#what an absolute goat dat guy

[gluteus-canis-familiaris]

art post . 21

the very first BoB fanart I made a long time ago was of Winnix, but I only got as far as sketching their head shapes then chickened out completely from the sheer emotions lololol

but I have now redeemed myself!!! And I made it during October so I guess (???) it counts towards Inktober/Wartober though I've never had the discipline to participate properly in either of those ever

WHOLLY inspired by the unfairly gorgeous photo of the real Dick Winters that he decided to take once he finally got home to Lancaster, the King Of Rosy Cheeks: Mr. Norman Rockwell, and the What we have heard together series by @jouissants on Ao3 (hope it's ok to tag here! if not, will remedy immediately! and instead of leaving a comment there like a normal person I just have to say that those fics have become my absolute Gold Standard for Winnix, they ruined me, they were everything I didn't know I needed in life, and this art doesn't even do justice to how incredible that entire series is ughhh it left me a blubbering mess and I've just been trying to drag anyone who will listen to read it and join my despair ever since)

my very 2nd attempt at gouache :) enjoyed every second of it but as expected, I'm still happiest with the original sketches and am now regrettably too lazy to add in the details of their patches/pins/ribbons, but since I pictured this as their immediate post-war photos, they really, really deserve to be showing off all their achievements at this point huhuhu

I had the intention of making their uniforms dark green as they are in Ep 10. There was INTENTION at some point. That's all I can say about that...

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Band AU: Hazbin Hotel

Because there's always a band AU.

-666 News Broadcast Theme Plays through the dive bar cafe from the small, flickering TV in the corner-

Katie Killjoy: Breaking News in the Pop industry today! Our sunshine and rainbows, Mandy Moore wannabe, and Princess of Hell, Charlotte Morningstar, has come out with a new music video to help promote a brand new album that appears to have been conjured up seemingly overnight.

Angel: Hey, Vagina! (Elbows Vaggie) Ain't that your girl crush from the open band night down at Husk's Casino two months ago?

Vaggie: (chokes on her coffee) What?! Turn it up, Jackass!

Angel: (steals the remote from across the bartop and turns up the TV)

Tom Trench: And, boy howdy, this makeover is on par with most Disney child stars diving off the deep end!

Katie Killjoy: (spears a pen through Tom's hand) No one gives a shit Tom.

Tom Trench: MY HAND!!!

Katie Killjoy: Spectators and fans of our usually diabetically sweet princess feel that this sudden shift is caused by her breakup with Seviathan Von Eldritch just last month, ending the royal arranged engagement, after he mentioned how she refused to "put out" before marriage in an interview with Hell's High Class Weekly.

Vaggie: (bristles) The douchebag....

Katie Killjoy: Let's watch as our lovely princess makes her breakdown public.

-Screen shifts to Charlie holding a mic in one hand while picking a guitar in another, wearing 2000's Avril Lavigne glam rock attire (hot pink, baggy cargo pants, black leather studded belt, rainbow converse, black leather wrist bands, grey tank top with two black goats faced just the right way so their curved horns make a heart and tied together with a rainbow knot, and a black and red stripped tie) Razzle and Dazzle are playing drums and bass-

Charlie: Don't you know that IIIIIIIII- (flips off the camera and sticks out her tongue while mouthing "Fuck you, Seviathan" as the song reaches its climax) I don't give a daaaaaaaamn about you!!! I won't give it up, not for you!!! I'm not gonna cry about some stupid guy. A guy who thinks he's all that!

Vaggie: Whoa! (Big smiles like when Adam got stabbed) Get it, Charlie!

Katie Killjoy: (as the screen returns to normal) Other songs on the album include "Behind These Crimson Eyes", "The Dick Who Blocked His Own Shot", "Smack a Bitch", "Since U Been Gone", and the gay community's rabid favorite "Dear Vaggie"-

Angel: (sucking down his third popsicle for breakfast) What now?

Vaggie: WHAT?!?!?!?!

Katie Killjoy: -The obviously plagiarized parody of "Cool for the Summer" by Demi Lovato has unsubtle lesbian and bisexual overtones that specifically mentions Vaggie "the Steel Vagina". The lead singer and guitarist of the Power/Grunge Metal band, Fallen Angels

Angel: (wheezes as he laughs breathlessly and falls off his stool)

Vaggie: (steaming) Angel!!! ¡Eres un chupapollas, hijo de puta! Why would you tell the news that was my name?!

Angel: (ugly walrus gasps and giggles) Because it's better than I ever dreamed!!!!

Katie Killjoy: Fans of both artists are absolutely frothing at the mouth to see what Vaggie's response will be.

Tom Trench: Frothing at the mouth and other orifices, if you catch my drift. (Gets a pen slammed into his balls) GaaAhaHaaaaHaha!

Katie Killjoy: More on this story tonight at eleven.

Vaggie:

Angel: Soooooo~ Whatcha wanna doooooo~?

Vaggie: We're going to Tune Town, getting a copy of that album-

Angel: Ooooooooh-hohohoooooh~ I can visit dat nice glory hole they got there.

Vaggie: -THEN!!! We are going back to the apartment and making a response single.

Angel: Do you know what you even want to put in it?

Vaggie: (slipping on her jacket) I'll figure it out after listening to the album!

[specialmindz]

“Mmm *POMP!* this some good milk, Snas,” said Papyrus, shuffling around in his brother’s makeshift backpack. It wasn’t very comfortable, but as long as he didn’t have to crawl…

“eh, i prefer hot chocolate myself,” replied Sans. “glad you like your milk baby bro, i was worried about how it’d do in the microwave cause’ of all the chemicals, but you’re not dead yet so…”

“Daddy say is okay to put mah super milk in da’ mikeywave…or is I baby guinea pig?” Papyrus narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“guinea pigs are cute pap!”

“…”

Sans blew on his hot chocolate for what seemed like the sixth time. He didn’t put his drink in the microwave like Papyrus’s, he preferred to use boiled water as the cold weather of Snowdin usually cooled it off without him having to do anything.

Today though, they weren’t going to Snowdin, plans had changed.

Alphys had always had a messy workspace, but the Nursery, according to her, was in worse shape. FAR worse shape. She didn’t mind the broken toys scattered everywhere seeing as it wasn’t her room, but the fact that the toys came from the Dump meant they smelled terrible. Sans and the rest of the family were either nose-blind to it, or simply didn’t care, but Alphys couldn’t stand it. She complained weekly about the stench, claiming it was getting worse and worse, seeping from underneath the Nursery door and distracting her from work, but no one would do anything about it.

Today, SHE took the initiative and decided to spray the Nursery with every air freshener they had, making it impossible and even dangerous to sleep in the room; that meant that not only did they have to find a new place to sleep, but Baby Papyrus also missed his nap.

Not good.      

“You an idiot,” mumbled the cranky infant, unhappy to be a baby guinea pig.

“whatever.”

“Lazy idiot stink head with stupid broke gloves…”

“heh ha! they’re not broke pappy, that’s how they’re SUPPOSED to look. these are fingerless gloves,” explained Sans, hoping to laugh away his irritation. Papyrus wasn’t having it though.

“Your gloves dumb like you.”

“they’re not dumb! i think they make me look cool…”

“They make you look homeless. I half aspect you to be shaking a tin can around, asking for monies.”

“Screw you, Papyrus.”

“Is I your bindle, big Buther? You’s supposed to carry me on a stick…”

“SHUT UP, PAPYRUS.”

“Can you do da’ har-mon-ica? Pay a song for the baby.”

The young comedian quickened his pace towards the Resort Area. “i’ll pay you a beating, you keep mouthing off,” mumbled Sans under his breath.  

“Ooooh, Buther think he tough now cause’ he gots biker gloves! Nyeh heh heh, what gang you from, Snas? Pussies of Anarchy? Renegade Rejects?”

San didn’t reply, he merely pushed open the doors of the Resort and went inside, not wanting to travel all the way to Snowdin’s hotel or teleport whilst carrying his brother in a bag rather than his arms. He knew for a fact that anything touching his body would travel with him, but what about the things that weren’t? Or the things he wasn’t holding on to purposely?

It’s not like I��ve ever lost anything in my pockets when I take my shortcuts, but I still don’t feel comfortable with something so precious in such a flimsy bag…

“Harlem’s Asshats?”

Hm…maybe “precious” isn’t the right word to use for Pap.  

Sans grimaced as Papyrus continued to complain and come up with more insulting gang names. He himself was a complainer when HE didn’t get enough sleep, but Papyrus?

“Big-butted Bums of Bloomington!”

His brother REALLY sucked when he missed his nap. He was loud, angry, and mean. Babies weren’t supposed to miss their daily naps and baby bones already had hot tempers to begin with…

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

The Receptionist, a monster with a giant hand in place of her head, tapped her red painted nails on the counter impatiently, a strange sight for those who weren’t used to seeing it. “Do you need a room you two?”

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

“No, I needs a doctor cause’ Snas give me irradiated milk!” Papyrus tried to point his finger accusingly at his brother, but found it next to impossible in his current position, so instead he threw his bottle on the ground.

“NYEH!”

CAP, CAP!

It bounced along the tile floor, empty despite his whining, and rolled to a stop before a janitor, who kindly picked it up. “Ah-hawww, looks like you’ve got a fussy baby on your hands!” chuckled the employee, returning the bottle.

CAP, CAP, CAP!

“HAHAHAHA!”

“PAPYRUS! i’m so sorry sir-”

“Oh, don’t be, it’s what I get paid for after all! It’s best you get that little guy to bed though…”

“NOT TIRED!”

Sans took the bottle from the janitor and put it in his pocket. Even if his brother were telling the truth, he knew the Lying Font was still going to ACT tired, and a tired baby was a cranky baby. For Papyrus, a missed nap was all the excuse in the world to be a douche, and Sans would rather fork over 400g then listen to his crap.

Lucky for us, children get discounts.

TA-TAP, TA-TAP!

“STOP HEADBUTTING DA’ TABLE NAIL LADY! IF AZZY NOT ALLOWED TO, YOU NOT ALLOWED TO!”

“E-excuse me?”

“just ignore him, miss-”

“When Azzy be small like me, he used to headbutt the desk. You not remember Nail-Lady? You was all like, ‘STOP ATTACKING THE DESK GOAT-BABY!’ and Moo-Mom say, ‘HOW DARE YOU YELL AT MAH BABY LIKE DAT!?’ and then Fluffy Buns say ‘settle down now ladies, is not that serious,” said Papyrus, voice acting each line. He’d been doing that a lot as of late, trying to ���perfect his mimicry for when he got big” and by extension, he ended up disturbing those unfortunate enough to hear him. Asgore’s loud booming voice coming from such a small baby was…eerie…and it was even worse when he decided to imitate Sans...

The receptionist doesn’t have a face, but I bet she’s as uncomfortable as I am right now.

…

…

How do I get bro to stop talking though?

“…Then you got all mad Nail-Lady and say ‘HE DO DIS ERYTIME HE HERE! WHY YOU CAN’T CONTROL YO’ KID? ERYBODY ELSE CONTROL THEIR KID! YOU THINK JUST CAUSE’ YOU THE KING YOU CAN DESTROY? NOT ERYBODY WICH LIKE YOU!”

“…I actually DO remember,” said the receptionist. “Someone, who used to do that. Yes…there was a small child with an entitled mother who used to headbutt and jump atop the furniture…”

Who was that?

“Yep! I’s there too with Chara, so I knows! You and the Moo Lady used to argue about discounts-”

“Oh my goodness, you’re right!” the woman suddenly remembered. “There was a woman who claimed she should only have to pay the regular 400g because you weren’t her child and THEN she got upset when I AGREED and asked you for 200g-”

“HOW YOU GONNA ASK A BABY FOR MONIES? BABIES SHOULD GET IN FREE! YOU DOESN’T EVEN GOTS CWIBS!”  

“That’s EXACTLY how it went, every single time. It was always the same argument.” The monster, who prided herself on her professionalism, could feel herself getting angry all over again, her old forgotten hatred bubbling to the surface. She couldn’t stand the Royal Family. The Entitled Mother, the Spinless Husband, the Destructive Child…and if she recalled, the human they adopted was an actual thief…

“Yep, and Chara was all like ‘don’t be a bitch, bitch’ and da’ Cow Lady say ‘I agwees, but I doesn’t ah-pea-ciate yo’ language my child,’ and Chara go ‘I was talking to youuuu-”

“hey pap-”

“Fluffy Buns smacked them right on the butt! It was funny.”

“Yes…Chara was their name…the thieving human who kept getting in trouble with security. They would go into other people’s rooms and take their things like it was okay and the mother-”

“She say, ‘Oh Chara just curious, you should be more patient wit yo’ customers! Da’ world of monsters be new to them ya’ know? They just a child…!”

“…”

Sans didn’t know how she was doing it, but he could have sworn he heard growling coming from the woman’s direction.

“ha ha…hey uh, bro? let’s just get us a room already, yeah? i’m sure the receptionist here is busy-”

“TWO WOOMS PEAS!” yelled the infant. “One for the baby and one for the Pussy of Anarchy.”

“damnit pap…!”

“Very well, that’ll be 400g then.”

Glaring over his shoulder, Sans forked over the money and headed to their room. “now bro, there are other people in this resort so try not to be a dick, alright? we need to be quiet-”

“WAIT SNAS!” the baby bones picked himself up out of the bag with his wingdings. “I gots to visit the fountain real quick.”

“Oh uh, please don’t urinate in the fountain,” said the receptionist raising a finger. “The rooms have toilets in them.”

“I’s not a gross peepee-baby Nail-Lady, don’t you know a cute widdle skelly when you sees one? I’s looking for coins-”

“Absolutely not!” cried the woman, her tone taking a sudden turn. “This fountain is a memorial to…someone. It is strictly forbidden to gather the coins within, read the sign!” The monster pointed at a sign that said “Stay Out of the Fountain.” Apparently, people were so desperate, they were stealing G from the memorial…

“I NEEDS EM’ TO PAY SNAS BACK!” yelled Papyrus, wondering how much 200g was.

“READ. THE. SIGN. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!” she replied, shouting just as loud. Clearly theft was a daily problem for her.

“heh heh, you don’t need to pay me back lil’ bro, thanks though.”

That was…unexpectedly sweet.

“I’s not a deadbeat big Buther…also, I can’t reads so dat sign don’t apply to me.”

“THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!”

“you do too know how to read, quit your lying pap,” said Sans chuckling.

“I’s not lying, I’s a baby and babies don’t read. Erybody knows that! Isn’t that right Nail- Lady?”

“I just told you what it said, get away from that fountain!”

“Babies also have poor memor-ies. I doesn’t remember what you said,” Papyrus used his wingdings to scoop up a handful of coins and deposited them into his onesie to count later. “I’s very sorry for da’ inco-venience.”

“PUT THOSE BACK OR I’LL HAVE TO ASK YOU TWO TO LEAVE!”

“uh, okay pappy this is getting serious, let’s just put the pretty coins back like the nice lady said…”

“Is serious? THEN WE SERIOUSLY WANT OUR MONIES BACK,” said Papyrus, angrily. Here he was being a good bae, paying back his big brother, (something babies did NOT have to do) and this big person wanted to yell at him?

CLEARLY, she was a baby-hater and didn’t deserve to have such cute guests staying at her gaudy hotel.

“We take back our monies and we go somewhere that ah-pea-ciates sweet babies such as ourselves. Your hotel ugly anyway…too bright, right Snas? We leave.”

“no no no, we don’t need to do that!” said Sans quickly in a panic.

“FINE, TAKE IT AND GO!”

WHAP!

The receptionist slammed the money down on the counter.

I’m so sick of serving thieves…

“wha-ho, lady! let’s just calm down alright? *sigh* geeze…” Sans scratched behind his skull. “why don’t we come to a compromise? that sound good?”

I CAN’T take Pappy to that inn in Snowdin again, I didn’t sleep at all last time!

The comedian winced, remembering the night he spent there with Papyrus. The infant didn’t like the snoring from the other guests in the room.

“Nyeh? Com-per-mize…? Waz dat?”

“it’s a negotiation,” explained Sans. “where arguing people get a little bit of what they want, so everyone’s happy…ish.”

TA-TAP! TA-TAP!

“Okay Snas, I do da’ com-per-mize cause’ I’s a good bae,” said Papyrus sweetly. Seemed he was done acting cranky for the day…or so Sans hoped.

“good boy, pappy! GOOD babies compromise allll the time.”

“No they don’t, but Imma make an ah-ception cause’ I doesn’t like the snoring baes in Snowdin. Remember them Snas? The snoring bunny baes?”

“heh heh, yep, iiiii remember.”

“You can’t tell a sweepy baby to shut the fuk up, cause’ they just babies, so we get no sweep and the Inn lady get all our monies for fee! Is a scam, I KNOWS it!”

“Put the coins back please,” said the receptionist, no longer interested in Papyrus’s stories.

“Kay’. Papyrus picked himself up out of the fountain and waddled over to the counter, his onesie jiggling with coins and leaving a wet trail behind him. I gots a good idea for a com-per-mize Nail-Lady.”

“I thought you were going to put the coins back?”

“Slow yo’ roll woman, we makes a commerize first-”

“compromise’ bro.”

Papyrus ignored him. “I’ll put the coins back like you say…and in return for being a good baby bones, I gets a fee room, kay’? Dat sound like a good commercialize?”  

“…No.”

“*pfft!* papyrus-”

“Why not Nail-Lady? It solve both our problems, yes? Why you so unreason-able?”

The receptionist sighed and hung her head, her energy for the day having been completely drained.

I forgot how terrible this infant was, all he does is talk and make things worse. Why is he even here? Doesn’t he have a mother and father to go home to?

Ugh, he’s still going...

“…Good babies get rewards Nail-Lady, is the law. Dat’s how we learns to be good people’s ya’ know? I do something good…then I gets a reward, then I be good again to get another reward. You see where I’s going with dis?”

“There’s a difference between a reward and a bribe, child-”

“I’s not a child, I’s a baby! How you gonna learn if you no listen? BIG people’s get bribes, BABIES get rewards-”

“bro, stop, it’s okay,” said Sans picking up his brother. “i’ll pay your way and if you really want to return the debt, you can pay me back with your OWN mon-”

“Except ugly babies like Snas, they get nothing.”

“…you know what? nevermind, you can sleep out here like the bum you’re destined to be." He put Papyrus back down.

“I can join your gang…?”

“no, we’re full.”

“Bums of Bloomington full?”

“yyyep.”

“Kick someone out.”

CA-CLACK!

The receptionist pressed the security button underneath her desk.

“why should i? you don’t have biker gloves and you’re mean.”

“Baby not mean! Also, I’s family and family comes first. Kick someone out.”

“no.”

CLANK, CLANK, CLANK!

The two boys stopped fighting and grew silent as a giant knight in black armor approached the counter.

“*Yawn* ………Is there a problem ma’am?”

“Yes, there is,” replied the receptionist. “That baby is stealing from the fountain…and apparently the other one is in a gang-”

“what? no i’m not! papyrus is lying!”

“Nope, is true all right. My big Buther a rebel! He drive his motorcycle around at night when is bedtime.”

“no i don’t, shut up papyrus!”

“……...Is this true?”

Sans gave the knight an irritated look, “why don’t you tell me? why don’t you tell me where i can ride a motorbike without filling the underground with carbon dioxide? why don’t you tell me where i can get one whose pedals i can even reach? where i can get one PERIOD-”    

“……...You don’t need to be a smartass.”

“…”

“………Please return the coins.”

“…”

“Why you gots so many ellipses in yo’ text Knight-Lady? You sweepy too?” The baby bones crawled over to the sleepy giant and gave her the coins in his onesie. “Here you go Heavy-Lady, now you can affords to sweep like us!”

“that’s very sweet, pappy-”

Papyrus turned to the receptionist, “NOW baby gets a fee room?”

“*sigh*”

Damnit bro…

“…No.”

“Nyeh? Why not? I WAS GOOD, GOD DAMNS IT!”

“Get out.”  

“NYEHHHHAAAAHHHH!!”

“papyrus, you don’t need to scream-”

KA-CHUR-GERGERGER!

Taking out a coin pouch, the knight poured some G onto the receptionist’s counter, “…400g right?”

“You don’t have to do that Knight Knight-”

“Yes, I do,” replied the armored monster, handing over the coins Papyrus gave her. “It’s a knight’s duty to help those in need…and we live in times where money is scarce…” She looked down at the skeletal children. “…Remember these words well…following the rules may make others happy and keep the peace, but if it comes at the cost of your or another person’s survival…ignore them.”

“…”

“…”

And with that, Knight Knight walked back to her post, leaving the receptionist alone with the two brothers.

The hand monster wasn’t angry anymore, in fact, she felt a bit guilty and embarrassed over her previous behavior. It was true that the coins in the fountain were people’s wishes…and it was part of her job to make sure people treated those wishes and the memorial with respect, but when looking at the big picture and thinking about WHY so many thieves were running about, well, it was clear who the bad guy was.

“I apologize for my previous behavior,” said the receptionist bowing low. “I’d forgotten that rules were made to help others, not act as bait for the desperate. There’s no point in a memorial if there’s no one left to honor it.”

How many people have starved to death for my job?

She winced and shook her head in an attempt to rid herself of such thoughts. What was done was done, all she could do now was change so it never happened again.

“Is okay Nail-Lady!” said Papyrus petting her back with his wingdings, “It’s your intentions dat count, not what you do.”

“that’s true. as long as you’re at least TRYING to do the right thing, you’re still a good person. mistakes are mistakes, ya’ know? you shouldn’t be punished for something you didn’t MEAN to do, ain’t that right pap?”

“Daz right big Buther! Now give us da’ key.”

“say please.”

“No.”

The woman handed the baby bones, who had taken the liberty of climbing onto the counter, the key to their room. “Please enjoy your stay.”

“YAAAASS! C’MON SNAS, IS TIME FOR YO’ NAP!”

“you mean it’s time for OUR nap, pappy.”

“NOT TIRED!”

As the boys headed to their room, the receptionist left her post and walked towards the fountain, removing the sign.

It was never put up again.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

[houseswolo]

Day 7 - ‘Tis The Season To Be Thirsting

“That star belongs to me!”

While Rey and Kylo tussle for the star, here are today’s Thristies!

LostInQueue

(Tumblr: @lostinqueue-ffa​ | Twitter: LQffa | Ao3: LostInQueue)

What got you into Star Wars?

Hubs. I never watched it until after I was married. Let's just say my parents were against us watching TV... "go play outside" was all I really knew until hubs and I were married. Heh.

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

That was a surprise actually. I mean, I noticed it in the movies, and hoped it wasn't just actor to actress interests there... but I'm a fabric designer and was looking for references for a handful of characters including Kylo to morph into a specific art style (I can't really contractually talk about) when I came across a Reylo anime style piece and that solidified it for me. The more I researched that the more I realized it wasn't just me that thought Reylo was a thing. I'm still squealing about it every time I read reylo fanfic. <3

Why do you write / make art?

Because it is fun and I'm usually inspired by others to go forward with it. I like the excitement it brings to others too :)

Which part of Adam do you like the best? 

His drive. I can get behind that. He's got the looks and that is wonderful, but the drive to be the best and the intensity he's been said to have on screen and on stage is admirable. I'm scared stupid on stage. lol...

Favorite Star Wars Movie

The Last Jedi

What do you like to write / draw / paint the most?

Action in all three. I love the angles, the way the world reacts to cause and effect, all of it. There's an intensity there that I can’t quite explain but I love it!

Your TRoS Prediction

That I'm going to drink too much soda and miss something important.

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

I'd be warm fuzzy socks and a warm blanket. If I had to be a place though, I think I'd be a tall cliff looking over the ocean at sunset.

If you were a candy bar, what would your name be?

(no idea - totally open for what you guys think)

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating? 

A nice warm room - but not too warm because I will fall asleep.

Are you a dom or sub? 

Dom in life, sub in the bedroom. If I never met you guys, I would NEVER have had the courage to write that. :P

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

Field hockey fence... yes... outside at night...

What's your kink?

arms... eyes... hair... yep, definitely arms. Can't go wrong with feeling safe.

Use three words to describe yourself.

Kind, Optomistic, Strong

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

Oh, I always went by another one and sort of wanted to distance myself from it because it’s my gaming ID. But May is my slow month for work and I just finished a huge project by then, because of this I sort of fell down the fanfic hole and started writing in between projects. When I finally had the chance to make an Ao3 LostInQueue was born. It literally means I'm between work and play.

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

little spoon.

Do you like it rough or soft? 

Rough. I put my all into life, I better get his all... O_O I'm just sayin...

Favorite toy

I can’t honestly say.

Favorite fic you read

Rolling the Dice by our very own MizuPhoenix  - It mixes all of the nerdy awesomeness I never knew I needed in a fic.

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

While I absolutely love Stars... It's a solid tie between Rey's Mechanics and Triggered. Rey's Mechanics was my first go at an AU and that opened up my nerdiness with Triggered. I've had fun in the craft ever since.

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Rose, then Finn, can I have both of them as a favorite?

_________

Kaybohls

(Tumblr: @kaybohls​ | Twitter: kaybohls | Ao3: kaybohls)

What got you into Star Wars?

I was raised by a die-hard trekkie. Watching Star Trek was a weekly occurrence and something super special in our family. I have vivid memories of Captain Jean-Luc Picard and pretended to be Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge with plastic headbands over my eyes acting as my visor. When I was still a little girl, I begged and pleaded with my Trekkie single dad to let me see "the space one with the princess" and the rest is history. Headband visors became braid and hair buns, and "make it so" turned into "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." Let's save the discussion of my teenaged obsession with Han Solo for another time...

What made you a Reylo? Lightbulb moment!

I'll admit, I had the tiniest inkling of a feeling during the interrogation scene in The Force Awakens that was instantly forgotten the second that Kylo Ren, hot as he may be, killed my first true, love - Han Solo. It took time and many more viewing to understand more about the character, and by the time The Last Jedi rolled around, the INSTANT the first force bond started, I WAS ALL IN.

Which Adam look do you like the best?

It's hard to say, I love when he's in full Swolo mode, but I really can't describe how much I am loving his slimmed down, "normal" Adam look he's been sporting lately.

Which Adam avatar/ role do you like the best?

Kylo Ben, forever and ever. There's some characters I love as well, some I love to hate, but Ben will always be my top pick.

Which part of Adam do you like the best? 

Easy. Dat mouth. His voice. His hands, and his eyes.

Favorite Star Wars Movie

I love ALL Star Wars. Really, I do. They all endlessly fascinate me in their own ways. I can narrow down a favorite from each trilogy, but I am SURE that The Rise of Skywalker will end up at the top of the list.

Your TRoS Prediction

I love to speculate. My friends will agree, and my family will roll their eyes, but the ONLY thing I can predict with absolute certainty, is that I will love it, no matter what. After all, it's Star Wars.

If you were an aesthetic... (colors, images, feels....)

This is probably a question best asked of someone else because, while I am a weaver of words, I find it impossible to do it for myself, haha!

What's your ideal environment for writing / creating? 

My Star Wars shrine of an office and zero interruptions. Music is a must. I get an astonishing amount of work done when I’m locked in a dark room with noise-canceling headphones on.

Are you a dom or a sub?

Dom, definitely.

What's the most exotic/wierd place you've gotten intimate?

A charter bus. How, when, and what is a good story for another time.

Use three words to describe yourself

If I hyphenate, can I use more? Awkwardly-charming. Protective. Clever.

Meaning behind your nick / ID name

It’s a combination of my middle and last names because, for a creative writer, I couldn’t come up with anything more interesting. 😂

Are you a big spoon or little spoon?

BIG SPOON. I can't fall asleep without cuddling my husband's ass. I HATE being the little spoon - don't stifle me with your love!

Do you like it rough or soft?

Wouldn't you like to know? Hehehe....The romantic writer in me wants to say soft...but I'm a naughty girl...

Favorite toy

Lelo Sona - The OG Goat!

Favorite fic you read

I've read so, SO many amazing fics, but there's a few that really stand out. The Sword of the Jedi (Like Young Gods/To Kingdom Come) will FOREVER be glued to my heart.

Favorite fic you wrote or favorite art you made

Stardust. Forever and always. I could write a hundred things and this one would still be at the top.

Favorite SW character besides Kylo and Rey

Can I pick two? Yes? Okay good. HAN and LEIA.

____________

Meet the Other Thirsties! Thirst Order Advent Calendar Day:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

cc: @tazwren​ @drnucleus​ @ashtyntaytertot​ @deadlikemoi​ @nite0wl29​ @thereylowritingden​ @housedadam​ @houseplaidam​ @house-crylo​ @housereysistance​ @my-jedi-life​ @shestoolazytologin​ @koderenn​ @thoseindarkness​ @areylofan​ @lostinqueue-ffa @queenoferebor @kaybohls @cosmo-gonika @roguesinside @wilsonthinks66 @dangertaylor​

[isadancurtisproduction]

Hello! I love your writing, and I'm super grateful you've decided to share that with us. Reading your stories gives me the impression you probably have awesome taste in other people's fan-fiction too. If it's not too much trouble could you maybe rec some of your favorite fics when you have the time? Or point me to it if you've already done so?

The pressure is on!

I figured I’d just go through my favorites and see what my absolute faves are. There are still soooo many. And I’ll uh, organize them and give a little about why I like each one? I’ve never done a fic rec list before, so this should be interesting.

Smut Smut

A Helping Hand by Bexorz 

An A/B/O fic just to let you know, but it subverted my expectations excellently, and it’s a really sweet, smutty fic

One for the Books by mokuyoubi

They fuck in a Library. It’s everything I love, reading, books, reading about books, reading about Spideypool fucking near books, and the underestimation of Peter Parker based on his whole Nerd Shtick

Peter Parker’s Tiny Bathroom Window by blackredallover

Jesus Christ in a bag, what a trope. It’s p much what it says on the tin, with an extra helping of dat ass

Because of Unlocked Windows by Marble Aide

I mean, just, really hot stuff here. Also it’s mildly dub con, if that’s a no-go for you, but spoiler alert, it all ends good

Monday Morning Massages by TheMadKatter13

Speaking of dub con, and also, they’re really into it? Like, good for you guys, knowing what your kinks are. And excellent use of lube

Coming Home by reservoirgays

Somebody’s got a crush on that Spidey booty and I’ll give you one guess on who it is. Also, DP straight up doesn’t recognize non-lingerie, silly boy

Does This Count As A Foursome? (Hint: It Doesn’t) by alphasaceraptor

Absolutely one of my favorites. I mean, so much sex, but also, good people. Look at these good people, doing their superhero jobs, and taking a short break to hide from some bad guys in a conveniently placed closet ;)

baby, i’d victoria your secret anytime by ghostsoldier

Everyone has read this, right? Because it’s the greatest. DP feeling pretty in panties and a bra ;)

Swapping Places by illooninnate

It’s very real, them. Like, they feel very themselves in this. It’s nice. Also mild anxiety and mild dubcon, but very sexy?

WIPs but Worth it…

Happenstance by HelloAfternoon

More Identity Porn, because that is my lifeblood. It runs through my veins and keeps my heart beating. Peter the civilian, just tries to be helpful, and instead he catches a certain Deadpool’s eyes.

You Big Disgrace (series) by spiekiel

There are 2 fics in the series, both finished and able to work as a standalone, but the series is technically unfinished. And I think I might have an obsession with “Wade shows up at Peter’s house in the middle of the night” fics.

Spider Boxes (Series) by alicat54c

Part 1 is done. Part 2 is unfinished, but I have high hopes because I need to know what happens. Alternate DP movie plot, wherein DP meets Peter, not Vanessa

I Like Birds by chinashopbull

This is long, but it is beautifully written and still being updated, and Peter has Asperger’s/ASD and is a wonderful Spiderman. I seriously recommend this.

Say Anything…Except That by cortexikid

Gotta love this slow burn Friends to Lovers combo because Hot Dang! And hey, this one updated in 2017, so my hopes are going strong.

Fluff

what light through yonder window by hellornothing

I’m serious, the amount of “DP crawls through Peter’s window in the middle of the night” fics I have is outrageous so here, have another, it’s sweet

act your age (not your shoe size) by cherryvanilla

If I just chant the words “Identity Porn! Identity Porn!” over and over will you read it? It’s cute~ I promise. Peter is jealous of himself. It’s adorable

on staying around by WylderWolf

Slow burn for a 4k fic, and is violent and vulgar in a casual that almost refreshing. And ugh, the 4th wall breaks are so good, so organic, so real

The Dead Pool Motel by CrimesOfADeadpool

Cute little oneshot wherein Wade Wilson runs a motel and Peter Parker comes to stay for a little bit

What You See Is What You Get by merycula

After getting hit with an unknown beam during a fight with Mysterio, Peter can’t see Wade’s scars. Deadpool is so adorable confused and so is everyone else and Peter is a dear.

Hot Cocoa and Heroes by ChuckleVoodoos

Deadpool breaks into Peter’s apartment. Need I say more? (I’m going to anyway) DP is hurt and Pete-the-Civilian patches him up and it’s hella cute

Not so Fluff but still do it

I’ll Always Protect You by WillowSong

Someone didn’t get the memo. Don’t mess with Peter Parker. His BF is totally shredded and will beat you up.

Stay This Way by Orcusnox

This hurts so good. The kind of pain that pierces like a copper dagger diagonally through your heart. I mean, really. Great. Very great.

Peter Parker’s Home for the Wayward Villain by BeanieBaby

Regular Guy Peter Parker starts a Farm and accidentally adopts all of the bad guys in the Universe and it’s adorable. Please sedate me.

We Give and We Give by Only_1_Truth

Peter tears himself apart to be able to keep giving, to the world, to the people who need saving.

Little less blood, little more blue by Francium

Deadpool. Breaks. Into. Peter’s. Apartment. With a goat. Playing the guitar. It’s everything anyone could ever want.

Loyal to he Maze by DecimalDrones

Protective Wade is great. Protective Wade protecting Peter is better. Protective Wade protecting Peter professionally is a tongue-twister, but is also the best, and also this.

Said the Fly to the Spider by BC_Brynn

DP really wants to get with Peter and Peter is not helping him out at all. It’s adorable how just done Peter is with everything.

Stray away by mydickisthealpha

Peter is crushing on DP so fucking hard. Like, it’s detrimental. And adorable. He’s in completely over his head

Deadpool’s Dating? What the… by Ninjababe

My favorite excuse for everyone to go “What? DP is dating nerdy, bland Peter Parker? Who is definitely a civilian and not anything else?” And then Peter and DP shove their relationship in people’s faces and it’s great

Half Your Age (Plus Seven) by fancastical

This was pure joy. I mean, reading it was pure joy. I could not keep the smile off my face. You really get to watch these loons grow, as people, and experience new things every day and I’m just so goddamn proud. If you read nothing else, read this.

[radishleaf]

talking and answering the questions of the previous post about my thot of an apprentice for the arcana game down below. you can read some fics about him here: plonk, but warning for ns-fw material.

1. Where is their favorite place to hang out in Vesuvia? Why?

ezra is reclusive by nature, and there aren’t many places he’d hang out, even recreationally. obviously, there’s his aunt’s shop, and he’d probably entertain the company of the baker for a bit, but that’s it.

2. How does your apprentice feel when they are called a witch? (Offended? Shrugs it off? Likes it?)

ezra finds it flattering, but he’d be quick to correct the person and tell them he’s a magician.

3. Do they have a familiar? Why did you choose that animal? How did they meet?

yes!! dawn is his best friend, even though she’s very snooty toward her master. she’s a salt-colored swallow that are native to ezra’s home country, ravidia (my fanmade city-state that was off the edge of nevivon before it was overtaken by them). she was born from an egg laid by jemima’s familiar, moon, as per family tradition to hand down familiars from master magician to apprentice when they come of age. 

4. Are there any of Nadia’s sisters your apprentice would like to hang out with?

all of them. because they’re all easy on the eyes and he’s a gentlemanly flirt who would honestly try get with, at least, one of them.

5. What is their opinion of each of the courtiers?

vlastomil: okay guy. appreciates his love for his wormies, but ezra wouldn’t be able to take an hour’s worth of talk about them.

vulgora: has no overarching opinion. thinks they’re just an angry little child, but won’t say it to avoid being punched.

valdemar: creepy, creepy, creepy, creeeepy even they share an interest in experimentation and research (ezra is ethical, okay????).

volta: he likes her, but in a pitying, “sneak the dog your scraps under the table” kind of way. 

valerius: bitchy, annoying, thinks he has an attitude problem. also tapped that and thought it a good lay, much to his chagrin, to shush him when he found out ezra has unfortunate feelings for lucio. they both regret it to the point they bonded over sleeping with that terrible man. it’s complicated, to say the least. doesn’t stop him from tossing wine at ezra, though. 

6. What did they do while at the clinic?

ezra had his hands in every pie because research and experimentation were his passion. he was mostly on the research end, though, and had very little contact with julian save the moments the doctor needed him to do something. 

7. What are their tasks around the shop? What can they make?

your typical things--basic charms, unhexing things, tarot readings. he also sold all manner of dried magical herbs and plants that he grew himself. his aunt’s magic shop wasn’t his passion and joy--it was hers--but he thought it a good place to go about learning how to enchant things. he’s clumsy with it, but he can make enchanted pendants, bracelets, etc that can ward away things, soothe the body when rubbed, etc. 

8. Describe their daily routine (wake up, chores, tasks, visiting who, etc)

wakes up whenever. ezra sleeps and wakes up whenever he wants. lay in bed for at least an hour trying to convince himself to get up. breakfast after dressing, eat with dawn, clean up any dishes and refuse left around the shop by him or asra. either spend some time inside or go visit his mother/buy needed essentials (depending on the day). come home, pack things away if needed, experiment/research for a bit. in the late afternoon, open the shop, and manage it until closing late in the night. goes to sleep whenever to repeat.

9. What Major Arcana would they be closest to? Is their a Minor Arcana card that suits them more?

i stick to the canon card, the fool, but ezra has a touch of the hermit in him. for the minor arcana, the four of cups.

10. Describe their magical abilities. What are they best at? Worst?

ezra’s a jack of all trades, but only a master of one: wind magic. he can do the other succinctly and has great knowledge on how to cast, but can cast wind magic without even thinking. he’s worst at enchantments, despite being his passion, because his charms tend to fade quickly. 

11. How do they get along with all the animals in the game? (Faust, Malak, Chandra, Pepi, Inanna, Camio, Melchior and Mercedes)

faust: they get along well since he’s asra’s familiar. a friend to asra is a friend to him.

malak: ezra loves birds, so of course he gets along with malak. 

chandra: the same with chandra. 

pepi: he tolerates pepi, but in the “one pet on the head and nothing more” variety. 

inanna: same with inanna. 

camio: a good birb, even if he hates ezra (well, practically everyone). birbs are friends to my apprentice. 

melchior and mercedes: the same as pepi/inanna. 

12. Did they have a certain opinion about the palace and court before the events of the game? Did it change?

ezra had mixed feelings about the palace/court, in that he saw it often thanks to his friendship with nadia/affair with lucio. he appreciated the decadence, even if it sickened him to know people were suffering while the count and countess lived in luxury. dat library tho.......... chef’s kiss............... fantastic. opinion didn’t change even after resurrecting, either. 

13. How do they feel about traveling in the realms? (Nervous? Excited? Other?)

despite being a recluse, ezra is stupidly excited about traveling to the other realms. to him, it gets him closer to magic, and he’s quite obsessed with learning more.  

14. Where is their least favorite place in Vesuvia? Why?

lucio’s chambers, for various reasons including but not limited to the amount of sex he’s had there, dfgjdfkj

15. How did your apprentice feel about Asra leaving all the time? Taking care of them?

ezra absolutely hated it, but voiced his opinion as sullen acceptance as to not anchor asra down. he gets very lonely when asra isn’t there, so when the other magician is, he’s pleased as punch. he likes the mundanity that comes with being in asra’s company. 

16. Name one thing your apprentice wants to see happen, or say to someone.

to tell his mother how much she meant to him before she died of the plague. she urged him to go to their home in nevivon when the epidemic was at its worst, and when he refused wanting to help with the cause, she went herself despite her weak state. she died barely making it outside vesuvia, and ezra only heard of her passing upon seeing her name listed on those bodies taken to the lazaret. he cried for weeks.

17. What is the outcome you see happening for your apprentice and their significant other?

it’d be a rocky relationship if ezra stays with lucio. he’d be very insistent on keeping their relationship secret, even if the others know, because even he’s still embarrassed about it. and if they marry??? ezra would freak because he knows lucio would throw a big wedding dlkfjfkj

18. What would drive your apprentice so far as to strike a bargain?

desperation............ especially if it is a really important item.

19. At this point in the game, do they care more about recovering the rest of their memories or living as they are now?

recovering his memories. he desperately wants to know what happened to his family after the plague--especially jemima, his mother. 

20. Would they be up for another Masquerade despite all that has happened? New outfit theme?

NO, but that’s because ezra haaaaaates social functions of any kind.

21. What is their first reaction seeing their LI cry?

he’d be a little awkward, but try and offer what comfort he can. which means, yes, emotional healing sex.............................

22. Are they scared of what they have learned? Of the powers they have developed?

for the first month after asra brought him back, yes, but he’s quick to accept his everything because he’s just that kind of person.

23. Do they like snow? Have they seen it before?

they’ve never seen it in-person, but they’d absolutely hate it. 

24. A magic lamp is found in the shop, and a genie inside gives them three wishes. What are they?

- to talk with his mother one last time before she passed; tell her he loved her. 

- recover his mother’s locket; it went missing when her body was taken to the lazaret. 

- to wish the genie free of their lamp since there’s nothing more he wants. 

25. Are they still scared of the lazeret?

yes, but not because of his own death. knowing his mother’s body is within its sands terrifies him because she’s not a person anymore.

26. Do they have nightmares? Will it continue/develop after recent events?

ezra is plagued by odd nightmares of rotting goats and death since hooking up with lucio. they continue until if/when lucio is resurrected, at which they stop. 

27. What is the best thing their significant other could do to cheer them up?

easiest answer: sex. more complicated answer: sincerely apologizing when lucio does something stupid.

28. Describe what their magical realm gateway would be like?

an endless library and stretches on ad nauseum, with spire-high shelves that can only be accessed with a ladder. the library itself is beautiful, styled with greco-roman mosaics and pugilists. akin to a library of alexandria, it would contain allll traces of knowledge in the world, but because nothing is labelled, you’d have to find the answers yourself.

[bigbrotherorre]

FINAL EPISODE: “DENNIS IS SUCH A KING” - ALI THE REST OF THE GAME.

WEEK 13 

if someone who doesn't love me wins this week then bye bye ashvika 

annoyed that sammy nominated me because i kept him safe last week whereas i could have just as easily flipped to keeping alivia and he could've left...but more than that, i'm annoyed at his speech. i dont think he should've used "you nommed me" as an excuse bc that's lame and he was the first to nom me and i nommed him back so we were even, and then i let him have veto pick when he was nommed and i made sure he got taken off. also conversation is a two way street and i dont see him trying to make a conversation with me either, he could have just said the real reason....i love hearing about how good of a player he thinks i am.... the worst case scenario is if bryce or zeezo win, i think even if the noms stay the same that i have a good chance of staying? granted that autumn and ali don't decide to turn on me and evict me 

why is bryce spreading lies :( i didn't tell ali to nominate sammy.... 

ive made a lot of mistakes this game and there all coming at me now.. my position in the game is terrible and i can blame it on ppl playing not to their win condition or on just the wrong ppl winning comps at the wrong time, but ultimately i could have tried harder convincing ppl to see the light or to do better in challenges so ultimately its on me. feeling really hopeless this week even tho i avoided being a preveto nom i think ill be a post one if literally anyone but me wins veto. and i flopped veto (cwl). i cant wait for after the game for ali to admit that he did tell me that ashvika pushed for sammy to be nommed. order in which id vote ppl zeezo- always worked with me and if she makes it to the end she truly DID THAT ashvika- really took control of the game with her hoh win and after jose left smartly picked up the goats and became the biggest threat randy- a king love us working with/against each other throughout the game and even tho he was voted out im not one to discredit buyback winners autumn- never spoke to me but guess she didnt need to KASDHFK ali- fakest person ive ever met dennis- knows how to get to f2 at least sammy- ignores obvious facts and always makes the wrong move  but good at comps so wooh (me teas too tho...)

somehow i didnt get nommed but like so sad what the heck zeezo is going home like why is everyone so jealous that shes prettier and funnier than them :( why cant we all be her goats <3 i guess its good bc like i cant win with zeezo in the game and i can vote to keep her still, but honestly if i lose in f2 with zeezo itd still be fun bc she has had my back all game :] I AM SO SAD UGHHHH GOD HATES GAYS AND HES TAKING MY TWO WOC QUEENS BACK TO BACK. Now i have ashvika who is a queen but not my queen!! And autumn yikes hates me always :(

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE!!! I did one video confessional for Week 11 and just like never posted it lmao but I will haha and that's all behind me. But anyway I just have so many feelings. Live  night is about to begin, me and Zeezo's war is finally concluding, IM STILL TRYING TO GET MY FIRST COMP WIN, and I'm trying to protect my allies at all cost. Some cracked shit is about to go down and I'm so excited and so so glad I took a nap before this cause I'm ready for anything wooo

RANDY: WIN SAMMY: ... ALI: FAKEST PERSON IVE EVER MET MAYBE TALKS A BIG GAME AND SAYS HES SUPER NICE AND EMOTIONAL BUT SUDDENLY CAN TURN THAT OFF. HE WOULD BE A GOOD VILLAIN BUT HE ACTS NICE AND DOESNT OWN IT AND MAYBE ITS JUST BC ITS SO SOON BUT I HOPE HE CHOKES AND HAS HAYFEVER FOREVER! WHAT EVEN IS HAYFEVER??? HORSE BOY AUTUMN: NEVER SPOKE TO ME BUT NICE DENNIS: FORGOT TO PUT SOMEONE ON THE LIST, KNEW HIS WAY TO F2 AND IF HE DOESNT TAKE CREDIT FOR THINGS ICON AND ID VOTE FOR HIM.

AFTER THE TRIPLE EVICTION...

OK BUT DAT TRIPLE DOE http://media2.giphy.com/media/xUA7aViRhBQPzXNAAM/giphy.gif It was dramatic, over the top, emotional, satisfying, show stopping, gut wrenching- literally everything you want out of a triple. I... don't feel bad for Breezo lmao, not after all the messiness they've caused. But doing Ashvika dirty is literally the hardest choice I've had to make in Orre. Sis I am so so sorry. I should've thrown you a vote but you know how Randy is and you really know how Dennis is. I just--- that was something I like wasn't prepared to ever do, break Ashvika's heart. But like in my beautiful dark twisted mind? It was perfect because I knew I couldn't go to the end w/ Ash but I was never going to nominate her. So here we are rip ALSO LAB AND BREEZO ALL SITTING IN JURY??? BIIIIIIITTTCCHHHHH https://media.giphy.com/media/zcAii7T9JXezS/source.gif If you're reading this, you know I sure did say I would wipe that whole group out and send them to jury and it really did come to pass. John sure did gas all of them up to win and I sure did tell him in my Week 10 goodbye message that they were all bout to walk in behind him. So in the spirit of prophesizing, let it be known that Auli aka Ali and I will make Final 3 because we are the strategic dynamic duo y'all slept on. Like correct me if I'm wrong: we've been on the right side of all 8 "merge" votes (there's no word for like opposite of pre-jury lmao), we ain't been on block since Week 6/7 and it's now Week 14, and we've downplayed our iconicism left and right so we're the last duo standing at Final 5, and no one wants to take a shot at us. BUT YALL STILL SLEEP CAUSE THE MIST IS THAT STRONG. That's ok though! When Randy and Sammy walk into jury next y'all will see Also I'm  dead at how much jury hates Ali hahaha. Deadass he has to stay in the game for safety reasons. Like soooo many jurors wanna kill him. That's my ride or die though so I can't let that happen. Anyway I still feel like shit for obeying Randy, which hurt Ashvika, made Dennis cry, and further dragged Ali's corpse. But the good news is woooo it's Final 5 and these boys all want to take Auli to the end. So do I NEED to win this HOH? No not really. Am I still praying and pleading with God like I do before every comp? Absolutely https://media1.tenor.com/images/1a11748f0c7ce30ab4afd057fab66751/tenor.gif?itemid=5677211

Me when I shocked the nation and won HOH and finally had power in the house after 13 weeks https://78.media.tumblr.com/2a8c6d7cc298da364a847f8f9d767c7c/tumblr_opiih6Z7tB1ub3fcfo1_500.gif Me then using said power to target my baby Randy for the greater good https://media.giphy.com/media/hic9t15zsdwfC/giphy.gif And now me that I'm selling my entire family, land, soul, and wig collection to get Dennis to keep me and kill Sammy so that I'm not Ika Wonged because I know for a fact Ali would take me to F2 and Dennis would be a dumbass not to take me too. AND I ALWAYS BELIEVED IF I WENT UP A FOURTH TIME THAT WOULD BE THE TIME I GO UP ON THE BLOCK AND DONT COME BACK DOWN SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DENNIS BE STRATEGIC AND KEEP ME https://i.pinimg.com/originals/23/53/9d/23539d4ab6c13adab50940426d73ed6e.gif

[AFTER F4 EVICTION]

WAIT WHAT HOW AM I ALIVE?? https://media.giphy.com/media/TZ388aYpsLMcM/giphy.gif AND HOW THE FUCK DID I MAKE FINAL 3??? https://yiaelxzosjw9p4bs-zippykid.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/happy-crying.gif Pray for me if I win Final HOH cause fun fact: I, the strategic legend, have no clue who to fucking take to the end and that's the biggest gag of the entire season BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN OUT THIS FAR GODDAMMIT AND I WISH I HAD. Ok that's not entirely true- I knew I should either sit next to Dennis or Ali because ya know contingency plans matter. BUT NOW??? Bitch ion know I just wanna win

CLICK HERE & HERE TO SEE DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

i've never seen a better reflection of the emotional rollercoaster that is my mental state than these two being filmed less than 12 hours apart jasldfa

CLICK HERE AND HERE TO SEE ALI’S VIDEO DIARY ROOMS!

okay i have lots of post finale thoughts but i need to type them up tomorrow. i just hope the jury knows how sorry I am if I ever upset them, because I love them all so much and would never want that :(

time for my post finale wrap up and.... whewie. This is so upsetting because, I just did this for all stars. Like it's looking like my track record is LITERALLY going to be 2nd 9th 2nd 2nd 2nd, I CANT COME 2ND AGAIN. I really can't take this. Here is the bigger problem though and this is why Orre will be my last game whether I win or not. I can't keep playing these games when I upset so many people. Like it honestly broke my heart yesterday hearing how much I upset people like Bryce & Ashvika, people I love SOOOOOOO much. I don't want to upset people. Like... what upset me about finale is I don't think the jurors realise that.... I didn't just upset people for the sake of it and ahhh. Honestly, I'm really upset, like not even that I'm coming second but that I upset people. So with that said, I really apologise to the jurors. I got the impression that I hurt you all so bad that you are giving me 2nd as like.... punishment? And while I hate that, if I hurt you all that bad I really owe you all an apology. Anywho, since this is definitely my last game, I've played 183 days worth of games to just come 2nd, and that's just too much. I'm too flawed of a person and player to continue playing these games and just keep coming 2nd. Like it just hurts. so yeah, i'm sad but mainly because this is deja vu. I'm so proud of Dennis for winning, he is such a sweet genuine guy and when he was complimenting me during the finale, it was the nicest thing I've ever heard and I'm so greatful. No matter my game or his, I'd be happy to see Dennis represent our season.

Can I just say... Dennis is such a king. What a kind-hearted, genuine guy. A true king.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH DENNIS’ VIDEO DIARY ROOM!

okay so I lost.... and I'm weirdly at peace with it. I know I answered the jury questions terribly and I had... some jurors that would never have it in them to vote for me and would actively campaign against me. Dennis is a king, and in a cast with toxicity and SUCH bitterness, I think he is a phenomenal representation for the season. Otherwise, I am really honoured to get Ashvika's vote, she is such a deserving POTS, and to get POTS' vote is always an honour. Autumn and Jose are amazing friends and I am so happy to have got to work with them, John is a player with SUCH potential and he is WINNING BOTS & Zeezo I'm really honoured to get her vote too! For the others, Bryce is a KING and so is Blake (they both seemed really upset by me so I hope we can be friends). Lynn I never spoke to and seems... very bitter about the season's result, but I hope she gets over it because she is also a QUEEN. Randy is a funny one and I'm starting to worry all his friend talk was just him playing into my emotional side, but he is a good egg really I know it. Sammy is a ghost king. I kinda want to end on Alivia. Alivia is a person whose personality is obviously very different to mine and the way she speaks to me and others really upsets me a lot of the time. However, her bitterness against me is understandable and I hope she gets over it, because she defines herself by anger and bitterness when she is such a funny and likable person and doesn't need to do that. but woo... to wrap stuff up, I'm so grateful for Nicholas & Julia for casting me, Owen & Emily for being amazing.... OH, I forgot what I wanted to say. Autumn is a queen, a legend and amazing. She is honestly soo soo amazing, like... someone I really admire and see as a rolemodel? she is inspirational, a queen and a legend. Dennis is the nicest, most well intentioned guy ever SO sweet and really just a genuinely nice guy. I have made lasting friendships with some members of this cast and I'm so happy. so yeah.... i'll probably do another one of these in like a day or so, but if not.... ali out woo

we love coming to jury and being told about my ""showmance""".... wanna die jadfkl. my only showmance was to snakery, my way of life. blake was robbed but also is a broccoli. last words? autumn and dennis are my faves, best F3 ever.

FINAL CAST ASSESSMENT

[lilydoughball]

I have two true loves in this world; this absolute beaut of a city which I call home, and my stunning Temple Cycles bicycle. So imagine my excitement when I found out that the lovely folks behind the Bristol Food Tour were teaming up with Cycle the City to offer a cycling food tour of Bristol! My heart near much exploded, my tummy started rumbling, and I had never been this ready for something in my entire life.

In case you’re unaware, The Bristol Food Tour have been running walking tours of the city for a whole year now (having recently celebrated their first anniversary) and offer up a slice of the best culinary delights from joints far and wide, peppered with a spot of history about the area. You can catch them walking the harbourside, dipping into South Bristol, or even on one of their speciality vegan tours.

Cycle the City are also major history nerds, taking folks on a cycling tour of Bristol and chatting their way through hundreds of years of Bristol’s past along the way. I’m particularly interested in their women of Bristol tour, that sounds like a reet good un!

Back to the task at hand, which had now been dubbed ‘The Great Bristol Food Tour’. First stop was inevitably No 1 Harbourside (the home of Cycle the City) for a glass of bubbles and a bit of a nibble to set us up for a long evening of cycling.

DAT HOUMOUS THO. Oh myyy lawd. As any decent middle class hipster should, I adore houmous, but often am not a huge fan of beetroot houmous as it tends to be on the sweet side. This was absolutely delicious, and served with big wedges of smoky, charred, oil-soaked bread to dip into it. Heaven.

Hopping on to our fancy-pants Temple bikes and setting off along the harbour, we were soon at our first destination – The Bristol Cheesemonger! Settled in a new home in Cargo 2 on Wapping Wharf, Rosie the cheesemonger has got a beautiful little cavern of cheese which was like stepping into a beautiful cold cave on this muggy, damp evening. We sampled three cheeses and got a bit of info about each one, my favourite of which being a super creamy goat’s cheese.

It was a mere skip and a jump to the next stop right next door – Oliver’s Ice Cream! These guys are worth visiting for their snazzy rotating gelato fridge alone, but there’s plenty to keep you coming back, such as Thatcher’s Gold sorbet (yup) and free-pouring chocolate which they coat their cones in. I have to be completely honest at this point, though – my loyalty completely lies with the undisputed gelato kings of Bristol; there is just something missing from the heart of Oliver’s at the moment, but I’m sure once they are settled in a bit I’ll start to see things a bit differently.

Cycle the City have only recently upgraded to Temple Cycles, having previously used every hipster’s first bicycle, Pashley. Having owned and cycled on both, I can wholeheartedly relay the merits of Temple – they are infinitely lighter, meaning they feel zippy and are easy to ride, and the Shimano gears mine was using make all them Bristol hills a doddle. Plus they are a Bristol business, something which has been of growing importance to me of late. I’d much rather keep my pennies in the city.

Time for a wee pie break with delish pies from Lovett Pies and a chat about another true Bristolian institution – the Thekla. By this point I have to admit I was feeling MEGA full, what with all the houmous and cheese and gelato, but I managed half my rarebit pie (INSANELY GOOD) and tucked the rest in my backpack for an unorthodox breakfast the next day.

The next leg of the journey was a long meander towards the cycle path towards the back of Temple Meads, and a jaunt through Easton before stopping at what can only be described as the biggest undiscovered Bristol gem of my entire life – ZAM ZAM BAKERY.

I’m not really sure how to describe Zam Zam to you, to be perfectly honest. I don’t even have a picture to illustrate my point because I was too hurriedly stuffing it into my gob to take one. From the outside it just looks like an unassuming plain old pizza shop, offering up 4 toppings for a mere fiver. But Zam Zam specialist in lahmajons too – kind of like a cross between a pizza and a kebab, a big round flatbread filled with minced meat and loads of different toppings and sauce. I had the veggie alternative, which was spinach and feta in a flatbread pasty type thing and believe me when I say it was one of the best things I’d ever eaten. The best part is that it’s £1.50. ONE FIFTY. ONE POUND AND FIFTY PENCE (sung like this). I’m plotting an escape to Easton again soon to get another. Ohh man, if I haven’t dreamt of that flatbread every damn day since then.

When I found out our next pitstop destination, I couldn’t help but let out a little squeal of delight. I adore Bristol Spirit, not just because it’s run by the bloody lovely Sam, not just because they have a resident sausage dog (Shecky the nervous Hell’s Angel) and not just because they blend their own flavoured spirits. Their cocktails are some of the most creative and the best that I’ve tried. It was an Espensen Spirit cocktail that got me trying and liking gin (!), and in honour of that I indulged myself in another – it’s pretty much a blueberry cheesecake in a glass! YUM.

Absolutely bloody loving @thebristolfoodtour x @cycle_the_city Great Bristol Food Tour! Have stopped off at @bristolspirit for some lush cocktails and nibbles! ✨

A post shared by Lily Doble (@lilydoughball) on Jul 15, 2017 at 11:56am PDT

Despite being stuffed to the absolute gills, we had to try some bits off Bristol Spirit’s new menu, and boy did they knock it out of the park. Arancini with a BRIE CENTRE and luscious basil drizzle, and li’l chorizo breads with black olive tapenade, plus little cheesecakey bites with strawberries on top. I was giddy with delight (and possibly a wee bit tipsy by this point).

After our last stop we began a slow meander back into town, with just enough time to stop in Queen’s Square for some final sweet treats from the Sweet Mart and Zara’s Chocolate’s.

Well cripes! If that wasn’t everything I had dreamed of and more. I cannot urge you enough to book a tour for yourself; they are perfect for friends and family visiting Bristol, or if you’re just looking for a few new gems to frequent. Pay tBFT a visit on Facebook, Twitter or have a look at upcoming tour dates on their website.

I was invited along for the purpose of this review, but all words and opinions are my own. I really truly love the guys who run the Bristol Food Tour, they do a cracking job!

  The post Bristol’s Best Bits: The Bristol Food Tour x Cycle the City appeared first on Lily Doughball.