made in the 90s’ excuse.

I loved how the show kept reinventing itself every season as Cory grew up so you really felt you were growing up with him and all the characters. The Character Development on this show was so natural/authentic. Every single character got a chance to shine. No one changed their look in one episode and no one had an intervention every time someone had an identity crisis (GMW) My favourite development was Shawn Hunter. He went from a cool kid to a ladies man to a poetic soul. It was so satisfying to watch.

I realised that Cory Matthews is actually my favourite character (before it was Eric or Shawn) I already have a special soft spot for ‘annoying’ characters because they tend to be the most memorable/real. For example, Karma Ashcroft from ‘Faking it’ was my babe while everyone was hating on her. I really related to his anxiety/self hatred about being average and I loved that he constantly made mistakes. It was very refreshing. He’s also incredibly queer-coded. I found that alot of his mannerisms make sense if you see him with extreme compulsory heterosexuality (because identity’s such as bisexual or gay couldn’t exist normally in the 90s) There are moments in the show where he literally mimics his best friend’s behaviour around girls e.g. when the class pretty much gets brainwashed by the sex ed video in ‘Boy Meets Girl’ Shawn gets asked out by a girl, making Cory jealous - which pushes him to ask out Topanga.

It’s funny how a few years of life experience can change perspectives completely because when I was sixteen (aka the same age as Cory and Topanga) watching BMW for the first time, I was mad at Amy for ‘not understanding that they were in love’ (in ‘A Walk to Pittsburg’) but now that I’m older I’m actually agreeing with her. Yeah, what do they know about love? Because all season long they were acting quite superficially.

Cory and Topanga became somewhat of a toxic couple in seasons 5 -7. Reminded me of my parents relationship because my mum gave up her chosen university to be closer to my dad and they aren’t together any more. Topanga’s love for Cory was very conditional and Cory cheated on her multiple times/openly begged for sex (Again like my parents) And you should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you say “You make me think not so very much of myself” There are arguably much more signs of emotional abuse than love in their relationship especially from Topanga’s side. Plus their story was altered so many times to give it more basis (they retconned Shawn and Cory’s friendship to do this) I could write an essay on how Kevin and Winnie’s love story on ‘The Wonder Years’ is much more believable because it actually addresses how toxic it was and they grow apart in the end. If GMW was a realistic continuation, they would be divorced with a little girl - leave them in the 90s where they belong.

Alan and Amy were couple goals! Cory and Topanga wish that they could have what they have. Literally the definition of ‘a healthy relationship on tv that keeps thriving and over coming obstacles without big drama’. Best TV parents ever.

I loved the Matthews family; how they all had individual arcs and developments of their own. One of my favourite arcs was in season 5, when Eric and Cory were both jealous of what they ‘didn’t have’ with their dad, so Alan made an effort to give them both that they needed. Honestly, I had never seen so much healthy communication on TV before. Alan is the best father around. His whole personal arc of giving up managing a supermarket because he wasn’t passsionate about it anymore and buying a mountain store was so inspired. I found it funny that the family had more of a relationship with Shawn than Topanga.

Shawn Hunter never caught a break. It got a bit tiring. He was never allowed to be happy for five minutes. Every time he laughed or smiled, 5 years were added onto my lifespan. Why didn’t Johnathan Turner adopt him? I loved their dynamic. Why did he let him go back to his abusive father who just dumped him anyway?

Jack and Shawn’s complicated dynamic was possibly the most unique/interesting arc of the entire show and no one talks about it. I don’t care what y’all say - despite them being very different, Jack was the only one who fully took care of Shawn without second thoughts (Turner and the Matthews family had doubts)

I liked Shawn and Angela. I thought they were much better suited than Cory and Topanga. I honestly wouldn’t of minded if they ended up together even though I always had a feeling they wouldn’t. (Like I’m glad she went with her dad in the end) And considering how important they were as a interracial couple in the 90s, GMW handled that very poorly.

Shawn and Cory should of ended up together. And before you come at me with ‘it’s important to have m/m friendships without toxic masculinity’ (which is an important arguement to have) - yeah no shit there’s an entire Industry based around that/pitting women against each other. While it is important to have those friendships between men that are close and even intimate (take Chandler and Joey, Schmidt and Nick, Isak and Jonas and Jake and Charles for example) there was also another layer to their relationship which the narrative played off sometimes as them “going out” or “in love”. I actually recently found out that a writer - who came into the show in season 3 - confirmed that she wrote gay undertones into their relationship on purpose ‘In my opinion as a writer, they thought they were “straight”, they both didn’t realise or understand their feelings for eachother’ but couldn’t deliever because the producers wanted to keep the show “kid friendly”. Kind of like Xena and Gabby. I know people prefer Jack & Eric (I love them as well) but everything got ruined for me as soon as they introduced the ‘love triangle’ and I always tend to prefer emotional tension over sexual. They were just so unconditional with each other/ their friendship was so good and healthy and now I’m so bitter that it never happened.

I never understood why Shawn and Cory had to stop being best friends after he got married. He’s not Topanga’s property. I always hated how Topanga tried to interrupt/interfere with their dynamic — although now I realise it was because the two of them purposely left her out. Looking back at it, If it really was just a intimate friendship then why would she get so easily jealous if she didn’t sense there was something else deeper going on? You should never marry someone who puts you second.

I didn’t like Topanga when she was with Cory (or vice versa) Especially after they got married. She was a great character on her own. Feminist before her time. Hermione Granger before her time. I always felt she deserved a lot better than him in a way e.g. if someone I considered a friend speard a rumour around high school that we slept together - I would never speak to that person again. SHE SHOULD OF GONE TO YALE GOD DAMN IT. And as someone pointed out the other day, if the roles were reversed some of the stuff she does or says to Cory would be considered domestic violence. ‘She’s always blaming Cory on shit that isn't even his fault or makes him feel bad or shuts down his emotions and turns it around so he's comforting her instead.’ There was even a moment in GMW (not that I consider that show a continuation) where she locks him out the house for a few days after he insulted her chicken, and his son Auggie had to bring him spaghetti. If Cory was a woman, that would not be played off as a joke - that would be considered abuse. They were however a better couple in GMW ironically.

Angela Moore is now one of my favourite characters on BMW. She was beautiful. Her friendship with Rachel (and Topanga) was the best. And I frickin’ loved her and Cory’s friendship development - when they could of easily not played into that. I hate that she got villiaized in GMW.

My favourite seasons are 4, 5 & 1. My least favourites are 3 & 2 & 7. And even then the show was still pretty darn good.

The back and fourth clash between Turner and Mr Feeny in season 2 was very entertaining.

Mr Feeny and Eric are my favourite relationship on ‘Boy Meets World’. I love how Eric was the only person that Feeny directly told that he loved him. Also, why didn’t Eric become the new Mr Feeny? He showed more traits of becoming a teacher in the show than Cory did.

Eric and Tommy was probably the most heartbreaking plot line in season 6. (That season was an emotional train wreck) I cried for a fourth time. The world doesn’t deserve him.

I loved the development of Shawn and Topanga’s friendship. Even though there was a silent competition over Cory, they eventually became good friends. I found out that the song ‘She will be loved’ was inspired by them which is awesome but it’s also proof that people ship for less if it’s an m/f dynamic - just sayin’. I however see a more convincing potiental romance with the two of them than Cory and Topanga sometimes.

On Cory and Topanga again - they weren’t a bad couple overall. I liked them in s1 - 3. They had some great moments. But upon my rewatch (getting out of that 90s idealised headspace) I found them to be too similar at times - chafing as another person put it - to the point where they cancel each other out. A lot of people pointed out that Riley and Maya paralleled them and I was thinking “That’s not nesserily a good thing.”

‘Dream. Try. Do good.’ is on my mantelpiece.

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dead-end-street · 4 years ago

Note

For the angst: Hwanghan? Perhaps "I love you" from Si Mok 😬? (But its also Extremely Okay if its not too angsty pls don't hurt my son too much 🥺) Thanks either way, your writing is lovely!

(Read on ao3)

In the many years and months that she’d known him, Yeo-jin never expected things to end up this way. They stood staring at each other, orange, yellow, and red leaves falling around them. The crisp October air was colder than she’d expected and even in the bright sunshine, she shivered slightly now that they’d stopped walking.

She was visiting him in Wonju for the weekend as she had every few weekends for the past year and a half. He’d tried insisting that he visit her in Seoul more often but she found that she preferred making the trip to see him. The hour and a half drive drive cleared her mind and she enjoyed being away from the craziness of the capital. At first their visits centered around work, discussing theories and motives, or analysing evidence together to get a different perspective. But gradually they began to take day trips to explore the countryside and one time even ventured to Sogeumsan Mountain Suspension Bridge and played tourist for the day. They’d always been friends but now they finally did things together that didn’t revolve around their work. To anyone watching from the outside, the word ‘couple’ wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to describe them.

If Si-mok ever wanted to cross that line, she wouldn’t protest, however she’d mostly given up on that fantasy a long time ago. He still spoke to her politely but never suggested they drop honorifics completely and speak more casually. It didn’t really bother her because she could still tell he was more casual with her than anyone else in his life by his tone and actions. The way he poured her drink. The way he gently touched her elbow to let her know he was there and he understood how she felt. The way he sat silently gazing at her across the table at dinner sometimes. The way his fist clenched when anyone so much as looked at her sideways. There were a thousand tiny moments like that and she was content to let them just linger in her dreams if it meant she could still laugh and stroll arm-in-arm with him on a chilly autumn day like this.

They paused for a moment for him to take a few pictures of the path ahead of them littered with fallen leaves. She’d gotten him an older refurbished camera on a whim last Christmas in an effort to help him find a hobby other than reading. To both their surprise, he actually enjoyed it as it was still mostly a solitary activity but on days like this when he was snapping photos of nature, she beamed proudly knowing her gift would always be well used. Hearing some dogs barking behind them, she turned to see a pair of corgis chasing each other. She laughed as they tackled each other and ran through the leaves. Out of the corner of her eye she felt someone watching her and turned back to catch him taking pictures of her.

“What are you doing?” she asked, grinning and pretending to reach for the camera. It was roll film anyway so she’d have to wait until he developed it to see what he’d taken, but he still pulled away, playing along with her. A small mischievous smile was on his lips, his eyes practically sparkling. Even though his smiles were less rare now, she still savoured each one like it was the first time.

Just as quickly as his smile had appeared, it disappeared again. She was used to it but there was something else in his expression she couldn’t read.

“I think,” he began, then closed his mouth. He was momentarily distracted by a little boy being chased by his parents. He was laughing and shrieking at the top of his lungs in a way only toddlers could do.

“Yes?” Yeo-jin prompted.

“I love you.”

The phrase hung between them and floated away on the cold breeze. She shivered but didn’t break eye contact. She’d thought of this moment hundreds of times over the years but now she was speechless.

“I’m telling you this because I think you love me too.”

She wanted to run around flailing her arms and scream like the toddler they’d just seen. Her heart was pounding so hard.

He continued, “I’m telling you because, even though I think I love you, I can’t be sure.” He stepped closer and placed the lens cover back on his camera. “I can only mimic the actions, but I can’t feel it and I don’t want to give you false hope.”

Her face suddenly felt hot and her eyes stung. She didn’t understand what was happening. Was he telling her he loved her but also letting her down nicely?

“I’ve read a lot about relationships and love but I don’t think I can truly experience it, let alone give it back.”

“I don’t…” she felt like she’d been punched in the gut. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I’m trying to tell you that you should let go of me. I think you’ve loved me for a while and maybe I do too, somewhere deep down, but I’ll never be sure and I wouldn’t want you to have to live with that doubt. You deserve someone who can show you love in all the ways that matter. You deserve someone who would do all those ridiculous, romantic things you love in those dramas you watch.” He paused briefly to tilt his head to look at her then added, “I could never give that to you.”

Hot tears were now falling freely from her eyes. She scrubbed at her face, annoyed at herself for crying.

“I don’t need all those things. I just need you,” she whispered because her voice seemed to have stopped working.

“That’s a naive statement to make. It may feel like it doesn’t matter now but I know you and you’ll want more, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. You deserve all parts of love.”

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath trying to steady herself. When she opened her eyes, he was already walking back to the car. Watching his retreating form surrounded by the colourful leaves she felt something break in her chest and she involuntarily let out a sob. How could this be happening?

The car ride back to his place was torture. She kept thinking of things to say to him as a rebuttal to his previous statements, but she was afraid she’d start crying again. By the time they pulled up next to her car she was past her shock and somehow moved onto anger. She grabbed her things, tossed them into her car and drove away, barely saying goodbye to him. Halfway into her drive back to Seoul, she was back to crying listening to a sad music playlist. When she was 10 minutes from her apartment she got a call from him, which she ignored and he didn’t leave a voicemail.

She went to bed that night feeling numb. While she felt that most of what he’d said was wrong, one line stuck with her and she hated it. ‘You’ll want more, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.’ She wanted to believe that it didn’t matter to her but she couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t imagined falling in love with someone who would treat her in a certain way and make her feel like she was special and cherished. Part of her knew most of that was a fantasy but another part still craved it and if she was being honest, Si-mok would never be like that. At least not in the way she'd imagined.

She turned on her side to reach for her phone to check the time. She had a text from him that just read, “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I hope you made it home safely.”

She fell into a dreamless sleep that night while hugging her phone and when she woke up in the morning, her pillow was damp from her tears.

---

Prompt List - Ask Box now closed since I’ve received quite a few already.

#secret forest 2 #tvn secret forest #tvn stranger #hwanghan #mokjin #si mok x yeo jin #secret forest #my fic #prompts #kdrama #I'M SO SORRY ANON #YOU WANTED IT NOT SUPER ANGSTY AND MY HAND SLIPPED #LOOOOL PLS DON'T HATE ME #Anonymous #otp: no one can replace you

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atopearth · 3 years ago

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Kissed by the Baddest Bidder Part 1 - Eisuke Ichinomiya Route (up to Proposal Epilogue)

This is my next guilty pleasure game lolol. Honestly, the premise of the heroine getting sold in an auction and being bought/saved by one of the dodgy rich guys makes it a dubious premise, but I love this kinda "trash"🤣 Eisuke seems like one of the most popular Voltage guys so I do want to see him in sequels haha, and yes, I already played the main story since it was free on the app, but I've kinda forgotten it, so I'll refresh my memory by playing it on the Switch again haha. I also bought My Forged Wedding and Our Two Bedroom Story so yay, more to come~ hahaha. I hope to also buy Scandal in the Spotlight and Kings of Paradise (when it comes out and goes on sale XD) when I'm done with others so yep, lots of Voltage stuff coming I guess hahaha.

I always feel sorry for the heroine that Eisuke makes her run to him within 5 minutes when he calls her, like dudeee, that's ridiculous. Anyway, it's nice that he's teaching her stuff so she's not just his toy to use. I remember finding it hilarious how Eisuke planned to use Soryu as the next "sacrifice" from the beginning and have Carolina fall in love with him instead🤣 She's very tame and silly for an Italian mafia boss' daughter but I guess we should feel blessed about that lol. Even though a lot of the things Eisuke does is questionable, it's nice to know that his reason for being involved in all this underground stuff is because he's searching for his little sister that he got separated from when their parents passed away and they were adopted by different families. It's interesting to think that Eisuke wasn't born a rich boy and actually worked very hard to get where he is now in repayment to the Ichinomiya family but also because I'm sure all this power helps him get more connections to hopefully find his sister one day. I think it's really cute how much he's opening up to the heroine now, but I kinda feel sorry for her in a sense that when Takahiro (her boss) and her finally have a nice thing going on, she's falling for Eisuke.

To be honest, their "love" is rather questionable considering how it's mostly just the heroine listening to everything he says, caring about him, whilst he uses her for what he needs to do and then kinda warms up to the idea of her staying with him and enjoys it. I mean, he barely let her go out and always called her back for trivial things lol. So yeah, even though he's "nice", I find it difficult to accept him, but I guess hopefully the sequels might change that since there's so many haha. I appreciate him trying to protect her though, it's nice to see those rare moments he shows how much he cares about her. I have to say though, that dramatic ending where the heroine picks between Takahiro and Eisuke is so... weird lol, kinda cringy loll. Anyway, let's see His PoV! Honestly, His PoV was nice but doesn't really add that much to what we already knew tbh, like I guess you can see his thought process for the important events, but yeah doesn't really feel like I read anything haha. The epilogue was nice mainly because he FINALLY got rid of all his groupies, like geez, took him a while considering his intolerance for such women who follow him around all the time lol, but the highlight was definitely the heroine getting him to honestly tell her that he loves her. I think it really helps how she always voices to Eisuke what is important to her, and he in turn understands that it's important to her so he listens and reciprocates, it's pretty sweet.

I'm glad Eisuke found his sister in the Season 1 Sequel. Yukari is so cute. I thought it was really nice how the heroine understood how much Eisuke cherished the possibility of meeting his sister again, so if he's rejecting meeting her then there must be a good reason for it. It's pretty dramatic how Eisuke ended up having to save Yukari's husband's father and their wedding in order to have the father have a better opinion of him lol. I'm just happy that Eisuke doesn't have to force himself and lie about his feelings towards finding his sister again and stuff tbh, but it was kinda sad how Eisuke really didn't look for the heroine for days when she "left" him due to not being able to understand his attitude towards Yukari before everything was resolved. I have to agree with the heroine though, Eisuke is just really stubborn about not showing his feelings, but I guess he's getting better at it with the heroine so it's all good lol. I kinda find it cute how Baba was the one to tell the heroine how much Eisuke cares for her, I guess all the guys will get a chance to cheer her up and tell her different sides of him?🥲 It was cute how they visited Yukari's new home and thought about marriage~ Lmao at Eisuke just building a hotel in Dubai because her dart fell on it.

Ooh so, S2 revolves around Dubai~ Gotta feel sorry for the heroine that she nearly got killed for trespassing when it wasn't even her fault. But now she's forced to work at the Dubai hotel as a sort of "punishment" and to let her go from her crime lol. Gotta love how Eisuke just bought an island to live on here lol. Aww, it took a long time, but it's actually really cute how soft Eisuke is with the heroine. I also really like how he's pretty open with their relationship to the others. Do a lot of Japanese people really hate green peas?? I find it so funny that a lot of characters hate green peas, but I guess it's more seen as a "childish" thing haha. So yeah, seeing Eisuke try to say he hates green peas in a prideful way was adorable to say the least. Anyway, Hishikura is quiteeee dodgy and weird lol, why does he want to be an auction manager though, does that help him become the future prime minister?🤔 And I found it so silly the way the heroine "won" Hishikura and left him, like shouldn't the first thing Eisuke and them thought of was the fact that this was an illegitimate auction bid when the product (heroine) was obviously not the dancing girl that was supposed to be sold?? Why did we have to waste so much time on something so simply solved just like that?? Honestly though, I'm sure Hishikura could have made some other excuse though, but still, could they have not resolved it better and had a better reason to allow Hishikura be a part of the gang? Lol.

Sometimes I think I underestimate how much Eisuke likes the heroine, because wow, to protect her, he's willing to let people think he's "running away" from Dubai and all the troubles there, and I guess last time with Hishikura, he made it pretty obvious how important she was to him. Like, Kishi and Soryu being bodyguards for the heroine are understandable (but honestly a waste of their time lol) but I'm not sure if Hishikura, Ota and Baba are very good lol. Anyway, trust Eisuke to propose in such an unromantic way loll. Full just gave her the papers and told her to sign it loll. Anyway, I'm surprised they never had a hotel branch in London, but it doesn't matter since Eisuke can build wherever he likes lol. Wow, like I know Eisuke is selfish and the heroine is very accommodating, but I'm surprised she wasn't mad or even annoyed at all that Eisuke just took back the "proposal" and said nah, not getting married anymore since it's unnecessary. Like excuse me??? And the way the heroine knows he loves her is always just through sex lol, like c'mon heroine, sure he shows his love in many ways, but his attitude still annoys me a lot lol, it really is as if marriage is nothing to him and the heroine hasn't even told him that it's special to her because she'll become his wife. Honestly, he probably said it so she wouldn't feel pressured about it anymore (since she was undecided) but still.

Well, I was going to say Frank and his butler are kinda cute but dang lol, getting revenge for something that happened in middle school that was your own fault is pretty petty of Frank. I'll admit that Eisuke being up for auction and the heroine being auctioneer was pretty fun and interesting haha. Especially when she just started revealing everything about him to the crowd lol, but I guess that way she was able to show how deep her feelings were for him and how much she wanted them to be family instead of him just distancing himself from others and her. I'm so happy Eisuke finally proposed properly and said she'll be his family~~ Anyway, I'm disappointed that they didn't allude anything about Eisuke and London (aside from this Frank guy) when I think it would have been fun to see more about Eisuke's life back in the day instead of a random villain. For once, it was nice to see Eisuke's PoV to the marriage thing. So he suggested marriage to the heroine because he wanted to give her financial security just in case anything happened to him, and he wanted to do it in a way where she wouldn't be scrutinised by the public eye, and that's why he wanted her to be his wife so that everything would "look proper" to others. I guess I can see why he was so shocked and sad when she didn't immediately accept him haha. It was nice seeing Eisuke realise his mistake in saying he wanted to the marry the heroine but in the same breath say he didn't need a family, and understand that this was why the heroine was so hesitant. It was really nice to see Eisuke grow and straightforwardly ask Akira (his dad) why did he adopt him and whether he only cares about him because he has a talent for business. Seeing Eisuke face things he usually avoids because of the heroine's support and love makes me happy for him.

Okay, the DLCs (Scattered Cards onwards) on the Switch are too expensive so I'm not going to buy them right now hahaha😅 Overall, I'm not a fan of Eisuke tbh. He definitely got much better over the course of the seasons, but from the heroine's perspective alone, he is a bit frustrating lol, but at the same time, I'd say the same for the heroine for how silly she is lol so I guess they fit well. I think what I'm most disappointed in though is that the premise itself is really just the premise and nothing really "evolves" from it, because the following stories are really just the guys expanding the hotel and dealing with people trying to wreck that rather than stuff about auctions and bidding? I did enjoy Eisuke reuniting with his sister and learning more about how he views family, and then having the heroine make him realise that he does crave family warmth and other things, he just tries to hide it with his bad attitude lol. But yeah, otherwise Eisuke is not bad, just not my type lol, and the stories are rather cliche and bad at some points so yeah, I'd say the plot suffers more than his attitude does for me.

#kissed by the baddest bidder

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life-rewritten · 4 years ago

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THARNTYPE 7 YEARS: LOVE VS MISREADINGS AND INTERNAL STRIFES

So we are finally in episode 3 of TharnType 7 Years, and if it isn't apparent with my constant ramblings about this show, I am in love, like excited, obsessed, and incredibly happy in love. I know a lot of people are not like me, (it's always this way with this show) but the way the writer has left important character information, subtext and back-shadows in this plot has already made me hooked. The first thing I want to address is the couples in this show because I feel like people think the side couples are a waste of camera time and have no significance or depth, but this is one of the shows this year, where there is actual depth, plot and dynamics for the side couples. None of them is useless in fact; actually, if they don't have a plot, they're symbols/plot devices for the actual story. So stop seeing them as fan service, actually understand their characters, their flaws, their mindsets and see that we might have other couples in this show that are just as precious (with their own love story) as Tharn and Type. Or if you're one of those people who refuse to stop being closeminded about this show, then skip past this post. But if you do love this show as much as I do, and want to know about what the story is showing; Let's begin.

First thing first is to look at the subtext, the patterns and what we could understand from episode 1-3 so far with TharnType 7 Years. The plot is all about all these couples having internal conflicts, sometimes psychological/ mental, which results in mindsets nurtured from their past experiences that have them become so flawed and stunted from growth. We've seen this same dynamic in season 1 with our couples, including Tharn and Type.

With Tharn and Type the series, Mame uses love (the presence of it, the introduction to it and the feelings from it) to force our characters to learn from their mistakes, grow and change, and to reach self-acceptance and healing finally. Perhaps it's not always realistic (sometimes therapy is still needed, sometimes they take things too far, and sometimes the message isn't fully explored/translated) but its what I love about this show since season 1. The focus is on love, how incredible it can be for these characters and how it transforms them to their best version of themselves. In season 2 we have that with all these couples, they all have some kind of internal strife that is preventing them from growing, And it's through love that they change. Let me first analyse the couples, so you get what I mean;

Misreading/Miscommunication/Misunderstanding in TharnType in 7 years

'How do past experiences shape your mindset, choices, and personal development and how does it affect your relationship with the love of your life.'

TharnType

Misreading because of internal scars

In previous season Tharn and Type has a fun time, getting together, this is me being sarcastic. In reality, these two struggled so much to cross that line, one because of Type's internal struggle with his past assault making him ridiculously homophobic, and two because of everyone connected to Tharn's own history that contributed to his own internal scars at the end. Luckily our couple survived it all and actually chose to love each other properly. Except these scars aren't fully healed/gone, they still have affected our couple's ideologies, mindsets and actions, especially when it's time again to cross another line: Marriage. Tharn and Type are entering another conflict in their relationship despite their love for each other because of their internal scars. They're both for each other, 100% and they both concede and need each other, but their struggles make them incompatible despite the fact that they're actually trying to be selfless and caring for the other. Because of his past scars affecting how he sees publicity in relationships, Type doesn't want them to be exposed to the world or get married, because of his own internal strife of being abandoned Tharn wants them to prove to each other they won't be separated and needs them to get married for a peaceful mental state.

Separately selfless and caring: Tharn is sacrificial and a pushover but we can see it's building up this episode and tearing him down, in fact, it was so depressing for him because he had to see Tong propose to his long term lover who by the way her speech was necessary because it showed what was on Tharn's mind. She says she's okay with being Tong's number 3 because she has known from the start who he was and she is willing to be selfless for him. In Tharn's mind, this is what Type should be saying, he should know who Tharn is by now and why he wants marriage, but also he should give in and let them get married because there's no problem to him with it. So that's another couple showing their love to everyone whilst Tharn has been in a relationship with Type for longer and is just not getting that. Still, he concedes this episode he pushes it down in front of Type, and secretly still hopes to get married a different time. But this is misreading Type because Type still wouldn't accept that proposal and it will cause a blow-up.

The ring, the piano (playing their song) and the roses he was holding (passionate love) all symbolise Tharn's strife, he has everything ready, and was the one who played the song, held the flower, and bought the ring but he didn't have Type there. Type was avoiding going because he didn't want to bring back what happened in episode 1, being forced to again talk about marriage, (not selfishly, he's doing it, so they don't fight about it). Still, his absence also represented his misreading of Tharn's feelings.

In episode 3, we do see Type in denial, he is starting to realise that marriage could be a possible thing, and he knows Tharn wants it the most, (its what he wished for, for his anniversary in episode 1 for them to be together forever, marriage is proof of that promise) he's frightened about hurting Tharn because he can see it is killing him. However, still, he can't get over his blockages and mindset, which is understandable.

So he needs clues and evidence to start seeing Tharns perspective finally: the girl, Techno, his parents, Fiat.

But we can see how Type is changing; he takes in Fiat because he wants to help someone like his past self feel understood. He feels inclined to help him not just because of work, but he kind of like takes him in as a young brother and nurtures him because he probably needed someone like that when he was younger.

Hence this is why Fiat isn't meant to be seen as a devil in this show, but like Type, in season 1 he's meant to be misguided, stupid, irrational, and grow. Fiat takes the role of Type from season 1 (despite in his love story is more like Tharn will explain later), he'll do things and say things automatically. He'll cause issues, but if you notice Leo (who probably is going to be in Tharns position in season 1 longing for him and being hurt because he's too late but also can be like Type in his own love story) is his calming influence. But Fiat will grow after his mistakes and love (losing Leo) will make him learn and grow from his mindset. Fiat is not just an object/boring second lead that just likes the main character, his involvement with the main story is going to cause growth for our couple but also lead him to his own plot with his own love story that's just as messy, angsty and romantic as Tharn Type in season 1. And you know what I can't wait to see it unfold.

Fiat and Leo:

Misreading because of reputation and protection

These two are so annoying, mostly because they're in the same position as TharnType in season 1 where they have perceived obstacles preventing them from the crossing the line even though they're in love.

We're introduced to Leo in episode 3 who definitely has feelings for Fiat. There are so many clues to the fact that he's automatically in love and romantically cares for Fiat.

1.He clearly longs for his touch: they both keep glancing and looking wishfully at each other's lips each time they come face to face, it's there because they want to kiss each other, they're pulled to each other in that way

2. He drops everything for Fiat's safety, protection and needs. He will do anything; he even is seen this way by Fiat's 'friends' as the person who is the most protective and possessive over Fiat

3. He's jealous about not knowing about Fiat's state, he wants to be needed and trusted by Fiat above all. And he enjoys when Fiat is submissive and gentler to him.

So why is he so adamant about keeping them as friends?

Fiat's reputation:

Fiat reminds me of Stud (another messy, spoilt, selfish character who did so because of neglect) from another BL show Friendzone, he's flirty, and he sleeps around whenever Leo isn't around, he's a bit unstable without Leo by his side, rude, makes tantrums like a child who wants attention. When you look at it this way though, he's a child suffering from neglect, although he's rich, so he gets everything he wants he doesn't actually feel adequately loved;

He ran away from home when he was young because of a lack of attentive parents; he did this to get attention, and it's because he felt overlooked and not listened to. We see that he already acts impulsively whenever he feels slighted; this is important for his character.

.He says so sadly in the show to his date in episode 3: This was another exposition to his character's mindset; he feels misunderstood, unloved and not taken care of properly by everyone, including his so-called friends who also just see him as a child, and spoilt. He's felt always never seen. He says this after he realizes that Leo may be possibly happy without him in Italy. He was feeling lonely, irritated and bored with Leo there, but because he cared about Leo's happiness (Leo apparently said the camp was important to him), he didn't want to bother him. If Fiat were so manipulative and selfish and just saw Leo as a tool for emotional baggage he would have texted but no he conceded for Leo's wellbeing.

His dependency on Leo: When he ran away from home when young it was Leo he went to. It's because Leo has always been his safe space, the only person apart from Type who shows Fiat in this episode that he understands why he's being so upset about the basketball thing, he protects and delivers care to Fiat.

So why does Fiat feel neglected by Leo: because he's hurting from Leo's rejection/adamant denial that they are nothing. Fiat clearly has feelings for Leo (Stud did for Earth and also felt frustrated that he refused to take him seriously). Still, he's kind of been forced to sacrifice those feelings because he wants to keep Leo by his side. But it still 'breaks' him to do so: whenever he hurts he says stupid things, acts prideful and tries to seem spoilt hence how he spoke to Leo in this episode, but then he concedes.

I think he's like Tharn when it comes to Leo a little bit, he's like Tharn was in season 1 when he was chasing after Type, but deciding to keep it unofficial whilst it breaks him inside and makes him even more distant that he's being overlooked. One because like Tharn he wants to keep Leo by his side and do what he wants, so they don't fight, (sacrificial, he shows he cares a lot about Leo he's not selfish). Two because he also feels neglected by Leo for not accepting or taking his feelings seriously (hence being misunderstood).

For his ego and self-defence mechanism, he embraces his spoilt persona. You can tell that he only does it whenever he's hurt, scared, or his ego is failing, for example, with the basketball scene; leg hurting and throwing the ball in a fury in episode 3.

Fiat is not selfish or manipulative; he's just spoilt. He's more like Tharn in season 1 than Type honestly. Tharn is also sometimes selfish, manipulative and stubborn when it came to Type. Tharn is just as rich as Fiat and was used to getting what he wanted. So he also threw tantrums when things didn't go his way, and he guilted Type always into conceding. Type didn't always fall for it and was more stubborn and headstrong than Tharn.

Leo is complicated, and if I'm seeing him like either Type or Tharn, these are his reasons for why he is not accepting his feelings.

Like Earth from Friendzone with Stud, he thinks Fiat's love is fickle; he believes he's spoilt, that he doesn't actually want him, he's just saying it as a joke. He thinks he's shameless and a nutcase, and he's just seeking attention. So even if he has feelings, he doesn't want to accept them because of this.

Because he is like Type and has some kind of internalised homophobia, forcing him to not think about Fiats feelings, they are raised in an interesting environment: status, money, reputation. Probably he, himself does not believe he could be gay and have feelings, so he sees everything he does with Fiat as friends, but he's clearly in denial about it, Just like how many times Type was in denial about what Tharn was to him and kept on insisting he didn’t see them as anything more than s*x friends. But Type learnt the hard way of what he wants especially when San entered the picture in season 1. Type is Leo’s San, he will now force him to learn how he feels and finally accept it.

Like Type with Tharn this season, it's about the reputation of the family, he's the person who is the closest to Fiat, and they're family friends it'll ruin what they have, the reputation of the family if they're in a phobic environment. It would be stressful to deal with the fallout. He's refused to cross that line to protect Fiat, and him like Type is doing to Tharn this season.

He just doesn't want their friendship to be ruined, so he does long and want Fiat, but he's too scared to be hurt or their relationship to stop. This is the same reason why Fiat sadly concedes, they both are keeping it undefined for each other not really seeing that they both love each other. The more Leo rejects and hurts Fiat and makes Fiat think there's no chance for them; Fiat latches more to Type who is this symbol for all the love that he never received.

Although Leo doesn't neglect Fiat that way, he does make him feel misunderstood, stuck, and his feelings are being ignored. It's what he says to Leo, "You came too late" essentially you accepted your feelings too late. Jealousy is what will now make Leo embrace himself and push for their relationship (same as Type in season 1) whilst jealousy of Fiat's involvement will drive Tharn and Type to cross the line and get married.

Champ and Khun

Misreading because of lack of self-esteem

Champ and Khun, my babies. Champ is going to be hurting Khun without realising it. Champ is really bad at love mostly because of lack of self-esteem, he doesn't think he's worth loving for some reason, he also doesn't see any point to love, and he's automatically cut himself of that. The thing with Champ is that Khun is different, he knows this, and I think we're going to see him feel this later on. But I think Champ and Khun are definitely like King and Ram, like King Champ is insecure about what Khun thinks of him and so he will also know how he feels but push it down because he doesn't think he's good enough for Khun.

We know that he's seen as dumb and dim, he mistakenly messed his university year, and he's just starting his business, so he's a little insecure compared to his friends.

We see how he is when it comes to love in season 1, he doesn't understand why people want him, and he doesn't feel anything to others in any way shape or form.

It's either that or he's just so dumb that he doesn't even register how he feels for Khun as love, there other characters like him; Haruta from Ossans Love and Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee. They keep on flirting and doing this automatically to their love interest, but he's not going register why it's different, and this will hurt Khun because Khun won't say it out loud.

Khun also seems like he struggles with lack of self esteem, insecurity, he's quiet and nervous all the time, he's shy and unsure about how to say to Champ how he feels, and yeh he also struggles to say how he feels. He's tried now to spend time with Champ alone twice, and he's shown annoyance in a polite way to both Type and Techno for being there. He's had feelings for Champ for seven years probably when they stayed in the same dorm, but he's not been able to gather up the courage to say so. So he's also going to be misread by Champ that he also likes keeping it cool and platonic because he doesn't know how just to say it. (Like Ram from my engineer) But I think he will get angsty the more he gets closer and unsure about what they are, and will finally say it out loud.

Cir and Phu:

The antithesis/symbol

Cir and Phu represent a couple that gets each other and makes an effort to let the other know how they feel, hence they don't hide or shy away from how they feel, they are blissful, in their own world, and they are the antithesis of these couples. But they also represent what these couples could be if they finally embrace their issues and see each other, Tharn and Type can finally be out and exposed to people, Leo and Fiat can finally be possessive over each other and show romantic ownership. Champ and Khun can finally tell each other how they feel and be in a relationship.

So yeah, the couples in this show are all, significant, exciting and vital to the plot. They're not wasting camera time, especially Leo and Fiat in episode 3, we needed to understand why Fiat becomes our villain. He's perfect for it; spoilt, stubborn, and refuses to give this fight up because he's tired of being neglected. And Type represents a chance to be seen I guess to him. Tharn and Type and Leo and Fiat are mirror characters, they all learn and grow from falling in love, it doesn't mean they won't be messy, they won't make mistakes, but they're really understandable unlike some other one dimensional characters in this genre. Please give this show a break, and stop focusing on, on the surface information, listen to what the characters are saying, what has been shown and mentioned about them and think about how it affects them. Like Techno, for example, he's going to be a helping hand to these couples, for Tharn and Type he'll help push them to marriage (this is why he sends in the group chat that Tharn is cheating despite the fact he knows he's gay, he's not stupid or problematic he's up to something because he has to help Tharn find a way to make Type concede and want to be possessive of him), he'll also be necessary to Champ and Khun, he's already clued into their relationship dynamic, so he'll let Champ know the truth. He's playing the same role he did in season 1 for Tharn and Type. All these characters are essential, and they all fit the plot and pacing correctly. Stop thinking they're not. Okay, I'm done with my rant; let's see what happens next in episode 4, Ciao.

#thai bl #tharntype 7 years of love #tharntype 2: 7 years of love #tharntype #tharntype the series #bl series #bl drama #november #cwg #fvete #mewgulf #tharn and type

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