#well i like the discussions that are showing up

[star-anise]

Disclaimer: I like Anita Sarkeesian.

But also, I just saw a writeup of a Youtuber whose content has come a long way from his Gamergate days, and to explain that, the wiki says, "Anita Sarkeesian is a radical feminist who created a webseries about sexist tropes in video games"

AHAHAHAHAHA ANITA SARKEESIAN, RADICAL FEMINIST

HOO HEE EXCUSE ME THAT'S A GOOD ONE

Radical feminist. Feminist extremist. Anita Sarkeesian.

Anita Sarkeesian did her Master's Thesis in Social and Political Thought in 2010 on the trope of the "Strong Woman" in fantasy and science fiction TV shows, and produced Tropes vs Women, a series of online videos breaking down her work in a way that was accessible to a lay audience. She found a ready audience in geek feminist circles, since this was exactly the kind of thing we wanted and needed right then.

Tropes vs Women was extremely bog-standard cultural critique, what you'd find expressed in discussion between scholars of literary theory or media analysis anywhere, and exactly what 99% of feminists were saying at the time. It certainly talked about patriarchy as the complex system of sexism fused into our cultural matrix, so it's not like it wasn't radical feminism from that viewpoint, but it wasn't "radical" by way of being especially militant. Sarkeesian frequently pointed out how individual occurrences of a trope weren't harmful in themselves, but that a media landscape completely saturated with only that trope and nothing but that trope is, in the aggregate, a big feminist issue.

And the internet

HAAAAAAAATED

her for it.

Like, geek feminists got flak a lot anyway, especially when we wanted things like properly enforced policies against sexual harassment at science fiction conventions. And yeah, there totally were toxic keyboard warriors who said stuff about all men being scum - but Sarkeesian wasn't one of them.

It's probably because of her succinct, matter-of-fact, "this is not a debated issue, feminists have decades of theory and research to back this point up, sources abound if you google for thirty seconds so I won't stop to baby you through all the fundamental concepts" approach that she got such a big reach. She was calm, concise, coherent, and rational, everything feminists are told we need to be.

Unfortunately that just made her seem... attackable, I think. A good target, not actually scary or impassioned, unlikely to respond to violence with violence. The perfect kind of person to play five seconds of, and then spend the next five minutes yelling into your mic because IF ANITA IS RIGHT ABOUT VIDEO GAME SEXIST YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST AND SEXISM IS SYSTEMIC AND ENDEMIC TO ALL OF WESTERN CULTURE AND OTHER CULTURES TOO, WHICH IS CLEARLY RIDICULOUS, ANITA LADY BAD.

She literally spent five solid years as Enemy #1 in online geek spaces. It was completely insane. I am so sorry she had to take the brunt of it, and yet grateful that she did. She held the line and took the shit and kept doing good decent feminist work for years after, though she did admit to burnout and closed up shop on her nonprofit org Feminist Frequency in 2023. I hope to hell she's having a good day.

But even now, more than a decade later, dudes talk about her as though she were Geek Feminist Godzilla, the biggest baddest woman in the universe, off to lay waste to downtown Video Games and cut everybody's balls off.

When people (mostly dudes, but not all) talk like this, it's just very funny and unintentionally revealing because of the absolute averageness of her third-wave, trans-inclusive, western-centric, intersectional feminism. It makes them look absolutely pathetic.

Because it just makes it clear that she is probably the first and last self-described feminist the speaker has ever paid attention to.

[avalon-of-babylon]

Okay yeah it's like 90% the All Star we know and meme but it doesn't flow as well which I argue is a big part of what makes the song work.

In this essay I will once again be over annalize the lyrics of All Star by Smash Mouth instead of getting out of bed

Let's literally start at the beginning:

The draft version looks like it would have been the singer saying "I was a dumbass but you know over the years I came to realize fuck what others think there's nothing wrong with being yourself"

The version we got however is a perfect opening to a song which is ultimately about self-actualization and genuine self-expression. "She said I was dumb and up shit creek without a paddle but from where I'm standing she's the dumb one" which when paired with:

Creates not only good momentum but a sense of action. It's literally saying "Life doesn't stop and let you figure it out so why not live your life on your terms and just be yourself. You'll never know unless you try, and you'll never be amazing unless you be yourself"

My mama said to me "Son" she said to me

But the inclusion of this disrupts that momentum by rhyming "me" with "me" and turning the focus the song just turn towards you back on themselves making the next part into a personal story which not only doesn't add to the overall theme but has the calls to action come before the affirmations.

Hey now, you're an all star Get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

What we got however works better because it's telling the listener "you're already amazing, you just need to let yourself shine, you dont need to be like other people" instead of "my mom told me to let myself shine, I'm already amazing, I don't need to be like other people" it creates a sense of unity, one where we are all better for being ourselves and not a weird dude implying we should be like him.

It's a cold place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older

Back to the flow problem again by having cold instead of cool it creates this odd momentary imbalance in the rhyming by having 3 words rhymed togetherin 2 lines (cold, colder, older) instead of 2 in 2 or 4 in 2 like we see throughout the finished version by just rhyming "colder" and "older"

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get bored

Unless the line we see is adding the second half of this verse, then the draft is worse for not having it.

Not only is including the dichotomy of hot and cold good for a song with All Star's themes, but much like an onion, it has layers (obligatory Shrek reference). Without the first two lines, the verse is only reinforcing that their way of living is more exciting. However there's a number of ways to interpret the two added lines including "the veneer of normalcy is wearing away; other people are being themselves why not join" or if you want more literal "things are going to hell; why not enjoy the ride". Either way, when paired with the second half, hot and cold take on new meanings; passion and dispersion, individually and conformity, change and stagnation, reality and fantasy, autonomy and heteronomy.

I don't know why I wrote all this, I don't even like the song that much. Maybe I got possessed by the spirit of still living high school English teacher Mrs. Pack. She would do something like spend an entire class period discussing the themes of All Star.

[lilacstro]

🌸Uranus through the houses: what generational curse you are here to break

hey y'all, back with another post. I hope you are doing well :) been very very long since I made a post haha. This post may be rather short? Idk how long it'd be tbh, let's get into it now!

Paid readings open

Support me on ko-fi

🌸Uranus in 1st: to break the stigma around being yourself, your "real" self, doing you, what you really want and going against the wind because that is your purpose and calling. Finding yourself, and not hiding it away. Doing everything you desire to, not confronting to societal or traditional norms, being the one of heart

🌸Uranus in 2nd: Speaking up, showing what respect is supposed to mean for one self, initiating the concept of self respect and personal boundaries, re-inventing the relationship with money, material things and desires.

🌸Uranus in 3rd: Big thoughts, innovative thinking. Thinking in a broad manner, against the current circumstances or conditioning. Big dreamers for a reason. Usually either extremely strong or extremely weak relationship with siblings for whatever the reason. New, big ideologies. Breaking the generational thinking patterns.

🌸Uranus in 4th: Someone who would follow their heart. Choosing their chosen family, prioritizing the family they created. Following the spirit of their soul and mind. Bringing reforms in the whole family, changing the family dynamics from their generation and lineage, reforming traditional dogmas and orthodoxes running in the family through generations.

🌸Uranus in 5th: Taking pleasures of life seriously. Being more attuned to your inner voice if it signals you to follow your dreams, hobbies and passions. Leaving this "work until you die" kind of mentality and actually indulging in things you like, following your heart, the rhythm of your soul. Full of creative energy.

🌸Uranus in 6th: Breaking monotony in life, breaking this idea and pattern of stability, security, and predictability in life. Leaving behind the idea of, "tunnel vision", basically. May despise following routines, structures, traditions in life. Usually have spontaneous bursts of energy instead of being consistent per se, usually the "turbulent" types.

🌸Uranus in 7th: for this placement, I feel their spouse or partner would heal patterns more than them. I mean both of you together would change things together, but they would more likely lead or initiate this revolution. Your family may have hard time settling with them, but eventually all would be good.

🌸Uranus in 8th: The way the shadow side of life is treated or talked about. Maybe you grew up in a family where darker things like, death, or other taboo topics were not discussed. This is true for a majority of people who do not have this placement as well, but you would be the one who may introduce them to such ideas and may be in charge of making them comfortable embracing their own shadows, and so you may often experience projection from your family often, because you're triggering their shadows.

🌸Uranus in 9th: Someone who would not accept things taught to them for no reason, without explanation. Other placement that speaks in terms of genetic unwinding. You would change the way upcoming generation thinks. You may question religion, traditions, beliefs a lot, not to ridicule them, but to find their relevance in the current world. Expanding the tunnel vision, the view of the world. You may adapt a different culture or a philosophy than the one you're born with and challenge the idea of unknown and foreign in your family.

🌸Uranus in 10th: This stigma attached to people and society and the world. "what would they say" "what would they think" and you may most probably set out to do things no one in your lineage could think of doing, especially in terms of jobs and career, creating something new altogether. You may be seen as eccentric by others for that, but more you grow in this energy, more you would heal this idea of following the crowd for people who are lost themselves.

🌸Uranus in 11th: This again for people who have the wildest dreams and do not care about being a part of the social community or to conform to it in any way. You are very very likely to have high spirits, and follow your higher purpose, your dreams. More of a rebel kind of placement, you do not care if your dreams or ambitions are different than the one imposed or planned for you. You would break this programming of needing to be a certain way, a certain success recipe, a certain dream, in your lineage.

🌸Uranus in 12th: More of a visionary kind of placement. Someone who does not conform to immediate ideas and tunnel visions. Someone who's thoughts and ideas would not make sense currently but would be the future. You are here to heal subconscious programming, limiting beliefs, thoughts, and opinions of your lineage. The deepest of all the above placement and very transformative. You yourself may have experienced unexpected changes and events in life, that shake you right from the bottom until a steady foundation is built, and you are meant to transmute this same lessons and light to your lineage.

until the next time

ps: i love you

xoxo

[kyri45]

So, how does it feel like to have your page blown up by people who love your Monkie Kid Bio Parents AU? Did you start it with the idea of making more drawings of the AU or was it more of a "Oh, shit, this blew up, guess the people wanna see more!"? Do you have the story planned out, or when you upload it you're like "Aight, now how the hell am I gonna continue with this?"?

Sorry for the questions, I'm just very curious about the process! Also, Happy New Year! ❤

I never continued the comic for the boom it received.

This was the second ever project I did where I swore myself I would only do what I wanted, without ever thinking of how much or little engagement it would create.

I had made art on my IG with always the thought of growing my page, because I needed the traction for commissions during college.

I never had a moment where I was like "how will I continue this?" Because the story just kept flowing naturally to me. Like, from the beginning: the two of them discovered he is their son? Well then they would discuss about it and check if he had Macaque powers as well. But doesn't he have also Macaque appareance somewhere? Well then we got to show a way for why his extra ears was hidden. But wait, he will notice and discover this eventually, no? Well yeah, then let's use the discovery to make some good old hurt and comfort. Does it mean they will co-mentor MK? Then there shpuld be a training arc of sort. Wait but if Macaque and Wukong so much time together, then they are bound to discuss what happened between them.

And so on.

After maybe 1 week of posting the first page, in my mind I already planned the whole story until the end. But in the middle it ended up being longer then I initially planned because I came up with new ideas on the way.

[grison-in-space]

One of my favorite teaching moments was the time that one of the students in my class (a Classics double major that had long since forgotten that anyone else in Genetics Lab might have humanities interests) snapped the opening lines to another student out in the middle of a play argument. I gasped at him, the other student demanded to know what the first had said, I provided my own translation ("I'll rape you in the ass and mouth, cockslut Aurelius and ass-hungry Marcus") and formally made the point that we do not say shit like this unless we expect to stand by our words when someone unexpectedly understands them. Then we got into a brief argument about whether irrumare is better translated as "to skullfuck" or "to rape one's face" and a much longer discussion about the way that toxic masculinity relates to homosexuality and prescriptive sexual behavior.

For the record, what aetherograph is referring to is actually the Roman verb irrumare itself. It is a violent word, and while all the folks above are right that Romans and Greeks alike had a lot of moral panic surrounding men being the receiving partner of penetrative sex, irrumare is specifically more threatening and insulting than, say, pedicare: you're specifically muting the person and potentially blocking their airways here, making them even more vulnerable. It also implies very strongly that the penetrating person is controlling the movement: this is not a verb that can be translated synonymously to "blowing" a person, for example. The word means to forcibly fuck a person's mouth, an act so degrading that it is beyond imagination that an upstanding man would or could tolerate it without being forced.

These are Bad Words to a Roman, and I think translations should incorporate that as well as trying to convey the violence of the words. I really don't like translations that try to downplay the extent to which Catullus 16 is a very, very vivid rape threat in response to (inferred) loss of masculine status on account of spending too much time and attention with female lovers. I think there is a tendency to be delighted by profanity and obscenity themselves in the hallowed halls of literature, and certainly this is one hell of an ancient Italian poetic tradition that continues well into the modern day. But I also think that obscenity and poetry both exist to turn strong feelings into meaning, and I think Catullus' poetry is most powerful and effective when we stop thinking about how naughtily he was saying something and start thinking about what exactly he was saying as he did it.

Catullus certainly is one of the Roman poets that fucked, but Catullus 16 is not a romantic poem but a violent one. (This isn't that uncommon for Catullus, who writes vividly about sex, emotion, and violence as recurring themes and can be almost as aggressive to women as to men. One of his other famous ones, Catullus 11, involves him feeling spurned by a lover and declaring that his friends Furius and Aurelius should go tell her that he says he hopes she's happy with all her many suitors, her three hundred lovers, none of which she truly touches despite the rupture of their thighs; another (Catullus 58) has him complaining that his lover whom he was so attached to is off lying in the back alleys fucking all the "grandsons of Remus," AKA any Roman who shows up and hikes up his tunic.) He was also very capable of mushy sweetness! But the anger is always there lurking beneath the surface.

He was a complicated guy. His poetry is constructed in careful layers of meaning around astonishingly raw emotions, glittering and artistic to behold. He was absolutely a man of his own time and place, which makes him translator catnip. But that time and place was Imperial Rome, and translators ought to work to communicate exactly what sort of place Rome could be, too.

you cant even begin poems with "i will sodomise and facef uck you" anymore. because of woke .

[vitalverstappen]

The Bolter - L. Norris

summary: as she was leaving, it felt like breathing

pairing: Lando Norris x heiress! situationship! reader

warnings: drinking, swearing, allusions to sex, angst, pining

word count: 5k

masterlist

the tortured drivers department masterlist

Sponsorship events were never your thing. It was a bunch of frumpy old business men with race car drivers glued to their hips, begging for money. Not exactly your ideal Friday night. But unfortunately, having the Hilton name attached to you, you were forced to attend a few every year. 

You never did the negotiations - that was all your father. Your job was to simply be the pretty face needed to help sweeten the deal in the company's favor. The idea of smiling and nodding through endless small talk wasn’t your idea of a good time, but it was worth it for the unlimited free stays, free room service, and much more. 

Tonight’s event was hosted by Hilton, an invitation to show off why the company was the best in the business, and why drivers should want to be sponsored by them. With McLaren being based in England, it was only fitting that the event was held at the Waldorf Hilton in London. 

You didn’t want to be there, but it was a necessary evil. The Hilton name had been intertwined with McLaren for years, and you were expected to show up and play your part. As you made your way through the crowd, glancing around for your father, you could tell it was going to be a long night.

Snippets of conversations - racing deals being discussed, numbers being thrown around like they were nothing - were heard as you scanned the crowd. It was all so transactional, so hollow. But before you could find the man you were looking for, your eyes landed on another. 

Lando Norris, stood near the bar, chatting animatedly with a group of people, his signature grin never wavering. He was easy to spot in the crowd, his messy mop of curly hair now styled a bit, but he still had a mischievous glint in his eye. 

You weren’t sure why, but something about the way he stood there - engaged but not entirely invested - caught your attention. It was rare for someone in the racing world to have such an air of self-assurance without trying too hard. You weren’t usually the type to seek out drivers at these events; they all blended together in the same corporate PR machine. 

But you felt yourself being drawn in. 

“Hey Lando” you said, strolling toward him with a soft smile, your voice cutting through the chatter around you. 

His head snapped around, his eyes narrowed for a moment before a smile spread across his face. “Well, if it isn’t the Hilton heiress herself” he said, his voice casual, but warm. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight.” 

You shrugged, tilting your head slightly. “I like to keep people on their toes, I guess.” you replied, glancing around the suited-up crowd. “I’m just here to make the room a bit more interesting.” 

Lando chuckled, clearly amused. “I think you’ve already accomplished that. The room just got a whole lot more interesting.” 

There was something in his eyes that told you he simply wasn’t making a polite compliment. He was genuinely intrigued, or at least, willing to entertain the idea of more conversation. 

“Well, I guess it’s good to know I’m not the only one bored out of my mind.” you said, offering him a knowing smile. “It’s all business. But at least you get to drive the fast cars and make everyone love you. I’m just stuck shaking hands with people I’ve met a thousand times.” 

“Same here, in a way” he said, leaning back slightly, his tone a little more relaxed now. “I’m usually the one doing the handshakes and smiling for the camera. I guess we both get our fair share of small talk.” 

You raised an eyebrow. “So I’m guessing you’re a pro now?” 

Lando grinned, a playful look in his eyes. “You could say that. But I’m always up for some better conversation. You know, something a little more… real.” 

His words piqued your interest. You didn’t need to be in the racing world to know that Lando was a bit of a heartthrob. The media loved him - he was approachable, funny, and charming. But it was rare to see that side of him in a space like this, surrounded by corporate faces and press agents. 

The conversation between you two grew more effortless, as if the world around you had melted away. You exchanged stories about the absurdity of these events, each of you poking fun at the cliches that came with it. But as the night wore on, you noticed something - something about the way Lando looked at you, something that was more than just playful banter. 

It was the kind of look that made your pulse quicken, just a little. You weren’t sure if he was just playing along, or if he was genuinely interested in you, but the chemistry was undeniable. 

For a moment, you considered pushing him away - making some witty comment to keep things light - but you were curious. Curious to see how far you could take it, how much you could toy with him before he realized what you were doing. 

Some people would say you had a problem, bouncing from one guy to the next, as if they were toys you could discard at your own discretion. Your best friends always poked fun at how you dated, getting them hooked, and then leaving, prompting your nickname The Bolter. 

But you liked to think of it as a talent - an art, really. A talent for keeping things interesting, for keeping people on their toes, and for never getting too attached. You weren’t a stranger to flirtation, to games of wit and charm, and this was no different. 

By the time the event came to a close, Lando had asked for your number. You smiled as you handed it over - just another name to add to your list. You’d let him chase you for a bit, see how far he was willing to go, but in the end, you knew how it would play out. 

The next time you saw Lando, it was at a house party. Your house party. You hadn’t planned for it - you didn’t even invite him. But there he was, leaning casually against your kitchen counter, a beer in one hand, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth like he knew something you didn’t. 

It wasn’t until he caught your eye from across the room that you realized he had been waiting for this moment, waiting for you to notice. 

You took a slow sip of your drink, eyes narrowing slightly as you surveyed him from across the room. Your eyes stayed locked on his as he made his way across the room, stopping next to you. 

“You know” he said, his voice low enough to be a private comment but loud enough to be heard over the music, “you throw a good party” 

You couldn’t help but laugh, though there was an edge to it. “I didn’t expect you to be here” 

Lando just shrugged, that infuriatingly charming smile still on his lips “You didn’t expect half of these people to be here. But here we are.” 

You couldn’t argue with that. The house was packed - people spilled out into every corner. You hadn’t planned for it to be this big, but somehow the word had gotten out, and no one was going to say no to a Hilton party. 

“You never struck me as the type to crash a party” you said, leaning up against the counter. The marble was cold against the bare skin that was peeking out under your crop top. You knew he didn’t just stumble into here. 

Lando leaned in slightly, “What’s it matter to you?” His voice was playful, but you could hear the underlying challenge in it. Like he was daring you to admit that maybe you were glad to see him.

You shifted your weight, crossing your arms as you did so. “Nothing, Norris.” you teased, but your eyes still tracked him, just a little too interested. 

Lando chuckled, unfazed. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to ruin your party.” His eyes scanned the crowd briefly, then returned to you, taking in all of you. “Though I’m sure I could make it more interesting” 

“I’m sure you could” you said, your flirtatious tone returning to your voice. You wanted him to drag you up the stairs. You wanted him to make a mess out of you right then and there. 

But you couldn’t let him. He couldn’t have that satisfaction quite yet. You couldn’t boost his ego that quickly. He had to put in a little bit more work than crash your party. 

Before you could respond, someone in the crowd shouted your name, and you turned away to find one of your friends weaving through the sea of people, clearly looking for you. Without a second thought, you walked towards her, leaving Lando alone in your kitchen. 

Your friend wanted you to be her partner for beer pong, which to the surprise of no one, the two of you dominated. But as quickly as the two of you got to the table and played, you had left it, your focus set for your living room, which had turned into the dance floor, complete with a live DJ. 

Your hips moved to the beat as the bass pulsated through you. The alcohol flowed through your system as you danced, not caring who saw you. The crowd around you blurred into the background, the flashing lights casting everything in almost a surreal glow. The DJ was pumping out track after track, each one pushed the energy higher. 

Then, without warning, you felt an arm wrap around you. Turning, you came face to face with him again. His beer was replaced by a new one, and the same grin tugged at his lips. 

“I wasn’t done with you. I was just getting started.” he said, his voice low and almost raspy. 

You raised an eyebrow, not sure if you were flattered or annoyed. “What does that even mean?” 

Lando’s grin only widened, and he took another step closer. “It means, darling, that I think you’ve been ignoring me for far too long.” 

The simple sentences, spoken so casually, spent a spark of heat right through you. You bit your lip to keep from reacting too obviously, but the tension in the air was palatable.

“I’m not ignoring you,” you said, playing it cool, though the way your heart was racing told a different story. “You’re just not as interesting as you think you are.”

Before you could speak again, you felt his lips crash into yours. You were caught off guard at first, not expecting him to make the move then and there. Lando was intense, wanting to know all of you instantly. But as quickly as he had control, he lost it. He got lost in you, allowing for you to take over.

Your hands found their way to his jaw, fingers threaded through his hair as you pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. It was raw, and unstrained, an electrifying push and pull that left you breathless. 

Lando groaned softly, his breath hitching as you took the lead, a grin playing at the corners of your lips when you felt the slight tremor in his body. He wasn’t expecting this - he was used to being in control. 

But now, as your lips moved against his with increased urgency, it was clear that the tables had turned. His hands, once firm on your waist, now roamed relentlessly, as if trying to regain some semblance of power. You could feel the struggle within him, the way he fought to take control again, but you weren’t having it. 

You pushed him back slightly, breaking the kiss just long enough to catch your breath. His eyes were darker now, full of desire and a flicker of challenge. “Can’t handle it?” he asked, a smirk forming on his lips 

“If that’s what you want to think” you replied before you disappeared back into the crowd of people that managed to fit into your house, leaving Lando with the remnants of your smudged lipstick on his face. 

You saw Lando again a few weeks later, but this time in a nightclub out in Singapore. The lights flashed in sync with the beat, the bass reverberated in your chest as you moved through the crowded dance floor. It was a completely different scene from the house party, yet Lando still managed to find his way to you. 

The two of you had been texting off and on, but not nearly enough for you to expect him to know where you were. But there he was, surrounded by a few other drivers that you couldn’t name, the same uber confident smirk on his lips. 

But the moment you caught his eyes, the smirk faltered for a moment, briefly being replaced by furrowed brows. The smirk returned instantly, but you definitely caught the slip. 

Lando didn’t waste a second as he cut through the sea of people effortlessly. The moment he reached you, the noise of the nightclub seemed to fade, the beat of the music thumping in the background as everything else fell away. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at him. 

“We must stop meeting like this.” you teased, shaking your head slightly 

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Lando asked, his smirk ever wavering as he leaned in slightly. “Besides, I wouldn’t wanna leave a charming woman like you alone and helpless.” 

You raised an eyebrow, the teasing tone lingered in your voice as you took a sip from your drink. “You’re really starting to enjoy this, aren’t you?” 

Lando chuckled, that glint of mischief never left his eyes. “You have no idea.” He glanced over your shoulder, seemingly scanning the crowd before focusing back on you. “What are you doing in Singapore anyway?” 

You tilted your head, pondering his question, “A bit of fun, a bit of escape.” you said, messing with the straw in your drink. “And you?” 

He shrugged nonchalantly, taking a step closer to you. “Just work. Wrapped up the weekend yesterday, but we all wanted to stay a few extra days.” he explained “Can’t say I expected to run into you here though.” 

You smirked, watching him carefully. “Right, you were just hoping for it.” 

His grin widened at your boldness, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth. “Maybe. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit, I’ve been trying to figure out how long it would take for us to cross paths again.” 

As you took in his confession, the smirk on your lips widened. You had him right where you wanted him. Lando’s confidence, the way he seemed so sure of himself, was usually enough to keep people on edge, but right now, just like it had back at your house, only fueled your amusement. He was enamored by you, drunk on not only the liquid in his cup, but on you. 

Your arms crossed over your chest, careful not to spill the drink in your hands. “Well you certainly have a knack for finding me, don’t you?” 

Lando’s gaze softened for a moment, the playful smirk fading into something more genuine. “Guess I know where to look.” 

Before you could respond, he offered a hand. “Finish your drink, let’s get out of here.” he insisted 

You glanced at the drink before looking back at the Brit in front of you. You knew what he wanted, and honestly, you wanted it too. So, you poured the liquid down your throat, ignoring the burn that came with it, and took his hand out into the streets of Singapore. 

Lando expected to wake up with you, the two of you tangled in sheets and memories from the night before. After all, that’s how it happened when he stayed the night at your place a mere few weeks ago.

But his eyes snapped open to the sound of the slam of a door. He shot up, the bed empty, but sheets still warm next to him. 

His heart sank for a moment, confusion mingled with a twinge of disappointment. The room was quiet, save for the faint hum of the city outside and the music still echoing in his mind. 

The floor was cold under his bare feet as he stood and walked around the cramped hotel room, looking for any trace of you. But there was nothing. Your clothes had been picked up off the floor, and the McLaren t-shirt he had given you to sleep in was nowhere to be found. 

“Fucking whore.” he muttered as he realized what you had done.

And that’s how it went for the next few months. The two of you would somehow run into each other, leaving with him as the night ended, only to leave his place before the sun rose in the morning. And no matter what Lando said under his breath about you when he woke to an empty bed, you knew he’d always be coming back for more. 

The first time you saw Lando and neither of you took the other home was in New York. 

You were there for work, or at least be the Hilton family representative at all of their executive meetings, as your father was busy doing the same out in London. In between the long, boring meetings, you found yourself tapping through social media, ultimately ending up on Lando’s Instagram story. 

The photo was of Lady Liberty, with the simple location tag carelessly slapped on it. Based on the angle, you could tell it was taken on the New York side of the bay, most likely from Battery Park.

You don’t know what came over you, but you opened your text messages, and typed in Lando’s name. You stared at your phone for a moment, unsure of what you were doing. It had been a while since you last saw Lando, and while you had been fine with keeping it that way, now that you two were in the same city, the urge to see him again crept in. 

You quickly typed out a message, second guessing yourself with every word.

You: you’re in town? How long?

You pressed send before you could talk yourself out of it, your finger hovered over the screen as you waited for a reply. You didn’t expect an immediate response, but a part of you was eager to hear from him, to see if he’d bite. 

Seconds later, your phone buzzed. You glanced at the screen, a smirk playing on your lips as you read his response. 

Lando: til friday. Might need a tour guide for the rest of the week. 

You paused, considering your options. It was the last day full of meetings, and you had no places to be until next week, giving you plenty of time to show Lando around the vast city. But did you actually want to. 

You: send me your hotel address. I’ll pick you up at 11am tomorrow

You weren’t surprised to find that he was staying at the Hilton in Midtown, thankfully only a few blocks away from Central Park - taking a taxi or the subway with a famous athlete never ended well. 

When you arrived at the hotel, you spotted Lando standing in front of the revolving doors, looking very much like himself in a hoodie and sunglasses, his usual smirk plastered on his face. The second he saw you, the same cocky grin appeared. 

“You actually showed up.” he teased, arching an eyebrow as you approached 

You rolled your eyes, but a smile formed on your lips. “I’m not that unpredictable” 

Lando raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. “I beg to differ” 

“Whatever” you mumbled 

You led Lando through the bustling streets of the city. This place was a part of you, you knew it like the back of your hand. As you walked, you pointed out the places in the city that you held a little closer to your heart, the little corners of the city that tourists passed by with no thought.

“So this place,” you said, pointing to a hole in the wall Japanese restaurant, “serves the best ramen, and they’re open incredibly late. It’s a perfect spot or dinner or after a night out” 

Lando glanced over at the restaurant, eyeing the neon sign above the door. “I guess I’ll have to check it out sometime.” 

You continued down the streets, pointing out the bodega you go to religiously to cure your hangovers, and the coffee shop you stop at when you need a pick me up before meetings. 

Eventually, the two of you found your way to Central Park, specifically to the boathouse. After paying to rent a boat, you made your way down to the shore. 

“A rowboat?” Lando asked skeptically 

You smirked as you handed him an oar, leaning back against the edge of the boat with a casual air. “What, you’re afraid of a little manual labor?” 

Lando shook his head before taking the oar in his hands. “I just wasn’t expecting something so calm from you.” 

You raised an eyebrow at him, settling into the boat and adjusting your own oar. “There’s more to me than you know” you said, your tone playful.

The sounds of the bustling city faded away as you rowed out to the middle of the lake, leaving you, Lando, and your thoughts. Conversation with him wasn’t the worst, but as you spent more time with him, you could see the water in the floorboards start to trickle in.  

You had no problem with Lando’s confidence - it was the thing that drew you in in the first place - but it had a tendency to tip into arrogance, and that was something you didn’t tolerate. Maybe it was because you weren’t a stranger to that kind of behavior. You’d been surrounded by it your whole life. Whether it was your father’s business dealings, or the people who ran in your circle, self-assurance often crossed the line into entitlement. 

And so, instead of taking him to that Japanese place you had mentioned earlier, you walked him back to his hotel. You stopped in front of the doors you had met at hours earlier, and Lando faced you, his hands stuffed casually in his pockets. 

“Well,” he began, his grin reappearing. “I guess this is where I leave you.” 

You nodded, taking a step back as you gave him a small smile. “Guess so. You don’t need a tour guide anymore.” 

Lando chuckled, the light sound of it echoed in the space between you. “Maybe not. But you’re not as bad as I thought.”

Ouch. 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” you asked, masking your hurt with amusement. 

“Maybe,” Lando said with a shrug, his voice much lighter than yours. “But I’m still figuring you out.” 

You met his gaze, steady and unflinching. He was never going to figure you out. “Good luck with that.”

There was a long pause, and for a moment, you almost expected him to say something more, something that would tip the scale between this complicated, almost-friendship and whatever else had been simmering under the surface. But he didn’t. 

Instead, Lando flashed that trademark grin. “I guess I’ll see you around.” 

You nodded, your own smirk playing on your lips. “Maybe. Take care, Lando.” 

With that, you turned and walked away, not looking back as you heard him call out your name once more. The door to the hotel clicked shut behind you, and you found yourself standing on the sidewalk, the sounds of the city closing in once more. 

The last time you ever saw Lando was in Las Vegas. 

It had been a few months since New York, and in the time between, you hadn’t spoken much. Sure, there were a few messages here and there, the occasional “how are you” or drunk “wish you were here” texts, but nothing meaningful. You kept yourself occupied with the next guy you had chosen, some up-and-coming actor no one really knew the name of. 

You were in Vegas for a friend’s birthday, and your group had been bouncing from casino to casino letting your money and the night run wild. 

It was late when you saw him - at a bar on the Strip, a neon-lit, smoke-saturated lounge tucked away in the back of a casino. The crowd was loud, music pounding through the floor, but Lando was easy to spot. Even in the haze of the flashing lights, his smirk was unmistakable. He was leaning against the bar, surrounded by a few faces from Formula 1 that you still couldn’t name if you tried. 

When he saw you, the world around you seemed to pause for a second. His eyes found yours, a flicker of recognition flashing before that stupid fucking smirk retured, like he had been expecting you the whole time. 

Though, as easy as it was to meet his eyes, it was easier to tear your gaze away from them. 

You looked away quickly, engulfing yourself back into the conversation you were having with your friends about the worst name to give a child. Even though your back was turned to him, you could feel his eyes still on you, piercing through you like daggers. 

Your friend made some remark that made your laugh, but it felt hollow. You could sense him closing the distance between you, even though the crowd still swirled around you like an endless blur. 

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” a voice broke through 

You didn’t need to turn to know it was him. You’d recognize that cocky tone anywhere. Slowly, you glanced over your shoulder, just enough to meet his gaze without letting the full weight of his presence hit you all at once. 

His smirk softened just a fraction when your eyes locked. “Thought you were avoiding me” he added, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the music. 

You forced a shrug, turning back to your friends. “I’m just here with some friends.” 

Lando didn’t move. You could feel his eyes lingering on the back of your neck, the weight of them familiar, too familiar. It was almost suffocating, the way he managed to make you feel like the only person in the room, even in the midst of a crowd that seemed to pulse with life. 

“Right,” he drawled, the mischievous smile never quite leaving his face. “Just here for the party, huh?” 

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes as you tried to focus back on your group. They were still talking, but your mind was clearly somewhere else. You could feel the tension between you building, thick and unspoken, and it was making you restless. 

“Look,” you said, finally turning to face him fully. “It’s been a while, alright? I’m just not in the mood for all… this.” You waved a hand in his general direction. 

Lando’s smirk flickered for a second, but he didn’t seem bothered. If anything, he seemed to find your discomfort amusing, which only made the knot in your chest tighten. He was putty in your hand, but he wasn’t something you wanted to play with anymore. The need to have you in his arms made you nauseous. 

“I get it,” he said, his voice quieter now, more subdued. “But you’re still not gonna pretend like we don’t have unfinished business, are you?” 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you took in his words. “There’s nothing unfinished between us, Lando.” 

For a second, the playful air between you two dropped, replaced by something heavier. His lips parted, like he was going to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he leaned in just a fraction. When he finally decided what to say, his voice lowered, as if you two were the only ones in the room. 

“Is that so?” he said, the question hanging in the air, sharp and loaded. 

You weren’t going to do this. Not here, in the middle of the bar. So, you grabbed his hand, and dragged him to a hallway away from the noise and the lights. When you got to the hallway, Lando’s smirk returned, expecting you to make a move now. 

“You don’t get to decide what’s unfinished” you spoke instead, trying to keep your voice firm. 

“But what if I think we do?” he asked, his tone now tinged with something more sincere. It was subtle, but you could hear it. A hint of something almost vulnerable. “I don’t know about you, but I haven’t forgotten what happened between us.” 

“Yeah, well,” you began, keeping your eyes locked on his. “I’ve moved on. I’m not… whatever that was. I had a fun few months, but that’s all it was, just a few months.” you admitted, the words felt a weight being lifted as they came out of your mouth. 

You watched as Lando’s face dropped, for the first time in a while, the smirk that was usually on his lips was nowhere to be found. The silence between you two was overwhelming as he took in your words. You almost walked out then and there, needing to be taken away by the alcohol and music around the corner, but your feet wouldn’t budge. 

“You really believe that?” he asked softly, his voice almost disbelieving, the cocky bravado slipping further away. “You think we were just… a few months?” 

You swallowed hard, your heart beating a little faster, but you held firm. It was never easy to let go of them. No matter how many times you bolted, it was still hard to say goodbye. But you knew that the feeling of fresh air and freedom outweighed the suffocation of staying. 

“Yeah” you said, the words coming out with more conviction than you felt. “I do.” 

And with that, you picked your feet up, and walked away. You let the smoke and neon lights greet you like an old friend as you returned to the bar, your friends still in the same place as where you left them. 

“I have the best story for you guys” you said, excitement filled your voice as you returned to the group.

“Is it another one about a boy?” one of your friends teased

“Maybe…” 

[amorre1989]

strange visit and a date night

pairing: Spencer Reid; reader; Derek Morgan

word count: 3,8k

story?: After Spencer runs to the grocery store to buy some things to have a date night with you, but, to surprise of both of you, agent Derek Morgan suddenly shows up at his door.

"alright so, eggs, flour, garlic, wine and tomato sauce, is that it?" he asks checking on the list you just gave him.

"perfect" you answer smiling.

"alright, I'll be back in a second" he says, kissing you softly while holding the back of your head gently. You smiled and let him get out of his own apartment. While waiting for him, you decided to do a little cleaning, you had already become a master in "Spencer Reid's ethics for deep cleaning a house", so cleaning the way he likes was easy as pi (as he would say).

While you were trying to get rid of a stain of sauce from a plate you heard a knock, honestly you just walked to the door you didn't even think about the knock not being Spence, so you opened it. There, standing in front of you, was a dark skin man, very tall and ripped, and bald.

You smiled and he looked surprised.

"uhm, I'm sorry, I think I got mixed with the numbers..." he said, checking again the number of the door. "mhm..weird"

"are you looking for Spencer Reid?" you asked, then you saw his face changing from confusion to super confusion.

"I am, yes"

"this is his apartment, he went grocery shopping"

"are you?...staying with him? or are you maybe being tutored or something?" "tutored?" you thought.

"no, I'm his... something" you said, you haven't discussed it yet...so it would be better to just leave it there.

He burst out laughing and held himself in the doorframe, you smiled, thinking it was funny.

"sorry, are you his friend?" you asked

"I'm Morgan, yes, I work with him" he said exchanging hands with you.

"oh!" now it all made sense "yes! of course, he always talks about you, come in please, if you wanna wait for him"

"I do! yes, thank you baby".

You closed the door and waited together for Spence while sipping coffee and chatting, being interrogated too "how'd you too meet?, how long have you been seeing each other?, do you live together?, why hasn't he said anything before?". So many questions you didn't know how far you could answer.

Then, you hear the sound of the keys opening the door.

"inflation is crazy, and old women should learn to calm down, that woman thought I wanted her stupid cat sand and we don't even-" he stood still, observing the image, you, his now 6 month old not girlfriend, and his womanizer attractive coworker, sitting on his couch together while apparently have been drinking the coffee he bought for you.

"hey pretty boy" says Morgan smiling "you didn't tell me you have a girlfriend"

"I uhm...what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to ask you if you- don't avoid my question!" he says standing up, are they gonna fight?, no, he'll finish Spence.

"it's private" he says leaving the bags and looking at you, you just smile, agreeing, it is private...well not so much because everyone knows but it's not like it's official.

"would you like to stay for dinner?" you ask.

"no!" shouts Spence from the kitchen, you and Morgan look at each other and chuckle.

"no, we had a date night planned" he says coming back to you both.

"alright, alright, I'll leave you too alone then...I came because I wanted to ask you where you buy your clothes, I need to wear something like your shirts to an event" he says.

"I'll send you the info later...just leave" he says pushing him out of the house, you laugh.

"goodbye princess" he says and you wave at him.

Spencer closes the door behind him standing with Morgan at the hallway.

"that's a pretty one you have there" says Morgan smiling

"she is, yeah, she's beautiful" Spencer says blushing

"why didn't you tell me?" Morgan asks

"it's just...I wanted to check this was real and not insignificant before saying anything"

"are you gonna ask her to be your girlfriend?" he smiles, he thinks Spence is such a girlfriend dude.

"I will...yeah, but I need to confirm she wants me to be her boyfriend first" he says

"I bet she'll say yes...so, date night huh?". Spence nods "what will your dessert be?" he asks laughing, Spence blushes but smiles and pushes him towards the elevator.

He waves goodbye to Morgan from outside the elevator and then comes back to you (as usual).

When he opens the door you're the first thing to his sight, taking out the groceries.

"so inflation is crazy?" you ask getting closer.

"yeah, and old ladies" he says pouting. "this was horrible, I never imagined Morgan would come to our house".

You smile at the sound of "our" house.

"let's start cooking for our super fun date night" you say and kiss him.

After Morgan leaves, you too start to cook. Tonight's menu is pasta! which you both love, now you're teaching him how to play with the seasonings and discover new flavors, you've made that since you got into Spencer's life, teach him how to experience, not only in cooking, in sports, your culture, places, and a lot of things Spencer always brought up when talking to the team unconsciously.

Now he's chopping garlic next to you, while you open the tomato bottle and pour it in the pot.

"you know? garlic is a great cleaner for the liver, in women it can help with vaginal infections, bloating from menstruation, it can even help the blood flow and It can help reduce bad cholesterol and triglycerides, and increase good cholesterol" he says while putting the garlic into the pot, you smile and kiss his cheek.

"good for me then, how about for you?"

"Garlic may help reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, strengthen the immune system, as it contains antiviral, antibacterial and antioxidant properties, It can help fight skin infections, such as athlete's foot and ringworm, as well as intestinal infections" he says smiling at you.

"sounds good, we should eat lots of garlic then" you say and kiss his cheek. He smiles and blushes and starts to chop some carrots and meat. You open the cabinet and give him another board for the meat, then you open the drawer and give him another knife.

"different knives and boards baby" you say while taking the pasta from another cabinet.

"right" he says, not in a bad mood though, in a way that shows he understands and listens to you.

When the pasta finishes cooking you mix it with the sauce together, then you both set the table and he runs to the living room.

You take a peek but you aren't able to see anything besides the door, then he puts a red candle on the center of the table and lights it on, you smile and he smiles.

"how prepared" you say teasingly.

He smiles and kisses you, so sweet and comfortable, his lips are where yours should be stored always.

You have dinner discussing a book you read together and how pretty both of you look tonight.

"your friend Morgan's cool" you say.

"yeah, he's funny" he says. You wipe a stain of sauce from his lips and he smiles, almost spitting the pasta from his mouth as you laugh, then he laughs along.

"you make me nervous..." he mumbles looking down at his plate.

"why?" you ask giggling.

"you just do" he says smiling, he leans and kisses you.

After dinner comes dessert, which was shared ice cream while laying on the couch watching a movie, you interrogate him with questions like "what would you do if..., or what do you prefer?..." which makes him laugh but think.

That's your night, those are your nights, as usual, filled with love and laughs, while he strokes the skin he's able to reach. Once he told you he was a germophobe, now you can't believe it because how can Spence, the man that's all day with his hands on you, when you cook, when you get dressed, when you're brushing your teeth at the same time, when you're sleeping, even unconsciously, be a germophobe?.

Soft strokes on your bare leg, his index finger stroking your thighs, then your calves that he pulled on his thighs, then kisses, kisses on your legs which he says he loves so much. Suddenly he's above you, soft kisses from the ice cream and the warmness from his skin covered in a shirt.

You can hear the credits of the now finished movie, but that's not something that's gonna be the principal of your attention, you focus on his lips on yours, on your neck, then on the feeling of his fingers brushing against your skin while unbuttoning your shirt to after feeling him kissing and licking your chest, you focus on thinking about how he's leaving marks on you that say "Spencer was here". Morgan was right, you were gonna be the dessert afterwards.

[fitzjamesbulletwound]

if you ever wanted to hear my every thought on fitzier you're in luck because here it is! this is extremely long so it's going under the cut and if you read it all, i love you

fitzier- shame, performance, and the freeing ordeal of being known 

oh man okay here we go everyone, if this sucks or is too stupid or too anything feel free to kill me

essentially what i want to try to convey here is that the reason crozier and fitzjames go from enemies to friends to lovers is because they both see each other and see themselves in each other in a way that frightens and compels them, hence the early enmity with a tinge of familiarity and desperation to connect thrown in. with the inevitable evolution of their relationship i really think it becomes about learning to be vulnerable with one another, to give each other space to be who they need to be, both to each other and their subordinates, and finally coming to a point where fitzjames, the most performative insecure character in the story (to me), bares his entire soul to crozier, whose own character development allows him to give james the gift of acceptance and compassion in that moment. i’m not going to go episode by episode like i did with my joplittle post but this is more or less in chronological order with maybe a few exceptions idk i get possessed when i write this stuff

the first scene we’ve got to look at is of course the dinner scene. james is absolutely showboating like no other in this scene but in his body language you can see he isn’t confident at all- fidgeting, gesturing, exaggerating, the voice he tends to put on in early episodes prevalent. but when crozier interrupts him you can see for a split second that james was actually excited to get attention from him until he realizes what he’s saying. in the early episodes james craves crozier’s attention and approval so badly because he knows that crozier doesn’t bullshit and he sees things for what they are and isn’t afraid to voice that either and despite the fact that this sometimes makes james uncomfortable as it is not in line with victorian ideals of emotional expression and masculinity, i think james, given the kind of man he is at the start of the story, craves the recognition of a man who he knows would see everything in him. early early early foreshadowing and story weaving for the cairn scene where he realizes “he can tell this man anything. it is possible”

what i also find fascinating about early james and francis is that they still refer to one another in a very familiar way despite the fact that they openly dislike each other- it’s always first name basis even when they’re arguing. also interesting to note that crozier in the beginning will often call him “fitzjames” in front of others when he’s discussing him when he’s not in the room, but later on he makes sure to always use his proper title when he’s talking about him in front of the men- showing james respect even when he dislikes him. i think he doesn’t understand at the time that james’s familiarity with him is an attempt at respect as well (the whole ‘don’t ever call me francis again’ scene). it might be a stretch but i do get the sense that from the very beginning they both tried at being friendly, even just for the sake of maintaining order in command.

when francis says “here technology still bends the knee to luck james” in ep 1 he says it with almost a mentor-like cadence. like yeah they’re both being a little bitchy here but god knows franklin wasn’t giving fitzjames any real or pertinent advice about surviving and navigating the fucking arctic so i find it interesting that crozier almost gently reminds him that yeah they’re making decent progress but that it would be foolish to let their guard down

one of my favorite early fitzier scenes is after dinner when crozier, franklin, and fitzjames are all on deck and fitzjames like sidles up to crozier and looks him up and down and just goes “goodnight francis” with that smirk on his face- he was trying so hard to flirt with him while also being an insufferable bitch with “try to shake the brown study”. but also james lingers so long waiting for francis to say something to him and then shakes his head and walks away to go bitch to franklin about him- i think he is truly hurt in this instance along with being angry and annoyed. and i love that complication because on one hand, i do think that fitzjames thinks that crozier owes him friendship or at the very least recognition because of who james believes himself to be, or at least who he’s trying to be- like he DOES probably see crozier as being beneath him as an irishman but i do think he genuinely wants his friendship and approval as well, for self serving reasons but not entirely. it’s about fitzjames and his desire to be seen by everyone around him in a certain light but also about his desire to be seen specifically by crozier because of who crozier is and how he acts in contrast to everyone else around them

next on the agenda is “dramatic opening shot”... fitzjames girl you are the most dramatic man in the fucking room. the projection is crazy. what this scene reveals most importantly i think is that another thing about francis that james is secretly very envious of is his ability to openly disagree with franklin. there are so many moments later on where you can see that james doesn’t fully believe in what franklin is saying or commanding (the way he looks at him when they realize they are trapped in the pack, the ways he looks at him when he tells fitzjames to escort silna off of erebus right after her father has died) and i think that he envies francis’s ability to challenge franklin and not care what the consequences are. anyway the staredown during this scene is crazy, the tension??

moving on… beginning of ep 1 crozier says “not if fitzjames is with us” in reference to jop saying dinner will be over before he knows it, and at the beginning of ep 2 fitzjames says “do you think francis will honor us with his presence today”- for two people who allegedly hate each other they sure do think about each other and find reasons to bring each other up in conversation a lot! 

ahh the scene with silna’s father- fitzjames is so interesting to me in this scene and really illustrates one of my favorite things about him in the earlier episodes which is that when he goes silent his face journeys are amazing and really convey his true feelings that he won’t say out loud for various reasons. he watches crozier so much in this scene and looks to him for understanding and guidance which is also interesting because i do think that in this scene he’s watching silna, a woman who he probably sees as subhuman and alien, reacting with such grief and tenderness to her father’s death and probably thinking of his relationship with his own father. i know a lot of people speculate that he was just feeling empathy for her there and i do think that’s part of it but i think that to show that in his mind would be to out himself as being “not fully english”. i think i make this point later on in the story too but fitzjames really does that classic white supremacist thing of distancing yourself from “otherness” in order to align yourself with imperialist beliefs and status- he does it with silna and he does it with crozier. sorry this is also turning into my fitzjames character study lol.

the scene where crozier walks out after his big blow up with franklin… i get that james really didn’t have any place to try to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping but i find it so interesting that he decides to turn to face francis and look him directly in the eye. from what we can see of his expression i personally think there was at least a small amount of sympathy there. another attempt to extend friendship and familiarity while actively participating in crozier’s humiliation… god i hate him lol. and the face that james is making when francis first walks out before he turns around is contemplative, not like smug or triumphant or anything like we might expect given how much he seems to dislike crozier at this point. and francis looking back at him… there’s no anger there, just sadness and humiliation and it sucks. i would truly do anything to be able to see james’s face there, in the script it says that crozier can tell how much james heard from the look on his face which like??? could mean so much.

okay the face journey when francis walks into the erebus wardroom after sir john dies… his eyes stay on fitzjames who’s obviously extremely distraught and i wonder if crozier has ever seen fitzjames show genuine emotion up until this point? crozier then looks to blanky, who also looks to fitzjames almost as if to say “look at him, attend to him” and the sorrow and vulnerability on francis’s face when he looks again to james who is of course also showing a vulnerability we haven’t seen from him before. i love the note in the script that fitzjames isn’t used to being this candid or vulnerable in front of a man he doesn’t respect but he does it anyway. and i don’t think he knows how much sympathy crozier does have for him despite how callous he may come across when he says to send out the rescue parties. they both just fail so spectacularly at communication and expression early on, it’s crazy to see

when francis begins reading from the eulogy and stumbles over his words fitzjames gives him a very sharp look… i think he clocks his alcoholism starting to really affect him right away but may also be looking to see if the stumble is due to emotion or the alcohol. ugh and the look he gives him at the end too… it’s so piercing and there’s an anger to it as well. almost a “please prove me wrong but i don’t believe at this point that you will”. because for better or worse now they are linked, intertwined, married and they have to find a way to make it work.

ohhhh the fitzier dinner scene my beloved… “as i climbed the ridge” is such a parallel to james’s chinese sniper story scene!! AND this time it’s fitzjames who derisively interrupts crozier. The parallels, the callbacks… the look he gives fitzjames is crazy when fitzjames says “you should curb that for now” but what i find the most interesting about this scene is that the script makes a point to say that fitzjames was being sincere when he said that to crozier- there is care and concern there underneath the frustration and anger. and then it’s also wild that in that moment, fitzjames clearly reminds crozier of sophia. the way the narrative almost shifts to replace crozier’s love interest (sophia) with his burgeoning relationship with fitzjames is soooooo. i just love this scene because they are both trying so hard to be vulnerable and open with one another but they are both failing so spectacularly just like in the scene after sir john dies. they don’t have the respect and rapport between them yet to back up what they desperately want from each other- a connection. a camaraderie. leadership and capability. fitzjames tries to be sincere in his concern for francis but it is overshadowed by his frustration and anger towards what he views to be a sour outlook from crozier, and crozier attempts to be vulnerable with james by sharing about sophia only to be met with the knowledge that franklin has humiliated him yet again by discussing that topic with other people aboard the ship. and i think fitzjames does truly pity francis in that moment but it also frustrates him that that is the reason he’s here, for love, not for a yearning for adventure or glory- which i would venture to say is why fitzjames is there. fitzjames went on the expedition to prove his worth and francis went for love and they both ended up finding exactly those things from one another i’m dead.

oh and also why the fuck does fitzjames arch his slutty back against the wall when francis walks out of the room like that one scene in hannibal y’all know what i’m talking about. okay and i forgot about the way fitzjames jabs his finger at francis all up in his personal space which is just so unlike him. it is also worth noting that francis doesn’t get angry at this- he actually stills for a second and then continues to tell james what he was going to tell him. again there’s that strange familiarity they have despite the fact that they hate each other at this point. and that’s to say nothing of how they’re sitting in the first place which is so close to each other idk it just seems a little crazy to me?

i also find it so so interesting how james chooses to be honest with francis once he accidentally reveals that franklin discussed the whole sophia thing with him- he could’ve deflected and said like “oh yeah he mentioned it in passing’ or something like that but he chose to tell francis the truth of the conversation! francis really brings out an honest and candid side to james that we don’t see him put on for anyone else and i think it’s because deep down he knows that no matter how shitty, francis is always going to respect being told the truth vs. all of the obfuscating language that is so typical of the time. i think this is also why in the next episode francis insists that everyone leaves after he punches fitzjames and fitzjames is very resigned to it as well- they both know that it’s going to be ugly but they both want to hash out the truth of the situation for better or worse- like yeah they are at each other’s throats and they want the catharsis of screaming at each other because they’re so mad at each other here but i also think they crave honesty and candidness in their interactions- james because he feels like a fake and francis because it’s his nature- but both because it’s what they want from each other. and back to the dinner scene- just another look of genuine hurt from fitzjames when crozier says “keep your pity” plus the whole reason crozier even says that- i don’t think he expects pity from anyone at this point and doesn’t know how to respond to it.

in the scene where fitzjames says they should question silna about the creature crozier makes a point to say he agrees with him- he does this a couple of different times throughout the show and i think it’s a very small but important detail about how even when they aren’t on the best terms he makes sure to show james respect in front of the officers. and like yeah they end up yelling at each other here but i think that’s more james’s grief showing (again he shows emotion in front of/because of francis) and francis’s stress showing as well- that “we’re all exhausted” is very aimed at james but also an attempt to explain his own state of mind. they’re trying!!!!

the lashing scene- i don’t think we’ve ever seen fitzjames actually afraid of crozier but he definitely is here. he’s clenching his hands so hard throughout the whole scene and he keeps glancing at crozier as he allows the lashing to go on and even nervously gulps at one point. i think this along with crozier’s worsening addiction is a huge catalyst for where we find them and their dynamic in ep 5.

and speaking of which- at the beginning of the episode you can really see how their communication has just completely broken down. edward is basically bridging the gap between them and the resentment is growing. i know that the alcoholism is part of it, we can only assume that fitzjames started to keep his distance once he could tell it was getting bad, but i also think a lot of this is fall out from the lashing and how it affected the way fitzjames felt about crozier as stated earlier. and another aspect of the widening gap between fitzjames and crozier is how erebus is the very picture of order while terror is literally and figuratively falling apart 

the fact that fitzjames told collins to watch out for crozier running out of alcohol on terror is further evidence that fitzjames was around a bit to witness crozier’s alcoholism getting really bad and isolated himself after that. he’s angry but he knows it was coming

ugh man the fight scene- the fact that james came himself, alone, to terror to talk to francis as a friend (straight from his own mouth in the script of their argument) about the alcohol issue. even though james is furious and stressed and shouldering the whole expedition, he still attempts to care for francis, it just ends up blowing up in his face and that’s when he lashes out. the way he says “francis” at first before crozier freaks out on him is in such a sincere and gentle tone and just the fucking genuine hurt in his face and his tone of voice when francis tells him to never call him by his first name again. fitzjames cared when francis was at his fucking lowest but still held him responsible and that’s love baby.

the body language is crazy when they’re yelling at each other or i guess when fitzjames is reading francis lol- and the way crozier can’t take his eyes off fitzjames when he’s telling everyone to get out. he’s so ready for this fucking throw down because both of them have been holding this in for so long. crozier is amped up but fitzjames is resigned to finally getting it all out in the open. he wants it to happen and he knows it needs to. even after getting punched in the mouth by him (i don’t think it’s any accident that fitzjames literally bears a scar from that punch and that it comes back open when he’s dying of scurvy) fitzjames still calmly tells everyone yes get out and says what he needs to say. i love the transcript of their argument because it’s so brutal but it really illustrates a kind of fucked up intimacy that we aren’t 100% privy to between them. crozier knows exactly what to say to james to hurt him- telling him he doesn’t have friends, he has admirers and that james has always been mad that he isn’t one, that james is a coward despite the fact that james is facing this down no matter what it takes in order to literally save crozier’s life; and james knows that all he can do is soldier through and lay the truth of what is happening on francis in a way no one else has dared to except for silna minutes before. james really goes out of his comfort zone- being honest and sincere and vulnerable for the sake of the expedition but also for francis. and i’m reading this back and wondering if i’m being too generous to james here but tbh he had every right to be this angry at francis at this point in the story! 

ha fitzjames walks into the “i need to dry out meeting” looking all submissive and contrite… but for real his face is so open and entreating in this scene. he’s still annoyed but he wants so badly for things to go right. and you can see in francis’s expression that he is so ashamed to have to ask him 

mmm and part of fitzjames coming to love and respect crozier is seeing jopson’s devotion to him in this scene… he’s never seen crozier be admired the way franklin was and i think this is a whole new way for him to see him. and just in general here i think that james “reshuffles everything he thought about the man” and he admires crozier for the way he put his humility and vulnerability in front of him finally and admitted to his wrongs, something i also don’t think franklin would ever do and didn’t ever do, to his and the entire crew’s demise. fitzjames followed franklin and looked up to him in the pursuit of his own vanity and the narrative he tells himself to cover the shame, but he learns to respect and love francis because he watches his evolution as a captain and as a man without any of the obfuscating that he’s used to from authority figures. he watches francis claw his way out of his own shame, the shame that drives him forward and i wonder what kind of ideas that gave fitzjames and how it influenced his own decision to share everything about his past with francis later

what i love about the opening scene of ep 6 is that we see how fitzjames’s leadership has been influenced by franklin and francis but specifically how he is acting more like francis- he does do a little bit of the whole “how dare you bring up anything unpleasant” thing when he yells at jirv for mentioning the number of men and when he does the whole “oh it’s just winter, we’ll feel better with the first sunrise, encourage the men with that” thing but it’s interesting because although we’re hearing echoes of franklin here, fitzjames is still trying to be more honest and open to feedback than franklin was. he doesn’t exactly take jirv’s advice on rationing but he does ration a bit. he is doing the whole toxic positivity thing with his “use that to encourage the men” line but he is also recognizing how hard everything has been for everyone and using an actual tangible event to lift spirits rather than referring to meaningless bullshit about god and country. and the simple fact that he seeks blanky’s advice and knowledge is more than sir john would ever have done in a scenario like this. he understands from blanky’s story about ross that he himself hasn’t been doing enough to combat the horror of their situation for the men, he understands that he must do more. even the way he asks ‘what do you mean’ when blanky says ross had no sympathy for the ill. to not care for the ill is an alien concept to him. tt’s so interesting because fitzjames occupies a space not dissimilar to francis’s- he has access and power in the hierarchy of the discovery service but, within his own mind, he is still an outsider. crozier on the other hand is a visible and tangible outsider due to his birth and his nationality. everyone can see it and i think that’s also part of why fitzjames is so antagonistic towards francis in the beginning- the projection goes crazy and in the true spirit of colonialism and white supremacy, james believes that if he can make himself as far apart from someone like francis as possible and align himself with men like franklin and barrow despite sharing way more similarities with francis than he does with them, he can succeed in upholding himself as the vision of victorian masculinity and social worthiness that he so desperately tries to emulate- this is what i was thinking about during the scene with silna’s father where he’s reluctant to fully show his (partial) sympathy to her

the line from the script that kills me is when it says a clock has begun for fitzjames once he discovers the blood in his hair… god it kills me, he knew he was dying for months. for literal months and who knows if he even told anyone but… i do think he had to have told francis at some point. it makes me so sick, it’s literally why the cairn walk scene happens- he knew he was dying, he knew it and one of the last things he wanted before he died was for someone to see him, truly see him flaws and mistakes and vanity and all before he died. and he wanted that person to be francis

gotta include the scene where james tells edward that francis was right about walking out- this is a huge turning point from ep 1

it’s so funny that when crozier and fitzjames see each other at carnival you can tell james is like “oh shit i’m in trouble” but crozier is just slightly amused seeing him like that and even though he finds the carnival strange and sees how reckless it was, he doesn’t chide james or the men about it even though that’s cleary what james is expecting. crozier empathizes with their longing for home and their need to do something happy and uses that momentum to tell the men about walking out and doing his best to reassure them about their chances. the way fitzjames looks up at him and nods along with him- i don’t think we’ve seen fitzjames look at him like that yet up until this point. he is seeing francis for who he can be as a competent captain and we are seeing crozier really step into that role. i also think that francis was relieved that fitzjames saw the urgency in walking out and that he wasn’t going to have to convince him the way he would’ve had to convince franklin. their leadership is finally syncing up here, built on humility (francis admitting he had an addiction and choosing to do something about it, fitzjames admitting how wrong he was about francis and his use of caution and logic) and respect (i do think crozier respected fitzjames for trying to build morale to the best of his ability and i think fitzjames respected francis finally behaving like the captain he needed him to be) 

during the fire there’s a small moment where james is frozen- no doubt from ptsd which he deserves- and francis sends him ahead to look for an exit, telling him to go. he fucking loves him!!!!

poor fitzjames.. like yes the ghosts of his colonial past and all that of course which i will never not fully support him being subjected to but damn. and i don’t think he shrugs francis off because it’s francis or because he’s angry with them, he is punishing himself and francis sees that and lets him do what will help ease his own guilt and pain. tt is a moment of understanding between them i believe- fitzjames showing vulnerability in front of a man he now respects while adding another failure to his own personal checklist he keeps against himself (i can only imagine he does anyway). francis’s attempt to show him care and understanding while not undercutting his usefulness is also such an inspired choice for what he knows of fitzjames. you can really see the care starting to sprout between them here. i can only imagine what the rest of the winter was like but i feel like by episode 7, their dynamic has just completely changed, their entire vibe is different. and their love couldn’t have happened until they left the ships so it came at the worst and best time. 

and by ep 7 their dynamic has just so completely shifted. even the fact that they are supervising the packing for the walk together and this may be real delusional hours but sending edward ahead to make the first camp instead of one of them going is a little interesting to me. i believe he’s technically the next in line for leadership after fitzjames but like did francis and james want to spend time together? with crozier finally dried out and knowing james’s time is almost up? them finally in a comfortable and friendly place? i love their conversation during the packing scene because fitzjames is voicing a concern to francis who calmly explains his reasoning and when fitzjames continues to press his own doubts they remain civil, familiar, acknowledge one another’s thought processes etc. a scene like this could NEVER have happened in episode 1 or 2. i looooong to know what they were like together during the winter after carnival 

you all know i am INSANE about the fitzier hand holding scene, no one can match my freak on this. tt makes my stomach flutter every time i see it. it is my pride and prejudice hand clenching scene. first i want to acknowledge the quote from the script- “at one point, the only thing keeping fitzjames from sliding back into oblivion is crozier’s hand, but half the importance about the act is that fitzjames reached for it.” this KILLS me more than anything else from the script. and honestly at this point in the story i am becoming convinced that james told crozier about the scurvy, they knew the whole fucking time, they knew. they are literally marching to their deaths, against all odds still going, still trying and they are falling in love. the way james gazes up at francis in awe when he sees the offered hand and doesn’t stop looking at francis when he is up on the ridge. crozier doesn’t even turn to look at james, but he does make sure to stop and wait for him and extend the hand that he knows that james needs. Based on honestly even just this alone i am convinced that crozier knew about the scurvy already. there’s no fucking way he didn’t. and then the way james grabs francis’s jacket and holds on while they stare at each other, crozier smiling- it’s so interesting to me because it very much tells of finding an excuse to touch crozier again, as if he was so in awe of the touch that crozier initiated a few minutes before that he needed it again. he was trying to find a way to touch him again in that “this has to be acceptable by victorian standards of emotional and loving expression” way. and crozier accepts it! he smiles, he meets his gaze. there’s triumph there. and don’t think i didn’t fucking notice that the hand that francis keeps is the hand that held fitzjames’s hand and that also held his face when he was dying.

in the scene with morfin, as soon as crozier notices that james is there he makes sure to maneuver over to james so he can place himself between james and the gun despite the fact that he is unarmed and james has his pistol with him. i don’t necessarily doubt that francis would do this earlier in the story but i can say that he does this here as a selfless act of love and protection 

and then the jop promotion scene yay the way james looks at francis with admiration and curiosity when he hands him the promotion letter to sign and the way james smiles at him when he reads it but not just because of that- but because of the words francis uses and the way francis is looking at him, saying someone “has earned our respect (looks to james), trust” and fitzjames smiles and nods- it’s not just about agreeing with him about jopson. this is how fitzjames feels about crozier now and the fact that crozier even in this small subtle way acknowledges that he  DID need to prove himself to james after his behavior during the winter. their dynamic is just so much different now! at the end when everyone is shaking jopson’s hand, fitzjames gives crozier like… the most insane loving soft look… he looks so so happy. i don’t think we’ve ever seen him look like that before.

and now we are at the cairn walk. i again have to say how during this rewatch i become convinced of the knowledge that crozier has to know that fitzjames is dying. there’s just no way he doesn’t. the conversation they have about it does not convey that james is telling him this for the first time. tt more so implies that they both know but don’t speak of it often and james is updating francis with the vital information, the stages he’s at. what made fitzier happen was them leaving the boats, james dying, crozier getting sober, them both laying it all out on the table in different moments of vulnerability- crozier with his addiction, james with his heritage. the way those scenes parallel each other is actually crazy. james is fucking dying, they are all marching to their deaths and the knowledge that they are doing so is slowly sinking in, and all james wanted before he died was for crozier to see him, all of him. even the parts he was afraid to tell anyone, even himself. and francis isn’t even granting him a mercy, he isn’t sparing his feelings. he truly and genuinely accepts james for who he is, how he came to be a part of the expedition. they have both known from the start that beginnings and heritage don’t matter, it’s the actions that people take that makes them who they are. in different ways they both knew that and i think it’s part of what aligned them eventually. and from the script- james realizes he can say anything to this man. it is possible. crozier gives him the space to do it. and just the way they’re laughing and joking and being light with each other- another thing we never would’ve seen in the earlier episodes. okay focusing on some details now- when crozier says “that’s not how i see you” james literally stumbles as if he can’t believe crozier would say that to him. in the beginning of the scene francis gives james space and privacy when he sees him getting emotional about graham and franklin’s deaths and struggling to remember the date of sir john’s death. they communicate with a single glance there, james asking for a moment and crozier giving it to him. the grief on francis’s face when james tells him his latest symptoms. when crozier initially tries to comfort and encourage james… and james can’t accept it because he hasn’t told him everything yet. he doesn’t know if he can. i don’t want to get personal but that feeling that if you only tell part of your hidden sorrow to someone and they comfort and accept you and show you kindness, that feeling you then get that no no no you don’t know the whole of it and if you did you wouldn’t be showing me this kindness, you wouldn’t love me, you wouldn’t respect me. you wouldn’t see me. i genuinely can’t imagine the relief that fitzjames felt when he told francis it all, he told him everything and all francis gave back was love. also we can finally start to really see the bruise that francis gave fitzjames in ep 5. i love when fitzjames literally and metaphorically closes the gap between them. and francis waits for him until he is by his side again. “are we brothers francis” the tears, the attempt to laugh/smile them away until he sees that crozier is with him in this moment and taking it as seriously as it deserves to be. again the joining of the hands, the one that crozier keeps. they look at each other’s mouths, into each other’s eyes, the way francis dips his head to look at fitzjames when fitzjames ducks his emotionally. it’s insanity

when they get back to camp and listen to hodgson’s story and then go to see jirv’s body, they exchange a lot of glances, specifically around the times that hodgson mentions hickey- they are of one mind on him and on how the situation actually played out. james also watches francis a lot in the scene where they go to see jirv’s body. he looks to him for leadership now and doesn’t become irritated by his anger or his candor. this really persists for the rest of the episode - in the scene where crozier is yelling at edward about supplementing the marines all james has to say is “francis” and then basically talks him down from yelling at edward more, another scene i don’t think could have ever happened between them earlier in the story but james knows how to quell francis now. and this is such an interesting parallel to ep 5 when everyone was taking their shit out on edward; this time fitzjames protects him. but anyway- james and francis are just so in sync in every scene in this episode- they back each other up, communicate through glances, emphasize each other’s words and authority. yay<3 

all right you’re all going to have to bear with me on ep 9 because it makes me crazy.

we gotta start with the fucking grief and pain in both of their expressions when they’re taking care of pocock and how this scene itself foreshadows the assisted suicide later

the look of absolute love and faith from fitzjames when crozier is telling them they will keep marching south and the “more than god loves them” scene- this is francis at his most captainly- and james is echoing his hollow vanity stricken words about franklin but really really meaning them about crozier- he says them to no one but himself, there is no performance here and crozier’s words aren’t a false display of empathy and care like franklin’s were for david young and fitzjames sees this. 

fitzjame and crozier are hauling in front side by side- it makes a point to mention that in the script too.

when fitzjames falls… ugh. he hauled until he couldn’t anymore, direct call back to when blanky said ross sat atop the sledges- oh and when francis and fitzjames were caring for pocock together vs ross having no sympathy for illness. when james falls he reaches for crozier without even looking at him at first and you can hear crozier saying “it’s all right, it’s all right” when james is saying he can’t stand the heat. dundy and bridgens are lifting fitzjames up too but when he stumbles, when he reveals his wound, when he stumbles again, he is only looking at crozier the whole time. and the look on crozier’s face is one i don’t think we’ve seen from him yet. i noticed too that he’s holding onto fitzjames with his left arm and rubbing his back with the other before he takes the rope off of him. 

i want to say about the following scene where james is laid up in the boat that i made a joke once to my friend about when crozier reaches into the boat and how it looks like they’re holding hands- but they actually are, it’s in the script. there’s just something about crozier’s face when he talks to fitzjames in later episodes, there’s such a softening of the edges to him, his expression is less guarded and more attentive and earnest. and the call back to their first scene together with the chinese sniper story…. the fucking fondness in both of their eyes as they laugh together, which was probably james’s last time laughing. when crozier says “there’s time” but that’s the tragedy of this show- there’s never enough time. everything happens too late.

james screaming in pain and crozier running to him and barely letting bridgens finish his sentence before he tells them to camp here also in the script during the officer’s meeting right after, they can hear fitzjames screaming in his tent :( i’m honestly kinda glad they left that out.

and here we are at THE fitzier scene. i could talk for hours about this scene. francis is holding james’s hand, rubbing his shoulder. james looks so young and frail and scared here and he uses some of his last words to tell francis he wanted him to live because he knew he wouldn’t be around to tell him that anymore soon. francis shaking his head when he says it as if to say “not without you”. in the script, when bridgens leaves it says ‘he looks at crozier. he looks at fitzjames. he understands”... and later during james’s funeral when crozier says that he had a service with james, just the two of them, peglar and bridgens exchange a very interesting, knowing look. to choose those two to react that way? idk man. fitzier real. but back to the scene- god okay crozier taps james’s chest twice in question and then just barely audible fitzjames says “please”. ugh the sad smile crozier gives fitzjames before he gives him the drug… then he places his hand, the one that crozier doesn’t lose, so gently and lovingly on james’s face, and even in his current state james looks almost taken aback at the gesture. when crozier tips the drug into his mouth his expression softens. i will never ever in my life forget the way james looks at crozier in that moment, the look of gratitude, love, farewell, of pain, longing, childlike fear. (nobody is doing it like tobias). crozier ever so lightly brushing james’s lips with both of his thumbs before he begins to massage it down and carefully wiping the excess away. they never stop looking at each other. dave k said that the service that crozier mentions happened before fitzjames dies and after crozier gives him the drug.

the last thing i want to say about the james death scene is that i was never that invested in the concept of cannibalism as a metaphor for love but fitzjames asking crozier to eat his body and live really really stuck in my brain- just their entire insane journey that i’ve been sitting here thinking about for months- acquaintances to enemies to allies to friends to lovers for it all to culminate in this final scene of fitzjames begging crozier to eat from his body and begging him to give him the final kiss of death all as crozier never once looks away or lets go of him. fitzjames loved him so much he was willing for crozier to desecrate his corpse if it meant francis would live, even without him next to him but crozier loved him so much that he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t add that act to his already impossibly devoted actions.

and the action of hiding james’s body because crozier doesn’t want tuunbaq to destroy it but then it turns out that someone at the very funeral ends up leading the mutineers to tear fitzjames’s body apart themselves. just like jirv not getting to keep the final gift of the seal meat even in death, crozier couldn’t do james this one last mercy even though he tried desperately to. 

and this last part is a bit of a stretch but okay-along with the shirt and the gloves of fitzjames’s that crozier is wearing after his death i think he might be wearing his little neck thing too, so sorry y’all i do not know what it’s called and i’m locked in trying to finish this and i’m not googling it lol. but we see fitzjames wear it a lot throughout the show and francis does sometimes but it’s very much a fitzjames piece so i think it might be his too. and with the funeral scene and the blanky scene, we see the mismatched gloves clearly for the first time but i’m pretty sure the first glimpse is earlier in the episode when they’re hauling before fitzjames collapses. dave k still confirmed they had switched gloves but it really seems that this happened before james died, likely when they left terror camp. i still contend that crozier and fitzjames both knew james was dying and this may have been why they did it. 

and on to the last episode and closing thoughts- in the last ep i was really keeping track of the gloves- he loses them at some point and i wanted to see when and it’s between the scene where he talks to hickey and when he’s chained back up in the tent with diggle. i hope he somehow hung on to them.

i will never forget how my stomach dropped out when i saw hickey wearing fitzjames’s boots on my first watch- the fucking sorrow in crozier’s face. he doesn’t understand the meaning just yet  but when goodsir is cleaning his wounds and tells him they ate gibson, you can see crozier put it together that that’s why hickey has fitzjames’s boots. his expression turns from shock and grief to rage.

hickey really clocked crozier with the shame comment and you can see how it triggers crozier. this is a great confirmation because it really pervades the story and fitzjames’s story as well. they are both driven by shame, by a need to prove themselves but go about it in completely different ways. fitzjames is all bravado, flowery empty words and boasting to cover his origins, his feelings of inadequacy. he aligns himself with the empire and with those in power and distances himself from anyone he knows will be deemed lesser than in the hierarchy in which he exists and specifically pits himself against someone like crozier in order to bolster his own social standing. crozier on the other hand is hardened to his station, he has no way to hide his nationality or his origins no matter how capable he is and how long he’s been going to sea. crozier feels the shame of things like sophia’s rejection and not having straights that they sail named after him but hides it with his bluntness and his lack of decorum when pointing out the truth of a situation. james has everything crozier wishes he did, but crozier is something that james wishes he could be- just himself, despite his societal ineptitudes and barriers. i believe that this basis and the way it melds and breaks down and comes to a way of understanding between them is why fitzier is so strong, and so real and so visceral, especially at the end. honestly there is so much more i could say but i think i’m going to leave it there and just saw that i hope crozier thinks of james from time to time in his new life. i find it hard to believe he doesn’t.

[firendgold]

I'm really not assuming Harry's identity was fully formed as a toddler. That's simply not supported by science. Harry and Lily do have different life experiences and their personalities are shaped by the people around them and the different difficulties they experience.

I simply noted that in your interpretation, Harry and Lily are completely different because they didn't grow up the same way, and am offering an alternative interpretation to your assertions that 1) Lily had little to no troubles experienced in her childhood, and that 2) Harry's upbringing and misadventures erased any identity he had outside of his abuse or the identity assigned to him by others, by leaning on the way JKR's writing shows us the similarities between Harry and Lily that exist despite the fact that Harry was not raised by her, Harry does not remember her, and in the real world he would have been more likely to adopt the Dursleys' more poisonous traits and beliefs and not share any similarities to his parents at all.

I can agree that something like writing your letters the same way or having a more sarcastic personality is a mild or surface-level trait, but I can't agree with that take for the larger choices Harry and Lily make. Even taking dying out of the equation doesn't remove uncanny similarities. Lily chooses to befriend (and, for quite some time, stay friends with) someone like Severus Snape when class consciousness and peer pressure should have shaken that out of her at age 11--unless it was a core component of her personality. And however much they grow into better versions of themselves later, the same choice can be seen in Harry's choice to befriend Ron and Hermione. Neville and Luna are both more visibly unpopular to the average reader, but first-year Ron is yet another son from a well-known but poor wizarding family with very little social capital, and Hermione is a by-the-books girl with very limited social skills, in the same position as Harry but for the fact that she has no wizarding ancestry or gratitude-inspiring fame to lean on to bolster her more unlikable qualities. Still, Harry bonds with them both anyway. And even these friendships have significant friction that nearly ends them, or does in Lily's case.

Symbolism is so important in the series that I don't think it's incorrect to acknowledge how it turns up in characterization of Lily and Harry. The ways in which they react to things, and the choices they make re: larger concepts like friendship and forgiveness and sacrifice are startlingly similar when you consider their lack of direct contact in the natural world.

(Smaller point, but even though there's no evidence of this in the real world, in the HP world souls do exist and their natures (or at least Harry's and Voldemort's) are extensively discussed in the latter books. So even though it's arguable in the real world whether our personalities are inherent down to our souls, it's not so easy to argue against this in HP, where Dumbledore argues in Deathly Hallows that Harry and Voldemort's souls are incompatible and cannot share space, and doubles down on the assertion when Severus tries to ground the discussion back in minds and Occlumency/Legilimency.)

The fact is, these large and small traits do tell us who Lily and Harry are and they do matter. These snippets of personality are the only way we have of interpreting Lily since she predeceases the entire story, and the only way we have of interpreting Harry outside of his words and perspective.

harry potter is NOT james potter.

I love parallels. I love people reminding others of those they've lost along the way.

But Harry Potter is not James . And that is so vital to his entire character.

When people see Harry, they see James. They see a James who sees the world through Lily's eyes. When they see Harry, they don't see Harry.

And that is so vital to his entire being. It's vital to how people see Harry. The people that didn't know James, see the Boy-Who-Lived.

The people who did, who were close to Harry, to James, to Lily. They see James and Lily Potter. They see the people who died, people they were close to, people they miss every day but will never see again.

Remus, Sirius, Snape, McGonagall.

At first, they see James and Lily. And then when they meet him - apart from Snape- they quickly realise he is anything but.

Harry is not arrogant, rich, spoilt. He doesn't have an ego, he doesn't play pranks, he isn't a chaser, he doesn't pick fights.

Harry isn't exceptionally bright at everything he does, he isn't inconceivably forgiving for those who don't deserve it.

He is not Lily and James.

When peole write Harry as a golden retriever, as effortlessly good at everything, they aren't writing about Harry.

Harry who grew up not wanted. Harry who grew up believing something was wrong with him. Harry who was forced into the wizarding world with no knowledge. Harry who is as stubborn as a mule,. Harry who is loyal to a fault, who forgives those he loves, Harry who isn't his parents.

He has traits of them, their anger, their ability to love, and much much more.

BUT Harry Potter isn't them. He isn't the 'best of them both' he isn't James or Lily or Sirius or Regulus.

Harry Potter is Harry. Just Harry.

And that is why he doesn't get along ith Snape. That's why McGonagall believes Harry dragged Neville out for a joke in first year.

When people see Harry, they don't see Harry. And by writing Harry as somebody else, or as 'so-and-so's child' you're not doing the character justice.

'I want a complex character with complex relationships'

'i want an angry character'

'i want to read a book that makes me think'

you couldn't even handle Harry Potter.

[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Fem! Summary: when made to participate in a school fundraiser, Eddie finds himself actually having fun. Warnings: none PART 2 ANYONE?

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"Mister Munson, you have to be a part of this school!" Principal Higgins exclaimed to the boy sitting on the other side of the desk, protesting

"I've been apart of this shitty school for 6 years" Eddie hummed lowly

"what was that?" the older man raised and eyebrow, his hands on his hips as he looked down at the rebellious teen in front of him

"what do you want me to do?" he got in response

"Miss Kelley is holding a fundraiser- u-an auction, of sorts.. you'll be participating"

Eddie frowned "an auction? what you want me to go up and hold items for people to bid on?"

"you'll be the item"

Eddie scoffed "what's that supposed to even mean?"

he stared at the principal and almost laughed, was this a joke? he fails a few times and is now being punished

"it means you'll go up and girls will bid on you- a date with you"

oh Eddie definitely laughed at that, does he think he's funny? he must because that was the funniest thing Eddie's ever heard

"yeah, right" he snorted

"Mister Munson, do you want to graduate this year?" Higgins asked rhetorically.

this wasn't a joke, this was serious

"what's a stupid fundraiser going to do to help me graduate?!" Eddie raised his voice before looking away when the man scolded him

"well, lucky for you, Edward, this school will do just about anything to get rid of you-" The older man started before getting cut off by Eddie

"-How flattering" he hummed

"-so, we'll be granting you with extra credit if you do this, and if you get at least a C in Miss O'donnells, it will be enough for you to graduate" the man finished, crossing his arms

"what type of fundraiser activity is that anyway! I'm no help, I can assure you no body is bidding on me, Higs" Eddie rolled his eyes

"well, lucky for you, you don't need to be bidded on to participate, just showing up is enough"

"this is ridiculous" Eddie mumbled, slumping down in his chair

there was no way he was going to do this.

"oh please, Mister Munson, It's not the end of the world, just a simple date to the fun fair is the most you'll do" Mister Higgins shook his head, deciding this was the end of the discussion.

he shooed Eddie out of his office after telling a few simple details about the night he should be ready for

"and please, have some school spirit" he said before closing the door behind Eddie.

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You sat in the school gym with your friends when Miss Kelley announces the boys up for auction

you had already seen the list a week prior and and had no interest, unlike your friend, Becky, who was more than excited to bet on a handsome mister Mike Lewenski.

your opinions on the fundraiser were mixed.

although a great way to make a few bucks, it was more of a way on telling which girl liked who. but even so, if they won the guy, it's a free date without the definite rejection most of them would face if they had just asked the guy out

so, while it saves a few rejections here and there, and could be seen as a trial run for a relationship, it's also a pit of thirsty women who want to dig their teeth in to a free date with a cute guy, especially if it's Gary McKlaren.

so to say you were the least interested was correct, but you were open to any changes if proven wrong.

The boys walked in the Gym single file and lined up behind Miss Kelley

you snorted at the sight of Eddie Munson 2nd last in line

you had browsed the list at least 3 times, you think you'd notice his name on the paper on the notice board. he must have been a last minute addition, which is pretty smart if you look at how many girls there are in school ready to bid.

but Eddie Munson, the freak? were they having a laugh?

you'd spoken to the guy a max of 5 times this year, he wasn't actually as bad as people made him out to be.

you weren't friends though; you wouldn't go that far. you'd be metaphorically killed if you were associated with him, so God forbid that ever happening.

Eddie huffed, looking out to the Gym seats.

he'd rather be doing anything else right now other than being at school, on a saturday afternoon, ready to be humiliated in front of what looks like 100 girls he's never spoken to (and doesn't plan to)

he frowned at the outfits the other boys had dressed up in, adorned in button up shirts and trousers, some even had a bowtie around their necks.

He mentally shook his head at the effort, because as they all dressed up fancy, like the organisers of this stupid even told them to, Eddie was still dressed in his normal attire, Black jeans and a dio shirt, his leather jacket hiding the cut off sleeves Eddie had fixed it up with. it's not like he was here to impress anyway

he would be here for 30 minutes max before driving back home alone.

"lets bring up our first boy of the evening, shall we. Toby Glover, everybody!" Miss Kelley claps.

She went on to describe the boy, hobbies, likes and interests before looking out to the crowed

"starting the bid at five dollars!" she smiled before a girl put her hand up, then a few others

Toby was baught at 20 dollars to Tracy Dekert.

then the next boy was up. Dylan Mantella.

it took a few seconds for a girl to put her hand up. but then another one did.

Dylan was bought for 10 dollars by Gracie Moore.

Jason Carver stood tall as he took a step closer, immediatley being bought by Chrissy for 5.

Then it was Mike Lewenski.

"He likes to play Football and the band Queen" Miss Kelley smiled

Becky's hand flew up as soon as the teacher announced 5 dollars, and glared at the girl on the other side of the bleachers when she outbidded her

"15!" Becky yelled out before the other girl said "17!"

they went back and fourth a few times before the other girl huffed and ran out of money

Mike was bought for 23 dollars by Becky, who cheered beside you

Then it was Gary McKlaren.

Miss Kelley didnt even get to describe his hobbies before a bidding war broke out. at least 10 girls fighting for him

yeah, he was popular. it made sense

Gary was bought for 50 dollars by Denise Weller.

Brian Gibley was bought for 5 dollars

Matthew Schneebly was bought for 25 dollars

and then Thomas Smith stood there for a few moments

that was when 2 girls put their hand up

you weren't sure if that was out of pity or they were just too shy to put their hand up, But Thomas looked like a whole bunch of weight lifted off of him when he was bought for 8 dollars

"now we have the...lovely Mister Edward Munson!" Miss Kelley announced, she looked nervous as she said his name, trying to find a praise but had to lie through her teeth

Eddie stood forward and clicked his tongue, looking out dully to the seats of girls and young women.

"E-Eddie likes um- Metal music? and uh- is a owner of a club" she spoke, she didn't know anything about Eddie, only that he was a satanist.

"5 dollars?" She announced with a tight smile, looking out to the crowd

you looked down at Eddie from your seat

his hands were in his pockets, he definitely didn't want to be here, but you could tell by the silence in the room he was...insecure?

you looked around the room, did no girl want him? did no girl see anything in him?

surely there was one girl to look past the scary demeanor of his figure and see something to like, but the only thing to hear was an awkward cough

you frowned, you felt bad, you really did.

Eddie looked down at his feet when Miss Kelley spoke into the mic "no bidders?" she asked as if she didn't know no body wasn't going to buy him

you closed your eyes and slowly lifted your hand.

it was just because you felt bad

"oh, we have a bidder! 5 dollars going once, twice, SOLD!" she banged her gravel on the wood. surprised.

Eddie munson was bought for 5 dollars. by you.

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Eddie was surprised when you put your hand up.

but Eddie was very Surprised to see you walk up to him afterwards, a smile on your face, a tight one, he knew it wasnt real

"hey" you greeted

Eddie looked at you confused, like you had grown two heads or that something was wrong with you, but he replied nonetheless

"hi" he said

you looked around the hall, seeing the floods of single girls walk out of the hall, glaring at you with the same look Eddie had a second ago.

"so um-" he licked his lips, sighing

"we don't have to go on the date.." you spoke in a rush, looking back at him

of course, Eddie thought to himself, of course you wouldn't want to go on a date with him

Eddie kicked himself for thinking you would for a split second.

"if you don't want to" he shook his head

this was awkward.

so awkward

"it's not that I.. don't want to. i do...but you- you probably have better things to do so..." you hummed, rolling on your ankles as you looked away from him

"I dont...and I don't want you spending money on me for nothing.." he mumbled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

you were probably the first girl to talk to him, Willingly, without buying drugs- the first girl to be nice to him to his face.

Eddie doesn't get that often, or at all for that matter, so you were...special. you could say. to him.

you weren't friends, you probably didn't want that. and he doesn't blame you, but it still hurts deep down, where he wont admit it

"it's fine.. it would be embarrassing to be the only person who didn't get bought so..."

yep, that was the only reason you bidded on him, you both thought to yourself

"yeah, I guess you're my saviour, then" he joked, though he didn't find any humour in it

Because you had told him you bought him out of pity, thats not funny or you being nice, thats just sad.

you agreed to the joke and looked around, the hall was empty now, all the girls gone, a few out to their date and all the rest on their way home, alone. some going to the fair with their friends.

"I'll uh- see you next week then?" you stepped back, going to walk away

"I thought you wanted to go?" he frowned

"i thought you didn't?" you raised an eyebrow

"eh.. i feel like i owe it to you, besides i think Principal Higgins and Miss Kelley will be there and if they don't see us- or at least me there, I won't get my credit cause i left you" he shrugged

that was it, it was just for the extra credit

"ok, sure" you nodded

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you walked side by side into the fun fair, you were a little nervous to say the least but it's not like you were gonna be here for a long time

Eddie had said he owed you and just wanted to be seen, so he'd probably just say a quick hello to the principal and spend five bucks on a quick game before calling it a day

that seemed fair, though.

he brought you over to the little games with various toys hung on the wall

"you wanna play a game? i'll try to win you a bear or somethin'" he looked down at you, pointing to the stall where you shoot at a few cans to win

you shrugged when you met his gaze, his big brown eyes full of the bright colours from the lights flashing from the games, the yellows and reds illuminating his face as he turned to you.

he looked pretty good

"sure" you replied shortly, looking away from him, letting him guide you to the line.

his hands were in his pockets as he looked around briefly. it made you wonder if he wanted to be here.

but on the inside, Eddie was almost shitting himself, cause here he was, in the line of a game with you next to him. this was a date, unadmittably his first date- if it even counted

and it's not just because it's a date, it's because it's with you, the only girl- bloody hell- woman that's ever been nice to him. to look at him like he's not a freak who sold his soul to the devil.

and God, did you have to look so pretty good?

he looked away when you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and stepped forward, it now being your turn

the guy spoke enthusiastically, explaining the rules as Eddie picked up the fake gun.

you took the time to scan over the plush toys, the big bat hanging upsidedown from the roof of the stall made you smile.

you smiled at Eddie as he lifted the gun to his face, squinting his eyes before shooting his first shot.

your eyebrows raised at his shot, impressed as you stood beside him

Eddie lowerd the gun, putting another pellet in the gun when he caught your gaze, looking over at you awkwardly

you blinked and smiled tightly at him before looking away "did- sorry did you want to shoot?" he frowned, now noticing that he should have let you play- or at least asked you

"oh no, it's ok I uh- I don't know how to shoot a gun" you breathed, letting out a dry chuckle

"it's pretty easy, here" one of his hands let go of the gun to each out for your own hand.

you let him take your hand and you tried to hide the blush rising quickly on your cheeks, looking away as he pulled you closer

he stood behind you, his broad chest against your back as he instructed you, you held the gun with his hands over yours, his arms wrapping around your frame to help you

"Just look through this little hole right here." he pointed to a little circle on the top of the gun, and you slowly raised the gun to your face, quinting to look through the hole.

"aim it" he told you

you lined it up with the can and he took one of your fingers to place it on the trigger.

the feeling of his hot breath fanning on your neck sent shivers down your shine as it contrasted with the cold brisk air, but you were so hot right now.

did he have to be so close to you?

he waited a second before he pressed on your finger, pressing down on the trigger, shooting the gun.

you closed your eyes as the loud bang and the feeling of him pressing up against you. Why did you like it?

"ahh good try, you just grazed it" Eddie spoke, mumbling something that you couldn't here before you opened your eyes

you could see a little dent in the can but it hadn't toppled over or fallen, signifying a miss.

you shoulders dropped and your frowned, looking over your shoulder to see Eddie smiling softly

"you'll get it this time" he reassured you, lowering the gun

you shook your head "i'll let you do it, you obviously know what you're doing" you flushed, smiling before stepping to the side to get out of his hold

it was then when Eddie realised that he was manhandling you and his eyes slightly widened. Had he made you uncomfortable? he really hoped he hadn't. he dropped his hands and let you slip away from in-between him and the gun and looked away sheepishly

you finally felt like you could breathe as you let out a deep sigh you didn't know you were holding

why was he making you feel this way?

Eddie put another pellet in the gun and shot it effortlessly before he put the last one in.

he didn't even flinch at the loud bang! noise it made when he shooted, or lost his footing, he was a natural.

you don't know what you expected though, he looked like the kind of guy who knew how to shoot a gun, he had that look to him

you didn't want to say it but- he did have the dangerous kind of look to him, but throught the few talks you've had with him, you would hightly doubt he would even shoo away a stray cat if it made home on his porch.

he put the final pellet in and aimed it before shooting it, you watched as it bounced off the bar and fall back to the ground.

you smiled and clapped when the guy announced a winner

"so..what will it be for the lovely lady?" he said looking at you as you stood forward.

the long haired metalhead looked over at you, nodding to the wall of toys.

you opened your mouth, and your eyes landed on the bat again, pointing up at it "the bat?"

the man smiled and got the bat down, passing it to Eddie as you backed away to get out of the line, which was small but growing impatient.

Eddie followed after you and handed the bat to you.

"here ya' go" he smiled.

the bat was even bigger than it looked, bigger than your head, at least.

you brought it up to your chest and thanked him before walking awkwardly away from the stall

"you're pretty good with a gun" you said break the silence between you and him, the blush on your face appearing again as you looked over at him

"yeah? well.. my dad taught me when I was younger so... had a good teacher I guess" he let out a breathy chuckle, kicking his feet.

of course. everyone knew the stories of AL Munson. so your weren't surprised when Eddie told you he made him go hunting with him before he got sent to prison

"made me shoot more than just tin cans.." He shighed

you hummed, walking towards the enterance before Eddie stopped you

"Where are ya' going?" he asked, a deep frown covering his features as he looked around

you grew confused too "I- I thought we were leaving?"

Eddie's face dropped at your words, looking down "oh. I mean if you want to. I just thought- I- I was kinda havin' fun. with you so..."

Eddie was having fun with you; it wasn't a lie. he didn't want to leave just yet, he wanted to play a few more games and if he got lucky, get to know you more. he doesn't know exactly why but he knew he liked being with you tonight

but it's probably because it's either this date with you, or a lonesome date between him, his couch and a cold can of beer.

you stepped back to him and smiled "I am too... I just thought- but yeah, let's go"

the sky turned dark as Eddie and you played a few more games and shared a fairyfloss stick.

you were having fun, laughing and getting embarrased when you got shoved closer to Eddie when a few kids ran past you to the rotating tea cups.

"sorry" you mumbled, stepping away from the metalhead as he tensed up at the contact.

"'s'okay" he smiled, noticing the way you hugged the bat plush in your arms

it was night time- and winter. So were you cold?

so he asked you "d'ya want ma'jacket?"

he frowned when you shook your head quickly "no it's ok, don't worry"

you felt your cheeks grow hot again as he began taking his leather jacket off, exposing his biceps arms that were adorned in dark tattoos.

the bats caught your eye.

you had seen them before, of course, but they made you frown

you looked down at your bat plush toy and hid your face in it sheepishly

when it caught your eye, you didn't know why you were drawn to it the way you were

it reminded you of something, but at the time you picked it, you just couldn't pinpoint it

but now, looking at his tattoo, you realised it was that and you grew embarrassed, did he think you wanted it because of him? well technically you did- no, no you just liked it...right?

"it's ok, really" you shook your head as he handed it out to you

"Please, I don't want you to be cold" he pleaded

he was such a gentleman, you don't get why people did see that, there was something clearly wrong with society to shut out this beautiful specimin of a man like him, he's just so kind and gentle. no- snap out it.

you squeezed the fluff of your plush as he draped it over your shoulders, smiling

"what about you?" you wondered

he only shrugged "m'fine" he looked down, putting his hands in his pockets "as long as you're warm"

you chuckled softly as you looked around

"ferris wheel?" he asked after a beat

you looked to the ferris wheel and nodded "sure"

you let him guide you and you smiled as you got the line

the fair music filled your ears as you slowly moved up the line.

the line was pretty long, trying to see the lights from above and the kids thinking they can see the whole town from the top. they were wrong but let kids be kids, you thought.

when you reached the front, you stepped up and Eddie quickly handed the guy a few coins, letting your guys on. you sat down, your bat plush sat on your lap as the guy pulled the bar down, letting it click before leaving you with Eddie in the closer proximity

your shoulder to shoulder with Eddie when it began to move. going backwards

you looked over at him and smiled sheepishly before looking away

he cleared his throat before pointing to the bat you were cuddling

"do you like bats?" he questioned

you looked down and shook your head

"no..not really. I just thought he was cute" you shrugged

he hummed "have you named him?"

you giggled "no, not yet" you looked at him, finding a teasing smile on his lips and you furrowed your eyebrows.

"I don't- It might be childish, but I don't have a lot of them..." you soft quietly, fiddling with your fingers as the ferris wheel went up again

"No.. I.. I don't think it's childish.. I have a uh- I have a bear on my bed.. Ozzy... so. it's cute" he nudged your shoulder softly

you smiled, still a little embarrassed but it made you feel better that he admitted that.

you think it was cute.. that he of all people slept with a teddy bear, you feel as though you've learnt a lot about him today

it's almost like this wa a real date.

it made you hope he thought it was a real date too.

"do you..like bats?" you pointed to his swarm of bats tattooed on his arm

he looked down and nodded

"yeah I guess.. it's more of that they are seen for good luck and uh..protection.. I guess" he mumbled the last bit

you raised your eyebrows "really?" you tilted your head

"yeah.. don't know where i found that but I though i needed it so..."

"cool" you nodded

his eyes met yours again and you saw his adams apple bob in his throat as he looked at you

your bench stopped at the top as fireworks began exploding in the sky, painting the sky in all different colours, but you didn't look away from Eddie, for some reason, your eyes stayed on him

the sprays of colour reflecting in his eyes as he looked back at you. you wonder if he could see the fireworks in your eyes too.

"thank you, for today.. I've had fun" you spoke, wanting to ease this tension in the air.

"Yeah.. I've had fun too... with you" he said

you didn't know what was happening. why butterflies filled your stomach and made you feel sickly.

Eddie was shitting himself again, the look in your eye made him so weak he was happy he was seated. you looked so pretty in this light. it almost made him want to thank Mister Higgins for making him do this. but after this, he woudn't have any reason to talk to him unless it's to tell him he'd be graduating.

he can't explain how he felt in this moment, but all he knew was that he really wanted to kiss you.

but you don't want to kiss the freak? no matter how many times you've told him you don't see him as one, that's what he is, what he always will be.

Besides. You did this out of pity, right?

Amd it's not like he likes you, right?

but all Eddie can think of as he forces himself to look away is that he wants you to like him

he wants to know why he feels this way, why the burst of colour in the sky wasn't the only fireworks in the air tonight.

he had taken you home after that, sadly saying goodbye as he drove you home, the only sound in his van being the metal music he set to low as he thought about how much of an idiot he is.

all while you had felt completley embarrassed, and if you're going to be honest, a little angry, though you're not sure why

you wanted him to kiss you, but why? you didn't like him like that, this was just because you felt bad

but you wanted him to like you.

I should have kissed him, you thought as you walked into your home.

I should have kissed her, Eddie thought to himself as he drove off.

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anyone want a part 2?

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[i-am-snowils-admiral]

So the dpxdc fandom has been trying to come up with more ways to get Danny into Gotham without relying on the old Bat-adoption trope (though it's a fun trope that I love), which typically either means aging him up or giving him a fake id and making him live alone in Gotham pretending to be aged up, but personally I think we can streamline the process a bit by borrowing liberally from Marsalias' fic Adoption (if you haven't read it, definitely do, it's a really good fic) and sticking Actual Master of Time Clockwork in Gotham as yet another weird rich cryptid.

For those who haven't read that fic, the basic premise is that Clockwork decides to adopt Danny completely legally through both ghost and human methods. He is required to establish a human persona for this, which I find hysterical. He and Danny end up living in an incredibly creepy manor that they both love. We can easily uproot that thing and plop it into Gotham. If we want to be particularly funny about it, we can sandwich Wayne Manor between Clockwork and the Drakes to make them all neighbors.

Now what you do from there is obviously subject to whatever story you're wanting to tell, but there's a couple fun things I want to suggest:

Clockwork doesn't try very hard on his human persona. He still dresses like a time god in a fantasy novel (I'm a little in love with 13thcat's designs so I like to imagine his human form looks a little like this). You have to live, what, 40-50 years in a city to be established? Sure. Why bother aging visibly in this time? That's not necessary! What does he do for work? Uhhhh he's a woodworker who makes clocks. That's why he has millions or even billions of dollars, obviously.

5-year-old Bruce Wayne is OBSESSED with Clockwork (aka Charles Worth). This is baby's first incredibly pure crush. This is your really cool kindergarten teacher that you remain a little in love with well into adulthood, except instead of being nice CW is just really weird and doesn't care about what 5-year-olds are able to discuss. Baby Bruce does that little kid "I'll marry you when I grow up" thing that everyone finds adorable but CW says "there are many timelines where you get married, though never to me. Some options are better than others, but I won't tell you about them" because what else would he say.

When Danny shows up in Gotham decades later as CW's adopted kid Bruce is zeroed in on all the gossip. His interest is based entirely on his childhood obsession though so he uses absolutely zero Batman skills to investigate the situation and therefore finds nothing weird about Danny's background. The batkids find this hilarious because there is Clearly something weird going on with that kid.

Clockwork could easily solve all of the Bats' problems and tell them the answers to all the investigations they're doing but why would he do that???? That's boring. He's vibing in his new house with his cool liminal son why would he be worried about *checks notes* the hundreds of people dying to rogue attacks nearby.

Despite never being genuinely helpful he DOES randomly drop in-universe lore that no one would've figured out otherwise. Usually he does this about six months after it would've been really nice to know.

He doesn't do this out of malice he just doesn't intervene in things normally and if he does, it's only by request. The Bats (besides Batman because he's still oblivious) are too worried about what he might ask for in exchange to make requests though they know he's powerful but they are totally wrong because he's just sitting there baking bread thinking "hm I wonder why Timothy never asked me to help him get Batman back from being lost in the time stream, I could've done that really easily without changing too much. Oh well, whatever makes him happy."

Danny also never makes requests but that's because CW went a bit too hard on teaching him messed up karmic lessons about interfering with time so Danny just assumes it's always a bad idea to ask.

[iiannabxth]

(since comments are off, i have to reblog lol.)

anywho, i wanted to add a little to this.

i disagree with the idea that wolfgang becoming the group’s leader was an ego thing. i think he decided to step up because he is used to having to defend and guide people. he immediately tries to calm the group and soothe their minds by insisting that they can all get along and life peacefully if they trust each other. unlike damon, he believes that all of their ultimates can benefit humanity, which shows that he does believe in them.

i also think that the whole “wolf/sheep” blackmail theme is a dig at wolfgang. while i personally believe that it has to do with his backstory (something about his father being a bad person & doesn’t want to be like him, etc), i think it’s to make fun of him for trying to lead the group.

like a shepherd guiding a flock of sheep, the shepherd knows that there are dangers outside, but his job is to keep the sheep save and act like everything is fine.

back to his parallel to eva, what wolfgang is easily able to do is get the others to trust him. i think both eva and wolfgang had the intelligence and leadership skills to be powerful voices in the group, but because wolfgang is able to read the room and expresses more hopeful views than eva, he provides more comfort as a leader. though eva is technically right, that they really can’t trust anyone because they’re in a killing game, it clashes with the group’s attempts at an optimistic outlook.

in my opinion, the reason that eva is immediately a black sheep is because she titles herself the ultimate liar. she singles herself out by deliberately trying to put distance between herself and the others. this, coupled with her pessimism and outwardly cold demeanor, cause the others in the group not to trust her because she obviously doesn’t trust them.

it’s clear from the jump that eva doesn’t trust the others (apart from damon because he shares her beliefs) which makes them not trust her. in her attempt to protect herself from judgement, she ended up inspiring more of it from her peers.

she is kicked out of the group because she actively shows that she doesn’t want to be grouped with them. in wolfgang’s view, she’s a threat to the harmony he’s trying to cultivate, which makes her a threat. while he isn’t actively nasty to her, he doesn’t stop the others from pushing her away.

this is also parallel to damon. eva and damon are similar and couple up together as a sort of “us vs them” kinda situation. however, damon manages to recover a bit of his reputation because he interacts with the others more often. he proves that he can cooperate with them and that, while he doesn’t entirely trust them, he isn’t a threat. eva, on the other hand, makes no attempts to reach out to anyone besides damon.

anyway, there’s more but i’m tired of writing. this is not as eloquentlt written as i wanted but oh well. i love ur analysis and i just love seeing these discussions in the fandom ^^

Wolfgang's deceit and hypocrisy

A deconstruction and analysis of Wolfgang's behavior based on what he said and did during Chapter 1

I kept thinking about why Damon didn't exactly get along with Wolfgang because it seems obvious that he doesn't like him due to Wolfgang's somewhat pompous attitude towards the idea of Ultimates. Wolfgang contrasts Damon's view of Ultimates in that Wolfgang believes all talents are equally valuable to society, and Damon doesn't.

Wolfgang says he doesn't believe anyone there was capable of murdering their "friends" and that the killing game wouldn't even kick off because he believed in the inherent goodness of Ultimates as a whole.

Damon disagreed with this notion and believed everyone had the capacity for violence regardless of their Ultimate status or not. He also disagreed with the idea that all talents are equally valuable to society and that some are more frivolous in nature than others.

Wolfgang believed in a lot of "hopeful" ideals however, I don't think he was telling the truth when he said these things. His actions spoke louder than all of those inspiring speeches he gave to the rest of the class.

In fact, I think Wolfgang agreed with everything Damon said, but he didn't want to admit it for some reason. Wolfgang said he believed in a fair trial and letting people explain themselves, but when Eva claimed she was the Ultimate Liar he immediately resorted to turning the others against her by casting suspicion on her.

He said he believed that all talents are equal in value, but when Eva was revealed to be the Ultimate Mathlete, he didn't stop any of the others from mocking Eva over it. (I will also point out that while as hilarious as Cassidy's Bargain Bin joke is at Damon's expense, he doesn't tell her off for making said joke at all either.)

And Wolfgang said he didn't believe anyone there would kill anyone, but he was constantly taking "precautions" for the Killing Game. "Just in case" someone decided to do something. He agreed with Desmond's idea of bunking together, he at first doesn't want to investigate the pharmacy but decided it's a good idea to let everyone know what's inside anyways, and when he got the mysterious letter telling him to meet in the boiler room he brought a knife with him from the kitchen "for protection" supposedly.

Wolfgang says a lot of things that he clearly doesn't believe, him and Damon are exactly alike. But the difference is that Damon is honest in how he feels about the Killing Game and Wolfgang is not.

Where his hypocrisy comes in is how he judges Damon for his honesty, and makes it seem like he too isn't distrustful of others during the game. And I think the reason for why Damon specifically doesn't like Wolfgang is not just because he is a hypocrite but because he's purposeful about his hypocrisy. He isn't like the rest of the class in his hypocrisy in that he's not doing it by accident, he's doing it on purpose because it keeps him in control of the group.

And the funny thing about it is that it's kind of Damon's fault that the others adopted Wolfgang as their defacto leader. During the mock class trial, Damon was the one who defended Wolfgang's integrity and instinct as a lawyer to get the others to continue to believe in him so they could solve the murder.

But Damon didn't defend Wolfgang because he had some belief in the inherent goodness of Ultimates. He did it because Damon believed Wolfgang's *talent* as a lawyer is proof enough that he's well versed in situations like this. It wasn't about Wolfgang as a person, but his ability as a lawyer. And I think this is why when Damon just says what he thinks Wolfgang is confused by it because he thought Damon was like the rest of the class, hopeful and naive.

And obviously, later on Wolfgang states that he sees people, Ultimates, as more than just their talent. But I don't believe him. I think from the way he treated both Eva and Damon that he silently agreed on the idea of some talents being lesser than others. And he just puts himself in the position of not believing in what Damon says because it's unpopular with the rest of the class.

Wolfgang can subtly take all of the credit for solving Cara's murder, while Damon gets no recognition and because Damon has an unpopular opinion about Ultimates and Talents and the Killing Game, Wolfgang can become their leader very easily (which is exactly what happened)

But he doesn't truly believe in any of it, he's a biased person through and through who has his own selfish goals, and egotistical opinions just like Damon. I think he just didn't come out and be honest because being honest would've shafted him with the likes of Eva and Damon.

Wolfgang is leading them all with blind optimism, when he himself isn't that optimistic. I think this is why his Blackmail letter mentioned him having a Wolfish mind as well, because he is essentially a wolf in sheep's clothing leading a herd of sheep to their potential doom. Keeping them in the dark on purpose so he can continue to be seen as the leader and beacon of hope.

And if you think "Wolfgang wouldn't be that self centered to do this" I think he is, purely because of how he behaved during his death. Diana mentioned him saying things about being seen as great, trying to prove himself to someone, and not being able to measure up to another person.

I think Wolfgang is the exact type of person who would feed on other people's admiration in a situation like this. "It doesn't matter if they believe in me for a foolish and naive reason, because they believe in *me*. And as long as they have their faith in *me*, nothing else about this situation matters. Anyone who doesn't put their faith behind my ability to lead is irrelevant and isn't a part of the group."

(hence why Eva and Damon were constantly shafted by Wolfgang as outsiders)

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Hello Aubrie! Goood, I love your writing so much, and I couldn't wait to send in another request!

Could I ask for Eyeless Jack and his s/o going on a date day? How it would look like and all that? (can be sfw/nsfw)

I decided to keep it just SFW this time as I was just in a fluffy vontent mood today, but you can feel free to request date night specific spicy stuff with EJ next time if you'd like :) I hope you enjoy, I'm extra tired today so my writing may be different but I had a need for EJ fluff

Your date day actually ends up being a date night with this one, as your boyfriend is nocturnal, however, he gets up a bit earlier than normal if the two of you want to spend a "day" together. Normally waking at about 6:00 pm, Jack will get up around 4:00 on a day the two of you wish to spend together. He'll spend a little while waking up, curled up in bed with you, discussing things you want to do, getting ready to go out with you, just waiting for the sun to go down more so Jack can handle being around the light (as he can't handle visibly bright light very well, hence the nocturnal part :p).

He'll make sure you get something yummy to eat for dinner, and that's usually your first spot on your date nights. The Underworld is full of restaurants that operate 24/7, so he'll take you out to eat at whichever place you'd prefer to go to, and you'll both sit and talk for a while over food. Even with the nocturnal citizens out and about, the Underworld is a lot more quiet at night, so Jack enjoys walking through it with you, enjoying the peace of it. The two of you might window shop a bit, going into any stores that catch your eye. I think if it's warm enough you two have a tradition of getting ice cream together, because there are places that serve a mix of demon and human appropriate flavors, so you can get whichever flavor you'd prefer, and EJ can get his go-to blood ice cream so he can enjoy it as well. Following that, Jack always loves taking you for another walk, this time through the forests of the Underworld. The air is nice and fresh, and the creatures running about are usually attracted to Jack, so he always gets excited by the chance to tell you what the different animals are, and because they trust him so much you can even pet them while they sit contentedly beside him.

It's not until either the sun starts coming back up or you start to get too tired that the two of you finally begin to make your way back to the mansion together. Once you get back, Jack normally prefers to enter relaxation mode with you again. You'll take a relaxing shower together, and then put on some perfectly fluffy, soft pajamas (Jack is a connoisseur of comfortable fabrics), and curl up in bed once more. Some nights you guys might put on a show in the background, or some music, or anything you're in the mood to watch and just sit, and cuddle to the background noise. However, there are also nights like tonight, when you snuggle up and read together. It always starts with both of you reading your own preferred books in silence, but then usually one of you grows more tired faster than the other (usually you, as it's generally 5:00 am by this point), and the other person will read their own book aloud for both of you. Days like these generally end with you fast asleep in Jack's arms due to your need for sleep overcoming you, and Jack will always chuckle and set his book aside, before pulling you into his chest, and finally falling asleep himself. You usually always wake before him, unless you sleep the whole day away (sometimes Jack also just refuses to let you out of his arms on purpose but shhhh it's fine, it doesn't matter), but post date day snuggles are also mandatory in this relationship, so really, date days are like two days in one because you've gotta recoup your energy from staying up so late. Even if the two of you just spend a date day curled up inside playing board games or reading, or even just silently snuggling up, Jack doesn't mind, so long as he gets to spend as much time with you as possible, anything is fine in his opinion. He's just thankful to have you there with him.

[simp-ly-writes]

In Sickness and in Health

─────── · · How Could You Refuse? (pt.11)

Pairing: Jayce Talis x Shy!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: You and Jayce buy a house together, settle into your new lives in Piltover, and discuss having kids all the while planning a wedding only for Jayce to become sick... you both hope he'll be well in time enough for the ceremony but then again, nothing is going to stop Jayce from marrying you, nothing.

─ · · TAGS: female pronouns used, partial sickfic, teasing, pet names, sickly sweet fluff (no but seriously), some emotional hurt/comfort (more like reassurances), kissing, suggestive themes, Evren (OC) , a very sad Jayce, marriage worries, wedding scene, HIGHLY suggestive themes, reader is mentioned to have hair and is shorter than Jayce, not beta read.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | WORDCOUNT: 11,698

─ · · SERIES MASTERLIST

─ · · A/N: first post of 2025!- thank you all for sticking with me 🥹💞 I tried to keep wedding details as vague as possible and I may of have may not cried as much as Jayce did while writing the ceremony... ANYWAYS enjoy~

─────── · ·

─ · · From the brief that Jayce gave you before the train stopped in Piltover never would have prepared you for this... looking outside the window you saw a sea of people barley being held in by the barricades that Enforcers were struggling to hold up against the crowd.

Screams and shouts were muffled for now as you smoothed out your matching green dress to Jayce's shirt, the public relations team stated that your first sighting back in the city should show you two as a unit. You both would be the last to leave and as the minutes ticked by your anxiety grew tenfold as you paced up and down the carriage, heels clacking against the wood listening to Jayce who was nearly shouting to communicate with the head enforcer for your plan to exit.

"I have a meeting with the council in half and hour, at most we can stand for pictures for ten minutes before I need to head to city hall, my wife and mother go to Talis house, am I understood?" Jayce's tone is stern, stress eating at his tight features.

"Sir yes sir," the enforcer shouts, stomping their foot to the ground and dropping the salute before swiftly exiting, cheers sounding at the brief sight of the hammer emblem on Jayce's sleeve as the door closes.

You don't even notice Jayce's slip up of your title in your stress as your nails dig into your palms. Ximena suddenly grabs your arm, you flinch before letting out a breath seeing her worried face. Bending down you allow her to hold your face, "We'll be here the whole time, I promise. Nothings going to happen to you," she tries to comfort you. You nod, squeezing your eyes shut in a silent prayer before standing to full height.

You hear Jayce's boots echoing down the hall, looking up to see him fix his hair before planting a kiss against your temple, "I'll exit first and lead you both out. Caitlyn is waiting to take you both home." You nod while fixing the collar to his shirt and smoothing out the wrinkles across his chest.

Jayce places his hands atop yours, "We don't have to say anything yet, they're not a part of this relationship," he reassures you. "Okay," you whisper feeling as he slowly lets go, your hands falling back to your side as you slip on the gloves Ximena presented to you.

You hear as the door opens watching as he waves to the crowd listening to their deafening cheers before turning around and looking at you, extending his hand and helping you down the steps before helping his mother.

An enforcer rushes over to Ximena's side, presenting an arm as she is first to leave. You watch until seeing familiar blue hair lead her into a carriage sending you a nod as you turn to look up at Jayce finding him already looking down at you with a smile.

You wrap your hand around his right arm on instinct, holding on with a near deathly grip, concealing your ring. You slowly turn to face forwards holding a small smile. You are shocked that after such a cataclysmic event Piltover seemed to be doing better than ever and that a few members of Zaun were also waving at you excitedly as you hesitantly waved back receiving a waterfall of cheers before hiding your face in Jayce's side feeling overwhelmed.

"They seem to love you as much as I do," Jayce teases.

You scoff at the comment before you both start to walking over to Caitlyn who was now joined by Vi. You smile at both women as they mirror your expression, "Good to see you back, Mrs. Talis," Caitlyn jokes as Vi wraps an arm around her shoulder.

Shaking your head you tap Jayce's chest, "not just yet but soon," you say. Jayce grumbles underneath his breath before squeezing your hand in goodbye and walking off with an entourage of staff and guards alike.

You all step into the carriage where Ximena waits, patting the seat beside her for you to sit. You lean back, letting your shoulders drop with a sigh listening to Caitlyn chuckle at you, "It'll get easier," she taps your knee before leaning against Vi's side.

"I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life," you look towards the red haired woman with large watery eyes. "Gosh don't give me that look, you're as worse as Jayce," she scoffs before shaking your hand, "I should thank you too."

"Whatever for?" you ask, confusion evident across your features and tilted head. You watch as the couple before you laughs, "you don't know?" You shake your head, turning to Ximena who is busy looking out the window mindlessly.

"For being the reason this city could rebuild; giving the people hope. Jayce did a whole speech for the local media awhile back petitioning for a spot back on the council- wanting to rebuild Piltover and he addressed you and your love as the sole reason the city still stands today." You open and close your mouth, eyebrows furrowing before crossing your legs and thinking quietly to yourself before remembering Viktor's words...

"Was a bit too sweet of a speech for my likings but it did wonders for his approval ratings," Vi jokes.

─────── · ·

─ · · A few weeks after settling back in, you and Jayce planned to move north in Piltover into a new house together within Bluewind Court a few doors down from the Kiramman household.

─ · · You and Jayce were both not huge fans of marble facades common in the area, instead taking to one of the oldest homes that had been sitting on the market for awhile and in dire need of repair.

─ · · You remember your first time viewing the outside of the house- built from brick holding large stone-framed windows. The roof was a partially black shingles yet newer additions were done with copper plates, some oxidized to a green others still sprouting orange. A large sunroom wrapped around the side and towards the back of the home and you equally fell in love with the stained glass dormers that invited light into the attic space.

─ · · Jayce watched as you walked around the house, letting go of his hand as you adventured into each room, observing the original hardwood floors and mosaic bathroom floors- gasping at all the intricate details in the brass handles of the kitchen and the large willow tree in the backyard.

─ · · The real estate agent smiled at the councillor adoring look as you found the secret entrance to the office and basement through a bookshelf, looking back at Jayce, biting your lip trying to conceal your giggles of excitement, practically jumping on the spot before darting off again. "Your wife is very cute, Councillor Talis," they say to Jayce, "she is, isn't she?" he hums before walking after you.

"You like the place, sweetheart?" he asks watching as you take a seat in a bay window within the study space, already picturing looking over from his desk seeing you reading. You nod, leaning back against the wall and looking out the window to look over Piltover. "I really like this place, Jayce. Feels like we can make it into something for just the two of us," you speak softly, thinking for a moment before standing and leading him out, "come, I want to show you something."

Jayce follows you upstairs as you push a door open to a room that faces the backyard. A mural is on the ceiling depicting the night sky that you move to stand in the middle of, "its a nursery, Jayce! Isn't the ceiling just outstanding," you point up, eyes becoming lost in the stars that reflect in your eyes and in Jayce's as he stares at you, heart racing, breath hitching, a nursery.

He feels stunned to his spot, unsure of weather or not to take your words on face value as images of that little girl sitting in your arms flickers across his mind. He would never want to pressure you into anything- no matter how much his heart longed to be a father. To raise someone with you to be curious of the world, to provide unconditional love and protection, to watch their interests develop and see the person they become.

Jayce clasps his shaking hands together, suddenly nervous as you turn your head towards him, smile slowly sliding off our face once seeing Jayce's still frame. You walk over slightly, opening his hands to hold in your own, "everything alright, my love?" you ask, looking up to your fiancee with worry.

Jayce smile wavers as he blinks a few times, letting out a deep breath, "yeah... I just... I would like... never mind." He removes one of his hand from your hand to cup your cheek as you lean into his palm. "take your time," you whisper, waiting patiently in his hold, watching his eyes stare over the room before looking down at you.

"I know we talked about this briefly before but... I would really like to have a family one day but I am perfectly happy with just having you," Jayce explains- words rushing out near the end as he stops breathing in wait. You stand up on your toes, pressing a kiss to his lips, "I want one too, Jayce. Just not yet," you reply watching as Jayce lets out a long breath, placing his forehead against your own, closing his eyes and holding you for a moment.

"Girl or boy?" you whisper with a smile to your words, "girl," Jayce responds almost instantly as you pull away laughing, "but I would love a boy just the same."

"Why a girl?" you ask, spinning around the room absent-mindedly.

"I would like to play dress-up with them," you laugh, heart overfilling with want for the imagine within your head to come to life, "princess Jayce," you announce to Jayce's nod, "I think I would look good in some nail polish, no?"

You nod your head, "I think it would suit you actually," you pick up his hand- considering colours, "I could see you in blue oh! or maybe red to match your house-"

"Our house and our home," Jayce squeezes your hand, "yeah?" you ask, looking up into his eyes and around the space again, "yeah," he confirms hearing you cheer and run down the stairs back towards the agent.

─────── · ·

─ · · From selling your apartments, temporarily moving into the Talis residence and planning a wedding. You hated how correct Evren's words were as you didn't have time to find a job between helping Jayce with his work and attending the various events at his side, checking in on the house renovations and crew all the while editing your personal studies since Jayce had reopened the lab for you... life was chaos spreading yours and Jayce's time together thin.

─ · · Jayce always made sure to send you flowers to the lab as you made sure to stick messages within his notebooks on scrap pieces of papers or on the back of a letter to find later. You always made sure to include a picture of how the house was progressing.

─ · · Jayce had a picture of you in a hardhat posing on the front steps of the house framed in his office that he would often look at between meetings. He also received many letters of thanks from the workers for providing refreshments and lunch that on the books he thought was for the wedding. When asking you about it later you just smiled and kissed him, assuring that the house would be done two weeks before the wedding.

─ · · On his breaks, you would come into Jayce's office to eat with him when your schedules alined and discussed wedding details. Surprisingly Jayce had many opinions that you throughly enjoyed hearing and agreed with. One being having your wedding partially indoors in case the weather didn't align with the ceremony. You both also wanted a relatively small wedding with close friends and family... the members of the Council invited themselves no matter how many times Jayce politely denied.

─ · · "I would want pictures of my family and Viktor in the front row... want to feel like they're there, you know?" you tell Jayce, taking a sip from your tea. Jayce nods, "I would also like one for Professor Heimerdinger."

"Of course," you jot the names down, circling the word photo about the list. "Do you have your dress picked out?" Jayce asks, eyes twinkling with excitement as he tries to picture what you chose. You play with the tea leaves at the bottom of your cup, "I'm torn between two and Evren and Ximena are also at split opinions."

"Why not just get both?" Jayce fills your cup back up before offering his hand for you to hold on top of the table, "you can wear one for the ceremony and the other for the reception," he explains. You stare at him for a moment, contemplating his suggestion, "but its two dresses, Jayce. Seems a bit excessive- no?"

Jayce leans forwards on the table looking at you, "sweetheart, its our wedding-"

"I know, Jayce, I know but we already put so much towards the house and I don't want to seem like we're showing off," you cut Jayce off, squeezing his hand in a silent apology.

"(name), compared to all of our neighbours and for topside society; Our wedding is already small in comparison. I don't think anyone is going to be upset that you wore two dresses while others invite over 500 people," Jayce explains, "I just want the day to be something that celebrates us, everything we've been through, and our future and if you want to get married in two dresses or a bathrobe and bare foot- I just care about signing that certificate and carrying you home."

"Carry me home?" you question, writing down in your notebook to get both dresses fitted at the tailors later this week. Jayce smiles brightly, "a Talis and lower houses special," he winks, "once the party's over, I can't let your feet touch the floor until we're home or... until we're in bed." You look up from your notes quickly, cheeks slowly warming, "you never told me of that tradition."

Jayce merely shrugs, taking a sip from his cup, "we're not an original high society clan. Not exactly an appropriate thing to bring up," he teases watching as you refuse to make eye-contact, cursing yourself internally for the images popping into your head of Jayce flipping up your skirt, feeling him breath hot against your inner thighs that you currently clench together- fuck.

You both hadn't had time to be intimate recently but then again, you both knew that the wait would make your wedding night feel that much more amplified. Your eyes flicker open once feeling Jayce's hands rub up and down your shaking thighs as he crouches before you- eyes filled with longing and a hint of guilt.

"I know, sweetheart. I want it too but we have to be patient. Just a couple more weeks, right? Then we have a full two all to ourselves." You lean forwards, embarrassed by how emotional you feel over such a thing as you nod into his shoulder, "just miss you, Jay. Even just spending time with you and hearing your voice."

Jayce kisses the side of your head, "miss you too, darling. So much so it hurts at times." You both stay there for a moment before a knock sounds at the door, slowly pulling away to the muffled voice, 'Councillor Talis, the senator from Demacia is here to speak with you.'

"Duty calls?" you tease, Jayce groans standing and walking you to the door, opening it before pressing you against the oak for a kiss. You smile into his lips before pulling away, "see you at home, Mr. Talis."

Jayce shakes his head, stealing another kiss, "see you then, Mrs. Talis-to-be."

─────── · ·

─ · · It was one week before the wedding, you both had fully moved into the new completed house with what furniture you both had - not having time to properly decorate just yet. Your dresses were currently being housed in Evren's hotel room who swore he would protect them both 'with his life' as you were nervous for Jayce accidentally seeing anything.

─ · · You and Jayce went to choose cake flavours last weekend deciding to have tiers of your favourite flavours, collected the dried flower petals to be thrown at the end of the ceremony, and finalized the menu with recipes from both of your families heritages.

─ · · Your home and entryway was starting to look like a factory by the dozens of boxes and supplies you both had ordered lined the halls and dining room. Candles, new silverware and glassware that you would use later in your new house, all of the gifts for the guests and thankfully Jayce's suit had arrived on time yet you couldn't find your shoes anywhere.

─ · · Pacing around the house, Ximena was helping to rip open boxes searching for the shoes for both you and Jayce. "I know we still have time but I want our outfits to be all together in one place so we're not stressing about it on the day," you explain, placing your head inside one of the boxes as you reach down and can only feel more cards and napkins. You huff, standing up and walking back into a warm chest as arms wrap around your waist, something hits your hip lightly that has you looking down to see your shoes dangling from Jayce's fingers and you can see him already wearing his dress shoes checking that they fit right.

"Looking for these ones?" he asks quietly, feeling as his beard rubs against your cheek. "Yes, thank you, my love," you say, wiggling out of his arms and racing over to a chair to try them on. Jayce helps you to stand before watching you walk up and down the hall testing before nodding and slipping them off again, placing them by the front door.

"Off work early?" you call out to Jayce. "Have a meeting tonight so I can't come for dinner but I wanted to see you both today," Jayce explains as you re-enter the room with a small frown, "5 more days and then I'm all yours," Jayce reassures you again before coughing and clearing his throat.

You raise your brow in concern, starting to walk over as Jayce taps his chest, "I'm fine, just working through a little something." You shake your head, "Jayce, I told you to take more breaks ahead of the wedding you can't- we can't be getting sick with everyone already taking time off for the ceremony," you grumble, standing up on your toes to feel his warm head- eyes softening from your original upset to one of concern.

"I'll be better for the wedding, I assure you just-" Jayce coughs again, waving his hand for you to stand back a little but you just rub his back, leading him to sit as Ximena comes over with a pot of tea and jar of honey. "I don't want you sick, sweetheart," Jayce's voice is beginning to sound horse before taking a sip of the hot liquid, resting his head back against the chair as you interlace your fingers, placing a kiss on the back of his hand.

"Then we'll be sick during our wedding together Jayce," you retort. "Now I'm going to write to whomever you have that meeting with and send someone else from the council to it- alright? They shouldn't have you working like this so close to your own wedding, its distasteful," you state, walking over to his briefcase and sorting through the various pages before clicking on a pen with a huff.

Jayce opens and closes his mouth, beginning to protest before his mother shoes another tea cup in front of his face with a glare, "you are not marrying that woman sick, Jayce. I will not allow it- she deserves a healthy husband that does not faint on her while walking down the aisle."

You smile listening to Ximena tell Jayce off for you while signing your signature at the bottom of the page, possibly the last official uses of your original signature before changing to the Talis seal. You ring the Kiramman household requesting for Caitlyn's father as Jayce watches you work with utter determination in your eyes and tone as you grip the sealed letter, smiling with success when he reports a staff member will be over shortly to collect the papers.

Turning back around you and Ximena share a nod before looking towards Jayce, "I don't want to see you off the property until its either the wedding or you're healthy," you state, leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed over your chest.

Jayce stares at you for a moment a smile spreading across his face as you tilt yourself upstairs. "I made a room for you upstairs in the guest wing, Ximena," you explain as Jayce stand moving towards you excited to cuddle. Ximena looks at you both smiling, "I'll have breakfast ready in the morning with some fresh juice for him."

You shake your head, "Ximena- I can do that you-" Its her turn to be exchanging a glare, "no. Give this old lady something to do, I am bored out of my mind back at home with everyone doing everything for me all the time, let me do this for you."

"Alright," you nod your head as she waves you both up, cleaning up the dish ware and heading to the kitchen, humming to her victory.

─────── · ·

─ · · In the following days you and Jayce read side by side in the study, took naps in the afternoon and Ximena had even taught you the family soup recipe that you had perfected by the second day.

─ · · You had gone to the local pharmacist for medication that Jayce had to take with food and you were always making sure he took them on the minute you timed in between doses and packing and wrapping gifts for your guests. Jayce was looking better with proper rest as the days counted down.

─ · · After awhile Jayce started to become restless wallowing around inside as you both took walks around the backyard and when that got repetitive you turned to through the neighbourhood. You couldn't keep the smile off your face while walking arm and arm down the cobbled streets listening to Jayce hum quietly on your way to the farmers market to choose the flowers for your bouquet.

Jayce pointed out to various flowers that matched with your original picks and you were delighted to see a handful of flowers from Evren's homeland that you quickly added to your order. By the end you had a mix-up of flowers that represented different regions and times of your life. You held the batch for flowers close to your face being sneezing, Jayce laughed until he coughed, "at this rate we'll have the guests seven feet away from us," and you can't help but join in the laughter even when you both are getting stares.

─ · · Laying in bed later that day you traced patterns across Jayce's chest as you both leaned against the headboard, a record played in the background as rain pattered against the glass panes outside. "It's good that it's raining now," you comment softly, pressing your head to Jayce shoulder, putting his touch to memory knowing that tomorrow you wouldn't see him ahead of the wedding.

"You seem extra snuggly tonight, sweetheart," Jayce teases feeling as you shuffle underneath his arm, pulling it closer to your chest, "Well we're not going to see each other in the morning, my love," you mumble now sitting yourself into his lap being mindful of his weak leg. Jayce chuckles at your actions before freezing once his brain registers your words.

"Jay?" you call out quietly, tipping your head up to kiss his chin. Jayce does not say a word, confusion evident on his features as he sags forwards resting his head atop of yours with a pout, "Well at least I'll see you in the evening right?" Your heart drops at his saddened tone as you play with his fingers, interlacing them with your own.

"Its bad luck for us to see one another, we also shouldn't be here now like this," you chuckle feeling as Jayce squeezes you for a moment and lets out a grunt, "we don't need luck. Never helped us before and we are well beyond traditional," Jayce sasses back.

"I think fucking your assistant is traditional, I have no idea what you mean, Councillor Talis," you joke, smiling at Jayce's deep chuckle before you pick up your hands, planting a kiss to the connection, "you can last a night Jay. You said it yourself, patience. We have the rest of our lives to sit like this in bed until we turn grey and old. Enjoy your last night being unmarried. Evren and my university friends already have our day planned out at a winery," you say, closing your eyes as you lean your head back on his chest.

Jayce rolls his eyes, "I never wanted to be single in the over ten years of knowing you and I enjoy being with you more than anything else," Jayce murmurs into your hair, "I would pause time in this moment and be perfectly happy for eternity." You squeeze your eyes shut, heart hammering in your chest at his words as you feel his beat against your back in tune.

"See what Caitlyn and Vi are up to, I'm sure they would be more than willing to come over or go out for some drinks with you," you mumble, quickly falling asleep in Jayce's warmth.

Jayce stays awake, watching you sleep before looking out the window- frowning. He feels as you shuffle and stir within his hold, hugging his arm tightly, genuinely and utterly devastated that there would be one last night in his life where the bed would be cold and empty when he awoke.

Leaning down Jayce presses a kiss to your head before gently pulling your hold off of him so that you both can lay down properly. You quickly search the covers for him before wrapping your arm over his waist. Jayce squeezes his eyes shut at your touch but is restless to sleep, taking to holding you and playing with the ends of your hair absent-mindedly, praying that the night feels longer than the morning.

─────── · ·

─ · · Jayce didn't know when he fell asleep in the early morning hours but was startled awake at the sound of Caitlyn and Vi bursting into the main bedroom. Jayce started blankly at the two women that smiled and waved at him before Jayce fell back into bed with a huff. Vi stepped into your combined walk-in-closet letting out a low whistle, "Cait look at these two- prepared for every occasion underneath the sun and below the surface."

Caitlyn steps him, nodding and observing the space, picking up random articles to feel the material as Vi takes notes of what she takes interest in before stepping back out throwing a t-shirt Jayce's way, "Put this on and get off your mopey-ass outta bed, we're going out!"

Jayce grips the fabric in a fist, bringing his other hand up to his face pinching his nose. "Were her friends there to meet her?" Jayce asks while staring up at the ceiling. Caitlyn continues to snoop around the space before feeling Jayce's glare when she picks up one of your perfumes that he gifted you for your anniversary that she slowly puts back down.

"Yes everyone was there," Caitlyn explains, "enforcers are in the area and she said she'll sleep at your mothers house and get ready in Evren's hotel room thats close to the venue while he'll come here." Jayce nods before picking himself up and stretching, walking over to the bathroom and shutting the door.

Vi and Caitlyn share a look between one another once hearing the shower turn on, "shouldn't he be more... I don't know... excited?" Vi mumbles to Caitlyn's shrug, "beats me, maybe they fought last night-who knows?- lets just make sure he feels a bit better before tomorrow."

Vi wraps an arm around Caitlyn's waist before turning them both down the hall to explore the rest of the house. "You ever imagine Jayce getting married one day?" Vi asks, opening a door and peaking into the nursery, raising a brow in shock to Caitlyn who smiles at the space.

"Jayce? He was ready to get married at twelve, played wedding in the school yard," Caitlyn laughs, shaking her head at the images Ximena showed her floating through her mind. Vi raises her brows, blinking her eyes wide, "Gods you topside kids played the weirdest things, cupcake."

"Mhmm, sure our things were 'weird,'" Caitlyn teases, pressing a kiss to Vi's cheek before shutting the door and peaking into the next room to see another bedroom, your study, and bathroom. Jayce clears his throat watching as both women freeze.

"You did well, Jayce," Caitlyn says, looking at all the original fixtures and hardwood floors, "feels very... homely and welcoming."

"My wife, fiancee, oversaw most of the houses renovations," Jayce explains before tipping his head back downstairs as they follow after and into the kitchen watching as Jayce pours two coffee's into your respective mugs you've had since your lab days.

Caitlyn smiles awkwardly as Jayce takes his mug clinks it against your own, sipping his quietly while looking over the backyard and checking his watch occasionally. "Gods this is hard to watch," Vi groans, pouring herself a cup of coffee and slapping Jayce's back, "get it together man. She's not going to leave you for any of her friends, not after the shit you've pulled over the years, Mr. 'where's-my-girl?'" Vi flexes listening to Cait's laugh echo the space as she steals a sip from her girlfriends mug before forcing it down.

"You drink this, black?" her nose crinkle's up in disgust. "Theres creamer, milk, and milk alternative, in the fridge and honey in the pantry room," Jayce explains while looking over his shoulder as the couple shares small smiles at one another, disregarding Vi's earlier teasing- he just misses your quiet morning together too much to care.

He stares at the countertop he stands in front of. You spent every morning sitting there soaking up the rising suns rays with an adorable smile on your face as your feet swung back in fort before wrapping around the back of his thighs, pulling him closer to you.

Jayce would kiss every feature of your face slowly before kissing across your jaw to your lips. Your giggles in his ear as his beard would tickle your skin. "Jayce," Caitlyn calls out softly, seeing as his stare hardens against the countertop, "did something happen last night?"

He shakes his head, "no... I just miss her. Really want to see her... just to know she's doing good..." Caitlyn's smile falls seeing as Jayce wallows around the kitchen. "I'm sure she misses you too, Jayce. You'll both see each other tomorrow."

Jayce shakes his head, "what if she realizes she can find someone better than me? She reassures me but... I mean... you said it yourself back then..."

"Don't say that shit, Jayce. I swear sometimes your genius has an expiration date," Caitlyn stops her foot, gripping Jayce's arm so that he looks at her sharpened look- eyes welling with concern and care, "she chose you for some reason or another that I'm sure she's told you at some point and was even crazy enough to say yes to your proposal. I don't know how much more certain you can get."

"What Cait said!" Vi yells tearing up the pantry as Jayce holds the blue-haired woman's stare for a long moment before letting out a long sigh. "Just need to see her, hear her say yes, but thanks for trying to comfort me," Jayce says turning back down the hall and turning into the study.

Vi points over in shock to the secret door, "we have to get one of those in our own place." Caitlyn nods, staring sadly at the bookshelves, "mind getting a bottle or two? I think we're staying in tonight." Vi obliges.

─────── · ·

─ · · Before Evren had arrived for you to introduce him to all of your prior peers and mentors you were wallowing on a picnic blanket in the middle of rows upon rows of grapes. A large sun-umbrella protected your skin from behind you as you picked at the selection of food while listening to everyone chat away and catch-up.

Your heart hurt not knowing how Jayce was doing today after how last night went. You felt overwhelmingly guilty the longer you sat outside without him, wondering if Caitlyn and Vi managed to get to him... "Is that a frown I see, miss?" Evren shouts as you stand, a smile starting to form on your features as he kisses your cheeks swiftly before shaking all of your friends hands.

"Everyone, Evren- Evren, Everyone," raising a glass and everyone takes a sip. "Now I want to know, has she been frowning this whole time?" A chorus of 'yes's' sound from the group that has you glaring at everyones laughs.

"No frowning!" Evren flicks your forehead, "You should not be frowning when you are about to get married-"

"You're divorced, Evren," you deadpan.

"Well that is true but I was happy when it happened, not what came afterwards," you roll your eyes, giving him a shove watching as he stumbles back slightly before taking a seat and conversation resumes. Evren makes it his personal job to make sure you are smiling or well too embarrassed while reconnecting with your friends to think as they all tell him stories about seeing you and Jayce in the halls together and the small moments you shared throughout the years before getting together.

"When she told he they were not dating the entire time I nearly had a fit," Jayce's old secretary laughs, gripping your arm as you groan and shake your head, a smile catching onto your features before your cheeks flare up at the next comment, "and the longing in their eyes was so pathetic. Everyone knew, or well, everyone in our department knew that they were going to fuck one day or another."

Your past dorm mate while studying at the academy pipes up, raising their hand to speak next as everyone looks anxious to hear, you as well, "poor thing didn't speak for weeks after watching Jayce for the first time in the forge!"

"Really now?" Evren asks, adjusting his glasses as he stares you down with a teasing grin. "I was incredibly shy then," you hide your face in your hands, before leaning forwards into your lap groaning at your next friends story, "The amount of times I would see her practically in his lap or those dangerously close cheek kisses I would catch them giving was hilarious and equally pathetic. Sometimes I just wanted to shove them both into a closet and shout 'figure it out' for god-sakes!"

"That bad?" you wince, your friend stares at you blankly, "he allowed you- constantly reminded actually, to drop titles even at corporate events. I mean you didn't catch him calling me sweetheart and rubbing my waist with reassurance." You look at Evren for support who just downs the rest of his drink, "You never told me of these things!" he comments to your glare before laughing at everyones impressions as they stand and preform.

"Oh Jayce! I'm so nervous let me hide my face into you bicep-"

"Can you do my tie while I stare at your lips?"

"I'm going to practically wag my tail every time someone brings up you in conversation and then ramble about how much I adore you."

"Sweetheart, come here, Sweetheart, what do you think? Sweetheart, don't look at Viktor- look at me! Sweetheart?- Wait thats not your name?"

"Let me just swing around a big hammer while having the biggest glow up- kissing you senseless and then carry you home," your laughter soon turns to a face of horror, "you guys know about that," you whine feeling a few shoulder pats- accepting your fate before reaching over to grab some more grapes to snack on- nearly choking as you hear your past neighbour whisper, "good girl," before turning away giggling as you squirm in your spot silently screaming.

"How do you know that?!" Feeling the curious eyes at your sudden outburst watching as they smile, "you and Jayce are not exactly... quiet."

"This stays between us," you glare watching as they nod, "I promise." They reassure you, "I just had to say it at least once," they giggle as you roll your eyes understanding with a sigh.

"What did they say?" Evren asks, holding up your glass in a silent ask if you wanted a refill which you nod to. "Nothing just an inside joke," you say. Evren shrugs, clicking your glasses together before leaning back and talking with Jayce's old secretary.

You raise a brow at the connection they seem to be forming before casting Evren a wink in which he flips you off.

─────── · ·

─ · · The day of the wedding had arrived and you woke up bright and early taking some hang-over relief composite before kicking Evren out of his room and sending him to your house to help Jayce get ready.

─ · · A team had already come in to do your hair and make up after you had bathed and ate. Ximena joined you later that morning after checking on Jayce. She smiled watching you spin around in your final look before the ceremony; fighting off tears.

"He's really nervous, Vi and Caitlyn couldn't calm him down much yesterday," Jayce's mom explains taking your hand gently- making sure to not ruin your look in anyway, "he was beside himself again this morning just asking to see you. I watched as he poured your coffee and sat there in his suit playing with the wedding band-I almost agreed to let him come," she shakes her head at the idea as you smile softly, eyes starting to well up as she curses slightly underneath her breath, quickly standing and grabbing you tissues.

"Oh, I'm sorry for making you cry, dear. I'll stop talking-" you shake your head, "No, no. It feels relieving that he feels the same way I do, us suffering together like usual," you joke through a sob before telling yourself to get it together, I'll see him in 3 hours, I can last... right?

─ · · Ximena leaves to get herself ready as you look through the rather scandalous photos you took of yourself that your bridesmaids would be handing to Jayce throughout the night in an effort to cheer yourself up. You remember telling Evren of your wicked plan as he cackled and clapped his hands excited to witness you enact your revenge on your husband-to-be for all of his teasing.

─ · · Your bridesmaids all stumbled into the room as you smiled and waved to them all, spinning as they whistled. "Thank you all for staying with me and dealing with my life," you address the group before being forced into a group hug. "But I do need your help with one thing..." Everyone looks between each other with a smirk wanting to see Jayce loose his mind.

─────── · ·

─ · · Jayce was already loosing his mind, his hands shaking as he readjusted his tie and cuffs a thousands times as he walked back and forth at the top of the isle seeing all the guests that had already arrived concerned stares at him.

He was blinking away tears in partial disbelief that he was actually going to marry you like he dreamed of doing all those years ago... and the other half in a stress-induced panic that you might never show... he knew you wouldn't do that to him yet his brain could not convince his heart.

─ · · Evren stands from his seat, clapping a hand on Jayce's back, forcing him to stand still, "you're scaring everyone, Jayce. Your bride looks great, she's on her way, now stand up straight like the man of progress they all know you to be and don't drop the ring," he winks before sitting back down. Jayce takes a deep breath in and long exhale out before closing his eyes and facing forwards, hands clasped together to hide the shakes.

─────── · ·

─ · · Readjusting your undergarments and hiding a picture on your person you step out of the bathroom before being lead to the lobby and make your way to the venue. Your knee bounces as you bite your lip, you desperately want to see Jayce now and feels like you can't get there quick enough as you get stopped at seemingly every intersection and crossroads.

─ · · You and Jayce separately hear as the music starts to play and all your bridesmaids take off ahead of you. Your breath hitches in your throat as you grip the bouquet between your hands, the door men await your nod before opening the first set of doors. You feel your heartbeat with every step you take, letting out a shaky breath once you are one turn away from seeing everyone... from seeing Jayce.

─ · · A cold touch of an indoor breeze as you chocking back a sob, 'Viktor,' you hiss to yourself, 'can't you see I'm already emotional?' And if wind could laugh it would by the way it whistled into ear and down the aisle as Jayce snapped his head up to see you. Tears. They streamed down both of your cheeks as Jayce blinked rapidly, not wanting to miss a moment.

─ · · Jayce grit is teeth together, smile wavering to conceal a sob, he was beyond words to capture how beautiful he thought you looked walking towards him as the dresses details came into view. For a moment he looked over to the spokesperson wondering how long it would be before he could feel your lipstick coating his lips.

And suddenly you were in front of him, handing your bouquet off and taking his hands. His eyes widened seeing the hexcore stitched into the lace of your dress. His heart raced, seeing your smile, palms sweating hearing your little giggle in his ear as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face letting out a small breath in disbelief.

"Hello, sweetheart," he whisper for you, "hello, my love," you greeted back, shuffling on your feet with excitement, gripping his hands as he refused to look away from you not even for a moment as the spokesperson clears their throat and begins to speak.

─ · · "Friends, family, and those who could not join us today but are lovingly remembered. We are gathered here today to witness a love that has transcended language, body, time, and space to come to this moment where Councillor Jayce Talis and Miss. (name) (last/name), wish to be wed.

Having met at the academy, these two brilliant minds clashed and connected for the first time in what would be a tale of sacrifice and longing but also one of perseverance and dedication. A tale of which many have seen, looked up to, or connected with.

Both individuals stand before us today have given their lives to building a better world, a better city, and a better future for others, and now they devote themselves wholly to one another. A decision not made lightly but has been taken with great consideration and respect for both the other person and oneself. And today we are to celebrate this commitment and witness the start of their new future as husband and wife.

Marriage is a bond like no other, it is promising yourself to someone and accepting that person for all their entirety- for all time; through the good days and the bad, through loss and the peaks of life, you chose one another as equally lovers and friends and understand that by marrying one another you are willing to sacrifice for the other and never take bond for granted yet strengthen it to the woes of time.

You both will develop the capacity to forgive and forget in order to perform your duties as husband and wife; to protect, love, and support the other for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. For a good marriage is not something magically created or a thing of perfection but something that is maintained and that grows.

For one of the greatest things a person can do is find the capacity to love another, and this couple has shown that greatness countless times. Love creates the meaning within our lives and a love like this is to be recognized permanently through vows." The spokesperson waves for the rings as you smile brightly at Jayce, scrunching your nose playfully as he winks at you.

─ · · "Jayce," he nods, "do you take Miss. (name) (last/name) to be your lawfully wedded wife?" You stop breathing in wait, looking deeply into Jayce's eyes for any moment of reluctance but can only find overwhelming warmth and love in his hazel eyes, "I do."

"Will you love her, honour her, cherish and keep her, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, and keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," you gasp feeling the cold band be pushed onto your finger before seeing Jayce anxiously look at you, eyes practically begging for you to say yes, as he blinks back tears.

"And do you take Councillor Jayce Talis to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Jayce squeezes your hands, swallowing deeply, you can feel as he shakes in your hold, "I do." You smile, unable to contain your smile as a few of your tears drip down onto your wedding bands.

"Will you love him, honour him, cherish and keep him, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, and keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," you nod your head rapidly seeing as Jayce's eyes dilate onto your lips knowing what comes next. You both sound out the rest of the speech and the crowd that laughs as you both are practically shaking in your spot with restraint.

"You may now kiss-" Jayce cups your cheeks, tilting your head as he presses his lips against your own. Your eyes close as you smile from the familiar pressure, placing your hands atop of his before pulling away breathless and placing your foreheads against one another in a second kiss while catching your breaths.

Jayce's eyes are a dark honey as he searches your own, a teasing glint to his stare has you raising a brow before feeling him tip your body back and kiss you again, muffling your sounds of shock with his lips as you hear Evren cheer teasingly at you both.

You stand upright, leaning on Jayce's arm heavily as your sense of gravity is temporarily askew, following his lead back down the aisle and towards a private hall ahead of the reception for your portrait to be taken.

─────── · ·

─ · · A chair waits in front of a window facing the gardens of the venue. The photographer positions Jayce standing behind the chair, a hand on your shoulder like many of the pictures you had witnessed in the halls of the Academy. You frowned once seeing the picture appear before you- feeling distanced from your new husband in the image.

Seeing your displeasure with the image Jayce motions for you to stand before he takes the chair, patting the arm of the chair, "like old times-hm?" he speaks softly, looking up at you- watching intently as your eyes light up in memory to those long days and nights in the lab. A flash has you both quickly looking over watching as the photographer stands, smiling at you both, "I think we got the perfect shot there."

─ · · More photos are taken in various other locations and you and Jayce make sure to have individual pictures of one another for your offices. Your favourite of which is Jayce casting a wink just past the camera towards you, tie askew, a few strands of his hair dipping over his forehead as he smiles brightly, leaning back against a wall. Theres something so raw about the shot that you adore, a Jayce only for your eyes that few get to see the reality of.

"Always the pictures of me dishevelled for you, huh?" he questions with an eye roll, arm above your head as he leans closer to your body pressed against a wall. You feel as his finger drags across your bottom lip, hazel eyes bore into your own, another flash has you blinking rapidly remembering that you both were in fact getting your photos taken.

You glare at Jayce, swatting his chest watching as he pulls away with false hurt before turning around and sending the photographer off for a proper chance to kiss you. In a split second decision you decide to run away giggling as Jayce signs something off, patting the photographer on the shoulder before turning around and shaking his head- watching as you stop to turn around and wave before darting around a corner.

You speed up once hearing Jayce run after you, your heart is racing as your giggles turn into full laughs that have you struggling to breathe and before you know large hands grip your waist and pull you flush against a warm chest. You squirm and laugh feeling as Jayce's beard tickles you with every kiss up your shoulder towards your neck before biting your earlobe.

"A little bit late to be running away from me now, sweetheart," Jayce teases, breath hot and heavy in your ear as you lean your head back, looking up at him with large pleading eyes, "dance with me?" You hear as Jayce curses, closing his eyes, "fuck you're going to be the death of me." You laugh again, pulling fully away and taking his hand, dragging him down the hall.

─────── · ·

─ · · You walk up to the record player, smiling as all the vinyls you had requested were waiting in a crate for you to bend down and flip through. Pulling one gently from the sleeve, you sway side to side, wrapping your arms around yourself as the song starts.

Jayce watches you for a moment while slipping off his suit jacket and placing it on a door handle before pulling up his sleeves to his elbows. You close your eyes hearing as Jayce takes long strides to grab your waist, swaying alongside you as the song picks up. His hand feels down your arm, extending it out to the side so that your fingers can intertwine and he begins to take a few steps back, fully extending his arm out.

You look to the side, eyes connecting with a shared smile before Jayce starts to pull you back towards him and into a spin before you face one another, "my darling wife..." he murmurs to himself as you both rotate around the empty room, "my perfect husband," you say back, watching as Jayce blinks away tears at your words, you both listen to the way your skirt glides against the floor like soft waves in rhythm to his dress shoes that you're still guilty of stepping on.

Jayce keeps you close to him, hand dragging up and down you back, caressing your waist as you take another turn of the room, "...I love you so much," he says, kissing your cheek before you caress his own, pulling his head down for you to kiss his lips, "I love you too."

─────── · ·

─ · · When you both arrive at the reception you are unsurprised to see Evren already on a buzz as he points and yells loudly at you before darting over and pulling you away from Jayce who gets congratulated by all the Councillors you both don't remember inviting... Ximena shoves Evren aside with a huff, pulling at your cheeks, "It was a beautiful ceremony, I don't know if I've ever seen Jayce as happy as he was then. Thank you for making my son so happy," you nod your head along to her words, "I promise to continue making him happy."

She pulls you into a hug, "gosh I am so thankful you are my daughter now." You squeeze her back before making your rounds with a fresh glass of champagne in your hands.

─ · · Jayce maintained a smile as the Councillors spoke to him yet his jaw was clenched, irritated that they even showed up in the first place. After excusing himself for a refreshment, Jayce sat at the bar keeping his eye on your smile and the way that his mother almost refused to let you go from a hug.

But before he could stand to rejoin you, his past secretary stumbled forward, tapping him on the shoulder, sliding something into his hand without a word. Before Jayce even looked down to see what it was, he opened his mouth to ask yet she just pointed to his hand expectantly.

Hesitantly Jayce raised his hand taking a look at the image of you. The top of the image appeared normal picture of you in your second dress yet as his eyes trailed down you were fixing one of your stocking and Jayce pressed the image to his chest, glaring at the woman in front of him that just laughed and ran away. Shaking his head he look towards you, questioning why someone would give him something like this.

─ · · Feeling Jayce's stare on your back as you glide around the room from table to table greeting all of your close friends and shaking hands with Jayce's peers again.

You falter once seeing Mel step in front of you before hesitantly extending your hand surprised by how quickly she takes it and the way in which she smiles at you, "you both look stunning today."

"Thank you, Mel," you speak earnestly remembering all those days you looked up to her, her confidence and style only for her to be complimenting you, "just promise me that you'll love him as much as he loves you," she adds, gripping your hand a bit tighter as you hold her stare, "I promise."

She pulls away, hands flattening out her skirt before chiming her glass against your own once looking past your shoulder, "have fun tonight," she winks at you before downing the rest of her glass and walking away. You shake your head at the comment, turning to start a new conversation.

─ · · Jayce had received another two images in the time you had been speaking with Mel and he debated weather or not to say they got better or worse for himself as he became annoyed by everyones curious stares, you are not looking at my wife, as he buried the photos within his suit jacket.

─ · · A shadowy form clouds over your form as you pause your conversation once hearing Jayce's voice, a noticeable strain to his voice has you smiling knowingly, "You all are taking too much of my wife's attention from me, c'mon now we're about to have speeches and dinner," Jayce kisses your hand, pulling you towards you table as you smile apologetically hearing as they all laugh.

─────── · ·

─ · · Evren practically runs up to the stand as you sink down into your seat, covering your face before he can even mutter his first sentence. You hear as he clears his throat, addressing the crowd, "good evening everyone and hello to our most stunning couple- your kids are going to be the most spoiled little brats I just know it!" a chorus of laugher sounds. Jayce shakes his head and takes a sip from his glass before offering you a taste. Jayce smiled once seeing you stick out your tongue and glare at the disgusting liquid before shoving the glass back in his hands.

"Anyways! To the new wife of tonight, my best friend. Congratulations on getting yourself married to the hottest guy you could find but still questioned if you really liked him or not... multiple times. I mean GIRL, when he- Ximena, cover your ears my love, fucked you good enough to see lit-er-al stars after laying down his. life. for you- how did you NOT KNOW HE WAS THE ONE?- you know what, it all worked out in the end maybe I should be the one taking notes for once."

"Damn right Evren!" you shout watching as he flips you off. Jayce stares at you, smirking to himself as you refuse to look at him and feed his ego anymore.

"And Jayce, Jayce, Jayce my man. I'll say what everyone else thinks, if you were a little bit stupider and a bit more ugly... you would probably have gotten a restraining order but luckily enough you're not! you're married! and it fucking frustrates me that after being clinically dead you still managed to look better than I ever will in a year of trying," you don't know weather to laugh or comfort Evren, instead you look at Jayce who palms his face and sighs heavily.

"See he even looks good then and look at her- gods you both are so hot together its truly upsetting, anyways, have a good marriage and, Ximena, your ears again, know that everyone knows that the sex is amazing- the marks only confirmed everyones imagination. Okay! bye and love you both!" You stand and clap to Evrens bow as he struts back to his seat waving at everyone as he walks by.

Caitlyn is next to the stage, a small paper in her hand as she grabs the microphone and stares at Jayce until he looks back. Her speech is short as she blinks away glossy eyes, Jayce walks over to give her a hug, thanking her for the both of you before returning to your side as you rub his shoulder and present him a napkin for his eyes.

Ximena's speech surprises you in the way she speaks more about you than her own son, listing every time she asked Jayce when he would bring you back home again, if you were seeing anyone (with the intentions of that someone being him), and how grateful she was to have spent time living with you and getting to know you on a deeper level- confirming that if you both didn't get married by yourselves, "I would have pulled the dying wish card and told them to get together for my own happiness."

You scoff at the comment, "I was surprised that everyone else would be ripping into us tonight but your mom?" you whisper to Jayce, his arm wrapped around the back of your chair as he leans over, looking at the line of people waiting to speak, "remind me to tell you of all those nights she pelted me with apples for not being smart enough to ask you out."

"She did not," you voice drops, humour evident in your tone- smiling as Jayce does not answer, simply tracing random patterns on your shoulder.

─────── · ·

─ · · Jayce nods his head along to the rest of the speeches, his real focus is on you though before shock rattles his bones watching you stand and be presented a microphone as you take his hand and look deeply into his eyes as he sits and watches you- half interested in what you are about to say... the other half worried based upon the mischievous glint in your eyes.

"Jayce," he nods, leaning forwards and pressing a kiss against your hand, you stutter before finding your words again, "W-When I first met you... I was beyond intimidated by you; so outspoken and confident, pressing a kiss against my hand while holding eye-contact when I first went to shake your hand. I was not ready for you," you laugh, "after working for Viktor who often would just wave me away and tell me to take longer breaks and then to turn to you always willing to give me your undivided attention when I had a question scared me beyond belief especially when I felt myself falling for you. Looking more for your eyes, to share another brief touch... but I didn't want to mess anything up, wanted to work just as hard as I watched you work and how we didn't die from lack of sleep deserves its own lab study.

You were always the perfect gentleman, always knew how to make me laugh, sometimes I felt like I was a bad assistant for having you carry me to bed when I couldn't keep up with your math into the early morning hours or how you would be more than willing to leave events early when I was not feeling overly social... I told myself for years that you deserved someone..." you look away from Jayce, refusing to move as he pulls your hand lightly with a frown as you blink away tears, "...someone better than me, more willing to put themselves out there and not hold you back from the future you worked so hard towards for yourself, for this city.

No matter how much I desired to feel your touch, to hear your voice first thing in the morning or last of my day when we fell asleep on top of each other... I was so willing to let you go but of course, being Jayce Talis, you didn't allow that. Gosh I was so mad that you were not seeing what I was saying back then, that I only wanted what was best for you and for once in your life, you didn't listen to me- more stubborn than I.

And what frustrated me even more was how patient you were, just knowing that you could make me fold and you did, again and again no matter how much I was upset at you, no matter what happened, I just can't help myself but to love you," you conclude your speech with, sentence being cut off in the way Jayce pulls you to his lap, kissing your deeply before taking the microphone.

"My wife who fulfilled my greatest wish, to be your husband one day. To be the one who got to make you smile, to make you laugh and make your every wish happen for my own selfish happiness to be the reciprocant of your thanks.

I remember reading your's and Viktor's works and once getting admitted into the academy, I was making it a mission to not make a fool of myself when meeting you and when Heimerdinger told me that we would be working together, I nearly cried I was so excited and thankful for the opportunity that would become a lifetime study of love, happiness, and fulfilment.

Now I know that there is not a single thing I wouldn't do for you if you asked it of me. I struggle to put it into words to describe the ways in which you have changed me for the better and moulded me to being incomplete without having some part of you in my life. Know that there is not a single day that goes by since meeting you that I haven't thought about you in some way. Know that I need not know want when having you in reach and in mind. I love you, sweetheart."

You burry your face into Jayce's shoulder, kissing his neck repeatedly as he chuckles into the mic, a hand rubbing your thigh as he passes the microphone away and brushes the hair away from your ear, whispering, "how many more things are left to do before I can have you for myself?"

You shift on his thigh, "Jayce," you whine as his touch halts, his eyes warning, "be mindful of that voice, baby. I would be more than willing to fuck you right here."

You gasp at his words, "Jayce," you whisper shout, shaking your head to Jayce's shrug before remembering the card or rather picture up your sleeve.

Your husband raises a brow watching as you fiddle around in your dress before pressing the small square into his hand and standing up, "I'm going to go ask for the cake." You watch for a moment as Jayce see's bare skin, his eyes dart up hand extending in a silent demand for you to come back but you are rushing off to a staff server without another word leaving Jayce to squirm in his seat.

─────── · ·

─ · · Cutting the cake and serving everyone with Jayce's hand lingering on your lower back, dangerously close from slipping as he takes long even breaths watching as you lick your clips clear of icing before presenting him a spoonful, "this one has real strawberries inside!"

Jayce bends down allowing you to feet him, a wisp of icing stuck on his lowers lip as he looks at you expectantly, rolling his eyes when you grab a napkin much to the pleasure of the crowd that laughs towards the pouting groom.

You both then are pulled to the centre of the hall for a game, Jayce looks ready to just about murder Evren for proposing the idea, so close to leaving... he thinks to himself before helping you to your seat.

─ · · Sitting down you reach down and take off one of your shoes, exchanging it with one of Jayce's answering by raising the respective shoe to who the question fits more.

"Who's more likely to set the house on fire?" You instantly raise Jayce's shoe, listening to the crowd laugh as Jayce drags his head down, admitting defeat.

"Who's the boss of the relationship?" You both laugh at the question as Jayce explains, "Well depends on the time but recently," he throws up your shoe.

"Who's needier? First to Say 'I'm sorry?' Most likely to cry during a sad movie? More Romantic? Wants kids first? Pays more often? More outspoken?" Jayce mumbles to himself about the questions being unfair as you giggle, reaching around to grab his hand briefly before having to answer the next question.

"Who will be the stricter parent?" you raise your shoe knowing damn well that wouldn't be able to stick to his word at the sight of tears. "I could be strict!" Jayce states, "I'm sure you can be, my love," you reply in a teasing tone.

"Who is better at keeping surprises?" your win again.

"Who's the better kisser?" you raise Jayce's shoe with warming cheeks yet are surprised that Jayce has raised your shoe, "can't kiss myself now can I?" you laugh, swatting his shoulder playfully.

"Who loves the other more?" You raise your shoe before turning around in your seat as Jayce raises his shoe turning around as well with a smile.

─────── · ·

─ · · Taking to the rest room to freshen yourself up and change after the game, Jayce receives a handful more images as he begins to constantly fix his clothes, undoing his tie before turning into the hall and leaning against a wall waiting for you. He groans, closing his eyes, images of you flashing through his imagination making his skin feel hot, clothes too heavy- skin aching for your touch. He was done being patient and ready to drag you home, the guests be damned, he needed you soon.

─ · · Mel opens the door just as you are drying your hands, a wave of deja vu washes over you as she stands beside you, smirking while observing you both in the mirror. "Having fun tonight?- Jayce is falling apart at the seams out there, he glared at Evren suggesting that you all do shots later," she laughs knowingly while reapplying her lipstick as you blink up at her, surprised by her forwardness.

Mel knows her shoulder into your own, "or you can hide in the bathroom and I grab the rest of the girls and we continue in here... but Jayce might just combust. He was flinching at even the slightest contact by others." You nod and begin wiping off your make up knowing that you wouldn't have time to later. "What did you do to work him up so much?"

"Just gave a few pictures," you explain, drying off your face, casting her a smile as she laughs harder, "never knew you to be a little menace," she jokes, the bathroom door opens as you both look to see Evren enter, covering his eyes and shouting, "ladies I am sorry but if the bride is in here? Jayce just threatened me and I'm really scared this time!"

You laugh, "just me and Mel, Ev. You're good." Evren sighs, blinking to adjust to the light before whistling when seeing you in your new dress. "Looking hot, you seriously expect to walk back into the dining hall?" You shrug, "wanna bring the drinks in here?" Evren smiles at you before shaking his head, "I don't have a death wish."

─────── · ·

─ · · SERIES MASTERLIST

─ · · A/N: *clears throat and fixes glasses while checking notes* you and Jayce proceed to quote, "rail each other for the following two weeks..." huh... welp... *slaps knees and stands* see you all soon!

─ · · JAYCE TALIS TAGLIST: @sseleniaa @sunshiines-stuff @kiromiix @todorokishoe24 @w2momo @m-arj-1 @reid490 @kaminocasey @chickenlvr123 @peachhiz @hellokittyluvr69420

[zomboivex]

Duality of Deception

A character study of Tohma Ishibashi

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Sections

Notes & Disclaimers

Basic Information Breakdown

Cards & Cosmic Bonds

The Story So Far

What May Come to Pass

Overview

Final Author Notes

Credits & Sources

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Notes & Disclaimers

Another super long post incoming here! A few gentle reminders that I do this primarily for fun and do not make any profit from these posts. What I write here are simply from things I’ve found and took from the story provided. They may be debunked or inaccurate in some instances but I still think it’s fun to do deeper dives into characters. If you disagree or don’t like what I’ve written here, that’s completely fine. Just don’t be hostile towards me about it.

A lot of this really is just fun speculation on my part. So I don’t really expect any of what I say to come to pass. It’s just a nice in-depth look of characters from a game I enjoy.

If you read this entire post, be sure to let me know what your thoughts are! I love having in depth discussions with others. If I seem to have misunderstood something or missed complexities, due to not growing up with Japanese culture, feel free to let me know!

Additionally, I do plan on eventually doing this for all the ghouls in the game. It takes a while to do these posts so if you’re looking forward to a certain character, it’ll come. Eventually. Maybe.

Anyways! I’ve rambled enough! Enjoy the deep dive!

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Basic Information Breakdown

Marketed Mastermind

Tohma Ishibashi is a multifaceted character that has been marketed towards us, the consumer, as someone who has many fingers in the pot. He’s seen as conniving, secretive, and willing to get his hands dirty in pursuit of his goals.¹ He keeps his own interests close to his chest, revealing his truth to no one in the process. The game, even in multiple mentioning of him, goes out of its way to paint Tohma as a Mastermind. Capable of deceiving those around him while leaving his true intentions unclear to everyone- including the reader.

Tohma has been described as calm and collected with an insidious glint in his eye¹ as well as the card names even hinting at this darker nature such as; Contrived Smile or Watchful Shadow. Even in his actions and responses in the game, we see Tohma painted as a man who has ulterior motives and works within the shadows- meeting in secret with a house that his own allegedly has discourse with or getting into heated conversations with other house vice-captains while giving scathing commentary to MC.

Even with all of this, Tohma constantly reminds Jin that he can trust and rely on him. And even his actions state this to be true thus far. Working in ways to benefit Jin and helping his stigma issue remain a secret. Tohma also regularly reports to Jin and seems to even share warnings that his secrets cannot be kept forever.

So the question begs…

Can we trust Tohma?

It’s In the Name

Names are usually given from the aspirations the parents have for their children. Or at least, it’s easy to believe this. As far as characters go, it’s usually a way to tell what the characters journey will be in their story. Tohma’s name is just as complex as he is, showing that he could be either a hindrance or a help to others. That he has the duality of being both good and bad- leaving his intentions unclear to us, the readers.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s take a look at his name.

Tohma [塔真] - tower + truth/reality ²

Ishibashi [磴] - stone steps/stone bridge ²

Focusing on tower, for now, we can go over a few different meanings for this symbolism.

Having your movements restricted and horizons limited can be troubling for many- towers representing this in both a physical and mental realm of reality. For the physical representation, it can manifest in the form of material possessions you gain over time and now feel the need to protect. For the mental representation, it manifests through stubborn behaviors or mannerisms or remaining ‘close minded’. Both of these limiting us in different manners. One causing us to have the need to protect physical items and spending all of our energy doing as such. The other chaining us to our thought patterns, unable to break free from our own way of thinking. ³

Now, I don’t believe that this necessarily fits with Tohma. Or, at least, it doesn’t seem to fit with how he is presented to us. Tohma very much is a character who seems to be unlimited in what he can accomplish due to not restricting himself to any set morals or values (that we can currently see). However, we do see that he is limited by someone who is stuck due to their circling thoughts of their own entrapment. Jin Kamurai.

Towers also hold another representation; aspiration and ambition. Their towering height showing us that, we too, can reach high with our ambitions and rise above. ⁴

This seems more along the lines of what we have seen Tohma described as. Ambitious and aspired- not worrying about getting his hands dirty in the process. He has even been described as running things in Jin’s absence.¹

Strength and stability are also key features that towers can represent. They are large, towering, and immovable objects. They have a solid foundation that allows for them to reach to the skies and reinforce the ideas that true strength does not come from isolation, but from standing firm in your own beliefs and principles. Towers invite introspection and self-assessment, urging those around them to build their own lives with the same sturdy foundations that the towers are built with. ⁴

Connecting this back to Jin, I think it is clear that Tohma represents himself as the tower in Jin’s life. It seems he is urging him to stand up and remove himself from isolation. To have Jin push his own beliefs and principles. Or- perhaps- to push the beliefs and principles that Tohma holds. Either way, I think that Tohma having his name represent ‘tower’ is very telling for his character. He seems to be the ever-looking figure in Frostheim, leading them forward and remaining rooted while making sure things do not crumble in Jin’s absence. He is the one pushing Jin to do more- despite Jin’s silent concerns of his own potential failings.

The next part we’ll focus on is the Truth/Reality of his name.

Having Tohma associated with Truth and Reality is an interesting choice on the game’s part. There are many things, within the Tokyo Denunker universe, that we do not have the full truths for. It is a mystery story that leaves us with many questions- only answering small portions and giving more questions behind.

What is the truth in Tokyo Debunker?

What is Truth and Reality in a world that has anomalies- the very thing that deviates from the ‘norm’?

And what is Truth and Reality for Tohma Ishibashi?

Tohma is painted very much as a character filled with deception. Many things in the game eluding to the fact that Tohma is not one you should find trustworthy. These will all be explored further in depth in their respective portions of this post. But it’s something to keep in mind, while reading.

But another important thing you should make note of is that despite his lack of trustworthiness, Tohma often states to Jun that he should trust him. And Jin seems to- to some degree. And I wonder why this is.

Now, onto Tohma’s family name; Ishibashi.

Stepping stones & stone bridges.

Both of these can very easily be looked at in both a connecting and disconnecting manner.

Specifically, for bridges, they can represent the transition from one state to another. The ending of a cycle and rebirth into another. As well as a desire for change. ⁵

Again, we see themes of cycles pop up in Tokyo Debunker. On my analysis of Jin Kamurai, we spoke of the Social Cycle Theory and how that tied into not only the characteristics of Jin Kamurai, but also the game, in of itself. But here, the mentions of cycle seem to indicate that they are not repeating for the sake of following in a similar or same path but a cycle that leads from one destination to a completely new destination- looking for change. For a different outcome. The emphasis falling on breaking the cycle of repeating itself and, instead, starting a new cycle that will have a different outcome.

Bridges also can symbolize the transition stages in your life, the connection between the conscious and unconscious, dangers of crossing a boundary, confidence, advancements, goals, fears, anxieties and emotional troubles. ⁵

This casts a wide net on the meaning for bridges, as it seems that the destination can vary depending on how you approach the subject. Very much like Tohma, who is complex in his duality of what he can achieve and how he goes about achieving it. He could very easily flip between being a bridge that crosses over into heaven or into hell. There is also something to be said about the phrase of burning bridges. Is Tohma the type to burn bridges? I don’t personally think so. He seems more the type to explore every avenue he can to get what he wants. But, ultimately, we don’t know what Tohma wants. All we know is that he’ll do whatever he can to reach his goals- whatever they may be.

Metaphorically speaking, bridges can be meeting points in arguments and negotiations. You build a bridge to cross challenging terrain to get from one side to another. ⁶

In our language, we use bridges often as a way to convey having discussions or negotiations with others. Phrases such as “bridging the gap” or “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” or even “burning bridges” all seem to have implications of connections with other people and how we can use our words to build or destroy those connections. By meeting others halfway, dealing with a situation once it arises rather than pre-planning, or eliminating a connection altogether. ⁶

It’s curious, then, that Ishibashi seems to strongly focus on connections with others. The same aspect easily applied with the Stepping Stones part of his name as well. Using others as a stepping stone immediately comes to mind. Which also plays into Tohma’s nature of stepping on others to reach his ambitions.

However, stepping stones can also illustrate taking steps to navigate a difficult or larger situation. Allowing you to break tasks down into smaller ‘steps’ that can be achieved in order to reach a larger goal. Stepping stones allow us to take smaller steps rather than one giant leap. Allowing for advancement at a safer and more planned pace rather than being reckless. ⁷

This can also show that Tohma carefully plans around his actions and takes things in smaller strides rather than racing to the finish line. He is meticulous in what he does- carefully crafting his plan so that he has a larger chance of success at whatever goal he is trying to reach.

I think, when putting the name together, it paints a particular picture.

Tohma is an ambitious man. One who seems to almost be a looming tower within his house- firm where he stands and ambitions high in the clouds. He seems to represent, for some, a sturdy and reliable person that empowers them due to the connections he has built with them. Namely with Jin, whom Tohma seems to have built the most communication with. We see him with Jin the most and, with Jin, he seems to have established a close enough relationship where he is entrusted with valuable information.

But is this trust something that Jin will regret?

Whatever the case is, the name heavily suggests the possibility of both. And I believe Tohma to be the type of person who will keep his options open until the absolute last minute where he will need to make a choice. And then, in his moment of truth, we will see whether he bridges the gap or burns the bridge.

Signs Within the Signature

Signatures can reveal a lot about a character. Tohma is no exception. His own signature showing various aspects of his characteristics and the duality of who he is as a person.

When you look at the signature, you can tell that it has a slight right lean. Subtle right leaning text can show signs of ambition, optimism, creativity, and vitality. ⁸

Tohma, as we have stated before, is an ambitious character who strives to meet his goals under any circumstances. It would not come as a surprise if he was creative in various ways of reaching said goals. There also has to be a level of optimism and vitality to believe you’re going to reach said goals and to actively work towards them.

Legibility for the signature is also clear. Each letter well defined and easy to read. This can indicate open and straightforwardness. ⁸

This aspect is an interesting one. Tohma is not a very open or honest person. At least, not in how the game presents him. However, Tohma, himself, may be attempting to appear as an open and straightforward person. He certainly seems to act this way towards both Jin and Alan, as both captains seem to believe his words and advice to some degree.

When the i-dot is more of a slash, it can indicate impatience or being in a rush. The i-dot in Tohma’s signature very much being similar to a slash or line than a small dot. ⁹

While Tohma is more of a particular person, he does have the tendency to also act quickly when needed. I can imagine that he is not the type that rushes into things head on without a plan- unless he has sufficient backup. But he can handle things quickly and efficiently.

Heavy pen pressure can show a strong sense of being active and having strength and energy as well as intense motions. It could also be how they felt in the moment. Tohma’s signature having thicker lines implying that his pen pressure was a bit heavier. ⁹

Tohma has been described as someone who has a lot of brute force, to begin with. And we’ve already discussed how he has quite a bit of vitality, as well. Keeping up with everything he does around Frostheim must also take up a considerable amount of energy while also maintaining missions and meeting in private with others and also working on whatever his secret goal is. Having a heavier pen pressure does not come as a surprise to me.

Baby, He Was Born This Day

Tohma was born on May 31st, slotting him as a Gemini.

Those who are born on May 31st are typically considered ‘peacemakers’. Often, they make it their goal to lead others to a satisfying conclusion with their communications. They’re able to find purpose in just about anything and can change perspectives- making sure conversations don’t dwell on unimportant or off-topic matters. ¹⁰

While Tohma has the tendency to skirt around topics and speak in a shady manner, he has the capabilities to steering others into conversations he wants to have. He’s quick to quip back and guide conversations back to the topics he wants to discuss- which we see when he interacts with Jin or MC.

Having a tendency to expect too much from those in their life, people born on May 31st can be set up against frustrating challenges. They can remain level-headed as long as they are given some quiet, secrecy, and space in their relationships. Preferring the company of those who can be silent with them and, in turn, understand their silence as well. ¹⁰

Time and time again, we see Tohma having expectations from Jin. Wanting his captain to come out of seclusion or to partake in missions. He often reminds him that he cannot keep his stigma problem a secret forever and that, eventually, it will come out to the public. He is able to remain rational through this all, never once snapping at Jin despite his outbursts at him. Keeping calm in the face of having an ash tray thrown in his direction or a sword swung in his general direction.

It seems Tohma, in turn, is allotted a lot of trust from Jin- even when he does state he distrusts him. He’s given his privacy and allowed to work in ways he deems to be the best. Secretive and working within the shadows while also remaining a frontman for Frostheim. The duality of Tohma surfacing once again.

There is a level of admiration for those whom they respect and view as moral. Spending their company with those that they deem as just. ¹⁰

Again, we see Tohma spending time with Jin quite a bit. He states that he views Jin as a kind person and lists off how Jin has helped behind the scenes. Even when he’s not active in front of others. Additionally, Tohma notes how he and Jin will benefit from one another, stating they’ve made some sort of deal. Ultimately, it seems they’re working towards a similar goal.

Individuals, such as Tohma, are proud and confident as well. Stopping at nothing in their path when they set their eyes on a goal. They are educated and rarely in a sour mood. However, they can lack the ability to connect with those in their social circle. This can lead to them having awkward or even uncomfortable moments with others. ¹⁰

Again, Tohma is typically not seen in a sour mood. He’s calm and collected, often wearing a smirk. That being said, we have also seen Tohma having some conflict with other characters. Between Leo interrupting his meeting with Alan and his very tense conversation with Haku and Rui, it’s clear that he has some very uncomfortable moments with others.

Overall, Tohma’s day of birth might not hold much significance for his character. But I think it does highlight certain aspects of his personality that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Dress to Impress

When you look at Tohma’s appearance, it’s pretty easy to tell right off the bat that he’s trying to portray himself as something other than what he truly is. Clean cut clothes with minimal color, neat hair, and a monocle to top it off. Comically, he seems to almost portray a caricature of what an extremely wealthy person may look like. But why is that?

For this section, I’m only going to focus on Tohma’s casual outfit and not any of his other outfits.

Aside from the monocle, the next noticeable thing about Tohma would be the beige on beige on beige. Okay. Not exactly all beige. But he’s wearing a lot of beige.

Beige can be considered a dependable, conservative, and flexible color. It evokes energy and strength while also coming across as intellectual and trustworthy. It’s a color that can go beyond any problems you’re facing by helping you rely on your inner strength. ¹¹

It’s telling that Tohma is wearing a color that’s commonly associated with being trustworthy. It seems this is an image that he’s trying to put out of himself- wanting to come across as someone that you can depend upon while not being overbearing.

Furthermore, if you enjoy the color beige, it’s natural for you to be welcoming to others. You prefer living a quiet lifestyle and don’t stand out in a crowd- wanting to be seen as normal. ¹¹

To emphasize further on Tohma’s attempt at masking himself as someone who belongs, it seems that wearing beige was a deliberate choice. For someone who is analytical and carefully considers their options, it would make sense for him to select a color that doesn’t stick out to wear on a more casual manner.

Beige has the ability to generate feelings of stability and reliability, creating a welcoming environment. ¹²

Again, Tohma is selective in what he wears and is careful with how he presents himself to others. Wanting to be seen as someone that can be relied upon. Fitting for someone who is a Vice-Captain while also heavily taking on the duties of his Captain in his absence. He would want to be seen as being dependable to those in his house. Especially with how much they distrust him from his switch from one house to another.

Of course, we can’t analyze Tohma’s appearance without touching on the one thing that really causes him to stick out from the crowd. His monocle.

Seen as a symbols of status, monocles were often only worn by the wealthy and elite upper classes. Due to needing to be made for a custom fit and costly materials such as gold, silver, and tortoise shells, they weren’t something the every day citizen could afford. ¹³

Additionally, monocles can also come across as a caricature of an intellectual and rich elite. They’re seen as pretentious to some, due to the ‘high class’ status that comes with owning the eyewear. So it’s fascinating that someone who painstakingly wears beige on briefs also chooses to wear something that almost seemingly mocks those he’s around- the wealthy upper-class elites of Frostheim.

The duality of this being he could be wearing it as an earnest attempt at blending in. Making himself seem more fitting to brush shoulders with aristocrats and nepo babies. Or it could be a not so subtle jab at their snobbish appearances. It’s truly hard to say.

What we can say, though, is that Tohma does seem to give his clothing some deliberate consideration.

Personally He’s Not Personable

Tohma is more focused on the tasks at hand rather than building relationships. Sure, he can be social when required. But his focus seems to be more on his job and requirements than it does on his connections with others. So much so that Tohma does not seem bothered or perturbed by the thought of masking his true intentions and personality from others to reach his goal. Keeping many of his thoughts and opinions to himself and only speaking when trying to gain something from others.

There also seems to be a more focused on working in the shadows. Tohma does not need the attention from others to feel as if he has done a good enough job. His desires stem from getting the job done and getting it done in a matter he deems to be satisfactory. He doesn’t have to bask in the praises of others- finding joy in simply doing a job well-done. Additionally, Tohma values the job being done in an efficient manner while making sure that it is done in a way that leaves no room for error. He seems to crave challenges and thrives off of solving difficult situations- such as when Jun demands him to charge forward and take down anomalies while also carrying a child.

All that being said, Tohma is also a rather reliable person. So long as your interests align. He seems to put his best foot forward, keeping face even when a situation seems difficult or faces with aggression. He remains calm under most circumstances and seems to act as if he always has the upper hand. Even when put in a surprising situation, such as when Leo tricks him and Alan into meeting one another, Tohma still manages to come out not losing much in the situation. Alan still trusts him, despite Leo’s protests and Leo still has very limited information on what it is, exactly, Alan and Tohma are meeting up and discussing.

Still, it’s quite clear that Tohma is not a personable person. Even on his character profile, his ‘Likes’ are marked as N/A.¹ He picks uninspired clothes- aside from the jabbing monocle, and he keeps a cool head. His interests are kept to himself, save for a potential interest in chess. And, again, can we truly say that he’s passionate about chess? Or is that something he picked up because it’s Jin’s favorite thing? Who really knows. He keeps everything closed to his chest.

He’s Got the Power

Like many ghouls, Tohma had both a stigma and a special artifact. Additionally, he has brute strength- seemingly more so than the other ghouls- and access to a wide range of artifacts due to Darkwick seemingly entrusting him.

Argeas allows Tohma the ability to transmit vibrations over long distances. It gives him the capabilities to send messages long distances and can be amplified to even go through anomalous soundproofing through MC’s own ability. Additionally, paired with his brute strength, Tohma even has the strength to use the vibrations to completely destroy building foundations through creating earthquakes.

Tohma also has a special artifact in the form of a halberd. While we don’t know what capabilities his special artifact does, at this time, we do know that he uses it to cut anomalies and slam into the ground to presumably send vibrations down to the building base to help destroy it.

There’s also Tohma’s noted brute strength, which we spoke of already. It seems to amplify his stigma and seems to also allow him to fully use a halberd without breaking a heavy sweat over it.

Finally, while not an ability, Tohma does have access to more ‘rare’ artifacts. Such as the skeleton key. Stating that Darkwick allows him to have access to such artifacts due to having built trust with them.

His Relationships

Tohma is interesting in the way that he acts with other characters. Here, we’ll break down the very basics of his relationships with the other characters. I won’t go too far in depth with each one, as there are still so many. And I’ll leave theories to the What May Come to Pass section. So this will primarily be focused on the surface level of the relationships and how they have been presented to us thus far. I am also leaving out staff, at this time. Though, I will note, I would not be surprised to learn that he has some dealings with the staff in any way.

Jin Kamurai

Jin and Tohma have a rather complex relationship that I don’t think can be summed up easily in this post, alone. It seems the two have some sort of agreement amongst one another, working together for some larger goal at hand. We still don’t know what this goal is but it seems that it does pertain to, at least, Jin getting some form of revenge for ‘her’. Heavily implied to be his mother. Additionally, the two have a rather fueled relationship where they both can be quippy towards one another. Making snide remarks and calling the other out on their behaviors. It appears they’re close. But the details beyond that, are elusive to us.

Kaito Fuji

Kaito and Tohma don’t have many direct interactions, to say the least. Kaito still seems to crop up around him quite a bit. Likely due to the both of them sharing a house together. Additionally, they’ve both worked on at least one mission together, so far.

As it is now, I don’t believe that they’ve had much direct conversations to really warrant their relationship to be beyond just housemates. Perhaps Tohma not really viewing Kaito as much, at all.

Lucas Errant

Lucas and Tohma also don’t seem to have many in-depth interactions with one another. But we do see Lucas going to Tohma and asking to be given a high ranking mission. This declines and states that he, quite frankly, does not trust Lucas and that he needs to earn this, respectively, from him. Lucas does seem to flub the mission, but his determination does seem to stir something within Tohma to allow him to rectify his mistakes. I think saying that Tohma finds Lucas to be earnest in his interactions would not be too far of a stretch to believe. He also is thankful that Lucas was able to also get Jin out of his room and active, once more. Something that he had been trying to do for some time.

Alan Mido

Another complex relationship with even less information than the relationship Tohma has with Jin. We know these two have worked together in the past and are collaborating to look for a ‘spy’. They both share the sentiment that their new housemates are a bit unruly and need to be taught valuable lessons. But, for the most part, there does not seem to be any hostility between Tohma and Alan. In fact, they seem to have a deep mutual understanding of one another. Though, Tohma does appear to be mildly frustrated at Alan’s lack of security when it comes to his phone and technology.

Leo Kurosagi

While their only interaction was rather terse, Leo and Tohma seemed to not like one another. Or rather, Leo greatly dislikes Tohma. He seems to wildly distrust him and urges for Alan to distrust him, as well. Meanwhile, Tohma likely finds Leo as an irritant due to him snooping in on their meetings. Ready to even attack him, at first, when Leo first tricks Alan and Tohma to a meeting in the car. Eventually leading to the car being anomalously soundproofed and even their meetings taking place in a ‘gross’ forest (presumed to be the forest by Obscuary). I fully expect there to be more tension in this front.

Ritsu Shinjo

Another person who has snooped in on Tohma. Though, only in the images of a warding card. Still, we have seen a campus hangout where Ritsu crosses paths with Jin and attempts to get information from him, as well. So it seems Ritsu is, at the very least, hinted at trying to get information about Frostheim. Other than that, we can’t speculate on what their relationship is.

Haku Kusanagi

This is another tense interaction that Tohma had. In Episode 7 Chapter 19 and Episode 7 Chapter 20, we see Haku and Tohma exchange a brief but rather uncomfortable conversation. Tohma even going as far as to tell Haku to not ‘act dumb’ when questioned about why Mortkranken refused to do an autopsy. Tohma seemingly even been the aggressor in starting the conversation this go around. There’s also been hinted notes that Haku also switched houses (speculative on either Frostheim or Clementia) and is viewed as a traitor, of sorts, because of this. And also speculative that Haku has a tense relationship with Jin, as well. So- this dynamic is certainly one worth keeping an eye on.

Rui Mizuki

Yet another relationship that comes across as almost sour. Between Episodes 7 Chapter 20 and the campus hangout these two have, I think it’s quite clear that there is a level of dislike between the both of them. All while keeping a friendly air about it. They both present smiles to one another but their words come across as almost sharp and critical of one another. With Rui commenting on how it’s odd to see Tohma out and about and having conversations with others and then Tohma quipping back that it’s more surprising on Rui’s front due to his ‘limited movement’- implying that he doesn’t go out much likely due to his curse. Additionally, Rui seemed to comment about how Darkwick General knows nothing about curses, Haku responding with ‘Yikes’ and then Tohma remaining silent before excusing himself. I would venture to say that they do not get along at all.

Yuri Isami

Again, we have yet another tense relationship. Though, this one seems more on account of Yuri’s extreme dislike for Frostheim. Still, Tohma seems to go out of his way to try and strong arm Yuri into either doing an autopsy and releasing the information to Frostheim by threatening to cut funding (and then doing just that when Yuri does not comply).

Jiro Kirisaki

They have not interacted but it’s important to note that he suspected Jiro of being on Frostheim grounds and was not entirely happy about this. It could be due to the tense relationship that Frostheim and Mortkranken have with one another, though.

Overall, Tohma has many relationships either shrouded in mystery or volatile to a degree. It’s quite clear that he does not easily get along with others and seems to keep himself at a distance with them. The only two majorly positive relationships we see with Tohma are with Alan- whom he meets in secret with and with Jin, and even that one has its own tense portions.

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Cards & Cosmic Bonds

Tohma does not have many cards, currently. At least, when compared to someone like Jin. Even so, the cards he does have seem to be quite telling for how Tohma acts and presents himself to others. Each card becoming another puzzle to create the full picture of the Frostheim Vice-Captain. So let’s take a deeper look at his cards and cosmic bonds.

Contrived Smile

The standard SSR character card we have of Tohma Ishibashi is already interesting when you simply break down the title; Contrived Smile. It speaks volumes, in of itself.

Contrived: having an unnatural or false appearance or quality. - Artificial, Labored. ¹⁴

But what does this mean for Tohma? Contrived smile seems to, at least, imply that the smile he is wearing was forced. An act that he put on that seems unfitting for his true nature. The smile that he’s wearing is artificial or unnatural.

Additionally, when you look at the card, itself, the body language Tohma has also seems to amplify his fake demeanor that he holds. Body language can be something more difficult to decipher since different backgrounds can lead to different mannerisms and there’s no one size fits all solution for determining them. But, for now, let’s look at this through the lens of a character being crafted for the sake of consumption.

The image above shows Tohma touching his face/chin. This can typically be a symbol of lying. But here are a few options for what this body language can be implying; ¹⁵

1) He may be nervous and touching his face to control his emotions. ¹⁵

When you lie, it’s pretty common to feel nervous that you may get caught within the lie. After all, lying does often come with consequences. So it would be no surprise if Tohma was, internally, a little nervous to be caught within a lie. Granted, he always manages to keep a cool and level head even when he’s having ash trays thrown at him. So being nervous does not seem to be the case for Tohma.

2) Tohma may be trying to recall or remember the details of the lie he is crafting. ¹⁵

Lying usually means having to recall details that you have crafted. This would require a bit more thinking than when recalling naturally occurring memories. It would make sense that Tohma would be recalling information that he’s crafted often enough.

3) The gesture, itself, can make Tohma seem more trusting and credible. ¹⁵

One thing that keeps repeating for Tohma is the reoccurring theme of wanting to appear as trusting. Between wearing beige, telling Jin to trust him, and overall the way he carries himself, Tohma is clearly trying to put on an air that he’s reliable and can be trusted. That he’s credible and won’t take advantage of you. Even when everyone says that he’s a side-swapping traitor, Tohma still carefully crafts himself as someone you can depend upon.

Having your hand on your face could be a way of hiding something from others or having a secret because you’re hiding your emotions. It could also be a way to cover up something you don’t want others to see. Such as if you’re sad or angry. It could also be because you’re feeling uncomfortable or defensive or even self-conscious. Truth is, there are many reasons why someone may be touching their face. You could have something that you’re wanting to say but you’re unsure on how to broach the topic- wanting to be careful with your word choice. Or you could be considering your options of an idea that has been presented to you. ¹⁵

Again, there are many reasons for someone to touch their face. The important thing to note is that when combined with the title; Contrived Smile, and the smirk that Tohma is wearing, it starts to paint a picture of someone who is deceptive while trying to appear as friendly and trustworthy.

Watchful Shadow

I won’t get too in depth with the standard SSR Warding card here, but it adds onto Tohma’s characteristics. Watchful implying that he keeps his eyes on others and shadow stating that he remains hidden while he does so. In the warding card image, you even see Tohma hiding within a building- obscured by a curtain in a window- as he’s watching Kaito and Lucas interacting with one another.

Keeping a close eye on the two other ghouls is something that Tohma also does within the story of Tokyo Debunker. Keeping his eyes on how they are handling a mission. While this isn’t necessarily a terrible thing, it does show that Tohma has tabs on those within his house. He could be keeping an eye on them to make sure that they’re safe. Or it could be for gathering information. It could be a combination of both, which would not surprise me in the slightest.

We also know that Tohma is looking for a ‘spy’. And that he is closing in on them. While we don’t know who this ‘spy’ is, or what Tohma even considers a spy, we do know that this heavily implies that he’s keeping his eyes on others, as well. Being a Watchful Shadow is not off the table for Tohma and this card definitely makes it clear that he’s silently keeping tabs on everyone.

Zipper Croc

We see the zipper croc within the world of Tokyo Debunker when MC is informed that they tend to eat litter and ‘swim’ in the concrete/pavement of the roads. Poking their heads up through seemingly zipper portals. Zipper crocs are also featured on the Campus Hangout area as well as being Tohma’s SR Warding Card representation.

While zipper crocs do not hold actual lore behind them, I took the time to depict different meanings behind both zippers and crocodiles. As well as give my own thoughts on what it could mean without any research to back it up fully.

When you look at the card image above, you can see where the anomalous animal gets its name from. It’s quite literally just a crocodile coming out of a zipper. It seems to have a rather friendly looking face, hardly malicious despite being based off of a predator animal. So breaking down different meanings of both zippers and crocodiles is an important aspect of understanding why this creature was Tohma’s SR card.

Starting with zippers, we can see a repeat in some of the themes within Tohma’s character; transition and change, revealing hidden truths, and protection or concealment. Zippers can also represent emotional closure as well as a sense of control. ¹⁶

Just as bridges, we see that transitions and change pop up once again. Zippers showcasing the various transitions and changes one can face in their life. Bridges also had offered the same, mentioning changes and transitions you take and crossing over to a ‘new life’. We already know Tohma had experienced one transition; from one house to another. Going from Vagastrom to Frostheim. This was already quite a transition in his life and something we may expect to see later on is another transition or change in his character.

There could be an indication for a need for change or transition. Moving on from a situation or a phase. A desire to control your emotions or circumstances and a need for protection against exposure. ¹⁶

Whether we see actual change in Tohma is yet to truly be revealed. But we do see him protecting others. He does so when carrying the child in the Frostheim chapter. Even going as far as to tell the kid to not apologize because he couldn’t walk and was a ‘burden’ to Tohma for him having to carry him while fighting. We also see him protecting Jin from critical backlash from his own brutish behavior by stating that Jin was merely putting on a show for the audience in the ballroom. Tohma taking on the form of a protector, of sorts, is something that we see him do despite his deceptive nature.

Zippers can symbolize a revealing or concealing aspect of ourselves. They can, from a psychological standpoint, represent boundaries we set for ourselves. Whether it be us hiding behind a facade or hiding our true selves from others or even ourselves. Only ‘unzipping’ when ready to reveal ourselves to others. ¹⁶

Hiding one’s intentions is another repeating theme we see within Tohma’s character. His card ‘Contrived Smile’ hinting at his forced appearance and how he keeps his own interests stated as unavailable. We don’t know much about Tohma or what makes him tick. But what we do know is that he’s hiding much under the guise of being a reliable helping hand. It would not be a surprise if we later see Tohma ‘unzip’ and reveal the true self he’s hiding from us all.

There’s also the same repetition of faking when you look at crocodiles and the sayings we have associated with them.

One of the first things that comes to mind, when thinking of crocodiles, is the term ‘crocodile tears’. The term simply meaning when someone pretends to cry to garner sympathy or lure others in close to you. The saying originating from how crocodiles, as animals, function. Crocodiles do cry, after all. When they spend long periods of time out of the water, their eyes begin to dry up and, so in turn, they cry to help lubricate their eyes. The saying cropped up due to the fact that many believed that crocodiles only shed their tears when attacking and consuming their prey. And it was thought they did this as either a way to lure their victims closer or due to the grief of their actions. ¹⁷

While we don’t see Tohma display feigned emotions of distress or anguish, we do know him to be deceptive by nature. That he’s willing to use any tactic in order to get what he wants from a situation. Seeing him act in such a way is very reminiscent of crocodile tears. Would this be a tactic that Tohma may consider using in the future? Perhaps if it were to benefit him in the long run, he may consider it. Though, he keeps many of his emotions to his chest. Still, we can’t truly say that we can trust Tohma’s intentions or tank feelings he may display in the future and it’s worth noting.

In Ancient Egyptian culture, crocodiles were held in regards of being strong and powerful. This was due to their god Sobek and Ammit. Both having the head of a crocodile. Sobek was associated with the Nile and considered the lifeblood of Egypt and Ammit was known as the devourer of the dead, consuming those that were deemed too sinful or unworthy to enter the afterlife. Some African cultures also hold crocodiles in high regard, believing crocodiles to be fierce and often using them as symbols for their chiefs. This was due to their fast and precise strikes to their prey, making them formidable foes. Crocodiles are also well regarded in many other cultures for various reasons- but all are deemed positive and symbols of strength and impossible feats. ¹⁸

Crocodiles are quite fierce, known for their powerful bites and swift movements. It is no surprise that Tohma would be likened to a crocodile due to his natural brute force and how quick he seems to be able to enact his strength while having limitations. Tohma also is within a higher position, being entrusted by Darkwick to have access to rarer artifacts and keeping hold of them within the Vault, in Frostheim. He, too, is held in a high regard. Albeit, not in a god-like status. But enough so that Jin seems to trust him as well as Darkwick, themselves. His influence just as strong as his powerful blows.

Jour Nekomata

Tohma’s R warding card is what appears to be a cat with two tails. Or rather, a Nekomata. Paired with the word Jour. Here, we’ll analyze the warding card and how it could pertain to Tohma, as a character.

We’ll start with breaking down the aspect of the Nekomata, first.

Nekomata, in Japanese, have a few different spellings. Each have their own connection to what Nekomata are, in relations to the cat yōkai. Starting with 猫また. 猫 - Neko, which simply means cat. また Mata Wa, which means “multiple”, “repeat”, and “either or”. ¹⁹

In instance of the Nekomata, multiple would likely be referring to their tails, of which they have two. But in the world of Tokyo Debunker, repetition is something that is a key story point. Multiple, building off of that, could be in reference to the multiple options laid before Tohma and the multiple options laid before him or the multiple faces he may wear around others. And Either Or being the selection of a situation laid before where he’ll have to select either one option or another.

猫股, again the 猫 for Neko and 股 for forked or bifurcated. This is due to the ‘split’ in the tail of the cat. ¹⁹

This spelling simply refers to the cat’s split tail and how it appears forked. Nekomata have two tails, of which we will explore the meaning on shortly.

Finally, we have 猫又. 猫 for Neko, or cat, as we established in the other two spellings. 又 for ‘again’. Nekomata sometimes known as ‘again’ cats. This is due to cats believing to have multiple lives. Typical from the saying of cats having 9 lives. ¹⁹

There could be a few ways to truly view what this means from a character aspect. Again could have multiple meanings. One such meaning could be the implication of a character repeating something ‘again’. This makes sense in the themes that Tokyo Debunker has built up. Repetition making itself known. It could also imply that Tohma will experience something ‘again’. Perhaps whatever he faced in his previous house will repeat in Frostheim. Then, there could also be themes for the ‘multiple lives’ portion. Tohma leading multiple lives and wearing different faces.

Furthermore, Nekomata have been known to be malicious. Especially when compared to the Bakeneko, which it is often mistaken for. ²⁰

Two types of Nekomata have appeared throughout literature and telling of the cat yōkai; the mountain dwelling Nekomata and the domestic Nekomata. The mountain dwelling Nekomata best known for their ability to shapeshift into humans to deceive them and then to consume them. ²⁰

Then there are the domestic dwelling Nekomata, which are pet cats that grow old and lived tragic lives. Often experiencing hardships via humans and, in turn, causing them to become Nekomata that transform and eat humans. ²⁰

Nekomata, in turn, have often been compared to cat-like vampires, since they often have been noted to drink the blood of their owners. Likely out of an act of vengeance for their mistreatment. They also have the ability to bewitch non-magical house cats, as well. ¹⁹

With all of this in mind, I personally think it starts to showcase possibilities of Tohma’s goals as well as who he is, as a person. I’ll elaborate further on this in the What May Come to Pass section. But, for now, I want to really emphasize the parts that really stick out here; Nekomata can disguise themselves as humans and then consume them, house cats can become Nekomata after reaching an older age and often come from toxic situations, and they can bewitch non-magical house cats.

A central theme in Nekomata seems to be their ability to deceive in order to cause harm or get some sort of vengeance and simply survive. So I find it curious that Tohma has this as his R warding card.

The Other SSR Cards

Perfect Mirror, a character card for Tohma, seems to indicate (in the title) another theme of copying or, at the very least, repeating what others are doing in order to mask and fit in.

Spotted is a warding card featuring Tohma drinking tea while both Kaito and Lucas are in the background, looking in on Tohma. They are separated by a glass barrier, indicating that the Frostheim Vice-Captain is out in a cafe, of sorts. Possibly meeting with someone. Both Lucas and Kaito seem surprised by this. It could be assumed that Tohma is meeting with MC, as that would be my likely guess for a game focused on having MC be the central focus for the ghouls. Or rather, she should be. But, ultimately, we’ll never know who he was meeting with.

Knights Day Off is another warding card that features Tohma. He can be seen walking with the other ghouls in Frostheim, adjusting his monocle and peering over at Jin. Hes only slightly behind Jin and, behind him are Lucas and Kaito. It seems like a casual putting between house-ghouls and nothing is quite out of the ordinary here. But, it’s still important to bring up that he definitely has his focus on Jin.

Audacious Sleuth is another warding card primarily focused on Ritsu, who seems to be listening and recording a phone call of a man with their back turned to him. The man in question is likely to be Tohma, due to the similar hairstyle and coloring of hair. But it could be someone else. Either way, if it is Tohma, it’s interesting to see that he has Ritsu spying on him to collect information. Which seems to, at least, imply that he has some sort of valuable information. Or at least, valuable to Ritsu.

While all of these cards don’t hold any major significance to them and all only give speculations, I think a lot of them really paint Tohma as someone who has connections and is secretive about them. He seems to be masking himself to fit into a world he doesn’t quite belong in. And, overall, he does seem to have some sort of deeper connection with Jin. Though, we’ve been shown that their relationship is quite complex.

Cosmic Bonds

Unlike other characters, Tohma currently (as I’m writing this), is not featured in many cosmic bonds. I did only focus on the ones his SSR Character cards are put in, so please keep this in mind.

The Order of Frostheim is a bond with Jin, Kaito, and Lucas. I think the name is pretty simple in its meaning. It’s a bond between all the ghouls in the Frostheim house. It focuses solely on the order established in their power/rankings. This is a heavy theme throughout Frostheim, after all. Between the references of chess pieces, social structures, and royalty, Frostheim very much presents itself as an ‘orderly’ house. Though, what I find interesting is that despite showing itself to outwardly be a house that follows sort of a chain of command, Tohma is the one who is currently running the forefront of the house, as depicted on his character sheet. He’s doing so while in ‘Jin’s absence’ and presumably has been for quite some time. So- what really is the Order of Frostheim?

Gentlemen with Purpose is a bond with Lucas and Ritsu. This one, I think, is also relatively clear. Tohma, Ritsu, and Lucas are all considered to be ‘proper’. They’re polite and follow social etiquette. Additionally, they all have some sort of larger purpose or goal at hand. Lucas wants to subjugate a demon to find his twin brother. Ritsu wants to win the Laurel Crown and also help his father restore his reputation to some degree. Tohma- well… he has a goal. Whatever it is being unknown to us at the time. But- he has a purpose and he’s clearly putting in the work to reach whatever his goal may be.

Faces in the Crowd is a bond with Leo and Towa. This card, I would say, is where we have to take a bit of a deeper look. Namely because we don’t know much about Tohma or Towa. Whole assumptions would have to be made, here. But I think it simply implies that these three are all people who come across as unsuspecting to others. They’re just faces in a crowd. Someone that others think nothing of. Leo, while us the readers are aware, is two-faced. He’s cruel and has the tendency to use others. But his fan base on TikTok are none the wiser. He’s seen as lovable to them despite thinking his own fans are basic. Towa comes across as harmless and generally pretty friendly. Especially towards people like Haru or MC. However, we’ve seen Towa to be quite powerful and even have malicious and cruel intentions towards others. Namely Ren and Ed. He’s even electrocuted animals. Tohma has himself appear as a gentleman and friendly but, in his very nature, he will do whatever it takes to reach his goals. Presumably even if it is cruel to others.

Shadowed Smiles is a bond with Lucas and Subaru. And this one was the hardest for me to really depict a bond between them. But I would say that this bond actually focuses on the hardships these characters have endured and the smiles they wear being a shadow of their true feelings. Likely feelings of despair and hurt. It may be a bit of a reach here. But I would take a guess that perhaps each have had some cruelties happen in front of them and, now, they offer these friendly seeming smiles in place of what’s truly haunting them. Subaru is known for being a former actor, having done so throughout his childhood. It wouldn’t be a surprise if it came to light that he had some horrible experiences due to this. Lucas, as we do know, had a twin brother. One that he’s desperately trying to get back. It also would not be much of a stretch for me to believe that he may have felt pitted against his brother. Tohma…? Who’s to truly say. But I think time will tell.

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The Story So Far

Thus far, Tohma has only appeared in a few chapters and from what we’ve seen of him, he has not revealed much about himself. The following is what we have seen in the story, not campus hangouts, and the central themes that continue to pop up with his character.

The first time we actually see Tohma is in the Prologue Chapter 30. There’s a brief glimpse of a few of the ghouls who attended the assembly of new ghouls, transfers, and the introduction of MC and the role she will be playing here. When showing the characters, we see Tohma sitting with a smile and touching his chin. He seems rather interested in the information being presented and also appears confident, though we can also see there’s someone sitting beside him off camera and Haru, who is relaxed a few seats behind.

Were shown a small handful of the ghouls who attended this assembly, though not all of them attended. For Frostheim, Tohma and Kaito both attended. Though, Tohma was already seated by the time MC arrived with Kaito and Lucas. He seemed quite amused and interested in being there. Which makes sense for his character, as he seems to like to be in the know. An assembly where they’re assigning new ghouls to houses would be one that Tohma would be interested in attending.

The next time we see Tohma is when MC meets him in Episode 1 Chapter 9. MC being sent to work with Frostheim as she approaches Jin’s room. Peering in, she sees that Tohma is speaking to Jin, appearing rather annoyed that Jin seems to be ignoring him. He continues with his explanation of a corpse walking around and Jin continues to show disinterest in the topic at hand. This is when Tohma asks if he’s still feeling unwell and if he should call Mortkranken, which earns a disgruntled look from Jin. Then, he asks if he should contact his father, instead. Causing Jin to lash out and throw an ashtray in his general direction. Tohma seems rather unphased by this reaction and is about to continue on before MC is spotted.

The first time that MC meets Tohma, we are directly greeted with the fact that he’s having some sort of meeting with Jin. At the time, what the meeting is about is unknown to us. Though, later it’s revealed that it’s connected to the mission that will be taking place this episode. Sprinkled throughout.

We’re also first introduced to the fact that Tohma seems to purposely try to frustrated Jin by poking at some of his sore spots; Mortkranken and his father. Seemingly both things that Jin has rather tense relationships with. And the reactions he gets don’t earn a reaction from Tohma, either.

Jin is the first to spot MC and Tohma is quick to tell MC that she’s brazen for being a peeping tom. Jin then tells Tohma to use a match on her, to which he seems quick to comply with, walking over before recognizing who she is- as he had attended the assembly. He informs Jin that the matches will not work on MC due to her curse. Amused by this to some degree.

Once Tohma confronts MC, he’s quick to call her a brazen peeping tom- which, while true from his perspective, certainly was quipped. He also was ready and willing to use the mesmer matches on MC, only stopping when he realized that they would not work on her due to the information he gained at the assembly. His amusement likely stemming from the fact that Jin cannot hide the interaction from MC, at this point. And also likely a mild and secret frustration on his part, since he is also unable to hide the interaction, either. It seems that he’ll be forced to have to work with MC to some degree.

Episode 1 Chapter 11, we learn from Kaito that Tohma is the one MC should go to for things. He states, “The Vice-Captain’s been pretty much running the show lately.”

Aside from Tohma’s character sheet on the main website saying that he’s running things in Jin’s absence, it’s here that the MC learns that the Vice-Captain is the one to go to for anything. And it’s one of the first instances where we see that everyone defaults to Tohma for things, in the Frostheim house. He is, as it has been clearly stated, running the show. And we (and MC) have now seen that Jin keeps himself secluded in his room without wanting to see anyone in there.

Now that MC learns to go to Tohma, she asks Kaito where he can be found. Episode 1 Chapter 12, Kaito informs MC that Tohma can be found in a vault in the Frostheim dormitory, doing paperwork. They set out to go to the vault, with Lucas, and step inside, noting that it’s quite cold and that it’s unlikely that Tohma actually would spend all his time here. Shortly after, the trio see a student by the name of Yumiko running and shouting for someone to help her.

Tohma spends a good chunk of his time, allegedly, within Frostheim’s chilly vaults doing paperwork. Diligent despite the cold temperatures. But what’s truly interesting is, here, this is the first time we see the name Yumiko pop up. And notably, she is running in fear from some anomalous chess pieces. Running from a place where Tohma regularly spends his time.

Episode 1 Chapter 13 kicks off with some action, the anomalous chess pieces that had been chasing Yumiko now focused on MC, Kaito, and Lucas. Lucas preparing to fight the anomalies off before Tohma appears and, in a commanding tone, states “That’s enough.” The chess pieces no longer continue their approach on the trio and Tohma then asks what they’re doing there. They let him know they’re there to give him some paperwork and then MC lets Tohma know there was someone yelling for help earlier. Tohma responds with, “What person?” and the subject is dropped almost immediately, Tohma taking the papers MC came to bring him.

An example of Tohma’s control starts here. He questions why the trio are there- not appreciating the fact that they intruded within his space without permission or warning. It’s clear he keeps the vault secured and an uncomfortable place for others to linger in for long. Almost secluded, in a sense. And when questioned about the person yelling for help, Tohma asks “what person” as if he doesn’t know what the group are referring to. This is doubtful, to me. Someone as calculated as Tohma was very aware of someone being in the vault. And he quickly deflects this topic, accepting the paperwork that MC brought.

Lucas introduces himself shortly after, asking if he could be put on the mission presented on the paper MC just handed over. Tohma is quick to decline this, stating that he does not trust Lucas, as of yet, and that he would only get in his way. Lucas insist he can handle himself and swiftly, Tohma informs that he has not earned his approval. Ever insistent, Lucas tells Tohma to test him, prompting Tohma to say that Lucas has, at least, proven himself stubborn. He offers for Lucas to take up a low ranking mission of his choice and to complete it without incident. If he does so, he’ll consider him for future missions and Lucas agrees. The trio then go to look over the missions provided to make their selection.

This is the first real interaction we see with Tohma and Lucas. Lucas insisting to be given a chance to prove himself and Tohma allowing him the chance while also making it very clear that he does not think much of him, currently. He is willing to let Lucas go on a lower ranking mission and is clear with not wanting to send someone he doesn’t know well to a high ranking and dangerous mission. Assessing others and determining their skill sets and what they can realistically accomplish, Tohma shows his more analytical side here. Risks minimized are his priority of the reward is minimal. It makes sense as to why he is the one spearheading things while Jin remains hidden away.

It doesn’t take long for Lucas and the others to select a mission in Episode 1 Chapter 14. They take the papers to Tohma and have him sign the documents off. Tohma then states that MC must also go along on the mission, as it is her job to do so. Then Tohma asks for a moment of MC’s time, dismissing Lucas and Kaito.

Once again, Tohma seems to ensure that MC goes along on a lower ranking mission to qualify for the task put upon her; go on a mission with Frostheim. With it being a low ranking mission, he can ensure that it won’t be terribly dangerous for MC to embark on.

Episode 1 Chapter 15, Tohma has MC take a seat on one of the chairs, letting her know it’s more comfortable than it looks. He makes her Darjeeling tea, mentioning that it’s Jin’s favorite and how he will be unable to serve it to him for some time and may have to dispose of it. Continuing on, Tohma states that Jin is still furious over MC’s intrusion and, by default, Tohma is still not allowed back into his room.

Tension grows here when Tohma calls out MC for disrupting his conversation with Jin and upsetting him. Making a more clever approach with the topic by starting with offering MC some tea. Then calmly stating that the tea he offered is Jin’s favorite. Pivoting after to then use this as an opportunity to remind MC that she messed up and he is dealing with consequences because of it. Starting by dropping her guard and then going in to leave a scathing comment.

Here, MC has the option to respond three different ways and receives three different answers from Tohma.

1) MC responds with, “I’m sorry…” to which Tohma responds, “If you’ll be coming in and out of Frostheim, you’ll need to learn some manners.”

An apology doesn’t seem to cut it with Tohma, but he’s a little less harsh on his delivery. Essentially stating that some manners will need to be considered when coming into a house primarily built up of the social elites.

2) MC responds with, “I was there for a reason…” and Tohma responds, “You think this is the appropriate moment for excuses? It seems you need an education in etiquette.”

If you have MC state there was a reason to be there, Tohma seems to cut in a little deeper. He doesn’t value what he deems as an excuse. Education and etiquette are something needed when in Frostheim, again, in the upper echelons of society residing in this house. He’s clear to remind MC that she’ll need this in order to really get anywhere within this house.

3) MC responds with, “It’s not just my fault…” and Tohma responds, “I see. So you were peeping.”

Interestingly, if MC states it’s not just her fault- which to me feels more of an excuse than the other two- Tohma doesn’t remind her of manners or etiquette or education. Instead, he just confirms that MC was peeping. This is odd, in my opinion. If you have MC apologize or try to explain her reason, Tohma chides her. But if she attempts to deflect blame, Tohma simply remarks that she was doing as he suspected. Either way, all three options have Tohma slightly displeased and makes him come across as if he simply knows better than MC.

Regardless of what MC says, he states he’ll let it slide for now and asks MC if she plays chess. He explains the chess pieces from earlier are anomalous and that they utilize them in Frostheim, stating they grow in size and attack if they sense malicious intentions from an intruder. He tells MC to not worry, as they won’t attack, unless she has malicious intentions.

The chess pieces then hop onto the board while shrinking down, Tohma instructing MC to go first. “The player who makes the first move has an advantage.”

Chess is considered to be extremely strategic, Tohma offering for MC to go first and allowing her to ‘have an advantage’ is, still on his part, a strategic move. He knows that he has more experience playing chess so, even if MC has an advantage, it doesn’t matter. Tohma knows he will prevail.

Tohma begins to teach MC how to play chess, mirroring her moves with his own pieces. He watches MC ‘his eyes devoid of warmth’. The game then states that it seems as if he’s staring directly into MC’s thoughts and that he doesn’t remove his gaze.

Calculating as ever, Tohma begins to mirror MC’s movements. Mirroring is something that has been mentioned before in one of his character cards; Perfect Mirror. This is a theme that crops up for Tohma often- being one to mimic those around him in order to fit in or seem less intimidating. Despite his attempt at mirroring MC, it’s noted that he isn’t as friendly as he’s letting on. Eyes devoid of warmth suggesting that he is more cold and calculating than originally let on. Seeing into her thoughts- likely enhanced by the fact that he’s mimicking the moves that MC selects.

Still guiding MC on how to play chess, Tohma reaches over and grabs MC, activating his stigma. His movements quick and catching her off guard. Pointing to the board and stating, “check”.

MC would state, “It was as though his voice was inside my head, reverberating down my back, my legs, and right down to my toes. Every hair on my body stood on end. He continued holding my hand and my gaze, a satisfied smile on his lips.”

In this segment, we see that Tohma had activated his stigma and, in true Tohma fashion, tells MC ‘check’ to indicate that he won their chess game. Though, we later find out this message was also meant for someone else.

Episode 1 Chapter 16, Kaito and Lucas are waiting outside of the vault for MC and Tohma to finish their conversation. Lucas questions an anxious Kaito when he seems to be weary of Tohma and, Kaito soon confirms that he is, in fact weary. His response, being, “Are you being serious? He’s shady as fuck!! I mean who wears a monocle in this day and age, huh?!” Kaito then barges into the room and shouts when he sees that MC and Tohma are holding hands. Tohma comments that Kaito needs to learn proper etiquette for his sudden intrusion. And then the chess pieces grow in size and head towards Kaito in a defensive manner, to which Tohma states, “Interesting…”

Learning that Kaito, who is in his second year now, states that Tohma is shady. That him wearing a monocle is odd. Off putting, even. It would not be a stretch to assume that others feel similarly to Kaito about Tohma. Especially considering that he switched from one house to now be the Vice-Captain of Frostheim. Having someone from the outside ascend the rankings so quickly and also take charge in Jin’s absence would certainly lead to many others feeling prickly and untrusting.

Next, Kaito barges into the room and the chess pieces jump up to defend. This is noted as being interesting to Tohma. He also tells Kaito that he needs to learn etiquette. Again, Tohma remarking on others learning manners.

With the conversation between MC and Tohma concluding, he lets MC know she can leave but that she should take her job as the inspector seriously. Cleaning up as nothing happened, Tohma tells MC to address him by his name rather than Vice-Captain. He explains that there are other Vice-Captains and that it would get confusing. He then explains he has an urgent matter to attend to and that he’ll be taking his leave. Tohma departs and the chess pieces follow him.

Knowing that MC must take her duties seriously, Tohma reminds her of this and then departs with the chess pieces. In this instance, we saw Tohma use another for his benefit- as the following scene will elaborate, and then quickly depart to follow up on the other person he had sent the message to.

In Episode 1 Chapter 17, Tohma makes way to Jin’s room. He has a conversation with Jin as the following;

Tohma: “You have my sincere gratitude for allowing me the privilege of entering your chambers.”

Jin: “…You can take your “check” and shove it up your ass.”

Tohma: “You heard my voice, then?”

Jin: “Shameless, aren’t you? How did you bypass the soundproofing?”

Tohma notes that MC has the capabilities of bolstering their stigma use and Jin comments that Tohma “used that girl.” Tohma says yes, and that he was simply testing the claims the chancellor made and that it does seem to be true of her enhancing ability. Tohma then goes on to tell Jin that maybe he could- before being cut off.

Here, we learn that Tohma had used MC to both confirm her ability worked and to send a message to Jin. Not just a message of ‘check’ but, with the thematics of chess and Jin being the ‘king’, Tohma put himself in opposition to Jin, the ‘king’ and had landed a check on him. Not only by bypassing his soundproofing but by proving that he could find ways around his attempts of solitude. This was a power move on Tohma’s part, not only by intimidating MC and confirming how her ability to bolster stigmas worked but also by breaking through the anomalous soundproofing and let Jin know that he can and will find ways around it to get what he wants from him.

Shortly after this exchange, Jin tells Tohma to put on Johann Strauss and Tohma seems a bit confused, stating, “Johann who? Which one is that?” Jin is annoyed by this response from Tohma, asking how he could call himself Vice-Captain. Tohma quips back coolly that he at least performs his duties unlike Jin. Then Jin tells Tohma to leave his room.

A couple things to note in this scene;

1) Tohma did not know who Johann Strauss was.

And

2) It is not beneath him to make jabs at Jin and his inaction.

These are important because they showcase how Tohma can, at times, let his mask slip. He was not aware of who Johann Strauss was and this disgruntled Jin, likely because if Tohma is the Vice-Captain of Frostheim, he should know information pertaining to more ‘refined’ music, as it were. Because Tohma did not know this, it shows that he was not born into a higher class society and could not fit the part as such in a natural manner. Additionally, because Jin was frustrated by his lack of knowledge, he made a remark towards him- to which Tohma responded back harshly. Likely because Tohma has worked hard to perfect his current mask and, therefore, is frustrated that Jin would question his ability to be the Vice-Captain over something as trivial as music.

Tohma does not leave the room and says he still has more to say. Explaining that there were new developments in the case he was investigating. He informs Jin that the child in the video recording was already dead prior to the recording found and that the kid was yet to be identified. Jin comments that the kid is an orphan. Tohma replies with, “So you did read what I sent you.”

Tohma then states he will survey the area, suggesting that Jin join him as well. Jin declines and Tohma remarks, “I can rest easy knowing you’ll be safely tucked up in your room behaving yourself.” Jin calls out his snark which prompts Tohma to respond with, “You won’t be able to hide this indefinitely.” Jin asks if he’ll betray him next. Tohma does not respond immediately but then says, “You still can’t use it, can you? Understood. Please get some rest. But all you are doing is delaying the inevitable.” Jin likens himself to a tasty mouse with hungry snakes all around. When Tohma does not respond, he tells him to fuck off and leave, to which Tohma complies and exits.

Relaying the information over, Tohma does seem grateful that Jin had been reading the information he sent to him. However, things take a bit of a sour turn in their conversation when Tohma reminds Jin of his inability to use his stigma. It seems that Tohma is trying to get Jin to come out and show his face despite his lack of stigma usage. But this does not work and Tohma does not respond to this, only leaving when Jin tells him to do as such.

When we come around to Episode 1 Chapter 29, we find that Tohma is observing the trio on their investigation, but he’s not interacting with them. It does appear that he had been fighting off some anomalies, as there is one cut in half behind him. Shortly after, we see Tohma taking some pills and mentions that “this is getting exhausting.”

Tohma, ever observant, has been watching the trio as they continue their investigation, clearly working in the background of it all. We do learn later that his own mission overlapped into the trio’s mission. But what’s more interesting here is the fact that Tohma is taking pills. And seemingly after having gone into combat.

We do not know what these pills are for but there are a few possibilities I think it could be. I will discuss this in the What May Come to Pass section later on.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim just in time to hear some personal information being leaked through the Masterpiece News. Tohma seems annoyed by this, stating, “Honestly… I haven’t been back five minutes. No one has any intentions of allowing me a moments respite.”

The biggest takeaway here is that Tohma had recently returned from outside of Darkwick. For him to return back to a mess on his hands. Rumors being spread of Jin.

Episode 1 Chapter 31, Tohma walks in on Kaito and Lucas bickering over the mission and teases them by asking if they’re playing hooky. Lucas is quick to state that they had failed the mission, the group failing to capture the anomaly and it escaping as a result. Tohma asks what class the anomaly was, to which Lucas replies it was likely a Class B anomaly. Tohma explains he will check the site to ensure it’s safe for the time being and for the group to return to their rooms. Lucas then asks if he can have a chance to fix his mistakes. Tohma agrees to this, stating he will handle the paperwork and for the group to return in the morning.

It seems that Tohma is willing to give Lucas a chance to rectify his mistake. With the anomaly being revealed to be a Class B- much higher than what he anticipated it to be- and how Lucas and the others had handled things thus far, it seems he’s willing to let him proceed himself further. Testing to see how Lucas is capable. And likely also testing the MC on her own capabilities.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, we’re greeted with some Frostheim students gossiping about Jin. Tohma is attempting to call someone but is unable to get ahold of them. He exclaims that she must have taken him for a fool. Then, Jin barges out with his sword drawn, swinging it and braking a vase in the process. He tells Tohma to come out and asks if he’s the one to have leaked the information to the Masterpiece News. Tohma is quick to suggest that it may have been ‘the dear friend who left his side’. Then reminds Jin that he will always remain by his side.

Here, we can see some complexities within Jin and Tohma’s relationship. It’s clear that Jin suspects Tohma of leaking private and personal information but when Tohma states that it likely was his ‘dear friend’ who betrayed him before and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think he would betray him again. He urges Jin to remember that he is an ally and not his enemy. An attempt to keep Jin in line and to quit with his brash actions and accusations. Level headed, as always. And quick to turn anything to his advantage if he can.

When the confrontation ends, Tohma remarks that Jin’s swordsmanship was a show for the students and thanks their guests for their applause before leaving with Jin. They go to his room, Jin dragging him presumably by his tie. Jin is quick to ask Tohma what he’s doing but Tohma deflects by saying he should be asking that, instead. And asks Jin to let go of his tie. Tohma reminds Jin that he (Jin) is seeking revenge for his mother and that he won’t allow Jin to forget the promise he made to Tohma.

This is where it seems that there’s a mutual benefit of their alliance. They both seem to be working together on some goal. What that goal is remains unknown but it’s clear that Jin is seeking revenge for his mother and Tohma is using this to his benefit to have Jin aide him. It’s likely that the revenge may also coincide with whatever goals Tohma has in mind. Regardless, they are using one another and benefiting off of one another. But it seems that Tohma is frustrated that Jin is not keeping his end of the bargain due to remaining in his room. Hiding away from his responsibilities. Something we have seen Tohma growing more frustrated with in the chapters leading up to this.

With that out of the way, Tohma tells Jin that his prediction was correct and a Class B anomaly had appeared at the orphanage. Explaining that he had handled the anomaly there, Tohma states that the case still was not over. He continues by saying that he sent the second years to investigate the mansion in the morning. Tohma says that there’s something in that house and then asks Jin what his orders are and explains that even if Jin’s stigma does not work, they will still need their help.

It’s now confirmed that the mission Tohma has been on is overlapping with the mission that the trio are working on. Once again, urging Jin to take part. That they will need Jin’s help even without his stigma.

Episode 1 Chapter 40, Tohma arrives at the mansion where Lucas, Kaito, and MC are at. When he approaches them, he states that he just happened to have an errand in the area and him being there was a coincidence. He then asks the group what their plan was and Lucas says they’re trying to find a way inside. Tohma explains he can make one for them and pulls out an artifact key. Said artifact is a skeleton key and has the capabilities of opening anything so long as it has a keyhole. He goes on to say that he has earned Darkwick’s trust and this allows him access to more valuable and rare artifacts “unlike other ghouls”.

Having earned Darkwick’s trust has now given Tohma access to rare artifacts to take on missions. Something that he clearly thinks is a privilege by his statement of other ghouls. To whomever he’s referring to, we don’t necessarily know. But we see that this statement, alone, has Tohma appear as if he feels he is ‘above’ certain ghouls. We don’t typically see Tohma make statements like this, so it’s interesting that he made a statement in front of two other ghouls and MC.

Lucas asks what business Tohma has at the estate they’re investigating. He explains that there was a case where some children had their hearts removed and Darkwick suspected anomalous activity and assigned the case to Frostheim. It was suspected for anomalous activity due to the bodies of children were discovered months after their deaths and that one of the children showed up in footage a day before their discovery, completely healthy. That this pointed to anomaly activity and how Jin entrusted Tohma to complete this investigation.

We get the details of the full overlap of investigations here and an explanation as to why Tohma is there, to begin with. It seems that both Darkwick and Jin trust Tohma enough to allow him large responsibilities.

As they continue on, Tohma notes that it’s odd they’ve yet to cross paths with anyone in the estate. Tohma tells the three of them to keep watch near Mr. Long-Leg’s room and to call him if they see anything suspicious and not do anything. Heexplains they should refrain from doing anything reckless and if they disobey he will leak Kaito’s personal information all over the Masterpiece Newscasters. He and MC then read over Kaito’s WickChat and he, again, reminds them to follow his orders before departing to the chapel.

Tohma takes command of the investigation here and even goes as far as to using blackmail as a way to keep them complaint. It had been stated before that this was never anything beneath Tohma. We’ve seen him repeatedly use others to his benefit but this is quite a brazen display of his willingness to use others to his benefit.

Episode 1 Chapter 41, investigating the chapel, Tohma says it’s clear of activity but that Class B anomalies have varying intellect and it’s possible they could be using Mr. Long-Leg’s room for the activity despite that being sloppy of them. He goes to regroup with the trio only to find that they are no longer there and wears a very angry expression.

This is the first time we’ve seen Tohma’s expression visibly angry. After the trio disobey his command. It seems he had lost his cool, though it’s good for him no one was around to see his very volatile expression.

Going to Mr. Long-Leg’s room, Tohma opens the door and notices an odd smell coming from the closet. Approaching said closet, he opens it and calls Kaito to ask where he is. Learning that the trip followed Mr. Long-Legs enter the basement and Tohma says they should stay put. Explaining shortly that he opened Mr. Long-Leg’s closet and found his body inside and that what they’re following is not Mr. Long-Legs.

Episode 1 Chapter 44, Jin arrives at the estate and makes his way to the basement with Tohma where they see Lucas fighting off the anomalies.

Episode 1 Chapter 45, Tohma seems impressed and surprised that Lucas had fought off so many of the anomalies stating, “To think he took down this many anomalies…” Lucas soon introduces himself to Jin and Tohma tells Jin to at least give him his name. Jin asks if the girl tied up is MC and Tohma says it is.

It seems Tohma is impressed with Lucas’s ability to fight so many of the Class B anomalies off on his own. He had taken down quite a few and seemed he was still able to fight more of them off if need be.

Tohma soon tells Kaito to lead the children and he will carry those who cannot walk. Jin tells Tohma to clear a path, to which Tohma states he is carrying a child and Jin orders him to not get a scratch on the child in the process. Amused by this, Tohma replies with, “No less unreasonable than the day we met, I see.” While smiling as he charges up the stairs.

We see here how Tohma and Jin work together and it even seems that Tohma is glad that Jin is giving him orders. It seems he feels as if Jin is finally taking some of his responsibility and leadership back- something he had been trying to get Jin to do for some time.

Jin tells Tohma that they’re moving too slow and to go up ahead. Tohma states one of his arms is occupied so he’s less than efficient. The child he’s carrying apologizes for not being able to walk. And Tohma asks why he is apologizing and that he’s a child and will protect him whether he could walk or not. The group then heads to the rooftop.

We see some form of compassion here from Tohma towards the child he was carrying. Even though he is less than efficient because he’s carrying the child, he does not blame it on the fact that the child cannot walk. He says he would protect him whether that was or was not the case. The blame never once being shifted onto the child he’s protecting.

Episode 1 Chapter 46, Jin and Tohma seem to share a silent moment before Jin states, “I know” before Jin uses his stigma. Tohma uses this opportunity to use his artifact to cut down a bulk of the anomalies. Shortly after, Jin commands Tohma to destroy the building and Tohma activates his stigma and swings his artifact down, causing the building to being to rumble. Jin then explains that Tohma’s stigma allows him to send vibrations long distance and with his brute strength combined, he’s able to destroy the estate with ease.

A showcase of Tohma’s brute strength combined with his stigma is displayed here. He was able to destroy an entire building with the combination. A terrifying feat, in of itself.

With everyone now on the helicopter, in Episode 1 Chapter 47, Tohma asks everyone if they’re okay. Per Jin’s request, he also goes to take the kids they’ve rescued somewhere safe. Once the helicopter lands, Tohma uses a match on the children and explains he works for an orphanage that they’ll be going to. That it will be their new home.

After they arrive back at Frostheim, Tohma exchanges a few words with Chancellor Cornelius about the situation with the Masterpiece Newscasters and the new announcement made about Yumiko being the one to leak this information. This remarks that Yumiko being expelled was a light punishment and Cornelius confesses that Jin was the one who requested the lenient punishment above Chancellor Cornelius. This causes Tohma to laugh and states that it’s quite befitting of his title as the president’s son.

Again, Yumiko was brought up and it was revealed that she was the one to leak the information to the Masterpiece News. I do have thoughts on the Yumiko situation that I’ll go into on the What May Come to Pass section of this post. Furthermore, it seems that Jin was the one to ‘reprimand’ Yumiko and not Cornelius. Tohma being quite amused by this prospect. Perhaps because Jin had gone over Cornelius’s head to hand out this ‘lenient’ punishment of expulsion.

Episode 1 Chapter 48, Tohma greets MC at the Frostheim ball being held and explains that he cannot attend to MC due to having some important matters to attend to. He lets her know that the second years are around and she should look for them. MC notes that Tohma, in his house uniform, exudes a slightly different air than usual and he leaves shortly after.

Again, Tohma has ‘important matters to attend to’, something he seems to say often to excuse himself. Another thing to note is how MC states that Tohma ‘exudes a slightly different air than usual’ while in his house uniform. It doesn’t explain what that different air is but it’s still interesting that he seems to hold himself differently depending on what he’s wearing.

Episode 1 Chapter 49, MC and Jin share a dance and when it ends, Tohma tells her that she dances well. Shortly after, Tohma and Lucas have a conversation about how the matches do not affect ghouls. He explains that he felt it was important to bring up due to Lucas wanting to speak with MC as a way to avoid having the matches used on him. Then Tohma notes that he finds it admirable that Lucas was prepared to enter negotiations.

Tohma seems to be able to read others well enough to know that Lucas was going to use MC as a way to prevent the matches from being used on him. However, Tohma is quick to explain that the Mesmer matches do not work on ghouls but thinks Lucas is admirable for being prepared for such a scenario. Still, Tohma has the upper hand as he knew that matches would not work and Lucas did not know this. But he recognizes someone who is clever enough to fish for solutions.

Episode 1 Chapter 50, Lucas then asks Tohma if he knew about the anomalies within the estate and if Lucas was sent there to be tested. Tohma tells Lucas that if he has complaints over the missions provided to take them to the staff, as they are the ones to provide the missions and not Tohma, himself. Noting that he won’t be able to leave without giving explanation due to Lucas’s stubborn behavior, Tohma launches into telling what really happened. He explains that an anomaly had been impersonating Mr. Long-Legs for about six months. He also notes that children were being eaten by anomalies in an orphanage and the anomalies were caught due to their greed of overconsumption. He then explains how Jin was doing his own private investigation with his family connections and he had a thorough plan for their escape. He credits Jin for making the connection between his case in the orphanage and the estate and goes on to say that Jin is actually a kind person.

First, we see Tohma deflect blame to the staff. They are the ones to compile the list of missions and providing their rankings. There could be a few reasons for Tohma to do this. 1) He is trying to get Lucas to realize that the staff are incompetent and untrustworthy for not thoroughly vetting the mission rankings. Or 2) Tohma does not want to be blamed and is shifting it. Personally, I think it’s the latter. He also gives credit to Jin for essentially connecting and planning everything out for their success. Then goes on to say Jin is a kind person. An odd comment coming from Tohma as he is not typically one to uplift and compliment others, from what we’ve seen. He’s either saying this because he gains something from doing this (perhaps gaining Lucas’s trust here), or because he truly means it. He finds Jin to be a kind person and thinks it’s important for Lucas to know this.

After their conversation, Tohma goes to the balcony to meet up with Jin and the two have a conversation. He asks if he can have a cigarette and is given one, Jin lighting it with his own. Jin then tells Tohma to drop the act and how he finds it shameless. Tohma admitting that he’s “grown used to it”. He then calls out Jin for being equally shameless for pulling strings to lessen Yumiko’s punishment from leaking information to the Masterpiece News. Jin excuses himself and departs.

In this brief conversation, we learn that Jin is aware of Tohma putting on an act. That he finds it shameless. Tohma seems to think Jin is equally shameless for being too kind or that he exerted his power over the Chancellor. One of the two. But it’s clear that they’re both aware of the ‘game’ the other is playing and find it shameless or, rather, annoying.

Episode 2 Chapter 20, Tohma arrives at Vagastrom and enters a car with Alan. Leo is listening into the conversation and hears only a part of it. To which Tohma explains that, ‘he’ll take care of it’. Alan apologizes and Tohma then says that they’re “closing in on the spy”. He expresses that Alan needs to keep his head low and not bring anymore attention to himself than he already has. Then he explains that he’s messing with him since Frostheim is not off the hook after “what one of ours did”. Alan says that they have a live one on their hands and Tohka remarks that he was more surprised that he got Jin to make a move.

The two, here, are discussing a couple of different topics. One about a spy. This one, we don’t have much information on. But it’s clear that Tohma (and Alan) are both trying to find a spy. He wants Alan to keep his head low and then says he’s teasing him since his own house had interfered. The topic shifts to Lucas and how he’s a bit on the wild side. But he seems impressed that Lucas got Jin to ‘make a move’. Something that Tohma had been trying to do for some time. Lucas, it seems, will be useful for Tohma.

Tohma asks Alan how his own new guys are holding up and Alan says he doesn’t understand them. Tohma jokingly calls him gramps and explains that one of them will likely become his Vice-Captain so he better train them well. Tohma notes that whoever works the best with MC will likely be given the role and how Alan has done well so far with handling everything on his own. He expresses that he hopes that the burden on Alan’s shoulders will be lightened.

Again, the two continue their casual but informative conversation with one another. It almost feels as if this is the most natural acting we see Tohma. He’s able to tease and even make little jokes. Even still, he treats it as business as well. Telling Alan that he needs to train his newbies well and that whoever will be made his Vice-Captain will be whoever works best with MC. And, furthermore, Tohma seems to find Alan hardworking. Expressing how he’s handled everything on his own. It feels almost genuine that he thinks highly of Alan.

Episode 2 Chapter 26, we learn Tohma was in Vagastrom until the middle of last year before transferring to Frostheim.

A small crumb of lore about Tohma and how he was formerly in Vagastrom before transferring last year. This shows that he was only recently put in Frostheim and how he is a Vice-Captain there.

Episode 2 Chapter 27, Alan gets a call and goes to meet up with Tohma in the car. He asks what he wanted and Tohma explains that Alan was the one to call him here, not the other way around. Leo soon cuts in and reveals himself to the two, stating that he’s the one who lured them both there. Alan and Tohma both reach for their artifacts and Tohma asks Alan to explain how Leo found out about their meetings.

Being secretive as always, Tohma seems to prepare to jump to fighting at the sudden eavesdropping. He is a bit disgruntled, it seems, by someone else having the upper hand on him. Having been tricked into meeting in the car with Alan only for them both to be duped.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo is quick to explain how he asked Alan if he could ‘join in on their fun’ and was told no. Tohma then remarks about how it had to be Leo who sent the message to meet, due to the lack of typos from Alan. Leo confirms this by saying they meet all the time but that Tohma is not in Alan’s contact list and his WickChat is under a different name. Tohma seems only mildly frustrated at how he’s explained to Alan multiple times to set a passcode for his phone.

It almost feels as if Tohma was underestimating Leo by feeling as if he only figured this out due to Alan’s lack of diligence. Putting the blame on the lack of password on his phone. But tension does seem to ease up slightly, since he seems to not take Leo as a serious threat here, when only moments ago him and Alan were both ready to attack if need be.

Leo questions why someone from Frostheim is meeting here- noting how Frostheim and Vagastrom are meant to be enemies and questions why Jin is not the one to have these little meetings. Tohma explains that one of his duties is to maintain relationships between houses has been entrusted to him by Jin and how he only reports to Jin if there’s a major issue. Then states the only reason Jin was there earlier was because he was looking after their new transfer student, as he’s taken him under his wing. Then Tohma notes that he has quite an unruly new first year.

Tohma cooly explains why he’s there rather than Jin and doesn’t seem to give more information than necessary. Again, it seems he’s underestimating Leo here.

Alan cuts in and explains how Leo is good with tech, that he didn’t teach him that, and earnestly responds to Tohma’s question of if he taught him that. Leo explains how it was sarcasm on Tohma’s part and asks if he’s sure that Tohma isn’t taking advantage of him. Leo then asks how much he extorted the “chick with the dad from Saionji Trading” and Tohma plays dumb, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Alan tells Leo to go back to his room and Leo snaps that he’s only trying to look out for him. Alan explains that Tohma has his own reasons for doing what he’s doing and to not meddle in his business.

Immediately, Leo does not trust Tohma. He seems to think Tohma has ulterior motives. Then goes on to bring up the fact that Tohma had extorted someone despite Tohma playing dumb at this. Despite this, Alan does not seem interested and says Tohma has his reasons for doing what he’s doing. So we see that here, Alan trusts Tohma and his intentions. And we also see that Leo does not trust him in the slightest and Tohma seems to underestimate him, in turn. Even as he’s called out for extortion, he simply plays dumb.

Episode 7 Chapter 19, MC runs into Zenji and Haku on campus and begins to converse with them. Tohma appears shortly into it saying, “My, my. What an interesting pair.” before commenting on the artifact that’s following Haku around (the doll) and how he’s heard Haku has personally taken up the investigation for it. Haku explains how it’s “in our wheelhouse” to investigate traditional artifacts. Tohma is quick to point out the use of “our” and MC internally notes that things feel tense.

Tohma displays here that he’s quick to pick up on unusual language usage (Haku saying ‘our’ when he’s currently alone from Tohma’s perspective) and the strange doll artifact following him. I think it’s clear that he thinks something is off and that Haku is hiding something.

Tohma then explains how he actually has business with MC and confirms that she’s currently working with Mortkranken. He then launches into an explanation that someone from Frostheim had passed away. Tohma says that it is in Frostheim’s best interest that the case MC and Mortkranken are working on be solved quickly but that Mortkranken had declined to do an autopsy on the body of the dead student. Haku asks why they refused and Tohma tells him to not act dumb and that they both know who made that call. Then Tohma says that Frostheim is willing to respect Yuri’s wishes but that they will not allow for someone to threaten their students and run off with personal information. MC notably is confused by this revelation.

Again, Tohma feels as if he has the upper hand here. He tells Haku to not play dumb- they both know it was Yuri who declined to do an autopsy. Then he also reveals information that someone (whom he suspects to be Jiro) had run off with personal information from Frostheim.

Episode 7 Chapter 20, Tohma notices MC’s confusion. He asks her if she was not aware of what had happened that night. Tohma replies with, “I had assumed an esteemed inspector such as yourself would be aware of the actions of your assigned house. Perhaps I had the wrong impression of you.” He then tells MC to relay a message to Yuri. That Frostheim will be giving their full support to Darkwick General Medical Center rather than Mortkranken.

Tohma is quick to call out MC’s incompetence, here. How he may have overestimated her abilities as an inspector. Then uses MC as a way to relay a message to Yuri on a subject he knows will anger the Mortkranken Captain. Again, showcasing his ability to use underhanded tactics to try and strong arm what he wants. And, either way, he wins. Either Yuri complies and does the autopsy or Yuri declines and he gets under his skin.

Rui soon appears behind Tohma, jokingly saying he’s surprised everyone here is being buddy-buddy and how it’s hilarious. Then he comments on how he finds it odd that Tohma was chatting with others since it was a rare sight and Tohma replies back, saying it’s even more odd that Rui is out and about considering his movements are restricted. Rui reminds Tohma that even though he’s been hiding, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t keep his eyes on everyone. Tohma then reveals that Rui’s artifact allows him to conceal himself in darkness and thanks Rui for the heads up. To which Rui replies with a simple, “no problem”.

Another tense conversation takes place. But this time it seems that Tohma does not feel he has the upper hand. Rui catches him by surprise and calls out his unusual ‘chatty’ behavior and Tohma tries to give his own witty remark about how Rui’s movements are restricted. Rui doesn’t seem put off or bothered by this comment and teases that he may be hiding but he still knows things. This whole exchange feels as if it holds multiple layers of meaning here. That it’s an attempt for them both to try and get under each others skin, only Rui seems to be unbothered where as Tohma feels more on the defensive here.

Rui changes the topic, speaking to MC to let her know he has a box for her to give to ‘Big J’ (Jiro) since he was at Obscuary last night looking for some herbs. Tohma seems confused by this, as he had believed Jiro to be at Frostheim that night and not Obscuary. Rui then goes on to state that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses and for Mortkranken to keep up the good work. Tohma only raises his brow at this comment and Haku mumbles out a “yikes”. Tohma then excuses himself and apologizes for interrupting the conversation before Haku tells him it was nothing important. He tells him good luck with chaperoning Jin and Tohma says it’s an honor to serve him and then departs.

This exchange is pretty charged. In one quick motion, Rui is able to knock Tohma off of his game. Both by saying that Jiro was at Obscuary the night before and that Darkwick General lowkey kind of sucks. Haku commenting “yikes” proves that the comment was rather scathing and Tohma is speechless. Instead of digging further, he retreats. The entire exchange almost shows that Tohma feels as if he cannot gain the upper hand with Rui. So much so that he’d rather leave than make the situation worse.

As it stands, these are the scenes that Tohma appears in and they start to really show us how Tohma is as a person. Through the various interactions he has with others and the actions he takes. The story makes it clear that he’s one to use everything to his advantage and likely the most genuine relationship he has is with Alan. Followed likely by Jin. Though- their relationship is complex and likely filled with multiple layers.

We also see that Tohma has prickly conversations with multiple ghouls such as Leo, Haku, Rui, and even Yuri to an extent (though through MC and not directly since it seems Yuri is avoiding them).

We also see that Tohma had some underhanded dealings with a student named Yumiko and it carries on throughout the Frostheim chapter and is even brought up again in the Vagastrom chapter. Extorting her for his gains.

Tohma has been displayed as someone who’s very clearly putting on an act- as called out by Jin- and uses others for his own benefit. Yet, he’s also someone who does value those who cannot defend themselves when he tells the kid that he’d protect him whether he could walk or not and to not beat himself over it.

He is a complex character with complex motivations.

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

What May Come to Pass

I want to quickly note that in this section, these are all my theories and predictions for the character path that Tohma may take in future chapters. There is a high chance some of these may be used as red herrings or simply not happen at all. But the fun in all this is to speculate, no? So please take this section with a grain of salt but enjoy it, all the same, as we explore these potential possibilities.

The Again Cat

As we discussed in the R Warding card, Jour Nekomata, one of the spellings for Nekomata breaks down into ‘again cat’. A reference to their multiple lives. Tokyo Debunker has clear themes on repetition and cycles. This theme carries on in Tohma with clear references to multiple lives. The theme also comes up with Tohma’s name, as well. Bridges being a representation from one transition to another; the ending of a cycle and the rebirth of another. With cats having multiple lives and bridges being a metaphor for going from one life to another- I can’t help but to feel that this connection is just a little deeper. While I don’t feel that Tohma is aware of these repeating cycles, I do feel like it’s too large of a theme to really ignore, at this point.

Betrayed By the Game

Now, I want to really focus on the multiple hints the game seems to remind us of Tohma’s deceptive nature. I feel it would not be out of Tohma’s nature to betray Jin. In fact, I feel as if it’s possible he’s already begun.

I want to start by discussing Yumiko and how that whole ordeal was handled in the story. So let’s go over that part step by step;

Episode 1 Chapter 12, we see Yumiko in the Frostheim Vaults running away from the anomalous chess pieces.

Episode 1 Chapter 13, Tohma denies knowing what person was inside the vault, at this time.

Episode 1 Chapter 30, Tohma returns to Frostheim with information on Jin being leaked.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma is attempting to call Yumiko but she isn’t picking up the call.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Jin confronts Tohma, thinking he was the one to betray him.

Episode 1 Chapter 32, Tohma states he is always on Jin’s side.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Yumiko was exposed as the one to leak information and was expelled.

Episode 1 Chapter 47, Cornelius reveals it was Jin who had Yumiko expelled.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Leo exposes Tohma for extorting Yumiko.

Episode 2 Chapter 28, Tohma pretends to not understand what Leo is talking about.

I have a hard time believing that an ordinary student had the ability to sneak into the vault without Tohma’s knowledge. Additionally, I’m curious as to where Yumiko was able to get such sensitive information about Jin from.

Would it be so hard to believe that Tohma had ‘planted’ the information for Yumiko to gain? I don’t think so. He’s been painted to us as clever and willing to use any means necessary to get what he wants.

Additionally, we hear about the sensitive information being leaked when Tohma was conveniently out handling mission affairs. He then attempts to call Yumiko but she doesn’t answer.

Why was he calling her, specifically, unless he knew she had the information? And, again, why would she have this information? Who would she get it from?

We only see her tied to Tohma, in the story.

Jin also suspects Tohma so much as to blatantly leave his room- a goal Tohma has been aiming for some time, now- to confront him. Tohma is quick to push blame onto his ‘dear friend that left his side’ when he was, moments ago, trying to contact Yumiko. He reassures Jin that he’s on his side.

Then we hear about Yumiko being expelled for leaking the sensitive information. We also learn that Jin was the one to have this happen and Tohma considers it a ‘light’ punishment.

Finally, we later find out from Leo that Tohma had blackmailed Yumiko. And then Tohma, once again, pretended to not know who Leo was talking about. He had used the same tactic when told that Yumiko was fleeing the vault.

Playing dumb is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Extortion is a tactic that Tohma uses.

Is it truly unbelievable that betrayal also would not be a tactic that Tohma uses?

I think what happened in this scenario was that Tohma had given Yumiko information on Jin about his mother. Then has Yumiko leak the information when he’s conveniently not there. Followed by trying to contact her- likely to blackmail her to not reveal where she got the information from- and then she falls for the information he wanted leaked all along.

The thing that throw this off is why did she run from the chess anomalies if he invited her?

Perhaps he didn’t. Perhaps he simply hinted at information being in the vault and turned a blind eye to her ‘sneaking in’. What he didn’t account for was MC to ask about her. But he was able to play dumb.

Either way, I don’t have all the answers there. But I just find the whole thing very much tied up to Tohma. And his motives are more clear to me than a random NPC girl we only see a brief glimpse of.

Tohma had been trying to lure Jin to take action, after all.

Either way, Tohma betraying Jin is not something that I find far-fetched. Once he gets what he wants from Jin, will he find him of any more use? Only time can really tell.

Transition of Power

Speaking of betrayal- I find it very convenient that Tohma had also switched halfway through a year from one house to Frostheim and took over the Vice-Captain role. He also mentions to Jin about his ‘dear friend who left his side’. Whether that friend is Yuri or Haku- or even a third mystery party- feels irrelevant to me at this time.

With how often we’re shown that Tohma will do whatever necessary to reach his goals- would it be hard to believe that he set up Jin’s ‘dear friend’ to betray him (or leave his side)? To take over and ‘transform’ into that friendship role in their place?

We’ve seen him (presumably) set up Yumiko. Setting up others seems to be something he is familiar enough with.

And with the transition themes that pop up on Tohma, I find him transitioning from one role to another to be pretty commonplace. How he transitions is truly the key here. And betrayal does not seem far off the notch for me.

Cure for the Curse

Episode 1 Chapter 29, we see Tohma consume some mysterious pills. We don’t know what these pills are for or why Tohma is taking them. We can see clearly that Tohma had been fighting anomalies shortly before taking the pills. So I have a couple of thoughts on what they’re for;

Tohma has been cursed and is managing it through pills.

Multiple uses of the stigma breaks down the users body.

For the first one, Tohma being cursed and managing it through pills is not too out of the question. Especially when you consider what Rui says to him in Episode 7 Chapter 20 and the reactions both Haku and Tohma give.

That scene always sort of gave me the feeling that it was deeper than just a simple interaction. And when I thought about it, it started to make sense to me.

Tohma tells MC to relay to Yuri that Frostheim will be funding ONLY Darkwick General Medical Center going forward, due to their lack of cooperation. Then Rui blatantly states that Darkwick General knows nothing about curses.

Haku, who knows quite a bit about curses, responds with “Yikes…” and Tohma is silent before leaving.

Rui would likely be intimately familiar with how Darkwick General handles curses, considering he is cursed, himself. And there is some heavy tension between Rui and Tohma. Rui stating it’s weird for Tohma to be out and about (even in a campus hangout). Then Tohma trying to deflect by saying it’s weirder for Rui to be out (always implying his curse is the reason).

Could Rui be hinting that Tohma is also cursed?

Could the pills not be effectively working for Tohma and he knows this? Or could he be getting them supplied from Mortkranken secretly?

Either way… we know the comment that Rui said about Darkwick General knowing nothing about curses was enough to make Tohma back off and leave.

For the second one, there’s a little less to go off of. But we’ve seen Leo complain about his ears throughout the story and how they’re sensitive. Is it possible the more he uses his stigma, the worse the condition becomes?

And is Tohma perhaps using his stigma so much to the point of needing pills?

It’s possible.

But… I do think Tohma being related to curses, to some degree, and possibly even being cursed feels more likely. Especially with his tension with Haku and Rui. Both who are also quite knowledgeable on curses.

There are more things I could say here but I’ll leave it with these few things. But what I can say is that Tohma is definitely a secretive character that I expect us to learn more about in the coming chapters.

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Overview

As I researched Tohma, I felt there were a few reoccurring themes throughout his character.

Notable ones being; his ability to ‘blend in’ to any crowd and come across as unassuming, the deception he uses on others to further his goals, and transition or change.

I don’t think that Tohma is a villain. He is a complex character with unknown motives to us, the reader. But whatever his goals are, it’s clear he’ll do whatever he can to reach them. The game made this clear from the beginning.

Expecting deception and betrayal from Tohma should be expected.

But when we peel the layers back, what will we find behind the facade? Who is the real Tohma Ishibashi? Or has he lost his true self from the multiple attempts to blend in for his endless pursuit to complete his tasks?

Tohma mentions having grown comfortable with his game of pretend, to Jin. And he fits the role well enough. Always the ever-loyal Vice-Captain, as he often reminds Jin. Trust him.

The duality of deception is that when you try hard to trick others, how far will you go before you ultimately trick yourself?

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Final Author Notes

If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly long post. It feels a bit all over the place for me. But I still had fun working on it, all the same.

Again, if you don’t agree with anything I’ve said- that’s fine! Just be respectful, is all I ask.

I will say, Tohma is not my favorite character by any means necessary. But he is interesting and complex in a way that I do find fascinating. I expect to see an interesting story from him, whether it’s something I predict or not.

Anyways. Once again, thanks!

࿆࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆ ⸅𓊆𓆌𓊇⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄῁࿆⸅⸄῁̟࿆⸅ྃ⸄࿆⸅⸄࿆࿆⸅

Credits & Sources

[1] https://tokyodebunker.com/characters/ishibashi-tohma/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/TokyoDebunker/s/4M8H3o4Al0

[3] http://www.aseekersthoughts.com/2010/04/tower-as-symbol.html?m=1

[4] https://spiritualmojo.com/tower-spiritual-meaning/

[5] https://www.dreamdictionary.org/dream-dictionary/dreaming-of-bridges/

[6] https://daily-ink.davidtruss.com/bridging-metaphors/#:~:text=Or%20we%20find%20bridges%20as,get%20us%20over%20a%20challenge.

[7] https://www.reneeharmon.com/2023/02/15/stepping-stones/#:~:text=The%20metaphor%20of%20stepping%20stones,doesn't%20seem%20as%20daunting.

[8] https://www.scienceofpeople.com/signature-analysis/

[9] https://www.wikihow.com/Analyze-Handwriting-(Graphology)

[10] https://www.zodiacsign.com/zodiac-calendar/may/31/

[11] https://colors.dopely.top/inside-colors/beige-color-color-of-energy-and-strength/?amp=1

[12] https://www.figma.com/colors/beige/

[13] https://www.optometristsclinic.com/b/how-the-monacle-became-symbol-wealth-edmonton

[14] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contrived

[15] https://www.talknerdytome.com/blog/what-does-touching-your-face-mean-in-body-language

[16] https://dreammeaningai.com/en/symbol/zipper

[17] https://www.historyextra.com/period/ancient-egypt/why-do-we-say-crocodile-tears/

[18] https://www.symbols.com/symbol/crocodile

[19] https://thejapanbox.com/blogs/japanese-mythology/nekomata

[20] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nekomata

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I always used to wonder how Meghan is seemingly able to get away with so much bullshit she pulls everywhere she goes. I never understood why/how marrying someone powerful (or in this case, someone from a powerful family) enabled her so much. When the Blake/baldone situation exploded some people were making the same kind of argument about blake too , that she is absuing the power she has from being married to Ryan and ut has gone to head and she is trying to manipulate the situation.

Again, I like most, believe that women should support women. But inwanted to understand the power dynamics about blake, the bigger star and also a producer, working with a small time production house and first time director.

Then a couple days ago I came across this podcast on Spotify, called Reality Bites. It has a 6 episode (for now) series on the it ends with us situation. They do not discuss the lawsuits or accusations or debate the merits of the SH claims. Instead, they did a deep dive on the power dynamics behind the scenes during the making. Mainly, the star power of blake and Ryan, their (proven and spoken) ambitions about their careers and the decisions they have made in their careers recently, but most importantly the role the studios played in this whole saga. Along with the personal motivations of the PR reps and WME in creating/causing/escalating this situation between blake and baldoni.

I'll say, I had not heard this angle before, nor had it explained so well so far. The 2 ladies are producers of reality shows so they know the inner workings and know what they are talking about. If anyone is interested, give it a listen.

Some highlights for me :

- how scooter Braun may be tied up in this

- WME played a key role. decided to fire baldoni not because of the accusations but because they decided to go with the bigger fish, Ryan and his production company+ blake

- baldoni was very out of his depth from the get go

- blake had made a SH complaint against her make-up artist back in 2017 during MeToo, so she knew how to go about things and how/why to get SAG involved. So, why didn't she doesn't it this time when the SAG strike happened and they were fighting for the same kind of workplace rights at the time?

- blake pushed to get a PGA certification for herself instead at this time. She bulldozed Sony,wayfarer,baldoni and heath for letters for recommendations. After Sony and wayfarer refused because her involvement wasnt upto the mark. Then she blackmailed baldoni and heath personally saying she would back out of the movie. They agreed under duress and company communications from that prove this.

- she did not allow him to sit in on the initial editing process by himself with the editors, as per the rules of the DGA, which allows him to get a director's cut ready. She barged in from day 1, negotiated for a 2 day editing input and access, stayed for 10 days, and later stayed back in the editing rooms by herself. Later brought in the editor from Ryans movie and fired the actual editors. Changed the music score, fired the original music composer and made her own cut. Which as per DGA rules is not allowed. (There can be only 1 cut) And convinced Sony to show competing cuts to test audiences. She promised to agree to whatever the test results said but then later blackmailed Sony saying it she won't do promotions.

- apparently Ryan has previously done a similar things for Deadpool 2, where the original director then later left the franchise because of ryans harrassment. So they did the same on this movie for blake.

- the NYT article and how it came about is explained. And it's insinuated that it's a pr hit job.

- it's insinuated that Blake made baldoni sign a no- retaliation clause, per which, he wasn't allowed to say anything at all about her. He signed it as a sign of good faith when they resumed shooting after the strikes.

- all the claims she sites are from the period or may/June 2023, before the strike happened. And she never said anything at all to SAG or the producers. She was also a producer so she was in the place to make changes happening if the work environment was hostile. But she did not. Instead she started over extending budget, got involved in areas where she wasn't contractually obligated to and over ride Justine all over.

- she and Ryan both bullyed Justin and Wayfarer, going over his head to Sony all the time. Justin was under immense stress and it was do or die situation for him because he just wanted to make the movie and agreed to everything that Sony and Blake demanded of him.

- she orchestrated a smear campaign against Justin way before the public had any hints of strife between them. She did this knowing that Justin was legal bound not to say, do anything about it.

- WME played a hand in the marketing strategy for the movie, especially the placements of blakes hair care brand, alcohol brand etc. Sony's agreed to message was "Hope", extending to resilience. Not florals. That was all blake. Justin did use the word "hope" in almost all his interviews.

- they speculate that all this is make baldoni give up his rights to the 2nd book due to sheer public pressure, so blake can help that project. On another note, WME has recently signed up with collen Hoover for her new book. Colleens initial contract with Justin may include a clause that allows her a right to refusal or voiding of contract incase of any reputational damage caused by baldoni. This 2-fold strategy gives blake a better chance of acquiring the book.

- Ryan based the character of 'Nicepool' in his movie on Justin - the manbun, feminism spouting, goody-two-shoes. She eventually gets taken down by ladypool, Blake's charactor (her voice). This apparently happened right after Justin signed the "no retaliation clause". It's symbolically shows blake destroying Justin, and that was ryans whole idea. The lawyers could prove this with the receipts they have.

- Sam Jones and Blake's pr rep played a huge role in this saga. It was a personal vendetta between Sam Jones and Jennifer able that may have caused baldoni to become collateral damage. (Jones believed that Able may have been behind the articles exposing Jones for her horrible boss behaviors and misusing client info. The articles and a website, why Sam Jones lies, came out last year that damaged Sam Jones reputation amongst her clients. So she fired Jen for that and further pursued this vendetta by aligning with blake in taking down baldonis reputation. Jen is widely believed to be the whistle blower in jones' take down)

...

I know this is not the usual fare for this blog but you've been saying we've all had too much of HnM. And I agree. This topic got me really interested when I started reading up the documents. And looking at blake, I can see Meghan may even operate. The way she got p.morgan fired, how she got hold of all those female senators' personal phone numbers. How Harry tried to bully the NYPD into arresting the paps and tried to get those included in his lawsuits. It's amazing how much power the right contacts - PR agents , WME etc - have.

So, anyway, anyone else interested in the unending saga of This Ends With Us? Or is it just me?

Thanks!

There’s a lot of people interested in this who I’m sure will enjoy this. I’m not posting on Blake/Justin anymore because it’s too messy for social media and not something that can be easily discussed.

(Scooter is involved because he’s a partner in the PR firm that Justin is signed to.)

A few other recent developments for everyone who is following this:

1. Justin’s lawsuit against the New York Times means one thing: evidence discovery. He’s after something in evidence discovery that he doesn’t think will come up otherwise. My guess is that his lawyers are hoping discovery reveals a coordinated scheme between Blake, her PR, and the NYT against him since the basis of Justin’s lawsuit is that he wasn’t given adequate time to respond to NYT’s reporting.

2. Blake filed her lawsuit against Justin on December 31st. Blake hasn’t sued anyone yet. She filed a complaint with a labor board, which is a precursor to a lawsuit, but the lawsuit hasn’t happened yet.

3. Ryan Reynolds gets more and more implicated and embroiled in this the more information that comes out. I don’t think this will end with his reputation fully intact. There’s been some gossip that he pressured some of the IEWU actors and crew that defended Justin to switch sides by threatening to blacklist them from future work in the industry.

4. Blake is now complaining that her separate companies/brands are suffering (ie losing money) and she believes the loss of sales is because of Justin’s PR’s smear campaign.

5. Blake has shut down some of her social media accounts, including TikTok. I’m guessing the comments weren’t what she expected.

Like I said before, I won’t post on this anymore since it’s too messy for social media and while I do stray into entertainment/Hollywood topics from time to time, this has evolved so much that it’s out of my depth now. Sorry.

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(Meghan got away with everything she did because she immediately made it about race, and then exploited it with PR tactics. The whole premise of the KP love shield is that she was being harassed because of her race.)

Edits