#well most of the bats are bisexual so no one really sits normally lol it's just dick is the most egregious example

[reineydraws]

bruce: dick i love that you want to stay connected to your past as an acrobat but can u PLEASE sit NORMALLY while we have this meeting

(poses from aaron tveit's version of "mein herr")

[interestsofabookwormbitch]

Crushes

No need to read this. I've just had crushes on the mind lately and wanted to organize my own out in a space where I'll be able to find it without worry of my family doing so. If you want to you can though. Be a little informative of me I suppose

Ok, let's start with saying I had no crushes in elementary school. Made me feel weird, but this isn't about that, this is purely about actual crushes, not lack thereof. Also like, celebs don't count

Crush #1: Gr.6. I don't remember a lot, I just remember seeing this boy, and it felt so different from any other boy I'd seen. I obviously realized it was a crush, and honestly? I was so happy. I felt like there was something wrong with me before for not having crushes (not that there is anything wrong with not getting crushes, but to my young mind I thought I was weird. I wasn't educated enough to a) know that tons of people don't get crushes until their tweens, and b) that a lot of people just never get crushes, and there's nothing wrong with that. And I can get into a whole topic right here, but keeping this about crushes). Never talked to the kid though, and got over him by the next year.

Crush #2: Gr. 7. This was a kid in my class who I did frequently interact with. My friend and him had this sort of joke war going on, so obviously I was pulled into it, which I enjoyed. He was a fun kid, and I can remember exactly when I got the crush. I pulled his hair (this joke war did involve physical altercations. Nothing that actually bad, but still). It was soft. I had a crush on him until my next crush started, So summer after gr.8. Sadly he died in a car accident in our grade 12 year. By that point I'd barely talked to him anymore, but it still sucked, and sucks. Sometimes it feels unreal, because like, he was a genuinely happy person, that brought a lot of joy with him. I may not of had a crush anymore, or talked to him, but it was sad.

Crush #3: summer after gr.8. First wrestler crush. This one, realistic, lasted through gr.10 I want to say. It also had a couple flare ups after for like a day or two, and a couple times where I didn't care during those years. I don't know. It was weird. Realised (not got) the crush from having to sit next to him on a bus to Idaho. He's a year older than me, and I can talk with him fine now, but definitely not before. Didn't help he was always with a group of guys. He's nice though.

Crush #4: Gr.9. This one I struggled with a while. It was my first crush on a girl. I could not accept that for the longest time. I didn't care if anyone was into the same gender, but I couldn't be into the same gender, you know? We had math together, and it didn't help that we were sat beside each other for a while. I loved it, don't get me wrong, but it made it even harder for me to ignore my feelings, and instead I tried to say I just really wanted to be friends. I was super disappointed when the seating was changed, even if I was put with my friend, I'd rather sit with her. Lol. Honestly, Tumblr is what helped the most in accepting myself, and that these feelings were indeed a crush. All the positivity for the LGBTQ community made it feel ok. (Now I have other struggles, but that's different). I don't know when I got over her, I was too busy ignoring the feelings to notice when they were gone, but I did before gr.12

Crush #5: Gr.11. This one is honestly the closest I've ever gotten to dating, which is sad since we interacted a whole of three tournaments. Still, pretty sure there was flirting on both sides, and he was the first person to ever imply that I was pretty, in that context. If he wasn't a year older and graduated that year, who knows? We talked a lot after the first time though. Well, whenever we seen each other in person. I'm even worse at talking through message, so we didn't end up keeping in touch. But yeah, I just accidently started talking to him too, and we talked about such a variety of topics I can't even remember. He's probably my purest crush tbh. He was also into Green Day.

Crush #6: freshman in uni. This one I technically should put after the next one, but like, oh well. This one has less to write about. So this one is another girl. She was in my English class, and pretty fun to talk to whenever we did. Also a year older. She's a soccer player, so obviously she's great, since woman soccer players tend to be👌 lol. Not much to say though, since I still like her, just not as much as the next crush. When I'm with her though it's a whole different story. And I've definitely daydreamed about kissing her, which is not usual for me. I don't think we'll see much of each other anymore though, so the crush will probably fade, like most do.

Crush #7: freshman in uni...probably? Ok this is the one I've been gushing about lately. I'm kind of confused on when this started tbh. Like did it start at the summer camp when I first seen him and kept staring at him whenever I could because there was something about his face (he looked very vaguely like Pete Wentz.)? Was it when school started and I realized he was gonna be on my team? Honestly, probably right off the bat if I'm being honest, but I didn't want another crush, so I denied it. Even when I literally could not go up and sit with him when we were the only wrestlers at this thing and I had to wait for Stephanie to come and bring us together. Being nervous like that is normal, but being nervous but still really wanting to go over means crush. Eventually I realized when my reaction to seeing him anywhere really was just hard to ignore. Ok so this one is the only one I actually keep track of on Tumblr (he has his own tag, which really, duh, obviously I liked him). And also the only one I've completely pictured in more....erotic scenes. I don't mean to, but like, there's this one picture with a little bit of stomach showing (just a sliver) and it makes me picture some smutty shit. Also, and I feel like a fucking fool for this, but the feelings of crushing overpowered me, and (I can't fucking believe it) I wrote a fucking poem. Fuck me for that cringe. But yeah. This one will unfortunately last awhile.

There were a couple of people I could have probably counted, but they barely lasted long enough to register for me, so they just don't count. 2 guys and 1 girl.

Also, this list makes it pretty obvious that I definitely lean towards men in my bisexuality. If I do add the other 3 that'd make 70% of people I crush on male, and 30% female. Which is valid, but sometimes it makes me worry about if it's "gay" enough.

Also just looking at the actual list

#1 blonde

#2 blonde

#3 he's actually a brown guy, so black hair

#4 blonde (Also cute dimples)

#5 blonde

#6 brunette (First Nations)

#7 blonde

I think I may have just discovered I have a thing for blondes.