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iwhishtomeetinournextlife · 3 years ago

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An anonymous lover (Part 5)

Summary : Y/N sees Sirius Black running away after a particularly rough letter from his mother. She wants to cheer him up and decide to send him a letter, anymously, she knows how much he hates her house.

Warnings : Slytherin!Reader, female!reader, angst, arguing, not proof read

Word count : 2.2k

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - You're here - Part 6 - Part 7

English is not my first language, sorry if there is any mistakes

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It is not possible. It is a mistake. He has dream of that moment so much, he is just imagining things now.

Sirius was in his dorm, laying down, looking at the stars on the canopy of his bed. He has stuck all the enveloppe he had receive decored with stars there, so he could see the sky before falling asleep, this had helped him to sleep better for the past few weeks.

But even the soothing looks of the stars could not help him calm his mind, he simply could not believe the person he was exchanging letters with, for now soon to be two months, was a slytherin. He knows her house shouldn’t be important, that no matter what she had helped him in so many ways, but he had developped such a hated for this house, he could simply not accept it.

He didn’t dare to compare the handwriting, fearing it would be indeed true, but after a few minutes he finally decided to look, he had to be sure, he couldn’t stay in the mystery like that for much longer.

He took the notes Y/N gave to him and the latest letter, the one he got today, it was a warming letter, she was talking about how she used to climb trees with her brother when she was a kid but never dared to go high, and how all the assignment was stressing her out and that writing to him helps her feeling better. Sirius felt like shit reading the lines.

He finally compare the two handwriting and threw his head back when they were the same. All the memories of the letter who were a source of joyed turned into a taste of disgust in the back of his tongue. What was before a blessing to be able to read those impossible lines became a curse. He hated it.

He hated how much of an impact her being a slytherin had on him, he didn’t want to deal with the emotion and decided to burry it deep inside of him. He didn’t copy the notes Y/N gave him and used Remus’ instead, he didn’t go to supper that evening, he didn’t respond to the letter like usual, and he didn’t sleep that night.

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Y/N was a bit surprise to not have any letters from Sirius that night, she had not see him in the Great Hall either, that got her a bit worried. She tried to reassure herself, he did say he had difficulties with that specific potion so he was probably studying.

She laughed at that idea, she had never seen him study before, clever and smart Sirius. Always finding ways out of situation, always the right answer in class if he bothered participating. The two month were over soon she realised and he had still to find her. She felt a bit of dispointment but also a satisfaction of winning the bet. She blushed when she remembered Sirius had promised a date if he find her before. Would he still wants to ask her if the bet was over ?

She thought for a moment, she hoped he would, she was still a bit scared to reveal herself, but she was confident everything would go alright if she did. After all, they had spend so much time sharing their hearts, it couldn’t desappear that easily, right ?

The next day she searched for him in the crowd and she felt her stomach flip, he looked livid, her first thought went to his mother, has she send another letter ? She felt so bad for him, she just wanted to hold him in her arms and tells him everything would be alright because he was capable of anything.

When their eyes met, Sirius quickly looked away, he didn’t want to see her, didn’t want to think of all the things happening in his head and she was only making things worse. Y/N didn’t know what to think of that, she decided to let him his space, he could always write to her if he needed her help.

But Y/N’s concern only got worse, it was Remus who gave her back her notes, and when she asked if Sirius was ok, he just nodded and said he will be alright. He completly ignore her in class, and wierdly enough he seemed to look at her way more often than before but always looked away when she noticed him.

She send a little message, a very short one, “Are you ok ? I’m worried”, all she was able to write down, she felt a weight in her stomach getting heavier every day and sharp glass in her throat forbbiding her to talk.

Those feeling only got worse when Sirius only responded with “I know who you are. Astronomy tower, 11PM, tomorrow” Y/N has never sweat that much in her entire life.

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The walk from the dungeon to the astronomy tower was a long walk, and she was very careful to not get caught by anyone patrolling the corridors, she was trembling like a leaf in the wind. Each step getting heavier. But when she finally arrived, he was there, looking at the window, he turned to her when he heard someone enter.

For a solid second they just stand there, looking at eachother, not daring to say a word, but after a few moment it Y/N who spoke. “So... You know who I am”

“Yeah..”, his eyes looked in the void, he didn’t know what to do, he felt completly paralized. “Well.. What now ?” she didn’t dare to look a him either. “I don’t know”

Y/N froze for a moment, he didn’t know ? He is the one who asked her to come here ! After all they shared to one another, all the words exchanged, all those freaking kisses and hugs that’s all he had to say ? What for ? “Is it because I’m a slytherin ?”

Sirius didn’t answer for a moment but that spoke for itself, Y/N scoffed, tears running down her cheeks. “Of course” Sirius frowned “What do you mean by that ?”

“Of FUCKING course the great Sirius Black can’t deal with the fact he befriended a slytherin, how could have i been this stupid to think he could get over his own prejudice on a house he knows nothing about” Sirius stood from the window seat and walked to her visibly pissed “I know enough ‘bout yer stupid house to know t’s just a bunch a soon to be death eaters !”

Y/N open her mouth, completly shocked “Death eater ? Death. Eaters ? What do you even know about it ? Have you even try to talk to-” “Actually, yes, I did ! And mind ya all those I have talked to are nothing but monsters, so I prefer keep you and your kind away from me as much as possible”

Heavy tears were falling, how could he say that ? Her voice were cracking “Me and my kind ?! Do I look like a monster to you ?” Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times “Maybe, yeah ! I know nothing about you !”

“NOTHING ?! I OPEN MY HEART TO YOU AND SERVED IT ON A GOLDEN PLATE !”

“WELL I DON’T WANT IT ! YOUR PEOPLE ARE NOTHING BUT A SHAME TO THESE SCHOOL, I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE LET STUDYING HERE ! NOTHING BUT ABOMINATIONS ! YOU WILL JU-”

“MAY I KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE ?!”

Y/N and Sirius froze, Professor McGonagall and prefect were standing at the door, arms crossed, a severe look on her face. “So ? I’m waiting”. Both the students were heads down, ashamed of being caught like four years old. It is Sirius who answered “Nothing Professor", she frowned when she saw the tears Y/N was quickly swipping away and her puffy eyes. “Well I am sure you will gladly do nothing at your detention tomorow after class”

“Yes Professor” have they replied in union, “Now, I believe you both know the way back to your dorm ? Go Miss Y/L/N, accompagny her Mister Collins, and it better not happen again” Y/N nod, unable to say another word and got out, following Collins. “Follow me Mister Black”, Sirius followed without a word.

After a few minutes, when they were starting to climb the moving stairs back to the Gryffindor commun room, she spoke, “I will not hide to you that I am quite desappointed Mister Black”, he frowned but before he could they anything, McGonagall added “I heard enough of your conversation to know what was happening, Mister Black” He felt his blood running out his face, probably leaving whiter than snow. “Professor I-”

“I don’t need your explainations, what you have said to Miss Y/L/N is simply intolarable, I thought better of you” Sirius was now red of shame, he didn’t know what to say, actually, he already regretted every words, he regretted them the second they have left his lips. “I can understand your disfavour toward the slytherin, I know your difficult relationship with your family and the fact they were all from this house, but I need you to understand that not all slytherin are bad people, the same way not all people who were from gryffindor turned out to be good people. Do you understand ?” Sirius nodded “I want you to think about it, goodnight Mister Black”

Sirius said goodbye and enter the common room before going to his shared dorm, he was not surprise to see that none of the marauders were sleeping. Sirius put the map he had used to sneek out in James drawer, his friend spoke “Where were you ?”

He didn’t answered at first, letting himself flopped on his bed, face first and groaning into his pillow. His friends looked at each other, worried, “Were you with a girl ?”, that only made him groaned louder. “C’mon, talk t’ us” said Remus, who stood up to sat beside his friend.

Sirius didn’t said anything for a moment, he was gnaw with guilt, he wanted all he said back, when he remember you crying his chest tighten, it was his fault if those tears were rolling down your cheek, if you were screaming at him, he had said such horrible thing to you but you didn’t said anything bad, you just observe a hard truth : this idiot could not go past his jugmental ass.

“The anonymous lover is Y/N”, all the marauders gasped together and hurried beside on his bed. “So ? What happenned ? You should be through the roof !” Sirius turned around, “I knew it for ‘ few days now”, James widen his eyes “ ‘nd you did tell us ?!”

Sirius grimaced “I know ! ‘m sorry ! ‘t just...” Remus frowned, something bad happened. “Pads, what have y’ done ?”, he simply put a pillow on his face, groaning and speaking intelligible words. “Wha’ ?”

“I TOLD HER SLYTHERIN WERE ABOMINATIONS !” they all sat there for a moment. James finally took the pillow from Sirius and hit him as hard as he possibly could with it “You. Are. An. I. DI. OT.”

“OUCH ! Yeah, YEAH ! I know, stop hitting me !” but he didn’t stop before a few more hit. He stop and catched back his breath. “I wouldn’t like to be you” said Peter, “Yeah, no shit Worm-” -another hit from James- “What do I do now ?!”

“Wha’ ? ‘cause you want her now ?” questionned Remus, he did not approve of his friend behavior, but he assumed that since he basicly called her a monster, he must not want to be with her. He observed his friend for a moment “C’mon, tell us everythin’ “

Sirius told them everything, from how he foud out, to what McGonagall had told him, passing by the horrible things he said to Y/N and him hiding his feelings away, getting interrupt occasionly by hit from James. But then he stopped, realising something horrible. “Oh no. Oh no no no no, I’M BECOMMING MY MOM !” He put his face in his hands. “I said such horrible things to her, she didn’t deserved any of it ! How do I make her feel better ?” He sounded desperate.

James put a hand on his friend’s shoulder “You gotta show her you really regret wha’ you said”

“Maybe some gifts ?” suggested Peter.

“Nah, first you have to deal with yer slytherin hate” said Remus.

Sirius frowned “What do you mean ?”

“If you want to date a slytherin, you have to deal with your irrational hate towards all of ‘hem”

“It’s not irrational ! I have perfectly good reas-” but he stopped mid-sentence, it was the argument with Y/N all over again, he sighed, he did need to deal with that.

“Let’s sleep, it’ll be better tomorow” said James who went to his own bed, the rest nodded and did the same.

Sirius put on some pyjamas and laid there for long minutes, thinking about why he hated slytherin so much, about his family, about Y/N. About the tears he caused, he wanted to punch himself for that, he swore that night that he will do anything to put a smile on her face and never see her cry again. He knew it will be hard but he will do anythign to deserve her fogiveness.

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@blackpinkdolan @jentaculargums @bruxa0007 @deathkat657 @theincredibledeadlyviper @bleh-bleh-blehs @whiskeypowder @edithsvoice @weasleybeb

#An anonymous lover #sirius black x reader #marauders x reader #sirius x reader

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davidduckworth · 5 years ago

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2019 in Books

2019 was another fairly slow reading year. No excuses really. I just didn't manage to get into a proper rhythm and the desire for doing other things trumped that of reading.

1. Mythos: The Greek Myths Retold (3/5)

By Stephen Fry

My Take: Myths are just so…. wierd! I enjoyed the retelling of some of these timeless stories which just, for the most part, make no sense. It’s interesting how Gods have come to represent ‘beyond human’ and perfection, but the Greeks myths infuse Gods with both virtue and vice — vengeance, passion, cruelty, avarice. Gods are more extreme version of humans. I find it interesting how some of these stories have survived and continue to inspire creatives all over.

2. A Brief History of Time: From the Big Bang to Black Holes (4/5)

By Stephen Hawking

My Take: Much needed refresher of descriptions and explanations of foundational physics, much of which I had forgotten. I enjoyed the historical elements of the basic premise that every theory is provisional, just a hypothesis no matter how much facts seem to agree with it. I love that our foundational understanding of the universe and it’s physical laws come from two theories that are largely at odds with each other: general relativity and quantum mechanics. The discussions around space, time, the expanding universe, elementary particles, and black holes are enjoyable-though I must say I’m already in need of another refresher.

3. Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World (1/5)

By Cal Newport

My Take: I was really hoping to like this book. The truth is that I struggle to focus on just one thing at a time and my mind tends to wander on to the next thing. But, I didn't really learn much of anything new and a lot of the book felt like fillers and obvious advice — focus on what's important, avoid social media, do the hard tasks early in the morning, email and the internet are attention hogs, add routines and habits that force you into the behaviours you want, etc…

4. Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration (4/5)

By Ed Catmull

My Take: As you would expect from experts in story telling, the book weaved in the narrative of Pixar with business lessons. Creativity flurishes in enviroments with flat structures, candor, truth-seeking, trust, prototyping, iteration, mentorship. Specifically, found the braintrust (a group of trusted colleagues with their own circle of competence who will be honest with each other in pursuit of better outcomes) to be an interesting management tool to instantiate some of these concepts. Another interesting concept was thinking about how you can reduce the consequence of failure by keeping a project in a development phase for longer, where the costs of exploration and iteration is low. Once you commit to a path, it's much harder to change direction.

5. Why We Sleep (2/5)

By Matthew Walker

My Take: I've always been fond of sleep — but for some reason it's not one of those things that I prioritise over say a good night out with family/friends, Netflix (apparently Netflix's biggest competitor is sleep according to Reid Hasting), or a large dosage of link-hopping on the interwebs. I've always felt that sleep is largely a waste of time, and that if I can reduce the amount of time sleeping I'll gain more time in deliberate consciousness. This book is a good reminder of our body's physical limitations and how critical of a process sleep is for learning, memory, decision-making, creativity, happines, working, longevity (get the point here?). While the benefits are clear (if somewhat hyperbolic), trying to implement the advice is where the rubber hits the road. I'm working on scheduling sleep consistency, no screens in bed, no caffiene in the afternoon, ideal sleep setup. Unfortunately, I have a feeling a newborn baby won't help for this resolution in 2020.

6. Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly (4/5)

By Anthony Bourdain

My Take: I've been following Anthony Bourdain since his break away shows No Reservations from 2005ish onwards, but never managed to read the book that started his popular ascent. His untimely death in 2018 for some reason really spoke to me though I hadn't seen any of his shows for some time. Kitchen Confidential really brought it all back for me with his irreverant, 'bad-boy' take on food, travel, kitchens, and culture. It's a wonderful read both for it's narrative and kitchen tips. Owning and working in a restaurant is one of those things that sounds idyllic in theory, but the realities are grueling and Bourdain really brings that to life.

7. The Design of Everyday Things (4/5)

By Donald A. Norman

My Takeaways: Good design is harder to notice than bad design because good design makes itself invisbile. Defining what to design (i.e. finding the right problem) is one of the most difficult parts of the process, so avoid specifying the problem for as long as possible. There is no such thing as an average person — so don't design for one. One of the main contributing factors to bad design is the incremental addition of complexity of devices, due to continuously added features. User-centered design involves simplifying the structure of tasks, making things visible, getting the mapping right, exploiting the powers of constraint, providing feedback, designing for error, and explaining affordances using signifiers.

8. How Not To Die: Discover the foods scientifically proven to prevent and reverse disease (3/5)

By Michael Greger

My Takeaways: I picked up this book in an effort to learn more about nutrition, partially because I wanted to lose weight and partially because I wanted to see whether eating healthier would lead to feeling more energized and to better outcomes. I'm not sure eating better helped, but definitely won't hurt. The main premise is to just eat more plants along with the same nutritional advice you'd expect: minimize processed foods, sugar, alochol, eat more raw veggies, tumeric, flaxseeds, nuts, fruits, wholegrains. A dispointing part of the book is that it felt Greger cherry-picked research as most nutrition gurus do. In any case, for the past year the book has inspired me to be more plant-based and it's something I expect to continue without being extreme about it — there's just no downside really

9. Andrew Carnegie (3/5)

By Joseph Frazier Wall

My Takeaways: This was my big biography for 2019. And by big I mean 1200 pages big. I didn't dedicate much time to the backend of Carnegie's life which had more to do with his perspectives on philanthropy and giving away his wealth — not a problem I have today. A true rags to riches story (I mean from nothing to literally the richest man in the world), the book does a good job of setting the historical context and providing a good narative of Carnegie's life, beliefs, and businesses. True wealth derives from owning things that appreciate in value exponentially, not from a high salary. Carnegie was lucky to be in the right place (Pennsylvania) in a booming industry (railroads) at the right time (American industrialisation) with access to the right people as mentors and supporters (J Edgar Thomson). These relationships and connections proved essential for Carnegie to build his steel empire and wealth. His relationships with his businesses managers (Frick, Schwab), attention to detail, ruthless pursuit for cost-cutting and innovation, and approach to competitive threats stood out to me.

10. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) (4/5)

By Philippa Perry

My Takeaways: I was graced with the news that we were expecting a baby boy earlier in the year and my wife gifted me this wonderful little book on how to approach child rearing. One's default's behaviour towards one's children are often determined by what your parents did, but that's often not the best approach. What stood out to me is the obvious really — that one should treat one's child like an independent person and strive to build a geniune, loving relationship with him/her. Don't manipulate, distract, lie, train… but teach, explain, support, listen, comfort, understand, be truthful. All behaviour is communication.

11. Principles: Life and Work (4/5)

By Ray Dalio

My Takeaways: Part platitudes and banal advice, part unconfounding clarity and an approach to life and work that is hard to argue with. Regardless of what one's philosophy is to life, Dalio's argument is it's important to have one and know what it is. That it's important to be thoughtful about how we spend our time on this earth. Think for oneself. Embrace reality, especially when it's painful. Be radically open-minded, but assertive and confident at the same time. Learn how to make effective decisions. Despite the self-helpy nature of the book, I enjoyed it.

#books

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