#what do you mean it has been two years since that initial depressed wattpad kids?

[tsukikoayanosuke]

After many, many pondering and switching editing program, I can finally, finally, finish this intended video and cross this out of my WIP list. Not much to say but this song is one of my favorite vocaloid song. It just came on the right time when I have imposter syndrome and writer block.

The cover used and English translyrics source are in the video description.

OC used, specifically my Wattpad mutuals:

Astrid Lancaster ( @countessofwisdom )

Charlotte Luchessi ( @akemiozawa )

Andrea Williams ( @91062854-ka )

Jonah Argentum (mine)

Lynette Mitchell ( @sakuramidnight15 )

Rose Fall ( @isabellawaites )

[5hfanfiction]

our broken white rose ⇾ camren

a/n: hi guys…!!! i suck, I fuckin know. i haven’t updated since august and truly honestly, i have no excuse other than life happened and shit hit the fan. i kinda wanna explain so y'all know even tho most of you probably don’t give a fuck honestly. ok sooo for starters as some of you may know or knew but forgot, i have a fiancée and we were trying to get pregnant and have a kid awhile ago and she did successfully get pregnant and well… things have been hectic. looks like we’re expecting double the trouble. twin girls lol. um, idk it took me awhile to wrap my head around it. i kinda envisioned parenthood at one at a time even tho the possibility of multiple is there, i never thought it’d go down in my life. but i guess this is god’s plan for me and i’m gonna love those two girls with all my heart.

college has truly been kicking my ass, on top of my moody, grumpy and randomly sad as fuck fiancée, but i’m getting by. currently on winter break so i decided i’d finally sit down and update. my fiancée went out to south jersey to visit her parents and i’m here in north jersey with the house finally to myself. maybe i can make a mess without getting yelled at by her now fhdjdjdkd lol. anyways, that’s basically the gist of what’s been going on. college wants me dead, my fiancée is carry two fetuses inside her and her due date is approaching dangerously fast. lmao. don’t you live life? smh.

anyways, the last thing i wanna share with y'all before i start the story is, I HAVE A NEW BOOK THAT IM ACTUALLY GONNA BE COMMITTED TO COMING OUT RIGHT ATTER I PUBLISH THIS CHAPTER! its called ‘one night stand’ and yesss, it has smut. so please go check it out after this. i have some really cool ideas for it but i need feedback on whether i should waste my time continuing or not. for my tumblr readers, its most likely up on my wattpad as you read this so go follow it @ wthbello and add the book to your library. please comment and vote. with that being said, i hope you enjoy the story. make sure to read end of the chapter questions and answer them. thanks so much, enjoy my usual angst filed, depressing ass stories!

***

“She what?” Both Camila and Lauren shouted in unison as they slowly but frantically followed after Lucy.

Lucy walked at a jagged pace desperately attempting to reach her rental as she explained. “She was granted parol and was released today. Janelle asked me to come see her today, you know, figure out a way to get her out. She was going on and on about how Lola had a plan to go and get your kids. Dustin, Lana and Luna. So I tracked you down to warn you,” she explained in a rushed tone as they finally reached her rented Mazda.

Camila eyes Lucy in suspicious, still anxious being around her after everything. “How did you even get out?” She asked before her eyes enlarged as realization struck. She looked at Lauren in panic. “T-The kids. They’re with Normani, she just took Dustin not too long ago,” Camila had completely forgotten all about Ariana. I’ll text her later, she thought distractedly as her two daughters and infant son came to mind.

Lucy stopped at the vehicle taking a deep breath. She looked them dead in the eye as she pulled the drivers side handle open. “I’ve been out for two months Camila,” the last thing on her mind was explaining her reasoning. She didn’t want to talk about. She didn’t feel she needed to talk about it. She just wanted to forget. Lucy climbed in the all black car, leaving her door open as she peered up at the two mother’s before her. “As for Normani, Tori’s got it,” Lucy smirked. “Now get the fuck in the car.”

Lauren spoke up for the first time in awhile, “What the hell is going on Lucia?” Her hands shook as she gazed down at the woman. So much built up anger and hatred yet confusion and hurt bubbled within her as she stared the woman down.

Lucy’s smirk soon fell as regret and sorrow filled her eyes. “I was terrible… to both of you. I fucked up so much in the last and this is my chance to fix it. Please. Trust me.”

Maybe a couple years ago, Lauren would jump at the thought of trusting Lucy. How couldn’t she? She’d never lie to her, correct? Wrong. For years, she was lied to and fooled to believe the love of her life, the mother of her children, was gone. And Lucy was an accomplice. She didn’t think she could ever trust the woman again. But something about the look in Lucy’s eyes seemed to draw her in. She wasn’t sure how she was feeling, but right now she knew her safety, Camila’s safety and hers were in severe danger with that crazy bat out.

Camila and Lauren both looked at each other before sharing a small, risky mutual agreement. Lauren rounded the vehicle and got in the passenger seat as Camila went into the back, sitting in the middle so she could peer at the two women in front of her.

“Where to?” Camila asked.

Lucy turned to look at the woman in the backseat, a small smirk playing on her lips. “Yakutat Alaska.”

***

“It feels so gross being back her,” Camila mumbled, hugging her arms loosely around herself as Lauren draped her own arm over her shoulder. She still didn’t know how she felt about her relationship with Lauren. The sudden proposal still replayed in her head but she didn’t have time to think about that right now. Her mind wondered as she thought about the safety of her kids and the weariness of Lola being out of prison… again. Her life just seemed to be a never ending pile of destruction and she just wanted to run away… like Lauren said. Her eyebrows furrowed as she turned to look at the woman next to her. She went to open her mouth and question her before shaking her head and deciding to keep it shut until later on.

“Tell me about it,” Lucy mumbled as she locked the doors of the rental car.

Lauren huffed softly, her grip on Camila tightening. “So are you gonna explain why we’re here?”

Lucy nodded distractedly as she smacked her lips and nodded off towards her right as they began walking towards a group of buildings. “Janelle told me that Lola was granted parole in Yakutat because this initially is where the crime took place which I think is complete bullshit because the original crime was when she falsified your murder in Florida. Yakutat is a small town, but so easy to escape. Lola can redo everything she’s ever planned. She can hire or even threaten her way around here and start up her ridiculous revenge plot. We need to end it before it starts.”

The brown eyed woman furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as she released herself from Lauren’s hold and quickened her pace to walk beside Lucy as she began questioning. “End it how?” She asked in bewilderment. “Its Lola. She’ll just kill me for good now. You brought me all the way here just so she could do that, right? You’ve been working with her all along. You know I’m a moth-”

Lucy stopped abruptly, reaching out to grab Camila’s wrist in a forceful hold. The woman went to scream before her eyes landed on Lucy’s soft ones. Lucy slowly released Camila, running a distressed hand through her hair before turning to look at Lauren. “I’ve fucked up in the past. So much. I lost the love of my life, I watched as she hurt over someone who was still here, I watched as she raised two amazing independent girls on her own all while trying to manage her own internal heartbreak,” Lucy paused, staring deeply into Lauren’s pale green eyes. “I’ll do anything to amend my wrongs. I’m never going back to the way I use to be. I don’t want to, and I won’t allow myself to. I’m stronger, I’m better and my head is finally going down the right path,” she sighed shakily before turning back to Camila. “The last thing I want is to see get hurt again. I watched on the sidelines for too many goddamn years. I’m gonna make it right this time. Even if it means putting myself away for life.”

Lauren’s eyes widened in horror at the woman’s last sentence. “Lucy, what are you talking about?”

Hot tears stung the corner of Lucy’s eyes as she chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m gonna kill her. I have to,” with that she continued straight forward towards the group of buildings collectively lined up beside each other.

Camila and Lauren shared a regretful stare before quickly following chasing after Lucy.

“You can’t do that,”

“Come on be rational Lucy,”

“We can just go to the cops again,”

“Yeah, we can do that. You can’t ruin your life like tha-”

Suddenly whirling around, fire burned within Lucy’s brown eyes. “Go to the cops? And tell that what? That my crazy step sister is trying to kill the Camila Cabello? Huh? Do you know what’d happen to me?”

Camila stopped, breathing heavily. “Why do you care so much? Huh? Its my life Lucy. Please. Let me handle it.”

Chuckling bitterly to herself, Lucy shook her head. “It may be your life, but you know nothing about mine,” she stared off into the distance before shaking her head once again. “When Lola sends a group of correction officers to gang rape you every fucking day in jail, not being able to fight back because you’ll just be thrown into solitary, then speak to me. Everything isn’t about you.”

“Lu-”

“I’m gonna kill her, with or without you guys here,” Lucy stared them down before turning on her heel and walking away, both Camila and Lauren’s feet basically being glued to the ground as they watched in silent horror.

Camila turned to look at the mother of her children before whispering softly, “What do we do?”

***

a/n: short ass chapter, just a filler for the shit about to go dddoooowwwnnnnn. omg, i know y'all hate me and that i’ve been gone for over five months and i’m sorry. life just happened and idk what else to say really. i’m back now and hopefully i stick around because i truly have missed writing so fuckin much. like a huge ass relief has washed over me because i absolutely love what i do and writing for people.

now welcome back to my world full of angst and drama (; i promise the camren fluff is coming soon. y'all have waited two books for it and it’s gonna be here in a few short chapters.

now, i have a brrraaannnndddd new book out called “one night stand” and its camren ofc. this book was really a spur of the moment type of thing but i already love what i have in store for it so far and i truly think i’m gonna be committed as fuck with this book. yes, it has smut. a lot of it actually. so please go check it out on my page, add it to your library.

of course, amazing cover creds to SLOTHTATO literally their work is fucking phenomenal. best cover maker on all of wattpad, idc, fight me. like look at this (obviously my tumblr readers can’t see it so go add the book in your library on my wattpad @ wthbello because it’s a sexy ass cover).

anyways, yeah, please go check that out. i’ve worked really hard on it and i really like where it’s going. it has angst, but definitely a lot less angst than this story right here. the angst in this is actually way more relatable to real life problems and stuff like that so once again, please go check it out after this.

don’t forget to vote, comment and answer end of the chapter questions below. if you’re a tumblr reading, come follow me on wattpad @ wthbello and add my new camren story 'one night stand’ to your library and read it and vote and comment and all that amazing stuff. thank you so much for reading and i hope you enjoyed.

i’m a sucker for feedback and it’ll help me navigate where to go in the aspects of what my readers will enjoy (if y'all are still here since i’ve been so goddamn MIA lmao) so please answer at least a couple end of the chapter questions to the best of your abilities. again, if you’re from tumblr, head over to my wattpad so you can do that.

what do you think about this chapter?

what do you think will happen next?

how do you feel about lola being out?

how do you feel about lucy being out?

do you think lucy’s bluffing and she’s really working with lola?

where do you think tori and her mom are?

what do you think is/will happen with lauren and camila’s children?

what do you wanna see moving forth?

what are you least worried about?

what are you most worried about?

last but not least, how do you feel about camila’s new music and 5h’s album, lauren’s single, dinah’s feature, and 5h’s collab with pitbull? y'all knew i had to ask this since i haven’t been here since the day before the girls released their album lol.

anyways, thanks so much for reading. i appreciate so much if you’re still for some reason stick around, you have no possible idea how much it means to me and i’m forever grateful for you

[l-l-kristofferson]

My Last Semester Of School

For those who have been following me on Instagram, you guys have been up to date about things I've been doing. Including the fact that I have finally finished school as of Thursday the 14th. When I finished, I could not describe the feeling that came over me. It was pure and utter joy. I have been going to school since I was five years old. I am about to turn twenty-two next month. That's nearly seventeen years of school. Seventeen years of busting my ass. Seventeen years of stress, irritation, and frustration. But after all that, I have finished with the best grades I've ever had. For the first time since I've been in college, I made the Dean's List. And I am proud of myself.

Although it is the end, the road to get here was not an easy one. There were numerous challenges that I faced to get to this point. I could not have made it without the support of my mom and stepdad, my friends and their kindness, my teachers, my classmates, and the countless number of customers that encouraged me while I was at work. I would also like to thank the staff at my school: my friends in the lunchroom, my friends in the library, my friends at the bookstore, and the many friends I made through the social events I attended in my final semester. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all. For your kindness, sincerity, and encouragement. It really carried me through.

Now to get into specifics.

The summer before my final semester, I sought out an internship. To do this, I had to seek out the coordinator of the Experimental Learning program, Angela. She was the sweetest and most hip of most of the people I had met at my school. She liked a lot of the music I liked. Brownie points for that. So she was my push to get the perfect internship. She helped me every step of the way. From the search, to the interview, to the resume, to the cover letter, and to the final stages. I came to her when I was having issues with my internship. For those who don't know, I interned in downtown Philadelphia at a place called US Dream Academy. It is a wonderful program that provides a lot of opportunities for children and teenagers. I got a chance to interact with the staff behind the scenes and the kids on some level. Although it was a good program, my contact person was not the best at communication. Which made no sense since they had Drexel interns and volunteers. Long story short, I had few hours and it was nearing the end of the semester. In light of that situation, I had to get another internship. I interned with the Associate Dean of the Arts at my school. I've had her as a teacher before so we had a preexisting relationship.

At the end of it all, I succeeded in my assignments from both internships. I made a post about author and writer Julia Kristeva. If you have not seen that one, go check it out. It is titled "I Love Writing" and it was by far one of my favorite assignments ever. My favorite assignment of all time was designing a poetry workshop for the kids of US Dream Academy. It was a six week program and it was a tedious task. But it was something I loved. I hope they get someone with as much enthusiasm as me to teach it.

If the internships weren't enough pressure, I had to do the homework for six classes. That's a full course load for a full time student. The least to take for a full time student is twelve credits (four classes). I was taking eighteen (six classes). I was initially supposed to take five classes with the internship being something extra. But when it was fully integrated and now a requirement in order to graduate, I was shit out of luck when I thought I could just drop the internship when I wasn't getting the hours. Thanks to Angela and the Associate Dean, it was all made possible. Some of the assignments were ridiculous, especially from my Junior Seminar class. This teacher wanted us to do weekly responses, do a minimum of a five page paper and read three to four hundred page books in a WEEK. A WEEK! I know this is college but come on. We have other classes to attend to. This guy assumed we could solely devote ourselves to his work and get it all done. Despite all this, I got a B in his class. It only got fun near the end when we got to the Zombie Apocalypse. I love that stuff sooooooo much. I love all things zombie.

When I wasn't at home doing homework, out at my internship, or at home sleeping, I was at work. I wasn't scheduled a lot but I was always scheduled to close during the week. The night shift on a weekday is very busy when you work in retail. This is the time that people get out of work and come to pick up the things they need for dinner, the house, or things for their families. The busiest days at the store are Mondays, Fridays, the first of the month, and weekends. If you work in retail, you know that this is all true. At my job, I would have to snack on something during my shift. I only got a half hour lunch. That isn't enough time to relax and eat. So I would have to buy snacks to sustain me as I worked.

During my break, I would listen to music and text so I could detox. Those who have never had a job in retail think that it is easy to be a Sales Associate. You have to deal with customers that get angry when things aren't a dollar or the price they want it to be (I work at Dollar General. Because dollar is in the name, everyone thinks it's a dollar store), customers messing up displays and merchandise, leaving carts in the parking lot, and putting things back because they can't afford it. I have some words of advice for most of the customers that come into my store: please read the signs closely and come in with a budget. If you did that, you wouldn't have problems you have when you come in.

If I wasn't dealing with anything about school or work, I would have to deal with problems in my personal life. For those who have followed me and have gotten to know me, you know I suffer from horrible insomnia. So I normally don't sleep well at night. And when I can't sleep, I am up writing or chatting online. On a lot of mornings, I would have to drink a strong cup of tea to get through the day. I try to drink as little caffeine as possible so I don't end up dependent on it. But I would always deal and get through the day. Thank you Lipton black tea for keeping me awake on those long school days.

But when it wasn't sleep problems, it was problems with my mood, hygiene, and basic self care. In a previous post, I spoke about my two and a half month low in a crippling depression. That spanned throughout most of the semester. It wasn't until mid November that things started to improve. So from the end of August until mid November, it was a struggle to even get out of bed. I nearly lost myself. But I held on and got the help I needed. I thank those who supported me through that hard time and lifted me up to get to this part of my journey. You are all wonderful people.

Now I'll talk about the fun stuff.

I got really close to my friends Amber, Meggie, Jordan, and Rich. There were countless others like my friend Chris (Big Brother), my fellow loco Puerto Rican Manny, my very close female friend (I've talked about her before), my friend Karyn (Danni), and my good friend and coworker Adriel.

This year, I got to help out at my school's haunted house, which my friend Meggie ran this year. We raised money for the Ferocious Fighters, a charity that supported research and treatment for the neurological condition RSD. My friend Meggie suffers from the condition and has for nearly five years. She is by far the strongest friend I've ever had. She has to deal with constant pain everyday. But she doesn't complain and she faces every single day with a bright smile and a strong sense of determination. I admire her very much. She is a fighter like me. And the kindest soul. I love you Meggie.

My friends Amber and Jordan were like the dynamic duo. I would hang out in their class if I happened to be free on Thursdays. We would chat it up and have a good laugh. Jordan was the king of memes. He would make them all the time. He is also my go to guy when it comes to anime pictures. If I ever needed something, he was there to find it. As for Amber, she was queen of Vans merch, along with being queen of the bands The Front Bottoms and Modern Baseball. She reminds me of Tina from Bob's Burgers. When the three of us were together, Jordan was Gene, Amber was TIna, and I was Louise (mostly because I was an outspoken, crazy and at times mischievous guy). They enjoyed my weird humor and quirkiness.

Thank you guys for being my friends. You brightened my days when they seemed so bleak. For listening to my problems and never turning me away. You guys will always have a place in my heart and a place in my phone. I've never met a group of people so awesome. And Alisitie, don't think I forgot about you. I love you too you amazing human being.

This post was not only about me. It was also to appreciate all the people that played a part in me getting to this place. I love you all so much. Words cannot describe what you mean to me. I am grateful for you.

Quick update for you guys. I have a new email address to interact with you guys. If you want that email, DM me here. I will also post my social media and story handles for you.

Instagram: lame_dude_20 (Profile picture of Roxas)

Kik: kingsebastianisdead (Profile picture of Ventus. Username is The Roxas Joker)

Wattpad: WarriorEmpath

I will be posting a yaoi vignette on Wattpad before the new year. So stick around for that.

Thanks for listening. Write again soon.