#well. is still is better than before. but i am realizing that before i was doing very badly and now i am doing badly
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In order: moved into the apartment I bought(!!) just a few weeks before the new year.
Switched teams and location at my workplace and am so much happier where I am now.
Stopped needing therapy(!!!)
Painted my bedroom ceiling with my mum, it's so pretty now.
Got a second cat (my psychologist had a big influence in this lmao. I sent him a picture when I got the cat)
After months of trial and keeping them apart the cats get along!
I ripped out some panelling in my kitchen doorway and found there used to be a sliding door between the walls, so I'm working on putting that back!
One of my colleagues who is also an actual friend wasn't doing well for a long time and she's been doing so much better and that makes me happy. She deserves happiness and to feel good.
I realized I have more self-respect than I initially thought. I went on a date with a guy who then ignored my message about a second date for past the initial date I suggested to meet up again. So instead of sitting around waiting I just blocked him because I deserve someone who makes time and space for me.
I had a positive experience with a GP who listened to my symptoms, took it seriously, figured out what was wrong and got me what I needed. Not a word of "but Ur fat".
A student got me a Christmas present!? And a card!? I just about perished on the spot it is so sweet. đĽşđđĽ°
My sister got engaged!?
Christmas was super laid back and nice
I managed to make it to 32! (Seriously with my mental health issues over the past years that's not just a "oh it's my birthday" but a "holy shit despite all the efforts of my personal demons I am still here. Take that, stupid demons."
New year's eve in my new place was super nice. Fireworks only really started at about 11pm and my cats weren't scared. <3
And of course a lot of things went wrong this year too, but ah man, fuck that.
hey honest question, did anybody have GOOD stuff happen to them in 2024? cause it was really bad for me and for most people i know, so it would be nice to hear about anything that's been going WELL for any of you. even if it's small stuff. just to know there's light out there.
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Sugar and Spice
Pairings âź Joe Burrow x Reader
Summary âź You and Joe are making homemade cinnamon rolls in the kitchenâwell, trying to make cinnamon rolls. Amid the flour dust and rolling pins, things take a more playful turn when you get a little too close, and Joe realizes just how cold your hands are. Sweetness isnât just in the rolls anymore.
Word Count âź 725
Warnings âź pure fluff , hint of allusions to something if you squint.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
The kitchen smelled like sugar, cinnamon, and butterâthree of the best things in life, if you had to ask yourself. you and Joe were working on a batch of homemade cinnamon rolls, a recipe he had insisted you try together. Of course, the âtogetherâ part turned into him making fun of your inability to roll the dough without making it look like a crumpled mess, but that was beside the point.
âYouâre doing it wrong,â Joe said, a teasing grin on his face as he peered over your shoulder. He was rolling his dough perfectly, of course, while yours looked like it had been through a war zone.
âOh, really?â you replied while rolling your eyes. âI thought you were here to help, not critique.â
âI am helping,â he said, a twinkle in his eye. âIâm just giving you the pro tips. Youâll get it next time.â
you shot him a playful glare, but just as you were about to roll your dough out again, You felt a chill sweep over you. Your hands, covered in flour, were coldâand Joeâs warmth was too tempting to ignore. Without thinking, You reached around behind him, sliding your hands underneath the hem of his shirt.
Joe went still, the sudden coolness of your hands against his warm skin sending a shiver through him. âWhoa, what are you doing?â he asked, voice a mix of amusement and surprise.
you grinned, rubbing your cold hands against his stomach. âJust warming up. You donât mind, do you?â
He looked down at you, trying to hold back his smile. âYouâre freezing me out here,â he teased, his voice dropping a little, more playful than Iâd ever heard. âYou know I donât think thatâs the reason youâre getting so close.â
you laughed, pulling your hands back to grab a new handful of dough, but not without making sure to run your hands briefly along his side as you did. âI just wanted to make sure you werenât getting too hot. Youâre wearing a long-sleeve shirt while Iâm here in a tank top. Thatâs not fair.â
Joe leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms, a slow smile spreading across his face. âOh, I see how it is. Youâre using me as a human heating pad now.â
âPretty much,â you replied, reaching for the rolling pin and purposefully nudging his hip with yours as you did. âAnd youâre a very good one.â
Joeâs expression softened, his teasing smile shifting to something warmer. âI donât mind being your personal heater,â he said, his voice more sincere than before. âBut, you know, next time, I expect you to cook a real dinner.â
you chuckled, adjusting the dough, which had now transformed into a much more successful roll thanks to Joeâs âpro tips.â âDonât worry. After we finish this, Iâll make us something even better. How about a nice, hearty meal?â
âYou promise?â He raised an eyebrow, his playful smirk making a return. âBecause if itâs anything like this dough⌠I might need a backup plan.â
âHey,â you nudged him again with your elbow. âAt least weâll have the best dessert in town. And maybe Iâll even make it up to you with something a little more spicy tonight.â
Joeâs grin spread wider, and I could tell Iâd gotten his attention. âYouâre on,â he said, leaning closer as if to share a secret. âBut just so you know⌠I have a thing for spicy food.â
you laughed, brushing your hands off and glancing at the oven, which had just beeped. âWell, looks like weâll be having cinnamon rolls first. Then we can talk about spicy dinner ideas.â
âSounds like a plan,â he said, sliding his arm around your waist, pulling you into him for just a moment. âNow, you owe me for the kitchen hijinks. How about a taste test?â
you smirked, reaching for the first hot cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven, breaking off a piece and holding it out to him. âTaste test approved, huh? Fine by me.â
Joe took a bite, his eyes lighting up with exaggerated delight. âNot bad at all,â he said, his voice teasing once again. âBut Iâm pretty sure I was the one who made this happen.â
âRight,â you said, rolling your eyes again. âThe cinnamon rolls wouldnât be this good without your expert dough rolling.â
Joe grinned, leaning in closer. âExactly.â
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Shadows On The Field - Bachira Meguru
⥠bit of an angsty one. bachira is a lil crazy in this but we still love him.
â
The autumn air was colder than Y/N had anticipated. She quickly realized she wasnât dressed well for the weather, the thin jacket sheâd grabbed earlier doing little to keep her cozy... Then again she hadnât intended on staying out this long. She had hoped to head home a while ago, but she noticed Bachira practicing alone, his movements⌠off.
Usually, he played as if the ball were an extension of himself, fluidly moving along with it like it was part of him. Now, his footwork appeared rushed and frantic. His head was down, and his shoulders were hunched. The best way she could describe it was that he looked incredibly uncomfortable.
âBachira?â she called out, stepping closer.
He didnât look up. The ball rolled to a stop as he stood there, frozen. She couldnât see his face from this distance, but the way he stood made her stomach twist, as if he was surrounded by something she could only describe as dark.
She moved toward him, calling his name again.
This time, he spoke, but his voice was so quiet she almost missed it. âThe monster⌠itâs angry.â
Her heart sank. She had heard him mention the âmonsterâ before; the force that drove him to be better, stronger, faster. He always described it as a partner, something that lived within him and made him unique. But this felt different somehow⌠wrong.
âWhat do you mean?â she asked, trying to keep her voice calm.
He laughed, a sharp, hollow sound that made her stop in her tracks. He still wasnât looking at her, his gaze fixed on something far away.
âYou donât feel it, do you?â he said, his words sharp yet slightly slurred, as if he were intoxicated. âItâs here. Watching me. Waiting for me to fail.â
âThereâs nothing there,â Y/N said, stepping closer. âItâs just us, Megu. Youâre okay.â
âNo,â he snapped, finally turning to her. His eyes were wide and wild. âItâs always there. I canât⌠I canât escape it. It wants more, and I..-â His voice broke, and he clutched the ball like nothing in the world was more important.
âMore of what?â she whispered, though she wasnât sure she wanted to know.
He swallowed hard, his throat moving as he struggled to find the words. âEverything. It wants everything. It wants me⌠It wonât stop.â
His voice trembled and Y/Nâs heart ached in response. She stepped forward quickly, her foot catching on a strap from a bag. She hit her knee hard, pain flaring, but she pushed herself up without hesitation. Reaching out, she grabbed his wrist before he could step away. His skin was ice cold, his hands shaking.
âMeguru,â she said firmly, looking up at him. His breathing was shallow, his pupils wide like heâd just run a marathon. âItâs not real. The monster isnât real.â
He flinched, jerking his arm, but she didnât let go.
âYou donât understand,â he muttered, his voice low and broken. âIf itâs not real, then what am I? Without it, Iâm nothing. Iâm..-â He bit his lip hard, his words breaking to pieces.
âYouâre not nothing,â she interrupted, tightening her grip. Her voice cracked, but she didnât care. âYouâre Meguru. Youâre good and weird, but youâre kind, and you donât need some⌠some monster to make you that way. You donât need it at all.â
He shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. âBut itâs always there. Itâs always been right there.â
âThen let it stay,â she said, softer now. She tugged him closer, her other hand reaching up to rest on his cheek. His skin was cold, his face stiff under her touch. âBut donât allow that⌠thing⌠to tell you who you are. âKay?â
His breath hitched, and for a moment, he didnât move. Then his knees buckled, and he collapsed into her, dropping the soccer ball with his arms wrapping around her tightly. She almost lost her balance, but she held on, her hands trembling as she pressed her face against his shoulder.
The wind howled around them, scattering leaves across the field, but neither of them moved. Bachira clung to her like he was afraid to let go, and she stayed there, like a lifeline.
âIâm here Meguru. AlwaysâŚâ
#bachira meguru#bllk bachira#bachira x reader#blue lock bachira#bachira x you#bachira fluff#bachira angst#bachira headcanons#bachira x y/n#blue lock manga#blue lock x reader#blue lock#bllk x you#bllk#bllk x reader
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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Now running up against the problem that putting items into the same bins every day for 7-9 hours is so boring it makes me wanna kms and I still have to figure out what facial expressions to make or coworkers will think I am lazy and uncooperative
#look i'm not having anxiety attacks weekly. so it is better#no one has ever directly called me lazy or sexually harassed me. i am making enough money to live#i'm even saving a couple hundred each month for the next burnout#which there will be one. probably in about 6 months to a year as usual#my regularly scheduled breakdown#well. is still is better than before. but i am realizing that before i was doing very badly and now i am doing badly
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idk who needs to hear this (vaush) but being a skilled debater and being Good With Words does not make you correct.
#just bc you can finesse your audience into believing anything you say bc you're good at convincing them STILL doesnt make you correct#on everything bud.#spewing incorrect shit just bc you know you can get away w convincing ppl of it makes you no better than the alt righters you hate#its like he learned he could convince everyone hes correct if he words things the right way and decided his biased opinions#was what everyone needed to be taught as fact. fucking wild.#'durr its not my fault if my audience uncritically believes everything i say' yeah it kinda is bc you kinda set it up as#'if you dont agree with me you're just dumb and dont know anything'#also even if you jokingly say 'im always right' doesnt mean 1. thats not gonna subconsciously effect you to make you think you Are#and 2. that doesnt mean everyone knows you're joking.#so fucking pissed at him for this. unbiased my ass#maybe he lost a huge chunk of fans all at once so hes doing everything he can to keep the remaining ones not sure#oh well. at least hes not as bad about it as keffals. though i am still starting to get culty vibes from vaushs audience now.#at least the ones perpetually in his chat.#also then again i wouldnt exactly consider keffals anything near a 'skilled debater'#and before any a yall accuse me of kds bitch idgaf about the noodles shit. its dumb. i understand nuance.#unlike yall who are devolving into b/w thinking where you think anyone critical of your faves is just a wokescold with#[enter name] derangement syndrome#only reason i stopped interacting w keffals shit is i realized she would never respect me as a person so yeah. same w vaush quite frankly.#keffals dismissing trans mascs. vaush acting like ppl who believe in shit are all mentally ill. yeah im over them for that shit.#like get fucked you up-your-own-asses elitist tools#ig that one applies to vaush more. keffals just doesnt care about anything but herself it seems like.
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alright, gonna get something off my chest. Then i'll watch Youre Getting Burgers
#You know those trailers that played right before the movie?#I remember seeing those in the theater IRL.The first film was Jack And Jill and the second was Alvin And The Chipmunks#(I could be wrong; but i am ALMOST CERTAIN that's which movies they are)#When i saw those in the theater i was just a few years younger than stan is#And i was about stan's age when i started to become just like him#Like him i started to dislike stuff fir people my age. Then i suspected i was 'mature'. But turns out i wasnt that either#There was no apparent cause. I just didnt get joy out of anything anymore#And it ruined my ability to have friends. But i could stil get out of bed and go to school so it took me longer to realize things werent ok#And when i finally had friends again i spent a while struggling with addiction and needed it in order to be social#I wish i had seen YGO+AB much sooner. But knowing me; i still wouldnt have figured out i had a problem#I hate that i'll never get this part of my life back. I missed out on so much when i was young#Just because i was too depressed and cynical to do anything but go to school then go to my room and not talk to anyone#Well. Im doing better now than i was before. And thats what matters#Now lets watch stan go through the same thing
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So basically, in a case about him shoving money at someone so they shut up about him. . .he canât shut the fuck up himself. I would say something clever and funny here, except the sad part is that this is just so normal in current politics that itâs just. . .not hilariously absurd behavior anymore? Not to say that itâs not absurd - it is beyond such, but it is just. . . predictable, I suppose.
I guess this is how I feel about politics lately? Either I get mad at everything or I try to laugh at everything and normally that works because politicians usually arenât so tragically stupid so very often, but now I just kinda have to chuckle at the particularly eyeroll worthy things like this, and try to ignore everything else or my brain will explode.
#maybe thatâs my biggest pet peeve about the current state of politics#Normally I like having discussions with people#of various mindsets and lifestyles and backgrounds#while my personal standpoint about many if not most political things is pretty solid. I also enjoy finding out more about things.#Itâs always nice to learn more about things.#when it gets to a point like this or letâs be real-a point like where it got a few months ago when. More like a couple years ago honestly#Thereâs just so much. Too much. And two try to process all of it especially in a way such that one keeps up with useful discussion? oof.#I know I meant to do something else in these tags â something more specific â but at least on mobile#I just lost like three tags because the one I was working on hit 140 but when I was warned#I didnât get to backspace or anything. I just kind of deleted the whole thing.#And in my confusion and attempt to undo what I had done#I managed to backspace a couple times and lose the finish tag above that one#and of course my first attempt at explaining that I had lost two tags turned into three tags because#I lost the first attempts that said two tags because it went over and yet again my attempt of not backspace this time#I just lost another two tags and then at this point I donât even remember where I was going with this train of thought either#tl;dr: I wish I could take as much amusement from this as I want to but I canât because shit like this is just so fucking normal#but hey itâs better than January 6 or trying to nuke a hurricane so I suppose I can live with it#right so I realize that I got to read all of the things I just typed in the page before this#so I did and while I have a laughable amount of nowhere near the fuck enough spoons#thereâs a very good chance I am going to come back to this when I get on my iPad or PC#Thereâs also a very good chance Iâm going to completely forget this post exists if not the app entirely#but given that I finally downloaded this on my actual phone instead of my tablet for the first time in years#And I just lost another fucking tag#this time naturally it had to be one with Contant that I remember as semantically important#but similarly naturally of course I donât bloody well remember#right so I am going to go back to the stuff I was doing now cause I was doing stuff before I saw a Tumblr notification#which I didnât actually look at at the time but but I can absolutely be sure that it was a hefty part of the reason why#when I found something that I wanted to post about and a context that had a larger audience and not just individuals#didnât have FB/Reddit (tho lbr I would probably have a 6 foot nose if I tried to imply they were great social networks)#which goes back to seeing the tumblr notif & still having a big Nostalgia so. hi here i am
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Ain't Right
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: You have a major (borderline obsessive) crush on Joel, and you're on a mission to fuck him.
Warnings: 18+ SMUT MDNI, age gap (56/20), swearing, fingering (fem!receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, size kink, cum eating, name calling, kinda mean Joel, alcohol, vomiting, an extremely brief mention of suicide
Disclaimer: I lowkey don't know the logistics of the show so if some things are wrong please look over it I'm just trying to write smut about Joel Miller godbless.
Ain't Right part 2
Ever since that tortured old man showed up in Jackson, your life hasn't been the same.
Tommy's older brother, and your absolute undoing.
When Joel Miller rode into town, it was like everything suddenly made sense. The skies got clearer, the air smelled better, and the birds even chirped their love songs louder.
Everything about him drew you in; his cold demeanor, stoic face, tired eyesâbut gentle around those he cared about, which was only a few select people.
And you certainly were not one of those select people.
Joel didn't know what to think about you.
To him, you were odd. Yes, you were undoubtedly the most beautiful girl in Jackson, but he felt distance between the two of you was essential.
He felt this way because he knew.
Joel wasn't oblivious to your stares; he might've been an old man, but he remembered the laws of attraction fairly well.
He didn't like the thought of you liking him.
You were young, attractive, and had plenty of age-appropriate prospects just begging for your attention. Every boy in Jackson wanted a piece of youâbut you only had eyes for Joel.
He was getting old and tired, ain't no reason why you should be so fond over him.
He also didn't like that you made your attraction so obvious. It made people whisper, and Joel about had enough teasing from Tommy.
"You gonna let that young thing jump your bones or what, Joel?" Is an example of the few things his brother would chirp at him whenever you were around and had eyes on him like he was a target.
So, all things considered, it's no surprise when Joel is reluctant to make a supply run with you.
You had begged Tommy to let you go out and finally start pulling your weight, carefully adding that Joel would be a great teacher for a first timer like yourself.
You stand near the truck, squeezing the straps of your backpack while watching Joel and Tommy whisper to themselves a couple feet away.
"You can't find anyone else?" Joel growls lowly, narrowing his eyes at his insufferable brother who heâd really like to strangle right now.
"Are you seriously scared of a twenty year old girl, Joel?" Tommy asked exasperatedly, throwing his arm out in disbelief. "It'll take two hours tops, what the hell are you so scared of?" Joel is exhaling through his nose, dragging a hand down his jaw in complete disgruntlement.
"You know what the hell I'm scared of Tommyâgoddammit," He gets in his brotherâs face before realizing youâre still watching them.
He takes a moment to back up and calm down, breathing out through his nose.
"I do not need this town thinkin' I am encouraging this girls...feelin's." He murmurs lowly.
Tommy rolls his eyes before shoving Joel's backpack into his chest.
"Just don't fuck her, Joel. How hard could it be?"
Joel watches as Tommy turns his back and walks away, leaving just you and him.
Joel had spent a lot of time making sure he was never in a situation alone with youânow he was about to be your unsupervised mentor.
He feels a groan try and crawl its way out his throat, but he pushes it down.
He starts walking to the truck, not even looking at you as he passes and yanks the driver side door open with more force than necessary.
"Let's make this quick." He grunts out, climbing inside.
You do the same, only with a little bit more enthusiasm. ***
The trip is a complete bust.
Joel barely paid you any attention, no matter how many flirty gestures you made at him.
You'd say something remotely suggestive and he'd either glare at you, or just flat out ignore you.
But you were relentless. Giving up on him wasn't in the cards for you, no matter how many judgmental looks he casted your way.
You guys had been driving back to town for around five minutes; Joel has kept his eyes firmly on the road in fear of you sparking a conversation with him.
But you do anyways.
You turn your body to face him in the bench seat, your eyes cascading down his breath-taking side profile.
You zoned in on the gray patches of his beard, and how his face had the remnants of a long, unforgiving life weaved into his wrinkles and scars.
You're momentarily rendered speechless by his looks before he side-eyes you.
"What?" He huffs out, not being able to handle your intense stare any longer.
"Why not?"
A beat.
"What?" He asks again, his brows furrowing together, an annoyed and confused expression painting his features.
"Why won't you fuck me?"
Joel physically winces at your language, scoffing in what looks to be disgust as he starts shaking his head.
"We're not starting this." He snaps firmly, a tone in his voice that you haven't heard before.
Completely disregarding his words, you start.
"Is it because I'm not pretty enough?" Joel groans out, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Is it because there's someone else?" He's close to snapping. "Is it because you can't get it up? I heard thats a problem with guys your age-"
Joel slams on the brakes, sending you lurching forward. He shoves the truck into park before turning to face you, a scary look on his face.
"I am not going to fuck you--Christ almighty," Joel raises his voice at you.
You're staring at him, wide eyes and lips parted in surprise. You weren't really expecting this.
"you're bustin' my fuckin' balls, Look kid," He starts up again, this time with a softer tone. "M'about 40 years too old for you-"
You cut him off with a murmur. "36, I did the math."
"Same damn thing," he snaps, shaking his head. "Point isâyou don't needa be wastin' your time with me; there are plenty boys your age that will satisfy your...you."
You scoff in his face but try to disguise it by clearing your throat.
"I'm not asking you to marry me, Joel," You start, a sad smile spreading across your lips. "S'just sex." You say with a shrug, blush coating your cheeks because now your mind is imagining sex with him.
He stays silent and looks away from you, closing his eyes like he couldnât believe this was happening.
That urges you to say more.
"I won't tell anyone," You're practically whispering, looking down at your fidgeting hands in your lap. "I'd let you do anything you wanted to me."
Joel's heart cinches in his chest at your words, mostly because he can tell you're being so genuine.
Why the hell did you like him so much? He just couldnât understand it.
But he can't entertain this any longer because he knows if he did, he'd give into you.
"I don't wanna hear another goddamn word outta your mouth." Joel says in a strikingly even and calm tone, putting the truck into drive and continuing back.
He's eerily silent, and so is the rest of the trip because you're too dejected to speak.
Eventually, you both arrive home and you're fast to get out of the truck.
You slam the door and keep your head down as you walk away, snow crunching beneath your boots.
Joel takes his time, watching you storm off with tired eyes.
He feels bad for being so rough on you, but he figured it was the only way to get you to stop liking him.
Tommy walks up, a concerned look on his face as he looks back between you and Joel.
"Guessin' you didn't fuck her."
***
Nobody had seen you in days.
The pain of rejection had you in a mental place that you had never experienced before.
No one has ever denied youâever.
The situation was 100x worse considering you actually liked Joel, and he wasn't just another toy to play with.
Joel figured his life would get easier with you not around, and it kinda did in some aspects.
But he couldn't stop the gnawing feeling of guilt slowly eating at him like a parasite.
He'd been cruel to you in the way he went about things, and he felt bad.
Had he really broken your heart? He didn't know you liked him that much.
He sits in his living room, contemplating how to go about this entirely fucked up situation.
He debates making amends with you, apologizing and rejecting you again but in a gentler way.
He deliberates on his plan of action while nursing a glass of whiskey before he's interrupted by three bangs on his front door, followed by a screeching: "JOEL"
He mutters a 'what the fuck' under his breath, walking to the door and picking his 9mil up on the way.
His eyes widen when he sees you-standing there in all your glory.
It's the middle of winter and snowing like hell, yet you're wearing shorts and a tank top with a beer bottle in your hand.
"Jesus, kid-what the fuck," Joel ushers you inside quickly, taking his big jacket off the coatrack and draping it over you.
He also tosses his gun to the side, obviously you were no threat.
"You tryin' to get frostbit? Christ," he's swearing and muttering profanities as he guides you over to the couch, now basically swaddling you in blankets.
You've never been inside his house before, only ever walked passed it a few times. It smells like him.
You, however, smell like alcohol and bad decisions.
Joel picked up on how drunk you were the minute you stumbled through the door. He takes the bottle from your hand and sets it aside somewhere, glaring at you like how a mad parent would.
"The hell are you doin' out in the snow like that? Fuckin' death wish or somethin'?"
His words are kinda fuzzy in your ears, you're so drunk that you barely even register them.
An unprompted giggle spills from your lips as you shake your head at him.
"It's not snowing silly," You chide, making him out to be an idiot when, in actuality, it's a damn blizzard outside.
He knows from that statement alone that you are way off your rocker tonight.
"How much have ya had to drink, kid?" Joel asks, raking a hand through his graying hair.
"Don't call me kid," You snap, a quick flash of anger in your expression. "M'not a kid."
Joel rolls his eyes so hard that he probably caused a tsunami on the other side of the world.
âYeah yeah, whatever. What are you doinâ here?â He asks exasperatedly, dragging a hand down his jaw while looking at your trembling figure.
Thereâs a long pause before you answer. You just got distracted by his big brown eyes.
âJusâ wanted to say hi.â You murmur, unable to tear your gaze away from his face.
âSay hi?â He reiterates, looking at you like youâve actually lost your mind.
You probably have.
After a moment, Joel canât help but chuckle in disbelief, letting his body lean back against the couch.
The absurdity of it all turned humorous to him.
Here you are, sitting in his living room, practically nude with only his coat and blankets protecting your modesty, having just trekked through the snow all for what? To say hey?
Youâre still sitting there, motionless and trying to remember how to breathe because his laughing face has your heart lighting off fireworks.
âFuckinâ hellâhi.â Is all he says, turning his head to the side to look at you as he crosses his arms over his chest.
You smile like a dope at him, so extremely happy to be there in his company.
But the alcohol in your system is fighting you, and youâre finding it hard to keep your eyes open.
âSâit cool if I say the nigh?â You slur, falling vertically on the couch, your head crashing onto Joelâs thigh.
You nuzzle your cheek against the fabric of his jeans and Joel is just about to gently push you off, but he stops himself.
You look so comfortable and so at peace that Joel canât do anything except stare at you.
Your cheek is slightly smushed, your lips are parted, your eyes are shut and donât plan on openingâitâs insane to him how at home you looked.
Like you belonged here, head rested on his lap.
Fuck.
He was fucked this time.
He doesnât move you. Instead, he fixes the blankets on top of you so youâre fully covered, and sits there with you the entire night.
Heâs really gone soft.
***
When morning comes, youâre first to wake up, accompanied by a splitting headache.
You donât even notice how Joelâs hand had fallen onto your waist some time during the night because youâre too busy making a b-line for the bathroom.
You chuck your guts up into the toliet, clutching the porcelain and groaning out in pain.
Joel wakes up to the sound of your hurling, momentarily disoriented before he remembers last nights events.
Heâs quick to come to your aid in the bathroom, wasting no time gathering your hair in his fist to get it out of your face.
"S'right, get it all out," He murmurs out encouragingly, seemingly unfazed by the disheveled sight of you.
Youâre too sick to be embarrassed, thatâll come later surely.
He sits on the wall of the tub as he continues holding your hair back, yawning every now and then like this was just a regular Tuesday morning.
Eventually, by the mercy of God, you get it all out of your system and slump up against the wall.
âMâsorry,â You immediately apologize, figuring that is the only right move in this situation.
âDonât be. Been through plenty'a that in my day.â
His words are uncharacteristically reassuring and you find yourself taken back by them.
You soon realize this is probably just the hazy morning Joel, the Joel where he isn't worried about anything except coffee and breakfastâlike everything wrong in his life is put on the back burner for this short minute in time.
âIâll get you some water and Advil, sit tight.â He grunts before standing up on his feet, knees popping as he walks out.
You watch as he leaves, wiping the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand.
Aside from the vomit part, you could get used to this.
You've never seen him so...domestic. His hair was all messy, his voice was raspy, he had that morning haze over his features that you felt so honored to witness.
You suddenly felt compelled to look at your own appearance, hopping to your feet and looking in the dirty mirror.
You resist the urge to audibly gasp at your reflection, opting for a disgusted look instead.
Your hair is a rats nest, your clothes are a mess, and your mascara has rubbed off in black smudge all over the skin around your eyes.
In a desperate attempt to look at least semi-presentable, you wash your face with water and comb through your hair with your fingers.
The idea that Joel had seen you looking like that was making your stomach churn again.
Before you can grovel about it any longer, he rounds the corner with a glass of water and little brown pills in his hand.
âHere,â He says softly, handing you the water and tilting the pills into your open palm. âTake these ân drink all that water and ya should get to feelinâ better.â
You do as he says, swallowing the Advil in one go before taking a big sip to wash it down.
His eyes drift down to your shoulder, where your tank top strap has fallen. No doubt from all that vigorous throwing up you were doing moments ago.
Without thinking, his fingers graze your forearm before bringing the strap back up to its correct position, clearing his throat in the process.
A beat of silence falls over the both of you.
Youâre gobsmacked by the complete nonchalance of his touch, staring at him with your mouth slightly open in shock.
âWhat?â He asks defensively, his tone pointed.
You look between him and your shoulder strap, then slowly move to set your water down.
âAre you sure we canât fuck?â
âGoddammitââ Joels cursing before you can even finish saying the last word in your sentence.
He turns away from you, probably the fastest youâve seen anyone turn in their life, and walks towards his room with an accelerating pace.
He shakes his head in disbelief all the way down the hall, pivoting on his heel to duck into his bedroom.
You follow him, not really fazed by how he completely refused to answer your question, though you didnât think he would anyway.
Before you can step foot into the threshold of his room, Joel walks out, causing you to back up.
He shoves a stack of clothes in your direction, looking down at you with a frustrated face. âPut these clothes on and go home.â
You look down, realizing he was letting you borrow a sweater and jeans of his so you didnât die walking back to your house from the cold.
Your heart warms at this thoughtfulness.
Without wasting any time, you take the clothes from his hands, smiling happily. âCan I keep them?â
âWhy the hell would you wanna keep my clothes?â Heâs got that confused/angry look on his face as he asks, and you have to suppress a giggle at the sight of it.
You bring the pieces of fabric up to your nose and inhale, humming as you breathe out again. âThey smell like you.â
âChrist,â Joel beings his hands up to rub at his eyes. âFine, do whatever. Just hurry up and change, jesus,"
Ever the tease, you set down his clothes and begin to lift your tank top like you planned to change right in front of him.
Joel's hands shoot out to stop you, a 'don't try me,' look on his face.
"Put them on over your clothes," Joel says sternly, watching the way you sigh because you weren't fast enough in lifting your tank top off.
However, you sieze the opportunity in front of you.
Joel's hands are holding yours down, so you work to intertwine your fingers, invading his space by stepping forward.
"Or, you could take my clothes off," You purr, your chest now flush with his torso.
Joel exhales through his nose, his jaw clenching as he tried deciding how he was going to get out of this situation.
But then he paused.
Looking down at you now, so eager and wide eyed, made him wonder.
If he fucked you, and made you realize it wasn't what you were probably imagining in your head, maybe then you'd finally leave him alone.
He would just...pretend to be awful at sex.
(Even though it had been so long and he wasn't sure if he'd actually need to 'pretend' anymore.)
There's a long silence that drags out between the both of you.
Your stomach is doing flips because it's looking like he's finally going to agree.
His resolve cracks and Joel can't do anything but sigh in defeat.
Slowly, Joel pulls you back into his room, closing the door behind you both.
Time is moving in slow motion.
You can't believe it's finally happening.
He guides you back until the back of your knees hit his bed, prompting you to sit down on it.
"I'm only going to do this once," Joel's voice is uncharacteristically low and calm, and it has your core tightening.
You nod in acknowledgement, waiting to see what he's going to do next.
With care, he pushes your shoulder down so you're laying on your back. "Are you sure you want this?" He asks, brown eyes searching yours.
"Have I not made it obvious?" You quip, a giggle following shortly after.
Joel only shakes his head before his fingers latch around the fabric of your shorts, pulling them down and off your legs.
"S'pose you have." He murmurs, scratching the back of his neck.
You're vibrating with excitement and you repeat what you tried earlier, only this time succeeding with taking your top off.
Of course, you're not wearing a bra.
Joel realizes in that moment that he bit off way more than he could chew.
He hasn't seen breast that weren't on a soggy piece of paper in at least a few years, and yours--well, his cock stood no chance.
You hear him swallow, watching as he can't seem to stop staring at your chest.
Realizing that he might need a little encouragement to start speeding things along, you smile up at him and whisper, "touch me Joel".
Yeah, screw this. His plan of pretending to be bad was now entirely forgottenâhe was going to do what he wanted, so help him god.
He huffs out a curse before sliding a hand up your torso, stopping once he's fully cupped one of your breasts in one hand. He kneads it like dough while using his other hand to disappear under your panties.
A choked moan erupts from your lips once you feel his fingers brush along your clit, rubbing around and spreading your slick around all too slowly.
"haven't even done anythin' yet and you're already fuckin' soaked..." He murmurs really to just himself, his eyes casting down to watch as he rips your underwear off impatiently.
"M'always like this whenever you're around," you mewl to spur him on, spreading your legs wider.
"Oh you are, huh?" Joel repeats back, the tiniest bit of cruelty in his tone that makes you shiver.
You nod, bucking your hips into his hand desperately.
"don't get why you like an old man like me, s'gross." His tone is flat but it's clear he's teasing by the way he curls his fingers inside of you. He's not really expecting a response, but you feel compelled.
You lurch forward, gasping at the feeling. "I really like you," You rush out breathlessly. "I'd do anything you wanted me to." You say earnestly as you stare into his eyes, loving what you're seeing.
Joel remembers when you told him that the first time, his heart cinching the same way it did then.
Joel is at war with himself. One side of him is screaming that this whole situation is fucked up and he is better off without you.
Another part of him thinks that this is the most heâs ever felt in a long time. And he doesn't want to lose it.
You can see the gears turning in his head. His fingers have slipped from you and you wince at the loss.
Slowly, you sit up. Your arms wrap around his shoulders, your nipples pressing into his shirt.
He's confused and momentarily panicked when your faces get so close together, his hands seeking purchase on your hips.
In an unexpected move, you rake your hands through the side of his hair, looking lovingly at his face.
"I just wanna be someone for you," You murmur, your face breaking a little as Joel's resolve also cracks. "Doesn't matter what. I'm very versatile." You mumble the last part to try and lighten the mood.
Joel just stares at youâsomething swimming behind his eyes that you can't quite place.
Eventually, he crashes his forehead against yours, sighing out.
"You're makin' this fuckin' impossible." He rasps before kissing you with a passion you've never felt before.
You feel victorious.
He's finally given in to you.
Eagerly, you kiss back, wrapping your legs around his torso and grinding your bare cunt against the bulge in his jeans.
"Then stop trying so hard to get rid of me," You sigh out, chasing his lips even as you're trying to speak.
He groans and you catch it in your mouth, the pressure on his clothed cock making him dizzy.
âFuck,â Heâs quick to unbuckle his belt, sliding it out of the loops and tossing it somewhere on the floor. âLay back.â He demands and you immediately follow suit.
He's never been that...assertive with you before. It makes you tingle all over.
He looks starved as he peers down at you, specifically your cunt.
He literally canât tear his eyes off your sexâhe only looks up to your gaze when you let out an impatient whine.
He rips down his pants, letting his cock spring free and slap against his stomach.
Now you canât tear your eyes away from his sex.
Youâve only dreamt it so many times, but now that itâs finally in front of youâit all just feels surreal.
Itâs better than you imagined, perfect.
âI donât have aââ
You know what heâs about to say so you cut him off immediately. âSâokay, like it raw. Closer to you that way.â You murmur.
Joel looks physically pained that heâs not inside you right now. For some reason, you just know all the right things to say.
âCloser to me?â He huffs out, hooking his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to the edge of the bed where he stood.
Now your cunt is flush with the base of his member and the sensation drives you both insane. âYouâre fuckinâ insane.â
Joel rasps, but the way he says it reveals just how far heâs fallen. He knows youâre crazy, and yet here he is, balancing you out.
He glides his member back and forth against your folds, gathering up your wetness with a clenched jaw and furrowed brows.
He looks so concentratedâmeanwhile youâre writhing with pleasure and impatience. Your cunt is clenching around nothing, desperate for him.
âSo fuckinâ pretty,â he murmurs to himself, eyes tracing all over you.
You freeze.
Joel had complimented you for the first time, and it was genuine.
He notices you stiffen and takes a moment to pause.
Your entire body erupts with goosebumps, your heart beating at exceptionally fast speeds.
He's worried for a second that something is horribly wrong.
âWhat?â He asks, confused at whatâs got you so wound up.
Your face is flushed red as you bashfully giggle. âYou called me pretty.â
Ah fuck.
Joel finds you so charming it hurts.
After he remembers how to breathe again, he rolls his eyes and clears his throat.
âI have my cock to your cunt, of course I find you pretty.â
You smile and shrug. âStill. Nice to hear.â Youâre all smiles until his tip prods at your entrance, causing a gasp to leave your throat.
He continues to apply pressure with his tip and itâs driving you crazy.
âFuck Joelâare you trying to kill me?â You whine, hips wiggling to get him in.
He scoffs and shakes his head. âRelax, mâalmost there.â
Slowly, he begins pushing his way inside. His mushroom head breaches you entirely and it feels like you can hear the angels singing.
He continues forward, the stretch being mainly around the middle of his thick cock.
But youâre taking it like a champ.
Joel braces himself with hands on both sides of your torso as he bottoms out, a groan crawling its way out of his throat.
The sensation is absolutely delicious.
A little bit of pain from the stretch, but so much pleasure from the fullness.
âJoel, ohmygod you feel so good inside me.â You moan, throwing your head back.
Your hips start moving on their own, but he immediately stops you with two large hands.
âD-Donât moveâfuck.â Joel grumbles out, his face pinched together in what looked like pain.
Youâre confused for a moment, thinking maybe that he might just be really into cockwarming.
But then it hits you.
âWere you gonna come?â The tone in your voice makes it seem like youâd be elated if that was the caseâlike the most flattering thing in the world.
Joel looks pissed that you caught on so quick.
In truth, the moment he put his tip in, he was holding back his orgasm.
Can you blame him? Heâs only fucked his hand for the last couple years.
âSâbeen a while.â Is all he can say, his chest heaving up and down in concentration. You know heâs embarrassed, but you canât help but smile like a dope at him.
âIf you come, please do it inside, please,â you beg, reaching out for his arms that caged you in.
Joel's rational mind feels like it just touched down in looney town after hearing your begging.
He feels crazy because he liked the thought of the idea you proposed. You even see him hesitate. But then he scoffs and shakes his head.
Joel drops down closer to your face, slowly starting to rock his hips into you. "Tryin' to baby trap me, girl?" He grunts in your ear, making you moan out.
Your walls are clenching down on him, and itâs making it that much harder to hold back. âNo-no, promise, just wanna be full of you." You manage to blubber out...unconvincingly.
You probably didn't really want a baby with Joel, but your lust-driven brain was working on fumes and you just wanted to do what felt good.
Joel's grunting in your ear was not helping things. His fingers were gripping your hip so hard, you figured it would probably bruise tomorrow
Good. You wanted whatever he would give you.
"Christ--m'not gonna last much longer," Joel groans, picking his head up a little to meet your gaze. He wanted to kick himself for not being able to last, but when he saw your face, all those feelings disappeared.
You looked so--perfect. Soaking up the moment in case it was the last, god you hoped it wasn't the last time. Now that you've finally had a tase of him, you weren't sure you could live without it.
Your legs tighten around his waist, keeping him firmly in your cunt. Joel notices this and also your pleading eyes, a growl leaving his throat.
"Please, please, please, please," you beg, never breaking eye contact with him as his thrusts pick up speed.
He ruins your long string with pleas with a needy kiss, shoving his tongue down your throat like a starving man.
You accept it happily, moaning out into the kiss while Joel manhandles your hips to take his cock.
The feeling is damn near euphoric for both you and him. It gets even better when Joel's hand comes down to rub at your clit again.
Your back arches off the bed as you gasp and moan out, wrapping your arms back around his shoulders. "F-Fuck!" You moan into his ear, probably drooling on his shoulder in the process. "thankyouthankyouthankyou-" you sputter out in choked sobs. He was really good at working on your clit, you couldn't do anything else but thank him for it.
Joel feels a surge of something when he hears you. He's never had a woman thank him in bed before.
It's enough to push him over the edge. And apparently you too.
"I'm gonna come Joel, please don't stop," There are pools of tears in your eyes that Joel is just now noticing. He's about to reply to you, but he finds himself speechless when he feels your cunt start constricting and fluttering around him like a vice.
"Fuck!" He groans out loudly, his hips starting to falter in their rhythm. But then he picks up speed again, and in no time he's like a madman jackhammering into you.
You're a mess of screams and cries and moans underneath him, happily taking everything he was giving you.
When Joel feels himself about to come, he notices how your legs are still tightly wrapped around him, keeping him inside, and he manages to scoff out.
"Gotta let me go baby," You've never heard that pet name from him before, and it makes you crumble. His hands move to grab at your thighs, kneading the flesh there.
You whine out but reluctantly release the grip your legs had on him. Joel doesn't waste time before hugging both your legs on his chest, keeping them firmly placed while your feet squirmed by his ear.
"Atta girl," he murmurs before picking up speed again, his cock head pressing into your cervix.
It's all too much for you. Joel looks so amazing pounding into you from above, his concentrated face, his sweat, the way his salt and pepper hair is all disheveled, you're losing your mind.
Your core is on fire and you can't stop yourself.
In a staggering turn of events, you come first.
Your walls come down like bricks on his dick, you cry out, throwing your head back in complete bliss and ecstasy.
Seeing and feeling this, Joel is quick to follow in your steps. He rips himself from that warm hole of yours and pumps himself dry onto your stomach.
You watch it all with wide eyes, you wouldn't have missed Joel's orgasm face for the world!
Of course, his eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth was open as he was breathing heavily, and his eyebrows turned down like he was mad.
God he was so beautiful.
His thick ropes of cum shoot all over your stomach and even your breasts as he jerks himself off to completion.
When he finishes, he takes a moment to catch his breath, finally opening his eyes to see you scoop up his cum from your breast with your finger and shove it in your mouth.
Your tongue swirls around his seed and you swallow eagerly, humming out in satisfaction at the taste of him.
Joel's watching in complete fascination, though his expression looks a little angry. When does it not?
"taste so good," you mumble with your finger still in your mouth, looking up at him with your big eyes.
He moves before he can think about it--ripping your hand away from your lips and caging you in a slow but deep kiss.
He soon falls down beside you and soon rolls over onto his back, his chest rising and falling from the excursion.
You curl into his side, watching his side profile so intently. You had just fucked Joel Miller.
And it was everything you had dreamed of. Extreme happiness doesn't even begin to describe your feelings right now.
There's a long stretch of silence that drapes over the both of you. Eventually, Joel breaks it with something extremely off topic.
"Last night...you didn't just come here to say 'hi', did you?"
You're momentarily speechless, not expecting that question from him at all. But you can't stop a giggle from coming through your lips.
"Actually, I came to confront you." Your voice is soft as you begin speaking, thinking back to last night's ordeal.
Joel doesn't expect this answer, his head turns to look at you while you speak. His arm comes down to drape over your shoulder.
"I was really upset cus you rejected me n'all. I just couldn't accept the whole, 'age gap' excuse. I wanted to know if you just really didn't like me or not." You're murmuring, drawing soft lines with your finger on the skin of Joel's chest.
He huffs out a breath at the explanation, shaking his head. "Guess you got your answer, huh." He grumbles out, somewhat ashamed of himself that he couldn't hold back.
You smile and lean up to kiss his cheek. "I did," you chirp happily, admiring his face again. "You know you're gonna have to fuck me, like, everyday now, right?"
You're kidding. But you're also not at all.
Joel scoffs and sits up, moving to pick up both his and your shirts. "Fat chance. Barely had enough stamina for one round." He grunts out, finding the neck hole in your tank top and putting it over your head for you.
You don't bother to pull it down over your breasts so Joel does it for you.
"It's okay, we can build up your tolerance over time." You quip with a teasing smile, loving the way Joel turned to glare a you.
He couldn't believe the youth these days.
#joel miller#joel tlou#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#the last of us hbo#smut#one shot#drabble#tlou fanfiction
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CALL ME WHENEVER - LN4
summary : based off the world mental health day video mclaren posted. lando calling his girlfriend to check in.
listen up : no warnings just sweet!! if you ever need help just know you are loved and things DO get better! you are never a burden! my messages are always open <3
word count : 318
â・â§Ëâ
Lando breathed out as he pulled out of the mclaren center. He had just finished up with social and filming a âWorld Mental Health Dayâ video. He was tasked to call someone and check in, and while he had called a friend, he couldnât stop thinking about you.
âHey!â You answer, Settling down on your couch.
âHi!â Landoâs smile grew as he heard you on the other end of the call, âI just wanted to check in- Uh⌠I wanted to see how you were doing.â
You lean back into your pillow, smiling softly at his voice, âIâm okay. I miss you.â
âI miss you too.â He sighs, âA lot. We just filmed this video and it made me realize I donât ask enough, about how you really are.â
This had definitely been a surprise, you talk almost every day and sure you both complain, celebrate, and describe your days, but this felt nicer than that.
âI appreciate it, Lan.â You suddenly want to hug the man despite being across the country, âHonestly Iâm going fucking mental at this new job but knowing I get to see you soon gets me motivated again.â He taps his fingers against the steering wheel.
âIâm excited to see you. Itâs gonna be the perfect break.â He would make it perfect for you.
He hears you go silent for a moment, then your soft breath returns, âIâm really glad you called me.â
âI am too.â Lando says, âYou know you can call me whenever, right? Anytime.â
âYeah. Yeah, I do. You can too, of course. Sometimes itâs just nice to hear a familiar voice.â The rustling of a blanket sounds through before you speak again, âOh! I have a whole itinerary planned for us!â He laughs, smiling to himself still.
Lando pushes his curls back, âWell then I must hear it all!â
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#lando norris#lando norris fanfic#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#lando x reader#lando imagine#f1 fic
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technically I get out of work early (compared to my usual schedule) tomorrow so IâmâŚ. Hoping to get some writing done. or I could pass out as soon as Iâm home from work because wake up early. whoâs to say.
#ooc !#I do want to write on tumblr more I just need to. Thereâs been a weird anxiety hurdle recently.#a lot of overthinking about uh. kind of simple things like talking to people. planning things. replying to stuff without getting a little#anxious. and like. Itâs not necessarily a bad thing ! Itâs just something I know I have to work through and being here isnât causing me-#-like. distress or anything. If anything this has actually been Really Good For Me#It just turns out that I am still bothered by some stuff in the past in fandom / rpc spaces that I didnât realize still bothered me.#nothing that anyone can do about it. including me! I just have to feel better about interacting with other people I donât know super well-#-again.#How surprising that living at my parents and self-isolating a lot online and irl made the act of making new friends-#-INCREDIBLY difficult and scary for me AGAIN. I used to be good at it. I think. Itâs just a rough brain time esp with moving and everything#and ultimately? Iâm doing so much better than I ever was before. Itâs just. everythingâs a lot.#the making of a new blog and writing more on discord and stuff has been good for me though#make no mistake I am SO happy to be Back Iâm <33333 very excited about also being really unwell about dr who and my characters again#feels like coming back to life a bit#anyways !!!!! some fun over sharing at midnight !!!#perhaps Iâm feeling insecure about myself here. but thatâs fine bc Iâll work through it eventually bc Iâm having fun <333#and also missed having a space away from my personal blog tbqh#this started as a post talking about writing drafts and starters.
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BEAUTIFUL THING
mike schmidt x f!reader word count; 2,573 warnings; smut, no plot, just porn :D summary; there was nothing in the world she wanted more than mike schmidt. but what were the chances he'd ever make a move on her?
 She wanted Mike Schmidt.
 Donât get her wrong, she absolutely adored Abby, she was sweet, funny, and overall not a hard kid to take care of. But she knew all too well what her intentions were when she agreed to take up the babysitting jobâ how could she say no when he looked at her like that with those big, deep brown eyes?
 It was another late night spent at the Schmidt houseâ Mike had just gotten himself a new job with unholy hours, some late night security gig he had no choice but to take. Her mouth opened in a yawn and through her bleary vision, she blinked down to the watch on her wrist.Â
 4:30 AM. Mike wouldnât be back for another hour and a half or so.Â
 She sighed and threw her head back against the cushions, staring absentmindedly at the television as some old cartoon played, audio soft and muffled. She wasnât sure why she even bothered trying to stay up for Mikeâ sheâd been babysitting for him for months, (without pay, might she add) and still, neither he nor she had made any moves. She wasnât even sure if he ever even intended to make a move on her.Â
 But she was just so certain that he felt at least some sort of attraction towards her. She could see it in the way he looked at her, how his eyes would absentmindedly trail down her body against his better judgment, how heâd pull the inside of his bottom lip between his teeth while he did. She could see it in the way his body would react when she came too close, like when she gave him a handshake or playfully shoved his shoulder.
 It was the same way she reacted when he was close.Â
 Surely it couldnât all be for nothing?
 Her eyelids were falling heavy against her eyes and she slowly slumped further into the cushions of the couch, hands tightening around the blanket around her body. Sleep was so close that she could reach out and feel it, and she wouldâve slipped into the arms of slumber if it hadnât been for the opening and closing of the front door.Â
 She grumbled and furrowed her brows down at her watch.Â
 4:35 AM. Mike wasnât supposed to be home yet.Â
 At the notion, she jolted and snapped her head towards the entrance, her heart thrumming against her chest as she prepared herself for the sight of a total stranger, ready to make a run straight for Abbyâs room. She blinked and narrowed her eyes at the dark silhouette of the figure as it hung its coat on the rack bolted on the wall.Â
 âSorry. Sâ just me.â
 She knew that voice. It was a voice she always dreamed about, a voice belonging to someone sheâd seen practically everyday.
 âMike?â Her voice came out rough, having not spoken for hours, not since Abby had gone to bed. âWhat are you doing home so early?â She asked as she pushed herself further up the sofa while Mike made his way towards the recliner, wiping a hand down his face before plopping down into the seat. She could only make out his face through the light from the television but even then, she could sense something was off.Â
 Mike tapped his fingers against the armrest of the recliner, âI⌠I just⌠needed to leave⌠I guess,â he replied and she frowned, scooting to the far side of the couch closest to him. âIs⌠is everything alright?â She questioned, unsure whether or not he needed consoling. Mike leaned further back into his seat and let his eyelids flutter closed, inhaling deep through his nostrils.Â
 âJust⌠is Abby asleep?â He finally asked after a moment and she nodded, humming. âShe went down earlier than usual. Actually managed to get her to eat something,â she replied, her lips curving into a smile but quickly faltering again when she realized Mike wasnât going to reciprocate. He looked almost⌠distraught.Â
 Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she pondered her options. Sheâd known Mike for some time but even then, she still knew little to nothing about him. He slept a lot, that was for sure. And he loved his little sister and was trying so hard to be exactly the type of person she needed. But she knew nothing about him, Mike Schmidt himself. She didnât know what he did in his free time, what he liked to eat, if he had hobbies, nothing.Â
 Hell, sheâd spent so much time fantasizing about him and filling in all the holes herself, she hardly even acknowledged that he could be somebody entirely else. She didnât know the first thing about him.
 But she could learn to try.Â
 She leaned forward, a steady hand warily finding his on the armrest of the recliner and she flinched when Mike snapped his eyelids open, looking between her and their touching hands. Their gazes surged into one another and she made no moves, as if seeking any sign that she should stop.
 Mikeâs heart thrummed so hard inside his chest, it was a miracle that she couldnât hear it. She looked at him as if she were asking permissionâ permission to what, he hadnât even the slightest clue. But in spite of the voices inside of his head telling him he shouldnât, that he shouldnât let her, that he was wrong for her, he did. How could he say no when she looked at him like that, as if he were the most beautiful thing sheâd ever laid eyes upon?
 His silence gave her the confidence to let her fingers creep further down to the back of his hand, flipping it around until they rested against the heel of his palm. Slowly, she soothed the tips of her fingers up his palm until they fell between the cracks of his, letting her digits curl around his knuckles. Mike shuddered at the touch and let his own fingers press down against hers and he watched as she raised their intertwined hands to her mouth, their gazes molded together as she pressed her lips against his skin. His lips trembled as they fell open and he narrowed his eyes, clinging onto the last bit of restraint he had left.Â
 âYou can relax with me, Mike,â she whispered against his skin, pressing another soft kiss to the knuckle of his ring finger. âYou donât have to worry while Iâm around.â
 Mike pressed his lips back together and fought back the urge to groan at her words, his eyes wandering from their hands, down her arm, to her chest where it pressed against the edge of the sofa. His breath shuddered when he exhaled and the rubber band stretched inside of him finally released and with it, the last of his restraint.Â
 Fuck it, he thought. Itâs been long enough.
 Mike tugged her closer by the hand and her lids widened, a squeal slipping from her lips, in which he was swift to eat right up, pressing his mouth against hers. With his hand not intertwined with hers, he gripped her hip, working his way up to her waist to squeeze. The sound she made was muffled inside their admittedly messy kiss and he pulled her even closer, her knees having nowhere to go but on the outside of his thighs.Â
 Mike groaned and pulled away to catch his breath as her hips ground down against his, already feeling frustrated with the growing erection in his jeans. He blinked up at the woman on top of him, her arms thrown over his shoulders, her chest heaving as she chased air back into her lungs. She stared down at him with hazy irises, still bleary from lack of sleep.Â
 âSorry,â Mike finally managed to breathe out, his palms resting on either of her thighs. âProbably a little much, wasnât it?â
 He watched as the corners of her lips curved into a grin and she chuckled breathlessly, shaking her head. âNot enough,â she tittered as she surged her lips back into his, one of her hands on his shoulders slithering their way into his mess of dark tendrils, fingers curling and tugging at his roots. He hissed inside her mouth and dug his fingernails into her skin, a whimper falling from her lips, allowing him to take control of the situation.Â
 He pressed himself forward and reached for the end of her t-shirt and she briefly broke away to allow the fabric up and over her head, her own fingers already working at the buckle of his belt. Mike leaned forward to pepper kisses all across the tops of her breasts and she threw her head back as he took over in undoing his belt, ripping it from his loops and throwing open the button and zipper of his jeans.Â
 She clambered off of him as he raised his hips to tug his pants and boxers down just enough to allow his erection to spring free of its restraints, feeling her stomach do a somersault at the sight as she stripped herself of her own shorts and panties. Mike fought the urge to wrap his hands around his cock as she reached behind her back to undo the clasps of her bra and time seemed to slow as the straps fell from her shoulders, the lave toppling to the floor altogether.Â
 He swore he could feel his mouth water and never before this moment had he wanted something, or someone, more. He blinked up at her, following her gaze down to his lap and at his erection that stood tall, waiting for her, dripping with pre-cum.Â
 Mike cocked an eyebrow, âyou just gonna stand there or you gonna take it?â He asked, voice low and husky and fuck, she thought sheâd drop dead right then and there. Still, this was a dangerous game they were playing. âWhat about Abby?â She whispered, glancing towards the hallway where Abbyâs room was. âWhat if she wakes up?â
 Mike pressed his lips together and bucked his hips, raising a leg to softly give her calf a kick. âYou can be quiet, right?â He murmured in question and she felt herself clench from his voice alone. Here Mike Schmidt was, cock out and erect, all because of her. This was something she had only dreamed ofâ never did she think that this would become reality.Â
 Mike cocked his eyebrow again and she shook herself from her thoughts, taking his hand as he guided her back onto his lap. Her body shuddered and her bones rattled as she began to sink herself down, jolting when the tip brushed against her cunt, teeth sinking down into the plush of her bottom lip to contain her sounds.Â
 âItâs okay,â Mike whispered. âI got you.â
 Her eyes about rolled in the back of her head at that as his hands kneaded at the flesh of either of her hips, guiding her further down his length, making sure to go agonizingly slow to ensure she felt every single fucking inch of cock inside of her. Tears brimmed the outskirts of her eyelids as she finally sat still on his lap, filled to the brim with cock. Mike let her head fall down against the curve of his shoulder, burying her nose into the crook of his neck as she allowed time to adjust to his size, simultaneously trying to keep her sounds to a minimum.Â
 âYouâre so tight,â Mikeâs breath shuddered in her ear and his voice made goosebumps litter her skin, his fingertips like the icy breath of a ghost against her back. âYou think you can handle moving now?â He asked in a whisper against the shell of her ear and she nodded, letting him grab her thighs and push her further up his cock until just the head remained. She cried against his neck when he sank her all the way back down his length, the lewd noise of their wet skin slapping together making her clench around him. âFff⌠uuck,â he dragged his curse out as he snapped his hips up against her.
 âShit!â She gasped as he thrusted again and again and again. And she let him. She let him use her in whatever way he pleased.Â
 âGonna be good for me?â He muttered next to her ear. âGonna let me take care of you, hm?â She nodded, bobbing her head up and down against his shoulder as he snapped his hips up to hers again and again, daring the coil inside her belly to snap. âThink you can handle it?â He asked again and she nodded once more, crying and biting down on his collar. âYes!â She cried, fortunately muffled against his skin.Â
 So Mike thrusted again, harder and harder, chasing that high, that release he so desperately needed. He could tell she was closeâ itâd probably been so long since sheâd been stuffed by cock like this. Sheâd probably been waiting for this moment just as long as he has.Â
 With the pad of his thumb, he pressed down against her aching bud and Mike could feel a fresh new set of tears soak his skin as she cried, bucking her hips into his touch. His thrusts were as sloppy as they were powerful and she wasnât sure how much more she could take.Â
 âMmm⌠Mike⌠Iâm⌠Iâm gonnaâŚâ she hardly managed to stutter out, slowly feeling the coil inside her stomach as it began to unravel.Â
 âYeah?â Mike said, his other hand wrapped around her neck and pushing her forehead down against his, gazing up at her closed eyelids. He rolled his head against hers, âlook at me,â he breathed out and watched as she slowly fluttered her lids back open, just as more fat tears beaded down her cheeks. The sight was enough to get him to teeter on the edge himself.Â
 âGonna come?â He asked and she nodded, sweat-slicked forehead lolling against his. He nodded too, already feeling her release around him as she spawned around his cock, relying solely on him and his body to keep herself up. She buried her face in the crook of his neck again as she whined and cried, Mikeâs thrusts speeding up as he gave himself that final push he needed to send himself reeling, spiraling and shaking with the force of his release.Â
 âFuck,â he growled into the skin just below her ear, squeezing his eyelids shut tighter as he willed himself to keep his sounds on the low, for the sake of his little sister sleeping just in the other room.Â
 Silence fell over Mike and the babysitter for a good, long moment as they both recovered from their highs, chasing air back into their lungs as the realization of what they had just done began to sink in. Mike should be mortifiedâ she was his sisterâs babysitter, he doesnât have time for this, she doesnât deserve him, he shouldn't have done this.Â
 But the woman in his lap settled herself closer into him, nuzzling her nose against the crook of his neck, her lips like a crescent moon against his skin as she placed a soft kiss to his flesh there.Â
 âI hope youâre okay, Mike,â she whispered and he threw his head back, an arm thrown around her body as he stared up at the ceiling. How could he push her away now?
a/n; so yeah!!! i watched fnaf on friday and it kinda sorta just brought back my whole josh hutcherson phase so enjoy!! this was just a quick little something i wrote up and there's like no plot at all and not proofread LMAO
#mike schmidt#mike schmidt x reader#mike schmidt x you#mike schmidt imagine#mike schmidt smut#mike schmidt fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#fnaf#josh hutcherson#michael afton#michael afton x reader
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Heir
Anthony Bridgerton x reader
summary: telling Anthony she's with child after facing difficulties getting pregnant
It's been three years since the wedding between Anthony Bridgerton and Y/n. The love between the two was one of the strongest anyone could have ever seen, it was obvious that they were made for each other.
They met in a very unusual way. While Anthony was courting Edwina Sharma, Y/n was seen very close to Benedict, the two of them discreetly courting each other. However, they both quickly realized that the connection between them was better as a friendship than a romantic relationship, where things seemed quite forced and uncomfortable. At the same time, Viscount Bridgerton had also broken up with Edwina after she had doubts on their wedding day.
Y/n remembered that day perfectly. She was sitting next to Benedict and the Bridgerton family on the chairs waiting for Edwina to appear and the wedding to begin. She waved a fan, trying to alleviate the horrible heat in that room. The delay seemed to make everyone nervous, especially Anthony who had drops of sweat falling from his forehead and was speaking hurriedly to his mother.
Finally, the doors opened, but, to everyone's surprise, it wasn't Edwina walking down the aisle, it was Kate Sharma, her sister. She didn't look happy, walking with an air of confidence and a serious expression, her eyes never leaving Anthony. The two exchanged quick words, until Anthony dropped his head and closed his eyes in frustration, but he still nodded and Kate left.
After a few tense seconds, Anthony finally had the courage to look at the people watching the scene and said that the wedding had been cancelled, before leaving the room too, leaving the murmur that formed.
"What a scandal." a lady gossiped with another, the two starting a conversation about what could have happened, some theories being completely ridiculous and that could ruin the family's reputation.
Y/n couldn't help herself and turned to them with a polite but sarcastic smile. "My apologies for interrupting, but the only scandal here is the fact that your son, who decided to be a priest, got so many prostitutes pregnant that only they could fill an entire line of these."
The woman gasped in horror while Benedict, who was listening to the conversation, had difficulty containing his laughter. "You foolish girl, how dareâ"
"Excuse me, but I have better things to do than sit here and imagine what could have happened." Y/n got up from her chair, looking at the women one last time before going to try and find Anthony.
Despite being acquaintances, since Y/n was so close to Benedict, the two had never spoken much. However, the woman was still worried about Viscount. When she found him, sitting on the porch floor with his head in his hands, Y/n kept him company, also sitting in silence. From then on, a relationship was formed between the two that quickly became inseparable.
"My love, daydreaming again?" Anthony hummed, breaking Y/n out of his thoughts. The man wrapped his shoulders around her waist and pulled her closer, gently kissing her head. "What are you thinking about?"
"How lucky I am."
"Well, I'm the lucky one. I have a beautiful wife who I love very much. I couldn't live without you." he confessed, causing a blush to appear on her cheeks as it always did when he pronounced his love for her. "I have to go finish some paperwork, but then I'll come see you so we can go visit Daphne's son."
Y/n nodded, giving him a quick kiss and sighing as she watched him go to his office. Daphne had just had her second child, a beautiful baby boy. The couple was going to visit the family so that Y/n could help with whatever her sister-in-law needed while Anthony and Simon were going to entertain the baby's brother, a toodler who demanded a lot of attention.
Even though Y/n loved their children with all her heart, it only reminded her of what she couldn't give Anthony. The couple had been trying to get pregnant since they got married, but without success. Anthony's wife had already cried on his shoulder many times because she couldn't carry the child, her heart breaking every time she started her period.
Even though the Bridgerton man assured her several times that all he needed to be happy was her, Y/n still wanted to give him a heir. She wanted the house to be full of their children's laughter and for them to be able to create a mini version of them, a product of their love.
However, he tried not to occupy his days thinking solely about that. It was enough of all the doctors she had seen who told her that it was her fault, that her womb was not capable of developing a baby. Of course, Anthony, as soon as he heard those accusations and the look of complete heartbreak from his wife, demanded that they leave his house.
Y/n she couldn't take the blame anymore, going into a state of shock and for three days she refused to get out of bed. However, her husband would not accept that. He just wanted her to be happy, even if they never had children.
"We don't need children to be happy, I only need you. We have so many nieces and nephews who can take on my role, and we can take care of them from time to time, I'm sure my siblings wouldn't mind." Y/n remembered Anthony telling her this firmly, his hands grabbing her cheeks as they both had tears in their eyes.
And since then, they've never brought it up again.
âââââ ââ
ââ
â âââââ
"Lady Bridgerton, are you feeling alright?" one of the maids asked worriedly when she saw Y/n enter the dining room for breakfast, immediately turning paler when she smelled the eggs. "Should I fetch for Viscount Bridgerton?"
She had time to shake her head before running to the nearest bathroom, dropping herself onto the cold floor and emptying the contents of her stomach. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, gagging at the sour taste that remained in her mouth. With unsteady legs, she got up and went to wash her mouth, the maids who entered the bathroom right after her helped her to hold herself upright.
However, she quickly realized that she wasn't finished yet when a new wave of nausea consumed her and she knelt again in front of the toilet. She felt strong hands, which she recognized as Anthony's, caress her face before grabbing her hair.
"Oh, AnthonyâŚ" she moaned in discomfort. "I don't want you to see me like this."
"Hey, none of that. Come here, love." he comforted, helping turn her around and supporting her against the wall when she was finished. He took a towel and started wiping her mouth.
When Y/n had the strength to open her eyes, she saw her husband's face analyzing her closely, looking for anything that could be wrong. The concern that swam in his eyes made her raise a hand and rest it on his cheek, and he turned slightly to be able to give her a lingering kiss on her palm.
"How are you feeling? I'm going to call the doctor. Are you okay with staying with one of the maids until I get back?"
Y/n held his arm, preventing him from getting up. "No, please don't go. I'm alright now. If this continues, I promise you can call the doctor, this is probably an one time thing. Let's not worry about it."
Anthony sighed, locked in a staring contest with the most important woman in his life. Accepting defeat, but with a serious look that screamed that if that happened again she would see a doctor, the Viscount picked up Y/n, carrying her to their bed.
Laying her down gently and helping Y/n take off her dress, the man pulled the covers up, making sure she was comfortable. Afterwards, he took off his shirt and pants, lying down next to her.
"What are you doing? We can't be in bed already, especially you. It's only morning, we still have many obligations to fulfill."
"No. My wife is not feeling well, and I'm going to take care of her. The paperwork can wait, as well as all my meetings. I just want you to be healthy." Anthony brought her closer to him, Y/n resting her head on his chest so she could hear his heartbeat. "Now, sleep. You need it."
âââââ ââ
ââ
â âââââ
It happened again. More specifically, two more times Y/n threw up her meals. The first time, she was alone and not wanting to worry anyone, she preferred to remain silent. After all, she could still be recovering from some kind of illness. The second time, it was in the presence of her most trusted maid, who she considered a friend, Joanne. And so she begged her not to tell the Bridgerton man about it, claiming she would see someone.
Alone, because in addition to feeling sick, she also realized that her period, which was always regular, should have already arrived. Her first thought was that she was pregnant. But upon thinking better, she questioned this possibility. After so many years of trying and failing, why would she be pregnant now? There must be another explanation.
However, she did not share these possibilities with Anthony because the last thing she wanted was to give him hope only to end up disappointed with her inability to give him a heir. Fortunately, Joanne accompanied her, helping Y/n explain to the doctor why the Viscount wasn't there with her.
And when she left that office, she could feel her legs losing strength. She placed a hand on her chest, starting to find it difficult to breathe in completely, still shocked by what the doctor had said to her.
Pregnant.
She was carrying Anthony's child in her womb, something they thought to be impossible. She was going to be a mother. Even though Anthony always assured her that he was completely happy with just her, Y/n knew that he would love being a father. At the beginning of their marriage, he had revealed to her that he dreamed of their family, their chhildren running through the garden while he chased after them and Y/n watched while sitting under the shade, her hand on her swollen belly.
And, by a miracle, this dream could become reality.
"Lady Bridgerton, are you ready to return to the mansion?" Joanne questioned after Y/n sat down in the carriage, her hands shaking together in her lap. Her gaze was understanding, in case she needed a few more moments alone to process this, but her lips held a small smile.
"I'm going to be a mother." she whispered.
"A wonderful, beautiful mother, I'm sure. Congratulations, Lady Bridgerton." she smiled, feeling enormous happiness for Y/n. She knew how much the couple had suffered. "Shall we return?"
Y/n nodded, no longer trusting her voice to speak. The woman took advantage of the short trip to process everything that was happening and before she knew it she was already in front of Anthony's office door.
With barely controlled excitement, she knocked on the door, waiting for permission to enter. When she heard Anthony's voice, she timidly opened the door, seeing that her husband was gathered with his brothers.
"Oh, my apologies. I didn't know your brothers were here. I can come back later."
"Nonsense, love. They can just leave." Anthony said, leaning back in his chair and opening his arms, an invitation for Y/n to come to him. The man, after already having Y/n in his arms, looked at Benedict and Collin, who were looking at him with a smirk. "Did you not hear? I told you to leave."
"Anthony, be nice!"
"It's not a problem, Y/n, we know when we are not wanted. Come on, Benedict, let's leave the lovebirds alone." Collin teased, getting up with his brother and leaving the room, but first, he took Y/n's hand and brought it to his lips. Benedict, for instance, kissed her cheek in a brotherly way. Despite their farewell with Y/n, Anthony was completely ignored by his brothers.
"Did you need something?" the man asked, putting all of his attention on Y/n, who began to fidget with her fingers nervously.
"Actually, I have to tell you something. I went to the doctor todayâŚ"
"What? Y/n, why didn't you tell me? Did you feel bad again? Nauseous? What did the doctor say? Are you okay?"
"Calm down, my love. I'm better than fine. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about being sick again, but I didn't want to worry you." she admitted, feeling guilty that Anthony was feeling precisely what she didn't want. "Well, I received some very interesting news."
"Please, just tell me what's wrong. I can't bear not knowing if something is wrong with you." he muttered with a pained look, as if he felt physical pain when thinking about the possibility of Y/n being hurt or unwell.
"AnthonyâŚ" she said his name with so much love that he shuddered. "I'm pregnant."
A silence formed in the room. Anthony took so long to react, just looking at her intensely as if he didn't know what was true or not, that Y/n began to feel worry invade her system. Was he not happy? Did he not want a child with her anymore?
"W-What?" Anthony finally managed to whisper, his heart having stopped as soon as he heard those words. "You're pregnant? With my child?"
"Well, obviously." Y/n rolled her eyes. "Are you happy?"
"Happy? My love, I'm more than happy. I love you so much. And I love our child too." the man kissed her fiercely, needing to convey all his love and adoration for her in that kiss.
He was addicted to his wife's lips, and now that he knew she was carrying his child, something animalistic was released inside him. Without giving any warning, he grabbed Y/n and twirled her around, without ever taking his lips off hers. Even so, Y/n giggled against them, circling her hands around his neck and holding on tight.
When her feet touched the floor, the Viscount knelt in front of her, his hands resting hesitantly on her stomach. He looked at Y/n in permission, who just nodded in encouragement and placed her hand on his brown hair, stroking his scalp.
Very gently, Anthony kissed his wife's still flat stomach. "Hello, you. I'm your father and I love you and your mother very much. You two are my entire life."
And the two stayed like that for the rest of the day, moving to the bedroom where Anthony continued to talk to Y/n's belly while exchanging passionate kisses with her. A beautiful new stage had begun in their lives, and they couldn't wait to meet their heir.
#anthony bridgerton#anthony bridgerton x reader#benedict bridgerton#bridgerton#anthony bridgerton x you#bridgerton imagine#collin bridgerton#daphne bridgerton#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton x reader#anthony bridgerton x y/n#anthony bridgerton x female reader
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Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser
(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)
Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.
And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.
The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.
Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.
He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.
He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.
And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.
He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.
Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.
It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.
There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.
So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.
But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.
Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly
They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.
Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.
But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.
So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.
I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#jimcurly#jimcurl#jimmy x curly#curly x jimmy#tagging it as a ship bc I imply they have less than platonic feelings toward each other#No guy implies that his boy best friend is his home and he's his unless the two are in love#They love each other#it's an abusive and toxic codependent relationship#but what they feel for each other is genuine#anyway#Typical Mouthwashing trigger/content warnings obviously
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white people make everything about race they just don't say the words out loud. white people, no matter how liberal and not racist they are, make more snap judgements about people based off the color of their skin than anyone else, and they carry the consequences of those decisions carelessly. flippantly. we know we do this, at least subconsciously, and feel shame but shame makes us turn our head and refuse to gaze into the pit of culpability. white guilt, conscious or unconscious, prioritizes the way white people feel about racism as opposed to acknowledging and combating its systemic nature and the way our actions contribute to it.
#this is not an original thought by any means I'm just taking a social equity class taught by a loud and proud black woman#and I've never had that in a teacher before. we're not even really into the class yet but it challenges me in ways I'm really grateful for#I am but a white person with a lifetime of growth to achieve. there will never be a way for me to exhaust the unpacking of rascism#sometimes I definitely feel like I know it all. not consciously but its still there. I must work on that#being more aware than most white people does not give me a pass from being white and growing up in a culture that intrinsically values that#also I realized halfway through the post that I kept saying 'they' as if I'm not also a white person#I kept some as a narrative thing and to reflect the way this thought progressed as I typed it out#sorry majorly rambling here its just on my mind#I'm at the point in my life where revealing opportunities to grow and become better is an exciting thing#like well shit I aint thought about it like that before please tell me more#always learning#soupy post
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Title: Puppy Love.
Pairing: Yandere!Yuuji x Reader x Yandere!Yuuta
Word Count: 2.6k.
TW: Hybrid AU, Puppy!Yuuta, Puppy!Yuuji, Fem!Reader, Non/Con, Somnophilia, Biting, Oral Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, and Obsessive Behavior.
You heard Yuuji, first.
 Heâd always been the louder of the pair, not that it was a very steep competition. You hadnât had him for very long, butâwell, it was less that he came out of his shell quickly and more that heâd never had a shell at all. It only taken a day or so for him to get used to the idea of living with you and Yuuta full-time, a week for him to start acting like heâd always been a part of your little family, and another month before he started pawing at your bedroom door at night and whining when you reminded him that you preferred to sleep alone (meaning: without multiple two-hundred pound hybrids draped across you). He was energetic, overly friendly, even if you wouldnât go so far as to call him disobedient or difficult. You figured having a more, for lack of better phrasing, dog-like hybrid in the house would be good for Yuuta, bring out his more instinctive side. In reality, the added stress of an overly hyper roommate had only worked to make him just a little more anxious than he already was, but you still thought it was good for him. If nothing else, Yuuji gave Yuuta something to focus on that wasnât you, and Yuuta could use more distractions.
But Yuuji, thoughâHe was what you shouldâve been focusing on, at the moment. Through the haze of exhaustion, you could hear the door creaking open, the muffled sound of padded feet on carpeting and the tiny, almost inaudible vocalizations Yuuji never seemed to realize anyone else could hear. Soon enough, you felt the foot of the mattress dip as he clambered onto your bed. Any other night, you wouldâve forced yourself to sit up and tell him to leave, wouldâve called on the dozens of books and hundreds of blogposts youâd read about hybrid obedience training and found the strength to âreinforce boundaries despite personal feelingsâ, but you were tired beyond the point of discipline, and Yuuji didnât mean any harm. One night of letting him curl up next to you wouldnât hurt, even if you did make a mental note to show Yuuta some extra affection in the morning â just to keep the scales balanced. For all their many differences, they were both prone to crying favoritism.
You never stirred, but you settled deeper into place, curling into yourself as Yuuji remained at your feet. You mightâve fallen asleep entirely, if Yuuji hadnât spoken.
His voice was quiet, low, audibly trepidatious. It reminded you of Yuutaâs nervous, stuttering inclination, although not quite as unsteady. âAre you sure itâs alright toâŚ?â
âI am.â You werenât sure who you expected to answer, but the sound of Yuutaâs voice almost startled you awake. It was normal for Yuuji to bend the rules. Yuuta was supposed to know better. âSheâs asleep, right? Just donât wake her up.â
Yuuji didnât respond, but you felt the sheets draped over your shift, a warm hand curl around your calf. For as little reassurance as Yuuta had provided, it seemed to be enough for Yuuji.
It was half curiosity and half fatigue that kept you quiet as Yuuji moved around you. Whatever they mightâve been up to, nothing couldâve seemed worse than having to wake up and sacrifice much-needed sleep for the sake of scolding your (usually angelic) pets. At worst, youâd wait until you could catch them in the act or, better yet, grit your teeth and bare it until they left. Anything not to have to deal with this for another eight hours.
You rolled onto your side, twisting your leg out of Yuujiâs hand and letting out a soft groan as you curled into yourself. It wasnât a subtle position, let alone an inviting one, but Yuuji only whimpered, only edged closer to you. This time, when he touched you, it was to take up your shoulder â his hold gentle and breathing heavy as he nudged you onto your back. Whatever he was doing, he seemed determined to see it through. It mightâve been more admirable, if you hadnât been so confused.
You felt your sheets pull away from you next, then another hand on your ankle, Yuujiâs rough claws pressing lightly into your skin as his loose grip flexed. You felt him draw your legs apart, and with the corner of your mouth already quirking downward, you started to open your eyes, to sit up andâ
Suddenly, you felt something wet and warm press into your cunt, and you stopped moving entirely.
Whatever lingering exhaustion you mightâve felt was swiftly replaced with cold, pointed terror. This time, you forced yourself to hold still, it wasnât out of confusion or curiosity, but an abrupt and paralyzing fear.
It wasnât a feeling Yuuji seemed to share. His tongue was already moving across the length of your slit, his drool already soaking into the silk of your panties. He was making those noises, again; deep and throaty, closer to the sounds a prowling animal would make than anything remotely similar to human speech. Both of his hands found their way to your ass, claws biting into the plush flesh as he buried his face in your pussy. He was just as rough with his mouth â his pointed canines ghosting over the inside of your thighs and catching on the material of your panties, his broad togue laving over your covered entrance as if he could taste you through the fabric. It was only when he bowed his head, when the bridge of his flat nose ground against your clit that you started to wonder if he actually could, but forced yourself not to linger on the idea for very long. Thinking about what he was doing, assigning a motive to his actions â that would only make this worse. Thinking at all would only make this worse.
You bit down on the side of your tongue with as much force as you could afford to use, willing yourself to hold still, to not react â a wounded animal, playing dead as to not attract the attention of a predator. You felt Yuujiâs hands shift, calloused fingertips pressing into your thighs, thenâ
âStop.â
Yuuta. Wonderful, miraculous, well-behaved Yuuta. You wouldâve sighed, if you werenât holding yourself so stiff. You could hear him moving closer, too â his footsteps feather-light compared to Yuujiâs. You braced yourself to break up a fight (thereâd been a few when Yuuji first came home with you, when you first realized that Yuuta had never learned to share), but rather than barking, growling, any of the sounds that came with two animals trying to tear each other apart, there was only rustling fabric, another shift in gravity as Yuuta positioned himself by your side. âY-youâre doing it wrong,â he stammered, and something deep inside of you seemed to curl up and die. âYou have to take her clothes off first. Otherwise, she wonât feel anything.â
It was almost strange, hearing him take charge. In any other context, you mightâve been proud.
Yuuji whined, but obliged. His nails scraped against your hips as he balled his fist around the fabric and tore, making no effort to spare the delicate fabric. The remaining scraps were discarded with just as little care, and before you could fully wrap your mind around what was happening, he was back to lapping at your cunt. With the only barrier between you gone, it felt less like he was trying to eat you out and more like he was trying to eat you alive â his tongue too thick and too long, his hands too big and too prone to groping at whatever was underneath him, the boundless energy you were so used to finding either infinitely adorable or impossibly exasperating sudden not quite as harmless than youâd always considered it to be.
The next time he found your clit, you couldnât stifle your reactions â little, half-choked whimpers and moans escaping despite your pursed lips. Your hips twitched, and for the first time, you felt Yuuji draw back willingly. He was such a sweet dog. Even with your eyes clenched shut, you could picture him tilting his head to the side, his ears flopping in the same direction and his big, dark eyes going full puppy-dog. Usually, youâd melt at the sight, give him whatever he was asking for and comfort him the best you could, but you didnât have much comfort to spare, and Yuuta was already answering on your behalf.
âThat means she likes it,â he explained, his voice a little quieter, a little more airy than itâd been before. âKeep going, sheâll make more.â
There was a short lapse, passed in silence. For a second, you let yourself believe heâd come to his senses, that he might stop, but it was only for a second. His response was enough to dash any remaining hope you mightâve had. ââŚwill she get louder?â
âMhm.â And then, with the slightest note of pride, âShe does for me, at least.â
And just like that, Yuujiâs head dipped, his mouth latching onto your pussy with a renewed concentration. You willed yourself not to move, not to think, not to do anything that would mean having to open your eyes and acknowledge what was happening, but it was impossible not to feel the heat of his mouth against your cunt, not to let the sounds of saliva and arousal against tongues and skin seep into the back of your mind and tint the pleasure slowly starting to pool at the pit of your stomach with a vicious, sickeningly sweet, nectar-like quality. It wasnât long before your own pitiful noises were just as difficult to suppress, before your hips were jutting upward involuntarily to meet Yuujiâs mouth, before you could feel a mix of drool and slick and every other ungodly thing pooling on your sheets beneath you. Yuuta shifted beside you, edging close enough for his thigh to press against your arm. âYouâreâYouâre making a mess, sheâll be mad ifââ
His voice cut out abruptly, drowned out by a sudden, bubbling moan from Yuuji. Yuuta tried to catch his attention again to the same result until, finally, there was a low growl. Yuuji yelped has his face was shoved further into the space between your thighs â Yuuta pushing down on the back of his head, as little as you wanted to picture your sweet Yuuta doing something like that â but he didnât seem to mind. If anything, his lapping only seemed to get faster, more reckless, more wild. You didnât want to, no part of you wanted to cum because of your petâs mouth, but you could feel the pressure mounting, the heat building, the walls of your pussy convulsing around his tongue as you reached your climax.
There was nothing you could do to stop yourself from crying out as you came, any hope you mightâve had of making it through this without letting either Yuuji or Yuuta know how much of it youâd been conscious for immediately abandoned. You tried to make good use of your adrenaline, to shove Yuuji away and run, but heâd always been strong, even for a hybrid, and he didnât even have to pull away to pin your hips to the mattress and nurse you through your orgasm, his tongue now fucking into you unabashedly. He only stopped when the last of your aftershocks had died out, when it was all you could do to lie limp and mutter all the little ânoâ, âstopâ, âpleaseâs that youâd pictured yourself screaming only seconds ago. Even then, the separation wasnât made by choice â no, it was Yuuta who finally, finally dragged him off of you. Even through the darkness of your bedroom, you could see his fingers knotted in Yuujiâs untamable hair, his knuckles white and his grip steadfast. By the time he let go, Yuujiâs back was straight and heâd gone surprisingly quiet â his dark eyes glassy and fixed on yours. By the time you could force yourself to look to Yuuta, he wasnât much better. He was focused on you, too, but he didnât look quite as dazed, quite as mindless. His lips were parted, but his eyes were narrowed, and he was wearing the expression heâd worn when you first brought Yuuji home, all displaced resentment and palpable betrayal. If you hadnât known him so well, you mightâve called it anger.
Yuuji broke the silence. He whined sharply, slumping forward and kneading down where his hands were still planted on your hips. You opened your mouth, ready to tell him to get down, to get out, but Yuuta cut in before you had the chance to spit anything out. âTurn her over. Itâll be easier if sheâs on her stomach.â
Yuuji didnât hesitate. You felt his hands on your midriff, and then, you were on your chest, Yuujiâs form hunched over you as he ground something stiff and hot and leaking against your ass. You tried to push yourself up, to get away, but you were barely able to get your knees underneath you before Yuujiâs arms were around your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck and his pointed teeth bared against the side of your throat. He didnât growl, didnât bite, but you went still regardless. You didnât think Yuuji would hurt you, but you never would've thought he would do this, either.
Whatever aggression he mightâve felt faded quickly â as soon as he started rutting against your ass. You could feel him panting against your throat, his breath humid and stifling, and his chest pressing into your back. He was too close. He was too much. When he spoke, it was almost deafening, even if you knew it couldnât be much more than a mumble. âHurts so bad,â he muttered, as his cock ground uselessly against your ass, your thighs. âBeen hurtinâ so bad since you took me home. I was so happy when Yuuta told me you could help, andâand, that you wouldnât mind, andââ
His voice cut out abruptly as the blunt head of his cock caught on your entrance and, with a cracked whine, thrust into you. There was no time to adjust, to block out â just a sudden heat inside of you and the immediate, overwhelming fullness of his cock battering the walls of your pussy. âOff,â you half cried, half screamed â your voice a jagged, shaking mess. âGet down, stop, getââ
But Yuuji wasnât listening. His tongue lapped clumsily at your neck as he fucked into in slow, languid thrusts â his hips slamming into your ass with enough force to bruise. You went limp, sobbing openly into your sheets, but Yuuji was strong enough to hold you up on his own, to not have to care what state you were in underneath him. So caught up in your own misery, you didnât notice Yuuta moving until he was in front of you, until his hand had worked its way underneath your chin and tilted your head back far enough for your tear-clouded gaze to find his. His expression was that same mix of resentment and pity and bitter, bitter anger. Still, when your eyes met his, the corner of his lips quirked up, some of the harsher lines around his eyes fading into nothing.
âI wouldnât be this rough with you.â His tone was flat, softened. He ran his thumb over your cheek, leaning down just far enough for his lips to brush against the top of your head. âI would be a good mate. You donât need anyone else.â
Again, he leaned in, slotting his lips against yours with a feather-light sort of gentleness. At the same time, you heard Yuuji moan, felt his teeth sink into your shoulder, and started to wish you couldnât feel anything at all.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#hybrid au#yandere imagines#yandere jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#yandere jjk#jututsu kaisen imagines#yandere itadori yuji#yandere yuji#yuji x reader#yuta x reader#yandere yuta#yandere okkotsu yuta
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