#what honestly could have been 3 hours of writing and 10 min of organizing the post took like 3 weeks

[holaseniorahoe]

Runaways [Part 2/3- A New Beginning]

Notes: This was meant to be done a week after the first one but it slipped my mind and then I definitely could have posted last week but I had to take finals (which I passed hallelujah) But hear it is now!

Warnings: It's really just fluff and comfort but if there are let me know

The crisp, fresh air of Liyue greeted you as you stepped off the ship, a gentle breeze carrying the scent of salt and ocean spray. The bustling port was alive with activity: merchants calling out their wares, travelers and sailors hurrying about, and the faint melodies of a guzheng drifting through the air. It was a far cry from the icy stillness of Snezhnaya, and yet, for the first time in months, you felt a sense of peace settle within you.

You glanced up at Ajax, who was taking in the sights with a relaxed smile on his face. Gone was the sharp, almost predatory edge that accompanied him back in Snezhnaya—his gaze softened, his posture loose and at ease. Dressed in a simple travel coat and trousers, he didn't look anything the Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui.

“Liyue, huh?” he murmured, his voice carrying a note of wonder. “Can’t say I ever imagined myself settling down here.”

You smiled, squeezing his hand gently. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The harbor, the mountains… everything feels so vibrant. So alive.”

He nodded, his eyes never leaving your face. “Yeah. It suits you,” he said softly, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “It’s exactly what you deserve.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest at his words, and you turned your gaze back to the port, watching as people went about their day without a care in the world. This place was so different from Snezhnaya—not just in temperature or landscape, but in spirit. There was a sense of calm, a sense of purpose that seemed to permeate the very air itself.

“Let’s find a place to stay first,” you suggested, shifting your travel bag on your shoulder. “Maybe somewhere near the outskirts, where it’s quieter?”

“Of course. We can take our time,” Ajax agreed readily, his lips curving into a smile. “No need to rush anything.”

His voice was light, but you knew there was more weight to his words. The frantic days of running, the constant fear of being discovered, the sleepless nights spent on the road—all of it was behind you now. Liyue was a chance to start fresh, to build a life free from the constraints of your family or the looming shadow of the Fatui.

Hand in hand, the two of you made your way through the city, stopping occasionally to take in the sights or inquire about rental properties. The people of Liyue were kind, their eyes curious but not judgmental. You could sense the way Ajax relaxed further with each passing minute, his shoulders losing the tension that had become almost habitual over the past few months.

It took the better part of the day, but by late afternoon, you found a small, cozy house on the outskirts of Liyue Harbor. It was nestled at the base of a hill, surrounded by flowering trees and overlooking a gorgeous pond. The house itself was modest and well-maintained, with a warm, welcoming atmosphere that made you feel at home the moment you stepped inside.

“I think�� this might be it,” you murmured, looking around the quaint living space. The furniture was simple—wooden chairs, a small table, a hearth—but it was perfect. It was a place you could see yourself filling with laughter, with love, with memories.

Ajax stepped up behind you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “Yeah?” he murmured, his voice low and content. “You like it?”

You nodded, leaning back against him. “I do. It feels safe. Like we could really build something here.”

He pressed a soft kiss to the side of your neck, his lips brushing against your skin in a tender caress. “Then this is where we’ll stay,” he whispered. “I’ll talk to the landlord and get everything sorted out. You just relax, okay?”

You hummed in agreement, letting your eyes drift shut for a moment as you basked in the warmth of his embrace. It felt surreal, being here like this, imagining a future together when not too long ago, you’d been on the run with nothing but a few belongings and a desperate hope for freedom.

“Ajax,” you murmured softly, “are you… happy?”

His grip on you tightened slightly, and you felt his breath hitch before he answered. “Yeah,” he said quietly, his voice filled with emotion. “I am. More than I’ve ever been.”

You turned in his arms, your hands coming up to cradle his face. His blue eyes shone with a vulnerability you rarely saw, the mask he wore as a Harbinger nowhere to be found. There was only Ajax—the man who had risked everything for you, who had given up his position and his power to be by your side.

“I love you,” you whispered, the words escaping in a rush of sincerity. “I love you so much, Ajax. I don’t know how I could ever repay you for—”

“Shh,” he hushed you gently, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “You don’t have to repay me for anything. Being with you, being able to do this… it’s enough. You’re enough.”

You blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over, nodding fervently as you leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. It was slow and sweet, a promise of the life you would build together here, a life that was yours and yours alone.

When you finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, his hands resting on your lower back. “Let’s get you settled in,” he murmured, his voice still tinged with that same, soft affection. “You need to rest.”

You smiled, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair from his face. “You worry too much.”

“And you don’t worry enough,” he teased lightly, his grin widening. “You’re pregnant, love. I’m allowed to be a little overprotective.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart swelled with warmth at his words. “Fine, fine. But you have to promise not to smother me, alright?”

He chuckled, his eyes bright with laughter. “No promises, but I’ll try.” He pulled away slightly, his expression a bit more serious. “I mean it, though. I’ll take care of everything. You focus on resting, on taking care of yourself and the baby.”

You nodded, a surge of gratitude and love flooding your chest. “Okay, Ajax. I trust you.”

His smile softened, and he leaned down to kiss you one last time before stepping back. “Then let’s make this place ours,” he said softly, a determined glint in his eyes. “Together.”

And so, the two of you began the process of settling in. Ajax handled the negotiations with the landlord and the logistics of moving in, while you focused on making the small house feel like home—arranging the few belongings you had, adding personal touches here and there.

As the days turned into weeks, a routine slowly formed. Ajax took up odd jobs around the harbor to earn money—nothing too flashy or dangerous, just enough to support the two of you while keeping a low profile. You spent your time exploring Liyue, getting to know the city and its people, finding new spots to relax and enjoy the peacefulness that surrounded you.

Each day brought new challenges, new worries, but also new joys. The first time you felt the baby kick, the way Ajax’s eyes lit up as he pressed his hand to your belly, his expression filled with awe—it was a moment you would cherish forever.

Life wasn’t perfect, and there were nights when the fear of being discovered kept you awake, your mind racing with possibilities and what-ifs. But every time, without fail, Ajax would hold you close, whispering reassurances until the fear melted away.

And as the months passed, your little house became filled with laughter, with love, with the sounds of a new life taking root.

[agentzakura]

LoveFanFest 2019

Ok, so a lot of people asked me what happened at #LFF2019 since I was clearly upset last week. Things have settled down a bit so I figured I’d spend time today making my thread. 

TLDR; ClexaCon is a dream compared to LoveFanFest. LFF needs better communication and customer service. Lack of transparency and asking for money left and right… The queer fandom deserves better than that. Listen to Laura Hollis.

https://lovehollistein.tumblr.com/post/151126971734/you-deserve-better

So first of all, the good stuff. I did like my trip to Barcelona. I got to see a really beautiful city and hang out with friends I’d never met IRL or haven’t seen in a long time. It was a wonderful experience from that aspect. When I first joined the fandom I asked Gabi what the best part of cons was and her answer was meeting other fans. She was absolutely right. While I’m grateful I get to geek out on my faves and have my briefest moments with them, I loved talking to other people in line and getting to know them in person after interacting with them online. 

The actual con was frustrating and disappointing. Before anyone tries to invalidate my experience, please keep it to yourself or DM me. There are far too many people jumping to defend LFF without any context. Things like, “It’s hard to make a con"… "Cons aren’t free”…”It’s just European culture.” Or even “It wasn’t that bad.” Comments like that don’t help at all. I’ve been to big cons before and I’ve volunteered at them. If I had the time, I would start my own convention and almost did. Believe me. I don’t take writing things like this lightly. Also, the heat wave didn’t help anything but to blame behavior on that alone is nonsensical. 

LoveFanFest as a whole was just not organized very well. We received the schedule a few days prior. It was filled with mistakes. They sold a lot of the extras at a discount months earlier and if I had known that things would have conflicted I wouldn’t have bought the things I did. Especially since their attitude is sorry no refunds or exchanges no matter what. 

Day 0 

Registration was a mess and the lines made no sense. 1 line to get your main badge, 1 line for Earpers, 1 line for Creampuffs, the last line for other guests. I immediately regretted the handful of Earper extras I bought. I spent 2 hours in line longer than my other friends because of it. 

The ticketing didn’t make sense. It was confusing figuring out which one was Sat/Sun. They looked nice printed but got collected and thrown away. They’re easily lost and it was a pain to try to get them all with the multiple lines. Why can’t you use Eventbrite digital tickets as they were intended? I heard after the fact that tickets weren’t even checked properly. One person couldn’t switch their ticket, but went up on the other day anyway and they didn’t pay attention to the day on it. Some people were able to 

I also missed the beach clean up my friend organized, so that day was so disappointing. 

Day 1 

Breakfast with the guests was one of the few highlights. I like how it was split into smaller groups. 3 guests max with 10 attendees I think. At ClexaCon is was really hard to hear whatever was saying because all the breakfasts/lunches were at the same time and I felt like I was shouting across the table. In fact, at ClexaCon Natasha had to walk up to people individually to talk to them because she couldn’t hear them. 

I bought more extras for Hollstein. I knew I had more autographs for the things I brought and got more photo ops and selfies. Early in the morning I brought it to the staff’s attention that the Hollstein panel and my Mel and Isabella photo ops overlapped. I’m a Creampuff more than anything, so that was a really big deal for me. I asked if I could swap the tickets instead for the Sunday. Sunday their photo ops occurred when I had nothing else scheduled. In all fairness, the person at the extras register passing out the tickets was really nice. They were really patient with me and assured me everything was fine. I told them about what I wanted to do and they said they couldn’t change the tickets because they were “limited” and may be sold out for the next day. Another staff member assured me that there would be 15 min that doesn’t overlap with the Hollstein panel so I can take my pictures before it. I was just told to tell the volunteer at the ops that I needed to make a panel and skip to the front of the line. The original staff member told me to come back and talk to them if what I was told didn’t work out. I was grateful and hoped I didn’t have to come back… Of course, it wasn’t that simple. 

There was no volunteer at the front of the line. The volunteers I did find had no idea what was going on. The Hollstein panel was about to start so I had to run back upstairs and talk to them again. I was passed onto another staff member. She seemed to be one of the head people. She called over a Spanish speaking volunteer to escort me down and get me to the head of the line and I got them done. I still missed half of the first Hollstein panel because of it though. I ran in behind one of my friends in press who also had the same conflict. Of course, no recording is allowed so who knows when I’ll get to see that footage. 

I don’t understand why photo ops tickets are per person. Maybe I was spoiled at ClexaCon with 4 people max to a photo. I bought an Earper trio to do a BayHaught photo with a friend. This was my first con where I’d meet Mel. We found out that we had to pay for another ticket just for her to join in mine. Which is insane. It literally takes the same amount time to have one more person join. Trios are not cheap. Around €130 for one person for less than 5 seconds to pose?! My friend was nice enough to pay to be in the photo anyway.

  Autographs were ok up to a certain point. I stood in line for Natasha and Elise because I wanted to make sure I got to see them.  I wasn’t looking forward to getting the Earp autographs. Dom's line was crazy and went outside the door and I assume around the lobby. Plus, the trio photos hadn’t printed yet, so I was essentially waiting for that. The reason I bought Dom, Kat, and Mel’s autographs that day is because I had the photo ops. For some reasons, LFF only has one person in charge of the printing and it took forever to get them on the tables. The trio took the longest. When I was done with Natasha's and Elise’s line, I went to Mel’s and waited. Again, most of my friends are Creampuffs so it was basically just me in line waiting. I wanted to see if someone else could get the autograph for me, but that didn’t go well either. I got to the front of Mel’s line with nothing to sign. The trio photos weren’t out yet. I couldn’t swap my autographs for the next day. The one rule LFF was very adamant about regardless of your situation. The poor volunteer had to call one of the staff members over to see what could be done. It was the same woman from last time who had a volunteer take me to the photo ops. I think she said her name was Maria or Michelle or some name that started with an M. I told her the only thing I wanted to get signed was the trio photo and it wasn’t printed yet. She told me that LFF never guaranteed that the photos would be done by the end of the day. Essentially, she was telling me I was SOL. I asked if I could switch my autographs to the next day so I had my photo to be signed. She flat out told me no. That’s when I started to get upset and asked her what I needed to do then. LFF doesn’t give headshots for them to sign. You have to pay extra for those. She told me I needed to get something else signed. The fact that I didn’t have anything else didn’t matter. It was frustrating because at that point I really didn’t care and would be damned if I had to pay any more money because they were inflexible with their tickets. 

That’s when things got really bad. As I was trying to explain why I didn’t want to pay more money for a headshot I didn’t even want just to use these tickets, the staff member told me I needed to stop yelling and being rude or they wouldn’t help me.  There was no yelling. There was me trying to explain my frustration with what they were doing and asking them to come to some sort of compromise. I’ve worked in customer service. I’ve had people cuss me out or try to attack me. What I was doing was not threatening. I get it. You have policies. You can’t bend the rules for everyone. But what really got t o me was she then she proceeded to accuse me of not asking the right questions and projected the blame on me. I can still see her in my face, repeatedly saying, “Well, did you ask? Did you ask?” She didn’t believe me. It was frustrating. It’s not like I’m trying to score free things. I just wanted to get what I paid for.

My friends saved the day by finding the trio photo and M person let me go to the front of the line for all my trouble, but it wasn’t a redeeming experience. Instead of being happy to meet Mel for the first time, Kat, and Dom, I was on edge and could hardly speak. Most of the disagreement happened to the side of Mel’s auto table. Mel was so nice and hilarious. Kat was so nice and understood why I brought my daughter to the M&G at CCUK. Dom and her handlers were really sweet and made sure that people in line had water and a little something to eat. I can say I shared a bowl of chips with Dom now. 😄 But I felt like absolute garbage by the end of it. 

I had two more autographs with Mel for Sunday, but I honestly didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Day 2

The second day was pretty low key until I thought I left the Mel autograph tickets at the Airbnb. I honestly had no interest to line up in the line that never ends for a second day so I was giving them away. I went to the Airbnb and had a mini breakdown because 1) I couldn’t find the tickets (I found them in my wallet a little later. 2) In trying to hurry, I also left my agenda at home and looked at the schedule. I saw that I had missed the single photo ops for Natasha and Elise. Time to panic again.

I had a Trio Carmilla photo op and a Hollstein duo photo op, so we thought that they would be ok with me doing my singles at the same time. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy… I took my trio photo and the staff and the handlers weren’t sure how to handle the situation. At first I was told that I would need to fall back in line and do it after the duo. I was completely fine with this because I had to get a prop I had left down the hall with my friends. Then I was told that I needed to do the solos right that second because the photographer was “on time” and didn’t feel like they wouldn’t have time to do the solos. Not even for the minute or so it would take me to get my prop and get back to them. I was calm about it as they talked amongst themselves, but honestly couldn’t believe that it was happening again. It took longer for them to argue about what to do than it probably would have taken me to get the prop.

I stood there just watching the interaction in disbelief when Natasha came over to me and asked what was going on and I lost it. Not like anger, but just crying out of frustration from the situation. Tears flowing freely as my emotions overwhelmed me.This was supposed to be my solo trip and fun half way across the world and I’m being told yet again, they might not honor the tickets I bought. Natasha assured me it would work out. We ended up doing the photo ops after the Hollstein duo… But two other fans had single photo ops they did after… So I did understand why they made a big fuss out of me doing it. I was done at the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t enjoy the last Hollstein panel and closing ceremony was hard to sit through. My only moments of reprieve happened when I found some Creampuffs and hung out in their hotel room for a bit before the closing.

Autographs after the second day were not too bad. I still gave away my autographs to EarpItForward. I had to buy a photo of Mel for them to get signed. I didn’t like my photo ops with Isabella, so I ended up buying her headshot too. I had picked one I saw originally that I really liked, but then I saw someone get another Isabella head shot, which was even better. I asked if I could switch it because I didn’t know that the other con photo was available. Thankfully I did get it, but not without an offhanded comment from M person about how I should have asked before then I would have known. Like why say things like that?

I’m just glad that Natasha and Elise were really sweet and took time with us. Elise is pretty masterful with the selfies. Natasha also made sure we were happy with it before we left too. I had a couple of friends say they were rushed during the last moments, but thankfully I was at least saved from that. I even forgot to do my selfie with Natasha and they let me go back up and take it.

My nightmare continues as I wait to see if I get the rest of the digital print downloads I purchased. There’s some obscure issue where if you don’t click some check box correctly you only download one picture and then you have to contact them to get the rest. I swear the pop up I had asked if it was ok to download multiples and I clicked accept... I still only got one photo. I’m incredibly frustrated because they tweeted that but didn’t include it in any emails with the photos. How is someone who doesn’t have Twitter suppose to know? They also posted all the M&G photos, but haven’t bothered to message me back. 

Honestly, I don’t get how #Clexacapocalypse became a thing. My experience with them far exceeded the miserable experience I had at LoveFanFest. I’d honestly go to Barcelona again to hangout with friends, but things seriously need to change before I even think about that convention again. I wish the people who also had an issue would speak up as well. Nothing will change if no one says anything. Just my 2 cents.

[thokage-archive]

Momojirou?? For the ship thing ( ´ ♡ ` )

please send me a ship and I will tell you

HOLY SHIT ITS BEEN 2 WEEKS SINCE U SENT ME THIS I AM SO SO SORRY. I just really really really love them & knew I had to do right by them and I had to give myself a break from writing bc I’ve been doing so much for school. Nevertheless, I present to you momojirou.....

who’s the cuddler: Kyouka!!! and honestly who blames her. Yaomomo is so much taller than her & makes the perfect big spoon, plus shes just so soft and her hair is so nice and fluffy kyouka doesn’t even mind when it tickles her face. Cuddling is a constant in their relationship and typically what 1 on 1 studying devolves to. 

who makes the bed: Kyouka, because Yaoyorozu has apparently never made a bed in her life as she always had maids do it for her growing up. She didn’t even know how to change her own sheets until she moved into the dorms and Kyouka had to help her when she was doing her laundry for the first time. Tragic, truly, but Kyouka takes pity on her because she knows how yaomomo feels about not immediately being the best at everything, even new things.  

who wakes up first: Yaoyorozu!! That girl’s hair takes waaaayyyyy to long to do every morning. It's a curly tangled mess when she wakes up and it probably takes her a solid half an hour to 45 mins and about 6 different products for her to get it back into that slick ponytail.

who has the weird taste in music: Depends on what you define as weird. Yaoyorozu is the exact stereotype of every rich kid ever when it comes to music and prefers listening to classical music when she studies because it's easy for her to get in the zone too, she also plays the piano. When she isn’t studying though she just listens to the playlists Kyouka makes her because they make her heart all warm and fuzzy and remind her of Kyouka and yeah all that cute gushy shit. 

Kyouka, on the other hand, can listen to some real heavy metal shit. She listens to a little bit of everything. EXCEPT COUNTRY BC HONESTLY NO THANKS, SHE WAS RAISED RIGHT. But other than that she likes techno, pop, alternative, indie, punk, and classic rock. Although angsty girl bands/artists and new wave punk and punk-pop are def in her wheelhouse. Some of her favs of today are Haim, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the front bottoms, fall out boy (old & new tbh), Lights, Tegan and Sara, Chvrches, Sky Ferreira, FIDLAR, and KANA-BOON. (this is totally me self-projecting just a lil, also these are all on the playlist I made her lmao) 

who is more protective: Kyouka. Boy oh boy is that girl smol but will fight anyone and everything on the planet to protect her tol tol gf. Kyouka has a lot of anger that she typically keeps inside and only lets out through music or when she's training, but a good way to test her temper is to make Momo upset in any capacity. She 100% has fought Bakugou (& won because I fully believe she could kick his ass if she wanted to) for calling Momo “ponytail” 

who sings in the shower: Yaoyorozu! She showers at night (because it would honestly be way too annoying to shower in the morning w/ her hair) so the stalls are never occupied and she normally has the whole girls bathroom to herself! Shes always singing little bits and pieces from songs Kyouka has shown her that get stuck in her head. 

who cries during movies: Kyouka, that girl is a big softy at heart, and any movie with a killer soundtrack that just really hits you in the heart is guaranteed to make her cry. Toy story 3? Weeping. When Groot “dies” in Guardians of the Galaxy? Puddle o tears. Katniss singing to Rue in the Hunger Games? Don’t even LOOK at her. 

who spends the most while out shopping: Yaoyorozu, no surprises here. The girl has very expensive taste, I mean you did see what she did to her dorm room right? I imagine her closet is no different, she owns like 10 Chanel bags. It’s really not her fault though, she was just raised a certain way, and honestly, if Kyouka could afford it she would probably buy sound/music equipment every day. Not to mention a new guitar sounds nice. 

who kisses more roughly: Kyouka and this poor girl is not very good at it. LISTEN, she just loves Yaoyorozu A LOT. Like, a lot, a lot. And every time she looks at yaomomo’s perfect little face she just wants to smooch her. And maybe she’s a little rough about it sometimes because maybe, just maybe, she’s not the most delicate or graceful person in the world. She just wants her girlfriend to know how beautiful she is and that she loves and appreciates her and wants her to believe in herself the way Kyouka believes in her. 

who is more dominate: Kyouka, although not by much. Yaoyorozu lacks the confidence to be the more dominating one but she is very blunt with what she wants because her relationship with Kyouka is her first so she doesn’t know any other way to be. Also, she is just a very organized person in general so she is always planning out all of their dates well in advance and fitting in extra study time or hang out time with Kyouka into her schedule.

Kyouka, however, is straightforward because she wants to be. She wants Yaoyorozu to know how much she loves her and appreciates her and thinks she could be the #1 hero if that's what she truly wanted. But also Kyouka is great at communicating. She can sense when things are off with Yaoyorozu and isn’t afraid to ask her about it or give her her space when she needs it. 

my rating of the ship from 1-10: *promptly inserts 10 million different heart emojis* UM I WOULD DIE FOR THEM. They are by far my fav bnha ship. I give them a 100000000/10. And just for the record, there are NOT enough momojirou fics out there friends, I would know bc I have read every single one of them folks (if u want a recommendation list just slide right back into my asks my dudes). My #2 ship is Kiribaku in case u were wondering (although they are very very close to being tied for #1) and then I probably would tie tododeku & tsuchako at 3rd place and Miritama at 4th. After that, I don’t even know, probably like kamisero, erasermic, and naomight. Or myself and fatgum lmao don't look at me. I can’t possibly be the only one who lowkey highkey wants to bone fatgum right????

[brianna-lei]

Butterfly Soup Asks #16

This time including the squad as DnD characters, Liz facts, Noelle getting her yaoi education, and more

I’ve only played Dungeons & Dragons once (1) in my life so I’m no expert! I’d consider my thoughts suggestions (like with my takes on the charaters’ MBTI types, which I’m not an expert of either): 

Noelle as a Wizard sounds right, since she definitely can’t do anything reliant on physical strength. She would be an asshole and attempt things like building a Clone Army

AKARSHA THE BARD. Rogue sounds too cool for her

Diya: I actually want to say she’s a Ranger because the Wiki on 5th edition says “The Beast Master archetype forges a connection between civilization and beasts, allowing the character to interact with animals in certain ways including gaining an animal companion to control.“ Fighter and Knight also sound plausible though! 

Min: Barbarian with high Strength and no Intelligence and Wisdom

I don’t want to say too much because I want to save things for the sequel, but here’s some stuff:

She actually played against Diya in youth leagues before she transitioned. That’s why she recognizes Diya+specifically approached her to sign the baseball club form while Diya doesn’t recognize her. At the first club meeting Liz tells her “I was at one of your games when you were little” -- This is purposefully ambiguous/misleading (sounds like Liz was just watching) because she passes and doesn’t want to out herself to a bunch of club members she doesn’t know well

After transitioning she quit baseball and switched to softball. It was weird being the one trans girl on a team of cis dudes, and additionally when she was younger she sort of felt like she had to prove she was a girl; she naturally has feminine taste, but she’d overperform it by 25%. It wasn’t until she got close to Chryssa and found out she also liked baseball that she reclaimed her interest in it

She has a nice resting face so strangers tend to ask her for directions 

Sunburns easily

Yesss check the FAQ guys! Fangames are fine as long as you explicitly say it’s a fangame!! 

I’m almost mad I didn’t think of this myself. I’m one of those people who overuses “spoopy” 

All art in the game (including the title screen) can be downloaded here!

NO!!! 

Noelle. The day the others find out will be the End of her

Akarsha was reading some yaoi so it came up in conversation, and since Noelle had never heard of it Akarsha gleefully educated her (to Noelle’s horror). Noelle was extremely scandalized that Akarsha kept sending her inappropriate images, and Akarsha was like “i’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart! it’s for ur education!! me: Master Teacher. call me sensei”  

Following this Akarsha changed her chat name to YAOI SEME as seen at the beginning of the game 

Diya and Noelle: Never tried it

Min: Has tried it 

Akarsha: She constantly makes weed jokes but actually only does it rarely 

Yes, I’m planning on exploring this more in the sequel! 

Diya; Dee-ya. Rhymes with “See ya”

Min-seo: Korean way, but most characters like Diya pronounce it like Min-so, with the “Min” rhyming with “win” (not like “mean”). The “so” is one syllable (not like “see oh”)  

Akarsha: uh-KAR-sha

Noelle: No L 

I was planning on making the sprites blink! I’m still a bit sad I didn’t end up doing it

It’s supposed to be fall 2008 when they’re in high school, but I took a LOT of artistic liberties when it came to the references. For example, Akarsha makes a Durarara reference even though the anime didn’t come out until 2010, and there’s a lot of modern memes that ended up in there too...I couldn’t hold back...

The IGF trailer video is especially modern-day meme-wise -- since it broke the 4th wall, it was like, all bets are off. Don’t think too hard about it!

I wanted to put a lot of 90s and early 00s hits in the game for the nostalgia factor, like Complicated, Rock Your Body, Dilemma, etc. I think it would’ve made the experience even more surreal for players who are around my age!

I don’t own the rights to all the music so I can’t distribute it around for people to download! Here’s where you can find everything:

Thought Projection by Ketsa

Holding Your Breath by Ketsa

Thoughts of You by Ketsa

2011-13 by Ketsa

Miyauchi Yuri/110515 (miltata remix) by Miltata

Night Tourist by Miltata

Sound413_Images(short) by Miltata

Sound429_Floating Cloud (draft) by Miltata

Side by Side by Miltata

Blooming by Miltata

Romaras by Miltata

Little Circle by Miltata

Daydream by Miltata

Calling Project 2 by .que

Flame of Love by YOSHI

Valar Morghulis by Bloodgod

Overflowing by Tatsuya Kato

My Heart Will Go On - Recorder By Candlelight by Matt Mulholland

At one point Diya finds out what it means on her own. After she finds out, she uses it for the actual meaning :) (added this to the FAQ now) 

I can totally relate to all of them, but I’d say Diya! (added this to the FAQ now) 

that sounds a bit alarming

(I added this to the FAQ page now, thanks for reminding me)  I’m fine with people shipping whatever!! The only thing I can think of that’d make me uncomfortable is incest and shipping Diya and Min with male characters – other than that, go nuts

Oh noo im sorry, that must’ve been stressful! For those who don’t know, I chatted about my game for a few minutes last week with MEGA (a USC club I used to be in!). I’ve adapted them here with what I assume what the questions were: 

1. Is that your cat on your Skype icon? 

yeah it is!! it's burrito 

(people think it’s a cute name) 

LOL glad you guys approve

2. Was the game made in Renpy? What do you think of Renpy vs. Twine? 

yep! it's made in renpy! I actually started out in twine -- twine is impossible if your game is like longer than an hour and is image heavy. the engine started lagging so bad it would take 30 secs to do anything

2. Would you eat a tiny 2 inch man for $100 million?

LOL it's hard..it's a lot of money. I don't think I would

(but you could use that money to save many more lives! utilitarianism) 

it's a real dude tho! i'd feel awful for him haha it's hard when you have to physically do it LOL

3. How long did it take for you to make Butterfly Soup? 

FOREVER. I thought of it in my junior year over winter break

4. Was it for school (like an assignment)? 

nah! just on my own

(people saying that’s impressive) 

yeah!! self motivation

5. What’s your favorite part of the game? 

hmmmmM I like the "date" with min in the dream. it's so fun, with the dog park

6. Which character do you relate to the most? 

diya!! social anxiety queen, so relatable

(people comment on how she runs around when anxious) 

i really did that before my sat once, ran 2 miles at the school's track

7. Are you from the San Francisco Bay Area

yeah i'm from the bay! east bay

8. Which year did you first come up with Butterfly Soup? 

winter 2014 i think

(people trying to calculate which year was my junior year) 

i graduated a year early so junior year was also senior year

9. Are you making a sequel? 

yes!! once ihave more time. i have a lot of ideas for stuff that goes after

10. Was this a prequel to Pom Gets Wi-Fi? Or maybe spiritual successor?

this is a prequel. i dunno about spiritual successor tho, they're a bit differnt

11. Any tips on how to balance schoolwork and working on personal projects? 

hmm...i honestly sucked at this and could only work on it on breaks lol...if you can try to work it into your school projects, like some bit of it...

other than that i cant think of anything LOL it's hard

12. How did you organize yourself making such a long game? Any tips? 

it was SUPER hard to organize, i was really lost until i split it into 4 sections with each character. so if you're planning on making a game this big definitely think about forcing yourself into sections like that

the art was the most confusing to do bc of how many assets there were. i was going to say "have consistent naming conventions" but that's literally impossible LOL it'll always become inconsistent no matter how hard u try

13. What part of the game took the longest (writing? art?) 

writing, actually, despite how much i complain about art assets. it's really hard making sure the structure and themes come across correctly. like pacing is so hard. art is like #2 biggest time sink

14. How early in did you write the Akarsha/Min skateboard scene?

that came pretty late haha i put it in at last second

15. Are the characters based on real people? 

they're all inspired by combinations of ppl i know! i wouldn't say based on them, tho. for example min is like a combination of 3 friends i have, strategically arranged to play her part in the story

character design is design so u still gotta be deliberate about it

16. Who’s the other cat on the computer? (they’re referring to the cat on my desktop wallpaper) 

that one's maru! he's a famous japaense cat. he's super photogenic

(people speculating that he’s the “tube one”) 

the tube one? probably. he's famous for going into stuff

17. What was your favorite aspect of working on the game? 

definitely getting to put specific Asian-American experiences into it

i was like HAHOH i can do this and no one can stop me! it was really fun getting to do this without any creative direction from like, a studio or anything. so i could just go bonkers. i hate pitching stuff so

18. Any writing advice? 

definitely have other people beta your writing as soon as possible! they always catch stuff you missed. also this is like a cheat, make your characters really extreme. like find one aspect of yourself, and turn it up to 11 and make it into a character. that way they'll be relatable and memorable at the same time. i think most people don't make their characters extreme enough so they're all kinda samey

19. (I can’t remember what they asked me here, sorry! They were asking if a specific meme was in the game)

LMAO nah it's not. i did briefly think about it though, i will admit

20. Would you eat a Gusher the size of your hand? 

that would be pretty cool. i don't think i could eat it all at once tho...i would try to save it. like half

You’re welcome, I’m really happy to hear it helped the game feel relatable!!  

Thank you! I hope you have a good day too!!

haha I feel like my game is almost propaganda bc so many people wish they had girlfriends after playing it! the agenda...Thank you for waiting for the sequel, it makes me super happy to hear people are looking forward to it! 

You’re welcome!! I’ll do my best!!! 

You’re welcome!!!! :>

You’re welcome!!! 

same I’m really happy so many people find them relatable! you’re welcome!! 

You’re welcome!! my kids can never get enough love im very happy 

I’m glad you liked it! Thanks for the support! TT_TT

[togetherinspirit7]

[FAN ACCOUNT] 180108 INFINITE ‘Top Seed’ Showcase

Hello again! I’m so happy to be able to write another fan account so soon after the ‘Begin Again’ fan meets! As the showcase was broadcasted live on V, I’m not going to talk about the showcase itself, but I’ll focus on things that happened before and after. It was the first time that I was even able to go to a showcase, and I luckily won the lottery as well!

So first of all, there were a few different methods to try to win showcase tix. There was a naver form that you fill out, a twitter lottery through 1theK and also a lottery based off of album sales. There were a few different sites that would pick out 100 winners from each site. Only Hottracks clearly said that each album you buy would be considered a separate entry (though I’m sure they all did it like that, I just chose hottracks to be safe), so I bought 7 albums. Honestly, I really wasn’t expecting to win because 7 albums are not a lot. Plus there were more than 500 people who were signed up with Hottracks. Anyway, Friday came around and I checked the list and to my surprise I actually won! Plus the music site winners got 2 tix per person, so I was able to bring a friend.

Fast forwarding to the day of the showcase, I was really anxious because they announced that tix were to be distributed first come first serve. I already heard that there were a bunch of people in line from the afternoon before. I would’ve waited in line overnight but I got REALLY sick this past weekend. There’s been a crazy flu going around lately, so I really sympathize with Sungyeol, cause if he had what I had, I have no idea how he was able to keep up with his schedules, IV or not. Anyway, I forced myself to wait in line for 3 hours before tix distribution started and there were already hundreds of people in front of me. Fast forward a few cold hours and finally I got my ticket. I got the end of the 400s in section A. So I was pretty disappointed, thinking of the layout of the fan meets.

After eating dinner, we started lining up to get in the venue and it started snowing. I’m not sure if it was because of the snow or because it was a different event, but it was a lot more disorganized. Instead of lining us up by number outside, they made us go in the building first and try to organize us in the tiny hallways. I’m pretty sure it was for safety reasons cause there are lots of stairs made of slippery material. Anyway, I was surprised to see a different set up once I got inside. Instead of having Sections A and B, it was just one big section with a rail halfway splitting the section in the middle. So although I was in the 400s I still got a really good spot near the middle rail! I was also kind of confused. As far as I know, the numbers in section A went up to 600 but the whole section was super packed. In the fan meets, those areas are supposed to fill like 1800 people. And without the extra rails, it could fit even more. Plus they didn’t even use section C or D at all! They were just empty! But the showcase itself had 2000ish tickets... so... idk. There were people on the 2nd floor though. So I think they just shoved almost everyone in the big section at the bottom which was a terrible idea imo. Because there were no rails dividing the section horizontally, there were crazy waves of pushing with nothing to stop the forward motion. I don’t think anyone intends to push but when you inch up a little it causes the person in front to inch up and so on and so on. So there were like non stop waves of pushing throughout the whole showcase. Idk why they didn’t just use sections c and d and just let everyone have a little more space. Either way, it’s done and over with now I guess.

Oh yeah, 10 mins before it started, people started screaming cause Golden Child started taking their seats on the 2nd floor. My friend saw them walking in the hallway outside the standing section while they boys performed ‘Tell Me’, prob to go backstage to say congrats. Also, I noticed they lowered the stage again, back to ‘That Summer’ height. So I was only able to see above their knees again. Also, a funny thing that happened was prior to the showcase starting, they were playing the different songs on the album in the background. When ‘Tell Me’ came on, everyone started practicing the fan chant and the ‘nege nege’ part was so awkward so everyone started laughing. But in the end, I think we pulled it off well. It’s a strange fan chant but after doing it a couple times, it’s quite endearing lol. Also, I have to say, I loved the ending, where they were sprinkling the silver confetti on the boys while they were dancing. SO PURDY!!! Anyway, I think that’s pretty much it! Let us know if you have any questions or comments!

***** Please remember to stream!!! Do whatever you can to help the boys! Tweet! Stream! Download (legally)! Purchase! Anything! Thank you~

[raventons]

99 q/a for 2017

1.    What’s the toughest decision you made today? To get out of bed after a 3 hour nap.

2.    What’s the toughest decision you made this year? I would say turning around at the airport, not going to Moscow, deciding my mental health is more important than that trip. However, I was just following my fear, which is quite an easy feeling to follow. And I have not once found myself second guessing that call. I am not one to dwell too much on decisions like that. I honestly contemplate more about what I’m having for dinner, or what underwear to buy – and I always end up regretting or celebrating those decisions more.

3.    What’s the toughest decision you ever made? Once I spent over an hour deciding if I wanted carbonara or caciatora. I went with caciatora, and that day I learned that if you are in doubt, you should always go with what your dinner company orders. My dad got carbonara, and it was out of this world. If you order the same thing as your date, it might still be the lesser option, but at least you will not know what you are missing. As an intellectual, this is one of the conclusions I’m the most proud of.

4.    What have you forgotten? Almost all the math I was taught in high school.

5.    If you were guaranteed the answer to one question, what would it be? I would love to know who is answering me, and how they got the ability to answer any question ever.

6.    What’s it like being you right now? Better than it has been. A lot better. I’d say good.

7.    What makes you nostalgic? Lenny Kravitz, long car rides, the soundtrack of midsummer murders and the smell of old Swedish cabin in a Småland forest (we all know that smell).

8.    If you had two hours left on earth what would you do? Sit close to my parents, and talk about our life together. And tell them how grateful I am and how happy they’ve made me.

9.    What’s the most beautiful word in the world? The Swedish Blockchoklad or the Russian Nemnoga

10. Who makes you laugh more than anyone? Alex, no doubt.

11. What did your father teach you? How to show affection, how to make people laugh, how to interact with strangers, how to put together a good outfit, how to cook and pretty much everything I know on economy and religion. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

12. What did your mother teach you? How to not give a shit about anyone’s opinion, how to appreciate simplicity, how to be a storyteller, how to calm down when afraid, how to love without giving yourself up, how to be badass and pretty much everything I know on literature, self-esteem and really bad British crime stories. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

13. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? An orange moose I gave to my dad. It was really cheap and dumb, but he had just been diagnosed with a chronical disease (he is much better now) and everything just seemed to fall apart. So I did what any good daughter would do, I bought him a stuffed animal. It made him smile. And he still keeps it by his bedside. It’s called the vomit moose, since that was the most… obvious symptom at the time.

14. Best gift you ever received? My friend Lin gave me a card once with pictures and drawings of us. I love it and still have it ten years later.

15. How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Way too many.

16. What do you bring most to a friendship? I’d like to think I am funny. I talk too much, and always about the wrong and often quite strange things, but when I’m in the right mood and they’re in the right mood; I’d say I am funny.

17. If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you? Very few if we are talking happy as in privileged. I am so very lucky and have had so many fortunate turns in my life.  

18. What is or was your best subject in school? Social science.

19. What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself? Writing.

20. What makes you feel supported? I do. (Wow, I am actually quite proud of that answer, but it is true. Sometimes I look for help or motivation in others, but confidence and shit I truthfully only find in myself).

21. Whom do you secretly admire? Secretly? No one. I admire a lot of people, and I think I make sure to tell them.

22. What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments? Noon. Usually waste that energy on procrastination.

23. What’s something you never leave home without? Pants.

24. What’s a recurring dream you have? Teeth falling out. Or organs. I quite often have nightmares about some stuff that is supposed to be inside or attached to my body suddenly isn’t.

25. What makes you feel safe? Blankets and tea.

26. What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? Discovering international law as my field of work.

27. What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone? That I was smart.

28. What’s the coolest thing about science? Well… let’s go with nature science, because my field of research is not cool at all. I think it’s about the fact that nature is there. It’s not something we invent or solve, it’s something we discover. It’s all written, all the answers are out there somewhere. All the equations, all the numbers, they all correspond to a reality we only see fragments of. It’s like humanity is reading a book together, and the physicists and biologists flip the pages. And for each chapter we find out more and more about how the world around us works.

29. What’s the best money you ever spent? My skinny, black jeans.

30. What’s a bad habit you have? Listening to bad music. I don’t want to support sexist or racist producers. Still here I am, having my playlists filled with pop about grabbing pussies. I’m also weirdly addicted to marzipan.

31. What are you grateful for? My professors and a free education.

32. Whom are you envious of? Almost everyone. But it varies, passes and comes back. It depends on the day. Or the hour.

33. What’s an image you’ll never forget? Well, I have to go with a few summers ago when me and a former classmate ended up skinny dipping in a sunset down at Österlen. But actually, the first thing that came to mind was the real holocaust footage that was included in the TV-show The Promise. I had to leave the room, could not finish the series and I still think about it quite often.

34. Describe a near-death experience. My brain thinks I have one daily, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Once I got my luggage lost in Russia, and we had to drive around downtown St Petersburg for hours in a shady cab. It was all fine and no hostile environment what so ever, but when I tell the story it really sounds quite near-death.

35. If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do? Dishes.

36. What’s your idea of Heaven? A lot of cozy spots by windows with rain outside. Good food, good tea and good conversation. A book shelf would be nice too.

37. What’s your idea Hell? Bad food, bad tea and bad conversation.

38. When did you know? Did I ever?

39. What can you do better? I could be more structured. I literally have no routines at all.

40. When are you most yourself? When I am alone, covered in loud music.

41. What superpower would you most like to have? Time travelling but without all the complicated world-war-shit to come with it.

42. If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish? Fix up the UN.

43. What is your actual superpower? I am very, very analytic. I am also amazing at app games.

44. If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? I would love to own a goat. But well, that’s more of a management problem than an actual money problem.

45. What's the best sound in the world? Waves. Or someone biting in chocolate.

46. What’s perfect about your life? My parents. And Amanda. She is a wonderful person. 

47. What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back? Min Kärlek av Shirley Clamp. And there is no memories connected, it’s just fucking brilliant.

48. Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear. When I was 8 we had a quiz in class, and I answered cow instead of turtle (I will NOT tell you the question).

49. How many times a day do you think about money? Every time I use it.

50. Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money? My parents.

51. What's one thing you're certain of? Cows don’t have shells.

52. Describe one of your colossal failures. I think I just did.

53. What makes you cringe? People trying to make memes a thing you can refer to in real life.

54. What does your inner voice tell you? To shut up. I tell it the same.

55. What crime have you considered committing? I don’t even bike without a helmet. I am a pussy.

56. What's great about your mom? Her hair is amazing.

57. What’s great about your dad? His hair is not so very amazing (and I inherited it) but he has other good qualities. He collects post-cards for example. That’s pretty cool.

58. Which day would you gladly re-live? The day in third grade when I won the egg-cracking championship at our school.

59. What are you awesome at? Egg-cracking, obviously.

60. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I seem decent.

61. When were you most afraid? Berlin, 2014.

62. What are you terrible at but love to do anyway? Sex, probably.

63. What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse? An axe or a sword. Or a nuke, if bad goes to worse.

64. Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one? I would like to hear shit.

65. What’s something you love to make? Pancakes.

66. What do you cook better than anyone? This weird ass pasta with butter. It’s unhealthy but so damn good.

67. What do you wish you’d invented? The airplane. Or well… the flying machine or whatever it was called when it was invented.

68. What would you like to invent? A new UN system.

69. Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence? Pretty high.

70. Where do you want to be right now? Venice.

71. If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why? Graham Norton. He seems so happy. And he is funny and smart and his job seems to be really cool.

72. What makes you feel powerful? My Hans Zimmer playlist.

73. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said? Considering how empty my brain is right now, I think it has done quite some work on supressing those memories.

74. What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you? Actually, most people are nice. I don’t think anyone has ever been really mean to me. Sometimes I get hurt, when people say I am pretentious or annoying. But the only reason they say that (and the only reason it hurts) is it’s true.

75. What three words would you have on your grave stone? Let me sleep.

76. What’s your first thought when you wake up? Let me sleep.

77. What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about? Usually if I have cancer in the prostate since I need to pee ALL the time. But then I remember I am a female.

78. If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be? I would tell my cousin Johan to never be insecure about anything. He is probably the most awesome, complete and admirable person in the world.

79. Whom would you like to forgive and forget? The people who made two and a half men.

80. If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be? Dishes.

81. What type of person angers you the most? Extreme right wingers who grew up in a place where they had a choice. Of course you can’t blame people for reacting to the environment around them, and get affected by their culture – but people who grow up with access to information and without oppression – how on earth did you make those conclusions?  

82. What is your greatest strength? I’m confident about my intellect.

83. What is your worst weakness? I’m insecure about pretty much everything else.

84. How do you show your love for others?  Tiny surprises. It can be buying them flowers, cleaning their apartment or just answering a two years old text and apologize for forgetting their existence.

85. Why are you here in this room right now? It’s 10 degrees minus outside.

86. When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something? I forgave myself for not doing the dishes. It felt good.

87. What’s the biggest mistake you ever made? Talking too much. I always talk too much. It’s not one big mistake at one certain event. But it keeps on happening and I never fucking learn.

88. What are you hiding? Nothing.

89. What’s your unanswerable question--the question you seem to always be asking yourself? Can there be true objectivity?

90. What are you ashamed of? My fetishes.

91. What is stopping you? Panic attacks. Or walls, mostly.

92. What’s a secret you have? I really have no idea what I am going to do with my life.

93. How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way? I don’t do this on purpose, but I’ve noticed it happening without actively thinking about it. I usually express a will to rely on people, and come across as weak and fragile, making them think I need their help and protection – when I am really just better of on my own.

94. When was the last time you apologized? This morning.

95. What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? That I am a cool and mysterious person that people look up to.  

96. What’s the moment you left childhood behind? Probably when I moved out from home and went grocery shopping for the first time. Deciding if I needed milk or not was my first ever adult decision.

97. What's missing from your life? Structure. And home cooked meals.

98. Do you believe in a higher power? No.

99. What are you ready to let go of? About half my closet and my fear of flying.

[thedefinitionofbts]

Our First and Last (Ch. 8)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | 

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 3.7K

“Y/N! I got the job!” Hoseok shouts as he checks his email on his phone while the two of you were sitting on the couch of your living room on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

“At the hospital?!”

“Yup!”

“Is that where you ran off to the other day?” You narrow your eyes as you remember spending over twenty minutes scouring the lab looking for him, only to get weird looks from the other researchers.

“Oh you mean the day you met Dr. Jeon?”

“Yeah.”

“Actually, I met a really cute guy, and he may or may not be the reason I eventually decided to apply for the internship” Hoseok giggles a little as he leans his head back on the couch. “He’s a med student, so I was asking him about med school applications, writing memorable personal statements, MCAT stuff, and interview tips…. as an excuse to get his number” Hoseok looks at you with a sly grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Well look at you, pouncing on every opportunity that comes your way” You smile and shake your head, not surprised at all, since Hoseok has always been the proactive type, always optimistic and full of energy.

“He seemed disinterested at first, but as I kept bombarding him with questions, I realized that he wasn’t annoyed at all and that his personality is just really laid back.” Hoseok says as he pops a rice cracker into his mouth. “You know, if you find a boyfriend, we could go on a double date or something.” He says, with a mouth full of food.

“Not happening” You say, as you roll your eyes and start nibbling on a rice cracker as well.

“Hey, what about Dr. Jeon?” He says, suddenly perking up at the thought. “I’m pretty sure he’s still single. I mean with how busy his work life is, he probably doesn’t have time to-“

“Jung Hoseok! He’s researching cognitive perception and consciousness, aka THE central mysteries of human life. Stop acting like he’s not way out of my league AND my professor.” You cut him off before he finishes, appalled that he could even speak of such impossible things.

Even though the thought has inevitably crossed your mind several times, especially after that embarrassing session with a Taehyung. But you tried to not think about it, wanting to concentrate on actually completing the experiment and keeping your relationship with Jungkook on more professional terms.

“He’s only 4 years older than you, and you’re not going to be his student forever. Plus, he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen and on top of that he’s currently one of the smartest people on the planet” Hoseok continues his persuasive antics.

“Yes, I totally agree with you on that, which is exactly why he’s not an option and never will be”

“You don’t know that!”

“I can’t with this conversation with you anymore.”

You cover your ears, pretending like you can’t hear a single thing Hoseok is trying to say. You remove your hands when you’re certain his mouth isn’t moving anymore. He makes a sad face and you attempt to offer some consolation.

“You’ll have just as much fun on a normal date. Trust me.”

Culturing cells is a hundred times harder than it sounds. It requires much more precision than the lab manual actually says, and you have to wait around hours at a time for the culture to incubate, only to find out that nine times out of ten, you would end up with a bad batch, there was always something had gotten contaminated. But as hard as culturing normal cells were, they were absolutely nothing compared to deriving retinal ganglion cells from neural stem cells.

Environmental factors can completely change the developmental pathway of neural stem cells on the molecular level.

Jungkook’s warning voice rings in your head as you frown at the petri dish, crawling with cells that most definitely were not retinal ganglion neurons.

You groan, realizing that you’ve just wasted another day at the lab and a good amount of the stem cells Jungkook had ordered a week ago. You knew this was bad because that shit is expensive and the new funding hasn’t come in yet.

You were about to go to Jungkook’s office to tell him the bad news, but one of the other researchers in the lab tells you he didn’t come in today.

“I’m not sure if he’s on call for surgery or just making his hospital rounds” The guy in the white lab coat who was modeling some complicated looking graph on his computer says.

You quickly thank him and walk back to your bench. No wonder I haven’t seen Dr. Jeon all day. You think to yourself as you pack all your belongings into your backpack and prepare to catch the bus home. There was nothing more you could do, since there wasn’t enough time to start the experiment over and Jungkook wasn’t there.

Just as you were opening the door to leave, you accidentally bump into someone who was trying to enter.

“Oh sorry”

You hear the person apologize, but it’s the sound of his notably familiar voice that makes you stop momentarily.

“Yoongi?” You look up at the wavy raven-haired male who’s now wearing blue scrubs.

“Y/N?” He reacts in an equally surprised way, and honestly this is the first time you’ve seen this much emotion on his face.

“You work at this hospital?” You ask, eyeing his blue scrubs and the packet of pills in his hand.

“Uh, yeah… third year med student”

You nod, month forming an “o” in realization.

“And you’re….?” He waits for you to explain.

“I’m doing research under Dr. Jeon”

“So that application WAS yours…huh. And this whole time I thought it was just someone with the same name.” Yoongi is half mumbling to himself now. “Is he in his office?” He asks when he remembers why he was walking into the cognitive neuroscience lab in the first place.

“I heard he’s playing the surgeon role today.” You say casually, in an attempt to sound friendly even though this was only the third time you've ever spoken to the guy and you weren't exactly the talkative/extroverted type.

Yoongi furrows his eyebrows. “That can’t be. Dr. Lee just told me he took Jeon’s shift.”A concerned expression washes over Yoongi’s face, and you can feel something’s not right. He pulls out his cellphone and calls who you assume to be Jungkook. You watch as Yoongi holds the phone next to his ear, waiting for someone to pick up on the other end. After a few minutes of muffled ringing, he hangs up and shakes his head. He squeezes the packet of pills in his hand and bites his lip. You try to make sense of the anxious look in his eyes and see that he’s more than just worried. And for someone as expressionless as Yoongi to actually look this distressed, you can only imagine how bad this could be.

“Y/N, can you do me a favor?” It was almost like he forgot you were still there a moment ago, but he’s looking at you now.

You nod, a little too frantically. Although you had no idea what was going on, this whole situation was making you feel uneasy.

“Can you go to Jeon’s place and check to see if he’s ok?”

Your eyes widen, and you find it hard to fully interpret the words coming out of the med student’s mouth.

“M-me? G-go t-to….. Dr. J-jeon’s house..?” It briefly crosses your mind that you probably sound like a retard right about now, the way you were stuttering and struggling to form a coherent sentence, but that’s just a side thought as your mind runs through every thing that sounded wrong about the idea that Yoongi just proposed.

“Please, I just need to know he’s not going to do something stupid, and I have a surgery to assist in an hour, so I’ve got my hands tied here”

You don’t know if it’s the desperate pleading look in Yoongi’s eyes or your own concern for Jungkook that gives you the audacity to nod and say “ok”, but before you know it, Yoongi is writing down the address and patting you on the shoulder thanking you before running down the hall.

The rest of what happens all comes as a blur, and quite literally too. It was pouring outside, and of course, you didn’t have an umbrella because you didn’t check your weather app this morning, thinking it most likely won’t rain. fml. Rain water is dripping into your eyes as you squint to see the buses listed on the sign at the bus stop, but say screw it and call for a taxi after wasting almost fifteen minutes waiting for Bus #7. You attempt to dry yourself in the taxi, but all of your efforts were in vain. Your t-shirt and jeans were soaked through, and you prayed that water hadn’t flooded your backpack because you did not have the money to buy a new laptop.

When you arrive at Jungkook’s apartment building, the rush of cool air greets you as the sliding doors to the lobby automatically open upon sensing your motion. Your clothes were sticking to your skin, and you looked like a complete mess walking past the lobby and into the extravagant elevator with gold tinted mirrors and intricately designed patterning. Being the rich neurosurgeon that he is, Jungkook lived in the penthouse suite. The only benefit of that for you was maybe allowing for an extra tenth of a second to calm your nervous ass in the elevator.

Walking down the carpeted hallway, you can practically hear your rapid heartbeat and feel the clamminess in your hands as you approach the suite. You stand in front of the cream colored door for a good two minutes before squeezing your hands into fists and knocking on it. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

A few seconds later you hear the lock on the door click and….

“Yoongi, I suggest you focus on your own-“

Jungkook stops when he sees you, completely soaked from the rain, standing in the hallway to his apartment.

“Y/N?”

You feel your heart almost jump out of your throat as you try to organize your thoughts and explain the situation.

“G-good afternoon, Dr. Jeon. Yoongi asked me to check up on-“

Jungkook puts his hand up, signaling for you to explain no more.

“What are you, Yoongi 2.0 now?” The hostile tone in his voice is something you’re not familiar with. Granted you’ve only interacted with him a couple of times in lab, but he was always seemed at least approachable despite maybe lacking the sort of friendliness most professors you’ve met in the past had. There was an apparent tiredness in his eyes, his hair isn’t perfectly groomed like it normally is, and the dark expression on his face sends a shiver of fear and tension down your neck.

“He’s really worried. Maybe you can just call him back and I’ll-“

He waves your words off, like it’s some trivial matter that doesn’t deserve his attention.

You notice that the casual way he was dressed made him look much younger. His oversized white t-shirt and grey sweat pants hung loosely on his lean figure, and his chocolate bangs were covering his forehead as opposed to it’s normal slightly parted position. If you were only judging by appearance at that particular moment, you would’ve never guessed he was a famous MD-PhD neurosurgeon. In fact, he looked like any other college graduate…only a ten times more handsome.

“I’m sorry I bothered you. I guess… I’ll go now.” You say in a defeated manner, hanging your head low and slowly backing away from the door. He’s probably not in the mood to be bothered. I’ll just tell Yoongi he was tired.

Just as you turn and begin walking back towards the elevator, ready to almost sprint out of there, Jungkook’s voice stops you dead in your tracks.

“You’re going to catch a cold” His tone was void of the hostility that had coated his words earlier.

You turn around slowly and see that he hasn’t closed the door but is instead looking a you. No anger in his eyes. No annoyance expressed in his facial features.

If someone had told you, you would be sitting in Dr. Jeon Jungkook’s luxurious apartment, drinking the tea Dr. Jeon Jungkook had personally made, chatting with him about non-lab related stuff, and wearing his clothes, you would’ve waved it off thinking they were downright insane. But at that moment, it was the exact situation you found yourself in.

After he had invited you in casually like it was the most normal event that could’ve happened, his previous moody attitude had completely vanished. He showed you to his lavish bathroom that was attached to his equally as extravagant master bedroom and handed you a shirt and a pair of shorts. Although they were “clothes he hasn’t worn since undergrad”, they still draped over you like sheets, and the whole situation was awkward as hell. But you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t enjoy what was happening. Yeah, you almost peed your pants a couple of minutes ago, but now there was a certain amount of giddiness mixing in with the nervous churning in your stomach.

You peak out of the bathroom, looking to see if Jungkook was there, but only hearing the faint sounds of closing cupboards drift in from what was probably the kitchen. The cream colored carpeting was smooth, not even showing traces of lines that vacuum cleaners usually leave. Almost every thing in the bedroom was neutral toned. The large king sized bed located in the center of the room had black and white sheets; there was a dresser on one side of the room, directly across from the large window overlooking the city, but what caught your eye was the painting hanging above the dresser. It was an illustration of a view from a balcony, a scene of another city moments after a thunderstorm. The entire piece of artwork had a cool-toned tinge to it and although it was strange, it gave you a familiar feeling you couldn’t quite explain.

Walking out of the bedroom, you make your way to the living room you had passed earlier when you first stepped foot into the apartment. Sitting on the long white couch, you continue to look around, not knowing what else you could possible do. It felt like you were treading on thin ice, not wanting to suddenly do something to make Jungkook regret inviting you in and being concerned for your health (but he was a doctor after all, so it’s expected right?). There were millions of butterflies madly fluttering in your gut, and you almost jump out of your skin when Jungkook walks in from the kitchen with two cups of freshly brewed tea.

“Your clothes should be washed and dried in an hour or so,” He says as he places the cups on the black coffee table in front of you.

“Oh, uh..thank you, Dr. Jeon” You mutter, a little too softly to even sound professional anymore.

“Jungkook” He says, causing you to look up at him in astonishment. “We’re not in lab.” He adds as he casually leans back on the couch.

You don’t respond, because you don’t know how at this point, so instead, you begin looking around the room again, hoping that maybe you’ll think of something natural to say. You’re eyes are slowly sweeping across the walls until they land on something that draws your attention once again.

“What artist is that by?” You ask, curiosity getting the better of you as your eyes are still glued on another cool-toned painting that looks to be the same style of artwork as the one you saw earlier in the bedroom, only this time, it was a scene of a lake surrounded by weeping willow trees.

“I painted that,” Jungkook answers.

“You paint?”

He nods.

“Is it a distortion of somewhere you’ve been?” The cool-toned nature of the painting is drawing your interest. There was something vaguely familiar about the scene, but you didn't trust your thought processing under these kinds of conditions nor did you want to jump to conclusions.

“It’s not a place in real life” He says, taking a sip of his tea. You mimic him and do the same as he continues to explain. “They are places I see in my dreams.” He pauses, as if not wanting to go into more details. “It’s nothing really, just a way to kill time.”

“It’s pretty” The response just comes out of your mouth, like you had no control over it whatsoever. You wanted to say more, but it was as if there were so many thoughts that your mind couldn't figure out how to voice them.

Jungkook doesn’t respond, but instead changes the topic.

“Did Yoongi tell you about my condition?”

“N-no”

“I’m not as invincible as most people think” He looks down at his cup and fiddles with the handle. You watch his Adam’s apply bobble up and down as he swallows, clearly feeling uncomfortable exposing this about himself, but nevertheless, his words come out firm and resolute.

“Are you seeking treatment?” You ask, careful not to push him further than he wants to go.

He nods. “I don’t think it’ll do much, but as you can tell, Yoongi’s doesn’t give up.” He sighs. “I just didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed today, but he should’ve known I wasn’t going to do anything stupid. ”

You stay silent, drinking more of your tea and wondering how such a respected doctorate could have such vulnerable side to him. (But everyone does, right?) And it’s at that moment, when your looking at the casually dressed Jungkook, sitting next to you, shoulders slumped and eyes staring at his cup of tea, that you realize that he maybe isn’t as daunting as you made yourself believe. Seeing the dark circles under his eyes that you hadn’t noticed before reminds you of how draining it must be to put on such a strong image all the time and that maybe he also needs a shoulder to lean on just like everyone else.

Sunday brunch with Hoseok was always dedicated to all kinds of gossip. He was obsessed with talking about all kinds of rumors going around campus. His favorite being what he had heard from eavesdropping on the people around him, whether it was in class or at work. But today, he had insisted that you explain to him what happened that day after lab, when it had poured outside and you left before he could even drive you home from the hospital.

You were reluctant to tell him about all the events that happened that day, but you knew Hoseok wouldn’t drop it so easily, so you explain most of it (skipping most of the minor details) leading up to you finding out that Patient Dr. Jeon is indeed MD-PhD Dr. Jeon “That man is a work of art, but I guess being human, he’s got to have a flaw here and there.”

“I knew it!”

“What are you talking about? You were the one who was all ‘there could be a lot of doctors named Jeon’”

“Yeah, yeah” Hoseok waves it off and changes the topic. “So…” Hoseok gives you a knowing grin. “…how was spending the day at his apartment?”

He puts down the fork and knife that he was previously using to eat his stack of banana walnut pancakes, places his elbows on the table, cupping his face with his hands, and smiles innocently at you while fluttering his eyelids.

“You know, almost shit my pants, but as expected right?”

“I still can’t believe he invited you in.”

“Right? I just hope seeing him in lab won’t be awkward or-“ You were about to continue talking but a certain little red mark on Hoseok’s neck catches your attention. “Is that a hickey?!”

Hoseok jumps a little and quickly moves his hand towards the spot you were pointing at. He rubs the red patch of skin, noticing it feels a bit raw.

“Damn, I told him not to mark me up so soon” Hoseok mutters almost inaudibly. He looks up at you and smiles nervously.

“You guys are sure moving along quickly” You eye him with a grin.

“Yeah, well we were just having movie night over at his place, and things kind of just got heated”

“Oh, heated…”

“It’s not what you think!” Hoseok abruptly adds, attempting to do damage control, but you were already convinced that things had went down. “He’s completely different from what I thought. You know how you meet a person and you think they’re just normal and chill, but then you get to know them and their real crazy side comes out? Well I’m telling you, this guy is everything I could’ve asked for. He’s funny, kind, caring, down to earth…and we even have the same musical tastes!” There was a dreamy look in Hoseok’s eyes as he continues to go on and on about this guy, like he was all the wonderful things a person could be and more.

“Are you ever going to introduce me to this guy?”

“Yeah, after you work things out with Dr. Jeon” He winks.

“Jung Hoseok! We’ve been through this. I’m not starting this conversation with you again. ”

A look of disappointment washes over his face. “What about…Dr. Kim?!” Hoseok says, face lighting up again. “Judging by the way you described him, he sounds like a hottie himself.”

You almost spit out the coffee that was in your mouth.

“Hobi, he has Dr. Park.”

“Park and Kim are a couple?!” Hoseok’s eyes widen and he covers his mouth with his hands.

“Yeah, so you need to stop trying to pair me up with everyone I come in contact with. It’s suffocating.” You stuff a big bit of waffle into your mouth.

“Man, I always thought they would make a good couple.” Hoseok sighs and looks out the window.

...

[nashta]

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to complain or anything

I realize far too many people have it so much worse than I do, and I just need to put this out there or I'll cave in on myself. Also this post is a giant mess and I don't expect anyone to read it. So a few months ago, I started a new job where I'm working on Friday and Saturday until close (0300). My friend who will be moving in this week or next in place of my mom (oh yeah she's leaving the state) is my ride to and from work, and he refuses to pick me up from those two shifts because he works the next morning. Understandable, I guess, but Uber is super expensive like the first ride I had was almost $40. I can't afford that twice a week. Luckily, another friend of mine is saving me and will be my ride home until she goes to boot camp in February. Anyway, I feel lifeless. I'm not eating anything like I should and I have no energy and school is starting soon and I'm under immense amounts of stress and sacrificing more of myself than I have to sacrifice. He complained about the work thing, saying he won't pick me up from that shift, which I kind of get, but he also said he wants his 2 days off to be reliable so he knows that he'll have a day or two to look forward to where he doesn't have to drive or wake up or anything. Again, I get it, but here's the thing: you can't have both. You gotta either give up your guaranteed days off or a couple hours of sleep because I'm already not sleeping much/well, especially with school coming up. A full-time job on top of school that I'm fully responsible for? I will not be sleeping. A big-ass thing, a few months ago when he said he wouldn't pick me up from those shifts, I lashed out and said "how the fuck am I gonna eat with no job?" because yknow, anxiety, and he lashed back "don't you fucking dare try to guilt trip me." I wasn't trying to though, I was honestly just trying to express what my fears were. Literally ever since then, I refuse to tell him anything. I was often told I was a manipulative child, and maybe it's because I was "mature" for a child because manipulation, even after I learned what it was, was never my intent. But now, I can't tell him when something is wrong. I cry after a ton of shifts on the ride home almost the entire ride because honestly I have so much I need to just get OUT (hence this post) and so many things I'm afraid of and things I need him to do or at least listen to and understand. I need a hug and a cry and I need to know I'm safe and things will be fine and that someone gives a legitimate damn about me and my well-being because it really feels like no one in the world cares. Not enough, anyway. At this point now, someone just saying "I care" really isn't going to cut it. I'm not going to believe them, not really. I can consciously tell myself that, I can back it up with evidence and logic and things they've done to "prove" it, but I still won't feel it. He always wants to get home to his place, I understand, he's tired and wants to go, but I'm never okay. I'm so shot, during those times I'm crying in his car for 20 mins I literally just need a real fucking hug and I need to be allowed to cry because I don't make any sound. As soon as I get inside, I break the fuck down like I'm talking drop everything and fall to the floor audibly sobbing, and I'm exaggerating absolutely none of that. I've been afraid to post on this for so long because I know he follows it and reads shit and I'm afraid of what'll happen but honestly I just want to die and the more shit that happens, the more I break and the less I feel and the sooner I'll kill myself so maybe him getting pissed off and so upset with me is for the best. THIS IS A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT @ANYONE/FUTURE ME The reason I'm always crying is that I have things I need to express, but I can't. I'm constantly reminded of that "don't guilt me" thing, and every single thing I need to express is a guilt trip, all of it is a fucking manipulation, and I can't express that feeling because that is ALSO a guilt trip and a fucking manipulation. Telling him what I need and why and how it's fucking with me, that'll possibly make him feel bad, and telling him that I can't tell him shit might also make him feel bad, you see where I'm going with this? He also thinks I'm dramatic and overreacting to shit. My whole body is in pain and simple tasks seem to hurt more than they used to. FUTURE ME, THIS IS ALSO A SUPER IMPORTANT BIT I've expressed some of these things before and he just invalidates them. "Oh you're fine," "you just have hypothermia because you always have the A/C on," "your weight is fine." NO BITCH My temperature at one point hit 94.something. That's dangerous, and while I realize you can get hypothermia from too much A/C, I don't have any of the symptoms and I have too many symptoms of other things that are more likely. My mom is Type 1 brittle diabetic (autoimmune disease) which means being hypoglycemic isn't an out-there theory, I have a lot of symptoms, and it would explain the voodoo doll feeling. Plus hypoglycemia (from what I've read) is often a symptom itself of something else. Having Addison's Disease also isn't all that far off because it is also an autoimmune disease and it attacks internal organs (from what I've read. I'm not a doctor I don't know how likely or unlikely it is that I could have it). ALSO kidney disease (CKD) is another possibility because I have too many symptoms to be that much coincidence and that really freaks me out because if I'm ever so broke that I literally cannot afford food/water/other damn needs, my backup plan (honestly probably for college) is to sell one of my kidneys since you really only need one. And yes, I mean on the black market. Go ahead FBI fucking come for me. If I don't have 2 working kidneys, bye bye backup plan! Also to add to that stress, I don't know half of my biological family medical history. Never had a dad because he left, so I don't know what I'm at risk for from them. I have decent reason to fucking panic! MORE IMPORTANT THING FUTURE ME I KNOW YOU'VE NODDED OFF BY NOW PROBABLY GO FUCK YOURSELF I'm starving myself. Kind of. Ok look it's not in an ED sort of way. It's not like that, I'm not so fucking hungry that I'm clutching my stomach in pain and still refusing to eat. If I'm that hungry I'll try and fucking eat something. I have a small appetite because of stress and probably other things rn. There are usually only a few times I eat: 1) when I watch Shane Dawson videos (idk why he used to do a lot of food stuff and I'd usually watch them after work when I was hungry so maybe that's it but it's stuck now) 2) when I have to take my meds (before work and during work if it's been a while) 3) if my head is being stupid (if I have a massive headache because I've learned that that usually means I need food, or if my head is super foggy and I'm confused and slow and forgetful) My usual weight from a few months ago was like 115-118 lbs. I'm 4'11 so that's not bad BMI but I despised my body and frequently would punish myself for indulging or eating too much. My BMI was fine but too uncomfortably close to "overweight" for me. However, didn't hate my weight, just my body. Light for me was 112-115 lbs. My average-ish weight now is 100 lbs, and it's going down. I don't despise my body now (don't really like it still but I'm fine with it) and I don't want to gain my weight back but I'm also scared to lose more. I weighed myself earlier today and I WAS 98 LBS. THAT'S APPROXIMATELY A 20 LB DROP. That's still a healthy weight, but it wasn't lost in a healthy way and that's what fucking scares me. I sent him a photo of the scale at 99 lbs (he knows my normal weight and I expressed to him when I lost 10 lbs how worried I was because it was after like 2 weeks of accidental starvation) and YOU KNOW WHAT HE FUCKING SAID? "Your weight is nothing to be worried about." I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT I'M WORRIED ABOUT HOW I GOT THERE GODDAMMIT HE FUCKING KNOWS I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING. WE'VE LITERALLY TALKED ABOUT HOW IT'S A FUCKING STRUGGLE FOR ME TO GET IN MORE THAN 800 CALORIES IN A FUCKING WAKE CYCLE PLUS EVERYTHING I'M EATING IS NOT GOOD FOR ME TO BE EATING LIKE THIS Jesus fucking Christ god fucking dammit I'M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON IT'S THERE IS BECAUSE I'VE NOT BEEN EATING. I'VE BEEN FUCKING STARVING MYSELF I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. I've been fucking starving myself. Because of money. That's literally the reason. I picked up my medication today and had a $1 copay. I've never had a copay before. I had an anxiety attack and bought food, plus I was hungry. I woke at 1800, ate at around 2000, ate again at 1000 when I took another dose of meds before work. This prescription thing, I got back in his car (which isn't working well and he was angry so I kind of get it) at 1700ish. I ate one small soft cookie and he asked me to not eat because chewing irritates him. So I didn't eat until 0100, after a few hours of sleep. Let me timeline this for you: 1800 - wake 2 hours later - approximately 1c rice with nooch and chili powder and a little cheese to take my meds and supplement 14 hours later- 1.5 pieces of naan with hummus to take my meds 7 hours later - 1 small cookie that I then felt bad about buying and eating because it made him angry and reinforced the "you're nothing so you don't deserve to eat" thing in my head 4 hours later - fall asleep 3.5 hours later - wake 30 mins later - half a package of soft cookies with milk 5 hours later - writing this post for 1.5 - 2 hours I don't eat 95% of the time because of money. If I eat this food, then I have to spend money to replace it. I might need that money later so don't eat too much, eat only what you need, don't be a fucking pig, eat only what you need to function, don't be greedy, eat only what you need to stay alive for now, don't piss anyone off by making a mess and being lazy just don't eat if you don't absolutely need to. Don't make anyone angry at you. Make it last. You need boots that you can work in. You need your neck worked out. You want to see Motionless In White, save your money. You can't go to Kipona this year because he won't go with you and you have no one else even though you used to go with Grandbob, maybe next year or the one after that. Save your money. Maybe Muddy Run? Save your money for that. You want to go to the Ren Faire, save all you can for that. Another thing that's fucking with me He said he'd take off work and go to last month's flute circle because I really want him to experience it, but backed out because he didn't want to take off work and left me unable to attend. I rarely go, and it's the last regular experience I have to Grandbob and it absolutely fucking destroyed me to not be there. Again. I can't go to this month's because it was 2 days ago. I don't think I'll be allowed to go back for another few years, I don't think I'll be allowed to experience anything that connects me to Grandbob for another few years and by then they'll probably all be gone. I'm not allowed to cope or lash out or cry or scream or experience emotion or eat or fucking try to have some sort of connection to Grandbob because it inconveniences everyone else and I'm not allowed to have needs or try to take care of myself because it inconveniences everyone else and makes everyone else angry and every single thing I do does that. Last week I woke up at 0200 and couldn't go back to sleep even though I had to be at work at 1100 and close the shop at 2100 and work through those hours. I couldn't get back to sleep even though I tried for hours because I was having a depressive anxiety attack and crying for hours and I was literally imagining that my availability having to change and possibly not being able to work the drunk rush anymore making my boss so angry and upset that he fires me and me being as depressed and anxious and suicidal as I am, literally taking a knife and killing myself in the bathroom and my coworker (who actually got fired irl) found me and was just so apathetic and my boss literally just being like "goddammit now I have this mess to clean up and have to close early and can't make money" and me dying having zero emotional impact on either of them because I'm not a fucking person to them and all I am is a hassle. So I'm seeing that in my head and crying for hours, then I'm also seeing potential effect that that imaginary situation has on my mom and my friend and I'm crying over THAT for hours. God, I don't even fucking know. I just want to die because no one gives a fuck and I hate this country and I don't have enough money to survive and be okay in this country and politics is killing me and money and stress and I just want to fucking die because my soul is cold and nothing feels real or genuine to me anymore and I'm just a fucking obligation to everyone I'm not a fucking person I'm not important I'm just a selfish piece of shit motherfucker that needs to die alone in a hole and I'm pretty sure this whole post is a fucking guilt trip manipulation bullshit even though I don't mean it to be and I wish I never needed anything because hugs aren't feeling genuine anymore no one fucking takes my needs into consideration it doesn't matter how thin i get or how thin I'm spread it's never enough and I can't expect anyone to spread themselves the smallest bit until I'm fucking dust please just end my earthly existence Look at me Look at this fucking post I'm fucking crazy, aren't I? Isn't this the raving of a mad person? I've literally spent 2 hours typing this WHY am I this way? WHY can't I just deal with it like everyone else?

[cassraven]

First Lines Meme

RULES: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published updated have scraps written of. Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Then tag some friends.

Was tagged by @tinacentury , who clearly thought it’d be fun to tag me. Thanks, dudette!!!! XD

Let’s see how this goes, despite may not having all 10 stories published/posted online on my fanfic page yet? I think? Opps. Eh. >.<’

1. Mamoru's Outing with his Little-Odango

“Did she just slam the door in front of me without hesitating?” Mamoru Chiba asked, looking to his little six and a half-year-old daughter in disbelief. He couldn't believe his wife had done that.

2. After Work Routine

"Hello, Good Evening Sir. Welcome to Seven-Eleven. We have our berry sodas and bubble teas on sale. Also, there's a buy one get one half-off sale on any popular soft drink soda brands you buy," The cheerful girl behind the convince store's checkout counter's voice made Mamoru feel more soured than he was.

"Thanks," he mumbled, making a beeline for picking up a red shopping cart and going down an aisle at random.

3. Safe and Sound - Chapter Prologue

"Alright now, that should be everything that your mother had called in this morning," the man explained, placing a few more items into the grocery bags while scanning the list in his hand. "Organic fresh vegetables, fruits, a small sack of jasmine rice, a half pound of Kobe ground beef, one carton of cream milk, one carton of organic milk, and one carton each of brown and white organic eggs." The grocery store owner looked from the brown paper bags, that was filled to the brim with items, to the girl behind the counter. "Is that correct?"  The young girl smiled brightly, bobbing her head in confirmation. "Hai, I think that's everything on my Mama's list, Mr. Hiroshima."

4. Not Yet Published, Finished Being Written and As Not Yet Untitled

“BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!”

Tsukino, Usagi slowly opened her eyes as she forced her head to leave her very comfortable pillow. 'Ugh...I was having such a nice dream...wish it was real...not this time sadly. What the hell is that noise?' she thought a little bitterly to herself.

5. Not Yet Published (Yep, another one not yet finished WIP Story. Heh!)

Pumpkin Spice…the scent of it was growing strong the more it lingered inside the mixing bowl with the other dried ingredients.  Eighteen-year-old Tsukino Usagi’s eyes left the bowl going to the worn pages of the recipe baking cookbook on her kitchen counter covered in post-it notes and paper clipped various worn notes.

6. Not Yet Published and (you guessed it y’all) Still Untitled...

“D-daddy!!! I'm out of juice!!!” Chibi-Usa's voice wailed loudly from her bedroom in the apartment's hallway.

7.  Seeking Love Advice From “Dear Bunny”

"Dear Bunny, Hi, my name is Jun, I am in my first year of high school, I love American Comics like D.C. as well as typical girl mangas, and I am in a bit of a pickle. What should I do with my boyfriend for our first official anniversary, gift wise? Our anniversary is coming up in a month, and it's been maybe a couple of months since he started asking me to go steady with him. I was thinking of getting him comic but the thing is, he has every kind of comic in his comic and manga collection. Please Bunny-san, HELP!!! Sincerely, Jun a.k.a. "Stressed and Frantic"

"Hmm...she sounds like she is definitely in a pickle, especially if it's geek girl and geek boy first love romance," Ami commented, looking over Usagi's shoulder to read the email on the laptop screen.

8. That Girl with the Eyes and Headphones On

“Mamoru, why don't you go outside and just talk to her.” Motoki sighed, shaking his head as he continued to wipe down the counters of the bar in Crown Arcade. His best friend looking up from staring outside the windows where his eyes were attentively staring...waiting for someone.

9. Denial of the Soba Noodles

“Mmmm, that smell delicious. Is that garlic I smell sizzling on that grill Makoto?” Motoki asked, sitting on his couch in the living room, as his nose continued to pick up the scent of garlic with various other spices and the strong smell of onions coming from inside the small kitchen area of his apartment.

10. Christmas With You

“Mamo-Chan, do you want the last slice of dark chocolate double fudge Christmas cake that Mama made?” Usagi asked her boyfriend, holding a Tupperware container as she motioned to the last slice of the rich looking chocolate Christmas cake covered in white icing with various designs of green and red poinsettia flowers.

P a t t e r n s:

1) With Published Story-Drabble #1, I can sometimes see Mamoru as a Father when he is officially being full on Dad-Father to Chibi-Usa in an AU normal world that sometimes he does talk/communicate with her like she’s a little mature adult despite her actual age, etc. And I guess I like it in stories when Mamoru and Chibi-Usa have those moments of just being able to adult-kind of talk bond as parent and child with each other...plus, Usagi would so boot him out of the front door like how her own Mother Ikuko would at times. I could see that in their marriage Crystal Tokyo or AU living wise. XD

2) Published Story-Drabble #2: Trying to write Mamoru when he was cold-grumpy-butt closed off to the world hermit Mamoru in that drabble story...It I found was beyond difficult trying to get into that boy’s head, difficult. I honestly felt I didn’t give him much justice in that story. Did I? Never really sure about that one. As for Usagi and Naru sneaking into that Seven-Eleven, it was inspired by the times when I was in middle school/junior high when my friends Nikki, Amanda, Nicole, Mackenzie, and I would after being dropped off early mornings to the 2-3 min. walk route to school campus by our parentals/or over Amanda’s house spending the night on weekends, would...field trip ourselves secretly together in grrrl anime punk/goth packs together to the closest Mexican Mini-Market Mart or Circle K or Seven Eleven market to stock up on junk and drinks exactly like Naru and Usagi did. Randomly, loudly, cheering like teenage tween girls would at finding favorite soda and snack junk food for midnight snacks at Amanda’s house/sneaking back into her house via bedroom or laundry room window or in the early morning before hour for the school gates to open on weekdays would go down at our middle school...we never got caught/busted. We were that grrrl slick and timed shit down. XD

3) With stories and drabbles finished/published/not yet published posted: Yes...I am a self-admitted foodie, d.i.y. do or die baker and cook...who also loves eating like a foodie and damn well proud of it. Clearly anyone can see that if you see how food, cooking, or baking is written in my stories. I love the idea of Usagi somehow eventually figuring it out and finding her own way in baking/cooking for herself. Her wanting to amaze or show her loved ones she can do it like her own Ikuko-Mama and Makoto-chan can nail cooking and baking. So, sometimes I can’t help it with writing things where it’s Usagi or Makoto cooking or baking together or alone. Or sometimes Ikuko-Mama wanting to go full on Mommy Mama Tsukino on all of her family, her kids friends, anyone who stops by her home or kitchen. Especially with wanting to always feed/fatten up Usagi’s girls the senshi like Hotaru or Mamoru her little girl’s one true love a.k.a. “future son-in-law” because let’s face it...Ikuko-Mama would look at Mamoru and Hotaru-chan and just go, “Mamoru...you need to eat more. Stop eating take out delivery and food mart garbage. I’ll make sure you leave this house with proper home cooked nutritious meals for home. Hotaru sweetie, don’t you eat enough with two wonderful mothers and ahem your ‘papa’ in that mansion? You need some extra meat on those bones. Sit! You’ll be getting seconds on dinner, don’t argue with me. Everyone will be eating at my table, everything!”  Because it’s so Ikuko-Mama. Aren’t everyone’s Mothers like that? I know my Mom is!

I’d love your thoughts/input on this. I’m not sure who to tag back since I’m sure everyone I know who writes fics has probably been already tagged.

[extremebiketripblog-blog]

10 Essential Trip and Travel Tips

1) Travel Smart

This applies for first time tourists, backpackers, 5-megastar lodge stayers and avid travelers. Always be privy to your surroundings, theft frequency, recognised tourist scams, and the political stability of the region. Have a laugh but ensure you already know the way to get back on your hostel or hotel. Traveling and partying in distant places is honestly loads of a laugh but matters can trade fast!

2) Pack Lots of Layers

So you are travelling through Europe in the summer time and do not suppose you need something however shorts and a t shirt? The fine issue to do is to p.C. Clothes that can layer and preserve you heat however also keep you cool. Trains, airplanes, airports and hostels can pass from surely chilly at night time to virtually warm - so be organized for all climates. And socks - remember masses of socks.

3) Journal Everything

Grab a Moleskine Notebook and carry it with you everywhere. Sketch, take notes, write, jot, document your prices, Haiku, write a music, a poem or a e book - or write down the name and speak to data of that old man you met inside the café who made you change your profession in only one communique. Traveling can open your eyes but bear in mind to capture the moment for all it's really worth!

4) Use Your Camera Wisely

In the spirit of "shooting the instant," tourists and photographers have become on inside the same. But - I argue that it's essential to "use your camera wisely." You may also need to take a photograph of every avenue, every stone and every fallen column on the Acropolis - and that's pleasant. Just do not allow your trying to seize the moment - keep you from playing the instant right then and there.

5) Be Fearless - Try Anything and Everything At Least Once

Okay, so maybe consuming sheep intestines cooked in a belly - isn't honestly your issue. Maybe you'd alternatively put on your footwear than usual leather-based sandals. No be counted what your desire, there's no higher time or place to strive something new than while you're touring. From customs and rituals to cultural garbs to quirky cultural foods - attempt it at least once - and in case you're not a fan, then at least you could say you gave it a shot.

6) Plan & Research - But Not Too Much!

We're no longer looking to kill your spontaneous spirit - however you genuinely actually do get more out of your travels when you have at the least some idea of in which you are going and what you could see, try, or do when you're there. So plan a hard agenda, learn about the locations and points of interest - or convey a guidebook with you that you could read even as you're there. Stay bendy and play it by means of ear on occasion - that is whilst actual adventures begin!

7) Take Your Time

When you intend your holidays, make sure to offer your self a bit rest. There's no point stressing yourself to awaken and line up early inside the morning to get into museums if it's going to give you more tension than peace and relaxation! Take a while - sip a espresso in a café and watch people stroll by. Step again from the busyness of a vacationer and revel in your environment while you could.

8) Keep Friends + Family Informed

Don't spend an hour each day inside the internet café writing widespread weblog posts of your whereabouts, where you went and what you did. Make brief posts, replace your status on Facebook, make a new tweet on Twitter or ship off a short email to permit human beings understand in which you're, where you are staying and if there may be an emergency, the way to attain you.

9) Always Carry a Map

When you travel, it is time to position away your pride - and carry a map. You do not must take it out - just carry it with you so you can discover your way round and in case you get lost, you will be satisfied you had it. If you are eager, you may mark the course you walked to hint it later or just to do not forget in which you have been! Keep a subway map and agenda with you, too!

10) Don't Freak Out

There's always an answer. Ok, so you ignored your train through 2 mins - some other one will come (even supposing it's day after today!). Missing flights, stolen passports or extortion by means of the police will solve itself. The essential issue is which you're not hurt and safe. Relax and provide you with a concrete option to getting in your subsequent destination or contacting your embassy, inside the case of a misplaced passport.

Useful Link: Bike Adventures

[seasirpent]

Huge life in Jordan update!

Alright, so what have we done this past??? Month??

We finished our month long class in the city and are crying over the ease there was to get there and um rami!! She worked in the center we went to and like kept that place running. So good, we all miss her so much 😭

We started classes at the actual university and we all hate it. it’s so far, like 1-1.5 hour trip, and for me that’s not including the 20 min walk to/from the bus stop every day. We saw um rami there on thursday though and she made all of our week!! I’m starting to get used to the time after a couple weeks, but still not a huge fan of the place. I do like my teachers, one that i have for 2/3 of my classes is the same teacher i had during the month class in the city, but they’re both in arabic and that’s been a bit stressful. My third teacher is so sweet and kind (not to say my other teacher isn’t?) but like one of the kids compared her to mrs.potts and it’s pretty accurate. And so for the most part i go by heba here in jordan, it makes my life easier, but on the roster it still has my dead name on there, and when i talked to the teacher to be like oh hey can you please not call me that she was like “i will call you whatever you want, even if it’s john” and i could cry to be quite honest. 

My host mom had me invite all my classmates over for a meal a couple (one?) week ago, and that was nice of her and we all had a nice time! I ended up going to see a movie with the boys after it, that new.. i already forgot the name of it but it has gosling, replicants, and is apparently a continuation of an old thing i didn’t even know of? It was okay. I’d give it like a 6.5-7/10, but i do want to see the original- blade runner, it was called blade runner- and if a sequel is made, i would be interested in it.

I visited Jerash last friday which is this old town with lots of roman ruins all over, and it was so beautiful and i would love to go back again. 

These past couple of days have been really amazing too. Thursday i hung out w the girls in my group and we ended up running into someone a couple of em knew who went to our uni in the US but graduated. She is so cute and i love her so much oh my goodness!!! Tomorrow is one of the girl’s in my group’s birthday, so we’ve kind of been having a whole weekend of celebration for her. Thursday evening we went out with our whole group, and one of the kids invited someone who he rode the bus with who brought his friend, and his friend was a real fuckboy and annoying as hell honestly, but it was otherwise great! And i ended up having a real nice conversation w my uber driver who was v encouraging and nice all around. I didn’t get home until midnight and my host mom was like she doesn’t like me out that late because she’s worried about me being in a taxi w a stranger that late at night, and i was just like it was fine i’m okay i took an uber.

Yesterday, i got to visit the largest refugee camp in the country. We were really lucky to get in because you can’t just go and have to get permission i think from the king or someone real high up at least, but one of my classmates got his masters in refugee resettlement and other issues? and we talked to this father of this church attached to the center where we had classes during the month, and he is a BIG deal here, and when my friend mentioned that he was like would you like to go i can put a word in for you, and thanks to him, we got to go! It was really amazing the life they built for themselves there. Apparently that camp is the fourth largest city in the whole country, it has so many people. We talked with one family, and obviously it was just like we’d love to go back to our country once it’s safe, but it’s just not right now. But it’s amazing. They can work in the camp or get a permit to work outside in the capital, they have a bunch of stores and restaurants and sweet places like you would find in the regular city. Like i’m just so proud of the life they’ve built for themselves despite the difficulty and all the help other organizations have given. They get healthcare if they need it, birth control is offered though people apparently aren’t interested, they have gym facilities, an enormous amazing soccer field was donated (or the money/resources for it at least were). There’s apparently 24 like districts in the whole city, 28 schools throughout. There are SO many kids, and they were like all so sweet. A couple ended up following us for most of the trip, and just my sweet children honestly. I bought a couple scarves and a bracelet from one of the shops. Their shop area is enormous!!! It’s a giant street that goes through almost the whole camp. People were v kind and welcoming. I just hope conflicts resolve so they can all go home, or have some kind of a real life soon.

After the trip yesterday, i ended up going out the girls and the birthday girl’s boyfriend yesterday! We chilled in a nestle shop (did you know there are nestle shops, like cafes? I didn’t). It was so nice and cute. After everyone else left i hung out w the birthday girl and her boyfriend a little longer, we went to a shwarma place. Their fries were so good omg. I didn’t get home until 1am, which is funny bc after getting home at midnight the night before my host mom was like don’t be out until 1-2am, it’s haram. I think her biggest concern was still the taxi though, so i let her know the boyfriend was dropping me home and she was just like alright.

So fun fact!! The birthday girl and her boyfriend have been going out a couple years, but have only ever got to see each other a few times in real life because he lives here in jordan, and she lives in the US, and is lebanese, so when she does come to the area it’s always to lebanon, and this is the most time they’ve ever got to spend together since they’ve started dating and it is the cutest thing in the world. To make this even cuter, her birthday is tomorrow, but their anniversary is today! So they’re being all cute today, and her boyfriend has a surprise birthday party planned for her with us coming tomorrow. Like my heart can’t take how sweet this all is. They make me wanna find love so bad, honestly. 

I like was gonna talk about more pissed off drama i’ve had w the family i’m staying with, but writing all the cute things out have left me so happy i don’t even care. I will say though the boys hate me and whenever i get frustrated the host mom just tells me they’re playing with me and then does that whole just calm down thing, and wow i am so tired of living with children who hate me and the parents tell me i’m over exaggerating and to chill. (like right before i left me and my brother finally started getting on in a respectful manner, so of course i had to come here and continue to deal with that same hell, because the last 15 years weren’t enough)

Anyway, jordan is a time i can’t wait to get back in chicago, but am excited for the rest of my time here holds!

[workreveal-blog]

How to do internet marketing advertising in short time

New Post has been published on https://workreveal.biz/how-to-do-internet-marketing-advertising-in-short-time/

How to do internet marketing advertising in short time

A way to control a while And Get more achieved.

Internet marketers vs. Wageslaves

Being a wage slave you receives a commission a fixed salary which is capped to an actual amount. You get paid for turning up and about an everyday task. Internet entrepreneurs we receive a commission for outcomes (while we sell our excessive great merchandise we receive a commission).

Doing an “ordinary wage slave job” you’ve got nine-five to do your task if wage slaves don’t entire their responsibilities they nevertheless get paid and might pick up where they left off the following day. Internet marketers are result pushed, the better we do, the better the product we must offer.

Internet marketing

The extra time we spend on research, developing and Advertising and marketing our merchandise the higher the chance we have of creating a huge income. Why? Due to the fact, all the effort and time we spend on studies, growing merchandise and Marketing shows while we’ve got have a great high product to provide our clients.

What’s the common subject in studies, developing and Advertising our merchandise?

Time Management

It’s now not about spending extra time on research, developing and Advertising and marketing our merchandise, it’s about the usage of our time more correctly. You could spend 7 hours on studies in your new product on and stable for the duration of your day while multi-tasking and now not get something executed.

With effective time Control, You may spend 2 hours of laser targeted to save time on inmarket advertising, and time on studies and now not only get all the reviews you want to be performed however Also discover greater facts with a purpose to give your product greater “saleability”. The higher we use our time, the extra we can get done, and this suggests while we have an excessive quality product to offer our customers.

A Primary Approach To Organising a while better And Getting greater accomplished.

Step 1:

On an A4 piece of lined paper write the name “My Maximum Value duties”. Write down your daily tasks to be able to create the highest Value in your and the highest threat of sales for you, “win, followingwin”. This may encompass, studies, writing the following chapter to your new e-book shoonext

Do you feel you’re squeezed for time? You do all the time-control you know the way to do, and nonetheless there aren’t sufficient hours inside the day?

]You do all the time-control you know the way to do, and nonetheless, there aren’t enough hours inside the day?

Well permit me propose something that might help. I know it helped me. As I have become busier and busier with my personal exercise and academy administration, I commenced seeing the cost of each interest I participated in – whether or not paid or unpaid. I began looking at a way to do greater of what I cherished to do and much less of what I didn’t enjoy as an awful lot. This triggered me to delegate what I may want to, however I nonetheless wished more time.

Then someday I received an electronic mail suggesting I do not do whatever except there are at the least three methods to benefit from it. This changed into progressive to me. This intended that if it changed into worth using something in 3 methods, I most effective had to do it as soon as. Wow, how cool is that?

Ok, so how does one honestly enforce something like this? Right here are some thoughts:

o Appearance lower back on the emails you have sent for your clients. If they’re substantive and lengthy enough, flip them into articles. Then you can submit those reports to courses or online content material websites. Whenever the article gets study, you get the credit, your credibility rises and there’s a ability new client.

O Organize your items with the aid of topic and flip them into books, CDs, or books.

O Your books, CDs and books can then grow to be offered one after the other or as a package deal. They can also be presented as a unique or as a gift with purchase!

See what I imply?

O Next time you do a speaking engagement, have it recorded. Then you could sell tapes or CDs of the occasion. you can offer them as a bonus with purchase of another product or service.

Time management

  In this manner, you may make the most of everything you do. And Subsequent time you consider an pastime or challenge, ask yourself, “Am i able to use this 3 distinct approaches?” If the solution is yes, then go in advance. You will be amazed at how a great deal greater time you have, while you set off this plan.

Community marketers, time control, and Pareto’s Law all have one element in commonplace – time. extra so, loss of time is what so a lot of us revel in. We stay in an age of overload. So what are we able to do about it?

Pareto’s Regulation. In no way heard of it? Maybe you’ve got heard to it referred to as the “80/20 Precept”. It may be summarized as 80% of the results come from 20% of the paintings.

It can be carried out to such a lot of things in existence, but let’s use it on Network entrepreneurs and time. allow check where 80% of your successes come from. Do they come from one or two primary resources that account for 20% of your month-to-month effort? Take a minute and consider it.

Now that you have idea approximately this, why are you doing the opposite 80%? Do you spot it paying off within the near future or is it simply what different a success Community marketers have finished in the past? Is this other eighty% the source of maximum of your problems and frustrations?

Do no longer be afraid to change the time management of your Network advertising commercial enterprise. via taking a deep take a look at what’s operating and what isn’t generating consequences, expand a brand new plan. Drop all of the stuff now not operating today, even in case your leadership tells you they’re vital if they’re now not working for you.

The name of the game to constructing your personal a success Network advertising enterprise is doing what works for you, no longer what worked for others for your group.

allow’s observe customers first. Do you have a few that order like clockwork each month with or without you calling or emailing them a reminder? What percentage of your enterprise does this make up? Now, do you have a number of clients that take in all of your time with questions, problems, returns and complaints in preferred? How an awful lot do their sales genuinely suggest for your bottom line? Are they taking up the full-size majority of your time you can be spending building your commercial enterprise with new clients and possibilities?

Earlier than you start calling or emailing these customers once more Subsequent month, think about in case you need to in reality observe up with them or pass on to others who will recognize some time more. Do not forget Pareto’s Law – 80% achievement from 20% attempt.

Now permit’s speak about potentialities and members of your crew. Your group can be just like your customers. some are excellent. They have got their income in, ask vital questions once they want assist and are motivated all on their own. What percentage of your crew does this account for?

Good enough, now the rest of your group and a number of those prospects on the way to By no means devote. You need to help them. You go out of your manner assisting them with very little effects. You need to do everything for them. they may be not influenced (or at least their moves do now not show that they may be motivated). Now even as thinking about time management – how lots time could you shop through now not chasing them and simply being more supportive to your dedicated group members? could assisting them can help you replace the small earnings you could loss through not focusing at the non-effective? You want to be supportive and efficient but you also need to be effective and green so that you may have a existence outside Community advertising.

Internet advertising

The name of the game is straightforward – do what works and put off the relaxation of the litter to your networking commercial enterprise.

scene on your new on-line training route, interviewing an professional in your preferred area of interest on your contributors region or adding new Content material on your website/ blog.

simplest placed tasks on this list as a way to create the maximum Value for your customers and the best chance of success for you. don’t include checking emails, website/blog protection.

Next on Another piece of lined A4 paper write the name “My Lowest Fee duties”. in this list you could consist of checking emails, website/ blog protection spend five-10 mins list all the responsibilities that are not as Crucial as your Maximum Cost responsibilities.

Now ask yourself this question “is this challenge well worth me doing myself or can it’s completed by way of an virtual assistant (va)?. You’ll be thinking “why should I pay a person to do that project when I’m able to do it without spending a dime?