#what an incredibly bonkers thing to encounter in a movie FROM THE 1970s.

[notbecauseofvictories]

I watched the 1973 film The Slipper and the Rose last night, and it was a largely charming, if slightly anemic, adaptation of Cinderella---right up until you get to the song sung by the many servants hanging around the castle. I won't bore you with details, but can be summarized as basically: "We accept our lot in society/ all of us are born into the role we were always intended for/ there are no exceptions/ la dee dah folderol etc."

(The fact that the prince listens to this elaborate number and "fixes" the situation by knighting his man-at-arms, then leaning back in his chair like he has solved monarchy is....well, it's a choice.)

Anyway, this was enough to immediately poison the rest of the movie for me, and the only excuse I could come up with is that prince's man-at-arms has realized that a) his boss is unhinged, and b) will only learn a lesson if there's a literal song-and-dance number involved. Therefore, I think you could fix the whole movie by throwing in some scenes where the man-at-arms figures this out, and convinces the whole palace staff to join him in this insanity.

"Listen, people!'' he could bellow into his makeshift megaphone after the juggling servants drop yet another platter. ''I know this is absurd. I know you all have actual jobs to do. But our noble prince dragged me out to the royal crypt so he could complain about his family and we could literally dance on their tombs. That's who we're dealing with here! If we do not get this choreo right he will never give us health insurance. Do you want that? No? Okay then---and FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT---"

(Afterwards, when the newly promoted man-at-arms gets back to the castle, he finds the entire staff standing in the kitchen. They were waiting for him. They do not look amused.)