#wenchywench

[unicorns-and-jellyfish]

Lets get ready for da Faire!

1. Wake up waay too early for a saturday. Skip coffee. They wont care about your zits and eye bags when your tits are up to your chin.

2. Pretend you know how the fuck to use makeup. Throw some gold in there, pirates and bitches love gold.

3. Don the chemise! Boots & socks before the boobie pusher bodice. Make sure you dont have to take a shit becuase wiping wont happen for the rest of the day.

4. SKIRTS! Throw dem babies on and flash some pale ass leg. Duck face mirror pose mandatory.

5. Corset. Start double thinking your life choices. Call your mom in to help you pull it down over your tits.

6. Bustle that bitch! Get waay more excited than you should about a faux bustle.

7. Lace that bad boy up & get some help.. grab a kitchen chair or bed post to steady yourself. Take some selfies becuase you feel purdy (because you are).

8. Wrap dat sash! Add a bandana!

9. Skirt hikes & belt #1. Add a pirate hat so they know your not just a busty wench. Look awesome.

10. Note to self to take pictures with pistols next time.

OFF TO DA FAIRE!