#what happens after? what happens when you wear down too much to go on? what's next for you? for any of your brothers?

[luvhcarly]

the council would like to request a part 2 to tell me how much u want it

PUT THAT SMART MOUTH OF YOURS IN A GOOD USE.

previous part

After you break up with your boyfriend because you found out he cheated on you again you find yourself infront of his apartment with tears streaming down your face, even though you told him that you should keep it professional…

PAIRINGS: dom!san x fem!reader

GENRE: smut, professor x student, college AU

TAGS: smut, p in v, cheating, cum swallowing, oral (m receiving), San is mean and toxic towards reader, age gap (San is in his 30s and reader is 22), angst, use of pet names (love, slut), swearing, kind of manipulation, San is obsessed with reader and can’t let her go, dirty talk, mention of divorce!, lmk if I missed anything!

WC: 7.3k

A/N: I wanted to thank you guys for the love on the previous part! I decided to give you part 2 of this so enjoy!

Reminder! English is not my first language if you find any mistake lmk!

© All rights reserved luvhcarly do not copy, repost, or translate.

You knew it would be a mistake to step into his office, but you couldn't ignore it. A few weeks have passed since what happened and clearly you couldn't stop think about it, but at the same time you felt guilty. You cheated on your boyfriend even though you basically just paid him back. Well, it wasn't you. You never did such impulsive things. You didn't tell anyone about what happened, despite the fact that your friend suspected you of something.

"Come in." You were snapped out of your thoughts by a man's voice that sent chills down your spine. You took a deep breath and stepped inside, immediately meeting his gaze, which you couldn't quite place. He was sitting on a chair and his hands were on the table, as if he was waiting for you to sit down. As soon as you looked around the room, you remembered everything that happened. The way he fucked you against the desk, the way he told you words that you would like to hear again.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" You put your thoughts behind your head and broke the silence that was between you two. He laughed at your 'sir' and shook his head. He pointed with his hand to the place in front of him for you to sit down and so you did. You sat down on a chair and put your hands on your thighs and cleared your throat nervously.

“Weeks ago you called me San, now you call me sir, again.” With a raised eyebrow he said as if he wanted to indicate something, but you didn't know exactly what. He sighed when you remained silent at his words and he leaned his body more against the seat, not taking his eyes off you. San scanned you, your hair was down and you were wearing a t-shirt that once again hugged your body too well. He cleared his throat when he realized that thoughts lead where they don't belong, but damn why did you have to look so fucking good. Your lips were slightly parted as if you were about to say something, your eyes looked at him with that look that drove him crazy.

"I think-" You took a deep breath and looked at him. "I think we should forget about what happened. It could affect my studies and-" if he was telling the truth, he really didn't expect this. He was expecting something like it shouldn’t happen again or that you should be careful about this? Did he feel�� duped? Forget what happened? How the hell do you want him to forget?

“Yeah, It could affect my job so I agree.” But he did not argue and only nodded. He had nothing to say to you even if he wanted to scream at you, Kiss you and do it again and again without any consequences.

"That's all I wanted to talk about. You can go.” His words were sharp, toxic. Something inside you broke, your heart shattered as if you had been stabbed in the heart. Why did you want him to say something else? To say that he doesn't want to forget. That he wants it again and again.

"Okay." With those words, you stood up and turned around. Before you left, you gave him one last goodbye look and then left. You let him sit there, thinking about the fact that he should have stopped you and told you how he really feels. But he knew that he would hurt you and himself.

“Fuck-“ San mumbled under his breath and ran a hand through his hair, when you left. He didn't want to forget what happened, even if it was just an one time thing. He wanted to help you so that you wouldn't feel stupid that your boyfriend cheated on you, but rather he did it for himself because he couldn't stay away from you.

-

"Are you okay, babe?" Your boyfriend’s voice interrupted you when he noticed how you were playing with the food with your fork. Your expression was nervous, tired, something he hadn't seen in you that often.

"What?" You shifted your gaze from the food to him and swallowed loudly when he gave you a puzzled expression. "It's nothing just school stuff." You lied to him and gave him a smile, he nodded at your words and smiled back. Then there was a silence between you, which you didn't like that much, but you weren't in the mood to break it. Your thoughts were elsewhere. You were lost. You were lost in your own head.

“We should go on a dinner tomorrow, to take a break from the stress." He proposed to you with a nice smile and you took a sip from your drink, nodding at his suggestion and smiling at him. "Yeah, that would be great." You really weren't in the mood to go somewhere social, but you didn't refuse.

“Is something bothering you, y/n?” With that he suddenly asked and the fork fell from your hand to the floor. "I-..." you opened your mouth and were about to tell him everything that happened, but then you closed your mouth. “No. I am just tired as I said." That's the only thing you told him and he didn't discuss it further, even if he didn't believe you. Well, he wasn't planning on arguing with you or anything like that so he just nodded his head and continued to eat his food.

After dinner you lay down in bed and took your phone in your hand, your boyfriend was lying next to you and he was also on his phone. You decided to check whether the results of the tests you wrote last week had not arrived yet. Your eyes widened when you saw that you didn't pass his class.

Didn't pass.

How? He tutored you, you wrote everything correctly there. You furrowed your brows at that and your anger rose. What's his problem? You didn't understand it. And that’s why you stayed after his class the next day.

“Professor, wait!” You shouted as he left the classroom and you caught up with him with quick steps.

"I have another class, Ms. Y/n.” His words were again sharp without interest, as if he was telling to leave him alone that he was not interested in talking.

"It won't be long, I just-"

"We will discuss it tomorrow during class, if you have some problem." He stopped and turned to you. His brows were furrowed and he wore glasses. You swallowed loudly at his words and sighed.

"I-..." You opened your mouth and were about to say something, but then you nodded. Despite the fact that you were angry that you didn't pass his class, you suppressed your anger again. His expression made you feel the respect you had for him. "Okay." You said and he left without another word. When he was out of your sight enough, he let out a sigh that he didn't even know he was holding back. He knew that you probably wanted to talk about why you didn't pass. But his reason was simple. He thinks you have more in you than what you wrote in the test. That’s why he didn’t let you pass, or maybe there was another problem?

“Asshole.” You muttered to yourself as you slammed the locker shut and an annoyed sigh escaped your lips. He was acting strange.

"Who is an asshole?" Your friend's voice rang out and you jumped a little. You did not expect that she would be here and that she would hear you.

"You scared me!" You punched her on the shoulder and she laughed at your words, but then immediately gave you a serious expression.

"Who were you cursing at?" She asked again, her curiosity growing. You raised your eyebrows at her question and pretended that you didn’t say anything before

"What? No one." You gave her a smile, but she still didn't believe you, she already knew you very well. "Your boyfriend again?" She leaned against the locker and crossed her arms over her chest, patiently waiting for your answer.

"No, of course not." You blurted out quickly and she just sighed and bit her lower lip as if she wanted to tell you something.

“You are acting weird lately. Is everything okay?” She finally asked and you ran a hand through your hair and furrowed your brows.

"I'm fine! Why is everyone asking me that”You said with a raised voice and your friend sighed and shook her head. She didn't understand why you were suddenly so angry and nervous. You were never like that, you always walked around smiling, but now you looked like you were going through something. When you realized that you had raised your voice at her and that you are taking out your anger on her for no reason, you swallowed loudly and squeezed your eyes.

"I'm sorry... I'm just tired." You rubbed your forehead and looked at her. She had a disappointed expression on her face, as if she understood you. "Yeah, I get it. Get some rest, y/n.” With her hand she stroked your shoulder. "And stop stressing about school." She added and gave you a sweet, friendly smile, which you returned in return.

You were nervous all day, probably because of school. Despite the fact that you were not in the mood to go to that dinner with your boyfriend, you went. You went to a romantic restaurant together and sat down, talked and joked. You felt that it was the same again as before and your stress subsided. "I will be right back, babe." He stood up and you smiled at him from behind the glass and he directed his steps to the bathroom. At that moment, his phone, which had its screen facing downwards, started ringing. Somehow you didn't pay attention to it, but when the phone rang several times, you gave up. You looked around the restaurant to see if he was coming back, but when you saw that he was nowhere to be found, you picked up his phone.

"When are you going to break up with y/n?"

"Babe, I want you. Please?”

"Can you come over tonight, we could have some fun?" ;).”

You swallowed at the texts and a tear started to run down your cheek.

“I’m back-“ A voice came from behind you and you gripped the phone tighter in your hand and gave him a hateful look.

"Babe, It's not what-"

"Save it. I don’t want to hear it. You didn’t change.” Your voice was hateful and your words were sharp, he leaned closer to you and wanted to stroke your shoulder, but you pulled away.

"Can we talk about it? Everybody is watching us, y/n. Calm down." He looked around nervously when he noticed people's curious looks. You wiped your tears and picked up your jacket.

“No.” You muttered. "We are done." You said and he shook his head at your decision. With those words you left and left him there alone. As soon as you left the restaurant, you put on your jacket and hugged your body. Raindrops began to fall on your skin, which you let out a sigh. You didn't know where to go. Only one place came to your mind. His apartment.

Flashback.

“She signed the papers.” He informed you and looked up from the phone to you and measured you. You already had your skirt on and put your t-shirt back on. "That's great!" You gave him a sweet smile and he sighed but then smiled. He leaned his body against his desk and ran a hand through his hair before resting his hands over his chest.

"Yeah, it is, but I will have to move out."

"Move out? Where?” You blinked fastly at him being confused. He could hear in your voice that you were a little afraid that he would leave, but you didn't try to show it in any way.

"You know the new apartments just two blocks away from school?” For a small moment, you thought about his words, but when you remembered the new apartments nearby, you nodded.

"Well, I already have papers set for this but I waited if she would sign the papers and she did so." He usually didn't talk that much, but now he wanted to. He wanted to tell you everything that was on his mind, and it didn't bother you at all. You liked to listen to him and you were glad that he was saying something that was bothering him. San looked at you nervously, as if he realized that he might be talking too much, but your words calmed him down.

"The apartments are beautiful and I think that it's a great opportunity to start a new life for you." Your words were soft and kind, it warmed his heart. Maybe it's an opportunity to start something new. Something that will fill him and make him feel good. He gave you a smile and his thoughts took him where they probably shouldn't have. Well, for a few seconds he imagined that he lives with you, but then he immediately put it behind him. It's impossible.

End of flashback

“Y/n?” The door in front of you opened and he appeared there. His hair was messy and his eyes were tired, he was wearing a black oversized T-shirt and gray sweatpants. It was strange because you didn't usually see this on him.

"I'm sorry to barge in here like this but-" You stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath. "I didn't know where else to go." Your hair was wet and so were your clothes. He had a surprised expression on the shapes that you were standing here in front of him, your eyes completely red and your mascara smeared.

"Come in." The words he usually spoke gave a completely different meaning to you. He stepped back from the door and let you in, taking your jacket off your shoulders and hanging it on the hanger to dry. He then directed his steps into the kitchen and you followed him, looking around the apartment with your eyes. It was nice and new. Everything was in white and black colors, which you would expect from him.

Without another word, he took a sip of water and leaned against the kitchen counter while you kept looking around. He could see from your shape that something was wrong, otherwise you probably wouldn't be here. But he was surprised that you remembered his words from a few weeks ago. He didn’t ask you what happened, he just looked at you with his eyes and then put the glass down.

You watched with your eyes as he left suddenly and then came back with a dry T-shirt and sweatpants. "Go take a shower." He ordered and handed you dry clothes. You nodded at his words and he let out a sigh. As soon as he pointed in the direction where the bathroom was, you directed your steps there. When you stepped into the bathroom, you smelled his usual scent and you swallowed loudly at that. Then you took off your wet clothes and stepped into the shower. Immediately warm almost hot water touched your skin and you tried to wash away all the bad thoughts and the anger you still had inside. You were a fool to think it wouldn't happen again. You naively thought that everything would be the same as before.

A small sigh escaped your lips as the same scene replayed in your head as you slowly scrolled through the screen of his phone and read the texts. You still couldn't believe that it happened so suddenly. You spent quite a long time in the shower, and he thought that something had happened to you, but when he saw that you got out of the shower. Your hair washed and his clothes on you. The shirt he gave you was a little bigger, and the sweatpants too…

San cleared his throat and he pushed you a cup of tea infront of your face, which you graciously accepted and sat down on the couch next to him. You took a sip of the hot tea and looked ahead. There was an awkward silence between you, as if you were both thinking of what to say. Well, the only thing you could say was:

"Thank you." You muttered and looked down at the cup of tea you were clutching tightly in your hand. You had the feeling that if you clenched it even more, it would shatter into a million pieces. Like you an hour ago. "I broke up with him." You suddenly blurted out and he immediately turned his gaze to you. He raised his eyebrows slightly at your words as if he didn't expect it.

"Sorry to hear that." He actually lied, he was glad you were not together. That you did it. Did he feel happy? Relaxed? He didn't even know how he felt, but he only knew that deep down he was glad that it was so.

“He did it again.” You added and he furrowed his brows. He didn't like it, but even more he didn't like that you were here and that you were saying this to him.

"Why are you telling me this?" You shifted your gaze from the tea to him and gently parted your lips. You didn't know what to say to that. A tear ran down your cheek and you wiped it away with the tip of your fingers and swallowed loudly.

"I'm just confused." He laughed, he didn't even know why, but he found this situation funny. "Yesterday you told me that we should keep it professional and now you are here. Crying.” His words were sharp and unpleasant. You put the tea on the table in front of you and shook your head at his words that he was right. But why didn't you feel it that way?

"You are right. I-" as soon as you started to speak, he cut you off.

"Are you doing this on purpose or what?" His eyebrows were furrowed and he had a strange expression on his features that you had never seen on him.

“What? No! Of course not I just-“

“You giving me those eyes during class, showing up in my apartment.” He shook his head at you, he didn't care that the tears were running down your cheeks more and more. He wasn't really interested at this moment because he wanted to understand why you were doing all this. What is your deal? Distracting him?

“Tell me y/n. Why?” He raised his eyebrows and stared at you, patiently waiting for your answer. "Because I'm curious. You just show up here crying and telling me the same shit over again.” He let out a sigh and you just stroked your brows furrowed and lips parted, tears still running down your cheek. "Expecting what? That I will tell you It's alright and some other kind of shit?" He chuckled at his words and ran a hand through his hair, leaning further into the couch. His eyes were fixed in front of him, but you were watching him. You watched his every move and listened carefully to his sharp words that came from the depths of his heart.

"that I will hug you and whisper lovely words to your ear?" He added and then got back into the previous position to see your face. He could see on your face that you were taken aback by his words and that you didn't know what to say. “Well, I am not that kind of guy, if you thought that I would do that.” You took a deep breath when he finally finished and wiped your tears again and stood up from the couch.

"It was a mistake coming here." You muttered and when you were about to leave, his words stopped you.

"Yeah walk away. That's what you are best at." He had his elbows on his knees and watched carefully as you turned sharply at his words, tears were no longer running down your cheeks, but he could see from your features that you were angry. Angry because of what he said.

“Says you. You walked away from your wife and almost cried at my fucking shoulder after you fucked me.” Your words were full of anger, you were like a ticking bomb. He got up from the couch at your words and stepped closer to you. His jaw clenched and his Adam apple bopping every time he swallowed.

"I fucked you because I saw that you were desperate, remember?" He said and you shook your head at his words, you knew he was right but still you didn't let it go.

"I let you because you were so desperate to fuck someone who actually gives a fuck about you." You spilled those words into his face and at that moment he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer, his hot breath touching your face.

"I can choose who I want to fuck, love. You would be surprised how many students came to my office and flirted with me. But I only fucked you, isn't that funny?" His words were ridiculous, he directly mocked you. He moved closer to your ear and his words sent a chill down your spine. "Should I remind you the words you said to me?" Your breath hitched and he saw it. He saw how you suddenly became nervous and also how a chill passed through your body, his words full of mockery and teasing. He knew very well the effect he had on you and he intended to use it very well.

"That I fucked you better than your boyfriend. Pfuu… y/n.” He pulled away from you to get a good look at you. "Tough words, right?" You swallowed at his words because he was right, but you still had no plans to stop throwing arguments at him.

"I only said that to make you satisfied and to boost your ego." Your words were funny to him so he just laughed at you and your stupidity.

"Your body said something else that time." San enjoyed how your body trembled gently and how his words always sent chills down your spine every time. But he thought it was very funny how you pretended that it had no effect on you and that you looked confident. “And now your body is saying something else too.” He shifted his eyes to your parted lips and how you immediately closed them and swallowed. You hated it as he had readen you from head to toe. How did he know what reacts to you and what doesn't.

“You asked why.” Out of the blue you changed the subject and his grip loosened on your wrist and he raised his eyebrows. He didn't understand where you were going with those words.

"What?" He asked you incomprehensibly and a small sigh escaped your lips, wondering if you really should say that. "I came because of you." You looked into his eyes and searched for something in them, maybe a hint of what he was thinking. That he feels what you feel.

"I came because I can't stop thinking about you. Fuck, you- you are driving me crazy.” Your words caught him by surprise and he immediately let go of your wrist and bit the inner corner of his mouth. “And fuck, yeah I expected you to hold me and tell me that it will be okay. I admit, okay? I even admit that I always walk away from the problems instead of solving them. And I’m sorry about what I said about your ex-wife. Fuck, I even admit that you fucked-“

“Just, shut up.” He interrupted you and immediately took your cheeks in his hands, using them to bring you closer to him and kiss you. Despite the fact that his words before were sharp and unpleasant, you let him kiss you. You wanted it. His touch on your cheeks was soft and warm and the kiss was soft and gentle. “You talk too much.” He said between kisses and his hands slipped to your waist, pulling you closer. The kiss became more dominant and passionate, he ran his tongue over your lips and you opened your mouth and gave him the freedom to push his tongue into your mouth. His tongue exploring your mouth with a hunger that belied his earlier resistance and you sighed as his hands slid to your ass and squeezed it.

He lifted your body by your ass and you immediately wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Without breaking the passionate kiss, he carried you to his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, leaning you against it. He let your body slowly slide off him and put one hand on your waist and the other on your cheek and caressed it gently. You slid your hand under his shirt and ran your fingers over his stomach, as he let out a shaky breath as your fingers traced his abs, his head falling back briefly. "Fuck, you're going to be the death of me," he muttered, quickly pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside.

“Yeah?” You asked him with a teasing voice still tracing your fingers slowly along his abs. "Yes, really," San growled at that, catching your wrists and pinning them above your head against the door, having enough of your teasing. He leaned in close, his lips barely brushing your ear. "One minute I'm pissed as hell at you, and the next..." He trailed off, pressing gentle kisses along your neck. “Then next I want to fuck you until the only word you remember is my name.” A slight moan escaped from your lips as he started to leave wet kisses along your neck.

His mouth curved into a satisfied smirk as he felt your body tremble against his. "Like that, do you?" he whispered, purposely leaving another wet mark just below your ear. His hands released your wrists, one sliding down to grip your waist while the other began pushing your shirt up, sending shivers down your spine. His cold hands touching your warm skin made you part your lips slightly and he noticed.

“So fucking sensitive," he murmured, his cold hand leaving goosebumps in its wake as he pushed your shirt higher. San broke the kisses on your neck just long enough to pull the shirt over your head and toss it aside, leaving you in just a lacy bra. His eyes darkened as he took in the sight of you, half-naked and breathing heavily against the door. He leaned in, his lips capturing yours in a rough, passionate kiss as his hands reached behind you to unhook your bra.

“Mhm~” Being too desperate you moaned into the kiss as the bra hit the floor silently, freeing your breasts. He growled softly as your breasts pressed against his bare chest, one of his hands coming up to grope one possessively. Your moan echoed in his mouth, making him harder.

“Fuck- San, I need-“ he cut you off immediately.

“Shut up." San said against your lips before kissing you deeply again, swallowing any further words. His hand squeezed your breast roughly as his hips pressed against yours, letting you feel how hard he was already. Breaking the kiss, he nipped at your bottom lip. "Pants off. Now." You swallowed at his sharp words and you slowly pulled your sweatpants down, keeping an eye contact with him as he watched you carefully, enjoying how you obeyed him.

His gaze remained fiercely locked with yours as you peeled off your sweatpants, a wicked grin spreading across his face when you stood before him in nothing but in your panties. “Those off too. Come on.” Without breaking eye contact, he ordered watching how your body trembled every time. Slowly you pulled your panties down as he watched you with a smirk on his face. God he liked how you obeyed him every time.

“On your knees.” When those words left his mouth you swallowed. At first you remained in your place not being so sure but his voice was heard again. “Come on, love. Get on your knees for me.” His voice was low, demanding and you slowly slid to your knees, looking up at him. With a soft touch he cupped your cheek and grinned at the sight of you being in front of him on your knees.

His thumb gently stroked your cheek as he leaned down and whispered, "Isn’t if funny how minute ago you screamed at me that you let me fuck you just because I was desperate to fuck someone who gives a fuck." He kept eye contact while he slowly pulled his sweatpants down, a smirk playing on his lips as you watched him. “Now, look at you, y/n. You are here again. Obeying like a slut.” You swallowed hard at his words and your body trembled even more as you watched how he pulled his sweatpants and boxers down in one swift movement and your breath hitched as you saw him fully naked now. He was huge just like you remembered. Long and thick. He smirked watching your reaction. "Now, put that smart mouth of yours in a good use, will you?”

With a shy look on your face you brought your lips to his length and a shudder ran through him as your lips barely brushed against the tip. San groaned quietly, his fingers twitching against your cheek. "What did I say, love?" His voice was low, furious as he grabbed you by your hair roughly and he pressed himself against your lips, silently urging you to take him in.

As soon as you opened your mouth, he pushed himself in, filling your small mouth instantly. He groaned as he hit the back of your throat, pulling your hair harder to keep you in place. "Look at me." he growled, his hips bucking slightly to push himself deeper. With a small tears in your eyes you looked up at him through your eyelashes as he enjoyed the sight of you. He enjoyed how you fell apart on his cock.

San's eyes darkened with lust as he held your gaze, drinking in the sight of you trembling slightly, tears glistening at the corners of your eyes. He smirked, pleased by how perfectly you were submitting to him. "You look fucking gorgeous with your lips wrapped around my cock," His thick length pulsed in your mouth as he admired the view—your pretty lips stretched around him, taking him so deep. "Such a good girl," His grip tightened in your hair, holding you firmly in place as he slowly thrusted, savoring the slick heat of your mouth.

You moaned against his cock immediately sending shivers down his spine at that, then slowly you made your way with your hand to your wet core, the pleasure being too much but his words cut you off right away. "No...don't you fucking dare." He warned in that deep, authoritative tone you loved. With one quick motion, he grabbed your wrist, preventing your hand from reaching its destination. "Only my hands get to touch you there tonight, got it?" His hips thrust forward again, making you gag slightly. You let out a little cry at his warning words and San smirked as he watched you suppress your whimper, pleased by your obedience. Keeping a firm grip on your hair, he began to thrust more deliberately, each stroke pushing deeper into your throat. The wet sounds of your mouth working his cock filled the room, punctuated by his low groans of pleasure.

“So pretty.” He tilted his head back, savoring the sensation as he hit the back of your throat perfectly, but then he looked back down at you, seeing the slight flush on your cheeks and the tears streaming down your face. He was close, so very close to bursting apart in your mouth. "So good, just for me, yeah?”

You moaned again and he let out a shuddering groan as your moan vibrated around his sensitive cock, the sensation almost too intense. The sight of you squeezing your thighs together desperately, unable to touch yourself yet trembling with need, pushed him over the edge. "Fuck, I'm gonna-" He threw his head back and with one final thrust, he buried himself deep in your throat and came undone, his hot seed spilling into your mouth as he let out a low, guttural groan. His hips jerked erratically as he rode out his release, eyes locked onto yours, intense and unblinking. You watched, mesmerized, as he came undone completely, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm. "Swallow it, come on.” Without second thought you swallowed all his release, squeezing your eyes.

He let out another groan as he watched you swallow every drop like it was the best thing you've ever tasted. Your throat worked sexily as you swallowed, making his spent member twitch again. "Goddamn," He muttered softly, petting your hair gently now instead of gripping it harshly.

“Please.” A whispered please escaped from your mouth as you squeezed your thighs more. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of you squeezing your thighs, desperate and needy. He knew exactly what you were begging for, he leaned down, cupping your chin in his hand. "What do you want, love?" He asked in a smooth, knowing tone.

“I need you. Please.” A small chuckle escaped from his mouth at your desperate cry, his fingers trailing down your chin to your throat. "You need what?" He asked, his voice dropping lower, "You need my hands on your thighs? You need my face between your legs? You need my fingers inside you? My cock?" You let out a shaky breath at his words, swallowing loudly.

“Please, make me feel good, San.” He smirked mischievously at you, grabbing you by your wrist tightly and pulling you up from the ground. You were immediately met with his intense gaze and his hot breath on your lips. “Please-“ When you started to beg again he silenced you with a harsh, bruising kiss, his other hand reaching to your hip, guiding you slowly to the bed. He broke the kiss, panting, "You want to feel good?" Your knees immediately hitting the bed and he showed you down on the mattress, watching you swallow and your breath becoming more heavier which made his cock twitch.

With your elbows you supported your body as you leaned back more and you observed him as he stood there watching you for a moment, admiring how perfectly you surrendered your body to him. Your chest rising and falling with anticipation, lips parted slightly. "Spread your legs," he commanded, his voice hoarse with desire. When you hesitated for just a moment, he added firmly, "Now." Without another second you spread your legs for him and he positioned himself between your thighs, his hands firmly gripping your knees to keep them spread wide. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, seeing how wet you were, your pink folds glistening with need. He slowly ran his fingers along your slit, not penetrating but just teasing.

“Fuck-“ When you felt his finger ran along your slit you threw your head back and shut your eyes, begging with your little moans to be touched more.

“Eyes on me, love.” With a raised tone he grabbed you by your jaw and made you look straight into his eyes, his fingers splaying out to keep your knees spread wide. When he slowly pressed his tip against your wet pussy he watched your eyes roll back slightly but snapped them back to his with a sharp tug on your jaw. "You just won’t listen, will you?" he asked, his thumb rubbing your chin roughly. "You want to be fucked?” You were unable to concentrate when he pressed his tip on your wet pussy, teasing you. The only thing you managed to do was shake your head which wasn’t enough for him.

He saw the contradiction in your body language and smirked. "You don't want to be fucked?" he asked, pressing just the tip of his cock inside you, but not enough to satisfy your need. He was teasing you, loving the power he had over you.

“No! I want to be- I want to be fucked, please!” A dark laugh escaped his lips as he heard you beg for it. He leaned down, his breath hot on your ear. "That's what I thought," he whispered, driving his cock fully into you in one swift motion. You gasped, your back arching as he filled you completely, capturing your mouth into a deep kiss. Right away you moved your hands to his back and he groaned into the kiss, loving the way your nails dug into his back.

He started to move his hips, slowly at first, letting you feel every inch of him as he pulled out and thrust back in. He broke the kiss to nip at your neck, sucking and biting to mark you. Then he pulled away his dark eyes locked onto yours, demanding your attention and devotion. "Tell me who's fucking you this good." He lifted your chin with his hand as he continued to thrust into you deeply and slowly, his piercing hitting your g-spot with each thrust.

“Y-you.”

"What I didn’t quite hear you." He teased, his voice low and commanding as he continued his slow, deep thrusts, hitting your g-spot with each movement. His other hand reached up to wrap around your throat, squeezing gently as he looked into your eyes. "Say my name, love."

“San.” You moaned more louder and he smirked at that, enjoying how you are taking his cock so well. "Like that," He growled, thrusting harder. "You take my dick so well," He murmured, watching your body bounce slightly with each snap of his hips. "Spread your legs wider." He ordered softly, watching you eagerly obey.

"You know what I love?" You gasped as he thrusted deeper into you, gripping your hip more tight every time. He enjoyed the sight of you how you opened your mouth into a little ‘O’ when he thrusted more deeper, making you take his full length.

"Watching your pretty face while I destroy this tight pussy," He whispered darkly, increasing his pace. His hand around your throat tightened slightly, showing his possessiveness. His thumb traced your bottom lip as he continued pounding into you. "Christ you feel so good..." He leaned down to nip at your ear as he felt your nails dig deeper into his back as he hit that sweet spot inside you, making you cry out his name loudly. He smirked against your neck, loving the sound of your voice saying his name. His hips moved in a circular motion, hitting your g-spot from different angles as he spoke. “So glad you left- you left that boyfriend of yours.” The fact he was struggling with his words made you moan even more. “Now you are all mine. Right?” The grip on your throat tightening as he looked at you with a hungry gaze. “Say it that you are mine.”

“I’m yours.” As his dick was too much for you, you hid your face in the crotch of his neck, but he immediately pulled you back. "That's right, you're fucking mine," he growled possessively, capturing your mouth in a bruising kiss, bitting your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, marking you. He continued to pound into you, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room.

“Y-yours.” Even though you were unable to breathe you repeated again but San hadn’t enough of it, yet.

"Again," His voice hoarse as he continued his brutal pace, his hands roaming your body possessively, squeezing your breast and spreading your thighs wider. "Say it like you mean it," He ordered, his eyes locked onto yours as he continued his punishing rhythm.

“I-…” You were moaning mess you couldn’t get a simple word out of you as he kept thrusting more rougher. He laughed at your state but still he said;

"Use that mouth yours like when you talk shit." He growled as his hips were snapping forward with each word. "Tell. Me. You're. Mine." He punctuated each word with a deep thrust, hitting your g-spot perfectly, his eyes burning with intensity as he watched you struggle to speak.

“I’m yours. Fuck-… only…” To catch a breath you paused for a second, “Only yours”

"Goddamn," Softly he muttered, slowing down his pace. He loved hearing those words from your mouth. Slightly, he pulled out then snapped his hips back in hard, making you cry out. He smirked wickedly. "You know what I wanna do?" Finally he moved your hand from your throat to your hip again and again he pulled out of you and then snapped his hips back in hard. With hunger in his eyes he watched you let out a little cry as he kept doing that for a while. But then he kept his pace slow and deep, dragging his piercing along your walls. "I wanna fill this pretty pussy up with my cum, mark you inside and out. Make sure everyone knows you're taken," He leaned down, biting your earlobe. "What do you say to that, love?" Your eyes widened at his words and a chill run down your spine.

“W-what?” Out of breath you asked him he chuckled darkly at your shocked expression, his slow thrusts maintaining their deep pressure. "You heard me," he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. "Want my cum inside you?" His hand slid down to rub your clit in tight circles, making your hips jerk involuntarily.

When his hand met your clit, teasing you, you let out a loud moan and shook your head in agreement watching him smirk at you mischievously loving the effect he had on you. At that he speeded up the pace again thrusting more deeper and rougher than before trying to chase your and his own high. His cock pounded into you with renewed vigor, his breath growing ragged and his eyes never leaving yours. "Fuck, you feel too good," he groaned, his fingers digging into your thighs as he spread them wider to accommodate his deep, brutal thrusts. "I’m gonna fill you up."

“Please.” With a loud moan you begged and you grabbed him by his cheeks, pulling him closer and kissing him roughly. He kissed you back fiercely, swallowing your desperate plea as he continued his relentless pace. His tongue invaded your mouth, claiming every inch as his cock claimed your pussy. "Fuck, you are so desperate for me." he teased breathlessly against your lips, giving a particularly hard thrust that made you see stars. He could feel that you were close when your walls started to clinching more on his dick.

"Are you gonna cum for me, love?" He whispered darkly, picking up the pace even more, his thrusts becoming almost violent, his pelvis grinding against your clit with every stroke. "Look at me when you come." He could feel his own release building, his muscles tensing. Moans echoed in the room as you sank your nails into his back once again as you came.

"Fuck, yes," he hissed at the sudden pain mixing with pleasure. His nails dug into your hips hard enough to leave marks as he surged forward, his entire body stiffening. He let out a guttural roar, his hot cum filling you up, overflowing and dripping down your legs. After that he didn’t pull out, he stayed inside you for a while pressing his forehead against yours, smiling softly at you. It was different than before. This didn’t feel like sex, like it did back then in his office. It felt more like love?…

[elalfywhore]

begging for more Jana and bimbo 🙏 it was sooo good

jealous jana jealous jana jealous jana

nsfw!!

the front door opening and closing followed by heavy footsteps drew you from the bowl of cupcake mix you were mixing. “pretty girl? i’m home.” your lovers voice music to your ears.

it had been exhausting without her. she was gone for about a week in the bahamas for basketball, of course you had wanted to go but you couldn’t afford to miss a week of school. you couldn’t put the pots and pans away in the tall cabinets by yourself, you hated the bed being empty, you couldn’t even drive!!! but what you hated the most was it just being you and your right hand.

jana being the amazing lover she is had offered to pay for you to go to a spa day with one of your friends, just to make her being away a little more bearable. you had went and got your nails, hair, toes, facial treatments but there was two things you and jana did not agree on, waxing and body massages.

too you it was just another thing you did, you had always gotten them done before jana but to jana, the idea of someone getting to rub your body down with oils and lotions and then get to see your private area immediately after didnt sit right with her. “baby!” you cheer, the cupcake mix now left behind as you run to your lovers arms. “miss me, habibti?” she reaches under your butt to scoop you up in her strong arms. “‘s much, baby.” you giggle, pressing soft pecks all over her face.

your smile bright the entire way as she goes to sit you on the counter. “was making you cupcakes but you got here earlier than i thought.” you hum and your legs don’t unwrap from her as your butt hits the counter. “mmm thank you, princess. how was it without me?” her hands rub up and down your thighs. “was good, had such a fun time at the spa, i got my toes done and oh! look at my nails, they’re so cute!” you flash the fresh set to her “and the facial was soooo nice and don’t even get me started on the massage-.” you abruptly stop realizing, you had snitched yourself out.

“massage? habibti, i thought we talked about this.” she groaned, letting go of you to pinch the bridge of her nose before tucking her face in her hands. “i’m sorry, baby! my back has just been aching lately and i really needed it!” immediately turning on baby mode, the dough eyes, whiny voice and arching your back forward to grab onto jana. “did you let them wax you?” her hands at her sides with a nasty look on her face. you debate in your head for a second should you tell her yes or no before a panicked answer comes out.

“nope!” the second it comes out you know, your voice was too high and perky and also- “pull your panties off, baby.” she wanted to check. “r-right now?” you whimper now scooting back on the counter and away from jana. “yes right now.” “but what about the cupcakes!!” you’re trying to find any excuse for her not to check. “now.” and with a whine bubbling from your throat you lift your butt up a bit and letting her pull your panties down your legs and the purple baby doll you’re wearing up a bit.

“lemme see pretty girl.” her voice is soft, kind and alluring but you know what’s gonna happen once she’s see all to well-making you hasty to spread your legs. you spread them wide, hands leaning back on the counter holding you up as her eyes widen. “habibti, i thought you said you didn’t let them touch you.” she whispers, in awe at your pussy on display, leaning into you and allowing one of her hands fingers to run in between your folds.

“m’ sorry baby! i was just feeling lazy and i wanted to be ready for you when you came back and-.” you’re silenced by her lips pressing to yours, it’s so soft you melt into it until you feel a stinging sensation on your area, followed by another and another making you pull back. “ow! jana that hurts.” you whine. “yeah well you should’ve thought about that before letting them see my pussy.” she grabs the back of your neck with one hand before laying another harsh slap to your pussy. “it’s like you just wanna piss me off, all the fucking time.” she groans, slapping your pussy again before shoving a finger inside, making you moan.

“feel good?” you can’t find words to respond as she adds a second finger, slowly thrusting them in and out of you. “yeah.” you gasp out “so good.” “you just like pissing me off? huh princess?” she puts her face in your neck, sucking at the skin. “no baby, don’t mean too.” you moan as she scissors her fingers inside of you. “play with your titties for me baby.” she instructs. you pull the thin straps of your baby doll down, letting the top fall to your waist. you reach up, both hands pinching and rubbing your nipples.

“so sexy, baby.” she groans, licking your neck before falling to height with your pussy. you moan as she latches onto your clit, sucking tightly with he fingers still fucking you. “ohh my god, mommy, feels so good please don’t stop.” you blabber, brain scrambled at how good she was making you feel.

you don’t expect or get a worded response from her just a groan and she flatters her tongue on your clit taking long licks.

it’s embarrassing how fast you feel it building in your tummy but its been so long since you’ve seen her! how could she expect you to last when she looks like this, doing what she’s doing and you’ve been by yourself all week!

“j-jana, think ‘m gonna cum.” you let go of one of your nipples and tangle your hand in her hair, pulling her deeper in. you assume she’s approving as she speeds up her fingers and takes your clit back into her mouth once more, licking and sucking simultaneously.

“oh my-.” you’re cut off by a jagged moan erupting from your throat as your high washes over you. “so..good.” you squeak out as she pulls her fingers out, all wet and creamy before putting them to her mouth, sucking them clean.

“you okay, baby?” she smiles, coming back up to face you, you look gorgeous to her, all fucked out, baby doll still sitting at your waist, makeup ruined and legs still spread wide. “yeah, felt so good my love.” you lean into kiss her, tasting yourself on her lips. you almost moan into before you feel another slap to your pussy and jana pulls back.

“if you let them do that to you again, i will fuck you up.”

[halliejaade]

Here's a little one shot from my upcoming Joaquín Torres x Female Reader fic, Edelweiss. It's a childhood friend's to lovers fic and I am so excited to share it with you all!

Tick...

Your knee bounces rhythmically.

Once. Up. Down.

Twice. Down. Up.

You pause. Once, and then twice again. You're not sure what it is about the combination that calms you, but you've always done things in pairs. The clock in the corner ticks loudly, reminding you that in only an hour you'll have to say goodbye.

You never quite mastered that; not when your childhood dog, Lucy, passed away. Not when the blip happened and everyone you loved just... disappeared. And certainly, most definitely, you didn't think you could bear this.

Joaquín grins nervously at his mother, who smooths out the wrinkles that apparently only she can see on his tan T-shirt. You weren't sure how he was able to make the uniform look so good, but somehow he pulled it off. He ran a hand over his cropped hair, before turning to you.

"Don't look so sad, rain boots," He says, attempting a bright smile. The nickname makes you laugh somberly.

You had only been twelve when you moved into the house next door to his. For whatever reason, for an entire year, no matter the occasion, you refused to wear any shoes other than your bright green rain boots. Joaquín had adopted the nickname for you after you became friends, and had never stopped calling you it.

Tick tick...

You blink owlishly, willing the tears to dry before they can spill over your lash line.

His mother glances between the two of you. "I'll just be over there for a moment."

She joins your mom at the cafe which is probably too expensive for their tastes, but is a good reason to allow the two of you this last moment together in the busy airport.

"Do you have to go?" You ask quietly, fiddling with your favorite bracelet.

He steps into your space, his boots coming toe to toe with your dirty sneakers. The sight causes a tear to finally spill down your cheek.

"I'll visit when I can, okay? I swear to you." He whispers, placing his hands on your shoulders. The look you give him after makes his heart squeeze painfully.

He hates seeing you so sad. Hates the fact that he's the reason you're crying.

"Please-" You hiccup, "Please be safe, Joaquín."

Tick tick tick...

One moment, you're standing toe to toe with him, and in the next, you're pressed close to his chest. You turn your face into his neck, his arms wrapping tightly around your shoulders.

"You remember when we were little and we always played heroes?"

You nod, before sniffling. You had never cared much about the Avengers, hadn't cared much about paying attention to things like that, but Joaquín was always so excited that you couldn't help but fall in love with the concept of the superheroes.

"I'm finally making that dream come true," He says into your hair. "I'm gonna make little me proud."

You tighten your arms around his torso. "I'll be the first to buy your figurine when you inevitably save the world some day."

He pulls back, and looks into your eyes. "I'll miss you so very much, Y/n. But I'll write to you, and I'll come home whenever I can. I'll be safe. I swear."

The prospect that he'll write you letters makes you giggle. "You remember the letters?"

He nods, his own laugh escaping his lips as he recalls how twelve year old you thought it was so romantic that soldiers sent letters home to their loved ones. "I'll do anything to make you smile."

Tick tick tick tick...

An announcement screeches over the speakers.

Joaquín frowns slightly, before letting go of you. Both his mother and yours abandon their coffees, and join you back near the gate.

"I have to go now," He says, as if the announcement didn't tell you that already.

Boom.

Another quick round of hugs goes around before Joaquín grabs his bags and leaves.

"Do you think he'll turn around?" Your mom asks.

Joaquín's mom nods, "Y/n is here. Of course he will."

As if on cue, he turns, right before he's out of sight. He waves to your mother's before his eyes land on you. He sends a wink your way, and mouths, "I'll see you before you know it, rain boots."

You only hope that he's right, and that he'll come home safe and sound.

[ov6rheated]

worst behavior

summary: billie had a surprise for you before you went out.

warnings: oral r!receiving, strap-on, fingering, teasing, masturbation, mommy kink (lmk if i missed some)

a/n: NOT PROOFREAD!! sorry for taking so long to post, i’ve been really unmotivated. also, ive seen your requests and i’ll write them soon.

it was a friday night, and you had got home from a long day just a few hours ago. whenever you got home, you facetimed billie, but she never answered. it was bothering you but you just assumed she was busy.

after waking up from a small nap, she texted you. “busy rn baby. i’ll ttyl”

you hearted the message before getting ready to go out with some friends. after scanning your closet for thirty minutes, you picked a skin tight dress to wear. the dress made you think of billie because you knew that she loved this dress so much.

you did simple makeup and left your hair down, curling it. your friend was coming to pick you up and you check the time. you notice that you got ready too early. she was going to arrive at your place at nine o'clock, and it was still only eight o'clock.

after debating on how to kill time, you chose to catch up on a show. you constantly check your phone to see if billie texted you, but nothing. you check her location and see that she's driving. you had no idea where she was going, but you knew she'd text you after she reached her destination.

after 30 minutes, you heard your front door open, and you become startled. you thought someone was breaking in, and you stay quiet. you get up slowly and walk down the stairs, seeing Billie in the hallway. she's always had a key to your house just in case anything happens.

you stare at her and push her playfully before turning around and rolling your eyes at her. "gosh, billie. you didn't even tell me if you were coming over."

she was silent as she walked behind you. once you reached the bedroom, she closed the door, and you had no idea what was happening. you could feel her eyes on you, not sure how to react.

you gulp when you feel her body pressed against your back. she started kissing your neck and pulling your dress up your thighs. "b-billie..." you mutter. "hmm, baby?" her voice was like butter, and you knew exactly what this tone meant.

"you know i'm going out tonight. we can't." she chuckled once she heard you and shook her head.

"you're gonna have to text them and tell them you can't make it, mama. you're mine tonight. and gosh, this dress. it's stunning, but i wanna see what you look like without it." the longer she spoke, the wetter you got.

she kept kissing your neck and you reached for your phone, texting your friend. you told her that there was an emergency and you couldn't make it. you hated lying, but billie always came first.

she watched you text and she wouldn't stop smirking as you did. when you finally put the phone down, she smiled and said, "good girl."

she kept raising up your dress, swiping it off of you. she was teasing you, her movement soooo slow. “billie.”

she chuckles once she hears you and finally removed your dress, leaving you in your lace bra and thong. she lifted you up effortlessly and placed you on the bed, turning your body over.

billie just started scanning over your body, imagining how it would look in the next few minutes; all marked up and loved on.

she assaulted your neck first, moving her way down. eventually there was a trail of hickies down your stomach.

the entire time, you kept whimpering softly, and it only encouraged her more. you kept arching your back off of the mattress and kept craving more.

“beg.”

she could tell you needed more, but was nervous to ask. you became annoyed, and luckily, she couldn’t see your face as you laid back. you rolled your eyes and bit your lip, looking down at her. she looked back at you, tilting her head and smirking, trying to see how bad you wanted it.

“please, mommy.” she shook her head and chuckled.

“you can do better than that, mamas.” she mumbled.

you whined and threw your head back, biting your lip. “pleaseee, baby. i’ll be so good for you.”

“hmmm, that’s my girl.” you melted at her words, and you even nearly moaned.

she pressed her middle and ring finger against your clit through your thong, pulling a whimper out of you. she bit her lip as she searched for your expression, but you were laying back as she was on her knees. "look at me, mama."

you lift your head up, biting your lip as she looks at you. she finally pulls off your thong and sees how wet you are. she could smell your arousal, and it only turned her on more.

“fucks sake, y/n,” she says as she dips a finger in your heat.

your legs jump a little whenever you feel her finger effortlessly slide in. she was still teasing though, just keeping her finger there and looking.

“bills…” you whimper.

“nuh-uh. what do you call me, baby?”

“mommy… please.”

she leans forward and captures your clit in her mouth and sucks. her eyes roll back as you try to look down at her, and she makes eye contact with you. she added another finger inside of you and massaged you g-spot.

“b-baby. please, don’t stop.”

it was like she could read your body better than you could. she knew exactly how to bring you over the edge and make you see stars.

as she kept going, you swear that you were starting to see white. she was humming against your clit, stimulating you more and more.

you were moaning and whimpering so loud and you didn’t even notice that she was touching herself. you looked down and seen her eyes roll back. it only turned you on more and made you closer to your orgasm.

“mommy, i’m close,” you mutter.

she stops and looks up at you. “how bad do you want to cum, princess?”

“so bad baby.”

she leans down to kiss you and caresses your face before reaching under the bed to grab her strap-on. “don’t cum until i tell you to, okay?”

you nod, and she aligns her cock with your pussy. she moves slowly, teasing you. she knows you want it fast, but she couldn’t help but tease a little more. “tell me what you want, princess.”

“faster, please.”

she finally speeds up, and she watches your breasts bounce as she keeps going. you felt your orgasm coming already, clenching down on her cock to hold it in.

she could tell by how loud you were moaning that you were close. a smirk appeared on her face as she watched your face contort in pleasure. “billie, please. let me cum.”

she thrusts a few more times before letting you cum. “go ahead, princess.”

she loved when you were like this. she loved when you were on your worst behavior.

she watches you orgasm and smile at how pretty you looked. “my sweet girl,” she murmurs.

whenever you finally came down from your high, she took off her strap and cuddled next to you. she placed her hand on your waist, caressing your skin with her thumb.

the two of you sat there in silence as you both caught you both caught your breath. she finally broke the silence after a few minutes, checking up on you. “baby? you okay?”

“mhm,” you hum.

“you’re so pretty, baby.”

“thank you.” she could tell by your short answers that you were tired. she looked over at the time, noticing that it was 11 o’clock.

“go to sleep, princess.” she kisses your cheek before tucking you in and turning off the light.

“okay, baby.”

[goaskangel]

boyfriend!suguru finally fucking you!

cw : dark themes, reader is implied to have a toxic ex, gross n pervy suguru, taking advantage(?), first time fucking, shame and humiliation

word count : 1k

suguru couldn’t even compare to your ex-boyfriend. his features much too perfect. his long, inky locks that drape down upon him like a statue; clean shaven face and a pale complex complimenting his black hair. tall, broad body that almost seems unreal. 

no matter what he wore, whether it be casual wear or his lushful silk robes, which he promises are for his great-motivated, good-intentioned religious group, he just looks absolute. 

so good to you too, a man of masculinity and delicacy. understanding and reassuring, often guiding you with his soft words. not at all manipulative, you tell yourself. more encouraging. he's knowledgeable; people come to him with their problems, so how lucky are you for him to choose you? you find your heart swooning over him, like your former boyfriend’s exploitation and misuse all disapeeared. suguru does so much for you. 

you can’t help but open up to him. his almost paternal instinct towards you is intoxicating, so comforting. he deals with your past mistakes and engraved trauma so gently, telling you it’s not permanent, that growth’s the only way out. his sweet face smiles softly, nodding in reassurance. his eyes showing real worry and compassion. 

the day comes, when you tell him you want him, his gaze shows something immoral. 

he wastes no time, god forbid you change your mind! his lips find yours impatiently, his usual soft holds feeling more like gropes, possessive and needy. his larger and dominant frame pushing you towards your shared bed before kissing you. getting you ready with your head timidly resting on fluffed pillows, suguru’s body between your thighs. 

his flowing layers of fabric coming undone slowly as he reveals inches of his skin piece by piece. you admire the sight with the anxiety bashing behind your eyes. having been sexually intimate wasn’t a part of your agenda after your ex, the fear of being hurt and used threatening to prick your waterline. 

no, no, your suguru wasn’t like that. much too confident and sweet to even dare about touching you like that. 

but unknown to you, his solo orgasms would only come to the thought of you. his distressed, pretty baby craving just love and affection after what happened and god, did he wanna give it to you. days of fisting himself to the thought of the fear and lust in your face when he finally gets his hands on you, and here you are beneath him. 

he peppers kisses on your neck as your hands push up against his chest, his big hands snaking their way to rid you of your clothes. left in your bra and panties, slightly shaky. 

“scared?… don’t be scared, pretty.” he hovers over you, intoxicating you with all of him. burly muscles and sensual bronze body, long hair and a lustful musk. he strokes the side of your face and kisses your lips. 

you can’t speak, too overwhelmed with the sight so you gaze down at the little space between your bodies. watching as he hooks his fingers on the sides of your panties and tossing them. you want this but you can’t help but close your legs, keeping your fidgety hands delicately under your breasts. he takes this time to unravel the rest of himself, his cock finally unconfined and unbelievably hard. you shudder, your stunned look coming back to look at him. hungry and mean, suguru’s sly gaze coming face to face with you as he forces himself back between you, “yeah, there it is.” his fat tip brushing up against you naturally. you whine at the exposure but he shushes you, sitting up properly to get into a more controlled missionary. 

“sugu…” you wince at the tight grip he has on your thighs as he lines himself up, your mumbled words going unheard. 

satisfied but still longing, he lets out a groan that goes straight to your core when he pushes himself into you. your clamping down onto him, tight and wet. so, so hot as he fucks his heavy cock into you. his pace hitting you deeply, a sudden wave of embarrassment and shame comes through you. shame from enjoying this again, so stupid but it doesn’t matter–he’s yours and you’re his. you repeat that in your mind until he speaks, 

“yeah, that feels real good, huh?” cooing down to your neck again, whispering, “he fuck you like this, mm?” 

you tense up, unsure fingertips grazing his wide shoulders as you stay speechless. 

“such a tight pussy, must’ve had some fun breaking you open.” 

“oh–god–” shame, shame, shame.

“this how he did it?” his teeth threatening against your ear as he fucks his hips into you throughly, “while you were cryin’ and beggin’. mmm, he told you to stay quiet? yeah?” 

your eyes water, your hold on him getting tighter as you hide in his neck. “shh, shh.” teasing you, humiliating you, when you sniffle. 

“stay quiet for me, girl. be quiet an’ it’ll all be over soon, okay?”

“suguru, please…” 

“mhmmm.” he humps himself into your very aroused cunt, the obscene sounds could’ve made you moan aloud if it weren’t for his words. he presses open mouth kisses onto your flushed cheeks before pushing his tongue into your mouth. your already troubled breath hitching again as you swirled saliva into each other’s faces, your boyfriend’s large tongue fucking your mouth. 

when he pulls away, to get a good look at you whilst still rocking his hips, he catches a glimpse of you blinking away hot tears. catching your breath with glossy eyes and a tight grip on him. 

“don’t cry, you feel good, baby. c’mon now,” grinning and thumbing the wet stripes away.

“you take my cock so well, jus’ what you were made for, hm?” 

you pout your shiny lips and nod, slowly getting dazed as your orgasm reaches you. his dirty, perverted words getting you the closest you’ve ever been so quick. his groans and breathing picks up when he feels himself getting to the edge. 

“so perfect for letting me do this to you, haah–perfect, perfect girl.” bucking his strong body into you before fucking a fat load directly at the surface of your sweet cervix, your wet walls coming right on his cock, practically sucking every drop of his seed into you. eek you really are so perfect for him!! 

masterlist

[concretejunglefm]

So human error had me accidentally posting this instead of drafting; however, I hope this fits even remotely what you were hoping for, anon 💕 I hope you don't mind that I added a little angst at the end for something extra 🫣

CW: mentions of grinding, nipple play, light choking.

WC: 2.5k.

NSFW below the cut 🔞 Minors DNI.

Truthfully, Noah doesn't want to be here.

The moment he stepped through the door and realized this place was a strip club, he should’ve turned and walked back out immediately. But unfortunately, he didn’t.

Now, he’s stuck entertaining his friend, one he mentally chooses to exclude from his list of people to hang out with the next time he’s feeling stressed out and needs to unwind.

“Just a club soda for me, thanks,” he tells the waitress who happens to pass by them, which prompts his friend to roll his eyes and reach across, slapping him playfully on the chest.

“Come on, you’re here to have fun tonight.”

Noah grimaces at the thought. Watching girls dance half-naked and having a private lap dance isn’t exactly what he calls ‘fun.’ Even though the place is considered a high-end establishment, it’s simply not his scene, something obvious in the way his eyes constantly avoid looking at any of the dancers, offering only a brief nod and a forced smile of acknowledgement when they glance down at him when walking past.

“I think maybe I'm going to—”

“Ah, there she is!” Noah’s friend interrupts him as you approach, and all his plans about leaving vanish instantly when he locks eyes with you.

Like most of the dancers, you’re wearing something lacy, though it covers you enough to leave some areas to the imagination. Half of your face is obscured by a mask, like some of the others, presumably to conceal your identity and enhance the club’s allure. However, his eyes momentarily flicker to your lips and the shade of lipstick. Suddenly, he’s consumed by an intense desire to smudge it, to witness how your lips would appear plump and kiss-swollen.

He shakes his head, pushing those thoughts aside. After spending too much time in the studio, neglecting most of his needs, sexualizing the first woman he sees isn’t how he intends to resolve that issue. However, he can’t help but allow his eyes to wander back to you, this time more shyly, when he catches you actually moving towards him, your hand extending and resting upon his shoulder.

“Who’s your friend?”

Noah hadn’t caught the conversation between you and his friend, but his eyes widen almost comically when he raises his gaze to meet yours through the eye holes of your mask. “Noah…” he swallows, managing to utter the syllables of his name through a tightening throat.

“He’s been quite overworked lately. It seems he’s forgotten all about how to have some fun, if you know what I mean.” Noah shoots his friend a disapproving look, but your quick reach for his hand silences any protest.

“Well, I know a thing or two about helping with that,” you giggle, and it sounds smooth like honey, making his chest burst a little. He hesitates to follow you as you tug on his hand, a gentle indication for him to stand. He doesn’t want to slip away into some private room, which would make this encounter feel more seedy than it should be. Yet, he finds himself already completely enamored by you. Whether it’s the mystery of you hidden beneath the mask or the allure you generally radiate, he’s drawn to you as if there’s a magnetic pull keeping him from straying away.

“Have fun,” his friend calls out after him. Noah briefly glances back, finding himself almost on autopilot as he obediently follows you towards a private area near the club’s back.

When you’re alone in one of the private rooms, he falls into the seat you push him down into and slightly shifts, his nerves settling as he realizes you’re the only person he can now focus on.

“You don't have to do this.” Noah attempts to dismiss the offer, the dance, the opportunity to relax, or whatever is being presented to him at this moment, but your response is simply a scoff.

“Is this where you tell me that my dad loved me?” You roll your eyes, bracing yourself for the usual charade from a guy who expects to swoop in and ‘save’ you from this life. “Surprisingly, I have a great relationship with my family.” You move towards him, intending to settle down on his lap by straddling him, but pause before doing so.

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant… I’ve never done this before,” Noah confesses, feeling the tip of his ears turn red. He lifts a hand to his neck, rubbing his palm against it, and shifts in his seat.

“Wait, really?” You don’t mean for the surprise to escape in your voice as it does, and you step back a little, placing your hands on your hips as you observe his awkward shifts and continued avoidance of your gaze.

“Yes, does that really surprise you?” He chuckles, but it’s slightly forced, and his eyes finally meet yours once more. He’s once again captivated by the allure that seems to draw him in. There’s an odd sense of familiarity that sends a warmth through his chest, though he can’t quite place it. The way you’re looking at him now certainly makes his stomach flip. He can’t tell if you’re pitying him or ready to make him prey, but he doesn’t care either way.

“No, it’s just… I’ve noticed your friend here quite frequently.” You chuckle and shake your head. “I suppose I anticipated the same from anyone he brings here.”

“So, this is your first time? I suppose that implies I should be gentle with you.” You purr, leaning forward, your hands returning to his shoulders as you squeeze them for stability before moving closer and twisting yourself to position your back to him.

Reaching behind you, you place your hands on his thighs, spreading them as you use them to maintain your balance. Slowly, you lower your ass down to meet his lap. “Let me know if you need me to stop, and I’ll stop.”

“Okay,” Noah says, his voice strained.

As you lower yourself and rub your covered ass against his crotch, he feels his cock instantly harden within his pants. He’s already worked up, but the proximity of you to him, the intoxicating scent, and the magnetic pull all combine to send his head spinning with arousal. Instinctively, his hands reach out and grasp you at your waist, stopping you.

“It happens to every guy you know,” you say with a laugh, making him realize that you felt it. In your line of work, it’s more of a compliment than a form of harassment.

“I know it’s just... it’s been a while.” he says, his voice tinged with embarrassment. You imagine that if you turned to look at him now, he might have a beetroot-colored face. Instead, you take his hands and begin to gently guide them up your sides.

“Well, we do offer other services here.” While your clientele has always been those who come for either a show or a personal release, you rarely cater to the latter. However, you can’t help but feel compelled when you have a man as handsome as Noah beneath you, as you do right now.

“No that’s... wait really?”

“Mhm,” you nod, a smirk tugging at the corners of your mouth as you feel his fingers gently caress your skin in circular motions.

Suddenly, he pulls you down onto his lap.

“You mentioned it’s been a while. Could I ask why?” you ask, allowing him to take the initiative slightly as his fingers delicately traced the contours of your bare stomach.

“Work.” He responds with a single word, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. You deliberately press your hips down and grind your ass against his crotch.

“What do you do?”

“Music.” Another one-word answer, but you hear the groan he’s trying to suppress and choose to interpret it as a triumph. “I’ve been spending a lot of time in the studio and…” he gasps as you roll your hips, brushing against his bulge and feeling the outline of his cock against you. Suddenly, you feel the heat rising in your own stomach, especially when his hands shift to your thighs, gripping you almost possessively to hold you against him. It makes you tremble and as you try to move, you hear him growl, “Don’t.”

He can’t release you yet, not when he’s already been feeling worked up and touch-starved. You’ve barely touched him, yet he’s experiencing an entirely new surge of desire.

Instead of moving, you gently rock your hips, circling them as your ass drags and grinds against his crotch. You listen to the change in his breath and feel how his cock twitches beneath you, confined within his pants. “Please?” you almost plead, and it results in a strained whimper from him, his fingers only pressing harder against your thighs.

“Noah, tell me what you need.” Your voice lowers, becoming soft and alluring as you lean back against his chest, turning your head and gently brushing your cherry red painted lips against the apple tattoo that covers his Adam’s apple.

Your breath, warm against his skin, sends a wave of goosebumps across him, causing his breath to catch in his throat. He can’t possibly be contemplating asking and accepting your offer, can he? It feels selfish to request anything from you, especially since you’re just a stranger. Nevertheless, he can’t deny that you’ve somehow worked your way beneath his skin, a mysterious stranger who calls themselves honey, or perhaps cherry, or pixie? He can’t quite recall the exchange between you and his friend during introductions, but he’s certain he feels an overwhelming desire to have you.

“You…” he whispers, his fingers finally releasing their grip on your thighs before they begin to slide, gliding along your inner thighs before ascending, stroking across your stomach and further up the exposed area of your torso, before slipping beneath the lace that covers your chest.

Your back arches against him as his hand palms at your breast, his fingers playfully teasing your nipples and producing a faint sound from you. Normally, you’d swiftly slap away a client who dared to behave this boldly, yet you find yourself leaning into his touch, yearning for more of it, more of him. His name slips from your lips as a soft whisper as you begin to grind against him once more, and your head rests on his shoulder, savoring the sensation of his fingers twisting your nipple.

Noah’s other hand raises higher, fingers light against your skin as they close around your neck and gently press, causing you to gasp; “Harder.” Your eyes roll back at the faint pressure he adds, his fingers pinching harder at your nipples as your hips rock and grind, almost desperately trying to soothe the ache between your thighs instead of focusing solely on relieving him. However, Noah doesn’t seem to mind; you hear the encouraging whispers from him against the side of your head.

“Show me how needy you are.”, “Do you like being touched like this?”, “Do you like your nipples being toyed with?”

The only sounds you make are soft moans, accompanied by faint “yeses” that gradually fade into breathless gasps as you intensify your grinding and whines steadily increase the closer you feel yourself approaching the edge.

Beneath you, Noah can feel his cock straining against the restrictive fabric of his pants, yearning for freedom and an even greater desire to be inside you. However, he knows that he can’t bring himself to request that of you, instead choosing to accept this arrangement, allowing you to satisfy him in exchange for your own pleasure.

As your soft pleas continue to fall from your lips, you feel the intense heat of your climax building up in your stomach, causing you to buck your hips desperately on Noah. In response, he lifts himself to meet you, and your bodies collide, sending a wave of pleasure over you, leaving your body trembling against him as he presses you firmly onto his lap. Grinding himself right against your ass, he emits a guttural sound, holding you tightly against him as his own body trembles, and his cock twitches in his pants beneath you.

“Did you just...?”

“Yes,” he says with a voice devoid of shame, which makes you laugh. It’s not a mocking laugh, and Noah feels the wave of embarrassment that had threatened to overwhelm him dissipate.

“I can’t deny that you’re not the first, but I must admit, I’m flattered.” You whisper, tilting your head and brushing your nose against the column of his neck. You’re almost reluctant to move, savoring the warmth of his presence against you and the delicate scent of his cologne that tickles your senses.

Unbeknownst to you, Noah shares your sentiments. He’s completely intoxicated and makes no effort to move you from his lap or even release his possessive grip on your throat and chest. When one of them sinks away, it’s the one on your chest, slowly descending to rest on your stomach, his thumb moving in gentle circles against your skin.

If any post-nut clarity should prompt him to leave, it hasn’t manifested yet.

You’re the first one to shift, reluctantly pulling yourself away from his chest and bending forward to adjust the strap of your heel. As you do, the lace from the lingerie you’re wearing rises up, which hangs further down your back than your front. Noah’s eyes briefly flicker down to the newly exposed skin, and a breath catches in his throat at the sight of a familiar tattoo.

You hear him say your name, your real name—not the stage name you use in this club—and it makes your head turn and your brow perk up.

Standing, you look down at him, taking him in properly as you begin to scan his familiar facial features. Granted, he was much younger when you knew him—a lot younger, with much longer hair—but a closer look reveals that his features still look the same—that same familiar Virginia boy you once knew.

“Noah?” You utter his name as if it’s your first realization, as if you hadn’t mentioned it just moments ago while grinding against him.

As he stands, you notice his height—he appears even taller and more imposing now, having grown out of his skinny boyhood.

Reaching out a hand towards your face, he hesitantly grasps the corner of the mask that obscures half of your face and lifts it, revealing the rest of it to him and recognition flashes across his eyes. “It’s you…” his voice softens, and the corner of his mouth twitches, threatening to break out into a smile as he feels the familiar thumping in his chest.

“Yes, it’s me,” you softly laugh, feeling the gentle touch of his knuckles against your cheek.

To Noah, everything becomes clear; the irresistible attraction, the magnetic pull, the way his mind constantly revolved around thoughts centered around you—a once mysterious stranger, when no one else here had caught his attention in that manner, it was because there was something profound, something that had always been there; you were the one who got away.

“Perhaps we should consider taking this reunion somewhere else.” You suggest, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

“Oh, Absolutely.”

[butterflydm]

WoT rewatch thoughts (1x5-1x08)

Still has spoilers through the s3 information that we have so far and book spoilers through a memory of light.

1x05

Both beginning and ending this episode on funeral rituals worked so well. Great structure.

Time skip for traveling! Mark a month off on the calender.

We can really see how Mat has deteriorated in the last month by the way he snaps at the kid who runs into him.

Love the shot of Dragonmount looming behind Tar Valon. They exist always with that reminder of what the Dragon did.

Mat has no appetite. Poor sad wet cat.

The betrayal of there being Two Beds in this inn room, lol. Why are we not respecting the classic fic tropes?

Rand reassuring Mat that he didn't kill that little girl or her family. Rand believing so hard in Mat's goodness maybe partly because he can see that Mat is having a difficult time seeing it in himself.

Even with Nynaeve's coat off, she's still half Green and half Yellow.

Moiraine trying so hard to mentor Nynaeve and she Does Not Want It.

Man, Perrin and Egwene had a much more cheerful journey than either of the other sets. But they get plenty of trauma right now, so they don't need to be jealous.

Once again, the show does such a good job showing us the strength in the Tuatha'an. And this thread will continue into Perrin's storyline in s3, with both Whitecloaks & Tuatha'an. They've done a solid job of tying Perrin to them both.

Loial shows up and immediately calls Rand an Aielman, lol. Poor Rand!

Oh, I see you, Fain!

Oof, people throwing food at Logain and mocking him. Baffled at the people who say the downsides of being a man who can channel weren't shown.

The promise scene between Mat & Rand is so good. Ultimate sad wet cat Mat. I really do love everything about this scene.

I really like our exploration of Stepin's utter and compete grief and emptiness after Kerene's death. How much the other Warders try to help him, how Nynaeve tries to help him but it isn't enough.

Love love what they did with the old rings being melted down (to create new).

Between what happens with the Whitecloaks here and then the Seanchan in s2, Egwene reacting by being as fiercely independent as possible makes all the sense in the world.

The Whitecloaks and Tower novices both wearing all white seems like it might create some emotional dissonance for Egwene, but I understand why the show didn't go there. That's just down to Jordan making too many groups of people wear white.

Oof, the Whitecloak stuff with Egwene & Perrin is hard to watch.

But our first hint of Perrin's golden eyes.

I note how Valda feels about all channelers similarly to how Liandrin feels about male channelers. And then we can get into the Seanchan's dehumanization of channelers as well.

Liandrin trying to bond more with Nynaeve. Has she been having ta'veren dreams? Ishy has had a month to try to figure out at least some of the places where his potential ta'veren have gone.

Our first reunion! It's always such a relief when any of them get to reunite. Man, Mat really does look on the verge of death.

Nynaeve can now join Rand & Mat in the Not Trusting Aes Sedai or Moiraine squad. Oops.

She tells Rand a story about Egwene to reassure him of Egwene's strength, never realizing that it's also the moment when Nynaeve likely channeled for the first time (to heal Egwene).

Perrin shares his deepest shame and secret with Egwene here - that he killed Laila by accident during the battle. So Perrin & Egwene's journey ends up being also very traumatic but the trauma was concentrated into the last day or so of the journey.

And just like was hinted at with the fire, Egwene & Perrin are finding their power at the same time. I wonder if this will happen again with their TAR training in s3? I really hope they run across each other in TAR. Let the characters stay connected!

Liandrin definitely got shot down by Moiraine at some time in the past.

Love the whole "shrine to ward off the Forsaken" thing. Great touch.

Siuan has been off in Caemlyn - was she talking to Elaida about Elayne, or was it about politics?

Moiraine: the White Tower's Woman of Mystery. Everyone wants to know what she's up to!

Alanna got such a glow-up in the show compared to the books. She's great here.

We get another nod to accepted poly relationships (amid the Green Ajah, at least).

Great conversation between Stepin & Lan. And a heartbreaking conclusion to Stepin's little mini-arc of grief and the Warder bond.

1x06

Little baby Siuan! ❤️ ❤️

Our first look at Tear as well.

Such a great way to introduce Siuan, considering they wouldn't have her for more than one episode this season.

And we learn in some places that it's dangerous for a woman to learn to channel - it's not only the Whitecloaks who assume that everyone who can channel is a Darkfriend.

Given that we know now (as of s2) that Moiraine & Siuan are older here than in the books, I wonder if that means her dad has already passed on.

Much like Egwene, Siuan is strongly associated with the water.

(This scene made me tear up too. I've cried three or four times today, I think)

Leane wearing light colors here vs the darker colors she wore in the s3 sneak peek to bash a Darkfriend's head in.

Another scene that gains so much depth on rewatch- knowing about Moiraine & Siuan's relationship & knowing about Liandrin being Black Ajah.

We just saw Stepin choose death in the previous emptiness of losing his bond, now Logain seeks and is refused death while suffering the emptiness of losing his connection to the One Power.

Everyone does still look good here, but the costumes definitely got a glow-up in s2 & again in s3.

The only main player in this scene not playing an elaborate game is Alanna. Siuan and Moiraine are pretending not to be in cahoots, Liandrin is pretending not to be Black Ajah - Liandrin trying to fracture the divides between the Ajahs, and also throwing Moiraine under the bus. A lot of Daes Dae'mar going on.

I also feel obligated to note that around this time frame is the jumping off point of my (now over 500k!) fic series: voice in the back of my head (archiveofourown.org/series/2688649). It is Cauthor-focused (Mat & Rand romance), though it does bring in the canon romances for Rand later on and we have some fun poly relationships going on, and it is currently spoiling through the twelfth book, but each fic in the series says how far that particular fic goes with regards to spoilers. The fic premise is: Liandrin found Rand & co instead of Moiraine finding them, and Rand is motivated enough to instinctively Travel himself, Mat, and Nynaeve to Tear because he wants to escape her.

This fic has been a lot of work and I am pretty proud of it so if you feel at all inclined to read an AU of the series that starts with the idea of "what if we gently slid Mat into Rand's romance situation?" and is a mix of show and book canon... give it a try. If you like it, please let me know your thoughts. <3

Anyway, Moiraine be spying on Rand & co., waiting for Nynaeve & Loial to leave to go talk to Rand & Mat.

Rand's protectiveness over Mat on this scene is really what threw my shipping switches on for them. He pulls a sword on Lan, despite knowing he had no chance against him!

"The world doesn't need a Dragon like me."

But Moiraine has figured out this is something else, not going mad from saidin, and Mat gets healed of the dagger's sickness.

So... was Rand using the One Power to help keep Mat from succumbing to the dagger's pull? Moiraine thinks that Mat shouldn't have been able to resist as long as he did.

We get some Tower politics, and we get the first hints of the Seanchan.

Moiraine is just encountering so much weirdness with these kids. Now there are wolves, she must be thinking to herself. Wolves!

The romance reveal scene! I like this change for several reasons- it's better romance than either gets in the books, it follows naturally from the NS relationship setup, and it adds drama for Moiraine, who did get a bump from mentor figure to being a protagonist.

It also gives the show a chance to show softer and warmer sides to both Moiraine & Siuan. Plus the nice play between duty & love bodes well for other romances.

I love how they reunite and only afterwards does Moiraine let Siuan know about the Dragon. Priorities!

And it makes so much sense that Moiraine has been doubting their prophecies after all this time on the road, while Siuan hasn't been out there with disappointment after disappointment.

This conversation also (unintentionally, given that it was a last-minute change) sets up Moiraine deciding she'd rather have the Reds potentially gentle the Dragon than risk Mat choosing to join the Shadow, because she thinks he's not strong enough to resist.

Ishy deliberately sent Siuan that dream. 😭

Liandrin knows too much. She definitely has been getting Ishy dreams.

Another reunion!

And the convo with Siuan is great. Nynaeve not bowing still cracks me up. Egwene going "wtf, nynaeve can channel? and she's stronger than I am?" with just her face is also hilarious.

Egwene & Nynaeve get a much kinder pep talk from Siuan than poor Rand gets in s2.

Moiraine's exiling is another great, emotional scene. And it also teaches us more about how the Oath Rod works, and sets some reasons in place for the Hall to be wary of Siuan. And sets up some precedents for the future.

And Moiraine trusting and giving more to Siuan than she was asked to give in the Oath - not just exile but obedience. That's gonna hurt a lot when we get to s2.

Even though she literally asked for it, it's obvious how hard it is on Moiraine to see her Sisters turn their backs on her.

But now we do (briefly) get our full Two Rivers reunion, and that is lovely. Hugs all around! Fond teasing! They love each other!

So we know that it wasn't actually the Dark One who was trapped at the Eye, so... it sounds like the knowledge of the location of the Dark One's prison is lost to time. It does make sense that Darkfriends would target that info specifically.

Moiraine not able to tell them that she trusts them, due to her Oaths, is a. so funny and b. makes it mean so much in s2 when she is willing and able to say that she trusts Rand (this is the real reason why it's difficult for me to get on board with The Ruse (TM) theory - because it feels like it would retroactively ruin that 2x07 moment between Moiraine & Rand).

Now that he's pretty sure Mat can't channel and isn't the Dragon, Rand knows deep down who it really is.

But then we lose Barney-Mat at the Waygate and I'm sad!

You can tell this very last scene was shot after the post-covid shutdown, because Maddy (Egwene) lost some roundness in her cheeks during those in-between months and it makes her eyes look a lot bigger.

I adore Donál's Mat but also miss Barney's. The feelings are both very present.

1x07

The Blood Snow! So epic. I love everything about this scene.

I will say, given that we have a stabbed pregnant Tigraine in the side here and it looks like we're getting a flashback to pregnant Morgase in s3, it does feel fairly likely that we will get pregnant Elayne as well, later on in the series. Tigraine gets stabbed the same way that Elayne is described as being stabbed in one of the super-late books (can't remember which, so I'll tag through AMoL) iirc.

Tigraine really did give every ounce of herself to her destiny, and I'm so glad the show version of her got a moment of kindness and compassion at the end.

Moiraine's cynicism about Mat vs Rand's rose-colored glasses about Mat: fight!

Nynaeve doing her job as Wisdom to keep all the kiddos together and make a promise to find Mat later.

"The one thing that we cannot afford is for the Dragon to turn to the Shadow."

Lan trying to cheer Nynaeve up is very sweet.

Egwene wants to sleep near Rand and he lets her this time (contrast to 1x02, when he pushed her away).

I like negging Machin Shin better than the version in the books, I admit it. It's more personal! Just relentlessly dunking on everyone's deepest fears.

Everyone looks so haunted. Poor kiddos.

I don't understand the people who don't understand the big fight. Everyone is so on edge from what they just went through! They are all overly emotional and vulnerable right now. The fight could have been MUCH uglier and still been valid tbh.

Uno! Congrats on your s2 upgrade to Hero of the Horn!

Another confession: I find this Lord Agelmar & Lady Amalisa much more interesting and memorable than the ones in the books. And I was kinda relieved that the show took the whole Five Great Captains thing off the table right away.

I also love their outfits.

Oh, hi, Fain! I suspect we'll get to see more of him in s3.

Min is so much better in the show than the books, omg. Just... on every level. She actually is jaded and world-weary.

"There is a man they must find. A boy, really."

Given that we saw Mat visibly recoil at hearing the Red Ajah mentioned in that s3 clip, I wonder if we're going to see him & Moiraine actually talk about it. I mean, it's in character for both of them to avoid that particular convo, so we will see!

Egwene's little quip at Rand's cooking is cute but I bet contributes to that feeling of Rand's that she doesn't see him as a man but as a boy.

I like how Min's visions were used here. And that she does what Moiraine blackmailed her into but holds back enough to protect what she knows would be the biggest secret (that Rand is the Dragon) because she doesn't feel like it's hers to reveal.

I really love how the shot with the three kids is framed to show the empty chair at the back to emphasis Mat's absence.

Anyway, I like the fight. Characters should be allowed to be messy and argue. Each of them has a perspective and is stubborn about that PoV.

Egwene is right that Moiraine can't lie, but the others are right that she can mislead or withhold.

And I love that the tipping point for the actual fight is Mat & his absence.

And then Nynaeve lobbing a bomb into the conversation as soon as it gets heated enough that she's getting uncomfortable. I mean, they aren't arguing about Mat anymore, at least?

Perrin's super-close "the only woman I've ever loved is my wife" and the hot five seconds that I shipped Perrin & Rand (but then Mat was mentioned in Rand's 1x08 fantasy world and I was right back to Cauthor lol).

I like that Lan had Malkieri friends alive in Fal Dara & I'm pretty stoked about the s3 Melindhra spoilers as well. Very cool to dive more into those relationships than we did in the books. Nynaeve getting an introduction to Lan's people & culture! After he got to know hers in 1x01! Very nice.

Jump-scare Lan does crack me up.

Anyway, good for Nynaeve and Lan for hooking up when they think there's a chance they might die in the morning.

Rand struggles with coming to terms with being the Dragon but Egwene thinks this is all about the big fight earlier. So they are having two different conversations right now.

Hey, in light of this convo- Rand is going to go to, well, Tar Valon anyway. Maybe not the White Tower itself. We'll see if he gets a doorway visit or not.

But this is Rand's big final burst of denial before he goes and talks to Min, confirming to himself that he's the Dragon, as he's tried not to believe that he is. So we've now had two instances of Randgwene sex used to delay or avoid an important conversation.

I am... very curious if the pattern continues in s3. Pretty sure they'll sleep together again, from what we've gotten in the trailers & such, but I am curious about the framing & context.

This montage of Rand accepting the truth about himself gives me chills.

Min's exhaustion here makes her so relatable.

I am so glad Tigraine had someone to hold her hand at the end. That she saw that her son would be taken care of.

"Rainbows and carnivals and three beautiful women." 😍

Elayne only three episodes away (2x02, right?), and Aviendha a little bit after that, but they are on their way! And this is our first hint about them.

1x08

3000 years ago, whoo!

Love their outfits.

Love the choice to have the AoL scenes in the Old Tongue.

LTT is perfect. Genuinely so good.

And the gut punch of seeing how technologically advanced the world used to be. It was a magitek utopia (or at least seemed that way to them).

I do wish that Rafe & co could have brought their original vision of this episode to life, because it is so devastating to go over all the things they lost (a principal actor! Their original Blight location! Their stunt team! Even more that I can't recall at the moment too I bet) but they did so much with what they had. I am so fucking impressed.

"I love him, Perrin." And then she thinks he died to save all of them. Yeah they do need to finish things off properly in the show.

Lan 100% thinks that going after Moiraine right now means his death, hence the sweet but flowery speech to Nynaeve here.

Ishy and Rand come face to face. I wonder who Ishy thought the Dragon was (he says he didn't expect it to be Rand). I love the reveal of Ishy's true face. And trying to touch Rand's face right away lol.

"Stubborn as ever, Lews."

The convo between Moiraine & Rand is interesting (all of them are) but partly because Moiraine doesn't actually say that she believed it was Egwene. I think she hoped it was Egwene but that's not quite the same. And Rand doesn't ever really think it was Egwene either, except maybe at the start, because we know he was worried it was Mat during that month of them journeying together.

Hey, the horrible bully from Moiraine's story! We're gonna meet her in s3. Because that story is about Elaida. She beat a novice with the One Power to force her to channel.

Min is very amusing in the show. I like her a lot. I really like that we get to go on an emotional journey along with Min about the downsides of having her viewings in s2, instead of it all happening before we show up in her life.

Again, really like the relationship between the siblings here - Lord Agelmar & Lady Amalisa. It's sweet.

"Let us hope we will buy the women and men of this world enough time to stand a fighting chance."

Rand recognizes the place where he locked Ishy up years ago. Love that we get to see that moment in s2.

Moiraine talking about the Tower's histories getting destroyed by Darkfriends. Very important note, I feel.

And Ishy springs his win-win trap. There was no actual way for Rand to win here, because he didn't know who he was fighting.

I've mentioned this before but I love that the show split up the battle into philosophical (Rand) vs physical (everyone else) because that's the Last Battle too. Rand's fight is a philosophical one and it always was. The Power is there to get him to where he needs to be to make that choice.

Our mention of Mat in Rand's temptation world, where Egwene is clearly being fondly exasperated but not truly annoyed. So, you know, like how Rand feels about Mat.

Ishy plays with his food, taunting and shielding Moiraine.

Perrin and Loial's friendship being a throughline for all three seasons, getting to know each other here, spending more time together in s2, and Loial going home with him in s3.

Rand struggling against a hollow perfect reality. Major, major foreshadowing for the endgame so I'm glad I already listed amol spoilers.

And Rand also needs to forcibly let go of Egwene and his dream of their life together in order to wake up from his encounter with Ishamael, something that Egwene doesn't get the opportunity to do, because the boyfriend she recently reunited with heroically died in order to save the world (to her understanding). So Rand and Egwene go into s2 (and presumably s3) with very different contexts about where their relationship left off.

You know, in retrospect, it's so appropriate that the Horn was being guarded by one of the Heroes.

Ishy is so smug here because he really does win no matter what. Tbh I feel like waking up Lanfear was his big mistake in s2. Because her agenda is different enough from his that they ended up conflicting, even though they share an LTT obsession.

That being said, even though this is a win-win for Ishy, what Rand learns here can/will help him win the Last Battle. So it works out in the long run.

Rand & Moiraine believe that the Last Battle is won, so she's willing to let him wander off to die in the wilderness if he wants... and then she kicks herself forever when she realizes how wrong she was. Like, it's Moiraine & Siuan's plan that fully releases Ishy. They thought they could do an endrun around the prophecies (which Moiraine has to be fully aware that Rand has not accomplished!).

As Moiraine might say "the arrogance".

Love the setup here at the end by Fain.

"Rand may be the Dragon but all five of you have a part to play."

And Moiraine. "This wasn't the Last Battle. I fear it was the first."

And our great intro to the Seanchan and how wildly different they are to anything we've already seen.

Tomorrow, I'll start rewatching s2 and see how far I get!

[didyoulookforme]

“filming it, either for private purposes or because they’re amateur pornstar” plsssss :)

this feels like a continuation of this sooooo, yeah…

from the prompt list here.

warning: 18+, smut. oral (f receiving) and recording it.

you now know your long distance “boyfriend” enjoys watching porn ("adult films" as he keeps correcting you lol), and you can’t help but tease matty about it every now and then. part of you finds it amusing that he has no shame in confessing it, but the other part feels a little jealous because on those lonely nights, it’s not you he’s watching.

so when he’s finally back in your town for the production of a film, the thought lingers in the back of your mind. maybe you can do something about it. that’s why, one night, right after sex and when you’re both about to fall asleep, you oh so casually ask if he’d ever want to film you. his eyes snap open and he fully groans, pulling you flush against him. "if you’d let me, i’d be the happiest motherfucker alive." and just like that, he's wide awake, turned on, and going down on you for the third time that night.

and when the day finally comes, you’re so fucking nervous you can barely function. during your shift, your mind keeps wandering to the point where you start messing up people’s cafe orders (which almost never happens). by the time you get home, you’re so on edge you have to take a cold shower just to steady yourself. picking an outfit turns into an ordeal. do you even need one? probably not, but still, you try on almost every dress you own, searching for the one that you think he’ll like. when you finally settle on something, you do your hair the same way you always do, but maybe put on a bit more makeup than usual. you decide against wearing underwear. not necessarily to elicit a reaction, but mostly because you can’t even concentrate long enough to pick the right set.

matty, on the other hand, spends most of the day on set trying to keep himself as busy as possible, just so he’ll stop staring at his watch. he can’t fucking wait to capture you on camera. it’s all he can think about. so much so that he has to actively shake the thoughts from his head before he gets himself too worked up in the middle of a shoot. still, every now and then, the realization that you’re doing this for him is slowly driving him insane.

when he’s finally back at your place and sees how pretty you look, it takes everything in him not to just take you right there. every cell in his body is screaming at him to throw patience out the window, but he has to focus because he can tell you’re nervous. you’re quieter than usual, arms wrapped around yourself as he steps closer to tell you once again that you don’t have to do this. but you just shake your head because of course you want to.

when you ask what he wants, he immediately brings it back to you. it has to be your call. he needs to know you’re comfortable. but you already have a pretty good idea of where this is going. you know exactly how much he loves being between your legs, and when you hesitantly suggest it, his grin nearly splits his face. he kisses you breathless before tearing himself away to grab the equipment.

and then, it happens.

he does everything he can to make you feel at ease, keeping his touch soft and his gaze steady. at the same time, he’s battling himself, trying not to get lost in the technicalities of it all because he knows no matter how the shot turns out, it’ll be perfect. still, he takes a second to frame it just right, opting for a wider angle of you sitting in one of your cozy living room chairs. he figures a bit of distance will make it easier on you, keep it from feeling too intimate even if, selfishly, he’d love to have the camera right up close.

watching how easily he moves through it makes you wonder… has he done this before? has he filmed other girls, made them feel like this? you push it down before it can take root. you don’t want to know. it doesn’t matter because he’s yours now.

so it’s not long before the play button is pressed and he’s on his knees with his head buried between your thighs. he quietly prays to god the footage is in focus because there’s no way he’s stopping to check. he’s too far gone and turned on by the whole thing. because, fuuuuck, he still can’t wrap his head around it. you. the girl who seems so sweet and soft on the outside. you were the one who wanted this. you were the one who asked. and now you’re here, coming in front of a camera, and he’s never been more obsessed with someone in his entire fucking life.

once you’re asleep, his mind won’t shut off as he keeps replaying what happened just hours ago. until he can’t take it anymore, slipping out of bed, heading to the living room where the tripod is still set up. he finally watches the video, completely enamored by the way you teetered between nerves and eagerness. how you let him sink to his knees in front of you, let him spread you open for the camera, let him eat you out while it rolled. he didn’t expect you to look into the lens so often, and fuck, it makes him lightheaded the way you seem to stare straight into his soul.

fast forward a couple of months later. he’s back home in london, away from you, counting down the days until he can see you again. but one night, while rummaging through his case, he finds an extra memory card with a little heart drawn on the front. he knows immediately it’s your doing, but he doesn’t quite expect what he’ll find. he loads it up on his laptop while lounging on the couch, and the second the video starts playing, he damn near loses his mind. there you are, pressing play on the camera, sitting in that same chair, but now at a much closer angle. close enough that he can see only you.

his jaw tightens as you start to undress, fingers tracing over your own skin, playing with your tits just the way he does, pinching and groping, teasing yourself until he can tell they’re painfully sensitive. he knows exactly when you filmed it. the purple marks on your collarbone give it away, and the sight of them brings up a mix of pride and frustration because he selfishly wants to be the one touching you.

and then, as if you somehow know what this is doing to him, you shift, throwing one leg over the arm of the chair, spreading yourself open for him to see. his breathing quickens as he watches you touch yourself, fingers circling your clit, pushing inside, working yourself up. you make yourself come loud just the way he always urges you to be. he has to watch the clip over again as he fists himself to the rhythm of your moans, eyes locked on the screen when he cums all over his fingers. yet he hits play for a third time even if he’s gone soft in his hand because he is so mesmerized that he cannot tear himself away from watching you <3

[silent-stories]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 (𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐁𝐀𝐅 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄)

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x reader

Summary: You and Noah lose sight of Luna while shopping and spend the worst twenty minutes of your life.

The mall was very busy that day, but not in a overwhelming way, as you, Noah, and Luna wandered from store to store. The fluorescent lights reflected off the polished floors, and the scent of fresh pretzels and cinnamon rolls lingered in the air, tempting every passerby—including Luna, who had already pointed at the food court twice with a hopeful “Snack?”

Noah, holding her small hand in his much larger one, chuckled. “We just got here, Lu.”

“But I’m hungry,” she insisted, putting on her best pout.

“You had lunch, like, an hour ago.”

Luna sighed dramatically, looking to you for support.

“We can get something after we finish shopping,” you said, smoothing down her hair.

Luna, determined but ultimately unsuccessful in convincing him, huffed dramatically before swinging her arms between the two of you. She insisted on holding both your hands as you walked, skipping every few steps, her tiny sneakers lighting up with each bounce.

You and Noah had originally planned to come for something specific—maybe a new pair of shoes for Luna since she had officially outgrown her current ones, or a jacket since she’d managed to lose hers at preschool (twice).

The three of you wandered into a clothing store, one that had a kids’ section in the back, and Luna immediately took charge. “Okay,” she announced, her little hands on her hips as she surveyed the store, her expression serious. “We need new clothes.”

Noah smirked, kneeling slightly to her level. “We came for your shoes.”

She nodded as if she understood, then completely ignored him and ran to the nearest clothing rack, her tiny fingers flipping through dresses she had no intention of actually wearing.

“Ohhh,” she gasped dramatically, pulling a sparkly pink jacket from the rack. “This one!”

Noah arched an eyebrow. “That is not shoes.”

She turned to you instead, holding it up with wide eyes, knowing exactly who to go to when she wanted backup. “Look, it’s shiny.”

“It is very shiny,” you agreed, playing along. “But do you really need another jacket?”

“Yes.”

Noah snorted. “What happened to the one I bought you last month?”

Luna shrugged. “It’s somewhere.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

You shook your head, exchanging an amused glance with Noah before guiding her toward the actual shoe section. But, of course, getting her to focus on picking shoes wasn’t easy. She wanted to try on everything—sparkly sneakers, shoes with cartoon characters, even a pair of light-up boots that she declared made her “so fast” as she ran in tiny circles around the display.

Noah sat down on one of the benches, rubbing a hand down his face as Luna showed him yet another pair. “What do you think, Daddy?”

He sighed, looking at you with a smirk. “I think this is gonna take a while.”

Luna, completely oblivious to his exhaustion, giggled before suddenly pausing, eyes flickering toward a different clothing rack. A mischievous smile spread across her face as she let go of your hand and scurried toward it.

You and Noah followed just in time to see her grabbing a T-shirt—one that was definitely in the men’s section. “This one for Daddy,” she declared, holding it up proudly.

Noah blinked. It was bright yellow, with a giant cartoon cat on it. “Uh…”

“You love kitties,” she reminded him.

“I do, but—”

She shoved the shirt at him, insistent. “Try it.”

You pressed a hand to your mouth, trying not to laugh as Noah sighed in defeat, taking the shirt from her small hands. “You’re really making me do this, huh?”

Luna nodded.

So, with the weight of his not even four-year-old’s judgment on his shoulders, Noah gave in, stepping into the fitting room. When he stepped out a moment later, wearing the too-bright, too-yellow cat T-shirt, Luna gasped as if he had just transformed into a whole new person.

“You look amazing.”

Noah gave you a deadpan look. “Help me.”

But you just grinned, arms crossed. “I don’t know, I think Luna has a point.”

Luna beamed, clearly proud of her fashion choices. “You should wear it forever.”

Noah sighed dramatically, pulling the shirt away from his body. “I think we’re done here.”

Luna giggled, grabbing his hand again as he shook his head, already pulling the shirt off to escape the embarrassment.

You spent all afternoon shopping.

Luna had no real sense of purpose—no real shopping list—just an endless curiosity about everything. One moment, she was pressing her face against the glass of a candy store display, the next, she was tugging Noah toward a store filled with stuffed animals, saying loudly that every single one of them needed a home.

Noah, reluctant but indulgent, played along.

“This one looks like you,” she announced, holding up a grumpy-looking bear.

Noah raised a brow. “Because it looks annoyed?”

Luna nodded solemnly. “And fluffy.”

You laughed. “Again, she’s got a point.”

He scoffed but didn’t argue.

Eventually, you made your way toward a store that had a large display of keychains near the entrance, and Luna was immediately drawn in. The tiny trinkets jingled under her fingertips as she poked through them, pressing every button she could find to make the ones that lit up or made noise activate.

Noah stood beside you, watching her with a mix of fondness and exasperation. “I swear, she could entertain herself in a dollar store for hours.”

“She just likes the little things,” you said, nudging him gently. “It’s cute.”

Noah exhaled, shaking his head, but his lips quirked up at the edges. “Yeah.”

And that was when it happened.

One moment, Luna was next to Noah, looking at the keychains, her small fingers twisting a glittery one shaped like a star.

The next—she was gone.

Noah’s breath hitched. His eyes darted around the display, expecting to see her just a few steps away, maybe crouched down to look at something that caught her attention.

But she wasn’t there.

His body went rigid. His chest tightened.

“Luna?” His voice was sharp, urgent.

No answer.

His heart pounded, adrenaline surging through his veins as his head whipped in every direction, searching.

But Luna was suddenly nowhere to be seen.

Noah felt his stomach drop.

A cold wave of panic crashed over him, drowning out every other sound in the mall. His breath hitched, his hands clenched, and suddenly, the air felt too thick to breathe.

"Luna?" His voice came out sharper this time, laced with rising fear. He turned in a frantic circle, scanning the store, his heart hammering against his ribs so hard it hurt. She had been right there. Just a second ago, she was holding that stupid sparkly keychain, and now—

She was gone.

His pulse roared in his ears. His hands felt numb. His thoughts spiraled into every worst-case scenario at once—someone took her, she wandered off, she was scared and calling for him and he wasn’t there—

"Luna!" His voice cracked, his panic bleeding into every syllable. He was already moving, pushing past racks of clothes, ignoring the confused looks from shoppers as he checked between displays, behind shelves, anywhere she could have run off to.

But she wasn’t anywhere.

His breathing turned ragged. His chest felt like it was caving in. He hadn’t felt fear like this since—since ever.

"Where the fuck is she?!" He turned to you, his eyes wild, his whole body wound so tight he looked like he might explode. "She was just here, I was right next to her, and—fuck!" He ran a hand through his hair, gripping at the roots. "I—I ." His voice cracked, full of something between terror and self-hatred.

You reached for him, placing firm hands on his arms, grounding him. "Noah, stop." Your voice was steady, controlled, even as your own pulse spiked. "We will find her."

He shook his head, his breath coming too fast. "But—"

"No." You squeezed his arms, making him look at you. "Listen to me. Freaking out isn’t going to help her."

He swallowed hard, his entire body trembling with barely restrained panic.

"I know you're scared," you said, your voice softer now, "but we need to think. If she walked off, she couldn’t have gone far. Let’s retrace our steps, ask people if they saw her, check the surrounding stores—"

Noah dragged his hands down his face, trying to breathe through the crushing weight in his chest. "I can’t—"

"You can," you insisted, gripping his hands now. "And you will, because you’re her dad, and we’re going to find her. Together."

He stared at you, his eyes stormy, his hands shaking in yours. For a second, he just stood there, his entire body locked up in panic.

Then, with a sharp exhale, he gave a small, shaky nod. "Okay," he rasped. "Okay."

You nodded back, giving his hands one last squeeze before letting go. "Let’s go find our girl."

And with that, you both started looking for her.

Noah moved first, fast, his long legs carrying him out of the store before you could even process it. He barely avoided bumping into a rack of clothes, his head snapping from side to side, scanning the crowd. You were right behind him, your own heart pounding, but you knew you had to stay focused—for him, for Luna.

The mall was busy, people moving in every direction, the hum of chatter and the occasional laughter making it impossible to hear if Luna was calling for you.

Noah turned in a circle, running a hand through his hair again, his other fist clenching at his side. His panic was still there, visible in every tense movement, every frantic glance. His breathing was shallow, his chest rising and falling too quickly.

"Okay," you said, gripping his arm to get his attention. "She couldn't have gone far. We were just in the store—"

"Then where is she?" Noah’s voice was sharp, bordering on frantic again, his fingers twitching like he was ready to tear through the entire mall if that’s what it took.

You pulled out your phone. "I’ll check with security. You check the food court—maybe she got distracted by something."

Noah nodded once, then took off without another word.

You turned to a woman behind the checkout counter. "Excuse me, did you see a little girl? Three years old, brown hair, black t-shirt, purple pants?"

The woman’s brows knitted together as she thought. "I don’t think so, but maybe ask the cashier at the next store? She might’ve wandered in."

"Thanks," you said quickly, already moving.

You made your way down the row of stores, stopping at every entrance. The employees all gave the same answer—no, sorry, we haven’t seen her. Each second that passed made your stomach twist tighter.

Meanwhile, Noah was practically sprinting through the food court, weaving between tables, scanning every booth.

"Luna?" His voice cut through the noise, but no little voice called back.

He approached a group of teenagers sitting near a frozen yogurt stand. "Hey, did you guys see a little girl? Brown hair, black t-shirt, purple pants, she has a little bow on her head—she’s almost four."

They shook their heads. "No, sorry."

Noah muttered a curse under his breath and kept moving. His whole body felt like it was running on adrenaline, his vision blurring at the edges. He felt sick, like something was pressing against his chest, making it harder to breathe.

Where the fuck was she?

You met up with him again near an escalator, your face tight with worry. "Nothing?"

Noah shook his head, his jaw clenched so tight it looked painful. "Fuck. Fuck." He was starting to spiral again.

"Hey." You grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to stop moving. "We will find her."

He swallowed hard, his eyes darting around as if she might magically appear. "What if someone took her?" His voice cracked on the words, his worst fear slipping out.

"Don’t go there." You squeezed his arms. "She’s here somewhere. We just need to think. Where would she go?"

Noah exhaled sharply, his hands on his hips. "I don’t fucking know! One second she was right next to me—" He cut himself off, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment. Then, suddenly, he straightened.

"The play area." His eyes snapped open, locking onto yours. "She loves it. It’s right by the big fountain—she always wants to stop there."

Your eyes widened. "Then let’s go."

And without another word, the two of you took off running.

Noah was moving too fast, barely dodging people as he weaved through the mall. His breathing was ragged, his jaw clenched so tightly it looked painful. You had never seen him like this before—this level of sheer panic, of desperation.

The play area wasn’t far, just past the food court and near the large indoor fountain. But every second it took to get there felt agonizingly slow. Noah’s hands were shaking, his fingers twitching at his sides like he didn’t know what to do with them. He kept muttering under his breath, curses mixing with Luna’s name, like he was afraid if he stopped saying it, she would slip further away.

“Excuse me,” you called out to a passing security guard, barely slowing your pace. “Have you seen a little girl? Three, four years old, brown hair, black t-shirt, purple pants?”

The guard frowned, already shaking his head. “I don’t think so, but—”

Noah didn’t even wait for him to finish. He was already halfway across the mall, his long strides eating up the distance. You ran after him, ignoring the way your legs ached, the way your stomach twisted tighter with every step.

Then, finally, you reached the play area.

Noah came to a dead stop, his chest heaving. His eyes scanned the jungle gym, the slides, the soft foam flooring littered with tiny shoes and abandoned toys.

Nothing.

Luna wasn’t there.

Noah made a sound—low and raw, almost like a growl—and you saw the exact moment his panic tipped into something worse. His hands balled into fists at his sides, his entire body tensing like he was preparing to tear the entire mall apart if he had to.

“Luna!” His voice was loud, desperate, cutting through the noise of the children playing. A few parents looked up, startled, but no small voice answered him.

He turned to you, his eyes wide and wild. And that was when you saw it.

The sheen in his eyes, the way he blinked rapidly, like he was forcing himself not to break down right then and there. His breathing was shaky, his lips slightly parted, like he couldn’t get enough air.

“She’s not here.”

His voice cracked, and your heart clenched at the sight of him. This wasn’t just panic anymore. This was a father who was on the verge of breaking.

“Okay,” you said quickly, forcing yourself to stay calm. “I'm sure she is still inside the mall. Maybe she saw something—”

“I—I shouldn’t have let go of her hand. I shouldn’t have—”

“Stop,” you interrupted, stepping closer. Without thinking, you reached up and cupped his face, forcing him to look at you. His skin was warm beneath your touch, but his eyes—his beautiful, sweet brown eyes—were glassy, barely holding back tears.

“We are going to find her,” you said firmly. “Breathe, Noah.”

He inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring, but it was shaky, unsteady.

You grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. “We need to stay focused. We split up again. I’ll check by the fountain, you check near the bookstore over there.”

For a second, he didn’t move. He just stood there, swallowing hard, his throat bobbing as he forced himself to keep it together. But then he exhaled sharply, nodding once.

“Okay,” he rasped, his voice rough, barely above a whisper.

But just as you were about to take off in different directions, a deep voice called out behind you.

“Hey, is this who you’re looking for?”

You both spun around so fast it made your head spin.

A man stood a few feet away, tall and broad-shouldered, covered in tattoos from his neck down to his knuckles and in his large, inked hand was a much smaller one.

Luna.

The second she saw Noah, her face lit up, and she let go of the man's hand without hesitation.

“Daddy!”

Noah sucked in a sharp breath, his body moving before his mind could even catch up. He crossed the space between them in seconds, dropping to his knees and pulling Luna into his arms so fast she let out a surprised giggle.

His hands were gripping her tightly, one cradling the back of her head, the other wrapped around her small back. He buried his face into her hair, his chest rising and falling in deep, shuddering breaths.

“Oh my God,” he whispered, voice thick, broken. “My Lu. I'm never gonna go in a fucking mall ever again.”

You chuckled at his comment but felt a lump form in your throat at the sight of him. Noah was shaking as he held her, his fingers gripping the fabric of her little t-shirt like he was afraid she might disappear again.

“I was so scared,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “You can’t do that, Luna. You can’t just walk away like that.”

Luna, seemingly unaware of the sheer level of panic she had caused, patted his cheek with her small hand. “I found you!” she said proudly.

Noah let out something between a laugh and a sob, pulling back just enough to cup her little face. His thumbs brushed over her cheeks, his eyes scanning her as if checking that she was really, truly okay.

“Yeah, baby,” he whispered. “You found me.”

The tattooed man cleared his throat, drawing your attention. His expression was calm, slightly amused, but not unkind.

“She thought I was her uncle,” he explained, scratching the back of his neck. “Came running up to me, real excited, and when she realized I wasn’t him, she kind of freaked out. Said she couldn’t find you guys, so I figured I’d stick with her until I spotted a frantic couple.” He chuckled, his eyes flicking to Noah, who was still holding Luna like he might never let go.

"That makes sense.” You nodded. "She has... many uncles covered in tattoos."

The man nodded. “Kids, man.”

Noah finally lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed but full of gratitude. “Thank you,” he said, his voice hoarse. He swallowed hard, standing up while still keeping Luna close. “I—” He shook his head slightly, still struggling to pull himself together. “Just… thank you.”

The man gave him a nod. “Keep an eye on her, she's fast,” he said with a smirk, “but looks like she’s got a good dad.”

Noah didn’t say anything, just nodded, his jaw clenched as he fought to keep his emotions in check.

The man gave you one last nod before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

You turned back to Noah, who was still holding Luna tightly. He hadn’t let go for even a second, his face buried in her soft brown hair.

You reached out, running a hand gently down his back. “Hey,” you murmured softly. "I told you we were gonna find her"

Noah inhaled shakily, then slowly pulled back, looking down at Luna with an expression so full of love and relief it nearly took your breath away.

“We’re never letting go of your hand again, got it?” he said.

Luna giggled. “Okay.”

Noah let out a long breath, then finally turned to you, his eyes meeting yours.

Without hesitation, he reached for you, wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you into his embrace. His grip was firm, desperate, like he needed to feel you there, solid and real, just as much as he needed to hold Luna. You let him, resting your head against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart begin to slow.

After a moment, he let out a shaky chuckle, his lips brushing against the top of your head. “Okay, but seriously,” he muttered, his voice still slightly unsteady but laced with dry amusement, “not all tattooed guys look the same.”

You felt his chest rise as he exhaled. “That dude looked nothing like any of her uncles.”

You laughed softly, glancing up at him. “Apparently, Luna thinks otherwise.”

Luna, still tucked in Noah’s arms, grinned. “He had his hair like uncle Bryan!”

Noah groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. “Lu, we gotta work on your identification skills.”

And so, with Luna still babbling about how the man looked like her uncle, you both grabbed one of her hands and started walking again.

"Can we get a snack now?"

You couldn’t help but laugh at her question.

Tags: @anything-more-than-human @ladyveronikawrites @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @bloody-spades @fadingangelwisp @xmads-omensx @iwasntstable @thisbicc @pathion @flowery-mess @into-the-grey @lacy1986 @tosoundlessdarkistare @stardustsirenmelody @thewrstinme @hurricanesfollowyou @ichoosetenderomens @chey-h @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @missduffsblog @pandora-08

TBAF Tags: @klutzy-kay24 @mrscevans @concreteangel92 @iconic-taurus @niicoleleigh @cheyyyyr @supersquirrel1996 @respectfulrebel @clickmedead @whenyouwannafindlove @kenjipepsi1

[starmocha]

Wrecking my head because I can't decide if Zayne would know MC was pregnant before her oooor if she'd be able to surprise him

Because I know she'd be so busy she'd dismiss the pregnancy symptoms as period symptoms

And Zayne would be just observing

She'd feel nauseous but she always feels nauseous before her period which would hinder Zayne's suspicions but! She also likes to devour this very specific candy bar without fail every month before her period and now she just can't eat it?? MC?? Turning down her favorite foods????

But what seals the deal is when he takes a shower and she goes to hug him but backs off right away, saying he had put on too much cologne

To which Zayne replies he's only used soap

She asks if it's a new one, he says no and it's taking every shred of willpower in him not to smile at her

"Is the scent too strong?"

She nods and he's like "I see..."

And he really really wants to give her a bit of more time but her vacation ends in two days and he can't let her go back to the field to fight wanderers if she's truly pregnant

So he starts questioning her about her previous symptoms, but he's being very chill about it, he's even making more tea while going:

"You still feel nauseous in the mornings, right?"

"Ugh, yeah, it's getting annoying 🙄"

"Still sore?"

"Even wearing a bra hurts 😟"

"You think the scent of the soap I used is too strong?"

"So strong! 😣 I think it's giving me a headache 🤔"

"Even though it's the same brand of soap I've been using for years?"

"Yeah!It's kinda weird.. I really like that soap too, maybe I just got tired of it? 😔"

He finally gives her her cup of tea and takes a sip of his own, looking at her all amused.

"It could be an explanation, sure. However, isn't it a bit odd that all of this started happening a month after we decided to have a baby?"

"It's----😮!"

He takes that moment of realization to go to his office and come back holding a plastic bag he had hidden in a drawer the day before.

"There are three different types of pregnancy tests here. Of course a blood test will leave no room for doubts, but, for now, we could try these. If you're feeling comfortable, of course. 😊"

JhjhgfhgHGJGFH save me from my own head pls. this scenario has been eating away at my brain FOR MONTHS.

OH SO NOW YOU'RE MAKING IT LIVE IN MINE???? /lh

😭 lmao this is how I am picturing him observing her as she complains or is confused about her recent discomforts:

"Hmm.... interesting..."

so um, if I were to try to work that into the fic, Anon... 👉👈would you be cool with it......

Honestly I am crediting all of the anons who've been feeding me ideas on this. This is our fic now. We all had a part in Snowdrop's conception lmao

[birbmotherpigeon]

HERMIT UNIVERSITY socmed

Part 6

It was Lunch time. Grian was waiting for Joel and Jimmy to finnish band practice and join him. He sat at the steps to the architect building. It was the prettiest spot on campus. It was also where every student passed by when going between classes and dorm rooms. It also just so happens that this was where Grian had seen a certain shirtless man running after a cat the other day, but that's neither here nor there....

Not today though, not today all men passing by where aptly dressed and no cats where in sight. Grian sighed at his predicament.

"Hey now, don't be rude" Pearls voice broke Grian free from his thoughts as she sat down with a lunchbox next to him.

"Pearl! You startled med" Grian whined as his sister put down the lunch box. Pearl rolled her eyes at the younger.

"You wouldn't be startled if you had paid attention. I called your name twice you know" She said. She wasn't annoyed at all but a older sibling has to feign the annoyed look sometimes.

"What you looking for?" She changed the subject, Grian wasn't sure if he was gonna come clean. Pretty sure she would tease him.

"Just people watching" He said, it was a half truth.

"Aha....Not looking for that shirtlessman then?" She gave a amused look to her brother. Grian made a face at her even though she was right

"No...." before they could continue their back and forth Grian locked his eyes onto a passerby. He was tall, His black hair eas slicked back with what seemed like pure engine grease yet he was wearing a full suit. He was carrying all kinds of mechanical parts in his arms. Both him and his parts where covered in some kind of red dust. Pearl just looked at her brother and the man who's his eye had caught. She looked to be questioning him.

"Dude stop starring-" She started but before she could finish Grian had cut her off throwing her hand before his sisters face "Quiet woman!! I need that man" He said hastily, he wasn't really sure how but that man was hypnotising. Pearl just sighed and opened her phone. Grian was too much of a scary cat to actually approach the mystery man so after looking at the man for a moment longer he too opened his phone. Only to see his sister had made a post about him.

On a different side of campus the theater club had just finished of a meeting. Scar was very happy with the musical for this year. He was a huge Disney nerd, so of course he would know Anastasia by art too. He was going to audition for Demitri he'd decided. although that was ways away since auditions don't open until next week.

Previous Part:

Next Part

[atamascolily]

Countdown to Homulilly

Like Walpurgisnacht before her, Homulilly's formal entrance to the narrative is heralded with a the whirring of a projector and dramatic countdown using film leaders (though technically speaking, she's been there from the very beginning as both Homura and the entire false Mitakihara). I've already talked about how Homulilly's countdown signs evoke Walpurgisnacht's, so I won't go into too much here except to say that the Rebellion Production Note explicitly confirms as much; instead, I'll focus on what else is going on in this sequence as the rest of the Holy Quintet braces themselves for impact.

Rebellion thrives on surrealism and dream-logic, and it's unclear how much is meant to be taken literally here. The stylized format makes it feel like we are watching actors on a stage as they prepare for a big scene, and I don't think that's a coincidence.

Regardless, note that of the girls are already transformed and wearing their magical girl costumes, presumably because the city going up in flames as the biggest Nightmare of them all gets going and they are the only ones who can deal with it, even if only Sayaka and Nagisa/Bebe have the mental framework for what is actually happening.

First up is Madoka, hiding behind a wall of ticking clocks. Unlike the clocks chiming midnight that marked Homura's revelation of her witchhood, most of these clocks are set for 4 am--which, along with midnight, is known as "the witching hour". (There's also one clock set for 3 and another a little after 5, and I'm not sure why--"the time is out of joint, O cursed spite / that ever I was born to set it right", perhaps?)

Also, the gap between midnight and 4 am suggests that Kyubey's explanatory monologue and argument with Homura was four hours long in-universe, which is just too funny for words. Alternately, the more depressing theory is that Homura got "stuck" in her own despair before she emerged in her witch form. But like everything else in Homura's labyrinth, time is malleable, so I wouldn't think too hard about it--everything happens at the most dramatic moment possible, regardless of logic or logistics.

(Still, it's kind of insane that starting with the sunset bus ride to Kazaimino about thirty minutes in, everything after that takes place in a single night, at least until Homura wakes up and resets everything. Not to mention that this all goes down approximately one month after Homura's first day of school, as if Homura can't escape her loops even in her dreams. The chronology of Rebellion is both entirely deliberate and fucking wild.)

Behind Madoka on the shelf are two teacups that previously appeared on the street as Homura walks to Mami's apartment. I confess I don't really know what's going on with these teacups--tea is usually associated with Mami but her cups are in a different style, and I've only been able to find the cups in the drawing with the clocks in the Production Note. So clearly they mean something to Inu Curry, but what I'm not sure.

Unlike the earlier film leaders, which were floating in a nebulous meta state, the rest of Homulilly's countdown signs are projected onto the landscape. This makes perfect sense when you remember that the entire false Mitakihara is Homulilly's labyrinth, so there is no separation between them. Here it's reflected on the floor of the alleyway where Homura confronted Sayaka... and sure enough, a second later we see Sayaka in silhouette, working "behind the scenes" to ensure that their plan to rescue Homura comes to fruition.

Sayaka is frequently associated with "black and white" during her transformation sequence and elsewhere during the later battle sequence, some of which is deliberately borrowing from the witch Elsa Maria from the original series who was Sayaka's foil and some of which is just because it makes some nifty artistic shots.

#3 is the bridge over the highway where Sayaka and Kyouko fought in the original series, with a glow-up even beyond what it got in the Beginnings recap film (below).

I don't know why this bridge is associated with Mami here, and I don't think it was featured in any of the establishing landscape shots earlier. It's also much better illuminated that in the original series, with a new design of lamppost I haven't seen before.

Number 2 is also on the bridge, this time next to Bebe, and we get a nice close-up of the intricate tilework that was added in for Beginnings. Also I love that Bebe's jacket has Charlotte's face on it.

Mami stands up, ready to face the witch, because that's what magical girls do, even if she doesn't realize it because her memories have been wiped. Instead, she bravely faces the unknown, and I think that's beautiful.

(Note that the fence/railing that was visible in the previous shot disappeared because reality continues to mess with us. Or, alternately, you could interpret this as the "guardrails being off", i.e., the normal rules no longer applying.)

Cut to Kyouko, hunched in her chair in front of a red curtain. The camera pans out to reveal she's at the cafe again, except that the braided innocent Homura from earlier is missing the upper portion of her head.

Abruptly and without any warning, the table is gone, allowing Kyouko to reach out to Homura as the curtain rises. Note that her posture means she is unable to look Homura in the face even if Homura had one in the first place.

Furthermore, while the curtain was closed, the background set has changed, and Homulilly is formally introduced to the narrative.

Why is Kyouko so depressed here? Well, it's not just because she cares about Homura (although there's no question that she does). The next time we see her, she's more or less in the same position, isolated away from the others. Because of the way reality works in ths movie, it's likely she was always like that, and what we saw before was just a symbolic rendering; the same action viewed in two different ways (although other readings are certainly possible).

Homura's awakening as a witch isn't simply horrific for its own sake; it means the end of Kyouko's happy dream life, and she's not happy about it. As she tells Sayaka, "I had a horrible dream about you last night. You were... dead. But it wasn't a dream, it was real, wasn't it? This, right here, us fighting side by side, is the dream, ain't it?"

Every scene in Rebellion has its counterpart somewhere, and this one echoes what Homura says to Madoka in the second flower field scene, "I had a dream and it scared me. ...In my dream, you went someplace far away and it was so far, I wasn't going to be able to see you again and everyone forgot about you."

Homura and Kyouko are kindred souls in more ways than one, but especially in that they can only meet the person they love in this dream. This is why Kyouko doesn't join the fight until Sayaka is swallowed up by one of Homura's familiars, and why she's not very active in working against Homulilly. On some level, Kyouko would be happier if Homura succeeded! And when Kyouko does fight, it's because it means she can be with Sayaka one last time before the dream ends, and there's something so bittersweet about that.

Anyway, while that particular topic is worth a whole essay in itself, I think it's fascinating that each of these five characters has a very different reaction to Homulilly's emergence, and how that's reflected in both their surroundings and the way they carry themselves.

[writeblood]

Shadow consumes the Sun

Character Introduction for Anesidora Fig from my fic Shadow consumes the Sun on Ao3. (Link here.)

I'll also post the first chapter here. Let me know if you prefer to read on Tumblr over Ao3. The first few chapters are 6-7k words.

You are a Witch

She learnt that Miriam Fig was a tall witch whose wrinkles creased her face like that of a beloved archeology tome.

In a tent with an interior much too large for what its exterior indicated, a flower-print teapot poured its Earl Grey contents into two cups before setting itself on the stove. The two ceramic children floated genially down to a small green dining room table overburdened with books and maps and research notes. Although patient, the older woman’s expression was crumpled with both concern and curiosity as she waited for the girl to finish dressing in transfigured clothing from behind a privacy screen.

The girl, as of yet unnamed and unknown to this new, familiar world, was torn between watching painted Devil’s Snare move across the boards that obscured her and dressing quickly in the three different types of softly shining gowns provided to hide her sun-bathed skin. She stepped out in hand-stitched shoes, sand still sticking to her feet.

“There. That’s a better look about you, dear,” the witch said, accent thick enough to give its listener an impression of a little green island just to the west of home. She motioned to the chair that sat across from her own. “Just take a seat, lovely, and we’ll get this all sorted out.”

There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell we’re making any sense of this mess, the girl thought.

“I’m Miriam,” Miriam introduced herself once again.

You are a side character’s dead wife. You are a collection of words in a story locked behind a glass screen.

After a moment of silence, she followed up with a question. “Do you remember your name? I know you can talk,” a dry smile touched her lips, “or scream, at least.”

The girl huffed out a laugh. “I think anyone would scream if they woke up to eight-legged crabs crawling all over them.”

“Chizpurfles,” Miriam explained. “They’re attracted to magic, but harmless to anything larger than a Red Cap. I was actually searching for them a few days ago since their fangs are used in anti-curse potions.”

“I can shake out my hair and see if a few pop out for you.”

A smile shared, ice broken, the girl responded, “I remember my name, yes.” Yet she said nothing further.

“Is it a secret?”

No, worse. It’s fucking ‘Anne’. That coincidence had ruined her first playthrough and ten hours of her life. She was not going to make the same mistake again.

“Anesidora.”

 Upon blurting out the name of her second save file, she cringed. It was all well and good to read the super special and unique name of one’s character in text (especially when one mentally shortened it to ‘An[n]e’ anyways), but saying it outloud killed any dignity that had been brought back with wearing clothing.

Why didn’t you say something normal and non-magical like ‘Ava’? If you had been born an Ava, this probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Miriam, living in a society of ‘Nymphadora Tonks’s and ‘Licorus Black’s, did not blink twice. “I’m glad to meet you, Anesidora, even if the circumstances could be better. What were you doing up on the beach like that?”

‘Like that’ referred to the rather barren state of dress she had woken up to.

“I guess having a surprising start to my fifteenth birthday.”

Miriam’s brown eyes widened. “You’re barely fifteen? Dear Morgana.” The air around her seemed to colour dark and twist in sympathy of perceived horror of the circumstance.

Jokes on you, because this fifteen year old is destined to save the wizarding world from goblin liberation. Unless she wasn’t the main character in this hallucination, which would be horribly awkward.

“Nothing bad happened to me.” Anesidora (Anne) shook her head vehemently, dirty hair catching the corner of her eye. “I went to bed as normal and safe as can be, then I woke up in an unknown place.”

There was a hum of consideration. Stopping a small glittery spoon from heaping sugar into her cup, Miriam took a sip of tea, gaze still tracked on the person before her.

“You’re a tad too old for accidental magic. I hope you didn’t try Apparition. There’s a lot more that can go wrong than missing clothes.” She gasped. “Oh! Your wand- I didn’t see one where you landed, dear.”

“I never had a wand.”

Miriam froze, lilac cup inches away from its plate. “You are a witch, yes?”

A self-deprecating laugh escaped from Anesidora. “I don’t think I would be in this situation if I weren’t one.”

“This conundrum is certainly magical.” Miriam relaxed. “And just as mysterious as the matter I’m looking into.”

Anesidora skimmed over the contents of the table. The contents were paradoxically entirely foreign to her and completely expected. A part of her was convinced the writings were all fake and that she had stumbled upon an extremely dedicated roleplay group in the woods. She nudged out parchment with the sketching of a cylindrical container.

“What are you researching?” As if she did not know more about it than Miriam did.

The witch stood up, robe shimmering gold before fading to its usual auburn. She walked to a cabinet, opening it up with a flick of her wand. The same silver container as depicted in the diagram was held in her hands.

“I’m tracking traces of a peculiar type of magic. One that has been drawn out and trapped in containers, ready to be used at will by any witch or wizard no matter their skill level.”

“That sounds useful.”

“And dangerous. Very dangerous.” Miriam set the canister down. “I believe this to be one such receptacle.” Her fingers stroked an embossed runic symbol in the middle, ignoring the wisps of light that moved like clouds circulating around the object of interest. “Right before I heard your scream, I had discovered this in the nearby ruins of a great and terrible power-obsessed wizard.” Gaze flickering over to Anesidora, she spoke with cautious proposal. “While we only have circumstantial evidence, I have a feeling your own peculiar situation could be related.”

“Perhaps that’s true. This seems beyond me,” Anesidora said hesitantly. “Are you going to open it?”

Why was she acting like she was clueless? It was not as if people would burn her as a witch for knowing things beyond her means. Old habits, she supposed. Sometimes, self-preservation relied on hoarding knowledge.

“I wish I could, but no spell in my repertoire is capable of unlocking it.” Miriam sighed. “It makes sense; many would wish for only the most elite and wise witch to have true access to such magic.”

Anesidora reached across and touched the tip with her pointer finger. For three seconds, nothing happened at all.

Noo, don’t embarrass me like this. Please work.

After a brief internal crisis, light congealed and seeped into the container, unlocking its mechanisms to reveal a key.

“Well,” Miriam breathed out, “I suppose I was testing the Moirae with that line.” She cast a questioning look when Anesidora stopped her from taking the key.

“It could be dangerous, right? Or cursed.” Or a portkey. Anesidora stood close, clutching the woman’s robe and hoped that was all the social etiquette she needed to breach in order to be transported along.

“Malitiam revelio.”

The space around Miriam flourished with light which seeped into her wand. There was a perceivable shift inside the tent, like a gust of wind. Seeing nothing was amiss, Miriam picked up the key and-

-nothing happened. Huh? Just a regular key with swirls of gold. Anesidora loosened her hold.

“This looks like a key to Gringotts,” Miriam said. “I must thank you for assisting me, but forgive me for having more questions than answers.” Her eyes had the glint of a scholar witnessing publishing-worthy material.

Did I just do magic for the first time? Moi? Anesidora let free a self-satisfied smile. “I wasn’t sure if I could help. Honestly the container doesn’t seem that special when everything else is just as sparkly.” Perhaps it was just a fake and the real portkey was hidden elsewhere in the ruins.

“Sparkly?” Miriam asked.

“Yes.” She gestured her hand vaguely around the area. “Like when the teacups move.”

Miriam peered closely at Anesidora’s teacup, whose spoon had valiantly kept circulating the liquid despite its guest’s severe lack of interest in tea.

“I don’t see any sparkles.”

“What about the brightness in our clothes? Or the flashes in the self-playing chess set?”

Miriam shook her head.

“Not even the chizpurfles?” Those crustaceans had practically glowed like fat little lightening bugs.

“Besides being green from a thorough feeding, I didn’t see anything out of sorts.”

Anesidora bit her lip. What were the chances she was seeing all this due to glitter being stuck in her eye.

“I don’t understand.” And this time she meant it. “The moving dishes are just normal magic, not whatever you’re searching for.”

“Perhaps I misspoke when I was explaining my quest,” Miriam said slowly. “It is true that I’m looking for a certain type of magic, but that’s just all it is: magic which witches and wizards have typified. Its origin is the same power which drives a simple levitation charm or what makes a thestral unable to be seen.”

It didn’t sound like that in the game but I can’t dispute her logic.

“Well- it’s not so strange is it? To see what I do?” Anesidora had a terrible feeling it was. 

On one hand, she hated the feeling she was doing the magical equivalent of complaining about having too much money. On the other hand, it was terribly alienating to be talking about the bright sparks of magic an enchantment gave off only to be met with a bewildering look. At Miriam’s prompting, she described all that she saw, feeling much like a patient undergoing psychological review for psychosis under the probing academic eyes of an adult. 

The woman picked up the empty key container. “I can sense a great deal of complex magic tied to this device. The visual cues which you report allude me, however. It’s no coincidence we met at this time.”

“Yes,” Anesidora smiled wanly. “It’s like you summoned me out of thin air.”

Miriam peered at her again. “You are a witch, aren’t you? Or maybe an aos sí come to play a trick on me for unwittingly invading her land?” Her tone carried a hint of mirth.

“Perhaps I’m a muggle who’s been thoroughly turned around.”

An uproarious laugh followed. “If you are a little witchling, I shudder to think I’ve kidnapped some poor potioneer’s daughter. What are your parent’s names? I’ll send an owl post haste to tell them their child is fine.”

Fuck. What’s my backstory? “I don’t have parents,” she replied breezily. At least not for 200 years. “I travel the land far and wide to come across clever witches in need of a helping hand.” Lighthearted geniality carried in her voice, letting an ambiguous truth form over her words.

“Don’t tell me you were born from oak tree seeds and sea-foam.” The smile was still on Miriam’s face, but there was a soft sympathy to her cadence.

“And if I were?” Anesidora said quietly. She knew the plot that was supposed to be carried out through her and did not mind taking up the mantle. Annesidora really did not want to go ‘home’.

“Then I’ll be grateful you consider me clever enough to make use of your help.”

An understanding passed between them and Miriam accepted her new ally quicker than Anesidora expected. Surely any muggle woman would have gone to the authorities after finding a girl in such a strange, compromising situation. Anesidora reminded herself this was a world in which seventeen year olds could defeat magic-Hitler. It was also the 1800s, where children worked in coal mines, or whatever the magical equivalent of that was.

They examined the key some more, which genuinely was a simple key to Gringotts. The gold magic on it was part of the unlocking mechanism to their vaults. Importantly, just like with the key, the cylindrical container was made out of goblin silver, a material able to resist brute force magical attacks while also preserving any magic enchanted within.

“Is that rare?” Anesidora asked.

“It’s notable,” Miriam said. “Traditionally, goblins will only share their metalwork with others if they have a close personal relationship. Creating objects specifically for wizarding means is a great honour. Banking is an exception to that.” She pressed her thumbs to the hatches, closing the device only for it to swing back open. “The magical repositories are made out of goblin silver as well.”

“Have you found any?”

She shouldn’t have. Ranrok found them first.

“Sadly not.” She eyed Anesidora. “Not yet. Greater researchers than me have found them in other places, often to detrimental results. You might be too young to have remembered it, but have you heard about the volcanic eruption of Mount Tambora?”

“The one whose ash covered the sun for an entire year?” Anesidora’s mouth fell open in shock. I knew she had her travels, but how many repositories did Isidora make before returning to Hogwarts?

Miriam nodded grimly. “Depending on the amount, the magic we’re searching for could bring the entire world to its knees.”

Contemplation drew them into silence. The ‘Year without a Summer’ caused extreme ecological disaster along with the death of thousands. If someone used the gigantic repository underneath Hogwarts, not only the small group of wizarding kind would suffer. Doubt greater than her usual anxieties pierced Anesidora’s chest. My character died the first time I fought Ranrok in dragon form. I doubt I’m going to get a redo like that and then what? Will the entire world perish because of my ineptitude?

The spark of an idea lit in her mind. Does it have to come to a great showdown in the caverns of Hogwarts at all? Miriam Fig, unshown and dead before the start of the game, stood breathing before her, blood flowing warm in veins. She could save people, save everyone perhaps. That was the purpose for Anesidora’s existence.

—-------------

They would not leave for Gringotts. They would not enter Diagon Alley nor wizarding society for at least one month.

At Anesidora’s alarm, Miriam had simply smiled and told her not to rush, that there were many things to do in the meantime. Instead of life passing by in plot-important cutscenes and tutorial missions, life was composed of seconds strung along in the sparkles of spells and slowly moving suns.

The Department of Mysteries had tasked Miriam Fig to investigate three sites she covered in her research that pointed towards traces of raw magical artefacts, which was what the repositories were classified under. Off the west coast where the duo were situated was the second site. In four days they would head to Orkney.

“You’re going to hand over the repository to the Ministry?” Anesidora asked. It sounded only marginally better than giving it to Rookwood. “What are they planning to use it for?”

“It doesn’t need to be for a specific use. It’s better to place powerful objects in the hands of the authorities than those of bad actors. I’m sure the Department has worse artefacts than the one we’ll come across.” Miriam’s voice drew soft in hesitancy and then she admitted, “There was a lot more funding for my expedition than expected. I suspect the war has given people fearsome ideas.”

“We’re in a war?”

“Not us, dearie,” she quickly said. “On the continent there’s been trouble with goblins. The isles have been unaffected for the most part, but rogue factions leaking over get people nervous.”

Anesidora prodded for more details to no avail; she was deemed too young to get invested in matters of goblin rebellions. She would have laughed at the excuse if it did not make her so angry. As a girl in the modern age, news of war in countries she never heard of had been at her fingertips in the form of a smartphone. Now she was in a desert of knowledge, parched for information on a topic Miriam dismissed. Mentioning Ranrok would bring more questions than answers. 

What if I became a seer? Just declared myself one like that? Except all she knew of divination in the Harry Potter universe was composed of tea leaves and job interview prophecies. Miriam was too smart not to see through the bullshit. So Anesidora kept her mouth shut for two days by way of always opening it to ask questions.

How did this work? What spell was that? Who made wizarding currency denominations an absolute bastardisation of common sense? Miriam answered them all to the best of her abilities, lamenting the absence of her husband, who was an expert at steering the curiosities of young minds. 

Formal magical training was delayed due to lack of a spare wand. Anesidora had to make do with repeatedly opening and closing the cylinder device shown on the first day, empty of the key Miriam kept on her person. Not everything magical had a visual indication and not every sight came immediately. Through concentration, Anesidora could pick up on Miriam’s magical aura, more of a feeling than a picture: warmth and light and safety- the secret closeness of torchlight in ancient ruins at night. 

On the final day of exploring Franciscus the Furious’s castle, goblins came upon them.

The pleasant greeting from Miriam was ignored in favour of drawing their weapons. Understanding dropped the smile from her face. She turned to Anesidora.

“Run back to the tent and wait there for me.”

Anesidora shook her head as she felt the gloopy effects of a disillusionment charm cast on her.

“I need-” to help you!

Her words were cut off when the woman pushed her off the ledge they stood on, sending her on a fall of two metres and a roll down the short hill the ruins had been embedded in. Anesidora scrambled back up and ignored the ache on her backside to run to the castle. Continuing on this path would let her surprise the attackers.

She can’t die now! She hasn’t even met Lodgok, has she? But things are different. There wasn’t a portkey to Gringotts.

Panic and a multitude of ‘why’s consumed her thoughts as she crossed under a fallen archway-

stepping her leather shoes into a mess of red and pink gore. Anesidora slid, landing thankfully on drier, rocky ground. Distant shouts of brachiabindo and depulso indicated the contents did not belong to Miriam, especially when she was looking at the blank face of their owner two feet away.

With an exhaled ‘oh’, Anesidora faced mortality for the first time. It’s a person, not a goblin, she thought. Well, it was a goblin on a technical level. Not a monster, not a beast. A pile of flesh that used to be just as sentient as her. Unbidden, an image of her own body strewn out on the floor came to her. It was not the body she was currently in, which had some modifications in more than eyesight, but her, of an Anne who wasn’t Sallow. 

I might die here. Really die.

And that terrified her. The body before her had briefly sundered her from her original goals. Anesidora watched blood congeal in real time until she caught the edge of Miriam’s magic. It burned like the fire of war and in the silence she could imagine it crackling. She ran towards the woman, calling her name.

Miriam sharply looked around, letting hostility bleed from her when she dismissed the charm on Anesidora.

“Dear, I thought I told you to run away.”

“I wanted to help.” Anesidora swallowed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t.”

“You couldn’t, you silly thing. You don’t even have a wand.” Miriam clasped her on the shoulder. She followed her gaze at the surrounding dead bodies. “Is this your first time seeing death?”

“Um, in real life, yes I guess.”

“Oh my. Blessed Morgana.” Miriam hugged her tight.

They searched the goblins for clues. Besides money and a letter written in Gobbledegook, there was nothing else to take.

The walk back to the tent was brisk. Under the disillusionment charm they prepared for an ambush. When that didn’t come, they packed quickly. Miriam took Anesidora’s arm tight and Apparated them.

—-------------

“If they knew we were at the castle then they’ll know we’re at Orkney,” Anesidora said after she got her bearings.

“We’re not at Orkney, we’re near Abergwesyn, a muggle village,” came Miriam’s clipped reply.

Anesidora struggled to keep up to the hurried strides of the taller witch. “Why?”

“The portkey won’t activate until tomorrow. For now, blending in with the muggles will lose anyone tailing us. The goblins have their own version of the Statute of Secrecy.”

“But we’re still going even when we know there will be another attack?”

“I shall be going to Orkney; you will stay put in Abergwesyn.”

“What!” Anesidora stopped suddenly. “Miriam, no. I can see magic. I was able to open the device. You need me there.” You’re going to die there. I know it.

“You don’t have a wand and you disobeyed my direct orders to keep yourself safe, young lady.”

“One doesn’t need a wand to perform magic and nothing ended up hurting me. Miriam.” She stopped, the forename sounding too personal for the case she was pleading. “Mrs. Fig-” A hearty laugh erupted from the woman. “It’s dangerous to go alone. If you get hurt or something” like dying “then I’ll be stranded with no way to help you. Even if I can’t fight with you, I can still assist you in any other way.”

Miriam’s mouth twisted. “I’ll consider it. For now, we need to get a place to stay.”

Abergwesyn was a quaint little village whose architecture was likely the same as it would be in 2020. Clothes transfigured into poofy-sleeved dresses, they walked to what approximation for an inn the place had. Anesidora looked openly at the old clothing and carriages that they came across. Some muggles looked curiously back as well. Miriam had forgotten to give her a hat to wear.

“How much do you know of muggle culture?” Miriam muttered.

“I’d know more than a pureblood, although I didn’t grow up like this.” Anesidora may have been a muggle herself pretending to be a witch but she knew enough of history to guess she would not enjoy Victorian era social conventions.

“My father was a muggleborn. Every summer after Hogwarts we would visit a different muggle city, just to learn what it was like to live as them.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Aye,” Miriam confirmed. “I’ve had good memories in non-magical areas. I nearly married a muggle myself, but simple flowers are no competition for romantic broom rides across the Alps.”

When they got to their room, Miriam sent an owl to one of her contacts at the Ministry to investigate any leaks on her research. The next day with some lingering reluctance on Miriam’s end, they both held onto the portkey to send them to Orkney.

—-------------

Orkney was stone and rain. Miriam promptly set about teaching Anesidora the shield charm, substituting a wand for eternally damp twigs and then using a finger when she managed to set them all on fire. Anesidora, who always pronounced protego as proh-TEH-goh in her head, had more success by copying the way Miriam’s magic rose and burst forth into a yellow dust shield than by any wand movement or words. Miriam pelted her with stones until she got the timing right and healed up the cuts with an episkey that she was not allowed to learn due to the nature of casting a spell on oneself.

The second spell was a complex alternative to the lumos solem charm as there was no wand to centre the magic on. This time it was Miriam suffering the pain of hearing Anesidora constantly mispronounce teine sith to conjure a little fairy light that had the tendency to blind anyone within a five metre radius.

It was upon practising a levitation charm that a third entered the night-dark camp. Firelight glinted off the eyes of a person no taller than three feet.

A week ago, Anesidora was staring into a similarly black gaze. A silver-quick thought: It’s the goblins again. I have to warn Miriam. But just like before, she sat and stared. Behind her was the fwoop of a thick tent cloth opening. 

“Hello there. Why don’t you stand closer to the light?” Miriam asked, warmth in her tone. “Despite the season, it can be chilly at night. Don’t get a cold just because we’re a bit scary looking.”

The two dark eyes, locked on the taller of the two humans, did not move one step closer nor one step back. Anesidora shifted in her seat to break the tension.

“Umm, we have tea if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Miriam tsked. “You’re the only one in the world who isn’t into tea, dearie.”

Boots slowly crunched on the ground until the goblin came into full view of the camp. He waited, tense, for the revulsion and condemnation and hatred. Instead Miriam smiled, said she would fetch the tea, and turned her vulnerable back to Lodgok in order to enter the tent.

She doesn’t know what I know. The last goblin she interacted with, she killed. Miriam had smiled and waved to them first while they clearly had battleaxes strapped to themselves.

Lodgok was staring at the closed entrance, awed and appalled at the witch’s brazenness.

“Hello, my name is Anesidora. What’s yours?” At the replying silence, she continued. “Is it a secret?”

“...Lodgok.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Lodgok.” 

And now he was staring at her like she had two heads. Anesidora felt the protection wards strengthen. Keep him talking. Err, listening.

“Did you know,” she started, “that two weeks ago I met my very first witch? Then one week ago, I had my first encounter with muggles. Now, I’m meeting a goblin for the first time.” Might as well address the elephant in the room. “So I have a question for you.” Anesidora leaned closer and by an inch, Lodgok moved closer as well. “Next week, do you think I’ll meet a vampire or a werewolf?”

More silence.

“I hope it’s a vampire.” Her guilty pleasure had been reading Twilight.

Lodgok gaped. “You would willingly be near a vampire?”

“Why not? She would have to be a friendly vampire, of course. I don’t think that’s too impossible. I’ve heard of friendly werewolves and there’s friendly muggles too. We have friendly goblins,” her smile surely held a bit of a challenge to the words, “and friendly witches as well.” Anesidora picked up parchment she had been trying to keep afloat and fed it into the campfire. “So why not?”

Miriam came back with two cups of chamomile and a wooden block. She transfigured the block into an appropriately sized chair for Lodgok, placed next to her own and farthest from where Anesidora sat.

“There we go.” She bent her knees to place the tea in the goblin’s hands who could do nothing but politely accept.

“Miriam, this is Lodgok.” Anesidora introduced the two. 

What proceeded was the most nerve-wracking round of small-talk she ever experienced. In the game, Miriam had successfully turned Lodgok, but there were now a million variables to change that outcome, including her own presence. Anesidora knew very well she wasn’t a charming person and if her Plan A went through, she was going to be downright repulsive to him after dealing with Ranrok.

Lodgok sipped his drink slowly and hesitantly responded to Miriam’s surface level comments about the weather and anything else not directly asking why he was there in the first place. He declined the offer for a second cup and awkwardly left the camp, not responding to Miriam’s offer to visit the camp again later.

Afterwards, they put out the fire and retreated inside the tent. 

Miriam immediately sighed. “On the sídhe I’ll be forever thankful seanmháthair taught me to smile in the face of fear.”

“You were scared?” Anesidora tried to keep her voice level despite feeling the silencing ward already in place. “You acted like this was a picnic outing. Lodgok thought you were insane.”

“Better insane than an enemy.” Miriam smiled. “You did wonderful, dear. Sometimes, a witch doesn’t need a wand at all to fight.”

“Why do you think he was here?”

She became solemn. “This meeting was no coincidence. Whoever sent him wouldn’t have thought to use him as a spy. He didn’t have any weapons either. In all honesty, Lodgok was clearly uncertain about what he wanted to do.” Miriam went to the kitchenette and poured herself another cup. “We’ll play it by ear for now. Anesidora, I fear this matter with the magical repositories is far more complex than we ever thought.”

—-------------

Lodgok came back the next night, his form entirely revealed during Anesidora’s overzealous practice of her light summoning charm.

“Uuagh,” he cried, stumbling to the ground with his long-fingered hands pressed to his face.

After an emergency healing spell and profuse apologies, Miriam left to brew a fresh  Wiggenweld Potion ‘just to be sure’.

“I actually thought I was making good progress  in reducing the spell’s intensity,” Anesidora said, contriteness evident.

“Perhaps to human eyes,” Lodgok replied while he squinted. “Goblin eyesight tolerates light less.”

 “I see. Uh, and I hope you can too.” Bad choice of words. “I have the worst habit of using too much magic.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why weren’t you using your wand?” He drew out his words, unsure in breaching a line.

“I don’t have a wand. I won’t until we finish researching this place here.”

Lodgok peered at her. “I would have thought you were far old enough to be given one.”

Far? “How old do you think I am?”

“Twenty?”

Anesidora’s loud echo of the reply made them both jump. She pouted.

“A month ago, I was fourteen. Now I look twenty?” It’s totally the hair colour, isn’t it?

“I had no intent to offend. To me, a twenty-year-old is still young.”

“How old are you?”

“Seventy.” At her reaction, he added, “This is young for goblins too, but I’m a full adult.”

“So what is fifteen to goblins?”

Lodgok chuckled. “Little more than a baby.”

And with each small conversation over the days, Ranrok approached.

—-------------

There was a myth underneath Orkney.

Waves rushed against rock in a cave which might have been a hydra nest a hundred years before but now only contained a cancer of chizpurfles, hundreds of them scurrying out of the way when Miriam and Anesidora first entered. Magic sleepily re-awakened to press a riddle into the walls. Upon Anesidora’s transcription of the words, Miriam translated the Ancient Greek:

Somewhere up there midnight strikes, I think I hear the fall / Of little drops of water, magnified against the barren wall

Shockingly, the answer involved being in the cave at midnight. Fresh water dripped down to open up a passage. There greeted, before the first split in the tunnel, a mural that Miriam could see depicting a princess bequeathing a sword. A gold string that Miriam could not see threaded itself over the sword and deeper into the labyrinth. The end of the string led to a Hogwarts Prefect badge, silver letter over a faded green background.

During a cloudcast afternoon above ground, Anesidora finished examining the hibernating green magic embedded in the badge and placed it in a cylindrical container. It closed without a sound, letting her draw her eyes to notice Lodgok’s open staring.

You definitely know what this is.

“Hey.”

Guilt flashed through his face before he returned the greeting and took his usual seat on the wooden chair.

“You work with metal, don’t you? We think this is goblin silver. Can you tell me anything else about it?”

Two days ago, Miriam taught Anesidora the summoning charm. Lodgok’s hands shook when he reached for it. He traced the centre symbol.

“This is the goblin rune for power.”

Literally the key to power, huh.

“How were you able to open it?”

“I’m not sure. You’re welcome to try. Miriam can’t open it either.”

His claws roved over the device, making sure not to cause scratches. The device remained closed. As if summoned by her name, Miriam exited the tent.

“Oh! You’re here early. Let me put the kettle on.” Her movements froze when she spotted what Lodgok was holding. She locked eyes with Anesidora and went inside.

Lodgok handed the container back.

Two pots of tea and one charcuterie board later, Miriam took a few papers out.

“A while ago, we came across this letter. I wonder if you’re able to translate it for us.”

Anesidora looked into the fire while she waited for Lodgok to read. She didn’t look up when he inhaled sharply, less in surprise than unfortunate acceptance.

“Um, well… They seem to be orders to… deal with a witch in a castle and take her belongings.”

“Does it say in the letter who ordered that?” Miriam asked softly.

Distantly, evening birds called out to prepare for darkness.

“A goblin called Ranrok.”

—-------------

Five days later, destiny came to a dying campfire and stars opening their eyes to the stage before them. Miriam spotted him first.

“Hello there. Are you a friend of Lodgok’s?”

“Not quite,” said a goblin armed in silver gauntlets grasping hazy red magic. “I’m his brother, Ranrok.”

Miriam stopped her advancement to greet the pair of goblins and took a step to her left. She spoke to the person directly behind her back while keeping eyes locked on Ranrok’s night-clothed stature.

“Anesidora, get the emergency portkey.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“No,” Ranrok agreed. “You aren’t.”

Miriam raised her wand-

“Avi-”

-and transformed into a blue speckled jobberknoll after a wave of a goblin hand.

Anesidora dashed inside the brightly lit tent. Flames shot at the canvas, overwhelming power eating at the material’s protection charms. She barreled into a table holding research materials, grabbing the cylindrical device near the edge. At a telling warcry, she popped a shield charm over herself just in time for it to shudder and break along with the aggressive magic that aimed at her head.

“She’s just a child!” Lodgok shouted. “She doesn’t have a wand!”

A bird flew in through a rapidly expanding hole in the tent. Light like ritual fire engulfed it to reveal Miriam, positioned in the middle of Ranrok and Anesidora. Lodgok rushed forward to his brother’s side instead of trailing behind.

“You said you just needed the device! We don’t need to hurt them- they’re good people.”

Ranrok flexed his gauntlets. “The only good human is a dead human.”

“Inflatus! Depulso!” Miriam pushed back Ranrok. “The portkey, Anesidora!”

Lodgok ran to where Anesidora stood against the kitchenette counter. He passed Miriam, her focus not wavering from Ranrok.

On seeing his gaze fall to the container in her hands, Anesidora said, “He’s going to kill Miriam and me no matter what.”

“That’s not right,” said Lodgok helplessly.

Ranrok, deflated, hurled Miriam into the burning section of the tent, canvas moving with the motion to entomb her. His black gaze looked up at Anesidora and he grinned, inhumane.

“You should close your eyes,” she said, low enough for only Lodgok to hear.

Anesidora, arm straight down, flicked her fingers to point towards Ranrok and followed her own advice.

“Teine sith.”

Sun exploded beyond the darkness of her eyelids. Through Ranrok’s screams of anguish, she searched along the counter and threw whatever she could get her hands on in his general direction. The screaming grew louder, closer. A second shout joined the commotion and Anesidora dimmed the spell, blinking open to the scene of two goblins wrestling with each other. The tent covering Miriam moved energetically, too slow in letting her out.

A punch. A crack. Ranrok on top, red magic and red liquid on his goblin silver gloves. Power swirled and lashed out to choke Anesidora. Her left hand clawed at her own throat. Her right hand raised off-centre from her body to, palm with a straight line of red and flat in a ‘stop’ motion, cover her view of Ranrok’s head.

Anesidora rasped out: “Accio knife.”

That kitchen knife which had been on the counter she rushed to- that knife which had been grabbed blade first and thrown above Ranrok’s short frame- that knife which lay on the ground just beyond the fighting brothers- flew point-first to pierce through her hand and cut the remaining pieces of tent behind her (leaving a hole in her hand the same size as the hole in Ranrok’s head).

[lightningbig]

rambling continued from the tags on this post

thinking about a world where the kaminoans are able to bend death. well enough that the clones become effectively immortal. even when they die they don't, really. they will gasp awake again, always, a never ending cycle of life and breath and violence. they will bleed and they will fall apart but they will knit back together with enough time. they will not succumb to any wounds, not permanently.

this not even being questioned by the clones. its all they've ever known. its how they've been raised. brothers don't die, they sleep and come back. brothers don't die, they bleed and then they get better. brothers don't die, even when they're missing limbs, even when they change in irrevocable ways. the kaminoans have created an army that cannot be bested by mortality. they've created something infinite.

the first time they know death is when one of the trainers washes up, blue and bloated and half eaten by the marine life at the bottom of the sea. they'd been punishing brothers for increasingly mundane reasons in increasingly harsh ways, so they were given a taste of their own medicine. only, trainers don't come back. trainers don't get better. trainers don't live, despite it all.

the jedi, too, are mortal things. things that can die. things that get hurt and don't always heal. things that can benefit from exploiting brothers, from putting a clone in the way of a fatal shot any day.

some of them do. its whats expected. most of them don't. the clones don't understand. brothers dont die, don't they know?

[biblicalhorror]

Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.