#well technically my birthday was yesterday but I started writing this post yesterday soooo

[headcanons-inc]

Shiratorizawa Headcanons

Some self-indulgent headcanons bc... it’s my birthday and I can lol

Ushijima

Collects succulents, and is very good at taking care of them~ 

Not very good at tasks involving fine motor skills, especially using scissors and doing up buttons 

Though to be fair, both can be attributed to his left-handedness, so it’s not really his fault

Actually super good at baking?? He only does it once every blue moon (usually for birthdays and stuff), but when he does everyone cries 

Semi

Do NOT play video games with this guy. He is so loud. He Yells. 

He’s not even a sore loser or anything, he just gives everyone headaches

Actually way more of an enabler than you’d think...

Semi: Hey wtf are you doing Tendou, sitting next to a napping Ushijima: Tryna see how many objects I can stack on top of Wakatoshi-kun before he wakes up Semi: Semi, sitting next to him: Cool can I watch,

His hair is so fucking dry from over bleaching that it gets regularly compared to straw 

Reon

He’s a super good writer!! He’s never gotten anything under a 96 on a written piece in Language Arts, and he’s even writing a book!

The worst aim of anyone you will ever meet. Seriously. He was challenged to a shooting game at a festival once by Goshiki and, because he’s also surprisingly competitive, he ended up spending most of his money on that one game that night... he never hit a single target...

Does photography and brings his camera everywhere with him. Never say or do anything embarrassing around Reon. He will get pictures whether you notice or not. 

His team knows this far too well

Tendou

Has bunk beds beds at home from when he was younger and used to share a room with his younger sister (she got a new bed while he kept the bunks) and keeps a candy stash on the top bunk which his mother regularly steals from

Got his hair from his mom, and his eyes from his dad

Total boss at Scrabble 

Goshiki

The middle kid of 5 brothers, which partially explains his need for praise all the time

Super good at almost all sports, not just volleyball! He was actually approached by someone on the soccer team when he witnessed Goshiki play in gym class 

He can’t play tennis for his life, though

Thinks at least once a month that he should change his hairstyle, but always ultimately comes to the conclusion that he likes it the way it is

Shirabu

Only child who comes from a rich family

Hates loud noises in the morning more than anything

Training camps are hell for him because he’s used to nice, quiet houses in the morning, and some people on his team Goshiki and Tendou like to start off their day by yelling...

Somewhat superstitious and fully believes that something as simple as putting his left shoe on before his right will ruin his day completely 

Kawanishi

Never gets enough sleep. Ever. He willingly stays up until 4 AM every night on his phone

At training camps, when he’s forced to get enough sleep, however, is when the team realizes that Kawanishi’s actually like... a pretty pleasant, happy person? Who enjoys having conversations with his teammates? And actually smiles? And teases Shirabu well he does that anyway but he’s WORSE now? Who are you and what have you done with Taichi?

He vehemently denies any of this happened when they get back

Too bad Reon has pictures

Prefers to be called by his given name (Taichi) rather than his family name, similarly to Kenma

Somehow always has a pen/marker on hand?? Like, no one knows where he keeps them considering he always seems to wear pocketless pants, but he’s always the first one to respond when someone asks for a pen

Do not fall asleep near him. He may seem trustworthy, and normally he is, but he Can and Will draw on your face. 

Yamagata

Is surprisingly good with dates and times for someone who never has his phone on him; he’s the guy who ALWAYS knows what they’re doing today, who they’re having their next practice match against, where their next training camp is, etc. 

Sometimes even before Washijou does, somehow

His team is scared

SUPER fast typist, like his mom (a teacher) took a fucking typing course in college and he’s way faster 

His favourite animals are turtles and he legit teared up when Tendou gave him a turtle plushie for his birthday one year

[cxsmicmyeon]

hi hi! it's your bestie 😉 hehe sorry i had too much screen time and needed a break 😂

oh my goodness his fried rice waffles 👁👄👁 he also called himself a culinary genius and i'm wondering how kyungsoo deals with jongin's kitchen adventures lmao or even minseok since he's such a clean freak?? baek just updated and said he's doing well in a strict routine! but for everyone to stop sending mail/email/gifts to his training centre bc it's overwhelming them 😂 so to just tell him everything using a specific hashtag and he can feel the love when he's finished. can you imagine how much they're getting??? lol

i've always used the excuse it's still that date in america soooo technically it's still my birthday 😀

OMG YES PLEASE WRITE THAT!!! that's so cute and domestic stop lol 💞 i feel like a bunny would be a lot less maintenance especially if you're out often! unless you adopt? a puppy is SO much work. ..maybe that's why mine is such a baby. he's almost 6 now but still acts like a puppy we just brought home yesterday 😂 omg that time chanyeol had toben and sehun had vivi? the chaos that was toben LMAO

i sometimes want to start a fic rec blog..but i'm so unorganised i'm not sure how to go about it. i do so much reading and there're so many good fics out there i want to share 😭

we pretty much are but there's some random clusters here and there. plus the newly returned overseas but they're quarantined in a medi hotel. yeah i've seen a lot of news from the us about people refusing to wear masks and stay home. but then turn around and complain that things aren't getting better 😶 yes please keep safe!! ❤

i think the cheaper one is a flip book album! which ofc will be mega cute, i can already imagine! i want sm to bloody release the details though. why are they so lazy when it comes to their best sellers?! is it tomorrow for you yet? 😂 DID YOU GET IT!? omfg yes lol i CAN'T WAIT for your asmr HAHA 👉👈 tbh your voice sounded so sweet i felt comfortable messaging you 😂 when you were fangirling about myeon hahaha that's exactly what i'm like when someone asks about yeol hehe

LOL THE WAY I THOUGHT HIS FRIED RICE WAFFLES WERE HASHBROWNS- ngl though it looks good though i'd eat it...😳 kyungsoo prolly had a mental breakdown when he saw jongin making the waffle LOL

OMG WAIT I CRIED WHEN I SAW BAEK'S VIDEO- HE SAID HE'S GONNA BE UPLOADING EVERY 17TH???? AND CHAN UPLOADING EVERY 27TH??? WE DO NOT DESERVE THOSE TWO AT ALL😭😭😭omg i can't imagine all the mail he's getting- i think something similar happened to junmyeon and he had to go on and say stop sending me mail cuz it's too much ahsgdj,, my popular boys🥰

I WILL WRITE IT!! i just need to get through school and finish my final paper lol!! and also finish my requests lol!! thank god school's over next tuesday for me lol! i need a BREAK omg... agh yeah i have heard puppies are a lot of work but they're SO CUTE THOUGH😭😭omg toben and vivi are both of my personalities🤣🤣they're literally the cutest things omg

lol i actually was considering a fic rec blog too! cuz my post is rly long and i feel bad for all the tags the authors get LOL but i'm lazy and i don't want to annoy the authors EVEN MORE LLMAOSODNDNJFHF i love life😃👍🏻

ugh yes i have a lot of family who is anti mask and won't get vaccinated and don't take covid seriously and it just pisses me off🙄🙄but thankfully most of them don't live in my area so i don't have to worry about seeing them a lot lol! and i have both of my shots for the vaccine and i'll be fully vaccinated after next week!

i'm not picky at all when it comes to albums lmao! like even if i don't get a jun photocard i don't complain that much bc i still got a photocard of a member!! like i have a jun, yeol and minseok photocard (and baekhyun poster and jongdae slide thing from obsession) and honestly i'm still happy to get the merch cuz it's exo and i love exo!! :D

AND AGH IM SO SAD IT SAID IT'S COMING LATE😭😭😭like it was gonna originally come on saturday but then usps said thursday (today) and i checked the tracking number and it said "coming late" )): agh but we'll see 🤞🏻 i just hope it comes soon!!

AGH i need to prepare for the filming😭😭i need to find a tri pod and clear my desk and make sure my family doesn't interrupt me AJDHJDH and AAA i hate my voice so much i was so shy when recording!!! but i turned my phone around and spoke from the heart and i felt more comfy!! i may not speak in the asmr tho i'll just let my glue on manicure do the talking LOL!! i love hearing nails tap on stuff so it'll be fun to do!!

[twisted-petal]

Death Continued: Part 2

I need to be up in 4 hours, and the only reason why I am even up writing this so late is because my roomie is still gaming and I can’t eVER GET SLEEP. Which is about as much as I will speak of him because what if he finds this or something and I don’t want to deal with shit, I would rather just bottle all this shit up and deal…

There is just so much to say about this lady and everything that happened, but I’ve already dragged on more than anticipated, and I am so freaken sleepy… Gods he chews his fucking food so loud I can hear it through my headphones don’t even get me started on him slurping all his remotely moist food… I also just need to forget it all.

Now… Moving in was a bit strange, and looking back now I should have taken what I first experienced as a million signs: She didn’t have the room cleaned up as she had told me, she didn’t have a key prepared as promised and so took the key from a friend who visited nearly daily, I was told by my partner that she would drink at night and he would catch her dancing in her room, she often didn’t notice him (or me) come in later in the day, and she wouldn’t respond to messages often and would forget plans/times.

Day and night she would blast country music through two radios, and after I got internet hooked up it was 2 radios and YouTube playing Country and Adele…

She would smoke weed all day, then anywhere between 2pm and 6pm she would break out the gallon of whiskey. Didn’t matter who was over (which included children she would watch), she would start dozing off in her seat or shuffle to her room, then wake up between midnight and 3am to make a mess in the kitchen making food. I needed to stay up to be sure she wouldn’t burn the place down… I’ve woken up to smoke from her forgetting food or not paying attention.

I started taking up watching the girl she was “hired” to watch as things got worse. Her father paid me a couple of times because of this. An 8 y/o girl should not have to go to someone to say they found shit in their babysitter’s underwear that was left on the bathroom floor. I despise children, but I will care for them when need be…

Her financial problems were discovered to be caused be her excessive smoking and alcohol addiction. Random people would show up at the house for mini parties, walk in unannounced, throughout the summer she was just leave for a week or more without word to stay with her 20-30 y/o boyfriend and left me to care for her two dogs, cat, and millions of plants, and I had to stop searching for a job because she would have a freak out and her drinking would get worse. I am too nice for my own good.

The agreement was that we weren’t going anywhere until spring. I was not informed until some time after settling in that she was selling the house. This was not the first time I was left in the dark… She was separated from her husband (still married) who lived elsewhere with his bitch of a girlfriend. He owned the house.

As time went on, the move date kept fluctuating and growing ever closer. The father of the girl I would watch over eventually moved in after running into housing trouble, but barely stayed a month as he over heard our “landlady” talking with her husband and head him say that the two of us leaving by the end of the month was too soon.

He found a place close by and was able to move.

Now let’s throw some vague numbers around: Landlady was getting $450 from the both of us (and soon she would be getting rent from another dude that I will bitch about later), $20 whenever she “watched” his daughter (even when he lived with us), her husband paid a couple bills that I forget, as well as gave her a check each month of $500.

That’s roughly $1,500 a month, as well as food stamps (and saving $50 on the internet I paid for, which she needed for her phone). She admitted to only spending a hundred or two on bills, and $30 for her phone. What of the rest of the money? Mysteryy~

[(I done did fuck. Had these in Queue and I was going to rearrange them later, but I forgot and so it’s just going to show up once a day in order how I wrote it. It was a busy-ass day… Yesterday. It’s 1am again. Wanted to proof-read more, though. I suppose this will show up the 3rd day, soooo… Whatever)]

Shortly after the father left, the old shit-stain moved in… Gods I want to just rant about this disgusting, lazy asshole. Obnoxious, overbearing, couldn’t listen,wouldn’t, wouldn’t stop touching me or insulting because he was SOOOOO funny. Fuckin’ hated that unappreciative ass-wipe. Seriously. I gave up my king bed so he didn’t have to sleep on an air mattress at the new place, and he return the favor by complaining it was too big, leaning the king mattress against the wall for a shelf, stacked the two twins that served as the box frame, then set the air mattress on top. I slept in my closet on a pile of blankets and pillows; Granted, I did make it pretty damn comfortable and warm. Still hated him.

Continuing at the first house: I was back with Corey again. Our fights were increasing, and so was his kindness and heart. As well as his demands… He was more accepting and encouraging of who I was, a bit more respectful, but he was also more scarce in his visits. We also had the greatest day ever hiking Table Rock: Taking hours to buy him some damn shorts, running up the trail, his astonishment in the world around him (he hadn’t done anything outdoorsy since he was young, aside from taking his son to the beach or some shit), watching him face his fear of heights and stress at my boldness to stand closer to the edge, rushing from whatever set of eyes he apparently saw and we made our dark decent down (I tried to warn him…), finding a break in the trees just as the largest orange moon we had ever seen emerged from behind a mountain - standing together in complete awe… *ahem* I shouldn’t be reminiscing on such fond times… I shouldn’t be trying to defend the good in him… Maybe I just feel it makes me more an imbecile to not express all that was positive? There is no excuse…

His existence gave me a distraction from the world I was trapped in… We were completely different in so many ways, fought constantly, connected so well, shared special interests, and of course, my bleeding heart held him close.

He was cruel, impatient, full of Italian anger and old-fashioned judgments, and, again, sexually demanding. He often made it seem unintentional, played innocent, and claimed restraint, but I knew what he was trying to do. A part of me wanted to be, well, wanted. At 18 I was taught that the only way I could earn love, the only way someone could love me, is if I pleased my partner. This increases with each partner, as I feel more and more obligated to please them and that is the only reason I exist to them.

I believe my only purpose in life is to serve others in one way or another, and if I have nothing left to give or if I need any little thing at all, I am a complete waste of existence. What makes this worse is that I enjoy seeing people happy; I enjoy knowing that I have help bring a smile to someone, from a lover to a stranger.

He took full advantage of this… More so than any other…

Every Holiday throughout 2016 was ruined because of him, including my birthday, and from July to March the landlady intensified. Save for Halloween… She was a part of this, but he ruined it two days before… In my next post I with paste the vent post I made on my alt FB account that goes into further detail and is also fairly vague. I just went into some detail about Corey here to get it out of the way, and I cut contact with him after I moved.

Recap after side rant: I had nowhere else to go, needed to stay home to help landlady deal with her shit and help keep her from further spiraling while trying to encourage progress in her .ordeals, she kept changing our move month and wouldn’t work with me in actually finding a new place to live or even look on her own, she kept changing which town she wanted to move to which left me without any idea of where I was going to live or where to apply for work, and she wouldn’t even pack her stupid house.

In order to spend my birthday with someone I had to offer to pay for their meal; thankfully, the father from earlier worked where we went to eat and he paid for the drink I ordered. He’s a fairly nice dude, just a complete dweeb. And ho-bag. Bro could learn a thing or two. Find some structure. He’s a bit of a mooch, but he’s not an ass; He’s a fairly caring goat.

The friend I went to lunch with ended up buying us tickets to see the Grumps live in Portland, and we were able to stay a night with my favorite asshole… Gods… He will never leave my heart… Despite everything, he is the one I will never let go of. I hate him so much… My love for him will never die, no matter how far we grow apart, or how many I love after him; We never had the chance to be together (which makes me sound eVEN MORE PATHETIC I KNOW), and it crushes me to know he doesn’t feel as fondly for me. My Puppu… Words…

A few days before we headed up to Portland my friend got into an accident and after mulling some options over, she decided to rent a car for a couple days. I offered to help her out, and she agreed that I help with gas and maybe a part of the payment.

I wasn’t feeling too well from all the anxiety at home and Corey yelling at me again (especially knowing I “used to” share feelings with Puppu. We were barely back together, technically not. Didn’t even tell me he was going to be out of town for my birthday… So much drama…), I wasn’t exactly eating, and the morning after the show I was in excruciating pain, shaking uncontrollably, fairly delirious, and vomitting/dry-heaving.

This was really a bummer after enjoying the Grumps live and… Making out with Puppu in his bed while after my friend fell asleep on the couch. c.c; Just a few smooches…

I miss him so much…

The “friend” who took me to the show made me feel like absolute garbage for making her stay an extra day and call in to work, and spend money on my meds (As Puppy insisted on taking me to the Emergency Clinic). She later wanted me to pay for her rental - or at least a decent portion of it.

([And continued on tomorrow! Maybe I’ll change it to a more frequent update…)]