#what is a private insta story if not an excuse to confuse the fuck out of your friends

[goldenblueomens]

me? wishing a happy gazpacho soup day to my close friends who don’t know wtf i’m talking about? it’s more likely than you think

[lewisthot]

hate III

summary: you start freaking out but ‘putting the genie back in the bottle’ is a lot harder than you realise. rating: 18+ words: 5.8k characters: lewis hamilton x fem!reader a/n: this is a long one, a little dialogue heavy, a little angsty and a touch of fluff and smut. feel free to let me know how shitty it is read the previous part here

summer break officially over you knew you weren’t going to see lewis for weeks, it’d only been a week and you were missing him not that you’d admit it to yourself - you weren’t missing him, you were missing the sex. lewis was scrolling through insta watching all of their mutual friend’s stories just for a peak of you - how pathetic he thought, your insta was private and he couldn’t send a follow request for two reasons - one he didn’t follow anyone and secondly, you’d laugh at him.

he thought about texting you now that you both said you’d stop hating each other but just because you said that it didn’t mean you really wanted to be friends. looking at himself in the mirror every day, the scattering of marks you’d left as revenge made it impossible not to think about you though.

you made dinner plans with one of your best friends, someone that wasn't a mutual friend of you and lewis. you had barely sat down with y/f/n when immediately started with the questions, she knew something was up.

‘so are we going to talk about it?’

‘what?’

‘girl, the hickeys! you haven’t told me about anyone new, so who was it!?’

‘no one you know’

‘you’re a terrible liar and you’re never secretive when you get laid! it is someone i know but you don’t want me to know…’

‘ugh, it was a one off!’

‘no it wasn’t, you had hickeys after the party y/f/n threw and you have a hickey again after the dinner…omg! it’s definitely someone i know!’

‘okay so it was a two time thing but it’s not happening again so i’m not going to tell you who it was’

‘oh come on! i can keep a secret and besides don’t you wanna talk about it?’

‘no i wanna forget it ever happened’

‘wait did you hook up at the party?’

you scrunched your face letting out a groan, god you wanted this conversation to end. you were a terrible liar but y/f/n wasn’t mutual friends with lewis, she was your friend you could tell her everything and it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

‘yes’

your friend let out a gasp. ‘omg now you have to tell me!’

you knew your friend she was incessant and you did need to discuss it and your mixed emotions that you were trying to ignore.

‘okay but you can’t be weird about it or judge me’

‘omg just tell me! who was it? wait let me guess, lewis’ she giggled laughing at her little joke which only made you sigh. i mean the thought of you and lewis was funny, you both hated each other and she especially knew that since you knew you could complain about him to her.

‘it was lewis’

‘oh come on tell me the truth’

‘i’m not lying, i was horny and drunk you know that’s not a good combo for me! and he was there, it just happened! and then the other night at dinner when everyone left, it happened again’

it all rushed out but you were sure to leave out the part about him fucking you in his bathroom with them all downstairs, the party was bad enough but alcohol was a great excuse - the dinner on the other hand you had no excuse for.

‘wtf!? lewis!? you hate lewis! he hates you! and you weren’t that drunk at the party!’ you rolled your eyes thinking back to lewis stating the same thing, maybe you were more horny than drunk…you weren’t going to admit that. ‘and what do mean it happened again, you just fell on his dick the second time!?’

‘i’m sensing judgement…’

‘i’m not judging, i’m confused do you hate each other or not? are you guys fuck buddies now? i said you guys just need to fuck it out! i was right!’

‘when did you say that!?’

‘i mean i didn’t say it to you just thought to myself whenever you’d tell me about something he’d said or done to annoy you, you guys bicker like a married couple. clearly, it was just a matter of when’

‘whatever’

‘so what does this mean?’

‘nothing! clearly we both hadn’t gotten laid in awhile and we let our hormones get the better of us, it’s not happening again’

‘it happened twice though’

‘and that’s why i’ve downloaded hinge again, i need to get back out into the dating scene again’

‘so what are you guys going back to hating each other?’

you thought back to the conversation you and lewis had on the couch, maybe you could be friends but maybe you should just stay hating him maybe it’d be easier to be around him.

‘we never stopped’

‘well in couple weeks he’s gonna be back in town so we’ll see’

‘there no we’ll see’

‘okay whatever i want the details, was he any good? is he big?’

you rolled your eyes laughing. ‘well i wouldn’t have hooked up with him twice if he wasn’t and no comment’

‘boo, you’re no fun. do i need to get you drunk? let’s order a couple shots of tequila’

you drank way too much at dinner but it was a nice distraction from obsessively thinking about lewis till you got home that is. laying bed you thought about the fact you had another week before you’d see him again, you were anxious. what if it was awkward? how could it not be awkward? your mind was racing with different scenarios maybe lewis hadn’t even spared you thought, why would he? he had a championship to worry about. it was just a random hook up and nothing more - you don’t know how many times you were gonna repeat that to yourself before you believed it.

you scrolled through hinge bored after only a few minutes, looking at the time it was late but you didn’t care you decided to call lewis - giving into your impulses, you could always blame it on the alcohol.

‘hello’

you almost dropped your phone, a little surprised lewis had picked up your call.

‘heeeey’

‘y/n? why are you calling me at this time?’

you didn’t like the way he answered, the tone of his voice. you were probably reading into it way too much but you had a habit of doing so, i mean you were drunk who didn’t act little ridiculous when drunk.

‘am i interrupting something?’

‘i was about to go to sleep’

‘idk why you’d pick up then’ you rolled your eyes, sighing. ‘byeee’

‘wait, you didn’t answer my question’

‘doesn’t matter you’re going to bed’

‘just tell me why you called’

‘no, you’ve ruined my mood’

‘i didn’t do anything!’

‘your energy is not a vibe’

‘i’m sorry’

‘you don’t even know why you’re apologising’

‘i’m apologising for ruining your mood, even if you won’t tell me how…’

‘okay bye!’

you shut off the phone not giving lewis a chance to reply, you groaned burying your face into your pillow embarrassed at that stupid call. what were you thinking!? why did it go so sideways!? what was the point!? you didn’t know what to expect but that wasn’t it and now it would definitely be more awkward. you sighed, telling your brain to shut up and stop over thinking the situation you closed your eyes willing yourself to sleep but before you could your phone rang - fuck it was lewis. you wanted to ignore it but you knew dealing with this sober would be far more agonising.

‘what?’

‘uhh why did you lock off like that?’

‘why are you calling me back?’

‘you’re annoyed with me and i didn’t even do anything!’

‘i’m drunk, let’s just forget the phone call happened’

he chuckled, of course you were drunk why else would you be calling him at this time you seemed to have a habit of being reckless when fuelled by alcohol.

‘figured, you’re so sensitive when you’re drunk’

‘fuck off’

it was meant as a joke but he could sense you were still angry and upset with him, he hated it and even more so he hated that he hated it. it’s never bothered him before so why now did it bother him especially when he didn’t even do anything to piss you off and yet he was apologising.

‘are you gonna tell me why you called?’

‘the moment’s passed, i was just bored’

‘and you thought of me?’

you could hear the smirk in his voice, you hated it. ‘shut up’

‘come on, did you just drunk dial me to argue?’

‘yeah, i didn’t want to wait another week to fight with you. i miss it’

you chewed on your lips as the words escaped your mouth, you didn’t say you miss him but even letting him know you missed him on any level made you queasy. he smiled hearing those words, sure you didn’t say you missed him but you still missed him, he was going to ignore the context and clear sarcasm in your tone.

‘i missed you too’

‘eww’

he laughed, he should be offended but he wasn’t surprised by your answer you weren’t affectionate to your friends so absolutely wouldn’t be with him.

‘what’s funny?’

‘you’re so predictable’

he didn’t seem bothered by your response which you didn’t know how to take, you did miss him though but he clearly didn’t mean when he said it but there was something in the way he said it…you just want there to be something you thought.

‘if i was so predictable you’d know why i called you’

‘you said it yourself you were bored so you decided to harass me because you gain a sick pleasure from annoying me’

‘it really turns me on’

‘no wonder you fucked me that night’

‘i guess that makes you a masochist, do you like being my little bitch?’

‘i think you’re forgetting who’s the brat and who did the brat taming’

‘i think the next time you see me you’ll be begging for me’

‘i thought there wasn’t going to be a next time?’

‘i didn’t say there was going to be one just that you’ll be begging for one, for me’

‘you wish’

‘you know i called you because i was horny, you could’ve been hearing me moan your name as i touch myself but instead you’re your annoying self’

he groaned unsure of what to say you’d thrown him threw a loop, you were so confusing he couldn’t stand it but before he had a chance to reply you let out a yawn.

‘but now i’m tired and i’m going to bed, night lewis’

you kicked off again without even waiting for his goodbye and he knew this time to not bother calling back, your tone was finite you were done with the conversation, done with him. he sighed as he thought back to the sounds of your moans and the way you sounded when his name fell from your lips. he ran his hands over his face annoyed at the way his cock twitched at the thought, at the way you teased him and left him hanging, this is why you guys didn’t get along you were infuriating.

you laid in bed smiling at leaving that conversation with the upper hand, it was childish of you and you knew deep down he hadn’t meant to piss you off but you didn’t care, you were pissed off so you were gonna piss him off you only wished you could’ve seen the look on his face. you might’ve not been able to stand lewis but the way you used you felt so good and yes he used you that’s all this was, you were both using each other to get off and the hate was part of it, you were going back on your offer of being nice to him. whatever fleeting thoughts you had were just that - fleeting thoughts and if you were honest pissing lewis off was so much more fun than being nice to him.

as the week dredged on you scrolled through the dating apps determined to find a date asap, you weren’t in any real rush to be in a relationship but you needed a distraction, a palette cleanser after lewis and especially before lewis came back and you were in luck. they were the total opposite of lewis from looks to personality, they had taken you to a bar for drink which you thought was a little cheap and questionable for a first date but you couldn’t be picky with the time constraint. before your date you had gone to dinner with the mutual friends you had with lewis and now you were being really petty and a little pathetic but you were dolled up so you made sure to take lots of selfies with your girls for their insta stories in hopes lewis would see it. 

your friends made a fuss over your sexy number, taking lots of pics they made sure to caption it ‘her date tonight is so lucky 🥵’ you loved the way your friends hyped you up you’d forgotten why you were doing all this, you were just having a fun night. your date went as expected, mediocre and when he kissed you, sure it was pleasant but lewis popped into your mind. you went home annoyed the whole purpose a flop, you needed to go back to hating lewis.

race weekend over lewis had a two week break. he knew what he wanted to do and that was see you, after the phone call and then the insta stories he saw he couldn’t stop thinking about you which you clearly didn’t feel the same way. he wanted to know every detail of that date, he just hoped someone would ask about it tonight. their friends had planned another gathering so he knew he’d be seeing you, it felt nervous it’d been awhile since the last time and with certain events he wasn’t sure what it’d be like seeing you again or how to behave around you.

you were the last to arrive, you spent way too much time thinking about your outfit setting on a mini dress that was both cute and sexy. greeting everyone you ignored lewis as usual but he had other plans, he sat next to you and involved himself in as many conversations you had. you were growing tired of it but you couldn’t exactly snap at him for it so you tried to ice him out or poke at him but he didn’t bite it was like he almost found it amusing. when he managed to get you alone he brought it up.

‘i thought we were going to try and be friends?’

‘did i say that? i don’t remember agreeing to that?’

‘really? you don’t remember me eating you out and making you cum twice on my tongue? as a reward’

‘reward?’ you rolled your eyes. ‘whatever, pissing you off is only fun if you actually get pissed off’

‘what can i say, i find your bratty attitude hot’

‘pathetic’

‘doesn’t mean i won’t put you in your place’

‘you can try’ you walked away unable to think of a better retort. joining your friends again.

‘so y/n how was your date?’ now this was a conversation you didn’t mind having.

‘it was nice, he was cute and sweet’

‘did you guys hook up?’

‘maybe…’ your friends laughed at your coyness, you were one to never divulge too much.

‘you gonna see him again?’

‘i think so’

‘think so? if he hasn’t already asked you out he’s not’ lewis couldn’t stand hearing about this guy, so he butted in with his own opinion’s.

‘you don’t know jack shit'

‘i know you were dressed like a slut so if you fucked him and he got what he wanted there’s no reason for a second date’

‘slut shaming? how original’

your friends were taken aback by lewis’s outbursts, one giving him a punch in the arm you walked away trying to hold back your smirk, he was behaving exactly like expected. lewis found you upstairs in a bedroom, of course probably here to apologise.

‘i don’t wanna hear it, jealousy doesn’t suit you’

‘i wasn’t jealous, you know you’re forgetting you opened your legs pretty easily for me’

‘fuck you’

‘i think it’s pretty normal i didn’t wanna hear about you fucking other men!’

‘i don’t care about what you wanna here, you’re not my boyfriend’

‘thank fuck, i still don’t wanna hear about the pussy i’m fucking getting fucked’

‘the pussy!? i have a fucking name’

‘i didn’t mean it like that’

‘oh please, you meant it’

‘i’m not jealous’

‘so you just genuinely think i’m a slut’

‘you call me a slut all the time’

‘as a joke but you did it to hurt me’

‘i’m sorry’

‘fuck off’

‘please, i’m sorry y/n’

‘i don’t want to look at you right now’ you tried to walk out but lewis grabbed your wrist.

‘just fuck off’

you stormed out, lewis sighing he really fucked it up. he let his emotions get the best of him, he didn’t know what to do. after you cooled off you and lewis didn’t acknowledge each other’s presence at all and the evening ran smoothly, lying to your friends that lewis had apologised and all was forgiven. you still had a good night refusing to let him get to you, at first you weren’t pissed off but the private conversation? he really got under your skin. he knew better than to approach you after his shitty comments but he couldn’t stop looking at you all night, desperate to fix things. as the night drew to a close everyone started ordering uber’s and lewis decided to take a chance following you as you went to the kitchen for a quick drink.

‘let me give you a ride home y/n, your place is along the way’

you narrowed your eyes at him. ‘no, i can call an uber’

‘please i just want to talk’

‘fine’

he gave you this pleading look which you couldn’t say no to, you were already over him calling you a slut it had just been the perfect opportunity to create a rift between you two again but then he looked at you like that and now you were giving him another chance to apologise. your friends weren’t surprised at the fact you were accepting a ride in fact they were happy, if only they knew you thought. goodbyes said you followed lewis to his waiting chauffeured car. opening the door for you, you mumbled a thanks. the car ride was awfully quiet but you had no desire to fill the silence but he said he wanted to talk so you knew it was a matter of time.

‘i’m sorry for what i said, it was out of line. you can sleep with whoever you want. it’s none of my business and i had no right to judge. please forgive me?’

he looked at you with his stupid pleading eyes but you ignored him, shifting your body away from you looked out the car window. he didn’t push it, he didn’t know what else to say. the rest of the car journey was quiet till you pulled up to your flat.

‘well this is me, bye’

‘let me walk you to your door’

‘no’

‘please’

you were too tired argue, you nodded and let him follow you into the building. it was obviously a poor excuse to come upstairs and you weren’t too mad about it, when you reached your door though you opened it just enough to let yourself in turning to him.

‘well you’ve walked me to my door’

‘you really not going to invite me in?’

‘you didn’t say you wanted to come in’

‘i just really want to make it up to you’

‘you have a car waiting downstairs’

‘not anymore’

‘you think a simple apology and you get what you want’

‘don’t do this’

‘do what?’

‘go back to hating me’

‘you make it really easy’

‘you think i don’t know what you’re trying to do, i know you don’t care that i called you a slut you just wanted a reason to hate me again’

‘that’s not true’

‘you’re a terrible liar’ he sighed, rubbing his forehead annoyed and unable to think of a comeback. ‘ugh i just wanna—fuck!’

he grabbed your face leaning down his nose pressed against yours, you leaned forward closing the gap you gave you to decide if you wanted this. his kiss was hard and angry, his hand grabbing your butt you jumped into his arms wrapping your legs around him he stepped in pushing you against the wall as he kicked your front door shut. he bit down on your lip tugging as he trailed kisses down your neck, sucking and nipping.

‘lewis!’ his name came out in a moan more than as a warning you intended it to be.

‘no more hickeys…’

he whined against your neck, pressing kisses along your shoulders as he pushed your strap down his hands running down your front, he grabbed your breasts pushing your top further down. you moaned as he took your breasts into his mouth, his tongue swirling around your nipples you thought about how good his mouth felt against your skin but he was being too gentle, you didn’t want any hickeys but actually if they weren’t anywhere visible what did it matter the way he attacked your body with his mouth wasn’t something you wanted to give up.

‘i don’t want hickeys anywhere visible’

he looked up at you smirking at the implication, he takes your breast back into his mouth. you arch your back your legs around him tightening as you whimpered. he squeezed your ass, his mouth tracing back up your chest.

‘bedroom?’

‘straight ahead’

when he threw you on your bed, you sat up on your knees pulling off your own dress left in nothing but your panties. you crawled up to the edge, lewis pulling off his own clothes you helped with the trousers as his cock sprung free you were about to drop to your knees, your mouth salivating at the sight of his hard cock but it must’ve been obvious to lewis because he grabbed your chin to look up to him.

‘lay back’

with that tone of voice you knew it wasn’t up for debate, doing as he commanded he leaned forward pulling your underwear down he opened your legs wide as he went down on his knees - eye level with your glistening pussy.

‘you’re soaking wet…’ he didn’t waste any time, diving into your folds he lapped up your juice, sucked on your clit. ‘your date make you feel this good?’ he looked up at you but you refused to make eye contact but he wasn’t letting you off. he slapped your pussy, plunging two fingers into your waiting hole you arched your back biting your bottom lip trying to hold back your moans.

‘answer me’

‘no’

‘that’s right, no one will ever make you feel this good’

he was relentless, his mouth his tongue his fingers, he devoured your pussy and whenever you squirmed his arms were back around yours thighs holding you wide open. all that filled the room were the sounds of your choked sobs and lewis’s encouraging words as you neared your climax.

‘fuck lewis i’m gonna come!’

he swirled his tongue around your clit sucking on it just right, your toes curled as your gripped the bed sheets the waves of your orgasms crashing over you. of course lewis didn’t let up lapping up your juices pinning you down as you tried to break free from his grip. your pussy clenching around nothing it was aching to be filled, you needed lewis inside of you.

‘ahh fuck, lewis fuck me’

he climbed on top of you lacing his fingers with yours he held your arms overhead as he kissed you deeply, tasting yourself on his tongue drove you insane, you were desperate for more.

you bit his bottom lip tugging gently. ‘lewis..’ his name came out in a breathy moan, you didn’t need to say anymore he knew what you needed. he pulled away only to watch as his cock stretched you out sliding into your aching hole with ease. his thrusts were slow but deep, sinking all the way before pulling out till only the tip was inside of you - the stretch felt so good. you knew he wanted you to beg for him but you weren’t going to submit anymore than you already had. you leaned up wrapping your arms around his neck, your nose grazed against his.

‘you think your cock’s special? you think i won’t find someone to fuck me just how i like?‘

he growled ‘god i fucking hate you’ kissing you roughly he pushed you back down, slamming his cock into you like you wanted. you hissed as you yanked on his ponytail of braids you’d be playing with which only egged on lewis. pressing soft kisses along your jawline, his hand danced along your neck.

‘put your hand around my throat, don’t squeeze baby’ he groaned wrapping around his hands your neck, you clenched around him and when he felt the effect he had on you he smirked slamming into you harder.

‘you filthy whore’

he was rough, his pace brutal and you loved every minute of it as he railed you your nails dug into his back with every slam digging into dipper, you were sure you’d broken skin. having cummed already your second orgasm wasn’t trailing far behind and your clit already sensitive didn’t need to be touched, the angle in which your bodies met was enough.

‘look at me, watch me use you’

trying to keep your eyes open felt impossible, you just wanted to get lost in the pleasure. you watched as lewis face twisted, his nose scrunching his eyebrows furrowing, his own climax nearing. you kissed him or at least tried, it was sloppy all teeth as you both moaned into each other’s mouth so overcome with pleasure.

‘fuck!’

‘you greedy slut’

it hit you so suddenly as quick as your body tense it went limp, the waves washing over you your body shuddered. lewis continued fuck you through your orgasm, groaning as your pussy walls fluttered around his cock himself on the edge.

‘fill me up!’

his thrusts become disjointed as he reached his climax, muttering a string of incoherent words you wrapped your legs around him holding him against you as you milked his cock. he groaned trying not to collapse on top of you, he caged you in with his arms on either side of you kissing you passionately as spent as he was he would go another round if he could. your legs falling to the sides lewis pulled out hissing as you clenched around him.

‘baby…’

you whined at the loss of fullness, quickly replaced with a moan as you felt his cum dripping out of you. lewis enjoyed watching his seed spill out but he enjoyed it even more when he realised his much you liked it, dragging his cum through your folds he smirked as you moaned.

‘god, you’re dirty slut aren’t you?’ he plunged his fingers in, finger fucking his cum back inside you created the filthiest sounds along with your choked sobs. you were sure you were too sensitive for another orgasm but you were too tired to fight against lewis, your limbs like jelly your brain short circuiting trying not to become overwhelmed by lewis’s fingers. it proved to be an impossible task, your back arched, your mouth open with a moan stuck in your throat your third orgasm hit you. your body convulsing, you snapped your legs shut against lewis’s hand. he chuckled slipping out, he towered over you as he shoved his fingers in your mouth which you cleaned off without hesitation.

‘good girl’

your breath hitched at the words, sucking on his fingers harder giving away your praise kink lewis smirked making a note for next time. you laid in bed absolutely shattered as lewis cleaned you both up.

you laid in bed as lewis walked back in grabbing his boxers.

‘i’m gonna leave now’

you leaned up watching him grab his clothes you crawled to the edge of the bed and grabbed his wrists.

‘it’s late, you should stay’

‘i don’t wanna inconvenience you’

letting him sleep over was probably a bad idea when you kept trying to put this wall up between you and lewis.

‘you’re not, i want you to stay’

you wrapped your arms around his neck as you kissed him softly, lewis dropping his clothes grabbed your waist kissing you back gently. you pulled back from his lips raising your eyebrows and biting your bottom lip waiting for an answer.

‘okay i’ll stay’

the way you looked at him made it impossible for him to say no to you. god you confused him, swinging from animosity to kindness. was it the haze of sex clouding your judgement? he didn’t want to think about it right now. you got ready for bed, brushing your teeth and doing your skincare you gave lewis a spare toothbrush head for your electric toothbrush which you wondered was that weird, you never do that for anyone except your best friend. finally in bed you tossed and turned trying to get comfortable, lewis sliding in.

‘thanks for the toothbrush and face wash’

‘you’re welcome’

‘good night’

‘night’

you both laid on opposite ends of the bed, it felt awkward and you couldn't stop you tossing and turning.

‘are you okay?’

‘sorry, sometimes i just get a little restless before bed. can’t get comfortable’

‘come here’

he shifted closer to you and you to him, pulling you into his arms he held you tightly from behind. his hands finding yours he squeezed them his thumb stroking the back of your hand you found it soothing, relaxing into his touch you soon found sleep.

lewis woke up before you did, he watched you as you slept, not quite in his grasp anymore but still close enough to play with your hair and stroke your head. he contemplated on what to do, he thought it was a little creepy watching you sleep. he grabbed his phone to check the time, it was early somehow he was awake before his alarm. he remembered he had a workout with angela this morning, he thought about just sneaking out if not for the fact he didn’t know what to expect from you, would you be sweet or mean but it didn’t matter your own phone started buzzing, your alarm going off. you groaned as you reached out for your phone quickly shutting off your alarm, you yawned and stretched twisting around to find lewis awake.

‘i didn’t wake you did i?’

‘morning to you too, no i just woke up a minute ago’

‘morning’

your eyes were still closed not quite ready to be awake, you pulled the covers over your head groaning. lewis chuckled pulling the covers down.

‘stop!’

‘what are you doing?’

‘that alarm was my going for a run alarm, i am not going for a run anymore so i’m going to sleep some more’

‘if it’s because of me…’

‘no, i just can’t be bothered. you wanna have breakfast?’

‘i can’t i’ve actually got to go’

he quickly jumped out of bed, you rose up confused watching him get dressed, there was an awkward tension now. what had just happened? was he still mad over last night?

‘you sure you don’t want a cup of tea?’

‘i’ve put you out enough’

‘i mean after a couple orgasms breakfast is a fair offer’

‘i really gotta go, i meant to be working out with angela soon’

‘well then breakfast makes even more sense, you need to fuel before a workout’

‘stop y/n’

‘what?’

‘if you’re gonna go back to hating me don’t offer me breakfast the next day’

‘do you have to be so dramatic’

he sighed as he watched kneeling on the bed, visibly dejected. he felt bad but he knew this is what you really wanted, the friendship thing was his idea and you were just forcing it. he wrapped his arms around you giving you a hug and a quick peck on the forehead.

‘i’ve really got to go, bye’

heading to your front door you followed after him.

‘seriously!?’

you didn’t even have a chance to say anything, he just turned to you and gave you a quick kiss on the lips before leaving which threw you off, you just stood there for a few moments trying to process that whole thing - you needed to call your best friend to vent.

‘y/f/n i fucked up!’

‘what happened?’

‘lewis happened, he stayed over last night after we hooked up but that’s not the issue. i know i said we still hated each other after the last time but we said we’d be nice, except i was horrible to him and now i’m pretty sure he really hates me’

‘why is that a problem?’

‘because the look on his face, it was bad and he’s not gonna want to fuck me again’

‘well, wasn’t that the whole point of downloading hinge?’

‘yeah, but he’s so good in bed’

‘then apologise and be friends with benefits instead of trying to be enemies with benefits’

‘ugh’

‘since when have you ever even cared about his feelings? maybe the real issue here is that you want to be friends with benefits’

‘ugh shut up!’

‘i’m right! you can’t deny lewis is a sweetheart and now that he isn’t actively trying to piss you off you’re finally seeing it’

‘he’s still an asshole, in fact we got into it last night because he was jealous over my date.’

‘don’t you think it’s a little interesting he was jealous…’

‘don’t even go there, his exact words were ‘i don’t like to share’ he’s just possessive’

‘look y/n you’re overthinking the whole thing, just go with the flow. i know both things are hard for you to do but try and enjoy the multiple orgasms and don’t think any deeper than that. unless there’s something else?’

this was your opportunity to say what the issue really was, that maybe there was something deeper between you and lewis you couldn't stop thinking about him but you weren’t ready to acknowledge those feelings yet.

‘there’s nothing else’

‘so apologise and let yourself become friends, if anything it’ll make the situation better not worse and i’m sure everyone will appreciate it’

‘you’re right’

‘i’m always right!’

you felt lighter after the phone call but what were you going to do about lewis? he did a complete 180 this morning, maybe you could text him to come over? would that seem needy? you got back into bed sighing, not overthinking was impossible.

read part 4 here

[ghostiewriter]

44/66/69 jiara with angst if you please 😜

God this kinda escalated 💀but I hope this is what you wanted, nonnie!

Word Count: 2.3K

Prompts: “I can’t believe you didn’t remember.” // “K.” // “Can you just leave me alone?”

For as long as she could remember, Kiara Carrera was in love with JJ Maybank.

She had tried not to give into the social constructs that people place on a girl whose friends with three boys, the last thing she wanted was to prove them right. But she really couldn’t help herself when it came to that finnicky little blond troublemaker. Kiara couldn’t control it. One day, JJ was just her usual best friend who was gross and funny and overall quite cool. And the next day, she was starting to notice how he was beginning to build some more muscle and how she liked the way his hair was messy but still looked good and how his laughs started to give her butterflies. She honestly didn’t know what happened but she couldn’t deny it. She was in love with JJ Maybank.

It was around 8th Grade when JJ started to notice that Kiara was no longer Kiara. She was Kiara. It was stupid of him, truly. He knew the rules, and he would never want to do anything to ruin his friendship with Kiara. She was his best friend. But it was getting harder and harder to just see her as ‘one of the pogues’ and not as ‘Kiara Carrera: the super-hot hippie chick that was slumming it with them’. JJ had always noticed girls, he’d been noticing them for a while. But Kie was different. Kie had always been different.

The summer after 8th Grade was one of pure torture. The pogues spent every day together and yet, both JJ and Kiara were finding it harder and harder to deny their feelings. They were young, they were hormonal, and they were confused. They were a couple of months from entering high school and figuring out the feelings they had for their best friend was the last thing on their mind. As usual, Pope and John B remained oblivious to what was happening between their two friends. And that is exactly how JJ and Kiara ended up alone on the back porch of the Chateau as Pope and John B headed inside, claiming they were beat and couldn’t stay awake any longer.

Kie glanced down at the half-full beer can in her hand—they had stolen a few from Big John—before offering it to the blond who had finished his a while back. JJ grinned and took the can happily, taking a large swing of it. The silence between them was deafening.

“Everything is going to change, isn’t it?’ Kie eventually spoke up, causing JJ to turn to her with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s bound to, right? We’re starting high school.” She huffed out, watching him take another sip before he passed the can back to her. “It’s a whole different ball game over there.”

He frowned. “It’s still school, Kie.”

“Yeah but,” She paused, his gaze falling to his wrecked converse. “What if…what if we don’t survive through high school? What if high school is what it takes to break up the pogues?”

JJ watched her closely, seeing that this wasn’t just some joke. This was something that had really been bothering her. JJ sighed, quickly shuffling closer and knocking his shoulder against hers. “Nothing can break the pogues, Kie. We are invincible.”

She turned to look at him, her lips pressed together like she was contemplating something. “Are we though?”

“Kie,” He whispered, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. “We’ll always be friend, no matter what.” He paused for a moment. “I’ll always be here for you.”

Her eyes trailed down his face before pausing on his lips. It would be so easy. Their faces were inches away from each other. All she would have to do is lean forward.

“Jay…” She breathed out.

“Kie, we can’t,” He gulped, his eyes glancing between her eyes and her lips. “The rules…the others…”

“They don’t have to know.” She whispered, watching him closely, letting him make the move. And JJ contemplated it, for a solid few seconds before he wasted no time in leaning forwards and kissing Kiara as he so desperately had been wanting to.

That was how JJ and Kiara’s secret rendezvousing began. They never told Pope and John B, scared what their friends would say about the clear ‘no pogue on pogue macking’ rule. So they snuck around, had their secret little moments. It was exhilarating, it was their dirty little secret.

But just as Kiara had worried, things changed when summer ended.

A week before the return of school, her parents had dropped the bomb on her that she wouldn’t be attending Kildare County High School like the boys, but instead the prestigious academy that most of the kook children attended. She was furious and angry and she felt utterly betrayed that they had kept this from her for so long. So, Kiara found herself running into the arms of the person she needed most in that moment.

“I can’t believe they didn’t tell me!” She cried, arms wrapped around JJ’s waist as he rubbed comforting circles on her back.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Kie.” He muttered, sighing a little when her head snapped up.

“I’m going to be in a totally different school, Jay! It’s a pretty big deal to me!”

But he simply shook his head, gently bringing his hands to cup her face. “No, it’s not. Because you being at some stupid kook academy won’t change the fact you’re one of us, you’re a pogue.”

She sighed. “But—”

“No, Kie.” He said firmly. “I’ll always be here for you, remember? And we can get through this.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

And for a while, everything was okay. Against her parents’ wishes, Kiara found way to hang out with the pogues despite her demanding timetable. She always found space for them in the weekends. As for JJ, Kie would find herself missing Wednesday gym classes to go meet up with the blond. They would cherish these moments together, enjoy the crappy little picnics they would have in more private areas of the beach and take the HMS Pogue out whenever they needed to get away. It was perfect, she was living the best of both worlds.

Then Sarah Cameron happened.

It was subtle at first. Kiara would just rain-check a few of their general pogue hangouts. It was no big deal though, she had to somehow fit in the kook academy. Then, eventually she stopped showing up altogether. But her parents had made her take a bunch of extracurriculars. The boys didn’t think anything of it. But then they saw Kie all buddy-buddy with Sarah Cameron and her wee posse on an insta story one night and the truth hit them. They were losing their best friend.

JJ was in denial though. Kie was still showing up to most of their dates, and when she did she seemed like her usual self. He continued to live in ignorant bliss, especially as their six-month anniversary came up. To anyone else, it probably seemed stupid. But for JJ, it meant everything. Six months with his best friend, with the girl he loved, with someone he trusted blindly. And it just so happened to fall on a Wednesday. It was perfect.

He had everything set up. He borrowed the boat, he splurged a little with some of the money he saved from the tips he got the last few months and actually bought—not steal—a gift for her. A small necklace with the letter ‘J’ engraved into a small heart that was hanging from the chain. He even managed to convince Heyward to give him a bottle of champagne (with help from Yvonne who was a bit of a sap for the young love prospect). The point was that JJ had everything ready.

All that was left was for Kie to show up. So, he waited. And he waited. And he waited and waited and waited.

It must’ve been three hours later when JJ finally realised that after the lack of response from her calls and texts, she wasn’t coming. His heart was pounding, thinking of the possibility that something could’ve happened to her.

What if she got into a car accident? What if her parents had found out about her skiving class? What if she had been kidnapped or—

And then he saw it. That damn insta story on Rafe Cameron’s account, showing a perfectly fine Kie partying with some other kook girls. She forgot. She stood him up.

In a fit of anger, JJ clenched the chain in his hand, letting out a scream of frustration. The next thing he knew he was pulling his arm back, hand loose around the chain before he saw it fly through the sky and land in the sea with an unsatisfying plop. And for a second, JJ felt like he was drowning with that damn necklace.

It wasn’t until the next day when Kie realised she had missed her date night with JJ. She let out a small curse, head pounding as she reached for her phone and clicked on his contact name.

Kie: hey, sorry about last night, I wasn’t feeling well. make it up to you tonight?

JJ: can’t. working.

Kie: you don’t work on Thursdays tho?

JJ: I do now.

Kie: are you okay?

JJ: why wouldn’t I be?

Kie: idk you just seem weird

JJ: K.

Kie: K?

She frowned a little when the little ‘read’ notification came up but he never replied. After taking some painkillers for her head, she found herself in the car, driving to the Chateau where she noticed was empty except JJ’s motorbike outside. Without a second thought, she headed inside, finding JJ drinking away on the couch.

“So, this is working?” Kie asked, her nose scrunched slightly at the strong smell of alcohol in the room.

“Fuck off.” He slurred out, not even bothering to look at her.

“Who shoved a stick up your ass?” She scoffed, swooping down to grab the beer from his hand before he could take another sip. “Oh my god, JJ, how many have you had?” She muttered when she noticed the empty bottles around him.

“Like you care!” He laughed out bitterly, leaning back as he finally glanced up at her for the first time. “Shouldn’t you be with your little kook friends?” He snipped.

She froze, lips pressing together. “JJ, I can explain—”

“Oh, can you now?!” He exclaimed, pushing himself to stand up. He stumbled a little but he caught himself on the edge of the couch. “Please, Kiara, please tell me what bullshit excuse you have for missing our anniversary for some fucking stuck up assholes—”

“What?” She whispered.

He looked at her, eyebrows slightly furrowed before he let out a scoff. “Of course, what else was I expecting? I can’t believe you didn’t remember. Or better yet, I can’t believe I thought you’d remember!”

Her words got caught up in her throat. This was far worse than she thought. “JJ, I am so—”

“What? Sorry? What’s the fucking point, Kie? You’ve already broken my heart!” His words were slurred and messy, but they were honest.

“You’re being a little dramatic, Jay. You’re drunk—” She tried once again but that only seemed to anger him further.

“NO, KIE!” He snapped. “You…You don’t get to act like you aren’t the one that fucked up here, aright? I fucking loved you! I poured my heart out to you! I opened up to you! I even fucking used my tips on you!” He yelled, tears welling up in his eyes as he spoke. “But you have been nothing but a bitch.”

Kie had felt like she had been slapped. Loved. Past tense. “A bitch?”

“Just like your little fucking kook friends! The lot of you are a bunch of bastards that just laugh and mock people like me, don’t you? C’mon, Kie, tell me. Did you make fun of me to your new friends? Tell them about the poor fucker you’ve been stringing along like some lovesick puppy, huh?”

“You know I would never do that!” She argued back.

“No, I don’t! I don’t, Kiara, because I don’t even fucking know who you are anymore!” He countered, chest heaving. “And truthfully, I don’t want to know you anymore. Whoever you are, you aren’t Kie. Not my Kie.”

She felt the tears burning in her eyes, felt her heart pounding in her chest. But most of all, she felt her blood boiling. He didn’t know. He didn’t know how hard it was to finally fit in with the kooks, after months of dealing with their bullying and teasing. She was finally finding a place there. He didn’t get it. He would never get it.

“I never was your Kie.” She stated simply, her voice void of any emotion.

“Great. Perfect.” He replied. They both stared at each other for a while, no one saying anything. “You’ve changed. You’re not a pogue, not now.”

“Change can be good sometimes.” Kie countered as though his words didn’t shatter her heart.

“Just…go. Go be with Rafe Cameron and act like one of his little lackeys.” He scoffed. “Not like any of us want you here anyways.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“I’m going.”

“Go then.”

But Kie couldn’t find it within herself to actually move.

“Can you just leave me alone?” He eventually yelled out, fists clenched at his side. “Just fucking go! Be with them!”

That seemed to snap her out of whatever frozen state she was in and Kiara quickly turned, tears pouring down her face as she reached for the door handle.

“I hope they were worth it, Kiara. I hope they were worth losing us.”

She pressed her lips, taking a few seconds to compose herself as she wiped away a few tears. Then she spoke up, let her words be her goodbye, because deep down Kie knew that this was it. She had lost her pogues. She had lost her JJ. And she would never get them back.

“They are.”

Then, she left, never once looking back, not even when she heard the sound of a scream and glass smashing, not even when every atom in her body wanted to run back into his arms.

She never looked back.

[raph8sblog]

💕Dreaming Of You 💕Part IV.

The flashing red and blue lights, the loud noises and the uncomfortable darkness, where you couldn’t see properly and you couldn’t speak or move. When you regained your conscious you were laying on the hospital bed. The bed was framed with white curtains. Memories flashing back in your mind, like a never ending story, all over again, about your attacker, you tried to memorize the shape of her face but you forgot everything when you felt down from the stairs. What happened then? You don’t remember anyting, you looked down on your arms, both of them were covered with white gauze, then you felt a sharp pain in your head, you furrowed your eyebrows. “Was it serious?” - you wondered, when a picture of your bood clovered hands crossed your mind. 

- Miss Y/N, are you awake now? - a doctor came in through the curtains. He held your hospital card. 

- You injured your head badly, but thankfully you had a light concussion. How do you feel yourself? We should keep you in the hospital, till the remaining medical examinations. 

- Ah, I see... What about the attacker? Where is she? - you asked, because it was the only thing that mattered. 

- I don’t know nothing about this miss. The police will arrive soon, shall I call them that you are awake? - you nodded. 

- Also, you have some visitors. - your eyes widened: 

- Visitors? - you repeated. Before the doctor could reply, Jisung pulled apart the courtains and dramatically pulled you in his arms, he was still sobbing: 

- Y/N I’m so sorry about what happened! This is all, our fault!!! 

- Ouch, Han.... This is hurting me right now! - you said and gently pushed him away: 

- I will take you on a date, when you are released from the hospital, okay? We will eat ice cream and go to the riverside!! Lee Know can join us as well, if he is behave until then! 

- Don’t count me in! I have to spend some quality time with my cats as well! You can come over Y/N if you want, my cats are can’t wait to meet with you! - you were blinking rapidly, try to process how kind they were actually with you. 

- Stop it guys, just let her rest a little bit. The police is after the attacker. - Chan spoke up and suddenly the room became quiet again, then you realized Felix and Hyunjin wasn’t there. 

- This is a relief Chris. Still.... I’m confused, I try to remember her appareance but I forgot everything. One thing for sure, she is obsessed with Felix... Maybe I really spent too much time with him! 

- He is your best friend, you shouldn’t blame yourself! - you glanced at Changbin with thankful smile: 

- Yes, I guess you are right. 

- To be honest, it was shocking, we even heard about you in the news as well! - Seungmin added.

- You all came here... I’m so happy. 

- We couldn’t reach Felix tho, he is acting strange lately... 

- Seungmin is right, he is hidding something... At first, Hyunjin said that maybe you two are dating but c’mon Y/N you have a better taste than that! - uhh sorry Changbin, you knew it as well that you chossed the wrong person, now it’s just became even clearer for you. To be honest, it’s still hurt you a little bit, he was with Mia for sure if he is not picking up his phone. 

- Noona!!!! - Jeongin came in, like a tornado, with a bouqet of flowers in his hand, his eyes were red from crying. He kneeled down beside your bed, like a knight in a shining armour. The others tried not to laugh at loud at his actions, the nurses were also whispering about how cute is him: 

- Woah, you really bought this I.N, how generous... You are just like a real little brother! - at your words, everyone started laughing, except Jeongin: 

- Noona, am I just a kid to you, right? Even after I saved you... - then, you suddenly remembered, the moment when you dialed his number: 

- Jeongin, don’t create fairytales! Hyunjin went into the building to save Y/N, you were crying outside! 

- Y/N!! - he looked at you with sadness in his eyes: 

- Don’t believe him! Changbin Hyung is just jealous! - you really felt loved, when you were with them. But is it going to be same, when your friendship with Felix is  so fragile? Speaking of the devil, he showed up out of the blue and for a moment you smile of hope spread across your lips, but when you saw he wasn’t alone the words are got caught up in your throat. 

Mia.... He was with her, without any excuses, without any denial. She was just like, how you imagined her. The beautiful raven hair, cute rosey lips and delicate pale skin, like a real life porcelain doll, perfect in every detail. Tall and skinny, and there you are, wounded and covered with bandages. It was the last drop in the glass, because it really hit you, why you were in your current situation: 

- Felix and Mia? Why she is here with you? - Chan asked it first, with confusion in his voice. 

- Later, I will explain everything to you guys. Now, please let us be privately... Just the three of us. - they didn’t understand why it’s necessary for them to left your hospital room and the whole scene was more strange, thanks to the presence of Mia. How he is related to you? 

When they left, awkward silence engulfed the whole place, Mia called you in a shy voice, while she reahed out to your hand: 

- Thanks Y/N for protecting us. You are an amazing person, you sacrificied yourself for our happiness! - this girl is truly crazy? Maybe it’s better is she is not speaking and then she seems more clever. What are you a freaking punching bag? It’s really sounded like that. 

- She is right, thinking about how awful it can be, when the one that you love is in danger... The possibility that Mia will be in the same place as you was high, but thanks to that misunderstanding, we are safe from the people’s suspecting eyes. However my heart is aching for you dear Y/N. - Felix sounded like an idiot as well, what’s happening? Are you still in a coma? You hoped you are. 

- We wanted to make it offical, that we are dating, but maybe it’s way too dangerous now. After the sasaeng incident, it wouldn’t be a good idea. 

- Guys.... - you finally interrupted them, it’s time to speak up and protect yourself: 

- You two just really thanked me this?! I mean, I’ve got into this messed up thing because of your relationship drama Felix! And now you are thanking me? - you couldn’t believe it, all these years spent with adoration. You thought he is the love of your life and now you have to realize that he is selfish and the only thing he is care about is his girlfiend and her safety? When you are laying here, like a rock, with an aching wound on your head? 

- What if she hurts me more Felix?! What is she cuts my face with her knife?! You would be happy because it’s not happened with your girlfriend?! - at this point, tears were streaming down on your cheeks. But you just couldn’t care about it. Wasn’t that pathetic enough? This is the end of it: 

- It’s not what I meant Y/N! Of course I’m worried about you as well! I just... 

- No! - you shouted. 

- Just stop it and get out! Get out with your perfect face, with your perfect life, with your perfect idol girlfiend! Just get out from my life.... Forever.... 

- Y/N.... - Felix was lost in his words, you never acted like that before. 

- Are you serious? - he asked in disbelief. 

- I’ve never been more serious. I don’t want to see you again. - you said and it’s really sounded harsh, you wiped your eyes. 

- Y/N, don’t do this please... It’s not what I meant about it! 

- It’s absolutely sounded like that! And you know what? I don’t care what you meant by this, you are too blind to see my real feelings anyway. If you only know how does it feel like, but you won’t because you are living under a buble, where everyone is just so fucking pretty! Now, please get out.... - Mia was shocked, like  you could read her mind, she thinks that you hit your head too hard and now you gone nuts. Felix, maybe he is blaming your head injury as well, but he will see that you were dead serious. He just stood up from your bed and walked out, without a word and then, you just nodded, this is the answer that you’ve been waiting for, you had to do this. It was the right thing to do. 

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The first week felt like an enternity after what happened between you and Felix. You missed his messages, you missed his voice, you missed him so bad it’s almost drove you crazy, but your prides was stronger this time. It was easy to get yourself busy with the tasks, you wanted to find a new rent as soon as possible and move out from the old one. You couldn’t live there after what happened with you? But the problem is, that since you stopped working in a shift, because of all the university tasks, you had absolutely no money at all... 

To be honest, you were a true introvert, living under the same roof with a room mate sounded impossible for your taste but after a while, you decided to make a change in your life. From now on, you will do everything to change your personality and born anew, like a real confident femme fatale. It wasn’t easy you had to take small steps, but maybe the first one should be a little bit more risky. That’s why you changed your plan and soon you found a girl, who was searching for a room mate. 

Because of the excitment that you felt, towards to the moving you weren’t thinking about Felix and Mia, nor the other members of Stray Kids. After, you cut every contact with him, it would be uncomfortable to keep in touch with the others. Also, you unfollowed every stz related page on your insta, because it was too painful to see how Felix looked more and more handsome with each passing day. You just needed time to clear your head, also you promised to yourself to make more friends at the uni and also move out more frequently. 

After one week, you were busy preparing for the exams, also you went out shopping to buy some new clothes for spring. Maybe, you spent too much money on clothes, even tho you couldn’t afford them at that moment. Still, you wanted to look little bit more stylish, you also made an appointment to a hair salon, a little change never hurt, after a mental breakdown. You also called the girl, who was searching for a housemate and asked her for a meeting. 

It was one day, before your last exam, at February when you met with her. She was truly unique to be honest! She came here from America as an exchange student, her name was Lexy and she was really cheerfull and lively. The complete opposite of you. A confident, super blonde and super pretty girl, who knew exactly how beautiful she was. Inspite of this she was still friendly and humble with you: 

- Y/N I can’t wait to live with you! You know, my previous housemate, was my boyfriend but he dumbed me so I threw out his stuffs! That’s why, you can decorate his old room in your stlye! I will help buy everything! - you chuckled at her words: 

- To be honest, I’m so happy that I found you on the real estate page! Really, I hope we will get along well! 

- I already like you Y/N! You seems so kind and adorable! When do you want to move in with me? 

- This weekend would be too soon? 

- No! Please do as you feel like it! - you nodded, you wanted to leave that place quickly it’s always reminded you of the saseang’s attack, also of Felix. It was torturing. 

A new chapter begun in your story, you were sure about that when you met with your new housemate. It was on Friday, when you packed all of your things in a cardboard box. You didn’t have much to carry, since you only brought the most essentials to Seoul, when you left your hometown.

You already got a key to the apartment, since Lexy had lectures till the afternoon and your day was absolutely free. When you entered the flat, a small living room greeted you, the walls are painted pastel pink, also all of the furnitures were pinkish and white, on the couch there were fluffy pillows and blankets. It was cozy, more cozy, than you imagined beforehead. From the living room, two door opened, one of the doors was decorated with colorful butterflies. It was Lexy’s room behind it and infront of that, yours was waiting for you to enter.. 

“Y/N finally, you started something, so do not freak out! It will be better from now on... The attacker won’t find you there, not even Felix, you are safe!” - you took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was almost empty, only a bed stood there and a cabinet, also a little writing desk. You started to organize your things and put your clothes on the cabinet’s shelf. Also, you played some music during the settling so you spent your first day in your new home comfortably, without any troubling or useless speculation. 

Around 7pm Lexy arrived as well, you were in the kitchen making noodles when she embraced you from the back. You almost dropped the chopsticks from your hand, it’s really startled you: 

- Congratulation Y/N for moving in!!! We should celebrate this! The night is young, let’s go out! - your stomach tightened at her idea. You were never the “going out” type of girl, you rather stayed at your quite home while all of your classmates went out for parties. 

- I’m not sure Lexy... I’ve never... - you wanted to make an excuse, but why? You really need to change yourself darn it! You have to make another big step, but maybe it was too early for you to take such a huge one. Then, when you found an acceptable answer for why you don’t want to go out tonight, you hear your phone buzzing, you looked than and saw Felix’s name. You only read the first part of his message, which started with the greatest line of mystification: I have to apologize Y/N... - as quikly as you could you deleted the message from your screen and glanced back to Lexy: 

- I changed my mind, I put on some makeup and let’s go out!

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Well, that’s how you got into the first party of your life. It was an intense experience, since clubs are not made for you, the loud music, which makes your ears bleed and the place was so crowded you almost fainted. At least, you looked good: you wore a tight black dress, with a deep, red velvet jacket and you put on a lipstick with the exact same color.  Also for the first time, boys compliment you but it’s mabye doesn’t count because they were incredibly drunk. 

You sat down with your housmate at a more peaceful corner, she asked you to dance with her, but you had your limits when you were sober: 

- Then, let’s drink something! - she giggled and left you alone at the table, You sighed, the air felt too hot in this place, also the waltzing, flashing lights made you dizzy, even without drinking sip. 

- Here you are!! - Lexy brought two bottle of soju and poured you out one shout. You have never tasted soju, regardless of the fact that you came here, four months ago. 

- How does it taste? - you asked, but Lexy didn’t hear it, the music was too loud, she just waved and said: 

- It’s not that strong! - you rapidly emptied your glass. Woah, it was horrible! Your throat felt sore but Lexy already placed another shot infront of you: 

- Let’s drink till you have guts for dancing. - not for the dancing part, you just wanted to forget so you drank the second, and the third, and also the fourth as well. You placed your elbows on the table, trying to compose yourself, your vision was spinning at this point, you couldn’t think straight, you just wanted to check the message, what Felix sent to you. Lexy disappeared on the dance floor, and you felt sick sitting like that, beside the table so you slowly stood up and made your way to the rooftop. 

The scenery was breathtaking on this clear, and cold night, and every breath, you took felt amazing outside. You searched for your phone inside the jacket’s pocket, when you realized that you are not alone. Someone was standing there, nearly on the end of the rooftop. You approached this person, you weren’t sure why, maybe your almost drunk self wanted a little company? 

- Excuse me... - you mumbled and when he turned around, you swore your soul almost left your body! It was Hwang Hyunjin! Why, out of all people all around the world, why he was the one standing infront you? The fate played a dirty and a really unfair game with you. You covered your face.

 “Should I run?” 

- Y/N?! - he blurted out loudly after he removed his airpods. He was as suprised as you: 

- Why are you here?! - you asked. 

- The same goes for you! Are you followed me here?! 

- In your dreams, I would never follow you anywhere! - you answered. 

- I came here, with my housemate. 

- You moved out? - oh no, mabye it wasn’t a good idea to put it like that. 

- Yes... Do you want to tell my adress to a sasaeng again? - okay, you started to be a little bit harsh with him, but he deserved it. However, this time, he seemed a little bit different than his usual self. His face looked tired and somehow... sad? 

- I didn’t know your adress, how could I tell to anyone then? - awkward silence: 

- Look, I’m sorry for what happened. Okay? Let’s just forget about it please. 

- Hyunjin... - you were mean to him just a moment ago but now you remembered: when you woke up in the hospital, Changbin said that he was the one who rushed into the building for you and called the emergency. 

- I was stupid to brought this topic up... - he looked at you, his beatiful face still reflected pain and sorrow:

- How come you told Felix to never meet again? You did this....because of... Mia? - he mentioned her name in such a trembling tone. Your heart started to beat faster: 

- You were in love with him...I heard it in the hospital, to be honest I came there as well but I didn’t have any courage to go inside. I felt myself quilty, and I still do. It’s true that you are annoying with your shy and pathetic self pity attitude but I never wished this pain for you. - he knows about everything and you couldn’t deny it anymore. After all these years, it’s finally happened, someone knows about your secret now!!

- He didn’t even realize it! - you said, while big teardrops started to roll down on your cheeks.

- Felix told us that evening, that he is dating with Mia and asked everyone to keep his secret safe. We made a promise to him. - you gulped and you wiped your tears away with your sleevs: 

- I hope he will be happy with her... I should have told him about my feelings, now it’s to late, I lost him forever... - you admitted, still crying like a little girl, maybe the alcohol mixed with your feelings was more torturing than being sober. 

- I know how you feel. - Hyunjin said:

- I feel the same way... I should have told her. - with that, it’s became clear to you why he was standing there alone in the dark, without all the noise and flashing lights, he came here to forget as well...

- When I was a trainee. Mia was there too. She helped me with my dancing skills. I was too shy to tell her! I thought it’s obvious, and she will notice that I care about her and I cherish her! Just look at me Y/N! I’m damn gorgeus! - you almost laughed but you managed to keep it to yourself. 

- I mean, she could have me as well! Am I not good enough? Still, she choosed Felix... - fearing that he will be mad about it, you carefully reached out and place your hand on his shoulder: 

- Maybe, I’m not that gorgeus as you, but I truly cared about him and I was always by his side, when he needed me. But, we can’t do anything against it, love is not something, you are able to control. 

- It’s not fair, I just wanted to make her happy, why is have to be like this? I don’t even realized that they are dating behind my back. I feel so betrayed!

- I’m so sorry that you have to get through this. - you meant that because it was one of the worst feelings in the whole world. 

- What if I don’t accept this? - he asked, which made you blink in disbelief: 

- You hear me Y/N! What if we don’t accept this? What if we refuse it and make an attempt to change their mind? - are you dreaming this? Because it’s becoming a little bit absurd now: 

- Do you know some kind of which, who crafting love potions or what? 

- No! But, now that you mention it maybe we can find one as well! - you raised your eyebrows at him, he can’t be serious: 

- Let’s be real! I need to prove her, that she missed and amazing boyfriend! Also you need to prove Felix, that you are worthy enough to date him! We have to make them jealous! They have to scream out from jealousy! 

- Don’t say that you want to... 

- Exactly! Let’s play a little a game, shall we?