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kahlanmars · 1 year ago

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PAPER RINGS part.4

So here we are, with another chapter, and now I wanted you to cry. Did you cry? I HOPE SO. Plus, our favorite Four boy is here!

MASTERLIST

4. I was screaming “Go, go go!”

FIVE MONTHS BEFORE CAPITOL

«Do you think Katniss will come to dinner?» You ask, chopping the last vegetables on the plate. You are not a great cook, Haymitch is definitely better when he is in the right mood, but today he spent the morning chopping wood - a great sight you might add, sweats on his shirtless chest - and you don’t want him to do everything.

«No, I don’t think so, from what I’ve gathered she wants to spend dinner on the phone with her sister.» Katniss can’t legally go to her sister in District One. Or Two, you don’t remember, you only remember that Mrs. Everdeen has been kind of a bitch about it. You understand it’s not easy for her to see her house being destroyed, the very same house she used to live with her husband, and Prim on a wheelchair has been the last straw, but at the same time she has two daughters, not one. Katniss is almost an adult, but by the way she always bargains in your home with an excuse she feels lonely without a parent. Hell, sometimes you miss Holly at home. Lora often tells you how Chaff has been fundamental for her in the months after the Games, he became a parental figure for her, helping her crisis. And she is young, but an adult.

Katniss is a teenager who killed a dictator, she needs a mom.

«Oh. So sad.» You beam at the kiss on the head Haymitch gives you. «So does that mean we don’t have to do anything today?»

«Not more than usual, no.» And you’ve done the usual. You cleaned, you removed the dust, you fed the disgusting birds. You are still recovering and he doesn’t even want you to do this, but you don’t want to feel useless.

«Can we snuggle up and watch a movie?» You propose, as you feel two strong arms around your hips. He doesn’t like Capitol movies, but you love them. And there is no such thing as a Twelve movie, so he better get used to them. You adore romantic films and he snorts all the time, but they put you in a romantic mood so he bears them if it means hot sex after the movie session.

«I have a better idea, tell me how you do what you do.» He proposes. You watch him, a little confused.

«What do I do?»

He looks at you like you don’t understand basic math. «Your dresses.»

«Really? You want to know that? You’ll be bored.» You don’t think he even knows what you do for a living. He knew better when you were a teacher, because he likes to read - he loves to read - but now you suppose he is in the dark. Sometimes he says you “Want to wear dresses”, and that would make you a model, not a stylist. And he must have some sense of the difference, in all these years of Games, but at that time Effie used to do all the work for him. He just had to show up and suffer.

«Let me choose if I get bored.» He kisses your knuckles.

You smile brightly, giving up your objections almost immediately. You feel proud that he wants to know you better. «Ok, I’ll show you.»

Five minutes after you are showing him your stuff. Some sketches, most of them are the ones you plan to show Portia, one or two for him. He is a great subject, and you like sketching clothes for him, something with a strong Twelve taste but also fashionable. You sewed him some outfits, and now he doesn’t always wear only a pair of jeans and a shirt, he wears three pairs of jeans and three shirts. Baby steps.

«And how do you begin?» He wants to know, and maybe for the first time he sees you working.

He is usually in the same room as you, but he is always doing something else. Feeding the geese or cooking or cleaning something. Or it’s the middle of the night and he is trying to sleep like the rest of the world, while your mind tells you “That idea is incredible and you have to draw it now or you will lose it!”.

«Well you sketch it, like this, then you make a model and then…» You continue to explain it, and he shows interest. You teach him about the dresses and the blouses, the shoes and the sandals, how to design a zip and what are the difficulties about it.

As you keep on, you find out he is watching you, not the sketches. «What?»

«You are fucking beautiful when you are passionate.» He whispers. He cups your cheek with his big hands. He is so gentle when he wants to, and he rarely wants to (you have bruises in mysterious places to prove that) but his touch can be the touch of a gentleman.

You try not to blush. «Why, thank you.»

«Thank you.» He leans out for another peck.

«For what?»

This time the kiss is deeper, slower. He wants to prove to you that he is here, he is not going away. The scent of pines and woods is intoxicating, it’s the kind of scent you steal sweaters for.

«For being mine.»

PRESENT DAY

It happens in a moment. Haymitch takes a step back and then sees you and freezes. Marjorie looks at you with a guilty expression on her face. Everyone is paralyzed, until Ivy waves her little hand at you. She is adorable in a new pink dress, different from the one before. This baby has more dresses than you.

«Hi, Auntie Daisy!»

You can’t cry in front of a child, so you pat her head and you take your bag.

Don't cry in front of Ivy, she'll think she did something wrong. Don't cry, don't cry.

«Goodbye.» You murmur, and you start running but Haymitch is right behind you. You don't even want to know what he has to say, you don't even care. He cheated on you. Kissing another person is cheating. Dear heavens, he is so jealous he would have killed someone if he was you.

«Daisy please-» He begins but this time you turn around quickly and you have such a murderous expression on your face that he takes a step back. He is a Victor and he adores it to remind you and to everyone else, and maybe you didn’t win anything, but you still survived the Hunger Games. You are a killer just like him, you have blood on your hands and nightmares too. He knows he can’t push it. He knows you are dangerous too and you are in therapy because of that, but therapy is not a miraculous system that cures you in two days.

«You don’t get to say please.» You are raging, and you are actually quite proud of yourself because your first instinct is to chop his head off. The second is to cry out loud, but now it would be showing weakness, and you won’t. The third instinct is, and you are very ashamed of yourself for that, to jump in his arms and forgive him immediately because the mere thought of not having him around is suffocating.

«Let me explain.»

«Did you fall and land on her lips?» You growl, a sound you rarely make.

«She kissed me.» He argues.

«I know. I know she fucking kissed you!» You turn around again, but this time he is faster than you and circles around to face you. «But you let her!»

«No I didn’t, I was surprised, she barged into the house…» That’s another thing to explore. What was Marjorie doing in your house? Oh, wait, it’s his house, just his, not yours. What was Marjorie doing in his house? She magically sensed you two were having a fight or what?

«You were surprised? Surprised? Haymitch, she’s been after you for a whole year, how could you be surprised?» You yell, but now you don’t care. You are giving a pretty show for the village to see. «Do you even want me?»

«What? Of course I want you, Daisy, we have to get married.» We have to. Like it’s something he doesn’t want to do anymore, like it’s an imposition. You defloured the girl, you ruined her and now you have to marry her. Or maybe, maybe you were thrilling at first, the pretty young girl who has a thing for him, and now you are just a boring woman he has to deal with on a daily basis.

«Then why do you spend time with her?»

«She, she needed help. I owed her.» The same fucking excuse all the time. She did it because of me. She lost everything because of me. Well, the entire district lost everything because of you victors and you don’t see him befriend everyone around.

«You are full of shit. So righteous. The great Haymitch Abernathy, the victor!» You shout, like you are introducing him in a show.

«Daisy-» He tries to grab your arm, but you shake it off of you. He can’t take another step in your direction, you can’t be trusted around him. You like him too much, you love him too much, and if you thought you were smart and intelligent, around him you feel like you are too young.

«Where was she when you were drinking? Did she clean you, did she stay with you? No, I did it. I was there. Don’t I deserve it too?»

He should have known better. He should have known that he could have hurt you so much you now feel like you are dying.

«Baby…»

«No Daisy, no baby and don’t you dare call me Sweetheart. I love you. But this is not working.»

His face goes pale in a second. «What?»

«We are not working. I can’t be the only one who cares about the wedding, and when I return home you say it’s your house and you kiss your ex fiancé!»

«We were sixteen.»

«You should tell her that, not me.» She is the one who kissed you. She is the one who is willingly ruining everything. You are the one who is letting her do it.

«Daisy please, let’s talk about it. Please. Please, don’t give up on us.»

«You are giving up on us! Not me, you! I never even once looked at someone in the Capitol. You kissed her. For a moment, tell me the truth.»

«Yes... For a moment. I didn’t even know what I was doing!»

«I can’t.» You try hard not to cry. «I can’t, let me go.»

«No.»

«Let me go!» You slap him to free yourself. He watches you in disbelief, but you are walking to the train station.

You slapped him.

You hit him.

You don’t do this. You, as a couple, don’t hit each other. Even when things are not pretty, even when the urges are there because there are urges to hit when you are in the Hunger Games, you don’t cross the line.

You cry all your way to the Capitol. You have your sketches and not much more, just what was in your bag at the moment. Your luggage is still in Twelve, but the thought of going back is heavy. You always have your id and your documents in your purse, so you don’t need anything else.

You keep thinking it was a mistake. He didn’t want to kiss Marjorie. You should come back. But your guts hurt and you don’t want to see him, not now.

Your Haymitch. This wasn’t a crush anymore, you loved him, you love him. And he loves you. He loves you, right? But if you love someone you don’t kiss someone else, this is not how it works, at least not for you. You see Perla, Effie or Lora are stunning but you don’t desire them, you only want him.

A voice tells you you couldn’t survive this. Your love flourished in war, you are at your best when your life is in danger, when everything is messy and chaotic and you don't know if there is going to be a tomorrow.

Some days are not good, some days you can't get out of bed. These days, Haymitch stays with you. He kisses your hair and keeps you in his arms, he doesn't care about tears on his shirt or smudge makeup from the day before.

«Don't worry, I'll protect you. I'm here now. Don't worry.» He sings like a chant in your ear, keeping you close.

«Forever?» You murmur.

«Forever and a day more, Sweetheart.»

Some days are bad for him too, days in which the urge for a drink is almost too strong for him to resist, the shaking is heavier and the headache is insufferable. He stays in the chair, worried he could hurt you, but you end up in his lap, stroking his hair and whispering sweet words. You are so strong, you are my man, you are courageous, be strong for me.

In this you excel. You are a great couple. But when things are quiet and calm and it’s all right to stop and breathe, you are not capable of doing it.

You have no clue why he asked you to marry him if he doesn’t want to. You didn’t expect it, it’s not something you joked about, and you have been on cloud nine because of it but you are so young it wasn’t your first thought. But now it is, now you want to get married with him, you want to be Daisy Abernathy, to sign with his name and you are proud to be his.

He is not proud to be yours. He doesn’t care one bit.

You still have three days, so you stop in the only place you can disappear to.

District Four.

When you knock at his door and he opens, Finnick Odair can’t believe you are there. His blonde hair is longer and he seems a bit tired, but he is handsome as always. You thought he was at work, but you now remember he doesn’t need to, he has the Victor’s money. Not everyone is like Peeta, who likes the bakery.

«Daisy?»

You try to resist, but you start crying hard and you push yourself in his arms. He is confused, you appeared in his district unannounced with no warning and you didn’t go to Perla but to him, but he is one of your best friends and you didn’t feel like giving any explanation to Perla.

Perla doesn’t like Haymitch. She will probably be very happy.

«Daisy, hei, what happened? You are worrying me.» He hugs you back. You must be a sight, with crazy hair, puffy eyes and a red face, without makeup on.

«I don’t think I’m with Haymitch anymore.»

THREE MONTHS BEFORE

«Do you like District Twelve?» Haymitch asks you. He is feeding the geese, and you are trying to mend a pair of his jeans, on the patio. The scene is so awfully domestic and you smile so widely it hurts.

You like living with Haymitch, lingering until ten in the morning in the bed, kissing every chance you can. It’s not forever, you will have a job but it’s the perfect recovery.

«Yeah, my love, I like the District where I was born and raised.» You laugh, «Why?»

«I mean, you didn’t choose it after the war. You didn’t even choose the house.» He shrugs. You can feel his brain working, he is one of those days. His hands are shaking more than usual and his mind goes in dark places. Places where he loses you, you go away because you are too young or too bright for him, at least it’s what he says.

«It’s a bit difficult when you are in a coma.» You deadpan as you see him walking towards you.

«Very funny.» He strokes your cheek. «You are happy, right?»

«I would have chosen it. I promise.» You get up to kiss him and you hum in joy when he puts his hands on the pockets of your trousers. «I would have chosen this house and this bedroom and this man over everything.»

«Isn’t it a bit boring for you?» Boring. You are not bored, you are never bored. You are enjoying your life, your peace. You thought you’d never have peace in your life ever again, so this is like paradise.

«Boring? Are you bored?» Maybe this doubt is his. Maybe he is the one who wants his life back. The old grumpy man who lives alone with his animals. It must not be easy for him to share his space with you all the time, even if he is the one who decided it. He switched from doing everything alone, with no timetables or schedules whatsoever, with a freedom you could only have when you live alone, to stay with you twenty four hours per day, a routine he has to be a part of, not always leading it. And with you of all people, a person who he loves, but you are not the easiest girl alive. You scream at night because of the nightmares, you are clingy, you have difficulties at being alone.

«No, but I’m forty. It’s not exactly fun around here.»

«You are fun!» You protest. «I’m always very entertained, thank you very much. I get what you mean, it’s not Capitol’s “All parties and stuff”, but I’ll have my fair share of them when I get to Portia. And we could arrange a holiday in Four to see Finnick and the kid. That way of life is a holiday, tho, a trip. This is real life. And I love it.» The smile you only give to him it’s so blinding he has to believe you.

«Yeah? You mending and me feeding the geese?» He goes for a peck that you decide to deepen, because he looks too good with his blonde hair in the sun and his eyes are so blue and his arms are majestic.

«Yes! And you cooking, and you baking, and you cleaning and you prepa- ah!» You squeal in surprise when he lifts you up in a laugh. «Ruffian! Put me down!»

«So it’s me cleaning and me cooking and me doing everything, and you?» He laughs, and he packs your ass.

«I look pretty.» You declare.

«I’ll tell you pretty.»

«Put me down!»

«Nope.» He goes straight to the house, with you on his shoulder. «You look too fucking beautiful for me to release you.»

PRESENT DAY

«Here, a cup of tea.» Annie hands you a beautiful light blue mug and you take it with a brief smile. Annie is sweet, and you can’t see a glimpse of an annoyed reaction for your ambush, but you feel a little guilty. She is only twenty two and a kid under one year, she must be exhausted.

«Are you sure I can stay here for a few days?» You ask her. You don’t feel like facing the truth, and you know you will need to give explanations. Effie has her problems, Lora too… Perla will comment on it and you can’t deal with it right now. You just want to lick your wounds in peace. And you are exhausted yourself.

«You are always welcomed here, darling.» She answers you with a sweet smile on her face. «Finnick is alive thanks to you.»

You actually don’t remember it this way. The way you know it, Finnick saved your life and now you are barely even.

«Go rest, my love.» Finnick kisses her cheek, with Finn asleep in his arms. «I’ll stay with Daisy.»

The sight of the Odair family, two people so young and in love, with their perfect life, it’s almost unbearable. You are envious, and you still want them to be the pretty family they are but you want it too, and since you are a spoiled little brat the first instinct is to stamp your food and demand for it.

As she goes, he looks at you. «You are not bothering anyone here. Stay as long as you want to.»

You want to cry. You love him so much, and you love his wife too. You just want to go to bed and cry for a week. You feel like your heart is not beating anymore. You just want to stop everything.

«Are you sure it’s not too much for Annie? I can help with the baby.»

«I don’t work, Daz. I can handle it. Now, do I have to kill him? Because I’m quite good at it. And I look good doing it.»

You really want to laugh but when you try your eyes fill with tears, so you just shake your head. «No.»

You quickly explain everything, and you must be really ridiculous in your yellow top and blue skirt, a happy outfit for what you’ve thought was a happy evening.

«Do you want to know what I think?»

«If it agrees with what I think, gladly.» You deadpan.

«I think you need to go back to Capitol City.» That’s new. You thought he was either going to say that you needed to talk to him or to forget him.

«Ok, I thought I needed to-»

He stops you. «I don’t care now, and I think you need a few days. You have to sleep, Daisy. I’m sorry but you look like…»

«Shit?» You guess.

He shrugs. «I wouldn’t put it in these words… but your eyes are red and you look terribly tired. Tell me what you usually do.»

«In a day?»

«Yeah.»

«I fail to understand what it has to do with-»

«Just tell me.» He sits on the couch with you and he takes your hand. You didn’t realize how much you missed him until now. You don’t have a brother, but you feel a little like he is. He is the one that saves you, and sometimes you hope you save him a bit too.

«I work. Basically I work.»

«And nothing else?» The mere thought of doing anything else is not fun. You don’t want to think about anything else, just Haymitch, but if you think about Haymitch you want to cry and scream and punch him.

You shake your head. «I don’t have much time. I want to go back to… I wanted to go back to get married.»

«But you are losing all the Capitol experience! Hell, I hate that city, but it’s a giant amusement park. And you are not taking advantage of it. So, my friend…»

«Yeah?»

«I’ll rescue you. Again.»

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despair-to-future-arcs · 3 months ago

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The Kisaragi Foundation is gonna have to go through ME before they even lay a pinky finger on you, Nagi! It's not your fault what happened, honestly screw them for lumping you with the Voids! What is WRONG with them for thinking you're rotten just because you carry Divine Luck when their leader is one bad day away from becoming a dictator! Honestly let me at them, let me at them!!!

Honestly, I'm of the same opinion as well; frankly the fact that they kill people based on something like luck just seems... odd to me and it's no different from killing those based on the colour of your skin or a disability.

And even then, lumping you with those criminals just feels really gross as well, I mean - what made them decide that all of those bless with Divine Luck are evil or cruel? It's what the person decides to do with that power, not just simply having it!

And y'know what, if I do come across that Miss. Mekaru; I will talk with her of what I think of all that.

Wait, are... are you going to? But I don't think you start fighting with them.

And why the hell not? Given the fact that they declare that someone with Divine Luck should get killed for it is annoying as shit, and I think I got to clear that up with her.

So if we do meet, I'll make sure to tell her off because given she does know you; I think they should realize that as well; besides, even before all this I wasn't even aware of this until you told me so for me, it doesn't matter.

Well... alright mom, but just don't try to do anything to her; I think all she wanted was to ask you some questions so don't try to cause a scene.

Oh don't worry, I just think maybe getting that Rei girl a bit flustered and confused will be much better, besides I think given your my daughter - I feel I do need to defend you, correct?

I think people also need to learn that you shouldn't piss off parents, especially mothers - they will put you in your place.

Looks like it, just hope she doesn't try to hurt Miss. Mekaru - I rather not cause any conflict.

#dr #danganronpa #dtfa #despair to future arc #ds:rw #despair side: re write #ds ep 11 #sdr2 #super danganronpa 2 #harumi nanami #nagi nanami #hajime hinata #spyrkle4

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farewellneverland2004 · 4 months ago

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Notes Listening to the Lightning Thief audiobook for the First Time Notes:

- first chapter is the best sentence I’ve ever heard in a fiction book ever!

-love how it’s written as basically saying “oh, you don’t believe this stuff is real? Good! Keeping believing that! You’ll be safer!”

-completely forgot he’s canonically a New Yorker

-imagine almost being killed and then being gaslight into thinking it didn’t happen and the math teacher you killed didn’t exist!

- love how my girls be knitting socks for a bull at this point.

-I don’t know yet whether I like how the book or the tv series handled the finding out you’re a demigod thing better? Ones gives more excuses to learn more about the world, but the other is a bit more of a gut punch like later if you know what I mean.

-I vocally screamed when they said Grover was 28!

-I’d lowkey be down for being Haephestus’s kid. I want to know blacksmithing.

- I still wish Annabeth pushed him in the water in the book.

- imagine being Mr. D’s kids. Your dads the camp director AND doesn’t want to be in your life?! Forget being a forbidden child, where’s the payback for THESE kids!?

-The Thalia Lore was laid out better in the book.

- I think I liked the M arc in the series more, but still good.

- was that woman who saw the Chimera a Seer?

-the water park thing was funny, but I like how the series changed it to give it a more emotional feel. Just my opinion.

-Be free Marty!

- I was really hoping the 70s kid in the Lotus Casino was actually Nico but it was still good(I’m just excited to meet Nico)

-Man! Hades was Way Less creepy looking in the series.

-I was gonna make a joke about Hades probably being a don to everyone but his wife(which I will head canon) but then Percy said he had the eyes of a dictator and that kinda ruined my joke lol

- I love how Hades seems ominous and scary, but then just reveals himself to be a confused and overworked man who just misses his wife.

- honestly don’t blame Hades for not believing them. This guy needs a vacation and his brothers to stop causing problems because he’s accusing 12 year old of stealing his duds.

-I wish they explained the cap better in the series because I thought I was smart thinking the cap was the helm, turns out it’s not cause apparently the helm is even cooler.

-Mr. Elevator man probably does need a raise!

- justice for Cerberus!

-I love how he could get away with the Mushroom joke!

-“LA was on fire” man look how ahead of its time it was. (Was that too soon?)

-honestly I’m disappointed I didn’t even realize it would make so much more sense to suspect Ares!

- No wonder only the Spartans liked Ares!

- only the ADHD kid with water powers could call a war god coward and LIVE!

-PERCY’s GOT A CRUSH!

-love how he just got a can from his bestie

-YOU HEARD IT! ADHD will save you in battle! Lol

-plot twist! The algebra teacher will be his final final boss!

- I can’t believe they’re gaslighting the world to get him out of being a fugitive!

-YES! Bankrupt the deadbeat!

-I love he’s giving us an actual playlist for this book

-headcanon! Hades didn’t copy Olympus, but the opposite. And he’s not bitter but annoyed cause Zeus likes to copy his style but make it flashy!

-Mr. P looks like my uncle.

-Zues gives me the deadbeat step dad vibes

-P&P talk is just all business

-that’s rough your own dad feels sorry you existing cause he knows you’ll eventually die.

-Sally is a QUEEN! You heard it here people!

- Mr. Swimmer man gonna have to do more than acknowledge his son before he’s considered redeemed in my book bro.

-of course deadbeat is still here! And he Is actually as bad as I thought! Didn’t think this kids book would go there! Why is it here we get dark?!

-SALLY! Leave Him Now!

-YES! STONE THE TRASH!

-Percy’s a better person than I am!

-Girlboss Sally is supreme!

-Girl said “I don’t need a god to solve my problems! I’m the queen here and and I’ll solve my own problems!”

-PLEASE DON’T LET PERCY HAVE TO GIVE UP HIS MOM JUST CAUSE HIS GRANDAD IS SCHEMING?!

-f*ck him up Sally! Literally my favorite character

-He called Annabeth Beautiful! AHHH!

-yay! Grover got his license after 28 years!

-YES! She Stoned the Trash! Get your degree girl! You deserve it!

-now I definitely want to be a Haephestus kid!

-Oh god! Grover’s actually looking his age! I’m kinda glad the series didn’t do that!

-Please come back Grover!

-Everything is WAY TOO CALM! That can’t be good!

-The deadline thing is SO REAL!

-GO TO YOUR MOM AND FIGHT THOSE MONSTERS!

-Luke Needs Therapy!

-AHHH! He’s planning to commit crimes!

-what was his quest again?

-Oh god! He really is kinda sociopathic! Who attacks people with scorpions

-lowkey Luke’s be based if he wasn’t attempting murder and wars

-bro couldn’t steal an apple and blames everyone but the man manipulating him.

-wow! He manipulated a war god?! Impressive!

-thank you Chekhov’s Gun!

-yay! She’s trying to rebuild her relationship with her dad!

-great setup for the second book!

-seaweed brain!

-love the ending! A heroes first journey ends at home !

-Final Thoughts: worth the hype! Loved it ! 9.5/10

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #lightning thief #books and reading #first time reading PJ #i loved it

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zghostreviews · 2 months ago

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The Arcane Review

I have not used this account in a long time but I feel like I need to yap a bit after Season 2.

Season 1, keeping it short and brief cause I don't have any real issues with it or anything. The animation and art style used in Arcane is beautiful and such, love that, very appealing to my eyes. The music used is......well it makes you remember this is based on LoL at least...I liked the intro song used and simply tolerated like 70 to 80% of the other music. I stayed firmly on the side of Zaunites throughout my S1 watch especially and barely cared for the Pilties except for maybe Mel but it was more of in a "why are you with a man who looks like he uses 7 in 1 body wash instead of your secretary who looks like she wants you" and the "your mom genuinely fucking sucks" sorta way. On the topic of Ambessa though, I CAN understand why people think she's hot but like I can't get over the whole warlord and genocider thing but anyways. I liked the first season, the pacing seemed great to me I thoroughly enjoyed it even though it has basically zero rewatchability for me.

Now Season 2, I actually have a lot to say about it since its fresher on my brain.

Dawg........Season 2 was kinda shit.....it makes sense why Fallout won over Arcane(even tho I think that it was a very missed opportunity NOT to have Maybe play when the bombs started dropping in Fallout the show) this time at the game awards(aside from S2 of Arcane JUST wrapping up close to the end of November) The pacing and writing felt off and everything felt incredibely rushed and I don't get it? They're making another Arcane series anyways so I dont get why they could have had three seasons instead of trying to mesh together two acts in one 8 episode season? Whoever made it standard that seasons for shows should be 13 episodes or less instead of at least 20, your mom's a hoe‼️

I'm gonna be real for a moment and say I was purely here for more Sevika content that was promised and they FUCKING LIED!! My wife don't even say a singular word in Act 3 aside from "GRAAHHH" LIKE WHAT. Like we still know basically absolutely nothing about her even though she was Silco's right hand and had to take care of Jinx and Isha.

And then the stuff with Cait??? Is just not really addressed???? Cause she went full on dictator and shit after her mom's funeral. That was all her own choice and I don't know why people keep saying "it's because of Ambessa" even though Ambessa literally hadn't even spoken to her yet during her initial crash out, the scuffed shit she was doing to Zaun citizens and pointing a gun at a literal child??? Cait made those decisions literally on her own dude.

Another thing bothering me that was just never addressed is how Ambessa literally had hired those Zaun people with the full intention of no one stopping them from assassinating Mel, HER DAUGHTER. Unless that was something her right hand staged without her knowing???? We don't know because that shit was never addressed afterwards and we can only assume that Mel learn that her mom or her mom's right hand was about to get her killed to make it seem like all of Zaun was evil either.

And the thing with Viktor was...something...he turned into Jesus and started going a bit crazy with power. My main thing with him is that...he is from Zaun, right? So wouldn't he know who Vander and/or Silco are in some way even if he only spent his childhood there?

And then there's the lesbian sex scene which I feel was just..........terribly placed.....? And the writing surrounding what leads up to it is weird too....? Throughout the entirety of Season 2, Cait....I literally like her less than I did in S1 cause she literally called Vi "one of the good ones" in S2 and that was fucking crazy. But Cait has had like zero sympathy of any kind for Jinx, even when Jinx was like super clearly wracked from trauma and grief from seeing, Isha, a child, a child that was in her care, die in front of her. Like I'm pretty sure Vi and Cait also witnessed that too....and the aftermath so you'd think she'd be at least a little bit sympathetic but no???? Unless I missed something????

Then afterwards when Vi arrives and does try to talk to Jinx about what happened, clearly it's still a fresh wound and she does NOT wanna talk about it due to how painful it is so she lashes out and locks Vi in the cell, and very clearly eludes that she's gonna go off and kill herself and no one is gonna stop her. And then sometime after that, Cait comes by and unlocks the cell and Vi is like "she really hasn't changed..." and its like huh?????? You JUST basically heard her say she'd gonna go off herself and THAT was your conclusion??? Even after the time you got to spend with her prior to the event inadvertently caused by Jayce??? Then Cait just kinda shit talks about Jinx to Vi and trying to reaffirm that "yeah girl! She hasnt changed and I told you so!" in between the comfort and then they start kissing and fucking in the jail cell Jinx had spent days starving herself and wallowing in her own grief and sorrows in.

I'm sorry but was that supposed to get my clit perking up????? Cause it didnt.

And then there's the Black Rose plot, which was just confusing and proves that Act 2 and 3 should've been their own seasons cause it just made everything even more messy and kind of hard to keep up with. Like...???? Question marks was all that was really cause it just provided more questions than there already were.

I thought the fish guy would be of importance cause of how many shots he was getting, the whole thing with Maddie, and that guy Vi was hanging out with that was giving Vander vibes, hell I even thought that one Jinxer would've been important in some way cause she got a few shots too. But nah, all of them just die with little to no fanfare except fish guy whose name was Stev or something, I dunno.

And then the montages were....also annoying to say the least? It seemed like more of an excuse to make a mini music video really.

Did I watch Season 2 all the way through? Yeah. At times it felt like a chore to actually get through it, but yeah.

But did I walk out of it perplexed? Also yes!

I rate season 2 like a 7.5/10

S1 gets like a 9/10

#ghost reviews #long read #review #long post #arcane #arcane netflix #arcane spoilers

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chimeramerah · 3 months ago

Text

Full FFXIV 7.1 thoughts writeup

Full of spoilers and is largely very critical, click at your own risk.

P1: IN TULIYOLLAL

The patch opens with you being sent to eat more tacos, because as we know Fantasy Central America has no other foods /s

The convo with the dad and son has potential, but it feels like the writers STRUGGLED to figure out a way to show Son felt displaced. "I can't light fires" is insane, because making fire is one of humanity's oldest needs - surely in a place with as many advancements as Eorzea, they have ways to ease fire lighting. They really have no matches, no lighters? They have AIRSHIPS (that Koana imported from Sharlayan, which is stupid, but I digress) but no matches? Not even some sort of crystal powered lighter thing?

Funnily enough this recalls that ridiculous end scene in FFXVI with the kid incompetently trying to light a fire so maybe this is just something CBU3 likes lol

The scene segues into being a chance for Wuk Lamat to talk about a good thing she's done, and then when she sits down to eat with your WoL she again talks about how well she's doing as a leader. I would have preferred this be represented more subtly, but it is what it is I guess

Why are the twins representatives for Hannish culture? We have many Radz-at-Han NPCs that could appear here, it feels like they are forcing the twins to have some kind of tenuous connection to the story

"We gotta go to the genocidal maniac's funeral, after all, the people she was gonna do genocide for did love her!" GRAAAHHH DO THE WRITERS NOT HEAR THEMSELVES?

jfc this is only like 20 mins into the patch

Koana mentioning he would "ideally" attend the funeral as well is… insane? He had no attachment or relationship with Sphene like Wuk Lamat, and SHE TRIED TO GENOCIDE THE COUNTRY HE RULES. Can we really not have a character that says "She helped kill people I care about. I couldn't bear to go, so I'm grateful that WL is our representative" - it would have made sense!

P2: IN ALEXANDRIA

Gulool Ja, child king and son of a dictator, saying he's learning about Everkeep's systems and the mechanical soldiers because it's knowledge he needs to "use his authority properly" was so dark and dystopian I had to pause for a moment, and the real insanity is I don't think the writers knew they were writing something deeply fucked up.

tbh why is Gulool Ja wearing a little potato sack that looks nothing like what anyone else is wearing in the country he is ruling over

the uncritical engagement with the regulators is an obvious plot point. A lot of the stuff that goes unaddressed in situations where it would feel normal to address it is usually because the writers want us to ignore it, so it can be used as plot fodder. sigh

everyone standing in neat little rectangles for the funeral looks so bad. Why are there some people just standing BEHIND WALLS? Did they forget to arrange the NPCs in a natural way?

white boy with cornrows jumpscare nooooo

The dialogue about, well, everything so far just seems binary. Alexandrian people: "Remembering dead people sucks!" Turali people: "Remembering dead people is great!" - why is there not a more nuanced approach to this where Wuk Lamat admits that sometimes remembering hurts? Why can't there be people from Alexandria who WANT to remember those they've lost? Are they saving this for some sort of big speech later like it's hugely revelatory?

They remembered Gulool Ja's mother! (cheering) ngl it's mad funny to be like "we've looked everywhere and can't find her!" and then have you contribute to finding her by talking to 3 people

(interlude where I bitch about how much I hate the new AST and want my fun RNG buttons back and how much I miss Plunge on DRK)

When they were like "Zoraal Ja made a lot of mysterious visits to the place where Gulool Ja's mom might be! How mysterious, I wonder why!" i was like… no adult is going to be like "i wonder why" in this context. Come on now. (booty)

tbh there is a lot of standing around and reiterating old information or just repeating what's already said or just adding uneccesary fluff commentary and I am rapidly losing my patience for this

The dungeon was fine. I remember Ruby Weapon mechanics. I liked the spooky atmosphere.

I have nothing super interesting to say about the facility otherwise. It's a plausible location to exist and just reiterates stuff we already knew Zoraal Ja was doing.

Ok this part baffled me, this interlude where they talk about how even if we get the train up and running, the Alexandrian people will still have to walk to get to it - THERE ARE FLYING CARS? You see them flying around the city!! And there are tons of vehicles as set dressing in the settlements outside S9. What in the world is this plot point?!

P3: IN SHAALOANI

Koana's reaction to hearing Hhwato say that he doesn't think anyone from his culture would just abandon their child is very weird. The fact that NO ONE thinks to ask "was there anything that happened around the time of Koana's time as a baby that could have led to him being abandoned?" is just another case of the characters forced to hold the idiot ball so we can drag the story out more. (I literally voiced this question as I was reading the dialog)

Another set of "learn about our culture!" quests which are an absolute bore. Are the writers completely incapable of showing this culture in an organic way in the world?

Koana, 1 hour after meeting a fantasy bison that he did not give a shit about prior, is really like "i will actually die for this creature." He does this with no consideration for the fact that he'd leave Wuk Lamat alone as a ruler, he'd leave his people behind, nothing. bro wtf lol

that one trader NPC that gives us exposition is a babe tho, dayum

"fixing the train" getting multiple cutscenes + a voiced one feels like they just really have NO idea what to write and have no idea how to make low stakes feel engaging.

Speaking of this whole quest chain though, it sits in stark, bizarre contrast to what actually happened with the US Transcontinental Railroad and what it did to America's Indigenous population. If you don't know, you should look it up.

P4: END/ALEXANDRIA/S9

The reveal that Gulool Ja's mom just REALLY wanted Zoraal Ja's double d to the point of doing war crimes is both sad and VERY FUNNY. Also the dramatic B&W cutscene and the zoom in on Gulool Ja's gawping face after made me actually laugh out loud.

In this, the final 10 minutes of the patch, SOMETHING INTERESTING HAPPENS. Please no one tell me this is lazy or goofy, I know, I know, BUT I'M INTERESTED. FINALLY.

Patch ends. I'm free.

#not tagging this bc i do not want it in the main tag lol

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autisticshadowthehedgehog · 3 years ago

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PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABT YOUR SONIC UNDERGROUND REBOOT I CRAVE CONTENT FOR THE SILLY HEDGEHOG SIBLINGS (if it’s okay with you ofc)

Honestly I dont want to share a ton online cause I still have delusions plans of making it A Thing but the quick notes on what I believe needs to be done:

More characters from Sonic canon (esp including tails!!!), but at the same time the triplets– specifically their feelings and dynamic– have to be a very major part of the show.

More worldbuilding, including explaining the medallions and their magic. Adding in more Sonic lore, we can also explain how the chaos emeralds, master emeralds and gods fit into this.

Cutting the prophecy aspect. First of all it cuts out any and all stakes– "yeah, we know it'll happen eventually, so why care?"– and it breaks a lot of motives. Several heroes/villains would only do things because "the prophecy said so" instead of having proper motivations on their own. While prophecies can work in some stories, it doesn't work in all of them, and this is one I don't think it works well with.

Aleena needs to be more offscreen. She's been on the run for fifteen years and is a mysterious, ghostly figure, yet she seems to be always there for her kids. In that, having her narrate each episode doesn't work, as it makes the audience think she's more present than the siblings do– and as they're the main characters, their perspective is important. If you hear Aleena every episode, you start to get annoyed at the siblings for talking about missing her, because your brain is saying "she's right there." Aleena should be more of a mystery, and also, as an addition:

I think the sibs should have complicated feelings about their mom. It felt like in Underground, once they discovered they were Aleena's kids, she became their awesome mom who they miss dearly, even though they have no memories of her, and Sonia is the only one who seems to miss her foster parent, as Sonic and Manic never mention theirs. Especially if we take out the prophecy aspect, we have a lot of conclusions they could come to: she wanted us to be safe and noblely gave us up, she didn't want to take care of us and abandoned us, she could've visited us at any time and didn't, etc. We know Aleena loves her kids. They have really no reason to believe that, so what do they think and how does the feeling change overtime, especially as she dips in and out dropping them hints and saving them in battles? Does that make them feel like she's watching over them, or that she is simply choosing not to talk to them?

More focus on the rebellion/story aspect. Underground went into that towards the end, but it needed to happen more. Less episodic stories (though character development episodes are ofc necessary as well!!!! don't think i'm that bitch) and more building up to the rebellion trying to overthrow Robotnik's government.

If we go with a more dark aspect, we need a darker Robotnik. If we go with a lighter show, we need a lighter Robotnik. SatAM!Robotnik would not work in Sonic Boom, just as Boom!Eggman would not work in SatAM. SatAM Robotnik is the perfect villain for a show with a high-stakes rebellion of desperate, traumatized children. Boom Eggman is the perfect villain for a workplace comedy, not really posing much of a threat and being more sympathetic and comedic. Underground Robotnik seemed to be very comedic, but then they also had him, you know, practically execute the siblings' foster families. It creates a dissonance. Is he going to be the bumbling boss trying to get his minions to do something right for once, or is he the merciless dictator who kills his political enemies? For Underground, I personally think the latter would work better as a villain, seeing as the plot is similar to SatAM's setup and requires him to be tactical enough to overtake at least one kingdom, if not a whole planet, and hold that power for fifteen years. And in doing that– we have to either cut or completely redo Sleet and Dingo. If Robotnik is a tactical villainous mastermind, why keep two bumbling idiots who can't catch three children for forty episodes? Why not just roboticize them and use the robots, or outsource? Snively at least had some competence and a familial connection, what do Sleet and Dingo have? Bad character designs tbh.

Speaking of which, redesigns. I think we all agreed on that.

and finally:

sega hire me

#mine

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ygreczed-3 · 3 years ago

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The Walking Dead/Detroit Become Human AU

(so basically I was tempted to make a post to apologize about the mess my blog has become lately - feels like I’m posting AUs, artworks, sketches and comic updates in such a chaotic way… I’m really sorry about it ahaha 😅 Hopefully it will get better soon)

So this post is me drawing for hours and forgetting to eat on my break day (I finally did !!! Don’t worry ahaha) because I became obsessed with an idea again. Also I like to make concept arts and storyboards as if I was working on a professional project for a TV show/animation. I find it fascinating ! This time I don’t really have any plot or finished story, I just wanted to draw these scenes badly so… I just did.

I’d like to draw your attention to Connor’s curly hair and Hank’s design (strongly inspired by Kristoff from Frozen). I just LOVE these details.

⚠️Remember this is NOT a new series. Just me having fun with characters and a universe I like (aka The Walking Dead) !

Anyway, more ideas below 👀

*POW*

Hank open his eye again. The walker was shot in the head. Hank pushes the walker away, it falls dead on the concrete.

Looking up, he sees Connor with a gun.

Hank : Jesus… Thank you. I thought I was…

Connor : I wouldn’t have wasted a bullet for you if it wasn’t for your kid back there. Your car, does it work? Hank : … Yeah… I just… I was looking for some gas when… well… Can I drive you somewhere? Connor : Not really, I’m looking for someone.

___________________________

Hank and Cole are walking in a gas station with jerricans and pour what’s left of gas from the pump.

Cole : Dad, that mister from earlier, do you think he’s gonna be okay ? Hank : I think, pumpkin. He was the one helping us. Cole : Being alone sounds dangerous… He should have come with us. Hank : …

___________________________

It’s nighttime, Cole is sleeping in the backseats with a blanket, Hank is sleeping in the driver seat. He wakes up brutally as he hears something tapping softly against the car window : the young man from earlier. He rolls the window down.

Hank : You ? Connor : I’ve looked around the whole city. Now it’s too dark… I need a safe place to have some sleep, I was thinking you could let me in. You owe me after all. Hank : … Yeah sure. Get in.

Connor gets in the car. He takes his bag off and keeps it by his side, out of Hank’s reach. He takes his coat off but keeps a gun near him. Hank stares at him with narrowed eyes.

Hank : … You’re safe here, really. You can trust me. Connor : Sorry, but I only trust myself.

___________________________

It’s dark outside, Hank can’t really sleep with the stranger next to him. His guts dictate him to stay alert. He watches carefully as Connor turns his head to him, half-opening his eyes.

Connor: Can’t sleep ? Hank : … Well you were right… I don’t know you. What about you ? Did you sleep a little ? Connor : … No. I’m too… cautious. My brain won’t let me sleep with a stranger next to me. Hank : … My name’s Hank. You ? Connor : What the hell are you doing ? Hank : We agreed we couldn’t sleep next to strangers. I’m introducing myself. Connor : It won’t make it any better… *after a silence* I’m Connor. Hank : Nice to meet you. Connor: … Where were you before ? You… you act like a newborn in this hell… Hank : … I had a neighbor with one of those bunkers… with tons of food, water, enough to live for months. We… We were hiding there with her until… until a few weeks. Connor : What happened ? Hank : She thought she had heard a chopper. Thought someone was out there to rescue us… she opened the hatch and she was… attacked by those things… Connor: … the kid… he’s yours? Hank : Yeah… Cole. Connor: … Where’s her mom ? Hank : He’s never known her. Connor: Sorry. Hank : Don’t be.

*silence*

Hank : I think… I’m starting to relax… we should try to sleep huh ?

Connor is already sleeping.

___________________________

Connor takes his backpack as Hank and Cole take a breakfast with some fire.

Hank : You sure you don’t want to eat anything ? Connor : No thanks, I have my own stock. You should save your food for your kid. Hank : … Hey, if you ever need to find us… after you’ve found what you’re looking for, I have a police radio. Frequency 58,7 kHz. Connor: I won’t need it but- thanks. Good luck.

Connor leaves.

___________________________

Cole : What should we do now? Hank : … We need to find more food… and weapons. I’ll go downtown today. You… You’ll stay here alright? Cole : No I… I want to stay with you… Hank : I know you’re scared Cole… But it’s too dangerous. You’ll be safe hidden in the car. Cole : You’ll be quick? Hank : Back before sunset, pinky swear.

___________________________

Hank finds an axe on a bar counter.

Suddenly : *BONG BONG BONG BONG*

Hank : What the-

He runs outside and hides against a wall as walkers pass nearby, heading to the source of the ringing.

He looks up and sees Connor climbing on a ladder but a Walker is trying to grab his leg.

Hank comes and kills the monster. Connor : You..! Follow me !

On the rooftop, they see the church. It’s an automatic bell, the walkers are massively getting around the building. There is something painted on the wall that says “Find Jericho” with black paint and scribbled under it “Find 9s”

Connor : Nines… Hank : What is Jericho ? Connor : … A safe place for survivors. It’s hidden… to keep the thieves and killers away. Hank : … The church. Connor : What ? Hank : Jericho, it has to do with the bible. The message is written on a church’s wall. It’s not a coincidence, there might be… a hint in there. Connor : … But we can’t get inside with those creeps around… Hank : … Maybe they leave when the church stops ringing the bells. Connor : Or maybe we should try to lead them away with… Hank : With what ? Connor : … Your car.

___________________________

Connor : So, let me get it straight. You drive around the town honking. It will attract the creeps away from the church. I get inside the church and look for any kind of hint. When the bells start ringing I get out before the creeps come back. And what do we do with Cole ?

Hank : He’s going with you. I don’t want to have him in the car with hundreds of undeads trying to get me. Connor : … I don’t- Hank : Don’t worry. He’s a smart kid. He will do as you say. Right Cole? Cole : …Hmm. Connor: … Fine. Let’s do it.

___________________________

Connor and Cole sneak into the church. Connor kills two of the Walkers still inside the church as Cole follows him cautiously.

Cole : … Look. *he points out a book on the altar* Connor : … It’s a bible… The chapter about the Battle of Jericho… it can’t be a coincidence. *They look up and see something written with old blood on the wall behind the altar. It says “Rahab the harlot defied the King of Jericho. Here lies the key to the fortress.”* Cole : What’s a harlot? Connor : … You should… ask your father. Now… I have to read… and think. Cole : … We only have one hour left before the bells ring again… Connor : I know.

___________________________

Connor : … I don’t get it ! There must be something I’m missing ! Cole : … Connor, I found a map ! Connor : Not now Cole, I’m trying to focus… Cole : Connor, look ! Connor : Cole please I really need-…

Cole shows him the map… there is a “9s” written on it.

Connor : Nines ! Cole : Does it help ? Connor : … I don’t know-…

The bells ring suddenly.

Connor : Crap… we have to get out of here. Give me your hand, buddy.

___________________________

Hank is waiting for them : he has lit a fire and when Cole sees him, he lets go of Connor’s hand and runs to hug his dad.

Hank : I gotcha, pumpkin. *looking up at Connor* Did you find something ? Connor : I think… Hank : You think ? Connor : I have this map my brother left for me inside the church… there was some kind of riddle on the wall, and it must have something to do with this but… there is nothing noted on it. Hank : What’s the riddle ? Connor : “Rahab the harlot defied the King of Jericho, here lies the key to the fortress.” Rahab was a prostitute, she helped Joshua by hiding spies he sent inside the city… and Joshua spared her when he took the fortress. But I… I don’t see the connection. Hank : … Let me see the map.

Connor gives it. Cole sits next to his father, near the fire, and soon falls asleep. After some time thinking and overthinking it, Hank finally points to a town on the map. A city called Defiance.

Hank : Look. Connor : Defiance… Of course. The key lies in Rahab’s defiance… Defiance is a town… Fuck- You’re a genius…! Hank : Man, I was feeling like a Detective again… felt nice for a moment. Connor: You were a Detective? Hank : A police Lieutenant, to be specific. But yeah. Detective works too. Connor : … I don’t think the treasure hunt is done yet. You’re gonna need your supercop sense again ! Hank : … It’s good to see you all excited. Feels like meeting the real Connor under the survivor’s shell. Connor: It’s nice… that Cole and you don’t have that shell yet… humanity is a rare thing to find down there. Hank : … So, who is “Nines” ? Connor : My little brother. We lived together, in the same group of survivors. Our camp was attacked… we got separated. Hank : Looks like he’s smart. He solved the riddle all by himself. It took the two of us to understand the hint. Connor : He’s always been a nerd. Hank : Pffft… Well we should try to get some sleep. We should be able to reach Stoneton, then we’ll have to find more gas.

Hank gets up and carries Cole to the car seats.

Connor: … Hank…? Hank : Yup ? Connor : Can I… Can I come with you two ? I could go to Defiance by myself but… if you’re heading there too, maybe we could… Hank : What the heck ? Of course you’re coming with us. With our two half-brains we’re gonna need each other’s help to find Jericho and your brother, don’t you think ? Connor *chuckles* : Right.

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fairycosmos · 2 years ago

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i’m in pain knowing my family, my mom mostly, loves me but they don’t like me. they don’t see me as anything important, they don’t care to know me, they don’t really care if i’m around or if i’m not, they’d only care if i finally killed myself and even then it breaks my heart to think about how they’d remember me. none of them have ever really had good things to say about me and i wonder if that’d change. i want to hope so, i’ve always hoped i was a good person and i feel like everyone else who’s loved me has reminded me i am, but my family never could. they never saw me that way and my mom hated who i was for as long as i can remember, even as a child. i have 4 siblings so it’s hard too because i know it’s not just who she is, it’s something about who i am, and i know her perception doesn’t define me but it never made it easier to live with that.

it’s been harder lately and yesterday she told me how unpleasant i am to live with, and she thinks i’m living here to make her miserable to make up for my miserable childhood (lol) so i left her alone, i didn’t see her the rest of the day but i just saw she went to the store and bought my favorite fruit )): things like that make it all harder to understand, and i feel guilty because i don’t feel like i deserve anything from anyone, despite knowing it’s not all my fault. i wish i could fix everything. life has seemed sadder than ever the past couple months.

+ i just sent an ask about my mom buying me my favorite fruit n it was just a vent but i kinda wanted your insight on that part of it, it seems like smth you’d understand?? only sending this one to let you know it was “important” (i know you say to do that if you miss it) just in the sense that i’m looking for someone to talk about it a bit i guess idk this is just word vomit now but i love youuu n thank you for reading bby hope you have a good day 💘

hi love, i'm really sorry you have to put up with this sort of thing from your own family. i know that living with this sort of dynamic from those closest to you, esp during your formative years, can genuinely fuck up your sense of self-wroth and your perception of what you deserve, and i don't want to minimize that by offering platitudes or easy solutions. but i did want to say that the way your family treats you is not a reflection of you, and they do not get to dictate whether or not you're a good person or whether or not you're loveable. obviously, it's completely natural to want to be truly seen and appreciated by them, and it's totally understandable that not having access to that bond is incredibly painful. it's an incredibly difficult thing to have to learn to live with, and it often makes adulthood even harder than it already is. but just because they're not able to be a healthy support system for you, doesn't mean you don't deserve one. doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. and it might feel like bullshit for a long time, trying to convince yourself of that, because maybe your self-esteem isn't the highest due to everything you've been through - but it's true. knowing that doesn't make it easier, but grounding yourself in that truth whenever you begin to spiral into self-hatred will keep you from drowning in it. and i'm not trying to diminish how hard this must be for you, because it is absolutely not fair that you've had to live your life feeling like your family wouldn't even care if they lost you - that is incredibly sad to hear, and i'm so sorry. it sounds like your mother has issues that stem back from before you were born, honestly, and the fact that she could raise one of her kids to feel that way is indicative of her emotional immaturity more than anything. i think the people who have loved you how you deserve to be loved were able to do that because you ARE a wonderful person who is worthy and deserving and good.

anyway, i know you wanted my thoughts on the second half of this, i just wanted to be honest with you ab this message. the bit about the fruit - i do understand that, a lot. i think a lot of people who have complex relationships with their mothers do, and that's what makes it all so hard. it would be much easier if we could just say we hate them and move on, wouldn't it? but there's so much between a parent and a child that makes it impossible to do that, in many cases at least. i think it's important to acknowledge that numerous things can be true at once while trying to process your feelings for her. it's true that she hasn't treated you very well, it's true that she cares for you and your wellbeing deeply (though not in a way that you may always understand, and not that that excuses any of the shit shes put you through), it's true that you don't feel like she appreciates you for who you are and you're mad at her for that, it's true that you crave recognition from her at the same time. these emotions might seem contradictory and confusing but they're all just a part of the nuance and of the complicated relationship you have with her. it's entirely possible to be grateful for the fruit and still acknowledge that you deserve better than this. which you do, and it's alright if you can't quite believe that right now, but i hope you get the chance to work on it w a professional at some point so you're able to start viewing the situation from a place of support for yourself, and not from a place of disdain. your brain is partially a product of how you were raised and so you can't always trust what it feeds you, you know? anyway, i'm sorry this got long and i'll quit rambling now, but yeah - i really do get this and you're truly not alone in it. if you ever need a friend or anything, give me a message. love u love angel and please take care of yourself. mwah x

#anon

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flamencodiva · 4 years ago

Text

Bottom of the Bottle 2 - Sneaking Back on Stage

Description: Dean was at the peak of stardom until his world came crashing down. Can he find his way back to the top?

Word Count: 5340

Warnings for entire series: Smut (oral female and male receiving, P in V, Threesomes, Fingering, Orgies) Fluff, Angst, Violence, Language, Mentions of Drug use, Drinking, Mentions of Death.

Songs in this chapter: Partial Lyrics of Brother's Osbourn Ain't My Fault and Full lyrics of Down don't Bother Me by The Derek Truck Band

Beta'd by: @wonder-cole

Aesthetic by: @firefly-graphics

Dividers by: @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

<< Chapter 1

Dean pulled the bike up on the driveway and parked her next to his father’s truck. Then, killing the engine, he hopped off with a smile. Finally, Dean found a place where he could start over, a place he could play and live again. He found a small spring in his step and ran his fingers through his short hair. He was glad it was quick. His years with Purgatory had the band growing out his hair long. He hated it, but it was for the image. At the time, he would do anything just to be able to be involved in music and if growing his hair long was the worst of it, it was worth it to him.

But the minute that he was put in jail and kicked out of the band for something he didn’t do, he was glad to be rid of it. He was happy to cut off the long hair and return to his short locks. Turning the key to unlock the door, he let himself in to find his father sitting at the dining room table, hands folded on top of it.

“You could have gone to bed, you know,” Dean muttered as he placed the helmet on the table in the foyer and shrugged off his jacket to put it on the hook, “I told you I was going to be back.”

“Where did you go?” John asked as he looked up at Dean.

“Out,” Dean huffed, “I’m not a kid anymore, dad. So I went out, the bike had a wire come loose, I was close to a place, got help, came back.”

“You can’t do that again, Dean,” John said as he got up from the table.

“Do what? Go out and have fun? Go out and try to find some friends?” Dean asked, “I’m confused as to what you want from me here. I’m already working at the garage. I’m living under your thumb. I have a damn motorcycle instead of Baby.”

“I just wanted you to think before you went out,” John said as he walked to Dean, “I know you love to sing, and you love music, but it isn’t everything.”

“It’s all I have!” Dean practically yelled. “You know you started spewing all this bullshit about how I abandoned this family and ran away and couldn’t wait to leave,” Dean ran a hand across his face. “I wanted to go out and explore and find myself. You want to know the fucked up thing?” he walked up to his father, “I came back when Sam called me about mom. Not you,” he poked at John’s chest, “Sam, he called me to tell me mom was sick. You were the coward who couldn’t even face me to tell me my mother was dying!”

“Would you have answered the phone if it was me?” John muttered. “You have to admit, the minute you signed that contract, you wanted to high tail it out of here faster than a damn wolf chasing its prey.”

Dean looked down at the floor and licked his lips, “I wanted to get away from you. Not mom, not Sam, you. Because I was so mad and disappointed that my own father didn’t want me to follow something I was good at, something that gave me life.” Dean walked over to a picture of his mother and let his fingers graze over it, “I came every chance I could. I was in that hospital by her side when you didn't know it. I always waited for you and Sam to leave because I didn’t want to fight you while she was fighting Cancer.”

Dean wiped the stray tear that was falling down his cheek and shook his head.

“But it doesn’t matter. Nothing mattered, not that money I gave for the treatments or the fact that I tried to get Mom one of the best specialists I could find.” he turned to face his dad. “Music is in me, and I can feel it. What hurt me wasn’t mom dying. It was the fact that my own father thought of me as a disappointment when I made it big.”

John let his son’s words sink in before heading to the stairs, “A lot of good that fame and fortune did. You became part of a group that, in the end, it brought you back down to zero.” John was halfway up the stairs before he stopped, “you called me a coward for not calling you, but you’re a coward for not manning up to face me at that hospital.”

John’s footsteps began to fade as he ascended the staircase and retreated to his bedroom, leaving Dean to stew in his anger. Dean let out a frustrated growl with his jaw clenched and stomped up the stairs towards his old room. Why was his dad so adamant about keeping him locked up in a cage? He was already in a cell for six months, and he hated every minute of it. Apart from the fact that he could write a few lyrics, he hated being in that damn jail. He didn’t do anything wrong, and everyone tried to fight him for being a damn rock star.

Entering his room, he could see the boxes from his old home scattered around. Some boxes labeled clothing, some marked notebooks, and a few just miscellaneous. Walking to the box labeled notebooks, Dean tore the tape out and pulled out one of his more recently used ones. His fingers grazed over the pages before he turned to his bag full of his things from jail. Reaching inside, he pulled out a small booklet he had filled with some lyrics he had.

Dean didn’t go to bed right away that night. Instead, he took that time to filter through the small notebook and transferred his lyrics to his larger notebook. The memory of Y/N on stage seemed to haunt him. She looked at peace being up on that stage, almost ethereal, an angel ready to spread her wings and fly. Putting down his pen, his eyes roamed his room before settling on the silhouette of his guitar case. Sure, Dean had plenty of guitars, but this one, this one was special, and he was surprised to see it propped up in the familiar corner of his room.

Getting up from his chair, he walked over towards it, pulled the hard case out, and placed it on his bed. Opening up the latches, he lifted the lid and smiled. There nestled nice and snug was a Fender FA-100 Dreadnought Acoustic Guitar. He loved this guitar and hadn't been able to play it for years. He felt almost sad that he had it with him but could never really pull it out to play often. It was a birthday gift for his 17th birthday from his mother. Sure, she said it was from both her and his father, but Dean had a feeling it was more his mother than his old man.

Gently pulling it out of the case, Dean sat on his bed and placed the guitar on his right thigh, the fingers on his left hand holding down a chord on the fret before he strummed it. He winced at the awful sound that came out. It needed tuning. He looked around his room using the tiny light from his desk lamp and smiled when his eyes landed on the corkboard above his headboard. There, pinned to it, was his favorite pick. It was one of the few things his father did give him that he loved, a pick that he had seen in the music store that he had to have.

Taking a deep breath, Dean began to pluck at the strings and turn on the knobs to find the right notes. There was something about the way he felt holding his guitar that sent a shiver down his spine. Dean missed this feeling, and he kicked himself for letting the image geniuses at the label dictate that he should only be the voice of the band. Focusing on his tuning, he continued to play with the knobs until he was sure the guitar had the right notes to play.

With one last strum, he hummed in satisfaction at the sweet sound. He moved his fingers along the fret, strumming at the strings when a melody came to mind. He wasn't sure of the tempo, but he knew the notes he wanted to play. Adjusting himself and the guitar, he cleared his throat and let the music flow through him.

“Blame the whiskey on the beer, blame the beer on the whiskey,” he let out and smiled, “I like the sound of that,” he chuckled before grabbing his notebook and scribbling it down.

He continued to find the melody, and he figured a slow rhythm was a good fit for the song. At least that’s what he felt.

“Blame the bar for the band, blame the band for the--” he paused as he tried to find the right word, “song? Yeah, that works,” he wrote it down and shook his head gently.

His mind began to fill with doubt as he looked down at the lyrics. Was he really going to try to get back into music? Could he really deal with being a label stooge? He wanted to make music, sure, but it needed to be his music.

“You got this, Winchester,” he calmed himself, “You’ve been playing music for a long time. This is a good song.” he licked his lips and looked down at his fingers, “you had these lyrics in your head for a while, you just gotta get them out.

He continued to strum on his guitar and progressed as much as he could. He had gotten to the first round of the bridge before yawning. But, looking over at the clock, it was well past two in the morning, and he had to try to get as much sleep as he could.

The following day, Dean woke up to his father banging on his door.

“Wake up,” John called through the door, “I’m headed to the garage. You should head out soon. Coffee is already brewed.”

Dean let out a groan and ran a hand across his face to try and wake up fully. He stretched his body before forcing himself to get up. Dean looked at the open notebook on the floor and sighed. He had to finish the lyrics and try to memorize the song by tonight if he wanted to show Benny up. He didn’t like that Benny thought he would use Y/N for his own personal gain. That wasn’t in Dean’s nature at all. Besides, if the song was a hit, he could perform the other songs he had lying around, but he had to find a way to hide it from his dad.

Walking to his window, he looked outside and sighed. The sun was just rising, and he could hear the birds chirping on the nearby tree. Opening the window, he leaned on the windowsill when something caught his peripheral vision. He turned his head slightly to see the trellis that ran up the side of the house by his window. Reaching over, he pulled on it and gave a pouted shrug.

“Still feels sturdy,” he muttered to himself before looking down and feeling his pulse race. “You can do this,” he said, looking at the height, “you did it back in high school to go sneak over to ‘easy’ Gracie's house.” he reminded himself. “That and all of Mullet’s parties to play a gig.”

With a nod, he began formulating his plan. He spared no time in grabbing his clothes and getting dressed. His notebook was tight under the crook of his arm as he made his way downstairs to grab a coffee. His father had already left, leaving him alone. With a coffee mug in his hand, he used his free hand to write out the rest of his lyrics before looking at the time and dashing towards the front door. He made sure he kept the notebook close to him as he got ready for his bike ride to the garage.

He kept to himself as he placed certain things in his locker before grabbing his coveralls and put them on over his clothes. Then, his notebook in hand, he walked over to the work orders board and picked a clipboard to work on for the day. In between changing the oil on a few cars, replacing brake pads, and rotating tires, Dean had finished writing and found himself memorizing the lyrics he wrote out.

“I got my hand’s up. I need an alibi,” Dean muttered, “find me a witness who can testify.”

The melody was slow and funeral-like, and for the most part, it worked. What mattered to him right now was memorizing the damn words so he could get them out. He was sure the melody would change later, as he kept bouncing from uptempo to slow funeral march. It was hard trying to find a good beat, but he wasn’t sure what direction he was going. Was he going to stick to the complex rock rhythm he got used to with purgatory? Or was he going to go to his country roots?

He didn’t notice his father looking at him closely, the sad look on John's face as he recognized that Dean was writing lyrics. The old man could always tell when Dean was working on a song. Dean could never sit still when he was inspired, and the fact that Dean kept tapping different rhythms during the day wasn’t helping him hide it. But John was out of ideas, and the last thing he needed was to find his son on the news where they were announcing his death. It was bad enough seeing his son being arrested on the news, but to have his death broadcasted would absolutely shatter him. John had tried so hard to shelter Dean from getting the performance bug, but it seemed like the tighter John held on, the more Dean slipped through his fingers.

The rest of the day, Dean had played with a few different melodies in his head, but nothing seemed to stick. By the time he had memorized the song, it was time to close the garage. Dean had put his coverall back in his locker and walked over to his bike.

“Dean?” John called.

“Yeah,” Dean answered, turning to face his father.

“What do you think about heading over to the diner we always used to go to for dinner?”

Dean looked at his watch and then back up to his Dad. He still had some time to head home and grab his guitar and sneak out, “yeah, sounds good. Need to have that famous burger of theirs. I missed it when I was up in KC,” Dean said with a tight-lipped smile.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there,” John nodded his head as he let Dean go before him, “I gotta lock up, so you go ahead and see if they can get us in a booth.”

“Sure,” Dean called out before putting his helmet on and zipping up his jacket.

The ride to the dinner wasn’t too bad. It was short. To begin with and Dean made it with perfect time to grab the last available booth. Dean ordered a burger for himself along with a beer and a slice of pie for after. The waitress was about to leave when John appeared and slid in.

“I’ll have the meatloaf and a water, Jenny, thanks,” he said to the young waitress.

“You got it, John, coming right up,” she smiled at the elder Winchester before turning to Dean and winking, “I get off at 8.”

Dean offered her a smile before turning to his father, “you come here a lot then?”

“Haven’t really cooked since your mother died,” John muttered as he looked at Dean. “You did good work today,” he changed the subject, “I was thinking about showing you how to run the books and showing you all the accounts, you know, get you ready to take over.”

“Dad--” Dean sighed, “I love working at the garage, I do, but it won’t make me happy.”

“Because music makes you happy,” John scoffed, “look what music did to you!” he pointed out.

“You know as well as I do that it was the industry, not the music. Those are two different things!” Dean argued.

John shook his head before running a hand across his face, “look, you need a backup, and I need someone I can trust to take over.”

“You planning on retiring soon?” Dean let out as he leaned back in his seat.

“Maybe,” John sighed, “I can’t run the garage forever, and I don’t want to sell it.”

Dean looked at his father’s face and could see the hurt in his eyes, “you really love that garage.”

“It’s my second love to my family,” John said as he folded his hands together over the table. “Just think about it?”

“I guess I can do that,” Dean muttered as their waitress, Jenny, came by with their food.

“You know she’s single,” John commented as he grabbed his fork to dig into his meatloaf.

“I don’t need dating help,” Dean let out as he grabbed his burger in his hands, “besides, I’m not looking for attachments.”

“Sometimes they’re a good thing, though,” his father commented after swallowing his food.

Dean rolled his eyes, “after the fiasco with Lisa, no thanks.”

“You’ll find someone,” John chuckled, “I don’t think I ever met Lisa.”

“Thank your lucky stars for that,” Dean huffed. “All she cared about was the fame and notoriety. Then I caught her with some publicist screwing in my bed,” he shook his head, “then again, I was nailing two, maybe three girls at a time so… no skin off my back when I cut her loose.”

John stayed silent for a minute, digesting what his son was saying, “so you went for the sex god approach then.”

“Better than being the drug addict,” Dean shook his head and took a bite of one of his fries, “the alcohol helped to just dull the senses anyways. I was a pretty face and a voice for the band, that’s it.”

John could hear the unhappiness in his voice and see the pain radiating in his son’s eyes over not making the music he wanted. It hurt John for a bit, but it also had him thinking about how it might help keep Dean home and safe.

“The business can chew you up and spit you out pretty easily.”

Dean watched as his father continued to eat his meatloaf, letting the conversation die. Yet, he knew where it would lead if he kept the conversation going.

Finishing his meal, Dean cleaned up his face and reached for his wallet before John stopped him.

“I got this son, you go on home, or are you going back out for a ride?” John asked.

“I need to rest, so I’ll be up in my room,” Dean lied as he slid out of the booth. “So I’ll be in bed by the time you get home, maybe.”

“Okay, I’ll be up watching some tv, so I’ll try not to make too much noise,” John pulled out his wallet and a few bills to place on the table.

Dean walked out and towards his bike just as John got into his truck.

On the ride home, Dean was thinking of what his escape plan would be. He already knew he would climb down the trellis, but his guitar had to come with him. Reaching the house, both men stayed in silence as they went their separate ways. Dean closed his door and put the lock on for good measure. He felt like a teenager hiding from his parents, but he knew his father would never understand. And honestly, Dean really had no place to go, and if he had to keep his musical exploits a secret, then so be it. One could say he wanted to try to impress a particular bartender he met last night, also wondering if he would hear her sweet voice again. Grabbing his case, he looked around for something he could use to strap it to his back, finding a rope he could use on the fly.

Once he was sure that the case was secured to his back, Dean carefully climbed out of the window to sit on the windowsill. He moved as carefully as he could, making sure to avoid making too much noise with his guitar case and getting it out of the window. He breathed a small sigh of relief when he reached the trellis and slowly began to climb down.

“You got this, Dean,” he said to himself as he made sure to place his foot on the holes as he climbed down. “Just like that time you snuck out to head over to the bonfire,” he took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in his throat, “granted you also missed a small hole and fell when you reached the last foot off the ground, but you did it.”

Finally reaching the bottom of the trellis, Dean gave a small jump and smiled in satisfaction. Heading to his bike and rolling it away from the house to not make any noise when he started the engine. Once he was a block away, at least, his night began. The ride to Rusty’s was smooth, and Dean could see it already start to fill with patrons. Parking his bike, he adjusted his guitar and made his way inside. His smile grew when he saw Y/N at the bar already taking orders.

“You know we really do have to stop meeting like this,” he called out with a smile when she turned to him.

“Does that line work? I mean, right now, it just seems like you’re trying too hard,” she let out as she walked over to him, “going to drink, perform, or both?”

“Both,” he answered, “know where I can find Jo?”

“She’s over by the stage taking names for tonight,” she pointed over to the blond who was talking to a few groups.

“Wait,” Dean squinted a bit, “That’s Jo Harvelle? I know Jo,” Dean smiled and turned to face Y/N, “Will you be performing tonight?”

“Nope,” she sighed, popping the ‘p.’ “Yesterday was a fluke. I was filling in for someone.”

“I’m going to go talk to Jo,” Dean said before leaning over and taking Y/N’s arm gently before she could leave. “Whoever told you that you weren’t amazing last night was lying to you, sweetheart.” He let her go before she could give him a counterargument and made his way to the stage with his guitar strapped to his back.

As he approached the stage, he could feel a hand pull him back, and a person walked past him.

“Hey,” he called out, “do you mind?”

“Why yez, ah do mind,” the familiar Cajun voice said, “didn’ tink youz goin’ tah show up.”

Dean gave Benny a cocky smile before huffing, “I did tell you I would see you. Let me guess you have a song to sing tonight too?”

“Betta’ than what chu have to play i’m zure,” Benny chuckled, “I didn’ tink dat dey let chu play an inztrumentz.”

“I was playing the guitar before I ever joined that group,” Dean said with a low growl, “how the hell did you recognize me anyway.”

“The long lockz don’ matta to me brotha,” Benny sighed, “but da eyez are da windows to da soul.”

“You and everyone else seem to recognize me,” Dean muttered, “well, you can go ahead and sing your song before me,” Dean offered him a sly smile, “I’m sure I can bring the house down.”

Benny let out a scoff before turning away to walk towards Jo, “good luck wit dat brotha.”

Dean watched as Benny talked to Jo, who gave him a quick nod while jotting down a note. Once she was done, the Cajun turned around and checked Dean on the shoulder.

“Good luck up, der,” he chuckled at Dean, “you lookz like you need it.”

Dean clenched his jaw as Benny walked away. The guy really didn’t like him. Dean didn’t do anything. Hell, most people’s assumptions of him now have to do with the damn drug charge. Shaking his head, he walked up to Jo and adjusted the guitar strapped to his back. As he walked up to the young blond, he couldn’t help but smile as a memory of a young girl in pigtails flashed before him.

“Never thought you’d grow out of the pigtail stage,” he said as he stood in front of her.

“Well, well, well,” she said, chuckling before pulling him into a tight hug, “never thought the infamous Dean Winchester would grace us with his presence. I thought this place would be too. country for you?”

“I want to sign up to perform,’ he let out with a deep breath.

“Fees $20 to perform,’ she sighed.

“Performance fee?” Dean scoffed, “Really, Jo? Who the hell came up with that?”

“Look,” Jo sighed, “The $20 goes for every and all performers. It’s a small fee for renting out the stage. Besides, you get more in tips if people really like you.”

Dean grumbled as he fished in his pockets for a twenty-dollar bill. He handed it to Jo and shook his head, “I’m only going to be singing the one song.”

“Okay,” Jo wrote down his name and smiled, “You can wait by the bar and order some food. I’ll have someone pull you to the back about three performers before you.” She reached over and pulled him into a hug, “Welcome home, Dean. I have a feeling this is going to be a fresh start for you. You never looked right with that band.”

Dean smiled as he hugged her back, “Thanks, Jo.”

With that, Jo pulled away to let him walk towards the bar with his guitar still on his back. Approaching the bar, Dean smiled, seeing Y/N smile as she served customers. Her laugh reached his ears, and it pulled at him. There was a sense of comfort he felt from listening to Y/N’s laugh. Her laugh was very familiar to him. Walking to the bar, he pulled up a stool and sat down to wait for his turn. He wanted to try out his new song, but he wasn’t sure about the tempo yet. He continued playing around with different beats, but all he could come up with was a depressing march, but it didn’t seem to fit the song at all. With a groan, Dean decided to get something in his stomach while he waited.

“You look like you got something bothering you, Gringo.”

Dean snapped his head up from the menu to see Y/N leaning over the bar top towards him.

“Just trying to figure out what to eat before I have to head up on stage,” He chuckled, trying to shrug off the nervous feeling he had on him. “Besides, Benny’s gonna get mad if he sees you talking to me.”

“I can handle Benny,” Y/N offered him a smile, “besides, I’m the only bartender here, so I’m doing my job.”

“What do you recommend from the kitchen?” Dean asked as he licked his lips. There was something alluring about Y/N, but at the same time, he felt as though he had known her from before their encounter in the coffee shop.

“Honestly? The ultimate bacon burger,” Y/N answered. “It’s got premium Angus beef, with nice crispy bacon, a chipotle aioli, lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles. Not to mention you can have it with steak fries or onion rings.”

“That actually sounds good. I’ll have that and a bottle of Margiekugels,” Dean closed up the menu and sighed, “So is there ever a chance I’m going to see you on stage again?”

Y/N looked over at him as she put in his order on the digital register, “I don’t know,” she sighed, “it was just a one-time thing being up there.”

“Well, if you ever want to go up there again,” Dean said before taking a sip of his beer, “I could always be your backup.”

“Look,” Y/N shook her head with a slight huff. “I know all about you. Just because you cut your hair doesn’t mean that people aren’t going to recognize those big green eyes of yours,” she gave him a soft glare. “I’m not into rock stars, so do me a favor and just find someone else to play with, okay?”

Dean let out a small huff with a smirk, “well, screw you then, sweetheart.”

He took another sip of his beer and shook his head.

“You think you know me because of what the media says about things I didn’t even do? Then fine, you know me. But in reality, you’re just a scared little bitch who wants to stay behind the bar counter.” he grabbed his guitar as he got off the stool. “You can have them send my burger to the table in the corner over there,” he pointed towards the back of the saloon and slapped some money on the counter, “keep the change.”

He stalked off with his beer and guitar, chest full of anger as he looked up to see Benny had already gone on stage and was singing a song. The people were cheering and hollering for him.

Goin' 'round in circles

Pickin' out a cue

Travelin' with no memory

Ow, in my shoe

Down don't bother me.

If the music say

You can take a picture baby

Time won't care

And you're my second nature

A-coming over me

And though I might be shakin'

Down don't bother me no more.

Down don't bother me no more

As Benny finished his song, Dean rolled his eyes as everyone in the crowd cheered and whistled. Seemed like Benny has a crew of regulars that come to see him. He took a swig of his beer, smacking his lips and smiling at the waitress who brought his burger to him. Dean could feel Y/N staring, but he didn’t care. She had made up her mind, and he was done trying to prove to people that he wasn’t an asshole.

Finishing up his burger, he watched as Benny made his way over and rolled his eyes. He should have known that the seat he picked was closest to the kitchen.

“I’ze hope chu enjoyed dat performaze brotha,” Benny chuckled, “chu look like you could yuz da luck.”

“I don’t need luck,” Dean grumbled, “I know my skills, so why don’t you go back to yours and leave me and mine alone.”

Benny lifted his hands in surrender and let out a laugh, “didn’t mean ta hit a sore spot witch you. Enjoy da burga.”

Dean shook his head as Benny walked into the kitchen. His nerves were starting to get the best of him as he could feel his hands shake. Looking at his guitar propped up in the chair, his mind began to spin with thoughts.

‘What the fuck am I doing?’ his mind shouted. ‘People are going to hate this song. I don’t even have a tempo yet!’

He could feel his heart race. Nothing could get him to snap out of it. At least, not until Jo came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jerk.

“Hey,” she gave him a warm smile. “You got two performers before you. You should head backstage. I’ll show you the way.”

Dean nodded numbly as he followed her, not noticing an old friend watching him as he disappeared behind a black curtain.

Chapter 3

Tags in the Reblog

#Bottom of the Bottle #Rockstar!Dean Winchester #Rockstar AU #Dean Winchester Fic #Dean Winchester Fan Fiction #Supernatural AU #Supernatural Fiction #Rockstar!Dean Winchester x Reader #Angst #Fluff #Smut #mentions of orgies #Mentions of drug abuse #Alcoholism #violence #fake dating #language

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cheesy-cakey · 3 years ago

Text

You Are Mine

Cater X Yandere reader

[Mentions of murder, obsession, brainwashing, and cannibalism]

3rd POV

It was a normal day at NRC and our one and only Cater Diamond is in the rose Maze painting roses.

But it was unknown to him that a certain girl was watching him from afar

Y/N Pinka, the younger sister of Alchemi Pinka or in other words Che'nya.

She was watching the boy with affectionate eyes. Longingly watching.

She had fallen in love with Cater the moments she saw him.

She knew that they were meant to be.

-flashback-

Y/N was out to visit her brother at his at his school but just as she arrived she saw him go out and so she followed him

She used her unique magic "Guess who" which allows her to alter her appearance to almost anything. Let it be an object. A person. Or nothing at all. Though the more complex it is the harder to keep its form

She followed her brother as she realized he was going to NRC.

She continuously followed her brother to see what kind of fun he's up to.

He went to an unbirthday party at the Heartslabyul dorm. Where his childhood friends were.

And that's where she saw him.

His vibrant orange hair.

His enchanting forest green eyes.

The girl was absolutely mesmerized.

She took in every last detail of his appearance.

"I need to get closer. I need to take in every last detail" she muttered then she got an idea

She snuck up behind Che'nya and pounced on him. Hugging him from behind as she wrapped her arms around his neck

"Hello meow dear brother~" she said as she hugged him closer with a smile

"Nya? Y/N what are you doing here?" Che'nya asked with a cheeky smile

The girl got off and her tail started swinging around

"I wanted to visit mew, but you seem to have decided to attend an unbirthday party. So I followed!" She said as she turned to the others

"I am Y/N Pinka. I'm purr-leased to meet ya!" Y/N said enthusiastically

"It's nice to see you again Y/N" Trey said

"You really need to keep your brother in check" Riddle told Y/N

"I don't see a reason why" she said

"Anyways who are you?" The girl asked

"I'm Ace Trappola"

"My name is Deuce Spade"

"I'm the great Grim! And this is my henchman-" a pretty girl cutted the cat off

"I'm Yuumi"

"Oh and I'm Cater Diamond it's nice to meet you"

Cater Diamond.

That name stuck to her.

She could never forget it.

Since that day.

She changed.

-end of flashback-

Even her brother noticed her change

And it worried him.

And that's saying a lot since it's Che'nya.

She watched him every single day.

She started missing classes.

Her grades started to falter.

Everyone was worried.

What was going on with their precious Y/N.

They didn't know until.

Che'nya POV

I'm starting to worry for my little sister.

Sure she wasn't one to actually take her classes seriously.

But she never had a failing grades before.

And now she started disappearing more often.

Even the people in her school don't know where she goes.

My parents told me to go see if she was alright.

Since I'm the one closest to her in our family. We're worried for her.

I knocked on the door but no one answered

"Is she out again?" I muttered

"I'm coming in" I said as I opened the door

I looked to see Cater....

Wait no.

That's not Cater.

That's Y/N.

She was looking at the mirror as Cater touching the reflection in front of her

The look in her eyes.

I don't like it

"How enchanting. I can't stop looking at these green eyes" she said to herself eyes glued to her reflection

"Y/N what's the meowning of this?" I asked

She flinched as she realized I was here

"Brother!? When did mew get here!? I thought I told you to knock!?" She yelled at me as she turned back

"I did knock. Now tell meow. What are you doing" I asked again

"I guess the cats out the bag huh?" She said looking down

I then looked at her room.

And realized that almost every inch of her wall was plastered of pictures of Cater.

"Do you like it brother? Isn't he just gorgeous? Look at those forest green eyes. His vibrant orange hair. It's all so wonderful!" She said with a smile on her face. But that wasn't the smile everyone grew to love

"Y/N what's all this" I trembled at the sight of my sister

"I want him. From a single strand of his hair to the tip of his toe nail!" (Ngl I gagged writing that)

"Y/N this is too much! What's with this!?"

"Brother could mew blame me when someone is this perfect? His looks, his demeanor, his scent. All of it is perfect. I want him. Please brother I beg of you. Help me" she asked as her eyes were full of obsession and affection toward Cater

"No Y/N! You're going too far! Stop this! You're failing in school! Mom and dad are worried sick! And you keep disappearing off to who knows wh-" then it hit me

"You've been going to NRC haven't you" I said

She stayed silent

"You've been going to NRC to spy on Cater haven't you!" I yelled

She continued to stay silent

"Y/N this is too much! Are mew really going to ruin yourself for him!?" I asked

"What I do is none of your business brother! What I become is not your choice! I dictate what I want to do and you can't stop me!" She yelled

"Of course it's my business! I'm meow brother!"

"Shut up! mew wouldn't get it! You think you know it all! But you don't know how I feel about Cater! I love him and nothing can stop me!"

"Even if he's off the market?" I asked

"W-what?" She stuttered

"Cater had been dating Yuumi for the past month now. Are you still going to go after him?" I asked

I saw the heart break in her eyes.

Like everything she had built up just crumbled Infront of her

"No... You're lying"

"No I'm not Y/N"

She looked down, her ears and tail drooped and stayed silent

Before she spoke

"Get out"

"Y/N"

"GET THE FUCK OUT YOU HEAR ME!" she yelled as she pushed me out and slammed the door shut

"Open the damn door Y/N! We're not done talking!" I yelled as I bang on the door

Eventually I stopped cause I knew it was hopeless

"Y/N needs to stop. It's driving her mad"

Y/N POV

No no no no

"No!" I yelled as I threw a vase at the wall shattering it

I then started to break down crying

"Why.... Just why!? It's not fair! Didn't get a chance to get to know him! Yet someone else already...." I sobbed

I then looked at the mirror. I then shifted into Cater.

I touched the mirror as tears fell from my eyes

"Cater. Cater Diamond"

3rd POV

A week had passed and Y/N hadn't come out of her room

They pried the door open since no one answered and all the food that was taken to her was left untouched

Once they opened it they saw something that made their hearts shatter

They saw their precious Y/N

Dead on the floor gripping onto a picture of Cater.

This sight absolutely broke Che'nya.

He should've tried harder to help get Y/N out from her delusional state

But now he lost his little sister.

The sister he cherished so much.

But for some reason.

It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would.

-time skip-

A funeral was held for her.

They invited the people she met at the unbirthday

"I'm sorry for you're loss Che'nya" Ace said

"I can't believe it. She's gone" Riddle said as he tried to hold back tears. Key word TRIED

"Why. Why did she die Che'nya" Trey asked

"She- she got depressed. But I'd rather not say the reason why" Che'nya explained. But he didn't want to say it was because she was heartbroken from Cater

Cater looked at her in her coffin

For some reason this hurted him a lot

He never really got to know Y/N that much. But this hurted him a lot for some reason.

"Cater, are you alright?" Yuumi asked

"Y-yeah I'm fine" he replied smiling at Yuumi

"If you're not feeling well we can go back" she said

"T-that would be nice" he said as he went to the group

"I'm going to head out first. I'm sorry for you're loss" Cater said

"Of course thank you"

"I'm going as well. I apologize for your loss" Yuumi said with a soft smile

This sent a tingle down Che'nya spine

-time skip-

Riddle and Trey went to the Pinka residence to talk with him

"What do you mean? Cater and Yuumi disappeared?" Che'nya questioned

"Yeah. After they left after the funeral they never came back" Trey said

"This just doesn't make sense" Riddle said

They kept thinking and thinking. Till something hit Che'nya

The smile

The smile Yuumi gave him

It's the same smile on Y/N's face that everyone loved

"Y/N!" Che'nya yelled as he rushed to her room

"Che'nya!" The two yelled as they followed him

Che'nya started rummaging through her room

"Che'nya what's going o-" Riddle stopped as he saw her room

"W-whats all this?" Trey questioned shocked at the sight

"The reason Y/N got depressed was because she was broken from the mews that Cater was already taken" Che'nya explained as he continued to go through her things eventually finding something

Che'nya trembled. Tears spilling. But also speechless

"Che'nya? Are you alright" Trey asked as they went closer to him

"What's tha-" Riddle stopped as he saw what Che'nya found

It was a bloody knife.

And a map with markings

"We need to go here" Che'nya rushed to go to the marked location

"Che'nya! Wait for us!"

-at the location-

They were now in a remote location. With a well prepared house.

A garden of fruits and vegetables.

By a lake.

And in the garden.

Was no other than Y/N Pinka

"Y-Y/N?" Che'nya stuttered

This caught the girls attention so she looked up and froze

"Ch-Che'nya? Riddle? Trey? W-what are you guys doing here?" The girl asked

"No- what are you doing here!?" Che'nya yelled

"That's none of your business!" She yelled

"It is! You were dead weren't you!? We buried your corpse!"

She went silent

"Haha. Ahahahahaha! You think that ugly fucking corpse was me? You don't know me that well after all dear brother." She said as the look in her eyes changed

"W-what do you mean Y/N?" Riddle stuttered

"My unique magic doesn't only change my appearance. But change the appearance of ANYTHING. I could change the appearance of Riddle to Trey. A cup into you brother. But most of all change the ugly corpse of Yuumi into an elegant one of me!" She explained

"T-the corpse of who?" Trey asked

"Oops. Looks like I accidentally spilled. I killed Yuumi three days into my isolation. That gave me enough time to adapt into becoming her for the time being"

"So you mean. The one at your funeral"

"The corpse you buried was no other than your precious Yuumi" she smiled psychotically

"Why!? Why did you do this!?" Trey asked

"Cause she took what was supposed to be mine!"

"What?"

"She took Cater before I even had the chance! So when we left the funeral. I took him"

"Y/N? Love who are you talking to?" A voice from the inside asked

Out walked Cater.

Looking the same.

But his eyes.

We're dull.

"No one important dear! I'll be right back in!"

"Alright. Be quick dinner is gonna get cold" Cater then went back inside

"What did you do to Cater Y/N" Che'nya hissed

"Nothing much. Just. Brainwashed him. He's mine. I love him and now" she stopped and smiled

"He loves me"

They froze

"You're not getting away with this sis. You're going to pay for your mistakes"

"Awhh too bad" the girl said as she pulled something out

"I don't leave witnesses" she held the knife as she disappeared

-inside the house-

"I'm back dear!"

"What took you so long Y/N?" Cater asked

"I found some prey! Here" she said handing Cater a basket full of meat (I feel like throwing up)

"Alright I'll put these in the fridge"

Cater then came back to see Y/N sitting on the couch

He went and hugged Y/N

"Cater, dear, do you love me?" She asked

"Of course. I.... Love you" he said

"Do you love me?" He asked

"I do and always will" she said as she kissed Cater

The kiss was deep between them

It was passionate.

But also empty.

They stopped and held each other

"I will always love you" she said

"I'm yours" she stated

And Your Mine

#twisted wonderland #heartslabyul #twisted wonderland x reader #twst cater #twisted wonderland cater #cater x reader #cater diamond #yandere

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skylarmoon71 · 4 years ago

Text

Bumblebee x Reader : (Transformers) Chapter 5

So, rather than dealing with the problem like a mature person, you settled for ducking Bumblebee. It was cruel, he did absolutely nothing wrong, but you couldn’t face him. You were going on day five without any kind of communication. It was getting harder because he pretty much knew your schedule. You were positive he picked on it, because he started swinging by in the mornings, which made it that much harder to slip away.

Hence the reason you were now mopping your school’s hallway. Because of your need to evade the cute Autobot, you’d been coming into classes late almost everyday. You had to take the longer route to school, you couldn’t help that. And it wasn’t like you could explain the situation to your teacher. You ran the mop along the floor slowly, dazing off.

You missed Bumblebee like crazy. Talking with him, staring at the sky, hugging him.

You wanted to slap yourself, why did you let something so foolish as a dream dictate everything.

“I’m done.” you weren’t going to run like a coward anymore. After this, you would march over there and apologize to him, hopefully he still wanted to be your friend.

“Oh, hello, usually I’m the last one here.” your eyes refocused and you stared at the male now standing in front of you. He was wearing a suit and glasses. He looked like a teacher, but you were almost positive you’d never seen him before. Giving a polite smile you nod, moving to place the mop into the bucket.

“Yes, a little detention. My fault really. Anyway I was just about to leave. I’m about done.”

“Leaving so soon (Y/N).” The way he said your name made your hair stand on end. Deciding that maybe this guy was some type of serial killer, you gave a nervous laugh.

“W-Well I should get going, my mom must be wondering where I am right about now.” You didn’t even bother to place the mop back in it’s designated area. You were pretty sure the janitor would prefer you escape a potential psychopath over returning the item.

“Can’t let you do that sweetie.” He removed the glasses, and you took a step back. The color of his eyes changed to an almost demonic bright red, and your heart nearly stopped when his body started changing into a machine.

You spun around, taking off in a sprint, there was no doubt that thing was following behind. Blasting out the door, you jumped over the short flight of steps, landing harshly, but still pushing forward. You picked a random direction, trying your hardest to increase your pace.

You tried to fight the tears that were now spilling from your eyes, but it was useless, if that thing caught you, you’d be done for. You made another sharp turn, only looking back for a split second to see if it was still following. You couldn’t even recognize the street you were on, your only focus was running as fast and far away as possible.

When your gaze redirected to the front, you grunted as your body connected full on with the car in front of you. Your body went right against the windshield, and you rolled all the way over the top, the pain running over your body like a wave. Your form crashed to the ground, and you let out a cry of pain, breath heaving as you struggled to get to your feet. It took you a second to realize you’d gotten yourself on an empty street. There was no one around. No one to see, no one to protect you. You were alone, all alone.

The car before you grew in size, and you looked up, watching the way the robot hovered over you like a dark cloud. There was a sick way in which it leered down at you.

“I’d never understand why those autobots are so fond of you humans, you’re such useless fragile things. Insignificant. “ Moving just your arm felt like a challenge, so getting your body to stand upright was out of the question. Sobbing, your eyes caught the insignia that was engraved at the bottom of his leg. The pointed edge was a dead give away.

He was a decepticon.

“Tell me human, where is the base of those Autobots, and maybe I might just spare your life.” you kept your mouth shut, and although you were in excruciating pain, you would have rather died than disclose such information.

Your silence was all he needed.

“Very well, I’m going to enjoy tearing your limbs slowly from your body you uneducated ap-” a blast shot out from behind you, hitting him square in his chest. He gasped, stepping back. Turning your head, you swore you’d never been so relieved to see the black and yellow painted vehicle.

Bumblebee transformed almost instinctively, shooting out and tackling the Decepticon to the floor. The both started wrestling, each making vicious swipes at each other. Bumblebee’s face plate was drawn, and the anger in which he struck the other robot was unlike anything you’d ever seen. He summoned his cannon, grabbing the Decepticon’s neck with one hand as he aimed the cannon with the other. There was no hesitation as he shot the beam, and it took the Decepticon’s head clean off.

All you could hear was gargled sounds of the words as he dropped the remainder of his body to the floor, uncaring. You were still on the ground, shaking in terror of the events that just transpired right before your eyes. When Bumblebee was sure the threat was dealt with, his body relaxed, and he turned to you. His hands lowered and you could see the weapon retracting, his metal fingers forming back into place. His steps were slow and he knew it was more for you than him. He wanted nothing more than to reach out for you, but the look of horror, even though it wasn’t directed at him, it made him question himself.

“Bee..” his head dropped.

“I’m... so sorry (Y/N)..” The words that left him, it made your chest hurt. You couldn’t hold back in your tears. So you cried, right there in the middle of the street. And Bumblebee sat with you, all he could provide was comfort, because no amount of words would truly make you feel any less afraid.

~~~

Bumblebee had scooped you up into your arms at some point, and honestly, you were a bit disoriented when you woke up in the hospital the very next day. You supposed the strain of it all had caught up, and your body just gave out. Your mother of course freaked out. But after the doctors assured her that all you sustained was a few broken ribs, she seemed to be more at ease.

She practically slept there, even when the nurse’s tried to get her to get something to eat, she refused to leave your side. Sam and Mikaela showed up, and you were more than grateful. Mikaela managed to get her to take care of herself, and Sam promised to look after you so she could get a shower, and some actual food. Giving you a kiss goodbye, she left. Sam took a seat at the side of your bed, and you sent him an impish smile.

“You look like shit.” you giggled at that. “Wow Sam, way to make a girl feel good.” He was smiling, and he took your hand, looking down at his feet. You could see the guilt on his face.

“This is my fault.”

“Come on, are you for real right now. Please. I just spent hours convincing my mom that nothing she did could have prevented what happened. She thinks it was just a car accident, and I hope it stays that way.”

He sighed. “If I never told you about any of this, you’d be safe. If Optimus didn’t warn us about the interference, who knows what could have gone down. (Y/N) you were almost killed, just for knowing about this, about them. I never should have-”

“Stop it!” your yell startled him.

“No one forced you to tell me anything, it was my decision to go into those woods that day, and I regret nothing Sam. Absolutely nothing.”

“(Y/N).”

“I’m serious. When I found out, I knew it wasn’t danger free. I’m not going to lie, when it came at me I was..” you squeezed his hand.

“I was petrified. I really thought that..that I was going to die there, alone. “ A single tear ran down the side of your cheek, and you swallowed to prevent your voice from breaking.

“I understand all the risks that come with this friendship, and even so, I’d never trade it. Not for anything. “

It meant more to him that you realized that you felt that way.

“But Sam, just promise me that, if anything like this ever happens again. Please...just keep my mom safe.”

“(Y/N), nothing like this is going to happen again we’re ready this time an-”

“Sam!” he froze, and the way you looked, he could tell that you’d calculated it all. All the possibilities of disaster.

“Promise me.” you begged.

He let out a staggered breath, covering your hands with his.

“I promise.”

That was all you needed. Nothing else mattered.

#bumblebee #bumblebee x reader #protectivebumblebee #transformers #optimus prime #ratchet #sam witwicky #mikaela #teens #fights #feelings #friendship #friends to lovers #autobots #decepticons #Protection

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

Note

ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that.

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek.

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things?

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response.

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion:

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home.

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who?

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door...

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home.

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.”

What’s more Star Trek than that?

#star trek #ST #mymetas #Anonymous

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lloydshoulddyehishair · 4 years ago

Text

Wake Up

Summary: Lloyd reflects on his and his parents relationships and wonders if his unhappiness might be their fault.

TW: Abandonment issues

Lloyd’s relationship with his mom was complicated to say the least. Sometimes he could care less about what she thought of him and how she felt, other times he felt like his whole worth depended on whether she valued him or not. And right now? Right now he just wanted her gone.

The sobs that escaped his lips were interrupted by hysteric hiccups every other minute and he felt like something in his chest was being torn and ripped apart between desperation and anger. He didn’t understand his mom, really didn’t. She kept on making promises and giving him gifts for the promises she had broken before (which were basically all of them) in the hope that it would fix the hole she had left in his heart. Then she would turn around and yell at him and leave him again. His mother had left him so many times since his dad was banished to the Departed Realm, he couldn’t even count them if he wanted to. Of course she sometimes came back and he tried his best to convince himself that she came for him but as his uncle disappeared and Misako stopped showing up for about a year, not even sending simple things like a text or a letter, he realized it had been his uncle she had been coming back for the entire time and not him – her son. In that year Lloyd had spent a lot of time with Skylor, she had helped him realize that your parents’ love never determined your worth and that sometimes, just sometimes, it was better for them to simply vanish rather than showing up and leaving again, over and over. And he thought he was over it. He thought he had it all under control. Of course, the sudden sadness that would hit him as Kai, Nya and Jay talked about their mothers sometimes still hit him and hung over him like a grey cloud but it got easier to deal with it. But then she came back and every progress he had made in the past year and a half vanished like snow melting in the sun. He hated himself for it because he knew she didn’t deserve his sympathy, nor did she deserve his love – Kai had told him that many times before – but whenever he looked at her he just- He just wanted to cry and throw himself into her arms. He just wanted his mother back. ‘Back’, Lloyd choked on a bitter chuckle as the tears kept on streaming down his face. It wasn’t like he ever had had a mother in the first place, perhaps that was why he so desperately wanted her to be there now. To fill the gap she had left when she abandoned him when he was little. But the thing was – Lloyd wasn't little anymore. He felt like he should be over it by now, be okay with the fact that she simply didn't care for him. He had defeated the Overlord, a bloodthirsty dictator otherwise known as his father and an army of demons from another realm, for the FSMs sake. He still couldn't defeat his fear of not being loved by her though. And maybe it would have been easier to deal with if he had had a father that hadn't done pretty much everything in the book to traumatize him. Skylor had told him before that it was completely normal to feel like that, to long for a parent that made it so harshly obvious that they simply didn't care. She had told him that even she felt that way sometimes, even years after her father had been sent to the Cursed Realm and even after everything he had done. Back then Lloyd didn't really understand how she could still love him but he didn't judge her either – kid's of evil warlords gotta stick together, right? But now he understood what she meant because now he was in the exact same position as her, if not even worse. Her father at least hadn't killed and injured thousands over his few month long reign of terror. A part of him hated him, a small part. The other part, however, still loved him, still wanted him to turn good and be by his side, still seeked validation from him. Because after everything he still was his father – and it hurt. It didn't feel right, loving a psychopath, a murderer and even thinking about the fact that he had actually considered Harumi's offer to join the Sons of Garmadon on the skytram just so that he could be back at his fathers side- Guilt, that was the best word to describe it, because even after everything his friends had done for him, he had still considered betraying them for a man who had – quite literally – chucked him through concrete walls and disowned him. Lloyd thought it was weird, how you could miss something you never had in the first place. Okay, yes, maybe his dad had been around for quite some time, nevertheless it still wasn’t nearly comparable to the amount of time he wasn’t around and he had been feeling this way since he was a child. Maybe it was the fact that he saw other people having parents that made him feel like he was missing something. Even at Darkley’s the children had had parents that took care of them, took them home or sent them gifts on the holidays – the blond never had any of that, always remaining all alone when everyone else went home in that way too big boarding school and crying by himself in the bathroom on his birthday because the other kids would make fun of him for not having a family to celebrate with. Children could be cruel sometimes, especially the ones at Darkley’s. And maybe it would be easier if he wasn’t surrounded by people with “happy” families. Of course his friends’ families all had their problems and flaws, Kai and Nya thought for years that their parents were dead, Cole’s mom had died and he had an argument with his father, Zane’s father had died and Jay found out he was adopted. In spite of that, though, they all ended up fine, none of them had been willingly abandoned by their parents at an unsafe place, none of them had almost been murdered by one of their parents and none of them had a parent that sticked around, keeping on making false hopes to build a relationship that would never be reality- Fine, he was jealous – but was it really so bad to be jealous of someone for having a happy family? It wasn’t like he wasn’t glad that in the end they all ended up happy, they definitely deserved it, but at the same time he couldn’t help but ask himself where his happiness was. When was his happy ending to come? He had done so much for Ninjago, always thought about himself last because he had a duty to the land and its people due to the prophecy that had been thrown onto his shoulders. He had given up his childhood (not that he had one to begin with), fought his father thinking he would have to kill him, cursed him to save Ninjago just after having him back, barely recovered from the effects Morro’s possession had had on him but already jumping into battle right away to – once again – rescue the (ungrateful) citizens of Ninjago, the list went on. So was it really too much to ask for having a good relationship with his parents? Apparently. He just wanted for his mom to stay but he knew that that already was too much to ask from her. She wasn’t the type of person to stay in one place, always running around trying to find out more about Ninjago’s history, trying to find more artifacts and legends, perhaps even trying to forget the family and the responsibilities she had to them. But in that case, Lloyd sometimes wondered if maybe it would have been better if she had chosen to not have children. it would’ve spared both of them from so much trouble. Same for his father of course. He decided to have a child, knowing full well that the Devourers venom went through his veins and was soon going to corrupt him. So why decide to throw a child into the mix. Just thinking about it made him angry. They didn’t even give him the chance to have a happy and healthy childhood. His life had been set up for tragedy from the start, and sometimes he regretted being born because of it and hoped that all of this was just a bad dream, that he was going to wake up and have both his parents at his side, being able to have a nice childhood. He never woke up.

#ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago fanfiction #saga writes #ninjago misako #ninjago garmadon #vent fic

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criminalminds4days · 4 years ago

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Family Matters | Chapter 10: Believer

Hello everyone!

I apologize for my lack of posting. I have barely survived midterms and I have found myself with a writers block once more. I am hopefully going to be able to give myself a little break between the end of the semester and after finals and the beginning of my summer courses. Thankfully I only have 2 summer classes so hopefully that will make it easier to post.

I have some announcements coming up soon and I will hopefully finish writing the missing chapters for this story and only have to post and edit. So far, I have not been able to edit anymore so I apologize for any grammatical error.

I really hope you are enjoying reading the story because I had a really great time writing it. Hope you have a great weekend!

I apologize for constant flashbacks but they are important to the plot, I promise!

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 4k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 10: Believer

"Very well, this seems like a good start." She said as she finished reading his confession. She moved towards the camera and turned it off, signaling that she would be taking the paper and would adhere to her part of the deal.

"What is she doing?" Spencer whispered to Emily. "Without a video confession, the written one can be considered coerced. We would be back at square one."

"There is the surveillance camera, genius."

"Of course she has a backup plan." He looked at the black camera, smiling at the knowledge.

"Now tell me, who left you, was it, mom or dad?"

"My dad." She readjusted in her seat. "How many victims did you kill total. We've found five, but it seems to me that is a low number for someone as angry as you."

"Fifteen, some of them are lost in the desert, some are by the arches, they should be found fairly soon." He shrugged and continued to look at her. "Why did he leave?"

"My mother got pregnant when she was young. It was a mistake, they didn't love each other. They married because of me, so it was only a matter of time before they broke, and break they did." She fought the urge to look back, hoping that nobody aside from Hotch would review the security tape. "Did you kill your father?"

"First one. He's in the arches, his favorite place in the world."

"Did your mom not accept his apology?"

"Well, he didn't really apologize until I had a gun to his head, but my mother was always kind, so she forgave him."

"Why did you kill him then?"

"I didn't forgive him." He winked at her. "Did you look for him?"

"I did."

"And?"

"That's your fourth question."

"I don't care, I want to know."

"He is dead. As dead as can be." She said out loud for the first time. "I hired a private investigator and found he crashed his car two years after he left us."

"Karma is a bitch."

"Why keep killing if you got rid of him?"

"For the same reason, you joined the FBI." He smiled at her, "to show my dad that he wasn't gonna dictate my life. That I was not going to let him be my end goal."

"It seems to me he is. You tracked him down, killed him. For some that might be enough. But you never got closure so you decided to pray on people who made mistakes. Where did you find them?"

"I worked at a counselors office."

"Well, that is rather obvious now. Maybe you should have gotten some help yourself." She stood, ready to leave the room, "hope you enjoy prison." She turned to exit the room.

"My final question, if you had found him, what would you have said?"

"I don't know." She responded.

"Bullshit."

"Well, I couldn't ask him why he left because I already know that, so I don't really know what I would have said." She turned to him, "what did you tell him?"

"I told him trousers weren't his thing." He stood, the handcuffs falling from his hands as his smile grew wider. "You should really be more careful with what you leave laying here, doctor."She reached for her gun but everything happened so fast she had no time to fire it. He seemed to run into the wall, only this one was not as hard as it seemed and a giant chunk collapsed as he made his way through, and just like that he had exited the station. Prentiss and Reid rushed in and through the now giant hole in the station but the man was nowhere to be found. Lucas Heavensbee had just vanished on her watch.

"Fuck!" She yelled and made her way to the office, the team was now making their way to the interrogation room but stopped in their tracks as they saw her approach. "I need access to the security cameras, now." She moved towards the security office and asked for the feed of the last couple of weeks to be played, there she found there were about three days missing. "He planned this, and someone helped him. He knew exactly what he was doing. That bastard played us!" She rushed out and into an SUV, driving directly to his house that was now under surveillance. She looked around, looking for anything that would indicate he had been there. It was fast to spot it, he had managed to slide through the police cars and left a note for her.

I just wanted to make sure you knew this had nothing to do with you doctor, but I simply can't let my father win. I am sure we will hear from each other, and then we can converse from one orphan to another. Until then.

She was ready to show the note to them, as Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid made their way through the house. The note was still crumpled in her hand, but as the local police entered she decided against it. The two agents were the best people she had ever met, she knew it since the moment she joined the FBI, and she knew they were trying to make her feel better about the whole situation, but there were some things she couldn't get past. This man had killed fifteen people and kidnapped so many more and he had slipped right through her fingers. He had made a fool of her, and she would be damned if she didn't catch him. Telling Emily and Spencer would worry them, and they would be on her case about it becoming an obsession, just like she had done after their first case.

One year ago (I think?)

Her leg bounced as she drove with the social worker and two of her co-workers. This was her first big assignment, and she wasn't sure she would measure up. It was also important to note that while Emily and she tended to get along well, Spencer and she hadn't spoken almost at all since the sweater incident.

"Should I introduce you as FBI agents?"

"No, I think it's best if we come as social workers, there is less hostility." Prentiss' said as she gave both Reid and her their fake badges. She placed her FBI ID inside her bag and took a deep breath, it was a simple mission, they would be in and out.

Never, and I mean never, say something will be easy, as this almost assures you that is not the case. The social worker, whose name was Daisy, had been shot and was now dead. They had become trapped in the middle of a war between the cult leaders and the local police. It's as if the universe wished to remind her just how much bad luck she could have.

She heard them talking to the FBI, and food had been delivered so she assumed they had implanted microphones. Now they had to find a way to communicate with them and let them know what they had concluded.

"Which one of you is it?" The man said as he pointed a gun at them.

"Are we playing tag?" She asked stupidly, earning a glare from her partners.

"Do you think this is a joke? Which one of you is the FBI agent?" She turned to look at the woman and man, trying her hardest not to freak out.

"What are you talking about?" Spencer asked, clearly nervous.

"I will ask you one more time, and if none of you tell me I will not hesitate to shoot all three of you. Which one is the FBI agent?"

She saw Emily stir and knew she had to act fast if she wanted to save her. "I am." She said before either of them could stop her. "I'm the FBI agent. Though I'm fairly new so I don't really have that many secrets to tell. I was barely cleared to be on the field. If you really think about it, I'm not very helpful, so I think maybe if you let it slide I could-" she felt a fist connect with her right cheekbone, silencing her.

"Take her to the back." He instructed one of the men. She gave one last reassuring glance to her teammates, hoping this wouldn't be the last time she saw them.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the door to the room she was in opened and Ben came in. You would think that having a name like Benjamin wouldn't exactly command respect, but she wasn't one to judge cults.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you told your men to lock me here." He slapped her across the face.

"Who sent you?"

"My boss?" Her response was received with another slap.

"Do you think this is a joke?"

"I think that you need to feel powerful because a part of you knows you're not enough." She spoke hoping her team could hear part of their discovery, even if she was receiving punches from the man as she continued. "You think you can get away with stuff because you prayed on the week, but deep down you know that there are people here who could stand up to you, and if they did you would be done for." She felt a warm liquid fall from her lips as he continued to beat her. "I know you pray on young girls. You're nothing more than a pedophile that uses the bible as a way to manipulate women to give their children to you." As she fell he started kicking her and she tried to avoid making noise, but the pain was too much. "This is nothing, I've dealt with worse." She spoke, hoping they would understand. "I've dealt with much worse, this is nothing."

"Who do you think you are?!" The man said, enraged at her defiance.

"Nobody, just the one person that knows you better than you know yourself." That earned her the hardest hit, and she knew she wouldn't be conscious for much longer, she had to let them know. "Your suicide won't work, there are people that are skeptical and you know it. This isn't about God, or even your preferences, this is about you Ben, and how you are so terrified to go back to prison you are willing to kill your followers to avoid it, because you know they would see right through your act, you are nothing but a coward." The last kick took place and the man left the room. "Don't change the plan, I'm okay." She whispered, hoping they could hear her, wishing that even if she died right then and there, they could save the people trapped in this church.

When she woke, a woman was there tending her wounds. "Be careful, I think you might have some broken ribs."

"Don't tell Ben, he might come and finish me off" she joked, but the woman gave her a pointed look as if letting her know that was a possibility. "How long have I been unconscious?"

"I don't know, maybe a couple of hours. They will come and get you for the ceremony, use you as an example."

"That's okay, I've always wanted to be one of those."

"This is not a joke girl, he's dangerous."

"I know. The trick is to have nothing to lose."

"Well, I have a daughter."

"Ben's wife, right?" The woman flinched at the mention. "You're not okay with that, are you?" And then, the pieces of the puzzle fit together. "You made the call, didn't you?" Before the woman could confirm her suspicion, a man entered and pulled her up, not worrying if her body ached, and took her to the church. She used the door frame to help her stabilize herself and took in the sight before her. It was still light, but with the time she lost she couldn't be sure how much time they actually had left. Emily and her locked eyes and she approached, her eyes full of worry, but her facial expression was one of pure anger and hatred. "On a scale of one to ten, how much do you hate me?"

"How could you lie to us?" She asked, and as the men made their way to the front, her tone didn't change, but her questions did. "Are you crazy? Why would you do such a stupid thing? They could have killed you."

"I know, but it was either me or all three of us. Besides, I'm fine. We need you and Reid on the inside."

"This is reckless behavior."

"I know, but you were about to do the same."

"I have experience."

"Exactly, I can be a scapegoat."

"You are the most stubborn person I have ever met."

"I know, it's a gift. Now listen, I think there are mics, in the food, and if I'm right, I think I have been able to feed some information to the team, but we need to figure out when this massive suicide will take place."

Emily nodded and gave her an apologetic look before shoving her harshly. She fought the urge not to wince but it was almost impossible with her broken ribs. "You are a disgrace to this country, and I hope whoever you work for knows that they will not get away with it."

Ben looked over and stared at her, and despite her pain and the fear of another beating, she stared him down, letting him know that he would not get the best of her. She was gonna save as many people as possible and he could suck it. He was just another man who thought they were invisible because they weren't afraid to beat you up.

Spencer observed the interaction and the defiance she had amazed him. Despite the bruises and the swelling of her eye, not once did she lower her gaze or show any sign of weakness. Never in his life had he felt so attracted to someone as he did right then and there, but now was not the time to daydream of your coworkers, especially when they could be on the verge of dying.

As the day progressed, she continued to look for ways to tell the team, finally resorting to using the window to write a message. When she was younger she used to huff into a window to create fog and used it to write, so she did the same, letting the team know she could possibly convince some people to exit and they could come in after.

"What are you doing?" The woman from earlier spoke as she entered the room.

"If I'm gonna die, I might as well go doing something I like. Fog drawings." She said and covered her work. "Listen, don't ask me how I know this, but the FBI might strike tonight and if they do, he's not gonna cooperate, we need to get as many people as possible out."

"No, I can't do that."

"Please, I know you're scared, I'm terrified right now. I might have peed my pants earlier today, but that's not the point. The point is we need to save as many people as possible. Please help me get them out." Through the window she saw a figure, holding three fingers up. She nodded and turned back to the woman.

"Three a.m.?"

"You saw him too?"

"Yeah, one would think the FBI would be a little more discrete."

"We have our moments. Now please, make sure to get everyone out before then." The woman sighed and nodded, agreeing to the plan. "And one more thing, the people I came with, how are they?"

"Are they also agents?"

"No, of course not. I just dragged them into this and feel responsible for them. They are good people."

"The man seems to be fascinated by Ben, and vice versa. The woman keeps pacing around as if hoping for enlightenment. She has talked to some people though."

"Okay good. Please make sure to get them out too." After she left and closed the door, the woman sat down, her injuries making it hard to breathe. "I don't know where I am, or how to get out, but that will not change the plans okay? I need to make sure all these people are safe."

She wished she could hear someone ensuring her that would be the case, but there was no answer. She felt herself get dizzy and knew there was definitely internal damage that would take time to heal. Turns out her mother was wrong, money couldn't get you out of everything. It felt like an eternity, but she knew the time was approaching. She saw and more and more dark figures gathered around the church. She even caught a glimpse of Derek, who seemed to be looking around, as if hoping he could find her. She huffed one last time and wrote a message to him.

The door opened and nobody came in. She knew what it meant, so she gathered her remaining strength and walked out. Everything was dark and she could hear Spencer's voice coming from the main room. She followed it and stopped as she noticed him trying to talk a man down from placing explosives. She cursed under her breath. She stepped forward only to be pulled back by someone.

"Don't even think about it." The man said.

"Derek, we need to help him."

"I know, I'll go, join the rest. Everyone is already out."

"But-"

"Go!" She began walking out before it all happened. Reid ran towards them and Derek pulled the both of them to the nearest and hopefully safest area before a sharp pain on her head made her vision blurry and soon after she lost consciousness.

"I think she will appreciate it if you showered." She heard someone say, once she finally regained consciousness.

"Well, then she can tell me that herself." Another voice responded.

"Emily, you and Spencer have been here for a week. You need to go to the hotel and rest. At least the kid has been using the shower."

"I am not leaving until she wakes up. That includes leaving to bathe."

"Neither am I." A third voice added to the mix. "Though I can't say the same thing about avoiding water."

"How am I supposed to leave if I can't trust the two of you to take care of yourselves?"

"Easy, your flight leaves in less than an hour and you are still here. Unless you want to be paying fees you will get out of here."

There was a sigh of resignation before the voice spoke once more. "Reid, you're in charge until she wakes up. Then she's in charge."

"You're gonna put the one of us that was hit in the head 'in charge'? What does that even mean?" The female voice complained.

"I have made my decision. Maybe if you showered, things would be different." The voice faded, and the steps of the person became less clear, so she assumed the person was leaving.

"I think Morgan is right, you should take a shower."

"Don't make me hurt you, Reid."

"It was just a suggestion."

She didn't want to interrupt their banter, but her urge to sneeze was bigger, so she let her body do its thing. Though it is important to let you know that sneezing with broken ribs is horrible.

"She's awake!" Emily screamed and launched herself onto the bed. She started crying from pain after the action. "You're so happy you're crying!"

"Prentiss, that might be because you just jumped on her ribs." The man clarified as he stood, placing his hand on hers. The feeling was foreign, but she could let it slide once.

"I am so sorry! But I am so happy you're awake."

"What happened?"

"After the explosion, you hit your head, and because you already had injuries your body gave out, exhausted. Thankfully the ambulance was already there and we could rush you to the hospital. You've been sleeping for a good week." He explained.

"Well, then I don't get a lazy day for another three months." She joked and the two joined her. "How are the believers?"

"They're all safe and accounted for. Sadly we lost Ben's wife."

"Does her mom know?"

"Yes, but she wanted me to tell you she doesn't blame you and hopes you do get better." There was a moment of silence, as she processed the message, as well as her guilt.

"And I want you to know I ate your Jell-O." This caused her to laugh again. No matter how painful it felt, she was glad to be alive.

"Remind me to never get stuck in a hospital under the care of Spencer Reid. He'll eat my Jell-O."

"Let's make it a no trip to the hospital policy."

"Do I need to remind you where we work?" The woman shook her head, and both of them looked at her with a heartwarming smile. "I hate to break this moment, but please go shower, Prentiss."

"Ugh, fine." She placed a kiss on her forehead and moved out. "Reid, if anything happens, call me. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Got it."

She walked out and the two remained silent for a couple of minutes. Their hands were still together and she squeezed it to get his attention. "How are you doing? I wasn't the only one that got caught in the blast."

"I'm good. Morgan and I barely had a scratch, they cleared us that same day."

"That's good. What about the rest of the team?"

"They are all good. They wanted to stay but they had another case, Hotch said your family was out of reach so Emily and I refused to leave. Morgan also stayed behind but they called him up today, without three agents they needed all the help they could get."

"You guys didn't need to stay." She assured him. His grip on her hand tightened, enough to let her know he wasn't letting go, but not enough to hurt her.

"You could've died. Because of me."

"That's not true and you know it."

"I should've said I was the agent."

"We both know the reason he didn't kill me was that I'm a woman. You wouldn't have been so lucky."

"Still."

"Reid, listen to me. This is not your fault, and this is not Emily's fault either. I knew what I was getting into, and I would do it again in a heartbeat."

"You are one stubborn woman."

"I know." She smiled at him, "now please go find me some Jell-O."

He laughed, but nodded, letting go of her hand. Just before he exited the room he turned and gave her the most endearing look she had ever seen, "thank you, for saving our lives. I'll never forget that."

"Good, that way I can ask for favors at any time." They both chuckled and he left the room hunting for the dessert.

The reality in her brain, however, was not as calm as she portrayed. For months she had obsessed over what she had done wrong, and she had spent sleepless nights thanks to her recurring nightmare, in which Ben didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, and as she watched Spencer and Emily's bodies lie in a pool of blood. This alone was enough to make her train and perfect her skills, to the point of complete exhaustion. She wasn't going to fail, not again.

That was until Lucas Heavensbee had brought her right back to her dark hole.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer x y/n #Criminal Minds #CM #fanfic

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