#wh33zywheezes

[wh33zy]

Encanto had NO BUSINESS BEING THAT GOOD WTF I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM HITTING REPLAY ON THE WHOLE MOVIE HELP-

[wh33zy]

Buddy, it’s not pretend!

You are as ✨plastic✨ as they come!

You think your shit don’t stink!

You think the rest of us are dumb!

I ✨hate✨ Regina’s guts

But here’s what you don’t comprehend-

At least she had the guts

TO NOT PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND!

[wh33zy]

Anyone else wanna just

✨take to the streets and start-✨

Screaming?

[wh33zy]

Happy New Year!!

This year my focus will be on being a much better person, treating those around me so much better, and putting my time/energy where it’s needed/deserved/matters. I will also be understanding my worth and learning to not hate myself so viciously. I aim to be more giving and open and to let down my walls, to be less afraid. To put trust in myself and others as well.

I deeply apologize to everyone who has crossed paths with me for my past self, and while I’m still learning to forgive her, I shall not reject her for she is a part of me and I will always own myself and what I have done. (Tho, if I had the chance, I still feel like I’d beat up my clone and/or past self. Like Injustice 2 super move level beat up, she deserves it-)

I just want to heal, get past the growing pains, and am impatient to feel good, but I know I’m getting there.

[wh33zy]

Why did you leave the discord?

Howdy and Happy Holidays! Hope you're warm and eating well! Did not expect to get this in an anon ask, but here we are.

I left because I realized that the discord just wasn't for me anymore. And that's not saying "me good, them bad" or "them good, me bad" at all. I cannot stress enough that this is nothing personal, I'm not here to argue, and the people in the discord don't owe me anything. Also, this isn't saying that the server is bad or anything, this is just my experience. Lastly, the people in the server are very nice and I believe their intentions aren't bad, this is just the energy I've been experiencing from most of them for a long while and how a lot of things came off. (Also, when I refer to people, I do not mean every person in the server. If I say 'you' it's a rhetorical and in general 'you', not a personal 'you'.)

It just seemed to me that most people really only had time for their friends and weren't interested in making new ones. I felt like I really tried to start conversations and talk to people and be present more (as much as I could with how busy my life normally is), but what I was putting in wasn't getting reciprocated. I'm interested in making friends and becoming closer with people, but if other people aren't interested then I can go elsewhere. I am not owed someone else's time, energy, or friendship.

Talking on a personal level at times didn't feel great because it seemed like people were only interested in talking to me if it was server related, if i said something funny, or if it was about something I was working on fanfiction-wise. Going into the server, I did have my hopes up for a connection definitely, so that's honestly more on me in that regard.

I also felt like some people started to not like me anymore because the kind of conversation we had early on just seemed to fizzle out. It was like we just sort of grew apart, which happens and that's perfectly okay. We all go through changes in life that move us away from others.

It also seemed like people really only liked me at a distance, that I was just someone who is agreeable. I really don't want to be the bitch constantly quoting Bojack Horseman, but I genuinely felt like "Everyone loves you! But nobody likes you. And that's the loneliest feeling in the world." I was just my screenname Wh33zy and nothing beyond.

This began to take a toll on my mental health which was made 1000 times worse because realizing some of this was around my birthday which is a time that usually sends me into really terrible thoughts/emotions. But this year, I completely spiraled to the point of needing therapy twice a week instead of once. I could barely leave my bed or eat, and I left the server very suddenly and quietly (I honestly did not think anyone would care and I still don't). However, I unfairly unfriended only a couple of people (if there are other people on discord who are not friends with me who were before, I honestly have no idea what happened there), but I re-friended them and apologized because that just wasn't fair to do whatsoever. I hope this isn't coming off as an excuse, because it's not, I'm just explaining where my head was.

I will also say that entering the server was a bit of a rough start, and I was overall apprehensive to joining due to an incident that happened before the server opened up (I will not elaborate on what happened to protect the privacy of the people involved). This started me off with negative feelings and distrust that I really should have discussed first and foremost. But, up until recently, I've had a bad habit of not making room for my concerns or feelings about things and not bringing up problems with people when I really should have. This causes stuff to bottle up inside which leads to these feelings to just grow and grow and grow, naturally.

If someone doesn't know what's going on, how are they supposed to help reach a solution, right? But I was also really fearful of putting myself in a bad situation by doing so since I felt the space wasn't a place where I could say 'hey, this wasn't okay. let's talk about it.' without it being taken the wrong way or taken very personally, like an attack or just me trying to be negative and a burden.

Of course, I am very grateful for the positivity and kindness that I've received from the server. I will always forever appreciate all of it, please know that.

Since leaving, I've felt a lot better. I'm currently back on just once a week appointments with my therapist and I'm feeling very good overall. I 100% do not regret leaving and I'm currently not interested in returning at all.

This is not me leaving the fandom or quitting on writing SIHJR content, of course. I have been posting and working on fanfiction regardless since I left and am very happy to interact with the SIHJR fandom on Tumblr for the time being. Thank you.

[wh33zy]

Oh you think you’re so cool for blocking me? Well, guess what: my dog is learning how to talk with BUTTONS. CAN YOUR DOG FUCKING TALK? I DON’T THINK SO-

[wh33zy]

[in the same voice as Sia]

🎶Unloveablllleeee….🎶

[points at self in mirror]

🎶That’s what you are…🎶

[wh33zy]

tbh I think I would only be considered attractive in the 17 or 1800s.

But it would be enough that if my suitor saw that I clearly was not as pretty as the painting of me he received before my arrival, he'd just sigh quietly "oh, okay, sure" and wouldn't mind too much.

[wh33zy]

I’ve realized that the only time I would be considered attractive in any capacity is if it were the 1700/1800s.

Like, if a suitor got a painting of me and then saw that I clearly wasn’t as pretty as the painting, the suitor wouldn’t be super upset, just a little upset. He’d sigh “oh okay sure” because all that matters are my birthin’ hips and my inability to handle confrontation.