#what convinced me to get back into dw was a fucking dream where i knocked the doctor out and convinced the tardisto take me

[beleth]

doctor who fans must learn about the beauty of the permian.

[marvinswriting]

Broken Arm

Tw: Major character death, reference (slight reference) to self harm- unrelated to the death dw im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im s- g/t mean girls

The air smelled of disinfectant mixed with depression. 

I couldn't tell if it was that or the pit of anxiety that was making me nauseous as I stare numbly at my arm, freshly casted. The bright lights and hushed voices of the hospital didn't feel real. Like, I knew I was here on Cady's shoulder, leaning against Aaron, but at the same time, I wasn't here.

Or I'd rather not be at least.

I hoped I could wake up from this nightmare. Any minute now Damian would nudge me awake, school day over or something. 

But this wasn't a dream because the pain was all too real.

I stare blankly down the hall. The hall where they rushed him.

Damian got hurt the worst.

My stomach tightened thinking about it.

Cady had her head in her hands mumbling about a concussion. Gretchen set with her hands folded neatly in her lap, looking out into nothingness. Both Karen and Regina were crying softly, looking shaken up.

The sound of doors slamming down the hall makes us all lookup.

Ms. Hubbard runs into the room, teary-eyed and bewildered.

"Where?"

Karen points down the hall. "They won't let anyone in."

"What happened?" She says after getting a good look at all of us. "Jesus are you all okay?"

It wasn't hard to see where Damian got his motherly instincts from. 

"Janis, your arm!"

Ms. Hubbard rushed over, promptly scooping me off Cady's shoulder.

"Know how they say tinies shouldn't ride unsecured on a shoulder when in a car? This is why." I motion to the cast. "Somebody blew through the intersection. Hit driver's side, right-right uh, where Damian was." I look. down, swallowing hard. "I fell."

"And this is why we have safety regulations. Who else got hurt?"

Mama Bear Hubbard went around the room making sure everyone was okay. It was a nice distraction from what was going on down the hall. For all of us.

"Cady, I'm very grateful you wore your seatbelt otherwise it could be worse than a concussion."

"Gretchen, I hope the scratch on your arm heals."

"Regina, maybe take a nap you'll feel better."

I couldn't help but smile.

Ms. Hubbard lifted me to her shoulder and I sat down as she found a seat next to Cady.

Everything felt harder with one arm, but one thing Damian takes after his mom is walking smoothly without bouncing or sudden jolts.

The waiting room was silent again.

It feels like we sit for hours.

Maybe it was.

It was probably only minutes.

A doctor emerged from the hallway where Damian was. 

Ms. Hubbard stands quickly, silently scooping me off her shoulder and handing me to Cady. She rushed over to the doctor and we all watch wordlessly.

We can't hear what they're saying but body langue isn't had to read in these situations. 

They talk for a bit before Ms. Hubbard's hand shoots to her mouth. 

The waiting room once filled with clicking of keyboards and buzzing of lights was now filled with gut-wrenching sobs.

Aaron wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We all knew whatever news was coming couldn't be good.

I didn't want to hear it.

But I listened anyway.

A week.

They say he has a week.

At most.

He was awake but- in pain.

Ms. Hubbard was in the room right now talking.

Visiting hours for today would be over soon but if we all spoke for ten minutes each-

Ten minutes wasn't enough.

Ten minutes won't ever be enough.

I'd have more time tomorrow.

A week.

The news made my head spin.

I couldn't just have a week left with Damian.

We were supposed to have the rest of our lives.

We were fric and frac. You never saw one without the other.

It can't just be a week.

Ms. Hubbard stepped out of the room, glancing at all of us. If her teary-eyed expression mirrored our own, then we all looked like a mess. I felt like a mess.

"Janis," Aaron said softly, rubbing my uninjured arm. "You wanna go in first?"

I didn't, actually. I didn't want to go in at all. I didn't want to go in and have the situation solidified. I didn't-

"Yeah. I'll go."

Cady didn't move but Karen came over, lifting me gently off Cady's shoulder.

Aaron leaned back by Cady's neck as Karen walked away. 

The whole group looked distraught, I could only imagine what I looked like.

I looked down as Karen opened the door to the room. My finger trailed over my cast, as I looked everywhere other than the bed in front of us. 

"Hey, guys."

My head snaps up at the voice. Damian sounded in pain just to talk. The tears in my eyes were back.

I wasn't gonna cry in front of him.

He deserves better than that.

Damian didn't look like he had just been hit by a car. I don't know how I expected him to look. Maybe completely casted like in the cartoons. Instead, he just looked pale. There was a bandage on the side of his head right by his hairline and his entire left arm was wrapped up and gauzed. 

The side the car hit.

I swallow thickly, trying not to cry.

"You guys don't have to just stand by the door," Damian said with a humorless laugh.

"Right." Karen set me on the table next to the bed and silently waved a quick goodbye.

Despite the slow beeping of the heart monitor, the room felt deafening quiet.

"Hi," I say flatly.

Things were never weird around Damian before. We always knew just what to say to each other and when. But- I was at a loss.

What do you say when your best friend is dying in a hospital bed? 

There's no go-to small talk for that.

"You okay?" Damian asks me. His eyes don't have their usual shine and I force myself to look away.

"Yeah."

"You sure? I can't imagine your arm feels great."

"This isn't about me." I cross my arms over my chest, as best I can with the cast. 

"Janis," Damian frowns. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Damian! You're in a hospital bed and you're worried about me." I step backward, blinking violently to stop the tears from falling.

Damian smiled sadly. "I want to make sure you're okay. I'm dying there's nothing they can do."

"Don't say that."

"Janis, it's true."

"But you don't have to say it!" 

Damian doesn't say anything to counter my outburst, he just sits there quietly. 

It's almost worse.

Great.

My best friend is dying and I yelled at him.

I'm a shitty friend and a shitty person. 

Damian deserves so much better. So much more.

But I can't give it to him.

All I can do is yell and be a little bitch.

Maybe I shouldn't have come in.

This was a mistake.

I glare down at my boots, almost like it's their fault.

My vision is blurred with tears that I refuse to let fall.

"Jan?" Damian says after a while. 

I look up expecting to see anger because I yelled. Resentment, bitterness, something.

But there was none.

Damian looked at me sadly, more worried if anything.

"C'mere."

I step to the edge of the table as Damian reaches out. I can't imagine it doesn't hurt and a familiar pit of guilt forms in my stomach as normal when I'm being a nuisance.

Damian scoops me up gently and I try to ignore how his hands shake underneath me, or how they aren't as warm as normal. I try to ignore the way his face has lost all color. The way his eyes look dull and lost.

I try to ignore the fact that my best friend is fucking dying.

He holds me gently against his chest, something he has done so many times before. Whether it was to watch a movie on a Friday night or for a mid-day nap during the hot summers. But this was different.

His heartbeat was concerningly soft. The comforting beat was faint and dull.

Tears burning in my eyes again as I leaned backward into Damian's cupped hand.

He was dying.

My best friend was dying.

My giant was dying.

Damian was dying.

"I love you, Janis," He whispered, his fingers cupping around me more. "So so much."

It's futile to hold back the tears now. I try unsuccessfully anyway. "I love you too."

There are tears in Damian's eyes too and something about knowing he's crying too makes it so much harder to stop the flow of tears. I cover my mouth as I try to bite back a sob, being wildly unsuccessful. 

"Damian, I can't- I just-" 

My brain can't put together sentences.

Damian is dying.

It's the only coherent thought my brain can make. Like a broken record with the needle stuck on the same part.

Damian is dying. He's gonna die. There's nothing I can do to stop it or help. He's dying.

"Hey," Damian hold's me closer. "You're so strong. You'll be okay. You're the toughest person I know. You've been through so much and you will get through this. Okay? You're so brave and I know you'll be okay. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

I don't respond. I can't make that promise. I cant-

"Janis. Please. Do it for me." Damian sounds so feeble, so scared, so broke.

To see Damian, the person who had always been my rock and safe place, the one with the level head who always knew what to do, look as lost as I did-

"I'll try. I promise." 

"Okay." He said softly. We didn't talk for a bit, we just sat there. I tried to convince myself it was like normal. Like any day I'm just held to Damian's chest. 

But it wasn't normal.

His breaths were shallow, my arm ached, and the unspoken goodbyes hung heavy in the room. 

There was a knock at the door after a while. Gretchen stood there. "It's been ten minutes."

"Oh, okay." Damian nodded, bringing his hand away from his chest.

I didn't want to leave.

Not yet.

I thought we had the rest of our lives to hang out. Not we only have a week.

At most.

Ten minutes isn't nearly enough.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I say, hugging his finger. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jan."

I let go and allow myself to get picked up by Gretchen, despite wanting to just stay and cry.

I can't bring myself to look back as we leave. Cady is waiting outside the room and steps in the second Gretchen walks out. 

The rest of the night is a big blur. I slumped against Regina the second I was lowered to one of the tables and for the most part, zoned out. But I couldn't sleep. The events of today flashed before my eyes every time I closed them. 

"Hey, Janis?" Regina nudged me. "You wanna stay with me for the night?"

My initial reaction was to say no and go home, but- 

I thought back to my promise I made to Damian. 

It would be easier not to hurt myself with somebody else around.

Besides, company didn't sound like the worst thing in the world right now. 

"Sure," I say softly. 

Regina stands, pulling me up with her. "Gretch is gonna drive us."

"Okay."

Gretchen lifts both of us as she brings her hand to her shoulder. 

I climb on numbly. My movements feel sluggish, like each limb has a fifty-pound dumbbell attached. 

We wave goodbye to Ms. Hubbard as we leave. She's driving Cady and Aaron home them coming back. Every part of me wanted to ask to stay with her. I know she'd say yes but- she needs time alone with her son.

I can't be selfish.

Karen is also getting a ride home from Gretchen and she holds Regina and I as Gretchen drives. No more on the shoulder when someone drives.

I spend the entire ride looking at my cast. The plastics around me talk but I don't pay attention. They don't expect me to. 

Regina and I get dropped off at the edge of tiny town. Its a bit of a walk to the George's and we treck in silence. 

It's dark out.

The tiny area of Northshore doesn't have many streetlights, but the lights from houses illuminate the sidewalk well enough.

I stop at my house first, grabbing a few things for an overnight trip. 

My parents aren't home.

I'm glad though. If I saw them right now I may start to cry all over again.

I think I've done a pretty good job of bottling up my feelings from today. Not that it's healthy. 

I can't have everyone worrying about me though. We have to worry about Damian. 

Tomorrow felt so far away.

We make it to the Geroge household and Regina turns to me, speaking softly. "I'm gonna go fill my mom in more. You know the way to my room. Make yourself comfy."

I nod, turning to the stairs. I hear Regina and Ms. George talking as I step into Regina's room.

It didn't change much since we were in eighth grade.

Our rooms used to be identically pink. Same bedspread, same pink-themed boy band posters, same fairy lights.

Then the pool party happened. 

My room changed drastically.

Regina's shed the old posters.

I toe off my boots leaving them at the foot of her bed and shed my jacket, letting it fall to the ground next to the books.

I flop back onto the plush mattress, the twinkling canopy of lights above me. 

Turning on my side and bringing my feet up to curl into a ball, I'm mindful of my arm, trying to ignore the way it aches.

If today went as planned- what would I be doing right now?

I'd be with Damian obviously.

My eyelids feel heavy but I can't sleep. I don't want to replay the memories of earlier.

I don't want to even think of the nightmares that could stem from it.

We had been so happy.

I was on Damian's shoulder bickering about him playing more broadway songs.

"Driver gets aux. Not only does the driver get aux, but this is also my car, Jan."

"But-"

Damian chuckled shrugging his shoulder a bit, making me lose my balance.

"Hey!"

Cady grinned at us from the passenger seat. "Today was fun guys!"

"I agree," Karen said.

The skies were turning shades of purple as Damian drove home. The gang had spent the day a couple of towns over just exploring. It was the little things like that where they had the most fun.

Damian flicked on his headlights. "I didn't think we would stay that long." He says honestly.

"Yeah, who knew exploring a town square could be a full-day event!" Aaron said from his spot in Cady's hands.

I grinned leaning against Damian's neck.

The plastics sat in the back seat talking amongst themselves, Damian or Cady occasionally chiming in. 

Despite my very clear opposition to it, show tunes were playing softly through the speakers. 

I look out the driver's side window at all the houses we passed. People sat on front porches talking, others walked their dogs.

We were on the main road so all roads we intersected with had the stop sign, not us.

That made it easier for me as the tiny. I didn't have to worry about stopping short and going flying. 

It happened so fast, none of us really had time to react.

Gretchen made some offhanded remark about the music and how it was "Janis's favorite". 

I scoff, glancing out the window-

-only to see headlights.

"Janis." 

I jump, Regina had walked into the room. 

"Sorry, got lost in thought."

"I figured." 

I sat up, swinging my feet over the edge of the bed as Regina sat next to me. "You okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

Regina tsks, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me closer. It's one of those times where you know talking won't do anything so you don't try. 

The headlights.

The impact.

The pain.

Damian.

It was all slowly catching up.

I look at my arm. "Today didn't feel real."

"I know," Regina said softly. "I know."

My phone rings from where I left it still in my jacket and we both jump.

I fish it out of the pocket, frowning at the caller ID. "It's Damian's mom."

"Pick up."

"Right."

I raise the phone to my ear, my mind racing through all the possible reasons Ms. Hubbard could be calling.

I just hoped it wasn't-

There was crying on the other end.

-that.

"Hello?" I say shakily. 

"Janis, the doctors were wrong. They- he- oh god. Damian-" There's a breath on the other end and I feel like I'm gonna puke from anxiety. "Damian died. He-"

For a second I think I misheard her.

"Wait- what?"

Then there are tears on the other end.

I didn't mishear.

Ms. Hubbard talks some more but-

I'm not listening.

I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear.

I had to have misheard.

But I didn't.

The phone in my ear feels like a dull buzz. My brain isn't understanding what Ms. Hubbard is saying.

It didn't make sense.

We were supposed to have a week.

I was supposed to see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We don't get a tomorrow.

Damian is gone.

The realization clicks and it feels like a punch to the gut.

No.

I sink to the floor, my phone falling out of my hand. Its the least of my worries right now.

No.

The world around me doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel important. I'm vaguely aware of Regina by my side, pulling me into a hug and talking on my phone. 

No.

I'm vaguely aware of the tears falling from my cheeks. I'm vaguely aware of the way they hit Regina's shoulder, the mascara staining the designer fabric.

I don't care enough to pull away.

I don't care at all.

I went from spending the rest of my life with my best friend, to a week, to never seeing him again.

In a matter of hours.

It didn't feel real.

But if it hurt this much when it didn't sink in- then I don't want it to sink in.

Regina placed my phone down, her arms wrapping tightly around me as my body shakes with sobs.

Only four hours ago we were trying out different ice cream flavors a town over.

We were making fun of Gretchen and Regina, posing like basic white girls for the camera. 

But now-

I'm dimly aware of Regina talking but my brain cant process.

Damian's dead.

My best friend.

My other half.

The person who would stand by me for life.

Someone I could always count on.

Someone I love.

Was dead.

"He's gone." I whisper, my voice thick with tears.

"I know." Regina sounds just as broken as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"He can't be gone."

"He is."

We stop talking after that. We're still in the middle of Regina's bedroom floor but the thought of moving right now feels unbearable. 

Doing anything right now feels unbearable.

What's the point?

He's gone.

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

It physically hurt.

I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe.

Each shallow inhale was met with forceful cries.

He's gone.

Regina hugs me tighter as another sob escapes my mouth.

I know it's late and for the sake of others in the George household I should try and quiet down but-

Damian's gone.

I feel a spot of wetness through my shirt and realize- Regina is crying too.

Who wouldn't? Damian is gone.

The mom of the friend group, the light whenever one of us was sad, the only one who was willing to stick up for tinies regardless if he knew them or not. He was sweet to everyone, and always welcoming. 

That was rare in Northshore.

Now it's gone.

Now he's gone.

My mind kept saying it but it didn't feel real.

He couldn't be.

No.

Damian was my rock. I needed him. He needed me. We needed each other. What am I supposed to do now? 

He cared when no one else did.

He made me feel loved and important when no one else would.

Even as I sat here in Regina's arm, I never felt more alone. 

More lost.

Damian was dead.

I wouldn't get to see him tomorrow- I wouldn't get to see him ever again.

"Regina-"

"Shhh, I know." Her fingers ran through my hair gently removing the knots from the day. "I know."

But she didn't.

She wasn't there when I hit rock bottom. She wasn't there when Damian was. She didn't know how much I needed him.

I slump into Regina, completely drained of tears. She continues her work on my hair, it would be a lot quicker if she had a brush but- it felt nice.

"I miss him," I say bitterly. With the tears out, I felt angry. Angry at the world for doing this. Angry at the driver for blowing through an intersection. Angry at myself for not doing more. Not being able to do more.

"Hey, stop that." Regina says suddenly, grabbing my nonbroken arm.

Huh? 

Oh.

I had been scratching my thigh without even thinking about it.

My fishnets were ripped and four long red lines stood in their place.

It didn't come close to breaking the skin, but Regina gently held my hand anyway. "Remember your promise to Damian."

"How?"

"He wanted to make sure you were okay, no matter what happened. I mean- we all do- but you know Damian."

"Yeah," I say softly. Of course, Damian was more worried about me even-

Even on his death bed.

Because he’s dead now.

He’s gone.

I frown, pulling away from Regina. 

"I'm tired."

She nods. "Okay, you go to bed, I gotta- make a few calls, okay?"

"Okay."

I don't bother to change into the pajamas I brought, I just flop down on Regina's bed.

I can almost hear Damian telling me to change out of my fishnets and remove my contacts and take off my makeup- all the things I should do.

But the second I'm lying down- there's no getting up again.

I don't want to ever get up again.

He's gone.

Damian is gone.

He couldn't be.

It wasn't real.

I had to wake up from whatever hellish nightmare this was.

I look down at my cast.

A painful reminder of reality.

A painful reminder of today.

I twist so I'm on my back with my cast resting on my chest as Regina leaves the room, leaving the door cracked behind her. 

"Hey Cady, I have news. Aaron with you?"

guys- listen. this could be the angstiest shit ever or not at all- ive read it so many times im desensitized. So yeah, sorry if  broke your heart, ill try harder next time if I didnt. now who wants fluff? or tiny swap p2 lmao @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

[starfaring-princelotor]

Allura.... Allura is fucking racist how did I not even think about this before??? I mean, I get it, they destroyed her planet and her kingdom her father all of that, but she pins the actions of a single man with a group of followers on an entire fucking race. Like, Keith revealed to be galra? Nothing about him has changed except some new info arrived, but that has always been there, just unknown. I honestly cant stand allura....

Rather annoying, is it not? I wonder why she gets easily overlooked for her racist tendencies? Everyone is a little racist in the show, but DW doesn’t sugar coat her acts towards the Galra. Either through Keith, the BOM, and myself included, it is pretty obvious she holds us in something worse than contempt. Canon is simply a mess, but allow me to share with you a way Allura could have changed for the better. Let me see. Who else had the biggest influence on her in regards to the Galra and someone who she looked up to for the majority of her life?

King Alfor.

Before I continue, I should caution those who are hardcore Allura stans, whether fanon or canon, that you may not like what you read if you wish to continue. Especially if you view Allura as perfect and who grew for the better, for this talks more into exposing her flaws and criticizing DW for coding her as racist.

Also, big thank you to @legendofcarl for beta reading this. 

Many times throughout the earlier seasons, she states over and over again how her father sought peace and was a virtuous, intelligent leader. She was mostly riding his coattails and name dropping, though that does not mean she was wrong to be inspired by him or reignite hope in others with his title alone. In fact, it is a good thing to have a mentor.

Allura knows he messed up, as his AI even stated, and she understands that his mistake cost many lives. She put a lot of effort to fix her father’s mistake, an honorable goal and, ultimately, done out of revenge, too. A huge responsibility was placed on her shoulders as a Princess, daughter of King Alfor, the “last” living Altean of the universe.

However, let us take a step back and look at King Alfor from a larger point of view.

Coran explains the history of Voltron. He first starts out with a very important fact:

“In the beginning, the paladins were just five leaders, who despite coming from cultures which were vastly divergent, and in some cases, had been warring for generations managed to look past their differences in an effort to protect their common interests.”

The critical take away from this is that they were not initially allies. Some fought each other. Brutally. Now, the degree of fighting and number of death tolls may vary, but understand that they did have wars. Take note that they all joined together BEFORE Voltron was even created. This is a mutual agreement that turned into friendship, where all agreed to fight off those who wish to bring harm upon their solar system.

I will say this again. This is BEFORE Voltron was created, before Zarkon became poisoned by quintessence, before Honerva became obsessed with the Rift.

Why is this an important fact? The comet, the Rift, and the creation of Voltron is what started the friction between the group. I wholeheartedly believe that Allura first started seeing Galra as the “bad” guys when she first woke up from her slumber. Not before King Alfor used magic to knock her unconscious. There, she still had a young mind in the concerns of war. Much of her virtues were the same from S1-S3. Defeat Zarkon and everything will be a-okay.

However, when she awakes, her one-track sight transitions from hating Zarkon to hating everything and everyone who are under his Empire, who even look like a Galra, because Altea is gone, everyone she grew up with is gone. She had no chance to save them thanks to her father’s final decision. Altea was obliterated from the universe by Zarkon’s will. Perhaps if King Alfor had succeeded in fighting against Emperor Zarkon, she would have had more time to understand the true meaning behind the Galra ruler’s attack because I highly doubt Allura’s father explained every, single important detail to her.

You can see this by the way Shiro insists that Coran and Allura share the historic knowledge of Zarkon, Alfor, and Voltron.

“I know this is painful to talk about, but if we’re going to stop Lotor, it’s time we heard the rest of the story.”

But why didn’t Alfor explain all this to Allura? Why didn’t Alfor’s AI memory say anything? Is it because parents have an uncanny ability to shelter their children from their own past mistakes? Or was Allura so grief-stricken with the fact that Altea was gone, she hyperfixed on the past? Maybe Allura knew this history, but decided to keep it stored away as something irrelevant to the present circumstances? Was she purposely hiding information from the Paladins?

For whatever reason, let us say Allura did not know the entire history.

Yes, Alfor admitted that hiding the lions was a mistake, though if he explained why Zarkon was still alive, why Zarkon wants the lions, why his best friend went mad with power, then she would have a better understanding of how to take him down or, best route, not hold vengeful prejudice views of the Galra as a whole and instead see that the destruction of Altea was both Zarkon AND Alfor’s fault. Not because Alfor didn’t fight back, but because, as he said, it was too late. Zarkon has been given too much power for Alfor to fight against.

I am stating this: Alfor never saw Zarkon as this “evil Galra.” He saw him as a legitimate friend who became sick with quintessence until it led to his demise, despite the signs being glaringly obvious from the beginning. Alfor and Zarkon insisted on continuing the Rift and quintessence research for the greater good. They say this clear as day to each other.

Zarkon: Endlessly powerful ships for the Galra Empire.

Alfor: And an endless source of clean energy for the entire system.

Yes, King Alfor insisted they close the Rift after the initial creature came through, but there is a key point to take from their post conversation. Both of them knew what they were getting into and Alfor, albeit reluctantly, still supported Zarkon’s decision.

Zarkon: Your ships are the most powerful machines ever created. Who knows what else may be discovered if we continue working?

Alfor: You would risk your entire planet, the entire solar system, for what? For more power?

Zarkon: You know it’s more than that.

The discovery of quintessence, other realities, this was a dream come true for Alfor and Honerva. Alfor knew when to stop, but did not know HOW to stop his friends. He was not only fearful of the power of quintessence and the Rift, but also how it affected the minds of his allies. Was Alfor right in turning his back to his sick friends? No, but he did so anyways, and risked destruction on Daibazaal and his allies.

Alfor knew Zarkon was too obsessed, knew Honerva was too sick, and left them.

Then, Zarkon does realize the error of his ways when Honerva fell ill. The good old “I will do anything for the one I love, even lie to my friends” trick. Tragic, but it works, and we all know how that story ended. Both Zarkon and Honerva became overexposed to quintessence, which changed them completely. Apparently, Honerva transitioned into Haggar and lost part of her memories. Zarkon, however, seemed to still retain his past, for he became focused on obtaining Voltron.

For what reason? The show keeps saying it is because he wanted to rule the universe and Voltron was the only one able to stop him. Voltron was the only way he could rule the other realities, as well. Personally, I do not believe either of these options, but that is another story for another time.

One thing I would like to point out is that, while Zarkon was unable to rule Daibazaal, Alfor still sought to save the population by evacuating them to Altea and other planets in their solar system. Alfor still cared enough for Zarkon as a royal friend. He understood that all the grief which happened between Voltron, the comet, the realities, the quintessence, the paladins, it not only affected them, but the people who trusted them to rule as well. Alfor sought to save the Galra by any means possible, even if it meant destroying their home in HOPES to close the Rift, too.

The scary thing to understand from Alfor’s reckless decision to obliterate the planet? He could not have anticipated Zarkon’s recovery and powerful, vengeful strength once hearing Daibazaal had been destroyed. His home, the one he was unable to protect, the people he was unable to help, the wife who became someone else entirely, all resulted from his time being “dead.” I also find it personally disturbing that, whether or not Zarkon knew there were Galra ON Altea and other planets, he still only focused on ending Alfor’s life, despite the oncoming casualties from his own people.

Here is something many overlook. Zarkon does not blame all of Altea as a race for the destruction of Daibazaal. He solely blames King Alfor. His race was not mentioned at all, therefore he lashed out at someone he thought was his friend.

But why is it important to know all this? Ever heard of the famous saying “those who do not learn from history tend to repeat it?”

Who else was unable to rule due to being otherwise incapacitated for a long time? Who else woke to the knowledge that their home was gone? And who else immediately sought out to kill the person that purposely destroyed everything they knew?

That’s right. Allura. She has more of the same history as Zarkon which is why I truly understand she would be a ruthless ruler who would enslave planets like the Empress mentioned in the Altean AU.

Yes, in the canon AU, part of her righteous goal was to free planets from Zarkon’s hold, end the war, but you can not convince me that Alfor’s death, Altea’s death, her culture’s death, did not partake in her decision to take him down. In the very first episode of Voltron, Zarkon states “I shall wipe that foul race from the universe…” and, yes, this is a very racist claim. But you may be asking, why does he say this? Is it because he had years to cultivate the prejudice that Alfor, someone he considered his friend, turned on him? I believe that Zarkon’s degrading mind slowly began hating not just him, but Alteans as well, even if he already reaped his revenge on billions of innocent lives.

The same thought process happens with Allura as Voltron slowly saves worlds. Perhaps initially, when she awakens, she understands that Zarkon is the cause of this war. But over time, while freeing other planets under the hold of Galra bases and fighting Galra face to face, she began associating all of them to be a “blood thirsty, murderous race.” This is a terrible, terrible path to go down and, oh, if only there was SOMEONE she looked up to that could explain that lumping together an entire ethnicity based on prejudice views will only cloud her judgement in every decision she makes.

If only Alfor told Allura that Zarkon was his friend first and foremost. I am a firm believer that the best friendships form from common interest, not common race, and DW showed this clearly with the first paladins of Voltron. It is too bad they did not keep to it throughout the entire show.

Let’s examine Allura’s first encounter with the Galra outside of the Empire: Ulaz. Shiro vouched for Ulaz, claimed over and over again that this “evil” Galra helped him escape from Zarkon’s clutches. Ultimately, I believe that without Ulaz’s help, Voltron would not have been found and the storyline of the entire show would not have progressed. What is the first thing Allura says to Shiro once he mentions that Ulaz is a Galra?

“You know you cannot trust them.”

Allura takes on a very close-minded view of him, despite the fact that he has not done anything to HER directly. She says that the Galra can not be trusted more than twice during this episode and obviously does not hide the fact she intensely hates them at first glance, no matter who helped or aided her friends in the war. More often than not, she openly states her own opinions before thinking twice about her words.

Remember their conversation?

Allura: I will not have some quiznak-ing Galra soldier on the bridge of my ship!

Ulaz: If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.

Allura: Are your Galra threats supposed to win my trust?

Ulaz: I��m not trying to win your trust. I’m trying to win a war.

And yet, we clearly see her prejudice misconception already clouding her judgement, making her spit out venom to a man who saved Shiro’s life. Who saved the BLACK PALADIN’S life. Allura is so adamant about protecting the universe and the paladins that she purposely avoided telling them the small bit of history she knows about her father and Zarkon. She claims that “I wanted to protect you from the dark history of the paladins so that you would have a chance to bond with your lions on your own.”

I do not know about you guys, but knowing all the history of war is vitally important so miscommunications do not lead to irreversible decisions. The Princess hiding this information, as well placed as her heart is, means trouble when her misguided views of the Galra once again rear its ugly head. When news that Zarkon’s robobeast is headed to their location in the crystal clusters, who does she immediately accuse?

Ulaz. And again, “I knew he cannot be trusted!”

And once more, when Ulaz “fled.”

“I knew we should never trust a Galra!”

My biggest issue here is that she changed from “I cannot trust the Galra” to “WE cannot trust the Galra.” She is unconsciously imposing her views on the other Paladins. Right after Ulaz sacrificed himself, I half-expected the Princess to apologize to Shiro for doubting him. Yet, it was Keith who apologized to him after recognizing that Ulaz, despite being a Galra, rescued them from destruction.

What does Allura say when Shiro is grieving over Ulaz and the question of how Zarkon tracked them floats in the air?

Keith: Do you really think Zarkon is tracking us?

Allura: We cannot know for sure. Only Ulaz knew our whereabouts.

Shiro: You don’t really think Ulaz gave us up? After he sacrificed himself?

Keith: Yeah! Maybe Zarkon found out about this place on his own. He’s probably been searching for the Blade of Marmora.”

Allura: It’s clear the loss of Ulaz has caused you great concern, but, regardless of how Zarkon located us, we cannot stay here any longer. It isn’t safe.”

This scene rubbed me the wrong way completely. Not only does Allura brush off Ulaz’s sacrifice and Shiro’s grief like a flippant “Oh, he was just another Galra,” she does little to nothing to honor him because of how strongly she clings to her views that “I should never trust the Galra.” She refuses to see that it is not just the universe that are suffering under Zarkon’s rule, but the Galra who are actively fighting AGAINST him as well.

At this stage, she can’t differentiate that there are good and bad Galras, and keeps to holding them in the “never trust” side like it is their responsibility to make her trust them in the first place. It is very disgusting to view an entire race as “I don’t trust you, so good luck changing that!” because of ONE Galra’s actions that directly affected her. Is she right to be angry at Zarkon? Yes. The rest of the Galra? No.

She lacks the empathy for the Galra race as a whole and on the individual scale.

This leads to her first magical self-growth dealing with Keith, which you can read all about at @legendofcarl’s meta here. So, yes, she changed for the better, learned her mistakes and admitted she was wrong. I will be honest, her entire attitude towards Keith during his own personal self-discovery was probably the most off-putting aspects about her character. Friends are supposed to support you in times of difficulties, but here she does not hide nor try to reason at first that her actions towards Keith are very improper and rude.

Which is odd coming from a person who claims diplomacy first, but only to races she does not discriminate against.

I was glad she “saw the light” with Keith, but then, disappointed once more when she reluctantly accepted the Blade of Marmora’s help in fighting Zarkon. She jeopardizes the mission and throws in their face that it is THEIR fault for holding back. Allura does not understand the struggles BoM went through over 10,000 years of war and, perhaps, people may see her me-first command not racist at all.

Kolivan: We need to abort the mission immediately.Allura: Abort? No! We cannot back away now.Kolivan: The Blade of Marmora does not take chances.It’s how we’ve survived for so long. Allura: It’s held you back. Your caution is the reason Zarkon is still in power.Kolivan: We would rather wait than jeopardize everything.

Allura clearly did not think things through at all when arguing with Kolivan, nor did she watch was she was saying. Not only was she disrespectful, but she also decided on her own how to handle plans that the BoM carefully laid out. Speaking over Kolivan like this and undermining his work was completely unnecessary on Allura’s part. Does his race have anything to do with it? I would think, yes, because if Kolivan was any other leader of any other race, she would not have rudely stepped into his leadership role. She is not being diplomatic here, she is being controlling.

Lastly, let us examine the final “battle” Allura faces with racism. Yours truly, Lotor.

It is already established that Allura views Alteans in a more pure light, “can do no harm” despite her father’s ONE fuck-up that cost many lives. Not just Altean lives, but Galra and every other race in the universe. And yet, when she discovers that it was an Altean working with Zarkon, she never once looked back and thought, “Huh, that’s troubling. I should probably look into that since I thought I was the LAST living Altean in the universe.”

Even in “Hole in the Sky,” the alternate universe where Empress Allura stops the Galra Uprising, she does not once think that it was problematic to bestow “justice” on the Galra. The show does a good job of leaving details out in the open and many are wondering if the Galra race in this alternate reality are eradicated from history or enslaved. Though, I am more inclined to believe that Empress Allura enslaved the Galra from the uprising rather than kill them.

Why did I come to this conclusion? The hoktril. Throughout the entire episode, it was clear to the audience that a race’s freewill was forcefully being taken from them. Of course, Princess Allura does not immediately see it that way. She first sees that Alteans are alive and flourishing. She first recognizes them before understanding that these Alteans have enslaved their universe. The storyline basically paints Empress Allura as Emperor Zarkon, or rather, what WOULD have happened if Allura had succeeded in taking down Zarkon.

Even Keith tried to reason with her, yet Allura kept her focus on the fact that Alteans were The Best.

Keith: Maybe you should think about this, Allura. It wasn’t that long ago that we thought all Galra were bad. Maybe things aren’t as black and white as she’s making them out to be.Allura: Keith, these are my people, and they may be the strongest allies we have in this war.

One thing I would like to point out is that both Emperor Zarkon and Empress Allura took their hate out on race as a whole, not just against the ones who did them wrong. Both were deluded with their own views of conquering the universe. Empress Allura through spreading “peace” and Emperor Zarkon through endless war. Both took on this view because of a great loss they were forced to endure.

When it comes to a certain Prince, Allura’s “Alteans first” mentality really rears its hideousness once again. At first meet, she blatantly groups me with the Galra by stating I was the “leader of the most bloodthirsty race of murderers this universe has ever known.” I will always bring this back because, after knowing her own Altean race in the alternate reality were not good by her standards, she still sees that their progress had “the best intentions in mind.” Yet, with myself and the Galra, she does not give us the same benefit of doubt at all.

It takes patricide for Allura to even see me as different. It takes the knowledge that my mother was Altean, therefore making me half-Altean, for Allura to trust me a bit more. It takes me crossing the universe, giving her magical powers that I have been searching and studying for centuries, just to have Allura’s smidgen of approval. And, sad to say, it was not even an approval for my Galra side! It was an approval that I was less of a “bad” Galra and more of a “good” Altean!

Do I really need to point out how wrong it is to think of anyone in such a way?

She fell in love with her own ideals of Alteans and pretty much viewed only that side of myself, despite the fact that I am a mix of two races. Allura clung to my “good” side, regardless of clear evidence showing that not all Alteans are righteous and not all Galra are war-mongers. I doubt she really understood my struggles over the span of 10,000 years and that I am not just the child raised in war. I mean living as a half-Altean, half-Galra child coming to terms about myself and the stereotypes of both ethnicities.

I may have accepted my heritage, but Allura did not. That already points to red flags.

The bigger issue with this is that, when shit hit the fan, Allura listened to an Altean over myself. This entire scene reminded me again of Hira and the Altean AU where she listened to her people first and foremost. Does she not view me as someone who is also part of “her” people? Why? Because I am of mixed races? Because I am not a full Altean like Romelle? Because I do not look Altean? It seems like when “full-blooded” Alteans are presented before Allura, she completely throws out all of her morals for the sake of “her” people.

Yet, in the face of Galra, all that prejudice and stereotypes come rushing back. When Zarkon destroyed her home world, she blames the entire Galra race. When Hira, ONE Altean, said Allura was no Empress, she specifically said “You’re no Altean.” Yet, when Romelle, a stranger, an Altean from her reality, appears and accuses myself, the half-Atlean man she supposedly harbors feelings for, of murder? Again, Allura shows she can not differentiate between race and individuals.

Then she purposely used her hatred for the Galra and for Zarkon to insult me directly. It is no wonder I immediately reacted and compared her to King Alfor, the man who failed to protect his own people. I hurt her where she hurt me the most and, no, I was not thinking about “Allura is Altean, so is King Alfor. This is a perfect jab at her!” If I hold any contempt to Alteans and the Galra, it is not at the same racist level as Allura.

Both of us grew up in different environments, but I am less racist than Allura. Being ostracized from the Galra is not the same as Allura hating the Galra as a whole because of Zarkon’s will. Zarkon did not specifically say “Hey, loyal subjects, once you see Allura, just spit on her. Hate on her as much as you can. Make her life of 10,000 years totally awful.”

Facing such prejudice from the Galra is one reason which, I believe, is why I open up to Allura. Unbeknownst to her, I already met and spoke with Alteans from the colony and somewhat felt accepted by them. Maybe I even saw that there were good Alteans in the universe, aside from the only other Altean I grew up with: my mother who neglected me from birth. Perhaps I thought Allura would be just as kind and understanding like those from the Colony.

Nope. Allura proved to me that there are bad Alteans in the existence, not just Haggerva.

But let us analyze the friendship between Alfor and Zarkon, since DW enjoys comparing them to Allura and I respectively in the show far too often. Both are kings of their planet, respected by their culture, and care deeply for the safety of their people. Both kings used the power of the comet for their own need and, initially, both were careless with the miraculous capabilities of quintessence. Yes, one can argue that Honerva was the one who pushed Zarkon towards the tipping point, but it was Alfor who started it all and Alfor who turned his back on them when his leader needed them the most.  

This is not to say it is completely his fault. The main point to take from this is that King Alfor nor Emperor Zarkon saw each other by their race. They saw each other as allies with the same goal in mind. If only Allura and I could have worked the same way, moreso on Allura’s part since her racist views started the moment she woke up from her 10,000 years of slumber.

From all of this, I can wholeheartedly conclude that I am more like King Alfor and Allura is more like Emperor Zarkon. I do mean that in a literal sense, too. Take it like this: I helped empower her with magic that will aid her in the long run, we both worked closely to learn about quintessence, both sought to defend the universe in some way, yet when plans went awry and I tried to reason with her, she used her power to take control of the situation.

However, whereas Alfor saved Zarkon while he was in the Rift, despite his second betrayal to the team, Allura and the Paladins abandoned me to my fate over one accusation that had no grounds of proof or evidence. I suppose we were never really allies or friends if trust could so easily be broken like this, regardless of what the show made the audience believe. I truly wish DW was more inclined to start off the alliance between the Paladins and I with friendship. Friendship with all of them, not just romance with Allura, because it only enforced terrible tropes when a major plot movement was involved. Even worse that they involved racial discrimination between Allura and I.

TLDR; Allura is racist and has actually degraded as a character thanks to DW’s lack of insight.