#what if you just... traumatized him more!

[friedwizardwhispers]

This idea that Xie Lian needed to "be humbled and needed to learn his lessons from his youthful and naive days as a prince" is not the point of Xie Lian's story at all. It's not where his character arc goes either and it's very much not the lesson Xie Lian got out of this.

He doesn't change his morality and point of view from his days as a prince to his day as a scrap collector and this idea that he needs to "be humbled" is something Jun Wu is trying to teach him. The 800 years of suffering is part of that torture to teach that "lesson". Also in general trauma doesn't teach you any lessons, it just makes you more traumatized and for Xie Lian, it is kindness that helps him back up (and not just the bamboo hat but his own and Wuming's).

The story of Xie Lian is about someone trying to corrupt him and his morality in any way necessary and ultimately failing to do that.

What he actually learns (or relearn actually), his character arc is about getting out to a place of safety where he can express pain and his needs and wants after 800 years of being in situations where he couldn't and because of that, he dismissed his own physical pain in a: "I can't die anyway so why does it matter if I suffer, better me than the other people ?"

That place of safety is given by Hua Cheng. His character beat are when he is finally feeling the pain of the needle (something painful but relatively small), when he realizes his own dismissal of his pain hurts Hua Cheng, when he doesn't hurt himself as a solution for a problem.

Xie Lian, as an 800 year old would have still saved the kid falling during the parade. Xie Lian, as a 800 year old would have still descended to help people through the draught and the war, he would have still given the earrings. He would have still used the hat from the rainmaster to bring water to Yong'An even if he was on the opposite side of the war. He might not have said "live for me" as an 800 years old (because he seems to find that embarrassing) but he would have given the red umbrella and maybe another piece of advice that would have stopped Hong Hong'er from commiting suicide.

[fuedalreesespieces]

listening to that part in "love in paradise" where calypso is trying to talk odysseus down from the ledge really highlights her selfishness. in the song, she's talking over him, and he has to yell over her voice ("all i hear are screams.") she constantly refers to herself, saying "i love our time here, life would be so much worse if you had died" showing that she cares less about his trauma and more about what would happen if he were to die - she would be alone again, and that is her primary concern. she's indifferent to his misery, but steps in because she can't have him dying. and i think this fact is made even more telling by making her accidentally re-traumatize him with phrases like "open arms." she's actively harming him in her attempts to console him, because it's not his happiness she wants - just his presence.

[cerise-on-top]

hi sunshine 🤍 could you possibly do T141 with a hyper-independent S/O?! I’m hyper-independent and sometimes it can get very overwhelming and it would be nice to have someone try to break down my walls to help me understand that i can ask others for help!! sending all the love💕 Thank you!!

Hey there, sure I can!

TF141 with a Hyper Independent S/O

Price: I don’t think Price was too traumatized as a child, so he probably can’t relate to you very well. Maybe to the slightest degree since he, as a captain, is often seen as an authority figure, who needs to be relied on and make all the decisions. It’s not often that he gets to shut off his brain a little and be left alone. But all of that comes from his work environment, not because he was neglected as a child. I think he’d notice fairly quickly how you don’t seem to ask him for anything, ever. Not to get you a small snack, not to ask him what tomorrow’s weather might be, not to help you build that IKEA furniture. Truth be told, he’ll feel as though he’s failed as a boyfriend since his love language is acts of service. He wants to do things for you, but you don’t let him. It would annoy him at first, but he wants this to work, so he’ll talk to you about it. You’d have to be honest with him, or else I can’t see things working out for you both. If you are, then he’ll try his best to be more observant, try to find out what you like and don’t like. He’ll give you as much attention as you want whenever he can and always ask you if there’s some task that hasn’t been finished yet. You need to calm down a little bit, he does want you to rely at least a little on him. Even if it’s just something along the lines of letting him wash your clothes for once. He wants you to relax, to take some time off for yourself so you can recharge. I know it’s hard for you, but he’ll continue to communicate with you. However, you need to do the same for him too. He doesn’t want your relationship to fall apart because of something like this.

Gaz: His parents did not love him after some time, so he had to learn to rely on himself because absolutely no one would do anything at all for him. And yet, he still became successful. So yeah, I think he could relate to you. Though, I think he was able to stop himself from becoming hyper independent somewhere along the way when he was just about to break yet again. I think he would ask you for things here and there. Nothing big, he’s just self-sufficient that way, but he will ask you to cook him a certain meal when he gets home late or maybe draw him a bath. Naturally, he would do the same things and so much more for you, if you ever asked. And yet, you take it upon yourself to do everything on your own. He could probably see himself in you a little bit, which is why he’d approach you and talk to you about it. He can tell you’re not doing too well. That’s probably one of the first times he’ll open up to you about his past as well, to show you you’re not alone. He’ll ask you how he can help, how he can take this burden off your shoulders and help you become a happier person. He will go to great lengths to show you that you can rely on him. It’s okay if you can’t ask him for help right away, he’ll make sure to always tell you that he’s there for you and will try to help you with whatever it is you’re doing, whether it be finishing a report or trying to help you cope with the inherent isolation that comes with being hyper independent. I think, in a way, helping you would help heal his inner child as well. He wasn’t cared for for a long time, so it’s nice to care for you instead. He had no one for a long time either and it wasn’t good for him, so he would do whatever he could to help you through it all. He’s a very patient man too, so there’s that.

Ghost: Ah yes, the king of trauma himself. As you can probably tell, he’ll also be able to relate to you since he was actively abused as a child and doesn’t trust anyone around him, that isn’t the 141, Nikolai, Laswell or you. He does everything on his own, and I don’t think he’ll ever ask you for anything either. Maybe a simple “Do you have a quid? I wanna buy that tea.” but nothing more than that. So it’s probably gonna be difficult for the both of you to admit that something is wrong with you. Chances are you’ll break before him, though, and will be caught having a mental breakdown. If you’re honest with him, then that’s the first time he’ll realize that being like this is, indeed, not normal. He doesn’t want to see you breaking down and crying because you’ve been isolating yourself this much and can’t trust anyone. I don’t think he’ll be able to help you. Sure, he’ll suggest leaving some things to him here and there since he is a very competent man, who refuses to let you down, but he doesn’t really know what to say. At all. So I think he’ll probably make the suggestion of the both of you going to therapy together. I think the therapist will make him realize that he is not, by any means, “normal” and will tell him what might be wrong with him, but that’s for another time. I think he’d try to work it out with you somehow, trying to be more open to set an example for you, as uncomfortable as it might seem for him. He will reward you for “good behavior”, though, such as asking him to clean the bathroom since you were too burnt out that day. He’ll get you some ice cream. Your favorite flavor too, naturally, since he wants this to become a common occurrence. And he, in turn, will try to ask you for help here and there too. Mostly comfort. But he’ll try, just for you.

Soap: Another lil fella, who had a loving family. Sure, his parents sometimes ignored him when he became too loud and rowdy. But other than that? His childhood was pretty alright. He got into a lot of fights, though. Little Johnny never knew when enough was enough. However, he grew up to be a fine and observant man. He knows what you like and how you like it. Do you like your tea with sugar, honey or milk? He doesn’t even need to ask since he already knows. He will do what he can to help you however he can. He knows he’s a damn fine boyfriend, who will make your life as easy as possible. …except, for some reason, his plans aren’t working out? You avoid him more and more the more he does for you, and for no apparent reason as well? Oh, he’s pissed, but will talk to you about it. “Bonnie, you know I love you, right? So why do you avoid me like the plague?” Once he realizes why you’re the way you are, you can count on him being pissed beyond compare. You need to hold him back if you don’t want him to call your caretakers and insult them in a way only an angry Scot can. At that point, he’ll vow to himself to become an even better boyfriend. He’ll remind you that he’ll do absolutely anything for you. And he keeps his word as well. He’ll bring you coffee, he’ll buy groceries, he’ll deck someone for you. Just give him the word, please. However, he’ll be super proud of you if you ever do ask him for help and will give you a big hug and a few kisses. Baby steps, as he always says. He loves you more than anyone else, so naturally he’ll be patient with you and help you however he can. Even if it’s just a small reminder that he could do it instead.

[wickjump]

// cw for graphic descriptions of corpses/child death

can we talk for a little bit about how fucking horrifying it must’ve been for asriel to see chara’s corpse. his entire life, he grew up thinking that when you die, you turn to dust. he never had any reason to be taught otherwise.

so imagine his surprise when instead of the dust he’d assumed would come from his sibling’s death, it’s an empty husk of their body. skin turns paler and bluer and eyes glaze over, almost watery in how they look. they’re heavier than they’ve ever been before, and it takes asriel so long to get their body from their home to the barrier. and the entire time chara is looking at him with eyes that didn’t recognize him, eyes that don’t recognize everything. unfocused. cloudy. and when they’re lifted, their neck no longer holds up their head and it drops back and asriel has to keep pushing forward while carrying his sibling’s dead body in his arms, and you have to just think about how young they both were, too. that they were kids during all this.

as someone who did not have many experiences with corpses and then was forced to have experiences regarding a corpse at a young enough age, it’s fucked and i think that should be acknowledged because asriel didn’t know anything about corpses before. he likely didn’t even know humans didn’t turn to dust after they died. and he had to carry his best friend, his sibling’s corpse. y’all draw chara’s corpse with closed peaceful eyes and they look like they’re asleep. hell no. iirc most dead bodies eyes’ are at least a little bit open cause of muscle relaxation. chara would’ve looked wide a-fucking-wake. and buttercup poisoning also has rashes as a side effect too. like they’d have had plenty of rashes and blisters.

their body was anything but peaceful, and anything but calm while asriel had to drag it to the barrier, desperate to not let chara’s sacrifice go to waste. it was much less stoic and a lot more desperate and horrifying than is acknowledged. it wasn’t asriel majestically carrying chara’s body to the barrier before absorbing the soul. it was likely asriel having to sneak chara’s corpse away from their parents in the night while they talked about what to do now, trying his hardest to pick chara up and carry them but they’re so heavy now and a few times he ends up dropping them, maybe even dragging them once it gets tiring enough, only absorbing their soul when he’s reached the barrier, and when he does it’s scary how light chara is in comparison. this is asriel’s best friend, his sibling, someone he cared about. and now they look at him with distant eyes and a mouth slightly parted with blisters around their lips.

and it’s a death asriel regrets ever agreeing to because they look like a stranger like this. they’re not the same chara that would make scary faces and play with him in the flowerbed, it can’t be. internally he still associates death with dust, and because chara isn’t dust, some part of him is convinced they aren’t dead yet, even if he knows they are. he’s never had to cope with the idea of an empty husk of a body before, once lively yet now limp and motionless. that concept must be terrifying to a monster asriel’s age.

LIKE HELLO. ???? THATS TRAUMATIZING. CAN WE ELABORATE ON THAT MORE. BECAUSE HELLO WHAT

[inuiiwonderland]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HEAR ME OUT..

Y/n who falls out of love when [twst character of your choice #1] doesn’t show interest, and when Y/n does fall out of love they get all sad because they DID really try for that person. But then comes in [twst character of your choice #2] who comforts Y/n and then they kinda just fall in love from there. BUT what Y/n DIDNT know was that [twst character of your choice #1] knew that Y/n was in love with them and also had feelings for them but didn’t know how to express it

IS IT vISIONINGN?!?!?

—🐍anon

ISNSNDKD YES I SEE THE VISION ANON!!! I had a really fun time writing this so enjoy!🤍

Sorry if it’s ass. I haven’t written anything in a fat minute🥲

Dead and new feelings

Character pairing: Ace x gn! Reader (feat. Azul)

Words: 1.5k

-

A huge frown was shown in both of the boys' faces as they watched you fawn over the octavinelle housewarden. Ace brows furrowing even further seeing you talk highly of the octo mer and having a deeper frown the more he heard you call him “cute” and “amazingly smart”.

Yuck

He can already feel the throw up in his mouth

“He’s so cute and smart!”

“You mean a bitch?” He says. Arms crossed over his chest as he gave you a disgusted and judgmental look.

“Ace!” Deuce says as he quickly looks around to make sure said housewarden or his minions aren’t nearby. He’s still traumatized by the events that occurred not so long ago with octavinelle housewarden and his two companions.

“What?! Don’t act like I didn’t hear you calling him a bitch the other day when he walked past us in the halls” The boy shrieks as he slams his hand over Ace's mouth.

“Shut up!”

“Ew get your hands off me!” You rolled your eyes as you continued to day dream about Azul.

“What are you two doing?” The three of you both scream as you all turn around to see the heartslabyul housewarden.

“Housewarden!”

“Riddle!”

The young boy raises a brow.

“I thought you two said you were going to be studying”

“We are! Look see” Deuce shows him all the books and papers as he gave his housewarden an awkward smile. Riddle sighs. Clearly annoyed.

“You two must be in the dorm by 3. Don’t be late or else it’s off with your heads” The two freshmen nod. Ace mutters a low “bitch” under his breath as you kick his foot from under the table.

“You got it housewarden!”

Satisfied, he leaves without another word.

“Ace you could’ve gotten in trouble if he heard you!”

“IF! But he didn’t” You smack his shoulder before standing up and gathering up all your things.

“Well then, I’ll be leaving now”

“What?! Why?” Ace whines as he tries to pull you back down to your seat.

“Because unlike you, I have very important things to do!”

“Lameeee” Deuce smacks the back of his head.

“It’s not lame if the prefect wants to focus on more important matters!”

“Ugh lame! Both of you!” This time, he gets two smacks from the both of you.

-

It wasn’t a secret that you have a thing for octavinelle housewarden. All of your friends knew about this “little” crush on the second year boy.

Even Floyd and Jade know about your crush on their housewarden. Much to your embarrassment.

You blame Ace for that. You came to his basketball practice after class since he was BEGGING you to come and watch. When they went on break, he jogged over to you as you handed him his water bottle.

“How was class?” He asks as he takes a sip of his water.

“Amazing!” He raises a brow at you, motioning to you to tell him more.

“Today in Mr.Crewel class we had to pick a partner to do this small little assignment. I was going to ask Silver if he wanted to work with me but before I could go up and ask him Azul came up to me and asked if I wanted to work with him!” You squealed as you repeatedly punched his arm.

“He definitely wants me!” At that, Ace lets out a LOUD cackle which causes him to choke on his water. This obviously caught the attention of a certain eel who then made his way towards the both of you.

“Heyyy shrimpy are you telling jokes? I want to laugh too!” You froze as Ace continued to just cackle. Without thinking, Ace turns to Floyd and repeats the same words that you told him.

“They said that Azul wants them because he picked them as a partner for a quick assignment!” You gasp and your blood runs cold.

Oh you're definitely going to kill him

“Ace! You fucking idiot!”

“Ow! What the fuck did- ohhhh” He stops laughing and looks up at Floyd.

“Uhh…you're not gonna say anything…right?” Floyd just laughs as he runs away from the two of you.

So yeah, that’s the story of Ace being a loud mouth and blurting out your crush's name to one of his friends.

You remember being paranoid for WEEKS thinking that Floyd might’ve told Azul after he found out. You ignored him for a while after but once you saw that he wasn’t acting weird or different whenever he was around you you knew Floyd didn’t snitch.

Which you remember being grateful for

But that was in the past! Azul hasn’t been in your mind in a long time. In fact, you were starting to move on from your silly little crush on the octavinelle housewarden!

It did hurt at first. You truly did like Azul! But it was slowly starting to just become a little….draining? And a little embarrassing?

You did so much to make him notice you and the feelings that you had for him. But he was just not interested. You would even try to go out of your comfort zone for even a tiny piece of his attention! But you soon gave up afterwards knowing that your feelings aren't reciprocated.

And you remember feeling sad the day you realized that he doesn’t have the same feelings for you as you have for him. And that day was a tough day. You had grim and the ghosts comforting you that night as you cried your little heart out.

You remember Ace's comment the next day. The moment you entered the classroom with red eyes and a blank expression. He decided to be an ass that morning and make a comment about how you looked like shit.

You looked at him for a second before taking your seat next to him and remaining silent for the whole class period.

Obviously, Ace being Ace did in fact NOT like how quiet you were and how you didn’t react to any of his jokes or snarky comments when someone dared to try him. You remember him pulling you into an empty classroom that day and was ready to interrogate you about why you were so quiet today in class and why it looked like you were crying before class. But before he can continue with his rambling you broke down crying in front of him which immediately shut him up as he froze.

“Woah hey are you okay?” He grabs ahold of your shoulder as he leans his head down to get a good look at your face since you were facing down.

“Azul….” The first year immediately knew where this was heading and just pulled you forward in a hug.

“Ugh…I knew this day would come” You smacked his chest.

“Not now you Jackass”

“Oh! This is how you treat someone who’s trying to comfort you?!”

“Well you aren’t doing a good job at it!” He gasps in mock offense.

“Well excuse me for not meeting your expectations!” You both stayed silent before breaking into a fit of laughter. Ace hugs you tightly one last time before letting you go.

“But seriously I knew this day would come. Azul is an ass and he has ZERO experience in the love department” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“And you do? Didn’t you ghost your ex girlfriend-” He covers your mouth with his hand.

“Anyways! I’m sleeping over tonight. I can’t have you bawling the night before and appearing like a zombie the next day- OW WHAT THE FUCK!?”

“That’s what you get jerk!”

And that's when your moving on from Azul journey begins.

You were grateful to have a friend like Ace. Yes he can be an ass sometimes but when you were dealing with your unrequited love for Azul, he was there to comfort you in the end.

The two of you were close, yes but out of all your friends (minus grim. That’s your son), you were closest to Ace and Deuce.

During this time, you and Ace grew closer together. He would walk you to your classes, carry your bag even though you told him multiple times you’re capable of carrying it yourself, sneak out of his dorm late at night so the two of you can do movie nights, skipping class with him at times so the both of you can just snack on whatever stuff he bought from Sam’s shop.

He was helping you forget about the love you used to have for Azul. And you were grateful for that.

And you don’t know when it happened. But the two of you slowly started falling for each other. And months later, you two started dating.

And for Azul?

Well

He was in shambles

He was busy with some paperwork for the mostro lounge when Floyd suddenly slammed the door to his office wide open as he blurts out the news for him.

“Shrimpy and crabby are together! I saw them being all lovey dovey in the halls! Yuck”

The color drained from his face as he just sat there in complete disbelief.

“Pardon?”

This is impossible! He knew that you liked him. It was obvious! And he also likes you too! So how can you be dating ace?! Ace of all people?!

Now everytime he watches you and Ace walk past in the hallway. Goofing off while the two of you run hand in hand so you wouldn’t be late for class. He watches with deep regret.

Regret that he never was able to show or tell you that he likes you too.

-

[blossom-hwa]

a very fine line, indeed [7] | c.bg

pairing: Beomgyu x fem!reader genre:  fluff, angst, enemies to lovers, regency era!au, nobility!au warnings: attempted assault, abuse, cursing, period typical misogyny word count: 11.2k notes:  — updates every M/W/F at 8pm EST until the series finishes — assault/abuse scenes are not graphic, but please heed the warnings and let me know if any of it is romanticized or just written in poor taste--I assure you I did not mean it, and I will fix anything needed. — inspiration taken from an amalgamation of different bridgerton stories - let me know what easter eggs you find! — story takes place in the same universe as my duke!yeonjun and earl!taehyun fics - check out the link to the series below for some more easter eggs :) In a society where it only takes a year for a young woman in search of a husband to be considered out of season, it is no wonder that by your third year out, you are desperate to marry. Known as one of the beauties of the ton, such a task should not be difficult for you—but with an absent father, no dowry, and a reputation centered around your inability to keep your mouth shut around one certain Beomgyu Choi, your prospects are more limited than you’d like. While you cannot recover your family or your wealth, however, the one thing you can try to control is your reputation. So when the third season rolls around, you resolve to keep your distance from Beomgyu Choi, your childhood enemy, and the man you hate most in the world. Enter Beomgyu Choi, second son of the Kensington Viscountcy, one of the most eligible bachelors in the ton. His older brother, cousin, and good friend have all recently married, leaving the mamas to salivate at his doorstep for the chance of marrying one of their daughters to him. When Beomgyu walks in on a particularly traumatizing moment between you and one of the most unsavory men in the ton and learns of your desperation to marry, despite your history of enmity, he proposes you a devious deal—to pretend to court you. It seems like a winning situation for both of you—more gentlemen will take notice of you, enhancing your prospects, and he will have the ton’s mamas off his back—and so, despite your misgivings, you agree. With you hell bent on marriage and Beomgyu completely indifferent to the concept, even independent of your hatred for each other, it seems unlikely that any sort of true affection will bloom. But as you begrudgingly put aside your differences to spend more and more time in one another’s company, and as you grow to know each other beyond your ill-conceived preconceptions from childhood, you begin to realize that perhaps you two have more in common than you had once thought. And as your faked acquaintanceship becomes more truth than fiction, a friendship beginning to bloom most unexpectedly— Perhaps you no longer need to convince the ton of the veracity of your courtship, because anyone with eyes can see that it is true.  Part 6 >> Part 7 >> Part 8

Series Masterlist | TXT Masterlist

Beomgyu doesn’t know how he got home. One moment he’s flying out of the ballroom, the next he’s bursting into his room, his entire body trembling. He doesn’t know what time it is. He doesn’t know when he left. He doesn’t even know why he left.

Why did he leave?

Short images burst through his memory. Lord Cho’s smirk. Your hand in his. The music of the waltz, your body pressed to his, warmth filling his chest with your body so close to his—so much so that he couldn’t help but look at your lips, perfect and kissable in the bright candlelight of the room. He remembers that initial jealousy at Lord Cho melting into something else as you spun in and out of his arms, something so light and heavy all at once, so warm and soft and expanding through his heart that as you curtsied and he bowed and he looked at you again, for a moment—

He couldn’t help but wonder if he was in love. 

For one blissful, beautiful moment, he basked in that thought, that feeling. He saw you, your hand still connected to his as you came up from your curtsy, and it looked like you were shining. Sparkling. Glowing with some sort of ethereal light, your eyes brighter than the chandeliers, your smile incredibly warm, like someone’s arms wrapped around him.

And then he panicked. 

Because—Beomgyu doesn’t know love. He doesn’t know if he’s in love with you. And hell, if he is, he doesn’t know if you love him back. And in that moment, as all of these thoughts began racing through his skull one after another nonstop, he couldn’t think. He could barely breathe beyond the knowledge that he just danced a waltz with you without asking if you had permission in front of the entire ton, and he might be in love with you.

He ran, then. Fled, leaving you behind. And now he’s back at home, alone in his room as the hours slowly tick away, and he may not know if he loves you or if you love him but he does know that there is going to be a scandal and it will be all his fault. All of it. The next issue of Whistledown comes out in a day and Beomgyu just knows there will be a paragraph or more ascribed to this ball. She won’t mock you, not directly. That is not Lady Whistledown’s way. She will ask questions instead. Why you danced the waltz that night when you have never done so in three seasons and counting. Why he was the one you decided to dance with. Speculations over just how committed a suitor he is to have asked you to waltz, then abandoned you on the dance floor afterward—

Speculations on just how you wooed his attentions so, and on his apparent luckiness at having realized your possible seduction before it was too late for him. 

Beomgyu feels nauseous just thinking about it. Because for all the veracity of many of her stories, that narrative is completely wrong. You never seduced him—obviously. You are not the kind of person to do that and never have been—he would never have accused you of such a thing even when he hated you. You never seduced him. You never even encouraged his attentions, really, beyond the stipulations you made as part of the deal. Of course after you were friends, perhaps your relationship was more genuine, but even after the kiss…

You never mentioned it again, even when he could tell very well that you were thinking of it. 

No, it’s all his fault. He asked you to waltz without realizing the next dance was so scandalous. He continued to dance with you even when the music made it clear what he was doing. He kept you close, let you trust him as the dance began, but when he realized…when he realized he might really love you…

He disappeared. As good as left you at the altar, or worse.

It’s almost laughable, how stupid he was. The only bit of luck he can salvage from this is that it was incredibly lucky you had permission from the hostess to participate in the dance, just as you said, or your reputation would have fallen even further than it is now, but what does it matter when this scandal will surely be all society talks of for the next months, or maybe even years? He still left you to deal with the aftermath of this scandal alone. And what for? Because he loved you?

The thought draws him up short. He loved you. Loves you.

He loves you—

It’s the same thought that sent him running off into the crowd. The idea that he might really care for you so deeply, to crave your presence so much, enough to dance a waltz with you without being a real suitor—even now he can feel his heart rate spiking at the mere idea of it. But running away the first time got him nowhere. 

God, his heart is beating way too quickly right now. 

Beomgyu heaves a shaky breath and forces himself to think, to try and sort through the facts. He doesn’t know if he loves you. But there are some things he does know. Like that he enjoys your presence. That he likes talking to you, bickering and bantering and verbal sparring. He appreciates your wit and intelligence, and he loves to see you smile. Were it not for your lack of dowry and your penchant for arguing with him in public, between your beauty and brains, he might even say you’d have rivaled Yeonjun’s wife for the title of diamond in your first season. 

But beyond that, you are just…a good person. Kind, brave, devoted, and determined to make your own way. Beomgyu remembers the special soft smile you reserve specifically for Delia, the care with which you held the duchess’s child when you two met, and he remembers when he decided you couldn’t be the hateful spitfire he always thought you were—because no one who loves children so much as you do could be truly evil. 

Was that when he started to fall in love with you?

Beomgyu pinches himself hard and tries not to think that again. He still doesn’t even know if he loves you. He shouldn’t be thinking such things, not when he still doesn’t have the facts straight. Like the facts that you are wonderful, that you are sweet, that he really wants to kiss you again…

That he really regrets leaving you alone on the dance floor, and curses his cowardice for not being able to face the realization then that he might truly love you. 

No. It isn’t just might. Might is a word for uncertainty and while his brain cries that he doesn’t know, that he may never know, that word is sounding more and more like a cowardly out with every second that passes. Beomgyu swallows hard. He does love you. Loves every part of you, and wants to be with you every minute from now. 

And he’s ruined that. 

Beomgyu buries his face in his hands. He’s an idiot. A damned fucking idiot. A stupid, lovestruck, panicked, destructive idiot who ruined everything because he couldn’t face his damn feelings. He has to apologize but he can’t face himself again, let alone face you. And who knows if you would even want to see him after what he did to you?

He’s so trapped in his head that when a knock sounds at his door, he barely hears it. He almost dismisses it as a figment of his imagination—and honestly, in his state, it isn’t impossible—but then the knock comes again and his stomach drops. 

It’s Soobin. 

Sure enough, his brother doesn’t even wait for a response before opening the door. Faint candlelight glows from the lantern he’s holding, throwing far too much light into the room for Beomgyu’s liking. “You don’t look particularly well,” Soobin says, voice carefully neutral.

Beomgyu’s hackles rise almost immediately. “Leave,” he snaps.

“No,” Soobin says simply, closing the door. “My typically level-headed younger brother just ran away from the woman he was courting at a ball after dancing a waltz with her, and my wife might be after his blood.” Beomgyu stiffens as his brother sits down on the bed next to him. “Unfortunately, I know my brother quite well, and I know that he has always been a gentleman except when it comes to bothering me and the rest of our family, so I am willing to hear him out before I allow my wife to pull out his teeth one by one.”

To anyone else, Soobin’s threat might sound like a joke. Beomgyu knows otherwise, though. His sister in law is very protective of her friends, and Soobin is very willing to cave to his wife’s reasonable demands. He doesn’t blame either of them. He half wants to tear himself to pieces anyway. 

“So tell me.” Soobin’s voice takes on a softer note, a tone he only brings out around Beomgyu. He used to hate it when he was a child—he always thought Soobin was trying to patronize him, trying to be condescending older brother during those moments Beomgyu messed up nearly irreparably—but now it drains all of the residual anger out of him, leaving him with no defense left. “What happened? I know it was not nothing.”

Beomgyu chews over his words in his head, slowly, slowly. Soobin waits for him in silence, giving him all the time to think. 

“It was a mistake.”

Soobin raises an eyebrow and Beomgyu immediately wants to slap himself. All that time to think and he still said the worst thing possible. “Dancing with Miss L/N was a mistake?” Soobin asks, his mild tone dangerous. 

“No.” Beomgyu shakes his head wildly. “At least—not in that way. I should not have waltzed with her.” He swallows. “That was my folly. But I never regretted dancing with her.”

“You never regretted being with her.”

Beomgyu takes a deep breath. “…No.”

“So why did you run away so suddenly?”

He feels short of breath. Words aren’t coming to him and neither is air, and is it just him or is the room spinning? “I—” he manages to get out, but then stops. He can’t think. Surely he’ll be able to when the room rights itself. 

Soobin waits patiently as Beomgyu collects himself. When the room finally stops still, he swallows hard, looking at his lap. “I think I am in love with Miss L/N.”

For several long moments, Soobin says nothing, just looks at Beomgyu while he doesn’t look back. Then he snorts. “Congratulations,” he says, deadpan. “You are officially the last person to know.”

Beomgyu jerks his head up. “What?”

“Now I know why you found me so insufferable when I was mooning over my wife.” Soobin shakes his head in mock disgust, though a smile plays on his lips. “It was at least as insufferable or more, watching you try to come to terms with your feelings over the past weeks. I honestly thought you’d have figured it out by now.” He sighs as Beomgyu just gapes. “Idiot.”

“But I—what—” The room is threatening to start spinning again. “How did you know?”

Soobin looks at him, incredulous. “It was so obvious, Beomgyu. A better question might be how didn’t you know?”

Beomgyu opens his mouth. Then he remembers all of his thoughts from his breakdown just a few minutes ago, and he closes it. “…Fair.”

“Despite this, I understand.” Soobin grins a little sheepishly. “Did I not drive you to no end of madness when I was in denial over my wife?”

Beomgyu wants to laugh, but a more embarrassing fact stares him straight in the face. “Yes, but you didn’t cause nearly as much destruction as I have right now.”

“True, and not true.” Soobin sighs. “I hurt my wife by thinking I knew what was best for her during her season. You warned me then, didn’t you? That if I kept smothering her, then I would lose her. And I almost did.” He pauses. “But I didn’t.”

“But—”

“Why did you run out today?” Soobin interrupts. “It could not just be because you were in love with Miss L/N.”

“Not exactly.” Beomgyu stares at his lap. “I realized it then and I suppose I…choked. Metaphorically.” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t quite work. “I couldn’t believe it. That I had fallen for her so quickly and so deeply—we were at each other’s throats just months ago! I hated her, she vexed me and I know I vexed her at least as much, but then we made that deal—”

“What deal?”

Shit. 

Soobin doesn’t know that the courtship was fake. 

Beomgyu swallows hard. “I wasn’t really courting her,” he says quietly, carefully not looking at his brother. “But at the beginning of the season, at Lady Park’s ball…”

Soobin sits silently as Beomgyu tries to explain the deal you two had made in as few words as he can. He feels Soobin’s gaze grow more and more judgmental with every word that falls from his lips but he forces himself on. This is his punishment. The ton’s gossip, your ire, and his brother’s judgment. The holy trinity.

When he finishes, Soobin stays quiet a moment longer. “And in the process of all of this, you fell in love,” he finally says. His tone couldn’t be dryer. 

Beomgyu nods meekly.

Soobin sighs. “If it helps, I think she’s in love with you, too.”

It’s Beomgyu’s turn to gape as Soobin smirks. “I will admit, you two had me fooled from the beginning. I believed your courtship. But if you had told me then that you were in love, I never would have believed that. I know what people in love look like. And perhaps it is just easier for one to see it on others more than on oneself, but I see it in you, and I see it in her.” 

“Well, fat lot of good that does me, since I’ve ruined everything that might have been.” Beomgyu swallows. “I just—I was waltzing with her, and everything started fitting into place but I was so scared of how much I loved her that I just...”

“You ran away.” Soobin nods as Beomgyu sits there, miserable. “But, Beomgyu…such a mistake is not the end of the world. Not yet.”

“But—”

“I am not saying that what you did wasn’t wrong,” Soobin continues, cutting cleanly through whatever Beomgyu might have said. “It was, and it was a mistake that you will have to rectify. But you can try to rectify it. You must.” He gazes at Beomgyu, and for all Beomgyu loves pretending he is on equal ground with his older brother, right now he feels the weight of several years of experience entering the air between them. Unlike other times, though, he now welcomes it. “You must apologize, no matter what. It is up to her if she accepts it, and she may not…but she also might.” 

For the first time since he ran out of the ballroom, Beomgyu feels a stirring of warmth in his chest, a prickle of hope. Yes. He must speak to you. He must apologize. He will hear whatever you have to say in response, and even if you say you never wish to see him again…he will take it. He must. Because he will make his apology because it is the right thing to do—not just for the hope of forgiveness. 

But maybe you will hear him out. And maybe, just maybe, you will accept it. 

Maybe. 

He’s halfway to the door when Soobin says his name. 

“Beomgyu?”

He turns around to see Soobin looking back, amused. “Perhaps not at this hour.”

Beomgyu flushes. “…Right.”

. . . 

The next morning, Beomgyu shows up at your home at the proper calling hour. When the door opens, he takes a deep breath to announce himself, but the butler speaks before he can. 

You won’t see him. 

That, or your stepmother isn’t allowing you to accept calls, which unfortunately would probably be the right thing to do in this situation. Beomgyu prays that it is the second reason and not simply that you refuse to allow him in, which he would completely understand, but…he still needs to try. 

He calls five days in a row, all to the same bland response that you are not taking calls. After almost a week of no luck his sister in law tries for him, and is rebuffed the same way. The ton must be talking up a storm at the fact that two members of the Choi residence—not to mention one of them being the man who left you alone at the ball—have tried to visit you over the course of just a week, but Beomgyu doesn’t care. If you tell him never to return he will stop, but until he hears those words, he will keep coming day after day, no matter what he needs to do. 

A week later, Beomgyu stands in front of your residence, ready to hear refusal once more. But when the door swings open, though your butler stands there with much the same pinched expression that he’s worn every time Beomgyu has seen him, the rejection doesn’t immediately roll off his tongue. “You don’t let up, do you?” he asks instead. 

Beomgyu blinks. It was clearly a rhetorical question, but he still feels tongue-tied even though the butler clearly expects no response. “Wait here,” he says, gesturing to just inside the hall. When Beomgyu steps inside, the butler shuts the door with an ominous thud, and stalks off into the home. 

Well, this isn’t quite usual. In fact, this whole exchange has been rather rude. A butler should not speak to a man of Beomgyu’s title with such disdain, nor should he be kept waiting in the hallway—at the very least, in any other home, he would have been shown to the drawing room. Beomgyu won’t complain, though. He gets the feeling that the staff here are very loyal to you, and as he was the one who hurt you…he can’t quite blame them for viewing him with hostility. And at any rate, this is much better than having the door shut in his face again. 

Beomgyu waits in the hallway for what feels like hours, shifting from one foot to another in a manner most ungentlemanly, until footsteps sound in a nearby room. He stiffens and his heart, which had previously been deceptively calm, immediately begins to race. Holding his breath, Beomgyu watches the end of the hallway as a shadow finally comes rounding in. 

You take several steps and stop a healthy distance away from him. Even across all that space, though, the chill emanating from your expression hits him like a gust of icy wind to the face. You aren’t dressed to formally receive visitors, rather just wearing a plain day dress that has clearly seen some wear, and gloves cover your hands. The old ones you used to wear day in and day out. Not the ones he gifted you. 

“Mr. Choi,” you say, icy. “What are you doing here?”

He swallows hard. Your message is clear. He hadn’t been feeling particularly confident about this before, but now all of his remaining bravado drains out of him and into the cold floor. “Miss L/N,” he says, keeping his voice as steady as he can. “I…I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize.”

For a moment, you remain silent. And then you laugh. 

The sound chills Beomgyu’s blood. High and mocking, it completely eviscerates any and all hope he might have had of you deigning to hear him out. He can only watch, sick to the core, as you advance several steps toward him, your shoes clicking threateningly on the floor. 

“What exactly, Mr. Choi, did you think an apology would do for me?” you ask. Your expression remains deceptively calm but venom pulses in your eyes. “Would it rescue my trust in you? Would it save my reputation?” Your face twists into a snarl and Beomgyu nearly takes a step back. “No. It doesn’t do a damn thing.” 

Shame roots him in place, but you don’t notice or care as you stare at him, unflinching. “How dare you!” you hiss, jabbing a finger at him. “How dare you come into my home after you left me alone at that ball after having asked me to waltz? And don’t you dare try to pin it on me—you could have stopped dancing anytime. Even if you hadn’t remembered it would be a waltz, you could have led me off the dance floor when the music began and I wouldn’t have cared! But you kept dancing and so I trusted that you knew what this was, what it meant—and you broke that trust!” You’re yelling now. Beomgyu feels like he might throw up. “I trusted you from the start, even though I hated you! I trusted you with this deal. I trusted you with the courtship. I trusted you even when you said to be wary of Lord Cho—but as it turns out, I should have been wary of you instead.” You laugh again, that terrible mocking sound curdling in his ears. “For all I always hated you, I never once doubted your honor. I always thought you honorable.” You scoff, finally looking away, and that’s what shames Beomgyu the most. You can’t even look him in the face as you deliver this tirade, he’s hurt you so much. “But perhaps you are only honorable when it is convenient for you.”

Anger flares in Beomgyu’s chest when you say that, but it quickly dies down when he realizes your words are truth. He has always taken pride in his honor. He had never done a thing to compromise another person. But now, when it mattered most…he compromised you. All because he couldn’t handle his own feelings. 

He feels so stupid. How could he even begin to apologize to you? He ruined everything for you—your reputation, your prospects, your future. You’re right. Absolutely right. 

He has no place here, in front of you, attempting to fix something he shattered beyond salvaging. 

“I am sorry,” Beomgyu says quietly, stepping back. “I am—so incredibly sorry. I should not be here.” He swallows hard. “I am not welcome, and I understand. I have hurt you beyond repair and I can never atone for this.”

You still won’t look at him. “Get out,” you say roughly. “Get out of my home.” You take a deep breath. “I do not wish to see you again.”

Beomgyu swallows. “As you wish, my lady.” 

With that, he turns and walks out of the door. And as the carriage pulls away and the tears finally begin to roll down his face, Beomgyu resolves that you will never lay eyes on him again, even if it means he has to hide in public at every turn. He broke your deal. He broke your trust. 

It’s the least he can do, to not break this promise, too. 

. . . . .

You really shouldn’t be here. 

It is true that you received an invite, but it is also true that you have been declining all of your recent invites—or rather, your stepmother has been doing that for you. The hope is that in your absence, the gossip about you and Beomgyu will die down so that by the time you finally return to society, the whispers that come up won’t be much at all. 

You have about as much faith in this plan as you do in the notion that your stepmother secretly loves you.

It was fine, though. You didn’t have much desire to see anyone anyway. Your brief conversation—if it can even be called that—with Beomgyu left you drained and exhausted for far longer than you expected, and beyond that, you haven’t the courage yet to face the ton’s whispers head on. You really, really didn’t wish to risk the chance that you might see him in public either.

But then Lord Cho came to call on your mother, bearing this invite, and somehow he managed to convince her not only to let him in, but also to accompany you to the ball. 

You have an idea of what he said. It might have to do with something like a question he wishes to ask you and a possible ring he plans to put on your finger. Unbelievable, really—why would he want to marry you, especially now? You have even less to offer than you did before. You can’t fathom his reasoning at all. But it must be true, because in the carriage your stepmother looked at you and said, “Do not do anything this evening to spoil things for yourself.” 

There was enough loaded meaning in that statement for you to make your own inferences. 

So here you are, now, walking as quietly as you can, avoiding everyone’s gaze as you trail behind your stepmother towards the entrance of the Jung home. You wonder not for the first time why Lord Cho had to propose in such a public setting—could he not just have spoken to you at home?—but you cut the thought off as he materializes in front of you, that wide, charming smile broadening across his face. “Miss L/N,” he says, bowing as you curtsy. He kisses your hand gently. “I cannot express my delight to see you tonight.”

You let out a breathy laugh. Help. “It is lovely to see you as well, Lord Cho. My stepmother was over the moon that you wished to accompany me tonight. It shall give her some time to meet with her own friends, for once.”

“Of course I would wish to accompany you.” He flashes you that easy grin, holding out his elbow. “Anyone who wouldn’t is either lying, or has no eyes in their head.”

You smile as you take his arm, but it doesn’t come as naturally as you’d like. As he leads you into the ballroom, chatting away cheerfully, you remind yourself that you should be grateful for him. You should be grateful that he still has you in his thoughts, that he continues to pursue you even after everything that had happened. He certainly knows about the scandal—one would truly have to be living under a rock to not know—but he seems to be the only one who has not let it affect his view of you. He still wants court you. He still wants to marry you. 

You are grateful. You really are. It’s just…

Beomgyu.

The name pops into your mind, and you feel like you might throw up. Beomgyu. Your heart starts twisting itself into knots and you have to bite your lip hard to avoid showing anything on your face. You hate that you’re still thinking of him. He hurt you. He damaged your reputation possibly beyond repair. He certainly isn’t suffering the consequences of your first and last waltz—at least not the consequences that you are. 

You were the one who sent him away, so angry at the sight of his face that you barely allowed him to speak. You were the one who told him never to return. Yet even knowing that, walking into the ballroom on another man’s arm…

Your heart still aches for him, and only him. 

Why him? Why now? You grit your teeth, trying to force away your thoughts. You’d been doing so well with it, too—your chores had kept you busy enough not to think of him, and even tonight you wore your old cotton gloves instead of the silk pair he gifted you—but here you are now, thinking of him even though he is nowhere to be seen. 

Not that you’d even want to see him, you remind yourself. But deep down, you know that’s a lie. 

Despite everything, you’d still rather be on Beomgyu’s arm than Lord Cho’s. Would rather have his proposal of marriage. Would rather be with him for the rest of your life, even if Lord Cho would take you far away from here and you’d never have to hear the ton’s gossip every again.

Damn it all. You never should have fallen in love. 

“Miss L/N?” Lord Cho’s voice jerks you out of your thoughts. You look at him and flinch to see his face so close to yours. “Are you all right?”

Too late, you realize he’s probably been talking to you for a while, and you definitely haven’t been responding. “I am fine,” you say unconvincingly. 

“Do not lie to me.” His voice sounds gentle, but you have to force yourself not to take a step back when he looks at you more closely. “What is on your mind, my lady?”

Is he daft? Suddenly, you feel extremely irritated that you have to say this out loud. “A lot has happened in the past few weeks, my lord,” you say quietly. “Forgive me if I am not yet myself in public. I do not wish to sully your good name, either, by standing with you now.”

Lord Cho glances around and for the first time that night, he seems to take in the stares coming in your direction. You tense, waiting for him to pull away, but he only turns back to you with a soft smile. “I do not care much for my good name, whatever that means,” he says gently. “I care for you, Miss L/N. If you are not feeling well, then I would be glad to take you to a quieter room to recover. But I should like to stay by you, if you will let me.” He clasps your free hand. “I care little for the opinions of this ton. I do not claim to know you better than anybody, but I will say that I do not believe their gossip about you holds any merit at all. Not, at least, from what I have seen of you with my own two eyes.”

All of the irritation drains from you at once. You still feel exhausted and weary, but gratefulness fill up the little caverns in your chest that the stress of the last few weeks had carved out of your soul. “Thank you,” you whisper.

“There is nothing for which you must thank me,” he replies. “Now, should you like to retire somewhere else? I will not force you to remain in the ballroom any longer than you can stand.”

You smile at him, a little more easily than before. “We might stay out for a little longer, Lord Cho. I should not wish you to miss out on anything simply for me.”

“Then let me know as soon as you would like to rest, and we will.” He squeezes your hand softly. 

It makes you feel a little better than before. As you hold easy conversation with Lord Cho, taking slow turns around the ballroom, you find yourself relaxing somewhat. Beomgyu isn’t here, but even if he was, you tell yourself that you wouldn’t mind it so much. He always had some strange vendetta against Lord Cho, but look at him now, still standing by you even when the rest of the ton has turned its back. Beomgyu had no right to judge him so. 

(The selfish part of you almost wants Beomgyu to see you like this, your arm in Lord Cho’s, walking pleasantly about the room. What would he say then?)

You manage this for about an hour, but then Lord Cho invites you to dance. Despite all of your misgivings, you accept. But as you step onto the ballroom floor, you become increasingly aware of everyone staring right at you. You wish you were exaggerating. In fact, you try to put it down to your nerves at first. But every time Lord Cho spins you to face the audience, everyone’s stare is riveted on the two of you, and your heart rate spikes. 

By the end of the dance, your heart won’t calm down no matter how much you try to slow it, and you desperately need to be away from everyone. Away from everything. 

You barely manage to babble some excuse to Lord Cho, who insists on accompanying you out of the ballroom to find a quieter space. You’d really rather be alone but you don’t have the energy to ask him to leave, so you acquiesce silently and allow him to lead you down the hall. He’s staying here for the time being, you remember, since Mr. Jung is his friend, so he knows where to go. 

He opens a door for you and you stumble in, grateful for the silence that follows you into the room. So grateful are you that you don’t realize the room is empty until Lord Cho closes the door with a soft but decisive click. 

You look around, still trying to rein your heartbeat in. It’s a small room, decorated somewhat sparsely. You sit on a small, soft couch, and a table stands against the wall next to you with a few small ornaments displayed on top. A pair of unlit silver candlesticks stands tall among them, but light comes from the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. 

That light illuminates Lord Cho’s face as he steps toward you with purpose, something unreadable in his gaze. You blink, your head throbbing even as your heart finally begins to calm. “Lord Cho?” you try to ask. “What are you—”

“Miss L/N.” He stops in front of you, and despite the softness of his expression, dread begins to pool in your stomach. “I had intended to find another moment, but now that we are in private, I wondered if you might honor me with your attentions.” He smiles slightly. “I think you know what I would like to ask.”

Oh God.

He’s going to ask to marry you.

You stand up on instinct, at the same time taking a step back as surreptitiously as you can. “Lord Cho,” you say, pressing a hand to your forehead. You’re only half faking the headache. “I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m not feeling well. Perhaps now is not the time—”

“Miss L/N.” He reaches forward and takes your hands before you can react. “This will not take but a moment of your thought.”

Your heart rate is rising again and beyond the headache you’re starting to feel sick. Why do you feel like this? You should be happy. Overjoyed, even. For the first time you will really be receiving a marriage proposal worth consideration, one that won’t leave you miserable for the rest of your life. But even knowing this, Beomgyu’s face still comes to the forefront of your mind, the feeling of his arms holding you so close as you kissed, the sensation of his lips pressed against yours like they belonged there. Like they were made for yours. 

Your throat tightens. You have to give him an affirmative answer. You have to say yes. But despite the gravity of the situation every part of you screams to flee this room right here and now and you can’t sort through your thoughts properly, let alone drum up the energy to speak. 

“Lord Cho—”

“I understand you might be somewhat overwhelmed, Miss L/N.” He cuts you off for the second time and beyond the sick feeling you’re starting to get irritated. Does he not hear you? “But truly, I do not care for the scandal. I do not care for the gossip. I think you are a wonderfully witty woman, beautiful and sharp, and quite simply, I enjoy your presence.” He squeezes your hands and you can’t help but compare it to when Beomgyu does—did—the same thing. Beomgyu made it feel comforting, romantic. Right now, you still just feel sick. “I would take you far from this place, Miss L/N. You would never have to see anyone from the ton ever again if you did not want to. As my mistress—”

Mistress?

You didn’t hear that correctly. Surely you didn’t. But the words wife and mistress are about as far apart as flower and cockroach and your mind keeps replaying his words over and over and he said mistress, he definitely said mistress, what the fuck is going on? You jerk your hands out of his grip. “As your mistress?” you repeat, incredulous. 

He blinks. “Yes.” A little amused smile curves his lips, and you hate it. It is condescending and arrogant and makes you feel so incredibly small even as you stand in front of him. “Surely you did not expect me to marry you?”

You stumble backward, head spinning. “You—what did you say to my stepmother? She thought you were going to marry me!”

“Oh, I might have taken steps to lead her down that line of thought.” He shrugs, like it means nothing that he’s been deceiving her, deceiving you, this entire time. “I did not think a woman like her would understand the things that you would, but I am sure if we simply tell her that we plan to marry in my home country, she will rest assured.”

What? 

You must still look completely bewildered, because Lord Cho steps forward and attempts to take your hands again. You step away before he can. “Miss L/N,” he says quietly, soothingly, like he speaks to a small child. Never once before now did you hear the arrogance underlying his tone. “It will be fine. I will take you from here, shower you in jewels and silks and money. All you must do is stand by me.” He smiles wider. “The ton will never know. Your stepmother will never know. And it won’t matter, anyway, because you need never see them again.”

You force yourself to stare straight into his eyes. “What makes you think,” you say quietly, “that I will so readily agree?”

Lord Cho frowns, almost like he hadn’t expected you to push back, which astounds you. How could he ever expect you to simply go along with this? “You are a reasonable woman, Miss L/N,” he says. “Surely you must see that with the absence of a dowry and your lack of family fortune, you have very few options? I am offering you an out, a very comfortable one at that.”

“You said you wanted to marry me,” you say, still half in disbelief.

“I never once said that I would marry you.” He smiles, as though revealing a particularly clever trick. “I said I wanted to be with you. I said I wanted you. But I never said I would marry you.”

Your stomach drops to the floor. What Lord Cho is saying…it is true. All of it is true. You were the one who made assumptions. You were the one who really, truly thought he cared about you beyond your reputation, and still might want you as a partner for life. He tricked you. Completely.

“All of which is true,” he continues, “but I am a gentleman of means.” He peers at you like this means something. “Surely you see why I cannot truly marry you?”

You shake your head dumbly, once, twice. “No. No,” you repeat, stepping backward. “I—”

“You truly thought I’d marry a barely titled, dirt poor foreign woman with nothing to bring me but her beauty?” Lord Cho laughs again and your insides grow cold. “Come now, Miss L/N. Don’t flatter yourself too much.” He winks like you’re both in on some terrible joke that only he can understand. “You are certainly beautiful, but not that beautiful.”

Stupidly, his words bring a stinging feeling behind your eyes, warning of tears to come. Between your pounding headache and the sick feeling in your stomach, though, you muster the energy to force them back. If there is anything you are going to do in front of this man, it won’t be crying like some sort of damsel in distress. “Don’t flatter yourself either,” you say lowly. “You are not handsome enough, nor charming enough, that I would lose all of my dignity to become a mistress for you.” 

“So your answer is no?”

“Yes, it is.” You scoff. “In case you needed it spelled out for you explicitly, Lord Cho, no. I will not be your mistress.”

He laughs. Chills run up your spine. You have heard him laugh dozens of times since you met, but never has the sound been so terrifying before. “It’s incredibly funny to me that you think you have a choice,” he says, taking a step forward. 

You stiffen, glancing instinctively towards the other side of the room where the door is closed. Cold dread settles in your veins. You swallow hard and for a moment you’re back in the garden with Mr. Thompson advancing on you. 

Just like then, you can’t seem to move. 

“You don’t have a choice, Miss L/N.” His voice turns almost kind, which only makes the entire situation more threatening. “It isn’t just me. You are poor and unmarried. Would you allow yourself to become a spinster, and force your family into caring for you as you age? With this, I only offer you an out. A way to have a comfortable life, even despite the tragedies of your situation.” He takes another step forward.

You force yourself to move, to keep the distance between you two. No wonder he wanted to do this in public. He won’t expect you to fight back or scream, not at the cost of someone hearing and your reputation truly being dragged through the pits of hell. “Don’t pretend to care about me,” you spit, carefully trying to edge yourself around the room. “Don’t pretend to care about my family. You’re the one trying to trap me into something I haven’t given any indication that I want.” You curl your lip. “You don’t need me, Lord Cho. Go find another woman in similar straits who would be willing to do this. I won’t.”

Lord Cho shakes his head, a smirk slowly creeping up his face. “When will you realize, Miss L/N,” he says softly, “that I am not asking?” 

Your blood runs cold. You tense to run—

He suddenly lunges forward before you can move. You cry out as he snatches your wrist, his fingers as dry and unpleasant against your skin as they were warm before. “I was only being polite before. But you have made your stance clear, and now so will I.” He leans forward, crushing your wrist in his grip. “I’m already here, with you, alone in a closed off room. You Londoners are so prim and proper it’s almost stifling, but once news of this spreads…” He grins, baring all of his teeth. “You’ll have no choice but to come with me.”

You swallow hard, trying to breathe. Your breath comes in short gasps as your heart races faster and faster and you’re starting to feel lightheaded, which does absolutely nothing to help you think. “Get off of me,” you snarl, trying to wrench yourself out of his grip. “Get off of me—”

He laughs. “Not on your life,” he sneers, his face coming closer to yours. 

You know what’s going to happen next. He’s going to kiss you, trap you—he’s going to make it so that he’s tainted you so much with his touch that it won’t even matter if you manage to scream and escape. There is no way you can win. Either he assaults you in silence and you are forced to accept his offer by virtue of your body being tainted, or you scream before he can do anything and someone comes in and sees and you’re trapped anyway because no one will believe a woman. 

Lord Cho’s breath hits your face, warm and repugnant. As you struggle away from his hold, bizarrely, you’re reminded of when Beomgyu kissed you, and how different that was from now. 

Beomgyu. 

He was right about Lord Cho. He was right that there was something strange about him. He was right that you should have been careful, that you should have kept your wits about you when around the man, and for all you claimed you would listen to him you still didn’t believe him. You thought he was blind, suspicious, and jealous. Just an hour ago you were trying to gloat to yourself that you had won Lord Cho anyway, proven that he was not such a terrible man as Beomgyu thought. You trusted him to help you. To truly have your best interests at heart.

And now look at where that has landed you. 

Suddenly a wave of anger shoves through your thoughts. Beomgyu was right, and damn it all, you’re suffering the consequences of not listening to him. But even if you made mistakes—which you will readily admit—none of it changes the fact that you didn’t ask for this. You didn’t ask to be poor. You didn’t ask for your stepmother. You didn’t ask to be taken advantage of and you don’t damn deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of this. You didn’t deserve Mr. Thompson and the garden. You didn’t deserve Beomgyu leaving you after the waltz.

And you certainly don’t deserve Lord Cho right now. 

Red washes across your vision and you scream. 

He jerks back, startled, and just as his grip loosens you jerk your knee upward. You connect with his flesh and he cries out, but you’ve already torn yourself out of his grasp and are stumbling toward the door. Your legs feel like they’re made out of jelly but you hike up your skirts and force them to move, to take you out of here, anywhere but here—

A hand snatches your arm and Lord Cho slams you against a wall so hard you see stars. You cry out in pain but he slaps a hand over your mouth, eyes wild with rage. “You little witch,” he sneers, bits of spittle flying out of his mouth as he speaks. Vaguely you wonder how you ever found him handsome. “You’ll pay for that.”

You bite his palm. He lets go with a curse and you try to kick him. “Get off of me.” You swing at him with your free hand but he catches your fist midair, bearing down on you with all of his weight. “I said, get off of me—”

He’s too heavy. You can’t shove him off, not on your own. But as your frayed mind begins to shut down, a single, final idea bursts forth from its depths, and you go completely limp in Lord Cho’s grasp. 

He doesn’t expect it. You drop to the floor and he lets go of you on reflex. As you stumble out of his range you almost hit your head on a table leg, the same display table you saw on your way into the room, but you manage to haul yourself up just as Lord Cho rounds on you. 

Your fumbling fingers close around something metal. And as he leaps toward you, murder in his eyes, you swing one of the two silver candlesticks at his head. 

It seems to happen slowly, far too slowly. The candlestick, a blur of silver streaking through the air. Lord Cho’s eyes widening as he tries to dodge, but too late. Your own scream lodges in your throat as the candlestick fully smacks right into his temple with a terrible noise, the awful impact jolting up your arm. 

Then the door slams open.

Lord Cho drops to the ground. The candlestick clatters on the floor. You stagger backwards, head spinning, and look up to meet eyes with none other than Beomgyu. 

Bizarrely, you almost feel the urge to laugh. This is just like that time in the garden with Mr. Thompson, so much so that even with your pounding head, you feel a terrible sense of déjà vu. “Fancy seeing you here, Mr. Choi,” you croak out. 

And then you collapse.

. . . . .

Beomgyu isn’t supposed to be here. 

Well, technically speaking, he was invited. His whole family was. But even though Soobin and Yeonjun were both planning to go, Beomgyu didn’t originally intend to join them, and they didn’t really try to convince him otherwise. He hasn’t been up to doing much since you threw him out of your home and after one too many snarled conversations, his family has more or less given up on trying to get him back into society. 

He does leave his room, though, to bid Soobin and his wife goodbye before they depart to the ball. They seem pleasantly surprised to see him, which only makes shame well up in his chest. “Are you sure you will not attend with us?” Lady Choi asks, looking hopeful. “Wooyoung will be quite disappointed not to see you.”

Beomgyu shakes his head. “No, I think I should like to rest tonight.”

“As you wish, brother. Have a good night.” Soobin takes his wife’s hand then, giving her a soft smile as they begin to walk out of the hall. As Beomgyu turns around to walk back up the stairs, though, he catches his brother asking, “Did you hear?” 

“Hear what?” his wife replies. 

“I’ve heard Miss L/N will be in attendance.”

Beomgyu stops hard in his tracks. After two weeks of being conspicuously absent from all society events, you would decide to show yourself tonight? At Wooyoung’s ball?

Soobin continues, perhaps a bit more loudly, and Beomgyu could swear he hears something of a smirk in his brother’s voice. “I believe she might be receiving a proposal tonight.”

Beomgyu whirls around. “From who?” he demands. 

Soobin turns to him, lips curled in that smirk Beomgyu heard so clearly. “From Lord Cho, of course,” he says. “Who else?”

It takes a moment for that to sink in. His brother and sister in law have disappeared out of the front doors before Beomgyu even finishes processing that information. He remains at the base of the staircase, frozen in place, turning those words over and over in his head. 

You might be receiving a proposal tonight. 

You might be receiving a proposal tonight from Lord Cho.

Beomgyu is dressed and calling for someone to ready the carriage before he even realizes what he’s doing. 

As he steps into the vehicle, though, he stops suddenly. Why is he so eager to go now? Hadn’t you made it clear that he was to stay away from you at all costs, that he had hurt you far beyond what you were able to forgive? Knowing that, and knowing that he respects you with all that he has, he should be staying far away. 

But he didn’t even get to apologize to you. You pushed him out before he could say anything, and though he left, he still has things to say. If you truly care for and want to marry Lord Cho, Beomgyu knows he won’t be able to stop you. But he has to find some way for you to hear him out first, just for a chance—that slim, slim chance that he can apologize, that you will hear him out, that maybe he can begin to try and make amends. And for that to happen, he has to be there tonight. He has to get to you before Lord Cho can, has to get to you before you say yes to him. 

When he enters the ball, though, you aren’t there. 

You were there. He knows this because as he passes through the ballroom, ignoring everyone who tries to catch his attention, he hears snippets of people gossiping at the audacity of your showing your face here tonight. In any other moment he would have something barbed to say to them, but he needs to find you, first and foremost. But you aren’t there. You’re nowhere. 

“Beomgyu!” Yeonjun grabs his shoulder, looking very pleased. Wooyoung is right behind him and wears a similar smile on his face. “I thought you weren’t coming tonight!”

“I wasn’t,” he replies shortly, knowing how rude he sounds right now and not caring at all. “Have you seen Y/N?”

Amusement and concern war on Yeonjun’s face. “No, I haven’t, but I imagine she’d like to keep to herself this evening.” He starts trying to pull Beomgyu away. “But if you’re here—”

They all hear it at the same time. A muffled scream from a room further down the hall, then a dull thud like something hit the floor or a wall. Three men look at each other. 

Then Beomgyu starts running. 

Every second seems to take an hour as he sprints down the hall. Yeonjun and Wooyoung follow but more slowly and Beomgyu has no patience to wait for his cousin and friend as he pulls open doors, cursing every time they come up empty. But then he flinches hard as a loud crash sounds right against the wall and before he can realize what he’s doing, his hand is on the doorknob and he flings it open just in time to see you strike Lord Cho’s head with a silver candlestick. 

Time seems to slow. He freezes in the doorway, one hand still on the knob, watching Lord Cho crumple slowly to the ground. The rational part of him says he should see if Lord Cho is fine, at least check if the man is still breathing, but a loud thunk sounds, shattering his daze, and Beomgyu looks over to see the candlestick fall out of your numb hands onto the floor. 

You meet his gaze. Your eyes, blown wide with fear, tremble in their sockets as you stumble backwards, away from the candlestick. Beomgyu can only stare back, his head spinning as he tries to take in the moment, and then you speak. 

“Fancy seeing you here, Mr. Choi.” 

Then you collapse.

Beomgyu surges forward to catch you just before your head hits the floor. “Miss L/N,” he says lowly, gathering you into his arms. You’re breathing, but when you don’t open your eyes, he starts to panic. “Miss L/N! Y/N!” A groan sounds from further away and vaguely he registers that it must be Lord Cho, but he can’t tear himself away from you. “Y/N!”

The door bursts open again. Beomgyu turns around just in time to see Yeonjun fly into the room, followed closely by Wooyoung and the duchess. “…Beomgyu?” he asks, taking in the scene. “What…what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Beomgyu manages to get out. “Y/N—she—”

The next few moments are a blur. There’s a lot of talking, yelling, and then someone brings in smelling salts and tries gently to push Beomgyu away so that they can revive you. He refuses to stop holding you, though. He needs to hear you breathing. He needs to know you’re fine. 

Slowly, you come to. Beomgyu holds his breath as your eyes flutter open, roving dazedly over the room. “Y/N?” he asks softly. When your eyes turn to him, he breathes out a terrible sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he whispers. 

Nearby, Lord Cho also seems to be coming to, though with a very nasty lump on his head that Beomgyu can see even from here. Unlike you, though, the second his eyes open, he whirls around, murder written all over his expression. “You,” he snarls, looking straight at you. 

You’re shaking. Trembling. You curl further into Beomgyu’s arms and he tightens them around you, well aware of and ignoring all the other eyes in the room. It doesn’t matter that this is improper. You need someone, and even though Beomgyu knows the only reason you’re curling into him is because you’re in shock, he doesn’t care. He won’t abandon you now—not the way he did before. 

“Lord Cho, calm yourself.” Wooyoung places a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “What happened?”

“That bitch hit me in the head with that candlestick!” Lord Cho roars, pointing at the silver still glinting on the floor. “She claimed she had a headache and I helped her here so that she could rest, but then she went tried to seduce me and I refused and then she went berserk—”

“I suggest you calm yourself before you say more,” Beomgyu snarls. He makes to stand up but you’re still gripping his arms, so he stays put. “Miss L/N would never do such a thing, and you know it.”

“And how do you know that?” Lord Cho sneers, and in that moment Beomgyu can’t believe he ever found his man to be handsome. Seeing him like this, he is the ugliest man Beomgyu has ever seen. “You weren’t even here!”

“I did not.”

Everyone jerks their head around to look at you. Beomgyu himself almost flinches, surprised at the sound of your voice. “Miss L/N?” he asks softly. 

You swallow hard, gaze trained on Lord Cho. Your shoulders are still trembling and the color has drained from your lips, leaving them terribly pale, but when you speak, your voice, though weak, still carries through the room. “I did not try to seduce you,” you say, and there’s a hint of a snarl in your tone that chills Beomgyu to the core.

Lord Cho opens his mouth, but Wooyoung steps forward, cutting him off. Beomgyu’s carefree friend looks uncharacteristically serious now, his eyebrows drawn sharp into his face. “Miss L/N,” he greets respectfully. “Then will you tell us what happened?” 

Beomgyu watches as you take a deep shuddering breath. You put your hand in his before trying to stand, but you sway in place and Beomgyu just manages to catch you before you fall again. “You can sit, you know,” he says quietly. 

“No.” You stay on your feet, lips still pale, but eyes focused and hard. “It is true that I had a headache and wished to rest. Lord Cho offered to escort me out of the ballroom as we had been dancing just before. I did not notice he was leading me to an empty room, and by the time I did realize, he had closed already closed the door. And then—” You swallow convulsively. “He tried to force himself on me.”

Lord Cho sneers. Beomgyu itches to punch the man in the face, maybe break his nose, but your hand still grips his tightly and he won’t move while you still need him. “What proof do you have?” Lord Cho asks. His voice is full of an arrogance that Beomgyu recognizes in those entitled men who never think of anyone but themselves. 

Your eyes flare. Beomgyu barely has a moment to prepare himself before you yell, “You propositioned me as your mistress!” 

The room falls dead silent, but you aren’t done speaking. “You thought I would be too ashamed to say it out loud, didn’t you?” you snarl, looking straight at Lord Cho. “To admit that this dirt poor, barely endowed, useless slip of a woman would be nothing better than a mistress to an unmarried man?” You laugh, but there is no humor in the sound. “I may be nothing in your estimation,” you yell, “but I would never have agreed to such a thing!”

No one says a word, not even Lord Cho. Only your heavy breaths cut through the silence. “I thought he was going to ask to marry me.” You laugh again, that horrible sound devoid of all emotion. “I was a stupid fool for thinking he would, and I acknowledge that. But never did I think he would proposition me. And never did I think, when I refused, that he would try to assault me just so that I would be forced to return with him.” You turn to Wooyoung, who flinches slightly when you meet his eyes, but then you sag. “I am terribly sorry for causing a scene in your home,” you say, bowing your head low. “I will not beg forgiveness for defending myself, but I apologize for having used your belongings to do it. I will replace the candlestick if need be, only send me the bill. I will see myself out now.”

It would have been an incredibly dramatic exit, if you hadn’t taken one step out of Beomgyu’s grasp and immediately collapsed to the floor again. 

Instantly the room bursts into chaos. Beomgyu drops to his knees beside you, frantically feeling for your pulse, all the while Wooyoung and Lord Cho are yelling and the duchess has knelt next to him, carefully lifting your head into her lap. Yeonjun disappears but when Beomgyu blinks again he’s back with the smelling salts, and Beomgyu can only hold his breath as your eyes blink open for the second time that night.

“Thank God,” the duchess breathes. “Miss L/N, let us help you up. Yeonjun—”

Her husband understands immediately, bending down to lift you into his arms. You try to protest, sitting up weakly on your own, but when you nearly fall over again you stop trying. Beomgyu helps his cousin pull you up, but then a loud yell jerks all of their attention to the shouting match happening on the other side of the room. 

“Get out of my home,” Wooyoung spits at Lord Cho, face red with fury. 

Lord Cho scoffs. “You would take her word over mine? You know me, and you know that woman is insane! All of the society papers say so!”

“Watch your tongue,” Beomgyu hisses, standing up. In several long strides he’s crossed the room and has Lord Cho’s collar in his fist. “Watch your tongue,” he repeats quietly as Lord Cho gasps. “Strong-willed she may be, and certainly a force to be reckoned with, but you go too far to claim such falsehoods about her.”

“And he is right.” Wooyoung steps forward, putting a gentle but warning hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder. Beomgyu gets the message and lets go of Lord Cho’s collar, but he barely takes a step back. “Lord Cho, you are my friend. Were my friend. But we have spent many years apart, and I do not know you well like I know the people of this ton.” He takes a deep breath, as though trying to compose himself. “I do not claim Miss L/N as a close friend,” he says quietly. “But I do know that she does not lie. She does not do things without reason. I also find it very, very hard to believe that a woman who attempted to proposition you would look so ill in your presence.” He leans forward. “I heard the thumps, Lord Cho. I heard you knocking her about the room. She could not have done that to you, and both of us know it.” Wooyoung shakes his head, disgust written all over his features. “I cannot believe I ever counted you as a friend.”

Lord Cho opens his mouth. Closes it. His face, flushed dark, looks almost like it might explode. Beomgyu would laugh if he wasn’t still so rigid with anger.

“I will give you enough time only to gather your things from your quarters,” Wooyoung says coldly. “Then you may depart my residence to find your own lodgings. You will not be welcome back, so I suggest you pack your things carefully.” He points to the door. “A servant will follow you to ensure have your things and you don’t return. Now leave.”

For a moment, Lord Cho looks like he will refuse. Beomgyu tenses, instinctively shifting to block Lord Cho’s gaze when it flickers in your direction, but it’s Wooyoung’s home and so it is his prerogative to do as he likes. Lord Cho has no defense when the host himself has asked him to leave. “I suggest you leave now,” Beomgyu says quietly, “while Mr. Jung is still asking nicely.”

Slowly, too slowly, Lord Cho removes his gaze from you. No one seems to breathe during the time it takes for him and Wooyoung to leave the room, and even after the door shuts behind them, no one says a word even as Yeonjun and Beomgyu help you up to the couch so that you are no longer lying on the floor. It takes Wooyoung coming back in several minutes later for the tension to crack just enough that they can speak. 

“Miss L/N, I must apologize deeply for what happened tonight.” He bows deeply, looking truly abashed. “I had no idea he was the man that he was. Lord Cho will be removed from my home immediately, and I expect him to leave the country within a few days.”

You blink slowly from your perch on the couch. “It was no fault of yours, Mr. Jung,” you say. 

“Yet I am the host, and I am the one who invited him.” He sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “I don’t expect you would like to stay any longer tonight.”

“…No,” you admit.

“I will send you home in my carriage. It will leave from the back door, so you need not worry about anyone seeing you,” Wooyoung says, putting out a hand to forestall your protests. “Please, Miss L/N. It is the least I can do.”

“Then I thank you, my lord.” You incline your head to him. “Please, if I have damaged anything of yours, send me the bill. I will see to it that anything broken is replaced or fixed.”

“Do not worry about such things.” Wooyoung shakes his head. “Please get home safely.”

You duck your head in acquiescence and then you allow Beomgyu to quietly lead you out of the room. 

Silence weighs heavily between the two of you as Beomgyu guides you through the halls of the Jung residence. Several times he tries to think of something to say, but for all his proclaimed wittiness, nothing comes to mind that he thinks will even remotely help you. Every time he glances at you, you look so tired, so weary, that any beginnings of a conversation that might have begun to take shape in his mind immediately fizzle out. 

Beomgyu has been to Wooyoung’s home enough times that it isn’t hard to find the back entrance. He swings open the door and sure enough, the carriage that Wooyoung promised is there. He holds out a hand to you and you take it wordlessly. For a moment in time, while the moon glows softly on your face, you stand like that—hand in hand, in silence. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. It just comes out of him all of a sudden. He doesn’t truly know why, or even what he is truly apologizing for. 

You look at him. “For what?”

“Everything,” he whispers.

“That is a large amount of blame to take on, isn’t it?”

It’s phrased like a joke, but your tone doesn’t give way to much humor. Beomgyu doesn’t feel any worse or any better for it. “Will you be all right?” he finally asks, very quietly. 

You give him a wretched smile in response. “What other choice do I have?”

Reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed this, and have a lovely day :)

[fae-morrigan]

Someone put a post (where they admit they straight up dont know these characters lol, and also spell damian as 'damien' so like. yknow.) in the tags saying that if you're a fan of Jon & Jay, you shouldn't buy super son. Well, as the crowned CEO of Jay & Jon, I'm here to tell you guys that you absolutely should.

Super Son did the amazing thing of hitting several marks that I predicted while still managing to surprise me in how they hit them. Which is high praise for any story: A great narrative should be able to both meet reasonable audience expectations (i.e, staying in character, setup payoff) WHILE STILL throwing in curveballs that tell you something new.

There's a lot I want to analyze and get into, namely how I think the rooftop conversation between Jon & Nia is really brilliantly done in what it says about both characters, but mainly I've been thinking a lot about how great those last few pages were and how I think Sina absolutely nails how Jon & Jay's specific issues interact with each other.

Jay's always been a blunt person. From their first meeting back in SOKE 2, hes said what he thinks, and rarely does he try and soften himself. More than that, his bluntness is often a shield from vulnerability, which Jay struggles with the whole scene. It makes total sense, after what hes experienced (re-traumatization at the hands of a friend) that he's displaying that trait again.

Jon, however, is immediately vulnerable. This is the most poignant confession of the issue: Not even in the amazing sequence of Nia helping him make a place in the darkness (look, its back, thanks isabel!) do we get this admission of fear.

And Jay, like always, embraces him. Sidenote, LOVE how they got in the thing Jon does where he's constantly tucking his face in people's shoulders during hugs.

But the moment ends, and we get here. First of all, cold af. I could feel the aura before I turned the page.

Second of all: Jay is totally valid in feeling this way. And it makes perfect sense that he would.

Sara was his everything. Getting her back was one of his main motivations in SOKE. Because of Nia's actions, she died horribly (do you know what happens to a person when they fall from that sort of height? I do. Its AWFUL.) for an unjust cause. Of course he's glad she can't hurt anyone else!

And that's when we get to my FAVORITE PART! Oh how I love this bit. Because like. You understand why Jon's angry- Its a harsh thing for Jay to say! Nia was the one who kept him sane while he was trapped in his own mind! But Jay, like always, is RIGHT: Jon DOESN'T get it. How could he?

Jon Kent will NEVER, ever, be put in this position. Out of universe, his parents are Clark Kent and Lois Lane. They'll ALWAYS come back. Hell, the fact they'll always come back is something Ma LITERALLY says to Jon in SOKE. He will never, ever have to know this pain.

In universe, Jon's a white american. Despite being queer, despite being an alien, he'll never know what its like to be this kind of collateral, delegated as pawns in a greater war for 'freedom'. That is what killed Sara at the end of the day: imperialism.

This next bit hurts my heart. Great job, guys!

For one: Jon claims he's not excusing the mistakes Nia made, but by downplaying it like this... yes he is. But did you catch that part? Right at the start of that bubble?

"I'm going to fight every day to make up for my own part in this."

That's where it clicked for me. Something I had been hoping for since Nicole first called them twin flames.

He's projecting.

Of COURSE he's defending Nia. Of COURSE he wants Jay to forgive her. It isn't just about the fact that she gave him support, it isn't just the dreams, its the fact that... well. If Jay can't forgive her... how could he EVER forgive HIM?

THIS is where the fact that Jon and Nia are so similar as character SINGS. They become mirrors to each other, evaluating their own self worth through the other, at the unintentional expense of the people they've hurt.

Jay's right, though. Again. Its almost like he's the embodiment of the truth or something. He doesn't HAVE to do anything.

When he starts crying though, I immediately was RUINED. This is the first time we have EVER seen him cry before during his entire existence of a character. And its not really even because his mom is dead (though yes, that) and its not even because of the argument. Its because Jay fundamentally wants to be understood, and he's not getting that.

Which is important for the next bit:

I want to first backtrack a bit to Son of Kal El again, specifically, issue fourteen, right here.

Hello, two-panel sequence that succinctly describes these two as characters. How convenient you are for me, a guy analyzing a work that isn't written prose.

Jon isn't good at letting go, for better or for worse. The things he cares about stay with him, and when something or someone tries to exit his life, he clings to them with all his might.

Jay however, both selflessly and selfishly, is willing to let go first if he thinks its better for the other person. To me this line so effortlessly summarizes who Jay is- he's a person who's accustomed to not having things, and will leave before it hurts and he gets too attached.

And that thought is ALL over this scene. Jay, who begins to let go, Jon, who both literally and physically CLINGS to jay, practically begging him to stay.

(Sidenote. This is like, the third time Jay mentions breaking up when Jon starts acting up. Good for you king, keep that white boy on his toes, let him know he ain't all that.)

Every little detail of this four panel sequence is killing me. "My worst nightmare is not having a home with you in it." His greatest desire. The thing that kept tipping him off in every fake reality Nia constructed for him- Jay's absence. Him wiping the tear of Jay's cheek. Jay walking away from him.

But what really gets me is how on this page, Jon talks about them as 'we', while Jay is firmly stuck in 'I.'

This is what made me LOSE MY MARBLES at three in the morning. Just utterly fucking off my rocker in a straightjacket talking to myself.

Because this is what JON wants. But is it what JAY wants?

Jon never asks.

What about what Jay fears? What about the life that HE wants? What if he doesn't want San Francisco? What if the life he wants is the life he HAD before everything went wrong? Jon outright says he wants a fresh start. But Jay, Jay's someone with such deep connections to what he just lost, what he likely WANTS to get back. His country. His mother. His sense of self. But. He says yes.

(Sidenote. FIRST I LOVE YOU WOOOOOOOOOO) To quote my buddy Dami: Oh, the drama of needing a future with someone who can't get over the past.

It is left unclear, by the end, whether or not Jay is saying yes to this because he genuinely wants to, or if he's only saying yes because he doesn't want to lose Jon, too. Jon doesn't stop to question whether or not Jay's only reaching after him because Jon's walking away. We, the audience, are left to ponder that for ourselves.

How much of Jay saying yes is him just accepting that this is the best he's going to get? That he's never going to be understood because nobody wants to understand?

He's an afterthought to Nia, an obstacle at best, and to Jon he's a particularly handsome prop in this little fantasy he has of running away and starting new. He's either not thought of at all, or when he is thought about, it's in the context of how he can emotionally fulfill the other person And you get why Jon did this. He's desperate, he's hurting, he just got tangible evidence that the time he has with the people he loves isn't ever guaranteed. He's been needing space from Clark and Lois for MONTHS because god knows they haven't been fulfilling his emotional needs. In a very real sense, Jay is who he has.

But wanting someone to stay with you so much that you'll... Not even ignore, but just not ever consider what they may want. The intentional isolation, moving halfway across the country away from all support systems. The need to cling to someone.

It reminds me of... something. Someone.

Don't tell Jon I made this comparison. He'll kill himself. Jon and Ultraman ARE similar. They're both such deeply lonely people who cling very tightly and even though it manifests in different ways and even though they have different core thoughts about it. The effect at the end of the day is the same, isn't it?

Is loving Jay not a brutal act of destruction?

There's so many more details about this story I love. Jon & Nia's conversation being vague enough that you have no idea how Jon meant what he told her but you KNOW how NIA took it (girl you can do better hes literally ugly!). Jon breaking a pillar by bonking his head against it (LMFAO). The pretty lies vs ugly truth dichotomy of Jay vs Nia here.

But this one scene, man. This one fucking scene takes the cake. STELLAR work all around. Every panel counts.

This better lead into a full Superman & Gossamer run or SOMETHING or I'm going to have WORDS with DC's editorial staff.

[avans-j]

With the resurgence of gravity falls I finally watched it for the first time, and something that struck me and that I’ve been thinking about a lot, is how Ford is just so…… normal?? When he comes back through the portal??? 😭 he acts like he was only gone for a moment, like he went on vacation or something.

Like I understand that it’s a kids show and they didn’t have time to delve into this much, but I like to think about what Ford would have realistically been like upon his return. I mean, the guy was stuck in another dimension for 30 years… there’s no way he didn’t go a little crazy during that time.

I mean first of all, Fiddleford only caught a glimpse of what was on the other side, and it drove him to insanity. Ford actually went all the way through!! And was stuck there!! For 30 years!! Granted he knew about Bill and who’s to say Bill didn’t show or tell him about other worlds during their time working together, so Ford was probably more accustomed to weird and paranormal things than Fidds, but also we have no idea what happened on the other side during those 30 years. And where did he end up? I think it’s safe to assume the first place Ford landed was the nightmare realm, where he would have seen horrifying creatures beyond comprehension. That must have been a little traumatizing, even to a scientist right?

Then you also have to consider what was going through Ford’s head in the moment right after getting sucked through the portal. He probably had to quickly come to terms with the realization that he was never going home. At that time, the only people that knew about the portal were him, Fidds, and Stan. He was stuck on the other side unable to do anything. Fidds was actively going insane and probably never wanted to see the portal again. And Stanley? We know that Stan had enough care and determination to never stop trying to fix the portal, but to Ford his brother was a clutz and not the sharpest tool in the shed, plus they had just had a massive argument. Ford most likely had no hope that Stan could ever fix the portal, or even want to for that matter. He must have felt overwhelming dread, knowing that in a matter of seconds he had lost his entire world, his entire life, and would never go back home again.

So what was he doing on the other side for 30 years? In my mind there are two options. He either immediately went into survival mode, and spent the rest of his life exploring other dimensions and trying not to die. OR he started looking for a way home, either through a new route or trying to build another portal. Clearly that didn’t work because he was stuck there for 30 years. But imagine him trying hopelessly, over and over again, to find a way home. Constantly thinking about the life he lost, getting more and more discouraged every time an attempt didn’t work. After 10-15 years of that you would start to lose it a little.

And then, can we talk about how he returned home?? From what we saw of the portal and other machines under the shack, it was scanning each dimension until it found the one where Ford was located, then upon reactivating it opened a portal there. And Ford immediately came through, which says to me that it must have opened directly in front of or next to him. Can you imagine the confusion, after 30 years of either straight survival mode or trying desperately to get home, one random day a vaguely familiar portal just happens to open next to you?? You step through and just like that, you’re home? That abrupt change must have messed with Ford’s head. He probably wouldn’t think that it was real for a long time. He wouldn’t have recognized his brother, he wouldn’t have believed that he was actually home. It would take a long time to readjust.

But in the show Ford is just so normal, picking right back up where they left off and punching Stan. I feel like realistically, he would have been terrified, paranoid that it was a trick, not trusting anyone. He would have been quick to lash out for a long time, impossible to calm down, and he would definitely have some screws loose. Anyways I just like the idea of insane Ford.

Thanks for listening to my Ted Talk :]

[jasminerva]

What kind of father would Nagumo be?

Saw this magnificent fanart of papa!Gumo and got inspo!

gn!reader co-parent

If you manage to get this man to settle down AND have a kid with you, he (and your kid) is going to make your life a living hell and heaven.

Nagumo would be an unpredictable but fun dad, always coming up with spontaneous activities to keep his kid happy and entertained.

He'd pull small pranks on and with his child, like hiding their favourite toy or sneaking up on them, just to see them laugh when they catch him.

You know peekaboo? Think to the EXTREME! Gumo covering his kid's eyes and VOILA he's a whole 'nother person! (Warning: this may or may not traumatize your child, like, have you seen the videos where babies cry after their dads just shave their beards???) Soon, I'm sure the kid will get used to it and can tell when their dad is disguised better than you can.

Despite his carefree attitude, he'd be fiercely protective, always keeping an eye on his kiddo from the shadows to make sure they're safe.

He'd make teaching self-defence a game, showing his child how to be quick and nimble without making it feel like a strict lesson.

Nagumo would struggle with deep emotional conversations, but he'd always be a good listener when his child wanted to talk, especially if they were feeling down. He'd be on their level (much to your chagrin.)

On that note, you most likely will have to be the 'mean' to his 'fun' parent. Don't even get me started on the 'birds and the bees' talk. He might even volunteer to do it, but I wouldn't count on him to do it properly.

Physical affection would be a big thing for him—playfully ruffling his child's hair, giving them gentle pats on the back, blowing raspberries on their cheeks and bellies, or even picking them up for a hug and swinging them around. Just keep an eye out in case he starts throwing the kid in the air (you can trust him to always catch them, but you don't want either of them getting too carried away).

He'd probably joke around with other parents and show up at school events unpredictably, causing a stir with his antics, but always making his child feel proud and loved.

Nagumo would encourage his child to be independent, letting them figure things out on their own while secretly making sure they're safe every step of the way.

When it comes to advice, he'd drop bits of wisdom disguised as offhand remarks, teaching his child important life lessons in the most unconventional ways.

He wouldn't follow a strict parenting style, instead preferring to give his kiddo the freedom to explore the world, knowing he'd always be there if they needed him.

If his kid ever felt embarrassed or shy about something, Gumo would immediately do the same thing, just to make them laugh and feel better about it.

He would tell white lies / unrealistic jokes to his kid because he believes children and their innocence should be protected (and maybe teased for their naïveté). "Santa is fosho real!" "I went to Area 51 a while back!" "If you eat your carrots, you can see in the dark like me!"

Nagumo would spoil tf out of his kid--whether it's toys or sweets. He'd be responsible for all their potential cavities, but he'd also ensure the kiddo brushes their teeth every time (maybe even using one of those fun songs to count the time, etc). The kid would never think of it as a chore with him around.

When the kid is young-young, like still a toddler/preschool-aged and did things to get them in trouble, Gumo would get scolded along with them (but mostly him, because he should know better and it's probably his own dang influence). When the kid is school-aged, they will get scolded equally (except you can withhold a lot more from Nagumo lmao). I'm going to post a mini scenario of this one within the next few days! Stay tuned!!!

Thank you for brainstorming with me, Memi (@dearsecretlover)! The spoiled rotten with toys and scolding were just 🤌 the best additions!

[imnotyetfound]

My take on Five/Lila - and why they were endgame

I’ve seen so many people say that Five and Lila didn’t make any sense, and I just disagree. I've tried to really motivate why, and also why I see them as endgame. Feel free to agree or disagree.

First of all, Five and Lila share a common background of being raised plus trained as survivors and weapons. Five was molded by his time in the apocalypse, the Commission and his ruthless upbringing within the Hargreeves family, while Lila was similarly trained and manipulated by the Handler. Both of them were forced into brutal, high-stakes environments from a young age, developing a sense of independence, ruthlessness, and survival instincts that the rest of the family can’t fully relate to. We see this especially in Five and Lila’s difficulties in showing emotional vulnerability and trusting others. This shared experience means they both understand the cost of their traumatic upbringings and can relate to each other’s emotional scars in ways others just won’t be able to. So already by this, they’re somewhat bonded from the start.

In other similarities both Five and Lila possess extraordinary intelligence and tactical thinking. They challenge each other in a way no one else does. This has been an ongoing thing between them, bouncing off each other and sometimes teaming up. It’s also what drew them to work on another mission together in S4, there has always been some kind of pull/push there. Personality-wise both Five and Lila have a dark sense of humor and a cynical outlook on the world. But despite the cynicism, they still manage to eventually relax and find humor in each other’s company. The lighter moments we’ve seen between them at times have been an interesting contrast to their otherwise serious and violent lifestyles. 

I do believe their shared backgrounds and personalities created a bond that was then further strengthened during the years they spent lost in the subway together. Isolated from the rest of the world, they literally only had each other for company. The intimacy and trust that grew between them was inevitable. When you have no one else to rely on, you’re going to develop a relationship stronger than under normal circumstances. So over those years, they must have grown close in ways that no one else could fully understand. Even though we didn't get to see every detail of how it unfolded (because the season was way too short), it’s not difficult to imagine.

I’d also say they naturally grew a bond stronger than with any other character at that time, except for the one between mother and child which is why Lila’s need to be with her children would always make her go home if given the chance. Five knew this and it’s the reason he kept the solution from her for months. 

Now, to my thoughts about their actions in regards to Diego as this is often brought up. The argument that Lila cheated on her husband with Five is understandable from a moral perspective, if we see it as just that without any context. But when you consider the circumstances it is way more nuanced. You have to look at not only the environment they found themselves in, but also the emotional and psychological journey they went through together. Their relationship was ultimately forged over a shared background and then several years of isolation. Then you add to the fact that Diego seems to have treated Lila like crap in the years leading up to the isolation, she said it herself he was always moping around and complaining while she sacrificed her life to stay at home and take care of the kids. She even told him she needed a break to reassess their relationship. I do believe her and Five had somewhat already begun an emotional affair before the isolation, the way they were sneaking off together and clearly wanted to keep their thing separate from Diego and the others. Yet they still didn’t get physical until they settled down, believing they weren’t gonna find a way back.

Also, it’s important to here consider the strength of the bond, as I mentioned earlier, that Five and Lila must have developed over those years. They knew each other better than anyone else by the end. Spending every day together in a survival situation with nothing else around would likely create an unparalleled level of intimacy and emotional closeness. This bond would probably transcend Lila’s previous relationship with Diego, and maybe even Five’s bond with his siblings. It’s been years since he returned to them and they had all grown in separate directions. Lila and Five however had recently experienced something life-changing together, and it is unfair to dismiss the strength of their connection as something unethical or out of character when their reality had shifted so drastically from when the show started.

Another important point here is how the relationship with Lila allowed Five to finally be "human" and emotionally open in a way he hadn’t allowed himself to be before. Five was obviously emotionally detached as a result of both his past trauma and the burden of being a hyper-intelligent man in the body of a boy. With Lila, he had the chance to just feel love and trust without worrying about anything else. So I do think this outweighs his “betrayal” against his brother as people claim.

Now on to how and why Five and Lila were endgame. I’m convinced that Lila did love Five despite her choice to leave their isolation. To me this was cemented as she didn’t deny her feelings when Diego asked her straight out. If she wanted to make Diego feel better she could have easily denied her feelings for Five to reassure him. Yet even when asked twice she couldn’t do it. There was also Lila’s look of relief when Five returned to them at the end. It was Five who Lila allowed to comfort her after she said goodbye to her family, trusting him in her most vulnerable moment instead of blipping back to Diego and the others. These events showed the deep trust and emotional intimacy that still existed between them after returning to “the real world”. Despite her saying it was over. I also want to add here that Lila took Five’s hand as they were dying, the look between them was for me at least silently saying they loved each other. 

So all in all I do believe that the connection and love between Five and Lila was authentic. It also made sense. They’re able to understand each other’s emotional complexities, including their darker tendencies, without needing to change who they are. Still their time together seemed to actually have softened them both when they finally had the chance to settle down, almost as if they were healing from past trauma together. This would forge a relationship that no one else could replicate without going through the same experience. Making Five and Lila a reasonable endgame, which they also were in my eyes considering they died holding hands.

----------------------

Summary:  Five and Lila's shared background of trauma, matched intelligence, and similar personalities means they make sense. They shared a bond that was only further strengthened during their years of isolation. For 7 years they only had each other to rely on. This inevitably created an intimacy and relationship that couldn’t be compared to what they had had with anyone else. Outweighing what they did to Diego when you consider all context. Lila and Five ended up being human and vulnerable with each other on a level they hadn’t been with anyone else. Ultimately Lila’s refusal to deny her feelings for Five, her relief when he returned, him comforting her as she sent her family away and then finally them dying hand-in-hand, showed that they were endgame.

[coppermarigolds]

Thanks to my reliably terrible timing, I didn't get into TBB hyperfixation/fandom until basically right as the show was ending. So I know I'm like 3.5 years late to this question, but how the heck did Crosshair survive 32 rotations on that Kaminoan platform?

At first I figured, maybe he stayed alive by collecting rainwater in his helmet and catching fish with the grappling attachment on his rifle, the same one he used to save Omega and AZI. Granted, I had no idea how he could cook the fish, but I guess if you're desperate enough you could eat them raw? (Not that that wouldn't open up a whole other host of potential problems.)

But then rewatching 1x15-16, I realized he doesn't even have his helmet with him--it got left behind when they all booked it out of the training room at the end of 1x15. And he doesn't have his rifle, either. He gives it to Wrecker in the previous scene, but then in this sequence it's just...missing entirely. There is a whole lot of nothing on that platform.

So maybe he used his boots to collect rainwater instead? That at least would keep him alive for a while. A cursory google search indicates a person can survive 3-4 weeks without food, if they have enough water. 32 days already puts him past the edge of that window. He must have been nothing but skin and bones when the Empire finally picked him up--to say nothing of the mental strain of spending a month completely alone, without shelter, on a planet where it rains almost constantly (the above scene is the only shot of Kamino I can recall where it's not pouring down hurricane levels of rain). I've watched enough episodes of Survivor to know that people's morale starts to deteriorate really quickly when they're out in the cold and rain without adequate shelter for even just a couple of days. (Granted, Crosshair being a soldier would have more mental fortitude and capacity to survive inhospitable conditions than your average reality show contestant, lol, but still. A solid month of rain pouring down on your head would wear anyone down, I imagine.)

Of course, it's possible, maybe even probable, that 32 Kaminoan rotations aren't equivalent to 32 Earth days. I don't recall Star Wars ever having addressed different planets having different rotational speeds, etc, but maybe 32 days on Kamino is more like a week on Earth, or something. Even that would still be an ordeal, but obviously easier to survive than a full month.

Anyway, I'm probably overthinking it, but I am curious if anyone involved with the show ever addressed this (I know many of them are/were active on social media). Yeah, this is a Disney cartoon with 23-minute episodes that have to stay (mostly) family-friendly, but I still wish they hadn't almost entirely glossed over how physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing that whole situation would have been.

Come to think of it, Glossing Over Really Traumatic Things could have been the name of this show, but I guess that's what fanfic is for.

[multifandom--mess]

Hannigram Fic Recs! pt.3

part 1 | part 2

here's some fic recs for youuu (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆ definitely took me way too long to add a part 3 to this but whatever, enjoy a variety of fics in no particular order that i've read the last few months that deserve to be shared and enjoyed ♡

old-fashioned divinity candy [series, ongoing]

Explicit, 115k+ | the relationship between old money, med student hannibal lecter and his newly rich sugar daddy, will graham

Like a Lucid Dream

Explicit, 75k | In the days following Will's fateful fall from the bluff, Molly Graham begins to understand the extent of her ignorance regarding Hannibal and Will's relationship. The discovery of her husband's deceit leads her to seek refuge and escape in their cottage in the mountains. There's only one problem: she's not the only one who is looking for a place to hide.

you swallow my heart and flee (but i want it back now)

Explicit, 65k | After they killed Francis Dolarhyde, Will was certain he pulled Hannibal off the cliff with him, but when he wakes up, he’s still on the edge of the bluff, surrounded by FBI agents and paramedics. It’s apparent Hannibal got away safely, and Will is put on the job to help find him. When Will finds Hannibal’s journal in his old cell, filled with entries about, and drawings of, himself, he sneaks it into the waistband of his pants and takes it home. It forces Will into dealing with his own feelings, and figuring out what he wants. Will can only hope the journal gives him the answers he seeks.

And the Winter Sheds His Grief in Snow

Mature, 4.5k | On a car ride, Will spots something... abnormal. And it somehow breaks the normality of their relationship, in ways neither of them expected.

According to Winston

Mature, 7.9k | Winston this, Winston that — everyone in Will Graham’s life is now privy to his new stray, the lucky seven of his pack of dogs. It comes as a surprise when Winston isn’t what anyone expected, and this new light sets a backdrop to Hannibal’s carefully manipulated plans to make Will into his full and whole self.

Mundane Madness

Explicit, 104k | After a traumatizing experience, Will decides that maybe he deserves a shot at a normal, healthy life. It just might be nice to have Hannibal at his side too.

Leviathan

Mature, 24k | Three years after they fell into the Atlantic, Hannibal and Will have made a new life for themselves in the sun-soaked Douro Valley. But old hurts and unaddressed fears lurk beneath the idyllic pretense, threatening to consume all semblance of peace.

Between Black and White: Crimson

Explicit, 9.6k | After surviving the fall and undergoing a proper treatment, Will and Hannibal moved to a place from the past to start their future together. Till death knocked at their door...again.

Suffer A Sea Change

Mature, 29k | Hannibal meets Will, a fisherman with something oceanic lingering behind his eyes, one stormy summer in coastal France.

Omnipotence Paradox

General Audiences, 14k | The trap springs too quickly in Florence. Will and Hannibal adapt.

There's Something So Lonesome About You

Explicit, 90k | When will Graham is released from the BSHCI, he realizes that there is little left for him with the FBI. He packs up the essentials (and Winston, of course), and leaves. Hannibal has to deal with the sudden loss of Will, and he is not very happy about it.

Leila Isabella

Mature, 11k | Will has been utterly miserable in the long months since Hannibal turned himself in, but he gave Hannibal an unexpected gift in the last hours before everything fell apart.

Hidden Place

Not Rated, 5.5k | Two years after the fall, Will and Hannibal share a heated evening in Cuba.

More Myself Than I Am

Explicit, 9k | Everyone has a soulmate. Someone they will connect with on such an intimate level that they are like one mind in two bodies. It comes on the cusp of adulthood, a shared link between two minds. It will start with feelings, emotions shared across the connection. Some people claim senses; smell and sound. Those who are thoroughly, intensely intertwined can claim to send their very thoughts towards each other, although it’s generally considered bad luck to use the connection to find each other sooner than you are meant to. It is a wonderful thing, to know that no matter who you are or what you’ve done, somebody out there will understand you. Or at least, it’s supposed to be.

In the Darkest Recess

Mature, 12.7k | As a child, Hannibal has problems making friends. A therapist gives him a doll to practice social skills on. Hannibal calls him Will, and quickly becomes obsessed with his new best friend. He never leaves it, even when he begins to hear Will's voice in his head, promising that he will never leave Hannibal, as long as Hannibal is willing to give him 'life to live'. Great love, after all, requires great sacrifice.

[courtmartialme]

can't let gang know i fw omegaverse and the cool biological factors of it all (take this as a free card to talk more about the royai omegaverse au. please.)

if your friends wouldn't support you on omegaverse shenanigans then WHAT are they even for ...

talking to friends(supportive fellow enjoyers of bad wolf science inspired fiction) about it yesterday and going insane... so many situations to put riza through...!!! can't stop thinking about riza's first heat after she stops taking suppressants. it being so intense and painful because of all the heats she wasn't having properly for all those years, and riza being so conflicted because she wants roy to be there with her so bad but she also feels so humiliated she wants him to not go near her...

so, riza in a moment of pure heatsickness and childhood trauma smelling the whiff of a nearby alpha(roy) and lashing out at him. getting scared because the intensity of it reminds her of the traumatic experience that was her first heat😁😁😁 roy understands this is difficult for riza so he gets ready to leave, until riza's anger fades and she's just scared and hallucinating and feverish she calls out for Mr Mustang, because even though she barely remembers what happened during her first heat she never forgot the gentleness he treated her with that time... and roy is conflicted because she's begging for someone he is not anymore after she just told the current him to fuck off _(:3 」∠)_ but roy obviously folds and goes back to riza even if he has to pretend to be someone he was before he hurt her ,,, he will be whoever riza needs the most in this moment,,, <3 <3 <3

[umamusu]

The way I view this scene isn’t Jon being inconsiderate or not understanding what Jay’s going through it’s more of he knows Jay’s hurting and caught up in all these feelings but he doesn’t want him to say or do something that he’ll regret and will hurt him even more. Especially since Nia’s family is still alive, if they were to die, it would hit even harder and turn into a “why did all of that even have to happen” moment.

And as for him asking Jay to move and start a new life with him:

Coming from personal experience of dealing with a traumatic life event this year and someone’s there trying to comfort you, I view this more as Jon panicking.

I view it as a moment where you or someone is freaking the fuck out because something irrevocably terrible has happened and a person is wrapping their arms around you frantically telling you “it’s going to be okay it’s going to be okay it’s going to be okay” trying to calm you down as best they can while the adrenaline is pumping.

And seeing as Jon just dealt with a traumatic experience himself, he probably doesn’t know how to comfort Jay in a way that would help at the moment, but wants to find a way to make things better in the end. Plus he’s trying to hurry and fix the mess Waller made since he had a huge part in it👀

[blazinghotfoggynights]

How straight men DON'T behave.

Thinking about their girlfriends does not give straight men panic attacks. They might panic if they are thinking of their girlfriends in public and realize they really need to keep their crotch covered. Otherwise, this is not normal behavior for a straight man.

Telling your friends/family that dating women requires you to put on a performance is not straight man behavior. If straight guys are "performing" on dates, it is getting into character to get her to like him enough to hopefully have a real relationship, but a lot of the times, just to get into her panties.

When a straight man realizes someone has set him up with a beautiful woman, he doesn't look for the nearest exit immediately or get angry. He's probably trying to figure out a way to impress her enough to at least get invited inside for a nightcap.

If the woman a straight man has been dating for a while invites him over, alone, they are not doing math unless it is add each other together, subtract clothing, divide legs, and multiply.

Straight men do not look at women and think, "Who would be the best mother for my son?" They don't wonder, "Which would make the most impressive wife to my family?" I have known many straight men who thought it was okay to share every thought they have. I have been traumatized by what goes on in their heads. I can't write most of what they shared here.

Edmundo Diaz has done all of the above.

That man is written as a textbook closeted, repressed, in denial, or unknowingly gay man. Not bi. Not pan. Definitely not hetero.

Demisexuality does not explain his relationships with women completely. It may explain his choice to engage in a relationship with Shannon, who was his good friend. It does not explain his inability to fully connect with any woman. You can be demi and gay, straight, bi, pan, ace, or whatever. You may even be demisexual and identify as a sexuality but possibly be open to other options.,

Whatever Edmundo is, I am convinced of one thing based on nothing more than his canonical romantic history:

Eddie

Diaz.

Is.

Not.

Really.

Heterosexual.

He just plays one in front of the 118, his family, and the rest of the world.

[onim5]

Isekai Au

Chapter 4: The Moving Room

Portgas D. Ace x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing

----------------------

Ace sighed as he got locked out. "I'm not lying. . . . ." He tried explaining. "Can I have my hat, at least?" Ace yells. You open the door and push his hat and knife towards him. "Oh, you also had that." He says. Only to get the door closed on him. So what now?

Ace wanted to puke upon seeing the moving room. There's no way in hell he takes that. So he began walking down the stairs. As he had come down three floors, he realized the big numbers next to the stairs was what floor he was on, 35.

Sighing Ace gives up immediately and goes to the moving room. He quickly figured out that the button right next to the doors without handles is what opens them. And to his amusement, they open before him. Feeling confident, he unfortunately finds a lot more buttons.

You looked into the fridge. This guy had eaten too much. Grabbing your purse and phone, you prepare to leave. As the elevator door opens, you find Ace standing casually at the corner. "Nope." You say closing the door. "No, wait! I can't get out!" Ace, reach out, but the doors begin to close again, so he retreats back.

Rising an eyebrow, you open the elevator doors again. Ace sat this time in the corner, plugging his ear with his hands. Walking in, you awkwardly pushed the right buttons. You saw as Ace jerked his body to hold the pole on the wall. "Oh, you're here." He mumbles, embarrassed. "What did you do on the floor." You ask, pointing at the corner. "Um, well, I thought that loud alarm thingy would start again." Ace addmits.

"How long have you been here?" You ask knowing you kicked him out fifteen minutes ago. "I dunno, you don't happen to be on your way out?" Ace asks hopefully.

"I am." And just as you say that, the door opens to Ace's freedom. He followed you a bit too closely, and then at last, he was outside.

You immediately left him to gawk at the tall buildings surrounding him. And not even a minute later, you hear screams. Looking back to Ace, you found him running over the road, almost getting hit. "Oh, f#ck! He wasn't lying." You basically yell to yourself as you run back and then safely get over the road.

"Ace, you're not gonna survive if you keep up like this. I guess you can stay with me. But you have to listen and not question when I say stuff." You pushed the flat button on the traffic light and waited for it to start ticking. Then, you had to push Ace over the road. "Oi, are you insane!? We're gonna get hit!" Ace says still a bit traumatized from a minute ago.

The people around stared, very judgingly and confused at you two. Ace realized the big things had stopped. "They stopped. Don't worry I get us back." Ace says as he picks you up and runs over. "I don't know what these land beasts are. But we should stay away." He explained to you as he ran up to the wall as far as away from the land beasts as possible.

"I'm good at fighting, but these guys are pretty fast, and there's so many. . . ." Ace analyze still holding you in his muscular arms. "Oh, good thing I don't live here." You mumbled to embarrassed to speak out loud.

It took a while, but at last, you had Ace back in your apartment. "So another world you say. That's new."

----------------------------

End of chapter 4.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Masterlist