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#what if i make her hate me what if im still not enough.i am setting myself up to get my heart broken in themost spectacular worldending way.
groupwest
·
3 months
Text
Want to actually kill myself :-/
#not really 😿
#i just. i feel that i am making a mistake 😿 and it's horrible because the mistake i am making is the only thing i have ever really wanted
#its fucking worth it i guess. is it? apparently love is worth it even when it makes you want to die
#maybe love shouldnt make you want to die. maybe its me thats broken. if its good and beautiful i dont deserve it but if it's hard and ugly
#then you just hate yourself because it must be your fault and you must be able to do better
#and i just love her so much but what if she cant get better. i know she can. but what if i cant save her
#what if i end up so much more doomed for my efforts. what if i spend another two years trying to keep my head above water trying to solve
#unsolvable problems and fighting a loosing battle against someone who?
#should be my partner my friend my equal
#trying to fill someones head with love and goodness in vein because they wont let go or loosen their grip on their trauma responses
#will i really be able to live the life i want to live if i keep promising her the world. what if i just fail once again for thebillionthtime
#what if i make her hate me what if im still not enough.i am setting myself up to get my heart broken in themost spectacular worldending way.
#and its actually horrifying. i want to live under a fucking rock forever and never make any fri3nds ever again because maybe I'll finally
#feel safe that way. yay
#who up catastrophising with me tonight. yippee. lets all hold hands so tight
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