#what a waste of perfect smile unless Paddy can sense it without looking but that's story for another time

[cloudyfacewithjam]

Eoin McGonigal (Dónal Finn) in SAS: Rogue Heroes Season 1 Episode 2

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free

Inspired by @softlass27 here's their first year on the run. Just a few little snippets of their life and the bumps along the way. I'm playing fast and loose with legalities over money and property etc so go with it. If Emmerdale can stick Harriet in a cellar for weeks and think it's good then I can do this.

(AO3 link)

Aaron yawned as he switched off the engine. He’d been driving for hours, putting as many miles between them and Emmerdale as he could. Robert had driven some of the way but he’d started to flag and on unfamiliar roads, Aaron hadn’t wanted to risk it so he’d taken over.

He looks over at him, still sleeping, head resting against the window. He still couldn’t quite believe what had happened in the past day and a half and just how much their lives were changed. It hadn’t felt like this the last time. He’d been running then, more from everything in the village and in his head than the actual charges he was facing. This time though, this time he’d been happy, they’d had a pretty perfect life in Emmerdale, and now, that was gone.

He truly hoped they could do it, that it wouldn’t break them. For all his words to Paddy the day before he couldn’t help but wonder. Had it been part of why he and Ed had broken up in the end, had it been there in the background making everything else worse until they’d just given up.

He and Robert weren’t him and Ed, he knew that, but he couldn’t bear to think of the two of them growing so far apart they can’t be fixed, not after everything.

Then again the alternative is prion, and Aaron’s not stupid, he knows Robert wouldn’t cope. Not that he’s not strong, he’s the strongest person Aaron knows, but prison gets inside you, eating at you from the inside out and Robert shouldn’t have to face that.

They’d make it work, they’d have to. There was no other choice.

“Hey sleepyhead. We’re here.” He loves watching Robert wake up, how he fights it, wanting to go back to the warmth of sleep and whatever dream he’s having, how he’ll take a deep breath before he finally opens his eyes, and smiling when he sees him. “You with me.”

“Yeah.” His voice is hoarse and he coughs a little as he looks up at the B&B they’d found online. “Looks ok.”

“Let’s get in and get some sleep then. We’ll sort everything else tomorrow.”

“Last chance.” He frowns, doesn’t know what he means. “To back out.”

“Never. Come on.” He’d tell him as many times as he needed. He wasn’t going anywhere.

Day 1

He’d laid awake most of the night, listening to Robert’s little snores, glad he was sleeping. Aaron had let him, part of him had enjoyed the peace, allowing him to get his thoughts in order. Everything had happened so fast he'd just done it all without thinking. Not that he was having second thoughts, not for a minute but there was so much to think about. They had to find somewhere to live, work, all sorts. He was pretty sure they'd be safe now as long as they kept their heads down but even so they'd be looking over their shoulders forever. They needed to make a list of everything they had to do. Maybe they should’ve done it the night before but after they'd checked in they'd just gone straight to sleep both too exhausted to do anything else.

He looks over at Robert, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up, the lazy smile when he sees him. Being with him was worth it. always would be. He shuffles closer needing him to know that he'd always be there, always by his side.

"You ok?" He still looks a little shell shocked by the whole thing and Aaron supposes that's normal. He has an advantage after doing this before he supposes.

Thankfully he hadn't asked about why he was so late getting to him but he would soon enough, and he didn't really want to get into it because Robert will just feel guilty and it's not him who has to feel that way.

"Yeah."

"So, What's first?"

“Breakfast.” He was starving. The last thing he’d eaten had been a pasty on the ferry that had frankly seen better days.

Later they’re staring up at a cottage that’s for rent in the next village to where they'd stayed the night. South of Paris, Aaron considered it isolated enough that they'd be safe. It wasn't anything near as grand as Mill, but it had everything they needed and it wouldn't cost the earth. In time they'd likely want something bigger, or need to move, but for now it was home.

“You like it?” He asks him, arm slipping round his waist.

“Yeah. We can make it home, can’t we?”

“Yeah. I’ll need to call Cain soon though. We’re going to need money. What we’ve got won’t last forever. He can send me everything I need to give him permission to sell the scrapyard.”

“What?”

“It’s not like I’m going back there is it? Should get a decent sum for it, business is good.” Robert looks disappointed, almost devastated at his words. “We’ll need the money Robert and you can hardly do anything with your part of the haulage firm right now.”

"You have money." Aaron frowns up at him because the last time he checked his bank account it hadn't been so healthy. "When I thought I'd be going down for GBH, I transferred the money we'd put by for surrogacy into your account."

“What?" He’d never said a word. How had he not noticed that Robert was quietly planning for not being there anymore.

"It felt like the right thing, and besides, then we were still thinking of going ahead. You would've needed it. You can get Cain to sort it, transfer it or whatever. Then he can send any profits from the scrapyard over, at least until we work out how much we’re going to need.”

"I...ok." It makes sense, he just hadn't connected it as his mind that their dream of another baby was over. "Yeah. Right I should go call, get things moving. I won't be long."

"Aaron, wait." He tries to shake the hand off his arm but Robert's stubborn, won't let go. “I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that…I’m sorry.”

"What for?"

"Just one more thing I've ruined isn't it. Maybe if I hadn’t taken so long to decide to have a baby, or if we’d just gone ahead with it instead of trying to scam Graham, we might have our baby right now.” Maybe he’s right, but then again they could hardly have gone on the run with a newborn baby, which would mean he’d be in prison.

"No!" He breathes out, trying to stop tears falling at the thought. It'd just make Robert feel worse. "No...I just hadn't thought. It's fine. Really. Like you say it makes sense to hold onto the yard. Hey…it’s ok.”

"I don't want you looking back in a year and hating me." Robert's staring at the ground, hands fidgeting and this time it's Aaron who's holding on, holding his chin so he'll meet his gaze.

"I won't, Robert. I promise you I won't. Messed up forever, isn't that what you said once?" He nods, a hint of a smile.

"Now let’s have a look inside before we do anything. Then if we want it I’ll call Cain. We’ve got enough for a couple of months rent with us anyhow. But I’m telling you now, if there’s a spiral staircase in there, I’m out.”

“Oi, there was nothing wrong with that staircase!”

The inside is better than he could hope and even better that it’s available from that day and the next thing he knows they’re unloading what little they have from the car.

"Is that the last of it?" Robert asks from the kitchen where he’s checking what cooking bits and pieces they have.

“Yeah.” He looks around. It’s nice, he thinks they can turn it into home soon enough, but he feels lonely all of a sudden standing there in a strange house. “I should go and get some food, take a quick look around, just in case.”

“Hey, slow down. You don’t have to do everything right this minute. I nicked the tea out of the room we had, we can suffer it black for now.”

“Robert, stuff needs sorting.”

“And it will be, but you haven’t stopped since we got up this morning.”

“I need to make sure we’re safe Robert. We’re not on a bloody holiday!”

“Don’t you think I know that? But unless the police are around the corner I think you can take five minutes to sit and have a cuppa before you fall down. Now sit.”

“So it’s going to be like this now is it? Bossing me around?”

“Figured a change is as good as a rest.” He hands him a mug and he wraps his hands round it. "So, while we settle in are you going to tell me what happened when you went home? You’ve been suspiciously quiet about it all.”

"I told you, Cain took ages." He busies himself blowing on the hot drink, refusing to look his husband in the eye.

"Yeah, and like I told you I know that's a load of rubbish. What happened Aaron? Look, I won't be mad if you had second thoughts. I half expected you wouldn't turn up if I'm honest.” That makes him look up, then again he’d known that’s where his mind would go.

"What? No, that was... Rob that's so far off..." He sighs, putting the tea down before joining him on the sofa. "I'd got the passports already. I was at home getting our stuff. when Paddy turned up."

"Paddy. What did he want?"

"Basically to stop me leaving. An intervention if you like.” He shivers a little, thoughts of what if they’d succeeded crossing his mind.

"What did he do?" He's annoyed already, Aaron knows that tone, and he rests his hand over his, trying to calm him down.

"Locked me in, threw the keys in the waste disposal, then he and Liv spent the night telling me how awful you were, how wrong I was to be coming with you." He tells him everything, brushing away the tears when they start spilling from Robert's eyes.

“He did what?" It comes out in a growl and Aaron knows he's angry . He was, but now it's changed into sadness. Sadness that they'd rather lose him by pushing him away than respecting his decisions.

"I didn't listen not for a minute.”

"They thought it was ok to lock a grown man in his own house? Why the hell didn't you tell me before?"

"What would you have done? Gone back to Emmerdale and ripped Paddy a new one?” He already knows the answer which is precisely the reason he hadn’t said a word. As much fun it might’ve been to see it, it wasn’t worth the risk.

"Yes!"

"Which would've achieved what?"

"Would've made me feel a whole lot better." Aaron chuckles despite everything because the look on his face is exactly the same as Seb's when they had tried to feed him pureed carrots for the first time." And…I’d thought maybe…”

“Maybe what?" He asks when Robert stops, staring into space.

"Nothing."

"No go on.” He has a bad feeling about this, wants it all out in the open.

"When I was waiting...you were so long, and my mind was all over the place. I kept thinking that...I wanted you to be safe..."

“I am."

"Are you? If I'd...I thought that it might be easier to...I thought about handing myself in." He gets up shrugging off Aaron's hand. "I thought that at least if I did that while we were still in England I would know you were safe, that you'd have your family, that they'd look after you."

"You were going to leave me?” His voice cracks as he gets up to go to Robert. It’s not as though he didn’t think Robert would sacrifice himself for him, he already knows he would, but the knowledge that it had come that close because of his family left him cold.

"For your own good. You would've been with your family, they'd look after you and you'd get to have a life without looking over your shoulder."

"You really think that's how it would've gone? Even before I told you this? That they'd look after me?"

"Well obviously not now! But then, yeah. I’d spoken to your Mum, said she should keep an eye on you when I was away so yeah I thought she’d actually do it!”

"I didn’t know that. Blimey. Wish I’d been there to see it.” It does the trick and breaks the tension. “You’re wrong though.”

“Why?” He pulls him back to the sofa, holding him close.

"Shall I tell you how it would go...If you had taken notice of your conscience, which frankly needs better timing, and handed yourself in, left me…They'd be sympathetic, at first, then they'd start, little by little suggesting I have a night out, have some fun. Then my Mum, or Liv, probably both would point out any cute blokes that come into the pub. Then I'd end up going out with one of them to keep the peace. All the while they'd be running you down so I don't even feel I can mention you at all. It'd be like you never existed."

"Aaron, don’t.” He can hear the pain in his voice at the thought that his good deed would’ve end up that way, but he needs to know, if only so it puts the notion of doing something stupid out of his mind for good. “They might not…they’ve might’ve just been there for you.”

"No, you need to know. That's how it would be and you know how I know that? Because they've done it before. When we broke up, that's exactly what happened. So no, don't ever think I might be better off with them instead of you."

"I didn't know…well I knew your Mum and Paddy tolerated me, but even so, I always thought they’d wants what’s best for you, no matter what.”

“Maybe once they did, but I was thinking it over while I was driving last night, it’s not. It’s about what they want. It’s never been about what’s best for me, ever since Mum was dating Carl King. It’s always been about what she wants and I have to fit in with that. Sometimes she’s better but in the end it always goes back to the same thing. I’ve started to realise just how much I've done what they wanted over the years, taken the easy way out.”

“You?”

“Until I met you at least. Then again Mum did always say you were a bad influence on me.”

“Ta very much.”

“They’ve gone too far now though Rob, you know that. I’ll never forgive them for this. If I’d been just half an hour later…I would’ve lost you. It doesn’t bear thinking about. That’s why I want everything right, so we’re safe, so I don’t lose you.”

“Come here.” Robert wraps him up in his arms, strong and warm and he doesn’t ever want to be anywhere else. “Just one thing. How did you get out of the house?”

“Oh.” He scratches his beard, trying to keep the laughter in. “Bathroom window. You would’ve thought Paddy would’ve remembered that one after seeing you leg it, but no. Scarpered and left them locked in. I’ll have to remember to ask Cain how long it took ‘em to get out.”

Robert’s laughter is the most beautiful sound he’s heard in days.

[clubofinfo]

Expert: Apparently there are seven things that piss off the Christian God more than anything else.  And, not surprisingly, those seven things are all common traits in both those who worship Him and in those of us who doubt or deny His existence.  Real or imaginary, you’ve gotta give the man upstairs credit for His sense of humor.  Too funny…incorporate faults and flaws into our DNA, and then punish us for them.  Even threats of Hellfire and damnation don’t seem to carry much weight in deterring good Christians from lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, or pride.  One would strongly suspect that a vast majority are CHRINOs (CHRistians In Name Only), smarter than they appear, and only in it for the sense of community, political correctness, and/or lucrative business contacts.  Some combination of those seven deadly sins plays a part in most forms of human bad behavior.  And in most instances, only extreme punishment (imminent death or lengthy incarceration) will deter any of us from being the nasty little lustful, gluttonous, greedy, slothful, wrathful, envious, and prideful monkeys we are. Lust The fake news consortium is awash with sordid tales of lustful, mostly powerful old men, who use their wealth and stature to justify sexual trespasses against mostly the young and vulnerable.  Lecherous, horny bastards from high levels of entertainment, politics, pro sports, and big business are taking the fall for letting the bad judgment of their genetilia guide their actions.  Sacrificial lambs in the Circus of Empire.  Charlie Rose was way overripe and due for replacement anyway.  It was no accident that lust is first on the list of sins.  It seems that there’s just no means of control over the basest of human activities. Although it ended abruptly about thirty years ago, I too fell victim to the advances of various sexual predators during my youth.  Ah yes, back before smooth skin, six-pack abs, a white smile, and a bushy head of hair gave way to blotchiness, wrinkles, flab, yellow teeth, and ears full of hair…I fell prey to quite a number of randy women, and a few men.  I simply rejected all the men, and even a few of the women.  Near as I can tell, I was not psychologically injured by any of these advances.  Being wanted and desired is complimentary.  Of course, old people preying on youngsters is deplorable, but the dance of life must go on.  Flirtations between adults should be expected and accepted by all.  Nobody really knows whether advances will be unwanted or not until contact is initiated. At the tender age of 22, I fell victim to one particularly insistent woman.  She forced herself upon me with great vigor, but it is impossible to rape a willing body, so I never complained.  In fact, she was 17 at the time, and in succumbing to her charms, I became the (statutory) rapist.  I did six years for my crime, as her husband and father to our daughter.  There’s a lot of gray area when it comes to lust, and the fake news loves anything that even smells racy.  Get over it!  Unless there is a small child, a corpse, a household pet, and/or violence involved, there’s nothing to get in a tizzy over.  It happens a billion times a day.  I’m ashamed to have wasted three paragraphs on the subject. Gluttony Back in the days when I was a young, careless glutton, I ate cows, pigs, fish, turkeys, and chickens with barely a thought to those billions of sentient creatures in brutal captivity.  I consumed the milk of cows, even as their young were denied the nourishment, and were being slaughtered for veal.  I deprived chickens of their progeny by devouring their eggs, while mixing their genetic material with flesh ripped from pigs, over a piping hot burner.  At a gut level, I knew I was being a thoughtless, brutal asshole.  But what’s a poor human to do, when all the best information is telling us that we NEED the protein.  We NEED the dead flesh of the designated sacrificial beings.  After all, who in his right mind would consider giving up In and Out Hamburgers? Selfishness may be the only reason most humans ever exhibit decent behavior.  In my case, I only gave up animal protein in favor of a plant-based diet because I became convinced that the gluttonous consumption of  dead animals is the major cause of cardiovascular disease, obesity, diabetes, Parkinson’s, and many cancers.  I did it for my own good.  I did it out of selfishness.  The decision had little to do with empathy or kindness.  Like all humans, I’m still an asshole, but now I’m an asshole who can look into a cow’s big brown eyes without guilt.  I can forget the sins of my past, and the cows will never be the wiser. Gluttony is second only to lust on Ye Shitlist o’ The Lord, and looking around, it appears that humans have not only overpopulated the earth with their lustful antics, they’ve filled it to overflowing with gluttonous, flabby, morbidly obese, thoughtless, brutal assholes.  Gotta blame much of this mess on God, Himself for telling His clueless minions that they should “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”  One of the best examples of The Lord’s dark sense of humor; with His blessings, the planet is overpopulated to bursting by gluttonous, fat-assed killers. Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.  The other five deadly sins are the perfect ingredients for a country and its people, hooked on wars for profit.  Wall Street, the politicians it owns, and the military/intelligence divisions it controls are infinitely greedy for the resources of other lands.  Too slothful to find wealth by less violent means, their wrath is unleashed upon every country in possession of assets they envy.  And being the Exceptional Nation, the U.S.A. has no problem with stirring up a noxious soup of national pride, waving flags, and public support for its endless procession of wars.  Of thee I sing. Fifty years ago, I had a choice:  1. Stay in college and keep the 2S Deferment, which would keep me out of The Vietnam Fiasco for a while.  2. Drop out of college and head for safety in Canada.  3. Drop out of college and take my chances with the draft board.  or 4. Drop out of college and join the U.S. Navy, in order to avoid being drafted into the U.S. Army, and possibly becoming fertilizer for rice paddies in Vietnam.  I hated college, so choice #1 was out.  Number 4 was a possibility for a while, but the more I learned about military matters, the more I became convinced that I just wouldn’t fit into any of their uniforms.  So when it came down to a choice between possible prison time, and maybe never again seeing friends and family, I chose to stand my ground on U.S. soil.  My number came up, and I refused induction into the freaking Army.  Twice. Of course, I knew that war was wrong in every conceivable way.  Even as a young child, I wondered what made the mass-murder of warfare okay, when murder on a personal basis was illegal.  I’d sure like to be able to say that my anti-war stance was firmly rooted in empathy and compassion for all mankind, and to a great extent it was.  But to an even greater extent, I did it out of selfishness.  I did it to save my own ass from a kill or be killed scenario. After doing time for my crime, I found out that in virtually every war waged by my country of birth, the blood of young men was shed for the benefit of the already wealthy profiteers at the top of the economic ladder.  I learned that the U.S.A. grew out of the deaths of millions of Native Americans, and that the sweat of enslaved Africans greased the wheels of capitalism.  I found out about Manifest Destiny, the theft of the northern half of Mexico, the overthrow of the Hawaiian Monarchy, and a string of sordid wars across the globe, spanning two centuries.  It was a surprise to discover that the U.S.A. was behind Hitler’s rise to power, and largely responsible for 80 million deaths in World War II, and an even bigger surprise to find out about the Pentagon’s post-war plan to drop 204 atomic bombs on 66 Russian cities, and “Wipe The Soviet Union off the map.”  What a disappointment it must have been for our fighting forces when the world’s greatest fireworks show was not approved.  Since it is military policy to avoid counting the dead bodies, it is impossible to know the extent of American mayhem since WWII.  But according to James A. Lucas, my country is responsible for at least 20 million deaths in 37 countries since the end of the second war to end all wars. Just as summer must succumb to autumn, and autumn to dead, cold winter, all things must pass.  Cradles to graves, empires to dust.  I’ve never even fired a gun, and know nothing about weapons systems.  But fortunately The Saker does, and if he’s right, the bloody dance of the American Empire may be coming to an end.  It appears that while required reading at The Pentagon has been “The Power of Positive Thinking”, the Russian Military has been absorbed in “The Art of War”.  And while bloviating American politicians have been blathering about their country’s greatness, exceptionalism, and invulnerability, their Russian counterparts have been quietly building earth’s most formidable military arsenal.  Without going into detail (link to The Saker’s article), it now appears that The U.S. Empire is no longer militarily superior, nor invulnerable.  If this is correct, the long-standing nuclear standoff has tilted in extreme favor of the Russkies, and the United States now finds itself wielding a knife at a gunfight. Fortunately for those of us who live under the Stars and Stripes, who value and enjoy our allotted time to breathe, eat, procreate, and recreate, Vladimir Putin’s Russia represents a threat to no other country.  President Putin is apparently a wise man.  He understands human nature.  He knows that, as I stated above, selfishness may be the only reason most humans ever exhibit decent behavior.  He knows that capitalism has inadvertently castrated the U.S. Military Machine, and that The Pentagon must be aware that it is now in possession of simply second rate hardware.  Yes, America…the profits of Boeing, Northrop Grumman, and Raytheon are, and have always been, more important than the quality of their products.  Russian jets, missiles, and bombs cost much less, but pack unparalleled punch.  Thou art no longer exceptional, America.  Thou art second rate when it comes to weaponry, and had better start considering standing down.  Reconsider thy threatening stance, and understand that thy choice now involves simply life or death.  Maintain thy stance, and prepare to meet thy Maker, or do what is right and take thy place righteously in the world community. If there happens to be a just God or, much more likely, if we’re just lucky, The U.S. Empire will follow my fine example from the Vietnam era, and decide strongly against participation in World War III.  Whether righteous or selfish:  A sound decision is a sound decision.  Worst case scenario:  He’s watching from the clouds, pulling all the strings, waiting for the final fireworks show, and preparing for the biggest and best laugh He ever had. http://clubof.info/