#what came afterwards every time and that's why. i'm Not insane i'm just remembering shit again' n

[sapsolais]

-

[thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask]

So, some shit happened a Friday where pretty much, in short terms, like, two of my friend pretty much told me every problem they had with me and my friend group.

It kinds got me pissed off, and what got me mad is when they called me a liar.

So, three years ago is a complete blur. It was a very Traumatic time in my life because I was in inconsistent consistent contact with my abuser and just my mental health was just ass. My mind pretty much blocked out that entire school year except for theater, and even that's a blur.

So apparently, I remembered something wrong, and when shit came up abt it, I talked about how I remembered it. And when I said that year was a blur, one of my friends asked why I would forget something so important. Cuz my brain blocked it out, but anyways.

What really pissed me off is the fact that I'm not seeing one of them til the end of summer, and that day was her last day. It's the fact that they did it on her last day. It's the fact that she chose to end on that note with me.

And when it came to my friends, they mentioned how my crush, who's a close friend of mine, was walking all over me and lacked respect for me. It made me mad because they don't see our complete dynamic fr.

And afterwards, they act like nothing happened.

Nah, fuck that shit.

I'm a bad person with bad thoughts and some may consider insane ideals and morals, so I have to put on some kind of mask just so people don't see me for how I truly am, and so I don't fucking get carried away and lose myself and fall back down into a spiral. But, that single interact is causing causing cracks. I'm terrified on the fact I'm gonna lose everything just because of some bullshit. I hate it when my groups mixed, so I keep y'all separate. Sorry if you feel left out, but that's just how I am. This why I hate having a lot of friends, someone is always upset! Not everyone can be happy, I'm sorry. But I don't know what you want me to do. It's a pre-etablished groul you're entering on and I don't know what you want me to do. I have separate friends for a reason, and you just don't fit and I'm sorry for that. Would I be upset if I were you? Yes, I've been in your spot before. But, that's why I always leave and either be on my own and go to my own group. Not everyone can be included, including me, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't know what you want me to do.

You tell me every problem you have with one of my friends, I'm sorry that happened and I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't know what you want me to do or say to him. He ain't gonna listen to me

I know I defend my friends for some crazy shit, but you don't know what they symbolize for me. Am I wrong for that? Most likely, yeah.

I'm actually tweaking out, I'm sorry. But cracks are starting form and I feel like I'm going crazy. And don't just ask me if I'm OK since I'm being quiet after y'all just said everything wrong with me. You chose to end on that note with me.

I'm a immortal, jealous, apathetic, two faced lunatic who lacks a single sense of self or self worth. You know this.

[aleksa-sims]

Hi!

First off, I LOVE your story. You’re so strong and every obstacle you over came made you into the beautiful person you are.

Second, I have a question, you don’t have to answer .. but does writing about your life eve trigger old emotions or make you sad during the harder times? I just always wonder how a writer feels when they’re writing their stories esp. when it’s a personal one.

I adore you. 🤍

Hey, friend! 🤗

Thank you sm! This is so sweet! 🤧 💜💜💜 and I apologize for my "long" absence. This week school started and well, was a bit hectic and stressful.

And of course, I’ll answer your question. You can ask me anything!

To your question. When I started with that Simself thing (2 or 3 years ago), I didn’t think anything serious about it. It was just some kind of... gameplay fun?

I remember having Sandra’s Simself in my library. Seeing her Simself made me so sad. I came up with the idea to tell her/our story. By now, most of you few, who still follow my story after all this time, know, that Sandra is no longer with us. 😞 Sandra was a part of my life. We were together all the time. But somehow I couldn’t understand certain things Sandra did or experienced. I'm simply not her! But I will tell what happend to S.! Soon. I just have to.

And the more I started to tell about myself, my family & Sandra, the more... complex it became. And I remember how unpopular Nico was at the beginning.🤭 A nice person here, was even worried about me and my little son. 😬 She knew I was still with him. But I wasn't offended or upset. I understand, some topics are serious and I certainly have often expressed myself incorrectly. My English was totally shitty, bad & embarrassing. 😶‍🌫️🤦‍♀️

Over time, however, I decided to write about my addiction. This was hard! I was ashamed and totally nervous when I first posted it. But I got a very nice message from another Simblr here. She had the same issue and we even become friends. But unfortunately, she is no longer active here on Tumblr. Idk what happend to her? ☹️ Maybe some of you know who I mean?...

Back to the topic: As for my addiction, I noticed that I can write about it without getting/having this ....craving for that drug. I totally forgot after almost 7 years, how it even feels to be high. And do not intend to do this shit ever again!

As for my feelings and emotions, yea, I cried when I told certain things. It made me sad, but I knew the future and this fact made it possible for me, to continue. That I could write about Nico's & my break-up, I only succeeded, because I knew this wasn't our end. He was right next to me, in the room next door, while I was writing about it.

As for Daniel, the whole thing looks totally different. When I started to write about this... triangle thing between Philip, Nico and me, I didn’t want to tell/write about Daniel a little later in the future. I was afraid I’d be considered crazy. I mean, this is insane and also embarrassing, what I have experienced and done with those 3 men. I thought when I started telling you about Daniel and that I even got married to him, nobody would take me seriously anymore. How can I fall in love with 3 different men, in just one damn year? You know? But when I played with Daniel’s Simself, I realized I couldn’t do this to him! 😭 I felt so bad, that I decided to just tell the truth. Even if people don’t take me seriously afterwards or think I’m a lunatic, hidding the truth or changing reality, is just weak and cowardly. Also why I wasn't sure, if I should tell about Daniel is, I was afraid of the feelings I still had for him. I knew, once I remember Daniel and the time with him... my life, my reality, will become complicated. But it was too late anyway. Daniel was already in my mind and heart, before I mentioned him here. And actually last year, I went through a very though time. I was depressed. It was hard for me to write about my life. I just didn’t see any hope. Mainly, because of my illness. My leukemia levels have worsened. As it looked, I had to take a new drug which has very serious side effects. So I got panic attacks again and was afraid to leave our home. The only task I could do alone was to pick up my son from kindergarten. I couldn’t do anything outside our four walls by myself without help, without Nico or someone else by my side. I was just scared...

I decided to continue my story. I thought, if I can do that, I can continue IRL too! The chapter Daniel went on forever. 🥵😔I noticed that I can’t let go of Daniel, neither in Sims nor in my reality. I just wanted to move on and finally close Daniel's & my chapter. But it was hard. IRL I started to withdraw. I didn’t let anyone get to me. All the feelings and emotions that have been triggered by writing my story have made something clear to me. I had to see Daniel! And I swear, seeing him and having him with me, helped me get out of my depression. The darkness that surrounded me faded, thanks to him. ❤️

So yes, writing about my life definitely brought up emotions in me and also opened up old wounds. But some wounds that I thought would never heal, are gone. Just because I told and wrote about it, I was able to reflect on some experiences and conclude with them. Especially my relationship with Nico has become more stable.❤️

Anyway, telling my story taught me one thing! After every difficult, hard life phase, follows a good one. Last year was hell, but I managed to take care of myself and my health. And I also got good news about my illness last month. My leukemia levels stabilized and I didn’t have to change my medication. Even if everything seems hopeless, small miracles can happen. And so that these little miracles don’t fall into oblivion, I write about them. Certainly not perfect and flawless. I am still learning. And I lost a lot of time last year, because I wrote and posted so irregularly, but I hope that I will get better in the future and my posts will be shorter again. 😬

Thank you sm for this ask. You also inspired me to improve my storytelling skills, reading your stories helped me a lot and I love Delilah. I’m always excited when I click on your posts to catch up on Deli’s life.💜🤗

[justheretoreadfanfictions12]

The Love You Want - Part 6

Sleep Token Fanfiction - Hiding

I wake up from blinding sunlight, my head hurts, my throat feels dry, I'm hungover as hell. I close my eyes again listening to the calm breathing besides me. Wait, who is laying next to me? I turn my head. There he lays, covered in my sheets, only wearing his boxers, Jax is sleeping peacefully like he has no worries in life. I spend quite a few minutes just looking at him. Admiring his beauty. Watching his chest move slowly. I feel so close to him but yet so far away. I try to get up without waking him, he still slummers like a baby. I take a shower & get ready for the day, trying to cover up the dark circles around my eyes. I fail at it. I look like I haven't slept all night. Have I slept? I suddenly remember it all. Singing karaoke. Jax making love to me on a bench. Heading back to the club acting like nothing happened. Partying for hours. Getting back to the hotel. Jax heading to his room but knocking on my door 5 minutes later. Showering together. Him holding me in his arms, stroking my hair, kissing my forehead. Just as I get out of the shower to get dressed I hear another knock on my door. "Give me 2 minutes I'm getting dressed" I shout. I quickly grab a pair of black jeans & can't find any shirt, so I ick up Jax's button up shirt & throw it on. Stupid me. I open the door, Dan grins at me. "Seems like you have been up for quite some time yesterday night. I heard "voices" from your room & you are wearing a man's shirt" he says. Shit, his room is next to mine, how could we have been so careless? I blush. He says: "Is the dude still here? I won't tell Ryle, I promise. He might get a little jealous. But more importantly - have you heard from Jax? He normally never sleeps in, he has terrible insomnia & hardly sleeps for like 5 hours every night. He isn't answering his door". Shit. I need to make up a few excuses. I grab my key & leave the room. Jax is still asleep, I feel like nothing could wake him up at this point. Dan said he has insomnia & can't sleep properly but there he is, slumbering, completely unbothered by anything happening around him.

I turn to Dan after closing the door. "We will never talk about this ever again, you hear me? You never heard a man in my room. I never wore a man's shirt. This didn't happen. Please." I beg. He smirks, visibly amused by my embarrassment. He looks me up & down, suddenly his eyes widen. "This shirt, I have seen it before. Iris, who is the man in your room?" he asks. I feel my stomach turn, no, I won't let this happen. "I have no idea what you are talking about, it's a black shirt & the man in my room is a stranger I met at the hotel bar when I went down to grab a snack cause I was hungry when we came home." I say, praying that we will buy it. He looks at me, then starts laughing. "For a second I thought you were sleeping with Jax. That would be insane, it's pretty much impossible." he says. "Why is that impossible?" I ask, immediately regretting my question, I need to shift the conversation away from Jax, not talk about him even more. He shakes his head. "Man, Jax is a special type of human, he just doesn't seem to be interested in women. Not that he's gay or something like that. He just really doesn't care about dating or sex. I have watched countless women try. He was genuinely uninterested in them all." he responds. I feel something in my jump. I made the unapproachable man not only sleep with me but stay in my bed afterwards. Then I quickly snap back to reality. "Oh wow, that sounds boring!" I say. "I haven't seen Jax since yesterday evening when we all came back to the hotel. Maybe he's out for a walk or something. The tour seems to be stressing him quite a lot." I say, hoping it sounds realistic & unbothered. "This man will be the death of me one day, he drives me crazy." Dan says. Same, he will be my death too, he drives me even crazies than Dan could ever imagine. "I need to get back into my room & make this man disappear now." I say. Dan laughs again. "Was he this bad? Really?" he asks. Oh, if he would only know how good Jax was. If he would only know what his touch feels like. "Yeah." I say & grab my keys. "Good luck finding Jax, I'm sure he will be back soon." I say & unlock my door. Back in my room I sigh, banging my head against a wall, hoping it would bring my stupid mind back to reality, not getting myself stuck in situations like this ever again. I hear a soft chuckle, then Jax says in his even deeper morning voice: "Good morning my love, I have no idea what you are doing but you look cute wearing my shirt". I look at him angrily. "Dan was just here questioning what I was doing last night, almost recognized your shirt on me & asking me where you are cause he can't find you." I say. Jax laughs even more. I haven't seen him laugh this much in the span of a few minutes ever before. "I guess you lied your way out of that situation & saved our asses from getting caught, right?" he asks. I nod. "It was HARD. Very hard. I'm not even fully awake yet & now we need to get you ut of here without anyone noticing," I say. He gives me a sing to get into bed with him. I sit down next to him, he grabs my hand & says: "I haven't slept this deeply in a while now. I guess whenever I can't sleep I'll have to visit you in your room". I can't believe this man who normally is the most serious person on earth is joking about this. "Leo, this was close. Dave almost realized you were the man in my room. We need to be more careful." I say. He just shrugs his shoulders. "You're right, I know, I just loved every second of last night & I want to do this over & over again." he says. We somehow manage to get him out of my room & into his room to get ready for breakfast.

At the breakfast table Dan smirks at me every time our eyes meet, he's such a child sometimes. When Ryle gets up to grab more coffee, Dan quickly says: "Iris had a man in her room last night, I heard them. Don't tell Ryle though". What an idiot. Alex looks at me surprised, then bursts out a loud laugh. Jax just smiles, he looks satisfied. "Well, I hope he gave you a good time." Jax says. I blush. I can't even look at him. Alex keeps pushing me too. "Tell us more!! How was he?" he asks. I sigh, rolling my eyes at Dan for exposing me. "He was great, truly great. Good guy. Very handsome. Knows how to use his package properly. And he's biiig, like really big. Huge would be a better description. He tastes really good as well." I say. Jax chokes on his coffee. I quickly glance at him & can't believe what I'm seeing. He is blushing. His face turns red. Alex starts laughing like crazy. Dan just nods & says: "Great, I'm happy for you. At least one of us had an exciting night". If he only knew..

We spend the day getting to the concert hall, checking everything out, setting up the stage & doing sound checks. The boys play a few songs. After there are done we all head backstage where Ryle pulls me aside. "Iris, I need to talk to you real quick." he says. Oh shit, I almost forgot that not only one band member wants to fuck me, but two. I smile at him. "What's up?" I ask. He looks nervous. Then he asks: "I just wanted to invite you for a nice dinner, just you & me. Maybe tonight?". I'm not prepared for this. I look for Jax's eyes, when mine meet them I give him a sign to help me. He quickly walks towards us. "Iris, I need you for a second. Work stuff." he says. "Of course." I answer, relieved that he is saving me. I quickly say to Ryle: "Let's talk about this later!" & follow Jax. "He wants to take me out. For a date. A real date. What should I do?" I ask Jax. He looks at me with a totally new expression on his face. It's a mix of anger, jealousy & worry. "I can't bare the thought of anyone else touching you. You belong to me. I belong to you. Your touch is holy. You cure me. I cannot watch another man try to receive the same as you give me". he says calmly. His words are so angry, yet his voice is so soft. I throw my body against his, kissing him passionately. As soon as his lips are on mine, there is no holding back. Jax quickly locks the door of the small office we are in. He picks me up & carries me to the desk. He pulls up the dress I have thrown on before we left the hotel, pushing my panties aside, but he doesn't touch me, he starts kissing my neck, my chest, then he dips his head between my thighs, planting soft kisses on my inner thighs, biting my skin, then finally giving me what I long for. He starts softly licking his tongue over my most sensitive spot. He nibbles, sucks, bites, making me lose every ounce of control over my body. He whispers: "You taste so good, I want to stay between your legs forever. But you need to be quiet for me. Shut that pretty little mouth". I nod, trying to not make a sound. It's hard to not scream his name, so I whisper it. "Jax, you are killing me, this feels so good!". Just as I'm close to cumming he stops. The next second his body is pressed on top of mine, he breathes heavily, filling me out completely. He moves slowly, very slowly. His hands are around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His lips are on mine. He pulls them away, which feels like he has taken my biggest treasure away from me. Then he looks into my eyes while still fucking me slowly & says: "I was made for you. I was born to be by your side. I was crafted to be buried deep inside of you. You finally gave me the piece that was missing form my purpose." then he crashes his lips back onto mine. Tears roll down my cheeks as he makes me cum. The mix of his beautiful words & passionate thrusts is something I have never experienced before. He presses his forehead against mine as he finishes seconds after me. We don't dare to move, never wanting this moment to pass, when we hear a bang on the door.

"Why the hell is this door locked, what are you guys doing?" Dan shouts. Shit, not Dan again. He's already suspicious from what happened this morning, now Jax & me are locked in a room together. Jax sighs, visibly annoyed by the interruption. He pulls himself away from me, leaving me feel empty. Quickly pulling his pants up, giving me a quick kiss on my lips & whispering "Fix your hair real quick, you look like you just got laid". Then he opens the door. I sit on the chair in front of the desk, the room is a mess, stuff that had been on the table are spread across the room, pens rolling around, papers on the floor, this situation isn't good. Dan comes in, looks Jax up & down, then he says: "I don't know what you guys are doing but please be careful. Don't get distracted, Jax. We need you. By the way there's lipstick all over your chest & neck, don't try to trick me. You were the guy in Iris' room last night, am I right? Are you stupid enough to risk what we all have for sex? Really, Jax? Nothing against you, Iris, but this man is incapable of loving, he said it himself. He never experienced love. You guys could go around fucking literally everyone, why choose your work colleagues?" Suddenly Jax clenches his fists. I have never seen this look on his face. Pure anger. He steps towards Dan, grabbing him by his shirt, pulling him closer to his face. "Don't you dare say I could just fuck anyone. You know I can't. You know I'm risking my reputation, my music, my whole life by doing this. I never felt the need to get close to a woman before I laid my eyes on her. She brought me back to life. The first time I heard her voice, I questioned everything I ever thought about love. The first time I touched her, I spent the night praying for forgiveness, but I couldn't stop. I tried, Dan, you know I did. You know I have sold my body & mind to my music. To our brotherhood. You guys know how much you mean to me, you are my life. But she is what I was made for apart from music, she makes the blood in my veins feel warm again. I was literally frozen until she warmed me up." he says. Tears falling from his eyes. His body shakes as Dan pulls him in for a hug. They just stand there hugging each other for minutes, not saying a single word. Then Jax steps back, wiping his face, planting a kiss on Dan's forehead. "I love you my brother" he says. Dan wipes his face too, both are crying. "I love you too, more than anything." he says. Then he looks at me, simply nodding & saying: "His love is my love, Iris. Welcome to the family." then he turns around, wanting to leave. He looks back at Jax & says: "I never saw anything, my mouth is shut until you choose to speak for yourself." then he walks away.

[akumaalert]

not a request just sharing bc i couldn't stop thinking of just "what if lucky called heis good boy" like how he calls her good girl sometimes but like.. i'm pretty sure he would break

This was supposed to be a mini-fic....but...uh....it'll likely be the first chapter of "Divergence" instead LMAO But hope you enjoy!

Good Boy

Karl Heisenberg x Reader, Explicit

CW: Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, Voyeurism, Happy Ending, Virgin!Karl Heisenberg

An AU happening during chapter 19 of "Heavy Metal Lover" but can be read without reading the main story.

"Unfh..."

That had been the first noise from Lucky besides the scratch of a pencil against paper that he had heard in about an hour.

Stuck in his office with her as he searched for a misplaced - not lost, just misplaced! - core schematic, Heisenberg tried to ignore the nagging thought of how domestic the space had become. Lucky never moved his things - something he was infinitely grateful for. He could recall too well his ever boiling frustration at having his room "cleaned" when living in the castle. The maids were well-meaning, but always adjusting. The room he had held would have felt more his own had he been able to move his own furniture around without the chambermaids fawning over him.

"No, no, young Lord Heisenberg! This is all wrong...off you go...go play...we will fix this mess."

Now on his own and in his element of chaos, he felt comforted, even if secretly so, that Lucky never seemed to complain.

Comforted...but cautious.

The day at the stronghold seemed stamped into his memory...right in the front for all to see. It remained a wonder Lucky didn't see it on his face.

The knowledge.

The horrible, horrible knowledge.

Love.

Staring at an old newspaper clip-out that he had saved with a picture of a modern car on its faded pages, he absently pushed the glasses back up his nose.

It tired him - the constant need to flip back and forth between acknowledging his feelings and thrusting them as far down as he could manage. Drowning them out with that beautiful sound of cinching machinery. Allowing them to seep into him with every laugh from her lips.

Heisenberg was starting to fall in love with the woman. The woman he had failed to kill - the lucky one to survive his maze. The woman his mother expected him to impregnate in order for Miranda's mad vessel to be born and to be killed all in the name of misery.

Misery otherwise known as Eva.

Slowly but certainly, Lucky was driving him insane. Reminding him of things he could never, ever have. Teasing him over and over for days on end.

Heisenberg remembered all too well his reason for entering the office. He had nearly sliced his own arm clean off his shoulder when he lost himself to his situation. To the possibility that, despite his body being so ill-suited for the task, Lucky could have his child. Would want his child. His thoughts, as they so often did, snapped back to the need for freedom - for the need for the arms to come loose from his latest corpse to transform them into one of his many soldiers.

But the more he thought of freedom, the more she sat in the background of his mind.

The more she sat there, the more his tired musings began to stitch together.

The more freedom and Lucky - the two dreams of his world - became intertwined.

He had been thinking of her - of Lucky - beside him the day that he won freedom from the village.

Won freedom...and her.

"You did it, Heis! You did it!"

Lucky would never know how dear it was to him...the fact that her emotions ran so freely with her very being. Beaming. She would do nothing less than beam at him. Her eyes would glow and crinkle at their tails as they did when she gave him her most genuine smiles.

"You did it. You're free. Our...our family is free."

"...family?"

She would grab his hand. Just one. He needed the other steady on her cheek.

Lucky would bring that hand clasped in her own to her belly.

"Our family..."

"Our...another...another Heisenberg?"

In his dreams, she shyly escaped his gaze to nod.

"You...you haven't been alone. Not with me. Not with the start of our family. But now...now, Heis..." Her eyes popped back up all soft and sincere. "Now you'll never be alone again. Not with our baby Heisenberg on the way..."

The only break from his reverie was the slice to one of his favorite stained t-shirts. Only the fact that it was Heisenberg's powers directing the saw had it falling to the floor instead of through his tensed skin.

Heisenberg could only stand in shocked silence. The arm that had been spared from the violence came to grab his shoulder. Though no injury had occurred, he felt stabbed all the same.

Family...and joy?

Lucky...with him?

Another Heisenberg...alive?

A thought washed over him like ice entering his veins.

A boy or a girl...would we have a boy or a girl first?

First.

As if Lucky wished to be objected to more of his perverted and preposterous daydreams.

When he left the room, the metal was still shaking.

"Gotta get that fucking schematic...keep forgetting it...keep going to the office and...fuck...keep talking to her. Gotta stop fucking talking to her. Schematic. Get the fucking schematic."

Lucky had been asleep in bed when he first entered. A rushing relief to his soul. But as the search for the schematic went from flipping through one file to frantically reshuffling the wayward stack the paper should have been in, he knew it was only a matter of time before she would appear.

"Oh...ah!" Lucky yawned all cute and squeaky. "Good morning, Heis."

"Morning," he said flatly. "You...you move any of these lately?"

"No," she said sleepily. "I don't touch those...way above my pay grade. What are you looking for?"

"Core schematic," he grumbled. "Not fucking here...where the hell did I put it?"

Though Lucky made a very pointless questioning noise, she said nothing as she sat down and began her daily transcriptions. Hell, he had been grateful. She showed concern because she was simply a good person beneath all of the trauma and the terror she had reigned on his self-image. But she didn't pry or attempt to enter his space afterward where she would clearly only be in the way.

But that was before her second moan filled the office.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, never looking up from his stack of papers.

A frustrated sigh and a grumble came from the desk chair.

"Think I slept on my neck funny last night," she said. "Doesn't help that my posture is shit. Just making it impossible to find a good angle to work in."

Growing agitated at his fruitless search, Heisenberg whipped around to look at her. "Want some help?"

"Mmn?"

"Want a massage or something?" he offered. "A...ha! You'll find this funny. Supersized one up in the castle? Used to love to make me massage her neck when I was a kid. Fucking manual labor when I was barely old enough to write. Had maids to do it - an assload at that - and forced me to instead."

Raising an eyebrow at him, Lucky frowned. "Was it...did she...did she hurt you? Like...if you didn't do it?"

"Ah nah," he said, taking careful steps over to Lucky. "Told you...when I was a kid, I was off limits. I whine about it now...but...well...I was a kid. Bitch loves kids. So I had to massage her back...but only part of this stupid salon thing we used to do together. It was nothing. Stupid. Just like her."

He did not know what to make of Lucky's face. Tilting her head, she steadied a look on him that could only be called curious.

"It's...it's a good memory? Of Alcina when you were small?"

Heisenberg scoffed.

"It's a memory," he said, standing behind Lucky with a wide stance and an even wider stare at her neck. "Not good or bad...just...there. Now...where's it hurt, kid?"

Raising a hand, Lucky placed her fingers on a section of her neck before swirling her touch.

"Ah...there...like just this one spot, but fanning out..."

"Okay...looks like your C7."

"My what now?"

Chuckling, Heisenberg moved her hand out of the way. "Your C7 vertebrae. Duck your chin down so I can get in here properly."

Doing as she was told, Lucky's head moved forward and Heisenberg placed his gloved hands against her neck. His thumbs encased the pained area and began to move in slow yet sturdy circles.

Lucky immediately began squirming.

"Can you maybe try without the gloves?" she asked. "Those are like...rough or something."

Casting off his gloves quickly, Heisenberg rolled his shoulders before trying again. "Wah, wah, wah...doing you a favor and you're out here complaining. That better, your highness?"

"Yes, actually," she said, relaxing. "And thank you. Asshole."

Puffing air out of his mouth, Heisenberg merely shook his head as he kneaded her skin.

"Mmn!"

Heisenberg tried to hide his stillness by immediately starting to massage her skin again.

But the noise could not be ignored.

"What was that?"

"Your hands...they're so warm. Fuck...feels good."

"Oh..." he said dumbly. Blinking down at her, he turned his head away as he kept his fingers in motion.

The fact that his cock had begun to waken in his pants was not lost on him.

"Are you using your electric powers? Is that why it feels so good?"

"Nah...really shouldn't do that on the living above the waist."

Above the waist...but below the waist...

"Ah," he continued, running his teeth over the scar on his lower lip. "Cause of the heart or whatever. Probably your brain too from this angle. Could fry both without meaning to. And I was working...earlier. Probably why they feel hot."

Lucky sighed as he continued to work her neck. His fingers were sweeping but slow. He had started off so intently and so rough. What had happened?

I felt her skin. Felt her beneath me. Felt her neck...for all she knows I could snap it right now and instead of being afraid she's welcoming me...she trusts me...trusts me enough to let me do this...

The next round of his fingers on her neck dipped into skin purposeful in their worship.

Her response was immediate.

"Oh...oh...good boy," she whispered.

To say he was lost for words was like calling water wet.

Though he kept his massage in a rhythmic round, his eyes were wide as they could possibly be behind his glasses. So wide that they hurt.

What the hell did she just do to me?

If he had to go off of physical injury, he would say she punched him in the stomach with all the force of a train running at full speed.

If he had to go off of an attack to his psyche, he would say she wormed her way into some long buried and forgotten wire that sent his entire brain into overdrive.

If he had to go off the erection now straining against his paints, he would say that he was royally fucked.

"You really are so good at this," she said, her voice still breathless. "Good boy...my good boy, Heis."

Heisenberg snatched his hands away as if Lucky were lava.

"Wait! No...what's wrong?" she asked, turning slightly to look at him.

If she looks down...if she sees...

"GOTTA TAKE A SHIT!" he exclaimed suddenly.

Lucky's mouth dropped open as she gaped at him.

Then she nodded with a laugh playing at her lips.

"Yeah. Go. Just come back and finish your massage."

Before he could finish blinking, he found himself storming down the hallway.

Well...intending to storm. His gait was impacted a bit by his dick standing at full mast and his hands hurriedly attempting to unbuckle the straps around his pants.

So FUCKING dumb. A shit? Really? he thought, visibly grimacing. It would have probably been less embarrassing to admit I was about to jack it to her calling me hers.

Hers...her good boy...good...I'm her good boy...hahaha...

What am I? A fucking dog?

...don't answer that.

Rushing into the break room, he considered the couch before catching sight of the bathroom. With a flick of one wrist as his other hand pulled his cock from his underwear and pants, Heisenberg slammed open the bathroom door.

He managed to slide his pants down his legs as he sat on the toilet and closed the door with the weakest of hand movements.

Finally free from judgment, Heisenberg hissed as he fumbled his glasses to the nearby counter and took himself into his hand.

"Good boy...her good boy...fuck...fuck yeah I am, baby..."

A groan and a grunt fell from his lips as he jerked his hand along his shaft.

All too often this act had been nothing but release from tension. An exploration so technical and so tedious as to be boring. But now with Lucky at his side and in his bed - however platonically she slept there - the images that plagued him seemed vibrantly real and tempting in their joyful teasing.

Imaginings - hopes and dreams and fantasies - that he could only cling onto in the moment.

The desk.

He would take her right on that same desk she was taking notes on.

"Oh, Karl," she would say, despite not knowing his first name. "Gonna be my good boy?"

"Yes," he said aloud, eyes closing and mind prickling with sights of her and waves of pleasure.

Lucky would be splayed on his desk - lying on her back and presenting herself to him as if she were a meal to be consumed instead of a darling treasure to worship.

"That's good...only good boys are allowed to fuck me. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes...yes...god fucking damnit. YES." Huffing and hating the tremble in his thighs, Heisenberg bucked into his hand. "Yes...only me...wanna be your good boy. I'll be so good for you. Only you, Mein Schatz..."

A dirty laugh from her lips. The Lucky of his dreams becoming more and more defined as she palmed one breast and teased her clit with the fingers of her other hand.

"Mmm...know what you're saying you know...my treasure...that's so cute...been feeling the same way about you lately...thinking of you...dreaming of you...my good boy want to tell me what else he's been feeling? Mmn? Big boy wanna tell me before you put your cock inside of me?"

Lips loose along with his pleasure, Heisenberg found he could not build his voice to say the words aloud.

So he mouthed them instead. Mouthed them and stuttered in his quest for pleasure as his hand curled about his shaft at the "lah" tipping silently from his tongue.

"Oh, darling..." A smile. She'd smile. Genuine and sweet and sincere and all for him. "I love you too, Karl."

"Mmnnn....ah...fu-UCK!" With a panicked inhale, Heisenberg quickly pinched the head of his cock to prevent his end from coming too soon. "No, no, no...not yet...not yet...please..."

Though the pleasure was unlike anything he had previously experienced and his calves clenched in protest of a release delayed, his oncoming orgasm stalled and began to fade.

"Such a good boy," said Lucky, eyeing him in his fantasy like she would look at a drink of water on a hot day. "That's right. You don't come until I tell you to. Understand?"

A nod of his head.

"Good, good boy. My good boy. Good Karl. Come on...think it's time you got your treat...here...I'll help you..."

With her fingers moving to fully expose the inside of that wet and preciously pink pussy of hers, Lucky looked up at him with a lidded look.

Heisenberg had no experience with another person when it came to handling his physical pleasure. Hell, with any pleasure or positive feeling at all. Except maybe the triumph of victory over others, he had never had the chance to experience happiness - true happiness and trust and faith in another soul.

Until her.

And for her...for her he would indulge and give himself freely...if only locked away inside of his mind.

Inexperience taking a back seat to passion, he pictured himself guiding his cock into her waiting and welcoming body. Maybe he would steady himself with a hand on her hip or simply with a heated stare into her eyes.

He all but strangled his cock to try to mimic a feeling he had never known and had never thought to miss before her.

"Uh-huh," whined Lucky in his dreams. "Oh...you're so big...fill me up just right. So fucking thick..."

"Hah...ah...your good boy big enough for you?"

"Yes...oh yes...yes...so big...such a perfect dick...please...please Karl...Heis...please, baby, please...Heis?"

When he began to rut into his own hand with a purpose, he felt flames like that of standing directly beside the blaring crucible dancing across his cheeks. Though some of his daydream seemed vague and hard to read, he had enough to know that he could not delay the inevitable for much longer. Lucky - the real and actual Lucky - was still waiting for him back in the office. Waiting and none the wiser to his desperate need for her affection. It sickened him - the want for anything and everything to do with her.

Sickened him...and sent electric shocks of white pleasure down his spine.

"So fucking perfect...you're so fucking perfect for me, Lucky...oh..."

"Heis..."

"Huh...ah...already so close...so damn worked up...can't stand it...can't stand you looking like that..."

"Like what?"

Heaving and heatedly squirming where he sat, Heisenberg noticed for the first time that one of his boots jutted up and down on the floor beneath him. As if his entire body refused to be still.

"Most beautiful fucking thing I've ever seen," he bit out. "Please...please, Luck...I know it's soon...but please..."

A tilted head and a gentle grin. A pointer finger that danced around her clit and drew his eyes away only long enough for her to breathe out shallow and short. His eyes snapped back to hers immediately.

"Please what?"

"Please let me come...let me come inside you...wanna...wanna take you...claim you...don't want you with anyone else ever again."

Glinting eyes and lush eyelashes.

"You're gonna be all that to me, Heis? Well...in that case..."

Her lips finding his own. His very first kiss - albeit imaginary. Her lips soft but without taste. His own lips puckering even as they trembled from the need for more.

"In that case," she continued, taunting him in his ear. "Come, Heis. Be a good boy and come for me."

Hindsight would have him chastising himself for not thinking to grab some tissue. In the moment, however, he was too busy panting and watching his cum dot the floor in thick strips. Heisenberg growled...tried to hold on to the image of her with one eye still closed.

Reality settled in on him. Settled in even as his stomach quivered underneath his shirt and his orgasm began to relax into his bones. It was pleasant and his every nerve seemed to stand on edge. Tingles of pleasure radiated from his chest to his feet flat against the floor. Gulping in air, he knew he had never come so hard before in his life. It was good...great even.

But it was not her. It was not enough.

Clean up was a quick and tedious affair. Lucky could not know what he had done in her quarters. The tissues he found too late to wipe his seed from the floor were tossed and flushed away. He checked the room once and then again once his shades were back on his face.

Finishing the belt at the top of his pants, he cleared his throat before exiting.

The television in the break room still hummed though it sat completely dead in the meager light from the ceiling.

Shit...glad she wasn't in here. Never had anyone here to care about when I got down to business...no telling what my powers do with electronics...

The schematic. He had to find that damn schematic.

Trying to level his breathing as he stalked the hallway, Heisenberg considered the day before him. Lucky had not wished to attend a revitalization attempt with him yet. While he didn't intend to push her into seeing something that might scar her again, it might be worthwhile to have her eyes in the room at some point. She hadn't complained about the notes yet. Maybe he should offer? Make it sound like a small deal and let her in when it was near completion? Give her a taste before exposing her to more?

Fucking stupid...it's all so fucking stupid...what happened to me? If she were any assistant, I would just drag her ass there and have her record the whole thing. Fuck me with all this concerned shit.

But she's not just any assistant...

Entering the office, he stilled at the doorway when he saw Lucky facing him from her chair.

"Uh...hey," he said, licking his lips. "Sorry about that. Took...ah...let's just forget it."

"Actually," she began. "I need to be honest with you. Because of what happened before..."

Eyebrows shooting up, he stood in silence before she continued.

"Um...so...I was sitting here...sitting here and trying to rub my neck or whatever..."

"Yes?"

"Well...the radio came on and it freaked me out a little bit..." She paused, her fidgety look dropping to the floor. "But...the more I listened...the more I...recognized your voice."

"My...my voice?"

"Yes."

Heisenberg could not move. He shouldn't be looking at her, but he was afraid if he blinked that the tension would break and she would begin laughing or cursing or, worst of all, apologizing.

"Umm...it...I heard you. And I guess you were...I guess it was real time." A tent of her fingers and a swallow in her throat. "I heard your comment and responded and...I think...I think you could hear me too. Possibly? You seemed to...seemed to be replying to what I said directly."

Shame. Shame for a million years fell on his shoulders that had felt so light before.

"Where?" he managed to say. "Where did you come in? What comment did you respond to?"

How she looked at him, he had no idea. She was far braver than he could ever be. Heisenberg planned to face down Miranda without a single hesitation one day on that glorious battlefield where his freedom could be won.

But now? Faced with Lucky standing and walking toward him with the full weight of her eyes upon him?

He looked away.

"You said...you asked me if my good boy was big enough for me."

The purr in her voice. The sound of her steps growing closer. The burn in his throat.

"After that," she said. "I called your name...I...responded to you and you to me."

"That didn't...I..." He shook his head. "I...umm..."

"Can I hold your hand?"

Head shooting up, Heisenberg caught her heated look. The same heated look she had worn in his dreams.

He nodded. Nodded even though he barely registered it until she took his hand and steps to press herself flush against him.

When she spoke, it was hushed and low.

For him and him only.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom...freshen up. Since we know you can communicate from the radio to the television...I want you to tell me when it's okay to come back here. I'm giving you two options."

Heisenberg hung on her every word and looked at her as if she controlled his every movement.

"The first...you can leave. Can give me enough time to go there...find what you were looking for...then tell me you're off to do whatever. I won't mention this again. We won't mention it."

Silence fell between the two of you. A crackle of the radio to the side of the room.

"And the other option?" he asked, voice nearly breaking.

A shy look. A happy tilt of her lips.

"The other option...you can rest for a bit before I come back here and make whatever fantasy you were having come true."

A mouth drier than dry left his tongue feeling too large. Too large and too needed to swipe across his lips.

"You don't have to answer now-"

"The second one," he said. "Second one. Want that one. Screw the first one."

A bright and happy smile. A smile that crinkled the tail of her eyes and lit up her face.

She was beaming at him. Squeezing his hand before parting from him.

Not for long...not for damn long if he could help it.

"You give me the word then, good boy," she teased, walking out of the room.

Legs nearly buckling and sending him to the ground, Heisenberg took uneasy steps to his office chair before throwing himself on it. His entire body buzzed, though it seemed far less like electricity and far more like promise and hope. Not love on her end...not yet. But a maybe. Potential.

More.

Grinning stupidly and looking at the desk, he made quick work of clearing the area for the fun he planned on having from his daydream to come true.

As soon as he picked up the recorder Lucky used to transcribe his notes, Heisenberg saw it.

That damned schematic.

His last visit to this same room. A note on said schematic stating "DON'T FORGET" in large words. A note he carelessly put there before guiding Lucky to sit down to look at her transcriptions and laugh with her over the sixth stable boy in one week to die of drunken stupidity.

Quietly and contentedly, he opened the desk drawer to stuff the schematic inside.

"Mmn...don't think I'll need you for a while yet actually..." Eyeing the radio on the wall, Heisenberg tossed his glasses to the table and tried to slick and perfect the wiry hair about his head. "Oh, Lucky, honey...room is ready whenever you are...and so is your good boy."

[killian-whump]

(I wanna preface this with a trigger warning for mentions of rape) Hey, I was scrolling through my twitter feed and saw some people being nasty about season 7 (and the cast) but something that stood out to me was the fact that there's a couple of people who are accusing Wish!Hook/Rogers of being a r*pist and accusing him of admitting to it. I'm currently rewatching s7 and was wondering if there was something I missed, either explicitly or implicitly stated 😅

OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Are these people STILL going on about that shit???

I’m going to fucking rant about this for a bit, so hit the jump. Or don’t.

Okay, refresher for Nonny and those who are new to this ShitShow:

A bunch of people decided to opt out of S7, because Emma Swan was no longer going to be on the show. Now, not watching a show after your fave character/actor leaves it is absolutely understandable. There’s nothing wrong with it. However, hate-watching that show, campaigning for it to be cancelled, attacking the actors, writers, show-runners and crew who are continuing to work on that show or join the show after your fave’s departure... That’s all completely shitty (and absolutely batshit CRAZY) behavior. There is NO excuse for it. Ever.

And that segment of batshit crazy assholes is who we’re talking about here.

Now, most of these motherfuckers haven’t even watched S7. They base their crazy-ass opinions on synopses of the episodes, and heresay from their similarly sanity-impaired friends. So most of the time, it’s useless to counter their rantings with facts and canon interpretations. They’ll simply repeat, “Well, my friend Janet said it, and I believe her.” or some other nonsense.

So. With all of that in mind, Episode 2 of Season 7 re-introduced Wish Hook to viewers and revealed that he was Detective Rogers, set up Emma as his “savior” as a respectful nod to the idea of every Hook being “destined” to be saved by Emma Swan, and also established his primary and singular drive as a character - reuniting with his daughter. THOSE were the main points of the episode.

However, the fuckwits I spoke about above decided to focus, not on any of the important aspects of the episode, but on his cockamamie plot to score a True Love’s Kiss from Emma in order to cure his poisoned heart. The plot entailed using magic to de-age himself, returning to Storybrooke with Regina, getting a kiss from Emma to cure said heart, then returning to his own Enchanted Forest to reunite with Alice. It is this last part that the nutters refuse to believe. They prefer to believe that Hook intended to stay in Storybrooke, take over OG Hook’s entire life, and in so doing - engage in sex with Emma under the pretense that he is “her” Killian. And that is where the rape claim comes in.

Now, for those of us who actually watched the show, it’s painfully (and embarrassingly, for those nutters) obvious that Wish Hook would never have stayed in Storybrooke for even a second longer than necessary after curing his heart (or finding that his plot didn’t work). His entire impetus as a character was to reunite with Alice, his daughter. Remaining in Storybrooke, a realm far away from where his daughter even IS, and maintaining the charade of being someone else, someone without said daughter, and bothering to keep up that pretense... doesn’t suit his character’s main goals whatsoever. It’s ludicrous to think he would. It’s literally insane and one has to be awfully dedicated to besmirching the show and the character to even maintain it.

And yet, they do. Their ONE “ace in the hole” is that they managed to get one of the writers (Adam Horowitz, I believe) to answer a question about what Wish Hook intended to do with his plan with an admission that Wish Hook intended to take over Hook’s life. Now, I’m gonna come right out and say it: That answer, regardless of who it came from, also doesn’t fit the narrative of S7 or Wish Hook’s main drives as a character. And I’m also gonna say that sometimes even the people who should know best about a show don’t... and also, sometimes people mis-speak or are trying to emphasize one thing (in this case, how “bad” Hook was going to be to get what he wanted, and how “in need” he was of Emma’s saving him and setting him right) instead of the more important thing (that these fuckers had no interest in Wish Hook’s redemption and only wanted to bait Adam into saying something they could use as “proof” of their claims).

But regardless, it’s the ONE thing they have to “back up” their insanity, and they use the fuck out of it. Mind you, these same people will summarily throw out any and all claims that there wasn’t rape involved or intended there as factually incorrect, regardless of where they come from. Instead, they will simply trot out that ONE well-worn screencap yet again and insist, as always, that they are right and Everyone Else is wrong.

So... Long story short, it’s absolute apeshit, and the people who argue it’s true are so asinine and obsessive that they’re not worth arguing with. You can’t change their minds or make them see sense, because they desperately want to cling to their belief that S7 Is Bad and Wish Hook Is Bad and that they were/are right to boycott, campaign against the show, and attack those who took part in creating it, because it is clearly Bad and does Bad Things. This is also the entire basis of their claims that Wish Hook, Rogers, and S7 itself are “triggering” to them and deeply disturbing. They use this claim to try to essentially erase S7 from existence by complaining whenever the S7 exclusive actors are involved in “Once” events, or whenever S7+ actors refer to S7 events or Wish Hook, himself. Colin has even been directly accused by these assholes of “approving” of rape and being “insensitive” to his fans by wearing clothing he got from Rogers’ wardrobe to conventions. It’s absolutely batshit, toxic, and rude.

I suspect this is all rearing its ugly head yet again because Jen is scheduled to appear at Enchanted 3, and some of these crazies (who are all Jen fans, incidentally) are already trying to get Starfury to not invite anyone who exclusively starred in S7. Which, considering the only other announced star is Tiera Skovbye, I sincerely wish them all the luck in the world with XD But regardless, the SANE fans are all pretty much telling them, “Hey, what? That’s rude? Why are you being a dick?” and I’m assuming the jerks quickly resorted to “but rape is bad!” arguments to derail all the legit complaints about their shitty-ass behavior.

SO! My advice to you, Nonny, and to everyone else... is to mute those assholes and not engage with them in any way, shape or form. Like the comments of those poor fools who try, because their hearts are in the right place, even if their brains are doomed to be scrambled by the illogical reaches they’re about to be subjected to. It’s good to show support for the sensible people in our fandom(s). But I don’t recommend actually engaging with them, yourself. They’re hateful, toxic people... and your entire life will be better off for steering clear of them. Also, there’s only about 10-20 of them in their entirety, so once you weed them out and mute them, it’s like they don’t even exist.

And, hopefully, if they’re ignored by enough people for a long enough time, they’ll move on to something else. I guess that hasn’t happened yet, but here’s hoping it happens eventually. If not for our sake, then for Jen’s. I can’t imagine getting a reputation for having fans who literally harass and stalk her co-stars, employers and even people who simply continue to work on a project after she voluntarily leaves it will actually help her career at all.

Don’t get me wrong here, working with Jen on Once was a huge step up for Colin’s career... but the crazies in her fandom are literally following him into his next projects, naysaying them, criticizing and insulting him, attacking his fans for supporting him and his projects, and insisting that nothing Colin does will ever be as good as the work he did with Jen... and that’s just fucking NUTS. And it’s not limited to Colin. Remember the fervor when Josh Dallas dared to call another actress his “Tv Daughter”? Yeah, that was charming. If this keeps up, it won’t be long before Jen’s earning herself a reputation for being “lovely to work with, but comes with a cloud of toxic fans who will make her co-stars sorry they worked with her for YEARS afterwards.” And, I mean, color me weird if you want to, but I think that’s generally NOT a good plan.