#what a very weird trip down memory lane

[thesacrificialdove]

𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒 1.6k words rich yandere x gn!reader — ko-fi | patreon | masterlist | inbox | taglist | home | req. & comms

tags sugar daddy, rich yandere, low-key obsessive behaviour, first meetings, college student reader, age gap, brief mention of a rapist (no description or anything more)

—📜" Being a broke college student, you decide to try your hand at getting a sugar daddy. You find someone who is... quite eager to know everything about you. It's weird because he doesn't seem to be the same person he was online.

They say to spend your youth on nightclubs and partying with friends. But really, they don’t know the true beauty of being in a jazz club and drinking all by yourself. There’s no ill intentions, there’s no partying until the sun goes down—just some nice music and good drinks.

People find it odd, sure. But nothing can beat this feeling for you. As you lay in a couch that’s worth double your college tuition, you drink champagne that's triple your college tuition. 

How you ended up here is another embarrassing story. Hunting for a sugar daddy online is a clear plan for destruction. It could end well with a decent allowance every now and then, of course. Yet, fear gets the most of you. The thought that you end up with a fat well and alive man who asks for sex with his small dick looms over you like a gloomy cloud. That fear is there because your sugar daddy is anonymous.

Sighing, you drink another sip of the champagne as you fix your posture. Again. The seat in front of you is still empty. You’d think he wasn’t really being honest with you but he did have a reservation ready for the both of you.

It’s not bad to wait. Even if you do look dumb getting stood up, at least you’re enjoying yourself.

“You lonely there?” someone asks behind you.

Turning your head behind you, you see a towering man with a smile so bright you think you could be blinded by it. He looks elegant—the way he’s holding a glass like a connoisseur and his long black hair pulled into a slick ponytail. Fuck, is he your sugar daddy? He looks the age for it and honestly, he aged really good.

You tell him, “Maybe. Are you lonely?”

He chuckles and takes the seat opposite. Finally. “No,” he says, “not anymore, at least. All thanks to…?” he gestures to you.

When you tell him his name, he parrots it like he’s tasting it. “Beautiful. Your mother picked it out?”

“I’m sure so,” you don’t know, who the hell would know that? “It’s a generational name, really. In our family we keep reusing names.”

“So are you the second? The third?”

The third was your great grandfather but he ended up being a rapist. Eugh. “The fourth,” you answer. “But I never tell anyone that, actually. Bit embarrassing if they call me the fourth, so.”

He laughs, somehow finding you amusing. “Nicolas,” he says, “very nice to meet you.”

Was… his name Nicolas? You’re not so sure about that. From the site he only revealed his last name so that you could get the reservation. Huh.

“Nice to meet you, Nicolas.” The little twitch in his lips is unavoidable to your eyes, “You look very nice tonight,” maybe that’s why he took almost an hour to arrive here. “Do you live near here or?”

“Oh, no,” he shakes his head, “I come from Bolzano. But I came here from Portofino, where my heart currently is.”

You nod like you know where those places really are. Italy, you assume. “Very nice. I heard it’s a beautiful place.”

“Beatiful even more with company,” he puts his drink down. “How about you? What makes you come here?”

You, actually. You wanted to go here. “I was raised by my grandfather and jazz was his favourite. Every corner of the house Hank Mobley would be playing. I have his old records that he passed down to me and whenever I play it, I can see the way he dances.”

“So, come down here for a little trip to memory lane?”

Before you could answer, you think about it even more. The man you were talking was definitely not Italian, right? No, his name sounded British, at most. And Nicolas sounds like he has little to no knowledge about the fact that you two are supposedly on a date.

Fuck, did you get him wrong? I mean, he is interested, you think.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” you hum. You put your glass down too, clasping your hands. “I think I do need to go now. It was nice to have your company—”

“Going so soon? A bit rude especially if you came here to be mine for a price, no?”

You pause. Though you’re ready to leave this embarrassing meeting, you’re caught. You turn to him in confusion. So you were… wrong? Right? 

“Sit back down, this champagne is a bit too new to me.” He raises a hand and someone immediately finds their footing beside him. Nicolas speaks in his own tongue, requesting something you don’t understand.

You’re promptly back on your seat with a small wave of his hand. “Come on, I think we have a lot to learn about each other. But I know you.”

Did he send in a private investigator or what? Fuck, man. You didn’t think that those things were real in real life. “How much do you know?”

He doesn’t answer. His legs are crossed as he watches the busboy leave to prepare your drinks. “How are your classes?” he asks, making idle conversation of things you’re a bit worried to talk to him about. “Hope you’re dealing well.”

“Yeah,” you say, unsure of this now. “It’s all fine, yes. Just a few projects and classes.” You wonder for a moment how rude it would be to ask for a price on your body right now. “Nothing interesting, really.”

“I’m sure anything you say is of interest,” he says, all too fond of you. “Tell me, love, you mentioned having difficulties with some of your professors.”

He wasn’t interested in all that before when you were talking. “It’s fine. Well, not like I can say no. It’s a bit hard when you’re paying for an education and you’re not being taught,” you laugh, “Self-taught learning, he excuses.”

“That’s simply lazy,” he excuses. “Fine arts is such a nice career path. No reason to be dismissive of students who want to learn it.”

Did you tell him what you’re studying?

The busboy returns and brings a drink to the both of you. The song changes and it sounds familiar. You could almost see your grandfather dance behind Nicolas.

“I’m going to guess that’s your doing,” you say, “Thank you. It sounds lovely.”

He smiles, “I’m not one for jazz myself.” He reaches for his glass and swirls in, taking a whiff of its scent afterward. “But I’m curious as to who you are. How you grew up is one of those things”

When the both of you talked online, you expected him to be more lustful than this. Maybe it’s the repeating innuendo in his messages. All of that persona is gone now as if it never existed. It’s concerning.

Both of you make small conversation. Mostly it’s about you. He asks every little detail about you, asking for things that not even your friends would care about. It’s the little things.

‘Do you like soft cotton or silk?’ You don’t really know the difference but cotton is nice.

‘How often do you see your family?’ Every or so month, you’d wager. But you make sure to keep in contact.

‘What’s your thoughts on caged animals?’ A bit cruel, but you can see where it can stem from. Still, it’s cruel. You’d never do it.

The night come to a close when you start to feel a bit light-headed with the drinks you’ve ingested. Nicolas puts aside your glass as he stands to go on your side of the table. “Maybe it’s time to take a break tonight, love?”

You groan. “Yeah, I guess that’s fine now. I’m really thankful for tonight.”

“I’m glad,” he says, pulling you up and helping you walk. You don’t need it but it’s nice anyways. “I can take you back to your dorm, yes? You don’t need to worry about anything else when you’re with me.”

In your pocket, your phone buzzes. You don’t get to check it when Nicolas wraps both of his arms around your waist. He pulls you to the exit and you swear you hear ‘Signore Giordano’ come out when the men bid him goodnight.

Which is weird, because his surname is Abbot.

The ride was a blur, literally. Maybe you’ve had too much to drink. The next thing you know is that both of you are in front of your dorm. It’s too dark outside. The streets are dead silent. The low rumble of his car is the only thing you can really hear.

He calls your name. “It’s time to go home. You can’t stay with me yet, love.”

You stretch in the seat. A car seat has never been more comfortable. “Been nice, really. Thank you.”

As you unbuckle your seat, he leans forward. His arm drapes over your shoulders as his hand comes to your face. “Then can I get a little reward? Just a little?” He turns his cheek, a grin on his face.

It’s stupid but oh well, he would pay you. You press a kiss on his cheek and he looks like the happiest man alive. He laughs, looking at you with stupid heart eyes. “Thank you. Call me with this number—” he places a card in your hands—”and delete that damn app. I’ll come find you after your classes tomorrow for your contract. You don’t need to find anyone else now.”

He leaves shortly after you get inside your dorm. You hear the revving of his car go in the quiet night. It’s relieving. You’re tired on your feet, unable to really process what happened tonight.

It’s whatever. It’s all done now.

You delete the app on your phone, swiping away a message you got from it. You’re pretty sure it’s from another match you had last time but again, you don’t need it anymore.

do not redistrubute this work as yours/without permission or feed to AI 📷 art by @ L0tus_Ren_ & @ Ivan Belikov

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

In another life pt 2

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader

Summary: A visit to Nanami and trip down memory lane

Warnings: Language and suggestive themes but only a bit lol

Part 3

****************************************************

A/N: was so overwhelmed by the amount of love I received for part one!! Thank you all so much for the support😭🩵

“This is definitely a first” Nanamis gaze travelled up and down your body.

You shuffled uncomfortably from your place on the couch. Gojo stood leaning on the wall behind you.

“Yeah I’ve been hearing that a lot today..” you sighed.

“Hmm, well from what I know. This curse has been known to travel through dimensions, which is why he’s been so hard to catch in the past. He disappeared several years ago after somehow escaping from a seal. Looks like he ended up in your universe.”

“That makes sense, it was only a couple years ago he appeared and Satoru subdued him. A couple months ago he told me he found some weird residual energy on the seal but otherwise everything was ok… I guess the theory of the spy was correct but…” you brought a hand to your chin.

“Go on” he encouraged.

“We placed three seals on them. There’s no way an amateur broke through them… I wonder if he has any clue on who it could be...”

BZZT BZZT BZZT

“Another call?” Gojo tilted his head forward.

You picked up the phone and read “Weird Bangs” well speak of the devil!

“Nope just a text.”

-Hey you ok? Satoru just told me what happened. Don’t worry, we’re investigating as we speak. We’ll have you home in no time.

You smiled warmly and replied,

-Thanks Sugu, I have complete faith in you two. And don’t worry I’m ok.

“Anything important?”

“Not really, Sugu was just checking in. By the way, is he on a mission or something? I haven’t sensed your version of him yet. Unless you don’t have a version of him which would be honestly so weird since I swear you two are like your own couple..”

Little did you know the room had gone from warm to freezing cold.

“What did you just say…”

“Huh?” You tensed seeing the mood was a bit off now.

“Wait…don’t tell me he’s…dead?” Instant dread washed over you.

“No..he’s very much alive…” (excuse me while I change the timeline a little)

“Then what’s-“ you tilted your head.

“Nanami, what can you tell us about the curse transporting other people?”

You blinked at his sudden change in topic.

“Honestly nothing.” Your shoulders slumped.

“Really?”

“Yes but I promise I’ll do everything in my power to ensure you get home safely”.

“Thanks Nanami…” you tried not to feel to sad, after all you had so many people working hard to figure it out.

“Well it’s getting late, why don’t we continue this tommorow, Nanami you’ll reach out if you find anything yeah?”

He nodded, “I’ll dig into some of the old archives, and let you know what I find.”

“Thank you Nanami” you smiled and followed gojo out of the room.

“So what now?” The sun had set and you realized that for the first time in years you were not going to sleep in your own bed, cuddled next to your husband.

“Well… I could take you to one of the spare dorms here but considering the curse is still out there I think it’s best if you stick with me”

“So back to your place?” Haha that takes you back.

“That ok with you?”

“Mhmm” not like I’m used to anything else but being with you…

“Ok then, hang on” he touched your shoulder and suddenly you were transported to a place that smelled like fresh linen and his cologne.

“Oh wow this takes me back” you flicked on the light and took in the old place.

Gojo raised a brow that you seemed to know your way around.

“I take it you’ve been here before?”

You nodded fondly while taking in the place once again, “yeah, we spent so much time here back while we were dating…I lived in a really crappy apartment that you had to bend down in.” You laugh at the memory.

You turn to look out the floorlength window and promptly scream.

“AHH is that me!?!? Have I looked like this all day!?!” You could barely see your skin it was covered in dirt and grime from the previous fight and your hair was basically inviting birds to make it their home.

“I need to shower…” ah crap I didn’t think to stop and get clothes.

“I’ll find you some clothes… the shower is over the-“ but you were already beelining towards the bathroom eagerly to wash the filth off of you.

“Right you already know… so weird” he crossed his arms.

The second the steaming water hit your body you sighed in relief. It took a good 15 minutes for the water to run clear.

Using his body wash sure took you back to the days you’d sleep over. Those days were some of the best of your life. Watching movies late into the night, eating junk food, making out, falling asleep tangled together…

You shut your eyes before the tears could come.

No, none of that, you had the best and strongest people on the case. You’d be home soon, so let’s think of this as a weird mini vacation.

After your shower you dried yourself off and peeked into the bedroom where the door connected to. Sure enough you found a set of his pjs on the bed.

His shirt engulfed you, looking more like a dress. You thought for a moment to forgo the pants but realized you probably shouldn’t go pantless and underwearless around new Gojo.

Once you were decent you stepped outside into the main living space.

A delicious aroma immediately invaded your senses.

Wait… no fricken way!?

“You cook!?!?”

“Huh?” Gojo paused to look back over his shoulder. “Of course I cook… does your Gojo not?”

“He- he tried once but burnt everything… and anyway I’m home way more so I usually do the cooking..”

“Well I hope you like seafood, I haven’t gone shopping yet so there wasn’t really many options.”

He turned back to the stove to continue stirring.

You sat on one of the counter barstools and watched him in awe.

He even has the towel thrown over his shoulder and everything...

“So tell me about other Gojo. How did you guys meet?”

“Well… actually it’s kind of embarrassing…”

“Oh well now I have to know”

“Well I was jogging by this old elementary school and this curse popped out. It was so cute tho it looked like a super fluffy puppy. And then suddenly you popped in, ready to blast it to smithereens when I jumped in front and defended it….” He paused his stirring and looked over at you again.

“Yeah I know.. it was crazy but the curse really wasn’t that bad. So anyway I picked it up and started running away from you…”

“Pfft seriously?”

“Yeah… you should’ve seen your face haha. I made it about 10 steps before you warped in front of me”

*Flashback*

“Uh listen lady, that thing your holding is very dangerous so it’s best if you-“

“No way!”

“Huh?”

“No way, he’s just a little baby, he hasn’t hurt anyone!” You hugged the curse tight to your body and for some reason the curse seemed… relaxed?

“Lady… it’s a curse.. we can’t exactly just leave it to roam free..”

“Well then….”you thought for a moment..

“I’ll keep it!”

“You’ll keep it…” he repeated to himself in disbelief

“Mhm hm” you nodded.

“Uh…” he watched you snuggle the curse closer and the curse for whatever bizarre reason seemed content.

“It hasn’t hurt anyone has it?”

“Not that I’m aware of..”

“Then it’s settled! I’m keeping him.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t worry, I have some skill in exorcizing curses if anything goes wrong but it won’t will it little cutie?” You rubbed under its chin and it started to purr.

“Ok so you’re serious…uh well here’s my number… in case he decides to turn murdery and you can’t handle him”

You smile and hand him your phone, when he hands it back you glance down and let out a little gasp.

He smirked, you must’ve realized who he was now.

“You have the same screensaver as me! I love that show!!”

Oh

“Haha well it is a good show, even if the heroine sucks.”

“What- what did you just say?! She’s the best one!”

“No way, if you ask me the best friend should be in the spotlight.”

“That snobby bitch? No way” you made a face.

“Snobby? I see it as confidence.”

“You must’ve gotten knocked in the head too many times by a curse..”

“Well it doesn’t really matter, I think she’s gonna take that job in the next episode.”

“Wait you think so? As much as I hate her, she makes the story interesting.”

“Yeah I-“ BZZZT BZZZT BZZZT

“Ah sorry hold on”

You watched him turn and take the call. Looking at him now, even without seeing his eyes you could tell he was good looking.

“Sorry, duty calls. Make sure to call me if…that thing suddenly decides to eat you ok?”

“I will, thanks”

He whooshed away and you looked down at your phone.

Satoru Gojo….

Oh my god

No fucking way…

He had the same name as your favorite book character! What a small world…

“Alright cutie, let’s get you home. I wonder what you eat?”

*End flashback*

“Don’t tell me you still have that thing?”

“That thing has a name and his name is cutie. And to this day he hasn’t hurt a fly! Well actually that’s a lie because he does eat all the bugs around the house.. but other than that he’s harmless. He does chew the furniture though..” awe I hope he’s ok..

“You’re a little strange you know that?”

“You’re one to talk..”

“Hey, you shouldn’t insult the hand that feeds you.”

“You’re right sorry chef” you bowed jokingly then went to grab plates to set the table.

“Oh I hope you don’t mind me touching stuff.” You retracted your hand afraid he might get upset.

“Be my guest.” He waved nonchalantly.

Ten minutes later you were sat across each other.

“Oh lemme grab some drinks” he stood up and disappeared into the kitchen again.

You nodded and began plating your dish and his. His having three times the portion like usual.

Gojo came back and sat down with his mouth slightly open.

You realized your mistake and felt heat rise to your cheeks. “S-sorry it- I did that out of habit. Didn’t mean to make you feel weird..”

“It’s fine it’ll just take some getting used to is all…” he smirked and dug in.

“Thank you for the meal.” You twirled your fork around the shrimp and pasta and took a bite.

Oh

Oh

Oh hell no

“Something wrong?”

“Satoru this is amazing… like really really amazing”

“Glad you like it”

“No but seriously this is so good…Why can’t my version do this??”

You took another bite and swooned, maybe you’d leave your version for this one…

BZZT BZZT BZZT

“Oh it’s you! Well other you..”

“Satoru?”

“Hey babe you doing alright?”

“Yeah, I’m alright… we met with Nanami earlier, he said he’s going to do some more research and let us know if he finds anything..”

“Same here, Suguru and I are tracking the curse down but it’ll take a little bit of time, he’s a slippery one that’s for sure”

“Mm, sorry for putting everyone through this trouble…”

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of ways you can make it up to me later”

“Ah geez I need to stop putting you on speaker..”

“You’re not alone? It’s pretty late..”

“Yeah well other you thought it would be best to keep me close for safety reasons. I’m here at the old penthouse actually.”

“….”

“Toru?”

“You’re with other me?”

You blinked. “Uh yes?“

“Hey other me!”

You tilt the phone closer to this Gojo so he can hear better.

“Uh yes?”

“I know it’s tempting but no canoodling my girl alright?”

“S-satoru!”

“Not even a little touch, I mean it.”

“Satoru what are you talking about?! I just met the guy!”

“And? Do you remember how I was back then?”

“Well...” yeah a manwhore..

“Oh yeah and another word of advice, no girls over to the place. She gets suuuuuuper jealous, one time she even told our pet to attack and-“

“I did not! That was-!-you know that was an accident!”

“Mhmm sure”

“You know cutie feeds off my feelings, I didn’t tell him to bite her arm!”

“Of course sweetheart of course..”

“You- what about that time you hijacked my date!”

“That was purely coincidental, I was in the area.”

“Sure you were…”

“Anywhoooooo, did you take your meds?”

“Y-yeah”

“Liar”

“Hey make sure she gets those pills, she’ll faint without them and I don’t need her falling into anyone else’s arms”

“S-satoru good night already, I’ll talk to you later…”

“Alright sorry, you know I worry. Night baby, don’t feel too lonely without me”

*click*

“Ugh annoying jerk” you words didn’t match your soft tone.

Gojo leaned back in his chair and scanned your form.

Did he? Did a version of him really fall in love and settle down. You were certainly beautiful but he’d been with a lot of beautiful women.. did your strength draw his attention? He supposed he hasn’t seen you fight yet, maybe he would fix that soon..

“Oh uh sorry you had to hear all that again, I hope it’s not too weird”

“Well I’m not gonna lie and say it’s normal but..”

You smiled and brought another forkful to your mouth.

“Thank you for everything, really… you don’t even know me and you’re doing all this..”

“Well hey don’t worry about it, any alter ego/universe me’s wife is a friend of mine”

“Heh thanks” glad to know all Gojos humor are the same across universes.

After dinner you helped clean up and were lounging on the couch while Gojo went to shower.

He wouldn’t mind if you turned on the tv right?

So far this Gojo was 99.8 percent a carbon copy of yours so no he wouldn’t mind.. plus tonight the new episode of “Wishing I was yours” was airing and you couldn’t miss it..

And that’s how Gojo found you 20 minutes later, arms wrapped around your knees cuddling a pillow, tearful eyes glued to the TV screen.

‘No! No you can’t leave me. You can’t give up after everything we’ve been through’

‘Forgive me my love, you’ll have to continue this journey without me…’

‘No! I need you!!’

‘I’m only going to put you in danger… it has to be this way… I’m sorry’

‘Noooooooooooooooo!’

How can she watch this crap…

Gojo made his presence known and stepped in front of the couch.

“Oh hey, I-i hope it was ok that I- ah no don’t go!!” Your focus was quickly redirected back to the gripping scene. You groaned when the credits rolled.

“Dammit you were right about the ending…now I have to do that thing… ugh” you mumbled into the pillow.

Gojo couldn’t help but be curious what that thing was but stayed quiet.

“Don’t tell me that I actually watch this kind of stuff?”

He sat on the other end of the couch watching as you paused the tv and turned towards him.

“Well not at first but we worked out a deal, every week we watch one of my picks and one of your picks… but ugh you always choose the scariest stuff…”

“Better than unrealistic lovey dovey crap…”

“Unrealistic?? Says the one who spouts the most corniest lines 24/7”

The title screen for another episode started playing and he swiftly grabbed the remote.

“Allow me to show you what true cinema is.”

Uh oh, you had a bad feeling about this..

1 hour later

“Ah no way no way no way” Gojo smirked watching how you hid behind a pillow shaking like a leaf.

“Oh come on, it’s not even the scary part yet…”

“Liar! Ew ew ew I accidentally looked again”

“Human snake vs Octogator is a masterpiece , you’re insulting one of the greatest films of all time!”

“You just chose this because you knew it would scare me!”

“Lady I barely know you, is that something I would do?” He smiled, glowing eyes peeking behind his glasses.

“Yes, that is exactly what you would do..”

Well you sure did seem to know him he was realizing more and more…

After the movie you were basically half asleep so Gojo decided to call it a night.

Sleepily you rose up and followed after Gojo to the hallway. But instead of turning right to the guest room you automatically turned left to his room and bumped into his back.

“Huh”

You froze, eyes shooting up to his.

“A-ah s-sorry!” Embarrassed you darted to the guest room and shut the door.

BZZT BZZT BZZT

Hm?

*NEW MESSAGE*

-Since you’re all alone, use this to tide your appetite over xoxo

*image loading*

“Ah-!”

The heat rose to your cheeks immediately.

(I’ll let you imagine what kind of picture he sent lol)

-Don’t send anything back tho ok? Don’t want the creep next door spying on you and catching a glimpse of my pretty girl~”

-he’s in another room obviously..

-wait he wouldn’t look through the walls with his eyes would he??

-would- did you ever do that??

-ah gotta go baby, the line is bad, nighty night!

-We’re texting idiot, what line?! And answer the question!!

-xoxo 💋

Ugh jerk… you threw the phone on the bed then slowly got in the unfamiliar bed.

You hated sleeping alone… even when he was out on overnight missions you were surrounded by his scent, his clothes, his everything…

You grabbed a pillow and snuggled it for comfort.

“I miss you idiot…”

Part 3

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Aaaaaaand that’s chapter 2! What did you guys think about Suguru’s mention hehe. The angst boat is coming y’all, but first came a little fluff before the storm. Please lemme know what you thought! Until next time!

@gojosatorulover7 @goaway-plzz @goldenglow149 @taakt17 @kneesheee @yumii-34 @ritsatoru @generalstephkenobi @author20 @bitchycloudstrawberry @hojoslutoru

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

Harry wandered back from Dumbledore’s office in a daze. He continued to question what he could possibly learn about how to defeat Voldemort by taking a trip down memory lane, as he had since these meetings had started, but now he felt added stirrings of discomfort. Like his skin was a size too small or he’d walked through an invisible spiderweb.

Voldemort, back when he’d been Tom Riddle, was… very much like Harry. Dumbledore could say that their choices defined them and made them different or whatever, and maybe he was right. But seeing how Riddle was talked about by the matron, how Dumbledore treated him in that first meeting – it made Harry realise how very easily he could have been the evil outcast, if anyone had listened to the Dursleys’ lies, or found out about his parseltongue abilities, or if he hadn’t already been lauded as some hero since he’d been a baby. As much as he didn’t like the fame and the wild mood swings of the magical population’s attitude towards him, Harry knew those expectations had guided his path and moulded who he was becoming.

Dumbledore’s actions were… well, unkind was possibly the nicest way to put it. He had instantly judged an eleven-year old as irredeemable, pretended to light all his worldly possessions on fire, and didn’t seem to find anything wrong with how he’d acted even sixty years later. Yes, Riddle hadn’t exactly helped his case with that talk of hurting things, but Harry had seen that desperation for connection, for belonging, that he’d once felt.

And then there was the added fact that he was being shown private moments from Riddle’s history. Harry knew how he’d feel if someone was shown his memories of life at the Dursleys. He still hadn’t told anyone about the cupboard under the stairs, and the rest his friends only guessed at.

Maybe he was reading too far into things, or projecting his own situation. Maybe Ron and Hermione were right and his saving-people-thing was showing. After all, hadn’t Riddle grown up to be a megalomaniac who led a hate group that murdered and tortured muggles and muggleborns? Maybe there should be limits to Harry’s empathy.

But Harry’s secret power was love, according to Dumbledore. If caring was what differentiated him from Voldemort – and especially since he couldn’t seem to stop it even when it left him gutted, cold and alone – then dammit, Harry was going to care.

So, Harry did what he did best (?) and leapt headfirst without looking.

Ducking into a dusty, moonlit classroom, he leaned against a desk, pulled out a bit of parchment and quill, and started to write.

Voldemort,

So, on a scale of one to ten, how pissed would you be

Hope you haven’t murdered anyone lately oh wait it’s you

Hey. I wanted you to know that Dumbledore showed me the memory of you receiving your Hogwarts letter. At the orphanage. With the whole fire wardrobe thing. 

I feel like I should apologise. It definitely seems like an invasion of privacy and I didn’t want to know, but now I do, and I’m sorry?

Is this weird? This is weird.

Anyway, I also saw the matron talking about you, but I know that sometimes people lie for stupid reasons, so here’s a one-time opportunity of me asking for your side of the story. If you want.

You probably don’t care.

– Harry (Potter)

Before Ron or Hermione found out or he could think better of it, Harry snuck up to the owlery and tied the letter to a nondescript school owl. (Hedwig was incensed that he would use another bird and pecked at his head a few times before flying off to the rafters to give him the cold shoulder, but there was no way he’d send his beloved owl off to Voldemort. Sorry, school bird.)

He returned to the Gryffindor common room as soon as the owl flew off, putting the letter as far from his mind as possible. After all, it wasn’t like he’d receive a response.

(thus, friends absent speak)

[bisexualenbyblueberry]

Rating Odd Parts of The PJO Fandom I Grew Up On

PJO was a really essential part of my childhood. I started reading the books when I was eight or nine, and I then had a subsequent obsession with them that lasted years. Once I "joined the fandom" at the age of like... 11 ("joined the fandom" as in looking up "Percy Jackson memes" on the family laptop and scrolling through Google Images for hours), it kind of sculpted my image of online interactions and fandom itself.

However!

There are some sides of the PJO fandom that I jumped into headfirst without thinking, just assuming since the people in the screenshots I saw were saying this stuff, EVERYONE in fandom did, and it was normal and okay. Some of them aren't bad, per se, just odd things I've never seen anywhere else. And with the release of Chalice of The Gods, I've taken a trip down memory lane with this fandom. So, without further ado: Rating odd parts of the PJO fandom.

1: Dark Percy. 7/10. Dark Percy was always such a weird phenomenon to me, partially because I just wanted Percy to be happy, but now I kind of get it? I guess it's the angst? I don't really know. I do, however, thanks to Callum, now know how weirdly fun it is to see a normally upbeat and bright main character go absolutely BATSHIT for his girl, so...

2: Toxic, gatekeeping, abusive fanon Percabeth. -10000/10. Ew, ew, ew. Say what you will about actually canon Percabeth being abusive, but the amount of headcanons about Percy telling all the boys at CHB to stay away from Annabeth because "Sweet protective bf" is extremely disturbing.

3: The collective-ish OC "Pearl". 5/10. I swear, in HALF of the OC-themed headcanon I used to see, they would all be about some girl named Pearl. have no problem with the headcanons about Percy's little sister, about a new daughter of Poseidon, so ten points for that. They don't interest me very much, but people seem to like them, so it's fine. However, five points redacted because of how much people ship her with Nico. HE IS GAY.

4: Headcanons formatted like this:

2/10. I had some fun with these back in the day, but Good GOD, some of them are so goddamn terrible. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to terrible PJO headcanons with over a hundred pins. Who even came up with these?

[upslapmeal]

Space Babies

Ok so I've been hopeless at doing my usual Episode Thoughts during s14 but if I don't get them posted before the finale then I never will. SO. the next few days will be a trip down memory lane to a whole 6 weeks ago before I'm off to the cinema on friday night!

here we goooo

no cold open we’re going straight in babes (heh)

I know we had it last ep but I do love a good seeing-the-tardis-for-the-first-time face

‘I’m the doctor’ yes you are!!

man I wasn’t a huge fan of 15's theme just hearing on its own in the concert but hearing it in context with him it works SO well

‘kinda posh’

‘they used titles’ and then i kidnapped a couple of teachers, told one to drop the 'Foreman' and the rest is history

ngl I've totally lost track of the gallifrey sitch

the master was going to blow it up then he didn't then the Doctor was going to then some guy stayed behind instead and then flux??

whatever we're back to last-of-my-kind square one

this is gallifrey theme my beloved how I have missed you

Martha and Bill yelling I told you so in the distance about the butterfly

‘Rubathon Blue of the 57th hemisphere hatchlings’ good to know I've got my Ruby tag sorted early doors!

anyway alien companion when

ooh they're going for a flying tardis

love fifteens energy!!

‘most of the universe is knackered babes’

‘the question is why did I run’ Doctor running is a key part of your whole deal. you know this right

‘yet again push the button’………when was the first time

(I have since learned there was meant to be a song on the jukebox that tied to this...would have been nice to see the jukebox being used. and also would have made these comments make sense)

…..baby looms?

‘food????? they’re not tomatoes!!’ lmao Fifteen is SO outraged

oh Ruby’s getting an End of the World moment <3

‘no boss or rent or taxes’ yeah forget time and space travel, NOW Ruby's thinking she's gotta get in on this

oh that baby is unsettling

oh no that baby mouth does not match that voice 

‘mummy and daddy are here!’ Ruby and Fifteen: 😬

it's so weird having fairly confident small child voices paired with very vacant baby faces

.....do these babies have nappies? that they change??

aww you can really see Ruby is used to kids, lifetime as a foster sister <3

ok Captain Poppy is the only voice so far that kinda works

‘oh popsicle’ naww Fifteen is so sweet with them

Fifteen and Poppy are so cute!!

also lol I love RTD going hard with the timeless child at every opportunity

‘nappies are changed at 1800h’ ok well that explains that

Ruby: ‘I didn’t mean to scare you 💞’ Fifteen: 'hey kids it's the BOGEYMAN!!!!!!' Ruby: 😠

ok listen. I know this is not it. but the boots and the length of the trousers.......Ruby's mum kinda looks like Thirteen

oh that's very much a hug-is-a-way-to-hide-your-face hug there

‘that’s the fate of every refugee, you have to physically turn up on someone’s shore’

Eric and the world’s most tiny and useless sword

‘a crock of waste product'

‘nice plan but what now' Ruby hon. this was your plan

you can really tell Ruby is used to looking after kids

‘don’t you touch them you illegitimate person’

FLAMETHROWER BABIES

oh Fifteen knows Ruby’s a keeper

‘oh babes…space babes’ lol Fifteen's just here to have fun (space) baby

‘it’s snot’ ‘it’s not’ the beauty of the english langauge

‘it is one of your children!!’ :(

even the (space) babies think that death by airlock disintegration a bit much

awooooooo!

I guess seeing the doctor save the bogey monster made them less scared??

appreciate RTD's commitment to getting some good fart work in both his first series of this show lol

but what will happen to the monster on the new planet??

like sure it's their sibling but.....does it know that?

‘I’m very very happy’ says the baby with the most sorrowful eyes I’ve ever seen

tardis key!!

Ruby letting 15 into the tardis <3

RIP Carla Sunday's kitchen ceiling 

first a crack and now this......at least the Doctor's giving the local plasterer good work

‘what the blinking flip’ Cherry Sunday's got a nanny filter on her

‘tell your mum not to slap me’ Thirteen got off light with Yaz’s mum

now when are we meeting the timelord called The Saggy Sheet??

the Doc's just going around giving their name willy nilly now lmao

as it should be I never enjoyed their name being a Big Mystery

kinda wish we got to see Ruby's family react to learning more about the Doctor!

hmmmm the dna scan is giving me v s6 vibes (derogatory)

Well that was a weird one, but since when hasn't DW been weird! Ngl it took me watching a second time to enjoy it a bit more because I was just SO thrown off by the baby voices lmao, but it was just generally a fun time, nothing too serious and just a chance to see a bit more of Fifteen and Ruby's dynamic! And it did tie in nicely to the ideas of Ruby and the Doctor both being abandoned, Ruby being a foster sister and the Doctor being the last of their kind. Two baby episodes in a row is enough for me though, glad it looks like next ep is baby-free, space or otherwise 😅

[didididraws]

my tablet is currently halfway across the country for repairs (my brother's the most tech-savvy in my family and asking him to take a look at it was cheaper than taking it to a shop) so i haven't been able to draw lately. i've made a bunch of traditional sketches in the meantime, but none of them are presentable enough to post here, so i decided to take a trip down memory lane and fill out one of foxorian's influence maps!

below the cut are the names of the artists featured here, as well as a little bit of director's commentary on how they've influenced me :]

yugo limbo (website, tumblr, twitter) - some time last year, i realized something profoundly unnerving: i actually... don't like the art in smile for me's original release all that much? that's not to say it's bad, just that there isn't a whole lot about it outside of maybe its architecture that stands out to me. which is REALLY WEIRD, considering i wrote a whole retrospective about how much this game means to me. art-wise, however, it was only after smile for me's release that yugo limbo's art evolved in a way that really resonated with me; i love how textured everything is, i love the way they simplify clothing folds and the way that skin wrinkles around the joints, i love their love for puppets; all of those things ended up worming their way into my art style and tastes one way or another, and i couldn't be happier!! it didn't feel right to leave smile for me out of the equation entirely, though, so i chose a piece that was both related to that game and that i felt reflected a lot of what i love about yugo's more recent art.

echobsilly (twitter, tumblr) - oh god, speaking of yugo limbo - god. i fucking love echo's art so much i have no idea how to even do it justice in writing. like many people i first found him through his smile for me/limbolane fanart and animations - and those are some of his best work, don't get me wrong, but i really wanted to include one of his original designs to make a point that he's just fuckin great at art in general. character design, facial expressions, body language, composition, LIGHTING... he makes it all just. so so so gorgeous. i always liked "painterly" art styles for lack of a better word, but i think his art is what first pushed me to embrace that more in my digital art. i also like how he talks about dr. habit like he's his dead wife. i'm very proud to call him a friend these days :]

japhers (tumblr, twitter, instagram) - i first found japhers' art in high school and he very quickly became a HUUUUUGE influence on my taste in character and costume design. one of the big reasons i never fully bought into the idea that men's fashion is inherently harder to design is bc so much of his art is already dedicated to exploring fashion Without the restrictions of a gender binary in place which is to say that he's really good at drawing buff dudes in frilly outfits. i also think he gave me more confidence to draw more intricate costumes without having to worry about super dainty and clean lineart, bc a lot of his art looks like it's kinda been carved/rendered out of sketches, and it is Gorgeous.

moe suppe (website, tumblr, cohost) - another artist i found in high school, albeit originally from a long-gone instagram account. his art is what kickstarted my desire to have some Roughness in my art, some Texture. it may not have stuck to my lineart, but it Definitely stuck to my rendering. it helped that i was going through a pretty big angel/demon phase at the time, which meant i was pretty immediately drawn in by his delightfully weird worldbuilding. i should probably read fear not now that it's an actual serial...

val wise (website, itch.io, twitter, instagram) - a more recent influence, but a pretty significant one nonetheless. i featured the cover of délicatesse here because it was the first thing from him that i had ever read, but in general his grasp on the human body really blows me away given how deceptively simple his style looks at first glance, especially his faces. the way fat and hair sits on her bodies, and how much it varies from character to character... it's beautiful without being So glamorous that it feels untouchable. his costume design is also great. i recommend his comics for low fantasy/ursula k. le guin fans who are Dying to see more fat characters in leading roles. i also just found out that i am of two hearts is free on itch.io, so i'll be treating myself to that over spring break.

partycoffin (tumblr, twitter) - if you have known me for any amount of time at all then this should not come as a surprise to you. i actually wasn't going to include partycoffin in this map at first, because while welcome home has inspired me in Many creative pursuits, i didn't think visual art was one of them? i definitely picked up some of clown's love for dramatic lighting and thinner lines with just a smidge of well-placed hatching subconsciously, though.

ryoko kui - probably the most recent artist featured here? anyways i have a confession to make: i have yet to read dungeon meshi. i just know that when i saw a post compiling a bunch of ryoko kui's sketches from her daydream hour series, i was so overwhelmed with this feeling of, like… "oh, yeah, these capture almost everything i love about women as flesh and blood people. when i draw women this is the kind of beauty that i want people to see in them." of course, ryoko kui is a great character designer in general, but something about her women specifically really speak to me. the earthier color palettes and rendering also do a lot to endear her art to me.

shuzo oshimi - specifically his art in blood on the tracks. something that really stood out to me in that series was whenever the shadows would get really intense, and you'd get these big blocks of black with just the faintest bit of hatching to soften out some of their edges. it was always very effective in creating this sense of claustrophobia. i really want to keep incorporating that in my more intense pieces!

person918x (tumblr, instagram) - i don't work with 3d art often and i don't see myself doing so any time soon, but the composition of person918x's pieces is something i take a lot of inspiration of. i also love his sequential art, as someone who does a lot of dream journaling it's sick to see the exact Vibe of a dream be put to (digital) canvas. i also firmly believe that he's one of the only people out there who knows what he's doing when it comes to using generative AI in art.

oops i made this list too long so now i have to put the last two artists in a new block.

10. meatgiri (twitter, instagram) - definitely the artist i've known about the longest out of this selection. i think i've been following her since…. oh god. since i was in middle school. way before she was meatgiri, even. i think her influence probably shows up the least in my art, but there are definitely some characteristics that stuck with me for a very long time (the lil block of black accompanied by one or two lines for shading on the neck, the looser lineart making it really easy to incorporate soft curves and sharp edges, the Eyes, etc etc.) i chose this drawing of her oc juniper bc i thought it was both reflective of her current art And a good embodiment of a lot of things i wanted to emulate from her art as a young'un.

11. dragan bibin (website, instagram) - specifically his 'deimos' series. much like with person918x, it's his compositions that really stand out to me the most, and you probably know by now that i'm a sucker for high contrast. i find it interesting though that he uses high contrast to obscure more than he does to highlight... helps a lot with giving the deimos paintings that air of Quiet Unease. another thing i want to incorporate in my horror-adjacent art! manmade environments gone wrong!

[leothil]

wondering if you've read any fics recently. I read this 40k won that had Eddie being mute cause of an accident and that was stunning that was great and then I read this one called A Date To Remember which I really liked as well.

Hi anon, I most definitely have! Excellent choice on your part to read @rewritetheending's silent!Eddie fic! Since you liked that, you can go and choose literally any of her other fics, they will all leave you breathless. In fact, read them all, would be my suggestion. Might I suggest starting with, for example, never felt this way before (yes i swear) the Dirty Dancing AU, if i told my secrets (if you knew the truth) in which Eddie tells Buck he loves him at the very beginning of the fic and they figure out the rest over the course of it, or turned around backwards (it's so much clearer) in which Eddie wakes up Buck in the middle of the night to take a trip down memory lane, while they're staying a night in El Paso during the crossover episode.

Since I'm not sure if you're looking for something specific, I'll throw out a mix of things I've read recently and eternal classics. So:

take you in and make you mine by @try-set-me-on-fire where they both get a little hurt in a fire and Eddie doesn't know what they're waiting for anymore. (4.5k)

in the night we trust by @glorious-spoon where they start sleeping together while quarantining at Buck's and it still takes them years to realize what it all meant to them. (29.2k)

let the world have its way with you by @shitouttabuck where Buck makes a bucket list to help see the joys in life again, and Eddie and Chris help him cross items off it. (54.5k)

and the light on the water gleams ch.4: sweater weather by @buckactuallys where they wear each others clothes and I completely melted over it. The fic is a collection of prompt fills, so you can read every chapter as a standalone story. (1k)

i don't swim and you're not in love by @hattalove where Ana is starting to take up more space in Eddie's life, and Buck wonders why he feels so miserable about it. Makes me lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. (32.4k)

keep going, keep going come what may by @fcntasmas where Buck is the last man on Earth and keeps seeing visions of his loved ones talking to him. Maybe that sounds weird but I promise it's worth it, it knocks the breath out of me every time. (10.7k)

Like Any Unloved Thing by @hmslusitania, a noir urban fantasy AU where Eddie is a private detective that gets tasked with finding the missing Evan Buckley. Cannot say enough good things about it! (18.1k)

at the right time by @elisela in which Buck is a teacher and has Chris in one of his classes, but also meets Eddie in completely different circumstances and they start dating. Buck isn't allowed to date his student's parent, though, and there is much delicious yearning once they connect the dots. Happy ending, so no worries there. (24.2k)

Hope you like these, and feel free to ask for more recommendations!

[noa-de-cajou]

Day 23 : A mystery / Being old together / Take a drink / judgement

_____

“... So.”

“... Yep.”

“Here we are.”

“We sure are here.”

“It wasn’t easy, to try and find some time to talk face-to-face. You’re always surrounded by other people.”

I smile and pick up the piping hot cup of tea on the table.

“So it's gonna be my fault?”

“I'm merely stating facts, Ether, that's all.”

Ha! Reminds me of someone I knew.

“So. You're married to an empress now. An a half angel, half demon queen. And a werewolf. That’s certainly something.”

“Sure is! I got really lucky. But what about you, miss Director? How’d you even manage all of this?”

“I got some help. From Dal and Demetria, mainly.”

“Demetria… Like Demetria Camarra-Pharos? Oh shit, talk about a trip down memory lane. I was getting weird ass vibes from her back when we were classmates.”

“And you were right. When she learned she was going to become blind eventually, she decided to just lose her sight as soon as she could and managed to get artificial aura vision somehow.”

“What the hell.”

“I know. But she was an excellent diplomat. And I mean excellent. So I got her help despite the “weird vibes” as you’d call it.”

“Was it, uh, worth it?”

“Honestly, I'm not sure. She never specified how she got the intel she gave me, kept bumping into every furniture despite her cane, I always got complaints from everyone in the School about her behavior, she was loud, wouldn't respect my privacy, asked the most intrusive questions, and I had to clean up after her all the time. To the very end. This idiot died attempting a lichification ritual. She gave us so much trouble with all the blood, it was horrendous.”

Hm. I smile, a little.

“... Is that all?”

Nenia averts her eyes away from mine. We’re both more than a century old but her mannerisms are still the same.

“... Well. Something’s different now.”

“What is?”

“I don’t know, exactly. It’s just, sometimes I hold out my hand expecting her to slap papers into it. Or I catch myself wondering why she’s talking so long to come back from her mission. And it feels… wrong, to not hear her voice shout my name anymore. It's strange. She’s been gone more than forty years and I'm still not used to it. She reminded me of some kind of snake and I got Horus some time after, without thinking about it.”

She looks at the vivarium where her snake is sleeping, curled onto itself.

“Do you miss her?” I ask.

“I… don’t know. Dal does, I think. Sometimes he just looks at her old office door with a lost face. He knows better than me what missing people feels like.”

Yeah. I bet he does.

“It doesn’t really matter now, does it? I could never understand her. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, but I had other things on my mind, and… I don’t know. The ritual was sudden. I don't know what was going through her head, to do such a thing.”

“She liked you, didn’t she?”

“I… suppose, yes.”

“Then maybe she wanted to witness the results of what you were building. Or to spend more time with you.”

Nenia looks thrown off guard. Like, fully. She grips her cup tighter and I can actually see her face twist into a weird expression. A childish anger. Maybe some kind of sadness.

“That's the stupidest reason for a ritual I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, to you, maybe. But humans experience it differently.”

My eyes land on my wedding ring. The one on my artificial hand.

“This isn’t my first time marrying a human woman, you know. The first one died at fifty. Before her time.”

“Then why marry another? Even if the Empress lives to the maximum of a human lifespan, she'll probably die before you. You just set yourself up for more pain. Why would you go through this again?”

“Because it's worth it.”

I didn't hesitate. Not even for a second. Nenia stares at me intently, then smiles a little.

“You’ve changed, Lani.”

I wince a little. Haven’t heard that nickname in a while.

“Obviously? So did you. Like, you're taller than me now and your hair has gotten longer…”

“‘No, that's not what I mean. You look… well. If not for the ears and your age, I could swear that I have a human in front of me.”

She says that like it’s something to be sad about.

I understand, somehow.

I’ve lived too many years and too many things to be a human. Yet I tend to forget that I'm an elf, and not, like, three humans stacked upon each other.

“But I'm not human.”

“No. But you understand them.”

She chuckles and takes a sip of her tea.

“I envy you.”

… Is it really something to be envious about?

Maybe it is. Maybe Nenia would have liked to understand Demetria before she died.

But the way she says it… it’s like she doesn't even know how I do it. How to even apprehend me at all. Maybe we’ve been apart for too long.

Maybe we can't understand each other.

…

“This is the worst tea I've ever drank, Nia.”

“Well, you’ll brew it yourself next time, Lani, I have priorities.”

“Like what, ruling a country?”

“You're the worst consort I've ever met. Worse than my tea.”

“My wife does most of the ruling for a reason!"

Eh. I guess we’re okay like this.

[blackjackkent]

So. Rakha's pretty shaken by her trip down memory lane via noblestalk.

They really need to head down to the beach and across the lake to start hunting down Nere and the path to Moonrise, but I think after the noblestalk they end up just making camp where the bibberbangs used to be because it's clear Rakha isn't going to be up to anything for the rest of the day.

It takes her a long time to go to sleep; she spends several hours pacing the edge of the camp like a frightened animal and staring out into the darkness. She can feel the very slight staticky buzz of the sussur tree not too far off. Her head spins with the half-articulated memories left over from the mushroom trip.

She's relieved when Wyll comes to find her, even though she doesn't want to admit it. She's been avoiding him since Ethel's betrayal, feeling afraid of what that brief foray into trust cost her. But when he steps into her path, intercepting her frantic pacing... she does feel something ease a little in her chest.

"Hey," he says softly.

She doesn't answer. But she does stop pacing, and sits down abruptly near him. It's a tacit invitation; slowly he sits down at her side, not touching her, but watching her profile in the half-light.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

She shakes her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Another shake of the head.

"All right." They sit in silence.

She lifts her hands after a moment and conjures a line of dancing lights over her palm. They spin in a lazy circle, casting weird shadows along the walls of the cavern.

"That tree..." she mutters. "I keep wondering if it will disappear again."

He nods. "It did feel odd, didn't it? It was the flowers, I think, so as long as we stay clear of those, it'll be all right." A pause. "Truth be told, I didn't mind it. A few moments with Mizora disconnected... but it's different for you."

"It felt like my heart was torn out," she says flatly.

He offers a slight, almost shy smile. "Well. We can't have that," he murmurs.

She flicks her eyes sideways to him, and then away again. It's dissonant, strange, the way she wants to smile in answer to him while all these terrible memories run through her mind. "I cut someone open," she says abruptly.

He looks startled. "What?"

"In the-- I remembered--" The words won't come out in coherent order. She tries again. "The mushroom... I remembered a..." She has to think for a moment to come up with the word. "Laboratory. I think. Walls full of jars. Of brains. Livers. Hearts. There was a man on a table. Alive. I cut him open. I enjoyed it."

She draws a sharp breath and squeezes her eyes closed as the beast urge in her head growls eagerly at the memory of the blood, of the flesh sliced open under the scalpel.

"Hell's great fires..." Wyll mutters. His eyes narrow tightly in concern. She half expects him to turn away, repelled by the scene she describes. But he looks at her steadily. "Something you remembered from before the Nautiloid?"

"I think so."

He frowns. "You walked a dark path," he says quietly. "That much is obvious."

She scowls at the ground. "You said once that I carry my own light."

"And I still believe it."

"Why?"

"You tell me." He smiles faintly. "What are you thinking about that memory?"

A long, long pause. "I have learned," she says slowly, "from you. From Lae'zel. From Halsin and Karlach. Purpose in killing. The cruelty... is the beast. Not me. It was stronger then, I think."

He nods. "That is what I mean," he says gently. "The light - I see you trying, learning, holding yourself back. Not everyone would be strong enough." He gives a low, rueful chuckle. "Gods know I can tell it isn't easy. But it's the things we do that aren't easy that mean the most."

She swallows, feeling a sudden tightness in her throat. "I wish you did not comfort me," she mutters. "It would be... simpler."

She sees his eyes brighten just a little at the words. "Well, then," he says. "Long live the complicated."

[rimouskis]

In the interest of wanting to love life again: what was your favourite moment of the Penguins season this year? Any happy memories?

I had a really great season, man.

I saw games with seven different fandom friends and got to introduce three of them to the city for the first time. I got to see so many wins alongside them, including several friends' first pens wins. I got to watch the Pens win a Pride game, which was amazing and so fun.

I got to see Geno's 1000th game in Chicago (with my family, who'd never been to a hockey game before), and then flew back to Pittsburgh to see them celebrate it on home ice—with Geno winning it in a shootout that was probably the coolest experience I've ever had in a hockey arena.

I got to see Tanger's 1000th game and share that with a friend. Seeing the funky fun little warmups (which I missed for Geno's in Chicago because the arena workers were mean 😂) was super special and cool.

I got to go to the night of assists, which was a lifetime experience, special and made all the better by getting to share it with a fandom friend.

I got to go to a Geno fan signing with another friend, and say hi to him as he signed my jersey and thank him for signing with the pens. he said he was glad to sign, too:)

I got to live through contractgate, which was horrible-at-the-time but also a really unifying experience.

I felt a thousand, no, a million times worse when Geno pulled that dumbass "I'm gonna test free agency 💅" move this summer that made me just SOB in the arrivals lane at an airport on the very first business trip I've ever made in my career ahahaha.

and it's weird and silly, because I'm a person who really needs to reframe those upsetting moments into something good. it's how I live with them. I remember how hopeless I felt—my plane had been turned around, I was late to my first business trip ever, I was about to meet my high-powered boss in person for the first time, I was standing in the Detroit heat waiting for 45 minutes for a shuttle to take me to the grimiest hotel I've laid eyes on because my connecting flight had been delayed until the next day... and I was just crying into my mask as I tried to console my fandom friends and keep my wits about me because it kind of felt like the world was ending.

and it wasn't... about... the team. in a way it wasn't even fully down to being about geno. do not get me wrong: I was personally devastated by the idea of him not coming back. he's one of My Guys. I was in denial about what I would do if he didn't sign with the Pens. I was so torn up about it that I stayed up for hours even though I was exhausted.

but the fear that kept me up in that really weird, shitty hotel room was the thought that my fandom was going to circle the drain because of it. we saw what a ship split did to tk/np, didn't we? their situation was different from sidgeno's... they lacked the amount of history, the sheer years... but nonetheless, I'm really, really aware of how small and tight-knit our corner of hockey fandom is. I was terrified of the possibility of geno leaving and that fracturing this really beautiful chunk of the internet that I've called home for the majority of my adult life, at this point.

that didn't happen. not only did it not happen, but I was in a vacation dreamland, barely needing to work on a business trip in the most gorgeous fantasyland location I've ever seen, having impressed my boss and nailed my part of the trip. all my anxiety—over the trip, over my job, over my fandom, over geno, over sid, over my friends dealing with this—was real, but it didn't win. instead I practically experienced euphoria on the shoreline.

I remember getting the text from a friend at close to midnight or whenever it was. geno had signed. things were going to be okay. things were going to be great.

and they were. I had so much fun this season, man. I really did. I wrote 14ish new fics this season. I participated in three (four? maybe more?) fic fests. I went to so many games that I felt gluttonous about it. I talked to tons of people all over this fandom. my friendships grew stronger. I traveled to two different states to visit fandom friends. I'm flying across the ocean to see more in the coming months.

and like... that's what matters. that ACTUALLY impacts my life, more than a man leaving a team, more than a team losing games. as important as certain players or records are to me, that's all stuff I can come to accept (well... some things I can accept. I don't think I'd ever have gotten over geno had he left. I get nauseous thinking about it. let's not muse on it. it didn't happen and that's what matters).

what I wouldn't have been able to accept was this space—this fandom, this lovely little corner where we talk about and joke about and blog about and meme about and write about the pens—unraveling. I'm not naive enough to expect this place to be around forever, and it already looks radically different from what it was when I joined it, but I'm determined to help preserve it for as long as I can. I want this to be a fun space. A creative one. Someplace where we're having a good time but also talking about things that matter to us and learning about the sport.

I told you all in a post a long while ago after I went to seattle that I want to be more assertive and honest about how much online friendships mean to me. the fact that there's this online community is sick. we're all in this cool little boat together and that is impressive and interesting and unique and I love it. I love fandom, and I love THIS fandom, and I love Sid and Geno and what we do in the name of their friendship. this place has enriched my life in ways I can't even tell you about. it's so cool. it is SO cool.

so.... I don't know what else to leave you with but this picture of the coastline I sat at on a cool July night, with my career changing in amazing ways and my anxieties quelled and my body flooded with adrenaline over the news that Geno Was Back and my mind BURSTING with creativity over a new story idea that was billowing out of me like smoke.

I sat there, headphones in, a song by one of my favorite bands playing on repeat as the sun set and the world turned the most intense shade of blue I'd seen in my life. I kept mouthing along to the words—Die if I must, let my bones turn to dust, I'm the lord of the lake and I don't want to leave it.

I just couldn't get over how lucky I felt. what a life I had. what fortune had come into my life. how crazy it was that things, like they seemingly so often do, worked out.

if I REALLY wanted to be trite, I could say something right now like "well, it was about time my luck ran out." but I don't feel like it has. tonight wasn't fun, but this season isn't about tonight for me.

this season is about:

the look on my friend's face as we caught sight of Sid at the night of assists and had that christ-he's-real moment

starting a podcast with my friends and getting to create silly goofy stuff in fun new ways

my dad being kind of alarmed at me screaming down at the ice and getting to explain to my sister what a power play was

getting to boo and cheer with the fans (and my friends). during overtime and the shootout for Geno's 1001th game, and the ecstasy of him winning it all.

having players walk past me and my friends at our dinner tables randomly in the city and getting to laugh about how cool/funny an experience that is 😂

having geno help me win a game of blackjack, which will forever be one of the coolest things I've been able to experience

organizing trips for people who've never seen the city before and having them tell me how fun experiencing pgh is, which is so meaningful as someone who's done a lot of growing up here

meeting new friends, both online and in person, and getting to learn about them and write with them and create with them

writing. writing. writing. the thing I've loved to do since I was a child. the thing I want to dedicate myself even more fully to.

reading the works people in our fandom write and share, which is such an overwhelming act of community and passion that I need to remind myself of how extraordinary it is

sitting out on the edge of the water and marveling at what a life I had, literally none of it possible without fandom. nothing in my life has shaped my literal life path as much as this fandom and S+G.

this is overly sentimental and perhaps cloying, but god, do I mean it. I mean it so earnestly I can't even be embarrassed about it.

life is good. tonight was hard, and I saw things that are going to stick with me and probably upset me, but the positives outweigh the negatives as a rule in my life. I can't live otherwise. I won't tell anyone else how to deal with stress or fear, and I'm trying to get better at that, but in the meantime I'll leave you with that image of the big blue world all laid out in front of me and me feeling every feeling in the world there was to feel, because I was so overwhelmed with the previous 24 hours that it was all I could do to sit there and let it run its course.

I'm an optimist, for better or worse, because it's the way I make life bearable. and, because I'm also kind of corny, I'm going to go back to that blue dusk eating up the whole sky and melting into the water and remember how I felt.

that's why I'm here. I hope there are moments from this season that made you feel like that, too. I hope you, like me, feel that those moments greatly and meaningfully outweigh bad ones.

it was a good year. I can't wait for whatever comes next.

[caledfwlchthat]

Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Not Rated Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Category: F/F Relationship: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam Characters: Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde Additional tags: Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Non-Epilogues AU, Child neglect (mentioned), Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lalonde Personpain, Xenobiology, Trolls Are Weird Bugs, Aspect Meta, Philosophy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Snarky Broads

Summary:

A few months out of SBURB, Kanaya walks beside Rose as she takes a trip down memory lane.

Finally now getting to shill some other fics I read from the recent 4/13 crop, and y'all. Y'all. Have I got the Rosemary for you.

Do not get taken in by the anodyne simplicity of the summary here. This fic is a masterclass, a real love letter to the Snarky Broads. It covers so much ground it makes 15 kw seem short in comparison to what I learned about the characters by reading it. The most I think I can say other than just "read it" is that I was totally along for the ride the whole time, and at no point was I totally sure either what would come next on this psychological journey or where it was going to end up. Not because I didn't see the "Angst with a Happy Ending" tag, although I didn't, but because it was that immersive and convincing. Even if you are not die-hard Rosemary fans as the author and myself are (full disclosure), I think there is plenty to get excited about.

I'm also very excited about there being a series called "epilogues minus epilogues" to which this fic belongs. It suggests there will be possibly quite a bit more where this came from.

Enough blather. Click sooner rather than later and go show this excellent fic some love. Please and thank you!

[toomoonfic]

AO3 Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @dimplesandfierceeyes! I really enjoyed this trip down memory lane.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So across my main account (jjjat3am, toomoon, boneflower, yvenger) + my hockey account (savedby), I've somehow managed 283 works.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

901 767 words. Getting closer to that million, huh.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Ah, tricky question. Right now I'm writing mostly in the Thai BL fandom, if I can label it that way. According to my dashboards, I've written across 59 different fandoms.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. you're not a ghost (I'm not afraid of you) - KinnPorsche, Arm/Tankhun 2. safe (right here in your arms) - KinnPorsche, Arm/Tankhun 3. devil is in the details - KinnPorsche, VegasPete 4. how does a penguin build his house? - Hockey RPF, Crosby/Malkin 5. this life (all I know) - Black Panther, M'Baku/Killmonger

Is it weird that I didn't realize that my KinnPorsche fics had gotten so much traction? But I guess it just proves what a huge fandom that was that a rare pairing got over 2k kudos in the case of ghost.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I feel like communication with your reader is integral to building your community, and that's why I'm grateful to everyone that reaches out to me. I've noticed that I don't do it as much when my mental health takes a nosedive, which is why I still owe people replies from last year. I'm still doing it, but I hope it's not weird that people are getting replies like a year later.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm fairly allergic to angsty endings, so it took me a while of searching to get something that might fit this criteria. I'll go with some things never change, which is an Almost Human fanfic, so that's a definite throwback. It features robot death and I remember I exorcised some demons with it for sure.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Pretty much everything else? Just looking at some of the last things I've posted, holding on to patience (like a sunrise) my DBD fic was pretty much a typical Julija happy ending. In general that story is a very typical Julija fic start to finish.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not anymore, thank fuck. I did have a stalker back when I started posting hockey fic, that's why I made a whole other account, but that seems to have died down.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

I've written 12 explicit fics in total, which is just funny when you think about it. The conditions have to really be perfect for me to be able to produce, and when I do, weirdly, it's mostly like, awkward handjobs I guess. I haven't mastered the art of the smut fic yet and likely never will.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Don't do this to me. There's only one fic I've posted that I'm genuinely embarrassed to speak about and this is it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! It's always a joy.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! Take a Chance on Me was written with @zevons and it's so close to my heart. I've done a bunch of collabs and I love them all, not just for the story but just for the connection with another author.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This is also a difficult question for someone as disloyal as me...

I think ToddBlack has such a hold on me to this day, and it's still not totally let me go, so I'll go with that, their dynamic is so compelling to me.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

on the bridge between water and clay is never getting another chapter unless I decide that I'm really into Naruto again, which, okay, stranger things have happened I suppose.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm just the funniest person who's ever picked up a pen, personally. Strangely some people don't agree?? Weird.

I don't know, I never have a witty answer to this particular question, so funny is what I default to, because the funny moments in my fics are the ones that always stay most memorable to me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, descriptions for sure. Things like setting and what people are wearing, and the little details that really transport you to the place in a story. I don't really notice details like that in every day life so there's nothing I can base this on to improve myself.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't have many thoughts, I try to generally avoid it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think it must have been Lord of the Rings.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I posted hung from ladders last year and I'd have to say it's my favorite thing that I've written in a very long time. It's a horror fic I suppose, but at its core it's a story about grief and how you deal with it, and I think in so many ways I was more honest in it than I anticipated I would be. I love it for what it represented for me in that moment but I also love that while not that many people read it, I think that it really impacted the people that did and through that I really felt that sense of community that I hadn't really felt in a long time.

I don't really connect with that many people on this website, so I'm not up to date on who writes and who doesn't, but I'm tagging a few people anyway, hopefully this isn't one you've done before:

@tungtung-thanawat, @mightymightygnomepriest @grasspetty @returning-spring

[bluespring864]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you @yoellglia, @kingfisherprince and @shambolicchaos for tagging me even though I haven't done one of these in months, I appreciate it <3 And look at this, I am actually doing a tag game.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 57. How did that happen.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

418,066. Some of those 57 are pretty long ;-)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well I won't list them all, we'll be here tomorrow. The published ones are mainly: Tatort, Good Omens, Potter, Tennis RPF, Skating RPF and a few Music RPFs. There's an awful lot of WiPs from Sherlock Holmes to Poirot to Star Trek to Oasis to Austen to various Panel Shows to Les Miz to The Hobbit and back again though. Plus WiPs for all the published fandoms. Sigh.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Alright this is going to be a trip down memory lane, seeing as I'm mostly active in very niche fandoms these days. Also, this statistic is perhaps skewed by the fact that lots of my fics are in German (a few nearly made it onto the list though!) and my RPF is locked (for registered users only).

Days in the Sun: Tops the list by a very long way. Harry Potter. A Snape/Hermione post war fic published in 2018. I'm a different writer these days but I still like lots of things about it.

To Trust in One Another: Good Omens. Aziraphale/Crowley post Season 1. I remember the response to this overwhelming me at the time, I had never gotten so many comments so quickly after posting and haven't since. This fandom is so lovely (and filled with writers!).

To those who wait, eventually: Harry Potter. Snape/McGonagall. I love this pairing and this story. And while I am very surprised that both the Potter Fics I actually published are het, I am not surprised they both feature Severus Snape.

Almost Too Kind, or: Prometo: Figure Skating RPF. Yuzu/Javi. I still like the Yuzu POV, although I think I've perhaps written more interesting skating stories, but this was obviously the most popular parinig at the time. Hence the amount of kudos I guess.

Language Barrier Sidestepped: Figure Skating RPF. Yuzu/Javi. This one surprised me because it's just a silly fluffy oneshot. But with some language nerdship in the title and the story (that part is less surprising, if you know me)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always, and sometimes too verbosely :D I like a good comment discussion and I have made friends that way.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angsty endings? Me? I would if I could. Maybe some day. I guess the angstiest one is this unrequited love drabble in the Tatort Münster Fandom.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, most of them have pretty happy endings, I think.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far. Most of the comments I get are really nice. I can remember only a handful slightly weird ones over the years.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No one is more surprised than me, but yes. In my case, it's usually part of a story and has a function in the story. But it can be pretty graphic because it's weird to me to treat sex as something to gloss over. That being said, sometimes a story decides on a fade to black. On the other end of the spectrum, I've also come pretty close to writing PwP, depending on your definition of it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Never written one, very rarely read them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

People have asked for permission several times and I always grant it (of course I do) but I don't think I've ever gotten a link to a finished translation (which I always ask for). I get it though, some of my stories are pretty long and I know all about the difficulties of translation :-)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

It's not finished but I hope we can get back to it @kingfisherprince! I might not always be the easiest person to work with, but I thoroughly enjoyed it so far.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

I don't have one, I write whatever pairing is interesting to me. And would love to write more gen fic if inspiration strikes. The concept of an OTP used to make no senses to me either, though I guess I've come close with Novandy in the Tennis fandom. I still write lots of other stuff in that fandom though.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have trouble going back to the Potter stuff for various reasons. Would love to finish a Snarry which is already at almost 30k but doubt I will. I also have a Poirot/Hastings case fic I really want to finish but (see writing weaknesses)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. I hope Í write realistic relationships that make sense in the story. I try to write clear prose that's not too cluttered (I don't always succeed). Sometimes with my longer fics I've managed to slightly miraculously tie things together, which is amazing to me when it happens but I can't control that at all.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I sometimes overexplain. I tend to forget about 'setting the scene' descriptions now and then. And the big one: I can't plot for the life of me, I write as I go along, which isn't always a problem but definitely is when you try to write a murder mystery (I've got an unfinished Poirot one and an unfinished Tatort Münster one which I would love to continue).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I like it, though I tend to use it relatively sparingly and either add translations or try to make it clear in other ways in the text what was being said (a translation degree comes in handy for this).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Well the first time I tried writing fic it was Kirk/Spock but the first thing I finished and published was Tatort Münster.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Don't do this to me. The answer will be different every day, I think, and for lots of reasons. This is not me being pretentious (I hope), because I would have just as much trouble choosing my favourite song or book etc. Let's pick Two and Two Together for today because I never would have thought I'd write a 42k poly fic, but here we are. I think we've established I sometimes surprise myself.

Tagging: I think most of the writers on my dash have been tagged... but maybe @bonos-grindcore-sideproject and @advantage-sinner and @savageandwise and @all-my-worlds-a-stage if you want to do it?

[elisysd]

51. Heaven knows I should let go, it’s nothing that I don’t already know

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Bad Omens - 5SOS

She was not used to triple headers anymore. She had barely the time to rest when it was already time for Zandvoort. It was always a peculiar atmosphere. People were always very passionate there. She had arrived on Wednesday, to work a little on the side, away from the whole show that would start the next day. She wanted to work on a few documents about the next car sent by Maranello at the beginning of the week. She could have done it in her hotel room but she preferred to work in the atmosphere of the garage, surrounded by the smell of burned rubber and metal.

She sat on the floor and pulled out her laptop from her bag and started to read through the documents, taking notes and writing questions that were popping into her mind. She chewed on her pen. Some data from the testing were not correlating the data from the sim. And it was not as if the gap was minimal which worried her. For a moment she feared that they were going in the wrong direction in the development. A brief vision of a certain USB stick popped into her mind and she briefly regretted not having it near her… She promised herself she wouldn’t use it to work on the current car development but, after all, there was no wrong finding inspiration in a car that was performing really well for the next one. It was not cheating. It would not be the exact same anyway. And a lot of cars were getting inspiration from other teams for their development, there was nothing wrong with it.

As she was focusing on her screen, she heard footsteps coming in the garage. She looked up her laptop. It was weird. No one would come here unless there were mechanics that needed to set up the car and she had checked with her dad, they would only arrive during the afternoon. She stood still, listening to the sounds made by a person who clearly didn’t want to get caught as they seemed to move slowly and tried to stay as quiet as possible. She put her laptop on the side and got up to find herself almost face to face with a man in an elegant black suit.

“Julia? What are you doing here?” asked Carlos, clearly surprised to find her there and could she dare to say, a bit uncomfortable.

“I’m working. I could ask you the same thing.” she replied.

“I’m… going on a trip down memory lane.”

“Reminiscing on the times my dad was kicking your ass back then?” she smiled.

“He was not. We were equally talented teammates.” he scoffed.

“Sure… If you want a full trip to reminisce on your time as a driver, I can get my dad. I’m sure he still has a few videos of you both on tracks.” she was about to take out her phone when Carlos stopped her.

“No! I mean… you don’t need to bother him. So how does it feel for you to join the team?”

“Nice. I’m still getting used to everything.” she said, a bit defensively.

“It’s brave, you know. To stay on the side. To not help the team developing the current car when you could as you’re always near and in Maranello. To wait. I don’t know how you do it. I would sneak around, I wouldn’t be able to help myself. You’re definitely better than me. You follow the rules like your dad and you’re wise like your mom. They must be so proud of you. Their perfect daughter.” he said in a calm voice, slowly turning around her like a lion toying with its prey. She felt a shiver down her spine. “But anyway, I should get going. I have people to meet.”

“Carlos?” she called him out as he was leaving.

“Yes, Julia?”

“Remind me again how many championships you won?” she smiled

She saw a brief glimpse of anger in his eyes as he stared at her before finally leaving. She knew she shouldn’t have said that, that it would only irritate him more and it would come to bite her in the ass. But she hated what he implied, the implicit threats. She should have gone straight to her dad to tell him that Carlos was lurking in the garage but nothing had happened, it was all good and when she came to her room she was caught off guard by Martin standing in the middle of the bedroom, a huge teddy bear in his hands.

“If you don’t want to go to the fair, it’s the fair that comes to you. There is one a few kilometers away from the track and we went there with a few people from the team. I knew you would find that boring so I didn’t ask you but… yeah. I won that for you.” he explained, blushing as she was staring at him not knowing what to say.

“Oh well, that’s a nice gesture… thanks.” she awkwardly smiled.

“You don’t like it.”

“No! I do… it’s just… I don’t even know if I’m supposed to tell you anything.” she sighed.

“You know you can tell me anything.”

“It’s about the car and data. It’s not matching. I’m trying to understand where the gap comes from but I fear we are making a huge mistake in the development. And Carlos was there for no reason and that worries me…”

“Hey, breathe Julia. I trust your judgment and I trust your skills. Whatever the problem is, you’ll find it, I know it. And as for Carlos… maybe he wanted to see Elijah? It wouldn’t be surprising, he is one of his sponsors.”

“I don’t know. I have a bad feeling about this weekend.”

Martin forced her to sit on her bed as he got behind her and tried to appease her by applying slow massages on her neck and shoulders.

“You have to relax. Nothing bad will happen, you’ll see.”

She hoped he was right.

Ethan hated Zandvoort and what it meant for him. It was always a very tense weekend where every single one of his moves were scrutinized. Everywhere he was going, the shadow of his father was looming above him. He could see it in the eyes of the fans, in the eyes of the race stewards who were looking at him and of course in the sea of orange he was welcomed with anywhere he would go. He didn’t consider him as his own homerace, too much history, too much weight on his shoulders with the feeling he had to have a good result there. But still, he had a special helmet for his dad adding a gold lion, the five championships he had won with the years associated with them. It was simple but with a strong meaning, a way for him to embrace his lineage, hoping it would help him to make peace with it.

The qualifying had been great, far from the pole he had been on the week before, with a nice sixth place, behind his teammate. Kyle was on pole and able to race, making Ethan feel relieved. He knew how racing was Kyle’s everything and he hoped it would go well for him. On Sunday morning, when he arrived, he immediately found his dad and mom talking to Charles and Julia. Max had a hand on the girl’s shoulder and was laughing with the Ferrari team’s principal. He rolled his eyes. If only he could find a way to avoid them… but he knew it was useless and he was a better man than that. Or at least was trying. He straightened his posture, put a nice smile on his face and went to the group. He put his arm around his mom’s shoulders, kissing the side of her head as he shook Charles’ hand and winked at his dad. He didn’t want to ignore the brunette who was staring at him but he didn’t know how to act around her anymore. So he stared, in a very awkward way as he saw her blushing and looking at her feet.

“We have to go on a run as soon as you’re back in Monaco, Leclerc! It’s been so long.” said Max.

“Eager for me to beat your ass?” replied Charles with a smile.

“Julia? Care to join us, so you can be the referee.”

“I’m not sure I can keep up with you…” she grimaced.

“Enrico said you made great progress, I’m sure you could, Ju’.”

“Maybe Ethan can come. So you have company while you’re dad and I are fighting.” added Max.

“Dad… I hate running!” whined the blonde.

“You need to work on that cardio, son. It’s important.”

“Oh, don’t worry I’m sure Ethan’s cardio is doing more than okay. His girlfriend is taking good care of it.” Julia snorted, arching an eyebrow.

“Girlfriend? What do you mean?” said Max, caught a little off guard.

“She is talking about Sofia.” Ethan explained.

“Sofia? Are we talking about the same Sofia?” Max repeated.

“Because he is screwing more than one Sofia?”

“Sofia is my therapist.”

He saw Julia’s mouth open and close, before blushing of shame and for a moment he felt like an idiot for having played her. From the corner of his eyes he saw Charles and Max leaving and he quickly apologized to the girl.

“So… you’re seeing someone.” she said when they finally were alone.

“Yeah. It feels good. I’m starting to understand myself a bit more. She helps me feel more grounded, focus on my races. It’s nice.”

“I’m glad. I… I hope you’re not doing that for me? You don’t change for me, I mean.”

“I do that for me. I needed it. I do that for me, then for the sake of my family and the unresolved issues I have with dad… and you. I want to understand where and why we went wrong. So I can be better. I want to be a better man.”

“Don’t change too much, though. I like it when you’re a little asshole.” she smiled, nudging him in the shoulders.

When he got back to the hospitality, he was grinning. His interactions with Julia were still awkward but it started to go from weird awkward to nice awkward. They had still a long way to go before even considering being friends. Somehow, it was still hurting him. He missed her. A lot. Even if it was just her screaming at him, it was still something. He hated her indifference more than anything else and it had always been this way ever since they were kids. If back then  he wanted nothing more than to make her frown, now he wanted her smile. But he would take everything she would give him.

He arrived in the hospitality, right on time for the pre-race meeting. He sat down next to Chloe who was already there, reading her notes. She smiled at him giving him a high five as he started to do the same. They went through the procedures and the strategy one last time and when they finally got out of the meeting room, Ethan wanted nothing more but the peace and quiet of his driver’s room. But when he opened the door, he didn’t think of finding Louis there, reading on his sofa.

“Louis? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to hang out with you before the race. There are too many people in the Ferrari’s hospitality.”

“Do your parents know you’re here?”

“Yeah, I told mom.” he shrugged.

In fact, even if Louis had indeed told his mom that he was going to find Ethan, Lyanna had not heard him and was now freaking out, in the arms of her husband who was on the verge of sending a search party for his son. Julia had tried to reach him but quickly stopped as he had left his phone in the hospitality.

“He can’t be far away.” tried to reason Martin who was rubbing her back to appease her.

“You don’t know my brother! The last time he ran away, we found him alone, sitting in the middle of the woods.” Julia harshly said.

“Is there a place he would like to be in the paddock? Maybe a quiet place?” Martin ignored her.

“He hates attending races… I know he said he was going more to see Ethan than to support dad.”she sighed.

“Maybe he is with him? Do you think he could have gone to Ethan, to wish him luck?”

“I mean…. Maybe? It’s a possibility that is worth trying.” she said, putting on her coat and walking towards the exit.

“Go, Ju’, we'll stay there in case he comes back.” her dad told her.

She ran to the Maserati hospitality as fast as she could, Martin following behind, but was stopped in her tracks by the security officer.

“I’m sorry miss but you don’t have the badge to enter.”

“I know but… I have reasons to think my brother is with Ethan and…”

“Sure. That’s a new one. Get the hell out of here.”

“But mister…”

“Julia? Is everything alright?”

“Chloe, oh my gosh I’ve never been so happy to see you! Have you seen Louis?” Julia asked.

“Well, no… but I can ask if Ethan saw him.”

“Please do.”

They waited a few minutes before Ethan arrived, Louis right next to him and Julia ran to her brother, not without glaring at the security officer. She hugged the young teen as he didn’t really understand where the sudden burst of affection was coming from.

“But I told mom!” he complained when Julia explained the whole family was freaking out.

“Next time make sure she listens to you, Louis.” Julia replied.

“How did you find me this fast, though?”

“Martin thought you would be with Ethan, since you like him…” Julia explained.

“Saint Martin coming to save the day once again…” Ethan commented with a half smile.

“I mean, Louis loves you. I just thought that if someone could at least help us out it would be you.”

“Next time he does something like that and tells me he warned someone, I’ll text you. To make sure.”

She smiled at him, running her hands in the hair of her brother as he was making an annoyed face.

“We should go… you have a race to focus on and so does Martin.” Julia finally said when the silence became too awkward.

As they were leaving, Ethan screamed at them to wait a moment and ran to the hospitality, before coming back to them, a Maserati’s cap between his hands which he put on Louis’ head.

“I need my number one fan to wear it so it brings me luck.” he smiled, hugging him.

Seeing Ethan acting all sweet and genuine around her brother never failed to make her feel fuzzy and warm inside. She joined her mom after Martin left her at the hospitality. She didn’t even remember if he had kissed her. She was surprised to not care that much.

“Ethan is great with your brother.” Lyanna said after Julia told her everything.

“He had always been.”

“You know, I saw how Louis changed around Ethan. He is more open towards people, more expressive, less in his own bubble. It’s great. I never thought I would see him like this. You know what Louis told me yesterday?”

Julia shook her head as her mom was clinging to her mug of tea.

“He said he wanted to go to university when he would be able to. He doesn’t feel ready for high school but he says he wants to study more outside, in the library. And he wants to take guitar classes. When I asked him why guitar, he said that Ethan told him it was the way to get girls. I laughed because he said it in such a casual tone, you should have heard him… Ethan helped him so much and I don’t think he knows it. I want to thank him. Would you be okay if I was inviting him for dinner, maybe when the season will be over?”

“No, of course not. You’re right, it’s a great idea. Louis will be happy.” she replied with a lump in her throat.

“What about you?”

“Mom… I think I made a huge mistake.”

Ethan felt calm in his car. The orange army of fans wasn’t phasing him anymore, his dad watching him wasn’t giving him any added pressure, really he was okay and ready to race. So when the lights went out he confidently maneuvered his car through to avoid any overtakes. In front, Elijah was already fighting with Kyle for the lead of the race, something the American was not ready to give up on so easily. As for Ethan he was following Chloe closely. The strategy was simple, since she was in front, he had to protect her until the team would tell him otherwise.

The laps went on one by one and for the first time in months Julia found the race boring. Each car was following each other without anything interesting happening. No crazy overtakes, no strategy mishaps, no scary move from anyone. Julia even had to admit that she got so bored that she had started drawing to take her mind off things. The more she was thinking about Martin and their relationship, the more she started to come to terms with the fact that she had jumped into it blindly and stupidly. It would never work out no matter how hard she would try. It had been sweet and lighthearted, it had helped her heal a little and get her confidence back. But that was it, they wouldn’t go further than that. It was doomed to fail from the very start, she had always known deep down. She had been too stubborn to admit it. She hadn’t been fair to Martin either and even less to her. Now, she had to find the courage to tell him.

“Fuck, Ferrari is ferrarying…” swore Lyana, making Julia jumped, not used to hear her mother swear.

“What is happening?” Julia asked, looking up from her drawing.

“They screwed up Elijah’s pitstop. He is now P15…”

“He is going to come back in front.” Julia commented, focusing more on the race.

It didn’t take long for him to regain his position, behind Martin this time. They were both aggressively fighting for the P3 and Julia was surprised to not hear any team’s orders asking them to bring both cars home safely. Elijah was pressuring Martin and Julia knew better than anyone how prone to mistake he could be under it. She hoped with everything she had that nothing would happen. The team didn’t need that after the comeback in the standings they had managed before the summer break.

Julia anxiously started to bite her nails until she heard the whole hospitality gasped before she saw the images. They both had crashed. On the replay, she could see Elijah going for the inside and overtaking Martin but as he drove past Martin, his rear slightly touched Martin’s front and as he tried to stay on the road he slipped and took Elijah with him in the gravel.

Both drivers were getting out of the car angry and Julia swore she had seen Elijah pushing Martin in the shoulder. For a moment she wondered if she should go to him, to comfort him but now Ethan was in the fight for a podium as well as Ludwig, Kyle and Chloe and she really wanted to watch her friends. Martin probably needed time to cool down.

When he had seen the Ferrari’s out, Ethan had smiled inside his helmet. Now he was in the fight for a new podium and nothing could stop him, this time he would stand on a step and he wouldn’t have any doubts of where he was supposed to be.

“You’re faster than Chloe, we are switching positions.”

“Copy.”

And indeed his teammate slowed down a little in the long straight line to let him pass, giving him full permission to go and catch Ludwig to take the P2. He managed to do so in the penultimate lap and when he finally crossed the line after Kyle he let out a scream of joy, quickly followed by his race engineer.

“Second P2 in a row, let’s fucking go!”

“You know what they say, Ethan. Never two without three.”

“No, next time I want a win. I’m tired of being second place.”

Julia was clapping her hands in front of the race results. She was so happy for her friends but most of all happy for Ethan. She knew how underpressure he must have felt during the weekend and seeing him achieving a podium in a race he was more than dreading, she was proud of him. Whatever his therapist was doing with him, it was working. She got out of the hospitality to face a journalist that cornered her and shoved his camera right to her face.

“And we are with Julia Leclerc, future member of Ferrari’s engineering team. We all saw the crash that happened today between your drivers. Is that a lack of communication between Martin and Elijah or a lack of communication inside the team? We were all surprised to notice no team orders.”

“Well… I mean.. I don’t know, that’s a question you should ask to their team principal.”

“We also saw a very nice battle towards the end, what did you think of it?”

“Of course, Kyle is an exceptional driver. It shouldn’t surprise anyone to see him win another race. He is the kind of guy who, when he starts on pole, nothing can stop him. But I’m really astonished by Ethan’s driving lately. It’s so calm and precise, he always had an amazing racing intelligence but I feel like he improved a lot on it. And his overtakes are one of the cleanest of the grid. It’s just a matter of time before he stands on the highest step of the podium. Truth be told, if I were a team principal I would try my best to sign him and give him the car he deserves because the car he is in currently is not made to fight for pole positions and podiums. That’s how talented he is.”

She didn’t know where it was coming from but she couldn’t have helped herself to spill her guts to the journalist. And it felt good. She smiles and thanked him before running to the podium's celebrations.

She made her way to the front right in time for the trophies to be given. Ludwig, Ethan and Kyle had a huge smile on their faces and when the champagne popped, she had never seen them being this happy to spread it. They were drenched and Julia was sure that the hug they were giving to one another would be on the front pages of newspapers.

When she came back to the hospitality to find her boyfriend, his race engineer told her that he had left straight after the meeting. He didn’t even bother to send her a text to tell her he was already back at the hotel. When she arrived in the room, he was scrolling on his phone, barely looking at her. She laid down next to him, trying to catch his attention.

“If I were a team principal I would try my best to sign him and give him the car he deserves because the car he is in currently is not made to fight for pole positions and podiums. That’s how talented he is.” he said in a bitter tone.

“Martin..”

“I don’t even want to talk about it, Julia.” he cut her.

“I’m sorry… he asked me about the race and…”

“No matter what it will always be him. You always come back to him. Always! When I’m right here. I could give you the world Julia, I want to but you don’t let me!”

“I’m trying! You said it was enough for you!” she argued.

“Maybe I lied! Maybe I was wrong! Maybe it’s not enough. Maybe I thought I could make you forget him, I could make you happier, I could be better than him. But I can’t fight against your feelings Julia! He is not physically there but he is everywhere!”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked.

“I don’t know? Fight for me! For once, stop running away and fight for something! Choose me.”

“You can’t ask me that! That’s not fair!”

“Because you’ve been fair with me? That’s rich coming from you.” he laughed, looking at her like a mad man.

“Do you think that I decided to still love Ethan? I can’t control it! And I’m tired of fighting it! I know I’m not fair, and maybe I never was. I know you didn’t deserve it, I know it was selfish to ask you to love me when I can barely look at myself in the mirror. That’s twisted and wrong. I know all of that! But you can’t ask me to choose you. I can’t lie to you. I can’t lie to myself. Not anymore.”

She was about to leave the room, when he called her out and what escaped his lips made her heart sink in her chest.

“I love you, Cecile!”

“Cecile?” she repeated in disbelief.

“I meant, Julia. Gosh, no… I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened, I…”

She let out an emotionless laugh.

“I don’t want to hear it. It’s useless. We know that this, whatever it is, will never work out. It was stupid to try and I’m sorry if I led you on. Truly. You deserve better. We both deserve better.” she said through the tears.

“So it’s over…”

“It never really started.” she stated, leaving this time for good.

Author's note: So Martin and Julia are over! Finally! And no it doesn't mean that she will run straight into Ethan's arms... you know me now.

What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

[fuckmeyer]

Come Nightfall deleted scenes: Snacktime Psychosis

[Chapter 27: in which Bells reunites with Edward & really needs him to not be insane right now, thanks]

I gasped so sharp, it sounded like a breathless scream.

His eyes were black holes, like someone had ripped the eyes out of his sockets. Even the under-eyes were angry, thick streaks of purplish bruising. The only way I could tell they still existed was the disgusting way in which the reflection of light moved as his eyes did.

Before I could dig the balls of my feet into the cobblestones to stop myself from charging head-first into a starving vampire, I tripped and slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn't caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back.

Like a year had never passed, Edward’s hands and body molded to mine with instinctual ease, wrapping me into his arms. Even his grip had remained unchanged—a product of muscle memory, surely. Still, he held me tight to him. Almost too tight.

My memories hadn’t done me justice. Everything about him remained almost unchanged—besides the thick scar tissue running across the base of his neck and the smell of burnt cinnamon so strong it made my eyes water, he felt and smelled the same.

“Carlisle was right.” His exquisite voice filled with wonder—and slight amusement. It sounded breathless and weak, like his throat was coated with chalk or sand.

“Edward.”

He shuddered at the sound of me. Venom glistened on his lips. “Say it again.”

Eight minutes.

“We have to move.”

He carried me with my legs still wrapped around his waist. "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good.” He pressed his lips against my hair, bumping my head. When he spun me around in his arms, he tripped over the cobblestone road, taking out chunks of street under his heel. His voice was like honey and velvet, but dry. He wiped the venom on his chin with the back of his hand. “You smell almost the same. Something’s off.”

A weird sense of deja-vu struck me, but his calmness brought on a wave of desperation. “Edward, you need to feed, we’ve got to get out of here right now.”

“Shh. You know there’s no hunting in Volterra.”

The party was still in full swing in the streets. The streetlamps began flickering to life as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker. In the crowd of stumbling-drunk Italians and enthralled tourists, Edward and I didn’t stand out one bit.

Meanwhile, Edward walked. Walked.

“Where should I take you?” he whispered to me. “Where should we go? Paris? Your bedroom? The moon?”

Seven minutes.

“Wherever; can you pick up the pace?” My voice edged on hysteria.

“Wow, even the vein patterns are the same,” he marveled, staring at my chest. “This is much better than a memory. Just as warm—hotter.”

Memory? Hang on.

My stomach fell.

I yanked on his hair, I kicked him in the back with my heel, I hissed, “You’re not dead.”

Edward froze.

His eyes surveyed the other humans in the scene. No had one noticed us—as far as anyone else was concerned, we were just two travelers having a romantic moment in the ancient streets of southern Italy.

His eyes caught mine.

He whirled around into a different alley and pressed my back up against a wall, darting his eyes to the mouth of the road where people passed by. He shifted so they couldn’t see me, like I was some secret. Still, no one noticed.

“I’m not dead?” His voice was low even by vampire standards. “What do you mean I’m not dead?”

“The Volturi haven’t—"

His whispered became increasingly panicked. “Did I kill you? Are you dead? Am I carrying a corpse through Volterra? Who are you? Oh my god. Did I kill someone?”

With urgency, he tightened his grip around my legs and bolted down the narrow street, rushing to the third back door on the street, making it impossible for me to stand on my own. For a second he looked at it, leaning in ear-first. Then in one fluid motion, he grabbed the handle of the door. It bent, groaning, and with a grunt Edward tore it off. The warped metal clattered to the ground.

Clearly he hadn’t fed in a while—a long while. He didn’t have his balance, his strength—his mind.

“I’m not dead either. Put me down. Can’t you hear my heartbeat?”

“I can hear her heartbeat,” he muttered, bursting into the dark kitchen of some empty home. We brushed past a small wooden table on our way down the hall. “I see her veins and smell her scent—there’s enough of a resemblance for me to think you’re her. Do you have any ID?” His hands drifted to the back pockets of my jeans, searching. I balked at his touch and slammed my heel into his back again, harder—his hands zipped back down my legs to keep me supported.

“I am her and I’m here.” I thrashed in his arms, but he only held me closer, tighter. Almost too tight.

“In Volterra?” Edward shook his thread and scoffed. “Sure. I believe as my hallucination you think you’re in Volterra.”

Still in his arms, my foot knocked a picture frame off an end table in a narrow hallway. Edward spun when it crashed to the ground, swore, stumbled, and kept moving, entering the bedroom at the end of the hall. My other foot knocked against the threshold of it.

Five minutes.

“This is just my subconscious making me feel guilty. I’m sorry I killed you but I’m so—” Even in darkness, his eyes shouted the end: thirsty. ravenous. starving.

“Edward, c’mon, we don’t have time!”

“I could only hold out so long. Carlisle won’t ever— But I’m not going back. It doesn’t matter.”

He dropped me off of him—not without effort, but enough that I bounced when my back hit the mattress. The back of his hand wiped the bead of venom rolling down his lips.

I said as he crawled over top of me. “We have to get out of here, you have to feed, you need energy. You’re thirsty," I whispered, studying the purple bruises under his black irises.

Next to the bed was a window. I tried pushing him in that direction, but he wouldn’t budge. My hand found his neck and I dug my fingernails into his hard skin—unsuccessfully—to get him to register my presence. Panic kept rising in my chest.

We weren’t going to make it in time if he didn’t get it together.

“So thirsty, I’m so thirsty.” Edward’s voice was hoarse. His fingertips traced the circles under my eyes. Drops of venom landed on my chest. “So thirsty. I don’t want it to be over. You’re here.” His eyes sparkled wildly.

“Stop drooling, oh my god.” I ripped the corer of the bedsheet out from under me and wiped up the drops of venom. Then I held the cloth to his face. “Spit.”

He needed sanity. He needed to be a single-track mind. He needed to not blow our last few minutes with this stupid nonsense!

My mind panicked even as it reeled through the options, the option: every time Edward tastes my blood, he’s been able to stop—

“Your hair’s gotten longer. You look tired. You don’t smell as good as she does.” He’s insane! You’re insane! “I wonder how you taste.”

I must’ve had tears in my eyes because my voice cracked when I said, “Drink from me.” God, what the hell am I saying? “We need to go now.” His smile flashed all his teeth, fangs included. Even as he did as he was told, wiping his mouth and spitting into the fabric, he said, “If you were really Bells, why would you want me to—"

“Cuz I’m frickin’ alive and we need to go now!” I shouted. In frustration, I ripped at his hair, slapped him across the face, punched his chest, yanked him towards me, anything for a reaction.

For all of his temporary insanity, our minds still operated on the same wavelength—so what did that say about me?

His mouth found mine, hungry, open-mouthed. This was as reckless and needy as his summertime kisses, the era when his hands would touch me freely and his mouth roamed over my skin. I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine—no pain in the world would have justified missing this opportunity.

I cried. Because I loved him.

Three minutes. Or two? Or one?

In my defense, kissing him provided a pretty convincing argument that I was, in fact, alive.

“You’re not really alive, are you?” he panted.

Okay. Maybe not.

“Bite me. —No, stop, not my neck. No. Edward. My arm.” Dazed, Edward followed my commands, his lips leaving a trail of sloppy kisses on my skin. He’s listening to me. That wild, urgent hope that came with insane ideas overtook me. “Swallow your venom. It’ll be fine.” Maybe. Hopefully. Either I die right now or die by the Volturi—

At the very least, he seemed to know what I was asking. Edward stared at me, dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that he felt the same way I did about this. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat.

“If you’re not already dead and I kill you, sorry about killing you.”

So that's what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter.

“Swallow your venom. It’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.”

“Don’t worry,” he continued, brushing the wrinkle between my brows with his thumb. “If you become a vampire, I’ll come back to end you. I promise.”

He kissed the trail of veins one more time.

Edward’s teeth sunk into my forearm.

[lesbiangenkai]

okay so some more thoughts and initial impressions about the live action:

first of all i want to say overall i enjoyed it but this is absolutely a treat for fans and not something i would recommend for someone with no prior knowledge of the series. and it obviously suffers a lot from the limited amount of episodes. i don't know if it was a netflix decision or what, but an 8-10 episode season would've definitely taken this from "fun trip down memory lane" to "actual good series that can stand on its own".

however! the writers did a very very good job condensing the story into one arc that generally flowed together well. i would say the only time the pacing feels truly awkward is the genkai training, but with only 5 episodes there's just nothing else they could've done about that.

some changes that are really really good and work arguably better than the original:

hiei's intro being re-written so that his motivations and character make sense from the jump. i especially love the fight scene with yusuke where he refuses to even draw his sword because yusuke is too weak to bother with

KEIKO IS A REAL CHARACTER! she was a girl trapped in a shounen manga and now she gets to be a character in an ensemble cast and treated with some actual care. looping her into the yukina rescue was fantastic. she feels like a Final Girl and i love that for her

the whole cast was really good despite my reservations seeing the screenshots. kuwabara steals the show imo but the actor who plays yusuke is great. that IS my grumpy son. kurama is appropriately weird and i love the actor doing this stiff walk like he's in a body he's not 100% used to yet. hiei's hair is terrible but he's doing great. just the right level of disdain for everyone around him

SAKYO. alright listen. i love that sakyo's gambling is borderline a superpower for him. when he does the russian roulette gamble with only one empty chamber oh boy this guy is BONKERS!!

the fight scenes were all done really well. and especially with yusuke the way he thinks on his feet during a fight and using his environment was reflected well

downsides: obviously the genkai arc....its such a good arc with a powerful message and i wish it got the time and space it needed. ummm also i know everything was rushed BUT i wish they had that moment in the toguro fight where keiko has a meltdown especially in the LA watching kuwabara "die" in front of her knowing she is about to be next. it's just such a powerful moment in the show imo where she's watching this brutality unfold as yusuke is getting beaten and her mind is on a loop like "i was just scolding him about homework last week we're supposed to be in school we're supposed to be KIDS" i know why they didn't but still. still.

i really wish we got more moments with the characters hanging out or chatting or something. also adult koenma with the binky.....tbh either have koenma played by an actual kid OR just have him as an adult and drop the binky have him chewing on a lolipop or something idc but like. if we're not doing the baby bit there's no reason to have it they could have just dropped it. ALSO this is nitpicky but kuwabara's spirit sword not being yellow.....yes i was bothered by this. :((( i'd give this like a 8/10 overall tho, very very fun.