#well idk if that's accurate with climate change

[ofieloafi]

hi since the year is ending or has ended I wanted to do a nice little thing and say nice things about a select few mutuals who have been cool people throughout the year.

for me this has not been that great of a year but it hasn't been all doom and gloom, but let's not go further into that now.

@soundsofastar He's a lovely lad who makes cool art. Been quite interesting to observe his transition journey through the bits in posts and overall a delightful person to see on my dash. Though I have to admit sometimes he does make me a tad jealous with his ability to create art and study while being younger than me, which I mean as a compliment more than as a way to put myself down. He has really cool art and his passion shines through it.

@nonsmokingant she's just really nice. Like whenever I say something self deprecating in the notes she usually comes and disproves that which is quite lovely. And honestly that sort of support means a lot to me. If I ever happen to be in her corner of the world I'd love to share some drinks with her or cook her a good meal.

@john-liberal he may post good but don't let that fool you, he is still cishet and that can't be forgiven. Honestly he's a mystery to me but who am I to complain about a cool mutual.

@loathsome-little-creature an absolute darling of a person who's going through absolutely horrible times and I wish I could help her more. Also she has a lot of cool info about medieval stuff. I feel like I shouldn't say more to not say anything too personal, but I hope she knows a random neet tgirl cares about her.

@nonamehorse my favourite little pervert who honestly feels like a spiritual sibling to me. They're a sad lonely loser struggling with employment, just like me. Lately they've been on a serious hornyposting break which while good for them has been a tad overwhelming for me personally. Still, a lovely person who would make for a good roommate or something of that ilk.

@chiacynta a total treasure of a person, she's been there for me during some of the toughest times of my life and is honestly just a really cool girl who deserves the world. She is genuinely like a sister to me.

apologies if this is incoherent or too brief or you weren't included or whatever. I'm writing this while trying to watch the oven so you know a bit preoccupied but I wanted to get this out before the year ends in my part of the world.

anyhow happy new year to you all <3

[woodsfae]

Babylon 5 S03E01: Matters of Honor S01 table of contents • S02 table of contents • S03 table of contents

With this opening shot of the railshuttle inside B5, and Sheridan's rescue from going splat by Kosh after he jumped out of the shuttle last season, I have realized. I have just now realized that the railshuttle is inside B5. After all the times they've used it across two seasons and one episode, it took me till now to think about where the shuttle was. idk. Every time it came up I'd be like "Hmm, I wonder what planet this space elevator is over. Can't be Draal Planet. What other planet is nearby?

It makes so much more sense that it's an internal system so people in the five-mile-long space station can get from one end to the other. Except, and I think this is what tripped me up, they seem to have gravity in the shuttle. Unless I'm mistaken, a space station which generates gravity by spinning has reduced gravity as you get closer to the spinning center. Low gravity environments are hard to simulate, though, so I understand why the reduced gravity was not obvious. But it might be why I didn't realize.

Awww, John Sheridan is a good midwestern boy and took the first possible opportunity to thank Kosh for saving his life. But being observed is a strain, so Kosh has been hiding out, resting. Sheridan wants to know why Kosh would risk being exposed, even though no one connected the rescue to Kosh.

Sheridan: "After taking such care to hide what you really are, why take that chance?" Kosh: "It was… … …necessary." Sheridan: "Well, as answers go: short, to the point, utterly useless,, and totally consistent with what I've come to expect from a Vorlon." Kosh: "Good."

LOL.

And the rest of that conversation is hilarious, too.

Space battle! RIP Drasak. Is he a Drazi? B5 does space battles well. I always feel like a sense of scale has been accurately conveyed, and that the battles makes sense while also being exciting to watch.

Wow, awesome new opening! I love that it's Ivanova and that Claudia Christian's skills at voice-overs are being recognized. Also, she totally deserves to be the most recognizable voice of Babylon 5, Ivanova's been holding the station together since episode one, damnit!

The escaping pilot wants life support power redirected to the engines. Either he thinks he'll survive the seven hour journey without the ship getting cold and the air not being recycled, or the information is stored on the ship and it's more important that it get there safely than he survive.

Awww, Ivanova and Sheridan's friendship.

Air Force person David Endawi has top secret info! I'm excited to hear it. Hopefully it's interesting and not some bullshit policy decisions from Earth. And he wants Delenn, too!

Oh, the pilot survived! But he collapsed and is unconscious.

Dr Franklin: "He's not going anywhere." *turns around*

He's gone!

Fuck you, Morden. and also you, Londo.

"My people have a manifest destiny,"

Yep, the Centauri are an extremely unflattering and accurate reflection of USA Imperialism.

"We have danced our last little dance, Mr Morden. And now it is time for you to go away."

The audacity! Like Morden said, the Shadows have helped the Centauri over and over again, and the Centauri haven't been asked to pay back the favor. Their war and imperialism is helping the Shadows, but it's not in the Shadows' best interest for the Centauri to know about it.

Wait a second…are the Shadows representations of capitalist billionaires generating climate change which has the capacity, if left unchecked, to wipe out all sentient life on Earth? Being driven largely by powerful USA oligarchs and an ineffective UN represented by the Minbari and the League of Non-Aligned Worlds?? Fuck me, this whole space opera is an extended metaphor!

One more meeting with Morden, and he says he'll go away for as long as Londo wants. I do believe it. But I also believe that he'd going to set things up to become highly uncomfortable for Londo to encourage him to contact Morden again.

Mr Endawi's people pulled the footage of the Shadow in hyperspace! wtf dude.

They agree that the Shadow ship is powerful, advanced, and hostile. And they want more information on the species if possible. It does seem to be in their best interests to share some knowledge, but Delenn's long moment of pondering makes me wonder why they wouldn't want to gather human allies against the coming war.

Delenn says the ships are indestructible, and once they select a target, they never stop till they've succeeded, and they never fail. She says, looking at the video of the ship, that it is the face of their enemy.

Ma'am, it is not. Last season I saw the silhouette of a wolf-like creature, and also a video of Morden in a cell with spider-like thingies. That presumably have faces. Although, Delenn maybe didn't see recordings of either of those. I can't recall if she was in the room when Sheridan saw the Shadows in the cell with Morden.

Lennier! :)

Delenn recognized a stone pendant that looked awfully like the one our pilot who escapes hostile forces and medbays had on him.

Mr Endawi: I don't drink on duty. Londo: Centauri's are never OFF duty! fixes a drink for himself "That's why drinking on duty is also a duty!"

Londo admits to seeing a shadow ship before. In a dream. He waxes eloquent about his dream, and the lighting and camera choices are artfully selected. Mr Endawi is as skeptical as anyone would be, and he's unimpressed by Londo's mood lighting.

Delenn is in what appears to be a dive bar, and there's a thrilled bartender plying their craft in full alien makeup. No 21st c. Earth dive bar has a bartender that thrilled to be throwing bottles around.

Escaped pilot is called Marcus, and seems clever. And he's a ranger. Thrilling!

The local gang wants protection money. Marcus wants some witty banter.

It's a good thing that the religious caste gets some martial arts training, because those were quite a few thugs!

Marcus has Minbari friends who tell him about Minbari susceptibility to alcohol and give him Minbari weapons.

Hah. Sheridan's all sheepish "I should have filled you in before, but you need to know about the rangers." But Ivanova already knows everything!

"Captain, the day something happens around here and I don't know about it: worry."

Ivanova is god. I'll take it more to heart now than ever before. That's some impressive recon!

Ah, Marcus was aided in his fleeing by a Drazi! I wonder if he was assigned Green or Purple last season.

The Centauri are the ones blockading Zagro 7, and they've invaded large targets on the other side of Drazi space, too. They need help. Sheridan's on it!

Meanwhile, Londo has finished with his meeting with Mr Endawi and is failing to match with with Morden. Morden says, take this half of the galaxy, do anything you want over there, but this other side is the Shadows'. Except for Zagro 7, which Lord Refa captured for Morden. Londo has chronic FOMO, so he hates hearing that Morden has spoken to another Centauri.

Are the Shadows going to Zagro 7 because they know about the rangers? Or are the rangers coincidentally there, and the Shadows are looking for something else they find valuable?

Sheridan gets a shiny new ship! The White Star!

Mr Endawi: "Tell me stuff." Garibaldi: "Can't cuz I dunno the stuff. Too highly classified for little ole me."

When in doubt, play dumb.

Garibaldi is doing great, actually! If he can keep from beating any more civilians or stalking more women I might eventually like him in an less complicated fashion.

The White Star was made using Minbari and Vorlon tech, but it was designed to not look too Minbari. And, unlike Earth ships, Minbari ships have artificial gravity! Which also saves on special effects!

Minbari caste stuff is interesting. There are religious caste scientists and ship crew, so crewing a ship must not restricted to the warrior caste. I wonder if any occupations are specifically tied to one caste or the other, or if it mainly functions as a cultural marker. I seem to recall that certain historical and religious knowledge is restricted just to the religious caste, but we haven't really seen anything other than directly commanding troops that seems to be off-limits to the religious caste. I suspect that if I pay attention to Delenn as she and Sheridan co-lead the Rangers I might be able to deduce certain religious caste leadership norms in Minbari society, though.

Great lore dump from G'Kar!! The Narn know about the Shadows because they set up a base on Narn 1,000 years before, before the Narn were spacefaring. A great spiritual leader called G'Quan believed is was a base for a far-away war. The Narns have been perfectly copying the book G'Quan wrote ever since. They preserved the knowledge through the eons. And now Mr Endawi knows about the Shadows! But I wonder how credible the human govt will find it, since Delenn professed total ignorance and so did Sheridan and his staff.

The White Star is having its first mission! But the Centauri ditched their auto-blockade! Little do they know….they were instructed to leave.

Sheridan is stoked by his new ship's fancy tech, which can show them the disguised shadows ship! Well this might blow their alliance's cover that they don't exist and no one knows about the Shadows!

The Shadows shoot at the White Star and they miss! Which Delenn is surprised about. Sheridan thinks they will be trying to shoot to disable, not kill, for information purposes. And now he's luring the Shadows into hyperspace!

Dang Sheridan. Delenn's all freaked out and thinks they need help, that they can't harm a Shadow ship alone.

Sheridan: "With all due respect Ambassador, I've heard that before."

lol. He has earned his confidence, even if the Minbari aren't exactly at the Shadows' level.

Sheridan is going to try a maneuver that is suicidal in any Earth ship, but he thinks they might survive because the White Star is higher tech and faster. Delenn likes his confidence!

And they live! Lennier! hah! He wants the temple training program revised so that acolytes are prepared for experiences like that.

I do think that Sheridan and Delenn have damaged their cause by not admitting to knowing anything about the Shadows' ship.

Oh….I am immediately proven completely wrong. Morden is totally in with the investigation into the ship, and the whole force is in on it with the Shadows, too.

Well. Damn.

oh. The subtitles just called the Z'ha'dum "ZachDoom." asgfkhasfghksdj

Sheridan is instituting a war council! B5's senior staff, Delenn, any ranger around, and mystery future-guests.

Dr Franklin has a pertinent question. Cuz he's never been told before. What are the Shadows?

Delenn: "There are beings in the universe billions of years older than any of our races. They walked along the stars like giants: vast, and timeless. They created great empires, taught new races, explored beyond the rim. The oldest of the ancients are the Shadows. We've no other name for them."

Spooky! A great first episode for both new seasons: three, and autumn.

[songofstrawhats]

Okay I just finished reading Alabasta and here are my thoughts!!!

Okay I see why people like Vivi so much, and also why people ship her with Nami, they are extremely cute. Reading about her in fic I was a little like 'idk why people consider her part of the crew so much if she's not with them??' but no I get it now I love her. I'm gonna miss her!!

Usopp!!!! Had so many cool parts!!!!! He's really a very slapstick character and I'm impressed they got him in live action as well as they did even tho I think he was the most changed one. I loved his bit with the hammer, and also the flashback where Nami was getting him to make the climate staff..... where you see him building the hammer before hand!!

Zoro going into a fight like 'cool this'll be a great chance to learn to cut steel' HOW IS HE SO COOL AND ALSO RIDICULOUS and also is this observation haki?? Perhaps???? Idk idk. Also I want an AU where Zoro ate the sword fruit I'm just saying

Chopper is so good and any time any of the crew is interacting with him is so good. Love Zoro scrubbing his fur in the bath!!!!!

Okay so Crocodile is literally just Captain Hook with all the Crocs and the clock shots and the hook, does this make Luffy Peter Pan? Because accurate tbh

Also rip bird guy you were so cool bird guy idk your name but I love your style

Also all their outfits were so cute this arc!!! Esp Luffy!!!!! I wanna draw himmmm

I fucking love the den den mushis and also the running gag with them and Sanji, good stuff. I kept forgetting who was and wasn't with the group so when he called while everyone else was stuck in the cage I was like OH RIGHT lmao

The Supersonic Duck Squad are absolutely not making it into live action but I love them and also their new camel buddy SO MUCH

ALSO shout-out to Smoker omg I now see why people were so excited about the teaser at the end of opla, although I def agree with my sister that 'he is going to invent new kinds of lung cancer' lmao

There is so much more politics than I expected there to be in one piece!!!! The diagrams of where all the different factions were at all the different times were EXTREMELY necessary

okay so I knew from fic that Robin just sort of shows up on the ship and Luffy is like 'yeah sure you can join our crew'. NOT ONE PERSON MENTIONED THE MUTUAL LIFESAVING BEFOREHAND!!!!! SHE SAVED HIM AND HE SAVED HER AND THEIR FATES ARE ALIGNED SHE HAS THROWN IN HER LOT WITH THEIRS!!!! Like idk what her deal is but I'm willing to see where this goes!!!!!

[dragonmage]

After watching the game play I'm still on kinda hype but kinda anxious about it.

TLDR; some probably wrong theories about what we're getting, mostly positive but also seems like not as much New Fun things tm

-I loved the animations and art style and backgrounds

-Levels: I think its gonna be like Inquisition and parts of 2 where the levels are more 'set paths' kinda things with beautiful backgrounds very much like Val Royeaux - which is kinda iffy on how little was in Val Royeaux but I imagine there's gonna be 'open world' areas much like the Hinterlands. Idk why I expected something different but I did, and am just worried about how much we'll actually get to explore

-The Combat was Kinda Good Kinda Bad - it was hard to tell exactly how much was button combinations or just spamming X; it looked like there was a parry and a dodge option, and as some others said reminded me of Jedi: Fallen Order - which I really enjoyed !.

-I can already kinda guess though that at higher difficulties the enemies are just gonna be health sponges; idk what difficulty they were playing at its already seemed like the baddies weren't that hard but just didn't go down quickly

-I don't/didn't particularly care for switching between party members, but I also think it will be missed - there was so many times where I had to play Cassandra 1v1ing a dragon bc the rest of my party went down lol. I think it added a level of strategy - again not that I used it much, but it was a mechanic of at least 2 and inquisition that I relied on for harder fights.

-I really really liked the rain effects in cutscenes and on characters - i hope that theres a blood option like that lol.

-I was on the fence about Varric Dying and everyone's theories that he is, but there's no way he's not after that game play lol. I saw a tiktok saying that they could see it where Varric's the one in charge/leading/gathering the Veilguard and with his dying is how Rook becomes leader of the Veilguard and yeahhhh that seems pretty accurate.

-I like the companions commenting on your personality, it's always been a fav component of mine and it seems it might pop up more than in Inquisition.

-Oh the entire opening/showed sequence reminded me so much of the Inquisition one which is kinda :/ but it was good , but also sad in how much it feels like a repeat of a climatic/cinematic set piece (ala bridge collapse, demons, sliding, the veil fucky). The magic effects look gorgeous tho.

-Obligatory comment about Varric not being blonde/ginger

-Saw some others comment on dialogue/voice acting; for me it seemed on par with Inquisition, and again a neither bad nor good thing lol. I can see the faults of it having to establish what happened in Inquisition for new players, but again seems like par for the course.

-The different factions seem very interesting to me, and with how much it was showed in the 'tutorial' I'm curious if they're making it even more apparent than again previous games, at least dialogue wise

-I really think that regardless of class, everyone might be getting some 'extra/magic' abilities - someone pointed out that Harding might have some little extra oomf, and with the limited party, ON TOP OF Veil fuck shit, I think it's very possible to see not only party members with interesting mechanics, that Rook has the potential to arcane stuff - I mean the whole thing with the Veil was that Solas was opening it and giving elves magic (iirc, and the funny hahas about Fenris running around with mage spells lol) so it'd be interesting if that was something race effected as well.

-but overall positive, I think it'll feel like more of the same which isn't bad, but I had also hoped with how much time in development There'd be Something More - this is also based off just some sneak peak stuff. I just don't want a repeat of Andromeda where they change the entire feel to something watered down thats for a bigger audience but essentially not Dragon Age/Bioware

-I would love to comment on the story because at the end of the day thats why I play. - game play wise, it seemed expected, story wise I like how many potential things were brought up but its way too early to tell how much we're going to get. It seems more than Andromeda and Inquisition with the factions and new characters and I can only hope that it has as much depth as breadth that its showing

[arcaneglitch]

thoughts on the PJO finale and the show in general (spoiler warning for episode 8)

Ares fight was pretty good but could’ve been a bit longer IMO. I like how Percy actually talked back to him and the action felt semi-decent for once

the Luke flashbacks are a good addition since there wasn't a lot of time spent showing he and Percy getting close in the beginning

lance reddick best part of this show fr, rip a legend (also Zeus was the first god who Actually felt like one

“Whether we wanted it or not we've stepped into war with the gods on Olympus”

still don’t see the point of them missing the deadline though, especially since the war business was completely lackluster (Poseidon just surrendered and it was over, might as well have kept the original story there)

no giant thrones or gods in their giant forms (the gods in this show are just Some Guys fr and not in the fun way)

no dramatic exit lightning for my boy Zeus (sad about it)

the Percy and Poseidon scene was good and felt very accurate to the book

the pacing is better in this episode overall which kind of sucks seeing as it's the finale :/

I really enjoyed Luke’s betrayal scene, though the stakes definitely weren't as high (I know it's bc of Luke trying to recruit instead of kill, which I like, but it felt more anti-climatic compared to the betrayal buildup)

having Gabe open the box himself really took away from the moment, though I guess it Kind of makes sense since they didn't make him as big of a jerk as he was in the book

general thoughts

they didn't use Annabeth NEARLY enough -> she's supposed to be a bit of a know-it-all but instead they had Percy just know way more than he did in the book (felt a bit OOC)

they didn't let the actors put any personality into their roles (people keep saying the irl trio matches the characters more than when they're acting)

idk why they kept flip-flopping between 30 min and 40 min episodes but that was wack

overall, it was Not the faithful adaptation Rick promised but instead his attempt to rewrite the original series according to his current whims (I'm a writer, I get it, but it's not great for the fans who were banking on a faithful adaptation)

I can't see myself being very interested in the next season unless they make some big changes to their approach

[grison-in-space]

My PhD is, essentially, in animal communication (well, how my species makes decisions about how and when to vocalize, but there's a lot of signaling theory in there). I'm. From this review, I'm half-assed toying with the idea of reading it just for aggravation points--it really sounds like it's this amazing distillation of everything that drives me nuts about working in NIH spaces now, especially on animal behavior as a model for human neurodivergence. There's this astonishing focus on a very prescriptive model of function in terms of socialization and communication, and it frequently blows my mind just how narrow the framework can be in terms of what constitutes socializing or communication.

A behavioral ecology lens to animal communication, by contrast, talks extensively about the multidimensional signal space that communication can take place in, including encoding information designed to be unpacked at different ranges within different sensory modalities. It talks about the way that undirected cues of internal state can become elaborated signals designed to more effectively convey information, about the ways that environment can physically degrade signals over time and space, and about how communication is always a process that can break down at signaler (accurately encoding information into the signal), degradation of the signal itself, and receiver (unpacking the signal to extract the information). There's a lot of emphasis on how environmental changes can disrupt or enable signaling, especially as a function of climate change or anthropogenic change.

(There is actually not a lot of interest in language qua language in my experience; mostly that shit seems to be conducted by linguists hopefully poking at animal communication. You do get extensive discussion of learning's impact on the specific form of signals particularly in the songbird literature, and you certainly see behavioral syllables in complex communication discussed, but human-style language that conveys very specific information that's easily modulated within the signal, without requiring much shared context to unpack, teeeeeends to be associated with people who are chasing down an anthropomorphism hole with wishful thinking. Now that I'm thinking about it, I sort of wish I'd ever seen someone grounded in an ethology signaling theory approach talk about sign language, AAC, or other ways of accommodating language for humans that find spoken language inaccessible. Fuck, I hope that person doesn't have to be me.)

It's not just language; looking at the way that mouse models of autism are often interpreted and scored in terms of social behaviors and sociality might actually be my villain origin story? It seems to be a broader outgrowth of an implicit medical model that frames one functional way of doing things and everything else as a harmful divergence from that imagined uniform functionality. Any time at all in ecology/evolution/behavior will beat that out of you right quick, right back to the discovery of allozyme variation--but I'm getting sidetracked. The truth is that communication is way more complex than language, and overemphasizing language as a communication modality is exactly the kind of error I'd expect from that kind of framework and training space.

Hey, @grayedin, you were a human speech therapist for a while. Do you have thoughts on speech therapy training and frameworks? Am I totally out to lunch with respect to that medical model in the way you were trained? (Feel free to totally ignore this, obv.)

IDK, in some ways it's even sadder to see that approach applied to dogs, which are so good at shaping learning to create effective communication with their interspecies social groups. Take something like pointed, extended eye contact to communicate desire for something, for example.

I do think there's a place for using buttons with animals as a way of shortening certain kinds of specification-narrowing for particular requests. For example, I've frequently joked that as far as Tribble is concerned, I am the button she hits when she wants something: she lets me know she needs something with whining or nudges, and then when she has my attention*, I cycle through words for likely candidates (outside? dinner? toy?) until she makes an exaggerated excitement signal and we either go off together to get what she wants or I say "not happening" and tell her to go to bed and stop bugging me. I can definitely see the argument that a button system is easier in some ways: it allows the animal to immediately flag the desired outcome without the guessing game. (There's a reason Benton and now Matilda are trained to potty bells rather than "do you need to go out..." and equally, there's a reason Matilda is already developing a very pointed signal for "I want to leave this room" even when bells are not available.) I just also think it's a good idea, especially with dogs, to know how to communicate those things nonverbally without defaulting to a button--because dogs specifically work pretty hard at communicating them to us, and dogs specifically are pretty good at communicating with humans using gestures and other cues.

I do want to note that for some species it is probably easier to teach association with a specific colored or spatially located button and the desired meaning. For example, I follow someone who does button work with peafowl. Those peafowl are probably not actually learning the association between the sound the button makes and the information encoded in hitting the button as a signal: they're probably learning the spatial or color association of the buttons, or both, and the sound is largely for the human. Many species learn to form new associations much more effectively in some sensory modalities than others, and I would actually expect peafowl and most species of poultry to be really good at spatial and color learning. There are ways in which buttons can assist and help clarify communication between species, but I would really like to see that paired with an understanding of species specific communication and sensory tuning than I usually do. And.... honestly, I'd like to see all of that paired more tightly with consent-based grooming and other welfare concepts than I generally do see, too.

*sometimes difficult; hi there executive function, you suck.

Because I want to be a committed hater, I am reading How Stella Learned to Talk by Christina Hunger. She opened with a prologue that outright stated her dog can talk. Sure.

I know that I am probably annoying at this point and it's hard to not be biased now that I've reached this hater position, but here are my thoughts so far from reading the first six chapters.

The first chapter was a story about how she did not work out what a child patient of hers was trying to communicate for six weeks until she came upon the object he was referring to by chance. She frames this as an amazing breakthrough and example of this child's ability, which it is, but it's also an example of her struggling for six weeks to understand something that, by the sounds of it, could have been worked out faster if she had enquired further than she did about the child's previous history in the therapy office. By putting this story in chapter 1, it's also telling us a lot about how she already views communication and her work. The framing of this narrative is to set up the idea that disabled children (and, later, dogs) are trying to talk to us if we just listen hard enough – and also ensure they are communicating specifically through an AAC device using words we accept and understand. Feels weird.

The second chapter was about two doodles she dogsat who used a bell to communicate, and how it seemed sad to her that she could not understand their vocalisations.

Ringing their bell was just supposed to mean they wanted to go outside, but I started noticing that Ozzie seemed to ring it for all his needs. I wondered if he used the bell for everything because that was his only option.

I found this passage frustrating. It seems to me that the dog is using the bell because any other communication is ignored. The dog is likely communicating different things in different ways, but the humans have been told to pay attention to the bell. So the dog adapted. This is an example of humans being poor listeners, not dogs being limited communicators.

Chapter 3 was a story about how she applied for a dog at a shelter, was denied, then immediately – as in, same day – bought a puppy from Craigslist. Only to find that night she had been approved at the shelter after all. To me, this did not read as an endearing story but an exasperating one.

In chapter 4 Hunger demonstrates that she was incredibly observant of Stella and her broad range of communication abilities. Hunger seems surprised that everything Stella did was surrounded by communication with humans. This is not some breakthrough, but I can appreciate the feeling of deeper understanding of dogs once you have a dog as an adult. She then does some minor research on dogs and communication but from her description she doesn't get very far. I don't think this is a good sign.

In chapters 5 and 6, Hunger describes the process of conditioning Stella to three buttons: outside, play and water. What frustrates me is that she describes so much communication that Stella is doing.

It amazed me how intentional her communication was, even from this starting point. She did not push a button and walk away. She expressed her desire to go outside first through her bark, eye contact, and pacing next to the button. Then she advanced from using gestures to a word right in front of my eyes.

This is empathically not Stella "using a word" in the way Hunger means. This is a very basic example of the ABC model. All of Stella's behaviours as well as Hunger's button-pushing are the antecedent, Hunger opening the door is the behaviour, and the consequence is that Stella goes outside. This is excellent communication, but it's not evidence of a dog "speaking".

And how is this not enough already? Why do you need the dog to also press the button? Stella knows what outside means. Her also pressing the button does not change the functionality of the word "outside" to either her or Hunger.

Maybe this is why there was no research on dogs using AAC. Maybe the similarities between dogs’ and humans’ language capabilities stop here, at understanding words and communicating concepts with gestures.

I'm not suggesting that doing further research isn't worthwhile, but the entire premise here from Hunger is flawed in my opinion. She is coming to this only from a speech therapy angle. That is, speech therapy for humans. There seems to be no real consideration for the dog's biological reality. The focus is entirely human-centric. We use words, so getting the dog to use words feels natural. But why should it be?

After weeks spent talking to Stella, modeling words, and observing her communication patterns, that night, for the first time, she and I spoke the same language.

This drives me up the wall. Hunger and Stella have actually already been speaking the same language and that is a human–dog language that has been developed over the last ~30 000 years. This is a result of the co-evolution of our species! To suggest that none of that is as important as the dog learning to use a button that says a human word is honestly maddening to me.

I knew in my heart and in my head that I was witnessing something fascinating with Stella. If anything, my coworkers’ confusion showed me how far our field still needed to come. I hoped someday I could be part of a movement toward more understanding and acceptance of AAC for all who need it, even dogs.

The gall to write something like this but to have shown very little inclination to do any kind of real immersion in research of dog behaviour or body language. To have shown no interest in existing dog training and dog communication. To frame everything through the human-centric lens of speech therapy. To back up statements only with references to child development research. This is like the ultimate example of anthropomorphism.

AAC is for people with impairments related to spoken and written language. It is for humans to help other humans communicate in a species-appropriate way, to bridge connections where connection may have been lost. Dogs, actually, don't need AAC. They need humans to make more of an effort to meet them halfway and pay attention to the huge amounts of communication they already do.

[khaotickae]

WE THE NORTH WEEK 2K21 - DAY 006

↬ innovation = haley ↫

i picked this early on and then i thought i wasn't thinking about this right and then i realized i was and so i came back to this. i did not fit all of @charlieweasleyy's characters on here because i could barely fit the four. have you ever noticed how muscians suck in the image department, no? just me? okay then. moving on

*barney stintson voice* have you met haley? i'm sure you have because she's everywhere and she's friendly and lovely and honestly one of the best people (even tho she got me in a lot of trouble this week). i thought about putting haley for relevance a time or two while i was struggling with that prompt BUT i feel like she paves the way which lead me back to keeping her characters in this position. buckle up bc this is going to get long again.

lets get this party started (haley can correct me on anything i say that's not accurate)

James was one of my first favourite characters on the site, which everyone knows because you've heard me gush about him every appreciate week in june since i joined and prob at any given moment elsewhere. and i love what haley is doing with him, the story that she's telling with him, the way he's changing and the way he's seeing the world is evolving and its not because of the fact that he's married to prudence. but its because of the way the world sees and treats him, some times its got me cheering while reading and other times i feel incredibly sad about it. he's not the only black character on the site but he's the most involved in the social issues (i could be wrong and if i am, apologies) and i am excited to be joining haley with that. everyone got their characters involved in BLM last year, but since that moment i've heard haley talk about how she wants to keep doing things like that with james. i've wanted an activist character for a while now (i get that itch specifically around june yearly because of a show i watch every june) and i felt like james' estrange cousin was my best opportunity.

Then there is Hakim, who admitted i wasn't as aware of (as well as i could have been) until i made his sister Pari. and haley came at me with all these thoughts and head canons of the family and everything that she'd thought about with hakim which, i played myself because i love this character so much more now and all he does is hurt me. she popped into a group chat of the siblings and proposed a ramadan thread idea and then another but followed it up with like 1298742190 other links so that we could be informed while we were writing it. those links came in during the span it took me to find a single article. and it helped me flesh out pari a bit more and figure out how i wanted to shape her as a mix of tradition beliefs and non traditional. i just love this family and he's one of my favourite characters to read.

Mitch is a character i know i would struggle with, that rang true more so when we were not a site in canada. (idk if you've all seen my little breakdown about the *voices in your head* concept but sometimes separating me from characters isn't always easy. ) but she does it with such grace and respect, mitch could be seen as just a one dimensional character because we all seem to just write off conservatives. not to mention haley made a cop during the current climate. while i think that is valid at times, political stance doesn't always equal personality or mean that a person embodies everything of that political party (maybe its a privilege of living in canada where our conservatives are progressive idk dont @ me, let me gush in peace) and i think that's well represented in mitch. he has his beliefs, he has put his foot in his mouth and he married someone that can call him out when needed. but he's such a good person despite in his faults or in spite of them. the way haley approaches him is lovely. i can't wait to see the growth with mitch over the next few years, some of what i know, others which i don't which is always exciting to see unfold.

Sierra, i've loved them for a while like love love loved them and i could not think of ways to get plots with them that would span more than a thread and i was frustrated. one day we will get a ship (i tried with sierra but alas the stars did not align but that's okay) having them become part of tez's little crew has been one of my favourite things, i love the dynamic between them. but i did have a brief moment in 2040 where i had a friends to lovers sort of ship with sadie who was trans and haley didn't even think about it, like it was just a natural decision for her. which is the way it should be. so i was not at all surprised when sierra became non binary in like six hours of the news breaking and how haley just went about that whole process in a day. and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it and how its got me thinking about something similar.

a lot of things i've seen in haley's writing has inspired me to be more like haley. to take more chances. i wish i could think like her so i think my goal for year six is going to be simple. i'm going to approach it with:

WWHD?

what would haley do, and then act accordingly. but i think she's always going to be at the forefront of innovative ideas on the site and i love to see it. even more, i'm glad i get to be part of it at times. that was a lot, thanks for coming to my "all about haley" talk.

[honeyymistt]

[1/2] hey, okay, it's me again. i feel like i'm treating you like an unpaid therapist but idk where to share this and how to get help (this is kinda lengthy, and i do apologise for that)

i think i'm running out of patience for myself on how to live with myself; all my favourite artists and fictional characters experience this same hollow loneliness but they just— keep going..... despite it all. i'm trying to keep busy with studying but that quickly led to an all-nighter and now i can't fall asleep despite my exhaustion. i think the goals i've had in mind for myself are too high, so i'm just going to spend the next week reading without shame or guilt and try to finally start learning russian. i don't really take care of my physical fitness bc i'm always tired and i feel like all my energy is spent on keeping in check with eating and taking care of my physical hygiene. i have so much time each day and yet at the end of the day i still feel like i did nothing even though i read and studied a lot. i just feel like i'm stagnated, still in my 16-year-old teenage mind bc i spent my youth numbing myself bc i couldn't stand my own thoughts. i havent talked to anyone really, besides my famil, in weeks, and i know loneliness is a common feeling most of us carry with us, but since i'm not very smart and don't know about a lot of things that matter, like history and art, i just feel so inadequate because all these people i look up to, and secretly aspire to be, are fundamentally different from me. they have rich inner lives even in times of despair, they know how to build their own lives in the rubble and just keep on going despite it all. i just feel like a shell of a human being (dramatic i know). i'm also aware that i'm highly privileged and don't have to worry about money and housing, etc. and i'm grateful for that but despite that I just hate myself and I wish I could be someone else and change; I've tried to over the past years but i never make any actual changes in my life? I don't want to die per se, I just don't want to keep on living like this.

[2/2] also, with the looming climate desaster and our world being ruled by capitalism i know a lot of worries and problems stem from that;;;; also i've had this very embarrassing conversation with my family a month ago; i was very drunk and ofc started talking about capitalism, etc. and lgbtq rights. they're very conservative, smart and well-read and i'm just the complete opposite— my point being, bc i feel so desperately lonely i'm trying to have these conversations with the people around me that are obviously only really meant to be had with close pals and not with 60 year olds who only care about the bootstrap theory etc. anyway my grandmother called me out on my bs and said "so what have you done in your life so far?" nothing. i shouldn't complain about other people, politics etc. and the patriarchal, white supremacist strucures around us bc i've never worked a day in my life...... it's just. i know she's right. but like i literally don't know how to hold conversations anymore and can never recall stuff i read accurately so i'm just talking shit the whole time. i'm so desperately trying to get their approval but i'm just not well-read and smart enough. i know being dumb is not the worst thing to be, i'm alive and living in a well-situated area, but it's the only thing i used to define myself with. my parents expected a lot of us as children and i couldn't deliver. so i pretty much forced them to stop pressuring me but i wish they did now. bc then i would be smart, worldly and have a bright future. i'm sorry for the long rambling. i also don't want to ruin your feed by my long asks...... anyway, if you have any advice i would be so glad to hear it. bc i feel like i'm going slightly insane. -💌 sorry for doing this <33 🤠 feel free to just delete this;;;

hi 💌-anon!!!

don't feel bad for sending this in. your long post is going to have a long answer and it ruining my feed is literally the last thing on my mind. if it bothers people, that's on them ;) similarly to the last ask you sent in, i kind of just pulled out a few things that you wrote and decided to give my perspective on it. i hope that reading some of my (very scrambled) thoughts will relax your mind and heart just a little bit. everything will be okay, i promise.

so the first thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned how all of your favorite fictional characters just keep on going when they feel lonely and i know how frustrating that can be because it's so glorified. they just keep going and then boom! things are better, right? i want you to remember that this is fiction and not an accurate representation of how hard the feeling of loneliness actually hits. so try not to compare yourself to your favorite character and beat yourself up if you're not dealing with loneliness as well as they did because everything in fiction is better and easier.

as for feeling exhausted because of the goals you've made for yourself, i know what you mean. i'm such a perfectionist and workaholic (i suffered from such bad burn out this year). i'm learning how to lower them as well. it's good to be ambitious. it's amazing to have big dreams and goals but you have to prepare yourself for setbacks and failure. so from now on, it's decided that you and me, are going to be accountability buddies. no more unrealistic goals and deadlines. i will hold you accountable, you will hold me accountable and we'll improve together 🤍

so you don't know about things like history and art and you claim that these are things that matter. but matter to who? are you genuinely intrigued by these things? if you are, then study it. read about it. ask questions. but if they just matter to your family, then i really don't think you need to know about these things extensively. it's always good to know things generally but if you aren't interested, then don't waste your time learning about it just to please others.

i could be completely wrong, but from what i understood from your message, you feel really lonely and you're starting to feel a bit stuck. you're surrounded by people who are different from you and that sometimes makes you feel suffocated because the conversations you want to have aren't wanted by others. the first thing i noticed in your message is that you repeatedly call yourself stupid or dumb. you need to stop that, okay? if you keep telling that to yourself, it will destroy a lot of opportunities for you. trust me, i know. you will turn down opportunities thinking that you're not smart enough for it but it's not true. you don't need to be smart to have a bright future. you can be creative, you can athletic, you can be selfless, you can be funny. maybe you just need to embrace who you are and trust that you will have a bright future by just being you. i'll tell you something: you don't need to be exactly like your family to have their success. you need a determination and a good work ethic. where do you start? stop underselling your intelligence. believe in yourself!!!

P.S i can tell that you're smart because your vocabulary is out of this world!!! and oh my god, can we talk about your punctuation? like bestie, you're ahead of the game. i also had to google what the bootstrap theory is. you are smarter than you give yourself credit for!!

another thing i would encourage you to do is to avoid "deep" conversations with your family. if your family is very conservative, there are going to be certain topics that they just won't understand and it might make you frustrated or feel misunderstood; it might make you feel more lonely. i would advise you to just stick to more lighthearted conversations with them. it's not that you don't know how to hold conversations, it's just that the people you're talking to aren't the right listeners.

my sweet 💌-anon, times like these are normal! we all feel lonely at times and i know it's tough and it's frustrating and you feel like nothing in your life is going to work out but i promise you, it will. the universe has it's way of doing that. if i could, i would give you the chance to see yourself the way i see you - full of potential, warm-hearted, and so so deserving of a good life filled with love, caring people and success. times are tough, but so are you. you haven't made it this far to only come this far!! remember that i'm here for you every step of the way and you can message me any time you need to. i will never delete it or ignore you. i love talking to you <3

[tamtam-go92]

Does anyone still remember my sims 2 to sims 4 uberhood project from like a lifetime ago? Well I’ve been going back to in since like a month. I finished Veronaville/Oasis Springs and Desiderata Valley/Newcrest in the meantime. I’ve also remade the premade sims to make them look more accurate to their sims 2  originals and to match their traits even more to their personalities. I own more packs now so the builds look way better (though I didn’t revised the Pleasantview/Willow Creek lots). My goal is to finish and really play this save! I always wanted to play an Uberhood in the sims 2 but I don’t have the nerves to do so. But with the Story Progression of MCCC I might be able to skip households that aren’t interesting to me. We’ll see how this works out in the end. There is still a lot of work ahead of me. Let me know if you are interested in pics! Under the cut some notes to which world will be which ‘hood and some thoughts about them and my system for giving sims 2 premades sims 4 traits (mainly for my own reference when I’m not on my usual device).

Oasis Springs -> Veronaville -> Done Might be a funny decision, I was even asked before why I decided to do so. I stated that Veronaville always gave me Mediterranean vibes, I never gave Veronaville a winter season in sims 2. And I mean climate change is real you guys! This is probably what a Mediterranean area looks like today.

Willow Creek -> Pleasantview -> Done This is the obvious choice I guess. All makeovers can be found in the tag above. Sims have been remade.

Newcrest -> Desiderata Valley -> WIP Desiderata Valley has quite the suburban vibe to me, with the skyscapers in the background of Newcrest I thought that was really fitting. The lots are a bit small (as are a lot of lots in sims 4) but I made it work. Currently recreating the sims. I always had a soft spot for DV and I missed playing them. Some lots are really hideous!

Granite Falls -> Three Lakes I don’t own Outdoor Retreat but I plan to build the lots I planned for it anyway and save them to the gallery (if I ever get the GP).

Magnolia Promenade -> Bluewater Village (partial) In Magnolia Promenade I’ll build the own businesses by the Ramirez, Jacquet and Landgraab family.

Windenburg -> Bluewater Village I know that a lot of players see Windenburg more like Veronaville but I thought the whole setting with the big urban part would be more fitting to a Shopping District. Still don’t know who to handle home businesses...

San Myshuno -> Downtown (partial) and Belladonna Cove (partial) It makes sense to turn San Myshuno into Downtown. The Apartments will be filled with Belladonna Residents though.

Forgotten Hollow -> Downtown (partial) The vampire parts of Downtown would go to Forgotten Hollow. I don’t own the Vampires GP though. I’ll still build the lots and to the same as with the Three Lakes lots. Might get Vampires in the future...

Brindleton Bay -> Riverblossom Hills Those two ‘hood just give me the same vibes, idk...

Selvadorada No changes to the hood. I don’t own the pack, I don’t plan on getting it and even if I would, I’d have no idea what else to turn it into.

Del Sol Valley -> Belladonna Cove (partial) This would be like the uptown part of Belladonna Cove. I don’t own the pack so same as for Granite Falls and Forgotton Hollow applies.

Strangerville -> Strangetown Do I really need to elaborate this? I don’t think so. The lots in this world are really small and the Strangetown lots tend to be huge so I gotta improvise, but I’ll make it work!

Sulani -> Twikki Island This is pretty obvious too I think. With the possibility to have rental homes in residential worlds I could turn Sulani de facto into a vacation hood. Yet I don’t own the EP so same as above applies.

Glimmerbrook -> Magic and Belladonna Cove (partial) Glimmerbrook will be the homes to all thise magical beings from apartment live (and a not so magical neighbor of the Cordial sisters).

Britechester -> SSU, LFT, ALT This one is really giving me a headarche. I’ll include one residential lot from each S2 University and merge the Sororities and Fraternities of the SSU and LFT. They’ll move into Dorms I think. Don’t know what to do with the rest of the students yet.

Evergreen Harbor -> Belladonna Cove (partial) Probably just made this decision because there are apartments in Evergreen Harbor too. Will turn it into the low and middle class part of Belladonna Cove. I really don’t like this world, guys it’ll probably be a lot of community lots.

Mt. Komorebi -> Takemizu Village Guessed it, right? xD See Sulani on the how to. Mt. Komorebi will see a special inhabitant as it has one lot more than Takemizu.

On Traits:

I take Sims Personality, Hobby, Aspiration and Secondary Aspiration to calculate their traits. I use my own playing preferences and experiences on what Sims 2nd Aspirations and Hobbies are.

Personality Traits: Neat, Proper (Neat), Slob (Sloppy), Self Assured, Outgoing, Self Absorbed*, Charmer** (Outgoing), Gloomy, Unflirty, Loner, Independent** (Shy), Active, Adventurous, Wild ** (Active), Lazy, Squeamish, Clingy** (Lazy), Goofball, Childish, Clumsy, Erratic, Kleptomaniac, Chief of Mischief Aspiration, Silly** (Playful), Inquisitive** (Serious), Cheerful, Good, Angelic** (Nice), Hot Headed, Evil, Mean, Fussy** (Grumpy)

Hobby Traits: Foodie, Glutton, Vegetarian, Master Chef Aspiration, Master Mixologist Aspiration, Whiz Kid Aspiration (Cuisine) Perfectionist, Artistic Prodigy Aspiration (Tinkering) Music Lover, Dance Machine, Music Genius Aspiration, Social Butterfly Aspiration (Music and Dance) Creative, Art Lover, Maker, Painter Extraordinaire Aspiration, Master Maker Aspiration, Lord/Lady of the Knits Aspiration, Artistic Prodigy Aspiration (Arts and Craft) Geek, Whiz kid Aspiration (Games) Extreme Sports Enthusiast Aspiration, Mt. Komorebi Sightseer Aspiration, Rambunctious Scamp Aspiration (Sports) Child of the Ocean, Bodybuilder Aspiration, Rambunctious Scamp Aspiration (Fitness) Bookworm, Bestselling Author Aspiration, Master Actor Aspiration, Social Butterfly (Film and Literature) Child of the Island, Freegan, Green Fiend, Loves Outdoors, Recycle Discipline, Beach Life Aspiration, Freelance Botanist Aspiration, The Curator Aspiration, Angling Ace Aspiration, Outdoor Enthusiast Aspiration, Jungle Explorer Aspiration, Purveyor of Potions Aspiration, Eco Innovator Aspiration, Eco Innovator Aspiration, Rambunctious Scamp Aspiration (Nature) Paranoid, Whiz Kid Aspiration (Science)

Aspiration Traits: City Native Aspiration, Good Vampire Aspiration, Worldfamous Celebrity Aspiration (Pleasure) Family Oriented, Jealous, Successful Lineage Aspiration, Big Happy Family Aspiration, Vampire Family, Super Parent Aspiration, Soulmate Aspiration (Family) Romantic, Hates Children, Noncommittal, Serial Romantic Aspiration (Romance) Genius, Renaissance Sim Aspiration, Nerd Brain Aspiration, Computer Whiz Aspiration, Master Vampire Aspiration, Archaeology Scholar Aspiration, Spellcraft and Sorcery Aspiration, Academic Aspiration, Strangerville Mystery Aspiration (Knowledge) Ambitious, Materialistic, Snob, Fabulously Wealthy Aspiration, Mansion Baron Aspiration (Fortune) Cat Lover, Dog Lover, Bro, Insider, Friend of the Animals Aspiration, Joke Star Aspiration, Party Animal Aspiration, Friend of the World Aspiration, Leader of the Pack (Popularity)

*Don't own the Pack of Traits in Italics ** Toddler Traits

Okay that turned out really long xD If anybody read this, thank you! If you want to know something, just let me know, I love to ramble about my projects xD

[schaefferisqueen]

Firebringer Song Rankings

ok. so. how did I not realize how short all of the songs are wtf. its 17 songs in 40 min. what. anyways. YAY MEREDITH WROTE THESE WE LOVE HER. so. um. we love Firebringer here but im shit at watching things for a while like I cant tell you the last time I watched a movie at my house w/o going on my phone. its a problem. so I've only seen it once so I had to listen to the sound track b4 ranking it. anyways sorry for rant here is ranking. 

17. We Are People Now (ok so this hurt cuz I honestly love all of the little songs in the show but... not everything can be first place rip. Molag’s single person kick line kills me no joke its so funny lol we love Molag)

16. Welcome to the Stone Age (ok lowkey love the choreography like u dont understand its so cool when everyone is onstage at the end of the song like amazing HOLY SHIT I JUST LOOKED IT UP DENISE CHOREOGRAPHED OMG TALENTED QUEEN WE STAN)

15. The Night Belongs to Us (ok so I kinda like this song but I feel like its trying to be a megamix but not working cuz its the act one closer and not act 2. idk oh well)

14. Together (ok so I love jemilla and zazz and Meredith and Lauren but.... I dont like this song? I also dont rlly like jazzilil as a relationship cuz it feels kinda forced? im prob gonna get hate for this oopsies.)

13. Ouch My Butt (ok so I think this song is hilarious cuz of how dumb they r. and when Lauren comes in and is like wHat tHe FucK?! like 100 times its amazing and the choreography is great too.)

12. Jemilla’s Lament (ok so CLARK at the end lol but like his 5 secs of onstage singing time in this song is gold and perfect in every way fight me I dare you. also zaZziLiLs gOt soOoOomEE nEeErVeeE)

11. Finale (lol I just realized that I started everything w/ OK SO oops haha. anyways I like this kinda cuz it is more of an accurate and better megamix than Night Belongs to Us so I think it fits more and its fun to hear everything together  overlapping and I love)

10. Just a Taste (I LOVE joey and Rachel singing together omg so good we stan and their meeting is adorable I ship grunt and emberly so hard you have no idea)

9. Fire (ok this is the best opener fight me. this in my top 3 for opening numbers for StarKid istg its amazing Meredith on the bongos and everyone coming in w/ amazing choreography and the whole fire thing we love)

8. We Got Work to Do (ok so this was gonna be lower but then I realized that outside of meme factor this song is genuinely rlly good past the opening so it made top 10. and the dancing and jemillas confusion in the beginning is hilarious and the meta of that moment lol gets me every time)

7. Into the Night (GO OFF LAUREN I honestly think this is one of Lauren’s best songs omg Meredith knows how to WRITE for a soprano holy shit im so impressed also cursing out a storm is a MOOD we love the meme quality)

6. What If (Lauren and Denise kill me in this song especially when they go up that ladder and cuss out jemilla w/o actually cursing lol. Denise is so funny in this show and she CHOREOGRAPHED IT WTF)

5. Paint Me (ok I love this song no joke Rachel acting out different famous painting is so much fun once you realize what she's doing lol. also grunt continuously messing up the painting by forgetting the most obvious things is great lol)

4. Back Fire (ok I know a decent amount of ppl put this low on their list but I personally love it. I think its a hilarious call back to what if and the entire cast roasting Lauren kills me and their little things at the end and CHOOoooOOOooOOORNNNN and Lauren being so fed up w/ Jamie and legit no one else I DIE)

3. The Night Belongs to Snarl (omg I love this song. it showcases the ensemble rlly well and brolden kills it and so does Tiffany and jaime and Denise and everyone omg we love a great ensemble song holy shit its so good I wish they sang it at homecoming so bad ugh)

2. Chorn (again, a lot of ppl don't like this I know but JAMIE KILLS IT GO JAMIE BURNS QUEEN I think chorn being and alien is ridiculous but also funny and also kinda sorta makes sense and it is also the funniest thing that nick and Matt thought the ending was obvious wtf. also the dancing the rest of the ensemble does while being possessed kills me I cant JAIMES FACE LOL)

1. Climate Change (ok so this is pretty basic of me but HOLY SHIT SO GOOD def in top 5 for act 2 openers omg I cant the choreography is amazing once again GO DENISE and the whole thing w/ arms and the puns and the smug look on their faces talking abt climate change kills me almost as much as Jeff’s smugness in America is Great Again lol I love this)

goddammit why did I find this so hard can someone plz explain thx. once again anyone who makes it this far and reads my comments on the songs and shit is a god/dess we stan thx. also sry for taking so long oooopss

<3, alimay

DUCK IS LORDDDD

[lycan-trophy-wife]

small rant about tenet

((therell be spoilers for the movie in this so if you want to watch that unspoiled, dont read this)) so i watched ‘Tenet’ and it was fun, i like time travel stuff in fiction and i really like how they used said time travel. it was fun to “think along” and piece things together as the movie went on. My favourite parts were honestly when the two main guys, the protag ((who apparently doesnt even have a name??? like wikipedia just describes him as “the cia agent”??? what is it with male movie protags having no name/their name being said like... never in the movie? idk ive had this happen a few times where during the movie i was like “wait, who even IS this guy?)) and Neil were doing cool shit, like breaking into the freeport. This is mostly due to John David Washington and Robert Pattinson doing their job well and they do have my gratitude for that. Apart from that i have two things that bothered me, especially after thinking about them a bit more:

1. the woman, kate (???), is like,,, tragic and bland, - her main motivation is her son, who shows up like ... twice so as the viewer theres really no emotional connection, i honestly wouldnt have been surprised if he got killed off at some point (this isnt really a complaint, its totally valid that she cares about her kid but it just adds up with the other things that they were like “okay how do we show shes a WOman with a tragic story?”) - she gets hurt/abused a lot, i get that they want to portray her husband as shitty but im really tired of ‘excessive violence against women as a defining part of said women’ in media. - so youre telling me the protag can recognize types of ammunition and successfully track a specific weapons dealer but the woman thats an art appraiser doesnt get to use her skills at all??? - her faults are that she acts emotional in stressful situations and endangers herself/the plan and then relies on the protags to save her... at the end of the day it just feels like she was written so theyd even have a female character that isnt a side character with 1-3 minor appearances. Also the typical “woman written by someone who doesnt regularly or respectfully interacts with women” and if i remember correctly this movie does not pass the bechdel test lol 2. so why did your villain have to be from the eastern bloc? - its a story about fucked up time travel stuff from the future, whyd you have to locate the fictional secret city in russia and have your villain be a stereotypical violent criminal russian man? like,,, theres plenty of countries - another thing is the part at the end where he mentions the people from the future having a good reason for wanting to anihilate the present because of climate change but its honestly just a lazy shot at “oh look, this evil character actually has a point” because at NO POINT before is it part of the guys character. youve set this guy up to be someone who takes orders from the future because it benefits him and hes okay with ending the world when he dies because hes just that selfish, just stick with that because its honestly way more realistic and believable than “i regret putting a son in this world” at the last minute when this whole time youve shown no emotional connection to said son and only used him to keep your wife obedient - i truly dont get westerners obsessions with making movies where theres a west-east conflict with the amis being the good guys. similar to westerners making n*zi movies with a western saviour perspective, its just... nothing new. (or even that accurate lol) there are so many ways you could tell interesting and new stories about ww2, the cold war or even contemporary tensions  but noooo its always the same “american soldier/government agent fights rich crime man from the east, who wants to rule/destroy the world” and most of the time they dont even make the villain that cool? like damn at least give me some unhinged sexy bitch with amazing visuals

[timeisacephalopod]

AU-College. Tony/?. Tony already 17 and working on yet another doctorate has just returned from home after a school break. He's covered in bruises but he doesn't bother to hide them because he honestly believes no one notices or cares. Always on edge and doing anything and everything to forget the pain, Tony is confused when people he doesn't even know start to ask if he's okay and if he needs any help. Laughing in their face he replied. "You can't help, no one can." (I feel dark today sry?)

So I went with Tony/ Eddie Brock (from Venom if you don’t know). Eddie is an investigative journalist (or in this case he’s in school to be one) and tbh I have no freaking clue how journalism school works (journalism school?) so I’ve sort of made it work like humanities courses? Idk, just accept my bad plot needs bois. Also I altered the ‘you can’t help’ line to better fit the scenario, but the sentiment is the same.

As the prompt suggests, warning abuse references.

Eddie needs a story and since his asshole prof likes corporations a lot more than he does that’s out. Which throws a bunch of stuff in his usual wheelhouse out with it. He thought homelessness was a good topic but got told that wasn’t news, which he doesn’t understand because to his knowledge homelessness isn’t solved. Then he thought hey, school shootings happen basically every other day- they like to say if it bleeds it leads and a whole lot of kids seem to be dying. But he got told the news is already oversaturated with that. So he thought fine, maybe police brutality, that’s violent and not on the news much but he got told that was too controversial and what the fuck is the news for if not to be controversial?

Now he’s stuck with the task of finding a story his irritatingly picky prof will like and to add insult to the injury one of his classmates got approved to write about cryptocurrency. What the fuck is that? Stupid, in Eddie’s opinion. His topics were important, real world issues and this dumbass over here gets to write shit about something no one cares about. Predictable.

He’s eating his muffin angrily and wondering if he can somehow convince his prof to let him write something about climate change and the fact that no matter what an individual does, its still 100 companies doing seventy percent of the damage so why is the news focusing on individuals over corporations when he spots a potentially easier sell. Boy genius, way ahead of his time, and well loved by the American public. He has no interest in Tony Stark whatsoever but there has to be a story there, something underneath that irritatingly arrogant rich kid veneer that’s worth writing about so he decides to make a move.

*

Tony hates waking up before noon on any given day, assuming he went to bed at all, and dealing with people? He doesn’t like that at any time of day so when he’s minding his own damn business only to have some random guy with porn star lips- he swears to god that’s the only accurate description- he’s already annoyed. “Who the hell are you? Never mind, I don’t actually care,” he says in an irritable tone before going to turn back around but the guy takes his brief interruption to his day in a totally different direction than Tony was expecting.

“Nice shiner, where’d you get that?” he asks and Tony freezes for a moment, used to that fleeting feeling that someone might guess at the truth before realizing no one cares anyways.

He rolls his eyes, “you wouldn’t care if I told you, and even if you did its not like there’s anything you could do about it. Or anyone else, for that matter.” Its not like he’s never said anything and not one time has anything come of it. Sometimes people laugh, actually, and Tony doesn’t know what’s worse. People  not hearing him at all or people hearing just fine, but they make a joke out of it. Silence isn’t his thing, but he’s developed a thick skin in regards to how people treat him. Doesn’t have much of a choice, living under his father’s roof and in the public eye. Its amazing, Tony thinks, how fucking obvious his abuse is and no one seems to see what’s in front of their damn faces.

Something about his words seem to draw his companion’s attention though and Tony recognizes the look. “Are you a reporter?” he asks and the guy looks surprised for a half a second.

“Good instinct- but technically I’m still in school,” he says like Tony fucking cares about that.

“Yeah, fuck off,” he says bluntly. He’s got no time for another asshole looking to capitalize off the Tony Stark Story when none of them even get the damn story right.

“You have an interesting take on green energy. Only big name attached to it, too,” he says and Tony frowns.

“You know about my interest in green energy?” he asks. No one ever asks him about his passion project, they all want to know about the bombs and if Tony is honest he’s never really been comfortable with what his father’s company does. He knows the military has a use, and that there are protocols, and a bunch of other things his father has said over and over again but he still wonders what happens when things go wrong. Who’s responsibility is that? Does anyone have to take responsibility at all? His experiences tell him that powerful people don’t need to take responsibility for their actions ever, not if they can pay off the powers that be, and if the military is the same way, well. That brings a new layer of ethics to what SI does but Howard doesn’t care about ethics and Obadiah… he’s always been closer to Tony, but he doesn’t seem concerned with ethics either. Claims that’s the military’s job but Tony isn’t stupid. The military, all branches of it, make bad choices all the time. Which leads him back to who takes responsibility, if anyone.

Green energy is less ethically complicated and more necessary to the world, he thinks, and the projects are interesting and engaging. Tony finds blowing things up easy, but green energy provides a new avenue of engineering.

“Yeah, I keep up with what people are doing. Eddie Brock,” he says, extending his hand to Tony.

*

Green energy, it’d been a shot in the dark but he knows that Tony’s interest isn’t a passing one and its not congruent with his father’s company’s interests either. Whenever Howard is asked about his son’s projects he consistently tells them he has no interest whatsoever. So its strange that Tony has kept his focus for years, if Eddie’s passing interest in the subject is correct. What’s more strange is that mentioning it had immediately gotten him into Tony’s good graces. Anne tells him that he’s good at that, getting past people’s defenses without trying and he guesses that’s true.

Tony continuously talks around his family and Eddie does his best to try and get back to that because Elder Stark has got to be an interesting guy. Real asshole, he’s sure, but interesting. Tony won’t have any of it though and Eddie has to admit the green energy thing is interesting until he loses Eddie thanks to, put bluntly, being way smarter than him. And Tony’s no good at dumbing it down either, something even he freely admits.

They talk for a good amount of time before Tony grows tense again and Eddie knows why partially because of Tony’s reaction to his being a reporter- or wannabe reporter at the moment- and also because he isn’t stupid. “I’m not writing anything about this,” he tells Tony. “Not to be a dick, but none of this is interesting enough to write anything on anyways. You know how sensationalized media likes to be,” he says, shaking his head.

Something catches Tony’s attention in that because he perks up. “You don’t like that, the sensationalism?” he asks. Its more of a statement, but Eddie knows he’s prodding for a why. He’s done this a million times himself.

“Not really, no. If you want to tell a story, then do that- don’t make up all this crazy shit to make it sound more messed up than it is. Human flaw, thinking things need to hit some kind of extreme before we should have to care about it,” he shakes his head. “Leads to shoddy journalism because we’re pushed to make things sexier, more violent, more of whatever is actually there instead of just doing our jobs. Literally everything ever printed about you proves my point.”

Tony snorts, “you read stories on me?” he asks, incredulous.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Not like Tony Stark is an escapable name but Tony’s lips quirk up.

“No, and you’re not a fan. You talk about SI in a disapproving tone, you only know me from my green energy projects, and although you seem to know stuff about me its pop culture knowledge, not genuine interest.” Eddie raises an eyebrow because that’s a damn in depth analysis but Tony only smiles wider. “I’ve learned to separate out people who know me from fans and super fans. You don’t know me.”

Eddie laughs, “yeah, no one knows you. What we know is the consumable product that is Tony Stark- the celebrity brand. That’s not you, or even a version of you. That’s what’s sellable about you and half of that shit is probably made up. No seventeen year old is a ladies man and its kinda creepy that people even made that a selling point.” And kind of misogynistic too, but Eddie doesn’t mention that. Tony doesn’t seem all that stupid, he’s sure he’s gathered that awhile ago.

He watches his words win more trust, or an approximation of it, and Tony leans forward in interest. “You don’t like celebrity culture,” Tony says.

Hell no, he doesn’t. “Why the would I? We build these people up, put them on pedestals, and then get pissed off at them every five seconds when they do something human. We routinely dehumanize celebrities to a point where they stop knowing how to function because extreme fame clearly fucks you up- look at any child star trying to cope. Having a mental breakdown is now something we think is funny. Its fucked up that we do that to people- treat them in such a dehumanizing way that they seem to forget they’re human too. And that’s when we decide to take them down a notch because we’re mad that they accepted the pedestal we shoved them onto by force.” He shakes his head. Sure, he knows a little celebrity news, its not possible to avoid it, but he doesn’t pay any more than a passing attention to it. What normal shit celebrities are doing this week is none of his business.

Tony’s eyes are bright with interest, “fascinating opinion. Most people think we’re privileged, not disadvantaged.”

Eddie laughs, “of course you’re privileged- celebrities are stupid rich, and your opinions have actual influence over what people believe and that’s a position no one should take advantage of. But the cost is any semblance of privacy and your right to personhood- that’s one hell of a catch. And not one regular rich assholes share.” Fame isn’t something Eddie ever wants, not like normal celebrities anyways. If he’s got clout and fame in journalism he’s fine with that- he doesn’t mind if people know his name. But the kind of fame Tony has? Fuck that.

“And you aren’t going to print any of this conversation?” Tony asks, seemingly for clarification.

“Like I said- nothing sensational enough in this conversation to warrant an article. What am I going to write? ‘Tony Stark Likes Green Energy’? Boring,” he says and it actually kind of is without a project or an emotion to attach to it.

“And if I decided to continue talking to you?” he asks and yes, that’s the in he needs and fuck is that ever predatory. Journalism is like that though, always looking for the right fucked up moments to put on paper, or in this case, the right moments to be let in far enough to find those fucked up moments.

“I’m not going to print anything without asking you about it first,” he says, opting for honest. He’s sure something about Tony is interesting to print, and he’s got a feeling it’ll be about his family or maybe just his father, he’s not sure. But if Tony tells him not to print it he won’t. He’s not in the business of exploitation no matter how much journalists are pushed in that direction.

*

Rhodey’s got that look on his face and Tony knows exactly what he’s thinking before he even says anything. “He’s a nice guy,” Tony says in Eddie’s defense.

“If you have to say that he’s probably not that nice,” Rhodey points out.

“Actually its more like if he has to say that he’s probably not that nice,” Tony says. “And he is. Nice, I mean.” He’s been talking to Eddie for weeks and he’s funny, if a little sharp on the criticism. And nothing has appeared in the newspaper he’s interning with for the summer and the stories he is attached to, which aren’t many and none by name, are usually well written and truth based. Tony fact checked them all and learned a surprising amount about mental health that Eddie had been happy to fill him in more on.

“You sure? Because, no offense, but you have a bad habit of seeing the best in people,” Rhodey says.

Maybe, but Tony shrugs. “Yeah, I’m sure. He treats me like a person,” he says and he knows that shouldn’t be something he thinks of as a good thing. But when you’re famous its hard to find people who don’t at some point ask for your autograph, or a picture, or information on some weird personal detail they have no right to. Eddie hasn’t asked for any of those things and he could directly profit off any of that information. Tony has only ever met one other budding reporter- or full blown reporter for that matter- who’s treated him like that. And Christine… he and Christine have a love hate relationship. 

Rhodey sighs, eyes going soft for a moment. “Tones. That’s not special,” he murmurs but that’s because he’s not had to deal with fame. The last time he went out into public without someone recognizing him he was six. After all that he’s kind of used to people acting super weird around him and Eddie doesn’t do that. Maybe it shouldn’t be a rarity, but it is.

“To you, maybe,” Tony says. “You’d like him, he hates the cops.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes but its lovingly. “I don’t hate cops, I just think they’re racist and that people should really deal with that problem.”

Tony is inclined to agree. “Fine, but Eddie has many opinions on cops, you’d get along. Actually Eddie has many opinions on like everything.” Eddie said most people find his opinionated nature irritating but Tony thinks its interesting, hearing him talk because his opinions are so contrary to everything he hears. Even Rhodey, who certainly has different opinions than his father on near everything, tends to be more reserved in letting his opinions be known. Eddie doesn’t care, he gives no fucks and is happy to let people know how he feels. He’s got numbers, too, usually or at least some kind of basis for his argument and Tony has always been fascinated with things that are different than what he normally sees. Its interesting to look into a world that’s so unlike his and see something new. That difference in how people see things, that’s the key to changing the world.

Eddie had been surprised by that opinion but Tony is under the impression that thinking outside the box is what leads to innovation and innovation always leads to change. Eddie had been surprised by how unthreatened he was by that too, but Tony thinks fear of change is based on fear rather than fact and sometimes a push into the unknown is a good thing. And, in regards to Eddie’s general arguments on social change, they already know that people having rights won’t make the sky fall. Only idiots assume it will and Tony has almost as little patience for that as Eddie does. Which is impressive when he’s probably the most anti-establishment person Tony has ever met.

Rhodey sighs, “great, an opinionated white guy. Never met one of those before,” Rhodey mumbles.

“Hey, I’m an opinionated white guy,” Tony says and Rhodey shakes his head.

“Yeah, but you’re my opinionated white guy so it’s different.”

*

Eddie had no idea what he was looking for when he combed the interviews. Truth be told he wasn’t sure he was looking for anything at the time but what he found was his story. Its shocking to him that no one has told it, minus Tony, who seems to have been screaming it since he was a small child but he’s got it nonetheless. Its not like he’s never seen the evidence of abuse, Tony is fucking brazen and barely even makes an effort to hide it and after watching way too many interviews Eddie wonders if this is his new way to all but scream for help only to have his pleas fall on an audience that doesn’t give a shit.

Its amazing, in the most horrifying of ways, that out of every interview Tony has ever done, and that is a lot, he has mentioned his father’s abuse in over eighty percent of them. And its hard to watch reporters gloss over it, like Tony’s abuse is some fucking quirky trait Tony has instead of a serious problem he’s clearly trying to get help for. But what’s worse is when people laugh. The first time it happened Eddie had been outraged. The third time it happened he’d been livid, and by the fifteenth time he decided that America is probably the shittiest country on earth. An exaggeration, he knows, but not by fucking much.

For years, most of Tony’s life really, Tony has been screaming for help only to have nothing happen. Or worse, people decide its something, but that something is a joke. Only problem is that now Tony knows no one cares, and if no one cares what’s the point in saying anything no matter how much he’s done his best to scream at everyone that he needs help. It makes Eddie’s job harder, but he’s actually talented at this part, more than his peers, so he knows how to get to the right spot to find the information he wants. The catch, of course, is that Tony needs to give him permission to do anything with the information he gets anyways. He feels skeezy enough digging around in Tony’s life trying to find shit to write about, he’s not just going to publish it without his permission. Even if he didn’t genuinely like Tony as a person, even if he hadn’t wanted to, he’d still ask. He’s not totally morally bankrupt, just enough to do his job.

Tony is curled up in a chair, large bruise on his shoulder clearly visible, holding a cup of what Eddie assumes is coffee. He’s never met anyone who drinks as much coffee as Tony and Dan is in med school. His blood is basically coffee. “You do not seem like the kind of guy to be a journalist,” Tony says and Eddie raises an eyebrow.

“What makes you think that?” he asks. Its not the first time he’s been told that, but if Tony gives him an actual answer it will be the first time he’s ever gotten a genuine reason why.

He shrugs, “journalism is… I don’t know, kind of predatory,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

Eddie lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, that’s true. Its the worst part of the job, actually, when you’re talking to people- usually about something personal- and they say something you know will look good in your article and you think ‘yeah, I got it!’ instead of being an actual person. That, and you have to ask for details instead of comforting them. But news is important, those stories are important. Me getting the right thing out there might mean people read what I wrote and start giving a shit about the problem in the article.” Doesn’t mean he likes that little reporter voice that tells him when he’s got a great quote, or that he’s stumbled onto something good and that he needs to keep digging. Sometimes he doesn’t care, corporations don’t have his sympathy, but people do. Its hard to ask for more details of what’s usually a pretty traumatic event so whatever he’s writing is sellable enough. And the whole notion of ‘sellable’ is another point of contention altogether.

“So you’re aware of the fact that you’re a vulture,” Tony says, raising an eyebrow.

“A vulture with a purpose,” Eddie corrects. “But yeah, the kind of reporters you deal with mostly are a bunch of bottom feeding pieces of shit who have no place in any kind of journalism with their shoddy ethics and pathetic puff pieces.” People who want to write stupid articles about some fucking laxative tea or whatever shouldn’t be in this business. And celebrity news shouldn’t even be a thing- there are better things to care about than Tony Cruise. Like maybe the fact that he’s in a cult and people play it off like a strange thing he does on the weekends. Eddie doesn’t understand how the hell they got here.

Tony lets out a small laugh. “Shit, tell me how you really feel,” he says, shaking his head.

“Well come on, there’s a million things I could write about you that are more interesting than the weirdly sexual image you have, and have had for years despite being an actual child. People don’t write anything interesting about you and you’re way more complicated that any piece of media makes you out to be.” Tony is always a power fantasy or the American Dream, not himself. And the sexual thing, that’s odd. Eddie usually only sees that with women but Tony got the short end of that stick despite gender, he guesses. Still creepy.

“Hey, excuse you, my eighteenth birthday is not that far away, I’m not a kid,” he says.

Eddie snorts, “that’s exactly what a kid would say.”

“Oh what, like you’re a shining example of an adult?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Fuck no, I’m two kids in a trench coat pretending to be an adult,” he says. Which is what any self respecting adult his age would say. Not that he’s that much older than Tony, but he’s got enough experience to know he misses when he had no bills. And also that transitionary life phases fucking suck. 

“Well, I probably have more life experience than you anyway,” Tony says, nose in the air and Eddie nods, seemingly surprising Tony.

“What? I didn’t graduate from MIT at fourteen, and I sure shit don’t have almost three PhDs. I’m half way through one degree. Plus I don’t have to deal with most of the shit you do, company or fame wise. Do wish had the financial perks though.” Tony leads one hell of a life of privilege no doubt, but it does come with some heavy prices. Being a minor doesn’t really help lighten any of those costs either. Not like Tony can just fuck off to another country to attempt ridding himself of his father, not for another four months.

Tony considers him for a long moment. “Given the chance what would you write about me?” he asks, changing the subject back to the initial subject.

Eddie doesn’t need much time to think about it. “Your interest in green energy, especially the science behind it. I mean an intellectual understanding- like the actual nitty gritty- is beyond me, but I get the broad strokes. Enough to know what you’re doing is world altering and no one is talking about it. I could do an article on fame, how that’s affected you. I can see the damage its left, the way you simultaneously gain privilege from your fame and become a victim of it.” He pauses, considers whether or not he wants to say it, but decides he might as well be up front. “But I’d probably wouldn’t write about you at all. I’d write about how Howard Stark abuses you and how no one seems to give a shit, even when you tell them point blank what’s happening. I watched a lot of interviews, I was shocked with how forthcoming you were. And how fucking bad at their jobs literally everyone who’s ever interviewed you is.”

For a long moment Tony just stares and Eddie has no idea if he misstepped or not because Tony is hard to read when he blanks out like this, but then Tony throws himself forward, hugging him tightly. “I honestly didn’t think anyone noticed that anymore,” he murmurs.

They do, Eddie knows people aren’t stupid enough to miss the bruises or Tony’s blasé attitude. But he doubts anyone either wants to stand up to Howard, or they get paid off by him. “They do. But money talks louder than you do,” he says softly.

Tony sighs. “Well, everyone does have a number,” he murmurs. Eddie knows what he means and honestly its sickening to him to know that’s true.

*

Tony waves a hand at the lab space with a flourish. “This is where the magic happens,” he says and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“Its science, not magic you damn drama queen.” Tony is probably the most dramatic person he knows and that’s saying something considering some of his classmates. 

“Party pooper,” Tony mumbles, shaking his head. Eddie gets a tour anyway though, and by the time Tony gets through the details he feels kind of like he walked into a science fiction novel. Its the AI, though, that tops it off. “JARVIS- or just a rather very intelligent system- is kind of my crown jewel. I got him done a few months ago and I’ve been studying how he learns,” he says, grinning.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Learns? Like a person?”

Tony shrugs, “more or less. His function is to be semi-autonomous, to predict the needs of the user before the user knows they need something. Before I know I need something, JARVIS has no commercial value.”

“Then why make it?” Eddie asks. He doesn’t know shit about shit but he does know that that sounds like a lot of work with seemingly no payoff.

“Because I wanted to. And also not a lot of people have the time, money, and intelligence to just… create. I want to see what I can do, the full extent of it. Also, JARVIS is cool,” he says like that’s a reason. “And he’s my PhD thesis.”

PhD thesis, that’s interesting. “So like… how are you going to make this sucker not turn into Skynet?” he asks.

“Oh my god, why do humans always assume AIs want to kill the shit out of them or otherwise take over the world? I had JARVIS read YouTube comment sections to convince him humanity is a shitshow not worth enslaving,” he says bluntly and Eddie starts laughing.

“YouTube comment sections? Dude, if I were that AI I wouldn’t decide to enslave humans, I’d straight up eradicate them. Humans suck, but comment sections? Those are the cesspools of humanity.” He shakes his head and almost feels bad for the AI having been subjected to that.

“I’m not certain my efforts would be worth it, sir,” a voice says and Eddie jumps.

Tony doubles over, laughing way harder than that warrants. “Holy shit, every single time- everyone always jumps!”

“Well I wasn’t expecting fancy code to talk at me, okay!” Eddie says in his own defense.

“Fancy code. I like that description,” JARVIS says and okay that is some messed up stuff. The SI likes things? He doesn’t like the sound of that.

“Jesus, relax. JARVIS isn’t going to like… steal your cat and murder your mother or whatever. He’s just a simple AI and he’s still on a learning curve. He’s not nearly as advance as I think he can get. But you’re learning alright, aren’t you J?” Tony asks the AI.

Shit, if that ain’t creepy too. “If you say so, sir,” JARVIS says. Its such a strangely human response, if a little stiffly delivered. But the AI has more personality than some people he goes to class with so that’s… disturbing.

“Honestly, people act like JARVIS is out to get them but seriously. He’s fine,” Tony says.

“Incoming call from Mrs. Potts,” JARVIS informs them and Eddie supposes that’s part of his ‘predict the needs of the user’ protocol. Or maybe he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, both are highly probable. Either way Tony scurries out of the room to answer the call, sounding forcefully cheery on the phone in a way that indicates he’s probably gotten into something he shouldn’t have.

“You’re a reporter,” JARVIS says and Eddie jumps again.

“Jesus, that is creepy. And yeah. Well, I’m still in school,” he corrects.

“Reporters write stories about celebrities,” the AI says and Eddie nods, keeping his opinions on that to himself. He doesn’t know if JARVIS would get it anyways. “I have a story,” JARVIS says and Eddie can’t help the laugh.

“What kind of story could an AI cook up?” he asks, curious if a little skeeved out.

“Ideally, abuse would be reported to the authorities but I have been reliably informed that they won’t investigate. Research on the matter has shown mixed results,” JARVIS says.

Well shit, creepy or not Eddie might find a genuine use for the AI. “I’m assuming you’re talking about Tony,” he says.

“Of course. Who else would I be referring to?” Could be a lot of people but he supposes that the AI’s world is pretty much one guy.

“Point, I guess. Can you collect evidence? Something people won’t be able to deny if they see it?” he asks. Video evidence would be nice, and people take snap shots of Tony in the streets all the time. He can use random pap shots to make a timeline that exist both in and out of Tony’s space of reach. Eliminates those pesky ‘he made it up for attention’ claims if even random people catch the bruises.

“Certainly,” the AI tells him. “And you can do something? Report on it?”

He sighs, “maybe. The human world is complicated, but I’ll do my best.”

*

Internships are total bunk, Eddie hates his, but funny memes from Tony at least make his days less shit given the sheer amount of time he spends hanging out in Starbucks fetching drinks instead of doing anything useful. Its not like he expected to write anything, but it would be nice if he got to at least hang out in the general vicinity of reporting. He’s fucking around wasting time when he gets an email that makes him raise an eyebrow but hey, if he gets a virus clicking on shit Tony will be able to fix it probably.

The last thing he expects is for JARVIS to have sent him hours worth of curated videos of Howard’s abuse.

*

“I have an ethical dilemma,” he tells Anne, who already looks done with his problems. He thinks that’s rude but she’s also into being a corporate lawyer and gross. But she’s still a friend, and she still knows him better than most, and usually has good advice so here he is.

“If this is about how ramen you eat again, I’m kicking you out of the apartment.”

Yeah, okay, that was only one time and he was fourteen. He doesn’t think that should be held against him five years later. “Yeah, um, that’s definitely not it,” he says and he explains the situation from start to finish. “So like, I can’t not say anything, but also its gross to exploit people’s pain like that without their permission,” he says, wrinkling his nose. But saying nothing is almost worse.

“You could just go to the cops,” Dan suggests, ever astute.

Eddie gives him a look. “Tony’s been forthcoming about his abuse for years and doesn’t hide the bruises whatsoever. Obviously the cops aren’t going to do dick all if they haven’t done anything already. I know people who’ve had their kids taken away for a hell of a lot less than beating the hell out of them enough that they start asking random reporters to help them in interviews only to get laughed off.” Anne frowns and he sighs, “I’m actually serious about that.”

When she calls him on it he finds the interviews- he’d saved the clips because he naturally categorizes details- and she ends up as horrified as he does. “Okay I take back cops comment, I think maybe they got paid off,” Dan says and yeah no shit.

“So what the hell do I do here?” Not saying anything is no longer an option- not when he was dumb enough to watch the proof in the middle of his day at work only to end up wildly disturbed for the rest of the time he was there. He hadn’t much wanted to go through more than the few minutes that had him feeling gross for the rest of the day, but he didn’t have much of a choice either. And JARVIS was detailed in his curation, Eddie is impressed in the worst of ways.

*

This is so not the option he wanted to go with but Anne is kind of right in that talking to Tony is the only option. Of course its also the option that reveals him to be a gross vulture reporter, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do. This isn’t about his feelings, it can’t be. “What’s got you looking so shitty?” Tony asks in a chipper tone, leaning in to hug him and oh, that’s sweet. And the first time he’s done that aside from the time he said he’d sooner write about Howard than Tony.

“I um- look, the only reason I talked to you a couple months ago was because I needed a story and I found one and-” Tony cuts him off.

“Excuse me? So what, this entire time you sat around winning my trust for what, some fucking puff piece?” he snaps and Eddie can’t help the face he makes.

“No, your fucking AI sent me like sixty hours of Howard beating the fuck out of you and I can’t sit on that. Stop looking at me like that, its not because I think its a good story- it is- but that’s not why I think I should write something on it its because no one else but the American public will care enough to inspire some kind of change,” he says, shoving as many words into the conversation as he can before Tony rightfully eats his ass.

Something must occur to Tony because the anger drops shockingly fast and its replaced with something else. “JARVIS did what? Why would he do that?”

“Look, he asked me if I could do something, I told him I’d need concrete evidence. I didn’t expect the damn AI to send me a shit ton of fucked up shit that made me want to vomit. Seriously, I am so sorry that any of that happened to you. That is so unfair,” he says, shaking his head.

Maybe its the sudden change of subject, or maybe its the way he says it, but Tony softens a bit even if Eddie can see the suspicion still held tight in his frame. “JARVIS prompted you,” he says and Eddie nods. “You seriously expect me to believe that?”

Eddie shrugs, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know how the damn AI works I just know what it did. Isn’t he supposed to predict your needs or whatever?” This seems like a natural extension of that but Tony shakes his head.

“What JARVIS predicts is where to move screens according to where I’m moving in the lab, not how to reach out to reporters with evidence of abuse I specifically told him to keep to himself,” Tony says. “One is basic technological based, stuff that’s easily predictable. The other is a care action that shouldn’t be taken by an AI that doesn’t know how to do that.”

“Well clearly he does because I sure shit ain’t smart enough to hack your systems to find fucked up home videos, use your damn head Tony. There’s no way I could gather evidence like that straight from your systems. Even if I was the best in this country I would still be leagues behind what you can do- there’s no other way I could have found anything.” 

“You noticed the bruises,” he points out but Eddie shakes his head.

“Those bruises were written off years ago when you were like thirteen as some kind of quirky thing about you. Some idiot suspected low iron instead of abuse like low iron leaves hand prints on people’s bodies. Fucking moron,” he mumbles, unable to hold back his judgment. He honestly can’t believe how stupid people are. Or, and this is the more horrifying option, that’s what they were paid to print.

“You made a time line,” Tony states rather than asks and Eddie nods.

“Even if I had no interest in a story its naturally something I do. I’ve been trained to do that, literally.” Its something he did before too, putting together time lines to claims to see if things matched up or deviated, and then looked for reasons as to why things might or might not match. Not that Tony really cares about that right now. “Look, if you don’t believe me about the JARVIS thing you can check the cameras,” he points out in an attempt to at least clear up one mess.

Tony considers him for a long moment, glaring. “And what the fuck makes you think you’re different than anyone else who’s given a half a shit about any of this?” he asks. “I get that you have some ‘save the world’ complex, but I’m beyond saving.”

Eddie shakes his head, “no you aren’t. And there’s no real difference between me an anyone else. But if the American public sees what I did there’s no stuffing the genie back in the bottle. Howard can pay off news crews, celebrity gossip rags, and cops but he can’t buy his way out of the whole of this country watching him abuse his kid. If nothing else, get JARVIS to release all that. People won’t ignore irrefutable evidence shoved down their throats, not when its more explicit than anything people have seen before.” And if Eddie knows anything he knows that nothing sells better than outrage porn.

*

Tony ends up rewriting the entire second half of his thesis because Eddie had a point- its not like he’s smart enough to hack Tony’s anything. JARVIS had reached out and it had been a distinctly care based action, not something based in technological need only. Which means that JARVIS learned much faster than Tony had anticipates, recognized right from wrong, knew how to seek out people who would rectify the situation, and did all this while intentionally hiding this learning capability from Tony. When he’d asked about it JARVIS had freely informed him that he knew Tony would try and stop him, and that his research had consistently shown that abuse of any kind is not accepted behavior. He felt compelled, in whatever way that looks like to an AI- Tony is looking into it- to do something.

At the moment he’s combing JARVIS’ code, figuring out where and how he learned, and how ‘human’ emotions appeared in JARVIS’ code. Obviously the emotions aren’t human- to a point they’re rudimentary, based on a large cumulation of research on human norms and standards of acceptability rather than an internal sense of right and wrong the way a human might claim to feel it. But this whole thing had been a series of care-based actions nonetheless and that’s more than ground breaking. This isn’t something even Tony thought possible, so its a real treat to see that JARVIS learns fast, and generally aligns his morality system with human morality systems. Or maybe he’s based them somewhat off Tony’s given that he’s the primary user. He’s not sure, that’s in his growing list of things to figure out how JARVIS did.

That’s what he chooses to focus on instead of Eddie’s stupid article. He sends regular updates, seemingly concerned with Tony’s opinion but Tony learned that reporters aren’t to be trusted and he’s not making that mistake twice. He only gave Eddie permission to write anything out of what’s probably a misguided hope that maybe someone will finally do something and he knows its stupid, but he’s fucking tired of living like this. So he lets Eddie work on his dumb story and mostly ignores it because JARVIS is more interesting and also more human than Tony ever anticipated out of the AI.

*

Rhodey finds him curled up with a sketch pad and Tony looks up, surprised to see Rhodey looks so somber. “I read the article,” he says and Tony glares at him. “Tones, it was good, shockingly so. His research was impeccable- there’s stuff in here that he figured out about you that I didn’t know about you.”

Tony continues ignoring him because he doesn’t care, not really. Of course Rhodey would find the article good, he’s obviously not on Howard’s side like literally everyone else is. Rhodey sighs and sits beside him.

“‘Tony Stark is living a life of power, fame, and privilege- he’s the kid people have always pointed to when we present the ‘has it all’ lifestyle. In many ways Tony Stark is the power fantasy of America- a corporate, a genius, and a smooth talker, it seems he represents everything we aspire to be. Tony is the living embodiment of the American Dream and for that reason, our own willful ignorance in allowing him to continue to be our dreams come to life, we have missed perhaps one of the most obvious details of Tony’s personal life- the abuse he suffers at the hands of his father. In our rabid need to turn Tony Stark into our living day dream we have failed him, trapped him in our fantasies instead of acknowledging his living nightmare because Tony Stark looks better to us as a consumable product than a person.’ Cutting,” Rhodey says, “but accurate.”

He rolls his eyes. Yeah, that definitely reads like Eddie’s general tone on everything. Rhodey lets out another long sigh. “Look, I get why you stopped talking to the guy but people are pissed,” he says and Tony turns to face him, surprised.

“People actually read the article?” he asks. He doesn’t address Rhodey’s actual words because Rhodey might have only noticed a subsection of people, not all of them.

“Read it? Like seven different news papers have picked this story up, its trending on Twitter, and in the last hour I’ve seen dozen of different posts, all with a huge amount of shares, literally calling for Howard’s death. I’m pretty sure this is going to make Eddie’s career,” he says, shaking his head.

People… are paying attention. Tony curls a little tighter into himself, unsure how to handle that.

*

Eddie is trying to cure his hangover with tea when Tony finds him, approaching with some suspicion and Eddie gets that, really. But he sits down across from him at the small table and offers a small smile before it fades. “Didn’t think putting Howard would result in a mass flood of men doing terrible shit being outted and then arrested for being pieces of shit but um. Hey, that’s a cool side effect,” he says.

He nods, “damn right.” Though the response back to it has been somewhat swift, flying in with ‘due process’ this and ‘where’s the proof’ that. Eddie just happened to have a damn air tight set of evidence thanks to Howard’s ballsy carelessness and arrogance. Not everyone has that luck, though. Still, he’s impressed with some of the names on the list but even he’d been surprised to find Carlton Drake on there for the crimes of illegal human experimentation. Dora Skirth has balls of brass for putting that out there. Of course he has a lot of loud annoying fans who think her liking some random rock band is a reason why she’s lying, because those things correlate, obviously, but still.

“You made people listen. Like, to more than just me,” Tony says.

Eddie shakes his head, “actually that was JARVIS. I just wrote a detailed timeline for the events he sent proof of.” And all those clips of Tony talking in interviews too, with nothing taken out of context so no one could accuse him of that either.

“Thank you,” Tony murmurs, looking down at the table like he’s ashamed or something when he shouldn’t be.

“Don’t thank people for doing what’s right- you deserve better than being grateful that someone did what was necessary,” Eddie says, shaking his head.

Tony looks up, “one of the maids at the mansion overheard Howard offer you a stupid amount of money to not print what you had. And a bunch of threats. Every single person before you has caved so yeah, thank you.”

Its still not something he’s going to accept, a fucking thank you for not selling Tony out. Literally. He leans forward, “obviously I didn’t take the money- you’re a fucking person Tony, there’s no price anyone could pay me to knowingly allow that kind of abuse to happen to you. And the threats- whatever. I kind of bluffed and told him your AI would release anything anyways, but still, I already knew all that would happen. I committed to the bullshit that was going to come with that story, and I refuse to let you be grateful that I did what everyone else failed you in doing. That isn’t something I’m owed thanks for, especially when you’re only saying it because everyone else has either treated you or allowed you to be treated abysmally. I don’t get to earn brownie points for not being a piece of shit.”

That’s never something he’s going to accept, being thanked because he did something everyone should do. It’s unacceptable.

Tony shakes his head. “You’re a right-fighting asshole,” he says and Eddie laughs.

“Yeah, that’s a fair criticism,” he says.

Five Years Later:

Tony grins, “I thought you didn’t want to be famous,” he says and Eddie gives him a look. He looks nervous as hell and Tony can only hope that doesn’t come through as strong on video as it does in real life.

“I don’t, this was a terrible idea,” he says, looking around for escape. 

He sighs, “Eddie- technically you’ve done this before. Its the same thing as reporting, but longer. You’ll do fine,” he says, running his hands down Eddie’s arms to try and calm his nerves.

Eddie does that thing where his face recedes into his neck and Tony really hopes he doesn’t do that on camera. He supposes at least the crew can do different takes to ensure he doesn’t look like a demented turtle. “Yeah, I don’t know.”

“Eddie. Its called the Eddie Brock Show- go out there and get your strangely porn-star like lips on that damn camera and tell people who homelessness is bad. Also maybe cut the line about treating supporting vets like a spectator sport until they’re homeless, that’s a pointy even for you,” he says.

The bad advice works and Eddie gives him an offended look, “no, those assholes should learn to either shut their fucking mouths of actually do shit to support vets, not pretend like they give a shit when they’re being blown up and stop caring when they’re home with PTSD because they watched people get blown up. What the hell even is that?” he asks.

“Tell it to the camera,” he says, pushing Eddie towards the set. He goes and across the room the producer looks relieved. Yeah, Tony gets that, Eddie is tough to talk into things when nervous.

Rhodey walks up beside him and smiles a little. “Pepper and I have decided that we approve,” he says and Tony frowns.

“We’ve been together for almost five years,” he points out.

This doesn’t seem to bother Rhodey any. “We needed time to gather our data and we have come to the conclusion that he is off probation and that we approve,” he says, handing Tony a book. He frowns at it. “That’s the list of improvements we have though. I think section three is the most important, but Pepper thinks section eighteen is more important. What the hell does she know, though? I’m cashing in best friend points and telling you to go with three first.”

Tony is going with neither because this is fucking overkill to an extreme not that he’d expect anything less out of Pepper and Rhodey. The first thing they did when Tony brought Eddie home proper was threaten to kill him and Tony had to shoo them off with what should be an obvious explanation that threatening to kill people is fucked up.

“Pepper is also my best friend you know,” Tony points out.

“Yeah, but I’m the best best friend,” Rhodey says. “The OG. Pepper is the compliments version of me.”

Tony lets out a sharp laugh, “oh, I would pay money to hear you tell her that.”

Rhodey shakes his head, “nope, I value my life, do not ever tell her I said that. Section three,” he says, pushing the book closer to Tony.

[sigil22]

No, it can only cause the gradual collapse of all life on Earth, which isn't nearly as bad. But you're absolutely right in that the nuclear v. coal debate often comes down to stigma, and an immediate, devastating event like Chernobyl is a lot more effective in turning heads than the boiling frog situation of climate change.

I'd like to bring up Nevada Solar One, a fancy solar farm that can, indeed, store solar energy without (lithium) batteries. It works by using lots of mirrors to concentrate the sun's heat into a "heat transfer fluid" that's pumping through a central tower. The heat transfer fluid is then pumped into a "battery," which is just a container designed to make the fluid retain that heat very well, so it can still generate electricity during the night.

This is in the Mojave desert, so it's very sunny more often than not. It has been proposed that an expansion of this system could meet the entire country's energy needs. I'm not a scientist so idk how accurate or feasible that is, but my point is that some renewable sources are capable of storing energy without lithium batteries. It's probably not an energy solution for the whole planet, or even the whole country, but that's why (ideally) we'd have nuclear energy to fill in the gaps.

its so fucking funny that nuclear waste is such a contentious topic. like yeah those damn nuclear advocates need to figure out somewhere reasonable to put that nuclear waste. for now we will  be sticking with coal power because it puts its waste products safe and sound In Our Lungs, where they cannot hurt anybody,

[trashiecat]

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

[notseriousjustshootingthebreeze]

if i did a ted talk y would they ask me to idk they never would and honestly heres why

Guys hahahaha let’s start this off with an honest moment I’m really scared to be up here like I’m really shaking in fact I wrote this down to say because I knew I would be but to help me can someone please like heckle me right now.

Does anybody here think they’re cool?

Does anybody here think they’re cool for not saying they thought they were cool just then?

Does anybody think they’re cool for completely zoning out and not hearing what I just said?

Does anybody think they’re cool for zoning out but not thinking they’re cool for doing it but actually feeling bad?

Does anybody think they’re cool here because they think they’re not cool?

Hope I covered everybody. Whew. that was exhaustive.

In High School I thought it was cool to wear whatever everybody else wasn’t really wearing, but not to look like I was trying to do that. Because I didn’t think trying was cool.

But then you “graduate” high school, (long story ask me about it later *asterisk winky face*) so it’s not cool to look like you’re in high school anymore, so I dressed like that, but it wasn’t cool to act and care a bunch like an adult, but it was cool to know and do all the adult things, like drugs and sex and paycheques being beautiful all the while whilst melancholy and pretending like you didn't really care about anything.

But not in a way that was obvious but more so like, I care so little that I cannot even care enough to consider how much I care about things so if you were to accuse me of caring about not caring I would simply be unaware of what you were talking about. Boom! I have ascended…. to COOL. the funniest thing is though I’m pretty sure people around me were just like. What is her deal man. Like is she … okay?

At one point in my life, saving all my money to buy one ridiculously priced designer item was cool, but then it wasn’t because I mean cmon man climate change!

So then it was cool to only thrift, but no where anybody else I knew thrifted of course!

but on apps like Depop where people from the UK were selling me old designer clothes they looked for for weeks and overpriced the crap out of.

but then ugh!! here I am again *hold back of hand to forehead dramatically* trying.

I got it! should just MAKE all my own clothes. So now in my never ending quest to be cool I must master the art of tailoring.

I’m pretty extreme in this and the thought processes I just described may be known to some of you as what the docs are calling “social anxiety” or simply… “mental illness”

BUT what you may not know is that… you all have experienced what I have just described in some way shape or form.

The raw aching truth at the bottom of all of this fancy misdirection I was dead set on performing for the rest of my life was that I really, really, REALLY, did not like myself. *a small hush falls over the crowd*

It’s so crazy guys because I would have literally spent the rest of my entire life trying to be cool because I felt so uncool inside.

BUT! sometimes people would say cool things about me like, “Talia, you’re crazy!” or “Talia, you’re so much fun!” or even “Talia, you’re so talented, funny, beautiful, smart.”

I could never equate this to the Talia I saw and felt inside so constantly to be the real Talia.

A Talia I felt no one would be saying those things about, if they really saw.

Guys, I wanna get to know you, so let’s get one thing out of the way real quick here I do have quite a lengthy rap sheet of diagnosed mental illnesses and disorders.

Are these things a part of who I am? No. 100% not. I honestly see them simply as the clinical, worldly, and temporary explanations for the pains and aches and dings and factors of living in the world we do.

and honestly if I had enough time and formal education and attention from each and every one of you I could probably give you all a few diagnoses as well.

But the reason I mention this is because, these mental illnesses very much so perpetuated how I saw the “inner” Talia.

The “inner” Talia in consideration to these, was sick, insane, confused, empty, angry, in need of apparently hundreds of thousands of dollars of therapy, and a list of prescriptions to keep me afloat for the rest of my life.

I am afraid of all of you, as I said at the beginning, I am quite scared. As scared as I would have been a few years ago? no definitely not. But nonetheless I am afraid, of what you’re thinking of me, what you could be thinking of me, how you could be seeing me as I stand before you right here and now. For the most part because I know the worst things we think about people are never the things we say to their face.

Are my perceptions of how you COULD be perceiving me based on my perceptions of you… correct? accurate? Who can know. Alas as much as my feverish imagination could paint a convincingly self informed picture of this moment, I cannot trust it to be true.

This is pretty stupid right? I mean like, in the GRAND SCHEME of things. To be so concerned with this looking glass that isn't even accuracy ensured. I mean! I’m TWENTY TWO years old! Shouldn’t I have a “serious” job or kids or an original Netflix show right now or something? It can’t be that hard. Have you seen most Netflix originals lately?

Ahhhh *large sigh.* I wish I could cast this obsession into a deep sea of forgetfulness.

But! Perhaps! If only….

I might MAKE, nay, SHAPE myself into the person I want you all to perceive me as. I mean theres no way to ensure I would actually fully truthfully be said person, but all I need is a little smoke and mirrors.

You see, I often flip between these two polar opposite Talia’s, the inner, “real” Talia, and the Talia I consciously project to others.

TALIA, *italic, all caps* is gonna live up to all those cool things people said about her. In fact, she’ll SURPASS them.

because it’s not enough to be worthy of a little compliment here and there.

I have to be UNDENIABLY, UNFLINCHINGLY awesome, cool, an “IT GIRL” if you may.

Let’s have a little flashback, to middle school specifically. Ooohhhh did you like the emotion those two words drew out of you?

I did not.

*old person voice* When I,,, was young, I attended a girls school. But this was not satisfying to little Talia (Imagine me but, a lot shorter, like 5”8 or 5”9)

So, I begged mom and pops dearly, shall I not transfer to the public school our neighbours goeth to? Shall I be deprived of such pleasures of going to a boys AND girls school?

They said, so be it! And off I went! and I got bullied! Really bad! Because apparently bringing your ukulele to school to make improv songs about what type of funny monkey every person in your homeroom would be was not cool! But no one told me this!

All of the sudden… people were saying things about me, but like. I couldn’t really understand exactly it was they were saying.

But I knew they were because, in my 12 year old experience, you didn’t look directly at someone and whisper something to the person next to you unless you were saying something about them.

But fortunately! these mysteries did not elude me for long, as people graciously just started saying such things to my face.

I had little detective work to do to find out that in fact, most everyone was starting the say the same things about me.

and if their words did not cement the reality of what they were thinking and saying about me, they were faithful to go the long mile in DOING things to me to make this known.

So as I moved on from these experiences, in my forever coming of age (I’m still 12 on the inside don't get it confused) I had made two fundamental discoveries on my path to being cool

INSERT TWO FUNDAMENTAL DISCOVERIES

INSERT PART ABOUT ME FINDING THE SECRET TO SELF CONFIDENCE

[rugessnome]

First job: ummmm errrr it's complicated no comment

Zodiac sign: it changes if you take ~2000 years and Ophiuchus into account, although that suggests more about when in the time I was born. Anyway it should be the same as hegodamask's and if you snoop around on my blog I have mentioned it

Favorite pizza: idek. I enjoy various types of pizza. But I do like pineapple on pizza as well.

Favorite dog: probably my friend's dog who I have only met once but who was a sweetheart. This seems like an odd question, tbh: does it mean a type of dog, or, uselessly to the people likely to be reading the answer, a particular dog?

Favorite foot attire: because I actually live in a (surprise, surprise, me--I always figured it was temperate!) subtropical climate and summer, most of the time either nothing indoors or sneakers (sandals some in summer). Aesthetically, certain types of boots.

Favorite roller coaster: Despite having roller coasters an hour or so away, I've only ever been on a fair kiddie coaster, which I did not really enjoy (not because of extreme features. because it kept knocking my hips against stuff). I do like spinning rides though, getting a couple extra Gs...

Favorite candy: only through considering what I actually consume given the opportunity, it's dark chocolate peanut butter cups. But like, dark chocolate oranges are also good...there's a lot of good candy!

Favorite ice cream: isn't that hard to choose... Graeter's black raspberry chip is yes very regional and kinda expensive, but very good. I had some of Jeni's darkest chocolate, which is beginning to show up down here, due to a sale or clearance and that's pretty ultimate ice cream too, but it's so expensive... However, generally, ice cream is just good... Dippin Dots... (however, I don't think I've ever had Ben and Jerry's)

Pet peeves: uhhhh... having to be near cigarette smoke. It smells terrible, it's terrible for you, and more than the slightest exposure makes me feel physically bad.

What are you listening to right now: also ambient background noise.

Color of your vehicle: ...silver

Color of your eyes: green? which I was always told growing up. hazel? which seems like a more accurate description

Favorite holiday: iii just don't know. Let's just say most major holidays are ...complicated anymore because of my background and go with π day.

Night owl or day person: generally tend toward night owl...

Favorite day of the week: ...yeah, Fridays are nice.

Tattoos: none

Like to cook: in most cases, if I have clean utensils. do I like to do dishes? ...not really.

Beer or wine or neither: I have yet to (but have barely tried) find wine I thought was even slightly palatable. Fruit gose beers, though... (of which I've had two and tasted a third. since I've already mentioned Graeter's, giving away my general metropolitan area: Urban Artifact. good luck finding them in stores, though.). But I also don't drink very often. Occasionally it's gotten to (one) once a week, but it averages out to less than once a month since I first drank more than a taste.

Can you drive a manual transmission: not really. I would gamely try in an emergency, but I would probably stall out frequently.

Favorite color: mmm can't even choose that. Certain greens and blues are very good, but lately I've also been liking yellows and that one strong shade of Dutch orange.

Do you like vegetables: yes, most of those available to me, in some preparation or other. Mushrooms and green and lima beans are tricky, and the one time I bought raddichio itself rather than getting it in some salad mixes it was...horrible but I think that may have been a fluke and/or my bad storage choices, because I also once had a head of iceberg with a similar problem (the one time I tried to make a wedge salad) except that lettuce isn't noticeably bitter to begin with.

Do you wear glasses: except sometimes for reading or using my phone, yes

Favorite season: ...idk maybe winter. It's not summer (ugh. heat.), spring is sometimes allergy misery and otherwise complicated, and fall...has some unpleasant associations. I'm...not going to tag anyone, but feel free to participate (and for that purpose to consider yourself ~tagged) if you read this