#what does it mean that i accidently typed it omens with instead of it opens with

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt V good omens S1E1 summarised but i understood nothing but the queer

this is me back to summarising because if i think too hard about crowley and aziraphale watching each other i'll break down and i've only watched three episodes what does this say about me

without further ado, good omens episode one:

It opens with narration by God who is morally grey and tells us Earth is a libra. I see tarot cards. It could be a hallucination.

Cut to the garden of Eden. Crowley is a snake. I assume Adam and Eve ate the apples, but I am too busy looking at David Tennant.

They talk and say important things, but I am too busy looking at Michael Sheen. Aziraphale gives fire to the humans and adopts the gaslight gatekeep girlboss method of explaining it to Crowley and the folks at heaven.

Heaven consists of uncomfortable close-ups. I hear nothing they say any time a scene is set in heaven because I am counting skin cells on the angels. They like Sound of Music. I am growing to hate Sound of Music. Thanks, heaven.

Cut to modern day but not the present, 11 years ago. Zombies emerge from the ground, but they are not zombies, not yet. One of them looks like a dead blobfish. His face decomposes later.

Not-yet-zombies hand the Antichrist baby to Crowley, who catwalks through the graveyard with the basket swinging on his hand.

God starts talking about the ol' switcheroo, intercut with an American politician who loves the Y chromosome, as one does.

There are Satanic nuns, and they are bad at their job, but they really like toes. Not in a sexual way. We think. We hope.

There is a lot of baby switching and inaccurate wink interpretations. I understand nothing. It is fine. The plot is unimportant.

The Antichrist does not raise tropical fish. An easy mistake to make.

Crowley and Aziraphale try to balance the Satanic tendencies of their adoptive son Warlock, who is not the Antichrist. Crowley serves us more gender as she becomes the nanny. Aziraphale is the gardener. I hope it is not him. I hope it is someone else.

I hope in vain. It is him. It is always him.

They raise not-Antichrist for eleven years.

A scheduled dog delivery from hell does not arrive on time, which makes Crowley and Aziraphale realise they did not raise the Antichrist. Contrary to sensible interpretation, this is not good. They abandon their adoptive son, which is normal.

Cut to the Antichrist, whom I immediately want to adopt. There are friends, and I am told they are important, but all I know is Brian is just Brian and the others are foils for the horsemen of the apocalypse.

There is an apocalypse upcoming. I do not realise it until this point.

The Satanic dog delivery arrives as scheduled to the Antichrist, and becomes a puppy. The Antichrist, with boundless creativity, names the Satanic dog delivery Dog. I continue to love him.

Contrary to sensible interpretation, this is not good. The Antichrist naming the Satanic dog delivery Dog is such a tragic blow to the world of scientific nomenclature that the apocalypse is now set into motion.

The end.

[lulublack90]

About Me

Hi there, Lulu here.

I do have a real name but I prefer to go by Lulu on here and Ao3 so please use that.

I go by she/he/they. Call me what you want I don't mind. It changes day by day for me in the real world, but my friends and family don't know that.

I'm pansexual but again only a few people know that.

I'm in my 30's but have the maturity of a teenager unless I'm in parent mode when I have to pretend to be a grown-up (It does not last long!).

I am a huge huge huge Harry Potter fan (Fuck JK, she's a dick!) My house is full of so many HP-related items. In fact, I think every room has something in it, thank the gods my husband is also a massive nerd.

In case you can't tell I am Neurospicy. I am in the middle of getting diagnosed with ADHD and by that I mean I am procrastinating actually starting the process.

Now where was I?

Oh, yeah I like so much stuff I can't think what else to put here but yeah Harry Potter, mainly Marauders era but I love anything really.

My fav ships are Wolfstar (I've loved them since I was a young thing and didn't even know it was a thing." Jegulus (My new love.) Dramione (Lord have mercy) Drary (Lord I need more mercy) Pandalily (Meep!) Dorlene (Squeek!) I like Marylily as well but not as much, but I love them when I read them.

My asks are open and you can send me whatever you want, no hate please no one needs that in their life and Tumblr is my happy place don't spoil it.

Things that make me happy

You guys. Honesty it's Tumblr, I've only just really found this and all you amazing people who like my silly stories that I've only been writing regularly since December 23 when I found you all. My husband and son make me happy and so do my dogs and cats. I love watching storms and autumn. I read a lot, I crochet, I knit, I write. I am a huge fan of chocolate. If you give me chocolate I will be your friend.

Music

Bowie. Nuff said.

But yeah I like a lot of different stuff, it depends on my mood as to what I listen to. I drive my husband mad because I like songs by lots of people but I can't remember what they're called or who they're by.

Books

My all-time favourite book will always be Prisoner of Azkaban. It is my happy place.

My house is full and I mean full of books. I don't actually know how many I have but last time I estimated I had 300 in my bedroom alone. (There are piles of books in every room 😬)

ACOTAR!!!

Shows/movies

Harry Potter, The Martain, The Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Hunger games, Twilight (Don't judge me they got me through a dark time.), How to train your Dragon, Disney anything, plus others there are so many and I'm bored of listing.

Good Omens, Schitts Creek, Parks and Rec, Bake off, Handmaids tale, It's always sunny, community, Harbin hotel, archer, vampire diaries. Plus more but yeah typing.

Okay I think I'm done but who knows I might add more if I remember.

Love you all

Lulu

xxx

My Ao3 List

These are my fanfics on my ao3

Bitten M- Remus, Sirius and James head to the forest for a fun full moon. Everything is going great until one of them has an accident. (This was the very first fanfic I wrote. It's okay.) Wolfstar. Complete.

The Prisoner T- Sirius Black has been wrongly imprisoned for 12 years. He's bided his time but now its time to escape and right the wrongs of the past.

The Prisoner of Azkaban as told by Sirius Black, filling in the gaps starting with his escape from Azkaban. Wolfstar. Complete.

The Cupboard E- Hiding from Filch and awaiting rescue things get a bit close in the cupboard between Remus and Sirius. Wolfstar smut one shot. Complete.

Birthday E(I think, I'm not good at telling) Sirius finds Remus alone in their dorm room instead of enjoying the party downstairs. Wolfstar. Complete.

The One That Got Away E- James agrees to throw a party at his house. Sirius asks to bring his little brother, how could that possibly affect James at all? Based on the micro fic series I wrote in January. Jegulus. Backcould Wolfstar. Complete.

Jegulus Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

Wolfstar Prompt Series All the prompts I've written on here in one place.

The Way They Were T - While Harry is clearning out Grimmauld Place he discovers that Wolfstar were a thing.

Love Hate and the Ability to Change M - Sirius is taking Remus to the hosital wing on the full moon and Regulus catches them kisses. After some rather nasty words Regulus tells Sirius something about himself.

The Way They Are M - Part two of The Way They Were. Harry and Draco spend more time together and Draco finds another box for Harry, this time from Remus.

[candicewright]

Kindly requesting that analysis on wangxian being peak romance and how it compares to queerbaiting please 🙏 🙏 🙏

Hello, anon! I am very genuinely happy that my rambling thoughts interest you in any way (because I have a lot of thoughts) so here is my analysis as promised. It is veeeery long (almost 2k), sorry about that but I’ve really been looking forward to talking about this for a very long time. In the end, it isn’t so much about how Wangxian is peak romance and more about the censorship and how it compares to queerbaiting, I may have to do another post about that later on. Without much further ado, here it is!

The Untamed’s tasteful censorship vs. BBC Merlin’s queerbaiting and why I prefer one over the other.

I know most people follow this blog for Merlin and believe me when I say that I love this show more than I can say because it has quite literally changed my life. But The Untamed has opened my mind to a whole new world (insert Aladdin’s A Whole New World here) and it has given me a lot of perspective on a lot of things.

I often joke with my friends saying that my first consideration when choosing a new show to watch is saying “is it gay?” which is not far from the truth, but it’s also not the complete story. What I mean is that I ask myself “does this show have a relationship that I think is worth getting invested in?”. Yes, t usually happens that those are not heterosexual romances, but what can I say, I’m queer and I like my emotional support fictional characters to be so too. This is the exact reasoning that led me to Merlin. I saw a couple of videos about them on youtube and immediately found their dynamic compelling and their story beautifully tragic. But like with most shows these days, the writers failed (among other things) to make their relationship explicit. This has happened with every show I watched after Merlin too; The Witcher, Sherlock and Good Omens being the most notable ones. 

You can argue if they are or are not queerbaiting, I at least think Good Omens isn’t, but again, it is pretty subjective.

But i had grown so accustomed to this type of media that I fully went into The Untamed expecting something similar.

And oh boy was I wrong.

Now, the case of The Untamed is a curious one because it is supposed to be a love story between two men due to being based on a BL novel, but because of censorship, it had to be very toned down. I found this out right before actually watching the show while doing some preliminary research and while it did change my thought on what I was getting into I truly thought they would just erase the entire relationship and try to hide it behind straight relationships like in most other shows I had watched.

But that was absolutely not the case, to my endless relief and joy.

But how? How did they get away with censoring all the explicit aspects of a romantic relationship while still managing to tell a wonderful love story? And how does this compare to the queerbaiting of a show like Merlin?

Warning: I will be using different parts of both shows and probably some of the MDZS novel to illustrate my point, so there will be spoilers.

The initial accidental chemistry + innuendos vs. The establishment of the very clear enemies to friends to lovers trope

I’m going to use Merlin to compare and contrast this because it’s what I know best and the other show I've given a lot of thought to.

Merthur and Wangxian are both similar and different dynamics in the way they’re written and it was one of the things that drew me into The Untamed in the first place. Both stories begin with our main duo meeting and instantly disliking each other, ending up in a fight. And while they both set the story up to lead to a more intimate bond being created between the pairs, there’s something very different from the start.

Merthur is deliberately set up to be a close friendship and all innuendos and chemistry are accidental (in my opinion and only at the start). Let me explain.

The concept for Merlin clearly started with the idea of how the story would change if Merlin was a young boy arriving in Camelot instead of an old powerful sorcerer. Then they made the main plot to be his destiny/friendship with the young and arrogant Prince Arthur. I truly believe that the first innuendos were not what they intended and that all chemistry and sexual tension between the characters comes courtesy of Colin and Bradley and how undeniably good they look on screen together. Fans then started speculating (as we always do) and then the production team decided to run with it, making it almost a recurring joke when it shouldn’t have been. Had they treated that developing relationship seriously like what they were hinting it was, the show would have been very different.

The Untamed on the other hand, is everything but accidental. What they’re doing is deliberately establishing the enemies to friends to lovers trope from the very beginning. It’s not an accident that during their first fight on the roof of the Cloud Recesses Wei Wuxian tells Lan Wangji that women would find his true character very disappointing and that no one would want to marry him. he says so several times in fact and this is clearly both to highlight the change in their relationship as well as to say that Lan Wangji is not at all interested in the opinion of any female (or anyone besides Wei Wuxian for that matter). This is the same stuff we see in mainstream straight romances: one of the characters saying something to the effect of “who would want to date them?” only to end up involved with the other at the end of the story.

You could argue that Merlin does something similar with the conversation between Merlin and Kilgharrah where Merlin is affronted by the idea of having to help Arthur where he says “There must be another Arthur because this one’s an idiot...If someone wants to kill him, they can go right ahead. In fact, I’ll give them a hand.” but the difference between these two is that Merlin is hiding behind the guise of destiny and friendship to make these parallels while Wangxian is deliberately and clearly in a romantic context.

The deliberate continuation of the subtext vs. The suggestion of something more

The accidental nature of the subtext doesn’t last long and in true BBC fashion, it turns into full-on queerbaiting real fast. Again, you can argue endlessly about when the deliberately suggestive comments start, but by the end of the show, we know for a fact the entire production staff and even the staff were aware of the effect and reception their show was having. This was no longer an innocent mistake on people reading too much into it, it was a very purposeful narrative that they were pushing without ever truly committing to it. This is what got fans going crazy over “poetry” or lines like “you’re the only friend I have and I couldn’t bear to lose you”. These are all very intentional choices they made to keep their devoted fanbase interested and while we’re all very thankful for this material it really keeps us wondering what it could have been if they had taken that extra step.

The Untamed can’t take that step because of the censorship laws, but it’s still much more daring than Merlin ever was. While Merlin keeps the soulmate aspect of the Merthur relationship a suggestion, The Untamed outright says it, which was baffling to me. It even does it at a pint where the first kiss happened in the novel, which you would think makes it less romantic. But that's absolutely not the case because of both the non-consensual nature of that original kiss and because of how heartbreakingly beautiful the replacement scene is. Not only that, but they also keep all the elements you could expect to see in any pre-relationship stage of a developing romance story: endless amounts of mutual pining, not-really-unrequited love, jealousy, panicking at the sight of your crush (yes I’m looking at you 15-year-old Lan Wangji) and even some fun in vino veritas moments. They even have a son together! It doesn’t get more clear than that!

This is all the way the show has of suggesting something more without outright saying (even though it’s a pretty not subtle way of suggesting it).

Merlin, on the other hand, keeps trying to deny the romantic nature of the Merthur dynamic, which brings me to my next point.

The introduction of a female love interest as an excuse vs. The awareness that the audience understands the relationship in the way it's meant to be

Now, this one really bugs me, because of all the ways they could have done this they truly chose the worst and destroyed Gwen’s character in the process. 

In my opinion, the writers could have done a few different things. They could have fully developed the Merthur relationship as a romantic one while keeping Gwen’s role as a queen and creating a much more satisfying character arch for her, maybe even getting her together with Morgana or Lancelot. They could have focused on the Awen romance and therefore lowered the suggestions of romance between Merlin and Arthur, once again creating a much more enjoyable subplot for Gwen, though it could have also meant sacrificing the very powerful bond between the main characters. They could have even taken advantage of Gwen’s crush on Merlin in the first season and gone on the full-on polyamory direction! That would have been much better! Instead, they halfassed the romance between Arthur and Gwen and made it just...meh. Not that Angel and Bradley didn’t do a great job, it was more of a writing problem than a them problem.

The Untamed (despite the rumours and possibilities of a Wen Qing/Wei Wuxian relationship) decided to just run with the not really platonic relationship between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, making them the complete focus of the story while still upholding the censorship laws. What I think the biggest difference between the two shows is, is that one runs on assuming the audience is stupid while the other one assumes the audience is smart.

Let me explain once more.

The Merlin writers clearly thought that by introducing Gwen as the love interest to Arthur he would just become what? Magically straight? As if we hadn’t seen the last four seasons of sexual tension between him and Merlin? The audience was not fooled for the most part, but some people did fall for this, coming with the argument “But he’s married to Gwen so he’s straight!” as if being gay or straight are the only two possibilities but oh well.

The Untamed does quite the opposite. It relies on the fact that the audience is going to catch onto the romantic aspect of the narrative without them actively saying anything because we are Not Dumb. It also does something that I think is quite beautiful which is leaving it up for interpretation as far as whether it’s platonic or not and even more touching is the way the story has resonated with the ace community (that is according to what I’ve seen, please do correct me if I’m wrong) by focusing on their emotional and intellectual connection instead of in their physical and sexual one.

This is why, in the end, I prefer what I call The Untamed’s tasteful censorship over Merlin and other shows’ blatant queerbaiting.

I feel the need after all of this to state that Merlin is still my favorite show of all time and that this is not by any means me saying that Merlin is absolute trash or something like that. There’s also a lot more that I think can be said in this conversation, so please feel free to tell me what you think and if you’ve ever encountered something similar to this.

Also, if I made any mistakes or wrong points, please don’t be shy about telling me!

I hope this rant was at least somewhat interesting and that you found it satisfactory, anon!

[thunders-warcats-stuff]

I have too many stories part 4: Series 3 and 4 stuff

Since Power of Three and Omen of the Stars are all in the same-ish set time, here’s the stuff for both.

To Sleep, To Dream where Jayfeather’s adventires with the Ancients are a bit more detailed. He meets Half Moon as an elder in his dreams, of which he has three types. History Lessons, where he sees everything we know from the books. Self Reliability Lessons, which arw hunting, fighting, and basic herbs because he should learn something even if he is blind in the waking world. Those happen with eyes open and closed. And Power Using lessons, where his dreamwalking and “mindreading” is put to the test because he uses them rather passively in canon. It’s great that he was able to save Poppypaw from going to StarClan, but I was hoping to see Cat Psychiatrist Jayfeather and we didn’t get that.

Fortune, where ThunderClan takes in a rogue from what turns out to be a trafficking ring run by other cats. They have to get her used to not only their way of life, but life in general because they teach cats to do nothing but obey whatever higher-ranking cat they take orders from. It’s definitely one of my darker stories.

Shadows of StarClan, an Omen of the Stars AU where cats are reincarnated to help the Clans prepare for the Dark Forest. It changes StarClan lore here. And it was before I knew what Dawn of the Clans was even supposed to be.

The Outcast, which comes in one of two flavors.

One is Disgraced, where Hollyleaf is stopped from killing Ashfur by Breezepelt, who broke away from the Dark Forest like Lionblaze did and is friends with the Three even before he knows the truth. Ashfur causes a scene at the Gathering and when everyone gets home, the entire truth is told, including Ashfur’s collusion with Hawkfrost and Fire Temper Tantrum, and consequences are handed out. It turns out that Ashfur is now being haunted by Hawkfrost, so even though these actions would have been taken even if he weren’t, the heaping pile of foxdung that is Hawkfrost is actvely encouraging and adding to it. Ashfur’s only solace is Thornclaw, who, for some reason, is able to get through to Ashfur when he’s being haunted. None of this excuses the actions he takes, because Hawkfrost wasn’t around during the fire, but he has different reasons and motivations for doing the things he does here.

Two is Runaways, where Squirrelflight manages to tell the Three that she wasn’t quite lying about adopting them but Brambleclaw knows and they were going to tell them shortly after they got their warrior names. They’re closer here, so they take her at her word and find somewhere away from camp to rest. Brambleclaw finds them, learns what happenes during the fire, the five of them decided they can’t stay in ThunderClan so they move to the Island. When the Gathering comes, they decide to reveal themselves. Ashfur makes a scene at the Gathering and tries to say that Leafpool was their mother (she is, but she is the only living cat who knows that in this AU because she kept it secret from literaly everyone, not just “everyone except Squirrelflight”.) He is discredited, the entire truth comes out, and Firestar says that he will be put to death for his traitorous ways. After the Gathering, when all the other Clans have left and ThunderClan has gotten answers, the medicine cats of the other Clans feed him deathberries and bury him on the island.

Hidden, which looks at how Crowfeather's second family. When Breezekit goes mssing, Nightcloud and Ashfoot are the only ones really looking for him. Nightcloud finds him, and since a ThunderClan cat rescued him from the Moonstream, they escort her back to her camp because Nightcloud needs to clear her head before she can face her Clan again. Because they literally did not care and she is fuming. So when they get to the ThunderClan camp, the first cat to greet them is the rescuer’s mate, who comes on kind of strong and scares Breezekit. Turns out, Breezekit had a reason to run away. A WindClan cat named Amberleaf is being abused by her mate, Owlwhisker, and Breezekit saw. So Amberleaf leaves camp and Breezzekit follows to make sure she gets away but he falls in the river. Now they have to find Amberleaf before Owlwhisker does and Nightcloud has to decide if she and Breezepelt are safe to go back to WindClan.

Secret Life of A ThunderClan Medicine Cat, where Cinderpaw the First meets a rogue called Storm, a blind cat who’s run into BloodClan before and is reluctant to join the other Clans. He and Cinderpaw meet several times throughout her apprenticeship until her accident, where they have to stop meeting because now it’s completely against the code. Storm eventually joins ThunderClan and has a myriad of adventures up to where he dies saving Smokepaw from falling in the mountains on the Great Journey. All of that is a setup to Cinderpelt and Storm being Cinderheart and Jaypaw reincarnated. The Kin of your Kin prophecy has nothing to do with reincarnation, though Jaypaw does meet the Ancients. Plot twist: when Cinderpaw was born, a Dark Forest cat managed to get to StarClan and disrupt the ceremony, so ow Cinderpaw has Hawkfrost haunting her, sort of. Chaos ensues as canon events try to unfold around this madness.

The rest of these are one-shots

AU where Hollyleaf kills Ashfur and gets up on the tree as in canon but Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw shut that down hard and fast by acting like, I don’t know, her actual parents, who are especially concerned because there was a fire in their territory! What are you doing up there?! Get down before you run out of breath and hurt yourself!

AU where Lionblaze has a caveat to his invincibility powers: His powers are tied to his emotions. Meaning cats he cares about can inflict lasting damage on him. So, like, it’s really obvious when Ashfur starts using claws in battle training, because those heal slowly, but a mock fight with Hollyleaf using accidental claws might leave no mark. Ashfur’s Fire Tantrum is an ultimate betrayal so he’s coughing for half a moon after that. Heathertail fighting him in battles is taken personally so he gets scars. And he always gets scarred by the Dark Forest because that place absolutely terrifies him.

 Oneshot where Squirrelflight drags Ashfur for filth during the fire scene and doesn’t spill any secrets.

AU where medicine cats learn the basics of geneaology so they can discourage inbreeding as much as they can, which leads to Jayfeather knowing about his parentage early

Oneshit where Ivypaw dies as an apprentice in the Dark Forest. It shows her vigil. Tigerheart and Flametail burst in, hoping to get to her in time but they don’t, so instead Tigerheart explains what the Dark Forest and Flametail works with Leafpool to prepare her body.

The Moons Without Stars, where Leafpool doesn’t find the Moonpool until right before The Last Hope, so either they go all that time without a connection to their ancestors and have to reform themselves without the weirdness of Broken Code OR leaders and medicine cats become more important than ever because StarClan can still contact some cats in dreams.

[likeabulletyoucanhurtme]

Last one... Baskin

I decide I want to watch films from listicles and stupid articles posted from facebook. I decide to do reviews/re-action blogs/liveblog posts, not because of the film but just if I have time/effort to put in. This film is a Turkish horror, and the full thing is actually on YouTube also, with subtitles! Opening shot is a shelf of childrens toys and the first one we see has a skull face, but a really ripped body. Like Skeletor on hormones. Not sure if plot related but a bit of a weird toy to have Little dude is woken up by the sounds of a woman off camera having/faking an orgasm. Well I mean obviously the actress isn't having one but in the context of the plot maybe it's faked too... Little dude goes to investigate but stops short of opening mum/sister/guardians door. Wise choice little dude, wise choice Also there's only a female voice to be heard, and no bed squeaking or anything, maybe it's a solo performance? And in that case less likely to be faked for the purpose of a male ego There's now a TV playing only static...stay away little dude, I've seen Poltergeist - static on TVs is bad news!! If there's one thing going digital has saved the world from it's ghosts in the static - they're not here no more Carol-Anne TV turns off ok, but Little dude starts hyperventilating anyway and there's a hand trying to get him from the front door. He tries to wake his mum but his bedroom door shuts and the title comes up instead A guy with a bucket is about to go into a restuarant but sees theres 4 policemen in their and takes the bucket round the back instead. Turns out there was meat in it - maybe customer service to not see the delivery, or is that meat from a suspicious source?? The policemen are deciding what football bets to put on, showing that Turkish police obviously arent paid enough either, and also that everyone thinks Messi will score Yavuz says he's gonna fuck one of the others (Seyfi) like a chicken, prompting the chief to say he probably has fucked a chicken, not the best insult to use really Apparently the chief has friends that have had sex with chickens before, but apparently its not about fucking the chicken, it's about catching it... The chiefs first time was with an elephant in the army apparently, while the newbie got took to a brothel in high school... Very strange Yavuz tells a typical transphobic tale about a prostitute that turned out to have male genetalia - but while they laugh he's just turned on the waiter Its Joe Pesci in Goodfellas with subtitles now Seyfi goes to the bathroom to be sick and finds a frog in the soap dish. Because reasons. It looks like there's a shape behind him in the mirror when he bends over, when he straightens up he doesnt see it but does start screaming at the mirror A while later the others have calmed him down but it doesn't say if he saw something or not? Now the others are letting him drive the van because he says he's fine but I wouldn't be trusting him Now they're all singing and clapping to a song on the radio, Turkish pop songs are just as cheesy as English language ones. A call comes from dispatch that they have to go and provide backup for another unit, but Seyfi says he's heard of the place and there's bad stories. Ominous. Now they're on a deserted lane and a naked man runs out in front, but when they get out something hits the other side of the van. Something no-one sees but rocks the van much harder than just one person on their own would've Now there's hundreds of frogs on the ground, Yavuz asks if they all jumped up and hit the van together and well... why not? While they're debating if there was really a naked man in the road, they drive into another figure, one that looks not human and very hairy... Now they're in a cafe, or maybe it's the same restuarant as earlier... Newbie is telling the chief about a dream he had when his friend died - its the opening sequence. He's had the dream this morning too, not a good omen for him Apparently the boss is his guardian? or uncle? or both? The others were watching TV, but the boss asks is anyone here and the two are now alone... No, not alone. You can see now it is the same restuarant as earlier, and theres a shape in the kitchen. The boss says this is the first time someone else can see it, and suddenly there's blood on the ceiling and blood running over the table Now he's in water, did the van really crash and his brain's telling him to wake up before he drowns? Yeah, he's getting pulled out of the water now - called it!! There's some homeless looking people sitting around a fire, and a girl has a bucket of frogs. More frogs. Girl taps the bucket as they're leaving and says something suitably ominous, but its not subtitled :( They're led to the place they were meant to be going at least, which is apparently an abandoned police station, though they won't be much good for backup after being in an accident Boss says to newbie that he has the key to all this - very strange words Original police unit they're meant to be backing up is nowhere to be found and the radio doesn't work in their car either. Typical. "How does our national anthem start?"   "Fear not..." "Exactly, now let's go!" Inside seems empty too, but they do find some eggs filled with blood. Not chicken eggs, but smaller. Probably fucking frogs again They find a member of the original unit who's slowly and methodically banging his head into a wall He's not talking but he points to where his unit is - down a creepy stairwell obviously Yavuz says he's not going downstairs cause its too dark, but changes his mind when he's left alone while Seyfi takes the headbanger outside Seyfi leaves headbanger to follow a frog, and instead finds a bloodsoaked orgy with people using what looks like binbags for gimpmasks ((PS I am not going to kinkshame anyone, but if you wanna use a binbag as a gimpmask, be safe and cut airholes first)) It's unsure what they do to Seyfi when they pull him down but he's screaming, and headbanger is alone in the dark crying... The others have found an empty sex dungeon, and while I approve of the chains and candles, there's a bit too much blood on the walls. And this mask looks like its made of actual animal skin There's a figure on the wall of a woman, in a very froggish shape. If you have frog-phobia do not watch this film. ((Also, is there a horror film about killer frogs?? Like, protagonists walking carefully through millions of frogs, like an amphibian The Birds?)) Now there's two bodies in the next room, wrapped in plastic and hung up with a bucket for the blood. Someone else in a cage but unsure if alive or dead yet... Newbie's followed a trail of blood and finds another room with many, many more bodies, some with bags on their heads and missing limbs so possibly alive, and someone cutting them up Chief (not the one they call boss, another one) goes near to the cage and suddenly someones behind him with a big mallet and kills him Boss starts shouting, Butcher woman notices newbie and starts screaming, one legged man with a bag on his head starts screaming, newbie fires his gun randomly and they all are chased Yavuz gets caught, newbie's still running and somehow ends up back in his own house? From the start? Suddenly him and Boss are back in the restaurant, must be like his mind palace or his brains "safe space" Boss says there was no call for backup, but that they were summoned by someone/thing Newbie wakes up and they're all tied to pillars, while the cult members are praying, or having some sort of orgy High priest walks in with a full robe and hood and ignores Yavuz who's shouting at him, as if he's in a position to make threats Servant brings the priest a bowl to wash his hands in, but the bowls far too small for his hands and he can barely clean past the second knuckle Priest says hell is not a place you go, but you carry it with you at all times inside you. Not really selling your religion here pal, most people wanna escape hell not be told its inside them! Preist then puts his hand in a cut in Cheifs stomach and moves it sideways, somehow opening it up and pulling out his intestine at the same time - like Temple of Doom but a foot lower and more blood Animal bones are thrown and now it's Yavuz's turn. Not sure if the priest is gonna kill him or try to recruit him? His eyes are cut out, but eventually he's given a cloth type mask and told to "open the eyes of his heart" Seems he's being recruited Servant leads in a semi-naked woman, crawling in shackles and wearing a goatshead mask. Yavuz is put behind her and is being forced to have sex with her to open his heart He fails, maybe he's still resentful to the man who just made him blind? Or maybe it's just cause she's not trans, or even a chicken?? She crawls away and Yavuz dies...and a spider crawls out his mouth?? WTF? Boss shouts the priest to him next, and the priest thanks him for looking after the newbie, and slits his throat. Sorry boss, you're not being recruited. Priests splashing boss's blood over him and rubbing it into his bald head. Servant brings goatshead woman a large tub to stand in, she holds onto a pillar and pops out a baby. Simple as that Baby clonks out onto the metal tub and priest takes it upstairs. Maybe alive or maybe not? Definitely brain dead after that clunk Newbie is back in the restuarant again, seemingly alone, but stands up and sees the Boss bleeding out beside the table Boss says he has only one key in this life and now its the newbies....then the newbie pulls an actual key out his slit throat??? Priest is there and he has a keyhole tattoo in his forehead, newbie jams the key into it and suddenly their back in the dungeon, there's a key sticking out of the priests head and newbie is free from his chains? Newbie uses the priests stool to smash the priests head in several times, which may seem like overkill, but in a horror movie you make sure they're really dead first He's spreading the priests blood over himself the way the priest did with the boss's blood, unsure if he's gonna be the new priest or just suffering a psychotic break Now he's running up the road laughing - yeah deffos mental He just got knocked down by a police van. The one he was in earlier. Has he went back in time?? Whaaaa???